#is to the narrative/other characters
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Always funny to me when people say, "Why was the Doctor ever interested in River in any way when she's Not A Good Person," as if a) their oldest and closest friend in the universe isn't The Master, someone very much not known for being a particularly good person, and b) there wasn't literally a line that went, "And unlike me, [River] really doesn't mind shooting people. I shouldn't like that; kind of do a bit."
#sorry you've never experienced the joy of watching an older lady give zero fucks while also being terrifyingly capable of killing you <3#I AM very much a Twelve Girl™ but honestly eleven is probably the most relatable doctor for this alone#(though there is the moment in the christmas special where river is threatening him with death via organ extraction in alphabetical#order and he just goes 'which alphabet' with THE biggest smile on his face which wow what a mood lmao)#anyway tldr they're in love and I love them and for the purposes of blacklisting:#mel screams about The Weird Little Space Show again#there was also 'I love a bad girl me' like that literally was also a thing he canonically said#(obviously this is an outgrowth of staying chained to the previous era & The Ship™ from it as well as continual over-romanticization of 10)#(but I don't think I have the energy to specifically break that down today)#(and that's not really the point of this post anyway)#like. GOD. again: the things people will do to erase how important any woman who isn't a certain threshold of conventionally palatable#is to the narrative/other characters#like...he did. he did keep referring to her as. his wife. he specifically said 'yeah I'm dead to the world but I'm going to keep visiting#her in prison!' DON'T TEST ME ON DR/RIVER LORE I MADE THEM MY WHOLE PERSONALITY FOR LIKE 5 YEARS DURING ONE OF#THE MOST FORMATIVE AND TURBULENT PERIODS OF MY LIFE. IKNOWMORETHANYOU.JPEG
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The stewards of the old world are always keen to give you a glimpse of their might... According to legend, the ancients built specialized chambers to seal away false prophets.
The Arcane is waking up.
#arcane#melvik#mel medarda#mel arcane#viktor#viktor arcane#spoilers#arcane spoilers#arcane s2#wake up friends - mel and viktor are doing that thing again#I was mentally out of commission after act 2 but after sitting and thinking about this? season 1 parallels were crazy. but this. is INSANE#by the way - this is nowhere near all of them. i did not include dialogue. this MIGHT be HALF of them. i hit image limit here#at this point i don't know whose fight is gonna be crazier. viktor and jayce's or viktor and mel's lolololol#i support mage on mage violence#okay real talk. why are mel and viktor explicitly paralleled more than basically any other characters#it's bc this is the story of the Arcane literally. they are piltover and zaun's only mages respectively. the Arcane is waking up etc.#the macro narrative is about different kinds of magic rising to power again in a place like piltover/zaun which is a refuge from mages#and it's about how they clash - or work together - because the history of the rune wars is repeating itself#also viktor was a false prophet and mel... may not be#it's because the Arcane speaks through them and the show is about what that means and the consequences
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Mel and Viktor being drawn to each other but repelling each other at the same time... Ughhh you know I critique the fuck out of the writing sometimes but someone COOKED HERE
#arcane#mel medarda#viktor arcane#viktor#melvik#one must see beyond ships and instead witness the glorious narrative foils unfolding before our eyes#meljayvik#somebody pussy queened the fuck out in the writing room I cannot deny it#And you know what people don't talk about their parallels enough in relation to each other and their own characters#the parallels go so far beyond Jayce love my king tho#and that theory about her magic not protecting him against the explosion because his own magic repelled it
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thinking about how the extra area added on to a pacifist run of undertale, the true lab, is about alphys's past mistakes. how it ends with the story reaffirming that, despite the pain she's caused, the thing that matters is that she has now made the choice to do the right thing. she's still worthy of her friends' love.
thinking about how undertale doesn't expect the player to get a pacifist ending for the first time. how it's more likely than not that the player will kill toriel the first time they battle her, how lots of players don't initially figure out how to end undyne's fight without killing her, etc. what it expects — not even expects, really, but hopes — is that the player, if they care enough, will use their canonically acknowledged power over time to make up for those mistakes.
no matter how many neutral runs a player has done before committing to the pacifist run, the thing that matters to the characters, to the story, is that you've chosen, now, to do the right thing.
compared to alphys, the player honestly gets off lightly, in that you're the only one (other than flowey) who really remembers any harm you might have caused. and any direct guilting the game could have done about it is long past at this point. instead, as undertale often does, it makes its point via parallels: alphys caused harm, and she knows it. she has committed to being better. in doing so, she has unlocked for herself a better ending to her story. and she deserves it. she's forgiven.
those structural narrative parallels are all over undertale, if you know where to look. and that's one of the things that makes it so fuckin' good.
