#i hurt my back again this weekend
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Sans Rendez-Vous (2021-)
#sans rendez-vous#sansrendezvousedit#i hurt my back again this weekend#not gonna blame my old age this time it was 100% my fault#still wasn't as bad as last time#just have to take it easy for a little while#so i took the opportunity to watch the first two seasons of Sans Rendez-Vous#and it was delightful i had a great time#someone on youtube (@sapphiccinema) is starting to post english subtitles#if some of you guys want to check it out
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tag vent
#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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2024 Singapore GP | x
#hi everyone I'm sorry I vanished for a few days#this weekend has been hard here with irl family things and in my heart in the world of F1#I feel so so so so much for Daniel and I keep riding a roller coaster of anger that RBR let this happen and sorrow if this is it#then I swing back to hope#not just in 2025 (which I still believe in!!)#but that he can find joy and fufillment and love somewhere better#he deserves so much better than the callously cruel weekend from a sport he's given so much of his life to#I'll be a Daniel fan no matter where he goes next#but my trust in RBR is irrevocably shattered as it is for many (not that I had much to begin with!)#but he was thrown to the wolves and I'm just so angry and heartbroken this happened#but then the possible last lap of his potential last race given to Max#thank you Daniel#and I'm hopeful til the end#I hope he gets what he wants but he deserves so much love#and seeing the love from fans and the people in his life who DO care#I'm a newer fan but I have become so fond for Daniel so much and the anticipation is killing me#let him and fans have peace (even if the goal is Checo retiring after the Mexico GP then at least give some closure for the month between)#just a hard weekend#and the FIA absurdity with Max too ugh#and Carlos' crash in quali ahhh just an awful weekend#with that and an overwhelming family weekend I just couldn't bring myself to post anything#but thank you everyone for this space#I need to catch up but I have seen so many folks echo how I feel#it is upsetting and needless and uncerimonious and cruel#I'll be hopeful forever there is a chance#but Daniel deserves to be happy and RBR proved how heartless of a place they can be#I'll savor the silver linings of Max and Daniel's bond and those on the team who lifted him up#I'll be away again for a work event today but I looked around insta a bit last night#I'll post and tag for the GP if anyone wants to not see it!! still hurts but it'll all be okay in time I know it ❤️#autumn posts
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#meg talks#just venting#im in so much pain it’s not even funny#im sorry for being inactive for so long i really was not anticipating this#the good news is ive made a lot of progress on compiling the spreadsheet for vetted gaza funds#so that once ive cleared out the dms i can add additional mods and get the ball rolling properly again#the bad news is that my insomnia is back and my pain is getting so bad i can barely get out of bed or eat#i don’t think it’s related to the fundraising work so much as… everything else -_-#i didn’t want to be out of a job for this long#and having to send so many applications and make so many fucking unhelpful phone calls a day to doctors and help centers…#idk. this isn’t me complaining abt the fundraiser work if anything it’s the only rewarding thing im doing rn#but im frustrated w myself and with my body and with. everything#it’s not just my own family relying on me anymore#and that makes it hard to deal with all this. like i could be using my time and energy way better than this.#but instead im playing phone tag to try and prove that im disabled and need to feed my brothers.#im just cjdhxgxjcncj sigh. whatever if i can just get over this hump then the rest will be downhill#and my friend is going to help me w cooking this weekend so that me and my bros can eat better#so hopefully that will give me a boost too#idr where i was going w this. probably nowhere jdgdjdnxnc im just miserable rn bc i can’t sleep and my leg hurts
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yagami should get his back snapped in half like a toothpick if he wanna fuckin sleep on couches exclusively might as well be doin the same amount of damage
#snap chats#judgement posting real ??? <- hasnt played it yet#LISTEN MAYBE TOMORROW IDK#im thinkin to spend my morning on comms then in-between class time on judgement and then the rest of the night on comms#i may or may not be packed like a sardine... omg that reminds me of my train trip tho#the train system i was taking was kinda sketch on the lowest of keys but it was so funny transferring trains#cause the second train i had to take there was An Atom of room left and thankfully i have the body mass of a paper bag#so i just slipped in but then i was just fucking smooshed against the wall. it was hillarious#oh yeah. 'snap why are yo making this very specific post' because i didnt realize the benefits of sleeping on a bed#all summer when i was at my moms i slept on a couch in our basement since.#i refuse to sleep on the same floor as her at this point LMAO she dont make me feel safe in there#so yeah i just did That for three months and ive obvi been sleepin on a bed since going back to school#and dawg while i was over there for the weekend i only slept on a couch Again#the added benefit to sleeping on the couch is my dog is more likely to sleep near me.. hehe..#OH BUT YEAH NOW MY BACK HURT. ive never experience back pain like this before..#maybe the couch i was sleeping on sucked idk. the one i was sleeping on's cushions get pushed out real easy#my usual couch doesnt but... dog...... dog likes the other couch more lowkey....#anyways Get Yagami A Bed 2024
