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megastarstriker · 4 years ago

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~{Unfortunate Events}~𝑨𝒛𝒊𝒓𝒂𝒑𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒙 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒙 𝑪𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒍𝒆𝒚 ---------------------------------------------- 𝓟𝓡𝓞𝓛𝓞𝓖𝓤𝓔 •·················•·················•

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“Faithful Encounters”

Part Two

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𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: Aziraphale x reader x Crowley

𝙁𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙤𝙢: Good Omens

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝘾𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩:??

𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: She was just the new angel that day, only to be casted out on the spot, like a baby bird being thrown out of its nest to learn how to fly on its own against its will. She was an outcast and had no place or purpose there or even in the pits of fire. Now she finds herself reliving her traumatizing nightmare when she was child, as she counts the final days of the world’s demise as she plans ruining ‘The Lady Above’s Great Plan’.( I do not own Good Omens or its characters only the ones I create.)

��𝒆𝒚𝒔 :

(Y/N) = Your Name

(S/C) = Skin Color

(B/T) = Body Type

(H/C) = Hair Color

(H/L) = Hair Length

(H/S) = Hair Style

(Y/A) = Your Accent

(F/C) = Favorite Clothing

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TOM HIDDLESTON as 𝘼𝙯𝙖𝙯𝙚𝙡

I walked down briskly as I looked at my watch.

“No way in hell that was Crowley”, I whispered to myself harshly hoping no one could hear me, as I walked through the crowded streets.

‘But then again he was literally from hell’ I thought with quite the reasoning but shook my head from those silly thoughts, and kept walking until I saw the Ritz.

‘Seriously what are the chances I was gonna meet Aziraphale as well’, I thought with a nervous chuckle,’ I’m pretty sure its very low and if it were to happen it will be from complete coincidence. Besides as far as I know, does not leave his bookshop on busy days and this day is no exception from that.’

I then opened the door to the Ritz and looked around to see if a spotted a certain friend of mine and surely enough from all of the people that were either talking, chattering , simply sitting in a calm fashion there was only one of the rest that had there arm raising as they waved excitedly at me in a likely childish way.

Almighty, I thought with a sigh as I walked towards the smiling lady at her table.

“Hey, (Y/N)”, she said in a cheery voice as she welcomed me.

“Hello, Elizabeth how are you doing?”, I asked a bit bored yet happy tone to see her.

“Good, well don’t just stand there have a seat!”, She said as she gestured to the seat across from her as I gladly made myself comfortable,” I’m so glad to see you didn’t keep me waiting like the last time.”

“Well, I was planning on doing it again, but I rather prefer this side of yours than the other as much as I hate to admit it.”, I replied with smirk as

“You are such a meanie you know that”, She replied with playful expression as she slapped my hand lightly.

“Only when I want to, of course.”, I replied with a small chuckle as I fixed my seat,” So what was this ’Oh So important gossiping thing’ you had to tell me anyways, that you apparently dragged me here for.”

“Well, if you’re insisting then I guess I should tell you”, She replies,” Anyways..”

After we ordered our food and waited ,a whole 20 minutes passed of her telling me how her day was, she then started to ask me how was my day.

“Oh nothing really”, I said trying to keep my face neutral but failed as I lied.

“Oh Big Bullocks, tell me because from the looks of that face you’re making it seems you saw something interesting all right and I wanna know.”, She replied clearly not buying my lie for a minute.

“I sort of ran into a guy ,an old friend of mine, who I was very close friends with-”, I responded midsentence but was cut off by her to continue.

“You what?!”, She said her eyes wide as saucers with a excited grin as she misinterpreted what I just said,”(Y/N) do you know what this means, what you just said?”

“Um, sort of... I”, I responded in confusion as my eyes squinted at her slightly.

“You are in love!”, She said as she smiled widely and squealed like nails on a chalkboard.

Catching on to what she was saying I immediately declined.

“Oh no no its nothing like that, believe me your getting way ahead of yourself,” I responded in a bland expression as I tried to hide meekly blush appearing on my cheeks.

“Of course it is, you’re only making it more obvious by denying it you know”, She replied trying to pry out the information out of me.

“No there isn’t any love indication with him and I’m sure of it. I’m serious”, I replied trying to think of a way to change the subject.

I then spotted the food tray on our table.

“Oh wow would you look at that the food has arrived!”, I said in a cheerful tone as I thanked the waiter for bringing our food.

“Mark my words, (Y/N) (L/N) I will find out your secret, you so cravingly hide.”, She said as she pointed the spoon at me as she squinted her eyes at me.

“Speaking of cravings. Let’s eat.” I said suddenly successfully changing the subject.

After we finished eating and payed for our delicious food, we headed outside for a walk.

“So were would you like to go?”, I asked her as I walked beside her.

“Well there is this bookshop, I’ve been wanting to go to, maybe look at some books.”, She said thinking out loud as she paced through her mind,” It’s a few blocks away I believe if I’m correct.”

“Well, I’ll go if you go. Lead the way”, I said as I followed her

It took us a few moments to get there but when we did reach the bookshop I couldn’t help but have the feeling I’ve seen this before.

“A.Z. Fell & Co. Bookshop”, I read as I looked at the sign, the store’s outward appearance was a bright red and had two signs one that said ‘OPEN’ and other had an Opening hours that was surprisingly and oddly long. It read:

Bookshop Opening Hours

"I open the shop on most weekdays about 9:30 AM. perhaps 10AM. While occasionally I open the shop as early as 8, I have been known not to open until 1. Except on Tuesday. I tend to close about 3:30 PM, or earlier if something needs tending to. However, I might occasionally keep the shop open until 8 or 9 at night, you never know when you might need some night reading. On days that I am not in, the shop will remain closed. On weekends, I will open the shop during normal hours unless I am elsewhere. Bank Mondays will be treated in the usual fashion, with early closing on Wednesdays, or sometimes Fridays.

(For Sundays see Tuesdays)

A. Z. Fell, Bookseller"

“Well from the looks of it it’s opened,” I said as I ignored the long opening hour sign in front of me as it was far too tiring to read,” After you.”

I opened the door for my friend while I followed behind her as the door closed causing a ‘ding’ of a bell to sound on the shop, alerting that someone had entered.

I awed in amazement as I saw the bountiful of books in the shelves,

‘This place looked stunning, even more than my library at home’ I thought as I scanned the bookshelves that held many marvelous and classical books.

“Oh no! I have to leave”, I heard Elizabeth say in panic, As she looked at her watch with wide eyes,” I’ll get fired if I don’t hurry, I’m sorry I couldn’t stay for long.”

“It’s Okay, besides we’ll meet some other time”, I said giving her a small smile.

“Thank You for understanding”, She said giving me a small smile of her own,” Well, I’m off. Bring me a book as well!”

Just like that, she left the shop leaving me and the peaceful silence to myself. I went back to scanning the room in the shop and the books.

I came across a bookshelf and started dragging my fingers across the books embroidered and well- defined spines. I came across one that read “To Kill a Mockingbird A Novel by Harper Lee.”

As I was about to take the precious book from the shelf I heard a clear cough from someone behind, causing me to flinch and startling me as I backed away causing my back to hit something as I felt it touch my shoulder very delicately but the. As I was about to take the precious book from the shelf

“U-Umm Excuse me, sorry to inter-”, I heard a voice say behind me, after it cleared its throat awkwardly.

Startling me, I jumped and backed away causing my back to hit something as I felt it touch my shoulders very delicately but then disappear as I heard footsteps back away from behind me.

“Oh Dear, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” The masculine voice said in a soft tone.

I then turned around quickly locking eyes with two bright and beautiful ocean ones. The man—I had now confirmed—seemed to fit right in with the rest of the shop. His clothes had a very vintage feel to them, and although it was highly unlikely, something in myself told me that they were all original. He was not terribly tall, but he wasn’t short, either. He had such a kind face, that was currently frowning in embarrassment. All of this was topped off by some extremely blond curls—so blond in fact that they may as well have been white. Although he would not be considered particularly handsome by most estimates, something about him was drawing me to him like bread to butter. the person did had some gained weight on him that had stood out very adorably with his nifty pastel suit and brown shoes that perfectly matched his cute little white bow tie on his neck. There was this sense of peaceful aura circulating around in a radiating way when I was near him. There was no denying in my mind that this person looked oh so gorgeous and undoubtedly out of a masterpiece painting. Purity and dainty was marked and sculptured in his beauty like an angel with perfection. Exactly like an angel. No, He was an angel. It was Aziraphale without a doubt in mind.

“You just looked so happy and so focused, I just thought it would be rude and no good manner of mine to interrupt your concentration.”, He said as he looked down in a meek and shy manner a nervous smile planted on his plump rosy lips.

“U-Um no worries...its Okay”, I started to say in a stammer, as I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment as I stared at him. ’Why am I stammering’ I thought in my head as I have never had occurred to have done this before.

“Oh really, well that’s good to hear, Crowley said that I had a tendency of sneaking up on people.”, Aziraphale said a hint of relief in his voice and with heart-warming smile along with chuckle.

I laughed as well feeling my heart skipped a beat and beating out of my chest repeatedly as if the sound I just heard was the most perfect sound ever created. ’Seriously what’s going on with me’ I thought in my mind thinking I was probably sick or coming down with something

“Good Heaven’s, where are my manners? I’m Aziraphale and the current owner of this shop. And you are miss...?”, He said as he held out his hand in a welcome fashion

“Mrs. (L/N), but my friends call me (Y/N) and its an honor to be standing in your bookshop”, I replied as I shook his warm hand gently in mine.

“Oh, Thank You and its great to meet your acquaintance...”, He said with a happy grin on his face as he shook my hand happily.

“Have you come to purchase a book here by any chance.”, He asked as he let go of my hand and put both of them behind his back, his face changing in a neutral expression,” Because if you were so happened to be here for that matter, I’m afraid it’s closed.”

“Well, I- Um, had a friend who so happened that wanted to come here, but she left moments ago and I’m afraid she won’t come later,” I explained in a nice manner,” We were planning on looking about around your shop and see what books you had in here, and maybe buy one not completely sure. You see this is our first time at your bookshop. The sign outside said it was “OPEN” if I remembered.”

“Oh I must of forgotten to turn the sign at the door! I can be really so forgetful at times,” Aziraphale said in realization with a hint of horror, then his face was wearing a small smile that was adorned prettily with his rosy cheeks as he rambled with excitement, ”Well then, my dearest of welcome to you and U-Um you are free to look around the shelves in the shop and pick your book, you can also come to me if you have any trouble if you’d like or need any assistance in picking one, of course there’s that one-- Oh goodness me ”

“Well now that you mention it, I actually don’t even know what book to look for, I hope it wouldn’t be a bother if I could ask for some help from you, Aziraphale?”, I replied as I smiled slightly at him saying his name in a soft tone.

He looked at me with those captivating eyes of his and hastily replied, ”N-no it wouldn’t be at all, on the contrary I actually enjoy helping people and its my job, especially with finding a good book to read. I like reading myself, you see and in terms of working here I pretty much know all of these books from top to bottom. You never know when someone needs a good night reading or any literature for that matter. ”

“Wow you mean, you work here all by yourself and do everything around here.” I said in complete amazement as I looked at this person with utter most respect as I followed him at his side.

“Y-yes I do in fact, but its never a bother for me ,really. It keeps me more motivated to do things around and it keeps me busy, despite how hard it is. It does get quite lonely here, but the silence hear is lovely and perfect for reading-- I’m rambling again aren’t I? ”

“Oh its okay ramble away if you have to, its quite entertaining. You weren’t joking about the shop being quiet though,” I said as I let out a joyful chuckle, trailing behind him.

“You are too nice and yes it is quiet indeed”, He agreed as he laughed along, he then went and carried a big stack of books towards, ”I’ll be back, once I’m done organizing these over on that shelf”

The books looked pretty heavy and there where piled no more higher than him and it worried me that it was going to fall as it wiggled and the carrier holding the mount of books was having a lot of trouble.

“Are you sure you don’t need any help with that?”, I asked with concern as I watched him trying to look were he was going by peeking slightly at the front of the pile of assorted books.

“Uh No no need, Dear. Just having a bit of trouble carrying them that’s all, they are quite heavy.”, He said with a bashful chuckle as he kept walking towards a hallway his lips forming sounds of struggle.

Not buying a bit of his excuse, I decided to take it upon myself to follow him and as I stood in front of his view, grabbed half of the stacks that were above the pile as many as I could until I had the same amount of books in Aziraphale’s hands. Startled and now being able to see clearly as there were no more little than 7 or 6 books in his hands, he looked at me shocked and with softness in his eyes.

“You do know it’s okay, to ask for help, Right?”, I said with a smile, as I carried the pile of books in my hands.

“O-of course ....Thank You”, He said as he looked at me with slightly wide eyes in pure shock, a hint of shyness in his voice.

“Your welcome”, I replied with a small grin.

A few hours passed as I helped Aziraphale with sorting his books on the shelves, and he talked about many things and books as well as I did, the only sound in the shop was the clock ticking by. But as we did there was something that has been bothering me since we first talked. ‘Why didn’t he remember’, I thought with worry.

‘It has been many years since I’ve seen him so maybe it wouldn’t have really jogged his memory for me to appear, but then again I did kind of expected him to at least remember me’ I thought quite angrily yet understanding as I thought of the angel,’ Couldn’t really blame him though with upstairs and all of that involved it wouldn’t surprise me for him to forget me, too many years of paperwork I guess. Shouldn’t that be a good thing though? I mean for all I know as much as an angel of a principality he is and may seem he could be working with heaven to execute me and he is danger to me if it does seem that way.

“Well, now that the books are in there proper places”, Aziraphale said as he looked at the books he had just stocked with glee,” I’m ready to help you with finding the perfect book for you. So what do you like to read in your spare time?”

“Mostly about Paris or anything really that captures my attention, but to save your time after sorting all those books with me...,” I said as I paused for a moment to look at the bookshelf and analyzing each book, then later spotting one that caught my curious eye,” Aha! This one.”

I took it out and the embellished cover read, “Faust by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.”

“Hmm its seems like a good read and exactly what I’m looking for”, I said as I pondered, looking at it for a moment,” Is it okay if I just borrow it?”

“I can tell and know how much these books mean to you, and besides I already have a library of my own at home. I do keep promises, when I say that I will return it as soon as I have finished it.”, I added knowing fully well why he seemed hesitant to reply to my question on borrowing the book.

“Well you did help and I appreciate it a bunch. As a matter a fact you can keep it,” He said almost a bit hesitant, but nonetheless very kindly and with a small smile, ”As a gift for helping me and all.”

“I couldn’t, I only helped because I wanted to not for something in return. I really can’t accept this”, I replied as I stubbornly declined his generous and absolutely kind offering.

“It’s a gift between friends”, He said softly as he looked at me,” I enjoyed your company very much, and It would make me very happy if you would accept it. I have an extra copy of that same book anyways”

Geez he really is an angel. He really lives the name up to its potential and meaning.

“Okay, but I’ll only accept it if you agree to let me help you around if you need any.”, I said as I held the book tightly in my hand,” and to let me come to your shop every once in a while. If you’ll let me that is?.”

“Since you insist, Of course and you are welcome to my shop whenever you can.”, He said in a friendly manner as he kept that smile on his face.

“Is it okay if I can read it in here for a while?”, I asked him half-wishing and half-hoping he would say yes,” That’s if you are fine with it.”

“There isn’t that many customers coming in today and I was about to sit down and catch up on my daily reading as well. Of course you can stay”, He responded with a glowing and beaming grin as he went to put on his reading glasses that looked very good on him.

“Thank You,” I said as my heart beat in excitement and with happiness mixed together.

“No need for that, I actually enjoy your company very much,” He responded waving off my “thanks”,” I’m afraid, its not every day you get to enjoy a nice book with someone else who likes them as much as I do. Glad to see, that I could share it with you.”

“Would you like some tea?”, He asked me as he carried a tray with two cups.

“Oh yes. Thank you very much,” I replied as I took the cup he had placed in the small table in front of me.

I then remembered something important that I had to do today and quickly declined as I made up an excuse.

“Um, now that you mention it I can’t stay...”, I replied in a hurry as I rambled in explanation with embarrassment,” I had this thing going on that I left at home and should be waiting for me ...”

“Oh really?”, He said in a surprised tone at my sudden outburst.

“Yes and I better get going, so have a nice and wonderful day.”, I said as I hurried for the door outside, before the man outside could open it. As I heard Aziraphale say ‘Come Again!’ behind me. I replied with a “Will do!” as the door to the shop closed swiftly behind me. Feeling blue and guilt for the angel I so much adored for not staying, as I thought of a way to repay him. I sat down on a abandoned bench with no people walking in plain sight. I then grabbed my “Divine Comedy” book I had in my coat and looking sideways I mentally miracled some sticky note out of thin air with a pen and with my best calligraphy writing, I wrote:

“𝓓𝓮𝓪𝓻 𝓐𝔃𝓲𝓻𝓪𝓹𝓱𝓪𝓵𝓮,

𝐼'𝓂 𝓈𝑜𝓇𝓇𝓎 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓇𝓊𝓃𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑜𝒻𝒻 𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓁𝒾𝑒𝓇 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝑒𝓁𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓎𝑜𝓊, 𝐼 𝒽𝑜𝓅𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝒹𝒾𝒹𝓃'𝓉 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝓅𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑒𝒹 𝑜𝓇 𝑜𝒻𝒻𝑒𝓃𝒹𝑒𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒾𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝓌𝒶𝓎. 𝐼 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝒶𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝑒𝓃𝒿𝑜𝓎𝑒𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓅𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝓉𝑜𝑜 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒶 𝓌𝑜𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇𝒻𝓊𝓁 𝓂𝒾𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓁𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓂𝑒𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓂𝓎 𝒻𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒹. 𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓉'𝓈 𝓌𝒽𝓎 𝐼 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝓊𝓅 𝓉𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊, 𝒷𝓎 𝑔𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓁𝓊𝓃𝒸𝒽 𝓉𝑜𝓂𝑜𝓇𝓇𝑜𝓌 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝒸𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓅𝒾𝒸𝓀 𝓉𝑜 𝒸𝒽𝑜𝑜𝓈𝑒, 𝒾𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊'𝒹 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝒻𝓇𝑒

𝐿𝑒𝓉'𝓈 𝒽𝑜𝓅𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝑒𝒶𝒸𝒽 𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝑔𝒶𝒾𝓃

𝒲𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝐵𝓁𝑒𝓈𝓈𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈,

(𝒴/𝒩) (𝐿/𝒩)

𝓟.𝓢. 𝐼 𝓃𝑜𝓉𝒾𝒸𝑒𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒹𝒾𝒹𝓃'𝓉 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒷𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝒾𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓅. 𝐻𝑜𝓅𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔!”

I then put the cap on the pen and laid it down beside me. Taking out the written sticky note, I paste it on the front of the book’s cover and miracled it to the shop with a snap of my fingers. I then grabbed the pen and sticky note box as I placed them neatly in the pockets of my coats. Whistling a tune, I couldn’t ignore the growing happy grin on my face, as my heart grew wings and did a happy dance as I would if I was alone and not in the public streets.