#undertale#alphys#true lab#this inspired by a mutual's alphys posting#and a discord convo i had a couple weeks back about ut's stance on ''punishing'' the player vs the monsters for their actions#and thoughts i've had generally post a certain fangame with a color in its name about just how well ut is structured as a narrative#everyone rightfully praises toby fox's character writing but stuff like this i think flies under the radar a bit by comparison#and it deserves to be appreciated#there's obvious Lore reasons why the true lab is only visited in a pacifist run (what's revealed about chara and flowey)#but this is the other half of it: the message of alphys's story hits hardest on a paci route post neutral runs#toby fox is a good writer more often than not
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people who act like batman isn't "judge jury and executioner" because he doesn't kill people are like. genuinely so funny to me because. they're very obviously thinking of "executioner" as like. the stereotypical guy with axe who chops people heads off, and not, yknow, the literal definition of the idiom itself, which is about someone who has the ability to judge and then subsequently punish someone unilaterally. which is quite literally what batman does.
he has the ability to decide what is a "crime" to him, he is the one who decides whether people are guilty of those crimes, and he is the one who executes their punishment. the severity of the punishment doesn't matter - he is unaccountable to anyone else, and indeed is allowed to commit as many crimes as needed to reach his arbitrary ideal of "justice."
the ideal of batman is this: a man who is so fundamentally changed by an act of senseless violence that he takes it upon himself to fight back against the rot and corruption in the world. he does this not through political activism, not through ridding himself of his wealth in favor of a greater good, not through community outreach, but through an individualistic fantasy of being a hero.
and you'll say: charlie, but he does do that !!! he donates his money all the time, he funds social programs, hospitals, orphanages, gets people jobs -
and i will say this: so why don't things get better?
because here's the base of it. gotham, at its core, can't get better. no matter what bruce wayne does, there will always be more crime, more villains, more death, more people for batman to beat up in back alleys. because that's what sells.
reoffending rates don't matter in gotham, prison reform doesn't matter in gotham, what actually causes crime doesn't matter in gotham because that doesn't sell books.
and so here it is; dc has unintentionally created a world where batman can't win, but can't be wrong, and where thousands of nameless, faceless, only-created-to-die civilians must be pushed into the meat grinder that is gotham, to fuel bruce wayne's angst and vindicate his constant, tireless, noble fight against the forces of evil.
and then: a new robin, who is poor and who's parents are dead or gone because of this cycle; who is happy go-lucky and hated by editors and fans for being robin, for not being dick grayson, for being poor.
and this robin is written, unintentionally or not, to be angry at the ways in which batman's (the narrative's) idea of justice is detached from its victims. bruce seems perfectly fine to allow countless unnamed women to be at risk from garzonas in his home country, yet robin is the one who is portrayed as irrational and violent.
this robin is not detached from gotham in the way bruce wayne is: this robin is a product of gotham.
(and here's the thing. you can't punch aids. you can't fight a disease with colorful fights and nifty gadgets. and how would robin dying from aids add to batman's story; it would call into question the systemic changes that haven't been made in gotham. how does a child get aids, in batman's city?)
so robin dies, and then bruce (the narrative) spends the next couple of decades blaming it on him. it is jason's fault; he was reckless, he just ran in, he thought it was all a game. if only bruce had seen what was coming, if only he could have known that jason wasn't rich enough or smart enough or liked enough to be robin.
batman gets a little more violent, a little more self destructive. he hurts people more and almost (!!) kills a couple guys. this is bad because it's self destructive and "not who he is." it is not bad because batman should not be able to just beat people up when he's angry.
and then he gets a shiny new robin - who is all the things jason "wasn't": rich and smart and rational and he doesn't put who batman is into question. batman and robin are partners, and jason is a grave and a cautionary tale, and (crucially here) never right.
