#i have nothing to say only apologies

[lilacthebooklover]

me, looking at the most toxic, awful, horrendously unhealthy fictional relationship in the world: why can't i have what they have? :(

[greenerteacups]

Hi GT,

Forgive me if this is a stupid question, but I absolutely love the recs you've given (you've introduced me to tomione, and I love it!) and I was wondering if it's possible to give you some recs in return? There are some books and fics that definitely have dramione / got vibes, and I was wondering if I could share them with you!

So glad you've enjoyed them! Feel free to rec me anything you want. I've read most of the classic recs in terms of fic and adjacent content (Cruel Prince et al), but I'll try anything that's well-written. My tastes run towards weird and/or audaciously creative stuff, and I can forgive a lot of weaknesses in plot on the grounds of (1) ambition or (2) character work. My turnoffs are instalove, protagonists who can't fail, and most Y/A (I'm not a hater, I swear, I just need characters who can say "fuck" when their leg gets chopped off.)

I'm also a fan of weird and fucked-up dynamics.(Wuthering Heights was my favorite book for a while, and as a teenager I wrote an AU in which the book ends on a long sex scene where Heathcliff fucks Cathy's ghost and then immediately gets murdered by Catherine 2.) Obviously, I am very normal.

[front-facing-pokemon]

[carefulfears]

how do you see mulder leaving in season 9? scully giving up william? how do they deal with these things? (their guilt, resentment, futility, etc)

i know i have a realllllllly unpopular opinion on all of this but as i've said recently, i just don't think there's anything easier on earth to convince mulder of than "things are safer if you're not here."

i usually come back to doggett's confusion in the beginning, the way he keeps asking and arguing and scully just keeps saying "he's gone" and shutting it down, until the end of the premiere when he realizes: "oh my god. it was scully. scully made him go."

god, it's sad. it's hard to talk about. i teared up trying to write this, as much as i am fonder of the storyline than most. i don't find it unrealistic or out of character or unfitting of the narrative. it doesn't mean i don't feel it's heartbreaking. i have such a hard time thinking of mulder missing that baby. not even having the chance to put up a fight, walking back into empty rooms. the show as a tragedy, finding your burden again, etc. the x-files as the gap between teary smiles at baby kicks to screams in a jail cell. as what it was in the beginning: unknowable answers to insurmountable grief.

and i just think about mulder's dramatic emails, writing that he doesn't think he can survive being away from them. spender looking at the baby and telling scully he's heard "so much" about him. mulder being tortured by soldiers, saying he's just thinking about his son. keeping 1 baby photo for 15 years. "i just missed both of you so much."

scully's fertility treatments and her prayers and her tears and her "last chance" and her miracle. and how deeply unfair it is, what happened to her. i don't think a single one of us could say what we could do if people kept breaking into our homes to suffocate a child we were still nursing. she didn't ever want to do it alone, that was never the plan.

but scully desperately wants to keep everybody safe. she thinks she’s keeping everybody safe. it’s hard to be starbuck. it's this conflict i keep talking about recently where you really start to notice how controlled she is by fear, how difficult it is for her to balance it all. my favorite visual on this is the gate at the house in i want to believe: every day the way she pulls up to it, gets out, opens it, pulls through, stops, gets out, closes it. repeat in reverse. and then she comes home and she says "the truth is, i worry about you." and that he's too isolated. turns around and shuts the door, leaves the house and locks the gate.

i wrote a bit a few weeks ago about scully's protectiveness and it made me think about what a trap it can be, how defending lends to fear and fear lends to defeat. to standing in a church 25-years deep and saying "i failed." in the tags of that post i asked "could they ever recover from her exiling him from being with their child because she was afraid it would kill him?" and said i don't know. and i don't, i don't know.

but i think there's something so brave in saying: i did the best i could, and maybe that wasn't right. it's why ghouli is one of my favorite episodes. scully sobbing to her son that she's sorry. she's sorry he doesn't know them. she wanted him, they loved him. "i was trying to keep you safe. i hope you know that." and she thought she was being strong, but maybe she was wrong.

things don't always shake out the way you want them to. it was always mulder that called their son a miracle, and mulder doesn't believe in miracles. mulder believes in the world, and the search, and the after.