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{Nighttime}

I walked in a brisk pace as my feet hit the pavement on the ground as I made my long walk, As I approached my home and opened it. I then closed it and just when I did, I saw a silhouette of a man sitting in my chair in the moonlight as everything surrounding him was painted dark and pitch black.

“Home sweet Home”, The demon, Azazel said in a bored and mysterious tone as he looked at me with his piercing eyes, with a glint of curiosity behind it,”(Y/N)”

“What are you doing in my home?!” I asked startled and angry as I grabbed the vase next to me,” How many more times do I have to tell you to leave me alone before I resort to violence.”

“No hello? How nice of you. Well then, all greetings aside,” The demon said as it approached quietly with each footstep, only to see clearly as it stood in the light’s view, the demon looked and dressed decently in his black coat that he wore with his tie, hands clasped together behind his back and long black hair slicked back as he looked at me with a bored face,” I’m here to talk about business. I believe you know what I’m talking about.”

As I heard a thunder clap from outside, the pitter-pattering of rain resounding outside as it fell, covering the windows like a cascade or waterfall, I looked at the man in front of me with fury and disgust.

“Yes quite frankly, and no I’m not joining your side if that’s what you are offering. Neither you or them for that matter”, I said in irritation as I looked at the demon with a glare as I tried my best to be polite in the most hateful way as I pointed up and down to signify ‘Heaven and Hell’, I then pointed towards the door that leads to the outside,” There is the door, so you can show yourself off now.”

“Yes I know and I’m afraid, I won’t be doing that.”, He said with a dead and irritated tone obviously not bothered by my way of speaking,” I didn’t came here for that, I came because my Highness has sent a message for you.”

He then took something from his pocket and there was a letter with the name “Lucifer” burnt and imprinted on the front of the envelope with seal symbol of a pentagram.

“I don’t want his bribing or anything from him. I’m not some product or weapon to be bought with or to mess around ”, I said in a stern strict voice not wanting anything to with the demon or his poor excuse of his so called Highness, Lucifer, as I kept a confident posture, and not taking the envelope or so as to touch it whatsoever from his hands.

“It is not my place to say this, but the sooner you cut this weak and rubbish act of bravery and join our side, the easier it is for the both of us and this war,” He responded as he put the letter on the table,” In the end you don’t really have much of a choice, anyways.”

“What the hell are you talking about?!”, I asked in anger and irritation in my voice as I stood still in my spot in front of him somehow confused with what he said.

He then walked past me towards the door rudely, and not answering my question as he turn the doorknob and left not caring for the rain that pouring down from the star covered night sky, I followed after him in frustration as I yelled at him,” Answer me!”

“Oh I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise of the ‘Great Plan’, you’ll soon see yourself,” He responded as he stopped dead in his tracks, his back turned and facing me as drops of rain covered his body. He then turned his head towards me and said the sentence that I feared the most with a devilish-eating grin,” After All,......”

“𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝐸𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓈 𝒩𝒾𝑔𝒽”

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{So what did you guys think?

I made Tom Hiddleston as my character Azazel because he fit the characteristics pretty well as he did for Loki.

I hope you liked it

and stay tuned for the next chapter}

#aziraphale x reader #aziraphale #crowley x reader #good omens crowley x reader #good omens #michael sheen #david tennant #tom hiddleston

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mirkwoodshewolf · 4 years ago

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Ready now; Queen x reader

*Author’s note*

To the anon who requested this from way back when, I first wanna thank you for being SUPER PATIENT with me. I was going through a lot at the time you sent the request but I am slowly but surely getting through them. Eventually once I get the chance, I may open requests back up again.

Now there’s not really any serious warnings other than swearing, fluff, and angst. I hope you all enjoy this fic and until next time stay safe, stay healthy, stay positive.

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@ixchel-9275

@simonedk

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@platawnic

@queensdivas

@geek-and-proud

@queendeakyy

@kairosfreddie

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*Oklahoma city, Oklahoma, 1976*

It was like every other Wednesday night at COWBOY’S. The live dancing, bull riding, and of course the famed karaoke night. I’ve been coming to this club for as long as I can remember, in fact I think I was a kid when I first came here. It was to see my mama sing for karaoke night and of course my dad is known around here as the world champion bull rider.

He kept that title from the time he was 16 up till just before I was born. And because of his reputation, I (and I hate to admit it) but I get special treatment every time I go to Cowboy’s. In fact the current owner, he was my dad’s longtime friend and fellow bull riding competitor.

As I walked inside I could already see the place was packed with people. Line dancing and really lighting up the dancefloor making this club a real Hoedown. I first went up to the bar and there running it was the owner’s son, Jensen. He and I go way back, even though he’s like seven years older than me, he treats me like his little sis. Always keeping the boys away.

“Well, well, well, well, well. Look who walked in. It’s the singing sensation (Y/n) (L/n). Can I just say I am a huge fan of yours!” He teased me at the end.

“Oh Jensen stop it. You know I’m not famous yet.”

“Not yet, but you will be soon.”

“I’m not so sure.”

“Okay hang on, let me get your usual and then you spill your guts.” He walked away and got my usual beer and filled it almost up to the rim. He slid it towards me and he said as he leaned up against the bar, “Alright now talk.” I took a sip of my beer before saying.

“What if no one likes my song?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Jens you know as well as I do that no one really sings original pieces here. It’s always covers of famous songs, and the last time someone did do an original he was booed off the stage.”

“First off, his song sucked and he kept screwing up on the guitar. So of course he was thrown off the stage. But you—you’ve got a serious talent in song writing. And your voice—baby girl the only other female singer I can compare you to here was your mom.”

“You really think so?”

“Coming from a Texas man forced to move here when we first met, you’re bout the only good thing in this one horse town. Hell you’re way better than just sticking right here. Especially since—well you know.”

“I know. It’s……it’s been rough. Ever since the car crash mama’s been—well not herself lately. Music is bout the only thing I can do to make her happy.”

“So you get up on that stage and knock these cow-folks right off their boots. Now go relax on the dance floor and I’ll let my old man know you’re here.”

“Thanks Jensen.” I pulled out my wallet to pay for the beer but he stopped me.

“No need, this one’s on my tab tonight. But expect to pay me back once you hit the big time.” I smiled at him and pocketed my wallet back into my jeans.

“Thanks Jensen, you’re like the brother I never had.”

“Someone’s gotta keep an eye on you yah silly little day dreamer.” He teased as he placed his cowboy hat on top of my head, teasingly rocking my head from side to side till I stuck my tongue at him and took another swig of my beer.

I then headed off to the dance floor to cool off (dancing always helped me calm down, especially when it’s with a group of people) and I danced with some of my old friends from high school, just letting my hair down as I danced the first hour of the night away before they would call up the performers for karaoke night.

*3rd Person POV*

Unbeknownst to (Y/n), it was also on that night that the most famous rock and roll band would also be there on that night to see her perform. Freddie Mercury, Brian May, Roger Taylor, and John Deacon, otherwise known as the band Queen, had just arrived in Oklahoma city to do their two night concert they had scheduled for their “A day at the Races” tour.

To let down some steam and relax after a few days on the road, Freddie had heard about this club from a friend of his and convinced the other three to come along and check it out. All four of them wearing cowboy hats, so that they wouldn’t stick out like sore thumbs, they entered inside and saw the whole place buzzing.

“Wow, this is even more filled than the Disco club Veronica and I met at.” Said John.

“Well Tony said this was the one place in America where you would get a traditional Southern treatment.” Said Freddie. “And I like it. It’s reputation proceeds itself.” He continued with a smile as he adjusted his hat.

“Remind me again why we had to wear these though?” Roger said.

“Don’t be such a party pooper blondie. Besides you see every man in here. Tony said that everyone in Oklahoma wears cowboy hats. Anyone who doesn’t is automatically labeled a stranger. And I don’t want no Wanted poster of me across the state for refusal to wear a cowboy hat.” Freddie said as he playfully shoved Roger.

“It’s not so bad.” Brian said as he fiddled with the string of his hat.

“You’re just saying that cause you can’t feel it on your head.” Quipped John.

“Alright, alright Deacy darling you’ve had your shot at Bri. Now I don’t want any more brawls tonight. I wanna enjoy this night, you three know how much I love to party. So don’t fuck this up for me.”

“If you wanted that Fred then you should’ve left Roger on the bus.” Brian said.

“You know what yah curly haired space poodle……”

“Gentlemen.” The four of them turned to see an old man around his mid-50’s walk up towards them. He wore a traditional brown colored cowboy hat, his grey goatee reflected off the lights, and the spurs off his boots jingled with each step. “Now I get it we all need to let off some steam, but if you’re gonna cause any trouble I’m gonna ask you all to leave.”

“No worries my good sir. You must forgive my friend here, he didn’t quite have him fixed yet so his testosterone can run him ragged like one of your bulls.” Freddie sweet-talked the man.

“Watch it Fred!” Roger sneered as he took out a cigarette and lit it up.

“Alright. I’m trusting you to keep an eye on your friend there. I get enough drunks brawling every night here, I don’t need another damage fee added to my billing. Bobby Singer, owner of Cowboy’s.”

“Pleasure to meet you Bobby dear. I heard about this place from a friend of mine and this place does not disappoint.” Freddie praised as he and Bobby shook hands with each other.

“Thank you son. Built this place myself with my own two hands before moving the wife and son up here.”

“How long has this place been here?” asked Brian.

“Well came up here around 51, bought this property at around 53-54 and the doors finally opened by the start of the 60’s so…..about 16 years this club has been around. And she’s still going strong.”

“Impressive.” Freddie praised.

“What kind of drinks do you serve here?” asked Roger.

“Well if you mosey on down to the bar, my son Jensen will lay down everything we got. We mostly do beer but if you can take something stronger, we got that as well. Enjoy yourselves boys.” As Bobby walked away, the boys bid him farewell.

“He seemed nice.” John said.

“A friendly old man, kinda reminds me of Miami. Firm, strict, knows when you’re starting trouble Rog.”

“Watch it Fred.”

“Alright come on, I think we can all do with a drink right now.”

“Yes.”

“Or ten.” the band members walked over to the bar to see Jensen cleaning out a mug.

“Excuse me darling!” Freddie cried out to Jensen.

“Yes can I he—he-ha-ha……oh shit! You’re….you guys are Queen!”

“Yes. I take it you’re a fan of ours?” asked Brian.

“Y-Yeah.” Jensen squeaked. He then cleared his throat before continuing, “I mean yes. When I first heard Bohemian Rhapsody for the first time, it changed my life on how I look at music. Not even some of my favorite bands can do what you guys do.”

“Well thank you darling. Bohemian Rhapsody was a masterpiece.” Freddie said.

“But a complete nightmare to make.” Roger added in.

“So what can I get for you guys?” asked Jensen.

“What all do you got?” asked John.

“Well you guys actually came on a good day. Wednesday nights are our special’s night. Every drink at half price. We’ve basically got every beer imaginable, but we also do vodka, gin and juice, margaritas. And of course we have the basic water and soda for those sensitive to the strong stuff.”

“Well then my darling, we’ll go ahead and take three of your finest beer and a vodka shot please.” Freddie said.

“Coming right up.” Jensen walked off to prep the drinks for the four young band members.

“He seems like a nice chap.” Brian said.

“He does indeed.” Agreed John. Before another word could be said, Bobby soon came up on stage and said.

“And that was Carol Anne with ‘Sweet home Alabama’.” The crowd then cheered. “And now ladies and gents, it’s time to be graced by our very own special songbird. Please welcome our very own Southern Belle. (Y/n) (L/n)!” the crowd cheered and it was then the four English rockers soon saw a young woman coming up on stage.

She looked to be about John’s age, maybe a couple years younger. In her hand was a 12 string acoustic, she got onto the stool and adjusted the mic.

*My POV*

God my nerves were really starting to get the best of me. What if no one liked the song? Oh god I wish daddy could be here, he always knew just how to calm me down. I adjusted the mic and plugged in my guitar.

“Hello everyone. I uhh—” I cleared my throat. “Tonight I’m gonna do something a little different than my last few performances. This is an original piece I’ve been working hard on. Hope you all like it.” I turned towards the ensemble band and nodded to them. They nodded back and as I began playing the opening on my mama’s guitar, Aaron came in with the violin and Jack soon came in with the bass.

By the chorus, Daniel came in with a soft drum beat and as I passionately sung out the chorus, I could already hear some people cheering or whistling at me.

She was driving last Friday on

Her way to Cincinnati on a

Snow white Christmas Eve Going home to see her mama and her daddy

With the baby in the backseat Fifty miles to go, and she was running low

On faith and gasoline It'd been a long hard year She had a lot on her mind,

And she didn't pay attention She was going way too fast Before she knew it she was spinning on a

Thin black sheet of glass She saw both their lives flash before her eyes She didn't even have time to cry She was so scared She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus, take the wheel Take it from my hands 'Cause I can't do this on my own I'm letting go So give me one more chance And save me from this road I'm on Jesus, take the wheel

*3rd Person POV*

Everyone was involved in hearing (y/n) sing. Like her mama before her, the adults all whistled and cheered for the young girl for she truly did sound like her mama whenever she sang, maybe even better than her. But the one most intrigued by her was the leading frontman of Queen.

“Just who is that talented young lady?” Freddie spoke out as (Y/n) played a small instrumental break in the first chorus.

“That there is (Y/n) (L/n). Her parents were known in this club. Her mama for her singing and her dad, God rest his soul, he was the world champion bull rider. She’s got a gift with that voice of hers.” Jensen said as he cleaned out a mug.

“She does indeed.” Freddie muttered in awe as he continued to watch (Y/n) sing the next part of the song.

There was one point of the song where she held out a note so long, it felt like she was running on endless air. The crowd all hooted and hollered as she held that note before finishing the song. Everyone soon cheered as loudly as they could while (Y/n) smiled under the spotlight and stood up from the stool and took a bow.

“Wow she was amazing.” Brian praised.

“I’ll say, she held that note for like 10 beats. Not even I can do that.” Roger said.

“Excuse me, Jensen.” Freddie called out. Jensen who had just gotten done serving another round of drinks for a bachelor party, came back over and said.

“What’s up?”

“Where can we meet that talented young lady?” he asked him. The other three band members looked at Freddie confused.

“She’ll be out back. That’s where she usually goes when things get too hectic here.”

“Thank you so much darling.” He dowsed the last of his vodka and stood up and walked out of the club with the other three members behind him.

*My POV*

After the performance I went outside to cool off. I stared up at the starry sky and whispered.

“I wish you could’ve seen it daddy. It seems I really wowed everyone tonight.”

“You did more than just that dear.” I froze and slowly turned around and—pinch me I must be dreaming. Cause right there in front of me stood my all time favorite rock and roll band Queen. I closed my eyes and shook my head trying to wake myself up from this dream and found that I wasn’t dreaming.

Freddie Mercury, Brian May, John Deacon and Roger Taylor were really right in front of me.

“You—you’re……”

“Yes darling we know who we are. But what I’m more interested in is who you are. How long have you had that lovely voice for?” Freddie said as he came up to me and actually wrapped an arm around me.

“Well I uhh—for a while I guess.”

“And that was an original song you sang back there?” Brian asked.

“Yeah just…..a little something I came up with. Was it bad?”

“Au contraire darling, it was unlike anything we have ever heard. And that’s saying something.” Freddie said.

“Really?”

“Absolutely. The way you managed to have utter control of your voice as you belted out certain words of the song. Only one other person has been able to do that and that’s me.” Freddie bragged.

“Umm hello what about me?” Roger piped in.

“Oh yes you and your dog whistle range. That takes skill too.” I softly chuckled. Man this was definitely not how I pictured this night would go (well except in my dreams). “Now then (Y/n). How would you like to be an opening number for our concert?” wait what?

“What?” I asked.

“What?” I heard the other three echo back.

“You’ve got the voice, the talent, you are too good for just singing at the clubs. What better way than to finally dive in and take this opportunity.”

“Uhh Fred can we talk to you for a second?” John soon spoke up.

“Just stay tight for a moment (Y/n) dear.” Freddie said as he bopped my nose before walking back towards his bandmates. Okay what the hell just happened?

*3rd Person POV*

Freddie and the boys walked a few feet away from (Y/n) so that she couldn’t hear them.

“Fred are you crazy right now?” Roger hissed softly.

“What?”

“We can’t just go picking up random singers off the streets and ask them to open up for us!”

“I agree with Roger. No offense, but I don’t think Reid or even our tour manager Bill will go along with this.” Brian added.

“You don’t believe she’s worth giving a shot too?” Freddie asked.

“No, no it’s not about that. She is talented, beyond talented. We just—can’t do something like this. Picking up a random teenager and ask her to leave everything behind for the rest of our tour.”

“They do have a point Freddie. Plus how do we know she even wants this? I mean maybe she just sings for fun. To be honest I never thought we were that serious till our first album went on the shelf.” Deacy said.

“Okay first off that hurts Deacy dear. How dare you think that. And number 2, I have a feeling she does want it. She may not physically show it but there’s something in her eyes that show that she wants a chance at the real spotlight. And who am I to crush a fellow singer’s dream? Especially one as beautiful and adorable as her, just look at her!” they all turned towards her. “Who knows, maybe we’ll get an additional family member in our rag-tag band.”

“Whoa wait hold on now you’re saying we need another person involved with Queen?” Roger snapped.

“I’m thinking broadly Roger dear. Don’t be so dramatic about it darling. Now then, are you three with me?” Brian, Roger and John looked at each other and Deacy was the first to speak up.

“You’ll never let it go either way. I’ll say yes.” Fred smiled before turning to Brian.

“I mean—” he sighed heavily. “Okay fine, she can come with us. But only if her parents say it’s okay.”

“Well blondie?” Fred questioned as he turned to Roger. Roger sighed heavily and said.

“I’m already ruled-out even if I say no.” Freddie cheered and hugged his bandmates before heading back over to (Y/n) to discuss his brilliant idea.

*My POV. 1 year later*

If you had told me that on the night I would perform my first original piece live before the people at Cowboys and then told me I would soon be standing before Queen, who not only saw me sing but also offered me the chance to perform alongside them, I would’ve called you crazy and laughed in your face.

But it happened. With Jensen’s and uncle Bobby’s approval I was able to tour the rest of the North American tour with Queen. I’ll admit it was frightening to perform in front of my first crowd of over 12,000 people, but once I got on that stage and just sang it felt good.

We had just gotten done doing a concert at the Hammersmith Odeon. As par-celebration we all headed to a nearby pub the guys had rented out for the night and anyone who was involved with the concert was invited to come.

By 1am everyone was either completely drunk and were passed out on the floor, or they were having sex in the bathrooms. Wanting to perk myself up, I went to the restrooms to splash some cold water on my face but before I could walk around the corner toward the sinks I heard some girls talking.

