#anyways no matter. im alive and still existing in case anyone was wondering.

[dogscircle]

dude im being so brave rn

[ruffiorocks]

unpopular opinion (long post)

This might be unpopular but its irking me a little bit, im actually completely OK with Lena punching Kara in the face. 

Its not so much that Kara kept her identity a secret, that on its own doesn't warrant a smack or a punch (if they had been dating then it absolutely would) because that’s beyond disturbing behaviors, 

No for me its, as i’ve mentioned before the way that Kara treated her as Supergirl, especially in season 3. 

Now yes Kara has been lovely to Lena as Supergirl, the same as Lena has to her. they have actively saved each others arses on more than on occasion. 

BUT season 3 and 4 gave us a look at what Kara can be like when she feels her authority is being questioned. Kara was instantly p**sed at Lena for daring to keep Reign a secret, no regard for WHY just accusations. Honestly why Kara was there while they interrogated Lena is beyond me, she doesn't actually have a DEO rank? But whatever. She instantly got p**sed that Lena had some leftover kryptonite (we know she made it) and immediately took it as threat, even though Lena IS her best friend. What irked me the most about season 3 was that Kara didn't really give a lot of thought to Sam, in her beef with Lena it was always Kara, Kara, Kara. The fact that Lena did all of this FOR SAM to protect her went completely over Kara’s head. 

Kara also got p**sed that Lena dared to have tech that she didnt know of or approve of. Lena literally told Kara that the force field on Reign’s cell prevented Kryptonian’s looking through it, so what was the first thing Kara does? Why she tries to look through it and gets p*ssed that it caused a bit of pain. She instantly rounded on Lena and saw something SHE personally could nosy through as a threat. I mean Lena could literally just have used this so she wouldn't be spied on in the shower by passing Kryptonian’s. Just because Kara does have X Ray vision doesn't mean shes entitled to be able to see everythong (*cough* Batgirl *cough*) This scene was basically like telling someone not to put their hand in the fire because it will burn, only for them to instantly do it and then get upset with you for built the fire in the first place. 

I was beyond happy that Lena brought Kara down a peg or two, ive said it before but Kara is rarely seriously questioned by anyone and it seems to have gone to her head. Kara’s authority is mostly what shes bestowed on herself, much like Superman. 

But anyway, Kara seems to have realized she’s been a colossal ass and jumped to conclusions, because she has a really awkward exchange with Lena and says she hopes it wont ruin their friendship. See my issue here is that Kara thinks she can attack Lena but because she has had a change of heart its still all good? yeah... no. Lena tells her what for again, poor love tells her she has friends that trust her, not knowing the very woman she is referring to is the same woman shes talking to. 

Kara then gets pissed that Lena gives Kara whats ‘left’ of the kryptonite.  I mean you were upset she had it and now you’re upset shes giving it to you? Once again the fact that this could help her fight Reign and save Sam when she and the others have spectacularly failed goes over her head and she attacks Lena again, who quite rightly tells Kara that lots of things in the world could hurt her but she goes on with life and doesn't whine about. Kara seems to think that NOTHING on Earth should ever be allowed to exist that could hurt her or any other Kryptonian completely forgetting  recent Kryptonian attacks, one of which she did herself oh and the current one. This is pretty God like behavior. She also doesnt have issues with DEO having weapons that  can hurt other aliens, as long as it isn't her.  Kara even pulls the ‘Luthor’ card on Lena. Note through all this its always Kara who has the issue with Lena, Lena has no issues with Supergirl until she attacks her. 

Kara thinks she has the authority to tell Lena she isnt coming to the dark valley to try and save her friend Sam, i mean why is Kara calling the shots here? She does redeem herself a bit when she tells Reign to take her instead of Lena, but honestly? Kara would have done that for literally anyone, this isn't because its Lena. 

Lena even returns to the DEO the moment Kara is in danger of dying. Lena has pre-made suit that even has the House of El crest on it! 

Remember also, that even after the interrogation, Alex asked Lena to just tell her why she didnt let on about Sam and Alex was absolutely OK with Lena’s explanation and didnt harp on about it, this is Alex Danvers whose life is dedicated to protecting Kara’s. 

Kara then did the ONE thing that i thought was so below the belt. She meddled in Lena's relationship and put it at risk. She quite literally went to Lena's boyfriend, a man who not long ago wasn't going to give her the time of day and wanted her in prison no matter what and Lena had to learn to trust, and Kara asked him of all people to betray Lena’s trust. Kara could have asked any DEO agent, but no, apparently James, the one person she SHOULDNT have asked to betray Lena was the only one who would do it? Im sorry Kara you dont do that under any circumstances. Kara is dumb anyway because she trusts James! He literally breaks into L Corp, then he lies to Kara and then drops her in it with Lena? There was NO reason for him to do that, he just wanted the best of both worlds. 

Kara gets pissed that Lena dared to make Harun El for anyone other than the mighty Kryptonian’s that have decreed that this substance they dont understand, arent even close to understanding and has the power to keep civilizations alive is NOT allowed to be used for the benefit of humans, but a human is allowed to  make it for the benefit of Kryptonians and only kryptonians, Yeah, Argo would be a floating city of dead people if it wasn't for Lena managing to figure something out in about a week that the entire race of advanced scientists o Argo weren't even close to doing. The fact is Kara jumps down her throat again, but this time its Alex that comes to Lena’s defence. 

The problem when it comes down to it, is that Kara is too quick to assume the worst in Lena, when she used to be the exact opposite. This is shoddy writing and OOC but unfortunately its what happened. Kara thinks she has authority over all things and the fact is she just doesnt. 

Getting James to betray Lena was the worst one for me, and the one that warrants a smack or in this case a punch in the face. If my best friend asked my significant other to betray my trust because she decided she couldn't trust me oh and then acted like she had nothing to do with it while i vented i would think about punching her and if it was the other way round she would probably think the same, and she would justified because that isnt friendship. 

Kara was Jekell and Hyde with Lena, she even looked her nose down at her in season 2 when she and Superman landed on L Corp’s balcony to talk to Lena and Lillian, the look Kara gave Lena has stuck with me because it was so superior, like because she was now standing with Superman she had more authority? Was she trying to measure up? 

Then there’s the fact that Kara has no issue letting Lena think her ass is in danger, or letting her think shes been blown up! 

Kara knows the amount of betrayals Lena has faced, but she just kept on going  and it was wrong. If she had no intention of telling Lena and letting her be the only one in her new found family that apparently wasn't trusted enough then she should never have gotten so involved with Lena in the first place. 

Kara ignored Lena after Mon El left, then only came to her when she needed her help, essentially her money and her influence. Then once shed asked for it she fobbed off Lena’s attempt to reach out to her. Lena actually does use her power and her own money to save Cat Co and Kara is just  like ‘oh ok, but i quit’. It was using Lena and it was harsh, even if Kara did say she would go back. Then you have Kara’s blatant disregard for Lena as a boss. 

The fact is Kara picks and chooses her attitude to Lena, she should pick ONE not have multiple personalities, choosing to support her on minute, ignore her the next or accuse her of misdeeds in another. 

Now think about what Lena is thinking? Kara lied about who she is, Lena is going to know a Super came to investigate her the moment she arrived in National City, this same super integrated herself into Lena's life and they got close, but Lena is probably wondering why that was now? If Lena had befriended Kara knowing she is Supergirl you know it would have been instantly treated as suspicious. Kara treated her like she was bad even after Lena helped save her and the world several times. Kara used the relationships Lena built against her. Kara acted like she had dull authority over her, she let her think her life was in danger or she was dead more than once. Yeah id be pretty p**sed to.Lena may even wonder why Kara pushed her to date James of all people, someone who wasnt a fan of hers, but then suddenly was? Oh was that so he could stay close to Lena and be used against her? To spy o  her? Lena ‘s feeling arent something Kara can just play with depending on how the mood hits her, actions have consequences and treating people like this isnt cool.

Its a lot for Lena to process, and its not like she can ask kara about it, even when Kara knows Lena knows she cant trust the explanations Kara may give her. 

If Oliver punched Barry the fans would just be like ‘ahh man! They’ll make it up’ 

Batman and Superman fight, ‘ahh man! They’ll make up’. 

But Lena punches Kara? ‘Oh my God abuse!!’ 

i dont think Lena is punching Kara because of the secret itself, shes probably punching her because of all the s**t that came along with it. 

(if you dont agree fine, but dont send hate) 

[somnilogical]

i am prepared to face god this instant

in the case of the native americans, in a counterfactual world where every native human could would do with their muscles what they would yell at a book character in their situation to do with their mouth. where people could would make choices from a third person point of view and then carry out the choices. where when asked by an interrogator for the names of your rebel companions, you say you will know them when they come to avenge me.

<<On 8 Feb 1943, the Nazis hung 17-year-old Yugoslav partisan Lepa Radić. When asked the names of her companions, she replied: “You will know them when they come to avenge me”.>>

--

<<N. Stolyarova recalls an old woman who was her neighbor on the Butyrki bunks in 1937. They kept on interrogating her every night. Two years earlier, a former Metropolitan of the Orthodox Church, who had escaped from exile, had spent a night at her home on his way through Moscow. “But he wasn’t the former Metropolitan, he was the Metropolitan! Truly, I was worthy of receiving him.” “All right then. To whom did he go when he left Moscow?” “I know, but I won’t tell you!” (The Metropolitan had escaped to Finland via an underground railroad of believers.) At first the interrogators took turns, and then they went after her in groups. They shook their fists in the little old woman’s face, and she replied: “There is nothing you can do with me even if you cut me into pieces. After all, you are afraid of your bosses, and you are afraid of each other, and you are even afraid of killing me.” (They would lose contact with the underground railroad.) “But I am not afraid of anything. I would be glad to be judged by God right this minute.”

There were such people in 1937 too, people who did not return to their cell for their bundles of belongings, who chose death, who signed nothing denouncing anyone.>>

<<One can’t say that the history of the Russian revolutionaries has given us any better examples of steadfastness. But there is no comparison anyway, because none of our revolutionaries ever knew what a really good interrogation could be, with fifty-two different methods to choose from. Just as oxcart drivers of Gogol’s time could not have imagined the speed of a jet plane, those who have never gone through the receiving-line meat grinder of Gulag cannot grasp the true possibilities of interrogation.

We read in Izvestiya for May 24, 1959, that Yuliya Rumyantseva was confined in the internal prison of a Nazi camp while they tried to find out from her the whereabouts of her husband, who had escaped from that same camp. She knew, but she refused to tell! For a reader who is not in the know this is a model of heroism. For a reader with a bitter Gulag past it’s a model of inefficient interrogation: Yuliya did not die under torture, and she was not driven insane. A month later she was simply released—still very much alive and kicking.>>

-alexander solzhenitsyn, the gulag archipelago

if all or even a majority of native americans near the missions had this neurotype, then what id suggest would be for everyone to move away from the missions and if captured refuse to work to the point of death. the missions need slave labour in order to exist and without people to feed on and with long supply lines, they would be undone and people would be free from the largest human-unfriendly institution of the era.

and the outcome would be better than ~60 years of slavery. this is choosing between timelines

somni why do you care about freedom? freedom is like ability-to-live. if people were like "well who cares about the global slavery-and-submission-and-stasis cult" until catholicism actually took over the world, the world would be much worse and we would never get to the stars.

you could say "whats the point, everyone gets assimilated to whatever the social order is now which is driving us all to doom" but like if you are in 1800s america after you keep the world ending for a set of tribes, you work on societal tech to keep it from ending in other ways and landing in this patch of equilibrium-space in the first place.

its like the difference between choosing between timelines and wondering if perhaps the money could be better spent sustaining the lives of those who could be locally saved. there are other organizing principles for moral reasoning besides these, and more than i have thought of so far. i suspect locating new ones is a spatially-loaded skill.

ben hoffman was using the choosing between consistent timelines kind of thinking when he quoted deuteronomy 30:19 in his post about REACH

http://benjaminrosshoffman.com/humans-need-places/

<<I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live.>>

https://www.sefaria.org/Deuteronomy.30.19?lang=bi&aliyot=0

which in context of the passage is exactly the same cognition that would benefit the natives to resist the world's largest human-unfriendly subjugation org and live to iteratively squirm out of these sorts of tangles in the future.

<<See, I set before you this day life and prosperity, death and adversity.

For I command you this day, to love the LORD your God, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commandments, His laws, and His rules, that you may thrive and increase, and that the LORD your God may bless you in the land that you are about to enter and possess.

But if your heart turns away and you give no heed, and are lured into the worship and service of other gods,

I declare to you this day that you shall certainly perish; you shall not long endure on the soil that you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.

I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day: I have put before you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life—if you and your offspring would live—

by loving the LORD your God, heeding His commands, and holding fast to Him. For thereby you shall have life and shall long endure upon the soil that the LORD swore to your ancestors, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give to them.>>

if native americans had social tech which could better survive slavery and forced relocation, maybe things would be different today.

which, this can be cast in a zero-sum frame of having your group survive versus everyone elses which runs against antinationalist heuristics.

but if you are planning to manufacture a pattern which revolutionizes the world, for the good of all life, it is instrumentally useful to avoid assimilation and submission destroying this work.

this applies to multi-generational projects as well as within-a-lifetime choices. if you choose to submit and assimilate and erase all work and structure you have built, each time someone wants to feed on you, then you i (0.7) dont think can really sustain your work.