[lord-squiggletits]

Reasons why I don't buy into "posh, aristocratic, and/or bigot Pharma" headcanons

Listed in no particular order, mostly prompted by a conversation with a mutual (that I've also had many times in the past with other mutuals)

For some reason people assume that being a flight frame is what would make Pharma so prideful and disdainful towards everyone else? But in IDW1 canon, flight frames are actually an oppressed class who were restricted by functionism to only be allowed to be soldiers or cargo lifters. The only flight frames who got to go outside of that mold were ones who got special exemptions (Jetfire) or ones who schemed and took advantage of politics (Starscream). If anything, being a flight frame would be a source of self-consciousness/annoyance for Pharma, since he would be seen as unusual and probably get constant "wow I didn't know flight frames could be doctors" type comments that single him out because of his body and not because of his actual skill or personality. It's possible that he might be proud of being a flight frame AND being a doctor, like being so good of a doctor that being a flight frame doesn't matter. But Pharma certainly wouldn't feel prideful or entitled to anything JUST for being a flight frame.

Re: bigoted and/or functionist Pharma: I think this headcanon comes from the fact that Pharma worked at the New Institute yes, but so did other characters such as Chromedome, Rung, and Brainstorm who are neither posh nor functionists. It seems rather unfair to assume that Pharma specifically must be a functionist or hate the lower class because he worked at the New Institute, when other characters who were in the exact same situation weren't presumed to be bigots just because they worked at a shitty place. Also as my point above states, why would Pharma be a functionist when functionism is the institution that would've kept him from being a doctor if he (presumably) wasn't forged with medic hands?

Speaking of bigotry, it's canon that Pharma and Ratchet were best friends since they worked at the DMF together, which was pre-war; how in the hell would it be in-character for Ratchet to be best friends with Pharma if he was an open bigot and a functionist? Ratchet would literally never. Plus, secondarily, Pharma is canonically in love with Ratchet, so if he were some sort of posh aristocrat, it'd be pretty odd for him to be best friends and shack up with a guy that's as down-to-earth and rude as Ratchet is. Not impossible, but for me personally, it counts as a mark against posh!Pharma because I think the fact that Pharma was best friends with Ratchet means that we can form a broad outline of his personality based on the type of person that Ratchet would like enough to be best friends with.

Pharma's diction and way of speaking isn't "high class" at all. He pretty much speaks like any other "normal" character in MTMTE does, but what's more, there are actually a couple of instances where he speaks in a much more casual and loose way. Little details where he says "coz" instead of "cause/because", uses words like "chap", that time he chainsaws someone and says "Feels rough, doesn't it?" I wouldn't say that Pharma is lower class or anything, but when looking for evidence that he's posh or stuck up, his diction/manner of speaking is a good place to start, but there's really no evidence of any poshness there at all. MAYBE that one time he talks to Ratchet talking about "instruments" and making an analogy between a surgeon and a musician, but in that case he was just using a metaphor to make a point to Ratchet.

In general, the only notable thing about Pharma that anyone talks about related to him (besides "going insane and killing patients") is the fact that he's a good doctor and all the various feats he's pulled off. One would think that if he was some sort of posh bigot, people would complain about it or bring it up when talking about their memories of Pharma, but no. Literally Pharma's primary trait is that he's a hella fucking good doctor. I GUESS you could argue that since a lot of doctors IRL are rich bc they get paid a huge amount of money, that means Pharma is also rich and sees himself as above everyone else, but that seems like a rather large leap to make from what little we know about Pharma. And everything we DO know about Pharma points to the fact that being a doctor was his entire life, and the only specific case where he wants to be seen as "superior" is with regards to Ratchet, another doctor who Pharma feels insecure in comparison to. So again, canon points us to the fact that Pharma really only cares about practicing medicine, and the only person he wants to feel superior to is Ratchet, because Ratchet is a better doctor than he is.

