#i haven’t created anything real or that i genuinely like in months

[sourtoasterstrudel]

I think i forgot how to draw

[wordstome]

Thanks for everything, but it’s time to close up shop.

Hello, everybody. Sorry for this post being a portent of doom, but I feel like you all deserve better than radio silence. Originally, I went on hiatus because I got busy with school and work. This is still true—real life is getting in the way of me being able to write creatively, which I haven’t done in a while.

However, I think it would only be fair for me to admit that I’m just not as into COD anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never been into the games and always have been a fan of the little fandom of writers here, but I have to admit that part of my difficulty writing is just not being as into the content anymore. Most of it is just naturally moving on from something you used to like, but I also feel uninspired and weird about the idea of writing fanfiction about the military nowadays.

TO BE CLEAR: I don’t suddenly think that all my fellow writers are doing something problematic and amoral, and I vehemently do not want my departure from creating fan works to be used as some sort of gotcha to attack other writers. I don’t think any of us respect the military or US imperialism (I hope not) and I think the tumblr subsection of fandom is especially aware that COD is military propaganda. What we do here is writing about characters, not the institution they operate in. A lot of cod fanfiction doesn’t even take place in the military. I also haven’t drifted away because some writers make heavier/darker content, so I’m squashing that discourse before it has a chance to start.

It would also be disingenuous to say that I drifted away solely because of fandom discourse, but it certainly didn’t help. Thankfully, I only caught the tail end of a recent…controversy? Discourse? Involving other creators. It’s exhausting and disheartening to see this sort of thing happen, but I also realize it’s kind of inevitable that feathers will be ruffled when subjects like racism against Gaz are addressed, and that doesn’t mean we should just stop talking about those subjects. I don’t have a good solution to this and I don’t mean to complain about something that’s just a part of human nature. I just can’t pretend that it isn’t really demoralizing to see people acting poorly and the internet slapfights that result from it. I hope those involved in the recent incident are taking care of themselves. ❤️

Anyway, if you’ve gotten this far, thanks for reading. I have a lot of love left for this fandom, and especially my fellow creators who I have come to consider genuine friends. I feel a deep obligation to everyone who reads and interacts with my work, and I can’t continue to leave people waiting when I know it is, most likely, over. So, to be clear: this is the end of my COD writing journey. I won’t be writing any more or continuing any of my fics.

All of my works, both here and on AO3, will remain up, so you don’t have to worry about anything being deleted. I’m still grateful to cod for bringing my zest for writing back, even if it was only for a handful of months. And if you guys want to see unpublished drafts (like for kingdom come), have questions, or simply want to know my plans for fics that won’t be finished/want to know how they end, please send me asks or reach out! I would love to talk about it. Mutuals are, as always, extremely welcome in my DMs, and it means the world to me that people have been checking in on me during my hiatus.

TLDR:

I’m leaving for good. None of my fics will be deleted, but they won’t be updated anymore. I won’t be active on this blog, but I’ll still check in once in a while to answer any asks or questions about my fics.

I don’t think this will happen, but it’s worth saying: please don’t use my departure to make sweeping generalizations about the fandom or start more discourse. I just drifted away and lost interest. Take care of yourselves.

[peachkkuma]

📓. DIARY ENTRY 08 ︴MAY 18, 2024

dear loass diary…

I’d say I’m pretty close to the end of my manifestation journey knowledge wise, Id say there’s very little I haven’t learned. The only thing there is is for me to then guide myself and not rely on the knowledge of others, which I’ve been pretty good at lately. Which means there’s literally no excuse, I know how the law works and I’m confident that I know how the law works. So why am I not manifesting what I want? I feel like there’s this resistance. I’ve figured things out and set things straight, there’s no confusions anymore. So why can’t I actually apply my knowledge? Especially when I was most excited to have my desires around this time of year? I’ve been wondering that these past couple of days after I caught on to my resistance to even begin the manifestation “process” and I think that right there is a reason all on its own. I see manifestation as a processes for some reason even though I understand that it’s not. We’re not manifesting or creating anything new, we’re just becoming different versions of ourselves. It’s not a process since we embody those versions instantly. So why do I see it as something tiresome, why do I see it as pretending, as unnatural? Its like part of me thinks happiness is beyond me (or behind me, is more accurate) so to embody a version of me that is incredibly happy would be nothing but pretending. I think I’m too used to being this down in the dumps kinda person, to the point where it’s holding me back from being something more, something I want to be. It feels weird to be like “haha everything is perfect” and then not have feelings, real and genuine feelings, to match that. But I rlly don’t know how to embody it, I can explain it on paper but enacting it is something different. Maybe I’m just not used to it? Maybe I’m coming at it from a way that stems from desperation and force? I mean to be fair, whenever I felt like I wanted to become my desired self it was always when I was desperate to know if things were going to be okay so I’d force it. Another idea that crossed my mind was maybe it’s burn out? I mean I’d been actively consuming the law for almost 3 years and as my knowledge has grown, I’ve been learning everything and anything 24/7 for the past 9 months. My knowledge has grown and become stronger, stronger than its ever been but maybe now I’m just so tired. I’m tired of constantly feeling like I don’t have something and I need to get something, and those feelings have been tied to manifestation. Literally the other day I was like “ugh I know I need it and that I wanted it but like I kinda want nothing to do with it rn” in regards to my dream life I’ve been manifesting. My life has been constantly revolving around manifestation, what I lacked, and what I wanted and now that I know I’m near the end, that I can basically taste the finish line, I’ve burnt out. I don’t want anything anymore. I just want to feel like things are okay, in imagination, in the 3D. I don’t want a “mental diet” or to visualize anymore, I don’t want to keep reminding myself to see things from the eyes of my desired self. Maybe the thing I actually need to learn is how to let those things come naturally, how to not feel stressed out or desperate when manifesting. And I suppose I could jist decide that it’s easy, that I’ve already become the desire version of myself. I just feel like It’s all a chore rn. Even tho manifestation is supposed to be enjoyable. Someone make a wikihow for how to recover from manifestation burn out.

kisses, peachkkuma

[positivelyghastly]

.

I know I’ve been working on things in the background and posting about my little miniature reliquary (which will be finished soon, I promise) but I haven’t posted any art in like. Over a month and I’m feeling this weird sense of guilt about it. Like, I know I don’t exist to crank out fan art and I don’t owe anyone anything as far as being a fandom artist goes, but still. Shit’s real weird for me right now. I’ve been so burnt out this whole year so far and my health has been declining a little faster the last couple of months which has been scary too. I need to try and get ahold of my GP tomorrow morning to get an EKG done because I genuinely don’t think I can wait until the end of the month when I have my cardiology appointment without my heart getting worse.

All of that as well as some other things I don’t want to get into have been weighing really heavily on me and it just feels impossible to make anything that I’m truly happy with. I can only take so many “rest days” from drawing without feeling like I’m being lazy or getting rusty or out of practice. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m trying my hardest to find the joy in creating again but it’s taking a little longer to find that joy and I have to make peace with that, otherwise I’ll just make myself feel worse. So yeah. Moral of the story: don’t kick yourself while you’re down and be gentle with yourself

[skelelephant]

I started drafting this like two months ago and then forgot about it but I wanna talk about Black Death more so. Pull up a chair my loves

Seeing how that Black Death movie poll ended up, it’s about what I expected however I do think it’s interesting to see people say it lost it’s plot or it didn’t have the plot they were expecting

Because it actually has the plot that it does very intentionally, which I’m sure nobody would know bc they aren’t genuinely batshit insane about this movie and probably watched it once and never thought about it again.

But fortunately for all of you that is not the case. With me.

Anyway Spoilers below you know the drill

Bc there’s an interview on YouTube with director Christopher Smith where he talks about coming onto the project when it was already in progress and reading the original script that writer Dario Poloni had created where Langiva does end up becoming the devil and it turns into a more supernatural horror. Osmund was supposed to end up in Hell in a literal sense, rather than the metaphorical one the movie presents to us.

But if anything, Christopher Smith reasoned that this ending would be the more discordant climax to the film, not the one that ultimately ended up being the movie’s conclusion.

Because ultimately this is a movie about faith and belief and how those things can be manipulated. You as the viewer have to make the same choice that every single character does about whether or not you believe that Langiva can truly bring people back from the dead. We see exactly what Osmund does in the forest, we see Averil “dead” and then be “brought back.”

Ultimately Osmund believes in Langiva’s abilities, enough to be the one to truly take Averil’s life when he believes her to be in some sort of Purgatory— which she so cruelly points out to him as he chases her through the marsh. He even goes so far as to beg her to bring Averil back again, to which Langiva tells him that she can’t. Averil was never dead, it was all a deception.

And to me, that feels like a much more fitting ending than one where the Christians were proven to be justified in their witch hunt. Because if Langiva was really a witch then it absolves the Company of their misdeeds (killing ultimately innocent people who haven’t gotten the plague because of how remote they are.)

It removes the tragedy from the story if there’s “real evil” at work in that village and not just misplaced faith and deception by those who know how to manipulate it. The villagers had faith in Langiva, so her powers were “real.”

When Wolfstan asks Hob why he followed Langiva, he replies “because she was beautiful… and real.” Which calls into question the reasons why the Company was there at all. Langiva was real, but could the same be said of the God that they came on this hunt on behalf of?

I think this movie definitely isn’t for everyone, and if you want medieval magic and a supernatural historical setting there are plenty of other movies that fit that bill! But this movie has a different story to tell and I think it tells it decently well.

[cyncerity]

hi everyone! little bit of an update!!

to those of you waiting for the next part in the store shifter au: it’s almost done, i swear.

the rest of this is a lengthy explanation cause y’all know me, i can’t write something short. tldr will be bolded at the bottom if you don’t wanna read all this.

i wanna explain something real quick: in my early years of middle school, i was into creepypasta, which pipelined into Marble Hornets, which pipelined into a ton of other slenderverse series. If you don’t know what that is, it’s an ARG with an emphasis on characters being stalked or hunted by Slenderman. All of them are really really good in their own way and do interesting things with not only Slendy, but adding their own new big bad’s and lore and i’d highly recommend watching one if you haven’t yet. (i may make a separate post about which you should watch based on what kind of content you most enjoy cause i really want to indoctrinate more people into this)

My favorite slenderverse at the time had a very big emphasis on early November, specifically November 11th. So i started to have a little tradition of watching those videos every November 11th even after the hyperfixation had faded just for a bit of nostalgia.

Fast forward to now- it has snowballed to the point where every year for over half a decade now, November 11th rolls around and I am thrown violently headfirst back into my slenderverse phase. I cannot control it. I’ll be like “ok this year i’ll be normal about it, after this long, surely watching one video won’t spiral me again” and it always fucking does. No other hyperfixation i’ve ever had has functioned on a calendar cycle so idk wtf this is. This is the 6th year of this. I cannot escape.

So yeah, per how it’s been since middle school, November-January my main hyperfixation will be slenderverse. It could be shorter, it could be longer, but that’s the general pattern i’ve noticed over the years. After that i’ll pretty much be back to normal.

