#i have no other ships AHAHA

[krysmcscience]

Saw this post and couldn't resist because,

1.) @tesscourtes' human!Bill is a lil cutie-patootie menace that I very badly wanted to draw, and,

2.) I have a - M I G H T Y - N E E D - for any version of human!Bill to find any way he possibly can to annoy Ford a whole lot :D

Also, 3.) I like to headcanon that Bill's knowledge in The Sciences is mostly limited to 'Ways I Can Make A Really Cool Doomsday Portal', and everything else he knows is just a slapdash mix of the stuff he remembers from whatever schooling he went through on Euclydia, a whole awful lot of lucky guesses (which he WILL gaslight you about if you tell him he's wrong), and - naturally - conning all the rest of the answers he needs out of any more educated saps who are unfortunate enough to be around him at the time (answers which he will then proceed to take credit for), so as far as I'm concerned, this "outfit" is perfect for him.

Ignore the shitty backgrounds, I am sick to death of doing backgrounds, I just want to draw goofy shenanigans, okay???

[dragonji]

guys I cant keep lying by omission I do Have to say . it's not that I dont ship qyz with anyone its literally just that I do Nawt like seeing him with yy to be so honest with you

[roosterm3at]

no request just wanted to say I get so happy every time I post, you do such a service for the half-life fandom and also my autism 🙏🙏

i hope you guys know that you encourage my deranged behavior everyday

[journen]

People knocking codywan in the tags on a reblogged post of mine they reblogged from me :((( I feel sad

[chestersbraincell]

Now I’ve been pondering the little prince just a little, and the way that if you interpret it right, you could make the rose x prince combo Highschool Genzou and Orlam, and then the fox x prince combo Orlam and Iggy

[kavehayati]

Ships so bad it’s getting me to tolerate h*ik*veh 😖

[rice-ballin]

sometimes your lifesource is that fictional character you have a crush on and that oc that vaguely is based off of you that you ship them with

[despairforme]

What kind of guy is your type

As if he was ever going to answer that. Shouldn't they ask her what type of GIRL he liked? Did he have a type though? He'd thought about it from time to time, at least recently, since he was thinking about finding someone to date again. Since he was bisexual, he was open to dating either a man or a woman. He'd never actually dated a female, so maybe that's why he always imagined himself finding another guy instead. But, who knew. Maybe he'd end up finding the perfect chick? He was open to the possibility, though it was easier to imagine himself dating a guy, since that's what he had experience with.

What kinda guy was his type?

It was easier to answer what he didn't like, rather than his preferences. He definitely didn't like femininity in men. He wasn't into soft dudes. Push-overs. Guys who didn't stand their ground, at least to some extent.

Physically, he was the most attracted to masculinity. Broad shoulders, muscles, height... When it came to a guy's appearance, that's what Nnoitra found the most attractive. But - he wasn't picky. He'd definitely fuck a guy who didn't have the masculine features Nnoitra preferred.

But your "type" was more about what kind of person you'd wanna date, right?

He'd like to date someone who brightened his days. Not a completely sunshine kind of dude, but someone who took gloomy things and made them okay. A funny guy. Someone who made him laugh ( Nnoitra found himself laughing way too rarely these days ). His type was the determined kind. Someone who had goals and knew how to get there. Nnoitra found confidence attractive. As long as it was grounded in reality. He disliked people who were high on themselves for no reason. He didn't want to date an insecure guy ( or, at least, not someone who stayed insecure ). He'd like someone who always got back up on their feet, no matter what happened.

He'd also --- maybe - like it if the guy he was dating could relate to him on some level. He sure didn't want him to be depressive like himself, but he wanted him to at least understand what it was like to always feel down like Nnoitra did. Being understood, but not coddled was important to him.

It was complicated, in the end, to be Nnoitra's "dream guy", or whatever. Of course he was NEVER going to find someone who fit perfectly into all of these descriptors.

If he fell in love with a guy, and was lucky enough to have him fall in love in return - then THAT would be his type.

[off-broadway]

i think a lot of them have splintered off by now but back when there was more of a fandom i dont think i fucked w a lot of squip stans bc either they were squipjer shippers or they mostly liked the squip under redemption arc pretenses. i think the squip should be a huge bitch and very scary forever

[stuworbutwitheds]

Been thinking on this.

Ed at some point started wondering if Dee and Sarah would be a thing just so he could be his brother-in-law. Dee was terrified.

I like to think that Double D's parents don't like Ed's parents at all

They keep telling their son to 'not get involve with such savage kids' while dee keeps in secret that one of them tried to kiss him and the other one actually has a crush on him

[mclqren]

CAR TALK ★ LS2

PAIRING ✦ logan sargeant x fem!youtuber!reader

SUMMARY ✦ on your youtube channel, you post q&a's in your car, and your most recent guest has people speculating about the two of you. [ SMAU ]

WARNINGS ✦ cursing

NOTES ✦ reader lives in america for the purpose of this fic. i know the car doesn't like the same in all of the pictures but that's the best i could do ahaha. the fc i've used is kiana davis, but feel free to picture whoever you want! my requests are open so feel free to leave a request :)

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

liked by emmachamberlain, yourbsf, and 582,899 others

yourusername first 'car talk' episode of 2024 is pending...🏎️

view all comments

user1 the weekly episodes of car talk have been severely missed this winter vacation.

user2 SO REALLL i've been needing y/n back on my screen

user3 she is actually so perfect it's scary

user4 idc we needdd a car talk x chicken shop date crossover asap

yourusername @/ameliadimz thoughts??

