#i havent been around a lot recently Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[allovertheplace-writing]

hi hi Rosie <3

how are you :}

Hello, hello! I'm okay right now, not the best but also not the worst- I just started planning my Kafka cosplay though! How about you? Have you been well? Got anything coming up?

Thanks for stopping by btw, I appreciate it <33

[eldritchmochi]

hey, what symptoms is masculinizing hrt supposed to treat for eds exactly if you don't mind? saw your ask about dwarfism that mentioned it. ive got heds and im kinda desperate for potential treatment options, wondering if this is smth i should look into?

SO: this is all anecdotal, it is not necessarily a great global treatment for many many reasons but if youre an afab edser and already considering hrt, things i and others have noticed T helping with are:

joint pain/subluxations: higher levels of t seem to help because thats the hormone that helps you build and maintain muscle, and muscle when u have shitty connective tissue helps protect and stabilize your joints, so they hurt less because they flop around less (this may also be why eds is more commonly seen in afab folks, as amab folks especially cis men have more muscle from the get go, so they often have less issues)

chronic pain in general: my theory is that, since i have fewer subluxations, im generally a smidge less globally inflamed, so generally a smidge less pain (very subjective tho, and also i started taking regular nsaids a few months into t, so ymmv)

less fatigue, particularly after physical activity: i have no theories on why for this one (and its also pretty subjective, especially cos fatigue can be related to so many things when youre multiply disabled, like many edsers are)

less cold/dizzy, presumably from better circulation: t can increase your blood volume iirc, as well as give you bigger veins and whathaveyou

easier blood draws: again, bigger veins, easier to hit with a needle. ymmv still based on hydration etc, and mine are still bouncy and tend to roll, but more often than not if i am well hydrated most phlebotomists can get me in one stick, compared to even experienced phlebotomists needing to dig around at best

and then a small handful of other benefits ive noticed relating to collagen, like i have fewer random scrapes and bruises, presumably because my skin is a little thicker now and thus a little more resistant to damage, plus my nails and hair are less likely to break (tho idk how much of that is related to eds as a whole and how much is just my family)

i am currently doing .2ml subq injections every 7-10 days and noticed substantially more positive effect when i was at a weekly .3ml subq dose, however i ran so hot that i turned into Shorts In Winter Guy, and i hated it especially since i circled around to being so sweaty i was sick from it, so i backed off a lot. during the 18ish months i was on a .3ml dose tho, i think i had <10 subluxations the entire span, compared to >10 on average in any given week for years prior. on .2ml im experiencing significantly more subluxations, but still <10 a month, and theyre less impactful (often its waking up with one ankle not quite in place, which settles after a few minutes of movement)

of note though, my experiences are as someone who was significantly impacted by heds starting at age 14-15, and im 33 now, whereas i have a friend on a much lower dose of t (not sure the amount, but theyre doing gel) with great effect still, as someone of comparable age but who was less impacted until relatively recently due to spending their youth and early 20s physically active in a variety of ways i did Not lmao

ive seen several other transmasc edsers discuss anecdotally the benefits theyve seen from being on T, and the geneticist i saw when i was finally dx'd earlier this year mentioned her familiarity with the same benefits learned thru patients, so its a thing some doctors ARE aware of, there just havent been many, if any, formal studies (because of course not (: ). if you were already kicking around hrt for The Genders, absolutely recommend going for it. if you have The Genders and maybe havent considered T before, i think its definitely worth researching and pondering. not sure i would really recommend it to someone who was cis, but there are ways to mitigate a number of masculine secondary sex characteristics spawned from T so i dont think its off the table for everyone, you would just need to find a very clever experienced doctor for it

also of note is i experienced benefits VERY quickly, within 6-8 weeks of a .25ml/week dose, and in that span most of the effects of t are not permanent or otherwise fairly negligible, so there isnt a ton of risk imo to test it to see if its worth it for you. just be aware that, because of the collagen thing and the way vocal cords work, your voice WILL drop and it will drop IMMEDIATELY (however, even if your voice drops a ton, you can still sound fully passibly feminine with a little practice and knowledge)

[local-limebug]

1, 5, 8, 12 for the dbd ask game :)

omg hi thank you so much for the asks !!!

1. Who is your favourite character?

i cannot choose between the core four i'm sorry 😭 they're all such interesting and well written characters, i feel like it's impossible to choose between them. they're all super fun to watch and analyze, especially in regards to my own personal experiences and how i relate to each of them on some level. but if i absolutely had to choose, it would most likely be edwin. i just love him so much as a character, and how well he's written. he's so kind and so bitchy at the same time. i absolutely love edwin. i've also never seen a queer character's arc of coming to terms with their sexuality written like edwin's, and i just absolutely adore him as a character.

5. Which character do you relate to the most?

edwin again. i relate to all of them on some level, from charles' anger to crystal's "mean girl who got nicer" arc to niko being a shut in (all things i've been through) but that experience of feeling immensely lonely despite being loved and having friends, of being through trauma that's made you guarded and quiet and kind of bitchy, of being surrounded by supportive people but still being affected by growing up in a homophobic society, all just hits really close to home. edwin's "you can't just do things based on how you feel at the moment" and his reliance on logic is also something i really relate to, as someone whose emotions lie to them quite a lot. i just really relate to edwin on so, so many levels.

8. A headcanon you have (that you havent seen talked about yet)!

i am a firm believer of the "niko has siblings" agenda. she gives me youngest sibling vibes, like the baby of the family, yk? in my head, she definitely has one older brother, and maybe an older sister too. i've been picturing her brother as ~20 years old, and her sister maybe 17 or 18? but yes, i very very firmly believe niko has older siblings, or at least an older brother. i recognize this holds no bearing on the story but it's important to me.

12. If you existed in the universe would you hang around as a ghost? (What would you do?)

i mean, if i had a choice, then yes. i wouldn't want to be a ghost forever, but definitely for some time. not sure how long before i decide to move on but probably at least a few years. so long as i had a friend with me, i think i'd really enjoy it. i would miss sleeping and eating, i think, but i definitely would not miss having to maintain my body or whatever. and i would do a lot of stuff but especially mirror travel around the world. idc if it takes me years to master, i would love to just walk around seeing new sights and people. i would go to so many concerts of my favourite bands and musicians, and since i would have an eternity, i'd probably pick up some new skills while i'm at it. learn a new language, maybe some magic. i also recently moved countries, so i'd definitely go and visit home. haunt the city i grew up in, yk?

again, thank you so so much for the asks, i loved doing this !! feel free to send me any more if you'd like <33

[icharchivist]

Please answer this venting some more about ff7remake

^ you and me rn

aww <33 such a cute meme to illustrate it hi <333

Before i dive into it, a few disclaimers

-I've been fan of the franchise for over 15 years and there's definitely an aspect i'd say of having sat with the previous games for so long that there is a chance there will be bias against anything new. I try to be as objective as i can but as it's a game that means a lot to me, I doubt i would fully manage to be so

-Rumors of a Remake has been brought up ever since the release of Crisis Core because of how the mid-credit scene was adapting the beginning of the OG, and also because of test footage for a possible Remake then. And then when the Remake was announced in 2015 it really took fans by storm and we had to wait 5 more years before seeing the first part, which means a lot of hype and expectations have been built around this Remake which probably also colored the way fans will approach it.

-In the end i'm just one random fan with my own opinion and therefore this will be colored with my own feelings, and i think if people feel any other way about what i say, their own interpretation also matter, so it's a nonexhaustive aspect of all of it

-It's going to get long. In fact this whole ask is over 10.5k long. I'm so sorry.

-I'm going to spoil major aspect of the compilation, or at least won't try to dance around spoiler if i have to mention them.

-I am not touching the Yuffie DLC because i havent played it yet, and that contrary to the Remake it's not an "adaptation" of plotpoints from the OG and should be an original story and i'll judge it as such.

-It is just about Part 1 of the Remake, if i mention Rebirth i'll be vague.

Under the cut!

The Remake is based on the very first few hours of the original game, which is a very tight narrative to start with. If we follow the canon OG, it means they would have to stretch things out and pad in addition to have a proper game runtime.

As such the Remake isn't a straight adaptation of the beginning of the OG, but also will fill in with some original material. Call backs to the other game, supplementary lore, or fully new materials, as well as reworking previous scenes.

But it also includes a completely unique storyline that ends up taking center stage, and said storyline is a sequel to Advent Children. This one story therefore comes with its own problems.

Therefore there are different angles on which to judge the remake, both as an adaptation and a continuation of the franchise.

But frankly i'm allergic to the continuation aspect so bad that i can only see how it doesn't work, instead of how well the game is delivering on this scenario.

I should also mention that i started watching a cutscene movie of the remake in 2020 but stopped after the Wall Market scene because i wanted to play for myself but also was bummed by the way the plot was taking. then i started playing the game in 2021 when it released on computer and i dropped it right before Wall Market because i was seriously getting bummed out by the developments it took, and it made me disconnect with the saga for years just because i was bitter. So that also colors my vision of it that it managed to make me uninterested about a saga that's so close to my heart. I've only decided to give the game a shot again because i ended up rewatching the movie recently and was so emotional i wanted to see through with the remake.

Let's go:

First, the Good.

-The Fighting Gameplay is fantastic. It's a good middle ground between the fast paced action game and the timed turn by turn from the original. It preserves a lot of what made the fights memorable while modernizing it fantastically. In term of pure fighting gameplay, the game is a treat to play.

-Adding to it the equipments menu is a massive upgrade and you have no idea how grateful i am to be able to access each of the characters' set up and switch their materias from one chara to the next without needing them in my party. The scars of the OG are too real. Also very happy that everyone level up at the same rate even if they're not in your party for a while. The OG doesn't give exp to characters who aren't in your party when you play and if you don't switch out regularly, once the game forces you to play specific character, you run the risk of being massively underleveled. So happy the remake doesn't do that.

-The Enemies fights are fantastically adapted. In the OG because of the turn by turn format, the attacks weren't as distinctive from one another as they could be. Being able to really see how each enemies move and work was a pure treat.

-The environment design. The places are either faithfully reecreated or updated in a way that makes them very vivid and interesting. My only grip was with how bright the undercity looks on the regular, but the way to adapt it by having the brightness pushed as much as it does when the Sector 7 plate fall still made for a horrifying perspective, and i do think there's values on the aspect of putting the player in the same mentality as the people in the undercity thinking it's not so bad after all.

-Also adding in, character designs and updates have been really great and faithful to the compilation and it's a treat

-Also big mention to the new English cast that, i think, are almost all perfect replacement. Except Zack, which i think is a terrible replacement, but one miss out of all the wins is honestly not stopping it from being a plus

-Additional scenes of each characters that don't have them talking about the whole Whispers thing are usually pretty good. Barret especially gets to win a lot in personality by constantly seeing how he reacts to things. The OG didn't have as many character centric moments and it rarely shows us the intra-dynamic of the group outside of Cloud (rarely, but not never), and the remake was allowed to really allowed to bring it up a notch in a way that really makes you feel on how those characters care about one another.

-Fleshing out NPCs especially linked to the Sector 7's incident were good moves. Jessie, Biggs and Wedge taking more room in the game developping them especially with the full chapter dedicated to them was great and really allowed you to feel for the devastation of what would happen to them.

-Most of the New NPC are really cool and interesting and i'm very glad we got Andrea for instance. Linked to that, getting rid of the homophobic elements of the Honey Bee Inn to replace it with Andrea in particular genuinely healed me a little inside i think. Also i really like Roche.

-Every Turks scene are incredible as far as they're concerned. I really like the dive into their point of view and the way to prepare for their late game shift. Genuinely no complains there.

