#but no matter how much you love something you need to do other things too

[tuttle-did-it]

Hey you. Yes you. Your size does not matter. You’re perfect. I don’t care what number your clothes say. Be as healthy as you can be in whatever circumstances allow. Please remember- health and size are not the same thing. Your ankles and feet look great. Butt? Fantastic. Face, great. Your legs look fabulous. That little extra skin next to your chin is actually cute. Your stomach is fantastic exactly as it is. Your arms don’t need to be covered up. Your back doesn’t need to be covered up. Well, you need to cover everything in sunscreen if you’re going to be exposed to the sun, but that’s really it.

You need to eat food. Someone you can’t eat very healthy because healthy food is so expensive. Someone you’re not well enough to prepare it. Someone you’re working too many jobs and juggling life, and your dinner is a candy bar. But you’re doing the best you can.

You don’t need to crash diet, you don’t need to stuff yourself into the sausage-casing underwear called shape wear. You’re perfect as you are. There’s nothing wrong with you.

You’re perfect. When you die, do you think people are going to sit around and talk about what size your trousers are? No. They’re going to talk about what an amazing person you are, what you did in life, what you did with others, and all the times they reminded that they love you.

No one cares about the number in the back of your clothes. Be healthy, be well, be yourself and tell your brain it doesn’t get to talk to you like that when it starts saying something cruel.

Stop worrying about the number in your clothes. They play serious mistakes with those numbers, anyway! Some brands you’re one size, another brand, a completely different number, and another brand— yet another number.

It doesn’t matter. Be compassionate, be kind, eat cake if you want to. You’re perfect the way you are. Stop listening to people who try to tell you how much space you are allowed to take up in this world.

Diet companies won’t tell you this but starving yourself is a lot worse for your health than overeating

[morallygreychaoticneutral]

Astarion doesn't ask for affection because he can't..... yet.

Ah, more tea steeping in this seeming endless sea of thoughts. This brew is a bit strong on the heart. Read with caution.

Warning for game spoilers and talk of abuse.

This perspective is from game content only. How anybody cannons their relationships or behaviors is perfectly right. No blame, no shame, it's your game.

I was always miffed at the lack of initiated affection from Astarion as a partner. YOU ask him for a kiss. YOU ask him for a hug. YOU ask him to tell you thank you after being an amazing partner and killing a massive beastie just for him! Brat...

But then I had a sudden realization. Given his past, affection is probably insanely hard to ask for. Like it can be for a lot of us.

Stay awhile and listen. (nerd)

Now when I speak of narcissistic abuse I am only speaking from what I know about it. I have no academic or phycology degree on the matter. Just good ol' tossed in the pond and forced to sink or swim experience.

Astarion spent 200 years under the crushing weight of narcissistic / psychopathic abuse. One of the things these types of abusers love to do is take what you love and make you hate it and then make you hate yourself for ever having liked it to begin with. All very nasty business that. But it's one of the main corner stones for the cage they build to control you.

They make you feel as if the request of a simple hug is the most pathetic thing you could ask for. Or the most selfish thing as it inconveniences them. They don't want it, why should they give it to you?

Shame, belittle, degrade, devalue..

200 years with a master who used him like a tool. 200 years with siblings that fought amongst each other so much comfort was a liability. Nights coming home assaulted only to be mocked for your tears. Insulted for your need of comfort.

"Pathetic! Weak! Disgusting! "

Shame, belittle, degrade, devalue..

Affection was nowhere to be found there, I assure you.

And for a Narc. anything given is expected to be "earned" in any way they see fit. And if you were "rewarded" with anything, it comes at high price.

And how dare you not find it fair. You ingrate!

Shame, belittle, degrade, devalue..

Hugs are pathetic. Kisses are an intrusion. Or they become gateways to other unwanted behaviors. To be held...what are you? A baby? The only way you are going to get held, is down.

Shame, belittle, degrade, devalue.. The pattern continues.

But you ask HIM for a kiss. And he says..

"There is nothing I'd like more."

And he means it.

I'd bet a mountain of gold he wants to just ask you himself. But years of conditioning to expect pain when seeking pleasure probably keeps him in a choke hold. Like rats that are shocked every time they try to eat food out of a dish. They learn it is safer to starve.

"I want to ask Tav for a kiss or a hug, but they might think i'm weak. But if they ask me first then it's them who wants it and they can't degrade me for it because they asked, not me. It's safe then."

"I want to ask Tav for a kiss or hug, but they might reject me for being too needy and shame and berate me for being so selfish or demanding of their time and person. But if they ask they have time and want me to kiss/hug them."

"I want to ask Tav for a kiss or a hug, but my primal brain keeps telling me they might demand more than I want to give in return for it. But if they ask, I have the power of negotiating the outcome."

This leads me to believe he would view sex and affection very differently as well.

Where most find affection safe and nurturing, it's anxiety educing and unsafe. It means there are feelings and if there are feelings there is the risk and fear of rejection or judgment. It's much scarier.

Where most find sex to be connecting and intimate, it's been used so much it's lost any meaning. Something you can do a thousand times over and walk away the second it's done and feel nothing afterward.

This may even be a part of the reason why he wants to stop having sex.

He wants to connect with you in ways denied to him. He wants the experience of being courted, treasured, nurtured. It means so much more to him than sex. It is so much more connecting.

Feeling this way is wretched and lonely. The most basic instinct is to want to seek comfort in the arms of those who love us. But it's broken. The risk is too great.

And it's hard. Because you could be the sweetest most honorable Tav in the whole of Fearun. But after being fed poised apples one too many times, all apples appear poisonous regardless of if is true or not.

I have no doubt that this prickly elf soaks up every second of non sexual affection you give him. And truly is grateful for your patience while he slowly and carefully disarms the safety measures he put in place to survive. The fact that he even allowed you to touch him like that at all was a monumental act of trust. And why not? You are incredible after all.

I'm going to go ask my elf for a kiss now. And then cry in my cup.

[deerspherestudios]

I’m super curious about Atom!!!! Firstly, they’re so cute :(((( I would be so nice to them right off the bat. I could match that energy (maybe not the…liquefying people part, but I can Definitely meet the upbeat “get to know you” energy!!!!)

But I’m also curious about their little “worm transform-y” ability. There are a TON of implications to what they said about it, and I’m very interested to know which of those implications are true

So maybe I’m taking Atom too literally, but I’m pretty sure at one point they said “I can make your air.” Which, they WOULD need to make MC air, if they were to keep you in space forever. Air is limited.

But you can’t breathe in worms. So that means Atom’s worm (body?) transformation legitimately BECOMES whatever they will it to. Not just imitates. That dog food wasn’t worms, it was dog food. And the air isn’t worms, it’s air!!

And then that stretches into other questions. Could Atom take any form they wish? What would happen if they transformed all their worms? Can they feel when their worms (body??) are being transformed?

You don’t have to answer that slew of questions at the end lmao—maybe I’m reading too much into it. But!! I LOVE Atom and all the implications that their existence holds. I had a lot of fun playing the game :DD

Aaa I'm really glad you like Atom as much as you do!! I don't know if it's just new blorbo energy but I get excited to talk about them, especially in detail like this haha! I'll try to explain below the cut about their ability to create things (tw// it's long!!) but to keep it short, you're actually correct!

TLDR: Atom reconstructs their worms into different forms of matter (whether solid/liquid/gas) to produce whatever you need to survive. Because, uh,,, science. <3

Here's the lengthy explanation of what Atom can do. I'm not smart enough to explain it but I'm stealing this from another website:

Transmutation or nuclear transmutation is a process that involves a change in the nucleus of an atom. When the number of protons in the nucleus of an atom changes, the identity of that atom changes as it is turned into another element or isotope.[1] This transmutation process can be either natural or artificial.

Simplifying it further for my character, when Atom talks about being better than a planet, they kinda are! They can make anything as long as they know what it is (I've yet to come up with 'how' they discover new elements,,, it's implied in-game but I wanna flesh it out more; ask me again later keheh), and the worms that make them up is an unlimited resource/material for those exact transmutations. And if something turns into waste, like the rejected dog food, they just crunch them up to be re-used all over again.

Remember what they said about being your 'angel'? Not to be too on the nose but in a way they turned the Bidadari into your own personal terrarium, with it being the ecosystem keeping you alive in space. Which, in my personal opinion, makes the ending much more terrifying.

Here's a lightning round to answer your questions because I don't know when I'll get these kinds of questions again!!

Could Atom take any form they wish?

Nope! They're still just worms! When they 'make' something it's no longer a part of them.

2. What would happen if they transformed all their worms?

Highly unlikely to happen, but let's say for experimentation's sake Atom is forced to use up all their worms and the end result is separated from it so they can't absorb it back into themselves like the dog food. It has to leave one single organism behind, but it can't really do anything. That single organism eventually will multiply all the way back to its former (mass wriggling) glory.

3. Can they feel when their worms (body??) are being transformed?

Nope! They don't really feel anything, at the most they feel pressure and temperature changes but that's it.

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TEDTALK HAVE A NICE DAY! HERE'S YOUR REWARD <3

[idyllcy]

soul ("are we mates?" "why the hell wouldn't we be?")

leon kennedy x reader || childhood friends / vague college au

wc: 840 || summary: what's the need of a label in the face of stability?

You wonder some days if Leon's grown tired of being friends with you.

You hadn't really gotten close to him until the two of you were in high school — and even then, the two of you didn't attend the same school. He had gone to one of the privates in the area while you had transferred out to a public, and it was strange that the two of you would find yourselves on the giant oak tree between your two homes, talking about your day and catching each other up on news about people you barely knew.

You barely knew your classmates when you had gone to middle school with him.

He didn't know any of your friends. Only a handful of faces from when the neighborhood would gather together to barbeque once a year.

That's how it started, and it was surprising when Leon had gotten accepted into your dream school and you had somehow made it off the waitlist. 

You'd never seen Leon so excited over something — and he had begged you to accept even when you mentioned that maybe money would be a problem.

"Pull up. Please."

"I might go insane without you, yeah."

"More the reason to come."

And then you had felt like the two of you had grown apart. Staring at him in the shared club meetings, him no longer willing to drive you alone in his car because of... boundaries, or whatever. You had given him a look when he told you, and you shook your head. It doesn't matter as long as the two of you still talk.

You find a bench in the park at the dorms to chat with him on. 

The oak of the tree in your home has become an oak bench. 

"Do you tire of me, Leon?"