ameliadimz we can look into this 👀

user5 OKAY BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE CAPTION?? THE RACECAR??

user6 she HASSS to be interviewing some f1 driver.

emmachamberlain YUMMYYYY

yourusername 😍😍

yourbsf MY BEST FRIENDDD!!

yourusername ALWAYSSS

liked by logansargeant, yourbsf, and 552,110 others

yourusername 'car talk' ep 1 of 2024 coming this saturday 👀🏎️

view all comments

user8 IT'S DEF A F1 DRIVERRR THE SHIRT IS A DEAD GIVEAWAY

user9 oh ABSOLUTELY

user10 her facecardddd oh my gosh

user11 been missing your videos queen!

user12 okay but like which f1 driver do we think it is??

user13 crazy thing is she has like five or six of them following her/in her likes right now, so it could technically be any of them

liked by logansargeant, alex_albon, and 622,110 others

tagged logansargeant

yourusername 'car talk' ft logan sargeant out now!! one of my favorite episodes i've filmed so far ❤️

view all comments

user18 WOWWW IT WAS LOGAN THE ENTIRE TIME??

user19 I KNOWWW

user20 yall's chemistry was through the roof. i was sweating just watching the episode

alex_albon 👀

user21 LMAOOO ALEX WHAT DO YOU KNOW

logansargeant Best driver/farm animal expert/youtuber 🙌

yourusername yessirrrr ❤️

user22 HELP NOT ALL OF Y/N'S PROFESSIONS

user23 he had to make sure he got all of them in

liked by yourusername, alex_albon, and 100,298 others

tagged yourusername

logansargeant Thanks again to the crazy lady who drove me around the city, almost killed me in the process, asked intrusive questions about my life and took me to visit a farm. Had a blast 🏆

view all comments

user24 HIM CALLING Y/N OUT FOR HER DRIVING HELPPP

user25 why do i actually kinda ship them...

user26 no ur so real for this.

yourusername you're so welcome!! ( i'm at ur door for mentioning my driving abilities )

logansargeant I'LL TAKE IT BACK SORRY

alex_albon 👀

user27 HIM COMMENTING THE SAME THING ON BOTH THEIR POSTS I'M CREASING

liked by logansargeant, yourbsf, and 533,002 others

yourusername brb, currently escaping to dc 👋

view all comments

user29 why is she the most perfect girl everrrr

user30 LITERAL MODEL.

user31 logan has now taken his spot as permanent liker of y/n's posts

user32 is it just me who wants to see logan & y/n together again??

user33 NOT JUST YOU!!

logansargeant Maybe you should come down to Florida sometime??🙌

user34 LOGAN SHOOTING HIS SHOTTT

user35 @/user34 or they could just be friends?? 🤷‍♀️

user36 @/user35 let us be delusional please.

yourbsf photography creditsss??

yourusername yes yes all to you!

liked by logansargeant, emmachamberlain, and 544,110 others

yourusername back on the move ✈️

view all comments

user40 RIGHT BEFORE THE SEASON STARTS ASW??

user41 i smell a bahrain visit!!

user42 okay but her hair is my most favorite thing everrr

alex_albon 👀

user43 MR ALBON BACK W THE EYESSS

user44 WHAT DOES HE KNOW.

logansargeant 🙌❤️❤️

liked by yourusername

liked by yourusername, alex_albon, and 144,671 others

tagged yourusername

logansargeant Bahrain ✔️ Girlfriend ✔️ Mission Accomplished ✔️

view all comments

user47 "mission accomplished" THE PLAN HAS BEEN BREWINGG

user48 FINALLY MY FAVSSS

user49 crazy car guy x even crazier car lady is my new favourite trope

user50 SO REAL FOR THISSS

alex_albon already knew this'd happen 🤷‍♂️

logansargeant So you've mentioned!!

user51 he's been trying to help yall out AS HE SHOULD.

yourusername be glad i didn't kill you that time i took you driving, otherwise you never would've gotten to ask me to be your girlfriend. ❤️❤️

logansargeant Thankful every day 🙏

liked by logansargeant, lilymhe, and 655,224 others

tagged logansargeant

yourusername new car talk episode incoming this time with my BOYFRIENDDD 🥳🥳

user52 THEY'RE THE CUTESTTT

user53 she looks so happy omg

user54 if you hurt her logan we're all after you. 😁

yourbsf so im a third wheel now??

yourusername nahh he can third wheel us bbg 😉😉

lilymhe ANOTHER FEMALE IN THE WILLIAMS PADDOCK THANK YOU LORD

yourusername i'll make you my latest car talk victim 😍

lilymhe sign me upppp!!

user55 im sensing a double date car talk incoming

user56 'the eyes, chico. they never lie' @ logan in the second picture

yourusername @/logansargeant LOOLLLL WISHING I MADE THIS THE CAPTION

logansargeant My fav ex-farm employee ❤️

yourusername still prefer the sheep to you ❤️❤️

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[lxgentlefolkcomic]

First page || Previous page || Next page

Start reading Episode 1

Dialogue transcripts:

Panel 1

Mina:  Captain Nemo asked for certain members of his crew to join us on Arthur’s ship, and allows that we may split our party to join him on the Nautilus.

Jekyll:  I can see the advantage in that…but how will you communicate with each other?

Panel 2

Mina:  That’s a good point.  Perhaps Morse code?  But how to get a signal through when the Nautilus is submerged?