the joker kills thousands and it doesn't matter because they were written to be killed.
batman beats up thousands and it doesn't matter because they were written to be criminals.
and then jason comes back, and nothing has changed. there is a batman and a (shiny! rich!) robin and the joker kills thousands. (because it sells)
and jason is angry - he has been left unavenged - his death has meant nothing, just as willis' had, just as catherine's had, just as gloria's had, just as -
thousands. ten of thousands. hundreds of thousands. written to be killed.
but one of them gets to come back.
and he is angry - not only at the joker, but at bruce (the narrative) - because why is the joker still alive (when thousands-)
here is the thing - jason todd is right. not because the death penalty is good, not because criminals deserve to die, not because of everything he says -
but because of what he calls into question. why is the joker alive?
because he sells books.
and dc has written a masterful character, through no fault of their own, because jason knows what is wrong, and he knows who is at fault - batman. (the narrative)
so the argument that bruce can't kill because he's not judge jury and executioner; the argument that jason is a cop or that jason is insane or that jason is in the wrong here; they hold no weight.
batman can't kill the joker because the joker sells comic books.
and jason can't kill the joker because the joker sells comic books.
so he will beg and plead and grovel - he will betray everything that is himself, he will forsake his family and his city and kill himself - just so that bruce (the narrative) will let the joker die.
he was condemned to death by an audience, and after he came back he has spent his whole life looking us in the eyes and screaming, asking, pleading; why is the joker still alive?
why are thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands (the number doesn't matter, see, because they're just a number. not people. not real.) why are we expendable for his story? why did i have to die just for nothing to change?
and the answer is money. and the answer is the batman can never be wrong. and the answer is shitty writing. and the answer is -
nothing jason can ever change.
which is the worst of it all. he is a victim with no power, and no one else in the world can see it. he is raging and crying and screaming at his father and his writers and you - and it doesn't matter. jason doesn't matter. and he knows it.
#yes btw i am saying that jason is subconsciously aware he's a comic book character. being dead for literal decades and then coming back#to a different and yet fundamentally unchanged world will do that to you#this is also a huge reason i have beef with people who equate jason's death with any other persons. like sorry. no#jason *died.* forever. he was dead dead. in heaven dead.#he died in the sense that he was never supposed to come back.#your 'heart stopped' or 'was dead for maybe 3 months irl' literally does. not. compare.#also when i say tim is everything jason isn't; by including smart i don't mean jason wasn't smart#i mean tim is *written* to be explicitly in contrast to jason#and by making him a 'genius' the narrative implies his intelligence is directly in contrast to jason's#therefore implying jason wasn't 'smart'#surprisingly little tim hate in this. am i growing from my hate? (no. i wrote a couple paragraphs but it didn't fit. haters stay strong💪)#jason todd#anti batman#red hood#batman meta#batman#anti bruce wayne#bruce wayne
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finally finishes the colour wheel meme a whole year after everybody else
#you can tell how much my style shifted between drawing the others vs drawing cytherea lmao#wanted to sort of the draw the whole wheel as gtn-relevant characters ayyy#with alecto as the ghost haunting the narrative ofc#the locked tomb#gideon the ninth#tlt spoilers#gtn spoilers#harrowhark nonagesimus#gideon nav#coronabeth tridentarius#ianthe tridentarius#camilla hect#palamedes sextus#alecto the first#cytherea loveday#my art#fanart
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USE MOUTHWASH / DO NOTHING
#mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#<— is this how character tagging works here lol#the visuals of this game are so good. the ps2 aesthetics mixed with a lot of memorable imagery#+ the way that the mechanics/structure of the game are deeply important to its narrative & themes#i.e. the use of pov switches the time jumps & the railroading—#these could have been just stylistic choices but here they are functional AND stylistic#the fact that you are railroaded into decisions…#while in other games this might feel frustrating/simplistic#here it only adds to the impending sense of dread and horror and disgust#especially when they’ve shown you an outcome and then send you back to inevitably be the cause of that outcome#the choice has already been made. it’s already been done.