He blinks at you, laughing.

"Couldn't dream of it."

You cling onto pieces of the two of you in the past when he used to bring you small things when traveling, winking at you as he would present you with silly things he found that he knew you'd like. To be loved is to be known. perhaps. You don't know. You don't know what Leon thinks of you. It's unsurprising that the two of you had lasted so long as friends. You're not into him — at least, he isn't adjacent to your type. A strange exception you'd learned to make. His family never questioned what happened after he locked his door after 10pm. 

You'd stayed up til 4 with him on the tree once.

You don't know what you feel for Leon. 

An overwhelming affection and happiness, maybe. You just adore him so much it's incredible. You doubt you've ever felt so much affection for someone. But it's not quite romance. No. Not love. It's more... affection. Overwhelming affection that you feel when you have so much security in a relationship that neither of you really need to say anything to the other.

"I love you" You laugh.

"Appreciate you too."

Whether it's romantic or platonic no longer really matters to you, you don't think. 

It's plenty to be the only person he texts back when he's arranging rides for the club, eyes lighting up when he spots you in the crowd, waving and flicking his chin up. You learn the sign he holds up with his hand when he's in agreement. You bleed and ooze with his habits the same way he picks yours up, giving you a look instead of saying something he knows he'll regret, your drink order memorized as he chews on the jelly he's pretty sure he'd never have without you, and the single photo you had posted of the absolute joy on your face while laughing saved in his phone (a secret he'd take to the grave).

But it doesn't matter how you feel or look because Leon makes you feel so much stability in your relationship that you can't help but laugh until you can't breathe, head thrown back in glee when it's just the two of you, and you don't feel anything when he asks you to help his cousin — you do not need to know what you are. Friends, something more, soulmates even — because Leon and you know that it's not something that a simple word could even begin to define. 

"What are you gonna do without me?"

"Die, probably. Joke."

"I'd die without you too. I'd probably be dead already."

You wonder occasionally if he's tired of you, and sometimes you'll say it, sometimes you don't, but when Leon raises a brow at you after you message him that you're starting to feel tired, he'll just take over the conversation naturally and let you slip off.

So, no. 

You doubt you'd ever get tired of being friends with Leon, and, well, you're sure he'd say the same.

"You tired of being friends with me?"

"We are for lifers. We can NOT stop being friends. You have too much blackmail on me."

"And if you get married?"

"That's not a problem of the present. No use thinking of a future that isn't here yet."

"Damn, okay, deep."

"Oh, shut up."

[xhyjin]

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ geto suguru x reader

| a/n: if those does well i will do a pt 2 😓

you never expected to find yourself in this position: standing in front of the temple with sweaty palms, trying to convince yourself that what you’re doing is right—that you are sane for even thinking a powerful sorcerer like suguru geto would look your way, let alone accept your love for him.

it happened to be a rainy day, your pink kimono now a pale pink, matching the shade of your lips as you nervously nibbled on them. you had heard a lot about geto—how he despised those who weren’t powerful, sorcerers like him, those he referred to as monkeys. you heard everything and anything you could pick up, often finding yourself eavesdropping while pretending to pray at the temple. at least he was generous enough to let a “monkey” like you use his temple, let alone step inside it.

you bowed in front of the buddha statue, praying to whichever god was listening to let things go your way for once in your life—to let suguru geto become yours, even if it meant enduring pain or suffering to make it happen.

“what is this monkey doing in my temple?” a snarky yet stern voice called from behind you, making you freeze in place. trembling, you hesitantly turned around, your fearful eyes meeting a pair of cold, piercing purple ones.

“i’m sorry for bothering you,” you said quickly, bowing twice in desperation. you had heard the stories—how merciless he could be with monkeys, how he often killed them on the spot for his own amusement. but you were different. you had to be. that’s why he let you in, why he allowed you to step foot inside his temple, why he permitted you to breathe the same air as him. it was because you were you.

but he couldn’t let you know that. no, it would not only crush his image but also his ego, which was longer than his black hair. he hated how you made him feel weak in the knees with your mere presence, how his heart fluttered every time you nervously fiddled with the sleeves of your kimono, how you never dared to meet his gaze no matter how flustered you were. he hated how much he wanted—no, needed you.

“you’re here quite often, are you not?” his tone was laced with mockery as he approached, his presence overwhelming. leaning down to your height, he left just enough space between you that you could feel the weight of his gaze, and yet you swore he could hear your heartbeat if he moved even an inch closer.

“i come here to pray, my lord,” you stammered. my lord? why had you called him that? it was too late to take it back now. through the corner of your eye, you caught the grin that spread across his face—a grin far too wide, too pleased—as he straightened back up.

“my lord, hm?” he repeated, amusement dripping from his voice. “and what is it that you pray for so often, that you end up here almost every hour of the day?”

he began circling you, his eyes shamelessly raking over your form. the slight trembling of your hands didn’t escape his notice, and it only intrigued him more. who would have thought a mere monkey could make him feel something other than hatred? yet here he was, drawn in by the sight of you—by the way your fear mixed so beautifully with something he couldn’t quite name, something that made his blood run hot.

"i pray for you, my lord," you said truthfully, using the title once more. for the first time since you stumbled upon this temple, you met his gaze, steady and unyielding despite the storm of emotions swirling within you.

"for me?" he scoffed, a hint of incredulity lacing his voice. "now, why would i need a monkey's prayer, hm?" his hand rested on his hip as he maintained eye contact, his sharp eyes daring you to look away, to crumble under his gaze.

"i pray that one day you love me like i love you," you blurted out, your voice trembling but resolute. shit. the words were out before you could stop them—a confession laid bare before him. yet, instead of running, instead of succumbing to regret, you found yourself stepping closer to him, your heart racing louder with every step.

"i pray that we could be something," you continued, now standing inches away from him. "i pray that i could be more than just a ‘monkey’ to you," you whispered, your voice barely audible as you craned your neck to look up at him, your vulnerability on full display.

"my, my," geto muttered, a smirk curling at the corners of his lips. "you have some nerve, don't you?"

he had never been confessed to by a weakling like you. and yet, instead of feeling annoyance, he felt something far more dangerous stirring inside him. before you could even comprehend the moment, his hands gripped your waist, pulling you flush against his chest. his lips crashed onto yours, fierce and unrelenting, leaving no room for hesitation or thought.

[mieamour]

switching lanes - psh

after hours

-> synopsis: sunghoon is picking you up from your friends house after celebrating her birthday. you’re wearing a black mini dress with the hem right above your thighs. it’s showcasing your favorite black thigh high fishnets with black bows on top. he can’t resist resting his free hand on your thigh, lightly squeezing. his gaze switching between the road, your face and cleavage throughout the ride back home. the waist of the dress hugging you tight like a corset, cupping your tits perfectly for him to look at. his imagination goes absolutely wild thinking about all the things he is going to do to you in that dress.

-> pairing: bf!sunghoon x fem!reader

-> genre: established relationship, boyfriend, smut

-> warnings: teasing, very suggestive, swearing, nicknames, body descriptions, smut, fingering, cumming, creampie mentions (lmk if i missed anything) mdni!

wc: 1,4k

proofread!

────────୨ৎ────────

*door bell ringing*

the loud music is clouding your mind, making it hard to tell who’s walking over to open the door. you promised yourself and your boyfriend that you weren’t going to drink much. you didn’t, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t take a few sips as the whole friend group played drinking games. you’re carelessly moving your body to the rhythm of the songs from your friends playlist. the one you made sure she would play. you feel good, that’s what matters.

faint conversations are all you hear, focusing on swaying your hips before you suddenly feel two strong arms picking you up in bridal style. a familiar scent, fragrance, comfort if you will.

it’s hoonie

‘she’ll let you know when we’re home’

you look up to see his gorgeous face. a smirk plastered across his lips, which look incredibly tasty at the moment. ‘what? i told you i’d pick you up at 7:45 pm, didn’t I?’

shit, you must’ve lost track of time. the birthday was set from 5 til 8 pm. ‘i haven’t bothered to check the time .. we had a good time hehe’

‘in this dress? mm is that so..’ he says inspecting the cute little bows on your thigh high fishnet stockings while carrying you out the front door. ‘I can’t say i didn’t miss you though’ you give him a kiss on the cheek. you shoot a quick glance over hoonies broad shoulders seeing your friend standing by the doorway ready to close the door. you manage to shout a quick ‘SEE YOU LATER MINA!’ before she smiles and waves you goodbye.

the car ride back home is everything you love. your favorite hit “after hours” by The Weeknd playing. with the windows down, the fresh air hitting your face. gosh. the almost too beautiful to look at city lights illuminated by the moonlight. and most importantly.. your gorgeous man beside you, with his free hand on your thigh. you catch him glancing at you, taking in the sight of your beautiful body.

he’s speeding up as if there’s somewhere he needs to be.

‘baby, is something wrong?’ you slightly tilt your head to the side. sunghoon moves his hand up your thigh, his pinky sliding under your dress. he bites his lip before answering you ‘i think you know what happens every time you decide on dressing up like this’ ‘easily accessible for me, and only me’ his tone confident. you feel your cheeks flush at his words, knowing what he’s saying is true. sunghoon is a man of his words. he’ll never give up on giving you what you want, or even better .. getting what he needs.

he chuckles at your reddened cheeks, showing off his fangs before fully turning his attention to the road. his free hand squeezes your thigh, sending shivers up your spine. the other hand on the steering wheel, smoothly maneuvering the car, switching lanes.

all you can think of is how he’ll be taking you tonight.

sunghoon parks the car in front of the mansion before stepping out to open your door. he’s such a gentleman. taking a hold of his already reached hand, you make your way out and on your feet. which are swollen by the stilettos you’ve had on for the past hours. he laughs at you, seeing how you’re struggling to stand still, falling onto his chest. ‘oh pretty baby .. you’re already struggling to walk?’ you wrap your arms around his shoulders, signaling for him to lift you up into his arms. and that’s what he does, hands under your thighs walking towards the front door, staring into your eyes. ‘you look extremely attractive in that leather jacket by the way..’ knowing he’s a sucker for words of affirmation.

locking the door behind you, moving his hands directly under your ass, his touch sensual as always ‘and you look so damn eatable in this dress, i should have fucked you in it the moment i bought it for you’

you feel yourself drowning in his deep chocolate brown eyes, while he takes off your stilettos, gently dropping them to the floor. a hand under his jaw, the other by the nape of his neck ‘then do it now, fuck me.’

