#i have no energy at 5 am sorry
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sometimes i remember the hunger games and how nobody actually paid attention to what was in those books
#americans close your eyes and ears right now#i'm well aware that my political takes are way too spicy for you all#and i really do wish my media diet didn't contain so much us-centric shit#but alas we're all suffering here#and i could say that 'oh actually it does matter who your president is for us in the world'#but it doesn't. it really fucking doesn't. that's kind of the point.#oh i'm sorry my spicy takes are already starting#anyway it is wild that you all can understand katniss assassinating coin at the end of mockingjay#but get super upsetty that chappell roan won't support your favorite presidential candidate with her full chest#like come on none of you actually thought that her using the phrase both sides meant that she was a republican or even a centrist#that's just copium#you all knew exactly what she meant#but i guess encouraging people to think critically and get involved with their local elections and politics as well is... bad now?#also... why do you all care so much about a random pop star's opinion and whether or not she dares to criticize a government#like... she's right but i'm sure 5 years from now if she survives in the limelight her edges will be completely chipped away#by all this insane reaction#and before anyone comes for me... no i'm not saying you shouldn't vote. please fucking do.#neither am i saying you shouldn't vote strategically or encourage other people to do so#but if all your energy is spent policing people who criticize your chosen party because of their own principles#then there's something seriously wrong with your politics#and all you're signalling is that you truly do not fucking care about the issues that they care about#if anything..... you RESENT them#and then the same people bring up the parable of the 'unjust man'#or how it's never the right time to talk about gun violence in your country#harm reduction is all good and based but attacking people who are leveraging their support to push your party left#is not. it's not even fucking helpful#anyway. don't base your lives and politics around pop stars.#even if they are more based than you 🤷#i think i'm done now thank you tumblr for letting me have insane rants in my tags that hopefully no one reads#idk i just find this all depressing. i wish you all cared more about the world outside of your bubble. i wish we all did - myself included.
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i'm well aware there are single parents out there working full time but i think working full time and living alone with my dog is about to put me in a psychward
#why cant i handle what other people seem to handle effortlessly lmao#im so fucking exhausted and burnt-out i need demonic possession to save me or smth#like please @ random demon you will do a better job for sure#idk its like. my dog is now spending so much time alone when im at home that i feel really guilty#if i wanna go out or do anything that doesnt involve her#i have no damn time and energy#i might spend half a free day cleaning but its all a mess anyway#and then i will come back home like today just exhausted after 5 days of work in a row#and i just wanna take her for a walk and get myself smth to eat and chill a little#and i find! is poop all over the damn floor i finally managed to wash like a day ago#and it stinks so fucking bad i nearly throw up cleaning up#and then have a breakdown in the bathroom. as you do.#HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE LIKE THIS I AM SO FUCKING EXHAUSTED#its also not fair to my dog idk this sucks so much#i doubt anyone read all this bht if you did hi and sorry#needed to vent unfortunately#wah im TIRED
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chronic pain is so fucking annoying bc im in like bedbound levels of pain near daily and i can't even bitch and moan about it without getting embarrassed or someone acting like i just announced my own funeral
#i just hate people reacting to me talking about my chronic conditions like their dog just died#like yes I'm suffering yes i need sympathy and support but this is my daily it's so emotionally exhausting for me when ppl#start getting all over serious and gloomy like my prognosis is 5 days to live#it's just like. no you don't get it this has been my life every day since at least puberty and it's going to continue to be that way#i feel that way about my mental illness too. it just makes me so uncomfortable#i just wish people would like match my energy more or offer like actual help or a distraction or#literally anything other than suddenly getting very grave and uncomfortable and going Oh im so sorry to hear that.#like GREAT not only am i in eternal suffering but now i have to console you too
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I have so many photos I need to post. 15 years worth!!! I started posting them on my old tumblr's side blog but never finished and then I abandoned tumblr for years. but tbh I feel like posting my work doesn't benefit me and it's just more pointless work for me 😭 especially instagram and twitter where my posts get maybe 1 like from a follower if i'm lucky and that's it. why do I even bother 😭 no one is excited to see my work so it'd hard to motivate myself to actually share anything when it doesn't benefit me and when no one else is excited for or looking forward to it. sometimes I lose that "I made a thing I want to share it like a kid hanging their finger painting on the fridge" mentality 😅 even kids can get discouraged and give up sharing if you don't ooo and ahhh over their work. does that make sense?