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anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years
#especially now that im back into literally the only interest we actually share on a deep enough level to enjoy it together LOL#i mean we were also both into hannibal but thats just not an enjoyable show to watch together its too much effort#but wow that time we read das boot slash fanfic on the bus together that was awesome#and the time we wrote fanfic together lol LITERALLY WHY DID WE STOP#he has only gotten cooler and more comfortable with his gayness since then we need to write fanfic again ‼️#anyway i feel sorry for every person in my life but i dont think anyone ill ever know could ever have as close a relationship to me as him#were platonic soulmates lol but like not in the spiritual sense bc its pretty obvious that its not some supernatural bond#its juuuust shared trauma haha and the fact that our trauma is so complex and layered that only we will ever truly understand each other#there has been a really rough patch where we practically did not talk for 4... 5? whole years im serious. maybe on the weekends sometimes#while we were stewing in our own shit. but now were inseperable i think it actually pisses off the rest of our family because every time#theres some event where we meet again (we live like 5 hours apart) we only hang around for like an hour before we get in his car#and drive somewhere and hang out there for the rest of the day and night and only return at like 3am drunk#in a sense i guess were catching up on all the missed time#to be honest we both had some horrible shit going on in our heads me with the transgenderism and toxic relationship#him with his anger issues and (what he calls) psychopathy. like ill say this much he was not a good person as a child he was a devil#he was quite literally what some describe as born evil like u know those satans spawns kids that cut off babys fingers and dissect rabbits#all that yk. and i was his first and most frequent victim due to availability lol and my parents did not know any of it and if they did#they ignored it. so yeah u can imagine the relationship was a little strained and for a long time i lived in fear of him#also due to all the death threats and attempts on my life HAHA its kinda funny because i can say all this all detached now#but i think to anyone else this sounds mad as hell. like im not talking roughhousing or being mad at each other#he was always scarily calm and hyperintelligent he was actually diagnosed with some form of like super high intelligence that#makes kids capable of being really manipulative and thats what he used at every turn. everything was always calculated that was scary#if he was nice to me i would question if he was trying to lure me somewhere to hurt me yk?#anyway. sometimes those old thoughts come back when were hanging out alone but mostly i know hes changed and worked on himself#sorry oversharing oh wow
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dude im being so brave rn
#logbook#cleaning out the fridgeeee lets fucking gooooo. oof.#doing it while the housemates are gone for various reasons but mostly so i can toss out the trash b4 they get back#planning to make my bed. then do plant chores after this.#ive given up on leaving the house this weekend which is fine bc leaving the house really becomes a several hours time.#like living up and out of the city and needing to get to the city on days im off? boo. just let me stay up here.#i got in my old person porch time this morning. played games and experienced the birds at my feet.#the fact that im not hurting so bad today is a win esp since tmrw im back at work and will just be hurting all over again#i'll just plan for errands after work instead and let myself clean the house which has been stressing me out sooo much lol#also i got new sweatpants and they are legit the cosiest ones. they top my other cozy pair. wild.#dude icb its nov. . .so much going on rn im truly distancing myself from all my life shit to clean house. literally.#work has been so shit every fucking day idk if i can do this anymore tbh#anyways no matter. im alive and still existing in case anyone was wondering.#i hope everyone and their plants and creatures are doing ok. mwah.
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Thinking about Odin and Loki again bc when am I not. A list of songs that make me want to wail about them in no particular order and with little to no explanation:
Allies or Enemies - the Crane Wives (Regret ™️)
Liar - the Arcadian Wild (let’s be real both of them)
Wander Wonder - the Arcadian Wild (Odin)
Tongues & Teeth - the Crane Wives (Loki)
King and Lionheart - Of Monsters and Men (what they both think Could Have Been)
Bad Blood - Bastille (yeah.)
Just One Yesterday - Fall Out Boy (yeag)
Icarus - the Crane Wives (listen the singer is calling to their brother cmon. Cmon.)