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Here's a big old Fire Emblem Search & Find I did for the FE3H Masquerade Zine! Find the Golden Deer, but see if you can't find the rest of the students as well! For the ultimate challenge, see if you can't name every character! (Disclaimer two characters are NPCs with no names)
#double bonus can you identify the 2 or 3 fe3h characters that AREN'T in the scene?#i say 2 or 3 but i probably forgot more :( im using you people to check my work#fe3h#carrying over my posts from twitter choo chooooo#fireemblem#im not going to tag everyone but you're welcome too! good luck!!#instead let me tell you about the mini narratives i came up with while drawing this#soren is waiting for Ike to get back with food#seteth just noticed flayn dancing WITH A BOY from afar#rhea was supposed to sing but got superseded (she's okay with it actually)#monica and ferdinand are trying to start a dance off with edelgard and hubert (its not working)#Ashe stepped on Annette's toes and is freaking out. Lorenz is trying to give pointers but it's only sort of helping#balthus absolutely stole some of the betting pool money. i think i forgot to ink the coins falling out of his hands! dang#metody and shahid are going to become great friends and have a wirlwind romance before one betrays the other in a cutthroat fashion#Lysithea left a single cake slice on the table and Miklan is just happy to have gotten his before she showed up#ike and leopold had a flex off#Gilbert is stuck between young lovers this isn't a narrative i just think it's funny#oh and of course Sylvain managing to piss off Sera Charlotte and Maribelle while Felix ignored him and Ingrid looks on#that's supposed to be roy not eliwood btw i forgot to color his headband so it's basically eliwood#that's all i can think of rn but if you played#thank you!!! i hope you had fun#this was SO much fun to make thank you to the mods for facilitating me#haha this post has been up for 20 minutes and people are already pointing out so many characters I forgot. ur keeping me humble
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(breathing into a paper bag) FRALIO....
can't believe they gave us another guy. oh my god. so I guess Kelka is more, uhhh, more OOO then, and Fralio is Ankh? not that it matters too much, although they do seem to be doing something with the connected Riders so. who knows. anything goes! or if I may, anything gOOOes! god. of course they're the Ambition parallel. of course they are. oh my god.
fortunately there's nothing else they can throw at me right now that could possibly --
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#art#ride kamens#ride kamens spoilers#OKAY i am caught up through show my cards so i feel more confident about going into main story part 2#unless there's some absolutely wacky lore thrown into the fun rollerblades event WHO KNOWS AT THIS POINT#extra excited for these guys now! can't wait to meet them properly :D#gosh though i am so afraid for jou in part 2#he's grown on me so much and i can't help but think getting backstory so soon is an ominous sign#especially for a wisdom guy i mean COME ON#i'm getting kiriya vibes and i don't like where this is heading#on the one hand if they legit kill off a character in their joseimuke gacha game...i mean. respect.#but also i want jou to be okay :(#i want everyone to be okay except maybe taiten because what is even going on with him#me yesterday: oh i don't think he's straight-up evil :) now let me just finish up the space event...#taiten: let's talk about plan DOMINATE PLANET#damnit taiten#tangentially i do think it would be EXTREMELY funny if the whole soun thing was a fakeout and murakumo was just some other dude entirely#soun's soft spot for uryuu and dislike for taiten is entirely coincidental#(probably based around the fact that taiten is INCREDIBLY evil) (or is he) (i mean yes)#he's multilayered he doesn't need a narrative reason to have opinions about other characters what are you his MOM
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It's interesting how Buck's love interests are all written in a way that ends because of the reason they meet/happen in the first place and then of course, we have Eddie.
Abby, who changes Buck's view of a healthy relationship but then turns around and ghosts him, making him wait for months on end and letting him realize she's not coming back on his own.
Ali, who meets Buck during a dangerous situation in his line of work and then leaves him for how dangerous his work is.
Taylor, who lashes out at Buck for using her as a fake date and saying she thought she could trust Buck to be a friend who then ends up using him for her career and chose to put his friends in danger.
Natalia, who's there to help him embrace and deal with his temporary death but it leads to their break up because of the constant talk surrounding death when Buck's not comfortable with it.
We can't confirm for Tommy till it ends but it's important to note how he offers to get Buck into his interests like flying and muay thai yet doesn't show effort with Buck's interests like dressing up according to the bachelor party theme despite Buck being stressed about it. And we also have the fact that the entire reason they got together was due to Buck's jealousy for Eddie which he then claims to be was for Tommy. Makes me think they are either going to end because of differing interests OR because of the jealousy issue popping up again.