Don’t get me wrong, i’m not taking a 3 month hiatus or anything. I promise i will do my best to get the store shifter au part out before fucking 2024. But if you’ve sent me an ask recently and i’ve ignored it, i’m genuinely so sorry, but i can’t force myself to work on new stuff right now when mcyt g/t isn’t my main interest. I’ll do my best to get to it eventually when the hyperfixation comes back a bit more, i do read and process and think about every single ask i receive and it always makes my day when i get a new ask, but yeah. For the next few months i’m probably only gonna be working on and posting stuff that’s been in the works, are from asks that we’re given to me like a year ago and already have wips in progress to answer them, or art that i just haven’t given you yet.

on the other hand, if you’re reading this and you like creepypasta or slenderverse stuff, i’ve created what i think is literally my 5th fucking blog! @cynningly <-i’ve been spamming this for like 4 days cause i refuse to be normal about slenderverse stuff, but follow there if you want horror stuff and so far just a bunch of really shitty edits of internet arg sexyman villains. Also yes all of my blogs have to have “cyn” in the name somewhere, that’s how you can tell it’s me lmao

tldr:

my hyperfixations switched up again, im really into slenderverse (slenderman-centric args) at the moment and likely will be till January. This is a cycle that’s been going on for years now. made an alt for it -> @cynningly

I will still be working to post mcyt g/t stuff, but only stuff that’s a wip or has been in the works for a while. to anyone who has sent an ask recently: sorry, but i can’t take on making new stuff when my focus isn’t purely on mcyt rn. I will do my best to get to it eventually and if you’re one of the people who’s sent a story request or ask recently i truly, truly appreciate it. y’all make my day. but, yeah, that’s what’s going on with me lol

[buzzdixonwriter]

On Genres, Truths, and Tropes (part one)

Hey, remember that third novella I was going to do for my Chronicles of Q’a series?

Ain’t gonna happen.

There’s a reason why I’m pulling the plug -- and we’ll get to that -- but to get there I must first go elsewhere.

. . .

If you haven’t read my previous blog entry “Outta Da Ballpark” do so.

It’s a prerequisite for this.

I’ve noticed one thing about those novelists who write universally recognized and beloved masterpieces:

The more you write, the less likely you are to write something that stands the test of time.

Seriously.  Look at my list.

Hemingway has the best batting average:  1/3 of his books are top line A+ masterpieces.

Jane Austen comes in a close second with 1 out of 4.

Joseph Heller and Mary Shelly do respectably well with a 6 to 1 ratio.

But past that?  Even allowing many of the writers’ lesser works remain compelling reading with a lot of valid insights, it’s clear the more you write, the less likely you are to put anything really groundbreaking to paper.

Why this is so is open to interpretation, but clearly a few factors remain consistent among them.

First off, there’s not that many groundbreaking new insights to offer.

By this I don’t mean the topics are limited, but rather what each writer can bring to the table.

The more one writes, the more likely one is to fall back on topics and themes one’s visited before, undermining the impact of previous writing by repetition.

Second, you can’t summon up a masterpiece on command (at least not “masterpiece” in the modern sense of the term). 

It’s a matter of catching lightning in a bottle.  You can be in the right place at the right time…

…or you can be just a few inches or a few seconds too far away.

A lot of factors -- some of them external and beyond the writer’s control -- determine what does or doesn’t become a masterpiece.

The best a writer can do is to always swing for the fence by writing openly, honestly, and fearlessly about the things that matter to them.

Always be at the top of your game, and constantly hone your skill set.

. . .

Two things I noticed when compiling my sampler list of writers who wrote masterpieces:

There are few genre writers among them.

Writing for other media doesn’t seem to either hinder or help a novelist’s ability to write a masterpiece in that format.

The genre question has a fairly simple answer:  The few writers who write genuine masterpieces that transcend genre either do so at the start of a genre (in Mary Shelley’s case she virtually created the genre by penning Frankenstein and The Last Man, the first two novels that could be legitimately called science fiction) or to write a work that effectively ignores the genre it supposedly falls in (viz. Bradbury).

This is not a putdown of genre (any genre) but an acknowledgement that leaning into the strengths of a particular genre also require leaning into its weaknesses as well.

And the biggest weakness of all genres is that each contains various tropes that appeal to fans of that genre, and while one is allowed to turn those tropes on their ears occasionally, one must never utterly reject them.

The mystery must be solved, the romance must be consummated, the outlaws must be headed off at the pass, etc., etc., and of course, etc.

The challenge is writing honestly and fearlessly while confining yourself to genre boundaries.

Not an easy task.

Because of that, many writers undercut their stories -- their real stories -- by adhering to tropes and other genre conventions instead of letting the story tell itself the way it should be told.

The story -- the real story -- is never what the plot is about.

The real story is the true meaning behind the plot.

Genre won’t force you to betray your story.

Genre will preclude you from tackling a story.

The other media / format question is more complex:  Harlan Ellison once observed the great blessing of writing for television was that in three months one could easily earn enough to live comfortably for an entire year, enabling you to write whatever you wished during the other nine months.

I’ve said writers need to constantly hone their skill set and craft.

That can be done through any number of other media.

Short stories / comic books / movies / video games / stage plays.

All of them let you stretch and grow and experiment.

None of them are counted against you when you write a novel.

At worst it’s the slumming you needed to do in order to do the real work.

 © Buzz Dixon

[buckawoos]

Where you been, Buckawoos??

Howdy, y’all! Long time, no see! I sincerely apologize for falling off the face of the art community. I genuinely miss seeing everyone’s art across my feed as well as sharing it around. 💛

I haven’t put pen to tablet in several months now (Poor Shiro-4 collects dust like nobody’s business). My job is very physically demanding and the last thing I seem to want to do lately is try to draw much of anything. I’m also faced with an art block and just a general lack of want to create at the moment, though I’m convinced this is due in part to my current living situation. I’m working very hard to claw my way out of it, so I won’t divulge in those details.

There are a few things I want to go over real quick while I have a moment to write out this update! But I’ll try to put together a little TL;DR at the bottom, too!

General Life Update

Commissions, Ko-Fi, & Art Break

Where To Find Me

General Life Update

As far as I go, I’m doing well! I love what I do at me job a lot. It’s physically demanding and very hands-on, but it keeps me very active. I’ve become a lot more energized and find myself in a much more positive state of mind.

Unfortunately, because I am trying to get myself out of my current living situation, I’m working a lot and trying to scoop up hours where and when I can. This has made my presence online very scant bordering nonexistent. I’m sorry for falling out of contact with you guys, and I do very much miss you!

If all goes according to plan, by this time next year, I should be actively looking in to and applying for different living situations. Until then, I’ll most likely be very quiet across socials. When I do have a day off, the last place I want to be is home. 😅

Commissions, Ko-Fi, & Art Break

Art Break: As I talked about above, I’ve hit a block with my art, from writing to drawing, and everything in between. My muse to create was already waning before I landed this job, but now it seems to have dwindled into nothing. I have a want to draw some days, but it is largely overpowered by my chaotic surroundings. I’m just going to take a break, so there will not be any art from me for a while.

Commissions: I’m not sure if I’ve stated this somewhere, but I will not be taking art commissions in the future, when I do return to drawing. I’ve had multiple inquiries and I’m very flattered! However, my job does not allot me the required amount of time to work on owed pieces, and I also do not want to have to deal with filing freelance taxes. I’m so very sorry, though I do appreciate the interest!

Ko-Fi: I probably should have done this a while back, but with everything, it has slipped my mind; I am closing my Ko-Fi account. I recently received orders on some .PSDs and PayPal has decided that it’s going to be weird about these sudden orders. Once I have these things sorted out, I will be closing my Ko-Fi account. I just ask that nobody else please order from there! The support is wonderful, I just don’t have time to deal with PayPal. 💛

Where To Find Me

As Twitter seems a bust, I have no interest in returning to the platform. It’s been literal months since I’ve checked in, and with the way things are going with it at the moment, I’ve decided I’m not going to bother. So, where can you find me now? For the time being, here on Tumblr! More specifically? @proud-lathyrus! This is my personal Tumblr that receives some activity here and there. It is mostly games (and mostly RDR1/2), but it’s the only social media platform I check before and after work anymore.

If you’ve made it this far, congratulations! And thank you for taking the time to read. I’m sorry that it’s so much - I spent a lot of time trying to get the size of this post down. Let me know how you guys are doing, too! I’ve missed the heck outta y’all!! 🥰

I hope to get things settled down sooner rather than later, but I appreciate you guys for sticking around. 💛

TL;DR: Meeno’s job leaves them tired but they’re doing alright! They’re taking a break from art, will not be reopening commissions for the indefinite future, and will soon be shutting down their Ko-Fi. If you wanna follow Meeno for more than just art, head over to @proud-lathyrus! Why is this TL;DR in third person? Meeno doesn’t know. :D

[elytrafemme]

i’m gonna be real with you, i’ve saw like maybe two or three origins streams ;-; ooo, i would like to hear about them whenever if you’d like!! and if you don’t want them to to public or anything, you can always dm if you want to! gosh, i love headcanons, feel free to come to me and tell me about them anytime you wanna :D

poetry is so nice. i used to write poetry sometimes when i was in really bad moments of mental health stuff, so most of my poetry is really triggering probably. i totally understand you with feeling like characters are living and breathing people, i feel that so much. i had an oc who i adored some years ago and haven’t touched on her since those years ago. unfortunate, i miss her so much (her name is june btw). i miss writing, it’s one of the only things i’ve ever truly shared and created because i used to be good at it, but now i think i’ve lost a lot of that. the last thing i wrote was a short c!ranboo poem that i posted a few months ago (i think). and i completely get you, makes total sense. i think writing in that way is really nice

oh? that’s cool then! i don’t know if you remember, but someone asked you a bit ago what names you’d pick for cs!tubbo if his name wasn’t tubbo, and i can’t remember if that was on anon or not (i think it was, and that was me actually. so we have cs!tubbo and cs!ranboo, haha. mhm, i get you, but i wanted to! because the fic is genuinely so fucking incredible and i wanted to add to the lovely community for it, but turns out it was a guy in my brain. i haven’t seen her in a while…. she’s incredibly mentally ill so she’s weary of being around. but if i see them anytime soon, i’ll let him know you said that. i’m sure they would appreciate that. oh no, she’s fine with it. one of the names he goes by actually is mare, because of you, so i’m very positive they’re comfortable with being associated with you and everything? also please let me know if her using a name of yours makes you uncomfortable, he wouldn’t like to make you uncomfortable :]