Francesca - Hozier (me, making romantic songs about platonic relationships again? Ahaha no *runs*)
#my fall break ended yesterday so last night I had to go back to school after hanging out with my brother all weekend and augh#I promise we have a normal sibling relationship but I was crying to myself driving back to school and I was like “damn blorbos got hands”#he graduates this spring so I was like oh fuck oh god I have a finite amount of time with you left before you get a partner#and they become your world and I get left behind#and I can’t tell if that’s Loki @ Odin or Odin @ Loki but either way I think after the tree incident#Odin is intensely aware that he’s gonna lose Loki one day and Loki has to cope with the fact they lost him once already#bc in my headcanon loki knows the plan but goes to check up on Odin anyway bc they’re worried and find him dead and freaks + cuts him down#and I don’t think they tell Odin about this or at least not the mental breakdown they had while waiting for him to start breathing again#but I think that’s the beginning of the end bc they’re both Aware this Will End#whos to say they don’t start hurting each other on purpose to soften the blow when it eventually comes but it only makes it worse#anyway I’m normal how are you guys this evening#loki#odin#Norse mythology
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mo I have this beloved 10 year old Sony dvd player that does not hold a charge whatsoever but runs so very well and has been by my side for so long. you and it are very similar in my head. you’re like when computers still had the cd thingy. I say this with all the love and fondness in my heart. ok bye🐕
cries and cries and cries and cries. thank u that is so kind. id like to give off a dvd title screen energy but im not exactly sure how to go about doing that. ive been reading my staff stuff for the past like 45 minutes and god im so bored its all important but MAN i kinda just wanna lay down. theres this dog at work named ellie that i only saw when i came in for my interview but when i saw her i thought of u
#desire mona#ellie pls come back to me i wanna see u again#actually considering im working in the special ed department im sure i will see her plenty#shadowing 8th grade tomorrow finally but the para im shadowing has only worked there a week so thatll be interesting#hes my age at least which is great cuz ive been feeling like a baby#ladies i was with today asked how old i was and they were both like OH YOURE JUST A BABY!!!!!!!!#one of them offered to drive me to my moms office cuz its on her way home n my feet hurt but i have to get used to trucking thru the pain so#i said no#tomorrows jeans day and what im assuming is my last shadowing day kinda excited kinda not#mostly tired#cannot wait for the weekend good lord#stanley ann - chris thile#ask#grand dad
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Being sick is. the worst
#got done working 50 hours a week basically all summer and my body was like “guess I'll die” lol#I don't even know what I have other than it's some sort of viral something and I am so tired and everything hurts#but I'm not having *enough* symptoms to say for sure “oh yeah that's mono” or whatever#and the drs are like#well your vitals are in a normal range so even though you feel like your heart is beating more and your bp is doing#weird things and your temp is slightly elevated there really isn't anything wrong with you#and now classes have started and I'm an RA again and leading in a club and it's like...please I want to feel better so I can do these thing#the worst part is the brain fog making me feel like I'm not going to be able to handle all the really difficult classes I'm taking :/#probs going to go back to urgent care this weekend to test for mono since it's been long enough the test should be positive if I have it#if it's not mono...no clue what the heck it is.#mew's musings#illness tw
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waaaughhhhh.
#i’m trying out new meds and the side affects have been brutal#my tummy hurts. my head hurts. i can’t sleep.#i’m gonna give it the weekend and then if it doesn’t get better i’m giving up#unfortunately i do NOT want to go back to this doctor because she sucked ass so i’m on my own again!#a little personal but. you know
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still thinking abt this pani puri we had three days ago
#ugh…it was so good#SO GOOD#hi i’m so exhausted#if you ever say yes to multiple engagements a day/multiple events over the course of a weekend#just know that’s the devil speaking for you. btw#i’m jk i have been having a lot of fun but i’m so tired i can hardly keep my eyes open while typing this#unrelated but i also had my dentist remove my permanent retainers#!!!!!!!!!!#like. two weeks ago. and my teeth have been breathing again and it’s been so nice#but i’m wearing my retainer in bed now#and idk i keep thinking i have something in my mouth im going to choke on? 😭 idk#also it hurts. i forgot how much these hurt. ahhhh#anyway i’m sleepy and if you follow me and i haven’t texted u back im sorry. im so overwhelmed lol#also the dress i bought for our walima#it’s so cute but it’s too big 🫠#the top is literally falling off me and you cant even tighten the straps. UGH#so i might return it and try buying in a smaller size but i also found another dress i like better#so i ordered that too#and i ordered multiple pairs of shoes#i am ordering so much fucking shit i’m too indecisive to be having my own wedding#i also got a cute bolero but i couldn’t find the exact style i was looking for so i kind of gave up#but i think it’ll look cute heh#ugh idk anyway. i’m sleepy#i’m looking at this size chart now and i think i literally somehow ordered a dress that is 4 sizes too big like. idk what i was smoking but
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proud to announce that i finally rewatched s2e5, which was the only barrier between me and the next chapter of grogu and the beroya >:3c
#htonl speaks#i got excited about it too! i'm Inspired Once Again#well okay a decent amount of that was alternately being pissed off about ahsoka's montrals and lekku#and wondering about the logistics of Huge Headpiece#BUT I ALSO GOT EXCITED ABOUT GROGU'S POV so it's cool#hey did u know that some medications make u so so sleepy. and the drs can just prescribe them to u#i've gotten used to it now but other things taking up my writing time include: i live close to my family now#my dad had his cancer surgery! we're watching movies together every weekend bc he's frustrated with not being able to move#he was literally biking 16 miles per outing until the week b4 the surgery#he's 100% fine the biopsy said like 90% chance the cancer hadn't spread beyond the removed organ#but surgery hurts and recovery takes a minute so he's grumpy#before i moved back here i wanted to move closer to lake michigan but i really love being able to hang out with my dad so much......#maybe i will try to find an apartment with a view of a more local lake?#altho if it's not a great lake it's practically a pond >:T
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holy shit I am fr almost done with my fic I might even be able to Post soon....... ahhhh !