he does that smile, the attractive smile he does where he’s smiling so much his fangs show, tongue out licking his lips ‘I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll be begging me to stop’ sunghoon starts walking through the hallway towards the kitchen ‘I’ll take you on the kitchen counter first..’ his hands are cupping your almost bare ass, dress slipping up. ‘then I’ll take you on the couch..’ ‘the balcony’ he kisses you hard, moving his tongue around so professionally. ‘and our bed.’ you let out a soft whimper, wanting more of his soft lips.

sunghoon places you on top of the counter, standing in between your legs. thumb against your lips, his big hand holding the side of your face ‘if you’re a good girl and behave, I’ll take you in the shower as well’ you take in his thumb sucking on it, doe eyes looking up into his siren ones. he tilts his head forward as if he’s challenging you. wanting to see more of how naughty you can be. your lips connect, his hands glide all over you sending shivers through your body. the next thing you know he’s guiding you down on your back against the marble counter with his hand under your backside ‘lie down darling, let me show you what love feels like’ you lay down, feeling all dizzy from his touch, while you smile to yourself.

sunghoon is slightly leaning over your body, hands sliding down your tiny waist and up under your dress. his fingers hook around the waist of your lace thong ‘lift your hips for me love’ his voice soft and gentle. he tugs slightly and lets it slip down, falling to the floor. you watch him with a smirk on your lips as he sucks on his middle and ring finger, wetting them before he guides them between your thighs. ‘already so wet for me.. mm’ he says while gliding the tips of his fingers between your wet folds. teasing you. it’s crazy how much you need him.. after all these years of being together you still can’t get enough of him. damn you, park sunghoon.

both of his fingers are in your pretty hole. in and out. in and out. he has your legs resting on his shoulders so he can stimulate your g-spot easier with a faster pace, making you feel immense pleasure. you’re seeing stars, lots of them. seems like the whole kitchen ceiling is painted as a sky. ‘so fucking pretty huh, so fucking tight for me’ he’s teasing you, making you lift your hips up and down to deepen his movements inside you. ‘hoonie .. mm i-i'm gonna cum” you gasp.

he’s doing that smile again, the one that drives you crazy. the one that makes you crave his fangs deep inside your neck. the one that makes you cum.

sunghoon pulls his fingers out and lifts you until your hips are by his chest, he wraps his arms around you and parts your thighs even more. he’s slightly crouched, face millimeters away from your drenched pussy. ‘mm.. gonna eat you out so good babygirl’ is the last thing you hear before you feel like your body is being ignited. his tongue doing wonders, sucking and licking between your folds full of your own cum. he’s slurping you up, the noises evident. sticking his tongue inside your hole, not leaving anything behind. he kisses your clitoris before lowering your thighs gently onto the counter again. you moan softly out of pleasure, but also frustration. your cheeks are pink, lips parted.

‘baby .. i-i .. your cock’

‘mm?’ sunghoon questions teasingly, sucking off the fingers that were just inside of you while staring deep into your soul. ‘you want it huh?’ he says, placing his hands on the counter. ‘you’ll have my cock all you want tonight.. you’re all stretched out and ready for me’ he grabs your inner thigh, his gaze locked on your gorgeous pussy. sunghoon leans down, tucking your hair behind your ear before whispering in a low, sexual manner ‘I’ll fill you up so good and then I’ll keep fucking into your hole. fucking our cum into you again’ he kisses your cheek before continuing ‘afterwards, I’ll eat you out’ he smirks.

[natalievoncatte]

“What if we don’t go back yet?”

It was a peculiar question that Lena asked, but a compelling one. She was currently lying with Kara, or rather *on* Kara, after the Kryptonian caught her once again. Kara had slipped under as she fell and cushioned the fall with her invulnerable body, and they currently lay in the wreckage of a sailboat along the docks, the ruined and smashed vessel bobbing gently in the ocean.

“What do you mean?”

“Alex and the crew can get the guy,” said Lena.

She was referring to the second-rate wannabe villain that had tossed Lena off the roof as a ploy to distract Supergirl and cover his escape. It had worked, of course, with Kara abandoning her manhunt to catch Lena. As she always did. That was apparently why he kidnapped her in the first place instead of, who knows, maybe robbing banks in a town without a superhero.

It didn’t seem to matter much now. Kara was warm and had wrapped them both up in her cape, and Lena’s head lay pillowed on her shoulder. Kara curled around her, breathing gently into the crown of her head.

“Why wouldn’t we go back?”

“I’m tired,” Lena murmured, giving the words more truth than she meant to. She was tired, so tired. She could sleep for a thousand years here, lying with Kara.

This always went the same way. Kara would bear her to safety like a knight in shining armor and set her down and then she’d step back.

The contact would end.

It’s not like they never touched- they hugged and kissed each other on the cheek even, and Lena secretly treasured that, but it wasn’t enough. It was different when Kara rescued her.

If physical touch was Kara’s love language, the way she held Lena after a rescue was a kind of Freudian slip. These embraces were more, just more in a profound, indescribable way.

She was always so tender, after. She would sweep the hair from Lena’s eyes and just touch her for the sake of it, running the pad of her thumb along Lena’s jawline or hugging her extra tight, extra close, fearful and yet utterly fearless.

Much as she was holding Lena now.

“I know,” Kara whispered.

She did know. If there was anyone truly in tune with her needs, it was Kara. Kara cared, so fully, so deeply, so recklessly that Lena could barely understand it, and scarcely believe it.

“I want to stay here with you.”

Kara tensed slightly, throat bobbing as she swallows and her breath caught.

“What I want more than anything is just time to be us,” Lena said, very softly. “You and me. No company, no DEO, no adventures, no crises. I could just lay with you here forever.”

Kara was quiet, gently working her fingers through Lena’s hair.

“I’ve thought about things like that.”

“What sort of things?”

She was quiet for too long a beat, then said, “just us being us, alone. No game night, no movie night, no brunch, no Noonan’s, just this. Just you and me and… and relaxing.”

“Cuddling, you mean.”

Kara shifted herself, gave Lena a little squeeze.

“I don’t want to go either. I don’t want to let go of you.”

Lena opened her eyes and looked at Kara, at her golden hair fanned out around her head and her questioning blue eyes.

“So don’t.”

Gently, carefully, Lena freed an arm and rested a palm against Kara’s cheek. Her skin was always so warm, so lusciously soft. Kara was watching her intently, eyes searching.

“I think it’s customary, after the brave her saves the girl, that the hero gets a kiss.”

Kara tensed, clearly nervous. It was the most adorable thing Lena had ever seen.

She kissed her.

Kara was stone still at first, barely responding, then something seemed to awaken in her and she kissed Lena back, intensely. Lena was a little shocked at the sudden way Kara almost seemed to lunge into her, how her hands suddenly moved and she took Lena by the hips.

It was amazing. Her heart fluttered and her head was swinging and she felt a cold shock-

“Kara! The boat is sinking!”

With the most annoyed sigh, Kara stood and lifted Lena into a bridal carry. Water was gurgling up around them.

“Alex is going to kill me,” said Kara.

“Alex can wait,” said Lena. “Take me home.”

[randooffthestreet]

Roach didn't know much about his captain other than his last name and callsign. He didn't take too kindly to questions, and most were too intimidated to even try asking. He couldn’t help but be curious, though, when he saw a picture sitting on his captain’s desk. The others had already left after the debrief, going to the tarmac to get ready, but he lingered, staring at the unfamiliar face among his COs.

His captain noticed him still standing there and looked up from the paperwork in his hand. “Something the matter, Sanderson?” Roach furrowed his brow. “Who is that?” He signed, watching his captain turn his head to try and see what he was looking at.

When he saw the picture that he usually hid before debriefings, he sighed heavily, picking it up and staring at it…almost longingly. “You already know Gaz and Price, yeah?” He nodded. Captain Price had retired a few years back, entering a cushy and well deserved civilian life, and Captain Garrick was the one who had recommended him to join TF 141.

The silence dragged on for a bit, Roach shifting uncomfortably as he waited for a response. The captain set the photo back down. “You would’ve liked him. Everyone did, even if he didn’t know it himself most of the time.”

His breathing stuttered over another sigh, and Roach was almost alarmed by how much emotion his usually stoic captain was showing. “You were friends?” He asked.

Captain Riley hesitated, chewing his lip. “You could say that.” He said roughly. “His name is- was Soap MacTavish. My sergeant. Johnny.” He stared at the picture for a bit longer. “Roach- you’re a smart kid. You’re skilled, one of the best soldiers the SAS has, you know that?”

Roach found himself becoming a bit shy at that. “Not better than any other soldier.” Riley shook his head. “You are. Don’t doubt your abilities, kid. He was too. Better than me, even if he didn’t believe it.”

Ghost crossed his arms, leaning forward in his chair.

“Listen, Gary.. live without regrets. That’s all I can tell you. The thing I regret the most was not telling him everything I wanted to. Don’t do that to yourself. Rejection hurts a hell of a lot less than not knowing if something- if-”

He cut himself off, rubbing his temples. “Fuckin hell. You didn't ask to listen to me ramble. The people you trust can hurt you the most. By betraying you…or by leaving you. But love- friendships- those are worth being hurt for.” Roach just stared at him, trying to take in all this new information.

“It’s alright, sir. I understand.” He hesitated before continuing. “Johnny sounds like a good man. Especially if you liked him.” Captain Riley laughed softly. “He was more suited to be captain than I am. Would’ve kicked your ass for calling him Johnny, though. Go get ready for the mission, kid.” He saluted and left the office.

Ghost picked up the picture again when Roach left the office, tracing his face through the glass of the frame. “You would’ve liked him, Johnny. He's a good kid. Miss you.”

He kissed his fingers and pressed it to the glass before tucking it back in a drawer of his desk. He didn’t need someone else asking questions.