--

i wonder if with this worlds distribution of neurotypes, such that maybe most humans cant run consequentialism through a rawlsian veil where they forget which human inherits the label "me" on their muscles. im somewhat optimistic that even those who cant wont make their muscles move according to this, can locate the correct answer.

though there is i think a habit among people whose neurotypes have issues to retroactively rationalize (FAKE REASONING, STORIES) that because you are unable to make your body wont choose your death over the death of three of your friends, equally or more useful to the flourishing of all life, it doesnt make sense to choose your death over theirs.

--

linta mentioned that they couldnt imagine knowing the right thing to do and then not doing it. that they dont have a gap between these things save for akrasia, i think it is because the gap is filled with fractally expanding justifications of the form "but you cant really expect a human being to give up their life for the sake of their companions, you need to be reasonable and work with humans who exist".

human neurodiversity exists, as a matter of historical fact not all humans have the same weaknesses. in hpmor!metaphor, some people are hermione granger and wont zap people in the milgram compliance test.

and building plans predicated on people who need to divert resources to local stuff because of their neurotype, will replace "if this were a story what plans would i yell at my character do?" with "what would someone who cant run consequentialism through a rawlsian veil, see in 3rd person and then act in harmony with this do?" "someone who needs to divert resources to babies and not personally dying, do?" "what if everyone were like this?"

labeling the latter as "what will happen if everyone is running consequentialism, playing as if from 3rd person and wants humanity to win?" is a distortion of what is going on and compounds as institutions are built on it and the boundaries of what good could be done are strictly smaller than the reach of what good could be done irl.

by the way, the milgram experiment replicated in 2015 poland. gotta check with the replication crisis.

https://qz.com/932110/researchers-have-replicated-a-notorious-social-experiment-that-claimed-to-explain-the-rise-of-fascism/

<<It is exceptionally interesting that in spite of the many years which have passed since the original Milgram experiments, the proportion of people submitting themselves to the authority of the experimenter remains very high. The result of 90% obedience which we have achieved, 95% CI [83.43%, 96.57%], is very close to the number of people pressing the 10th button in the original Milgram studies. For example, in Milgram’s (1974) Experiment No. 2, replicated in our study, 34 of 40 people pressed Button No. 10 (85% of participants, the 95% CI extends from 70.54% to 93.32%).>>

one of my moms who studies fascism once told me she thinks 40-60% of people have as their ideology that they will imitate those in power, and will go along with Power in times of an authoritarian takeover. they believe that they will eat rather than be eaten. given my experience and things like the milgram test, i think its closer to 90-95%.

--

reading grognor's memorial page it looked like he was very fucked up by the fact that he could do a rawlsian veil consequentialism thought experiment, where he saw himself in third person or forgot which agent was "him" and "his family" and then notice that his muscles werent moving in harmony with the logic of the results.

<<are you doing the best thing you could possibly be doing? why not?

become good

SPEAK TRULY, EVEN IF YOUR VOICE TREMBLES

you continue to underestimate the harm you have done and are doing

are you doing the best thing you could possibly be doing? why not?

The tools you have available are cognitive actions and motor actions. Use them to immanentize the eschaton. You have one life

if you were an alien suddenly transposed into your current body, what would you do now?

Pretend with every thought and action to be a much better person. Reach heaven through fraud.>>

https://grognor.github.io/archives.html

[sineluce-velius-tristitia]

Into the Deep End

Newt didn’t know what possessed him to come.

Maybe it was to see for himself that the most dangerous Dark wizard is properly locked up behind a cage. To assure that the man who had done horrible, despicable things had been properly apprehended; that there was no chance for Gellert Grindelwald to hurt another person.

But it wasn’t because of that.

Righteous, good intentions aside, Newt is terribly curious of this man.

A wizard of great power and influence, of genius and charm that attracts people enough to become his fanatics. A wizard of whose past is intertwined with Albus Dumbledore.

Newt stands there, in the bowels of MACUSA’s holding cells, practicing long acquired skills of stealth to sneak around unnoticed by the guards assigned just for a single—but incredibly dangerous—wizard.

He’d left his creatures with Queenie, not quite trusting but the alternative of leaving his creatures unguarded for any span of time was unbearable. The memory of his case being impounded was still entirely too fresh and a wave of fear at the mere thought made him a bit more paranoid.

Easily getting past the guards, Newt is surprised to find that nothing else is set up as defense. A superficial scan of the wards told him why. They had focused too much on keeping someone in rather than putting just as much effort in keeping unwanted people out. As it stands, Newt wouldn’t have any problems going in as long as he was careful.

It seems finding the cell he wanted wouldn’t be an issue. All the cells are unoccupied except for one.

He stops right in front of it, a frown knotting at his forehead still quite unsure why he had risked sneaking into one of the most guarded part of MACUSA. Pardoned he may be for smuggling his creatures and risking the Statute, he is still on thin ice.

“I don’t suppose staring into nothing would solve your problems, Mister Scamander.”

The voice is raspy and hoarse but lacking none of its confident lilt. Even with a heavily protected door between them, Grindelwald is every bit the wizard who had taunted and tortured him in the subway. Absently, Newt noted that a silencing charm was not one of the spells cast on the cells.

With a side glance to where he had come from, Newt cast a privacy charm around them, one that wouldn’t interfere with the wards.

The silence from the other side of the door was quite unnerving but even then, Newt doesn’t say anything. He stood there, arms crossed and hunched over, staring at the door separating him and Grindelwald.

Newt wonders why he could not muster fear or anger at the man who had taken his creatures away from him no matter how short of a time it had been. Wonders why there’s nothing but curiosity for a man who caused so much unneeded violence.

I’m not one of Grindelwald’s fanatics, he had said to the man. And he wasn’t. But a part of him always had been curious what made them fanatics. There has to be a reason why a single wizard could amass such a following.

Then, quite sudden and out of the blue, laughter full of mirth rang from the other side. It’s surprising, and the malevolent undercurrent of it made Newt shudder unconsciously.

“I seem to have underestimated you, Mister Scamander. But, ah, I see it now; what makes Albus Dumbledore so fond of you. Is there anything you wouldn’t do for your creatures?” Here, Newt scowls but still doesn’t talk. “I’ve seen what you do for them, walked through their homes and admired how seamlessly they exist. Danger doesn’t seem to be a word you adhere to.”

There’s a bitter aftertaste in his mouth as he swallowed when reminded by the fact the man had trampled over his case—his home. Nothing had been out of place when he had checked, not even the obscurus Grindelwald had taken out.

“I think it’s time for you to go now.” Newt could hear the smile from the man’s tone of voice. “We will meet again.”

It’s six months before Gellert Grindelwald made his presence known again.

Newt isn’t the least bit surprised the man had managed to escape. What does surprise him is when he finds a herd of thestrals loitering about in the street near his home in London. There’s a young chimaera too, affectionate enough that it lets Newt near without fuss.

“Hello, little one.” Newt coos as it climbs up to his shoulder. It leans on his fingers when he reached up to pet it. Pickett curiously peeks out from the lapel of his coat and climbs up to where the chimaera had settled. They had a staring contest before Pickett huffed and settled back down to his favorite place.

Newt chuckles affectionately, “Pickett seems to like you well enough. Now who might you be?” A small scrap of parchment is stuck on its back and Newt quickly reads it.

His name is Antonio. Keep him with you. You may do as you please with the thestrals.

The handwriting is unfamiliar. He couldn’t think of anyone who would send him anything of the sort and it’s more than suspicious. Perhaps he should send word to Theseus at the least. But contact with his brother isn’t something he wanted to do unless it was absolutely needed.

“You weren’t sent by someone bad, were you?” Newt asked of the thestrals and Antonio.

The small chimaera merely made a high pitched guttural sound at the back of its throat in response.

Newt smiles before clicking his tongue, calling the attention of the thestrals nosing curiously at the potted plants of the neighboring houses. He frowns when he noticed how thin they looked—thinner than how a thestral should be.

“Oh you poor dears,” Newt sighed, nuzzling one of the creatures. “We should get you somewhere more suitable for your needs.”

He leads them to his home where he had spent months in when the Ministry sanctioned his travelling ban. It’s roomier than his case but Newt missed being able to travel, being able to set his creatures free to where they belong instead of cooped up in a beautiful cage.

They may be replications of their home but it was a cage nonetheless.

A cold nose nudged his cheek and Newt smiled wryly. He can’t keep a herd of thestrals in his home. Perhaps he could send them to Hogwarts once they’re in perfect health.

It’s another month before the monotony of scouring through London and getting rid of his tails was broken when Antonio—who had taken residence on his person just as much as Pickett had—suddenly jumped down from his pocket and ran through the streets.

Newt, already used to such behavior from his other creatures, quickly scampered off to follow the chimaera.

He manage to catch up to the creature near an alley and had only managed to cradle him close to his chest, ready to scold him running off, when a hand grabbed his shoulder and the familiar feeling of apparation swallowed him.

They appear on a rooftop of some building, the wind whipping away at his overcoat.

“I did say we will meet again, Mister Scamander.”

Newt barely managed to cover a flinch of surprise but he does back away from the voice. Standing before him, head tilted to the side, is Gellert Grindelwald. There’s no trace of the months he spent in MACUSA’s custody.

It hits him that this is the first time he sees the Dark Lord as himself. Nothing in the Dark wizard’s face or body but the mask of Gellert Grindelwald. There’s nothing to blindside Newt this time, nothing to defend himself with, no barriers of any kind. Except, perhaps, Newt’s own ignorance.

The other wizard seems to be waiting for a response so Newt composes himself, “You did say that.”

In his hands, Antonio wriggles about and peeks up at Newt and then to Grindelwald. To his bemusement, Grindelwald reaches out a hand. “May I?”

Newt stares, unsure for a moment, before he realizes what the Dark Lord wanted. Instinctively, Newt lets Antonio out of his grasp, watching as the little chimaera crawled over to Grindelwald’s hand willingly. It was strange, seeing the intimidating wizard holding the creature carefully.

“I’m glad to see you’ve kept Antonio.” Grindelwald lifted the creature to Newt’s shoulder and let it go. “I’m afraid I can’t keep such a needy creature with me.”

Indignation churned in his gut but Newt tempered it down, focusing instead on the realization that Grindelwald had been the one who sent Antonio and the thestrals. He had to be cautious with what he says to the wizard. He says instead, “Antonio had been a good companion.”

Grindelwald hums, “I can see that.”

“What was it you needed with me?” Newt finally asked, absently petting Pickett and then Antonio.

“Nothing.”

Newt furrows his brows and looked closer at the other wizard. “Yet.”

A smirk tugged at Grindelwald’s lips. “Nothing yet, yes. When the time comes, you will give it to me.”

Newt had no idea what it is. But the conviction in the Dark Lord’s voice kept him from asking. It was curious how despite being cautious, there was no immediate urge to flee. Even lesser was the urge to interfere with whatever the wizard is planning.

“Until we meet again, Newton.”

There was a possibility that Newt refused the Ministry’s deals because he couldn’t seem to muster up the will to fight against the Dark Lord.

He had seen how the man fought, had been in close enough proximity to say that he could not repeat what he had done in that subway months ago. Not for the lack of trying but for the certainty that Grindelwald wouldn’t commit the same mistake twice.

“There would come a time that everyone—everyone—has got to pick a side. Even you.” Theseus had said.

I don’t do sides. He doesn’t. Especially now.

Newt knew that travelling to Paris isn’t such a good idea.

But with Credence alive, Newt couldn’t appease his conscience quite well. And even then, he had to clear things up with Tina.

Going to Paris isn’t such a good idea but Newt will do it anyway. And, glancing at Jacob who was recounting his and Queenie’s romance in the last year, Newt wouldn’t deny the speck of happiness at the familiarity of the situation. He missed his friends and he missed venturing out of the country. This time, hopefully, there wouldn’t be adrenaline of a chase and troubles of Dark Lords.

But considering who and what Credence is, Newt wouldn’t count on it.

The moment Antonio started fussing, Newt knew what was coming.

“Hey Newt-���

“I-I’m sorry Jacob,” Newt turns around to face Jacob, causing the other man to stop in his tracks. “But could you please, uh, hold this for moment-” He hands him the feather that they are using to track Tina, now encased in a clear box.

Jacob takes it with a puzzled expression. “Okay…”

“Yes thank you,” Newt tries to smile. “I’ll be back in a jiffy. Stay here. Or, uh, actually, you can find a café to stay at. I’ll find you.”

Then he walks over to an alley before letting Antonio scamper up his shoulder. “Where to now?”

With the squeaked directions from the little chimaera, Newt finds himself outside a house. He steps up to knock on the door and was greeted by a striking woman.

They look at each other, the woman sizing him up before inclining her head with an unreadable though pleasant expression. “Come in, Mister Scamander.”

Newt does so, brushing off the surprise at her knowing his name. “Thank you.” He muttered.