HELLO I AM SO SORRY I AM REPLYING SO LATE hope you are well <3

i don't have all the energy atm to explain my full headcanons but basically i had a fic AU set in a modern, non-fantastical universe where the osmp cast lived in this smaller quaint town and eventually o!Ranboo left to move into the city after a natural disaster event happened in the other town and caused her some trauma. her relationships are generally strained but are better with some people than others but inevitably she is able to find her way home. there's more to it than that but that was my idea hehe

poetry is so so so fucking healing seriously, and honestly like! any kind of writing is so important to keep regardless of whether it fits on this metric of "good/bad", like. it's coming from the heart and your experiences and these characters that you connect to (june sounds lovely by the way, <3) and that's what's most important. i've had to give myself a lot of grace with cough syrup about whether or not i was writing it perfectly because, yeah, the first couple of chapters are objectively on the shittier end compared to the rest of the fic. but what matters is that it conveyed what i wanted it to, and it gave me a way to spend that summer, and it meant a lot to me.

i hope this isn't uncomfortable to say but the fact that your csranboo uses the name mare because of me makes me like, tear up a little. and yes, i remember that anon! i find it so interesting how many people have asked me about alternate names i'd give the characters for purposes of fictives because to be entirely honest i am so ungodly shitty with names that every time i flounder LMAO, but it's very sweet that people ask me haha . also tell your cstubbo i say hello as well , there are many brain guys in this community too and i think that's realy neat honestly

[a-bees-word-vomit]

being my mother’s daughter has always been my worst fear / i always fear that i am nothing more than a product of her / a burden of imaginations & unprotected sex.

i, in myself, am an act of defiance / against G-d, against my grandparents, against my life / i call to poetry as a memoir of blurry images of fast paced “action” against me.

but i never fully explain myself / i never get to finish my sentences / i am erratic & psychotic & mentally ill / i am a troubled teen ravaged by drug use & intergenerational trauma.

every single time i see my grandfather at the thrift store i work at— he stops by every day, my coworkers know him as simply “randy”— i wonder if this was, in part, his fault / randy has always been seen as weird by the family, and, especially, outside of it / i don’t know what happened to my mother, but i do know what happened to me because of her.

i was raped by my mother & mysterious men from the ages of baby(toddler?) to 9 / i was heavily neglected from birth to 14 / no one ever did anything.

it seems that everyone knew something at some point in time / one thing that is notorious in my family’s history is my mother’s fake suicide attempts & cheating / i don’t know about my mom’s side, as they don’t speak to me, but i know my dad’s side knows this all too well.

[according to my grandma] one day, my dad came home from work and came downstairs / he was very pale and looked as if he was crying / all he saw was a note, a turned off phone, and neither his wife nor two children were found / my mom had taken us to a DV shelter, claiming that my dad abused her.

my grandma recalls how happy we were to be with our dad / how the lights in our eyes started to shine a little brighter / until they got back together.

this happened a lot / nothing really happened of it / they haven’t gotten divorced, and my only real solace is that they’re separated.

i was 13 when i reported my mother for sexual abuse / at least, mainly sexual abuse / it was during COVID, so i guess the system was even worse than it usually is / my case went for months without any investigations & without any treatment for me.

what they did, was send me back to my parent’s house / right into the belly of the beast / my mom, after finding out i reported her, tried to kill herself / i found her journal she deliberately left at the house she & my dad were at / and i remember calling my grandma, crying.

it felt like my fault / everything i had ever went through i should’ve shut up about / to this day, i don’t know if i should’ve said anything / but, i think if i didn’t, i wouldn’t be alive.

my mother proudly plastered the illnesses she caused to me as a trophy / i felt so helpless / genuinely believing i was paralyzed a few times from the lack of energy i contained in my body / she took everything from me.

my innocence / my virginity / my sobriety / my ability to live a normal life / my secure attachment style / everything i could’ve had.

and every time i talk about my story / i do wonder if people even believe me / because lesbian rape is absurd / how does a woman rape a little girl? / that doesn’t seem logistical.

it’s why i fear every time i sleep with someone that i am abusing them in some way / that the fact i am knowledgeable about consent & sex now / somehow paints me as a liar.

“little white lies” destroy me sometimes / the concept that i can get trapped in a web of lies that i created / the fact that i can be my own demise.

after my suicide attempts / i acknowledge that i can’t be my own demise / because i will be my mother’s daughter.

[everygame]

Dig Dug II (NES)

Developed/Published by: Namco Released: 18/04/1986 Completed: 22/11/2023 Completion: Finished all 72 levels. Version Played: Namco Museum Archives Vol. 2 Trophies / Achievements: n/a 

I don’t like Dig Dug. I don’t like Dig Dug so much that I have written about it twice and not bothered to really give it more than a sentence either time.

Dig Dug 2, however… is interesting.

It’s not good, let’s get that out of the way first of all. But let’s dig into what it is (pun genuinely not intended). 

Originally released in arcades in 1985, I had access to the later NES/Famicom version, which may have some differences that I haven’t bothered to research. It probably speaks to the incredible success of the Famicom that this was ported, because by all accounts the arcade release was a failure, so they really were shoving anything out as quickly as they could (see: Pac-Land, unfortunately.) 

Dig Dug II is… roughly a twist on the play of the original, where if you don’t remember, you dig around underground in a 2D side-on fashion, trying to horrifically murder underground monsters by pumping them full of air (seriously, what a fucked up way to kill anyone) or, if they’re lucky, drop a rock on their head (much quicker.) In Dig Dug II, you instead view things on an island from a 2D overhead fashion, and try to murder the monsters by, well, still pumping them full of air. But the twist is now rather than digging your way around you can also drill at pre-determined points that create little fault-lines in the direction you’re facing that serve two purposes: they stop the enemies from crossing them, and secondly, if you connect fault-lines so they cut off a part of the island you’re on, it falls into the sea.

This is not a horrible design! You can sort of see how it’s related to Dig Dug, but rather than that game’s free-form digging, it adds an almost Qix-esque ability to saw off large parts of the island to defeat enemies, but only within the designated level designs, an excellent constraint.

Unfortunately… the level designs fumble this completely? This should be essentially a puzzle game game about looking at a level and working out how to efficiently sink it, but it’s not that at all. Maybe there are speed-runners and geniuses that can do it more often than not, but many if not most levels are not designed for you to corral enemies and sink them and end up, instead, frantic attempts to survive as you’re chased around by the enemies, which is honestly a bit too much like the original Dig Dug for my tastes (yes, I know this is Dig Dug II. You don’t have to remind me.)

Most levels I ended up abusing the enemies’ rather poor AI. As they can’t cross fault-lines and can get confused on how to navigate to you (at least on the Famicom) beelining to the nearest drill-point, drawing a cross of fault-lines and just dancing around from one side of the cross to the other while pumping enemies to death was generally the best tactic; indeed, even if you could maybe cause a bit of island to drop off, it was usually quicker and safer to ignore that option and quickly kill enemies (though if you’re going for a high score, it’s not optimal.)

This is a real “close but no cigar” video game, where everyone involved almost created a really cool video game but were stymied by either not knowing how to create levels to better suit what the design was informing what they should do or simply too trapped in the old mindset to push forward. Ah well.

Will I ever play it again? I’ve rinsed this. I was disappointed by how repetitive the Dig Dug Theater animations were for 72 levels!

Final Thought: It is unbelievably weird that they made an online MMORPG version of this in 2008. Support Every Game I’ve Finished on ko-fi! You can pick up a digital copy of exp. 2600, a zine featuring all-exclusive writing at my shop, or join as a supporter at just $1 a month and get articles like this a week early.

[humansun]

caffeine ... why are you here

Written Friday, August 4th, 2023 at 8:26PM

The reason why it’s important to do morning pages and not evening pages is because that is when you are guaranteed enough energy to write. Whereas in the evening, you might not be able to execute that promise to yourself because you’re too sleepy or you don’t have enough time to squeeze in another task. Plus, it takes more energy at night to write when you maybe should be reading and settling down from the day.

Regardless, it doesn’t matter completely as long as you get to write and you find out what times work best for you and your schedule. There have been a million things on my mind that I will bullet point list below:

Being 25 is a wild, unexpected ride full of ups and downs

Learning to not let my emotions control me is a power move, but I’m also thinking about how much I can validate those feelings and allow them to exist

What parts of being logical become financial guru / masculinity / bro mentality?

Having people in your life that are constantly learning is an endless win

I really miss Ravenn and Mai and all my long distance friends like Sha too

Late night crying when no one knows is like, a different level of sadness. 

Tomorrow is a big day not for me but like still a big day

Realizing transformative thoughts and uplifting myself to create change is cool

It’s interesting how we use judgements and negativity to fill in uncertainty about people or just things in general

I miss being bored because lately there has been a million and one things to do

There is a level of being overwhelmed in my life at the moment

Sleep is missed and 5am workouts are also missed

Everyone is my family. Literally

Good thing my bridesmaid dress covers up so much of my body so no one can peep my very, very dry skin

Babies are babies and babies are babies and babies are babies

Thank god for white noise in a world of endless stimuli

Being overwhelmed is real

Is it the caffeine? Probably

What I want the most right now is SLEEP

Vitacane takes EBT aka gamechanger

Relationships can be filled with tumult. 

Why is everything going to be okay? Because I’m stronger than I look and feel. And I started.

Anything having to do with resistance will usually have growth succeeding it

My sister is a wonderful human being

Mom.

I really want grandma to go to the wedding tomorrow tee bee aych

We are all complex, hypocritical, flawed people as much as any celebrity is, we just don’t have it on blast aka what Julie said

Identifying my favorite movie at any given moment is difficult

Writing a speech for a bride and groom is difficult

I really, effing, love my friends

I am hoping to transform and change as much as I can within the next 6 months and the rest of my life really

I genuinely believe that I am capable of changing my dad’s side of the family and even if I don’t, I know I’ll make even an inch of a difference. Hopefully that doesn’t entail too much imposing on other people lol

I wonder if the people I find problematic find themselves problematic

I haven’t responded to a lot of people (personal contacts) and a lot of people (professional contacts) - Yikes!

There’s a lot happening. In life, in my brain, it’s been two days that I’ve been having back to back caffeine sessions which is not good, but it’s life right now. My diet is going well because I’m learning that eating out is not life and it’s not my forever. 

I learned that I’m going to be okay. I learn that everyday.

[kiwinatorwaffles]

ok it’s time for super england lore

ANYWAY. SO. you may be asking, what the hell is super england? or maybe you aren’t and that’s ok, but i’m gonna answer anyway.