“I mean don’t get me wrong Roger is amazing especially in the sack but why would he allow someone like her on stage?”

“Yeah all those songs she sings are soooooo boring!” I peeked around to see that the girls who were talking were some of Roger’s groupies.

“Queen is just being dragged by that little bitch who can’t sing for shit.”

“All her songs about Jesus or God or whatever. She doesn’t fit with them. I think they just pitied her so she could go on stage and sing her little country songs.” It was a stab to the heart.

I raced out of the bathroom and tried to contain my tears. But it only got worse from there. Walking pass the men’s bathroom were a few of the roadies who were talking about me.

“She brings to band down don’t you think? I mean her songs just aren’t up to par with where Queen is at. In fact I’ve seen sales going down at our concerts because of her.”

“Dorothy should’ve just stayed in Kansas singing for pubs. She’s nowhere near concert stadium material.” At that point a few tears ran down my face.

Was I? Was I really that bad? Did the guys really pity me? Was this all a big joke to them? I ran out the back way and just ran down through the streets of London.

Not caring where I was going, or where I’d end up. I just figured the father I ran, the farther I would be away from those people and their cruel comments.

The next morning I was at my apartment (technically it was Freddie’s old apartment that he and his ex-girlfriend Mary had) lying on the couch holding the couch pillow close to me. The things that the groupies and even some of the roadies said last night still rang through my head like a church bell.

Maybe I should give it up. I mean after all like they said, no one really listens to me perform. So I decided to pack up my stuff and go back to America, back to Oklahoma, maybe try to get a job at Cowboy’s or something. As I was packing up my last bag, the door suddenly opened and I heard Roger’s voice call out.

“Oi (n/n) you here?” shit why did Freddie have to give out spare copies of the keys?

“(Y/n) you in here?” I then heard Deacy’s voice speak up. Oh great, not one but two of the Queens are here.

“Is everything okay poppet?” Brian’s voice echoed out. Great could this day get any worse?

“Everything’s fine.” I called out to them. I quickly came out of my room and shut the door before walking towards the living room. “Hey guys what’s up?”

“Well you disappeared from the party last night darling so we came to see just why that was?” Freddie said.

“You didn’t sneak off with anyone last night did yah?” Roger teased.

“No! I—I felt kinda tired after last night’s concert so I just took a cab home.” I gave them a white lie.

“Why didn’t you tell one of us you were leaving? You know how dangerous the streets can be at night.” Roger said as he plopped himself on the couch.

“I’m not some fragile flower Rog. I can handle myself.”

“I know you can. I just can’t help it sometimes, you’ve become like another sister to me, plus Jensen made me promise to keep an eye on you less he shoot me in the arse.” I rolled my eyes as I chuckled.

“(Y/n) dear~” Freddie sang out as he peeked from the hallway. “If you don’t have anyone here, then why is your door shut?” oh shit. I quickly turned towards him and he just grinned as he raced towards my room.

“Fred no! Don’t!”

“Oh so there is a handsome beast you’re trying to hide from us!” I ran behind him trying to stop him from getting in my room. “Oh-ho-ho this must be serious then, he not dressed or something?”

“No Freddie there’s no guy now please don’t go in my room!”

“Technically it was my room first so I get first—” he opened the door and that’s when he saw the suitcases. “What’s all this?”

“I didn’t want you guys to see that.”

“So what were you planning on leaving without saying goodbye!?” By now I’ve seen Fred literally explode on some major temper tantrums but this—this wasn’t anger. This was disappointment, and when Fred lowers his voice, looks you straight in the eye almost to the point where it’s like his eyes are piercing your soul, that really tears you up.

And you never want to make Freddie Mercury disappointed in you. Cause let me tell you, it is the worst.

“Fred—”

“No, no, no. Please I would like to know as well.” Roger’s voice soon rung out. I groaned internally as I turned to see the remaining three band members standing right outside my door.

Roger’s eyes glaring right at me with his arms crossed over his chest. Brian’s eyes in shock at seeing the suitcases, and Deacy—he looked like he was about to cry.

“Well!” Roger snapped impatiently.

“Hey Rog lay off on her will yah?”

“Brian are you not as upset as we are about this?!” Fred asked. At this point the three hotheads began screaming at each other. God this was a nightmare! I was hoping to just leave without any drama and now I’ve done and caused it! I held my hands to my ears and shut my eyes trying to drown out their shouting and screaming.

Next thing I know I feel a hand on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and there stands Deacy. His eyes soft, not looking at me in anger or disappointment. He gestured with his head to follow him and the two of us snuck out of my room.

We both sat down on the couch, him sitting close to me as his arm wrapped around me.

“Do you want some tea?” he asked me. I shook my head no.

“Umm…..I don’t know if I’ve totally ruined this but—could I get a hug?” a soft smile spread across his face and immediately his arms wrapped around me.

“You know you will always get a hug out of me sis.”

Since Deacy and I were the youngest members of the band, we kinda clicked more than the rest. Guess our shy natures also kinda mixed in together so we kinda had our own special psychic bond with each other. We always knew what the other was thinking or needed, we would pull the other aside when things got too chaotic (just like now cause I never liked getting or hearing fights).

His fingers stroked through my hair as I adjusted my head so that it rested over his heart. We sat there in comfortable silence (well besides the still arguing hotheads in my bedroom).

“I’m not good enough for you guys.” I finally confessed.

“What?”

“I—I heard some of Roger’s groupies and even some of your roadies literally talk about how I don’t fit with you guys. That I’m not even that good. Or that you guys just pitied me in order to help me get on stage.”

“I knew those tramps would be trouble.” I heard him mutter.

“But they’re right.”

“No they’re not.”

“Open your eyes Deacy!” I removed myself from his embrace. “My music and Queen’s music they just—don’t mix. I don’t do hard rock songs like you guys do. No rock fans are gonna wanna hear me sing just plain country or folk songs for 20 minutes. They’ll just be going out to get beer or go shag till you guys come up. I’m boring!”

“You’re not boring. Those arseholes are boring. If they can’t withstand a 20minute first act then they shouldn’t even be at one of ours. Because we most certainly perform longer than that.”

“Well you guys give a performance, not just a show. For me; it’s just me and my guitar. I mean yeah there’s people that may like a song or two from mine. Hell you guys allowed me to have a song on A Day at the Races and News of the World. But—in person I’m plain.”

“You’re raw.” I looked up at him confused. “I don’t mean raw in the sense of bad or disgusting. I mean you’re vulnerable. You don’t do the flashy lights, the loud hard rock of drums, or extremely, overbearing, long ass guitar solos.” I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “It’s just you up on that stage. Just you and your guitar.”

“And people should see you as that.” We looked up and finally ceasing their arguments, Freddie, Roger, and Brian now stood there. Freddie came up behind me, Brian knelt down in front of me, and Roger sat to my right.

“But they don’t.” Freddie began to massage my shoulders.

“Darling when I first heard you sing back in the states, It was like anything I’ve ever heard in a female singer. You have this rawness that can make anything a song. You could write a song about taking the piss and it’d be a hit.” I rolled my eyes.

“More like a flush down the sewers.”

“Oi you need to stop with the negative thinking!” Roger playfully growled as he took my head between his hands and playfully shook it, almost as if he were trying to shake out the negative thoughts out of my head. I couldn’t help but laugh at his antics as I tried to free myself.

“Cut it our Rog!” I laughed. He stopped then said as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Forget about what those rotter’s said. Never, ever doubt your talent. Because you have got something that not even Queen could ever have.”

“And just what is that?” I asked doubtfully.

“Rawness. Like John said, it’s just you up on stage. Most of the rockstars like us come up glammed out to the max, prance about the stage and do the headbanging hits. You—you connect with the audience just as yourself. And if people can’t see that, then they’re fools.”

“So you guys didn’t pity me when you asked me to join you guys?”

“Absolutely not! Whoever says that you just tell me and they’ll be dropped like yesterday’s rotten tomatoes.”

“Thanks you guys. I—I really needed that.”

“Hey, you’re part of this family now. We look out for each other.” Brian said as he gently took my hands in his, his thumbs gently stroking the back of them.

“There’s just one last thing that needs to be taken care of to ensure you’re feeling your normal happy self again.” Freddie said.

Oh no. Please not that! At this point all four of them had the look of evil on their faces.

“No. Guys don’t you dare!”

“Too late lovie, we gotta make sure you’re back to your full-fledged happy self again. And we’ve got Jensen to thank for sharing with us your deep, dark secret.” I tried to make a run for it but it was too late, Brian trapped me in his long arms and soon I was gang tickled by Queen.

A couple weeks after that, we had just gotten done playing an arena in Houston, Texas. Wiping the sweat off of my forehead (after not only doing a few of my own songs, but also joining alongside Queen playing guitar or piano) I accidentally bumped into someone.

“Oh sorry I—wasn’t paying attention.”

“That’s quite alright. Say you’re the young woman who just performed alongside Queen correct?” this man had a strong Tennessee accent. From underneath his cowboy hat I could see sandy blonde hair and he had the most striking blue eyes. He looked to be about his mid-40’s.

“Yes.” I said wearily.

“Oh sorry I know this must seem a bit creepy, please allow me to introduce myself. Stan Singer.” Wait what? Oh my god!

“Wait, Stan Singer? The Stan Singer, manager of Glen Campbell?”

“The very same, you a fan of his?”

“Yeah. My—my daddy first introduced me to him when I was just 5 years old.”

“Man has good taste.” We both laughed. “How long have you been performing with Queen?”

“A year.”

“A year? Now that I don’t believe.”

“Well truthfully I’ve been performing on stage back home in Oklahoma for a few years at a bar a family friend of mine owns. Cowboy’s.”

“No kidding. I was just there last month.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Quite a shindig that place.”

“Oh yeah, it gets crazy some days. But it’s the best place to go to.”

“Listen (Y/n), While I have enjoyed managing Glen and don’t get me wrong he’s a great guy and a great singer. I’m also looking out to see if there’s a next big thing I could help mold. And seeing you up on stage, you’ve got that special little niche in the realm of country singers. How about joining me for lunch so we can discuss a contract.”

“Me? You—you want to sign me up for a record deal?” I asked ecstatically.

“You’ve got something I’ve never heard from any male artist. Here’s my card, just give me a call whenever you’re ready to talk.” He handed me a business card and said his goodbyes as he tipped his hat at me.

Wow I—I can’t believe it. I’m actually gonna get a real shot with my own manager. And Glen Campbell’s manager, nonetheless. I can’t believe this is actually happening to me.

Wait….what about the guys? What would they say? Would they be mad if I took this deal? Left them when we’ve already grown so close with each other?

During our bus ride to the next city of New Orleans, I was looking at Stan’s card debating whether I should call him or not.

“What’s that?” Roger spoke up. He soon plopped down beside me with his arm over me. “Ooh a name and phone number! Already got yourself a groupie huh?” he teased as he nudged my shoulder.

“No Roger it’s nothing like that.” I nudged him back.

“Hey did I just hear (Y/n) got someone’s name and phone number?” Deacy soon piped in peeking his head from the curtains of his bunkbed.

“(Y/n) you sly little minx.” Freddie teased. Oh man was I really not gonna miss this.

“Alright you guys lay off of her will yah. Now just who was it that gave you their phone number (Y/n)? Will there need to be any—talks we need to do with this boy?” Brian said.

“I already told Roger Bri, it’s not like that.”

“Then what is it? I mean normally a guy wouldn’t give you his number unless he wants a date or something else.” Roger spoke. Deacy came up and slapped Roger over the head. “Ow! What was that for?”

“For being an idiot.”

“It’s a business card guys! For Stan Singer. Glen Campbell’s manager.”

“Wait I’ve heard of that guy. Yeah he’s like one of the best country singers out there.” Roger said.

“Yeah. Well Stan actually saw the show tonight and well he—he offered to be my manager. He wants to sign up a contract with me.”

“Oh my god darling yes!” Freddie cheered as he came up and embraced me tightly.

“Congratulations (Y/n).” praised Brian.

“But—” I started off. Fred separated from me and he said.

“But what dear? You’re finally on your way! This should be a celebration!”

“But what about us? You guys? What if—what if this is the last time we’ll ever see each other?” at that point the guys grew quiet. They looked at each other and that’s when Deacy spoke up.

“The future is uncertain. Maybe someday we will meet again. But (Y/n), if you don’t take this shot now you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

“It’s like Deacy’s song says. Time to spread your wings and fly away.” Brian said as he placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. I looked between the four of them and they all had the same look.

Acceptance and love.

I felt my eyes watering up and I choked out.

“I’ll miss you guys.” They immediately hugged me and told me they would miss me too. We remained in that group hug for the rest of the night till we arrived in New Orleans later the next day.

As soon as we got to the hotel, the guys sat with me as I called Stan up and told him that I would like to have lunch with him to discuss the contract. Stan agreed to fly down to New Orleans and once that date was made, the guys brought me in one last final group hug telling me how proud they were of me, that they loved me and knew that I would become big in my own way.

On June 27th, 1977 I preformed my last concert with Queen as their opening act and the following day, I met with my new manager Stan Singer and together we went over the rules of my contract.

By the end of the 1970’s into the 1980’s my name had flown to the top of the charts in country artists. So far in the 3 years of my growing career I had toured America twice for my 2 albums I had released under Sony records.

As I expected I was mostly popular in the southern states where country music reigned supreme on the radio. But I did have some fans in the northern, Mid-west and western countries but I mostly toured around the South.

I was now performing back in my home state of Oklahoma to an arena of 20,000 people. I had just gotten done preforming my biggest hit “Jesus take the wheel” and everyone went crazy for it.

“Thank you!” I turned and saw one of my roadies hand me a stool and I thanked him before setting it down right at the edge of the stage. I adjusted the mic stand as I sat down. “This is a new song that I wanted to do especially for you my home sweet home. So you guys will be the first to hear this song coming up on my next album.” The crowd cheered. “But this song is also dedicated to four special men in my life. Without them—I wouldn’t even be up on this stage before all of you. It’s called Ready now.”

Then with just me on the guitar I began to sing my newly finished song “Ready now”. As I sang the song, during the long instrumental breaks, I thought back to the guys.

All the fun memories I had with them while on the road with them. Being there with them during their recordings, getting to do a song on their albums, or hanging out at the bars together after the shows.

Play video

You saw through me All this time I'd forgotten People are kind

I was hurting And you knew So you showed me What to do

You said, "I will listen Tell it all When you're finished We'll talk more"

But I didn't know how So we took it in turns And to my surprise We found my words

Feet firm on the ground We stood hand in hand The world seemed to tell me That I have a plan

Together we sang I'm ready now

Something new Something strange Ten feet taller I had changed

I believe you I'm not wrong Oh it suits me To feel strong

You said, "I will listen Tell me it all You don't like the ending Then we'll find on that's yours"

Oh, how did you know That's all we need A promise of hope Is enough to feel free

Feet firm on the ground We stood hand in hand And I told the world That I have a plan

Together we sang I'm ready now

By the end of the song, I heard the crowd cheer and as I looked up at the ceiling I did a silent thank you to the boys. Even though we would never see each other in our career’s again, I would always keep their memories alive in my heart and mind.

Without them, I would never have been ready to even get to this point. And I will always be grateful to Queen.

59 notes · View notes

lightskinrry · 5 years ago

Text

Lucky.

the one where you realize being in love with your best friend sucks and movie night isn’t as sweet as usual (part three of Pivot)

A/N: well i don’t know if there’s going to be more but here she is; part three of Pivot…

Word Count: 4k

TW: angst??? fluff??? it’s a mess honestly

thank you to my darling @belladonna-styles for reading it over!

Read Part One! Read Part Two!

If it wasn’t for the dance, you wouldn’t be asking yourself why being Harry’s friend wasn’t enough.

You wished it was. You wished you didn’t need more. You wished you didn’t wonder about the taste of his lips or about feeling his fingertips. You wished you hadn’t felt like this when his hand brushed the back of your neck. When his breath touched your skin. When his voice whispered in your ear. You never felt this way about him. So why did you have to feel like this, now?

You knew it would only bring hurt. You didn’t have a chance with him. You’re his friend. Moreover, you’re his best friend. And if that hurt, you couldn’t even imagine how much it would kill you to lose him. How much you’d cry the moment he’d tell you he don’t feel this way about you. You tried to convince yourself it was a night crush. Nothing more.

But over the course of the last few months, you found yourself missing him more than ever. You kept wanting to touch him. To kiss him. To love him. The feeling took over your whole body. You felt a wave of heat every time he looked at you, a boiling sensation in the pit of your stomach every time his hands landed on your body. You’d squeeze your thighs when he would curse under his breath when you two played scrabble and you’d win. Although, you let him win lately. Just so you could see his dimples pop out as he made his victory dance.

Every minute you’d spend with him felt sweeter but, god, did it hurt. It was like flying in the air, velvet kisses and silk but then you’d be stabbed in the heart every time reality struck you. You were his friend. Not the one he’d wake up in the morning next to. Not the one he’d kiss on the lips. Not the one he wants to see before he falls asleep. Not the one he loves. At least, not the one he loves like this.

The worst part of all was that you knew you either had to get over yourself and stop thinking about him or your friendship would be ruined.

You decided it was better for the both of you to spend some time apart. So you wouldn’t see him and wouldn’t feel him. You tried not to answer his texts and avoid his calls as much as you could. You would text him that you were too busy to talk and would stop answering from there. It hurt. Knowing he was probably worrying over you but you needed that time apart to reevaluate your feelings and kill them before they’d kill your friendship.

You left for the weekend; spending some time at your parents’ place. You didn’t tell Harry a word about leaving. You just went to get some time alone with your family.

You were sitting in the den at your mama’s, watching some cartoons on the tv. You knew you had to leave for London tomorrow. It was your last night there so your mom cooked a whole meal and bought you some ice cream. And now you were just waiting patiently for sleep to kick in. Your phone was charging next to you. You heard it vibrate and swallowed the spoonful of ice cream you had in hand before grabbing it.

Bambi sent a message

Milkie?

You looked at your phone and put it away as you didn’t want to indulge into a conversation with him. You still felt some way about Harry and you hoped it would soon be gone. Your phone rang again. You hesitated for a moment and picked it up.

Bambi sent a message

I’m worried about you. Please just answer me. Tell me you’re okay. Is everything okay? Is it something I’ve done? I’ve talked to Mila she said you were at your parents. I didn’t know you left. I hope you’re good. It’s just… I miss you. Answer me please.

You felt a pinch in your heart when you read his text. You could almost hear the pain in his voice. You knew he meant it. It was just so hard for you. Being far away from him was hard but being near him was even harder. You had to watch him being the most wonderful person, being the only person you want but can’t have. And that shit hurt so much. Loving him was hard enough that you had to put him through pain so you decided to answer.

I’m okay. Sorry I’ve been busy af lately

Wassup Bambi?