#also can we talk about how horrible social media is?#i was told instagram is so easy. you get many quick likes and followers. ive SEEN new accounts get thousands kf followers and hundreds#of likes in a couple weeks. ive been on there for years and have 20 followers and get 1 like sometimes#new accounts with one post will get 1k followers and 300 likes in a week. i just dont get it lmao im so confused 🤣#and twitter is now pay to win. i only got maybe 5 likes per post before. now i get none at all. which is expected...#so why am i bothering!#at least on tumblr my art will get maybe 20 notes and my photography maybe 10. so it doesnt feel as pointless to share 😅#i really want to open a shop for my art and photography and stuff but with the lack of attention im afraid to#because its A LOT OF WORK and i hate wasting my time and energy and money for no reason 😭#my last shop i opened got a grand total of 0 sales in the 2 years i had it open LOL it took me months to set it up and print everything#artist struggles#is there anywhere actually good to post your work online? (besides tiktok. i refuse) most social media has become useless!!!#lee text#sorry for whining 😅 just questioning my entire existence and why i even bother to do anything
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okay but you mean to tell me that when some people find a new artist they love, the first thing that they do is NOT to listen to every official album they've released from start to finish??? i'm gen not trying to gatekeep but i legit can't imagine calling myself an actual fan of an artist if i have not at the bare minimum listened to every album they have on spotify, not because of some superiority thing but like if i am a fan i am going to listen to all the music that is readily available to me, is this not what most people do is this not normal??? i just saw a vid of "bts songs you probably haven't heard before" and every single one that they listed was a commercial release on an album, not a hidden track off an album, not a cover, not a japanese release, not solos, not a soundcloud track or a festa track, they were all songs that are easily searchable on spotify, they just don't have an mv. i don't understand modern fan culture, i really don't, why do people not listen to the music of the artists they say they're a fan of???
#i am aware this is giving Oh you like them? Name 5 songs energy#but like i get that some people are just in it for the aesthetics#i have also worn a zeppelin tshirt without knowing every single song of their discography off the top of my head#but i also would never claim to be a zeppelin fan#if someone asked me about it i would honestly say#i like their music but i've only really listened to zeppelin III and IV#i cannot understand calling yourself an army but you've only listened to the songs that have MVs or only listened to the post 2020 releases#what are you a fan for??#because of the memes?? because they're cute??#i'm sorry to be mean but i don't think that's a good reason#i'm not saying that you have to LIKE everything they've ever made#but to not even know VERY popular b sides??#i don't get it i just don't get it#bangtan
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i want to compile a list of horror media that people need to watch before they call genloss groundbreaking incredible material. like yall are soooo so deeply entrenched in copium toting this thing around like its the best piece of horror media in the world when like. theres no horror. there has literally been no horror. how are we watching the same thing. go watch gemini home entertainment or marble hornets or daisy brown or unedited footage of a bear or this house has people in it and then come back to me. dont fucking talk to me until youve consumed some horror media thats actually good first!!!!!!!!
#sorry i KNOW i said i wouldnt genloss post too much but it just makes me so fucking angry#as a very very very long term horror enthusiast and aspiring horror creator#i feel fucking insulted every time i see genloss being listed as something incredible . when.#theres no horror or comedy in your horror comedy that was originally advertised for two goddamn years as an arg n then analog horror and th#like. pick a theme. give me literally anything. its so bad. im so angry. and i DONT get angry at media.#i actively try not to grt angry at media and legitimately havent since veryyyy early middle school.#so the fsct that this thing is making me so mad is a huge deal.#anyone who has known me for any number of years knows like. i dont get mad about shit!!!#especiallt shit that doesnt rlly matter like fictional media!!! i dont like to expend the energy on that!!!#so when i say genloss makes me so angry to the point where i was literally#sweaty and out of breath after aster and i got off the phone talking abt it the other day#i need you to understand i am not a hater#like#ughgrrghrggghghh#go fucking watch saw (2004) youll have a much better time than watching whatever bs this is#ranboo makes this big long post about how his project is better than aevery other horror short film#and doesnt deserve to be put on a shelf with the rest of them as if theyre beneath his genius vision#and then gives us this cheap heartless garbage that isnt even unique in its badness.#hes just using ideas from other things but doing it worse!!!!!! theres nothing new!!! theres nothing unique!!!#two years of promotional content and like 5 hours of livestreams and they have not given me a single#character or story beat that is interesting enouhj to care about. you cant have horror without first#giving your audience something to care about and then snatching that thing away from them. urhhggghghghgh#reaction time#genloss neg#genloss crit#sorry. im trying to keep the hater posting to a minimum but im so. exhausted
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seriously karai?? right in front of your girlfriend??