DISCLAIMER BEFORE I START ANYTHING: this is in no way slandering england. this is a parody and exaggeration, and does not intend to reflect anything there that’s real and genuine.

now, to put in the most simplest, barebone terms, it’s an inside joke i made with my friend sky (@skyspersonalhell) about evil x’s home dimension before he arrived on hermitcraft where his original location was like england, but even more english— thus the name “super england.”

sky requested me to put in the super england flag that they made, so here it is:

now the rest is going to take a lot of explanation of like… nearly six months worth of shitpost headcanons that have piled on and connected with each other, so here are a few things that i need to preface before we can get to Super England.

x and ex are created by the void gods, which are ocs me and sky created. these three gods manage the void and server hopping, so they can access any world there is out there. (they are also featured in this fanfic that i wrote, even though i haven’t drawn them formal refs yet. it’s a nice little oneshot comedy, so you can give that a read if you’d like)

ex is the newest creation of the void gods, with x being the eldest and another individual being the middle child. however, due to the failure of the middle child becoming a normal fucking person, the void gods decided to just send ex off to super england so he can be raised by someone else other than them.

unfortunately for ex, super england is probably worse than hell. everyone there is a goddamn dick to say the least, and that is what ultimately structured evil x to be a gremlin asshole as well. you know how my ex design has little scars around his mouth? yeah. that’s because some kids put rocks in his mashed potatoes and he ate it before his sharp teeth were fully developed.

ex literally has nightmares of super england. the shit that bozo Jeff The Minion Ass (canon version not my headcanons) comes up could never top whatever the hell ex had to eat in super england to make him consider yellow dye a delicacy

now, here are two images of Real Things that are in super england

image 1: toast on beans. image 2: the bethesda bus.

some other super england facts include:

there is only One tree in the entire city, due to the fact that there is only One dirt block to grow it on.

there are no stars there. the light pollution is So Bad

nobody can swim there. there is not a single pool there because there is no water

the government is made up of hundreds of clones of boris johnson

the creepers there are pink, thus why ex has a pink creeper plush

the only good thing about super england is that they teach magic at school, which was why ex was able to pull off all that dinky lightning mind control bullshit on episode 350. however, after living on hermitcraft for many years, ex ended up forgetting a lot of really useful magic that would definitely give him leverage over the hermits because he’s out of practice

anyway i hope i was able to do 5 months of inside jokes justice with this masterpost. if not sky is allowed to physically remove me from this app

[cinnamonest]

I am loving all these "Bitter Albedo getting revenge and doing as he wants with the reader"— but also, equally as bitter Creator! Reader growing resentful towards Albedo and wanting to do to him what he's done to her, or even _worse_. Anything to take him out of her life, so she half bakes a plan to "finetune" later, first starting off by building up some trust to get on Albedo's good side, she "gives in", plays nice and gets to work on alchemy with him.

She follows this routine, playing the loving glorified "housepet". But all the while, she's been fine-tuning her escape plan. It would either put him in an equal disadvantage to him, or it might kill her. At this point, either outcome would be mercy. She tells him there's still things from the Art of Khemia she hadn't taught him.

Things she'd learned in her travels while experimenting, not long after they'd gone their separate ways.

It starts out with gathering ingredients for tamer recipes, and just like she'd promised

New techniques, new creations and new knowledge was gained.

She makes him believe that she's adapting to his existence, maybe even tolerating him, but he didn't expect for her to only grow more and more bitter as time went on. The only thing growing in her heart was the resentment she harbored for him, any sort of admiration or genuine adoration she held for her creation all but crushed. She wanted nothing of him ever again, he had gone too far, miscalculated even, in his theory that reluctant "love" would follow his treatment.

Over the course of a few weeks, she has him carefully wrapped around his finger, unknown to him that she would show him just how much mercy she showed him when she sent him his own separate way. He was suspicious at first, of course, but in his moment of weakness, in his need for the approval she had been "showering" him in, he pushes the thoughts aside when he sees that her claims seem to be "valid enough".

He follows her instructions, and each time he gains new information on old, or even lost, techniques. Raging from little things she'd kept to herself so that he wouldn't have to interact with him when they worked together, To combinations only a mad woman who's challenged nature would dare think up.

and one day, she's telling him that she thinks he's ready to try the last thing she had managed to research on her own. He mixes the ingredients according to her instructions, everything seems to be going fine until he adds the last thing— and it's immediately reacted in a messy blast.

Albedo finds himself blinded by the fallout, as well as finding a surprising lack of digits on where his hands should be. His ears are ringing, obviously, such a blast would deafen anyone.

It's the creator's way of getting her own vengeance for the position he's put her in, at least this way, maybe, _maybe_, she can have a chance to finally put her failed created behind her. After all, he was always her most _disappointing_ creation.

AHHHHHH anon that took me aback at the last bit I was not expecting that. Poor little thing, how could master be so cruel...?

After the obvious resulting chaos (and agony), he'd be quiet for a long time. He ties you to the bed with what's left of his hands, having to use his mouth to tie the knot, and... leaves. Usually he's good about leaving you food when he goes out for the day, but not this time. He doesn't say a word as he leaves, even if you call out to him.

And he's gone for several days. You're starving, but even when he comes back, he doesn't say a word at first. Doesn't acknowledge your presence, no matter how many times you call out to him. It goes on like that for hours until eventually, without prompting, after you've given up calling for him, he just simply states a few thoughts.

He was... too kind. He understands that now. You didn't deserve it. You didn't appreciate it properly. So now, you will earn your way back to the way things were.

For starters, he takes the legs off at the scar. No real reason other than to hurt you. To see your horror when you fully wake up, pain, having to adjust. He pulls the same shit where he makes you beg for anesthetic and painkiller, but it's infinitely more painful this time. He keeps you just a little bit awake for the whole thing, even if you beg enough to be given some anesthetic during the procedure.

And after that, he stops talking to you. For good.

He himself is learning to adjust, having been given a prosthetics for fingers (literally Fullmetal Alchemist lmao) that he can make do with. You can learn how to adjust, too. Having *no* legs is actually different than just having numb ones, and learning to live without them is harder than you thought it would be -- your center of gravity and sense of balance changes, you have to avoid certain positions or risk a sharp shooting pain, etc. But even when you stumble and fall, and call out for help... nothing happens. You have to fix it on your own, or, if stuck too far to move, wait until he comes by up to hours later and silently sets you upright. If you call out in what sounds like high distress, he might come running over to make sure you're not in immediate danger, but after looking you up and down and ascertaining you're just uncomfortable and/or stuck, he slowly turns back, deciding he'll help you when he feels like it later.

You don't eat together anymore. He feeds you in a bowl on the ground. The first time, you turn your nose up and fold your arms in disgust... even though you haven't eaten the entire time he was gone. You're just that stubborn. No matter. Eventually, you cave, maybe the second day, maybe the third or fourth. He doesn't say anything the whole time, just takes the food when you make it clear you won't eat it, and puts it out each night, until you give in.

You sleep on the floor. Chained by the neck to the bedpost. You understand the message without needing to be asked out loud. You hated him so much, didn't you? You'd much rather be on the cold, hard floor than in bed, since he's in it, wouldn't you? Since you hate him so much?

And still, he doesn't talk. Somehow, that hurts the most. He was never very talkative, but he'd comment every now and then, ask you for your thoughts on something, but he now acts like you're not even there. No matter how many times you call out to him, he acts like he doesn't hear it.

It goes on like that for a month or so until you finally break down. Latch onto his leg and sob and plead. You feel like you're going insane, you say. You just want him to acknowledge you exist again.

...But why should he, he asks? It's the first thing he's said to you since the leg removal. He won't turn his head or eyes to look at you. What does he get from talking to you? You were so mean. For the few months leading up to the incident, you were so, so, so mean. He tried to be nice and get you adjusted, and you fought him every step (well... not that you were taking many literal steps) of the way. Remember? You were mean from the moment you woke up then. And then, when you were finally nice -- when he trusted you -- you went and did what you did. What reason does he have to acknowledge you? You'll either be mean to him or plot against him again. And that's all he's willing to say.

A few more weeks. A few more breakdowns. You know the intention -- he wants to truly, completely break you in a way that he never could when he was showing you any kindness. And, you hate it, but it's working. You find yourself begging. Sobbing. Rocking back and forth and clinging to his legs. Utterly pathetic, pitiful, humiliating displays of neediness and weakness. It breaks you down until he finally deems you complete, and one day finally makes eye contact with you for the first time in months.

There's not much left of "you" per se, though. The nasty attitude you had back before is almost completely gone. You're finally happy when he talks to you -- something that, after so many months of going insane from silence, you consider a privilege. After so many breakdowns and humiliation, you don't have much pride left to get in the way of begging, no shame about anything you do. It's perfect.

Not that it doesn't come back, sometimes. Sometimes, when you're having good days, you get a bit too comfortable, you forget what a privilege it is to be like this together, and you almost get mean again. But it's fairly easy to shut down with a very specific look that shuts you up immediately.

Oh, and he finds a way to fix himself, in the end. Being an artificial creation, he has a different compositional makeup than a person, so there are... ways to adjust and repair the body he has. In fact, he might even find one that would work on even an organic human, a miracle regenerative formula.

Not that he'd give it to you. But he makes sure to tell you all about it, showing off just how perfectly it regenerated his hands... just to see the look on your face.

[thefanficmonster]

Stranger In The Crowd

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having recently ended the process of moving, Y/N is rightfully very tired but also very excited for the new chapter of her life. Funnily enough, this new chapter includes a newly formed long distance friendship/crush with a very special person from San Diego.

Requested by @boiled-onionrings Hi darling! Thank you so much for your wonderful request and I’m really sorry you’ve had to wait so long for it to be posted but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

I let out a heavy sigh, relieved to finally be at home after such a long day of standing around in the Georgia heat with only a thin layer of fabric to protect my eyes and head from the scorching sun. Yeah, anyone who says that tent did well at protecting everyone under it today is nothing but a liar. I was in a short, strapless white summer dress, the fabric of which barely had any weight and consistency to provide heat of its own yet I still damn near melted. Ok, I’ll admit, some of the roasting heat probably came from the energy and force I put into singing the songs of my band’s new album ‘Starting At The End’. 

The mini concert we held in this large open field was meant as an introduction to the city of Savannah where all the band members - myself included - are actually from but we all moved to the West Coast to pursue our music career. And now that we’ve grown, and the majority of us are married, one of us is a father now as well, we’ve decided to return to our hometown. The decision was so spontaneous and was executed so quickly due to no one objecting to it that it still hasn’t me that I’m no longer in LA. The heat isn’t helping my ‘processing’ process but I’ll get to it eventually. Do I miss LA though? Not sure I do - I think I more miss the people I was closer to while I was there.

Suddenly, as if perfectly timed, my phone dings, notifying me that I’ve received a message. I don’t have to look to know it’s from - there’s only one person I actively text and his name is....

C ~ Your virtual buddy Corpse here, making sure you didn’t die of a heatstroke today. If you did indeed survive, just reply to this message, if not....don’t do anything, I guess.

I can’t help but giggle at the sight of the message. I promised Corpse I’d text him after the concert to let him know I was ok, but the even dragged out for longer than anticipated so I’m guessing he got worried.

How cute.

Me ~ Alive and well, but I do feel like a popped tire of an overloaded truck. Hope that’s a visually appealing description

Corpse and I met on the charity livestream Jacksepticeye organized and invited our band to so we could play Among Us with some of the best gamers and streamers on the internet. It was a huge honor and a ton of fun, definitely an event I’d like to repeat in the near future because I had such a good time and I know all my bandmates did too. We all got acquainted and even became official friends with the gamers that were practically our hosts, Corpse becoming the closest friends I’d earn. That livestream happened months ago and we still text just as consistently.