#got about halfway through the last scene I had left in my outline then my laptop died (I saved in time dw we didn't lose any progress)#and I am going to try so so so so hard to get that last half done tomorrow so I can start on editing#I want to be able to get her all finished up and posted by the weekend so my work week doesn't get in the way again#bc that is what's been killing me while trying to get it done#my back hurts btw but I WILL persevere#text post#actuallymaybe.doc
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jesus christ i hate my body. it's like owning a shitty used car all over again except that I CAN'T SELL IT AND BUY A NEW ONE. unless you would classify orthopedic surgery as doing that and even then that's far in the future and does me no good whatsoever right now
#she bork#tbd#i try to love my body. i really do. i don't like the way it looks but i could get past that and appreciate its function IF IT WERE#FUNCTIONAL. which it is not.#no idea whether my body is punishing me for throwing the truck yesterday or buckling under the hormonal strain of my upcoming cycle or just#deciding to be a dick but the bottom line is that i am exhausted and my body hurts so bad. my wrist my thumb my legs my neck everything. i'm#even having a recurrence of the nerve problems i had in my foot neck in like. TWENTY-TWENTY-ONE. why why why why why. why does my body exist#ONLY to spite me. i swear to god if i get home and i can't put in my fucking words bc of how my body feels i'm gonna freak. i am SO CLOSE TO#THE END DO NAWT NERF ME AT THE FINISH LINE#*my foot BACK in like 2021 lol. even my typos mock me#jesus i just can't emphasize enough how fucking bad my body hurts. my wrist and thumb feel like they have fucking ground glass in them (idk#about my wrist but ik my thumb has a bone spur and that's probably close enough lol). my foot feels like someone is stabbing it w a dull#knife right in that tender spot by the inner ankle bone and making it ache. i feel fucking exhausted and a little sick? idk how even just#like Not Good or like just Off. and i'm STILL at work and then tomorrow i STILL have to run the truck again and then i'm finally off#thursday. jesus fucking christ if i have to spend all weekend sleeping to get over this bullshit i am gonna be SO mad
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Y'all I so want to participate in InuKag Week but I don't think I even have the energy to pick up a pen let alone draw stuff 😩😭
#i just got back from a week and a half learning how to drive by my brother and let me tell you he took the job VERY SERIOUSLY#which is good but he'd drag me outta bed by 8 or sometimes 6 so we could practice#plus we did a lot of stuff together or had friends of his and family come over to interact with or entertain#I actually had a mothers day drawing I got started on but couldn't finish bc we were so busy.#i still might post it tho so don't worry#and then we drove down to FL where we met up with my mom and aunt and stayed a few days#then we had to rush home because I had work scheduled this weekend#so then we got home and i had barely 45 minutes to get dressed for work & I finished work only for us to go to dinner bc it was my b-day#and then I worked again today and tomorrow will be the first day in forever where I dont need to be anywhere and meet people#oh and I also have summer classes starting on May 30th#I had a lot of fun of course and I enjoy seeing people and like my job but I'm so freaking tired guys and my feet hurt😩#so of I end up not posting any art for InuKag Week ya'll will at least know I'm not dead#i know I usually only post 1 or 2 drawings for the Week anyway but still#inuyasha#kagome higurashi#inukag#the hanyou and his miko#inukag week#inukag week 2023#story of my life
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