-Added quests in Sector 7 and Sector 5 to get to know both sectors. I genuinely think it's a good way to really develop an attachement to those places and the way they matter to our protagonists.

-The whole storyarc added to the Sewer and the Train Graveyard was genuinely great and served to really show how Tifa and Aerith grew closer, and ways to explore some specific character angst for both of them, and i really liked it.

-I was surprised at first but i do like replacing the climbing of the wall to reach the upper city with climbing the ruins of Sector 7 instead. It's another case of taking away a section with unique gaming mechanisms, yeah, but i also think it hits much harder and help you really sit on the devastation that occured in a way the OG couldn't show us. I think it was genuinely a good change.

-The adaptation of the infiltration by the stairs was also incredible.

-Seeing Shinra constantly trying to restart a war with Wutai and using the terrorists for this really drive home the propaganda that was in the work at Shinra and it's really neat to see.

The On-The-Fence.

-The Deep Ground stuff. Genuinely liked the first time it's quickly mentioned by the NPC, and actually connecting it to the researches around Jenova during the lab portion was interesting, but i think they kinda overplayed their hand a little.

-Everything about the lore of Avalanche outside of Barret and his crew. Having a main cell sometimes helping or not, and the Mayor being part of it, are choices i can't really say where i land on about. I found the Mayor reinterpretation fine but it came at the cost of all the gameplay that got changed because of his inclusion for example.

-The Reinterpretation of Wall Market. On one hand i do like the more flashy approach to the Market and really feeling how Corneo's fingerprints are basically everywhere. On the other i find it unsettling how "Glam" the whole approach to enter Corneo's house was. There's a huge difference between getting the help from the little folks who are ready to help you as you make your plan yourself, and having just to impress 3 of the authority of the whole town.

-The Return to Sector 7 plotline is very difficult adaptation wise for me because i think it shouldn't be there, but it's the one section of the game that really gives Barret time to shine and i really like what they do with him, and i do think it makes sense for him to want to come back and hope for the best. Barret carries this section because everything else makes it jarring.

-The Sunlamp sections to reactor 5. Way too long and overstuffed but it helps really setting up just how wasteful and hypocrite Shinra's energy use is.

-The removal of ambiguity about the action of Avalanche especially. This one is difficult to explain. Since we rarely leave Cloud's POV we don't really see if Shinra, say, provoke a bigger explosion to the Mako Reactor and then pin it on us, or if our actions genuinely hurt people. The Remake is constantly reassuring you that the worst of our actions are only because Shinra are making them worse on purpose. The OG doesn't really give you this reassuring. I'm... miffled about it because i think losing this nuance is particularly a problem for the set up of the Barret/Reeve conflict in late game, because there's never a moment Barret can just brush off they didn't do anything wrong. The question is more, are you willing to sit with the consequences of those actions, of the people who may die as you try to achieve the greater good? Which is also exactly in parallel to Reeve who, after seeing Sector 7, will be the one to kidnap Marlene to pressure Barret because, just like him, he's doing an "specific sacrifice" to stop harm from happening. But the remake constantly absolves Avalanche from any of that by making it clear it's Shinra's propaganda. And i do think it's making this plotline an injustice.... while also recognizing that perhaps it's necessary to spell out considering how otherwise people would easily side over Shinra, especially in a world post 9/11. And meanwhile this whole discussion between Barret and Reeve late in the OG might not happen at all because in Rebirth, Reeve doesn't kidnap Marlene. We're in a situation where the two men who considered maybe one sacrifice for the greater good, aren't even doing sacrifice anymore because they're too morally good for it. It cheapens their plotlines, but at the same time i don't know if i'd trust audience going into this conflict anyway. So it's difficult. It feels like the conflict was simplified and dumbed down, and i'm torn between "well it's necessary because audience needs to understand their pov" and " 'gratz on the loss of nuance everyday".

-The Further inclusion of Project G and S in the storyline when Hojo talks about it. I'm really on the fence so it's not easy to say, but i found it really jarring when Hojo mentioned them. Since the Remake itself doesn't bring much more answer as to how those Projects are implemented in the story, my memories of CC made it seem very weird. A friend told me about how it's used in Rebirth and it may be a good point but... wait and see.

-Related to that, the Mako degenerecency addition. Or more like. We knew Mako Poisoning was a thing, we knew of Project G and S Degenerecency, and it's not a stretch to think Mako will destroy its host on the long run -- but it's never been outright said in the OG nor addressed outside of CC, and i'm on the fence about how i feel about it. It seems to have a bigger part in Rebirth so i'll genuinely hold my judgement until i see what they do with it i think.

The "That could easily have been better."

-Back to Wall Market, the big de-queerification of the plotline despite the Honey Bee Inn section. The 1997 portion wasn't great sensitivity wise, but there was this clear element of how Aerith and Cloud agreed together on the crossdressing and worked their ass off specifically to cross dress Cloud together. In doing so you meet also Jules, who's a drag queen and will challenge you to a squat off in exchange of one of his wig, and you inspire the dressmaker by helping him discover he could try making dresses for other purpose than cis-women. The dressmaker find solace in the queer approach to his work. In the remake you have no mention of Jules being a drag queen even if he looks more gnc, the dressmaker just needs a reminder that girls dancing is hot to be inspired again, and Cloud crossdressing is imposed on him at the very last minute without him having prepared nor agreed with it. Andrea replacing all of the homophobic elements of the Honey Bee Inn, mainly the fact that the male hosts from it are making move on Cloud that makes him uncomfortable even if it helps for the crossdressing, and that in itself is great because Andrea ends up the mouthpiece of queer positivity replacing the most hiffy queer part of the original game. But it came at the expense of de-queering literally every single other plotlines of this part and robbing Cloud of his agency in his own crossdressing. Meanwhile to replace the quests in which Cloud is actively looking into crossdressing himself with quests in which Cloud has to prove he's the Manly Man. It's so jarring to me.

-Cloud's mental breakdowns. Hear me out. I'm a huge fan of Cloud's mental breakdown in the OG that starts pretty early. On one hand, i like some of the way they implanted more mental breakdown. The one Cloud has while Biggs talk about him being attached to his sword? amazing bit, for exemple. On the other, they really struggle with showing them in a way that's like... genuinely interesting. A lot of the early mental breakdowns in the OG usually black out the screen, pause the music, and then you only have white words showing up on the screen. The Remake cannot help but being flashy with them in a way i find particularly tacky. Re: "Back Then, i only got scrapped knees", when he falls from Mako Reactor 5. In the OG it's a reminder of when Tifa was the one who fell that day and Cloud tried to help her, fell with her, only got scrapped knees while she was in a coma, and then he was shuned out by the rest of the village because he was believed to have caused the incident, and Cloud developped his first survival guilt out of this one. When he falls in that scene, it is because Tifa was the one endangering herself to try to save him, and it flashed him back to it. In the Remake you get to see a model of him adult in a white landscape trying to talk to him, until Sephiroth hijack the whole situation and makes it about him. The whole tension is ruined like that. Likewise, when Cloud remembers Sephiroth calling himself an ancient, same "black screen, white text, no music", instead being interpreted with a weird flashback on a white background before Sephiroth hijack the scene to spell out that Cloud's fear of "being unable to save anyone" is seriously starting to eat him alive. Or how, in the whole new Deep Ground section, Cloud flashes back to when he was prisoner in a tube, and you see it clearly again. Yes it's realistic for Cloud to break down, no he doesn't break down seeing tubes in the OG, but showing flashes of him being in one is so vulgar for the audience. And meanwhile we completely lost one of the most terrifying mental breakdown Cloud has in an optional scene in the Honey Bee In where a copy of himself jumps on him to strangle him for the way he is denying the reality that's happening to him. like man. It sucks.

-Special mention to how i'm sad they removed Aerith scamming people with her flower business. Because it was always funny to me and sad not to see in the remake. At least the remake is a major step up from every single appearance of Aerith after the OG that tends to make her too pure and sweet (and i include Crisis Core in it) while in the OG she can be a menace, and the remake did manage to make her more of a menace than not, so it's nice-- but i want her to scam people. god forbid a girl does anything.

-Cloud and Choices. So i discuss about it often but in the OG during the whole first part of the game, you're often the one having to determinate how Cloud replies to some things. Said things will somewhat shape the scenario, most importantly: who are you going to go on a date with between Aerith, Tifa, Yuffie and Barret. On a metatextual level, those choices are also clearly supposed to indicate the different personas Cloud pulls off around people, in order to really have it hit home the moment he regains his memories and you can't control his words anymore.

The OG could more easily do it because the game isn't voiced, so it's easier to prepare, and the Remake couldn't do as many of those and honestly, that's fine.... the problem is how they replaced it.

Example: the Special Affection Scene with either Aerith, Tifa and Barret. The requirements for either of them is how many quests you did with Tifa on Sector 7, how many quests you did with Aerith in sector 5, who you decide to wake up first when the two of them fall in the Sewer, and if you tie or if you have less than 3 points with them you get the Barret cutscene.

... those aren't real choices to influence the cutscene imo. Except maybe the "who you wake up", just "doing sidequests or not" isn't indicative at all of who you'd have an affectionate scene with. and Barret instead is only there if you fail with them.

now, in the OG, the Barret scene does happen only if you failed with the other girls, but he actually had options giving him point too, like calling him Cloud's boyfriend when Corneo flirts with Cloud, or giving the flower to Marlene.

The Remake doesn't give you any of that. There's a fake choice in the first scene with Aerith where she gives you her flower and then you have no choice but to give it to Tifa, where in the OG you could give it to Marlene there. ok whatever.

but those are fake choices.

Likewise for the dresses: they're determined by how many quests you did, not about your actions, not about what you decide to collect, it's literally just filling a check list. and most aggravating, no matter if you do good or bad during this scene, Cloud will be picked as Corneo's lover no matter what, because he distincts himself by calling Corneo's pathetic. In the OG, if you don't crossdress Cloud in the perfect outfit, one of the girls get picked instead.

And it feels so.... anti-game in a sense? why do you remove anything that had the player interreact with the story in some way? or more like, if it was to be replaced why give conditions this lackluster?

this is maybe a nippick and all and it could be dealt with, but considering the thematic linked to Cloud and choices and persona this feels like such a lackluster way to replace it.

-Weird timing with some of Cloud's flashbacks? It bothered me but it might be nippicky. But we regularly see Cloud flashes back to when Tifa was a kid, which i believe he shouldn't (reason in a further down section). The only one that is important is the promise under the stars one, but they moved it to be triggered on Cloud when he's out with Jessie and the gang, while in the OG this scene is triggered after Tifa tries to remind Cloud of it, and it's because they have a conversation about it that we get to relive it with Cloud. I think it's a problem because it makes Cloud the one who initiates remembering those instead of Tifa, which is a problem to commit to the gaslight storyline with Sephiroth, when Sephiroth will manage to convince Cloud he never existed by cornering Tifa into saying she doesn't remember Cloud in one of his biggest memories. Because as long as the only flashback is one prompted by Tifa, you can argue that it's Tifa who plants the idea in Cloud's mind and therefore maybe Sephiroth is right. But the more Cloud remembers things unprompted to himself, the more you'd question Sephiroth's manipulation since "well no it doesn't make any sense if Cloud remembers things like that on his own."