C ~ Oh I know EXACTLY what you mean. Anyway, as to not exhaust you further to force you into typing, how about you send me pictures to sum up your thoughts and emotions and plans for the evening

This is OUR THING trademark, mine and Corpse’s and no one can take it away from us. It’s a significant element of our friendship that enables us both to understand one another when one of us feels the way I described in my message - a popped tire or a deflated balloon. I’m usually the exhausted one - blame the many shows we do and the many meet-and-greets we organize for our lovely fans. It’s the type of exhaustion none of the band members mind at all, but we definitely need some time to recover from it.

As I go to sit down on my couch, the flower crown I’ve been wearing slips off the top of my head, falling on the floor, creating a soft noise that attracts the attention of one of my many cats - Sasha. She’s the youngest and most curious kitty in the family, always protected by the other four - Luna, Cassie, Silver and Lynn. Those four are far lazier and a lot more disinterested in comparison to Sasha who immediately runs over to see what’s fallen.

I smile to myself, taking the flower crown and undoing it to lessen it by a few stems to make it smaller, all the while being watched by the curious Sasha whose interest is rewarded in the end when I put the now adorably tiny flower crown on her head.

While she still hasn’t shaken the thing off I manage to snap a pic which I send to Corpse who opens it mere seconds after it was delivered. 

C ~ Sasha’s pulling off your aesthetic better than you. Sorry, someone had to let you know

I burst out laughing for two reasons - 1.The message itself, damn it! It’s hilarious; 2. Corpse has learnt the name of each one of my cats and never mixes them up - not even Luna and Lynn who look almost identical. That amount of attention to detail is astonishing and very meaningful to me, it genuinely warms my heart and that may or may not be dramatic but it’s definitely not exaggerated.

Me ~ You think I haven’t caught on yet? 

C ~ Well, if it makes you feel any better you pull off my aesthetic better than I do

He’s referring to the e-girl look I did for one show the band had in downtown LA one night. I was drunk and looking forward to trying new things so I improvised the hell out of my outfit but I apparently looked presentable enough to leave a good impression on Corpse despite the pic I sent him being a bit blurry and being a mirror selfie in the bathroom of the very bar we were performing in. It goes without saying that the mirror was dirty too - had a bunch of writing on it which Corpse said only added to the aesthetic. Looking back on it now I kinda agree, and luckily so did the fans in the comments of that same photo when I posted it on Instagram.

Me ~ Means a lot actually. Nowhere near enough to aid the burn of having a cat pull off cottagecore better than I do, but still helps XD

As if sensing that we’re talking about her, Sasha hops on the couch, poking her head over my phone to look down at the screen.

Now this is gonna be golden.

I take a selfie with my phone in my lap, the camera capturing both me and Sasha at a rather unflattering angle which has me losing my mind laughing when I send the picture to Corpse who immediately sends back a string of cry-laughing emojis.

C ~ I can’t tell which one of you is cuter

Me ~ If that was a compliment, I gotta say I appreciate it greatly

C ~ Just telling the truth ;)

It’s times like these that the butterflies in my stomach remind me just why I’ve started catching feelings for this man despite all the distance between us and despite barely knowing him - he knows me more than I know him but I don’t mind it, oddly enough.

I’m fond of our connection and though I sometimes dream of something more, I’m also content with what we already have considering that ‘something more’ seems rather unattainable as of now.

My phone dings again, clearing the fog of thoughts and presenting me with a new message from Corpse.

C ~ Oh, by the way, look what I got....

That message is followed up by a picture of a ticket. A plane ticket to Georgia! 

While I’m still busy stomaching this and dealing with my quickly rising excitement, he sends another message.

C ~ I hope to catch a The Silver Rays concert while I’m there. Heard they had an adorable frontwoman ;)

My breath catches in my throat as a wide grin spreads across my face. The thought of having Corpse so close to me sends those aforementioned butterflies in my stomach into a raving mood and they practically explode my insides with excitement and joy like I’ve never felt it before. I can’t wrap my brain around the fact that we’re about to go from having an entire country between us, to being just some ways away - him in the audience and me on stage without a single clue of who to look for. That’s part of the excitement though, I guess, part of the guessing game that’s gonna make our meeting all the more interesting.

He’ll be a stranger in the crowd and I’ll be a performer on a stage - seemingly two people who have no relation whatsoever. But damn does it go beyond that: No one has to know how hard I’m falling for that stranger in the crowd.

Me ~ I’ve heard so too, can’t confirm it though

If this is gonna be a guessing game, I’ll flip the tables a bit - I won’t take any guesses. I’ll let the answer come to me. I’ll give the first move over to the stranger in the crowd, let’s see what he does.

C ~ I’ll check and let you know, don’t worry

Not worried whatsoever, Corpsie. I’m not worried at all.

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[rivalsforlife]

Phoenix Wright: The Truth Reborn: Oh No We’re Doing This Again

hi.

Nearly two months ago, I wrote an essay summarizing and making very wild conclusions about the second Takarazuka Musical. I did this about two and a half years after watching the first Takarazuka musical. As such I did not have the full context for many things from the musical and was relying mostly on my memory, which blocked many things from this musical for my own safety. However, just this week, I decided to rewatch it, because I enjoy tormenting myself. I said I wouldn’t write anything on it. Here I am writing something on it.

Here’s the youtube thumbnail so that you know what you’re getting yourself into. And here, of course, is the link. This is the HD version which may be slightly more pleasant to watch. Maybe.

It was not quite as cringe in a funny way as the second musical to me, and therefore this essay may be less funny, but I feel like I’m doing a disservice to people by providing a summary of the second musical while completely neglecting the first. Quite possibly doing this is even more of a disservice. I just eagerly await the day that the third musical is translated because *that* will be the day that I finally shuffle off this mortal coil. Either way, I want to write this stuff down so that I never have to watch the musical again out of curiosity.

The following essay will contain major spoilers for both the first and second Phoenix Wright Takarazuka musicals, as I will be using many points from this musical to argue my thesis of the second musical. ... like you were going to watch them anyways. 

This one broke 8k. I’m dead inside.

Introducing The Director

Again another disclaimer that I don’t have anything against the actresses or the theatre troupe. I DO have something against Suzuki Kei, who I recently learned is the writer and director of all three of the Ace Attorney Takarazuka musicals, and is quite possibly my mortal nemesis.

This man is the one who brought this monstrosity into the world.

This man, allegedly, cleared the first four ace attorney games *seven times* before sitting down to write these musicals. He played these goddamn games seven times and did not take in a single word. The man clicked through them mindlessly while watching a badly written legal romance drama in the background and got them completely confused. I genuinely have no idea how this man could have played these games more times than even me and yet managed to get so many characters (MAYA!!!!) completely and utterly wrong. This haunts me every day, truly.

This man played Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Justice for All, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Trials and Tribulations, and Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney seven times. SEVEN TIMES EACH!! and was told to create a musical based on the series. He played these games seven times each and you know what he said?? You know what he said?? ��This sucks, I’m getting rid of all of Phoenix’s backstory, butchering half the characters, and writing Phoenix/Lana fanfiction, but also rewriting all of Lana’s backstory so that she was Phoenix’s childhood friend, and you know what, I’m changing her name for good measure.”

I think this man played the games seven times each and then hated it so much and was so sick of it he tried to write something that destroyed as much of the series as possible while still being vaguely recognizable. And then somehow it became a massive hit because people like me see this and go “what the actual hell” and watch it, or people who haven’t played the games see this and go “wow what a great musical!” and then he wrote TWO MORE, destroying EVEN MORE every time in his wake, until finally, finally, he stopped after making Edgeworth straight and time traveling into the past to face off against a corrupt Gregory. I guess that was the last straw.

I have to issue a disclaimer here that for legal reasons this is a joke. I don’t actually hate this man and would not punch him in the face if I met him because that would be rude, and he is entitled to his wrong interpretation of the games. I don’t know what his thought process was. But allegedly he did play the games seven times according to the wiki. This whole essay here is satire and not slander and I don’t want to offend this guy if he somehow stumbles across my nonsense tumblr post. At the same time: Suzuki Kei blink twice if you need help.

Anyways half the reason that I’m making this essay is because I want to share my fake ao3 page for this musical. The other half will become apparent later.

Sorry if that’s illegible because of tumblr quality it’s not really important. All you really need to know is that it’s a fake ao3 screenshot for the musical. Also in the author’s note I said he played the games four times but it was actually seven I just remembered wrong because I didn’t want to believe it.

at this point you may be like “Grace shut up and get to the actual musical” and okay, fine, let’s start this nonsense. Also note that I may be referencing things from my essay on the second musical very frequently; I’m not going to force you to go read that though because the fact that you’re reading this is enough of a torment already.

The Musical Begins

Unlike the second musical, this one opens with some narration from Phoenix.

Transcript:

Phoenix: I’m reviewing a particular case at the moment. To me, this case... is one I’ll never forget.

Immediately I think this is important because it establishes that this whole musical takes place in a flashback that Phoenix is reflecting on. Why is this important? Because we know, by the time of the second musical which takes place three years later, Leona is dead.

Knowing that Leona is inherently doomed to die of her Sad Woman Disease paints this whole musical in a different light. It’s not Phoenix reflecting on how he got back together with his lover; it’s Phoenix dwelling on their past together, and the opportunities they had, before her life was so cruelly and inexplicably taken away. We don’t know if Phoenix’s reminiscing takes place before or after Leona’s death... but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was after.

Phoenix, still in the present, starts to sing. “A wave appears on the horizon like a mirage, it trembles, then vanishes. Your voice, carried upon the waves, fades upon the shore, erasing the splendor of the past.”

This line actually shows up in the second musical, sung by Lucia about her imprisoned fiance quite possibly. It’s kind of hard to tell what the meaning of these songs even are. They’re too abstract for me I think. But this line appears very frequently in the first musical when Phoenix is thinking about Leona.

Then we enter the flashback time.

Phoenix inexplicably yells at a newspaper saleswoman. This is not relevant to anything whatsoever. Then Larry barges in to the office, looking for Maya. Phoenix describes him as “A real trouble maker, but you just can’t hate the guy”, the latter part of which I think many people would disagree with. 

Well, afterwards, Maya comes in. Phoenix describes her like this while making exaggerated “can you believe this shit” gestures.

Transcript:

Phoenix: She’s as ditzy as they come. Oh, and about the outfit... Apparently she comes from a family of spirit mediums. Try not to make fun of her, okay?

Suzuki Kei personally has it out for Maya and I can never forgive him for it. Maya in these musicals is here for pure comedic relief but it’s not even comedic because I just get so angry. How can you play the trilogy seven times and think this about her?? The girl who figured out DL-6?? The girl who told Phoenix to sacrifice her life in order to find the truth?? The girl who put on a brave smile in order to try and cheer up her younger cousin even after she saw her own mother murdered right in front of her eyes?? That Maya Fey?? Ditzy as they come??????

Ugh. Moving on.