#i���m really sorry if you like their ship but i just—#they’re siblings#SIBLINGS#TAKE 5 HUGE STEPS BACK KARAI EVER HEARD OF PERSONAL SPACE?#leo even goes like “i won’t let your charms work on me” LIKE I FUCKING HOPE NOT#STOP PLEASE I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE ENERGY WE HAVE CREATED IN THE STUDIO#season 4 ep 16#tmnt#tmnt 2012#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt leonardo#tmnt karai
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Always funny to me when people say, "Why was the Doctor ever interested in River in any way when she's Not A Good Person," as if a) their oldest and closest friend in the universe isn't The Master, someone very much not known for being a particularly good person, and b) there wasn't literally a line that went, "And unlike me, [River] really doesn't mind shooting people. I shouldn't like that; kind of do a bit."
#sorry you've never experienced the joy of watching an older lady give zero fucks while also being terrifyingly capable of killing you <3#I AM very much a Twelve Girl™ but honestly eleven is probably the most relatable doctor for this alone#(though there is the moment in the christmas special where river is threatening him with death via organ extraction in alphabetical#order and he just goes 'which alphabet' with THE biggest smile on his face which wow what a mood lmao)#anyway tldr they're in love and I love them and for the purposes of blacklisting:#mel screams about The Weird Little Space Show again#there was also 'I love a bad girl me' like that literally was also a thing he canonically said#(obviously this is an outgrowth of staying chained to the previous era & The Ship™ from it as well as continual over-romanticization of 10)#(but I don't think I have the energy to specifically break that down today)#(and that's not really the point of this post anyway)#like. GOD. again: the things people will do to erase how important any woman who isn't a certain threshold of conventionally palatable#is to the narrative/other characters#like...he did. he did keep referring to her as. his wife. he specifically said 'yeah I'm dead to the world but I'm going to keep visiting#her in prison!' DON'T TEST ME ON DR/RIVER LORE I MADE THEM MY WHOLE PERSONALITY FOR LIKE 5 YEARS DURING ONE OF#THE MOST FORMATIVE AND TURBULENT PERIODS OF MY LIFE. IKNOWMORETHANYOU.JPEG
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Fucking hells ... chapter 7 is already over 4k words and I'm ... not done yet? Might have to split it apart, oh dear.
#random rambling#my writings#the space between#i kind of hate it when ffs/ideas get out of hand and just grow and grow#this ff was only supposed to be 5 fucking chapters#and here we are#at 8 (almost 9) WTF#and I am already cutting & shortening stuff because#I don't have the time nor the energy to simultaneously write 2 long ass multichapter ffs#sorry not sorry
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[ID: a screenshot of a Genshin party containing Xingqiu (Lv. 60), Chongyun (Lv. 20), Shenhe (Lv. 50), and Xiao (Lv. 70). It is labeled “Family reunion :) ”. End ID.]