Funnily enough, every scene above has an Eddie parallel:
Eddie co-parents with Buck and not only does this not stop after a dangerous event but Eddie also has Buck down as a legal guardian (healthy relationship - Abby).
Eddie is in the same dangerous line of work and they have each other's backs. This happens right off the bat too.(dangerous job - Ali).
The Lawsuit era and The Dispatch era - both where they "betray" each other but manage to work through it (betrayal/lie - Taylor).
Eddie doesn't pressure Buck to talk about his temporary death until Buck's ready and is more focused about him living than in his death (death doula - Natalia).
Eddie who has different interests than Buck (poker, basketball and UFC/MMA) but also manages to show interest and actively takes part in whatever Buck comes up with; he suggests their outfit for the themed party AND ends up staying there for Buck even when others leave (different hobbies & showing interest/taking part - Tommy).
Absolutely fascinating when you start noticing that Buck's relationships keep failing for one reason or another and then we have him and Eddie who face the same sort of situations but they still come out of it stronger together.
It's clear that there's a reason Buck is able to overcome anything when it comes to Eddie (that conversation with Maddie about being there for each other even at their worst 👀) and we've already established that everything Eddie looks for in a partner is already something he has found in Buck. So really, all that's left is for them to realize that hey, the one I'm looking for is right in front of me! 🤷🏽
And yes, it's been said to death (hah) but you don't find it son you make it. And Buck and Eddie have already made it.
#character meta#relationship meta#think whatever you want it's up to you#but narratively tommy is a plot device#there's no if's or but's about it#I'm saying it like it is#the parallels between Buck's LIs and Eddie is insane#i just thought about making one about it since we mostly talk about how Buck fills all the things Eddie needs in a partner#this is my interpretation of how they've basically written themselves into a corner and the only possible way to go forward is with Buddie#doing anything else is a disservice to the characters and narrative so far#as Tim said#it's only natural and this is it#buck and eddie just naturally embody the ideal partner for each other#tim minear if you make me go through another destiel i will actually personally come and eat your kneecaps i can't do it anymore bro#it's literally all there!!#it's a masterpiece#i don't trust you enough but in Oliver ryan and jlh i trust#buddie#911 abc#eddie diaz#evan buckley#evan buck buckley#911 spoilers#I'm too lazy to tag all the characters because they're unimportant#the entire point of the post is Buck's LI vs Eddie anyways#so there
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Kyoto- Phoebe Bridgers
Pro-tip: don't think too long about how Moonshine and Bev have ouroboros arcs with family members and devils and saving the world at great personal cost. Don't think about it too hard. I definitely haven't (lying)
#listen. listen. Bev and Moonshine are not foils#but they are mirrors#their character arcs chase each other in circles#losing family members to the Nine Hells and saving the world to make that sacrifice worth it#and following each other through the darkness. where would I be without the wisdom of the crick. where would I be without the light of pelor#anyway I get that I'm late on the uptake but after finishing campaign one I can only say#congrats to Beverly Toegold V and Moonshine Cybin for having the found family and narrative relationship of all time#naddpod#naddpod campaign 1#moonshine cybin#beverly toegold#ella'sart
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time keeps moving on
whether you want it to or not
@remedyturtles absolutely killing it with the latest chapters of their firefight fic. The last third of ch.37 was so fuckin eerie and tense and visually rich that I couldn't NOT make some art inspired by it. I've been hankering to draw something more experimental and dark lately, and this really scratched that itch!
Thanks for The Horrors™, Rem!
#listened to the Anihilation soundtrack while making this and it really enhanced the mood. very off-putting. very cool. 10/10 would recommend#Rem you have such a way with handling characters' relationships with time in your stories that is so distinct and interesting#like it's this physical beast stalking the narrative. sometimes it is quietly lurking and other times it sinks its teeth in and won't let g#tick tock tick tock Leo#firefight au#fic stuff#firefight rottmnt#firefight fic#firefight#rottmnt#rottmnt leo#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#fanfic rec#fanfic fanart#fanfiction#ao3 fanfic#archive of our own#ao3#ao3 recs#miss misnomer
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if they don't give Helaena one scene that doesn't strip her of her agency or just treat her like fodder, I'm gonna scream. if they don't give Helaena one scene with her dragon, I'm gonna scream. if they don't give Helaena one, better yet, multiple, scenes with Aegon, her brother, her husband, the father of her children, I'm gonna scream.