There’s a surprised gasp from inside and Newt turns to its direction.

“Newt?” Then he was engulfed in a hug that had him shifting in discomfort even as he recognized Queenie’s golden curls and soft voice. “Oh I’m so glad you’re here. It’s been so awful. Is Jacob with you? I’m so sorry I didn’t know what else to do.”

He pats her back awkwardly, spying the black haired French woman smirking at them.

“What – what are you doing here Queenie?” Newt asked as Queenie finally let him go, a niggle of worry finally settling in his stomach.

Her distressed frown brightened up into a smile as she gestures at the woman, “I was lost and she helped me. She’s been so kind to me but I uh…” Her face fell and dismay colored her voice. “You don’t happen to know where Tina is, do you?”

Newt’s shake of head wasn’t really needed but he still did so.

You need to leave.

“Oh, why do I-”

“Newton,” Newt turned just as Queenie drew her wand.

“You stay right there,” Queenie bit out, unconsciously pulling Newt behind her. “I know what you are.”

“Queenie.” Grindelwald strode nearer, arms raised to show that he is harmless. It doesn’t quite work but the man doesn’t put it down. “We’re not here to hurt you.” The man titled his head. “Nor will we harm Newton.”

Newt closed his eyes, resigned that he’s too late to have Queenie escape.

Please put your wand down, Newt spoke in his mind clearly. He may not know what the Dark Lord has planned but Newt didn’t want to aggravate the man though he seems to be more amused than anything else. Pleased, even.

Queenie’s stance wavered and she turned to him, confusion and betrayal clear on her face.

“It’s not what it looks like.” Newt whispered. This seems to amuse Grindelwald even further so Newt turns his attention to him. “Please let her go.”

“We will,” Grindelwald appeased but satisfaction lurked behind his mismatched eyes. “We only wish protect the innocent. To let her know that we are here to help.” His attention drifts to Queenie who is trembling. “It is not your fault that your sister is an auror. I wish she were working with me now to a world where every witch and wizard is able to live however they want. To love freely.”

Before Newt’s eyes, he sees Queenie’s resolve waver. She looks at him, a desperate attempt to keep her head straight. But even Newt isn’t sure what to believe so he grips her hand and moved his gaze away from her.

I’m sorry was all he could think.

“Go now,” Grindelwald said. “Leave this place.”

Obediently, they did.

Queenie tags along as Newt returns to Jacob.

They have a tearful reunion, both apologizing for their actions (and thoughts on Jacob’s part). But Grindelwald’s influence had taken root. Newt can see the determination in Queenie’s eyes.

He smiles, though, because Queenie and Jacob clearly belonged together.

A man passed by and the feather they had been following earlier that day ruffled excitedly and pointed at the man. Newt let it free, watching as the feather zoomed past them and back onto the man’s hat.

“Come on.” Newt muttered as he followed the man.

His reunion with Tina wasn’t quite as touching as Jacob and Queenie’s.

They manage to get Mr. Kama out of the sewers with them and the Zouwu safely inside his case. When they settled in the safe place professor Dumbledore had given him the address to, Queenie had finally gotten irritated enough at the tension between them.

“Tina!” Queenie huffed, glaring at her stoic sister. “Newt here was going to say something important.”

Newt froze from his spot halfway down his case. He slowly turns his gaze up at Queenie’s expectant look to Tina’s equally as expectant look.

“You really are sisters.” He blurted out, nerves having caught up with him. Somewhere in the room, Jacob purses his lips and palms his face. Queenie glared at Newt. “I- I’m sorry. I-” Queenie tapped her foot in impatience. “I wasn’t uh, there had been a misunderstanding, Tina. It’s my brother- Theseus and Leta are the ones who are going to get married.”

Queenie’s happy clap was the only noise heard in the silence filled room. Newt took the opportunity to go down his case to take care of the Zouwu.

Newt sees Credence again in the Lestrange Mausoleum.

It’s only him and Tina this time, having left Queenie and Jacob to guard Mr. Kama. Though they seem to have been unsuccessful.

There’s tension in the air, one born from familial disagreements. Newt felt distinctly out of place as Leta told her story, feeling as if he was encroaching on something he shouldn’t know. It doesn’t shed light to who Credence is and the look of disappointment in the boy caused sympathy to twist his heart.

His attention is broken by Antonio wiggling out of his pocket.

“Antonio?”

His startled whisper called everyone’s attention. Newt followed Antonio to where a passage opened at his touch. The chimaera croaked and scampered up his shoulder and settled there, anticipation making him absolutely still.

Beyond the revealed passageway was a large gathering of wizards and witches.

At once, Newt realized Grindelwald’s plan.

The fire of protego diabolica burned brightly as it danced to the whims of the Dark Lord.

Aurors who were unable to protect themselves got burned, dying with piercing screams that cut off as the curse ate them away.

Newt watched with a horrified fascination, following the motions of his brother as they defended against the flames. Queenie and Jacob were ways away and he could see her crying, screaming at Jacob in despair.

At the other side, Credence makes his way to the flames, barely held back by the maledictus.

Newt is rooted in his spot, watching as Credence crossed over, Grindelwald greeting him with wide arms. His eyes are drawn to Queenie, anguish and desperation clear on her face as she crossed over the blue flames. Their eyes meet and Newt lets out a huff, half hysteric and half resignation.

“Newton,” Everyone seemed to pause at the call. Newt heard Theseus’s breath hitch and felt the way his brother’s hand gripped his arm tighter. “It’s time, I should think.”

Newt clutches his eyes shut, taking in deep breaths as he gripped his case tighter.

“What does he-” Newt pulls away from Theseus’s hold. “Newt don’t!”

He avoids look at anyone, feeling Tina, Leta, and Theseus’s eyes burning at him. Grindelwald’s expectant, triumphant gaze seemed to be the only thing that doesn’t burn. Antonio is purring as his shoulder and Newt reaches up to pet him.

With surprisingly steady gait, Newt walks down the steps.

Time seemed to slow and the distance between him and the platform seemed to be longer than it looks.

“Newt!”

Newt pauses and turns to his brother only to have the flames come between them. Between Newt and everyone.

Leta pulls Theseus back and Newt catches her eyes. For the first time in years, Newt smiles at her. “Please take care of him.”

Then he walked away, towards Grindelwald’s expectant gaze. This time it seemed faster than it should. The flames are warm, comforting even as his heart broke at the screams of his name.

He doesn’t stop walking until he stands close to Grindelwald. So close that there was barely space between them. Antonio jumps from his perch on Newt’s shoulder over to Grindelwald’s. The Dark Lord reaches up and cradles Newt’s face in his palm.

Smugness and triumph swirled behind mismatched eyes.

And then they were gone.

[shazyloren]

Little Lyanna

Summary:  Jon is out of his mind with worry, trying to busy himself as his wife labours their baby into the world... They've been trying so long, and they had once thought it would not happen.

Notes: As you know, I am taking part in a challenge on tumblr by user 'JonerysFic' and 'MhysaOfDragons' in which for seven days from Valentines day I am uploading a new one shot. The prompts have been provided and the stories have all been written and I gotta say you're in for a lot of Jonerys content. So Day 7, the last day, 20th February, which is when I'm uploading this, the prompt I chose was 'Free Choice'. So I got thinking and decided to expand on my glorious reign series and give you the birth of their first child, Lyanna.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17864576

----

Jon was going crazy.

Waiting for the arrival of his and Dany’s child had left him drinking with Tyrion in the hands quarter as a promise to Dany that he’d stay away while she laboured their baby. All of the dogs in King’s Landing were howling, due to the storm that had captured the city and by extension scared the inhabitants into staying inside. Lighting and rain, flashing and fierce. There had been four storms since he and Dany assumed the throne five years ago, but this had by far been the worse. Ironic that their child would also be known as Stormborn like it’s mother, but that also left deep rooted fear within Jon himself.

He wondered if she would survive, after all both of their mother’s had perished when giving birth to them, although Sam was dealing with her, the only person he trusted. But there was still this nagging feeling of fear within him that meant he was on edge and pacing the hands chambers all the while it was going on. He could stand on the Balcony and see their chambers from it, but he wouldn’t know what was happening.

They’d lost a babe already, after the first time they’d made love on the boat from dragonstone to White Harbour, Dany’s bleeding had not arrived. They didn’t count their chickens before they hatched, both of them knowing what happened to her last babe, but when her belly had began to swell with life they were joyous. Jon requested they not tell anyone, as only Missandei, Sam and themselves knew at that moment. But about ten weeks after the conception, Dany bled hard and the babe was lost.

She’d cried for weeks in private with him, they’d shared his chambers and it had been heart-wrenching to see her suffer. She put on a smile for the lords of Winterfell, and when they’d caught her crying she’d always played it off as the lose of her Dragon, which in a sense was also her child. So when her belly had become swollen once again six months ago, they’d been very joyous yet extremely cautious. Jon had not let her do anything, she was to relax for the first few months, must to her annoyance.

And now, she was in labour, a month early.

To make matters worse, Lord Baratheon and Lady Stark (Jon’s sister) had sprung upon them a surprise visit, which meant they too were in the hands chambers, drinking with him as the entertainment Tyrion had quickly thrown together for the visiting family got cut short. Daenerys was in the middle of giving a speech when she’d gushed on the floor and began to feel light headed.

She was early, and this was all the more reason Jon was worried. The chances of both of them surviving was very small, but he’d hoped that she had, they both had. If she was to go… Jon couldn’t even bare to think about it, he loved her so hopelessly that the even consideration that Daenerys Targaryen, his wife, his queen, would never see him again, would never look at him with those eyes, was completely consuming him

“Stop pacing, you idiot” Arya grumbled, fiddling with a knife, twisting it between her fingers. The Valyrian blade that Bran had bestowed upon her all those years ago, before he’s met his end… Jon shook his head and did as he was told. He may be the king, but when Ayra said to do something, he listened without question.

“It’s natural to be fearful, Your Grace” Tyrion countered, pouring red wine into his goblet and almost downing it instantly. “But I can assure you she’s in very good hands”

Jon knew she was, Sam had delivered several babies now including that of his sister, Sansa’s two children with her husband up in the north. He may be Lord of Horn Hill, but he also was their maester, and Jon trusted him more than anyone else besides Daenerys.

“Perhaps we can do something to take your mind off of everything, Your Grace?” Gendry offered. Nothing would take Jon’s mind off of it, he knew as such, but he took the bate and sat down at the table with the other three. “Are there any pressing issues that need resolving in the city?”

“We’ve been dealing with a speight of theft in flea bottom” Jon shrugs, reminding himself that flea bottom needs to be renamed as it wasn’t the hive of poverty it had once been in the era of the Lannisters rule. Jon and Dany had more than enough comforts here in the Red Keep that he’d make monthly donations of food and clothes that were worn by servants down to them and handed them out personally.

“Okay, let’s focus on that then”

It worked for maybe twenty minutes, until Jon swore he heard screaming all the way across the Red Keep. He knows he didn’t, it was more than likely his mind playing tricks on him, but still, it was enough to stop him from wanting to commit to the City’s issues and think about her instead.

He didn’t pray to the old gods, after all he’s seen in the world he doubted any god’s existence anymore, but he did pray to Sam’s ability that he’d keep her alive, both of them. He should’ve ignored Dany, stayed with her until the end, but it had been hours and she’d begged him to go until it was done. He wouldn’t if it was a case of not wanting to seem weak, or not wanting to see the birth, or perhaps if she did pass, she didn’t want him to see it in front of his eyes.

Whatever her reasons, it was a decision that was driving him crazy and fearful and almost alone.

“Sansa has birthed two children, both of which were successfully delivered by Sam, stop having a crisis you’ll look like you’re supposed to be celebrating your fiftieth name day” Arya was growing impatient and Jon did not blame her in the slightest, but had they known about the baby they lost, then perhaps she’d know why he was frightened for his Queen.

Sansa knew now, shortly after the war and her engagement and subsequent wedding to Gawen of House Glover, she’d come to Jon about bleeding heavily and unsure of anyone to turn too. She’d suffered a miscarriage and it had affected her mentally. Jon had offered comfort and told her the story of her and Dany losing one and from that moment, Sansa had dealt with the issue better.

“I’m her husband, she’s my Queen, let me worry” Jon sighs, thinking back to the times in which his worries were the living dead killing all of men-kind.

So much had changed and so much was still to change now that he and Daenerys were to become parents. The capital had been so happy at the news of their King and Queen welcoming a child soon, and thankfully, the other lords in the kingdom had too. Jon had struggled with it on some occasions. A child was something Jon had always wanted but never envisioned he would have when he was serving on the wall, but something that had come true and very shortly, he’d have to be a father.

Would he be a good one?

“Your Grace” Jon hears behind him and so he turns to note several guardsmen and Sam, the Maester and man he trusted amongst everyone else. He was covered in blood, as was to be expected after delivering a baby, but his appearance still filled him with dread.

“Is everything alright?” Tyrion is the first one to speak.