[bugsbenefit]

all i'll say about Noah's video is that i think it's weird people are calling it a "bad apology", because it's not even an apology video. the only thing he says is that his opinions have been misconstrued and that he doesn't want people to die, which, yeah, he already said before. there's no sorry, from the video alone you wouldn't even know if he's aware of what he did that made people turn on him so fast in the first place

i know the norm nowadays is to call any response to an issue/a situation an "apology" but sometimes it's just a statement, which is what this is. if he was genuinely "apologizing" he'd have to address the actual things he did, like keep misinformation up, even after it's been disproven and worst of all the "zionism is sexy" thing. what he's doing is just cautious backpeddling by saying everyone got him wrong. just a pretty obvious pr nothing-statement sadly

[thedreadvampy]

legitimately insane how to some people, "we should wipe out this ethnic group that we've violently constrained to a ghetto because they're just genetically more violent and dangerous" is a reasonable and justifiable statement but it's Nazi Rhetoric to say something like, "it's bad that Israeli civilians are being killed but acknowledging that as tragic includes acknowledging that the almost daily state-sanctioned murder of civilians by the Israeli government is also tragic and unacceptable"

btw guys speaking of Nazi shit - can we check in, alongside what's been done to Palestinians in the last 75 years, what's the Israeli government's take on the Azerbaijani government's newest round of ethnic cleansing of Armenians? oh are the Israeli government's actions maybe not determined by Jewish identity, but by a commitment to colonial supremacy which puts them on the same page as other violently genocidal states like Azerbaijan, the US, and the UK? god can you Even Imagine?

(framing speaking against Israeli war crimes as inherently antisemitic requires understanding the Israeli state as representing all Jewish people, when it doesn't even represent all Israelis.

framing Israeli war crimes as synonymous with Jewish identity is pretty fucked up if we're being honest. I don't think that controlling water and power and movement for a captive population and shooting children dead for throwing stones is an inherent value of Judaism, any more than I think the torture carried out at Guantanamo Bay is an inherent value of Christianity - in both cases they're atrocities carried out by a far right genocidal government using religious identity as a shield.

Calling statements like "Israel is committing genocide against the people it's displaced" inherently antisemitic is doing more to further the idea that all Jewish people are associated with Israel than saying "the Israeli government is doing war crimes," which is a statement of fact about a country that exists and does war crimes. Is criticism of Israel as a nation often used as cover for antisemitism? Absolutely. Does that mean the Israeli government isn't doing literal war crimes repeatedly, on record, while talking publicly about scrubbing an ethnic group off the map? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh well in the last 48 hours they've definitely cut off water and power to almost 600,000 civilians and allegedly used white phosphorus against civilians so in an extremely factual and unambiguous way yeah man those are Literal War Crimes whoever does them.)

[incesthemes]

hey girlie it’s me, sam winchesters gay lover, your mootie 🥰🥰🥰 i just wanted to let you know, that your tags on the post about that wincest video are based and i agree with every word, hashtag slay couldn’t agree more i loved reading your essay in those tags heart ❤️

omg thank you!!! i'm basically only capable of talking in essays whether people want me to or not, unfortunately

i just have a lot of feelings on this topic and the whole "canon or not canon" argument is weird to me; the themes are pretty darn clear in supernatural (it is NOT known for its subtlety) so idk man. they don't have to kiss to be canon. and they don't have to have a romantic relationship to be canon either. how many times do they get into relationships with other people only for it to be treated as cheating/betrayal/abandonment, only for them have to give up that relationship in order to reaffirm their devotion to their brother

that's just what the text says. i'm not under any kind of delusion that they have some secret sexual or romantic relationship, but that doesn't change that sam and dean are each other's most important person regardless of that. which is really awesome imo, that romance isn't treated as more important than whatever horrible thing they have with each other, and that they don't have to consummate their relationship with romance/sex in order for it to be the most important one they have

