#i have to sleep before i literally Go Insane
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Exorcizamus
Summary: Life on the road, hunting the things that went bump in the night was a lonely life, admittedly. But having Ruffilo by his side made it all a bit more bearable. They had set out as children, led only by Jolly, to hunt the thing that had killed his best friend, and nearly them as well. Noah couldn't do it without him, honestly. Ruffilo was the brains and he was the brawn in the whole operation.
Adeline was a small town girl. Working to live and living to work. Until she found herself being hunted by the very thing her dad had always told her was just pretend. When the brothers save her, her understanding of the world is flipped upside down.
CW/TW: all things paranormal, death, swearing, smut (updated as it is written to include specific warnings), talk of religion, horror, demons. As always, if I forget anything please don’t hesitate to let me know!
Adeline
FIVE YEARS AGO
Terror seized her in its grasp as ice formed on the windows, the room growing frighteningly cold in spite of the heat being on full blast. Frantic she looked around, watching her breath puff out in front of her. There was something there in the room with her. She couldn't see it, but she knew it was there.
For weeks she had been experiencing weird things happening around her. Ever since she picked up that antique wardrobe. Lights would flicker even when there was no reason for them to do that. Things would fall over or just fly across the room. One night she had come home from work and heard footsteps. Literal footsteps.
And then there was the voices. Oh, God. The voices drove her insane the most. Faint whispers of her name here and there. At first so quiet and so infrequent that she thought she was going crazy at first. Maybe it was lack of sleep. But then it grew more frequent. And then louder. So much so that at times it was like it was screaming at her.
"ADELINE!" The voice screeched, shattering the windows in the room.
White hot searing pain erupted behind her eyes and she fell to her knees, grasping the sides of her head. It felt like her brain was going to explode. The scream she let out was inhuman. It sounded like something was clawing its way out of her throat.
Whispers of her name echoed around her. The hair on the back of her neck stood on end as quiet settled in. Normally she would be grateful for this silence. This time, however, it felt sinister. Like it was tricking her. Tears fell from her eyes, staining the floor underneath her. She just wanted it to stop. She would do anything for it to stop. All she wanted was peace.
Then she heard it. A loud rumbling outside. A voice calling to her from upstairs. Her breathing grew shallow, unsteady. It was taunting her. What could it want from her? Desperate for relief she rose to her feet once more, letting them lead her to the bottom of the staircase.
The front door started rattling as something outside banged on it, calling her name. She looked back at the door, recognizing a voice she had only heard just that morning. One of the antiquers who had shown up, asking her all sorts of weird questions about the wardrobe. Something about how it was a special one and they were willing to buy it off of her right then. At this moment, she really wished she had let them take it from her.
"Adeline, baby. I need your help." Her mother's voice.
Deep down she knew that wasn't her mother calling to her from upstairs. Her mother had passed long ago, before she was even a year old. Dad had told her it was a house fire that took her. That he was lucky to get her out before the fire overwhelmed the entire house. But she couldn't stop herself as her feet moved, carrying her up the stairs in spite of everything in her screaming at her to run.
Dread festered in her stomach as she crept down the hall, her terror growing with every step she took. She knew she shouldn't be following the voice, yet she couldn't stop. Closer and closer until she stood just outside her bedroom door. A room she hadn't slept in in weeks because of this.
"Adeline. Help mommy, would you?"
Sweat trickled down her back. This was wrong. Why was she doing this? She needed to run, for fucks sake. Not walking into whatever trap this thing had set for her. Yet here she was, opening the door to her bedroom, freezing in terror at what she saw sitting on her bed.
They had burns covering a good 80-90% of their body. Burnt bald patches on their head. The eyes weren't human. Instead this bright yellow as it looked at her, their grin cracking the burnt places on their face, fresh blood trickling out. Sure, they sounded like her mom. But this wasn't her.
"You-You're not my mom," she sobbed, her voice raw from screaming. Why was she here? What had she done to deserve this?