Maya and Larry run off, leaving Phoenix to watch the American Broadcast.

Important things to note here are the Godot mug, the little line up of what I think are the messed up little ace attorney figurines beneath the screen, and the fact that while this broadcast is supposedly from and to America the screen is actually not at all showing America. Like literally almost everywhere in the world except North and South America.

The broadcast says that Leona Clyde, age 24, was arrested for murdering the senator Robert Cole! Leona Clyde -- that’s Phoenix’s ex-girlfriend! He runs off to the detention center.

She is not happy to see him.

Leona: Mr. Wright... I’m not the woman you once knew.

Let’s Play A Matching Game

Sorry for the abundance of screenshots that are going to be throughout this section. Phoenix convinces Leona to let him defend her. Some of the conversation seems... familiar.

Leona: No one would defend someone who admits to killing a senator. I’m waiting for a court-appointed attorney.

Edgeworth: Every defense attorney I’ve talked to has turned me down.

Phoenix: In that case, let me defend you.

Game Phoenix: Let me defend you.

Leona: Don’t be ridiculous!

Edgeworth: Don’t be ridiculous.

Phoenix: I’ll never accept that you’re a murderer. Let me prove your innocence!

Game Phoenix: Huh? Isn’t it obvious? I’m going to prove that Miles Edgeworth is innocent.

Leona: I’ve already confessed my guilt.

Gumshoe: He confessed that he did it! In court!

Leona: It’s foolish to think you can win this case.

Edgeworth: My case is near hopeless, Wright.

Leona: (in response to phoenix offering to defend her) No you won’t! Don’t ever come here again.

Edgeworth: Look, just go away, and leave me alone!

Phoenix: You of all people should know. Once I decide to do something, I see it through to the end.

Edgeworth: Once you start on something, you always see it through, don’t you?

Leona: I never thought that you’d be representing me.

Phoenix: Ah, who could have guessed this day would come?

Edgeworth: Not me.

Phoenix: You believed in me. You saved me. And this time, I swear... I swear I’ll save you!

Game Phoenix: Edgeworth believed in me, and I believe in him. I’m the only one who knows the real Edgeworth. I’m the only one who can help him.

I could’ve done a few more, but tumblr is already threatening to murder my laptop.

So long story short, Phoenix manages to convince his lover to let him be the defense on the case. Then immediately after swearing to save Leona, he starts singing a song, which I’m not screencapping because this is enough:

“As long as there are people in this world, there’s only one path I will follow! As long as there is love in this world, there’s only one path I will believe in!”

Edgeworth sings this in the second musical after saying that he returned to California because of Phoenix. Phoenix sings it now after swearing to defend Leona. You draw your own conclusions.

And then we finally get the opening credits. Eleven minutes in.

Just Pretend This Is Narumitsu Fanfiction

Following the credits, we see a beautiful beach. Couples (exclusively heterosexual, of course,) dance and embrace in the background for some time, before revealing Phoenix and Leona, in the Even Further Past, before the LSATs or whatever the ace attorney universe’s excuse for law school exams are.

Phoenix establishes his absolute hatred of change, an important characterization moment.

Phoenix: The view here never changes, huh?

Phoenix reminisces on when they were kids. Leona’s parents were both lawyers (they’re both lawyers) and sometimes they would be like lawyers with her when she was a kid. This inspired her to also become a lawyer after their tragic death of Sickness. They never specify what the sickness is that caused two people who must be relatively young to die while Leona was in her early twenties at the latest. It may be whatever sickness claimed Leona’s life later. Sad Woman Disease. (Sad Man Disease for her father, I guess?)

Phoenix also talks about why he’s becoming a lawyer.

Phoenix: Watching you chase your dream inspired me to become a lawyer too.

So, it’s not “my childhood friend looked sad in a newspaper” because I guess that makes no sense or is too gay or something. But this is another important piece of Phoenix characterization. His entire life so far has been focused around Leona. They’ve been friends since they were kids, and then Phoenix decided to become a lawyer solely because Leona was becoming a lawyer. Not even to try and get back into contact with her after she moved away or anything; just because he’s so obsessed with her that he wants to have the same career as her, then they can run a Mom & Pop Law Firm or something, years in the future, after years of happy marriage and a few children or like whatever the hell.

Well, there’s a few steps they’ll need to get to that. At this point Phoenix still hasn’t confessed his feelings for Leona. He does so here, on this beach.

Leona tries to protest.

Leona: But I’m pushy, selfish, and only care about my goals... You’d get fed up with me.

Phoenix: That’s what I’ve always admired about you. That’s who I’ve been chasing all these years. That’s the only person... I love.

Sooo, Phoenix, your type is pushy selfish people who only care about their goals...? In the first, older lower-quality video translation it was “only care about my work”, too. Hm. Things to think about.

They sing a little duet together. Then we go back to present-day of what’s technically still a flashback. Whatever. Murder is happening.

Back To The Murder

So some plot things to establish: Leona is the legal counsel of Governor Miller, who is running for president in the AMERICAN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION. After the flashback so that Phoenix has some time to change clothes, they show an interview of him talking about the murder.

Governor Miller: I vow to forge a peaceful country with my own two hands, and to prepare myself for whatever may lie ahead.

Reporters: Through thick and thin, he’s a friend of the people!

The Takarazuka musicals are not very good at hiding their killers.

Phoenix: Oh yeah... It’s almost time for the presidential election, isn’t it?

NEVER FORGET, WRIGHT. THIS IS AMERICA. LAND OF THE FREE! god what even was that line.

Anyways, we meet Gumshoe, who is incompetent once again. Maya runs around the crime scene, picks up the murder weapon, puts her fingerprints all over everything, moves things around, all while Phoenix is like “lol get a load of the world’s stupidest girl” or whatever. But who cares about that.

It’s time to get to the only valid part of this musical.

Edgeworth’s Gay Little Villain Solo

You may have seen this one before.

Edgeworth arrives, but not really. It’s like Phoenix heard Edgeworth was prosecuting and immediately entered a dream-like state, where Edgeworth is heralded by the sound of trumpets in Great Revival. He’s played by a different actress than in the other two musicals, since I think she retired in between the six or so months from this musical to the second. She still plays the role well, though, or as well as can be when you’re written in an ace attorney Takarazuka musical.

Shrouded in scarlet solitude... it’s Edgeworth.

Yes, those are six Edgeworths. Yes, they pick Phoenix up and carry him around and dance with him. Yes, it was probably not meant to be at all homoerotic.

He sings a song that’s called “My rule”. I only figured this out later, but it’s loosely based on a “catchphrase” of his in the Japanese version - in game 1 he says something along the lines of “All I can do is get every defendant declared guilty! So I make that my policy.” In DD in his dramatic anime introduction before the trial, he says “I intend to question the defendant with all I have. For that is a part of my creed.” “So I make that my policy” and “For that is a part of my creed”, to my understanding, are both translated from the same line, which I think is like, “sore ga watashi no ruru”, “That is my rule.” (If I’m wrong, please correct me.) In this song he sings about how he’ll reduce all criminals to ash and such, basically talks about his game 1 prosecuting strategy as “my rule”. 

It’s very fun and probably if you want to only watch one number of this musical, it can be this one. It starts about 26:10 in the video I linked.

Once the musical number is done, Phoenix and Edgeworth stare at each other, and the background fades into the courtroom, so court begins. I feel like I should note that Phoenix has not picked up any evidence or talked to any witnesses in this investigation except for Gumshoe, since Maya just moved some things around and then Phoenix had some weird fever dream about Edgeworth which presumably took up the rest of the day.

The Trial, Day 1

Edgeworth: Consider it a prelude to the poignant Greek tragedy that’s about to unfold.

Maya: The real tragedy’s your pompous attitude!

Those are the only screenshots I took of this trial day. Here’s a summary, though:

The trial starts off with Leona confessing, Phoenix says “no I think she’s innocent”, and since ace attorney doesn’t care about the defendant’s wishes he’s allowed to proceed. For some reason Leona lets him do this without complaint. 

Gumshoe is the first witness, he claims to have caught Leona red-handed at the scene of the crime, standing over the corpse. Phoenix tries to claim that since Gumshoe didn’t see Leona committing the crime, he didn’t actually catch her red-handed, to which Edgeworth responds “What do you think being caught red-handed means?” 

Once Gumshoe is dismissed, Lotta takes the stand. She has a photo of the actual moment of the crime, where Leona is holding a knife in the air in front of the victim. 

The Takarazuka musicals like to do this thing where the image is blurry and zoomed out, but then Phoenix will go “I’VE NOTICED A CONTRADICTION” and it zooms in really far as the resolution increases drastically in order to show you the contradiction that is impossible to spot for yourself, because they don’t want people figuring out the mystery in this musical based off of a video game where you have to solve the mystery yourself. Anyways Phoenix zooms in on this photo and sees that there’s blood on Leona’s hand, presumably before she stabbed the victim. How did it get there?

Edgeworth suggests the victim was stabbed multiple times. Phoenix says the autopsy report contradicts that. Edgeworth, uncharacteristically, does not update it to suit his argument. 

Phoenix concludes that this photo is not showing the moment Leona stabbed the victim, but the moment Leona removed the knife! ... Which somehow casts doubt on her having been the one to stab the victim. Because as everyone knows, anyone wanting to kill someone would never remove a knife, it’s not like they’d bleed out faster that way, or anything.

And this whole contradiction is confusing because presumably if the victim was stabbed and then the knife was removed, they’d know that happened, because then the knife would not be found stuck in the victim’s body, since the victim was only stabbed once. So this shouldn’t be news to the prosecution that someone removed the knife after stabbing. But the investigation was headed by the most incompetent version of Gumshoe ever, so. sure. I guess no one knew.

That at least manages to extend the trial another day.

This Totally Has To Be Illegal

After the trial, Phoenix goes to talk to Governor Miller, aka Mr. Totally The Real Killer. Phoenix asks him why he decided to hire Leona as his legal advisor.

Basically, it’s because her parents were both renowned lawyers. Her father was a Chief Prosecutor, and her mother was a defense attorney. ... a prosecutor and a defense attorney couple... who does that remind us of...

Phoenix points out that just because her parents were good lawyers, it doesn’t mean she’d necessarily be one. Miller says that, sure, but she is actually really talented, and her law school marks were spectacular. Phoenix says “WHY WERE YOU LOOKING AT HER LAW SCHOOL MARKS”, like it’s somehow? suspicious? for a government official hiring legal counsel to look at their law school marks?

Apparently it IS suspicious because Governor Miller freaks out and asks if this is an interrogation. Before Phoenix can press much further, he gets a phone call, and leaves Phoenix alone in a big room.

So naturally Phoenix behaves like a fully grown adult running a law firm.

If all he did was sit in the chair, lift up a desk lamp, and poke his finger on a pen, that’s one thing. But then he leans over, OPENS THE GOVERNOR’S DESK DRAWER, and finds a knife that’s just sitting there casually. It looks like a butter knife. It’s not anything major. Maybe the dude just wanted to butter his toast?