(and of course there's romantic/sexual subtext, like parallels and metaphors and misunderstandings and jokes, but to me that just provides a solid foundation for presenting this relationship between them as the most important even though it's not romantic or sexual—because this language of romance is the only one we know, really, when it comes to writing important relationships between characters. it's the only one we know in our own personal lives, to a large extent. so you use the romance/sexuality to symbolize the actual bond they have. which is so much worse lmao)

anyway i think spn is fairly unique in this way because of how no other relationships can really ever stand parallel to the one they share; even in other shows that center male friendship, romance is allowed to coexist with brotherhood. for sam and dean, it's not, and that becomes a point of tension and conflict and resolution many, many times over the course of the show. so like yeah!!! just because it's not romantic or sexual doesn't mean it's not canon, in the sense that their relationship is the point of the show, and it is the most important relationship they have. they chose each other above all else, every single time. yknow, it's "the epic love story of sam and dean" and all that

[confettiinred]

something about these audric and grim pieces make me feel so ?? at ease ?? I CAN’T FUCKING EXPLAIN IT BUT AUUFJDHFJGJFJ,,, I LITERALLY MADENTHE FIRST ONE MY WALLPAPER AS SOON AS I SAW IT AND IT’S SO . 😢😢😢 do NAWWTTT PERCEIVE ME!!!!!!!

[snekdood]

if ppl telling you "jewish ppl in israel were already kicked out of other countries and have no where else to go" makes you feel compelled to call whoever said that a "zionist", I really just dont think you give af about jewish ppl's lives quite frankly.

if your "free palestine" means "getting rid" of all jewish civilians in israel I think you're probably just a heartless asshole.

[kshaar]

i did not make the post complaining about datv plot that i wanted to when i finished the game but one of the bullet points on it was 'where is the reckoning to shake the heavens that flemeth promised'? we lost kate mulgrew for this?' which is bullet point that might make one realize that one's complaints are very niche and specific and thats not what people look for in 10-year-later sequels and you nix the whole post

and then almost two weeks later d*vid g*ider makes a post about flemeth & morrigan & how they were always so fundamental to dragon age [which he begins by calling himself out for older women being his type- i dont want to talk about it] and another about how the scene between morrigan & kieran & flemythal was written and shot for here lies the abyss, morrigan saying she would never be the mother [to kieran] that flemeth was to her 🥺which is STILL the most impactful thing from inquisition

then you see the messy cowardly bullshit fucking story we got in veilguard, the way that mythal's fragment is in there solely to absolve this man for killing her, and morrigan is only there as her mouthpiece and the only way to convince this man that he needs to stop is if people tell him 'its okay man' because thats our priority right. making him feel better. fuck the dwarves dreams and the blight and the-

i don't know, i don't really have a point

[the-kneesbees]

do I buy the cd player.

[magnusmodig]

ovo whispers menacingly abt his grandstanding .

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

I dont know how to say it other than to just say it. I don't feel comfortable, let alone the least bit enthusiastic, about continuing cosmic given noah schnapp's horrifying, disgusting behavior. I think I've been done for a long time anyway, for a number of reasons but this... no. just no. Anyways, Free Palestine

[trimmedarmor]

doing the equivalent of gripping something intensely hard then forcing myself to let it go every time i see something about the stupid fandom drama i got pulled into earlier this year

[softquietsteadylove]

Hey birdie! ✨

I've got a cute fluffy idea for "My First And Only" if that's okay! Thena and Gil fell asleep on the couch at Thenas and Ajak comes home after a long day at work. She's seeing them and takes a picture she's going to use as her smartphone background. Thena wakes up and glares at her mother but she can't get up because Gil is holding her! ✨🖤 Hugs and Love! 🖤✨

Thena blinked, finding the living room dark. The question of 'are you still watching?' having come and gone. She sighed, not quite ready to get up yet.

Gil wasn't either.

Right--they had been watching cooking shows while waiting for her mother to get back from work. Gil always kept her company when Mother was working, whether here or at his place with Karun. They had come home with onigiri and a new flavour of cup ramen to share as a snack.

And they might have made out a little bit.