-Reeve was great but showing Cait Sith early was a mistake and i think this set up is going to influence Rebirth in a bad way

The Bad

-The Padding. That's the core of all the problems of the game is that they wanted desperately to extend the runtime and therefore would use any excuses to make you waste time. Some exploration can be great, but eventually you'll really feel it when scenes start to seriously stretch out

-The Removal of puzzles and exploration in order to constantly guide you from one battle to the next and one cutscene to the next, and eventually very long mini game. It's probably hard to explain but it became very jarring to me. The OG kinda have you doing things yourself, and everything i can think of were replaced by very vulgar "quests to cross" type. Like Cloud's dress in Wall Market depends on how many quests you've done which are unrelated to how Andrea sees Cloud, while in the OG you have to find each pieces of the perfect dress on your own, make individual decisions for each of the piece and hoping it works in the end.

The Integrality of the Shinra's exploration puzzle were replaced as well to instead focus on cutscenes with exposition. The archives are supposed to be a puzzle game to get a password from the mayor to get to the next level. In the remake, the Mayor gives you an extended cutscene to say he's on your side and gives you a key to move forward and he tells you to talk to another Avalanche helper. You're supposed to overhear people talk about "last time i was in the bathroom i swear i could hear voices" to figure out you can infiltrate the vents to eardrops on the meeting. The Remake just downright tells you to go to the vent, but only after you proved you can fight. And even there rather than telling you to look for something, there's always clear quest markers to guide you, you dont need to think. After a while the game just gives up with adapting the others floor, including the elaborate puzzle where you have to sneak into a vent maze to get into locked rooms.

Instead they give an extended Lab Dungeon that doesn't exist in the main game, that is very weird from Hojo at this point, and for the "puzzle" it is, the characters are always telling you what to do and it's mostly finding ways to open door in very easy way to get to more fights. There's no intentions of genuinely having you work out how to play. Meanwhile instead the mini games take too long and are often just new mechanisms for one scene and then you move out. I like the mini games, but the balance has been very jarring to me. That said this is colored by the fact i'm playing the pc-port with keyboard+mouse and the port itself hasn't been well optimized for the mini games making them a lot more frustrating than they would be on controller.

I think it's wild also that for a game desperate to pad its runtimes, it refuses to let you just get lost into a puzzle to, yknow, lose time.

-The Fear of Committing to the Fucked Up aspect of the game. The major problem i have with that is that the remake specifically set up how those elements could become even more Fucked Up, and then genuinely refusing to follow through with them. No one you know survive Sector 7's fall of the plate. Jessie, Biggs, Wedge, they all die miserably at the pillar, and everyone you've met at Sector 7 don't seem to survive. The Remake develops all of this in a way that it will make it devastating to experience... and then they pull back at the last minute. Actually everyone you met and who mattered are fine.

Sephiroth's massacre of the Shinra's Lab Floor that covered everything with trails of blood are replaced by the fact Jenova is in a remove area only Hojo accesses to, and so the trail is just Jenova's purple goop and Sephiroth probably didn't murder anyone (other than the president) this time. Lol. Lmao even. Adding to prev point, the discovery of Jenova having been taken away was totally anticlimactic compared to the way the OG delivers on it, because of the muted music, lack of build off, and refusal to show the death that surrounds her tube.

Present Shinra gets an extended scene to shame Barret and then when Sephiroth stabs him, he only leaks black mist, compared to the team going to the President Office to see he has been impaled. The Hell House, that haunts you in the Collapsed Sector, is now a thrilling action piece of a show. Cloud's most fucked up breakdown (seen above) is removed.

Hojo's plans to force Aerith to breed with Nanaki to experiment on their offsprings that would live for a long period of time thanks to the length of Nanaki's species' lifespan, is replaced instead with Hojo talking about breeding her with human experiments who are degenerating because of the Jenova cells, because it's not about the lifespan anymore but just having many experiments in case Aerith dies. Still fucked up and all, and it can work out fine, but it's still the remake getting cold feet about the bestiality aspect, and therefore Nanaki's introduction has to be different from when he just happened to be in the same cage as Aerith. It just constantly pulls back from going all in when it can afford it. the Train Graveyard is the only place they really are allowed to show fear, but even there it's more creepy than the majorly unsettling set pieces.

And i heard it happened in Rebirth too, where the whole haunted section with monsters being people who were experimented on to an horrifying degree and you are the ones who have to put those living people down, be replaced by a full VR experience.

Like, i think pulling away from one of them wouldn't be so bad - i'm like, also willing to hear the bestiality replacement point for example, but when it's a pattern like this it starts just to cheapen every scenes that have a punch into it.

-speaking of i hated the speech President Shinra gives Barret and the whole "you only care about clearing your name, not about making things better for Midgar". in the OG there IS an aspect of Barret's desire to save the planet being a selfish wish for revenge. He cares for the planet yes, but this revenge is what he holds on to to cope with the guilt of having believed in Shinra once. Still his desire to save the planet is real, and he does actually want to dismantle Shinra no matter what. This aspect of his character is what creates a conflict with Reeve later on, and it's where the conflict shines well because we have two morally ambiguous characters having to come to term with why they want to make the world better and what are they actually willing to sacrifice for this. This Discussion with Reeve later on doesn't really pick a side (even though later in the game Reeve will do everything to help the gang and fully switches side), but it's two sympathetic characters who are trying to make the world a better place who come to a clash because of the different motivation and willingness to commit.

Having Barret run in about clearing Avalanche name, which i don't recall him being that dedicated about doing in the OG (if only because the propaganda was less pointed to because of what will be my next point), is the thing that allows the President to have a gotcha and point out that Barret had no long term plan to help people and he was a scam, and that the president might be a bad person but at least he thinks about it.

I really hate it because if it's about outlining that Barret is more in for revenge than for ecology, it's giving President Shinra, a one dimensional villain, the benefit of having the upper hand on Barret. And Barret is left speechless because he lets this guilt settles in, rather than how he fights for his own POV against Reeve later.

It's like they're trying to prepare the Barret/Reeve conflict but the way they went at it was leaning too hard on letting the President have his moment, while also framing Barret as much more selfish as even his dreams of revenge from the OG let him be.

and at the same time it's weird in the remake because the remake goes hard on how much Barret is into Planetology, much more than the OG, so the guy has done his researches and has invested a lot more into ecology for it to just be a selfish barging.

And like i mentioned, this whole scene doesn't exist in the OG because we have an earlier confrontation to the President when we get arrested and Barret is mostly still mad at him for having killed his friends, not for how they're being framed, and the president is so one dimensional villain he barely invest himself in this conversation, and the next thing we see, the president is dead. They made the President more cunning in the Remake which i don't /mind/ (it helps setting up the kind of person Rufus is without having to expose that Rufus will bring a real shift to Shinra's policies, by having his father already show you what Rufus may have been raised into thinking, which means that Rufus' appearance can only be about vibes and threats without needing to expose who he is, especially this late into the remake), but by allowing him to be alive in this situation it ended up being a terrible look on Barret on something that isn't an issue in the OG.

-The whole arc between Sector 7's fall and running to Shinra to save Aerith. This one is a doozy. Everything they had added up to this point had at least a good reason to be there for the timing of all things. Like the Jessie chapter happened at night on a point in the OG where nothing happens between two big plot point, it fits organically, it's nice.

But this one really had me annoyed because i think the previous arc extended even more on why Tifa and Barret would jump right away into wanting to rescue Aerith like in the OG, but instead this is the moment the two of them pull back from going to help Aerith so instead they can focus on totally new plotlines.

On paper i don't mind the idea of them going to Sector 7 in the hope to find people who survived it, because i do think they would need this closure. In the OG there's no secret passage under the doors of the sector though, so they don't have any means to get back to the Sector. I get it in term of characters' motivation, but it also somehow manage to put the tight plot into a halt.

Now it takes them a few days to think about saving Aerith, because first we need to be reassured everyone who matters in Sector 7 is fine, saving Wedge, discovering more Deep Grounds, having Cloud has new "i shouldn't be there" flashbacks, and then doing all sort of missions for people in the aftermath of the fall of the plate, until having to help Leslie on a whole sidequest for him to tell us how to climb the wall. All of which are interesting ideas on paper but i think ends up padding the time so badly it ends up frustrating and removing completely the urgency of "Aerith was taken as a lab rat because she tried so save a stranger".

And this arc births the problem i was mentioning in my prev point that therefore the trio remains in the slums for at least two days of hearing Shinra's propaganda and the way they frame Avalanche in the way that cause Barret to be so upset it's the thing he challenges the President about, while in the OG he's still mourning first, the anger is due to the loss and grief, not on how his friends are remembered.

Actually i think that sums up a lot of the problem with the Remake when it comes to the thematic of grief, which in the OG is about how you have to accept this grief as a part of yourself because else you're going to lose yourself to its stages (and Barret therefore is kind of more this representation of the anger side of grief, compared to Cloud being stuck on denial) , and instead changing it more on "how you are remembered", either by denying the death from happening at all, or having Barret just wanting that the way his friends are remembered in death to be honorable.

-The Hojo Lab Arc. Boy is this one ways too long. Clearly wanting to compensate for the Shinra's floor that has been removed by giving this sort of exploration episode in the unsettling Jenova/Deep Ground's lab. On one hand, the atmosphere for this is chilling (at first) and it does make sense to move Jenova in a more secret floor room.

But the gameplay ended up being lackluster, just going from one obvious step to the other with the characters repeating to you want to do, only so you can get into fights, and i can think of like ONE moment that was genuinely scary, but the rest was really just.... the most padding things could get.

I also think it lampshade Hojo as a villain too much this early into the game. Also while i'm at it i hate that Hojo remembers Cloud in this timeline now. I think Hojo's disinterest for failed experiments meaning he wouldn't even consider Cloud noteworthy is an interesting way to build tension, and i hate that Hojo is aware of things and now is just maniacally playing his cards for now just for fun to see what Sephiroth will do next. Hojo is a very interesting antagonist, and while i do think he would love to commit unethical experiments with however he meets, this whole sequence was too much. Also the fact he mostly "tests" the gang by having them fight advanced weapons and like a couple monsters that happened to escape, it kinda takes away from the mad scientific vibe when he's just trying his new toys, rather than actively trying to do something more interesting and fucked up. They frame it as him wanting data on Cloud knowing he's been experimented on, but again, i don't like that he knows that, but also i think those tests weren't exactly interestings for this exact data either. and meanwhile showing him actively letting Sephiroth get away remove any type of possible tension about where Hojo stands in this whole company.

but yeah the Labs could have been a great concept but it took the most boring way to execute it and instead it just felt like dragging.

The Terrible

-No respect for the mysteries of the saga. Everything that the OG built a mystery around is spoiled in the Remake, or teased in flashforward. This is so aggravating to me.

Like, it feels to me that the devs were so convinced the game will be played by people who played the OG, or who would play the OG for themselves, that they did not bother with keeping any of them out. Sephiroth keeps popping off being more ominous than he should be. The mention of Zack gives Cloud a mental breakdown so much so they mute Aerith to really point out that something weird is going on with Cloud and Aerith's ex, compared to how in the OG Aerith just don't originally mention him and when the name Zack is finally uttered, Cloud is too far in denial to connect anything at this point.

Cait Sith coming on the scene of Sector 7, while not linking him to Reeve yet (but i heard Rebirth jumped into doing so right away), therefore setting up that Cait Sith has at least an emotional reason to be joining the crew, therefore setting up the plotline once you have everyone in your party about how there's a mole in your group into making sure the players have suspicions about Cait Sith to start with.

Zack appearing in the ending of the game, showing he's close to Cloud, showing he has Cloud's sword, totally exposing the existence of this character while he is a mystery the whole game.

Hojo telling Cloud he was never in Soldier, Cloud getting recognized in Shinra HQ by people who therefore confirm he once existed, Cloud flashbacks about being experimented on....