Your answer wasn’t as heartfelt as his message but you couldn’t allow yourself to go for more. A few moments later, you felt your phone vibrate again.

Bambi sent a message

Ok… Can I call you?

You felt your blood rush through your veins. It’s been weeks since you last heard his voice. Your heart begged you to take the call. You gave in and typed your answer.

Sure

Next thing you knew your phone was ringing between your hands. You picked up and heard Harry’s little voice through the phone. You missed it. You missed him actually. You talked for hours. He stayed on the phone with you until 3 in the morning. You told him about your family, work, everything except your feelings for him. He caught up on every little thing he missed over the last weeks. And you did too. At a price. He told you about that guy he met. They went on a date and he likes him. He’s planning on seeing him again. It was rather painful hearing him gush about somebody else. But maybe it would help you get over your feelings for him.

“I’m kinda paranoid… We’ve been out a few times… Casual. But yeah, I like him. I’m kinda hoping it will go somewhere. He showed interest but how do you really know? Boys are so cryptid.”

You laughed at his last words. Genuinely it was something that you knew by heart.

“Yeah, you guys are messed up. You can’t never really know. But I’d say go for it. What do you have to lose?”

In that situation, he had nothing to lose. He could just go and tell him how he felt. You wished you could free yourself like this. Just tell him how you felt. But there was something so important at stake there. You just couldn’t.

“You’re right, Milkie. We’re messed up. Not too keen on communication. At least, I’m trying on that. I guess I could tell him but I don’t want to scare him away. I’ll think about it. I’ll let you know how the date goes.”

“Sure, Bambi. I’m glad I could help.”

“When are you coming back?”

Should you tell him the truth and plan to see him on Monday so you will have to go under the torture of hearing him tell you about his crush live?

“Next week. I don’t know… I’m… I’ll see.”

You heard him hum through the phone. You could tell he was skeptical regarding your answer.

“You’re not working this week?”

Fuck. You didn’t think everything through. You do work next week. You’re a terrible liar… And a terrible friend, for what it’s worth.

“Ah.. yes. Well, I don’t know yet. I mean… I might call in sick… or something.”

“You suck at lying.”

His tone was dry. He hates lies. Especially coming from you. He found out that he could trust you with anything and you could trust him too, so why would you have to lie?

“Yeah, I know.”

“What’s going on, Y/N?”

“Nothing. Just going through some personal shit.”

“You’ve been bloody distant, avoiding my calls, not answering my texts, pushing away every proposition to see each other and now you’re lying to me about coming back to London. I hate this.”

“Look, Harry, it’s okay. I just have to figure some shit out and then everything will be back to normal. I have to go. Good night.”

You hung up quickly, before he could say anything. You tucked yourself in bed and spent the night overthinking. You needed to be over with this. You had to. You needed to woman up and stop being so immature or you would lose your best friend.

Fuck the pain of rejection, and hearing him say he doesn’t love you like this. You need to tell him so you can move on. It’s the only way. If he tells you, right to your face, that he’s not in love with you then you’d get over it. So if that’s what it takes, you would just face him. You fell asleep trying to picture how the conversation would go and every time you’d break down…

When you woke up in the morning, you expected to see a few texts from Harry but when you checked your phone, nothing. You felt a pinch in your heart. He was probably mad at you. You’ve been ignoring him, you lied to him, then pushed him away and hung up on him. You’ve been a terrible friend. You needed to apologize. Harry has never been nothing but amazing to you. He didn’t deserve to be treated this way because you can’t control your feelings. You started typing something on your phone but stopped yourself. It would be better to apologize face to face.

You packed your clothes and had breakfast with your family. You kissed your ma goodbye and headed to the train station.

***

It was already Wednesday and you still had no news from Harry. You felt so guilty. You sent him a text asking him when he was free so you could see each other and he didn’t answer yet. You sent it on Monday. You decided to try your luck again and called him yesterday. Still no answer. You were worried about him and about your friendship. You just hated yourself that you messed up one of the best relationships you ever had. You tried to get him out of your mind. So you went out for a walk.

You didn’t work on Wednesday afternoons, so you strolled around the busy streets of London, picked up a bagel and went to eat it on a bench in Hyde Park. You pulled your phone out of your pocket and typed in a message for Harry.

Hey Bambi… I’m eating a bagel in Hyde Park I’ll be there until 4 if you want to stop by. I’ll be at the old bench by the pond

the ducks are missing u (i am too)

An hour passed and you still had no answer. You pulled your phone every two seconds checking for a notification and nothing… It was almost 4. Maybe you truly ruined it. You scrolled a last time through Instagram, your eyes focusing on the images streaming down your screen. You felt someone sit beside you. You didn’t look up but you saw the shoes of the person sitting next to you. You felt warmer and safer. You unconsciously smiled.

“Hey.”

You raised your head to look at him. He was wearing a black hoodie, a pink beanie and sunglasses. Camouflage required in the middle of London.

“Hey.” Your voice was soft. You didn’t look at him, you felt so guilty.

“So… How’s that bagel?”

You knew he was just beating around the bush, being his usual self and avoiding confrontation. But he came, that meant that he wanted to break things down.

“Nice. It’s… Nice.” You breathed a second. “How are you?”

He pinched his lips and raised his eyebrows, faking a reflection. “Well my best friend ignored me for weeks, lied to me about coming back in London and then acted like nothing happened by sending me a bunch of memes.” He looked at you. “So I guess I could be better. What about you?”

You looked down in shame. You’ve been a fucked up friend, for sure.

“I… I’m sorry, Harry. It’s just-” You looked in his eyes and you felt the wave of heat taking over your body. You hated this feeling so much. His stare set you on fire. You just wanted to kiss him sorry. To melt between his fingertips. You tried to gain some composure. “It’s just… I’m going through a weird phase and I don’t really know how to deal with it. I’m sorry I ignored you. I just needed to be alone.”

His glare intensified. You stammered a little bit before keeping up with your apology.

“And..uh… I…. I’m… I’m sorry I lied about coming back. I just… I didn’t really know.. I don’t really know, actually.. Why I did that. I’m a dumbass.”

You heard a giggle fall from his lips and the tension you felt in the back of your neck eased.

“Yeah, you are.”

You turned your head to him and smiled. “I know.” You pinched your lips before a pout appeared on your face. “Am I forgiven?”

He sighed loudly as he reached out his arms to place it around your shoulder. “I can’t stay mad too long at my little Milkie, can I?”

You swooned in his arms, giving him the fondest look. Your head fell on his shoulder and you gazed at him through your lashes. He was beautiful, kind, funny, smart… God, he was just so bloody amazing. But he wasn’t yours. No matter how much you wanted him. You decided to hurt yourself a little bit. Get a sting of reality. Your pain kink took over, probably.

“So tell me about your date?” You smiled softly, a painful look in your eyes.

“Hm… Well, it went well. He’s really cool. I like him.”

You swallowed a nervous laugh before biting your lower lip. He liked him. Fuck, he liked him. Not you.

“Ah that’s cool… I’m glad it went well…”

He smiled at you, his dimples popping out, leaving your body sore from how much you wanted to kiss him.

“So…” You raised your head at him, looking for his eyes. “How about a movie night? Tomorrow?”

He rubbed the back of his neck with the palm of his hand and offered a sorry look. You already knew what that meant.

“Can’t tomorrow. I’m seeing Lucas.”

“Who’s Lucas?”

“My date.” He smiled fondly. You felt your heart sink. The way he smiled just hurt. Because you were not the one he thought about when he smiled like this. You’d never be.

You felt a burning sensation in the depth of your abdomen. You wanted to scream. Scream and shout because you knew he would never love you like this. No matter how much you loved him. And fuck, that hurts.

“Okay.” He probably could hear the pain in your voice. But you just couldn’t hide it.

You got up from the bench, leaving a confused stare on Harry’s face.

“Well, I- I have to go. I guess I’ll see you around.”

Harry got up. He grasped your wrist gently and turn you around to face him.

“Is everything okay?”

You looked at him and faked a smile. “Absolutely. Everything’s okay. I just have a shit ton of things to do. And… I mean, I’ll call you Bambi.”

He let go of your wrist. And just stared at you for a second. “Okay, Milkie.”

You gave him a last smile before going, the tears streaming down your face as you walked as quickly as you could.

***

You were sprawled on the couch. Your oversized sweatshirt covered half of your body while the other stayed bare. Your computer played the movie A Star Is Born and your fingers were picking Maltesers from the bowl sitting next to you. Your mind was everywhere except on the movie. Actually… It was on Harry. Of course, it always was. It was supposed to be your movie night… But it’s more like ‘overthinking your feelings for your best friend while binging a shameful amount of junk food night’. Was it that bad? No? Junk food is like a remedy for the soul. You always feel better when there’s chocolate… You always feel better when there’s Harry…

It was already past 10. Harry was probably on his date. Laughing, smiling shyly, batting his beautiful eyelashes, and telling stupid jokes to get his date to laugh. And they’d probably go out of the restaurant hand in hand and kiss at his door. Smiling and playing with each others’ fingertips. God.. You needed to get him out of your mind.

But it hurt that he chose his date over you. He did. Didn’t he?

You spent the next half hour trying to convince yourself it was just to be polite that he chose to go to his date instead of spending his night with you. Truth was, he just wanted to be there… Because he liked him.

You got up from the couch looking for a refill of your bowl. When your bare feet touched the cold wooden floor, you felt a shiver down your spine. The rain was pouring on the large windows in your apartment making the floor look like an art piece with the shadows of the drops dancing on the floor. You watched them for a second.

You jumped when you heard a knock on the door. Who the hell could it be this late? You had an idea and you truly wished you were right.

You walked towards the door and looked through the peephole, missing a heartbeat at the glimpse of the person standing behind it. You slowly opened the door.

“Hey.”

Harry smiled at you, his jacket soaked and his hair glued to his forehead. You invited him to come in. You didn't say a word for a while. Just took his jacket off, sat him on the couch and gave him a towel.

“Is everything okay?”

Why was he here? Was his date a creep? Did he miss you? Was he just bored?

He looked at you with a smile, ran a hand through his hair.

“Everything’s okay. I just…” He breathed for a second. “I felt wrong about… Missing movie night. You know? It’s our night.”

He beamed at you softly and your heart swooned. You loved him. God how much you loved him. Fuck how much you loved him.

“Oh… That’s sweet…” You grabbed the glass of wine you left on the counter. “But what about your date?”

He grinned widely. “Oh it was great. I just… Left early.”

You kinda hoped it hadn’t went well, but he seemed sincere. You had to go through it.

Harry pressed the towel over his hair, and neck. You watched him take his shirt off. You couldn’t even watch him. You’d probably come on the spot. How stupid. You saw him get undressed a million times but now it was different. You wished you could run your fingers against his skin, press soft kisses on his jaw, draw his tattoos with your hands, touch his hair, taste his lips. Everything you couldn’t do.

He gave you a confused look and a chuckle fell from his mouth. “You know you already saw me naked, right?”

You giggled softly. Maybe you should just tell him now. And get over it. Be like ‘So Harry I’m in love with you. Break my heart now.’ or maybe you could say ‘Bambi I want to be more than friends but it’s cool if you don’t want to I’ll just cry for a week or two.’ Well maybe you should just go for it in real, instead of playing this shit inside of your mind for the hundredth time.

“Bambi, can I talk to you?”

He looked up from his shoes that he was taking off.

He kicked it to the side, and stared at you. How could you focus when he’s shirtless, wearing light jeans and barefoot? The intimacy and ease you crave so much is right there. You just wish you could cross the line.

“Yeah sure. What’s up Milkie?”

You took a long breath before stepping in front of him, tugging on your sweatshirt. You coughed before talking.

“So…” You inhaled loudly. “I…” You were pretty much shaking. It was frightening and like the calm before the storm or in your case before the heartbreak, you needed a bit reassurance.

Harry stood up and gently grabbed your wrists in his hands, tilted his head to the side to look at you.

“Hey… Everything’s okay. It’s me.”

Well yes, it’s him, duh. That’s the reason why you’re freaking out. You gazed up at him and breathed again.

“I love you.”

You stepped away for a second, analyzing his reaction. The moment you saw him open his mouth to talk, you stammered a word, not letting him put one out.

“But it’s okay. I mean, I love you. It’s kinda fucked up. It’s like…”

You chuckled nervously.

“Being in love with your best friend, it’s just a weird thing. I don’t really know how it happened. I mean… Maybe it’s that night you pretended I was your girlfriend and it… Just felt right, you know? I mean… No you don’t know.”

Another giggle left your mouth. Harry was standing in front of you, watching you rambling over and over.

“Like… That’s pretty much why I was acting so weird. I don’t… It’s just a phase. Like… I’m gonna get over it. It’s not like I’m watching you and I want to kiss you or anything. I mean I do. But… No. It’s like… Oh that’s my friend Harry, Bambi, and yeah, I’m like in love with him… But not too much.”

You bit your lip and ran a hand through your hair. “Does that make sense?”

He looked at you with a smirk plastered on his face and his eyes were trying to decode you.

“Okay that doesn’t make any sense. I’m sorry… It was all a joke. Happy April Fools.”

You heard him chuckle and he pinched his lips. His eyes never leaving your face.

“I guess It’s okay. It was not such a good joke.”

You looked down and you felt him approach you. He raised your chin with his fingers.

“Are you done?” He whispered softly against your face.

“I guess.”

“So you’re gonna shut up now?”

You laughed nervously and nodded, you still couldn’t look at him.

“Can I say something?”

You felt his fingertips stroke your chin gently and you hummed for an answer.

“Will you look at me, Y/N?”

You glanced at him for a second and realized his grin never faded away.

“It’s okay. I think I knew, actually.”

Your eyes widened. “You knew?”

His whisper brushed the skin of your cheek. “I knew.” His voice went up and a chuckle left his lips. “You’re not really good at hiding your feelings, are ya?”

You hide a smile. You were definitely not. “No..”

He cupped your face with his hands and murmured, “Can I kiss you?”

You felt your blood rush through your veins. You didn’t think about anything. Your brain literally shut off. You had a hard time breathing. It was like a dream. You just nodded for an answer. But your eyes they were begging. Begging him to kiss you. To touch you. To never leave you.

His face was inches away from yours and when his lips pressed softly against yours, you felt like flying. They were soft and tasted like champagne. You closed your eyes for an instant.

And when you opened them, he was standing there, on the couch, pulling his shoes off, looking at you through his wet hair.

“So what is it that you want to talk to me about?”

You felt like sinking, like crashing on the ground. He raised his chest up, his tattoos were glistening because of the water. You could see a bit of worry in his eyes. “Everything’s okay, Milkie?”

You looked at him, your eyes shimmering because of the few tears gathering at the corners.

“Yeah…” You fake coughed. “Everything’s okay. I’m just lucky you’re my friend.”

290 notes · View notes

myivfjourney · 4 years ago

Text

Naps? Yes please!!

9/3/20

Ok, so it's been a few days since I've written - alot has happened!

Quick update to my last few lines in my prior post.

I got the "go ahead" from the doctor to begin stims..the TSH of 3.5 doesn't seem to be a current concern.

My husband got the job and signed his offer today ! Yay!

My meds didn't come on the Thursday like expected inspite being in the phone for 2 hours dealing with it. They came Friday after further investment of time.

Anyways...

Backtracking to last week of August...

I finished the last birth control pill August 24 and was so ready to move to the next step. I had so much back and forth phone calls with the specialty pharmacy that my meds came the Friday. I day before I needed to start them although my doctor and I confirmed the orders weeks prior. I was so upset. Had I not called to verify a few days prior it would have not made it in time. Always very people.

Anyways we begun stims on Saturday August 29th. My husband and I rewatched the videos to be sure we were "doing it right" ...we made it out the first night alive. Menopur stings ladies! But the good news is it does go away after like 1 minute.

I'm on day 6 of Stims right now and all I want to do these past few days is nap.

The stims have gifted me a small lingering headache and complete tiredness. YAY!..u really shouldn't have.

On the same day we begun stims I started spotting and by Sunday I had a heavy flow. Monday morning I couldn't wait to call and find out ...apparently its "withdrawal bleeding" from the birth control and also my uterus is shedding its lining. Since it measured 8" last time, I had lot to lose thus bleeding for 2 more days. I'm spotting today..still pink..but hoping it stops soon.

Last night I had to get 3 injections because the re-inject pen for Gonal would only give me a dose of 100IU since we've used 200 IUs each night thus far as my dosage (it comes as 900) ..but..the night before somehow when my hubby injected me, only 175 IUs discharged so I needed another shot of 25 to even out the 200. So needless to say two nights in a row I've had 3 stabs to the belly...how lovely! I've gotten use to it so its fine.

I visited the doctors office on Wednesday (yesterday) and looks like we're pacing well. They want to see me tomorrow again for further monitoring.

Can I just tell you about my left overies for a quick sec? I mean..I've already covered my periods so why not.

My left girl seems to be hiding out behind my uterus down under. So finding her is always a bitch. The nurse looked for a good few minutes before giving up. She then called in the doctor to look around for her. I waited about 5-8mins on the bed (on my period) after being poked around with the probe for several minutes. When the doctor came, in order to find her, I was asked to literally turn and lie on my right butt cheek while the probe was inside ...only then Ms. Lefty graced us with her presence....they got the picture they needed.. ( when he saw her I heard him count out to 10 but I didn't ask what it was..follicles? ) Gosh I hate this process. It's so gross. I wonder if it will be this hard when I'm going in for egg retrieval? I can't go on my right butt cheek under sedation...oh my God. The cramps that will follow...

I am hopeful for tomorrow's visit. I'm starting to feel very "lumpy" in the sides of my belly. Something is happening ...aka...growing!

The doctor didn't say anything about follicles yesterday so you bet your ass I'm asking tomorrow. I need to know what we're working with here. I was instructed to stay on my current dosage of meds until next visit.

Cheers to good news tomorrow. God knows I need it.

On a different note outside of IVF -

I lost my Job on Tuesday Sept. 1, 2020! My position was eliminated and I'm now a statistic of the wrath of Covid. I dont want to get emotional but sometimes I can't help but feel defeated. I need to find a sense of worth and value. I haven't spoken to my best friend or anyone about this process, my career downturn and how I'm feeling. Partly because I don't want to be pitied and treated "special" like a delicate lamb or something. You are my only outlet of expressing how I feel. The anonymity helps for transparency.

With my body not able to conceive naturally I've had to turn to science for my miracle....and thank heavens for science... while its a challenging process I was ..and still am..going to be strong and positive through it. But, things like losing the job you loved so much and the amazing benefits that it provides is a big hit. I had an amazing position with an amazing company...amazing compensation and worked with amazing people...and now its all gone. Officially on September 18 my coverage ends. Luckily my egg retrieval should be well before then.

My doctor will most likely opt for a frozen transfer (higher success rates) so that puts me into October and I feel like I'm in limbo. Do I still apply for jobs now knowing I have so many doctors visits still upcoming and when I get pregnant will I face any discrimination and not be hired?