“Mother and babe are both alright” Sam nods and Jon almost wants to fall to his knees. The relief that over spills in his body is almost too much to handle. He doesn’t know whether to sit down, to run to Dany’s side, to kiss Sam even. “The Queen has lost a lot of blood however, so she needs to rest up for a few weeks, eat plenty and drink lots of water to get her up and running again” Sam takes a small pause. “It’s a girl”

Arya squeals piercingly into the air and yet Jon isn’t affected by it, he’s just shocked, his entire system falling apart as he imagines a small girl in his arms. A girl, a little daughter to call my own, our beautiful miracle, our beloved angel . Jon needs to see them both, he need to hold her in her arms and look at the beautiful life he and Dany created together.

“Can I seem them?” Jon ask, knowing that even if Sam said know he’d still go anyways. Sam just nods and that’s all Jon needs to start a quick pace towards his own bedchambers.

The halls are quiet when he leaves Tyrion’s chambers, only guardsmen with smiles on their faces as Jon feels glee and anticipation build in his chest. He follows the way to his chambers that he was so familiar with at this point, seeing servants cleaning and clearing stuff away, seeing cats up on the balcony, seeing the steps to their space. She was there, his little princess was waiting for him, and his queen too.

When he reached the door to his chambers, he was greeted by Missandei who was holding sheets covered in blood, she was smiling brightly when her eyes connected with Dany’s. Clearly happy both the Queen and the girl were okay. She gleefully grins before heading off in the direction Jon came from, leaving him to open the door.

The sound he was greeted with was like music to his eyes, a soft gurgling and a sweet song that melted away every fear in his body. He did not know the song, he thinks perhaps she made it up, but her voice is tunely and melodic and the happiness that was radiating from it was enough to send Jon wild. He sees them then, Dany, sat up in the bed with a small clothed babe in her arms. Jon, in an instant, is at her side.

“Stars above” Jon whispers as Dany kisses him on the cheek. “She’s absolutely perfect”

As he looked at her, he notices she has been born with a thick head full of hair, black hair like his own and a little bit all over the place. Her eyes however, magnificently violet and delightfully wild. Jon knows the babe can’t see them both yet, but she was content just being in her mother’s arm.

“I’m glad you’re here” Dany sighed, Jon knew she was tired. “She needs to hear her Father speak to her”

She passed him over and for what felt like hours, Jon just held her in his arms and looked at her. She was the most perfect creation that has ever been because of him. He loved her with every drop of blood in his veins, every breath in his lungs and ever word in his mouth. He whispered to her, promised her that he would protect her until his last breath, love her until he could not any longer and he even shed tears. He was sensitive in the moment but he did not care.

She was a dream.

“I want to call her Lyanna” He says out of nowhere, not having heard anything Dany had said, just cut off from it all as he stared at the perfect babe in his arms. “I think my mother deserves that” He stated. After everything his own mother went through, everything she and his real father gave up for him, and after wanting to know about her and finally finding out the truth, Jon felt sure that was the little babe in his arms name. “If that’s okay with you”

“Little Lyanna Targaryen” She sighs, sleep wanting to take his wife over. She was now laying down, hoping to get a moment of sleep. Jon did not mind, it meant he got to hold his babe for longer. Little Lyanna Targaryen, it was. “I like it, then if we have another one, we’ll call him Robb”

If we have another one, we’ll call him Robb.

Jon liked the idea, but they had everything they needed for now. Him, his queen and their beautiful Princess Lyanna. A life Jon never envisioned, but one he was grateful of nonetheless.

[overdrivels]

The Way to a Heart (12)

<<Chapter 11

Hanzo, despite his less-than-stellar display of maturity, was surprisingly granted a mission, and he had taken it with such speed, there was no time for anyone to protest (or for you to have made an appropriate lunchbox). It was merely surveillance around Gibraltar, but that must have been more appealing than remaining in the incredible awkwardness at the base.

His absence, however, did little to alleviate the oppressive air in the sparsely occupied Watchpoint. Genji had made himself scarce, and when he was available, was noticeably more distant. Zenyatta’s presence probably did a lot to ease the uncertainty that weighs on the cyborg.

Though, McCree did not know who he felt worse for: Genji or you.

The others had a lot of say about the matter, but McCree cannot consider himself so morally superior that he allowed himself to gripe. The feelings of the Shimada brothers’ are sticky in ways that even those on moral high ground should not comment on—the deed was done and over with, the main thing now is how they feel now and how they’re going to go about handling it. It’s one thing if it’s between themselves, it’s another if they’re going to drag innocent people in their cautious yet reckless game of feelings and painful memories.

You, especially.

After that fiasco, you confined yourself to the kitchens, making quick work of small talk and any attempts to coax you to come out.

McCree tsk’s to himself. You had made such good progress, too. Ana, if she hadn't been away on a mission, would’ve been proud.

It’d be a lie to say the kitchen is the most welcoming place on base. Head Chef Richard was quite generous and lavish in his own way, feeding people just the right amount (neither left wanting nor bursting) with just the right foods—but despite his creed for serving and loving his customers, his priority would always fall on the chefs he kept under his wing. Through his numerous escapades, McCree had long suspected the kitchens were built in such a way that the entire place was both a fortress and a prison, keeping out intruders and holding them in to be dealt with when the time came even without chefs inside. In some ways, this place was better safeguarded than other places in the Watchpoint.

If you really wanted to lock yourself in there, you could and no one would be able to get you out. Similarly, if you truly wanted to keep people out, the kitchen could be on lockdown faster than most would be able to react. The reason for it was assumed to be because of the ‘treasure’, but McCree isn’t so sure.

“Ain’t like you t’ be standin’ still, Chef,” McCree says as he walks into the darkened mess hall and toward the service window where you stood. If he wasn’t expecting it, it would be a creepy sight to behold: a single, unmoving figure in the middle of the brightest light in the entire cafeteria, finer features obscured by shadows. “Head Chef would throw a fit if he saw you doin’ nothin’.”

Instead of the flustered outburst he expects, you remain quiet, hands folded neatly on the counter as though waiting for something. He could fathom a guess for what—or whom.

He drags a stool to the window and sits. From this spot, he can almost see the washing station and a shocking amount of dishes stacked. They don’t seem dirty, but it just looks like they were left there after being cleaned. A troubling sign.

Gently, he tries again. “Hour’s late, Chef. Whatcha doin’ up?”

“...I’m just thinking,” you reply slowly, voice lacking in any energy or enthusiasm.

He makes a noise in his throat. “That so?”

“...yeah.”

The silence settles uncomfortably between you both. He sighs internally and decides to cut to—what he believes to be—the chase. “He doesn’t hate you.”

Your fingers twitch and your hands curl into fists before unfurling and curling again. “...how are you so sure?”

Because you’re obvious and Hanzo is not as unreadable as he believes himself to be.

“Callin’ me a liar now? Mighty bold of ya.”

Jesse expects a laugh or some sort of reaction, not the deafening silence that sounds of guilt and something all too familiar.

“It’s between him and Genji. It ain’t your fault you got caught up in it.”

“If I didn’t decide to make a group meal then…”

“It wasn’t about your cookin’ or how you did it.” It was a fine set-up and wonderfully alive. If it weren’t for the Shimadas’ issues, it would have been an excellent affair that was reminiscent of the old, old Overwatch. The stew was spicy and if McCree was being honest, he’d really rather eat that combination that reminds him of his time on the road rather than the neatly arranged meals you normally make. (Not that they’re not delicious, but there’s just something charming about eating food that is more...appropriate for his person.)

“But he didn’t even take a lunchbox when he left.” Despite how distressed you sound, he couldn’t help a smile.

“Bet you cried yourself to sleep over that.”

“Did not.”

He raises an eyebrow and the silence, a little more bearable, seems to unnerve you and eventually you concede with a huff, “I didn’t cry.”

“...but you’re still feelin’ responsible.”

You throw up your hands and begin to pace as though you’ve meant to do it for a long time. “I should have known! I—”

“Known what? That everyone was goin’ to leave that seat open? That Hanzo would react like that? That we’d have to practically tackle Genji to the ground? You almost got clocked in th’ head with a flyin’ bottle and you still feel like it’s your fault?” He scoffs. “You ain’t psychic and it ain’t your responsibility to keep track of all that.”

“But it is,” you insist. “It’s the least I can do.”

He wants to groan and slap his face and barely manages to resist doing either. “Not this again.”

“It’s true!” You stop right in front of him, slamming your hands somewhere above the partition. “I'm not a hero like you!”

“Ain't never claimed t’be one neither.”

“But you're out there”—and you gesture wide toward some unseen horizon or an imagined place that McCree is sure does not exist—“fighting and risking yourselves and I'm…”

Your hands and your whole body just slumps.  

“And I'm in here.”

The silence that follows is almost damning.

There’s always been some sense of self-imposed responsibility from the support-type staff. Well, he can’t say that he was innocent in the matter—long ago, he loathed the easy-going pace of the desk-job people and paper-pushers and those who work with Overwatch but never ever see battle. Why did they get to complain when he’s out risking his hide? Why should people get to live because they’ve got money? Why do those people get to boss them around? (It’s one of the reasons why he liked Reyes so much more than Jack. The former got his hands dirty with the rest of his crew, the latter locked himself up in his offices and meetings. Jesse didn’t care about the heroic stories he was told, he just knows what he saw and what he saw was Jack being a damn sellout.)

But meeting people like you, who are too attached to the idea of ‘responsibility’, he can’t bring himself to be upset. Everyone has their own role to fill, their own troubles, and McCree learned after several years here that people like you probably take it harder than them. He can lose himself in the adrenaline and the missions, but you can only do your best, cooking for agents who are too strung out to appreciate the power of a decent meal and fling it back in your face. It’s too easy to think of the agents’ problems as your fault when it’s their fault for not managing themselves properly.

“It ain’t like you t’ get so worked up over one person. Other people lost their minds over the food before and you didn’t act like this.”

“But that was…”

That was long ago, when you weren’t alone to bear the burden of a discarded meal, when you did not feel so directly responsible, when you had the Head Chef to buffer you. Or is it because of something else?

He knows, vaguely, what you had been doing before you came back to Overwatch. He would have guessed that your skin would’ve been thicker after your ordeals. But for a single person to rattle your cage—

“If it’ll make y’feel better, I’ll hunt him down for you, make ‘im apologize,” he offers.

You snort like you don’t think he is serious—oh, but he’s very serious, no matter how nonchalant he had tried to make the offer seem. It’d be interesting to get Hanzo speaking heartfelt apologies with Peacekeeper against his temple. It wouldn’t have been the first time he’s contemplated it (but for different reasons). Jesse wonders if Genji would help, but banishes the idea quick. That might just make things more grisly than it had to.

“I think you should be the one apologizing, too.”

He starts and tries to look at you through the wall. “Me? What’d I ever do?”

“You told Agent Hanzo about the Cellar!”

“And who told you I told him?”

“Agent Genji, of course.”

That son of a—

Jesse smacks himself in the back of the neck and rubs it twice. Well, it wasn’t that much of a secret anyway. He supposes it’s his just deserts—or in this case, just desserts?  

“Guess I have two Shimadas to go after,” he says wryly, leaning against his palm, directing a smile up at you that he forgets that you cannot see. “Gotta get justice for the both of us.”

“I don’t think it’s really getting ‘justice’, Jesse.”

He shrugs. “Someone wronged you, so it’s only proper t’get even, ain’t it?”

“I don’t��That’s not right.”

“It ain’t like it’s the first time you’ve got into a tiff with somebody. ‘Member the first time you ‘nd I fought? You kicked me and threw the whole tray at me.”

“You slapped it out of my hands!”

“And we both got a helluva lecture from your boss for wastin’ food.”

He gets something like a cross between a choked laugh and a noise of anguish. It’s not what he’s aiming for, but the night’s young.

“You don’t know it, but Reyes chewed my ass out after.”

“And Head Chef put my on cleaning duty for a week since the extra food was unauthorized.”

“Hey, I put it in the terminal all good and proper. It was one of you messin’ with me that caused all of that.”

“That’s because you tried to disguise yourself as a chef!”

The cowboy pulls out his pack of cigarillos and lights one, much to your horror. He grins to himself. Good.

“Good times.”

“Don’t smoke,” you chide with no real malice. “You’ll ruin your tastebuds.”

“Ain’t nothin’ that can ruin how I taste your cookin’, it’s just that good,” he quips, taking a loud and overly obnoxious drag just to hear you groan in frustration and embarrassment. He smirks to himself. That’s a better reaction.

You wave your hand at the smoke, trying to push it back in his direction to very little avail. For good measure, he even blows a stream in your direction, delighting in the way you swat at it. “Stop that. It’ll get into the kitchen.”

“I’ll help you clean it.”

“Oh? That’s very generous.”

“What can I say?” He shrugs and tips his hat with a grin. “I’m a gentleman.”

Grumbling, you ask to yourself, “What sort of gentleman smokes in a kitchen?” You cross your arms and he can swear you are looking down at him. “I remember when you used to use that trick to try to get in here.”

“Did I now? Can’t remember. Old age must be gettin’ to me.” Even though he clearly recalls having offered his help just so he could get one step closer to the phantasmal treasure that the members of Blackwatch kept conspiring about. It did not succeed, of course.