[rosenfey]

"how you see yourself" meme

⊱ tagged by the dear @dekarios, thank you so much fray!

character: it's faerene, my oc, made in here. she's a self-insert, she looks like me. i gave her all the things i disliked about myself and now i love myself the way i am thanks to her.

style: a mix of cottagecore / dark academia / vintage / victorian fashion. we need to bring this shit back asap (though that won't stop me dressing like that either)

object: mushrooms but its more complex than that. i love the duality of life and death they represent!! springing up from something dead, death being a gate to something new!!! much like how we preserve the memories of our loved ones and people who lived in the past!!! we are never truly dead!!!! you cant kill a memory in a way that matters!!! just like fungus!!!

place: i was torn between a forest and a graveyard so this is an abandoned forest graveyard in my country!! forests / graveyards are truly the only two places other than inside where i truly feel sane. because they are quiet, there are no (alive) people around, and if they are, they don't tend to perceive me as much!!! and i love nature and how calm it is and graveyards often are surrounded by greenery and trees and its just!!! its a thing ive been doing ever since i was a child. i live both next to a forest AND a cemetery so thats where i always ran to when everything felt like too much.

animal: i was torn between this bunny and another bunny holding a scythe because lbr i am both a dainty pink lady AND can have a sharp weapon to walk around to assert dominance. :3c

song: eughhhh im a florence + the machine girl because her entire vibes and songs are just. running in my veins ever since i was 15. anyway. if i had to name specific songs it would be mainly from this album and it would be these: blinding, i'm not calling you a liar, my boy builds coffins, drumming song, rabbit heart (raise it up). i cant choose from those they are all equally me thats the end of the sentence.

job: i want to be a weird (very important) and off-putting (equally important) but also cute (super important) fey of the woods that can talk to the dead and plants and grows mushrooms in her weird af little garden. so i hope i am at least projecting some of those vibes irl.

food: baked potatoes. im a slav and you can pry those from my cold dead hands

colour: very specific shade of pink. like dusty pink. old pink. mushroom pink. pink you can see in the nature. earthy pink. but i also love love love autumn colours like toned down red, brown, and white.

⊱ tagging: [un]like this post to be added / removed.

@thanekrios﹒@lavampira﹒@euryalex﹒@starforger﹒@thefrostyshepard

@florbelles﹒@aldwirs﹒@pawnguild﹒@archonfurina﹒@ladyinthebluebox

@inafieldofdaisies﹒@feykiller﹒@zahra-hydris﹒@noughtomaton﹒@corvus-rose

@ferwynter﹒@melancholicrainstorm﹒@sylvthara﹒@katsigian﹒@rindemption

@vilnan﹒@eldensrings﹒@claudiawolf﹒@therapyvibes﹒@sibeal

@epheyang﹒@lotusfaebell﹒@anoramactir﹒@gallusneve﹒@lutebard

@brightaxe﹒@spectordameron﹒@merdruid﹒@lurakha﹒@lord-woolsley

@shaweetiehs﹒@corffiser﹒@thedeadthree﹒@quendiviner﹒@pinkfey

@azatas﹒@theviridianbunny﹒@heartfluttered

[luvismenu]

Something Stupid — Kim Taehyung One-Shot

navi ,, m.list ,,

warnings: ANGST. unspoken love, one-sided love, co-workers, Taehyung's POV, tae doesn't speak much, he's just a little sad guy. lowercase intended.

wc: 3.6k

pairing (well not really): quiet taehyung x fem!reader

a/n: apology one-shot for discontinuing the art of love 😞 (worst kind of apology ik but idc huhu suffer w me <3) i teared up writing this. don't let this flop i swear 🫵🏼

November 21

a year ago.

it was the day i met you.

it was your first day at work. you were glowing, so full of excitement, and so happy to be starting your dream job. i could tell from the way your eyes lit up that you were ready for this, ready for everything.

i remember how i welcomed you, and you looked at me, and you smiled.

“thank you! i’m ___, nice to meet you.”

there was something in the way you smiled that made my heart skip. it was simple, but it made me freeze for a moment. i couldn’t help but stutter.

“i-i… i’m kim taehyung, nice to meet you too…”

you nodded, still wearing that bright smile, and then turned to greet the others. and i just stood there, watching you.

i didn’t realize it at the time, but i couldn’t stop stealing glances at you. the way you came in every morning, the way you greeted everyone with a bright “good morning!” and how you always wished everyone to have a great day, no matter what.

even though we barely talked, even though you never really spoke to me much, it still made my day. just seeing you, hearing your voice, feeling the warmth you radiated. it was genuine, simple, but it made everything feel a little better, a little easier to bear.

November 28

you baked cookies, and handed out small bags, each tied with a neat bow. you didn’t miss anyone in the office, not even me. you made sure to thank everyone for making you feel so welcome.

everyone was happy to receive them, and so was i. but i overheard a few people talking behind your back, saying you were trying too hard, that it was all a little much.

but when i looked at you, all i could see was that you just wanted to fit in, wanted to make everyone around you feel comfortable. i saw it in the way your eyes shined, even though they were tired, like you were trying to prove something.

your dark circles told me you probably stayed up all night baking those cookies. i wanted to tell you how much i appreciated it, how i felt like you didn’t need to push yourself so hard. you were perfect just the way you were.

“i hope you like them, mr. kim! let me know if you prefer chocolate cookies, i have those too!”

but i couldn’t bring myself to say it.

“these are fine…”

December 10

the office holiday party was approaching, and the excitement was tangible. decorations were put up, and the air smelled sweet. everyone was talking about their plans, about what they were wearing, about who was bringing what dish.

and there you were, always the one to make sure everything was perfect, organizing the little details, ensuring no one felt left out. you were always so kind, always so giving.

i watched you from across the room, helping the others with the setup, your smile lighting up the entire space. you seemed so at ease, so comfortable in your role, but i could still see the exhaustion hidden behind your cheerful demeanor. the way your shoulders dropped slightly when you thought no one was looking, the way your eyes would gloss over for a second before you’d catch yourself and smile again.

i wanted to say something to you, tell you how much i admired your strength, how much i wished you’d let yourself rest, how i’d do anything to make things easier for you.

but i never did.

instead, i just kept watching, my words trapped in my chest, my heart pounding every time you passed by, hoping maybe, just maybe, you’d catch a glimpse of the way i looked at you.

"mr.kim, can you pass me the tape?"

“yes,”

December 25

i was walking to a store. christmas had never been anything special for me, but today felt different. i wanted to get you something, something to show you that you matter to me. that you’re someone special.

i found a little keychain; red flowers. when i first saw it, it reminded me of you. so bright and beautiful. i thought, “maybe you’d like this.”

as i walked out of the store, the cold air hit me. it was christmas, so the streets were packed with people rushing around. but i wasn’t in any hurry. i just wanted to buy you something, to let you know how much i appreciated everything about you.

then, i saw you.

a figure i recognized, standing by the candy store, looking at candy canes. the world seemed to slow as i watched you. you were wearing a soft, fluffy coat, a muffler wrapped around your head, your hair dusted with snow, your cheeks flushed from the cold. you were smiling at the candy canes like they were the most magical thing in the world.

i stopped, not sure if i should approach. i had the keychain in my hand, clutching it tight. my heart raced at the thought of finally giving you something, of finally telling you how much you mean to me.

i thought, this was it.

but then, i saw him.

someone else, someone taller, someone who looked like he belonged with you. he walked up to you, took your hand, and smiled at you. your eyes lit up when you saw him.

i froze.

my stomach twisted when he leaned down and kissed you. i watched you smile against his lips, and i could see the happiness in your eyes.

i stood there, completely still.

the moment i’d imagined for so long, the one where i’d finally be brave enough to talk to you, to give you the gift and the words that had been stuck inside me. but it wasn’t for me.

it was for him.

i turned away, my grip loosening around the keychain. i don’t know why i thought you’d feel the same way. i shouldn’t have been surprised, but it hurt. it hurt more than i could have ever expected.

as i walked, i bumped into someone. the sudden jolt made the keychain slip from my hand, and it fell to the ground with a soft clink.

in a panic, i reached out, my hand stretching toward the tiny flowers that had somehow come to mean so much to me. but the crowd was relentless, people moving quickly, oblivious to anything but getting to their next destination.

someone stepped on it.

then another.

and another.

the red flowers, so beautiful just moments ago, was crushed underfoot. pieces of it scattered across the pavement, the petals breaking apart with each step

i stood there, helpless, my fingers trembling as i watched it all happen. i wanted to scream, to shout, to stop the world from moving so fast. but all i could do was watch the remnants of the flower.

i should’ve known.

you were too perfect.

too perfect for someone like me.

January 23

"mr. kim?"

i looked up, surprised to hear my name. it was you, standing there with a soft smile on your face.

“yes, ms. ___?”

you smiled again, this time a little warmer.

"you can call me ___," you said gently, as if you were giving me permission to speak to you like a normal person.

i nodded, too nervous to say anything else. i wanted to tell you that you didn’t have to call me mr. kim, that taehyung was fine, but the words never left my lips. they got stuck somewhere in my chest.

“me and my friends are going out for lunch, and i wanted to invite you too,” you said, still smiling.

"m-me?" my voice caught, the surprise clear in my tone. i couldn’t understand why you’d want me to join you. i barely ever spoke to you outside of work, and i could never bring myself to be as casual as everyone else.

“you always work alone, well i am sure you prefer it that way..” you chuckled. “i don’t know, i just thought you might enjoy spending time with us.” you looked at me with those hopeful eyes, as if you were waiting for me to say yes. as if you genuinely wanted me there.

it felt like the moment when i first met you all over again. everything became still. my heart raced in my chest, and i could feel the weight of your gaze on me.

i could’ve said no.

i could’ve come up with some excuse.

but i didn’t.

"that would be nice," i managed to say, the words barely above a whisper, but enough for you to hear.

you smiled again, and for a brief moment, it felt like the world was just you and me.

February 12

"you know, i like your quietness, mr. kim."

we were walking together, you had invited me to lunch, and you mentioned you had something you wanted to ask me.

"oh..." was all i could manage to say.

you glanced at me, your eyes catching mine for a moment before you looked away, your smile barely noticeable. i felt a little flushed, a little nervous under your gaze. i quickly looked forward, trying to focus on anything else.

you chuckled softly, your voice breaking the silence. "you remind me a lot of my boyfriend," you said, the words casual, like they didn’t carry the weight they did in my mind.

"oh..." i stammered. so it was your boyfriend.

"do you like him?" i asked without thinking. it was a stupid question.

you laughed, a soft, light sound that seemed to come from somewhere genuine. "i wouldn’t be dating him if i didn’t."

my heart sank just a little.

of course, you liked him. why would i even ask? but i couldn’t take it back.

when we finally reached the restaurant, you led us to a quiet corner, and i sat across from you, feeling a strange mixture of comfort and tension. you looked at me, as if expecting something.

"i thought you’d prefer it like this," you said.

and i did. it was peaceful, calm. just like you.