All new stuff that instead of working as foreshadowing end up lampshading things that should have been more quiet mysteries, element to explore later on.

There's also so many "spelling the lore out in the remake way earlier than in the OG" like having a whole Shinra propaganda room about them looking for The Ancients' secret while if i recall correctly, this was a secret endeavor only revealed further into the game.

And then the flash forward, especially in the last part of the game but not only. Cloud having a flash forward to the plate falling. To Aerith's dying. Literally showing the intro of Advent Children as the future they're trying to avoid to tease Meteor, Aerith's death, Cloud fighting Sephiroth.... and Nanaki running in a world post-civilization centuries later? this one is the most bewildering one to me because this specific scene should mean nothing to the characters about what the future has in store for them, but they played it up because it only matters if YOU know the saga. God this part was annoying to me.

I feel like the game is expecting so much that the player has played the OG that they're just begging them to tune in for part 2 because things might be different this time since we have NEW mysteries to worry about now! Will the horrors happen? teee hee who knows!

and for new players, it's confusing, but it also ends on "we're not following the OG anyway" so you kinda just have to stick with part 2 when it comes out instead.

i find it so aggravating and it takes me out of the story every single time. It's like none of the mysteries matter to be treated seriously for someone who might discover the saga.

But it therefore also comes at the price of completely ruining some characters' motivation.

Speaking of.

-Sephiroth.

Now to start with something positive, this Sephiroth is supposed to come from the Advent Children timeline, and on that regard, he's beautifully characterized. Yes, Sephiroth in Advent Children would be saying those things. Yes, he would try new ways to torment Cloud, yes he would play his cards differently, yes he would be hyper homoerotic and want Cloud by his side more than ever. All of that tracks very well with his character by Advent Children time.

.... glad to see new audience will never know how Sephiroth was before that then???

Sephiroth has one of the greatest villain built up in video games because of how slow burn his appearance is. First you hear about him in a flashback in good light, then you hear his name in a second flashback but this time in horror. Then Cloud collapse with a memory of Sephiroth, and then when they go to rescue Aerith they get to escape because the floor they were on has been massacred by Sephiroth, Jenova is gone, and the president has been found impaled on Sephiroth's sword. Cloud and Tifa react in horror as people who know Sephiroth, and then you have to escape, and once outside of Midgar, they will start discussing "what's up with Sephiroth actually"

and then once you're at Kalm, Cloud will give you an extended flashback of the Nibelheim incident with Sephiroth as a playable unit and you see he's mad strong. You try to pass through the cavern guarded by a Midgar Zolom which will be your first terrifying boss experience because of how hard it is to beat, only to pass this by stealth to see Sephiroth just empaled one before you. AND THEN you go to Junon where Sephiroth is rumored to have been and once on the boat going to the Costa Del Sol, you will run into him. Cloud will challenge him, and Sephiroth will barely recognize him, and then let them fight a bodypart of Jenova. And it's only from this point on that Sephiroth will seriously start to pay attention to the crew and will slowly but surely try to manipulate Cloud, developping an obsession toward him.

the Remake ends when you leave Midgar. So Sephiroth shouldn't have appeared. And clearly the Remake was scared that not showing the fan favorite will cause problem, so they justified a way to have Sephiroth into the story early by having him be late-development Sephiroth.

which just means that if you haven't played the OG, you're getting a wrong impression of Sephiroth and the way he specifically approached Cloud. As well as completely missing out on the slow built of his capabilities.

But if you have played the OG you therefore get to really notice how he hijacks scene and therefore change them into things they're not. I hate his appearance in Cloud and Aerith's first meeting, completely changing the mood of this scene to make it all about him. I hate that everytime Cloud has a mental breakdown, Sephiroth appears to take advantage of him.

AC!Sephiroth would! but this is a horrible way to build him for a first time audience, and it's so vulgar in the way it spells things out for him.

And you know he's going to play his cards differently because of how he lost the previous time; For example in the Rebirth trailers they did the whole marketting around Sephiorth wanting Cloud to doubt Tifa, saying about how she shouldn't be alive and will manipulate Cloud. It's a direct response to the fact that neglecting to take into account Tifa is what caused Sephiroth downfall because she was the only person who knew Cloud so intimately that she was able to guide him through his memories, thanks to how much Cloud trusted her. Sephiroth, therefore, logically, need to make sure Tifa is not going to get in the way this time.

.... and that's swell and it makes sense but we're getting a whole other story aren't we?

The remake was adverticized as a remake and instead a huge chunk of it hinges on the fact you know the saga and because of Sephiroth and the characters knowing Fate is oncoming, it's actually a sequel.

And it's deeply frustrating to play because aside from Sephiroth and Aerith, no one knows what the previous timeline was. (coming back on Aerith in a bit). All of the cast suddenly is working to change a fate they do not even know about because Sephiroth and Aerith want to challenge this fate.

As a player it removes you from fully connect with the story because the characters don't even know what they're fighting for!! They don't have the context of what the bad things are going to be!

And like okay you either like it or you don't, but personally i hate it a lot.

-Desamorcing any emotional scene by the new mysteries.

The remake wants you to be invested in the new mysteries around Sephiroth and the Whispers so bad that scenes get to be completely hijacked by those characters ruining the tension any scene is supposed to build in.

Cloud and Aerith first meeting is supposed to be a quiet scene as he runs into her after the Reactor exploded. You can also completely ignore her and she'll move on, but otherwise it's a really quiet and simple scene. The Remake builds a whole Cloud hallucinate Sephiroth scene out of it, has Aerith tormented by the Whispers, she approaches Cloud to thank him, and Sephiroth will appear to threaten Cloud about how he intends to let fate repeat, implying the threat of killing her. The whole sweet scene starting of to establish a dynamic between those two? had the focus changed on Sephiroth instead to be ominous.

Fighting Reno in the church is a good addition and all, but Cloud trying to murder him only so the Whispers can come and take him away so the whole "escaping the Church" bit is all about the Whispers? You had a good tension over two characters physically interreacting and you had to ruin it.

And the worst for me was really the whole Sector 7 incident, constantly seeing the whispers just to stop us from getting to the pillar, seeing the whispers everytime one of the Avalanche Three is having a big moment just so you can then see them as they make sure they die. Scenes that should be about Cloud and Tifa realizing they are losing people they're caring about, Cloud starting to have his whole "i can't save anyone" panic settles in, and it ends up being distracted by the Whispers doing their things and making it look like the only reason those characters die is because it's meant to be, not because yknow, they got killed?

Oh and Hojo recognizing Cloud and the Specters taking him away was so damn bad too.

It's like. Any scene that are trying to build a tension, perhaps even a good one!! suddenly gets ruined by the whole "let's keep things on track" antagonist. Scenes that would have emotionally hit hard instead becomes confusing because of a whole new plotline that only works on a meta textual level. Embarrassing as hell.

-Zack. Why would you do that. Why would you show Zack why would you create a whole alternative timeline.

oh, well, i know why. Zack is too popular not to and you gotta include him. But the fact Zack is a neat character because of how much you can feel his absence when you know why it is there, the way they just dangled him in front of our face is so insulting, especially as being the scene right before our heroes go to defeat fate. It's something that only matter to hardcore fans, who would also be fans because of how Zack haunts the narrative, and so now instead we get an alternative timeline story that would be all swell and game in fanfictions, but is bond to be confusing for non-fans, and just really antithetical to what made Zack so beloved to start with.

Every Zack fan i've talked with after the remake did that had the same reaction of being both happy he lived, and then "but what the fuck are they doing with that". It's a mystery, a zinger for the next game, to try to keep you invested

... but it feels cowardly, as well as the Sephiroth stuff feel cowardly. It feels like the game had no confidence in it doing well without fan favorites, and therefore included them in the game no matter what, even if it defies why they are fan favorite to start with.

-The Fate plotline. I've been rambling over this one a lot at this point so i don't know what much to say. I hate that the Remake is a story about defying fate. About how things are not written in stone and all of that. I feel like the game is basically in denial of the original game if only to lure the player into this state of denial. And it could work to mirror how Cloud will go through his journey, considering the OG is a lot about grief and Cloud is specifically about the harmful aspect of denial, but i think this is imposing ways too much metatextual commentary over the actual text to the point you're denaturing what the story was about.

At the end of the game, everyone have to accept together to change fate, a fate they know nothing about, a fate they just imagine could be bad. the PLAYER knows what they're talking about, but them, themselves, do not. At this point the characters don't really react out of their own arc and motivation, but on about trying to change an abstract idea they have no idea about.

Except for Aerith who knows about stuff in the future and is so determined to not let it be set in stone, Sephiroth who is implied to come from the AC timeline and wants to do things differently, and Nanaki who understands the Whispers and knows vaguely what to expect.

In a bitter way it puts any hardcore fan who expected to replay the plot of the OG in the position of the bad guy for implying that changes are wrong, actually, regardless of why fans would think this way.

To me, it's antithetical to the plot of the OG. Final fantasy manages to do stories about fate, FF15 is a great story about not being able to defy fate, Crisis Core COULD have been a story about fate due to its ending but it decided not to be, but the OG was not about fate in any way and pushing this as the core theme feels alien to the story.

The characters barely know what it's about aside from out of context flash forward and are supposed to make their stand to correct this.

Meanwhile the story also goes into so many loops to try to make you curious about the Whispers, or the way they fix the timeline, like when they save Barret's life, but everything is artificially contrived for my taste and every single scenes with the Whispers made me wish i had never been hype about this whole project to start with.

-Aerith and Nanaki becoming dev's mouthpieces at the expense of their own character arc. There are many scenes when those two will suddenly stop in their track just to do exposition dump about fate and destiny.

Nanaki is noteworthy because legit 80% of his dialogues are about Fate and Destiny, and his introduction to the squad literally had to rely on Aerith showing him a glimpse of the other timeline so he knows they're supposed to be friend, which is infuriating to think about. Because Nanaki developping a natural friendship with the gang is too much to imagine i guess. For a story about defying fate they sure make sure you know Nanaki only is talking with you because Fate told him so.

Meanwhile for Aerith it's so.... So much to me because at some point it's like her being a character stops and suddenly she ends up discussing exactly how there's a fate in front of them that will be scary to change. She wants to change it because of her own fate into it, but also fear changing it and all of that...

Which plagues Aerith with worries she didn't have at first, which means that for a bit, Aerith stops being her own character on her way to her character arc because she needs to look straight at the audience to explain them the themes of the story in case they didn't catch it up. It is so sloppy to me and i hate the idea of turning Aerith's gradual arc of reconnecting with her heritage and realizing she's the only one who can change something, into one where she's already wise and having it all figured out.

I saw someone comment on how Rebirth feels like a 5D Chess game between Sephiroth and Aerith both trying to change fate in their favor, but while i love their natural antagonistic dynamic, it genuinely bugs me how their independant actions are taking a cosmic weight right from the start of the remake. The more Sephiroth pulls in one direction the more Aerith is pulling on the other, and this natural nemesis relation where Aerith is constantly trying to one up Sephiroth and the other way around took a much bigger dimension now that Sephiroth comes from the Future and Aerith is aware of Fate.

-"Tee Hee Maybe They Won't Die :3c"

It's the frustrating aftereffect of destroying the keeper of fate, is that now the game is showing you a timeline in which Zack is alive, and is trying to act like "maybe Aerith won't die this time". Which feels cruel to me because either they go through with it and keep them both alive and we removed all the stakes from this story or why the game has a lot to say about grief, or they go through with it and they specifically manifactured a way to raise our hopes up for the sake of wanting to see them again.