I mean I know Phoenix will dig around in stuff whenever in the games, but he has no reason to suspect Governor Miller at all, much less dig through his drawer probably full of confidential government documents to lift up a knife that he thinks is suspicious. It’s not even covered in blood or anything?

Naturally Governor Miller’s assistant comes in just then, and Phoenix puts the knife. in his breast pocket. 

bud. It may look like a butter knife, but putting knives up against your chest is not a great idea. Much less stealing a knife from a governor? 

Well, in his panic, he accidentally knocks over a bunch of books on the desk. The governor’s assistant helps him pick them up, and they find a photo. Look a little familiar?

The photo has the assistant, the victim Robert Cole, Governor Miller, and the victim’s brother who died in an incident two years ago. He’s the “Neil Marshall” of this musical, and he died in what was essentially the SL-9 incident. Same general premise, except it occurred in the courthouse, and the names are different.

AND FINALLY WE REACH THE END OF ACT 1. They do a musical number here which is a weird sort of mashup of the main opening credits song, Edgeworth’s Villain Solo, and the love duet between Phoenix and Leona. They are all such different songs that it sounds a little weird.

ACT 2, FINALLY

The act begins on a sour note with Maya playing with the knife and showing off her characterization, which is one of the most infuriating Maya characterizations you’ll sometimes see around the fandom by people who don’t like Maya.

Maya: Let me whip up my special spirit channeler hamburgers!

sigh.

But then we’re saved (?) by the arrival of EDGEWORTH, who is presumably just here to chat. He asks Phoenix if he’s defending Leona in hopes of winning her back, then says to keep out of it, since it’s a very important case and he can’t understand the gravity of it.

Then Phoenix says this.

Phoenix: Would you be saying that if you were the one on trial? The defendant is in a dark prison, reaching out for hope... Can you imagine the loneliness and sorrow of being ostracized?

CAN YOU IMAGINE IT, EDGEWORTH? CAN YOU IMAGINE IF YOU WERE ON TRIAL AND I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WOULD DEFEND YOU AND BELIEVED IN YOUR INNOCENCE??

Edgeworth responds to this by essentially rehashing his speech in Turnabout Sisters about how he needs to find all defendants guilty because he can’t guarantee their innocence and all that. Maya gets upset and leaves so that Phoenix and Edgeworth can talk about their childhood in private.

Phoenix once again complains about how people change since nine years old.

Phoenix then says that he has something Edgeworth doesn’t: the POWER TO BELIEVE! Then Maya comes in and tries to spike Edgeworth’s coffee, so he leaves.

The Class Trial

Phoenix explains a bit about Edgeworth and his backstory to Maya. Namely, the class trial. Phoenix was accused of stealing lunch money, Edgeworth stood up for him, but instead of Larry, Leona stood up for him. I guess Suzuki Kei thought “oh the class trial, if Leona stood up for him, it would be so romantic, because she’s a woman, and he’s a man”, or something like that. 

Edgeworth wanted to become a Great Lawyer Like His Father! But then he turned cold as ice.

Phoenix: His father got too deeply involved in a case... and paid for it with his life. Edgeworth saw him murdered. He was never the same again. I bet he couldn’t forgive the criminal.

Yeah I bet he couldn’t ever forgive the person he thought killed his father all these years, Phoenix. I bet he really hates that person, Phoenix. I bet he has nightmares about that person killing his father or something, Phoenix.

Phoenix: He vanished, then returned without his mercy or compassion. He had become a monster. When he lost his father, he also lost the ability to believe in others.

So like... one of the most chilling things about this musical is that they never actually solve DL-6. This probably roughly takes place 15 years after DL-6, since they were about the same age when the class trial started, and at least Leona is 24 now. The next musical takes place three years from now, and in it, Edgeworth refers to von Karma as his mentor, implying he’s still around and doing things.

So, in addition to everything else going wrong with this musical, DL-6 still happens, but von Karma never frames Edgeworth for it fifteen years later. The statute of limitations runs out, and von Karma forever gets away with his crime. And Edgeworth has no idea.

What changes did they make to DL-6, though, you may ask? I’m desperate to know as well. In the third musical, which I’ve watched because I hate myself but am unable to fully understand because I don’t know much Japanese, there is a scene where Miles flashbacks to DL-6. It’s abstract, but he makes gun-throwing motions at Gregory, followed by a gunshot sound.

Therefore, in this musical’s internal canon, either Miles Edgeworth shot his father, or he believes he did for the rest of his life.

... moving on.

Phoenix: But he still has his humanity. It’s still there, deep down inside!

At least, if nothing else, Phoenix still believes in him. Even this Takarazuka Musical couldn’t touch that.

The Feenie Sweater

Right after this, Larry barges in, and Phoenix leaves him alone with Maya. The musical tries teasing Larry/Maya, but fortunately, Maya’s having none of it.

Maya: You’re barking up the wrong tree.

Props to this musical for not being as bad as it could have been.

After this, the two sit down on the couch, and Maya asks for more gossip on Phoenix and Leona. Larry launches into a story, which turns into a flashback that ends up being narrated by Phoenix halfway through. This one’s about Phoenix and Leona’s relationship.

This is an interesting line in here, “I’ll guide you to the future”, for it loosely referencing the sort of love ballad Phoenix sings with Lucia in the second musical which is about “I’ll take you to that radiant future”, and he later sings to the memory of Leona right around the time of his big spiral into despair.

I’m sorry if you haven’t read my other essay and just said “wait what” to what I just typed.

Leona was getting ready to move to New York to defend the weak “in the big city”. This is rather strange wording because it implies that California does not in fact have a big city. She says some things in her conversation with Phoenix that probably plant some of his later issues.

Leona: This is the first time we’ll be apart since we were kids.

Leona: We promised we’d always be together.

Leona: I’ll be waiting. Waiting for you to come to me.

Haha. Sure would be a shame... if something were to happen... and they wouldn’t be able to be together anymore...

So some dancers wearing black come in and take off their outer jackets, to symbolize the passage of time. They circle around Phoenix and Leona. In this, you can just barely see, Phoenix is wearing a pink sweater beneath his jacket.

“Oh,” I think to myself, “Is that the Feenie sweater? Are they including it here as a reference to the games?”

Then the dancers keep moving.

THAT IS NOT THE FEENIE SWEATER. That is a pink sweater with a sexily drawn woman on it.

This is the other half of the reason why I decided to go through with making this essay. 

This is so incredibly funny to me. Suzuki Kei Who Has Played The Games Seven Times has seen the hand-knit bright pink sweater with a giant red heart on it seven times. The sweater Iris, Phoenix’s girlfriend, lovingly knit for him that he wears all the time even though it is one of the tackiest, cheesiest items of clothing to ever exist. And so, when the costume designers were designing the clothes for College Phoenix Wright, they asked themselves: “Should we include the Feenie sweater?”

and “NO,” someone must have shouted, “NO, we can NOT include the Feenie sweater, it is PINK and it has a HEART on it and it’s TOO GIRLY. Phoenix Wright is a MANLY MAN. He would not EVER wear something PINK with a HEART on it.”

“BUT,” someone else said, “it’s a REFERENCE to the original games, where he DID wear a pink sweater with a heart on it! We MUST include it to pander to the fans!”

“WAIT,” a third person interjected. “I have a BRILLIANT IDEA. We can keep the pink... But to make it VERY CLEAR he is a heterosexual, masculine male... we put a sexy woman on it.”

And Person Three Got A Raise.

Thank god we’re finally halfway done this musical.

We Just Have To Go On With Our Lives Now

There’s plot or something happening. Leona breaks up with Phoenix inexplicably over the phone. Probably because of that freaking sweater. Imagine wearing that. God.

Eventually we go back to Phoenix talking to Leona, and he asks about the Jack Lyon case, which is the rip-off version of the Joe Darke case. Leona is pretty cagey about it, but Phoenix proves that she was there in the gallery that day. Leona refuses to answer, claims again that she killed the victim in her case, and leaves.

This makes Phoenix sad, so he starts singing.

Phoenix: I want to bring you back! I believe in you.

If this sounds familiar, it’s the part where I started absolutely losing my mind in the second musical because this line had never shown up before then, I’d forgotten it was in this musical, and Phoenix was screaming it alone in a red room, so I thought he was like desperately resorting to a necromancy ritual in hopes of bringing Leona back to life.

Instead, this line actually has CONTEXT, though it does just end up enforcing my theory. This is Phoenix mourning what he used to have with Leona, wanting to bring the “old her” back, because he’s devastated that people sometimes change. There are several flashbacks of their college days where he’s wearing his Sexy Woman Sweater. He does succeed in winning her back at the end of this musical. Before she dies, of course.

Phoenix in musical 2 still believes that he can bring back what he used to have with Leona... even beyond death. That’s something affirmed by this musical. I’m very grateful to it for somehow managing to enforce my nonsensical theory.

Doctor Ema

After this, Phoenix returns to his office, and meets with someone new.

That’s right! Only now, halfway through the musical, do we actually get to meet the Ema-equivalent to Leona’s Lana-equivalent. Her name is Monica Clyde. She has little rainbow heart stickers on her briefcase, which is the closest thing this musical has to acknowledging that gay people exist.

But what does this little briefcase contain, you may ask? Scientific investigation tools? No.

A full surgical toolset. Because you never know when someone’ll get sick, or when someone will need an entire operation in front of you. I guess.

So yes, Monica Clyde is not a forensic scientist in training, but a doctor! She decided to become a doctor because of her parents, who passed away of The Sickness, and so became a doctor in order to save lives like theirs.

Once more this has much darker and deeper implications than the musical is even aware of, because Monica is so anxious about treating sick people that she carries a full surgical toolset around with her at all times, scared to lose someone like she lost her parents... and then sometime in the next three years, Leona, her big sister, is going to die.

Of what? The strange Sickness that claimed her parents? A car accident? A botched spur-of-the-moment surgery? Whatever it is, Monica was unable to save her, even when she’d been training her entire life for it.

Monica is not mentioned at all throughout the second musical. It’s as if she does not exist.

Because unlike Ema of Rise From The Ashes, Monica is not at the heart of this story. She is, primarily, a plot device here to make Leona not trust Phoenix so that he can angst about their relationship. 

What a mess this world is.

The Trial, Part 2

Rather than try to prove Leona’s innocence, Phoenix wants to link the current case to not-SL-9, the Jack Lyon case. He does this by showing this picture.

Senator Cole, the victim, is in this picture. His younger brother whose name I’ve forgotten, the victim of not-SL-9, is also in this picture. They are brothers. It is apparently novel that they are in the same picture, and somehow makes their cases linked.

As well, Governor Miller is in the picture. I guess you could say like... Governor Miller’s legal counsel is the defendant, so that’s another link? Even though the Governor would presumably know a Senator, so this isn’t an unusual group. Right now Phoenix has absolutely nothing to prove that these two cases are linked other than “hey, these two victims are brothers”, but apparently it works. So they spend a lot of time talking about not-SL-9, since Leona has confessed to the murder on day 1 and there is absolutely nothing indicating that she can’t be immediately declared guilty.