Adeline was vaguely aware of the front door banging open, someone shouting her name. Of their own volition her feet carried her into her bedroom, her hands swinging the door shut. Vomit rose in her throat as the smell of burnt flesh mixed with sulfur engulfed her, the thing pretending to be her mother now standing in front of her. She wanted to scream. To cry. Beg for help or mercy, she didn't know.
"Took me decades to find you, Adeline. Your precious daddy kept you hidden well. But I always get what's mine."
Something she couldn't quite place her finger on took hold of her. It wasn't fear or terror. Something much stronger. Doom. It was impending doom. What did it mean that they always got what was theirs? Why her?
Soon all she could see was those yellow eyes, right in front of hers. Consuming her. Staring into those eyes was like being eaten from the inside out.
Thundering footsteps up the stairs. Shouting. Her heart seized in her chest, her lungs no longer working. No longer pulling in oxygen. Her vision turned fuzzy at the edges, moments before she heard someone shout a name as her vision went black.
Azazel.
Tags: @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @lacy1986 @concretejunglefm @ichoosetenderomens @dontwantthemoney @chey-h
#bad omens cult#noah sebastian#bad omens fanfiction#noah sebastian fanfiction#bad omens#angst#noah sebastian fic#noah sebastian angst#fluff#bad omens supernatural crossover#paranormal#horror#bad omens!au
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DO YALL THINK SAIKI SITS SO PUSSYSLAY LIKE BECAUSE ITS EASIER TO PROTECT VITAL ORGANS ????
ESPECIALLY THE LAST ONE W TORITSUKA...?????? This might be common knowledge and im late to the party BUT I JUDT REALIZED AND IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE especially because of his weird fear of ninjas (even though hell have known where they are but hes Still paranoid of them??? It might be a gag bc haha funny but do yall think that the govt he erased when he was 5 was comprised of ninjas)
Its literally a Defensive position the Amount of emotions in me at this revelation will Not leave i am going to be so angsty after this oh my god
(i do Love when he sits tho bc most of the time its like the manga panel . So much sass . Its so bratty i lorvb him)
#saiki k#the disastrous life of saiki k.#kusuo saiki#OH MY BABY#MY SWEET BABY#could u imagine if his friends realized#OH MY GOD COULD YOUIMAGINE#i have to sleep before i literally Go Insane#saiki no psi nan
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what's stressing you if you don't mind sharing? :/
it's the end of semester so uni is terrible, but the main thing is my housemate. she's really controlling and finds flaws in everything i do (i lived with multiple people before her and it has always been fine), so it's really stressing me out because every damn week she has something to say.
#she's the type of person that wants everything her way#i thought she's like that because i live with her#but apparently she's just terrible to deal with lmao#a friend of mine does an internship at a clinic#and there's two girls that are in the same uni as my housemate#and they told him she's insane. not a single soul wants to any group work with her#she simply doesn't know how to deal with people#i'm somehow a bit more relieved knowing this#but it's draining. i don't feel at home at all#and i literally just go there to sleep because i'm out working and at uni the entire day#i was living with my friends before and it was amazing! but it was too far away from my work and uni#i moved only to get more sleep and peace#and now i can sleep but i barely have peace and i'm dealing with a stress i never had :(#replies
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i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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I'm in bed being good but I can't wait to get up and draw more tomorrow. spins
#i have been really enjoying making art lately#ik it isnt like. ''''''technically good''''''' or whatever im still learning etc. but its fun and thats the Point#plus the only way to improve is to practice so. i continue.#ive said this before but i really didnt realize just how depressed i was. i thought i had just changed as a person#i literally thought i just was incapable of making art anymore and was like well guess i have to accept this.#like a whole personality change. its insane. years i was like that and didnt realize and it could have been as simple#a fix as just switching my medication around. godddddddd#its nice to be Me again. i havent felt like myself literally since like. 2020...2021...?#anyways night time tumblr tags journal over i go to sleep#i will see you all in the morning sleep well and ily <3
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actually. actually actually. with the knowledge that the traveler's sibling was used as a vessel for abyssal energy which then jumpstarted the cataclysm, i have to wonder if them being sealed by the sustainer first can now be interpreted in a new light?