Aerith and Zack are easily my favorite characters with Cloud, i've read countless of Fix It fanfic, AU where they come back, i know this denial, this desire they'll be okay.

and i know i don't want it from the main game because their death matters too much for what the story is trying to tell.

Zack needs to die for Cloud to even become who he becomes. Without his death, Sephiroth won't be able to manipulate Cloud properly. It's the reveal that Cloud has usurped Zack's life that will lead Cloud to the pure mental collapse that will have him give Meteor to Sephiroth and Sephiroth would trigger the apocalypse. Grieving Zack is a major element to explain the lowest of lows in Cloud's life.

The alternative timeline therefore lose those stakes, and may instead try to prove that Zack has to die else bad things will happen. After all, Cloud doesn't wake up in this timeline, so clearly Zack being alive means his own timeline may get unlucky as it goes.

Meanwhile Aerith's death is necessary for the powerstruggle between Sephiroth and Aerith, with the fact that by killing her, Sephiroth actually made her more powerful.

Sephiroth decides to kill Aerith because her power as the last of the Ancients and the Holy Materia are the only things that can reach out to the power of the Planet to counter everything Sephiroth wants to do. The moment he realizes She is the Menace, he will use Cloud to try to kill her, and when Cloud breaks the mind control, Sephiroth kills her himself. That way he ultimately have two birds one stone by both getting rid of Aerith and being able to break Cloud's mind and make him his and therefore getting Meteor.

But since Aerith was deep into a ritual and when she died she returned to the Lifestream, she managed to keep doing what she was doing from the otherside, more powerful than ever, and it's why the ending is as it is, with Aerith unleashing the lifestream as a way to shield the world from the fall of Meteor.

Aerith's death is essential to how to stop Sephiroth, on the aspect of, by killing her, Sephiroth dug his own grave.

But now what? Either they're keeping her alive and the 3rd part of the game will go in a complete different direction, or they'll kill her still after having raised people hope that she may survive.

-So the saga is setting itself at ending on a totally different note as the OG, at some point it will have to stop trying to adapt the OG at all because it completely went off rail... Or things will go back on rail and we've been played all along.

So yeah it's either the remake will follow through with the major plot beats and will therefore betrays its own new themes because turns out you can't win without following fate after all, or it will go completely off the rail and it will just Not Be The Plot Of The Original Game.

I'm sure we can try to see it as a sequel, i'm sure some people may be able to, but the more i get reminded of how close it is to the OG the more the things that go off rail just feel out of place, because it clashes with the themes of the OG.

I can't enjoy the fully new "sequel stuff" because it's always coupled with a reminder of the OG i love and this sequel just seems wrong there.

-It feels unfinished. And despite all of this, the game doesn't feel finished. You may add as many stories you want to give meat for the game to keep going, but ultimately you just barely introduced the concept and the characters since you legit only adapted the prologue, you left mysteries opened that are not being answered to keep people on a hook, but you end the game basically feeling you just started this trip. After a 60h+ long experience at least, you are left on a cliffhanger telling you to tune in next time.

This was always going to be the risk by cutting the game in part and even more so when the part one decided to only be about Midgar. I mentioned how i think the remake could narratively have tried to push to Junon since it would have ended with a battle with Sephiroth like they wanted.

but by finishing the Prologue, seems just seem rushed, nothing is finished, and there's a lot of plots that open at the end of the game. Like Rufus, for example, who is one of the major antagonist of the game, who can only come last minute. And because he comes in this late to the game, you can't actually have him explain what he's going to do as the antagonist. So he's just there for the vibes and it feel slike a weird addition that is just a cliffhanger for what's to come.

-"If you want to play the plot of the OG you just need to replay the OG or Ever Crisis"

Then you shouldn't have called the game a remake.

^ this is something a dev said btw and it still annoys me to this day. then you should have been transparent about it not being a remake. And saying that if people want to replay the OG they should play Ever Crisis, which is a GACHA live service game that will inevitably be unplugged one day because Square Enix doesn't have a good track record with taking care of their gacha (starting by what happened to the First Soldier, which was closed after one year of service), genuinely made me annoyed.

All in all, in the end, i'll take their word for this because it sure means i have no reason to be interested in the remake. So i will replay the OG instead.

And then they weep when Rebirth do less sales than the Remake. Lol. Lmao even.

But also just this mentality saddens me. Many people won't try the OG because it looks and feels old. It's a great game, but when the rest of the saga has only HD elements, it's difficult to get into or recommend. That's why people wanted a remake. Just being dismissive about it seems sad to me.

DEEP SIGHS.

CONCLUSION.

I didn't come to the remake wanting to hate it. In fact at first i really tried to rationalize everything it was building itself for.

But i powered through the remake more and more irritated and the irritating part took over all of the way i could interreact with the remake.

And the game isn't even that bad. It still genuinely feels like you return to the characters you know and love. I spent more hours having fun than i've had not having fun.

but the problem is that the good things are in the details and in the small interractions here and there, and that the flaws are the Major Plot Elements that you genuinely can't ignore.

And i'm torn, because i love those characters and want to see more, and the gameplay is so fun!

But by the time of the Ending of the Remake, i was just genuinely tired. Like the whole ending portion of the Remake broke me a little because no matter how in character Sephiroth is compared to his AC self, no matter how fun and camp the scenes are in isolation: this is still such a shitty choice to make about the thing that was called a remake.

I'm sure i've forgotten things despite how long this ask is. but yeah. That should be a good run down of my problems with the game.

..... sorry if you expected anything shorter. Turns out it just ended up being a good opportunity to sort out my thoughts and well. well....

Anyway hope you had a good read if you read all of it, and take care o7

[evature]

hey erin ! hows life treating u?

hello! :D

life has been treating me very well i think, which is nice to acknowledge

i'm currently on holidays! so lots of studying for exams and such, but im making an effort to go out and entertain my hobbys

i keep beginning a crochet project or reading haikyuu and end up doing no study - which is okay!! but it makes me feel a bit silly after :')

unfortunately this week i havent seen any of my friends </3 because there's been a lot going on, and i dont have insta anymore so its a bit harder to see what they're up to: but the friends who im intent on staying in touch with have my number and we've been messaging so thats good! It does feel a bit weird at times to be the one always starting, but i blame the busy time we're all going through atm

yeah! I painted my nails the other day so thats been a nice treat to see everyday and the weather has been lovely and recently ive just been feeling extremely grateful for the people i have around me and the time im in right now <3 esp because the past few weeks have been a bit rough, but im really thankful to be where i am right now (even though its literally the most stressful part of the year LMAO)

thank you for the message anon! i hope you're having a wonderful day too <33

[celestie0]

ELLIEIEIIEIEIE hiii ☺️💗

its been forever bae i’ve missed uuu ☹️ i’ve been so busy lately i havent had time to send in my asks 😞 i’ve been thinking abt u tho 😘🤞(omg gojo is that u?? am i gojo??)

OKAY BUT BAE OH MY GODDDDD I’ve started catching feelings for one of my friends and he is literally the sweetest kindest most caring boy i’ve ever met. we’ve been friends for YEARS and he has literally NEVER hurt me. he’s the kind of person you can talk to about anything and he will literally literally not judge you no matter what ☹️whenever im with him i always feel so safe

OKAY BUT LEMME TELL U A FEW THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED WITH HIM CAUSE LIKE I SWEAR THERES SOMETHING BETWEEN US⁉️

okay so a while ago his friend who imma call J was interested in me and kept trying to flirt with me, but the guy i like (imma call him C) noticed this and he got like very protective of me. like for example he wouldn’t leave me alone with J, he’d be kinda touchy when J was around and he always made sure to keep J at a distance. One time tho J approached me when C was busy doing something and J was like saying some kinda weird creepy stuff to me so when I told C he was FURIOUS 😭 I swear he looked like he wanted to smack someone, I also found out that J was a playboy and he liked to mess with a lot of girls so I think thats why C was acting that way??

the other time was a few days ago C and I decided to hang out at a park bc it was a nice day and I decided to make a flower crown bc there were a bunch of daisies,, so I was sitting on the grass making it and C was sitting next to me watching me so I asked if he wanted one but like the boring man he is he said no 😒😒 so i picked up a daisy and tucked it behind his ear instead 😆 he wore it the entire time we were out and he even kept it ☹️ lowk felt like i was having a main character moment, LIKE IT FELT STRAIGHT OUTTA A FANFIC OR SOMETHING 😭 it felt fanfic worthy anyway 🤷‍♀️ OKAY BUT I SWEAR I CANT TELL IF HE KNOWS IN FLIRTING WITH HIM OR NOT 😭 cause like i said we’ve been friends for years so we’re just super comfortable and close with each other 😭😭

okay but enough abt C,, how’re u doing bae?? i’ve been missing u lately ☹️💗 i hope you’ve been taking care of yourself! it was pretty hot up here in norcal for this past week so I can only assume its been hot down there as well?? imma tell u bae as a city girl,, i cannot deal with hot weather. over 67° and i’m melting 😭 idk how you guys in socal do it 😭

anyway bae thats all for now,,

BYEBYE AND I LOVE U SO MUCH 💗💗

-🦌 anon

awwww hii my love i was thinking about you earlier last week!! so happy to see u <33

omg 🤧 C sounds soooo nice :””) he had those red flag glasses on when he was steering u clear of J but also maybe he was jealousss?? 🤔🫣🤭 also the flower thing is so adorable n you’re so right that’s like straight out of a fanfiction omggg ✋🏼😭 friends to lovers goes CRAZZYYY. if you like him bb u should tell him how u feeeeeel. i just watched ‘one day’ netflix series recently which is like friends to lovers but hella slowburn over the course of like twenty years but if there’s anything it taught me, it was to just tell ppl how u feel honestlyyy 😭😭😭 i’m rooting for you!! also is this the same guy that you were texting last time that wanted to stay awake w youuu at night?? 👁️

i’ve been doing well my love!! i just got back from a 20 mile bike ride so i’m exhausted n gonna go pass out LOL. im training to do a 100 miler w my friends in october so 😵‍💫😵‍💫 been spending sunday mornings working on rides haha. but yea im chillin im gonna hang out w my mom cuz mothers day i think her fav brunch spot is doing some 15% off mimosas thing so my brother n i are gonna take her there. YEA omg its getting hotter slowly, surprisingly this week is going to be still cold for us, tbh it’s supposed to be hotter this time of the year i’m a bit surprised by how pleasant it was when i was out riding today?? the sun only came out around 10am. shocked but i’m not complaining HAHAHA. we’re like low 70s rn and its bliss bc once summer hits i just wanna DIE. so jelly of youuu ik norcal has some wind to cut the heat too but not so much here at least not where i live since i’m more central from the beach 😭

i missed u toooo bb so nice to hear from you <333 LOVE YA HUGS N KISSES 💋 💕

- ellie 🦢

[accursed-worm]

uh hey worm its me!! strawberry anon! i just wanted to say im sorry i havent sent you an ask in ages and im sorry if that worried you! well, this is kind of difficult for me to get across, but the reason why is because dsmp and pretty much all of its members became squicks of mine after dreams allegations and red flags is pretty much the only dsmp related thing i still enjoy!! a while ago i got extra sensitive to dsmp stuff and i had a hard time continuing to read the fic. i read the most recent update tho and its super super good as always!!! again please keep up the good work you and venetapsi are great writers!! but yeah, i apologize for not saying anything earlier. and yes i understand that its weird for me to ignore my own boundaries just to read a fic, but i know to take breaks and all that and take care of myself, all that. and besides i just really appreciate the fic as its own kinda thing AND I AM WAY TOO INVESTED TO STOP READING IT NOW oougghhh your tntduo make me so so so insane :')) but yeah! hope youve been well and tysm for being such a good and creative writer along w/ venetapsi!!! -🍓🚩

HEY!! sorry for taking so unbelievably long to answer this 😭 i had a LOT on around the time you sent it and wasn't checking my ask box at all and then i just started procrastinating because the amount of things i had to respond to was starting to stack up. i'm really good at doing that, honestly. but yeah i'm sorry about that :((

don't worry at all about your lack of asks!! there's absolutely no pressure to force yourself to read my and veneta's fics if ur boundaries make it really hard, but if you still enjoy it them i'm really glad to hear that!! tntduo the absolute beloveds....

i hope you've been well too!! thank you so much, your words mean a lot as always <33

[m0n0-t0n3]

Hows my prince doing? Things have been really busy so i havent been able to front much recently. I miss u and hope ur doing okay<3 im in love with ur eyes btw theyre so pretty<33

-🌪️

Hey love I've been alright ish. Doing a lot of cleaning and moving my room around. I miss you too and dw about any of that I understand completely <3 I hope you've been alright and are keep yourself well. Akbsnsndbdb thank you sm dearest <3333

[quanxui]

thanks for the tag clio @dazaicsamus!! 