"so!! the thing i wanted to ask you about," you started, leaning in slightly, your voice lowering in a way that made me pay attention to every word. "it’s valentine’s day soon, and i really want to get something cute for my boyfriend."

"oh..." i said again, my voice barely above a whisper.

"don’t take me wrong, but like i said, you remind me of him. you’re a lot like him. quiet, calm. so maybe you could help?" you leaned in a little, and i could feel my face getting warmer.

it felt strange. unsettling. like a weight pressing against my chest.

"i don't know, ms. ___—"

"you can call me by my name," you reminded me, your voice soft. it made me feel even more unsure of myself.

"___, i think you’re asking the wrong person... i-i’m not good with stuff like... valentine’s day," i stammered, my gaze shifting away from you. i couldn’t meet your eyes. the words felt wrong, awkward.

you studied me for a moment, then leaned back in your chair. "that’s okay, mr. kim," you said, and there was something in your voice that made me feel even worse.

what if you were just trying to make small talk? what if i had ruined it? what if you were just being kind, as always, and i made it so... uncomfortable?

"b-but you like to bake, right?" i suddenly said, not really thinking. "so... that’s a good present, i guess. i mean, i would love it. i mean, they were delicious! so.." i quickly added, flushing slightly at how ridiculous it sounded.

your smile returned, this time wider. "that sounds nice!! and i am glad you liked them" you chuckled, and for some reason, the sound of it made me smile too.

just then, your phone rang. you excused yourself, your voice light as you answered the call.

"oh, excuse me," you said, and i nodded in response, trying not to listen too closely.

"hey, honey... oh, i’m just with a colleague right now.” you chuckled. “i miss you too, joon"

it must’ve been him.

i didn’t mind.

i couldn’t. i just sat there, watching you, wishing this moment could last a little longer, even if it meant nothing more than a colleague relationship. even if it was just fleeting moments like these.

and as you spoke softly to him, my smile faded slightly, but the warmth remained.

February 14

valentine's day.

i hated this day.

but that morning, i couldn’t help but notice you. smiling to your coworkers, your friends, as you handed them small boxes of what i guessed were chocolates, all tied with a bright yellow bow.

even though you weren’t smiling at me, just watching you made me feel warm. it softened the bitterness of the day, just a little.

by afternoon, i was at my desk, buried in work as usual. i didn't see you approach, but i felt the air shift when you stood infront me.

“mr. kim?” yourvoice was gentle, like you always were.

i looked up, startled, and you placed a small box with a purple bow on it in front of me.

“happy valentine’s day,” you said, your smile soft but genuine. and just like that, my heart skipped a beat.

you turned as if to leave, but i couldn’t let it end like that.

“___,” i called out, my voice catching in my throat. you stopped and looked back at me, waiting.

“you can call me taehyung,” i said, the words coming out almost too quietly.

you smiled again, that same warm, reassuring smile. "taehyung," you nodded, as if it were something important.

it was.

to me, it was.

June 13

it was the day you were transferring to a different city.

it was the last time i saw you.

you were a little emotional. there were tears in your eyes as you bid goodbye to your coworkers.

i didn’t expect you to talk to me. i stayed at my desk, silent, watching everythin

it was sad.

hell, it was heartbreaking.

then i saw you walking towardsme, and for a moment, i froze.

“taehyung, i—” you started, your voice soft, hesitant. you looked down, a little sad. “i wish i got to spend more time with you.”

that’s when everything around me shattered. again.

“i regret not becoming a good friend of yours,” you said, your voice wavering, “i… i tried.”

you looked up, your eyes glistening.

“you’ve always been so quiet, so reserved,” you said, letting out a nervous laugh. “i guess i never knew how to reach you. but i wish i had.”

i wanted to say something, anything. but the words got stuck in my throat, just like they always did.

“i hope… you’ll let someone in someday,” you continued, your voice growing softer. “you’re a good person, taehyung. i hope you know that.”

i felt my chest tighten, my heart aching with every word you spoke.

you turned around to leave, taking a few steps, and something inside me broke.

i love you.

you froze for a moment, then turned back to face me, confusion etched across your features. “did you say something?” you asked, your voice tentative, uncertain.

i said it. but it was all in my head.

i hesitated, my chest tightening. “you are a good friend, ___.”

your eyes widened slightly, and for a moment, we both just stared at each other. your gaze held something i couldn’t quite place.

was it surprise? sadness? relief?

“thank you, ___,” i added, trying to steady my voice.

your lips curved into a soft smile, one that reaches your eyes. the smile i love.

“thank you, taehyung,” you said softly.

you gave me a small nod, and then, with one last lingering glance, you turned to leave again.

i stood there, rooted in place, watching as you walked away, your figure growing smaller with every step you took.

i wanted to chase after you. to call out to you.

but i didn’t.

instead, i stayed silent, clutching the words i couldn’t say louder in my chest, where they would remain forever.

you disappeared around the corner, and with that, the last piece of you i had left slipped away.

and all i could do was whisper, too late for you to hear.

“i will miss you.”

November 21

today.

the day that started everything.

it’s strange how vividly i remember it, even after all this time. it feels like it was just yesterday when you walked into the office for the first time, bright eyed and full of energy, ready to take on the world.

i miss you.

a lot.

i don’t know where you are now. i don’t know what your days look like, or how you’re living your life. i don’t know if you’re happy, if you’re struggling, or if you ever think back to those days.

but i know one thing for sure. you’re strong.

no matter how tough things get, you always find a way to smile and keep moving forward, like nothing can hold you back. you don’t dwell on the past, don’t let it weigh you down. you just... keep going.

maybe that’s what i admired about you the most.

maybe that’s why it hurts so much now.

because you were always moving forward, and i was always staying behind.

i think about you every day. the way you smiled, the way your laugh lit up even the dullest corners of the office. i think about how you never seemed to falter, even when things were tough.

but i also remember the small things. the moments when you were quiet, staring out the window like your mind was somewhere else. the way your hands trembled slightly when you were overwhelmed but still tried to keep it together.

i wish i could’ve told you then how much you mattered. how much your presence alone changed everything for me.

but i never did.

and now it’s been so long, and i don’t even know if you remember me. if i was just another face in your story.

maybe i was.

but you were everything in mine.

“hey, taehyung, can you get these copies for me?” jimin’s voice broke through the quiet hum of the office.

“yeah, sure,” i said as he placed the stack on my desk.

he lingered for a moment, his teasing smile creeping onto his face. “you look happy today,” he said, raising a brow. “thinking about someone?”

i looked down, avoiding his gaze. “someone…”

he doesn’t miss a beat, his eyes catching something around my neck. “nice necklace you got there. what is it?”

i held the pendant gently, a faint smile tugging at my lips as i showed it to him.

“uh... a red piece?” he guessed, leaning in to get a better look.

“it’s a flower,” i muttered, my fingers brushing over the broken piece of petal.

he squinted, then tilted his head. “that looks like a piece of broken glass.”

“it is,” i whispered, my voice soft as i stared at it. “beautiful, isn’t it?”

jimin gave me a look, clearly confused, but he didn’t press further. “right, okay.. uh i’ll see you later,” he said, walking away with a shrug.

i closed my eyes, clutching the small, shattered piece in my hand.

even now, i couldn’t forget you.

your eyes.

your laugh.

your cookies.

your smile.

how could i ever forget you?

i would keep you in my heart, even if it hurt. forever.

i hope you’re happy.

i hope you’re smiling the way you always did, bright, warm, as if the world didn’t weigh on your shoulders the way it did on mine.

i hope whoever stands beside you now knows just how lucky they are. i hope they see you for everything you are. your kindness, your strength, the little quirks that make you... you.

and i’m glad

truly glad that..

that day...

i didn't go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like..

i love you.

📜 permanent taglist:

@lovieku @deluluisdasolulu @ddanasjk @onlyforyoukook @diamondjeon @nnybtitts08 @lil0u0 @butnotmontana @fr0ggieth1nk @minimoninini @whoa-jo @lola75111 @iswearimover5feetall @rispwr @genevieveeeee @kookoo-kachoo @junecat18 @iheartchanelle

@internetrando64 @jkvias @134340-kr @mar-lo-pap @fluttershypoo @kyuupii @https-mei @jungkookmyoneandonlybaby @beigerin @nikidream24 @winterbeartaehyungbestboy @jaykay-world @jmscaffeine @libra04

[idorukiss]

Heres a sorta drabble/headcanon of sorts of how I picture MC's relationship with Sylus would devleop~ I'm not much of a writer but the brainrot is real and ive made similar ones for the other boys too!

1,035 words || You can also read it on ao3

‧͙⁺˚･༓･˚⁺‧͙⁺˚･༓･˚⁺‧͙⁺˚･༓･˚⁺‧͙⁺˚･༓･˚⁺‧͙⁺˚･༓･˚⁺‧͙ Xavier ・ Zayne ・ Rafayel

Sylus is always prepared for any and every situation that could happen when he works, In all his time reigning over the N109 zone there hasn't been a single thing or person that hasn’t been accounted for to some degree- that was until you showed up at least. Like a black cat, you seemed to bring unexpected chaos wherever you stepped.

Of course he couldn’t help but do everything he can to keep you by his side, not only to be a formidable ally but simply cause he finds you as a whole fascinating. What kind of things will you say next? How will you get out of this situation? It’s like a game to him, one that he can’t predict or brute force the ending to.

While the two of you didn't get off on the best foot at the start, he proved himself very trusting and that he cared for your well being fairly easily. Sure he would take chances to tease you for the littlest things- even creating various situations just to see your reaction to them, but he still honestly responded to your every question and kept you as best in the loop for things as he was able.

It was strange yet nice to have someone like him by your side, someone so strong and confident that you could trust to cover your back and seemingly trusted you as much to cover his in return. It was a dynamic you weren’t that used to yet, sure you had your fellow hunters but no matter how much you fought alongside any of them you just couldn’t find yourself fully trusting in their abilities like this.

The more he got to know you the more he found himself thinking about you and the things you like. Often swiping his card first and thinking later any time your face flashed in his mind when perusing wares. He wonders how long it will take you to realize he keeps all of his estates fully stocked with presents and everything you might need in the event you show up to any of them.