You make some noise of disbelief and pull out an ashtray from somewhere below the window, slipping it onto the table with a loud ‘clack’. Your message is clear, but he just waits.

And waits, and waits.

Until you cave. “I’m going to make Meatloaf Surprise,” you warn sternly. “And I’ll have Gen—Captain Amari help me.”

He can’t contain his grimace. “Please don’t.” The meatloaf is enough of a threat, but throwing Ana into the mix was just unfair even if she isn’t on base. Taking in one last delicious pull, he snuffs out the end. (Though he can’t say he’s completely displeased with the results—you are coming back out of your imposed silence.)

Seemingly satisfied with his actions, you say, “Thank you.”

He stares  forlornly at his snuffed-out cigarillo, itching to put it back between his lips now that he’s had a taste. He's sure you would actually serve him meatloaf if he did. And he would eat it.

“Chef, can I get some coffee then?”

“Use the terminal, please.” But even as you say that, you’re already moving around inside the kitchen. He grumbles a bit as he leans over the length of the counter to punch in his order. “Let me guess, a red-eye for this late hour?”

His finger hovers over the submit button. “Nah.” Beep. “‘s a dead-eye kind of night.”

You choke on a laugh, and already, the kitchen seems a little brighter with the echo of it. “Did you just—”

“E-yep.”

Then the laughter pours out as though it’s been waiting to come out this whole time.

As long as you were feeling better, he could honestly say he’s done his good deed for the day. (The day’s still early, too.) 

The days pass by in a haze. Jesse drops by often, insisting on talking with you and being a general nuisance. (Though, you can’t say you’re upset about it. The former Blackwatch agent always had a way of making you talk.)

Jesse was right, regardless. You have other priorities to worry about—you’ve never worried so much about another agent before.

But it’s also the first time—second time after a younger Jesse—you were able to be so close with your customers. Back in the day, you would be taking the orders and making them without truly knowing the faces of the people you served. You’d see their name, look them up in the kitchen’s database if you did not know their habits, and cook. There was still that gap that never truly allowed you to connect with them.   

Now, it’s different. You could actually ask them, talk to them, see their reactions, share their joy.

It’s not something you really ever thought of before, but it’s truly a truly precious feeling to have someone’s eyes and face light up when they take that very first bite. Even more so when they finish everything and ask for seconds.

—“We chefs exist for them.”—

It always sounded a little asinine, but with each day here, you think you’re getting closer to what the Head Chef once meant. You’re sure that if you never saw their expressions or received their thanks, you’d still think of food and cooking more shallowly.

Seeing Agent Junkrat lose his mind over something simple like fruit salad—or any fruit in general—was beyond endearing. You couldn’t help but indulge him if only just to see him happy (even if it did eat at your limited inventory). Agent Roadhog, as silent as he was, always seemed to take special care to eat everything clean, thanking you. Mock arguing with Agent Reinhardt about his diet was also fun. He always insisted on bratwurst and fatty substances for his physique only to concede and laugh the exchange off after a few words, leaving with less than you would’ve expected.

Agent Hanzo, though unexpected, definitely caught your attention the most. His sharp features softening into something warmer, younger when eating sweets. It was comforting to watch, strange as it sounds, to see him enjoy himself especially when he always seemed to hold the world at arm’s length.

The nights where Agent Hanzo comes down to drink tea or to eat really puts into perspective the Head Chef’s words. Just by serving him and seeing him eat so earnestly really makes you think that perhaps being a chef was a worthy cause in life if only to help these heroes through the day.

Long ago, the Head Chef would lecture about the agents. How the food you (and every other chef makes) becomes a part of them and that their bodies are made from the food you made. As such, all that they eat must be filled with love. For these agents—these heroes—miles away from home and fighting a war that most people only see through a holoscreen, can easily lose faith and forget the feeling of humanity, and therefore must be loved and nurtured lest they become nothing more than beasts.

—“Love them with all our being.”—

Though, you couldn’t say that you loved every agent.

Deadpan, you stare at the tray Agent Soldier: 76 dropped off. Even from this distance, you can see the food piled up on it, scarcely touched as always. You scrub at your face with your sleeve.

He likes nothing. Indian, Mediterranean, Chinese, French, German, Italian—none of those cuisines have ever caught his fancy, none of those foods have ever received anything more than a nibble despite having one of the highest calorie requirements among all of the agents here. How can you give anyone love if they refuse to have it? What use was pouring in effort if it’s rebuffed?

What does he even eat?

You bite back a groan of frustration even as it claws at you, begging you to voice you discontent and perhaps find Agent Soldier: 76 and give him a good shake or a whack with a ladle or maybe (as unlikely as it is) knock him out and shove food down his throat.

The thought is waved away just as quickly as it comes. No, it's likely not any fault of his own. Maybe he just doesn't like your cooking.

It’s a painful reality to admit, but it’s a humbling one.

It'd be wonderful if he could give a critique or just let you know what he likes—you can't take requests immediately, but the next shipment can be tailored to accommodate him—yet the radio silence he gives you is woefully inadequate in helping you move forward. Each week produces different types of food, but each time produces nothing but a barely touched tray. It’s past the point of being a challenge and stepping dangerously into the realm of making you throw down your apron and leaving the Watchpoint for good.

It was a dangerous balancing act where even the greatest thanks from all agents could be negated simply by Agent Soldier: 76’s apparent refusal to eat anything you make. You cannot give up just because of one person. Your mission is more than just cooking for one person, more than just cooking for a group of agents, and so you remind yourself that you must remain strong.

Resigning yourself to life’s occasional hiccups, you pick up the tray when you pause.

Curiously enough, one plate remained among the different dishes. It’s rectangular, a little smaller and half-hidden among the others, but even more striking is that it’s the only empty plate among other partially eaten dishes.

Hastily, you pick up it up, looking it over, turning it in your hands.

Just what did you…?

Apple pie. There was apple pie on this plate. A few crumbs of flaky crust left behind, but the pie itself is nowhere to be found, a clearing through a dollop of sauce that looks suspiciously like someone wiped a finger through it.

Finally.

A happiness you haven’t felt in a while bubbles up rapidly inside you, pressing up against your chest, blooming, warming everything in its path until it reaches your face.

“Are you kidding me?” you ask no one, half-hysterical.

He ate something you made. Completely.

You press a hand to your mouth, choking on emotion and a victory hard won, breath stuttering and your eyes entirely too warm.

He ate the pie.

You should make more.

Abandoning cleaning duty, you rush across the kitchen and tear into the walk-in freezer, the crisp and chilly air does nothing to dampen your newfound spirits. How many more pies can you make? Should you adjust the recipe? Oh, but you don’t know his preferences, what about the pie did he like? The flakiness? The way the apples were sliced? The types of apples that were used?

Just what did he like so much about the pie?

The fruit make their way into your arms as your mind furiously burns through the options.

If even Agent Soldier: 76 liked these, then this would surely please Agent Hanzo—

The thought of the archer makes you stop in your tracks.

Agent Hanzo would have enjoyed this, would have taken a bite that’s almost too big for his mouth and maybe smiled that secretive smile when he tastes something he enjoys, may have even closed his eyes and breathed in and sighed a little. A bitter smile crosses your face. If only he were here. You’re sure he would’ve loved this.

You shake your head. No, you have other customers to focus on.

What expression did Agent Soldier: 76 make when he ate this? Was it just as soft? Did he smile? Would he have taken a pause to savor it after the first bite?

You couldn’t help but smile wide, shouldering your way back into the kitchen with ingredients nearly spilling out of your arms. It wouldn’t hurt to make more or to go astray from your menu. Just once.

Just this once.

Nothing could bring down your mood as you began to measure your ingredients, all else forgotten.

You’re in the middle of putting the rolled out crusts into the freezer when your communicator rings. It takes a moment until your hands are free, but you light up when you see who’s calling.

“...boss?”

“Asim, good to hear from—”

“Boss.” His tone, cold and curt, makes you stop in your tracks. “We need you back here.”

“Wh—”

“Auditors.”

Your breath comes up short and the dread seeps into your bones, freezing them with full-bodied fear, and your previous elation comes crashing down.

Auditors? From what organization? And why now? The fiscal year isn’t even over yet and you’re sure that last year’s documents were submitted properly—

“They’re asking for all our documents, our ledgers, our—” He takes a shuddering breath. “Boss, you have to come back.”

Without even thinking, you utter, “Asim, don’t—don’t let them take more than they already have. Tell Argus—hold them off while I…”

You brain struggles to form words as plans and concerns flying through them at rapid-fire speed.

You need to go to them—what about your data—how long have they been there—no, you need to let Winston know—but it could be too late—you need to—but Overwatch—but the auditors—how did—

Your feet sway and you cannot decide what you need to do first.

Asim hisses, loud and insistent in your ear, “Boss! We don’t have time! We need you. Now!”

But—

You suck a hard breath through your teeth.

“I’ll be right over.”

And the communications cut off.

The freezer door rattles loudly as you slam it shut, and you almost jam your wrist trying to get the Cellar door open. The door opens then closes after you, lights flickering on automatically after you have already ran past them.

It’s irresponsible to leave Overwatch hanging, but this took precedence. You must see the extent of what the auditors have seen, what they have. If they find out about your operations, Overwatch would be in terrible danger and everything you would have done—all your sacrifices—would have been for nothing.

You could only hope that you’re not too late.

Chapter 13>>

[unproduciblesmackdown]

here’s me talking about the month since i was last online

firstly it was/is depressing not to be able to talk with ppl or hear from them. or just to be able to talk somewhere i know people CAN hear. i also mentioned being completely detached from the news. i like to be current about the news. anyways i was like “well not like this is anything new” as its technically unusual for me to NOT be cut off both irl and from the internet. but, shockingly, that doesnt make it not depressing. and having something for even a bit makes it more frustrating to lose it even if its “normal” for you not to have it. also by depressing i mean i was going like hmm i sure am even more tired than usual and i am less interested in my few lingering faint interests. whats up with that! and then i was like oh yeah thats called Even More Depression

it is funny because im someone who has never really had that many friends and when i do we often end up separated one way or another. Very Close friends &/or Very Longtime friends are a foreign concept. basically the heights of my “what i wish it was like” for life involve having a group of friends with whom you can have fun in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night just talking and hanging out and messing around. friends that you feel comfortable being yourself around and like they appreciate you as much as you do them. i do not think this is ever going to happen, but oh well because in reality i can be very picky about people because i am weird, to put it that way for now. my social landscape and language is not always considered normal or even tolerable. and i have a lot of standards for who i want to have around me in terms of traits and personality. theres a lot of things im not interested in. anyways. i also just, in the way things actually are, often prefer to be alone, so that i can be myself and do things i feel like. i dont have to worry about being strange or feeling like i need to please people. anyways. unfortunately i dont ONLY like being alone. i actually really like to be with people and talk with them but i rarely can, and i figure this is bad for me. isolation isnt good for anyone obviously. not being able to be around friends in person depresses me. not being able to talk online either depresses me further.

i think sometimes about how much i dont say. its a funny place to say it, in an overly long text post. but one of the reasons they can be so long is because irl i dont really talk much to people. so it builds up and can come out through writing. sometimes it comes out in talking. i think that in conversations, when i do talk, i talk too much because of this. so one of the reasons i dont talk much is to prevent this, which obviously is like “well that would just cancel out” but there are other reasons i dont talk. but i have loads of thoughts and things to say. i end up keeping so much of it to myself and wonder sometimes if i’ll ever get to say some of it. sometimes i’ll have something to say and bite it back. i’ve been “quiet” all these past twenty some years of talking and i know the reasons i dont talk. i was thinking about the feeling of biting something back in an individual occasion feeling like the cumulation of all the years worth of keeping my own voice running in my head alone. it kind of feels like what you want to say is in your chest and throat and the roof of your mouth.

speaking of the roof of your mouth, theres a weird sensation i can feel sometimes, seemingly at random but mostly in strange times like trying to fall asleep. it is so transient and unlike any actual externally caused sensations that its been difficult to try to get a grasp of how to describe it, but i think i have it thanks to ongoing effort and an unusually long period of it a few days ago during which i was especially alert about it. it’s like having a pressure radiating out from inside your mouth. like an orb pushing outwards against the teeth and roof of the mouth. which i’m fairly sure isn’t anything that would ever happen, so i am assuming its some little neurological hiccup that happens to align every now and then, but maybe a previous life cycle has put something weird in their mouth. or shot into it, because i would be like, well not much has changed.

anyways. words sitting like a pressure in your mouth. i was seeing a thread about how grief is ongoing and reoccurring which also mentioned that people who specialize in knowing how grieving and living with it works often consider it to be a form of grief when someone’s life is affected by something like trauma. they have to grieve themselves because of the possibilities taken away from them. i feel that, sometimes. thinking about how i wish i had a life where i felt free to speak and where my identity mattered and i got to feel like i could be myself and it was important and it was important what i thought and wanted and who i really was. and where i got to have friends and do things and realize what it was to actually feel happy, not try to understand an unhappy existence as what must be okay. its not just what couldve been in the past, but also how that couldve affected the present and future. im not sure who i’d be if my life didnt have to be about survival and escape. i say i never had dreams, which is true, but in retrospect i DO think that when i was fifteen and really bearing down in trying to figure out what i wanted to do, i was already seeing activism as the answer, which made sense why it wouldnt register as a dream or ambition and why it was also impossible to pursue. i still dont think of anything like personal fulfillment through a career/job or anything. but i also dont think of what i want to do as very relevant to anything at all anymore.

