#i hope you have a good year this year
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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the machine.
a comic about being a 'creator' online.
creative notes:
#in light of recent online 'success' i feel like this may come off as ungrateful#just wanna say that all the comics i make in this series are written about experiences i felt in 2022#which was a rough year personally and creatively#and i very luckily don't feel this way anymore#and this also isnt to shame anyone who DOES feel this way#its easy to start to feel like all you are is a vending machine of art#and like thats all you are to people#theres nothing human to you#it can be a bit of a pit#and on some level this damage is self inflicted but social media really doesnt help that feeling#this wont work for everyone but having friends around you who you can talk to about stuff that ISNT art#going outside for dinner#maybe walking around#its good for when you need that feeling to go away even a bit temporarily#youre a human being#not a mindless content creation machine#and i hope anyone who feels like this now can get to a place where they have a healthier relationship with their own work#good luck to all of you#and thank you for reading#comic art#its 10pm#stillindigo art
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one day, in a thousand years
#I THINK I HAUVE COVID#oh to meet your love after a thousand years at a museum exhibit of your past lives#thinking about them makes me so sick so ILL DISEASED#I AM NOT IMMUNE#spc i’m cursing u forever for this wtf. WTF bro wtf#ouyang’s last thoughts were a desperate plea for esen to wait for him.#he has NEVER called him by first name he has NEVER asked him anything#and his last thought is asking him to wait#and esen does. bc he would have given ouyang anything he asked for#god i hope u get rawed so good it makes up for all the lost lifetimes u earned it#he who drowned the world#she who became the sun#the radiant emperor#general ouyang#esen-temur#(zhu also present in the golden imperial dragon and the golden light of gayness that brought them together again)#my art#not super proud of how it turned out tbh tbh it looks better in my head 😔😔#would’ve stayed in the drafts if not for my need to feed this 4 ppl fandom#and if not for robin motivation nfngdjfb ty kissa you forever#id in alt text
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Hey hey hey may 31th anon! How's 2024 going? ☆ヾ(*´▽`)ノ This year I have for you a leaked Sherlock season 5 image. Thinking of you!! And everyone!!
#may 31th anon#Hello hello hello friends!! How are you!!#I miss you all I miss tumblr I miss drawing these silly men#work was soooo boring today I was really happy that I got to draw John in a baby carrier afterwards (*´︶`*)#what have you been up to??#my job is very boring most of the time unfortunatly!! I want to have a new job a little bit but I also never want to have a job interview#ever again and also I might get a lamp this year (!) I have heard that someone has already printed out the lamp form#are you excited for good omens season 3??#I am!! I have also been watching a lot of x-files#(*´▽`*) we also have moths in the kitchen#I do not know what they are eating we have been storing all of our food in the fridge since last week but new moths keep coming#yesterday one flew out of the forks and spoon drawer#it's her kitchen now#I also got a mole removed#now instead of the mole I have a scar the exact same size an color of the mole#I have also been working on a longer comic project!! I think it will be ready to be shared this summer and I really hope you will like it#it's about the old dragon bros characters and their life with the princesses (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤#I'm having a lot of fun drawing again!!#I hope you're having fun too#also I had to write an email today and I had to attach a pdf file but it was upside down#I could not fix it#I just hit send
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MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! i have another marichat holiday themed piece for y'all :D (imagine this is stuffed in ur stocking or smth (along with some tiny candy canes))
#this is a direct companion to that halloween drawing and i think i like that one more than this one lmao#ANYWAY THEY CUTE#HES GOT A MISTLETOE HEADBAND#even if you dont celebrate christmas i hope you have a good holiday season#it can be tough this time of year :')#merry christmas#christmas#ml#mlb#miraculous#miraculous ladybug#chat noir#marinette dupain cheng#marichat#my art#mistletoe#not a kiss this time surprisingly bdhdjfhhhfja#happy holidays#i want hot cocoa but its 3 am so i will go to bed
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2023 favorites
#artists on tumblr#so colorful this year#the first pieces i have planned for 2024 are more horror themed again#doing my best to relax until the new year#i love freelancing but i haven't had a single vacation this year#so trying to actually just... not draw for a few days :')#i always feel guilty when i don't#but no matter how much you love something you need to do other things too#be a person outside of it#even if the algorithms hate that#i hope everyone has a great rest of the year#especially sending strength and good vibes to anyone working customer service over the holidays#been there#i wish a very “step on a lego” for any customer being shitty to you
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mots7 hobi for @senor-hoberto 🤍 (cr. namuspromised)
#usersky#annietrack#heyryen#usermaggie#userkelli#usersolis#raplineuser#useremmeline#userpat#tuserandi#rjshope#useryoonqiful#usermizuoka#uservans#dailybts#btsedit#cyphernet#hoseokedit#mine!#I don’t think this actually tops last year’s red hobi but i had to make you something 😌😌💞#happy birthday my darling vane!!#I can’t believe i am here celebrating another birthday with you 🥹#as always i wish you nothing but the best in life!! happiness and peace and stability and all those good things#in another life we are cooking dinner for each other every other night so you’ll have to just accept this gif(t)set of senor hoberto#in the interim#hope you have a fun day 🫶#MWAH
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Prompt in Memes 6
Let's make it some in-world memes this time :)
#prompts#memes#meme#cryptid batman#cryptid batfam#cryptid batfamily#battinson#They somehow travel back in time & makes it everyone elses problem#They do not communicate with anyone else besides each other lol#give battinson a robin#but it's time travel and he has all of the robins at once#except Damian but they're going to grab him the moment he exists#Jason: wait does this mean I still have my all-blades#bruce is a good dad#but also so very done with his kids but in a of love and exasperation way#8 year old Dick & 5 year old Jason & 3 year old Tim showing up at the manor: B let us in it cold out here#3 year old Steph kicking down the door: Hope u missed my presence#5 year old Cass crawling in through the window: :) hello family#The kids: Wow Bruce u wear makeup that heavy that's funny lol#But can u imagine battinson with several tiny children following like ducklings#They're perfectly behaved in public but go back to being their lil shit selves when they get home#Gotham: aw the Waynes are like lil angels#Also Gotham: Oh my gosh did you SEE Robin Bite that poor person I hope they don't also turn into an undead cryptid
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It's my birthday!!