“Sylus? Why are you calling me so early??” “Check your door kitten, you should have a package waiting for you” “Don't tell me its another gun, I keep telling you I can't use these outside of the N109 zone” he chuckles deeply “Well I could get you a gun too if you really want one. But no, it's something different this time” Curiously you grab the box and start to open it “...A teddy bear?” “Do you not like it? I figured it could add to your growing plush collection.” You let out a small giggle “That's so sweet of you. But you didn't have to send it to me right away, you could've left it in my room for the next time I came by like usual.” his voice is soft, almost whispering into your ear “I couldn't wait to give it to you is all. Wont you accept my gift?” Your heart pounds “I love it, thank you. Ill be sure to sleep with it every night!” your face is beaming, he cant see it through the phone but he can surely hear it in your voice.

Any time you find yourself without missions long enough to justify the trip, you spend it in the N109 zone with him. You told yourself at first it was just to keep an eye on him and see if you can catch any weaknesses, but you were secretly excited to be spending time with him even if it was just sitting in content silence together while he worked. And despite his unchanging face, Sylus might’ve looked forward to each of your visits even more than you.

It wasn’t out of the ordinary to accompany him to various events and gatherings, and it was surely strictly for business at first. Now though? It’s hard to tell. Not that you mind either way, it just felt nice to have his arm around you and being doted on throughout the night. When people inquired about who you were, he would usually refer to you as his woman in a more joking way at first, but your heart couldn't help but flip the first time he said it more genuinely. While looking right at you with a smile.

One very late night after attending a party, you couldn't help but doze off in the car on the way back to his place. It was much later in the night than you are typically used to, you don’t know how he can function at this time of night most days. You can’t help but let your mind wander and picture what day to day life with him would be like if you just never went back home.- If you stayed by his side for the rest of time.

He gently carries you inside, but instead of going all of the way to your dedicated room he brings you with him into his. There's no nefarious plans, he just simply wants to have you by his side longer and has wished to wake up to your face for far too long. A faint hum stirs you from your dreams as you are being gently placed onto the comfort of his mattress. A small kiss pressed to the top of your head as the blankets pulled over you before he quietly climbs in beside you.

Did you even wake up in the first place? Even if it was still a dream it meant everything to you, and you reach an arm out pulling yourself close to him and nuzzling into his side. Your eyes flutter closed once more enjoying his warmth as he quietly chuckles to himself and wraps an arm around you in return, falling into a blissful sleep of his own. Neither of you would give up this moment for the world, you were meant to be in each other’s arms just like this for eternity.

He would kill for you, and you would live for him. Nothing anyone could do would predict your love for one another, and you'll continue to defy fate to be with him

[mar3ggiata]

professional help, c33. Liquid dinner.

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT AT THE END, LOVE YOU!!

simon riley x original character.

trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, mentions of rape, trauma, sexual themes, swearing, use of alcohol and drugs, EDs and death.

song to listen to when reading this: Like it tends to do, Lizzy McAlpine

abstract: This is a very sad chapter honestly. Close to the end also, don't get your hopes up cause I'm telling you, it's not ending well. I should know, I'm from the literal future. So yeah, messed up things. Jude's a liar man, I've always told ya. She might seem all confident, smart, sexy, funny… whatever...

'I fucking hate you so much'.

She spun in her chair, covering her face with her hands, while Honey giggled from his seat. It was three in the afternoon, the day after her chat with Simon. She was at the listening post, they had lunch together, her, Roman and Honey after working at the code all morning. She had to reveal she had a look at it the night before, they argued for the first ten minutes asking why she got to see it before the others. 'It's because I'm privileged, let it go.' She admitted, a small smirk on her lips. 'No seriously, why didn't we know you had it, how did you get it?' Honey asked. She bit her lip, thinking of what to say to make the matter sound somewhat legal. 'You know the guy with the mask?' She said.

'Yes, unfortunately I have seen him.' Honey.

'Scary dude, what about him?' Roman.

She crossed her arms in front of her. She was wearing a comfy sweater under her very elegant blazer jacket. 'He gave it to me yesterday.' She explained. 'We worked together before, we're friends.' She said. All true, no? They're friends.

Honey mumbled something under his breath. 'That's not fair!' argued Roman, he went on some more saying how unfair it was she could see evidence before them just because she was friends with that scary soldier. They resumed their tasks, trying their best at cracking the code. It took longer than anticipated. They removed all the letters from the paper and examined the back, what would have been at the back of the newspaper page. They moved them around in the large table that once was Roman's desk, trying to make out a message. After lunch, she felt tired, she wanted and deserved a nap. Her contact lenses burned her eyes, plastic wrappers and boxes of Chinese takeout were scattered all over the place. Roman was yawning from his side of the room. That was when Honey figured it out. 'I fucking hate you so much'.

She spun in her chair, covering her face with her hands, while Honey giggled from his seat. She approached his desk. 'I found it I think', he said. 'I divided the letters in diagonal like this…' He drew a line with his finger and parted two sections of the original code. 'And I switched them…' She helped him move the letters, until she started to see it too. Words were starting to form. They found a pattern in the setting of the letters, which resembled the choice of cutting capital letters and lowercase letters. They found some of the words were already in English, some needed translation. They were written in English letters, but were Serbian words. 'Novo…' she mumbled while setting the four letters aside. It meant 'New'. It was Roman who was sent to call Price this time. He ran through the corridors of the base, saying sorry to every person he bumped into while trying to get to Price's office.

Unfortunately for him, he found Ghost first. 'Oi!' He called out, making Roman stop in his tracks and turn around. 'You in a rush?' He asked, taking a few steps in his direction. The young linguist looked up at Ghost, his eyes piercing through his soul through the skull plate mask. He mumbled something about the listening post, which clearly interested Ghost in the conversation. Listening post meant Alba. 'We need Price, we figured it out. The code, you know...' He was able to breathe out while regaining his composure. 'She with you?' The other man asked, before starting to walk towards Price's office. 'What…' Roman struggled to follow Ghost's fast walking pace, 'Oh Jude? Yeah, why?' He was given no answer. They both urged Price to follow them and, once in the listening post room, they found Honey and Alba at the desk, hunched over looking at the characters scattered around.

'It makes total fucking sense!' Alba shouted at the door, before awkwardly covering her mouth with her hands, realising Price and Simon were there. Roman let out a loud laugh, joining his two colleagues, even Honey seemed happy and joyful more than Simon ever saw him. He watched Alba smile at her friends, moving one more letter on the table, writing the message on paper. 'S… T, E and R…' Honey whispered. Once they were done, Price and Ghost were allowed to look at it and read it. Alba's eyes encountered Ghost's. Just for a second. She was happy, she was proud. She was gorgeous, he liked how the blazer jacket fell gently on her hips, he liked the strands of hair that were covering the sides of her cheeks, rosy cheeks. He liked the fuzzy sweater she was wearing, a warm beige sweater. He could touch it, feeling the softness.

The message made, indeed, total fucking sense. It said Novo Groblje, which meant new cemetery, it said 'twenty one, one, two two three', which they supposed meant 21st of January of that year. Novo Groblje was a cemetery complex in Belgrade. She stood by the table while Price and Simon examined their work. She patiently waited for them to read the message and ensure they were satisfied with what they saw. It was Simon's look that gave it away. His eyes, his gaze immediately rose to meet hers, he looked at her with dilated pupils, his kind, chocolate brown eyes. He was amused. Price told them they did a good job and to keep up with the listening post for a few more days, just in case they needed any more information about the trafficking, but other than that, they were done.

She went out that night. She put on a dress for the first time in ages. There weren't many bars open too late, Honey suggested drinks to celebrate, Roman said yes, Gaz overheard and took it as the best opportunity to ask her to go out with them. She said yes, she went home and went on a run with Jinx. She was so happy she could't even manage to sit still. She was ecstatic, she had a drink before going out, she had gin hidden somewhere in her kitchen. She wore a dress, just below the knee, it was cold out. It was tight around the waist but fell gently on her hips. Black lace adorned her ribcage, a pattern that looked like flowers on the skin of her breasts. She curled her hair, she put on earrings that looked like pearly rain drops. She wore heels, and got a cab, she didn't want to drive. She intentionally arrived twenty minutes late, she found Roman and Honey at a table in the corner, they were drinking beer. Kyle and Soap were at the counter speaking to a man she didn't know. Kyle whistled when he saw her walking in. 'Look who finally decided to stop working…' He gave her a quick side hug, which she reciprocated, then said hi to Soap. 'What are you drinking?' She let Kyle buy her a beer, she didn't bother choosing, whatever he was having was fine. She noticed his eyes travelling on her figure as she leaned on the counter, she allowed it. They sat for an hour at the table with her two other colleagues, she dragged the soldiers towards Honey and Roman so they could be all together. The conversation was simple and easy, anecdotes and funny stories. She was hiding a yawn with her hand and debating on going home when Johnny gasped. 'Look who showed up…' He whispered, causing her to turn around in the booth, looking towards the entrance of the bar. At eleven in the evening on a Saturday, Simon Riley made his way inside the bar, a crowded bar even. Black mask, leather jacket and, something she had never seen before on him, sneakers. He looked in their direction, a nod of the head to signal that he saw them. He approached the counter to order a drink. Alba got up a minute after, trying not to make it seem too obvious. She said she was gonna get another beer, she asked the boys to watch her purse.

Her heart started beating at a much quicker pace upon seeing him. Did the others invite him, was he there by himself? Maybe he didn't want to be bothered. Was he there to see his friends? She approached him, walked behind him and stood at his right. He turned towards her, his eyes not even reaching her face, slowly making their way up from her naked calves to her chest. 'I wasn't expecting you to come', she crossed her arms in front of her chest, forcing him to look her in the eyes. 'I can leave if you don't want me here.' He replied, to that she smiled. 'Can I buy you a drink?' She offered, making his heart skip a beat. 'To thank you for stealing classified evidence for me.' She said. He allowed himself to stare at her for a few more seconds before replying. Her hair was wavy, falling gently on her shoulders, her makeup shiny on her eyelids. She had some kind of eyeliner on that made the emerald green colour of her pupils stand out. Her cheeks were warm from the alcohol. 'How many have you had?' He asked. He realised he was flirting without even trying, he felt like he was giving in this kind of sin. She was the sin. He felt like the setting, the bar, the fact they were surrounded by strangers, dressed differently from their day to day… It made him feel like he could speak to her that way. 'Just one!' She sat on the stool behind her, reaching his eye level. 'Do I look drunk?' He smiled and shook his head. While he ordered their drinks, she gave their friend's table a look, finding Soap and Kyle staring. 'You guys celebrating?' She concentrated back on Simon. 'I told you Honey would figure it out.' She replied. He didn't have a balaclava on, he had a black surgical mask and the hat she gifted him for Christmas. He partly took off the mask, letting it hang on his right ear, so that his uncovered side faced the wall. She watched him take a sip of his drink.