Got chongyun randomly off standard and decided to make this team that I will probably not even use just bc I think their interactions would be funny 🥰
#this is unofficially (didn’t have enough space) called the ‘hey auntie meet my boyfriend whom you hate :)’ team#based off shenhes seeming distrust for/dislike of xingqiu lmao#and xiao’s there 1) bc I love him#2) bc I needed someone who’d make sense with the team (knows shenhe thru the adepti & chongyun through his status as an exorcist)#and 3) bc i thought it would be funny bc he’d definitely hate the energy I created in the studio today (I.e. this team)#also if I ever DO use this team I at least put a little bit of work into building him#(not that I’m Good At building characters and really I only have half the recommended artifact set on him#but he regularly does 2-5k which is good enough for me tbh)#(I am Not Good At This Game)#genshin impact#(I prefer to think abt how my silly little characters would interact rather than actually figuring out how to make them fight good)#(though it would be nice if they fought good. anyways.)#anyways if cloud retainer was playable I’d probably put ger here instead of xiao bc I feel like she’d make the team dynamic even funnier#I feel like she’d either distrust/dislike Xingqiu as well and be like Chongyun Why Do You Hang Out With This Boy#or she’d love xingqiu and poor shenhe would have to hear ‘one thinks you should give this boy a chance’ like 5 times a week LMAO#anyways I like thinking silly thoughts abt how the characters would interact sorry lol I think they’re neat
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reasons why i make a good Manager at my branch of Lobotomy Corporation:
the Abnormalities are respected, well taken care of and barely ever breach containment
the employees are well trained, are also respected and well taken care of, and injury rates are low (not counting clerks)
our branch’s energy output is outstanding
reasons why i should not be the Manager at my branch of Lobotomy Corporation:
excessive overtime
#if i was an employee and had to stay roughly 1082% longer for MY shift i WOULD kill a man#i am sorry to all my agents but also you're all level 5 now so who's losing here#lobotomy corporation#lob corp#project moon#spark's project moon adventures#spark talks about nothing of relevance#Now that's what I call shitposting#(for people wondering i have the overtime mod that lets you keep getting LOB for works after the energy target)#(also this was on day 5 ehe)
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sometimes (often) i think about the characters i kin or relate to and then the realization comes in again and again that i need therapy (/lh?)
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#unfortunately i doubt i will ever get therapy bcs i have this. thing. idk. but i believe in myself to just rely on myself?#and yeah i uhh can go on more about that BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THIS sorry i suck at explaining things. anyways#humans. interesting. i am fascinated by humans and myself and i'm tired of typing now GOODBYE anyways xiv music is so fucking good#and also idk how to interact w others sorry ..... i am scared of getting close to people bcs everyone i've grown close to has ended up#leaving me or i mess up! but tbh it's better now i think and also not as bad as i think but sorry i still have bad issues with. that#me saying i don't want to type anymore and then proceed to rapidly type out so many words oopsies#pls just do not PERCEIVE ME !! unless you want to ig but idk why you'd want to do that uhm#yk i like tumblr most out of all social medias bcs it feels like i can... sort of just be my weird self here! and it's not fully nice#and i still have anxiety problems and overthinking problems and whatnot which is evident by my 100+ notifs i havent checked since#christmas but that's not the point (?) idk whats the point honestly uhhhh nvm (??)#OH I LOVE FF SO MUCH tbh it's w/o a doubt still my favorite series ever but drake/nier is also up there for sure#which i think is amazing bcs i have yet to finish a game. and ive only like played idk 5 hours of replicant and automata#and then ive already spoiled myself on important aspects of all games but that helps ngl uh. i could explain but im tired of typing#ANYWAYS GOD actually noehgjbsejhbghjes i really suck w interacting w others i really wish i were better at all that#im not super introverted or shy im just kinda awkward and anxious but im a fun person and all and idk#and tbh its interesting thinking abt my personality... some parts of me havnt changed at all from a bit (/pos) like my lively. aspect of my#personality !! i was a bundle of energy and a little annoying (perhaps unintentionally but now i think its a bit more on purpose lol)#but the only person who really sees my true self is me. and the closest to that is lune. but even i dont know who i really am#and yeah... wnvr im like woa ill make more friends !! and then when i have the opportunities i suddenly dont care anymore IT SUCKS#anyways i think i have Opportunities now again so lets see haha ?? at least uhh in school. its like 2nd sem and i dont rlly have friends#as usual haha that sounds so sad help BUT its not like im disliked im just rlly quiet and shy at school..... throwback to 7th grade tho#that was rlly the worst but also now is just as bad in a diff sense but back then i cldnt talk w my crush at ALL i didnt speak at all im so#sorry about that HELPPP I RLLY JUST CLDNT SPEAK anyways moving on in my class rn i do have a group of sorts. like#we're grpmates wnvr theres grpworks and we can pick which is nice! ive been classmates w em all b4 and theyre the cool kids#but in the more fandom sense and one used to be a close friend of my twin and of mine too by extent and then the other was someone#who knew me when i was more extroverted so yeah uhhh anyways#OKAY ALMOST MAX TAGS im DONE rambling. bye. hopefully. bye. oh god
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Executive dysfunction isn't fun especially when it leads to getting told off
"You don't need an official diagnosis, just use the strategies I use because we have the same thing" miss ma'am we clearly do not, like I literally have symptoms you don't have
#i love my mother but i am too tired right now to be told off because i forget about the applesauce packages on a table in my room#i simply do not have the energy to deal with this#“this will lead to hoarding tendencies” yeah i know so make me go see a professional or give me real advice idk#whatever man i just wanna be able to do things and also live life normally#earlier today i couldn't start working on a project because something that took 2 minutes got split into about 5 different tasks in my head#it's annoying and it took me like 30 minutes just to start that thing#i hate everything sometimes#mo speaks#sorry for rambling but this is the ramble blog
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I want to try and post a good variety of stuff bc I'm scared that people who followed me for a certain thing will get upset with me for not posting a lot of it/at all. But also I really do go through phases of hyperfixation so I'll tend to dump a lot of one thing and move on.