Why did you choose your url? it’s the closest i could get to quanxi

Any sideblogs? @marilags (fanfic) @agbasa (animanga caps & gifs) and then there’s a bunch with different purposes

How long have you been on tumblr? this blog’s been here since december last year but i’ve been lurking on this site since around the beginning of 2015

Do you have a queue tag? none, but most of my reblogs here are queued

Why did you start your blog in the first place? i use writing fanfics as a way to vent or entertain me when im bored and that’s what always led me to making a tumblr blog heh. i dont write fanfics that much anymore but im here now because i enjoy seeing posts and reblogs from my mutuals <33

Why did you choose your icon? i havent watched City Hunter yet but when i saw this i knew it was The One

Why did you choose your header? i like the shadow thing the trees do when you’re driving through somewhere with lots of trees

What's your post with the most notes? idk! but if i had to say it, i think it’s between a manga cap i posted of a woman with a tear rolling down her cheeks and a tag game lol

How many followers do you have? 1** !! wow, thank you! idk what you get from my mess of a blog but i hope you enjoy yourselves

How many people do you follow? 4** hehe 

Have you ever made a shitpost? maybe?? im no good with the terms you all use nowadays so idk idk idk....

How often do you use tumblr? not always but often, especially when stressed

Did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? I don’t think so? i do my best to avoid those discourse stuff because it makes me anxious

How do you feel about "you need to reblog this post"? i ignore them, i dont really care

Do you like tag games? yup!! but recently i dont have time to sit still and do them! i did a bunch of piccrews and games without posting tho

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? uhh a bunch of my mutuals are fanfic writers so them? and uh i’ve seen minnie ( @honeymeh ) almost everywhere? im not really sure hahahaha 

Do you have a crush on a mutual? no, i only have a crush on ME ME ME jk, of course i  have a crush on everyone!! my mutuals are all lovely people!!

tagging @eremikas @honeymeh @ugh-tsumu @kirakirasaku @mjoork @luvnami @heatedfloortile @kobenl @himekotoga @fazaleas @zoppzoop @bobawithpomegranate @captainsolare @kerokenma @jujuno @bokutosworld

[tearsasmascara]

GK IM SORRY IF THIS IS LATE, I HAVENT BEEN ONLINE MUCH LATELY BUT HAPPY 100 QUINN!! ey we dont talk much but its always nice whenever we do<33 i hope u had/have a good day and may u reach more milestones in the future :DD! speaking of milestones urhm may i join ur event😳 im always curious abt how people view me tbh FEKJFH congrats on 100 followers once again bb!!

HELLO!!! hi welcome to my event !! we’re vv recent mutuals but nevertheless i hope you like what i whip out for you

want to participate?

so for you, we don’t know each other too well bit i think this one is a little surprising, but nevertheless

cmon don’t keep me waiting!

childe!! so this might be surprising but lemme explain

first of all, who else is a chaotic beam of happiness other then childe? he’s such a goofy silly person and that reminds me of you, but he’s willing to do a lot for the one he loves and uskshd you give those vibes. he also is very good at what he does, and you’re really good at art ongomgomomgomgomgomgomgotmgotm (fangirls). i know he’s manipulative and egotistical and all that stuff and by choosing childe for you i promise (pinky promise) i’m not saying any of those are you haslhdd. i chose childe because he always brings a smile on my face whenever i see him in game and he’s really playful and cheerful just like you. he’s someone that i really enjoy being around ngl.

your color!! organs! i’m gonna keep that typo bc it’s funny is def orange!! i feel like this color is you because it’s cheerful and underrated. it’s really pretty and it’s always everywhere (i swear your drawings are everywhere on [tumblr]) and just overall you radiate very much orange energy.

your moodboard is mostly off vibes bc we don’t know each other well (id love to get to know you more tho)<3

i hope you like it!!

[idolshineitai]

SUNKISS tell me abt yr ocs *wags tail

HII YAAAY HI <33 IM VERY EXCITED ABT THIS ive been fixating on them very much recently but augh which ones to CHOOSE !! i think ill go w lyla + co since i Just. posted her

IM DOING THIS ENTIRELY BY MEMORY N JUST FOR FUN so i might not get the more nuanced details but Hi. SO!! the story focuses mainly on saige and lyla!! Saige is lyla’s bf!! He iz a bigender butch bisexual ^u^ He/they. Lyla is a transfem xenogender femme lesbian who uses she/doll/🍓/🫐!! ANDDD also saige has a younger sibling Mylo who uses xe/xir :3 i havent decided xir specific identity but xe’s in a very lesbian relationship and i 🧡 xir partners .. i will not get into them unless asked cuz they dont play a huge role here . Potential sequel material ig 💗🧡💛💚💙💜

Saige + mylo have Shitty parents and thats a whole thing but one of the main parts of the story is !! this lil game that they play as a coping mechanism — where theyve kind of assigned each other a signature creature and will . Joke around in that space?? refer to each other as such? It’s . a nice family thing just for them alone IM ALWAYS VERY BAD AT EXPLAINING IT EVERY TIME 💔 but .. siblings :] Saige is a ghost n mylo is an alien

Lyla and saige r pitted against each other (← used lightly) @ school cuz of their “opposite aesthetics” Which they rlly rlly dont ….get?!?! Whats opposite abt them . Something something that meme where it says u have more in common w someone who wears all pink/all black than someone w a “plain” style. YKNOW.,,, and so they get to talking a bit more and i haven’t decided how they begin dating yet but they do and i love them so fuckin much 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

Lyla , after being accepted by mylo ofc, gets her own gimmick and becomes the princess :D BUT UHJNKBJG. Eventually she realizes shes nonbinary n sort of goes spiraling :[ Saige n lyla r both autistic BTW (probably all the others too ❤️ but this is whats important Naow). And lyla doesnt like change a whole lot, she doesnt want things to be Different with this family that she has now, despite not feeling very comfortable w the princess label anymore ,,and shes not very comfortable in her identity as a whole INCLUDING da autism

it’s !!! a journey for sure but lyla is so unconditionally loved n supported and she really comes into her own and accepts her passions and interests and weird gender feelings !!!! Starts dressing up VERY cool as well which is highly important 💛💛 she loves fun fruit patterns (SPECIAL INTEREST - i have to learn so many fruit facts on her behalf im working on it.)

saige gets the means to move out nd takes mylo w him. eventually lyla joins them :3 even more eventually, when xe’s ready, mylo moves out w all the support in the WORLD from the lovebirds. And then theyre having this conversation,, like

It turns out saige’s ghost gimmick was 99% based on his dissociation that they didn’t really know was a Thing, but therapy n support n time away from parents he’s a lot better now! ♡ i havent decided his new gimmick, but it’s different ♡♡

lyla’s gimmick has shifted to like,, a mixture of things instead of one Solid identity and it makes her so much happier, very freeing, very Fun and indicative of the things she loves!!!!!!!!!!!! Fruit bat ..vampire..funny little colorful friend :] YOUKNOW!! ❤️❤️💙💙 goddd i love her so much shes ymmbaby

AND THEN MYLO. MYLO was the ONLY one to stick to xir og gimmick. Xe’s adored neon green xir whole fucking life. (OH N both sibs r punk ofc it isn’t all abt fashion but in those terms saige is more casual and mylo goes ALL OUT .) so they get to talking, joking, as mylo is moving out — this tender lil heartfelt conversation where saige is kind of awed and feeling fond,, like,,,, how did you do it? how did you keep such a strong sense of self all that tiem (even back there)? AND MYLO CITES having rlly supportive lesbian parents . And it takes a second for the couple to process but they really really cry Whbjbhjgmfk .. !!!!!! ITS JUST SO . I HEART THEM

THIS IS SO LOOONG BUT THATS THEM THATS MY BAYBIES…BMBJN,GLFD,MBV,

theyre so ❣️💖💕💖💗💗💖 THANK U BTW !!! AWAWA

[satoruvt]

fanfic writer tag game <3

helloooo <3 thank u for tagging me @hannie-dul-set this is so cute lol

ummmm! i think i will tag. @leejuyeeon and @seokmingiggles !! and as always anyone else who wants to <33

peum ~

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

omg lets see if i can do this in order. i think the first fandom i ever wrote fanfic for was creepypasta LMAOO and then... fairy tail? then 5 seconds of summer, then maybe it 2017?? voltron legendary defender, detroit become human, monster prom and mystic messenger kind of overlapped, the arcana !!! then my hero academia, haikyuu, a Little bit of demon slayer... i think thats it lol

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

seventeen is all for rn, but i’m thinking of also writing for mha again and adding jjk!!

3. how long have you been writing?

oh wow for like... probably around 6 years? maybe 6 and a half

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

rn just tumblr, i used to post more actively on ao3 but i havent since i started writing for kpop

5. what is your favourite genre to write?

ahhh like !!! comfort fics!!! i think theres something really sweet in those unspoken feelings during moments you think you’ll never forget... the idea of being with someone and you’re just so sure they’re your favorite person, and then warmth that comes with that realization... wahh

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

oh it depends i think. for longer fics i like to plan them out, but i really wing it with like timestamps or shorter ones

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

ONE SHOTS. my god i fucking suck at multi-chapter shit LMAOO ive only done 1 series like that and it was so rough for me lol

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

hm how do i explain this... anything that makes sense? however long it takes for it to feel like the chapter/fic is summed up or completed. i used to worry about word counts a lot but now i rarely pay attention to them, both in reading and writing

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

if we’re talking about multi-chaptered, then the color of you wins at 17k !! in terms of one shots, it’s for now; forever at 9k!

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

oh boy. i think... anything from the last like. 8 months? my svt stuff for sure!! i went a while without writing in between like january-late november 2020, and i was worried that my writing would suffer a lot... it took a sec for me to get back into the groove of things but i’m feeling happier than ever with the stuff i write now. i feel like ive matured about the way i approach my own writing and ideas, and how i do everything, and my fics make me really proud. ive started writing within different aus that i hadnt touched before, or talking about different feelings or ideas, etc... i really feel like ive grown with this most recent burst lol, and i love working on them! i get so hyped up when im in the middle of writing or even planning, im just so excited to share all of it hehe

11. favorite request you've have written and why (if any?)

ah its been so long since ive worked with requests that i cant remember anything LOL

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

yes. it is comfort and content. it is the feeling of love. it is holding hands on a walk in the middle of spring and smelling flowers. it is the sound of leaves when a gust of wind blows past. it is looking into ur lovers eyes and feeling nothing but pure fondness

13. current number of wips?

fuck like somewhere around 20 probably

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

i really like repetition (specifically in sentences if that makes sense??), LOTS of unspoken things (even if i picture a fic with an established relationship, i dont say it within the fic; and especially concerning romantic feelings, i love when things go unsaid and are FELT full force), i think a lot of detailed rambling... i really like to try and describe emotions and stuff in the most abstract and obscure ways lol i feel like it makes things a little more palpable and honest

15. a quote you like from a published story

im gonna do a few. Lol. firstly this long one from pretend people can unlearn:

“Are you…” Jeonghan starts, and when you look at him, his eyes are still on the city in front of you. “Are you ever afraid that we’ll fall out of love?”