Panel 3

Griffin: I have the answer to that—Don’t look so surprised!  You know damn well I’m good for more than mere burglary!

Panel 4

Griffin:  The Nemo-phone’s a clever little thing, but this mission calls for more than one-way communication.

Jack:  I can’t believe we’re calling it that…

Panel 5

Griffin: The solution… is THIS!

Sound effect: BING

Panel 6

Jekyll: —The blazes!

Panel 7

Griffin: Pfffthahaha! The looks on your faces! Ahaha...Perhaps I should have given you protective glasses, too.

Panel 8

Irene: I suppose this will do more than simply blind us?

Griffin (offscreen): Of course! These devices can be used to signal in Morse code; they can penetrate fog, rain, and up to 50 meters of water!  

Panel 9

Griffin: And I’ve just finished implementing the sound, allowing the receiver to listen rather than stare endlessly.

[kurishiri]

12 ┊ Jude’s main story

꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ notice ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ this translation may not be 100% accurate or contain creative liberties due to characterization or narrative flow purposes. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but don’t repost these or claim these as your own!

— a legendary, iconic chapter in jude’s main story. trust me, you don’t need to know a lick of what happens before or after to understand this chapter. (yes, it's a filler chapter. iykyk.)

— cw: some angst. but it's mostly fluff! some silly crown antics, heh.

—— Library ——

Victor: Have you fallen for Jude?

Kate: Wha— ah…um…

Victor: Ahaha, I find it quite endearing how you’re like an open book in your expressions and actions.

V: Well then, mind if I ask what’s gotten you so motivated to study?

(I guess I really can’t evade someone as sharp as Victor, can I,)

(when I tell him I want to borrow books related to international trade and economics so suddenly.)

I gave up on the notion of hiding it, instead looking directly up at Victor.

Kate: In some cases, knowledge can become a weapon. An art of protection, if you will.

K: So first and foremost, it’s for myself. But also, I was thinking how I wanted to become someone Jude can rely on,

K: and someone he can lean on, whether he is going through happy times or sad. And him liking me would just be an added bonus and all…

That was the answer to the strange way my heart [1] had been acting these past few days.

Kate: That said, I do feel he’d brush me off, saying it’s an unnecessary burden.

Victor: But in some cases, that ‘unnecessary burden’ may be what binds a person to life too, is what I think.

V: For it’s neither knives nor poison that kills a person — it’s solitude.

Albeit just for a moment, I felt those jewel-like eyes cloud over…

Kate: …Victor, have you ever felt loneliness before?

Victor: Hardly. I’ve long forgotten such feelings.

Saying so, Victor flashed me a bright smile, as though to coax me at ease.

—— Neutral POV ——

—— Dining room ——

Jude: Ha, what’s with this.

Jude had just returned from work, and seeing a sleeping Kate there bent over the table in the dining room, his face scrunched up, when…

Victor: If it isn’t Jude, welcome back. I just brought in a blanket for Kate.

V: She had been studying the entire time, you see, and it seems she’s a bit worn out now——

V: Whoopsie, I fear anything past that’s a secret between Kate and me.

Jude: N’ that’s fine by me. Just take care o’ the costs by the end o’ month.

Victor: Gladly. Then I leave this in your hands.

Jude: The hell?

Victor pushed the blanket at Jude with a smile before leaving,

and Jude looked down at Kate, soundly in the world of dreams…

Jude: …Tch.

Putting the blanket over Kate in a nonchalant gesture, he tried to leave when something caught onto the hem of his clothes then.

Jude: …What are ya, a tot?

He looked on at Kate, who held onto the hem of Jude’s clothes as she slept, a fed-up smile in his eyes.

Then, he saw the mountain of books scattered across the table.

Jude: ………

Kate had been burying her nose in studies… for his own sake.

Jude let out a sigh, and then took a seat next to Kate, whose hands were still grasping the hem of his clothes.

Jude: ………Ya really are a hopeless case, aren’t’cha.

—— Kate’s POV ——

I had started learning about things I hadn’t known before on topics such as international trade and economics.

That said, sometimes the contents written in the books were difficult——

—— Basement laboratory ——

Roger: Since the Navigation Acts [2] were abolished, ships from other countries were permitted entry,

R: and from there, the competition of which ship could arrive at London the quickest became more cutthroat.

Kate: So that’s how tea races came to be, right?

Alfons: How deeply profound it would be, were we to think the tea on this table originated from the victors of those very races, indeed.

Roger was equipped with an abundance of knowledge, so I went to him for help, but…

At some point, that evolved to everyone in the back, enjoying tea.

Alfons: This graceful, mellow fragrance is quite a far cry from the constant smell of gunpowder and blood.

A: I daresay, have we not been wallowing too much in the front of life as of late?

Liam: Ah, I’ve been thinking about that too. We haven’t done a single thing for the season, so it’s a little lonely, maybe.

Roger: Hey guys. Mind quitting with the chit chat?

Just as Roger said this, seemingly annoyed, the door to the research laboratory opened with so much vigor, it could have broken down.

Victor: Did I just hear that my dear boys are not enjoying life? Now what a grave situation we have on our hands!

Roger: Hey, you, don’t just come in outta the blue like that.

Victor: But never to fear, as Victor presents! A very out-of-season fireworks party is in the works, yippee!

V: I consulted with William beforehand about using his private beach already. Goodness me, how capable I must be!

(Fireworks, huh...)

It was indeed a bit out of season, to be sure, but everyone was bored enough to agree to the proposition.