I never heard back anything from the job interview last week btw. I must have applied to about 50 job postings at this point. No interviews and a few rejections but mostly crickets.

Am I worrying too much? 😕

Well you try going through Stims...tell me how you feel.

My hubby's position was also eliminated and so he was technically out of a job for a week. But his boss ( same company) before he got promoted reached out with an opportunity. He interviewed and got the job. So he's back reinstated with his company after 1 week and starts this new role (promotion with more pay) on Tuesday after the holiday. Crazy times I tell you.

Anyways...as usual I chirp away...more to come after my visit tomorrow.

Off to take another nap.....yawns!!!

#ivfwarrior #ivfjourney #ivf #ivfsupport #ttc #ttccommunity #ttc baby 1 #ttcsupport #infertility #infertility sucks #infertilitysucks #infertilitysupport

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welcometophu · 5 years ago

Text

Into the Split: Revolution 2

Twinned Book 3: Into the Split

Revolution 2

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Monday dawns with perfect spring weather. It’s warm enough that Nikolai doesn’t need more than a t-shirt, and as he and Seth walk to Teas Please, they see several PHU students in shorts, sundresses, and sandals. The combination of Spring Festival Week and the good weather lends an air of celebration to campus and the surrounding homes. Towels are spread on lawns, music plays loudly, and people are everywhere outside, tossing frisbees and footballs, or basking in the sun while studying.

Nobody cares that Nikolai and Seth walk hand in hand down the street. Some kids wave cheerfully, and one apologizes after diving in front of them to capture an errant frisbee.

“I think I’ll miss this place when we go,” Seth says quietly as their near miss darts off again, flinging the frisbee at his friend. “Not enough that I want to stay, but there’s something about this—”

“It’s innocent,” Nikolai agrees. “Freeing. It’s like it’s easy to live here.”

“That’s it, yes.” Seth’s thumb slides along the edge of Nikolai’s hand. “We can go get food. We don’t have to scramble for a place to sleep. If we stayed longer we’d have to work somehow, I’m sure, but right now, we’re just able to enjoy everything. I’m going to miss that part.”

Nikolai grabs the door to Teas Please when they get there, pulling it open for Seth to go through first. Nate spots them and waves, calling out, “I’ve got them,” as the hostess at the front pulls two menus from a stack.

“I guess Nate will be with you shortly,” she says with a small smile, handing them the menus while they wait.

Seth holds the menus as they follow Nate into the back of the restaurant. A group is already at the u-shaped table, but Cass sits at a table for two next to it, and the table next to her is empty. She looks up as they approach and sighs heavily, standing up to help squeeze the two smaller tables together into one space.

“I’ve got lunch break coming up,” Nate says. “Give me your order and I’ll get everything in at once and bring it out, or—” He breaks off, frowning as he leans in close to Cass. “Hey. Want a Mallory special?”

She rolls her eyes and sits back, arms crossed over her chest. “Whatever. It was good before.”

Nate hesitates a moment, then nods. “Okay, fine,” he says before he walks away.

Nikolai has the chair opposite Cass, with Seth next to him. She’s piled a light sweater and purse on the bench next to her, effectively making it so no one could get close. “Are you okay with us sitting here?” he asks.

She looks at the ceiling, shakes her head. “No. But it’s fine. I knew when I came here that I’d probably end up with half my sorority or some other random group of people I know coming in eventually.”

“Then why did you come?” Seth looks for a moment like he’s going to say something else, but his expression gentles instead.

Cass shrugs. “Nate’s here. The food’s decent. I don’t have most of my classes this week because the professors know no one’s going to show up anyway, except for this one stupid exam I have on Thursday. That professor’s a total dick; he made the exam this week just because it’s the festival and he knows people will be out drinking on Wednesday.” She tilts her head to look at them more directly. “That’s Election Day.”

None of that makes sense, but Nikolai nods like it does.

“Would it help if I—” Seth cuts off, his hand in the air when Cass glares at him.

“Don’t,” she says curtly. “I don’t need any kind of Talent induced high, or the equivalent of an emotional back rub. My emotions are just fine the way they are and I will deal with them, thank you very much.”

“Noted,” Seth says, his hand falling back to the table.

It occurs to Nikolai that Nate never asked him and Seth what they wanted to eat. He supposes they’re getting a Mallory special as well.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Seth offers. He doesn’t shrink away when Cass glares at him, just watches her with the same quiet consideration he’s given Nikolai his whole life.

Cass blinks first. She picks up the napkin wrapped around silverware and carefully unwraps the fork and knife. She lays them on the table, flattening out the napkin before putting it on her lap. “I’m fine.”

Even Nikolai can tell she’s lying. “You don’t sound it.”

“This semester—this school year, really—has been… a lot,” Cass says slowly, her voice tight and words careful. “This,” she gestures at Nikolai and Seth, “is just the end of several months’ worth of too much to deal with.”

“And you’re the kind of person who would rather bottle it up than rely on anyone else,” Seth says. When she tries to skewer him with a glare again, he just spreads his hands palm down on the table. “It’s an observation, not a judgment. You have your reasons, and given that I don’t know what they are, I can’t say whether this is a good or a bad thing. But you seem pretty miserable just from body language alone. I’d know even if I couldn’t feel it radiating off of you. Not that I’m listening on purpose. I can’t help it—you’re doing the emotional equivalent of empathic screaming right now. I’m kind of surprised that Heather hasn’t tried to hold you down and smother you in happy. She seems kind of like the type who’d do that.”

“Heather isn’t very good with negative emotions.” Cass has a small smile at that. “She likes being our social director, because it means she gets to work hard at making people happy. On the other hand, she’s also very easy to fool. A thin layer of pleasure over everything else and she doesn’t try to dig any deeper than that. I love Dax. I love sex with Dax. And I generally have fun at house events. Just the Dax parts are enough to keep her from looking for more.”

Her head tilts as she considers him more closely. “Is it because you haven’t seen me as much with Dax, or because you don’t know us as well? Or am I slipping?”

Seth nudges his glasses up his nose. “I think it’s the first. I’m just getting my first impressions of you now, and I don’t have that formed opinion of you as a part of you-and-Dax. If you asked me, I’d say your closest friends are… hm.” He leans back in his chair, tapping his chin with one finger. “You rely on Dax, but that’s a comfort thing. Like he’s that blanket you take everywhere. And he kinds of treats you the same way. Which isn’t a bad thing, but it’s like you both take each other for granted the way people who’ve been together forever do. Then there’s Mac and Carolyn and you have this weird love/hate thing going with them. You’re like that with all your sorority sisters, but you’re afraid of Heather, which is why I know you don’t like Empaths.”

“Or Telepaths,” Cass admits, “but I’ve only ever met one person who could really get inside my head like that.”

Nikolai’s surprised by that statement. It’s a more common Talent than that. “You may not know you’ve met them. Most Telepaths are more instinctive, like Empaths,” Nikolai says.

Cass’s expression twists into something vaguely constipated. “Lovely.”

“Then there’s Nate,” Seth continues as if they hadn’t interrupted him. “You have this really weird level of comfort with him, but it’s like you’re afraid of him at the same time, and other times you look at him like you have no idea what he’s even doing there. But you trust him and I think you hate yourself a little bit for that.”

“Cass hates herself for trusting someone?” Nate nudges her sweater and purse out of the way so he can drop into the empty spot on the bench next to her. He pushes a plate in front of her, piled high with salad and a thinly toasted sandwich cut into four wedges decorating the rim interspersed with what look like homemade thick-cut potato chips. “One Mallory special. Kim’s bringing out a shared meal for the two of you,” he tells Nikolai and Seth.

He keeps his own plate in front of him, with a three tiered sandwich made of thick, dark bread. Nikolai can smell the peanut butter, and the strong scent of smoke and maple. “What is that?”

“Bacon peanut butter club,” Nate says. “Take a peanut butter sandwich, then slather the top of it with mayo and some cranberry sauce, add lettuce and bacon and a third slice of bread, and there you go. It’s disturbingly good.”

“Ew,” Cass says, but she still holds out one small triangle of her toasted sandwich and accepts a quarter of Nate’s sandwich in return.

A girl who must be Kim arrives with one of the three-tiered contraptions, but instead of small bites on each plate, each one is overflowing, and she carries another plate in her hand. “Mallory apparently thinks you’re starving,” she says as she sets it between Nikolai and Seth. “I hope you’re in the mood for some citrus. You’ve got a carrot and leek non-dairy creamed soup with fresh lemon and ginger, and a spring salad with candied orange peel and walnuts. The sandwich is a chicken and brie panini with apple slices; I’ve had that one and it’s really good and I wish we’d put it on the menu. And for dessert, a lemon berry crêpe with a dark chocolate drizzle.”

Kim straightens up, glancing at the booth next to them where the patrons are filing out in a burst of noise. She lowers her voice, nods at it. “It’ll take me five to get it cleaned up, okay?”

Nate grins. “You know us so well. I don’t think we’re expecting anyone else but I wasn’t actually expecting anyone at all in the first place, which is how it works. If that booth’s emptying out, I figure there are more people incoming.”

Cass rolls her eyes but doesn’t speak, her mouth full of Nate’s peanut butter club sandwich.

As soon as Kim finishes cleaning the table, Nate nudges Cass, and they all pick up their things to move into the booth. There’s plenty of room to spread out, and Cass slides all the way down to the end, leaving space between her and Nate.

“So,” Nate asks. “Who do you hate yourself for trusting?”

Cass holds out another of her toasted sandwich triangles, and Nate silently passes her another quarter of his club sandwich in return. “You, obviously,” she says, before taking a bite. “I don’t trust people easily.”

“But you do trust me,” Nates says. One hand on his heart, he smiles at her. “I’m honored.”

“I’m going to throw chips at you soon.” Cass brandishes her piece of sandwich, and Nate laughs.

He stops mid-motion as he turns away, then lifts a hand, waving as he slides further down the bench and closer to Cass. He makes enough room for Mac to slide in, but Carolyn lingers at the end to kiss Serina.

“I’ll come by later or if you’re still here when my shift ends we can, I don’t know, go somewhere else then,” Serina says. She leans up on her toes and kisses Carolyn’s forehead. “Eat some real food. You’ve been buried in the library so much you’re going to turn into a book.”

“I’ve been eating,” Carolyn protests. “I swear I have, but Pawel—” She glances at Mac. “We should bring home something for Pawel. He’s—”

“He ate an apple at breakfast,” Seth comments.

Nikolai thinks that was his whole breakfast. Sort of. “I saw him eating a bowl of cereal a while after that. He’s drinking a lot of coffee. And he eats granola bars. If you put one next to him, it’s gone when you come back. What he’s not doing is sleeping.”

“I tried to stop in and he threw me out and told me you were here,” Mac grumbles. “I bumped into Carolyn on the way over. He needs to take care of himself. He’s no good if he’s so worn out he passes out.”

“I think he’s too grouchy to let go,” Seth says.

“Like a toddler,” Mac insists. “He’s like a toddler who doesn’t want to miss anything and won’t nap.”

Serina gently pushes Carolyn onto the bench. “I have to go work.” She wiggles her fingers at Nate. “See you when your break is over,” she calls out to him, and he lifts a hand to wave back.

Nikolai watches Cass as Mac and Carolyn settle in. She doesn’t tell them to leave, but she doesn’t seem welcoming either, focusing instead on her salad and her remaining toasted sandwich triangles. Mac reaches past Nate to steal a chip from Cass’s plate. Carolyn pulls a laptop out of her bag and opens it up along with a dark purple notebook.

“I have information,” Carolyn says. She looks at the others, frowning slightly. “Not that we came here to meet. We need to order food. But since some of us are together, I thought I could catch you up.”

“Pawel is there every second of the day, but he’s not actually telling us anything. So yes, please, talk to us.” Seth makes a go on motion. “Have you made any progress on the Ritual?”

“Pawel’s still looking into it, but I don’t think the original ritual can be reversed. Not as it was.” Carolyn’s fingers move quickly over her keyboard, then slow as she finds what she’s looking for. “According to what we’ve learned, I think that if we tried to reverse what was done, we might destroy the Split completely, but that could backfire and either destroy all the Shadows—effectively committing genocide against an entire Lineage of Talented humans—or it might end up encouraging another global Emergence, and consume more Talents with vestigial Shadowwalker blood while also pushing them into the Dreamscape. If we close our world, that means we are effectively destroying lives and sending them to other worlds to wreak havoc.”

“That’s not an ideal solution,” Cass mutters dryly.

“Exactly,” Mac replies. She steals another chip, easily dodging as Cass swats at her hand. “Which is why reversing the Ritual is off the table for now. But Pawel’s desperately researching a different Ritual and making plans that don’t involve sleep.”

Carolyn scrolls through her document, frowning as she reads something on the screen in front of her.

“I’m half afraid to ask, but what kind of Ritual is he considering that won’t end up with us all turning into our inner Shadowwalker and succumbing to the dark side?” Cass asks sharply.

“We need a place—or rather several places—where the liminal spaces between reality and the Dreamscape are weak.” Carolyn touches her screen as she reads from it. “The idea is to create a Ritual that transcends this one world. If we have the worlds in contact when we work against the Split, that should protect us. Them.” She motions as if to indicate unseen Shadowwalkers.

Which is exactly what Nikolai had thought they’d been talking about, only this seems a bit more specific. “What about the Benford house?” Nikolai asks. “The Berman place here. We could feel it in our world, before it was cleansed, and here it hasn’t been touched.”

“Would it end up with you dragging us all into the Dreamscape?” Cass asks. Nate gives her a confused look, and Cass points at Carolyn. “When she brought that Shadowwalker back. She dragged everyone into the Dreamscape with her somehow.”

“That was Mattie’s crossover, and has nothing to do with this,” Carolyn replies. She closes her laptop with a soft thunk and crosses her hands on top of it. “It was a unique situation that I think was caused by her soul being so close to the reality and my own Talent still being in the process of Emerging. Not to mention Del’s presence and our history.”

“I think that if you’re looking for somewhere that blurs the line, that’s probably a good place.” Mac’s words nudge the conversation away from Cass and Carolyn glaring at each other. “You think it’s a liminal space?”

“It’s close to the Dreamscape,” Carolyn agrees. “It was close enough that Del and I were able to get us there accidentally. Do you think the cleansing of the Benford place would mean it’s not as close now?”

“You know what happened to the wards,” Nikolai reminds her. “Everything kept coming back to that one place, and I think that points to it being exactly the kind of place Pawel’s looking for. I’ve been to the Berman house here—”

“So have I,” Carolyn says softly.

“Then you’ve been to both, too. You know what I mean. They aren’t the same, but they correlate,” Nikolai says. “Alia won’t like the risk, but I think Val could be persuaded. The Alia and Val of our world,” he amends, because now there’s a Valentine here, too, and talking about them is potentially confusing. “I don’t know what Alia here would think about it, and it’s probably not something Valentine really gets to talk about. It’s not her home.”

“The Alia of this world isn’t a fan of magic,” Mac admits.

“But she’s getting better.” Carolyn closes her laptop, opens the notebook instead. She shows a page with cards drawn on it, and neatly penned writing beneath. “She actually came to me for a reading a couple of months ago, and I told her to start a revolution. Which is exactly what seems to be happening.”

Mac makes a hmm sort of noise and steals another one of Cass’s chips.

“I actually need to get back to work.” Nate slides his plate in front of Mac, the sandwich gone but a pile of crispy chips still remaining. “Let me out, then you can finish my chips. Leave Cass’s alone.”

Mac and Carolyn slide out to let him go, but Carolyn doesn’t manage to sit down again before her phone sings out. She looks at the number, lips pressed together as she silences it. “I’ve got to go,” she says, shoving her laptop and notebook back in the bag. “I’ll get something to eat later.”

“Want me to bring something back to the house for you?” Mac offers as Carolyn is already walking away.

“Actually, yeah, that’d be great. I just need to—” She stops several steps from the table, turning back to say, “Make Nikolai and Seth take something home for Pawel.”

“If he’s eating granola bars he’ll eat whatever they put out, probably, yes,” Mac agrees.

“And tell Serina that I—”

“Had to go. She’s right there,” Cass points. “Kiss her on your way out. I’m sure she gets it.”

“She probably doesn’t really get it,” Mac murmurs as Carolyn catches Serina and kisses her cheek on the way by. “Serina’s kind of swept up in this because Carolyn is, but she hasn’t really been a part of it. It’s all happening around her. Alaric and Nikita are on her floor. She’s got Carolyn. But she’s not Talented and she just kind of goes with the flow.”

“But she’s there for Carolyn,” Seth says. “Right? Sometimes when one person’s the raging river of chaos, it’s good that the other one’s the stable rock.”

Nikolai reaches under the table to slide his hand over Seth’s knee in silent thanks for being his rock. “Are you saying I dragged you into this?”

“You are the Dreamwalker who dismantled wards so badly that you not only got us thrown out of Havenhill, we left the world entirely,” Seth says. The sharp words are softened by a fond smile, and Nikolai can’t resist stealing a kiss.

“Is that what I look like?” Cass murmurs.

“All the time,” Mac whispers back. “Only you tend to look even more like you’re going to jump Dax any second. What I’d like to know, though, is when you and Nate started trading food like an old married couple?”

Cass blinks. “You stole my chips, not him.”

They’re distracted and it’s a perfect time to steal another kiss that tastes of blueberry crêpe and bittersweet chocolate. While Cass and Mac bicker and laugh in the background, Nikolai can just enjoy the moment here with Seth.

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today-we-will-survive · 6 years ago

Text

meet me in the tree house

Moodboard made by @snowflakeu25

BTS au-imagine

Yoongi x Reader Y/N

fluff, romance

Word Count: 3.5K

A/N: This was a request from @snowflakeu25 💜

Three knocks on his studio door.

A gruff voice, muffled by the walls enters your ears and you twist the knob and push into the room with your hip since your other hand is preoccupied carrying a shallow box of takeout containers. A boy sits in a computer chair facing a mountain of recording equipment. Speakers jut from the two corners of the ceiling. Three large monitors sit atop the mountain, an expanse of panels, keyboards, knobs and sliders filling the valley below. At the sound of you entering the room, he turns around, his mouth twitching into a quick smirk before his eyes fall to the food in your hands.

“Hey,” you say.

“Hey,” Yoongi replies spinning around fully to face the coffee table as you set the box down on its surface.

“Working hard?” you ask and take a seat on the leather couch that sits adjacent to him.

Yoongi stretches, arching his back and raising his arms in the air with a groan. “Always,” he says. “Chinese?”

“You know it.”

The two of you are quiet for a while as you work at getting all of the take out containers open and onto the coffee table. Then you pass him a pair of chopsticks before taking your own pair and grabbing the closest container. You’ve watched Yoongi become a big time producer, his songs winning award after award. You’ve seen him on tv, standing on stages, making speeches, wearing designer clothes and being adored by people that don’t know him.