It never occurred to you that this was love. It’s not like the love you’ve experienced in the past, not even close. But maybe… maybe that’s why you never leave, why you hold yourself back from certain arguments like it might fix everything. Maybe love is the reason why Jeonghan still seems to believe in you. Why he promises he’ll be the best thing for you despite always breaking that promise.

(Is it love, a voice in your head questions, or is it longing?)

It takes you a while to respond. “I don’t know,” you end up saying, because you really don’t. Jeonghan turns his head and looks at you, and you half expect him to start an argument in the middle of night, out on the street like this. It wouldn’t be the first time. “Would that… be okay?”

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan answers, just like you. His voice is soft. You want to reach for his hand just to hold it. “You’re still…”

He pauses, like he’s trying to find the right word. You let him take his time, for once, instead of accusing him of the worst. “I’m still?”

“Everything,” he tells you. He looks so sad and you reach out for him because it’s the only thing you can offer. You think the worst thing about your relationship with Jeonghan is that you will always believe him when he gets like this, just like you’ll believe him when he takes it back in the heat of a fight.

next is from like there isn’t something missing <3

But you’re crying into his chest because it’s not you, and it’s not him. Seungcheol wonders if it was always meant to be like this, if the two of you were always meant to part or if something… if something just went wrong, somewhere. A bump that did a bit more damage than either of you thought.

He tries not to think about it now. Tears fill his own eyes as he presses a kiss to your hair because he loved you. He truly did.

“I was so lucky to love you,” he murmurs, voice a cracked whisper. “I’m so happy I got the chance.”

When Seungcheol wakes up the next morning in an empty bed, he’s not surprised. But the Post-It note that’s dressed in your handwriting…

Well. It’s over.

and this last one from only for you, i will dance !!

“This will always be our own time,” he says. “We’ll meet here.”

You know. He says it every time. It never fails to make your heart soar.

“Our thirteenth month,” you say, just like every time. Chan smiles.

He kisses you so strong you feel yourself falling.

16. a quote from an unpublished story

ahh ok ill do a few here too!!! one is something ive begun writing, the other is one that i’ve just been working on planning out <3

Smoke blows past somebody else’s lips and partially obstructs Wonwoo’s view of you.

He hasn’t been to a party like this in a long time. It’s elegant, more of a gala than anything. He can’t remember who threw it or for what reason. It doesn’t really matter, he supposes, watching you make conversation with the partygoers. They all have old money to throw around, the symbolism stitched into their suit jackets and red-rimmed heels; remnants of it left on tables and in the contents of expensive cigars.

You play them like you are one of them, tell them the right things with a silver tongue. Wonwoo always watches, plays the part of an observer. It’s impressive, the way you float around the room like it’s nothing.

Wonwoo observes; Wonwoo knows things.

and the second one...

"you don't know me," you respond. your voice carries no bite, just a fact, and joshua knows this

"i want to," he says after a second. "if you'll let me."

and he's asking permission to be your friend, to be close to you, something so tender and strangely polite

it makes you feel almost sad

"don't expect too much," you say, a little teasing. joshua only smiles

17. space for you to say something to your readers

wahhh thank you all so much!!! when i first got into writing for kpop it was a lot different mostly because i think... i was writing stuff for different anime before, and i had built up a big following because of that and my works always did like, really exceptional in terms of notes and feedback and such, and getting into kpop... has been rough on that end 💀 but i appreciate your support thus far, even if it’s small... i’m still working towards a standard that i have for myself!!! so please be patient with me, thank you for the support !!

also please find it in yourself to leave lil comments or any sort of feedback... please..... PLEASE... any creator ever understands this struggle please always try to do this!!! for me and for any other creator you follow and enjoy content from <333

[richard-nixon-official]

On the Music artists names ask game: every single question (unless you don’t want to answer some for personal reasons)

ahhh omg okay

1. Led Zeppelin- 4 turn ons

honestly the only one i know for sure is long hair

2. The Doors- 2 places you’d like to visit

new york city and los angeles

3. Pink Floyd- What are some things that make you sad?

thinking about how time is passing by so quickly and as i look on to the future i think i’m forgetting to enjoy the present and that really makes me sad

4. The Rolling Stones- What’s better, a fling/one night stand or serious relationship?

in my opinion, a serious relationship

5. Jimi Hendrix- Name 8 things that make you happy

my friends, my car, my dog, music, food, summer weather, playing guitar, getting paid

6. The Runaways- Would you say that you are self confident?

kind of. i’m not super arrogant or anything but i don’t hate myself. my relationship with myself is like the one acquaintance you have that you say hi to them whenever you see them but you never actually talk to them

7. Metallica- Do you have any special talents?

my talents are insanely boring, i get very good grades because i can remember stuff easily and i want to be a journalist because i can write a pretty kickass research paper. i want to be a musician but i don’t have a lot of natural talent so it’s going to take a lot of hard work

8. The Ramones- Do you have any pets?

yes i have a dog named eddie, we’ve had him for about 11 years now. he is like my little brother i would do anything for him

9. Simon and Garfunkel- What songs help you get through the day?

at the moment, 5150 by van halen

10. The Beatles- Are you a flirt?

hell no

11. The Mamas and the Papas- Define yourself in 5 words

i think i will leave this one alone because i can’t even think of one word to define myself. plus i would like to be a mystery

12. Blondie- Are you a virgin?

yeah, i know it’s lame

13. Nirvana- Are you an artistic/creative person?

sort of. i think i have a lot of creative energy in my head but i don’t really have a medium to let it out

14. David Bowie- Are you a follower or a leader? 

probably more of a follower, i’ve never been a very good leader. i would rather just do my part and let everyone else do theirs

15. Red Hot Chili Peppers- Have you been to any concerts? Which ones?

NO I HAVENT BEEN TO ANY AND IT MAKES ME SAD EVERY DAY!!!! i do have tickets to see def leppard’s stadium tour this year and i want to go see kiss and david lee roth but nobody will go with me so i might not

16. Iron Maiden- Would you say you have a “sexy” figure?

i mean, i think my figure is okay, maybe not super sexy but at least kind of cute. i would probably be nicer looking if i actually exercised but no thanks

17. Guns n’ Roses- Do you do drugs?

no but not because i don’t want to!!!!! i want to try pot and maybe drop acid

18. Motörhead- Are you a totally badass motherfucker?

probably not. i wish though

19. Pat Benatar- Ever been in love?

nope not yet

20. The Who- 2 of your favorite foods and 2 foods you hate

i love mac and cheese and roasted potatoes, meanwhile i fucking hate onions and brussels sprouts

21. Pantera- Did you ever get into a fist fight?

no, the lord has given me strength to control myself so far

22. The Moody Blues- What is your favorite genre of music?

rock and roll!!!

23. Journey- What’s your favorite band?

i have to say van halen. i just love them so much

24. Genesis- Do you genuinely care about others, even strangers?

yes i do, irl i seem like a kind of a bitch but i actually do care about people

25. AC/DC- Name 7 things people do that piss you off

i think i’m a pretty easygoing person in general, but if you’re a bigot i do not fucking like you and i’ll be mean enough to you that you won’t like me either. i also hate when people get mad about shit that doesn’t matter or are mean to people who are just trying to do their job, like retail workers. basically just be nice and you really won’t have any problems with me

26. Paul Anka- Are you a romantic person?

i mean, in the sense of a “hopeless romantic,” kind of. one time at school this guy held the door open for me and i actually started liking him a little

27. The Kinks- 3 of your favorite blogs?

ummm, this is hard because there are so many to choose from! @k2e4 always has good posts, @just-the-left-light-up-skecher and @ginger-ale-official also always have amazing shitposts. all of my mutuals are kings though so even if i didn’t name you, your blog rocks

28. Suzi Quatro- What do you look like right now?

well right tf now, i’m sitting at my dining room table like a gremlin wearing sweatpants and a shirt from my school, i also recently got another haircut so i kind of look like a groupie from like 1977

28. Motley Crue- What are your favorite brands? (Define your sense of style)

i don’t really have a favorite brand, i just look around and wear whatever i like. my style is very basic, usually just a band t shirt with jeans and converse and cool earrings. i’m trying to have more hippie vibes though so i made a bunch of tie dyed shirts and i will definitely be wearing those once i finish them

29. Neil Young- Do you play any instruments?

yeah i play guitar, i’m pretty bad at it though. i’m working on getting better but my progress is really slow at the moment

30. Rainbow- What’s better, day or night?

i like night vibes a lot better, so night

31. Joan Jett- Sexual orientation?

demisexual, but also straight so idk

32. The Misfits- Do you have any tattoos or piercings?

i have 2 piercings in each earlobe and i might get one more. i’m not old enough to get tattoos yet but i definitely want to

33. Janis Joplin- In your opinion, what was the greatest time or era for music?

i think the best time was from like 1965 to 1990, which i know is pretty broad but there was so much good stuff going on in the music world.

34. Deep Purple- 3 of your greatest fears

failure, death of a loved one, and spiders

35. The Tragically Hip- 6 things you want to accomplish

omg i don’t even know if i have six, but i want to go on tour with my band someday. i would also love to release an album, hopefully several. graduating college is also very important to me so i want to do that. i would also love to work for a newspaper or a radio station someday as a journalist

36. Aerosmith- Favorite celebrity? Least favorite?

my favorite is probably either john mulaney or steve carell, they just seem so cool and actually nice. there are so many i don’t like but my least favorite is probably kid rock, he sucks

37. Johnny Cash- Are you a religious person?

not really. i was raised catholic but i don’t really vibe with christianity so i kind of just believe whatever. it’s honestly kind of hard for me to explain

38. The White Stripes- Are you close with your family?

kind of, i love my family but also they get on my damn nerves. i look forward to moving out when i can love them from a safe distance

39. Madonna- Describe your crush

i don’t even have a crush right now!!!!! the only people i like are eddie van halen and john paul jones, who are both over 50 years older than me

thanks for the ask anon

[squeakynico]

mental note, list of women-based manias

2010-11 - Deena (i thought this was a nervous breakdown... Deena is absolutely wonderful, although i havent seen her in ten years, we are still vaguely in tough online. her mother died still very recently. i once mailed her my grandmother's watch and a casette tape my father made for me when i was a child, out of compulsion.

early 2017 - Momi, a wonderful economist working on her phd who happened to be teaching economics to kids in high school on oahu. she was/is married, to another wonderful person named K.X., and i loved and respectex both of them so much, they were so nice to me and my friend when i felt very lonely out there. this was the mania that got me hospitalized for four months (off and on), and diagnosed (THANK GOD).