Thena tried to reach for her phone but, somehow, she and Gil had moved from just leaning together on the couch to now fully cuddling. Gil was slumped over on the throw pillows, but with his arm firmly around her waist. Their legs were woven together messily, tangled in the subconscious desire to have their feet up while they rested.

"Gil," she whispered, although Gil was a very sound sleeper. The few times she had gone to his house on the weekends early in the morning, she had discovered as much.

That was also how she discovered that Gramps made wonderful pancakes.

"Gil," she whispered again, pushing on his chest faintly.

"'Ena," he mumbled, forgetting the 'Th' and only nestling further into her mother's plush sofa and pulling her tighter against him.

Thena smiled to herself, alone in the dusk. Gil was nice and warm, she had to admit. It was very different from when she had sleepovers with Makkari and Sersi, all three of them crammed into her double bed upstairs.

Gil sighed in his sleep, holding onto her in the slim space between his body and the back of the couch. His arm was both loosely and solidly wrapped around her.

Just so long as no one could see--could know she was indulging herself like this, Thena pressed her face to his chest. He smelled nice; he had started wearing some kind of scent since they started going out. She wasn't sure if it was real cologne or not, but it was kind of nice. And of course he smelled like whatever he had been cooking.

She wrapped her arms around him too, under the hoodie he was wearing. It was a little too warm for him to need it, but she was pretty sure he always had a jacket or sweater or something just in case she got cold so he could lend it to her. He loved 'boyfriend stuff' like that.

Thena sighed, quickly being pulled into sleep again by how warm and comfortable he was, even napping on her mother's couch in the early evening. "I love you, Gil."

He was asleep; it was the only reason she said it.

"Honey?--I'm sorry I'm late, my love, I--oh."

Thena kept her eyes closed, hoping her mother would simply...mind her business. For once.

Ajak was enthralled by her relationship with Gil. According to her, she wasn't sure if Thena would ever find herself in want of a romantic companion, and was thus ecstatic that she had found such a suitable partner as Gil.

She had plenty of 'I told you so's, in not so many words.

Thena listened as her mother abandoned her shoes by the door but definitely didn't go upstairs, or even into the other room towards the kitchen.

Ajak was quiet, tiptoeing in sock feet over the living room rug and towards them. She turned on the small side lamp and opened the curtains just a little.

Gil adjusted on the couch at the brighter environment before settling his head by Thena's again.

"Oh!" Ajak whispered in delight.

Thena's cheeks burned. She wasn't sure if it would be worse to be awake now or not. Maybe her mother would get the hint - for once - and leave them be if she pretended to still be asleep.

Ajak's phone made the quiet noise of a camera clicking.

"Mother!" Thena did her best to turn and glare at her mother, although still within Gil's hold.

"Sorry, honey," Ajak whispered, although obviously not with any real regret. "Did I wake you?"

Thena hesitated. "Yes."

"Sorry, my baby, you go back to sleep," Ajak murmured, although she didn't exactly scurry off to leave them alone.

Thena pushed against Gil's chest to angle her head, "what are you doing?"

Ajak was holding her phone with one hand and tapping away with her pointer finger of the other. "How do I change the background on this?"

"What?!"

"I know you've showed me before," Ajak murmured, tapping and pressing on various parts of her phone screen. "Oh, wait."

"No, Mother, you-"

Ajak looked up as Thena's fussing only got her encased in Gil's arms again. His embrace weighed down Thena against him, letting him nuzzle his face closer to hers again.

Thena heard Ajak squeak in delight. Perhaps it was just as well her face was being pushed into Gil's side again, having started to become engulfed in warmth.

"Okay, okay, I'm going, I'm going," Ajak practically giggled. She moved lightly, pausing only to pull the throw over the back of the couch over them.

Thena glared at her mother. "If you use that as a background I will-"

"Hush, Thena, don't want to wake Gil," Ajak cut her off, blowing kisses to them both as she finally bounded upstairs.

Thena pressed her face into Gil's chest one more time. She had to find a way to delete that picture from her mother's phone, and maybe from the face of the earth.