Yet every Wednesday, you come to Bighit, the security guard giving you a smile and a nod of recognition and you take the elevator up to the fourth floor, carrying take out, walk down that hallway lined with albums that have gone gold and platinum before reaching the studio. And there you find him, in his baggy sweats and baggy shirt, sometimes a beanie to keep his hair out of his eyes and he’d turn and greet you with that same tired smile. He’s never treated you different. He’s never let the fame get to him. Probably because he knows how far of a fall it would be back to the bottom where he started if he were to let it all go to his head.

You moved to the city not long after Yoongi got the job at Bighit. The two of you have been best friends since you were in fourth grade, when he moved into the house next door to yours. He had a tree house in his backyard that you had been eying for a while and when his mom had forced him to come over and ask you to play, you’d been ecstatic to finally be able to see the inside of it. It was as cool as you’d thought it would be, and that was where you’d spend a lot of late nights during the summer.

As you got older, the tree house transformed from a playhouse to a safe house. If your parents were fighting or lashing out at you, you’d send a quick text to him asking him to meet you there. And by the time you climbed up the rope ladder, the hatch would already be open and Yoongi would be waiting for you, his ears open to listen or his arms open to hold you, whichever you needed. Usually, it was both.

Once he moved away after college, there wasn’t much left for you in your small town, so you followed him, getting a job in the city and hanging out whenever he was free. Which wasn’t as often lately.

“So what have you been working on?” you ask before shoving a piece of orange chicken into your mouth.

Yoongi perks up, swallowing his mouthful of food before spinning to face his desk again. “Tell me what you think of this. Then with a couple clicks of his mouse and a press of a button on one of his keyboards, the room fills with music.

You close your eyes so you’re not distracted by anything and listen to the steady rhythm as it builds. After a few measures, Yoongi’s familiar voice starts in, delivering the deep lyrics he’s become so well-known for. You can feel the smile spreading your mouth as you listen, your head automatically bobbing to the beat. You’re really enjoying the song when suddenly it cuts off and you open your eyes to find Yoongi looking at you, his hand poised on his keyboard. You frown.

“What did you stop it for?”

“I just wanted to give you a sneak peek. You can’t hear the whole song until the mixtape is done.”

“Mixtape?” you ask as your smile returns.

Yoongi smiles back and looks down at his hands shyly. “By the way, I’m making a mixtape.

You let out an excited squeal, reaching out to hit his arm over and over, his smile growing bigger with every hit. “Are you serious?” you finally ask when he’s rolled out of your reach. “You’ve been wanting to do a mixtape forever!”

“Yeah,” he chuckles and scratches the back of his neck. “Yeah, I’ve finally gotten some time to work on it so I’ve been kind of messing around, writing some stuff.”

You pick up the container of pork fried rice, poking at it as you shake your head. “I’m really excited for you, Yoongi. It’s going to be amazing.”

“I hope.”

“It will be,” you say. “You’re crazy talented.”

Just then you feel your phone vibrate in your back pocket and when you reach for it and look at the screen, you can’t help but smile. The room is silent as you type a response to the message you received.

“Who has the audacity to interrupt our Wednesday night dinner?” Yoongi asks jokingly as he wheels back over and swipes a container off of the coffee table.

You send the message and set your phone onto the table before taking another bite of rice. “Just a guy I’ve been talking to,” you say. “Sorry.”

Yoongi blinks, obviously caught off guard by your response. “Oh, no, it’s okay. I didn’t know you were talking to someone.”

“Yeah,” you say with a shy smile. “I met him at a party last weekend and, I don’t know. We got to talking and now we’ve been texting each other a bit.”

Yoonig lets out a grunt, suddenly very interested in the container he’s holding.

“I don’t know,” you say again. “I think I’m finally in a place to start wanting to date again…you know, after everything that happened with—”

“Y/N,” Yoongi says cutting you off. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about him. I’m glad you’re able to move on now. I’m happy for you.”

You tilt your head as you study your best friend. His words sound genuine but the sentiment doesn’t seem to reach his eyes. “Thanks,” you utter. You hear your phone vibrate against the coffee table and you watch as Yoongi’s gaze falls to it for a split second before focusing back on poking his chopstick into his food.

Y/N: So Chinese again tonight or something different?

Yoongi: Ive got a lot of work to do tonight. I dont think I can hang out.

Y/N: Oh ok. See u next week then?

Yoongi: Sure.

Y/N: Hey, did u want to go out tonight instead of me bringing something? Theres a new ramen place I wanted to try.

Yoongi: cant hang out tonight. Busy.

Y/N: …ok. Next week then? I miss u.

Yoongi: Sure.

Y/N: ok. Im kidnapping u tmrrw night. I kno u dont rlly like going anywhere on Wednesday nights since u hav to work but we havnt hung out in like 3 weeks and I want to take u to see this new horror movie with me. And I kno that telling u Im kidnapping u kind of negates the whole “kidnapping” thing but I kno u dont like surprises.

Yoongi: cant.

Y/N:…really?

Yoongi: Sorry. I have to work.

Y/N: man…ur working a lot lately, arnt u?

Yoongi: its my job, Y/N. Maybe next week.

Y/N: Next week Im going to be back home to visit some family.

Yoongi: oh ok.

Y/N: Whatever, Yoongi. If u dont want to hang out anymor, just say it.

Y/N: Or dont. Whatever.

Yoongi: hey

Yoongi: Y/N

Yoongi: I know ur mad at me but please respond.

Yoongi: Y/N I was just being an idiot.

Yoongi: Y/N

Yoongi: Please talk to me.

Yoongi: look, I kno ur reading my texts and I kno u probably wont respond but if u end up seeing this, please meet me in the tree house in like twenty minutes. Alright? Thats where Ill be. I need to talk to u.

“The tree house?” you utter as you re-read his last text. As in the one at his parent’s house? The one that’s over an hour away from the city the two of you live in now?

You’re at a family dinner at the moment but you’ve all already eaten and now your parents are just talking to your aunt and uncle and though you’re a bit reluctant to actually meet up with Yoongi (since you’re still pretty pissed at him for ditching you for the past three weeks) he’s the perfect excuse for you to duck out early. And you do just that, saying goodnight to your extended family before telling your parents that you have to run but you’ll see them back at home later. Then you head out before anyone can argue.

It’s about a thirty minute drive from the restaurant back to your house. You can’t even bring yourself to pretend to feel bad for making him wait those ten extra minutes wondering if you’re even going to show up. It serves him right. The two of you have been best friends for as long as you can remember and have been doing Wednesday night dinner together ever since he got the job at Bighit. After all this, he decides he’s too busy to hang out? He’s never been too busy. Has the fame finally gotten to his head?

A terrible thought occurs to you as you pull into the driveway at your childhood home. What if he wants to meet you to break things off? To tell you that he doesn’t have time for friends anymore. That you shouldn’t come around anymore because it’s interfering with his work. That he’s outgrown you.

With an angry jerk of the stick shift, you jam your car into park and turn off the engine, yanking the key out. You can already feel yourself getting worked up as you slam the door and stomp across the yard to Yoongi’s house. When you get through the gate and enter the backyard, your eyes trail up to the tree house where it resides in the tall maple in the middle of the lawn. The sun is almost all the way set and the sky is already turning a medium shade of blue. It’s getting dark fast and you can see golden light filtering out of the windows in the tree house. He’s there. Good.

You take a deep breath then make your way up the rope ladder. This was a lot easier when you were younger, and smaller, and you can’t help but wonder how much longer this rope will even hold. With that thought, you scurry up the last few rungs, hoping the whole time that it won’t snap on you. Then, when you poke your head up through the hole, your eyes fall on Yoongi.

He’s laying on his back, hands on his stomach and his eyes fixed on the ceiling. At the sound of your arrival, he turns his head, his gaze locking with yours.

He sits up quickly. “I thought you weren’t going to come.”

You back away from the hole in the floor until your spine rests against the wall. “I wasn’t going to but it was an excuse to duck out of dinner early.” You cross your arms. “What are you even doing here, Yoongi?”

Your best friend gets to his feet. “I wanted to talk to you about…everything.”

“Well?”

Yoongi sighs, bringing up a hand to scratch behind his ear. A nervous tick you’ve always thought was a bit endearing. “I guess I just got kind of…jealous.”

Um…

You stand there against the wall blinking for several seconds, not really sure if you heard him right. “Jealous,” you finally say. Yoongi nods. Your brow furrows and you let out a humorless laugh. “I’m sorry, Mr. Big-shot producer, what the heck would you be jealous of?”

As if on cue, your phone chimes in your pocket and Yoongi’s eyes fall to the outline of it against your thigh. You’ve still been talking to that other guy from several weeks ago and now it kind of dawns on you, just what Yoongi is jealous of. The two of you lock eyes again.

“Yoongi…”

The apples of his cheeks dust a light pink, contrasting against his pale mint hair and he shifts on his feet. “No, it’s stupid. I shouldn’t have been like that. Not when I’ve never even told you how I feel. I just wanted you to meet me here so I could tell you that I’m sorry and I want to keep doing our Wednesday night thing and you can text that guy all you want. And I know you don’t need my permission but I’m just letting you know that I won’t be a jerk about this. And I won’t start acting all weird. Date him. Marry him. I’ll still be your best friend as long as you want me to be. And if you don’t, I understand that too because what kind of person freezes their best friend out over another guy? You’re more important to me than that and…Y/N?”

His words finally trail off when he looks up and realizes you’ve been standing there gaping at him the whole time. Your heart is in your stomach and your breaths have become shallow. Are you having a panic attack? Here? In Yoongi’s tree house? In front of Yoongi?

“Y/N?” he asks again.

“What did you say?” you utter.

“What?”

“What did you say?” you ask louder. “Just now. What did you say?”

Yoongi fumbles with his hands for a second, running his fingers through his hair and switching his weight to his other foot again. “Uh…that you’re my best friend?”

“Before that.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Before that.”

“I was being stupid?”

“After that.”

Yoongi bites his bottom lip, the pink in his cheeks becoming darker. “…that I haven’t told you how I feel?”

“Yeah,” you say. “How do you feel, Yoongi?”

“I feel like…” he takes a tentative step toward you, keeping his eyes locked on yours even as the blush spreads down to his neck. “…like I’ve been in love with my best friend for the past five years.” He takes another step toward you. The tree house isn’t very big so even after just these two steps, there’s only about a foot of space between you now. “How do you feel, Y/N?” he asks, his voice much lower than it was before. You peer up at him, heat creeping up your own neck to settle on your cheeks.

“I…uh…I—” your phone chimes in your pocket again and Yoongi sucks in a sharp breath. “Give me two seconds,” you whisper then pull your phone out of your pocket with trembling fingers and check the screen. Yoongi leans in a bit to peek too. “It’s my mom,” you say and you hear him chuckle under his breath. “She wants to know if I want them to pick up ice cream on their way back.”

“Do you?” he asks leaning in more, his dark eyes now drilling into yours. You’d back up if you could but you’re already pressed against the wall.

“Do I what?” you ask him.

He hesitates for just a moment, a smile quirking the corner of his mouth. “Want ice cream?”

You both know that’s not the question he’s really asking and for a split second, your eyes dart down to his lips. You pull your own into your mouth as you try to conjure up the words. You’re already a flustered mess with this boy so close to you, looking at you the way he is, his body heat radiating across the small space between you.

“Of course I want ice cream. I frikin’ love ice cream.”

The tension in the small space seems to burst as Yoongi falls forward, his head landing on your shoulder and laughter bubbling up out of him. You can’t help but laugh too as you feel his shoulders shake against yours and then he’s wrapping his arms around your waist to keep either of you from tumbling to the floor. The room is filled with your giggling and tears have sprung to your eyes and finally, once the muscles in both of your stomachs are good and sore, he lifts his head back up.

The laughter dies down as the two of you lock eyes again. You watch with bated breath as he reaches up to brush the hair back from your forehead, his fingers sliding down the side of your face and lingering on your jaw. “Can I kiss you, Y/N?” he utters.

You don’t even hesitate to nod before he closes the small gap, his lips moulding to yours along with the rest of his body. His one hand tightens on your waist and the other slides to the back of your neck and then he’s tilting his head to kiss you deeper. Of course, then your phone chimes AGAIN causing him to jump back with a small gasp.

“Sorry,” you mumble, your head swimming as you look down at your phone still in your hand. You look back up at Yoongi again. “Flavor?”

Yoongi stands there breathing hard for a second, staring at you as he processes your question. His tongue flicks out of his mouth for just a second. “Chocolate,” he finally says breathlessly.

You type the word as fast as you can, getting frustrated when you keep screwing up, before hitting send and dropping your phone onto the rug. Then you reach out to grasp Yoongi by the shoulders, pulling him to you once again.

“Just listen to this one,” Yoongi says as he pulls you back down into his lap.

The computer chair creaks under the weight of the two of you and you grip the arms to keep from toppling over. “Yoongi, I have to go. I have to get up early for work tomorrow.”

“Just this last one,” he says and slides the headphones back onto your ears. You’ve tried taking them off for the last five songs but every time you do, he wants you to listen to just one more. This is the last one, I promise.

“Yoongi, you’re really making me seem like a jerk of a girlfriend that doesn’t want to listen to your music.”

“But you do want to listen to my music, right?”

You smile and reach up to touch your palm to his cheek. “Of course, I do,” you say. Yoongi’s mouth lifts into a gummy smile as he nuzzles your hand. “You know I’m your biggest fan.”

“I know,” he says with a contented sigh.

He’s too perfect for his own good. So talented and so soft lately. Yoongi has always been more on the reserved side. Never cold but a bit closed off, even to you. But ever since the two of you talked—if you can even call it that—in the tree house, everything has changed. He’s revealed a different side of himself to you. A softer side. A happier side. You can hear it in his music, too. How happy he’s become.

“Alright,” you say. “Just one more.”

Yoongi claps excitedly before pressing a button on his keyboard and then settling back in under you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his cheek against your arm. He loves watching your expression as you listen to his music. Loves seeing how it affects you, loves seeing the uncensored reaction. He knows you’ll always be honest with him, because you want him to give his best. Besides his colleagues, you’re the only one who’s opinion he trusts.

As you listen, Yoongi starts playing with your fingers, pressing the pads of his own against yours so you mirror his movements, and then when he glances at the screen and sees that the song is almost over, he slides his fingers through the gaps between yours and locks your hand in his. You knew he wouldn’t let you go after this song.

You shake your head until the headphones slip from your ears. “Yoongi,” you say.

“Just one more,” he says quickly and releases one of your hands to pull the headphones back up.

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clowngremlin · 6 years ago

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got an anon message that reminded me of my good things list....i have been really busy making art lately so i havent done one in a bit so it’s time!!! under the cut because it’s long!!!

i’ll start from monday:

-saw one of my best friends who i hadnt seen for two weeks because she has been really sick!!

-went to the lgbt youth group where we chatted and i worked on my comic for my mcr fanzine!!

-made some new friends at a job interview!!

-had a very tasty bagel!!! it had fancy cream cheese :3c

tuesday:

-finished my comic for my mcr fanzine....it’s not the only thing for the zine im making so it will be a lil while longer before i post it!!

-did another comic that i still need to post that i am very proud of!!

-someone said something really nice to me about my comic i posted

-saw my psych and he and i had a good talk about maybe seeing if i can get into the film industry with my skills which is something i had never thought of before.....in my city it’s a huge industry so it’s something to look into!!

-had a meeting with a lady about my academic withdrawal....she said my case is really strong and they will most likely grant me academic exception so i wont fail!!!

wednesday:

-my sister came over!!! it was nice to see her!!

-my sister and i shared a fancy muffin....it was a strawberry cheesecake muffin and extremely tasty :3c

-went out for dinner with hope!!! we went to one of my favorite restaurants!!! it’s a vegan Vietnamese place that has the best sauce for the salad rolls!!!

-saw a different pal when i was out with hope and it was nice to see them!! i hadnt seen them for a while so it was good to catch up!!

-got starbucks with hope as well and that was nice!!

-wore an excellent outfit that consisted of a black and white striped long sleeved shirt, my black overalls, fishnet stockings underneath the overalls because they have rips in them so u can see the fishnet and it looks Cool, my slime green and purple creepers, my funky sunglasses one of my friends gave me for my birthday, and my bright green fishnet fingerless gloves!!

-did a drawing i was really proud of AND a comic!! i havent posted the comic yet either...i should be posted my comics more often lol.....anyways the drawing got a lot of likes on instagram and i was very happy :>

thursday:

-stayed home for most of the day, working on my various comics and drawings and spending time with eli

-went down town to go to the comic book store to get the newest umbrella academy hotel oblivion comic, ended up getting it AND a twd comics t shirt....it has rick, negan, michonne and carl on it and i was really stoked to find it because it was the last one AND it was $10....over half off.....i had seen it a while ago at the comic book store and never bought it because shirts there are expensive so im pretty pleased

-also went to lush down town, got one of those naked cleansing bars....had a lil dance party with the workers.....it was nice!!!

-got a tea at david’s tea....i am a bit :/ about supporting david’s tea because i used to work at one and they treated me like shit at the end, but i just wont support the one i used to work at, and i also wont buy anything but teas of the day because they’re cheaper lol. anyways i got a grapefruit tea and it was tasty!!

-lots of people told me they liked my pins!!!

-did even more work on my drawings and comics when i got home

-went to bed before 3:00 am!!

-one of the youths from the trans support group i go to bought a garf plushie and asked me if i wanted it???? it was so nice of them ;_;

friday:

it was really nice and sunny

-saw the best shirts at the thrift store but i didnt buy them and im really sad about it but it’s for the best because i need to save money but it sent me into a depressive spiral and it was really upsetting and i got a stress head ache thinking about having to find a new job and felt really sick

-had a nice walk with eli to help me calm down after the anxiety attack i had over trying to find a job....saw many excellent dogs that eli loves to go and visit with!!!

-this dog gets their own point because they are special....i saw a little white Pomeranian wearing CLOTHING!!! they were wearing like a little funky jacket/suit and SHOES!!! it was the best

-multiple friends sent me the garfield phone mystery news article.....this is more of a theme for the over all week because i’ve had someone send it to me at least once a day for the past couple of days, but i love and appreciate it regardless because it means that my friends pay attention to my interests and things i like!!!

-ate 2 meals, babey!!! i goofed breakfast, but i had both a lunch and a dinner and i ate it all and didnt use behaviors afterwards!!

-worked on my art some more!!

-looked at the classes im going to register for in the summer semester....im taking an art history, illustration class and an animation class....the animation class is stop motion and so im excited :3c

#the wretched gremlin strikes again #spencer's good things list

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housewarmth · 6 years ago

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All of those soft asks

amandaaaaaaaa i love u thank u sweet child of mine

1. cherry - what is your sexuality?

gay! very gay!