late 2017 - Wesley (possibly mostly weed related too) , she is a beautiful young person (well//lol, *30* now i guess? shit she used to complain about getting old and being a has-been, but i always tried to reason. i am all of 33), when i met her she was a recovering heroin addict, whose life love (FOR REAL HIS NAME WAS/IS LEO HE WAS A CHRISTIAN SCHIZO WHO JUMPED OFF THE ROOF OF A CHURCH NOW HE IS IN THE SKY WITH GOD) had died. she met a surfer bra the day we met and fell in love with him, which i thought was perfect because they seemed like a good fit, only he was (*much*, ha) younger at 21 (it's true, that *is* young). we talk sometimes and i give her money sometimes. she's had it very rough... Very rough, and is also bipolar, but once she got really mad at me for pushing her boyfriend who was sitting too close to me, and for leaving her most loved jean jack in a gas station bathroom (because i had just literally MMARCHED into, and Out Of, Chicago i was *really tired* and that thing weighed at least 10 pounds. i was staying at her place. nothing ever happened between us, but i still have her number. her dog Bear is the shit ❤

middle/late 2018 - Laura // Fletcher (the weird infatuation just sort of weirdly jumped from one to the other. mainly because i had been texting Laura about how Satan was misunderstood and an atom bomb may possibly have been getting rrady to be dropped on Houston while she was there. Laura is the Scene Queen of Dallas, and also i think her father and mother found her in a dumpster ((for *real*... whrn i ask who does that, sometimes you already know, she is really awesome and was about to move to spain to study Spanish and be a teacher. her cats' name is Freddie, he looked a lot like Jerry), and we used to sing karaoke at the same bar... for *Months*, always singing karaoke at the same bar but never talking. we hung out a few times before *i* got weird, and i think she thought she was bi, but she had a boyfriend too his name is Evan he is also very nice. she said she felt uncomfortablr once to the bartender of a club we both went to often to sing at, after i had been texting Very Weird, and all i did was empty my pockets in front of him (minus the essentials) and walk away.

i never saw her again, but i told Fletcher and Lindsay about her, and all that i had been feeling. i'm sure Fletcher let me go on as long as she could stand, because she is so kind and understanding. after she said she wouldn't kiss me, and literally *ceased* speaking to me altogether, i still told my mom that i thought she was still listening, without responding, and how *that*s how i Knew she loved me... i got seven tattoos during that time (mostly small line pieces - there is Jesus, and Jerrell, and Laura, and Judy Garland, and ABBA) but Fletcher's is the one over my heart. it's just a weird little cross-squiggle with her initials and a tinu heart and an arrow, because Fletcher means "arrow-maker". she is really cool, i used to play in her best friend's band when i was 20 or 21, maybe 22-23 or for, but we had *never* talked. silence is literally sometimes The Best Therapy. but still, i got *really* weird around that time, i had lost my job because of the Laura mania, and had tried twice to be a truck driver and failed, and a friend had died of an Aneurysm, and i was working at McDonalds (they were very kind to let me, i was a cashier but spoke next to no Spanish in a predominantly Mexican neighborhood). i used to drive to Fletcher's hometown for "fun" (drinking), just to have a look around. it was over an hour aeau from Dallas, and some weeks i would do that almost *every* *night*. that's mostly why i moved to Atlanta from Dallas, to start fresh

2020 - Sandra and i broke up. it was a kind of mutual decision - she had become distant again, after she started he new job which drained her a lot, and i was not being as supportive as i should have, but she had barely spoken to me in a month, and when i confessed that i had been commenting anonymously on her tumblr (well, i didn't confess, but after i told her i had been checking it out, she knew the comments were from me, i guess i have a messaging style that is difficult to mistake) she said something like "i wish you hadn't done that," and i blew up and wrote this longish rant on a prescription receipt at messaged it to her

then she said if i wasn't getting the time and emotional support i needed from her, we she call it quits. and i said FINE SEND ME MY BUNNY RABBIT BACK. it all seems so ridiculoys now, but i'm glad she did so quickly when it was called for. it's going to take a long long long time to get over her (if i ever really do... she once stitched the sleeve lining back into the sleeves of my most loved old coat that my friend gave me many years ago. and she fixed the pocket where i had been secretly hiding beer cans and tiny wine bottles in the lining), but i was mean and unfair when she needed space i didn't understand *how much* space, also all she ever asked for in her online profile was someone to hold hands and make out respectfully with... i guess i was a fluke/am a fluke. i miss her and wish i could see her again. as a confessed voyeur, i got two of the cabbage guys she drew when she was young, tattood on my ribs.

i have had enough manias to know now when something is up, but being on meds doesn't make me any happier. i think this journalling does - not happier, jues... Phew (:})

[1989deluxe]

i was tagged by @marysong​

50 questions you’ve never been asked

1. what is the colour of your hairbrush? light mint green

2. a food you never eat? meat bc im vegetarian babyyy

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? too cold

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? i was watching tik toks

5. what is your favourite candy bar? reeses cups

6. have you ever been to a professional sports event? yes!

7. what is the last thing you said out loud? i love you

8. what is your favourite ice cream? coffee (or mocha if its there)

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? water

10. do you like your wallet? yes im n love w mine bc i bought it for SO cheap and its the perfect size

11. what was the last thing you ate? enchiladas

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? nope

13. the last sporting event you watched? no clue

14. what is your favourite flavour of popcorn? i like it with white cheddar on top

15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? my two best friends

16. ever go camping? yes

17. do you take vitamins? no

18. do you go to church every sunday? i used to go to the temple every weekend up til i was about 13 but i havent been in years

19. do you have a tan? no

20. do you prefer chinese food or pizza? pizza

21. do you drink your soda with a straw? i dont drink soda

22. what colour socks do you usually wear? any color with little animals on them

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? maybe

24. what terrifies you? horror movies which is why i wont buy them

25. look to your left, what do you see? my waterbottle

26. what chore do you hate? washing the dishes

27. what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? rise up lights

28. what’s your favourite soda? i dont drink soda

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? drive thru ALWAYS

30. who’s the last person you talked to? my dad

31. favourite cut of beef? tf

32. last song you listened to? ivy by frank ocean

33. last book you read? harry potter oop

34. favourite day of the week? tuesday for some weird reason

35. can you say the alphabet backwards? nope

36. how do you like your coffee? milk but no sugar and always iced

37. favourite pair of shoes? my white nikes (theyre not air forces ok)

38. at what time do you normally go to bed? around 11 for school nights but recently 1 am

39. at what time do you normally get up? 8:30 naturally

40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets but i recently saw a REALLY pretty sunrise

41. how many blankets are on your bed? one

42. describe your kitchen plates. white

43. do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? maybe

44. do you play cards? yes! ive been playing a lot w my mom

45. what colour is your car? white

46. can you change a tire? no

47. what is your favourite province? nope

48. favourite job you’ve ever had? my barista job...i want corona to be over so i can work i MISS it

49. how did you get your biggest scar? i dont have scars but i have at least 100 birthmarks

50. what did you do today that made someone else happy?  i lost to my mom in a card gamefjoweifwoei

tagging: @tayloralison @tonystark-s @jumpthensfall @thelasttime @screamingiminlovewithyou @backtoodecember and anyone else who wants to do it

[shrimpcolour]

Answer all 1-92!

yep yep THANK UUUUUUUUUU

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

absolutely not

 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? 

absolutely not

3. Have you taken someones virginity? 

absolutely not

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

yes i think i keep things to myself

 5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

no bc of the rona

 6. What are you excited for? 

quarantine to be over 

7. What happened tonight? 

i am going through it lmaoo

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

i really think this question is gross no i dont care 

 9. Is confidence cute? 

confidence is cute as fuck

10. What is the last beverage you had? 

water, shockingly 

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? 

one? maybe?

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? 

yes but i dont wear them unless nothing else is clean

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? 

probably play craft and cry

14. What are you going to spend money on next? 

dunkin donuts baebyyyy

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? 

yessirrrr

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

yes i think that i will be happier 

 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? 

my friend beenal i trust her with everything 

18. The last time you felt broken? 

right now as i type

19. Have you had sex today?

no 

 20. Are you starting to realize anything? 

that i cant handle being alone for a long time without starting to spiral

21. Are you in a good mood? 

im starting to get out of a shitty mood

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? 

i almost did one time when i was younger i was supposed to swim w super tiny sharks at disney but then i freaked tf out and bailed 

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? 

no 

24. What do you want right this second? 

a hug from jillie

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

goodbye thanks for letting me know but bye

 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? 

no it is darker rn

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

no that is boring thank jah jillie is funny 

 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

the fact that someone from vietnam with a windows 8 phone is trying to hack my email

 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? 

yes jillie so much

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

yes second chances are good and important (obviously not for certain scenarios)

 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? 

i dont hate him he just annoys me 

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? 

i hope she does 

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? 

no i only drink mcdonalds sprite and i hate coke and that stuff

34. Listening to? 

a criminal minds episode

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? 

yes all the time

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

yes i do it was at jillies

 37. Do you believe in love at first sight? 

no i do not i think it is gradual 

38. Who did you last call? 

i joined a zoom call for like four seconds today but then i left bc i hate myself KJLSJHFJLKHF

39. Who was the last person you danced with? 

my team 

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

hopefully bc she loves me

 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? 

today!! my mom made them

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

no i havent done that since i was a baby

 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? 

every day baebyyy

44. Do you tan in the nude? 

i dont even like showering naked or tanning at all

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? 

yes but not because of who it was with but because it was awkkk

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? 

no i fell asleep at around 11 am and i just kinda KOed

47. Who was the last person to call you? 

jillie a couple days ago

48. Do you sing in the shower? 

no i dance KASLHJLKA

49. Do you dance in the car?

you fucking know it

 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? 

no but it seems so cool

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? 

uhhh never???

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

no i think that they are happy

 53. Is Christmas stressful? 

extremely

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

i have but i am not a fun

 55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

apple baby apple

 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

i wanted to be hannah montana so bad. not even a rockstar i deadass wanted to be H E R 

 57. Do you believe in ghosts?

i sure do 

 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

a lot of the time it makes me nervy

 59. Take a vitamin daily?

no only when i have some

 60. Wear slippers? 

no mostly just socks

61. Wear a bath robe?

no but they give off bad bitch vibes

 62. What do you wear to bed? 

sweatpants and a hoodie when cold short and a sports bra when hot

63. First concert? 

hannah montana/miley cyrus and she flew above the crowd on a motorcycle

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

wwwwalmart baeby

 65. Nike or Adidas?

nike

 66. Cheetos Or Fritos? 

fritos but both are gross

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

sunflower seeds i hate everything peanut

 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? 

lover

69. Ever take dance lessons? 

im on a competitve team my guy

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

i have a “joke” that i am marrying an orthodontist so yes

 71. Can you curl your tongue? 

i can but i cant do the clover thing 

72. Ever won a spelling bee? 

no i suck at spelling LMAO i used to cheat on spelling tests in elementary school

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

i have i also cry when i get overly excited 

 74. What is your favorite book?

farenheit 451 

 75. Do you study better with or without music? 

i dont study

76. Regularly burn incense? 

no i dont

77. Ever been in love? 

yes

78. Who would you like to see in concert? 

HOZIER i would die

79. What was the last concert you saw? 

ed sheeran 

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

hot tea 

 81. Tea or coffee? 

coffee 

82. Favorite type of cookie?

oatmeal honestly it kinda slaps 

 83. Can you swim well?

no i really do be sucking at swimming my dad and a lifeguard had to get me out of the ocea once

 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? 

yes? can people not>

85. Are you patient? 

i dont really know??

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? 

dj type beat 

87. Ever won a contest? 

yes i won a constume contest at a dance party once

88. Ever have plastic surgery? 

nope

89. Which are better black or green olives? 

ummmmmmmm neither 

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

will be participating in it but fri dont give a care if u fuck before u get married

 91. Best room for a fireplace? 

living room 

92. Do you want to get married

the idea seems nice but i dont think anyone will want to marry me