#It's true!#it's my birthday today#i turned 1(9)!!#this also means that this account is a year old!#crazy stuff#anyway I'm going to be in and out of Tumblr all day#so i hope you guys have a good day too!!#sfw interaction only#agere#sfw agere#moodboard#age regression#agere moodboard#sfw littlespace#age dreaming#no pacifier#food#birthday
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i thought it'd be cute 🥺💕
#2024#isat loop#isat isabeau#isat mirabelle#isat#in stars and time#isaloop if you want it to be#also qp miraloop if you want that too#loop learning to love their body with clothing therapy ehehehe 🥰 good thing isa can make them whatever they like#also i was thinking about how loop says they think euphrasie is stylish- they should get a pretty sparkly dress like her!#there was supposed to be another panel of mira and isa reacting but i couldn't get them to look right#anyway i love you i hope you're having a lovely day/night mwah mwah#FUCK WAIT I FORGOT THEIR EYELASHES NO i'm not getting out of bed to fix it and take pictures we're just doin' it live#edit: oh my god i forgot loop HAS worn dresses precanon gfdi... i haven't taken a deep drive into the prologue in over a year forgive me lu
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“Almost Christmas” means it wasn’t Christmas!
#ace attorney#pheonix wright#maya fey#miles edgeworth#I have very fond memories of watching a letsplay of the first game while hanging out with a good friend a few years ago.#They sketched scenes from case 1-3 and I still have them! They are one of the few decorative things I have in my living space.#They are a seriously incredible artist and watching them draw - both then and now - is so incredible!#This fanart is in part an ode to them B*) Thank you for giving me your incredible drawings that day.#You’re one of my biggest inspirations! It will take me many many years but I hope I can one day draw even a 10th as good as you B*)#And a note to them *and* everyone else reading this:#Thank you for cheering me on throughout my silly comics journey. It means the world to me.
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sunrays and quiet moments
instagram | shop | commission info
#artists on tumblr#animated illustration#animated gif#digital art#2d animation#illustration#environment art#background art#art backgrounds#environment illustration#sunset#sunrise#myillust#cozy rooms#hi!! it's been a really long while and firstly - happy new year!#i hope you've been well and that things have been good for you#i'm sorry for not posting for so long - last year has been quite hectic and i've had to put personal art on the shelf for a while;;#but i really do hope to make more personal art and share them this year! i really do miss making them#thank you thank you thank you for sticking around for my art despite my inactivity - i can't thank you enough really
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Literally where do people get the idea that Jason was full of himself and that he thought he was better than Percy? This is legit brought up in so many 'why-i-hate-jason-grace" arguments it just screams lack of reading comprehension and obvious Percy bias saltiness. Like just say you are bitter that Jason is written as percy's equal and that you want Percy to have nobody rival him 💀
Never once in his povs did he ever think about how much better he was, on the contrary it's just him not feeling good enough about himself. He and Percy NEVER said anything bad about eachother.
His and Percy's rival is just a joke between two powerful demigods who have rival dads, that's literally it. Even if Jason did indeed think he's better, so what about it? What's the big deal?
he has worked hard and accomplished great things, so he has like, every right to be confident in his power, stop acting like hes all weak and inferior when he canonically killed a titan with like his bare fucking hands till the point Krios swore vengeance on him. No he's not "weak" or morally inferior to Percy as a person. You are merely trying to cope. Not to mention the way people judge a character's worth SOLEY based on their abilities is a huge red flag in itself, but that's a discussion for another time.
he shouldve canonically had more achievments and power than he originally got in the books as a son of jupiter. but rick made Percy too OP and fumbled jason for the sake of keeping percy's spotlight intact. Has it ever dawned on people that Percy is shown to have cool abilities like bending tears but Jason is never shown to have abilities like controlling lungs? Yeah, that's authors privilege for ya.