2. lollipop - favorite makeup products?

i don’t know. i like my eyebrownssss makeup

3. daydreams - if you could be anything or anyone, who would you be?

if i could be anything! i’d wanna be an angelhair fern! so sweet and delicate and airy. i wanna be airy

4. october - what month were you born in?

july! big crabby cancer 🦀

7. golden - favorite stationary product?

i really like sticky notes n stickers like that, but i never use them. i just like looking at them. i don’t know what requires their use so i hardly justify them

8. freckles - most-worn article of clothing?

my lil boy pants. easy to move around in when im in the studio. plus, easy access when you’re in desperate need to get laid

9. twilight - best friend?

my studio wife! we’re very different actually, but since were always together people think we’re one in the same

10. silk - do you like k-pop?

uh, not really. my boss is getting into kpop because she wants to embrace her korean-ness so i hear it a lot at work

11. poppy - favorite pastel color?

pastel orange!

12. dimples - most attractive features of a person’s face?

jaw! and their nose. every person i’ve been with i’ve been sooo into their nose. theyre so cute

13. sunkissed - autumn or spring?

autumn! spring is usually a ruff time for me

14. buttery - favorite snack?

OH okay i have a favorite snack that i treat myself with (not because its just so great even though i love it, but because its a process to do and i love the task it gives me). its herb goat cheese with fig butter on pita crackers with half a baby gherkin pickle. it looks adorable really and i like making them one by one as i eat it so i have something to do with my hands. also, just anything with chocolate generally is a real good time

15. whisper - how much sleep do you get?

hahaha well if you asked me over summer, i’d say 8-9 hours. now i’m getting close to 3-5 hours a night? i’m really feelin the effects of that

16. pencil - do you own a journal?

i guess so! my sketchbooks you could say are my journals, but i sort of journal wherever i can, like on scraps of homework, notes, newspaper, on my phone. i try to compile them but i’m to all over the place to do that

17. cupcake - are you a good cook?

i would say so! my partner likes to cook more but i think i’m more of a better cook. i tend to be a lil bossy in the kitchen

18. honey - favorite term of endearment?

i love callin people luvbug n baby angel. i say luv of my life quite a lot, i’ve got a lot of those

19. clouds - describe one of your favorite dreams?

i wouldn’t say i really remember good dreams, just like recent ones or ones that hit me the most. a lot of scary ones stick more. i haven’t been dreaming much so i got nothin

20. velvet - who was your first crush?

oh this boy named josh. i was around 5 and he was a few years older. we were dating i guess and his mom loved me. she’d buy me huge stuffed animals and hide them in our daycare. he was so sweet with me and i think we were pretty cute together. weird im not into boys anymore after that. or blondes?

21. paper - favorite children’s book?

dr. seuss’s whacky wednesday! i used to make my mom read it to me almost every night. when she got sick of the same thing, instead of making her read something else, i started to learn to read it myself since i knew what it would say

29. skin - what distant relative are you closest to?

i’m not close to any of my relatives. i guess my cousin in germany but i never talk to her really directly

30. aphrodite - favorite actress/actor?

anne hathaway used to be my all time favorite actress since i was a kid. watching oceans 8 sparked it back up again

31. cuddles - do you have any pets?

lots of pets! a lot of fish, a cat my partner and i have, my parents’ cats, and my big baby turtle

32. lace - if you own any dresses, which is your favorite?

i don’t own any real dresses except this babydoll thing i wear out of the shower sometimes

33. sheets - sanrio or san-x characters?

i have no fucking clue what this says

34. cream - frozen yogurt flavor?

my studio wife and this older woman in the studio love going to yogurtland. i got a churro flavor and its so fucking good. i still have some in the studio fridge somewhere.

35. watermelon - do films ever make you cry?

yes all the time. trailers make me cry. i cry at a lot of things for no reason. or maybe a reason but i just don’t notice it. i start to tear up maybe once a day? is that something related to my depression? anxiety? i don’t know. i started to cry last night talking to my partner about drugs and stuff and my family’s history with stuff like that. it’s never affected me before but something about it made me cry and i didn’t know how to make it go away. lol?

36. sapphos - favorite poet?

im not much of a poetry person but my friend writes some good stuff. shes doing a poetry reading soon at a wine bar oooouuu

37. plush - how many stuffed animals do you still own?

a lot! a lot still at my parents’ house from when i was a kid. some of my mom’s when she was a kid. i have a few here down at my place too. i got this octopus that’s pretty cool

38. roses - what flower do you find most beautiful?

ohhhhh man okay so there’s this big vine plant at my studio job that’s in the middle of the concrete jungle that i swear has all the butterflies in all of la attracted to it. today i got to work and there were 10 butterflies and no joke hundreds of caterpillars at all stages of their cycled in the yard. there’s hardly anything left of the plant now but there are these beautiful flowers on it called a bluecrown passionflower. how sexy is that

39. sweetheart - favorite mug/cup?

my favorite mug! is one my friend made me! it’s blue and sad and everyone comments on it! i love getting to say my friend made me it! i think hes making me another one because he asked me for my address. i don’t wanna get my hopes up but i really…..hope there’s some pottery in that package

40. sunset - what are your pronouns?

she/her! they/them! i’m cool with anything!

ou wow this is so fucking long im so sorry to everyone that has to scroll past this

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intriga-hounds · 7 years ago

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i just need to go on a stream of consciousness monologue rn about dizzy so kindly scroll on if u don’t wanna read a brick of Doubt and Distress i am just writing to my good friend the void

dizzy’s decline has been so fast that i’m still in shock. when my mom took her in on monday, the vet thought she looked wonderful, but still wanted me to keep my thursday appt just to be sure. when i got home on tuesday, she was a little puffed up, but still perky and eagerly taking her meds. on wednesday, she slowed down. she seemed uncomfortable and crabby. i didn’t see or hear her eat or drink water. thursday morning she was weak, lethargic, stressed. barely took her meds before her appt.

at the appt, it was revealed that she had lost 10% of her body weight in 3 days. she was severely dehydrated, had a low body temp, and seemed septic. vet prescribed new antibiotics and a diet of pediasure to try to help her bounce back, but by the time i got her home, dizzy was no longer eating or accepting medication, even mixed with her favorite treats. disco is normally the comfort rat, but she was making dizzy crabby, so i separated them again. since we’ve come home, dizzy has sat hunched, breathing hard and raspy, sides pinched, eyes squinty. i lied with her awhile and thought she might die right then and there. she’s still here--barely.

a month ago i had 4 rats. now i am close to having only one. and yes, the three losses all stem from one thing: dipper. dipper was returned to the breeder, but not before giving mighty an abscess that killed her, and covering dizzy in abscesses. it all happened so fast. mighty and dipper had never really loved each other, but they hadn’t fought either. so with the first abscess, i had no idea what caused it. between the first and second abscess, i heard fighting in the cage, but never saw blood. even when i checked the abscesses, i could never find blood or a cut. but with the second abscess, i figured, it must be their fighting. so i separated the four. disco and mighty together, dizzy and dipper together. before then, dizzy and dipper had been thick as thieves. always sleeping together, playing together. never any indication that they did not get along. it was always dipper and mighty. dipper also bullied disco, but because disco is a lie-down-and-take-it kind of girl, she was never hurt.

i was on a trip when mighty died and dizzy was attacked. i wasn’t there, and that’s what bothers me. and what really makes me crazy is that i should have known, i should have asked my brother to house dipper alone bc i knew he knew jack shit about rats.......but dipper and dizzy had always gotten along so well that i had no reason to think there would be an issue.

when i got home from europe, dizzy was covered in abscesses. she had 5 total. FIVE ABSCESSES. two on her neck, one in each armpit, and one on her abdomen. i rushed her to the vet the next day. she was put on medication to shrink the abscesses and fight infection. two weeks later, the vet was pleased with her progress and suggested surgery to ensure the abscesses did not return. “is that even on your radar?” she asked. i said yes, do it.

3 of the 5 were taken care of easily. the ones on her neck had to be marsupialized bc they were right on her jugular and they couldn’t get beneath the capsules. but the vet didn’t seem worried. “rats are really hardy” and all that. yes, so i’ve heard, but knives and mighty were so fragile. knives passed of what i suspect was a pituitary tumor at 11 months, and mighty of what i can only guess is an infection from her healing abscess (which had been drained by a vet a week before) at 16 months. i hoped it was just poor breeding, as knives and mighty had come from a different breeder than the younger 3, and were american blues, which apparently are known to have a weak immune system.

besides looking like a frankenstein creation, dizzy seemed well. she still played with me, climbed the cage, ate her fill every day, and nearly attacked the syringe every time i offered medication. she was fiery and peppy and strong. a few days after the surgery, i flew to singapore. told my mom if she saw anything, absolutely anything wrong, to take her to the vet and i would pay her back when i got home.

on sunday, some stitches busted open. my mom took her the next day. the vet removed the stitches, prescribed some antiseptic wipes, and said, “she looks fine, but keep the thursday appointment.” and the rest i’ve already told and retold.

i’m frustrated. i’m heart broken. i’m angry. of 5 rats, how could i be down to 1 in just six months? what did i do wrong? what could i have done? how could i have fixed it sooner? what were the signs that i missed? why did it happen? and why, after hundreds, even thousands, of dollars, could i not save any of them? why, after immediate vet care with every complication, are they dying?

so much of it for me boils down to pride, i think. i take pride in how i care for my animals. it’s important to me and i spare no expense. i am inexperienced with rats, but i have been dedicated to them. i’ve honestly tried my best. with knives and mighty, i spent 2-3 hrs every day for 9 months just to convince them i wasn’t going to kill them. i adored them. i don’t know. when i take in an animal, i consciously think to myself, “this life is my responsibility. and by buying this animal i am committing to guarding and preserving and enriching this life at all costs.” have i done that?

i feel like i failed every one of them. i feel like it’s all my fault. and please, if you want me to feel better, don’t tell me it’s not my fault, that i did everything i could, etc. what i want is for anyone who’s seen anything wrong with the way i care for my animals to come out and tell me what i did wrong. if you thought to yourself at any point, “wow, i wouldn’t do that, but...i’ll stay in my lane,” don’t stay in your lane. tell me what i did. tell me how to fix it. tell me how i can be better.

i’m so lost at this point. i want a break from rats, but disco is just a baby and can’t live her life alone. what do i do? do i adopt more in the hopes i won’t kill them too? do i adopt one? or two since disco will be 6 months their senior? do i give disco to someone more capable, even if it breaks my heart?

and what about dizzy? do i just wait for her to die at home? do i take her to be euthanized? what can i even do for her anymore?

i don’t want any words of encouragement. i just wanted them all to make it.

#dizzy

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chickenstuffedwithmozzarella · 7 years ago

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Hello! I'm going to start answering the old ask first and then the one about the show, okay? Last week was busy? Because of Mother's Day? Or something else? I dont know if i have to cheer you up saying "dont worry, this week everything is going to go back to normal", or if i shouldnt because that will mean you'll get bored at work🙊 Did you brought the ballons finally? (1)

HIIII LOVE!!!! Ufffff, I didn’t realized Mother’s Day meant May was starting,jajajaja. May is our August. We have A LOT of places to go to make candy bars, do you know what it is? Well, we put it on communions, weddings… and we have a couple every weekend. So we make the things we put on the bar during the week. It’s a lot of work for all of us, but it’s the month we make the most money,jajajaja, so 🤷🏻‍♀️.I FORGOT the balloons 🤦🏻‍♀️😔. I totally did. I didn’t think about them till a bit before the show started, lol. It would have been so cool, but I totally forgot.

U didnt go to a lot of concerts? Dont say that! I’ve only gone to 2/3 shows. Not much. & much less this days, with so many festivals. Oh, yeah. Ed came some years ago, but i was too young. Uh, i feel u, the sale of the tickets was crazy. Like, we were supposed to go to see him in Mdd, and we ended up in Bcn, & with another kind of ticket, not the one we had agreed to buy. But totally worth it!! I know he has a reputation for being tedious and repetitive, but his sound live is not like that. (2)

Oh, there are so many concert and festivals these days. I guess I never was a kid to ask my parents for a lot of things, and I never really had someone who I liked enough to ask to go concerts,so 🤷🏻‍♀️. But I love concerts. The ambient… well, I already told you,jajaja. It feels like you’re around your people, or at least to me, bc I don’t know anyone in real life who likes the same music as I. And I loved it the time in the line,jajja. It was like we were camping. I don’t know, jajaja, it felt right. Ed has that reputation? I dididnt know about it. I’ve see a couple of videos, and I found it so difficult what he does,jajja, with the guitar and the pedal he uses to record his voice and all that.

HAHAHAHA. I am laughing because now you have not only managed to find a Larrie at Harrys’s show, but also at Niall’s!! Either there’s many of us, or you are a Larrie Magnet😂 How can i do the same?? Show me. She keeps up because i have tumble, and her bffs also have tumblr and twitter and they share the news on the groupchat. I mean, she doesnt know everything (no one does) but we tell her the important things.(3)

Jajajajajja, I think I’m s larrie-magnet,🤣🤣🤣. Hey, you have your own larrie-pal at home, what more do you need??? Jajaja. (I have my own anti at home, so…). You tell her important things??? I hope you’ve tell her about Louis last night!! Jajajja mymy, did you see him??? I missed him so much. He looked so good. And he’s so good. Ay, I could cry,bc he deserves a lot better from everyone, from life… You know “hay gente que nace con estrella, y gente que nace estrellada”? Well, I always think that about Louis. He never gets it right. But I really hope the future holds only good things for him. :/Well, your sister and her friends sound more organized than me, jajajajjaja. I’m now in a group chat, ajajaja, we’ll see how that works, or if I have Togo out bc they talk too much,jajajaja (I’m old, my phone ringing too much, makes me cranky🤣🤣🤣🤣👵🏻)

Yes, men suits tend to be more boring. Harry need to do something, but at the same time, dont. Harry + red carpets + cool suits + HQ pictures = my dead. Oh wow. You really are half-witch. JAJAJAJAA. Me as your sister trying to take profit of your hability. Isnt she smart?😂😂 did you really guess the birth of the little girl? How? (Can you guess the end of BG too? Pls end it). Oh! Okay, i get it now. He sounds pretty special then. (4)

Jajjaja jajajja, that’s true (I sometimes say things that louis (mostly) has said, jajaja, and that’s true is his response to Harry’s “the wind make nice waves”, jajajja, so read it with Louis’ voice😝). See?i almost had a heart attack yesterday when I saw Louis in a suit,jajajja.Well, she’s always looking at ways to make money of everything,jajja (no she doesn’t, but she does it more than me). I don’t know how,jajaja, we were making a “porra” and I thought that+and that+and that… it was more a guess, than a prediction, jejejeje. And I can’t control my predictions, they usually happen in my dreams. I wish I could end it. I’ve been wishing for it to end blowing my birthday candles for years, jajaja (and I can’t believe it’s been years 🤦🏻‍♀️)

Gay parade? JAJAJAJA. Listen, but why? Why would u take a cake to a parade? Do ppl usually do that? I’ve never seen it. Uuuh. Yes. Of course we are queer because its trendy, thats what we, dumb&young people do. Of couse. Being hated because of that is so cool!! I hate that logic. Uh. Not all changes are bad, and just bcs you dont see LGTB+ people doesnt mean they dont exist. I’m so sorry you had to stand that while you couldnt even yell at him! And you cake didnt deserve that insult either. (5)

Yeah, I don’t know his logic, but I guess he doesn’t use logic that much when he says things like that. And yeah, I mean, if you’ve never been hated for something like that, it can be hard to imagine. But also, I hate people who doesn’t care about their surroundings, y'know. I might never felt hated because my color skin (I’m white), but I know dark-skinned people suffer for it. So I’ll attend at whatever they say. And if I can make something to alleviate their pain or help them, I try to do it, y'know. But I can’t with people who only knows their own reality and doesn’t care to learn about the rest. (I don’t know if I’m making any sense bc I’ve been writing this sentence for a couple of hours,lol)

Oh no. She wasnt kind. It was meant to show me that she thinks i am to annoying and political, but i dont mind. It is what it is. What i found sad is that it wasnt even a boy who said that but a girl, but well. Whatever. Oh nono. Dont worry. I was just complaining because thats what i live for. I enjoy learning, but not this way. Anyway, it’s just one month and then summer!! I dont know if i will be working or not, but either way, it’s a great perspective. (6)

I feel like I have to say hi again, lol. I started writing yesterday (Tuesday) in the morning and now is Wednesday night 😒. May is so busy at the shop. And to add to that, today at 8am my cousin’s mom called me because he had woke up at 5am. He has a sleeping disorder, and sometimes he wakes up at 4-5am and he doesn’t go back to sleep. And I’m there for those days (bc the parents has to go to work, obviously). Anyway, I have to answer you now bc tomorrow will be busy too. I have to go to the shop to help my sister, bc we have TOO much to do.

Well, she doesn’t sound very kind. And I don’t know how good of a friend she can be if she says those things to you. And yes, I agree. I don’t like when people thinks like that, but when is a woman… I can’t. It’s like when some women say that “I’m sure she provoked him” when a girl is abused or raped. 😡😡😡.i, than am all for women solidarity, can’t comprehend how women can be “machista” (I can’t find the world in English?).And yeah, I’m the same. I love learning things, but I don’t like to be graded,jajajja. And, a free summer to go on vacation, or just rest, sounds amazing. But also, the money you can make working, sounds amazing, too,jajajjaja. Some people work for a month, and then enjoy the rest 🤷🏻‍♀️.

YEES. I SAW THE PICS. HE WAS SO CUUYTE. AND SMILING. Tought i feel bad because there was a lot of people around him and i dont like it. It gaves me the impression that people treat them as shiw monkeys :(. But anyway, i saw him!! 😍😍😍 Yep. I saw that theories too. Idk anything, but if that’s what he is doing, then i’ll wait. Of course i will. Did fhey really put For You in Pasapalabra? JAJAJAJA. He is trudly successing in life😂 Que nivel! (I sound ironic but I’m really happy internally). (7)

Awwwww, did you see him at that award show??? He is such a good person?? I hate that media doesn’t focus on that side of him. He’s kind, lovely, good amazing hugs, did you see how he kept rubbing her shoulder to keep her calm???? OMG! And,yeah, I hate that there’s always the same people around him, like he was a zoo animal.Yeah, I don’t watch Pasapalabra, but I got to watch it for a moment one day, and they have like this musical minute? And they played For You. I told my brother, and he told me that they play the same song every day for a week or more. So, I’m glad for Liam. He has a very good team behind him.

Surgery? Okay okay. Then i’m not asking, but i’m sending you luck and hugs!!! 🍀💕 I just saw that you did tell me about your irish nails. I must have not read that that day. Ups, sorry. I have finals, yes. I start tomorrow and i finish (if i pass everything at first try) around the 10th of June. I just have to suffer for a few weeks more.🤷 Thanks for asking!! (8)

Thanks love. I haven’t told anyone. Not even my friends know about it yet.