Victor: And so, with that, I have a small favor to ask of you, Kate.

(A favor? What is it, I wonder?)

—— Jude’s office ——

It turned out said ‘favor’ was——

Jude: If ya lot wanna go that bad then just go off on your own.

Kate: But I won’t like it if you’re not coming with!

It was to drag Jude to the fireworks party.

Or, more accurately, it was to ‘drag both Jude and Ellis,’

but Ellis, seeming delighted, affirmed immediately that he would go, which would just leave dragging Jude along.

Ellis: I also won’t like it if you’re not coming.

Jude: How many times are ya gonna say that. It’s hella annoyin’.

(I thought he would say that, so now that it’s come to this——)

Kate: Jude.

Jude: What.

Kate: Lulipia [3] has proposed giving their new product exclusively to Raven Co.

K: But, the condition was that Ellis and I took charge of it.

I had recently learned about the art of negotiation in a book, and when I utilized that, Jude raised a brow in irritation.

Jude: Ha, lookatcha, tryna negotiate with me. Ya got some guts, huh.

J: Fine then.

Kate: Wait— really...?

Jude: When it comes to costs n’ expenses, I got somethin’ to gain outta this. End o’ discussion.

Kate: Then... w-we did it!!

Ellis: You did well, Kate.

(Sure, it was a bit of a low play, but that doesn’t change the fact Jude is coming along!)

—— Beach (night) ——

The fireworks launched to the sky lit up the shore.

Kate: Wow...!

Elbert: ...It’s pretty, isn’t it.

It was a bit out of season, but that seemed to become irrelevant with how beautiful the fireworks burst in the night sky.

Victor: Bravooo! The fireworks may fade in an instant, but the memories will stay for an eternity more in my heart.

Cheering as fireworks were launched one after another, we also had colorful fireworks at the shore.

Liam: Kaaate! Over here, over here!

Harrison: Here, this is yours.

Kate: Thanks!

I tried lighting the stick for a firework, when Alfons thought of something, a complacent smile on his face.

Alfons: Ahha, I’ve just thought of something good.

A: The one whose firework lasts the longest will be able to give a single order to the rest of us. Does that sound appealing?

Roger: Oh, sounds interesting.

Kate: But I feel like there’s something fishy too...

Ellis: Come to think of it, Al was looking really carefully at the fireworks just now.

Kate: Wha— don’t tell me you already tampered with the fireworks, Alfons!

Alfons: ...Just what are you going on about?

William: Haha, it seems our little robin has gotten a solid grasp on all the Crown members.

In the end, with Alfons’ schemes ousted, there was no such match, and we lit up the fireworks in order.

(Hm? What about Jude...)

I saw him a little ways away, and I brought Jude’s firework, running to him.

[1] Give him a launcher firework.

[2] Give him a handheld firework. (+4 / +4)

[3] Give him a firecracker.

Kate: Here, Jude, your firework.

I held out the handheld firework I had lit out to him, when...

Jude: .........

Jude took it wordlessly, pointing the crackling flower my way.

Kate: Hey, wai— don’t go pointing that at people with that nonchalant look!

Harrison: Damn... what a brute, that guy.

Roger: But looks like Jude’s having his own fun too.

Everyone’s faces were illuminated by the beautiful fireworks, like an illusion.

And, all of a sudden, the depths of my heart squeezed.

(At some point, I had become a part of their circle.)

To think I had once feared the ones in this very circle, too.

Jude: What’s with ya, grinnin’ ear to ear like that.

Kate: Oh, it’s nothing. I was just thinking about how much fun I’m having...

Jude: What a happy-go-lucky princess ya must be——

As though to interrupt Jude’s words, exceptionally large fireworks were launched to the sky.

The sight of the large flowers that blossomed in the night sky took everyone’s breaths away.

William: It was Victor’s idea.

Victor: A biiig surprise!

Harrison: You guys really don’t hold back, do you. ...Well, it’s pretty, I’ll give it that.

Kate: It really is.

Seeing everyone’s smiles, lit up by the fireworks, my chest started to feel unbearably hot...

Liam: I’ll definitely make this next play a success!!

Liam suddenly shouted.

Roger: Haha, are we declaring our resolutions now? I like that.

R: I will gather data from Cursed ones all around the world!!

Kate: Oh, then me too—

(So that I can stand together with Jude at the same place, and see the same world as him...)

(And so that I can become a person Jude can rely on...)

Kate: I will grow more and more!!

Jude: What’s with that dim resolution?

Ellis: I will grow more and more tall!

Jude: Bloody hell, don’t go growin’ even more.

Kate: Are you not going to shout out your resolution, Jude?

Jude: What are ya, a birdbrain?

With those words, Jude stared up at the fireworks that rose up to the Prussian blue sky before fading away.

And as for me... I discreetly looked at his profile as he did so.

(...Jude’s face looks very colorful.)

It was almost like he himself was a firework.

Fierce and intense, dangerous if I went too close... and yet also, for an unfathomable reason, unable to keep myself from looking away.

But, at the same time, perhaps because I had been looking at him this entire time, I felt a certain sense of unease from within me.

(Just like there is no firework that can light up for eternity, there are times I feel like Jude will up and disappear...)

It was like his very profile would fade out just like that, saying not a word to anyone and leaving not a memento behind...

And, so that he wouldn’t go off anywhere else, I gripped the hem of his clothes.

Kate: Jude, I want ice cream.

Jude: What?