Y'all put Percy in an obnoxiously high pedestal and that's not a good thing. It diminishes his flaws and makes him appear so saint like and Gary Stu even though he's not. the fact that ppl get so sensitive over their rivalry and try to belittle jason by making up scenarios (like claiming jason thinks he's superior and shit) and go around saying that to ppl to reduce his value DESPITE being well aware that he has like enough hate already, is so insanely petty. BOTH Jason and Percy deserve equal amounts of respect.
God forbid a teenage boy say he's better than the other as a joke, he's such a terrible, stuck up, and shitty person who deserved death for that, isn't he?
#Attack me all you want idc I said what I said.#Yall just dig up reasons at this point. It's giving an 8 year old roblox kid behaviour.#Fandom to a boy with a tragic story who literally did nothing but exist and be a good person: he's a villian who deserved death! 😡😠#I swear if Jason slander still exists a few years later then I have no hope in this fandom anymore.#I thought this fandom was peaceful 😔#“I hate Jason with passion bc he's boring and nobody should rival Percy because he's the best.How dare Jason be the son of the king of gods#“how dare someone be percy's equal. Nobody should be written as Percy's competitor 😤😡😠” like womp womp ig#Y'all are so salty lmfao. The fandom makes Percy into such a gary stu even when he's not.#pjo#pjo series#pjo hoo toa#pjo fandom#percy jackon and the olympians#heroes of olympus#percy jackson#jason grace#pjo hoo#hoo
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#sherlock#it might be the cough medicine but I'm really feeling the bbc sherlock wedding episode today#a good feeling ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡#like finding an old block of cheese in the back of the fridge you forgot about and its gotten super hard and chewy#i currently have half a block of gouda curating in the vegetable cupboard#waiting#how are you doing friends!! C:#I'm good! I still have the cough but I also got a new scarf#I'm still thinking about buying window colors as well but I am waiting if that is also just because of the cough medicine#I can't believe it's already been a year since I have moved! last year I was doing everything here for the first time#and now everything is happening for a second time! that year was both very long and also happened very fast#our floor in the “office” my father wanted to install still is not completly done but he threw up last time he tried#he did not threw up because of the floor but because every time he does a home renovation project he drinks 3 liters of Cherry Coca Cola#we are trying to not make him drink 3 liters of Cherry Coca Cola but he doesn't want anyone else to finish the floor I think so we just do#not mention the hole in the floor#have a nice autumn day friends!! I hope you're doing well! ( ´͈ ◡ `͈ )#♥
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HYUNJIN BIRTHDAY COUNTDOWN (2024): ↘ D-DAY | HAPPY BIRTHDAY HWANG HYUNJIN❣️
#hwang hyunjin#hyunjin#stray kids#bystay#createskz#flashing tw#a9gifs#*gif#*hyunjin#*ccarly#*carly:hyunjin#*series:hjbday24#once again i fear we have a whole countdown leading up to this only for it to be lackluster. every year LDJKSSJLKDGLKJSD#sorry if this is a flop finale but i had fun <3#i hope these are synced too science says they should be but my laptop never loads them all at once akldjfajklsdjglks#anyway this concludes the countdown it went by so fast.....thank u for liking it everyone 🫶#i will never be doing this again. LKJSDKFLSJKDGLKSDG#maybe a countdown but not 30 sets. i DID IT THOUGH. very proud of myself for being that insane. good times#also happy birthday hyun i love u so so much and hope you have an amazing day :((((#do something fun...take a nice nap...eat good food...hope u get to celebrate however u want this year
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I just think that Kristen "I was my God's chosen one and I met him and he adored me but he wasn't what I needed and I didn't like the kind of divinity my church had turned him into so I left and created a pantheon dedicated to the lost and the confused and the hurt because no one should have to feel the way I did" Applebees and Ostentatia "My God barely knew my name and I met him and he was dismissive of me but he loved me and always provided what I needed and when I looked at him I only saw my father so I helped him because no one should be left to drown under their burden when all they need is a little help" Wallace should meet and be friends and maybe kiss on the mouth
#i'm feeling delirious from withdrawals and am in need of every crack ship fantasy high has to offer me#chaos clerics who are actually incredibly insightful and have deep connections to their divinities#no cause you don't understand what ostentatia meeting her god who never reaches out to his followers to form personal relationships#and realizing he's just an overworked laborer who needed a little help just like her father did for me#i hope every fantasy high enjoyer has watched the seven it's so so good#kristen applebees#ostentatia wallace#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#the seven#dimension 20#d20#d20 fhjy#d20 the seven#dropout
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