They hid the fact that Monica was a hostage in this not-SL-9, meaning that some of the case records were forged. Here’s Edgeworth’s reaction when this comes out.

Edgeworth: This is an outrage! I’m the most influential prosecutor in America! There’s nothing I don’t know!

In RFTA, when Edgeworth learns he’d been using forged evidence to give a man the death penalty, he is devastated, his entire worldview is shaken, he sees himself as a monster who could end up becoming horribly corrupt if he isn’t stopped.

Musical Edgeworth goes “I DIDN’T KNOW SOMETHING???”

It’s certainly strange characterization, but I guess Edgeworth is further behind in his character arc than in RFTA, so... ugh. Fine. 

Phoenix calls Monica out as a witness to prove she was involved in the case. This causes Leona to panic, and try to dismiss Phoenix as her attorney, like Lana in RFTA, but Edgeworth interjects to call Monica in anyways. He and Phoenix have a little moment.

Edgeworth: You said to believe in others. I suppose I’ll try believing in you. Try to keep up.

Phoenix: Edgeworth!

So Monica comes to the stand to testify. We get to see this picture of Monica being held hostage, and not-Joe-Darke’s incredible eyeliner.

Lots of it is very similar to the actual RFTA, except instead of the victim being stabbed on the knight with the giant knife, he’s instead stabbed with a regular old knife. Leona still refuses to admit to what really happened, until Edgeworth convinces her to believe in Phoenix.

Edgeworth: Your attorney is a runaway train with a one-track mind. Yet he placed all of his faith in you. Believe in him. You owe him that much.

Leona testifies, and says that when she found the victim, he was stabbed with a scalpel.

Here is where things get weird.

Scalpels Can’t Kill People

So basically earlier in this trial, they talk about how Leona knew that the knife that stabbed the victim was double-edged despite being buried in his chest. The judge questions if this means Leona killed him, but Phoenix is quick to say no, she was searched when she entered the courthouse and couldn’t have concealed a knife.

Yet, Monica was able to bring in her surgical toolkit which contains several sharp knives, scalpels, scissors, etc.

This is the first major contradiction.

Leona continues to say that when she found Monica, and the scalpel stabbed in the victim, she also ran into Governor Miller, who if you haven’t been able to tell yet is the Gant-equivalent of this musical. He offered to help her with the cover-up, etc.

The next bit goes a lot like RFTA. Phoenix accuses Governor Miller, who barges in, says Phoenix has the decisive evidence in his pocket. This is the “butter knife” that Phoenix took from his office when he dug around in confidential documents and stole it for no particular reason. It has Monica’s fingerprints on it! ... And Phoenix’s and Maya’s too probably because they were handling it without gloves, but they don’t mention that part.

Leona cries about how she shouldn’t have trusted Phoenix because he was apparently now blaming Monica, Monica looks terrified, she and Leona have some good sister moments but it’s not as good as it could be if the story was actually about Leona and Monica like how RFTA was about Lana and Ema. But Phoenix has the decisive piece of evidence that can turn this around.

It is this:

Phoenix: Scalpels are made for medical incisions, not stabbings. So how did it stab the victim?

...

...

...

... What?

So like. Yes, scalpels are made for medical incisions. Medical incisions often involve cutting through flesh, very easily. As a result, they are sharp. Extremely sharp. As in: their purpose is literally to stab people, very specifically.

Yes, they’re easier to control, so that surgeons don’t regularly stab people how they’re not supposed to be stabbed, but it’s not like, impossible to stab someone in a killing way with a scalpel? Admittedly, I have never tried to kill someone using a scalpel. And I do not have experience using a scalpel for surgeries because I am not a surgeon. But I’m pretty sure, if you take a sharp scalpel, and you stab someone in the chest with it with a reasonable amount of force... they die.

Like, is this a particular kind of scalpel that is not very sharp? Is the problem that the blade doesn’t match up with the initial wound? But even then, we don’t have the original unforged autopsy report or even a picture, so how would Phoenix know what the original wound looked like to say it didn’t match up? And even then why wouldn’t Phoenix say that instead of SCALPELS CAN’T STAB PEOPLE???

This is his decisive contradiction and it makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE TO ME!!!

Well Darn I Guess Scalpels Can’t Kill People

This is such a decisive piece of evidence, that scalpels can’t kill people, coming from the man who thought “caught red-handed” does not involve being caught standing over a corpse with blood on your hands, that it causes Governor Miller to confess.

Unlike Gant, who created the murder with Neil Marshall both to ensure that there was decisive evidence to convict Joe Darke, a serial killer who had not left any decisive evidence behind, and gain control over the prosecutor’s office in order to pull similar stunts to get criminals convicted using false evidence, Governor Miller does not have that as his motive. After all, he’s not a police officer. Instead, he ended up accidentally killing not-Joe-Darke, and then set up the incident in order to get Leona on his side. As her parents were both influential lawyers and very respectable, having her and her parents’ reputation on his side could help him become President of America Where This Takes Place.

So, let’s just take a moment to run over some of the things that made the original Rise From The Ashes great, in my opinion. Just for fun.

1 - The heart of the story between the Skye sisters. Lana closing off to protect Ema, Ema wanting to get through to her sister and get back to the way things used to be. Phoenix, in this story, is more of a bystander to this plotline rather than in the heart of it himself.

2 - Edgeworth’s Character Development. Basically RFTA creates an interesting transition between Turnabout Goodbyes and JFA. It causes Edgeworth to re-evaluate everything he knows about being a prosecutor. So quickly on the heels of Turnabout Goodbyes, it crushes the last bit of hope in him. It compares him to Gant, who also hates criminals, and forces him to wonder if his hatred of crime will one day lead to him being a criminal himself. He’s already convicted one person on forged evidence; how many others could there be?

3 - The Ends Justify The Means. ... wait come back, don’t leave. What I found neat about this case was also Gant’s motive. At one point he was presumably an honest person who hated crime and wanted to stop criminals. But over time in the police force, he became corrupted. He wanted to have all criminals convicted. So what do you do when you don’t have the evidence to convict them? Joe Darke was a serial killer who has killed several people and may have killed more if he’d gone free. The only way to stop and convict him was by using forged evidence. Other criminals could hide evidence to get away with their crimes, so people like Gant would make it up to catch them; but then when do you stop? What happens if there’s no evidence because someone is truly innocent? When does the line between “this person is a criminal and I want to stop them” and “I just want to convict everyone I’m dealing with” become blurred? This is also something he shares with Edgeworth and helps to advance his character.

All three of these things are either lessened or outright ignored in this musical. Leona and Monica’s story takes a backseat to Phoenix and Leona’s Love Story, with Monica only showing up halfway through, and mainly as an excuse as to why Leona is withdrawn. Edgeworth doesn’t seem to blame himself for the forged evidence he used, and doesn’t have a crisis questioning his morality over it. And Governor Miller’s motive is purely power. Unlike Gant, who would have become Chief of Police whether he solved SL-9 or not, Miller needed Leona to win the presidency. And instead of asking her to help him with his campaign like a normal person, he just blackmailed her instead.

... How do you play the games seven times and miss this much?

The Case Finally Ends

god. we’re almost there.

The case ends, Leona is declared not guilty but will still face trial for covering up murders and such. Probably less of a sentence than Lana because she was not involved in ongoing police corruption? Either way she’s dead in three years, so she’s got something a bit more concerning coming up.

She’s led away. Phoenix sings a bit about Leona before being interrupted by Edgeworth... who has something important to tell him.

Edgeworth: You awakened within me those once-cherished emotions I had discarded. I see visions of a distant, nostalgic past.

So basically this is the unnecessary feelings of the musical. Something along the lines of “seeing you again and fighting for my former ideals is making me question many things about myself.”

How does Phoenix respond?

Phoenix: Edgeworth... Try talking normally for a chance.

Sure, we were all thinking it, but that’s a little cold, Phoenix.

Edgeworth tries a smooth recovery.

Edgeworth: I don’t do... idle chit-chat.

This doesn’t accomplish much. So he leaves to allow Leona to visit with Phoenix alone. He’s got to go change for something more important coming up.

Leona and Phoenix decide that they’re going to get back together once Leona is done her sentence! They make a promise that is very funny if you know she’ll be dead in three years.

Phoenix: I’ll be waiting. For you.

There are a lot of hugs here, I’m not screencapping them all. There are also several moments where their faces get very close together and like, their nose brushes the other’s cheek or something, but they never actually kiss. Is it because the actresses weren’t comfortable with it (valid), or they thought kissing would be too much for the musical (sure, whatever), or since both characters are played by women the show staff did not want two women kissing on stage (probably the real answer)? I don’t like watching kisses, but I kept bracing myself for one and then it never happened, so.

Phoenix ends the main part of the musical with one last musical number starring my personal favourite piece:

Phoenix: I want to bring you back! I believe in you.

I like to think that at this point, this is present-day Phoenix, after finishing his reminiscing, still desperately wishing he could bring Leona back from death.

But alas, he cannot. And so, after one last daydream of them dancing together on the beaches of California, singing about their love, the musical ends.

Dance Time!

This starts at exactly the two hour mark, if you’re interested in watching what is, once again, one of the only fun parts of this musical.

Seriously, Edgeworth’s actress kills it here, when I first saw this I went “oh, this is why I saw so many people being gay for her on twitter.”

Edgeworth’s song is an encore of “My Rule”, so it’s lots of fun. Afterwards Phoenix gets another fun piece.

Then we get to the love ballad part, which I can probably overanalyze, I feel like I haven’t done enough ridiculous over-analyzing in this essay in comparison to the other.

Uhhh so the fog represents how Phoenix feels lost in this world without Leona. You can see it in the second screenshot separating the two of them, representing the barrier of death between the two of them. Idk it’s midnight I’m getting worn out from having to think about this musical for so long.

But his mourning over Leona’s death becomes even more apparent in the credits, where Phoenix sings that one line again:

Phoenix: I want to bring you back! I believe in you.

I’m not fixing that screenshot, I think it’s oddly fitting, in a way. That’s me right now.

Then at the very end, he sings this song.

Phoenix: I’ll spend... this eternal life... soaring through... the heavens!

Technically, this refers to his name Phoenix, but let’s dig a little deeper. He spends the rest of his life soaring through the heavens... the heavens that Leona went to after her untimely death, perhaps?

Overall, the musical becomes much more interesting when you just see it as a prequel to the second musical. This musical establishes many core concepts of Phoenix’s character: his refusal to believe in the concept of things changing, for one, and also his extreme dependency on Leona who he was never separated from since they were kids and where he based his entire life around her dreams and ideals. All he can think about is her. And in the end, he promises to wait for her in California.

Yet, to paraphrase Miles Edgeworth, all that is waiting for him is her death. Their dream of opening up a Mom & Pop Law Firm will never come true.

Thanks again for bearing with me even though this wasn’t as funny!