#Mysaria x Rhaenyra has gotten more screentime then the green King and Queen!!!!!#Daemon fucking his mom got more screentime then Aegon and Helaena#they stripped both Aegon and Helaena of their dragons. their marriage. their relationship. theur siblinghood. their shared grief.#their everything#they should be amongst the main characters of this show and they get 0 screentime together#Helaena has not been given one scene where she has any agency or power or substance#she is the queen and a dreamer but she is constantly ignored by the narrative#she is a dragonrider. yet we have not seen a singular scene of her with her dragon. hell. we haven't even seen her dragon.#they only show her when she is out of her element or in passing#the few scenes she does have serve other characters before they serve her#the only scenes she's truly been given have been her suffering. the murder of her child and a brief glimpse at her grief#she deserves more respect#helaena targaryen#helaena the dreamer#queen helaena#hotd helaena#aegon ii#aegon targaryen#aegon ii targaryen#aegon the elder#helaegon#aegon x helaena#dreamfyre#hotd#team green#anti hotd
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characters who see themselves as more of a Force or an abstract concept acting in the world than as a person. characters who prioritize their role as a cog in some greater mechanism over their own personhood. characters who get their hands dirty, who run themselves ragged, who take on an unbearable weight, who hurt or neglect or give up or straight-up betray the people and things they once held close, because they believe in doing so they are fulfilling their Purpose, the thing they exist in this world to do (and no one else will do it, *can* do it, so it has to be them). characters who've determined that they are constructs bound to preprogrammed code, to a script already written for them by someone/something else, and have been operating under that mindset for so long that they don't know how to live on their own terms. characters who uphold the fate that is smothering them. can anyone hear me
#it's the combo of objectification of the self + self-sabotaging devotion to an Other#or maybe it's nothing and i'm just yapping when i should be getting ready for bed. you decide!#narrative nonsense#this is inspired by my newest blorbo (the angel hare one) but also#chara dreemurr#(specifically their mindset in the Bad Time route)#some parts of this are also... janus (in my headcanons). and guildenstern. (different parts to be clear)#bonus points if they did it all or mostly to themselves#shout-out to one of the main characters from my current wip novel who would say she's long moved past this phase#(she has not. not really.)
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Everyone who’s complaining about Hera being the mc of war of the Rohirrim- genuinely who do you think should be the mc instead??
Because I reread the story in the appendices, and I understand that she doesn’t even get a name in the book, but she’s literally the only character that’s there for all the action and doesn’t die partway through.
Her brothers? Dead. Helm Hammerhand? Dead. Her cousin? Gone for most of the battles. And it makes way more sense to focus on Helm’s daughter- someone with deep emotional ties to all this loss, and an emotional tie to the villain- as opposed to focusing on some random soldier or general
Just say you hate women and leave it at that, don’t try to justify it with ‘I just want it to be accurate to the books!’
#my grandpa literally was going off about how dumb he thinks having a female lead is- all the forced feminism bullshit#and I was so ready to fight that old man#is hera a perfect character? no! but she’s getting so much more hate than any other character for no reason#if anyone can name a single character from the books that would make narrative sense to be at all the climactic scenes#be my guest#but there’s literally no one else#lotr#war of the rohirrim#the war of the rohirrim#hera hammerhand
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DOCTOR WHO | Before The Flood
#dwedit#doctor who#dwgif#tvedit#scifiedit#timelordgifs#s9#before the flood#peter capaldi#twelfth doctor#twelveclara#mine#my gifs#twelve era scenes that go hard vol. 121#him being so ashamed he can't look bennett in the eye. futile excuses. the dark glare#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and the fact that this scene was much darker in the script.#i don't think it's entirely about clara really - the doctor does this all the time. the narrative demands some sacrifice#some people need to die so the doctor can figure out how to save other people. his choice here just to watch and check however... chilling#NEED MORE OF THAT GIMME MORE MESSED UP DOCTOR#also i need more characters opposing the doctor and being disgusted by their choices but still having to stand by them to survive
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