#personal stuff#delete later#everyone say thank you xbox wings#and yes i knoww the traveler was targeted first and we just let go of our weapon before we could be enboxed.#but i have to wonder if that was intentional on the sustainer's part#like idk that Look she gave the box with our sibling in it has always stuck with me#but in general like ohhh. she showed up to stop us from leaving because our sibling was Directly Involved#i loove how that's been slowly revealed. like#oh there was a cataclysm going on when we were leaving > oh you were There > oh you were INVOLVED AND PART OF THE CAUSE#crazy.#what this does not explain is. why on earth did our sibling not wake us up right away. was that explained? is that normal for us?#and Why did the sustainer LET OUR SIBLING OUT. SO SOON AFTER. ESPECIALLY IF THEY WERE INVOLVED#meanwhile the traveler had to sleep for five hundred years???? why?? what woke us up????#does that have anything to do with paimon losing her memory and her powers? did she sacrifice herself to break us out??#did the abyss twin break out of their box prison?? did the abyss corruption have anything to do with it??#IS that actually our sibling or is the reason they ''belong to teyvat'' and are recorded in irminsul because. they're a clone of some sort?#just AAUUGH.. ARGH AGH AUUGH. still going insane over the xbox wings lore drop i'm sorryy#don't get me started on the abyss twin [and us??] being the scion of a lost kingdom. hey. heyyyy.#'but in their brief life they had sensed the goodwill of those who lived here and so had shouldered the pillar of the earth;#'going from the ruler of a world to the hope of but a single nation [...] having lost their world they yearned for but a single realm'#hey. hey. What.#1. brief? brief life? you mean their brief time in khaenri'ah? their brief life on teyvat? hello?? what do you mean Brief???#2. what the fuck does Shouldered the Pillar of the Earth mean. Hello.#is that some kind of royal nonsense or are we talking literally. like atlas style and everything
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...BIG FEELS AND BIG PLOT DEVELOPMENTS AT THE END OF THAT BOOK, HUH
#Tyto reads WoF#i know it's not the most pressing issue what with the vengeful ex-Queen and the murderous sister and all#but I still want to point out how alarming it is that the new crew are all going to be wearing seemingly radioactive rocks as jewelry now#Turtle please don't pick up strange rocks that give off their own heat for the love of all that's good#ANYWAY yeah what the actual frick is going on with Darkstalker huh. I genuinely do NOT know whether he's trustworthy or not#desperately lonely and unfairly demonized? absolutely. truly cares about Moon as a friend? I think so.#capable of integrating peacefully into modern dragon society without letting his own ego turn him into the monster he denies ever being?#....... 😬 remains to be seen#god and there's Scarlet's mysterious new accomplice(?) with the maddeningly vague physical description and also THE SCROLL(!!!!)#and i just realized we failed to get resolutions in this book for EITHER the vision of Turtle attacking Anemone OR#Flame's unique and frightening ability to sense and/or attack mindreaders????#where the HECK are we going with Flame I am going lowkey INSANE over him#ugh frick and Umber and Sora are both on the run too...!! this book is nearly as cliffhangery as Dark Secret#(though thankfully i prepared for this by checking the next book out ahead of time so i wouldn't have to wait LOL)#uhh buhh final thoughts before i force myself to go to sleep:#I love Moon and everything going on with her but I do feel like on some level it's even more of a slap in the face for poor Starflight#that the only tribe to get multiple POV characters in this first. like. extended arc(?) appears to be the NightWings#and Starflight himself doesn't get any of the tribe's unique defining features or abilities#i mean i guess the same is sort of true of Sunny and yes i know it was the POINT of book 4 that the tribe had no powers#but still idk it just feels like kicking the poor boy when he's already down. in addition to him literally getting beaten up again#(... now watch me be a total fool and the arc actually extends past book 8 or something making this point moot lol)#(I'm only assuming it ends at 8 bc that's where the previews in the back of the previous books have stopped)#EDIT: LOL yep turns out this arc does extend out to book 10 and the other POVs are Turtle and Qibli so I stand corrected.#that's what I get for nightblogging