Ellis: Me too.

Alfons: And me three. Well then, someone can be our dear dogsbody——to go and buy some.

Jude: Can’t help it then, I’ll go n’ buy ‘em.

Alfons: Dear me, I do insist, let me be the one.

William: Then I will go.

(Wait, what? Huh? The way this is going... does this mean I have to say it too!?)

Kate: Ah, then I’ll go and buy them!

Jude: Then off ya go.

(Wait, what?)

Seeing the grin play on the corner of his lips, I realized then that I had been completely wheedled.

Kate: ——That was in such bad taste...!

Jude: Hah—

J: Ya really are easy to trick, aren’t’cha, princess.

Kate: ...!

Seeing Jude’s smile, my heart throbbed — to the point it hurt, and to the point it became unbearable — and it wouldn’t stop.

(I probably am not much of anything in Jude’s eyes...)

(But, if I can at least become an occasional source of Jude’s smiles, then that would be fine with me too.)

Beneath the sky where beads of light shimmered and swirled, I made a wish... that this fun time would last, even if it was for a moment longer.

But, alas, such times did not last long.

ko-fi ☕️ ┊ comms 🤍

NOTES:

[1] In Japanese, there are two words for heart: [心] (kokoro) and [心臓] (shinzō), the former referring to a more ‘conceptual’ or intangible version of the heart that  sort of drives emotions or empathy (the pathos, if you will); and the latter being the physical organ. Here, Kate uses [心臓] (shinzō).

[2] The Navigation Acts (1651, 1660) were acts of Parliament, based on earlier precedents, intended to promote the self-sufficiency of the British Empire by restricting colonial trade to England and decreasing dependence on foreign imported goods. The laws also regulated England's fisheries and restricted foreign, including Scottish and Irish, participation in its colonial trade.

[3] To clarify, Lulipia, which could be translated into a different spelling — the original Japanese word they used was [ルリピア] (ruripia), is a company, not a person.

[erinwantstowrite]

Hi I know you mentioned you being aroace just a couple days ago and I was wondering if maybe you could explain more in depth about how you found out your sexuality and what not? If it’s not too personal…

I’ve always sorta struggled since I haven’t had any crushes as a kid except for maybe one and that’s just cause ppl kept asking me who mine was… so I don’t even think it was a legit crush?? So not only do I not know who (looks,gender, that sorta thing) I would like … am I ever gonna like someone to even find that out???

I know you said Superman on the new trailer was hot ahaha so do you still experience that sort of physical attraction? I’ve been told when people question which gender they like, to pick which one looks more attractive to them but I’ve never really experienced that sort of physical attraction so I can’t tell that way either…

I think any thought of a crush forming was more towards their personality as well. Looks I guess are more of a second thought I think..? Even then I can’t tell if this is “you’re such an awesome person I wanna be besties with you” really strong feeling or an actual “I wanna date this person” feeling.

The only person I’ve gotten really close to discerning it as officially crush was someone from work who was older by a good amount… which can be/is pretty weird.. Lots of people my age are just a little too crazy for me.. I guess??? Idk and even now I can’t tell if that was just “glad to have someone as a friend sorta thing. I’m really sorry if this is too personal and u don’t have to respond to the ask directly either I was just hoping on maybe some advice for some clarity if possible… as I get older and realize I’ve never dated/had that sorta infatuation it feels so excluding at times.

Also I am hoping for a feast AND desert with this “‘soon’ but still haven’t posted it two days later” chapter plz and thank you

I hope this made sense and wasn’t too invasive!! :(

when i was younger, i was reading about this kind of thing online and i didn't find anyone like me. i think it's about time that i come full circle and make my own post. i've got like half of my frontal lobe developed and i've been figuring out a lot of things about myself these past couple of years, and there might be someone out there who needs to hear this (´-`ʃ♡ƪ) so if anyone is interested, below the cut is a very long talk about how i figured some stuff out

when it came to my sexuality, i only started considering it when i was in middle school, going into high school. (which would be when i was 12-13). that's when a lot of my friends started having crushes on our classmates and i realized they were being serious when they said they had crushes on people. they had figured out their identities as being a lesbian or bisexual, and they had relationships. (or as close as you can get to that in middle school).

i started to panic and think that i was lagging behind. and i really started to repress my feelings about dating people and romance and what that would entail. i found out through the internet about being pansexual. at the time i thought "oh, they have the same attraction for everyone!" and i slapped it on myself because i thought it would fix everything. i even came out to my parents as pansexual and for a while i left it at that.

i had an idea of romance. i shipped characters in media and i knew that my parents really loved each other. there were a lot of examples for love in my life that weren't the best, but having two parents that actually did care about each other made me want that for myself in the future...

but that's in the future. i personally didn't think about it much because we were still kids. for a while i didn't think anyone else was being serious, that they were just trying it out quicker than i was ready for. it was a strange feeling. i guess i still believed we were playing make believe, or copying what we saw on TV or with our parents. often when my friends asked me who i had a crush on and i felt pressured, i would pick someone that i thought i wouldn't mind dating if i had to. someone would be "interested" in me and i would say "okay" because i felt like that was part of this game we all seemed to be playing. i've had a few "boyfriends" over the years that got people off my back when i had them. in elementary school it was this boy that didn't pick on me, another boy that was my parents' friend's kid. in middle school i had an online boyfriend and a couple of "crushes" on friends of friends, someone just a little far out of my circle that didn't shake anything up. my friends would help me get together with a person and they'd seem so excited for me, so i just went along with it.