#rambles#TL;DR - I'm just sorry in general about everything#basically I FEEL bad about it#but also trying to post things from at least 5 different fandoms regularly is killing my brain cells#the only reason y'all have to see my sofia bullshit every day is bc I went mega feral and made a bunch of those gifsets#and I put them in my drafts bc I figured no one wanted to see like 15 of them at the same time#and then none ever again#bc I didn't think I was gonna commit to finishing the series but maybe I am idk yet#and then whenever new tgotb drops I get free energy and I gif a fuck ton of carla#but also thats NEW so I feel less bad about spamming it
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Reminder that people can see your bookmark names and tags etc unless you bookmark it as private
#for the love of god#bitch that’s like saying ‘don’t like don’t read’ applies to the comments i leave on your fic#the vast majority of y’all are allergic to commenting on fics you love so. we kinda have to get interaction with our readers however we can#so that the labor of love we put weeks and months and years of work into#doesn’t feel like dropping our first born child into a bottomless pit when we publish#and if you truly feel that way that don’t like don’t read applies to bookmarks#i have a revolutionary idea for you!!! you can literally make it impossible for anyone to read them!!5#there’s a little checkbox called private!! it’s fun it’s free it’s easy!!#the only reason i can think of why you wouldn’t make a mean bookmark private is because you WANT the author or other readers to know#that you hate it#and at that point#get out of fandom spaces.#go find something you love and stop wasting energy on the things you hate#anyways#rant over#sorry to the person i’m rbing this from just ignore me#i am once again begging people to leave comments on ao3
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For Wedding Asks 💖
Oooo thank you so much, Sharky and Aphid time
I wanna say that I can't see them having a wedding outside of no bombs, New Dawn they just start calling each other husband one day, and they go "Yeah that works"
13. Show us their outfits!
I will draw them at some point, but I'm ripping Aphids straight from The Wolfs wedding suit from Bullet train, and I need Sharky to be very formal, but random fire embellishments of varying levels of tacky (can't find a proper reference but I did find the tie I had in my head for him and also ik Bullet train one is blurry leave me alone)
21. Do they have a honeymoon? Where to? How soon after?
Ohhhh yeah, that's like, what they were waiting on, wedding is affordable (someones backyard and foldable chairs with cheap food and a nice cake) so they could splurge on a sick honeymoon that I havent decided on a location, somewhere tropical (Aphid has vetoed Florida)
Sharky does insist on fireworks for the wedding party. I mean, obviously. You have to have fireworks.
24. If you could describe their wedding in a sentence, how would you?
The most rowdy celebration in Hope County since they got rid of Edens Gate
#far cry 5#sharky boshaw#aphid hernandez#otp: please stop making me laugh im trying to be serious#I AM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG BETWEEN SCHOOL#WORK AND BG3 I HAVE BEEN SO DISTRACTED#anyway rowdy ass forest wedding with fireworks and yelling and dancing#aphids sister Ruby who is not fucking used to this energy definitely was confused#ring bearer boomer or peaches i cant pick
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