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Either the people around me are lying because they don't want to admit they're wrong, OR I really am saying things out loud that I don't remember saying out loud, and NOT saying things out loud that I thought I had said out loud, and uhhhhh... that's concerning! :')
#I feel like I'm legitimately insane or have an extremely early onset Alzheimer's case or something#'cause like#why am I not knowing if I actually said things or not#and people keep telling me 'you said this other thing' or 'no you never said that' etc.#like is my brain really that fucked up orrrrrr#idk this can't be normal right??#I'm in a constant state of sleep deprivation and I sometimes take meds that make me drowsy but like#I shouldn't be acting like I have no brain matter left???#what the fuck is wrong with me#best of all is how people see me suffering and they're like 'yeah she's obviously forgetting stuff to be a bitch so let's be mad at her! :)#OR what I said before about how I'm not forgetting things and they're just lying to me.#I genuinely can NOT tell what is going on and it's scaring me...#but everyone blames it on me either way#I REALLY wanted to have a good day today but like. things like this really hurt :')#I feel like I'm too fucking stupid to function and I'll never accomplish anything#because I literally can't even keep track of what I'm saying or doing vs. what I'm just imagining#what the fuck I hate this#just put me down already
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Hey guys! Life update since i haven't posted anything in some time
College started three days ago and
#like even trying to get into that school was literally one of the worst choises i have ever made in my life#its insane that they can just give you 40 assignments for a semester for a class you have one hour a week#and also that they can just keep you in there for 10 hours a day#and then pretend like 1 (ONE) hour of free time after school a day is enough#like how do you want me to balance 8am to 5:30pm (my longest day) plus an hour drive back home and a want for a healthy sleeping schedule#im not build to sleep 4 hours a day just because my school decided to torture me#and since it's an art school that mainly teaches graphic design and printing processes i get to huff chemichals every day all day#and then i get to pretend like im not sick and that my head doesnt hurt and that im totally not tired enough to keel over die on the spot :)#honestly i didnt even want to study there#i just needed to keep my student status before i go to the school i actually wanna go to#and i genuinelly didnt know that what i was told was “an extremely easy school” would turn out to be an actual torture chamber#specifically designed for people who studied digital design (me) and thought graphic design would be similar#anyways rant over#if you actually read this u a real one
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sorry for googling "is shadow of the erdtree hard" do u still think im cool....
#jk if u know me u know difficulty doesnt faze me i hope its a rl fuckin challenge#but just realised i prolly shouldnt start my ng+/2+ runs for all ending achievements until after ive played sote..#bc otherwise my first sote run will be on a ramped up difficulty. when the base dlc is supposed to be harder than the main game already..#and i might wanna complete it across multiple new games anyway if there are duplicates of stuff i wanna get hmm.....#well. in my current elden ring save i literally only have 5 more altered armor pieces to farm before starting ng+#so ill finish that. and finish upgrading all weapons to +24/+9. and then take a tolerance break to play a few other games#and THEN ill buy myself sote and play that and do the ng+ stuff after#also one of the main things delaying me getting sote was bc i thought theyd add new achievements for it which would lower my completion%#but they haven't??? so thats fine then#anyway i need to sleep. at least playing er has been helping me cope w how pissed off ive been again. we <3 violence#yaaaawn. sad i couldnt go to the gym tho i hope i feel better in a couple days time#i did go to work in the end which was fine lol. glad i didnt take the day off tbh#but yeah 👍#.diaries#also not being able to get any sote stuff yet is annoying me bc im using a spreadsheet to keep track of all weapons/armour etc#and i have virtually everything except a couple armour alt variants n the remembrances i didnt get first time. but my total percentages#are capped around 75-80% bc the remaining 20-25% of items are sote exclusive.....#thats an insane amt tho damn. sote must be fucking HUGE
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How does one even go about having feelings about escaping being murdered?