then it hit me that they weren't doing it just to do it, or playing pretend. they actually felt something when they were interacting with their crushes. i started to reread books and rewatch media and really grasp what they were saying. the feeling of having butterflies inside them when they talked to each other, blushing when something was said? i thought that was about a general anxiety people get when talking to other people. but there was always something more to it that i just... didn't get. no matter how hard i tried, i didn't understand what that something was.

then started coming the pressure to do the same, to fit in. that's why i accepted a label of pansexual. it was "strange" but at least it didn't feel "broken." i could deal with people telling me that i was wrong for liking more than just boys. but to say that there was no one on the table gave me an anxiety i'd never felt before. like i would be letting down my family, that the entire course of my life would shift. i wouldn't walk down the aisle because there would be no wedding. my parents wouldn't have grandkids. my friends would go on to have lives completely separate from mine, we'd have nothing in common anymore. so i stuffed it all down and made myself believe that this wasn't who i was.

it really mixed me up because i did have a couple of "crushes" that felt real. there were a few girls i was friends with, there were boys in my classes (usually class clowns...) that i'd get excited to see every day. when i thought about dating them, it felt nice. any other time when i thought about dating someone, i'd get this awful feeling in my gut that i later realized was dread. i was fully convinced it was different from all the other times. that "different" that i didn't understand before.

it was different! but not for the reason i thought it was. those people made me laugh, they listened and remembered things about me (that i didn't get much of during that time of my life), and most of all: they didn't like me back.

there were literally no expectations in their eyes for things to go away from friendship. and i think that's what made me like them, but not as a crush. it was relief. there was always an expectation for other people (specifically boys) that if we were friends, things would stray from friendship at some point. not with these people. that relief, combined with all the other good feelings they gave me (class clowns...) made it so much easier to fall into a friendship that i didn't have with other people. and i was in denial for so long that i thought of those friendships as crushes because they were different from other friendships.

there were a couple of times that i got close to having to face my sexuality and it felt like a gut punch. there were a couple of people i was friends with (that i didn't have crushes on) that i had previously thought "if i had to pick someone" about. but when they actually told me their feelings, i would run away. in one case, i literally ran away. i changed my entire routine so that i wouldn't have to face them. and i'm a creature of habit, so of course i took that step back and asked myself why i was having such a strong reaction. my friends didn't understand why i was so panicked about these confessions. especially because before, i "liked" people and had no problem with it.

part of my feelings were that no one would actually like me (which only furthered me not wanting/not considering romance). some of the confessions that i got were fake/pranks, and it would really mess with my head. i wasn't skinny, i knew i was strange and awkward, and i could be very brash and stubborn. i had a weird sense of humor and i missed social ques. i got a lot of "you should be a lawyer" and complaints of being bossy when i was growing up and i always knew they really meant "you're a bitch." i wouldn't understand why i felt so othered from my peers like that until i learned i was possibly autistic, and i only found that out a couple years ago. combined with being plus sized and not conventionally attractive, i didn't get much breathing room. if i wasn't perfectly calm all the time, if i didn't force myself to be overly nice to people, and if i wasn't funny, i'd get told i was "draining" to be around.

i did a lot to try and fit in. i kept my hair long because people would compliment it, i tried to wear skirts instead of pants/shorts, i'd wear comfy clothes and the like so i didn't look like i was trying too hard. a lot of my personality was forced and i was the one who was being drained instead. i ended up having to get a radar for when people were just messing with me. and so when a real confession happened, there was a combination of anxiety about if they were faking or not, doubt that they could actually like me, and then a deep rooted fear about if they were being serious.

instead of the relief i should have felt when i learned it was a real confession, i still felt scared. it would be the same anxiety as if someone asked me to get on the world's tallest roller coaster in the world and i had just seen a chunk of the roller coaster fall in front of me.

that part made it even harder to come to grips with my sexuality. i thought if i gave up on being a hopeless romantic, i'd be giving in to all the times someone told me "I just don't see you dating anyone." being unlovable was a death sentence in my eyes. and it didn't help that i've lived in the south all my life. i was already strange and going to hell for a multitude of things. turning around and telling them that i was going against every expectation set of me to get married and have kids by 24????

(i should clarify that my parents had never been the ones to put this in my mind. when i came out as pansexual, they had only been confused about what the hell that was. the rest of their reaction was "i mean... we could already sort of tell." and while my parents had hopes for my future, i knew deep down that while they'd be a little sad not to have those expected memories with me, they wouldn't turn me away. and they would very likely be happy to create a whole different set of memories with me.)

i have my current friends to thank for me coming to terms with who i am. by the time i was in college i had started to question everything. my middle school friend group had been majority queer but we had gone to different schools or just faded apart. in high school, a majority of my time was spent in band. and while i was one of those people who had friends in a variety of friend groups, the closest friends i had were the people in my section that i sat next to every day. and in the present time, only a couple of them remained straight churchgoers. even though they've changed now just like i have, during high school i was a different story.

going to college opened me up to a far different experience. by this point i'd shifted from pansexual to bisexual. my college experience wasn't... ideal. or really healthy in any aspect. but meeting these people did dislodge the mindset i'd had for most of my life. and my current friends have changed my life. the fear that i had about being aromantic has now become the relief i needed my entire life. it doesn't feel broken, or wrong, or strange. sometimes i do feel sad about it, or question if this is really the case. maybe one day i'll meet someone who shows me that "different" feeling i'd been waiting to understand. but i grew past the societal expectation of needing a partner to be fulfilled in life and i'm so much happier.