anyways. i’m “used” to things, but they still depress and hurt me. i actually have a lot of sadness and anger about some of these things, like never getting to have the friends i wanted or never being able to speak and it not mattering who i really was, and how long it took me to realize this really wasn’t okay and it wasn’t because of some personal deficiency which made me deserve it somehow. also the abuse. i remember i had this how-to book about weaving friendship bracelets which i got sometime in elementary school, and it even supplied some twine and stuff. i had always wanted to have occasion to use it, and i never did, which is just symbolic. the twine/potential friendship bracelets can also be things like positive social connections that feel real and open, or my ability to feel secure in expressing affection because it seems mutual. but anyways. i also just go along.

i was thinking about the Being Gone For A Month thing and the not-talking and holding all my words back even though i think so much about all sorts of junk and thus have too much to say, and about a week ago i just spent like six hours writing about myself. i was debating doing so in the first place because i figured i wouldnt post it. i did write it, but i won’t post it. its just good to talk to myself in the form of writing. getting thoughts into that form requires an extra level of analysis and coherent flow that can help put even things you already knew more in order. so here’s this stuff instead.

there’s not much to say about this past month. the worst of it was that discovering my weird tooth is all janky and broken has made me on edge about teeth. i mean, i’ve already all but stopped worrying about the broke tooth, because i kind of do that sometimes when i can. just worry hard and then stop, because what can you do? might as well try to avoid stressing even worse. and in this case i dont have money and doubt i will ever have a job w dental coverage, so i cant do anything about it. but im always worried about my teeth because, fittingly, my parents dental genes seem to combine into that of a tasmanian devil. i think im in some Dental Report b/c i had this weird situation that needed basically a root canal but it wasnt the normal kind of root canal situation and the dentist said he hadn’t seen it or heard of it even. special. i was horrified about needing the root canal, because of the clichés. but it ended up being fine and i really just sat there for an hour thinking about whatever. dental procedures are truly not what theyre hyped up to be. on account of local anesthetics. anyways. when i left my parents house i was specifically worried about leaving my access to a dentist, but obviously it wouldve been far from worth it. but that doesn’t mean i dont worry about my teeth. so i had these few days where i just had a spontaneously sensitive gum spot and another one which im guessing i caused by jamming corn shards down in there by eating corn on the cob. that happened sort of last year, i got really worried about an angry-looking spot on my gums and finally realized something was just up in there that needed to be flossed out. anyhow. the point is i got overly worried about everything that always worries me even though it used to worry me even before going to the dentist and they’d say the stuff was fine actually. but still. i got

very worried for a minute there and i realized very easily that if i start getting any really serious tooth problems i am out of here. i have no motivation at all to live through it. i don’t want to have to deal with that. it’s way too much. i dont even have motivation to be alive now. but when i was worrying i was thinking about not using my handful of cash to change locations, but instead to get some fancy Dying Equipment. there are still some methods by which im not sure i could try offing myself. but if things got a lot worse, like teeth problems, i could probably lower those standards. i COULD obtain some items for one method, or by necessity do it for free. im less worried about the tooth stuff now. it was just an unfortunate convergence of a couple tiny things. but ive still got a sensitive spot or two, and im always a bit worried. if something bad happens i cant do anything about it except get tf out of this life cycle, right.

there was something else unfortunate i was going to talk about. maybe just the depression.

there were nice, small things. i always knew how to enjoy those kinds of stuff. i like the sky, and i appreciate that its summer. theres a lot of fireflies sometimes and i saw kittens chasing them one day. one of those kittens mightve gotten killed by something since. i got to hear rain on the roof a few times. i like corn on the cob even if it betrayed me. i was wanting some last summer. i also got to make sweet tea and lemonade for the first time in forever. i’d been wanting that for a long time too.

the nicest surprise was that i had been writing extra hard since the start of june. i sort of really pushed at it and got to the dividing point between the section and the next, and i was sure it was shorter than previous sections. but actually it was just over 1000 words short of being 140k, and i’d written it all in about five weeks, and it was abt 22.5% longer than the next longest section i’d written. i’ve since gotten to a point i’ve been writing towards since this whole time, and im right on the verge of another long awaited one right now. it’s nice, but writing has been fun, and i hope i dont get depressed if i hopefully do finish it. i can just write some more, but doing so on my phone isnt the most efficient. it doesnt seem sustainable.

anyways thats it for now before i can think of anything else to say am i right

[chokememrstark]

A Dangerous Game // Samifer

Chapter: 7/15

Words: 1837

Summary: Sam comes across a very interesting book that describes a ritual in which one can play a game with the Devil. His curiosity is sparked and even if he doesn’t think he will ever actually do it, Sam soon finds himself face to face with this very entity. Things take a very unpleasant turn, but despite that, Sam is going back, as if something pulls him towards Lucifer.

abuse, violence, bullying, black magic, no hunter!au, a lot of angst, a lot of hurt/little comfort

Note: Because I feel I need to add this: Dean is pretty much a complete asshole in this story, so if you’re uncomfortable with that you might want to reconsider reading it (or tell yourself he is completely ooc, fine with me too xD)

Thanks to @sassysupernaturalsweetheart & @brieflymaximumprincess for their wonderful beta reading and keeping me company while writing this story ♥

Tagging: @spnyoucantkeepmedown @samlicker83  @wait-what5 (if you want to be tagged, just drop me an ask or contact me via IM)

Sam didn’t wake up until the early morning hours, the room had no windows and the candles had burned down already by the time he opened his eyes in the darkness. At first, he simply laid there, unmoving and trying to figure out if he was still asleep or in hell, but eventually he moved and pushed himself off the cold ground. It took a while for him to find the light switch in the unfamiliar room and when he finally did and turned the lights back on, a cold shiver ran through his body. He remembered what had happened the night before - the things the devil had told him - and the pain in his chest came back, almost as bad as before.

It took him a few minutes to collect himself enough to gather the stumps of the candles and wipe the salt away, as well as unwinding the yarn from the mirror and cover it with the cloth again. At last, he turned the crucifix back how it should be and closed his backpack. All of this was kind of automatic, he didn’t really think about what he was doing. He just knew it had to be done and thus, he did it. When he unlocked the door and peeked out, finding the empty chapel, he sighed in relief. He quickly put the key back where he got it after locking the door again and made his way out of the church through the verger’s quarters.

The day had just begun, the twilight not even completely gone, so he knew he was not in too much trouble at least. Not that it mattered, really. After remembering the night before, Sam had no desire to do anything other than lay down and cry for years. The ache was not as intense and numbing as it was the night before, but it still remained painful and horrible. He had been so mad at his dad for treating him the way he did all the time, even started the same with Dean, but in the end they had been right.  Or not? They had a reason to hate him and the more he thought about it, the more unlikely it was that he had never accepted the truth sooner. Of course it was nothing he did on purpose and despite what the Devil had said to console him, it was his fault, there was no way around it.

Sam arrived at home around seven, coming into an empty apartment. The Impala was still gone and the door to Dean’s room was open, with no sign of his brother whatsoever. Unwillingly, Sam was a little relieved. He really didn’t want to face any of them at the moment, no matter how short or why. Without losing any time, Sam hopped under the shower, leaving the hair washing out this time and just focusing on cleaning his face mainly, then got dressed in clean clothes and redid his makeup. His old clothes were dirty from the dust in the storage room and he wasn’t going to step outside with them again like this. When he was done with his makeup, however, he found something weird on the back of his left hand.

Curiously, Sam inspected his hand closer and noticed there was a huge bruise, covering almost his whole hand. He must have fallen on it the night before, when he touched the bruise it stung a little, but not enough to cause disturbing pain. He shrugged it off, put away his stuff and gathered his school supplies to head off again. Not that he actually wanted to go to school, but he wasn’t really looking for trouble with his dad when he found out he ditched it either.

There wasn’t much Sam remembered from his classes this day - his thoughts were occupied with the events of the night before and with the consequences they had on his life. He spent the breaks under the weeping willow trees once more, barely registering when the bell rang to go back inside. He would have loved to sit there forever, hidden between the hanging branches of the trees, almost as if he was in a different world where his problems and pain didn’t exist - but those things were for fairy tales, not real life.

When he finally made it through the last period and headed home, he remembered his promise to the devil. Well, not exactly a promise and he didn’t know if he would actually keep it or not, but he wanted to be prepared just in case. So, instead of going home directly, he changed directions and payed the occult store another visit.

Today, the store was open and when Sam entered, he was greeted with a familiar face. The woman who had served him the last time smiled happily at him, almost excited.

“You are back, how nice! Were you able to use your gifts?” she asked, with curious interest.

“This is why I am here, I wanted to buy a few new candles.”

“So, you did it? You used them?”

“I… yeah, I did,” Sam wanted to lie, but why should he? This woman wouldn’t go to the police or anything to tell anyone, so he screwed his cautiousness. “And I need more for another try.”

“Did it work?” the woman asked, now visibly excited. “Did he appear?”

“You read the book, too, then? What do you think?”

She sighed and bowed her head so her face was covered, then slowly shook her head.

“I read it, yes. And I tried it. But nothing happened.”

“Huh,” Sam huffed and internally smirked to himself, without even wanting it. He didn’t know why Lucifer had shown himself to him and not her, but he wasn’t too interested in finding out why.

Instead of asking her further, Sam turned around to the candle shelf and took his time to select candles he could use. He settled on seven red and seven white ones, thicker than the last ones he used so he could relight them multiple times. He also took a black candle in form of a little dragon and brought them all to the counter.

“What was he like?” the woman asked as soon as he stood before her, eyes wide and eager with anticipation.

“I don’t think I want to talk about this, I’m sorry,” Sam shook his head slowly and put his hands on the counter. “It was a weird experience and I’m not sure if it was a good thing to do.”

“Why not? You are alive! You’ve talked to him and are still alive! What could not be good about this?”

“I’m alive, yeah,” Sam laughed sarcastically. “But it’s not a good life, trust me. I’d like to pay now.”

She understood, thankfully. Without asking any more questions, the woman scanned Sam’s candles. He payed, thanked her for the conversation and then left the store.

At home, still a completely empty place for some reason, Sam retreated to his room and laid down on his bed. He felt weak, much worse than in the morning after waking up from sleeping on the hard church ground. He needed some distraction, anything really, and turned on the radio next to his bed before laying back down with his eyes closed. For a while, an instrumental song he didn’t recognize played and helped him relax a little, but his thoughts still wouldn’t slow down.

He kind of wanted to believe what Lucifer - he liked the name more than “Devil” to be honest - said was true. That it wasn’t his fault what had happened and that it would have happened with or without him anyway. But, why would he, the literal devil, try to comfort him when he was breaking down? Shouldn’t he be the one enjoying to see him suffer? Wasn’t this what the Devil strived for in his very existence?

And the invitation, the request to come back to talk to him. It was creepy, but at the same time very appealing. Sam thought he was going crazy, but even after the horrible experience he had the last night, he was not completely against the idea of repeating it. The worst things had been said already, hadn’t they? So how much worse could another visit go?

“Well, I could be arrested for performing satanic rituals in a church, of course…” Sam mumbled and then, much to his surprise, actually laughed.

It was a crazy and surreal thought, but it was possible, right? If anyone watched him while sneaking into the church in the middle of the night, they would definitely call the police and that could turn into a very awkward situation. Not to talk about the beating he would get from his dad if something like this would happen.

Sam sighed and listened to the silence the radio provided for a while before another song came on, one that was not really helping with his confusion: Every Breath You Take. Sure, he liked the song in general, but right now it had a very creepy tone to it.

“I wish I could talk to him now,” Sam sighed and pushed himself into a sitting position. He was kind of confused by his own wish to talk to Lucifer, but apart from dropping a pretty big bomb, he had been not too bad in his eyes. Yes, he was the Devil and the game was a dangerous one, but he even warned him about the time limit, so he wouldn’t end up with his soul being trapped.

Sam wanted to know what this was about, he wanted to know why the Devil wanted him to be safe and even come back. Was it part of his trap to lure Sam into something or was it genuine interest or something completely different? Was it his way of corrupting Sam’s soul and make him agree to do tasks in his name to ruin other human’s lives? He really didn’t know, but Sam was much less conflicted about doing the ritual again.

After contemplating about what to do for half an hour more, Sam decided he would think about it later and first focus on his homework. Not his personal top priority, but not everyone in his family would see it the same way. So, he spent the next two hours sitting over math problems and an essay he had to write about morales - a perfectly fitting topic, given his inner turmoil at the moment.

He heard the door of the apartment open and close, but didn’t bother checking who it was. He would find out soon enough anyways, staying quiet to avoid trouble had become a thing he had mastered through the last years and that’s exactly what he did. When the door next to his own wasn’t shut and he heard nothing more than shuffling in the living room and some mumbling, he knew it wasn’t Dean who had arrived. He just hoped there wouldn’t be more arguing soon.