#Anyway I know my therapist is going to ask about my feelings#About this super fun and fucked realization that one therapist who tortured me trying to see me dead#And so I've been trying to think about I how I feel#And like the real answer is I'm super not thanks we are repressing like a champ#But mostly bc I am saving that breakdown for tomorrow when I don't have work#And I don't even know where to begin#In hindsight it's pretty obvious you don't let someone (a patient) no less live if you've been torturing them for 8 months#Some how the fact that she wanted this to be my permanent last state is some how worse then just the torture itself#Tw:torture#Tw:abuse of power#Tw: murder attempt#Though technically not sure if that counts I don't think she would have physically done it with her own two hands#But then again purposefully keeping me sleep deprived to keep me insane and kill me is still yah know on purpose#Kinda feel like I need a support group from this#Which is not something I've ever once held an interest in before but it might be helpful to see how other people are handling similar thing#Oversharing on the internet times#Not my first long term therapist being actual literal hannibal lectre
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adding this to the list of Severely fucking stupid absrad deaths
BUT!! (under cut so as to not Clog)
we fucking got there in the end baby
(did a couple tries for radiant, then was Swept Away by the Migraine. We’ll get there.)
#z talks#hk#hollow knight#uhhhh. yeah i sat and played for like 6 hours (with a lunch break). relevant is also that i Slept for 6 hours (max).#and the whole day i had a headache sneaking up on me and i was like. Nooooo it’d just a tension headache I don’t have any migraine symptoms#(voice of guy who’s stubbornly ignoring their light and sound sensitivity to keep fighting absrad)#And then eventually it. Got so bad i couldnt focus on the game anymore. And i was like. Ok thats it no more game.#And then went to pick up a package (literal 300m walk) Both bc it was the last day to pick it up And to be like ok. If this is a tension -#- headache itll get Better. If it’s a migraine itll get Worse.#I’m fine the walk THERE. But then about halfway home it’s fucking Go Time for the migraine lmfaoooooo#(it was also Hot. and Sunny.)#by the time i got home i was like a solid. 9. on the uh. 1-10 pain scale. GREAT.#anyway then i took my prescription sumatriptan BELOVED and it got better within the hour and now im down to like a . 1-2#which is so insanely good like. that never happens to me even when i DONT have a migraine. LMAO#anyway. this has been the fucking. Daily ted talk about my chronic migraine#dont worry a 9 isnt. Well it is a lot. But it’s not NEW .#happens occasionally#it hurts a Fucking Lot#i didnt even clock it as a 9 at first i was like. god… why would an 8 hurt this bad…#and then i iced my head for 15 minutes and it got better and i could think better and was like. wait no THIS is the 8. THAT was a NINE#im just glad i have fucking medication for it now#before i had to survive on PARACETAMOL. didnt do jack shit#had i not had the sumatriptan i Would still be in that much pain and probably writhing in bed unable to sleep lmfao#unmedicated chronic migraine Not Fun. do not try at home.
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Okay after freaking out about alhaitham it’s time to be neurotic again that girl is freaking me out sm :D
#like bro I don’t understand wallah I don’t#I’m so confused and it’s literally ruining everything#dora daily#AND I NEVER SAY WALLAH ABOUT ANYTHING THIS IS HOW BAD ITS RUINING ME AAAAAAH#on one hand she’s ignoring me on the other she isn’t and she genuinely doesn’t see any of my posts#on the other she just forgot#ALL OF WHICH ARE SHIT OPTIONS#IT ISNT FAIR#i even tried liking her posts to show her yo I’m alive in case she didn’t see#I TRIED SENDING HER AN ASK ABOUT SOMETHING WEEKS AGO AND SHE DIDNT REPLY#I am trying so freaking hard and it is not working#and it’s fucking me up because what the fuck did I even do man#I didn’t do anything different#why do people ALWAYS do this I don’t fucking get it#it would’ve been much kinder if she just dropped me from the beginning when I was so hesitant with her#before I got so attached because what she’s doing right now is literally not only torture but so incredibly cruel#like I was getting obsessed with this one girl at work once but she ghosted me relatively early on in the very beginning stages of my#obsession coming into fruition and guess what IM TOTALLY FINE WITH IT NOW#BUT SHE LET THE RELATIONSHIP DEVELOP FOR MONTHS#then introduced a third party then now she doesn’t even acknowledge me#she is making me sewerslidal and it’s literally ruining everything#any time I would try to study I think of her and it freaks me out#every time I try to focus I think of her and it freaks me out#even when I go to sleep bro#like 8 ish weeks ago or so it literally was making me so messed up that if I hadn’t gone outside for a necessary out of uni task then my dad#taking me sight seeing in said area I genuinely don’t know what would have happened#because the level of rage I felt or whatever it was#was the most insane form of genuine torture ever#THIS WHOLE POST SEEMS NEUROTIC AND I’m just like I don’t even know anymore man#but what do I even do atp like bro