life doesn't need to be about that partner. i have many, many friends and family to grow old with. i have a godchild!! one day i'll have my own house to celebrate holidays and achievements at, to host my friends and family. i'll have pets that i love and i'll have my own career, and i'll be happy because i never needed to fit expectations to be happy.

when it comes to anything sexual, it's sort of the same feeling as when i had "crushes" on people in real life. though also different? i don't look at real people and feel an attraction beyond knowing that they are attractive, objectively. i can feel attraction sometimes in a physical sense, but i have no interest in having anything personal happening between us. a fictional character has no interest in me, and so it feels safe to think that they're hot and to express it. like sure, yeah, i have a crush on them! i get giggly when Captain Smoker from One Piece shows up on the screen, and the new Superman makes me think "oh! okay!" but if they were real and in front of me? i'd probably... lose that attraction, like it was never there.

here's the kicker, though, and might sound weird at first: you don't have to put a label on yourself

yeah, i do consider myself aroace. but the world is ever changing and so is the human experience. it helps to have a basis, to understand your feelings and work through them. it's nice to be like "there is a name for this" and to find a community through that. i'm not saying there's anything wrong about figuring out your identity and saying "I'm this, this, and this!" nothing at all wrong with that. but we're all figuring ourselves out, all the time. it doesn't end when you put the label on. you have the entire rest of your life to continue learning things about yourself and the world around you. i wish i'd known in middle school that i didn't have to rush it, that i have every opportunity to take it one phase at a time. a human life seems fleeting, especially when you're looking back on your past and feeling like the time flew by. but that's just our perception of it as we look back.

what i mean to say it that it's okay to backtrack. it's okay to change your mind. it's okay to not put a label on it. it's okay to put a label on it. it's okay not to tell anyone, if you don't want to. it's okay to say "i'll figure it out." and it's okay if you don't. it's okay if you sit up in bed one day when you're 60 years old and go "that's what it is." as long as you live your life listening to yourself and not trying to meet an expectation you think you have to, then you're doing it right.

and it's okay if you lived your life like i did, and you didn't do any of that. being a human is messy and that's part of life. you're not gonna get it right the first time- but even then, sometimes you will! there's a nuance and a spectrum to everything you experience. take pride in who you are even if you don't have a clue yet. be kind to yourself. you're gonna be okay.

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Epel Felmier - Platinum Jacket Vignette

"Happy 100th Anniversary"

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Epel: I'd been hearin' this place was just some fancy museum, 'cept it's way huger 'n I thought.

Epel: We ain't got a museum back home, so… Seein' all these paintin's hangin' 'bout's just crazy!

???: Look at that apple, it's so red and shiny! Totally looks photo-worthy ♪

Epel: Ah, Cater-san! Yeah, it's a really beautiful apple, huh. Although, it's pretty hard to get them this red even with a ton of effort.

Cater: Eh, really? Epel-chan, you sure know your apples ♪

Epel: Ehehe, that's because I'm from a family of apple farmers. I don't think anyone knows more than me when it comes to apples!

Cater: I see～

Cater: Y'know, the queen here looks like she's talking with the crow as she offers it the apple. What do you think she's saying?

Cater: Since even someone well-versed in the world of apples like you thought it's a great looking one, thinking she's saying something like, "Doesn't it look delicious?"

Epel: Nah. I think she's saying, "It's not for you!"

Cater: Eh! So mean!

Epel: Well, yeah!! Like, back home, we'd always have crows trying to nab our apples…

Epel: They'd damage them, poke holes in them, drop them half-eaten on the ground…

Epel: I can't stand them for treating our delicious apples like that!!

Epel: It'd be bad if we couldn't ship out our apples, so the village would band together every year to try to keep them crows out.

Cater: THE WHOLE VILLAGE!? Must be a pretty touch sitch. What kinda stuff do you do to get rid of them?

Epel: We'd put up nets, or make noises that the crows wouldn't like… And a bunch of other stuff.

Epel: But those guys are pretty smart, so we can only get rid of them for a short time… They always come back once they realize they're not in danger.

Epel: That's why whenever them crows came back, I'd jump on my broom and hoot 'n holler while chasing after them!

Cater: You'd hoot and holler while chasing after them!? Based on how petite you look, I couldn't imagine you doing something like that…

Epel: If I don't give them a good scare, they'll just keep coming back.

Epel: A few of the crows were more persistent, so I'd get worried that I'd run out of magic while trying to chase them.

Epel: But, thanks to all that, in the end, whenever I was in the orchard, the crows wouldn't come anywhere near it!

Cater: Pretty amazing of you to scare away all those annoying crows that had the whole village in a bind ♪

Epel: Eheheh, thank you.

Cater: If we're talking about when you were back home, that means this all happened before you came here, right? So basically, would you say you're a pretty good flier, Epel-chan?

Epel: Yep! The guys in the Magical Shift club'll praise me up and down for being able to chase down erratic discs.

Cater: Niiice, all your experiences with those crows are probably coming in handy, then.

Epel: Oh, when you put it that way, I guess so…!

Epel: I thought they were just a pain in my side, but… Those crows were useful in their own way too, I guess?

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Cater: This painting… It's a scene from the tales of the kind-hearted princess. Ahh, a nighttime date on a magical flying carpet is so romantic ♪

Epel: Is that what this is? Oh, the magic carpet is holding something. Is this… a flower?