'They know you're Alba' He said. She nearly choked on her beer.

'I told them you're Alba… by accident.' He corrected himself, like he needed to get that off his chest. She went pale under the lights of the bar.

'What…'

'I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking and I let it slip. Johnny and Gaz...' He looked at her, suddenly apologetic, like a lost puppy. She swallowed a lump in her throat, her blood rushing to her ears. What a way to ruin the night. 'It's fine.' She managed to mumble.

She was still recovering from that information when he spoke again. 'How are… hum.. how are rehearsals going?' He tried to change the subject to make her forget about his terrible revelation. She looked at him appalled, her eyes wide. 'Uhm… good.' She replied awkwardly. He was terrified his attempt to change the subject didn't work. His expression made her giggle, that awful silence between them made her facade crumble. 'Sorry, I'm gonna have to stop speaking to you, you're terrible at keeping secrets', she commented. He seemed to relax, his shoulders less tense. He was really afraid he'd upset her for a moment.

'That's not true…'

'Ah, you told everyone my one secret...' She was smiling at this point, dimples forming in her cheeks. Her left canine teeth was chipped. He drank some more. 'So… rehearsals?' He asked again. Her chest tightened, he really wanted to know? 'It's been hard, there's this one lift which is pretty intense with my dance partner', she fidgeted with a napkin on the wooden counter… 'But the hard part is Snow Queen really, there are 16 fuettés at the end of my first entrance which I can't seem to get right, cause I jump a lot during that part and I get tired, I don't think my left foot is strong enough for those many turns, you know, 16 fuettés is kind of a lot…' she rambled, maybe talking more to herself than to him at this point. But he was there, and you best believe he was listening. 'And then I can kinda relax in the second entrance, but still I got very embarrassed the other day cause I could only get five or six before getting dizzy…' she seemed to suddenly realise he was there. She covered her mouth with her hand, almost self conscious she might have said too much.

'What is a fuetté….' asked Simon.

She smiled, she giggled. 'Sorry… it's a turn on pointe, you turn and then you open your leg to spin again, and again…'

'16 times?'

'16 times, yes.'

'Sounds like a lot. Can't you do less?'

Her smile grew bigger, she felt giddy talking about her dance routine with him. 'That's the choreography…' He nodded. 'Are you getting deployed to Serbia?' She asked, her tone soft, he almost didn't ear her over the music and the noise of chatter in the bar. He shook his head. He explained they had soldiers there already and him and his task force were getting ready for another mission, they were going to get briefed the day after. 'Maybe they'll call you for this one as well… help us out.'

'You finally admit I was helpful then', her pure, proud, cheeky expression made him smile a bit.

'I never said you didn't help us numerous times.'

'What's the mission?' She asked. He said he didn't know yet. They heard a whistle coming from the table where their colleagues were sitting. It was Kyle urging them to go sit with them.

'I made it pretty obvious I left them there to come talk to you…'

He felt like the people around them disappeared, the noise, the smell of booze. She sat beside him or rather in front of him, her heels propped up on the stool, her lacy dress flowing, she looked like a lily, the flower. It could not be real, he couldn't even remember the last time he felt like that, drawn to someone, wanting to get close, touch her arm, feel her skin against his own. And be touched, and be hugged by her, he wanted her attention, he wanted her to look at him, acknowledge him at all times, he was special to her and he deserved her special treatment. He got chosen, over all the others, she just said it, there it was on paper. He didn't imagine it. 'You wanted to talk to me?' He asked, a breath. She leaned into the counter, she heard him cause she was closer. She nodded. 'Why?' He asked.

She smiled. Without putting on a show, she let her hand travel on the counter, until the tip or her pointy acrylic nail poked his finger, wrapped around the beer glass. 'Is it so strange that I want to?' It's not? Did she see past it? The mask, his appearance, the scars, the trauma, his attitude? Or was he never really Ghost when he was around her? Of course he was, she was just so strong and clever to just… see Simon as well. 'I'm not really…', he tried. He didn't push away her hand, his fingers slowly intertwining with hers. Her hands were cold.

'I don't really do this? I don't know when was the last time I actually… you know…', he didn't need to finish, she nodded. She didn't look pitiful. 'Do you want me to tell you why?' She murmured. He didn't really think she had a reason. When he nodded, she started to speak. She looked down at their hands, her fingers brushing his, not really holding his hand, rather exploring the patterns in his skin, tracing them with her nails. 'I think you're kind. You've always been nice to me, considerate. I can tell you care. You know, after last year and Arash and all…' she stopped to take a deep breath, '...it felt nice to have you.' He felt faint. She wasn't done. 'At Christmas and New Years…I think we're different and there are many things you experienced I can't comprehend and stuff about me that you wouldn't get, but… I don't know, I like spending time with you. And speaking to you.' She looked at him with the end of the sentence. His mouth was dry, he felt a strange ringing in his ear. He debated getting out of there, it all sounded absurd, it sure didn't apply to him. She spoke again. 'Was it too much?' She asked.

He was quick to shake his head, but words were just not coming out of his mouth. She let go of his hand, taking a sip and finishing her half pint. He imitated her. 'I guess…', he began, terrified waiting too long to reply would make her think he didn't somehow feel the same. 'I don't know, would you want to… I…' he stuttered and stopped, like he was checking his surroundings, like he was bracing for impact, '…would you like to go out maybe, to eat…' She had this adorable upside down smile on her face, her eyes glistening. 'Yes, sure.' She said.

He stared at her for a few more seconds, to ensure she wasn't gonna spontaneously combust after saying yes to that date. A date. She looked even more heavenly now, like he saw her under a different light. A date. He heard Gaz's voice behind him, probably coming towards the bar to ruin the moment. There were two women dancing to the music and laughing loudly. He heard the noise fo glass shattering on the floor, as someone dropped his drink. He watched her fix a strand of hair behind her ear, he thought he didn't really care at this point. She was his date.

'Want another beer?'

notes: so so late at night for my standards, apologies if you see any mistakes!! happy chapter, I feel full of love after writing this, too bad I'm gonna start writing the last chapter soon... as I promised hell, hell I will deliver. I feel like now is a good time to announce the follow up series to professional help, THE NIGHT OF THE TARANTULA, which will be posted in the next few months, featuring alba, simon and many others!! can you guess what I will be about?

taglist: @random-fandom-smoothie

@ghostlythots @sweetfemmefatal @natxpat @chavarriakeren647 @ravenmoore14 @farther-than-pleiades @internallyscreamings @hwromi @atoxicrat @cuti3maddi3 @deafeningkittenblaze @its-celeste @serene-hills @lexidoll12 @poohkie90 @lunatiquess

@warmedbythebody @katzykat @iristhemuse @azkza @keiraslayz @abbyandermine @jennyjencakes @dest-nai @corset-briefs @nutze-kekse @ilytsukiw @b3anspr0ut

@pondsblog @missyouzoe @fallenkitten @bigauthorrascalturkey @bethtay @angelynn-nicole @starluv @stargirlisworld @giyuuslittleslut @impossiblecupcakelight

@rkrivees-blog @ghosts-hoe @kam1snotverysmart @gauky76 @freyjaaasstuff @spicyspicyliving @scottpilgrimvsmyfists @courtney0-0 @shinchanboi @darling006 @my-therapist-hates-me

[dissapointu]

You write so fast omg 🫣 So I'm back with more ideas

Reader who has a terminal illness(Anguish??👀) , she is a doctor who tests herself and is responsible for finding several cures for people with diseases

She loves helping people since she can't help herself, a scenario with Viktor(come back home my love), Jayce, Silco and haimerdingers would be amazing <3

terminally ill doctor (with the condition Anguish) who helps others but struggles with her own illness. The characters Viktor, Jayce, Silco, and Heimerdinger

Viktor

Viktor had always admired your brilliance, your unyielding desire to save others despite your own condition. But lately, the look in your eyes had changed. There was a weight in your gaze, something that betrayed your struggle. He noticed the slight tremor in your hands when you reached for a vial of medicine or the way you would pause in the middle of a conversation, your breath catching, as if the Anguish was threatening to pull you under.

His heart ached for you, knowing you’d dedicated your life to saving others, finding cures, and yet the very thing you couldn’t cure was yourself. The guilt he felt for not being able to fix this—despite all his work in the field of science and technology—was unbearable.

One evening, as you sat hunched over your desk, surrounded by papers and vials, he entered the room quietly. “Come back to bed, my love,” Viktor whispered softly, his voice a balm to the storm in your chest. His words weren’t just an invitation to rest—they were a plea for you to let him take care of you for once.

He carefully approached, kneeling beside you and gently brushing a lock of hair from your forehead. “I know you don’t like to stop, but you’ve done so much. Let me help. Please, rest.” He reached for your hand, bringing it to his chest where his heart beat just a little faster than usual. “We’ll find a way to cure you, together. I promise.”

Jayce

Jayce had never been one to let anyone shoulder the burden alone. He admired your intelligence and dedication, but seeing you slowly fade, despite all your efforts, was a painful reminder of his own helplessness. He’d watched you push through your illness, continuing your research as if nothing had changed, always putting others before yourself.

“Why?” Jayce asked one day, his voice thick with frustration. “Why do you keep pushing yourself so hard when you know how much it’s costing you?”

You glanced at him, your tired eyes soft but filled with quiet resolve. “Because I can’t help myself,” you whispered. “But I can help them. And that’s enough.”

Jayce stepped closer, his hand cupping your cheek gently. “It’s not enough, not if it means losing you. Please… we need you here with us.”

With a heavy sigh, Jayce wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a tight embrace, his words muffled in your hair. “Come back to me, okay? Let me take care of you. Let me share your burden.” He held you like that, as if he could shield you from the world’s cruelty, even though he knew the weight of the situation.

Silco

Silco was a man of control, of power. He didn’t let weakness show, and he certainly didn’t allow himself to rely on anyone. But when it came to you, he was different. He could see the toll your illness was taking on you, and though he would never admit it outright, it terrified him. He couldn’t afford to lose you, not when you had become such an integral part of his life. Your brilliance had helped him in ways no one else could—fixing things, offering him solutions he could only dream of. But it hurt him to see the woman he cared for slipping away, even though you would never ask for his help.