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Lol I've been literally too tired to function today. I spent the entire day just trying to "wake up", but I'm still just as tired right now as I was when I woke up this morning (and is why I haven't been super active or capable enough to interact, despite how hard I've been trying). How does anyone function this time of year?! (at least on my side of the globe). I even had a nap today and it didn't help (in fact, it made me more tired). I've had no ability to concentrate and no energy whatsoever 😔
#i'm literally SO sapped of energy and sleepy it's insane#like ALL DAY sjflsjsf#why must my body suck so bad when there isn't enough sunlight???#I REALLY hope I'm a bit more alive tomorrow bc I don't wanna waste my days off unable to do the things I like before I'm back at work again#- cuz that is SO incredibly demoralizing and just makes the depression an even worse negative feedback loop#please I hope I'm more awake tomorrow; I am on my hands and knees begging to the universe#but I've inevitably lost the battle today and am gonna give up just go to bed; ugh :/#like imagine you had to wake up at an ungodly hour while only getting a few hours/no sleep; that's how I've felt all day#worst part is is that when I get like this I get even more sensitive to things like sound and light and I have to be careful to not trigger#- migraines (almost got one today but narrowly avoided it)
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despite my best efforts i am still in love with my best friend :/
#my posts#she is literally going to drive me insane <3#ever since i started dating this other person she's been acting weird#and last night we watched a romance movie over drinks and. then slept together. and i held her all night#which is NOT something we've done before#and she wrapped her arms around mine#i feel actually lovesick i think#i might have to break things off with this other person because clearly im Not Available#i also couldn't sleep half the night bc my heart was racing. lol
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...
#i have to drive to the big city tomorrow morning... which is...#itll b fine. ive done it multiple times before so itll b fine#but also everytime i have to drive somewhere im a sobbing mess bc its so scary#and i space out which is terrifying so i have to sing and talk to myself the whole time so my brain doesnt drift too far#and i dont kno how long i have to b there or if ill b able to find parking...#i just hate is so much. literally its not a far trip. if we have a fucking working train system there would b a train between our two#universities and it would b like 30min. such fucking bullshit. that would b incredible. i would actually b able to go places#fuck the lack of public train transportation. its stupid.#at least i was busy all day. its crazy how much less terrible my day is when im in a semi empty lab working with algae#hopefully i didnt kill the culture bc i had to transfer immediately after making media. i think it cooled enough but well see#fuck. i dont wanna drive. i should sleep so im not more insane tomorrow#its crazy how distorted i get abt driving. i will convince myself that my car is gonna like fall apart while im driving#and that im absolutely going to have an accident caused by me. so i get up like ok this is where it all ends#in a smear across the highway#oh god i have to get gas tomorrow too#thry recommended i get there at 9 but maybe ill get there 8.30 and just like sit in my car crying for half an hour#lol i turn up to the lab with tear stained cheeks like hey sorry if it seemed like i was resistant to coming down here. im very unwell ✌️#bleh. lets not think abt it. dont think just do. and pray i dont have to fucking go multiple days#my reward for success is no spring break bc a stressful project will begin this weekend#but im not even sure i have spring break bc im a lab tech so i think mayne thats not a loss? idk i dont kno#when im supposed to b working or not. it doesnt matter. my tine sheets r a lie#time sheets :-P#unrelated
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