[fadingpersoncollectorstuff-blog]

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How does that work? Me and my boyfriend just got a car & I still need to get my license in order to get full coverage insurance, but can I take my driving test without full coverage? I'm in a bit of a pickle here any opinions would be great! I live in California.""

Which car insurance company allows you to make the cheapest one year payment?

I have esurance but they force you to make 2 payments a year,and the second payment AWAYS shows up at the worst time lol""

Is there a State Farm insurance branch in Texas?

Is there a State Farm insurance branch in Texas?

Around how much does car insurance cost for a 19 year old?

Buying a 2008 Camry. Are they alot to insure? and is it true if i get a red car its more money?

Two car insurance policies?

very sorry if this is confusing for people to read but please try and help me out as i have confused myself =\ I have 1 years no claim bonus, and if idon'tt claim till May then i will have two years no claim. i am going to buy another car in a few days and tend to open a new car insurance Policy (Februaryy ). when it comes to may and the first carpolicye has finish. i shall not be driving that car no more. but when it comes to Febuary, will it mean that i have 3 years no claims ? even though i have been driving 2 years 9 months,,

Need a ballpark insurance estimate?

hello all, i dont actually HAVE this car, but i plan on having it soon here (within the next 6 months) and was just wondering if someone could give me their best ballpark estimate 18 year old male Lives with parents still No Traffic Violations ; 1 small fender bender about 3 months after i got my license (if that matters) 2002 Ford Explorer XLS 4x4 I have taken Drivers Ed Single (well, not married anyway) please and thanks""

""I am 19 and in need of cheap insurance in michigan, any help?""

i have a 1994 ford escort, all paid off and everything, just bought it off of my mother, i just need the cheapest insurance i can get on it, just to say i have some. Thank you""

Is unemployment insurance income taxable in California?

I just lost my job and signed up for unemployment in California. The paperwork asks if I'd like Federal taxes withheld but doesn't say anything about witholding state income taxes. Is unemployment taxable in California? When I was on unemployment in other states, it was. Thanks""

Someone hit my totalled car what will their insurance do to figure out how much to give me?

Someone hit my totalled car what will their insurance do to figure out how much to give me?

Life Insurance question?

I have a non-prefer smoking policy life insurance but on the present I smoke .what could happen if in case I die? will my insurance still cover my family?

Health Insurance Question?

I currently have Crohn's Disease and I'm taking daily medications. When I turn 21 my insurance will not be in effect (CCS insurance I believe?) and I will not be able to afford medication and health insurance. My parents don't make enough money to buy health insurance..Does anyone have any idea on how to approach this?

How much would car insurance cost for a 17-18 year old first time driver?

It would be under their name as parents dont own a car, and the car he is interested in is a Ford Mondeo. I know you can't say for sure without specifics but how much would you reckon (min) monthly?""

How much will my motorcycle insurance be??

I'm 19 years old in Arkansas. I'm planning to buy a 2008 Kawasaki Ninja 250R soon. I'm currently under my parents coverage policy with Shelter Insurance. I have good driving records so far...and I just want basic coverage. Oh, and Im also planning to make payments on the bike, so does that mean I have to get full coverage? Any help would be greatly appreciated!""

What happens after you settle with your insurance company?

My car was stolen Monday morning on July 15 around 3am to 5 am in Richmond CA the car was park right by my parking lot my question is what happend after I settle a payment with my car Insurance and The police find my car after I settle with my insurance?

Anyone has geico car insurance? please help!?

I take my drivers test real soon, 2 weeks after school starts, so the first two weeks i have to ride the bus. i'm a junior, and i have many activities going on after school, i don't want my dad to keep dropping me off and picking me up. So i was wondering how long does Geico car insurance take process. I am not allowed to drive right after getting my license because i don't have car insurance. I have to get it after i get my license but how long does it take to get the car insurance? will the geico car insurance be done within few day so i can drive the car to school?""

Will a police officer get lower insurance rates?

Im in training to be a cop, and i want to finance a 2010 Chevy Camaro, will being a cop help with car insurance rates?""

Can I cancel my car insurance and get my money back?

The car that was insured was scrapped in January but the insurance is still running. Can I cancel the policy and get my money back? It was with Admiral and I paid the whole amount up front. Policy expires in August 2012. Also, I have just bought a new car and want that insured. Can I transfer it onto the Admiral policy, or am I better off cancelling everything and starting from scratch? The scrapped car btw was a peugeot 306 that broke. The new car is a bmw 318d thanks!""

Do older cars have more expensive insurance?

Such as a 1990 Mazda RX7 FC or a 1993 RX7 FD. I heard the older the car is the more expensive the insurance is. I live in California and thinking of getting one of those two cars for my first car.

Fresno California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 93786

Fresno California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 93786

""In Texas, do you need Liability Insurance (if you don't own a car) to obtain a valid drivers license?

Do you need liability insurance if you don't own a vehicle?

Does anyone know the average cost for car insurance for a 18yr boy for a firebird?

Does anyone know the average cost for car insurance for a 18yr boy for a firebird?

Pregnant with no health insurance?

I just moved from Washington to Massachusetts. I don't have Massachusetts health insurance and I'm now 4 weeks pregnant. I don't have a job right now since I just moved, but I'm trying to get one I can do throughout my pregnancy. I'm 17 and all of my family is in Washington. My first priority right now is getting health insurance so I can make sure my baby is healthy. I've been trying to do some research but have no idea where to begin. I want to know if anyone knows how a pregnant teenager can get affordable health insurance in Massachusetts. Or if it would be possible to get on my boyfriend's health insurance plan.""

How does health insurance work?

Forgive me for being financially illiterate, but I've never had anyone to teach me these things even in school. I don't really understand how health insurance works, like, at all. I am sick, and I rely on family health insurance to pay for my treatment, which my dad pays for. But eventually I will have to pay for my own health insurance. What I've gathered from what I've read about it is that you are usually not eligible for many types of health-insurance if you have a pre-existing condition. What does this mean, though? Does that mean that because of my illness, I will not be eligible to get insurance? How do other sick people get insurance? Forgive my stupidity, no one has ever tried to teach me these things.""

How much would car insurance cost for me?

I'm 21 years old and I have had my driver's license for 2 years. however i still have not been able to drive since i am a poor college student and cannot afford anything. however i will be graduating soon as a registered nurse and will get a job. So i would like to know the price range for car insurance just to have an idea. thanks.

What is the most affordable life insurance in japan?

What is the most affordable life insurance in japan?

Suing a car insurance?

3 weeks ago, my car got hit while i was asleep in the middle of the night. the person left his insurance and phone number.so he knew he was at fault 100%. i called the insurance and they agreed to fix my car. since the person hit my wheel and bumper at the same time my car was not drivable at all, so they got a towing truck to take it to the shop. i received a call 2 day later from the insurance telling me that they could only fix my bumper because it the accident had nothing to do with a broken part from the other side of where the car got hit. now my car was working perfectly fine the day before the accident. and the insurance doesnt want to fix the part that broke because they said it was impossible for the part to brake and because the part was rusted. Can i sue the insurance company?""

Is there an affordable health insurance plan?

Hey, I'm 17 years old and I have a baby. We both have MOLINA insurance. But my boyfriend who's 19 doesnt have any health insurance. He works full time and is about to be going to college part time. Well his wisdom teeth are coming in crooked and he cant get them fixed because it costs so much. Is there any health insurance plan that wont cost us an arm and a leg? And doesnt have a catch?""

Is it possible for me to have insurance in Texas and currently live in Arizona?

I have a Texas license, but I currently live in Arizona and am looking to buy a car . Would I be able to purchase an insurance policy from Texas and have everything be sent to my ...show more""

How can I get cheaper car insurance as first time driver?

I am 27 years old and have postponed my driving up until now. My driving instructor told me that I am ready to take my test, so I am starting to look at the prospects of a car. I checked online using Go Compare and I can't find anything under 1800 for a Fiesta 1.2 What I was wondering is what will be taken into consideration regarding insurance. Should I perhaps do it by phone? Will my age help... Any advice is more than welcome. I know the first year is hard, but perhaps there is a way to make it a bit easier. I am doing the pass plus and I added to the search to have an excess of 500. Please help out with some advice. Thanks. Vince""

Slough car insurance at age 17?

I want to get: volkswagen golf 1.6 volkswagen golf 1.8 volkswagen golf 1.9 I dont mind any just want to know can i get insured on all of them and im only buying one not all three all im going to use the car for is to go college and back no where else and no intentions of driving fast, just need transport for college and also i dont want any idea's that leads to fraud i want my own policy and not any multi car insurance as it causes alot of hassle and no one in my familys drives so im all good. Everything i will do is legal not any lie or anything so how should i choose my insurance. I will be only taking the car to college I wont be taking the car out at night so college starts at nine and finish at 6 going to use it 4 days a week only""

The best car insurance for a beginning teen?

I want to start driving, however one responsibility is paying for my own car insurance. I am 16 years old and am interested in a 2005 Volkswagen beetle. I was wondering what is the best car insurance company for a teen beginning driver, something affordable for a teenager's income please lol. Thank you.""

Where can I get insurance in New York City?

Hi everyone and thanks for reading, I know it's probably a stupid couple questions but I'm trying to figure this out, perhaps i'm not looking in the right places. Anyway I need to know a couple things: 1) Where can I get health insurance in NEW YORK CITY for my employees? 2) Where can I get insurance again in NYC for my company? Thanks everyone!""

How much is insurance on a Oldsmobile Alero or a Toyota Echo???

I am currently looking for a new car, and I'm trying to find a car with a good safety rating, dependable and low insurance. Can anyone help me in my search?""

Will my wreck affect my dads insurance rates?

I'm on my step dads insurance on his buisness truck. If I got into a wreck would it affect his insurance rates or just mine.

Car insurance policy in new York?

When you get into a vehicle accident even though only one driver is at fault does both drivers insurance policy rate goes up?

""Dont know how much car insurance will be, i will be a beginner driver?""

I am going to be driving in a year or two and i have been looking at Jeep Rubicons 4x4, 4 door im not sure how much insurace will be.""

Home owners insurance question?

My wife fell on our deck about 3 months ago, landed on her butt with both feet out in front of her. We went to the doctor because she was in alot of pain. The doctor said its spinal shock syndrome and just gave her pain meds, said it would heal in time. Well the pain never went away and last week she had Xrays and MRI done. Turns out she has three fractured vertabrea in her back. Shes a teacher and has crappy insurance( like most americans) so a couple of people suggested that I turn it into my home owners insurace. Before I call and look like a dummy has anyone else ever heard of this? I understand if someone else was hurt on my property but if the actual homeowner was hurt...just sounds strange to me. Anyway I see thousands of dollars in bills headed my way in the near future. If this is something that can be done I would like to hear about it. Thanks for your help""

What is the most affordable life insurance and health insurance?

What is the most affordable life insurance and health insurance?

""Where can I find cheap, good health insurance?""

I am 22 years old, living in Southern California.""

Best motorcycle insurance for me?

I was wondering what would be the best motorcycle insurance for someone like me. I'm 18, in the military, zero credit. I ride a 2011 ZX6r (sport bike). I've been driving since I was 16 and riding for about a year. No speeding tickets, no accidents, nothing. I'm SUPER busy ALL THE TIME so I really only plan on putting around 5-7k miles on the bike over the next couple of years just riding around for fun on the weekends. A lot of people suggest USAA because I'm in the military but those people don't ride bikes, and it seems like everybody I have heard of who has USAA motorcycle insurance grossly overpays. I have done a little research and it seems like the general consensus is that motorcycle insurance is the worst service (among some very good ones) that USAA offers.""

Car tax and insurance?

how mich is yax and insurance on a car for over 25s my bf is nearly 25 and starting to drive xxx

Quad bike insurance help?

Im lookin into getting a quad bike possibly but have searched to get an insurance quote online but no one seems to want to help me ive got a full car and full bike liscence but just wanna get a quote to see what im dealing with can any help or advise many thanks

Insurance on ford focus?

i recently came across a cheap ford focus 2000 edition, and recently passed my test and just wondering what would the insurance be like? exspensive? i really like the car but i dont want it if the insurance will be a bomb""

""Which is better for car insurance, Go Compare or Confused.com?""

Which is better for car insurance, Go Compare or Confused.com?""

Fresno California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 93786

Fresno California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 93786

What is the point of car insurance?

Im 15, and of course im thinking about getting a drivers license. I feel bad for my parents though, cause they have to pay for the insurance, and its going to be more money than my sisters insurance cause im a guy, and it costs more for some unkown reason. So I thought I would just be a safer driver and just not get insurance. I asked my parents about it and they told me it was illigal NOT to get car insurance. so I said, well, at least if I do get in a car reck, it will be covered and they replied; you have to pay for it anyways. three questions: Why is car insurance illigal to not get? What is the point of car insurance if it doesnt help cover accident costs? And why does gieco and other companies advertise if its illigal not to get it? Thnx so much!""

Car Insurance for Male Teen?