Epel: It's really drawn so lifelike. It looks like it was just freshly picked…

Cater: Ahaha. So I take it you're more interested in fresh flowers than a romantic date, Epel-chan?

Epel: I-I mean, when weeds are pulled out, they shrivel up pretty fast…

Epel: And even cut flowers need to be put into a vase as soon as possible, or it loses its vibrancy.

Cater: Really? Looks like you're just as in the know about plants as you are with apples.

Epel: Ehehe. I'm studying really hard right now so that I can be more useful to my village whenever I head back home.

Epel: I've been working on potions that'll keep plants from withering, or help them grow…

Epel: Recently, I've been growing my own plants so I can test my potions on them.

Epel: I panicked a bit when one of the pots broke when I was in the middle of testing out a new potion…

Cater: Eh!? You saying that it grew crazy fast, or something!?

Epel: Oh, no, no! I can't make potions that great yet, or with any effect, really…

Epel: Basically, it just fell because one of my roommates bumped their hand into it while they were getting ready for class.

Cater: Did you get hurt at all? It'd be bad if our cute little Epel-chan got injured!

Epel: Cute…!? …Urgh, yes, I was fine.

Epel: I had to clean up the broken pot and scattered dirt, so I was more worried about being late to class.

Epel: I planned on hitting up the school store afterwards to get another pot, since I didn't have any spares…

Epel: But Jack-kun, my classmate, shared one of his spare pots! I was able to move my plant into that one right away.

Cater: Hm? Why did Jack-kun…? Oh, right. He raises cacti, right?

Epel: Yeah! How did you know?

Cater: I remembered him posting a picture of a cactus on Magicam once. There wasn't any description, so I didn't really get what the picture was supposed to be of at first…

Epel: That must have been the cactus that Jack-kun's been growing, yeah.

Epel: He really tries to take good care of it, and had spare pots laying around.

Epel: So, when I said I broke my own plant's pot, he gave one to me, saying it was in return for some apples I gave him once.

Epel: Cater-san, are there are plants that you take care of?

Cater: Hmmm, I mean, there's a ton of plants in my dorm. But I don't think I'd ever really get around to raising some myself.

Epel: Yeah, it really takes time and effort to raise plants.

Epel: That's why it feels double awesome whenever the plant's flowers bloom or fruit grow!

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Epel: Oh hey, it's a painting of the Queen of Hearts! Both she and the animals on her shoulder look pretty proud of themselves.

Cater: It says that this is a painting depicting the scene where the Queen of Hearts had just secured her victory in a croquet match.

Cater: According to legend, the Queen of Hearts was able to hit shots that just curved right into the hoops.

Epel: Shots that curved right into the hoops!? I can't even do that when I aim for them… She's awesome!

Cater: Oh, so you've played croquet before?

Epel: Yes! Last weekend, Ace and Deuce asked me to help them practice.

Epel: Grim-kun and [Yuu]-san also joined us. It was supposed to just be practice, but we kinda ended up playing an actual match…

Epel: Hehe, we really got into it then.

Epel: By the time we finished the game, we were all so hungry. So we all just went to Foothill Town to eat.

Cater: Niiice～ Ah, so young and carefree. And let me guess, you guys went to a hamburger joint?

Epel: Eh, how did you know!?

Cater: When it comes to a joint in town that's affordable even for students, I can't really think of anything much other than that chain restaurant～

Epel: Oh yeah, Ace-kun said something like that too. But it's not like I knew of the restaurant before I came to Sage's Island.

Cater: Are you more the type to avoid fast food hamburger joints?

Epel: I wouldn't say I avoid them… It's a bit of a car ride to get to their closest chain back home, so I haven't had much opportunity to go, is all.

Cater: Oh wow. I totally thought they had a place set up pretty much everywhere, since it's even on this remote island.

Epel: Yeah… When I told Ace-kun and Deuce-kun, they were pretty surprised as well.

Epel: Until those two told me, I didn't even know that they did free refills at this restaurant...

Cater: Hm? I mean, I don't think it's just that one joint that does that, but the whole chain.

Epel: Eh, you mean that's not something only here at Sage's Island!?

Epel: Then that means I could have had free refills in the restaurant I went to back home… I didn't know at all.

Epel: What a waste, I'd only ever get one drink whenever I'd go. I'll have to let my family know next time I head back home.

Cater: Yeah, yeah. Whenever there's free refills, it's so easy to just lounge there forever, too～

Epel: Yeah! And that day, we got really caught up in conversation that it started to get dark… We had to hurry back to campus.

Cater: Oh, I see, I see. Well, thanks for getting along with my little freshie brethren.

Epel: What, you don't need to thank me! I had a ton of fun hanging with them.

Epel: Ah, wait, I'm sorry, I've kept you here a while now!

Cater: Don't worry about it, I was happy to chat with you ♪ I think I'll head off to the museum's café now.

Cater: I heard their menu is themed after the various exhibits here, so. See ya around, Epel-chan.

Epel: Right, see ya. …Well, Vil-san told me to learn a thing or two about beauty while I'm here, so I guess I'll go look around for a painting of the Fairest Queen.

Epel: Oh hey, there's another painting with an apple on it! This one looks really tasty, too.

Epel: Oh yeah, I remember when I was a kid, I heard the story of how the Fairest Queen cast her magic on apples, and would try to pretend to do the same.

Epel: And I'd chant… "Now, turn red. Tempt anyone and everyone to make them hunger for a bite…"

Requested by Anonymous.