Ohhhhh, you’re in the middle of your exams. I really really wish you the best. That everything goes well, and you stay calm. And I hope you pass everything at your first try, so your summer is a bit longer. 😚😚

#o my lovely flower anon #I feel like this message is a complete mess #sorry if I don’t make any sense #or if I forgot to answer to something #or maybe I let a sentence without finishing it #🙄🙄 I’m able to do that in real life too #much love!

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happy2bmyownboss · 5 years ago

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I had planned to just ‘chill out’ this weekend and maybe work on our next little house on the prairie adventure but lately, things rarely go as planned around here.

Friday had been rearranged for a very important event that didn’t happen because of a HUGE misunderstanding. To say I was disappointed would be a HUGE understatement but this event has been rescheduled for Wednesday, so fingers crossed that everything goes as planned.

Friday evening I had been binge-watching some Fixer Upper when a text came through. It was from Southwestern Produce to let us know that they had rescheduled the veggie pickup due to bad weather… well, that threw a little wrench in Saturday’s plans as I had already scheduled a few other things around the pickup but I quickly got to work a rescheduled things so I wouldn’t have to get up quite so early… yay! I still need to figure out a plan for next weekend as I already had plans for Saturday morning…

After the kids were in bed, I decided to go ahead and take a nice long hot shower and try out my new Norwex body cloths. I had heard that if you used them to exfoliate before shaving then you would have smoother legs for longer… it’s true. Almost three days later and I barely have any stubble… They also work well to remove makeup… even waterproof mascara!

That night my stomach started to hurt so bad… I guess those treats from the bread store do not agree with me anymore. I will miss my carrot cakes but I’m sure with a little bit of experimenting I will find something similar that is THM approved and my tummy will be happy again. I was up most of the night throwing up… I have such a bad gag reflex that if I even hear someone vomiting I will start myself, then once I start I can’t stop… not fun.

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–Thank you!

Saturday morning I woke up in the recliner feeling as though a herd of horses had taken turns kicking me in the stomach. I woke up early even though I’d planned on sleeping in but Ms. Comet has her routines and she lets everyone know when something is off.

After bringing her in from her walk I got a phone call from Mr. Awesome who was out of town for a meeting. He needed us to come to where he was which was about 3 hours away… sigh, I really didn’t feel like going but decided it might be fun to go and there was a square dance scheduled for that night as well.

I had to go out to the shed to grab the kids’ suitcase which is always half-prepped for travel. While I was out there I decided, for some unknown reason, to straighten things up a bit as it has gotten a bit cluttered from some shopping that I have done over the past few months.

Within a few minutes I had it looking pretty good and I just had one more box to move… a very heavy box. As I was moving the box I lost my balance and started to fall. I let go of the box, the box fell forward, and I went backward. I put an arm out… even though I knew I shouldn’t, and landed on my extended hand which snapped my wrist the wrong way. OUCH!!!

I got myself up and brushed off and grabbed the suitcase to head to the house. I had a good bruise and scrape on my left arm and it feels like a bad sprain. My arm was in a bit of pain but there was so much to do and just a little time to get it done. I still needed to run an errand and go by Walmart as I had promised to take a neighbor by there. While we were there I grabbed an arm brace and an ACE bandage to put on my arm in the hopes it would quit throbbing. I also took a couple of ibuprofen to help with the pain.

After finishing up our errands we headed on our drive. About midway, we stopped to go potty and grab a bite to eat. Traveling with all of these kids can be a little crazy so I decided to stop at a McDonald’s that was near the exit. After dragging all the kids to the restroom and coming out to go ahead and order some lunch I noticed someone had my oldest son, who has special needs, by the arm… I almost freaked out. I’ve heard all of those CRAZY stories and my mind was flooded with a million different thoughts.

As it turned out it was the manager and she was very helpful. She made sure to help us get our food ordered and even helped me get the drinks and all. It was extremely nice to find such a friendly person on such a CRAZY day. We got our order and were on our way again.

As we got close to our destination we saw some dinosaurs along the road… the kids really loved this and we plan to try to make another trip down to visit this place soon!

Upon arrival at our destination, I was a bit grumpy… really grumpy! My arm was killing me and my back was starting to ache as well and Mr. Awesome was not anywhere to be found! It turns out that I had made it there sooner than he had expected and he had gone to lunch. Yeah, I wasn’t really a pleasant person and I have apologized for my mood a couple of times.

Mr. Awesome gave me the hotel key and I punched the address into the GPS and gladly headed that way while he stayed for the second half of his meeting. I was really looking forward to getting everything unpacked and relaxing for a few minutes until we needed to pick up Mr. Awesome.

Well, as luck would have it our GPS was not cooperating and after making 3 U-turns I decided to head back to where Mr. Awesome was. I also stopped and grabbed a few snacks for the kiddos.

Mr. Awesome was surprised that we had waited in the parking lot and he thought it was kind of funny when I told him about the GPS malfunction… I really wasn’t in the mood to laugh.

I gave him the van keys and he took us to the hotel. When we made it to the room the hotel key card was not working which made me glad that we hadn’t made it to the hotel earlier. I would have been so upset if I had gotten there and couldn’t get into the room.

We got unpacked and got everyone ready for the dance that evening. Then we all went to Denny’s for dinner. I found myself getting grumpier and grumpier because I really didn’t feel well and I had already taken a few more ibuprofen to try to ease the pain. When I realized just how grumpy I was being I felt even worse and I apologized to Mr. Awesome.

After eating we headed to the dance and had a great time. Everyone there was excited to see the kids and the smiles on their faces made me feel better than I had all day long. Then Mr. Awesome took me to meet the caller, Tom Miller, and he actually recognized me as we are Facebook friends… lol. That was actually pretty neat!

We got our picture taken with him and he took up with William. He then asked to take some pictures with the kids and they were ALL being so SILLY! It was a great night and probably one of the best dances I’ve ever been to!

We ended the night with a trip to Denny’s for ice cream but unfortunately, they were out of vanilla ice cream. I had my heart set on some apple crisp but I didn’t think it would be quite the same with chocolate or strawberry ice cream so I settled with some cheesecake.

We headed back to the hotel and the kids were so ready for bed! I was ready too but I was so uncomfortable that I couldn’t sleep well and when my alarm went off at 6:30 I was so glad to be able to take a nice hot shower… I really wish I had thought to take a soak in the tub the night before though.

Mr. Awesome had one more meeting that we all attended and then we headed back home. My arm was throbbing so badly on the trip home… I had cut myself back to one ibuprofen at a time because I know how my stomach is and I knew that it would start hurting if I continued to take them two at a time on a consistent basis. We got home and caught up with Papa O and Nanny J before unloading the van.

I was excited to get the mail from Saturday as the optic scarf I had ordered came in. I thought this would be perfect for Mr. Awesome to keep on his bag to use for cleaning his square dance equipment. He seems to love it so far.

Norwex has a variety of scarves in different colors and patterns. I think I may know a few people who may get them for Christmas this year. They are great to have on hand for cleaning your glasses and tech devices while on the go.

Once the kids helped unload I gave them each a couple of assignments so that everything could get put back where it needed to be. The kids headed out to play and I sat down to rest. I wrapped my arm with the ACE bandage which felt so much better than the brace had and I dozed in the recliner for a bit.

Later that evening I made a quick dinner of baked chicken and baked potatoes. I really wasn’t feeling well and my stomach had started to hurt again. Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep last night because I was in so much pain with my stomach. I can say that it has finally eased off but I have not been able to take any more Ibuprofen today so my arm is still a bit sore but better than it was before.

Last night was so rough though… I really had to remind myself to just relax and breathe. As I sat on the bed this morning I noticed a big fish crane out on the dock. I watched him for a good while and that helped me to relax quite a bit and made me more determined to have a good day today…

I also tried my best to reflect back on this weekend and to think about how much I have been blessed. I am truly so BLESSED in so many ways. I was reminded of this a couple of different times when strangers came up to compliment our family and to tell me just how much Mr. Awesome adores me… yes, I am so BLESSED.

Even though the pain was bad at times I told myself that it wasn’t gonna be any better if I just laid in bed. I’ve dealt with chronic pain for so long that I know that half of the battle is just showing up. I gave myself several pep talks and got out of bed and began to get ready for the day. There have been many times throughout the day that I’ve really just wanted to give in and go back to bed but I haven’t and I am feeling much better than I did this morning.

Today is a day that I am so glad for routines (and freezer meals) as I really relied on them to help me get through the day and get everything finished that needed to be completed. Right now the kids are laying down for some quiet time while I finish up this post. They are super excited to go to the dance tonight as they are in class right now. A lot of the dancers from this weekend were so excited to learn that the kids will be dancing soon and they invited us back again.

The laundry has been washed and is hanging on the porch… it is pretty humid today so it isn’t drying very fast at all. The dog has had a bath and the house has been fairly straightened up. I also have some Crockpot Italian Chicken on for dinner, this was one of the freezer meals we made earlier this month, and I will put on a pot of rice later and some green beans. We also pulled a pack of frozen rolls out of the freezer.

I think I may go ahead and try to get a little nap in before quiet time is over as I really am quite EXHAUSTED.

I hope you all have a blessed week and please stay tuned for some important updates later this week.

Monday Message: Seeing Your Blessings Through The Tears I had planned to just 'chill out' this weekend and maybe work on our next little house on the prairie adventure but lately, things rarely go as planned around here.

#norwexconsultant #norwexmovement #blessed #chronic pain #dinosaurs #freezer meals #grumpy #Kids #Life #national caller #road trip #square dance

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brittanyyoungblog · 7 years ago

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Songs About Jealousy: 60 Jealous Love Songs

Fear. Anger. Mistrust. Envy. Apprehension. It’s not one of the nicer sides of love, but jealousy is a part of it. When you’re with someone you care deeply about it can drive you a little crazy, have you doubting yourself and your relationship, and make you wonder What does this person even see in me? Is it any wonder there are so many songs about jealousy?

Whether you’re watching the one you love with someone else across a room full of faces, lusting after your best friend’s girl, or just wondering what you’d do if you were her man, there’s a jealous song that might not make you feel any better but maybe a little less alone. Check out the list below or listen to it on Spotify.

1. Jealous Bone, Patty Loveless And I know I’m gonna run you off, if I don’t learn to let you go. But ooh oh you make me lose control.

2. Jealousy, Natalie Merchant Is she the sort you’ve always thought, could make you what you’re not?

3. My Best Friend’s Girl, The Cars You’re always dancing down the street with your suede blue eye-eyes. And every new boy that you meet doesn’t know the real surprise.

4. Lounge Act, Nirvana I’ll arrest myself and wear a shield. I’ll go out of my way to prove I still smell her on you.

5. Hey Jealousy, Gin Blossoms The past is gone but something might be found to take its place… Hey jealousy.

6. Mr. Brightside, The Killers Jealousy, turning saints into the sea, swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis.

7. No One Else, Weezer I want a girl who will laugh for no one else. When I’m away she puts her makeup on the shelf.

8. When It Was Me, Paula Oh, oh, and I’m not jealous, no, I’m not. Oh, oh, I just want everything she’s got.

9. Revenge, P!nk Featuring Eminem I’m daydreamin’, let me count the ways how I’ll get you or how I’ll make you pay.

10. You Can’t Do That, The Beatles I got something to say that might cause you pain. If I catch you talking to that boy again, I’m gonna let you down and leave you flat. Because I told you before, oh you can’t do that.

11. Every Breath You Take, The Police Oh can’t you see, you belong to me. How my poor heart breaks, with every breath you take.

12. When I Was Your Man, Bruno Mars Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance. Take you to every party ’cause all you wanted to do was dance. Now my baby’s dancing but she’s dancing with another man.

13. You Belong with Me, Taylor Swift If you can see I’m the one who understands you. Been here all along so why can’t you see, you belong with me.

14. That’s Him Over There, Nina Simone I guess that you know what extremes I have gone to, to prove that I didn’t care. You were so anxious to meet the dream that I’ve hung onto. Well, that’s him, that’s my Jim, over there.

15. She’s Got You, Patsy Cline I’ve got your class ring that proved you cared. And it still looks the same as when you gave it, dear. The only thing different, the only thing new, I’ve got these little things, she’s got you.

16. Gallery, Mario Vazquez And girl you’re just way too fine. Gotta be treated as one of a kind. Girl use your mind. Don’t be just another dime.

17. Girl Crush, Little Big Town I want to taste her lips. Yeah, ’cause they taste like you.

18. Green is the Colour, Pink Floyd Envy is the bond between the hopeful and the damned.

19. Jealous Guy, John Lennon I’m sorry that I made you cry. Oh my I didn’t want to hurt you. I’m just a jealous guy.

20. Jessie’s Girl, Rick Springfield I feel so dirty when they start talking cute. I wanna tell her that I love her but the point is probably moot.

21. Satellite of Love, Lou Reed I’ve been told that you’ve been bold with Harry, Mark, and John. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday to Thursday. With Harry, Mark, and John.

22. Who Is He (And What Is He to You?), Bill Withers Now when I add the sum of you and me, I get confused when I keep coming up with three. You’re too much for one man, but not enough for two.

23. If I Lost You, Garbage There are times when I see you talking to other girls, I feel insecure. And every time I see you walking out, I wonder if you’re coming back to me.

24. Jealous (I Ain’t With It) So is it really my fault, I get a shiver when I see you with those other guys.

25. Jealous Again, The Black Crows Stop, understand me. I ain’t afraid of losing face. Stop, understand me. I ain’t afraid of ever losing faith in you.

26. Tell Her No, The Zombies And if she should tell you come closer, and if she tempts you with her charms, tell her no no no no no-no-no-no.

27. Ring the Alarm, Beyoncé Ring the alarm, I been through this too long, but I’ll be damned if I see another chick on your arm.

28. I (Who Have Nothing), Ben E. King I, I who have no one, must watch you go dancing by, wrapped in the arms of somebody else when, darling, it’s I who loves you.

29. Jealous Hearted Blues, Ma Rainey Going to buy me a bulldog, to watch him while I sleep. Just to keep my man from making his midnight creep. Yes I’m jealous, jealous. Jealous hearted me.

30. Jealousy, Queen Oh jealousy you tripped me up. Jealousy you brought me down. You bring me sorrow you cause me pain. Jealousy when will you let go?

31. Treat You Better, Shawn Mendes I won’t lie to you, I know he’s just not right for you.

32. The Jealous Kind, Joe Cocker It’s just that I’m so afraid someone might steal you away, I’d lose my mind. So please forgive me for the way I act sometimes. I’m the jealous kind.

33. I Want Your Girlfriend to Be My Girlfriend Too, Reel Big Fish There’s a little girl I know, you might know her too. She looks so good, she looks so cute, standin’ next to you. And I don’t know what to do.

34. Silver Springs, Fleetwood Mac Don’t say that she’s pretty, and did you say that she loved you. Baby I don’t want to know.

35. Jealous, Nick Jonas It’s not your fault that they hover, I mean no disrespect. It’s my right to be hellish. I still get jealous.

36. Before He Cheats, Carrie Underwood Right now, she’s probably up singing some white-trash version of Shania karaoke. Right now, she’s probably saying “I’m drunk” and he’s a-thinking that he’s gonna get lucky.

37. Jealous Lover, Rainbow Shades of red, eyes of green, sees black and white, and there’s no in between.

38. Forgive My Jealousy, Chuck Jackson Forgive this foolish fear that rages inside of me. Oh, I love you so much love has blinded me.

39. Beautiful Liar, Shakira and Beyoncé I walked in on your love scene, slow dancing. You stole everything, how can you say I did you wrong.

40. Pickup Truck, Kings of Leon And in the moonlight I throwed him down, a kicking, screaming, a rolling around. A little piece of a bloody tooth. Just so you know I was thinking of you.

41. Want U Back, Cher Lloyd Remember all the things that you and I did first? And now you’re doing them with her. Remember all the things that you and I did first? You got me, got me like this.

42. Bust Your Windows, Jazmine Sullivan I bust the windows out ya car and no it didn’t mend my broken heart.

43. You Oughta Know, Alanis Morissette Is she perverted like me? Would she go down on you in a theater? Does she speak eloquently? And would she have your baby? I’m sure she’d make a really excellent mother.

44. Girlfriend, Avril Lavigne She’s like so whatever. You could do so much better. I think we should get together now.

45. Dysentery Gary, Blink 182 Life just sucks, I lost the one. I’m giving up. She found someone. There’s plenty more. Girls are such a drag.

46. Jealousy, Spoon Jealousy, you have never done a thing for me.

47. Endlessly Jealous, Lou Reed Endlessly jealous of you, being endlessly jealous of me. The man that you thought I could be turning red with jealousy.

48. Jealousy, Iggy Pop I feel it comin’ it’s flushin’ my face. I feel it comin’ jealousy baby. I feel it comin’ boilin my blood . I feel it comin’ jealousy baby.

49. Jealousy, Billy Fury I loved you too well. For I doubted you in my heart. My life was hell every moment we were apart. Why did I make that big mistake? I wronged you right from the start.

50. False Accusations, Robert Cray I was so wrong. She’s gone tonight. I was so wrong. I can see her now. And jealousy had twisted me somehow.

51. Suspicious Minds, Elvis Presley We’re caught in a trap. I can’t walk out, because I love you too much, baby.

52. Dark Lady, Cher So I sneaked back and caught her with my man, laughing and kissing till they saw the gun in my hand. The next thing I knew they were dead on the floor. Dark lady would never turn a card up anymore.

53. I Wonder What She’s Doing Tonight, Tommy Boyce and Bobby Hart We were so close but we should’ve been closer and it’s making me feel so sad. But I tell myself I didn’t lose her ’cause you can’t lose a friend you never had.

54. Run for Your Life, The Beatles Well I’d rather see you dead, little girl, than to be with another man.

55. My Girl Bill, Jim Stafford Bill, you know we just left her place, and we both know what she said. She doesn’t want to see your face, and she wishes you were dead!

56. He Don’t Love You (Like I Love You), Tony Orlando and Dawn The handsome guy that you’ve been dating, whoa, I got a feelin’ he’s gonna put you down.

57. The Girl is Mine, Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney I don’t understand the way you think, saying that she’s yours not mine. Sending roses and your silly dreams, really just a waste of time.

58. No Reply, The Beatles I nearly died, I nearly died. ‘Cause you walked hand in hand with another man in my place.

59. Him or Me – What’s It Gonna Be, Paul Revere & The Raiders I can still recall when you told me I was all everything you looked for in a man. But I know that it’s not true, I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and I think you’re gonna hang me up again.

60. Jealous, Robert Palmer When I see you with that guy and he catches your pretty eye, yYou know it makes we want to die.

The post Songs About Jealousy: 60 Jealous Love Songs appeared first on The Date Mix.

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