-I'm a 17 year old boy -My parents have nearly clean records. i don't think my dad's been in an accident for 10 years (knock on wood) -im probably gonna drive an acura integra g-sr 2 door coupe anywhere from 1995-2000 not sure what year yet. ab

Why doesn't car insurance go down every year since I owe less money to the dealer?

Every year my car insurance goes up and I am just 10 months away from paying off my car, I have never had an accident or a claim and been driving for 10 years. I have been with many car insurance companies but they do the same scam after few months.The insurance representatives don't even know why it went up, they just say theirs went too. WHY ISN'T THE GOVERNMENT BEHIND THIS SWINDLERS? It's been going up for the four year, haven't had a relief despite I just owe 4k.""

Am I eligible for unemployment insurance in Alaska if I am a full-time student?

Am I eligible for unemployment insurance in Alaska if I am a full-time student?

Health insurance bills?

I asked a question about if health insurance companys bill you but I want to make this clear....so if I meat my deductible the only thing I have to do is pay the copay and I don't get anything in the mail from the insurance company but I can get a bill from the Dr or hospital that my insurance Didnt pay for?

Motorcycle Insurance Companies Question?

My father has his bike insured with a certain company. Another company has cheaper insurance for me on that bike than his does. Is it possible for me to buy my own policy from a separate company without affecting his coverage?

Help Choosing First Car?

Soo I'm looking at two cars, the 2003 Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder GS and the 2002 Ford Mustang. Both are convertible, the Mitsu is a V4 while the Ford is a V6. The Ford has about 90k miles and the Mitsu has about 120k miles. I was wondering which would be the smarter pick and why? Which would be more reliable, efficient, cheaper insurance, cheaper maintainance, ect. Please help me and give any info on both cars.""

How much do you think insurance would be for me?

I'm turning 16 and honestly don't know where to even start when it comes to insurance. Right now my parent don't have insurance.. Do They need to have insurance so I can get insurance? I live in tennessee I'll be driving a 2006 black jeep liberty and insurance just seems really confusing and scary.

Im wondering how much i should expect to pay for car insurance?

im 17 years old and got my license about 2 months ago (without drivers ed) and i have a 1989 honda accord coupe im just curious how much i should expect to pay for insurance for..1 month? 6 months?

Cheapest car insurance for 18 year old in NYC.?

I'm 18, I had my license since I turned 18 in december, I have a clean record and my mom wants me to register my car on my name so it can be cheaper for me in a few years.. I don't wanna pay 200$ a month though, when she only pays like 90$ right now.. but I know since i'm young it will be alot. She has a clean driving record also and she's been driving for a long time, so she will also be under my policy.. I know that kinda helps me out a bit. If you know any cheap/good companies, please let me know!!""

Questions about letter from insurance company?

I got a letter today from my insurance company who insures my homeowner's insurance - it said that they need to do an inspection of my home to see if I am maintaining it properly. I've been here since November 1999 and I've never gotten a letter like this before. But I was with another insurance company for several years - but I've been with this one for about 3 years I guess. if this were normal practice then why would I get a letter now and not every year? Is this normal insurance practice? This is the first time in my life that I've gotten one of these letters about a homeowners policy if it is not normal practice would this be because someone said something?

""People that live in miami only, car insurance problem :(?""

me and my boyfriend r trying to move out, its really necesary because my parents r moving far and if i go with them i cant see him again, anyways we have enough money, we both have ...show more""

Good car insurance?

I'm 19 and just got my first car and am in the process of getting my licensices. What are some good insurance companys to look into that would have low rate with good coverage? What do i look for and what don't I do. Thanks!

Car insurance? first car?

i have a '96 fiesta 1.1.its my first car. i cannot get insurance cheaper than 2000. it is garaged, minimal miles per year. any one know where i can get cheap insurance??""

Can someone over 65 purchase private health insurance in California?

Can someone over 65 purchase private health insurance in California?

""I have just bought a Moped - JMSTAR 50cc, where can I get insurance from? apart from rampdale? x x x Thanks?""

I have just bought a 50cc Jm Star Madness 50QT moped and im looking for insurance, the cheapest ive found is 290 with Rampdale and the most expensive was 490, Its a chinese import so not alot of companies insure them Can anyone help? and recommend a cheap insurance company which will insure chinese imports? THanks x x""

Which insurance company is the cheapest for a 18 year old?

iv just passed my test, and bought a citreon saxo 1.1, iv been on many comparison sites and the best quote i get is 3500 third party only which is way too much. Can anyone help me find a better quote Thanks""

Am I payin the right amount for car Insurance?

I'm 20 years old and I drive a 2006 Hyundai Elantra an pay around $117 for car insurance every month for 6 months. I hear my friends payin cheaper and was wondering if I can get a lower quote. I've been driving for 2 years.

Does affordable car insurance exist for a 19 year old?

I'm a 19 year college student. Currently I'm a closing manager at McDonald's and a certified Cisco Network Associate. I'm in the process of buying a vehicle and was optimistic about it until I started to look for insurance. The cheapest policy I've found is $338 a month. There isn't any way I can afford that and the car payment. It's not that I'm lazy and don't work, I work 40 hour weeks plus overtime from closing. I live in a rural area (North Georgia Mountains) so taking the bus isn't a option for a 20 mile commute. My closest neighbor is 7 miles away so car pooling isn't realistic. I feel somewhat hopeless. I would join my parent's policy or something similar but I live on my own and have little to no contact with them. I've been borrowing my Mother's car to get to work but she's given me 3 weeks to get a vehicle or walk. I have found it to be almost impossible to transition into the real world and become an adult and live on my own. What's a guy to do in my situation? I can't work without transportation, and without work I can't pay bills. That American Dream I grew up hearing about seems to only exist for people who have established wealth and good parents. What's left for the others? Are people in my situation just ******?""

Does car title have to be in my name before I get insurance on it?

I am currently under my parent's car insurance and the car is titled in their name. However, my husband I recently got married and are going to be getting our own car insurance policy tomorrow. Does the title of my car need to be transferred to my name before I can get the insurance on it?""

""Which is the the cheapest liability car insurance company in Houston,tx?""

Which is the the cheapest liability car insurance company in Houston,tx?""

Advicing on insuring my car?

Well, i passed my driving test yesterday yay! I got a car from a friend but i'm having trouble finding somewhere to insure me without having to pay like tons of money. I'm female and age 20 so i don't really know how much my insurance should be or what's a good deal. Anyone give me any insurance companies i could try as a first time driver? Thank you""

Where can I get a free auto insurance quote?

I would like to know of a website that offers a free auto insurance quote?

Car insurance question?

I have basic liability insurance with American Family Insurance, About a week ago my boyfriend (who has a suspended license) took my car when i was sleeping, almost hit a deer and went in a ditch with my car and im pretty sure its totaled its a 97 lumina. I have a title loan on the car, will insurance pay it off?""

Need advice on good medical insurance company?

Wanting to purchase medical insurance for a family member. Looking for a very good company who could provide major medical insurance with at least a $2,500.00 deductible. Just mainly looking for some basic coverage. Thank you for whatever advice you can give me.""

Fresno California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 93786

Fresno California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 93786

Good first car? insurance?

ok well i wanted an eclipse but they are classified as a sports car so im wondering about the dodge neon not the srt 4 just a normal neon, like are those considered sports cars? im looking for an 04 or newer because im gonna buy my first car sometime and i dont want insurance through the roof so if you can tell me i would appreciate it""

How much is car insurance on a new 911 gt2 Porsche?

I am a 25 year old who recently became very successful in the automotive industry and I decided I wanted to get a Porsche. Now i know about how much it is to keep a Porsche maintained because i have worked on them but i am not sure on the insurance. Please help anyway you can. And for the record i am not getting a quote from any website because i do not feel comfortable giving away personal information to an insurance company before i decide to use them.

How can i get affordable car insurance for myself?

i have really struggled to find my own car insurance, i am 18 years old, i have taken pass plus, at the moment i am on my mums insurance, i do have a part time job, do you have any suggestions or ideas for affordable car insurance for someone of my age?""

How much is car insurance for a 16 year old boy in Iowa?

I am turning 16 soon, and I am planing to get a car. Before I do I want to know how much insurance is... Boy, 16, Unmarried.""

Health Insurance coverage?

I'm now covered by the employer's health insurance (with dental) plan. After I quit/leave current job, how does this health insurance coverage work? Before I'm hired by other company, what options do I have on the health insurance?""

Car insurance...........?

Right.. my mom already has a car and is the named driver of it. I have got a ford ka and have been looking on insurance company's and it is cheaper for my mom to be the named driver of my car but for me to go on the insurance.. Can my mom own to cars or is this not possible UK only please.

Whats a good insurance?

I need a good insurance. Im looking for medical,dermotalogyst,chiro etc... Any info please help?""

Would you switch car insurance companies after 10 years to save money?

Since 1997 I've been with the same car insurance company. Have had FANTASTIC service and support with claims and general questions. I use the same company for car insurance, home owner's insurance, life insurance, and to manage my IRA. When pricing out alternatives I realize that I could save about $50 a month by switching my car insurance to esurance. I attempted to get my current insurance to match their price without success. I'm very leery about possibly loosing my excellent service and support from my current company. Would you switch to a new company, and possibly a worse company, to save money?? I can easily afford my current company, but I'd obviously love having an extra $50 a month to plan with.""

How much for car insurance for a 2002 nissan xterra?

I'm thinking of purchasing a used 2002 nissan xterra and would like to get some feedback regarding the insurance rates for this car.

Auto insurance debt reported on credit reports?

I changed my auto insurance from progressive to some other company.yesterday i got a call from collections that i owe progressive money.Is this reported on credit. Also do i have to pay them? I had insurance quote from them for 6 months but i found cheaper one so i moved. I live in california. Thank you

What is an average cost of IUI without insurance?

What is an average cost of IUI without insurance and what is the success rate?

Will my insurance go up?

I was in a car accident. I was stopped at a red light lady slammed into the back of me. THe cops came and filled out info. I did not go to the hospital, because I was not in pain. But the next day my back and neck were killing me. It has been 5 days since accident. I want to go to the doctors but i am worried that my car insurrence will go up. If it was the other persons fault will my insurance go up? And is it to late to go to the doctors? Will her insurance have to pay for doctors bill?""

""Buying a car, when to purchase insurance?

If i decided to go to a used car dealer and buy a car when do i buy insurance? Can i drive it home then buy insurance or do i need to get the insurance before i drive it off the lot?

How do i transfer my brother's car to my name in california?

its a 1974 vw bus. i want it as my car. how much is it to change it to my name? and im 17 how much wud the cheapest insurance be? and the tags are a few months outdated.. wat am i getting into?

Looking for AFFORDABLE individual medical insurance plan?

Is there anyone one here from Minnesota who can recommend a decent relatively inexpensive family medical insurance plan? 2 adults and 3 children. They can't afford 800 bucks a month for a plan with a 5000 buck deductible or 700 for a 7000 deductible. He makes too much for medical assistance or Minnesota Care or Medicaid...just a little too much, and he isn't eligible for medical coverage through his employer. Please help!!!! Anyone ever hear of Land's Health???""

Are there any groups you can join that offers group health insurance?

Or some insurance co that does not ask for a ten year history?

Does it cost anything to add someone to your insurance policy?

Does it cost anything to add someone to your insurance policy?

Do I need to get a SR-22 in Texas?

I got arrested for a DWI and I have 40 days until my license gets suspended at which time I am supposed to get a work license. I understand I have to get a SR-22 but when do I need to do this? Does the court tell me to get a SR-22 or am I just supposed to know I need one and go out and get one?

""I'm turning 16, and wanting to buy a car. How much is the Car insurance?""

Well, i'm turning 16 and when i'm 16 i'm going to buy a car. I saved enough money to buy myself a mitsubishi lancer or Eclipse base model. I live in Calgary, Alberta, Canada i want to know what is the cheapiest car insurance for me? on a monthly or yearly term.""

How can I get affordable health insurance for my family while i'm off work..?

I applied for medacaid but they said I make to much money. even thou i'm off from work with no insurance and very little sick leave pay.

What is the best auto insurance company?

Any insurance company you have had an unusually good OR bad experience with? My family has been with State Farm for a long time, and they always have done a great job working with us (plus my rates don't go up for speeding tickets, which is how it should be). But I just feel like $131 per month (full coverage) is too much for a 21 year old car. Granted its a sports car and I'm a 22 year old male... but still... Thoughts?""

My daughter gave permission to an unlicensed driver to drive my car. will me insurance co pay the damages?

she is on my policy. he hit another car. will my insurance company pay for the other persona car and mine?

Car insurance in California?

If you insurance cancels your policy don't they have to notify you, your lien holders and the DVM? And if yes then how long do they have to do that? Days? Weeks? Months? I had an accident friday and called them and they said I had been canceled on May 29th. That they sent a letter, but I never got a letter. I never received anything from my finance company or DVM either. Any Suggestions?""

What Insurance Should I Get?

Im Getting my license in two months and im saving for a 1977 f-250 ranger, i also need insurance. whats the cheapest and most affordable insurance for a teenager?""

The least expensive type of life insurance is _____.?

whole-life insurance term insurance endowment life insurance limited-payment life insurance

Fresno California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 93786

Fresno California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 93786

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