One evening, when you collapsed into a chair, too weak to continue your work, Silco’s voice was low but intense as he approached. “You can’t keep doing this. Your research won’t matter if you’re gone.”

You looked up, and his piercing gaze softened, though only for a brief moment. “I’ll find a cure for myself, just as I’ve done for others,” you said, a determined yet fragile smile on your face.

“Let me help you,” Silco’s voice was quiet, almost as if the words pained him to say. He rarely asked for help, but for you, he’d make an exception. “You don’t have to carry this burden alone. It’s killing you, and I won’t let it take you from me.”

His usual coldness was replaced by something raw—vulnerable—and for a moment, you saw the man he truly was. You didn’t have to do this alone. Silco would ensure that.

Heimerdinger

Heimerdinger’s heart broke for you. He had always seen the potential in you, admired your intellect, but seeing you slowly weaken because of your condition was more than he could bear. He knew there was nothing he could do with his current knowledge to help you, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to try.

He often stayed up late with you, pouring over research, working through theories, hoping that somehow, together, you could find a way to fix this. But he knew the truth: even his vast knowledge of science couldn’t change the fact that you were slipping away. It was a cruel irony that someone so devoted to saving others was unable to save themselves.

One night, after a long day of research, he found you sitting quietly in your office, gazing out the window, exhausted and defeated. He quietly approached, his small hands trembling as he placed them on your shoulder.

“You’ve done so much for this world,” he said, his voice gentle and full of emotion. “I only wish I could do more for you. You’ve worked so hard, and I fear it has cost you everything. But there is still hope, as long as you’re with us. We will continue looking for a solution. Together.”

Heimerdinger paused, glancing at the papers on the desk before returning his gaze to you. “You don’t have to fight this alone.”

[neon--nightmare]

SO EACH FRESH PARASITE CANONICALLY HAS LIKE,, ONE ‘POWER.’ fresh doesnt have one bc he can use the abilities/magic of the host body, which his other parasites can’t!! the powers also get stronger the more they age, but not only is it rare for fresh parasites to even live long enough to take a host (fresh usually produces them involuntarily, spits them out into a bucket, and crushes them all into powder bc theyre competition and put him directly at risk) they tend to either get tracked down by him later or well. die due to other circumstances bc they were just born and tend not to be the best at subtlety/controlling and using their power with zero experience <- I NEED TO MAKE A FRESH PARASITE OC LORE GUIDE SOMETIME

toffee’s (my fresh parasite oc) power was literal emotional manipulation (e.g. if they touched you they could make you feel what they wanted, not by overwriting your current emotions BUT more just. adding them on top.) but they also had all the subtlety of a steamroller because they were barely a few months old AND could only do the most basic emotions (happiness, sadness, fear, anger)

oh toffee my toffee.. iirc if they lived long enough for personal growth theyd end up with DEBILITATINGLY low self esteem. if someone you cared about was sad and you had the ability to smother their misery out with happiness, calm them down and make it easier, wouldnt it be at least a little tempting to take it?

especially if all your life, that was your gift, your solution to every problem related to others you had, and your ticket to survival in a world that wants you dead merely for existing. you never knew anything else, how to comfort, help, how to be genuine. how to care, when being cared about, any living thing knowing the abomination that you are - it’s terrifying, it’s risky. you’re not very strong, you’re small, and you’ve never known one day of peace in your own short life. never the kind word of a parent, of a friend, of a partner. since the day of your birth, wriggling away like a leech as all your ‘siblings’ were crushed to dust behind you, the only one you’ve ever had is yourself.

and how would the other beings even react if they found out that the whole time they’d known you, any of your emotions weren’t theirs? the joy with you, sadness, fear was magically induced, and you never told them. they can’t trust any of their memories with you. it’s a defense mechanism, but you still did it. you still made the choice, over and over and over again. how could that ever be forgiven? tampering with minds leaves marks, after all.

and if just by being around you the people you cared about felt supernaturally happy, how could you trust that they actually liked you for YOU and not just what you could do for them? they don’t even know you’re a parasite, that the host body you’re forced to take for survival is in constant pain, agony, where the only alrernative is rolling over and letting yourself die. how could you trust if anything they say, the love they profess is true! everyone adores you, but they don’t adore you. they’ll never like you, so does it even matter?

isn’t it easier to shut down, not get attached, not let yourself care? it hurts less that way. treat them all like toys, keep yourself on top. no, better not to think about it at all. you’re just doing what you can to keep yourself alive, to see the sun crest the horizon again tomorrow. distract yourself, take advantage, manipulate, run, run, little thing, and never stop to think. or the awareness of what you are and what you’ve done will destroy you, and there’ll be nothing left.

(slushie’s under the cut so this doesn’t get TOO long!!)

while slushie’s (second fresh parasite oc’s) power was fast regeneration (if their host body was hurt it healed much faster than normal, usually without scars or visible cracks/fractures!) they were very clumsy and developed a very, very high pain tolerance. since unless they were wounded enough to actually lose a limb or something, which they hadn’t yet, there were no consequences besides an unpleasant yet deeply familiar sensation that faded in like, an hour maximum. in their mind that’s how it is for everyone, just a fact of life.

whatever accidents you get in, whatever happens to your host body, it doesn’t matter! you’ll be fine, without a scratch. the idea of a life where you don’t bleed magic every day and wake back up in the morning is nearly impossible to fathom. you nearly die, let yourself be torn apart willingly by those you latch onto with a smile, and get back up, again, and again, and again. you can’t trust anyone who doesn’t hurt you, it’s too unfamiliar, it doesn’t make sense, that’s what you live for. why do others look so horrified when you mention it?

that’s just the way things are, were, and always will be.

[profoundlyfaded]

Thank you for answering!

I came to the same conclusion, with similar reasoning - yes, the fear of dying is probably the biggest aspect, but I had other factors both influenced by the romance and out of it but linked.

What I love about the idea of Lichdom in this game is that it’s not something evil. You have to have a moral conscience to survive the sifting of the soul, and I think deep down that Emmrich doesn’t think he’s good enough for it - I’ve mentioned it before when I added those thoughts to your post about the Harding dialogue - he’s been ridiculed and received scorn for coming from poorer means. That sort of thing leaves a mark on the mind no matter how much you rise. Simply, he fears death and fears he is not good enough through deep buried shame.

At this point in his life, I don’t think a non-romanced Emmrich would choose Lichdom either. The implication I get is that he already has the right to undergo the final rites and has been putting it off. It feels to me that he if he hadn’t left with Rook, he’d have waited to attempt the final rites until he was on his death bed - the last chance to avoid eternal death, and more time to stock up on being mentally worthy.

Within the romanced storyline, I think another reason that Emmrich would chose mortality is because even if you say you’re okay with Lichdom (that said, I don’t know how this conversation looks for a non-Mourn Watch Rook), I don’t think he would actually take that at face value. I actually think he would be held back by the consideration that loving an entity of dead flesh and bone, would be a step too far. He’s at great pains to tell Rook that the usual rules don’t apply - which basically translated as ‘it’s not classed as necrophilia, darling, I’ll have a soul’. So clearly, there is a rule that you don’t engage in romantic relationships with the undead - probably why he’s so pissed off with Taash for calling him a skull fucker; it’s abhorrent.

That fear of Lichdom being a step too far is represented in the crypt scene after The Fade in the Lich Path; they’re in private but he’s in mortal form. My initial, raw analysis of that was he was giving Rook comfort with the familiarity of the face they fell in love with but no, the decision to appear mortal is about him and his feelings. He thinks Rook’s feelings have diminished and there is the gentle push away when he tells them they need to rest because he’s bracing himself for the end. I suspect there is a part of romanced Lich-Emmrich who might consider the relationship close to the moral line of the aforementioned abhorrence.

As an over thinker, romanced Emmrich would have probably considered this in the abstract and would have been another barrier for him in choosing Lichdom. He will do anything to keep Rook, even face his greatest fear and put aside his life’s work to keep them.

As an aside, it’s quiet funny really that if you go down the Lichdom route, you are quiet possibly unleashing pure, unbridled chaos if Emmrich is romanced. He’s so polished and comes across as beyond reproach - you think to yourself, he’s a guy who can handle the responsibility of watching over the world for eternity…. Nothing could possibly go wrong here…

You’ve done the deep dives, and considered a good number of elements in your study of Emmrich’s romance… so my question is… for a romanced Emmrich, of course…

At the point of making the decision, if Emmrich was making it autonomously, would he choose to remain mortal or become a Lichlord?

And why?

When I read this at 6:00am yesterday I sat like this for a good 20 minutes before passing out, contemplating -

And I think I have an answer for you.

Romanced Rook

With a romanced Rook, I think (and yes of course a developer, and RPG decision, but outside of that -) a romanced Rook x Emmrich and this decision is actually an important part of their dynamic. We think back to the graveyard scene, the one where you can discuss lichdom and commit to his romance. He specifically states that he will inform Rook before making any decision and gather their input, as Emmrich will consider a romanced Rook a 'close family member'.

I believe Emmrich is also looking for that validation. We know how 'fast' a romanced Emmrich and Rook can progress in their relationship because they are perceived outside of their relationship to be two fools in love. I think Emmrich is asking Rook as a form of, what do I do? What are you okay with? I think Emmrich may believe that Rook knows him better than he knows himself at that point in time. Rook mirrors his fears too. Emmrich has a fear of death, Rook a fear of failure.

All in all i think Emmrich seeks out Rook's advice because he loves them and I think that's important.

The Decision

This is quite a difficult decision, but if we look at the dialogue during each choice in that scene, I believe if Emmrich was making the decisons autonomously, he would choose mortality. I say this because when you choose lichdom as Emmrich's decision path, the reasoning for choosing it is "you are well equipped to deal with lichdom emmrich". I beg your finest pardon but in what universe is he well equipped. He did not in a mere FEW HOURS, get over the fear death. He could barely hold up the lantern untill Rook encouraged him and manfred showed him what courage is. I think pure love and courage that was shown to him would factor into his own decision. Additionally, if you choose the mortal decision of resurrecting manfred, he requires far less 'convinving' and Rook offers simple guidance, "oh ya know things maight be easier: compared to "youre well equipped do it".

All in all, I think he would, in his decision, choose mortality. Simply because Emmrich has his life now, his family, and he can see that. You can see that in the final boss fight with Hezenkoss. He chose to be courageous. Lichdom was his way to escape his fears, not transcend them in the name of love.

[ionomycin]

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