#i have literally never really talked about the latter half of the story with. anyone lmao

[eggs-can-draw]

komaeda anon: IM. SHAKING YOU I LITERALLY HAVE THE SAME THOUGHTS I HAVE A WHOLE ASS STORY WRITTEN ABOUT LIKE

MY GUY, WHO'S HELLBENT ON REVENGE, TAKES THE JOURNEY TO DO SO, BUT THEY END UP GAINING FRIENDS AND ATTACHMENTS THAT GIVE THE JOY BACK AND LIKE

nobody is stopping him in his revenge, in fact the world supports whatever makes him happy

but going through his journey is just, what makes him happy now?

and oughhghhgh its the friends you make, its the nreaths you take, its the annoying deity you've shackled yourself too that, for all thoughts and purposes, should have used you for their advantages because you would do anything to keep them by your side if it meant they'd stick by yours just for this one act of vengeance but no, they find you amusing and endearing and wholeheartedly go where you go and—

you're already happy before you even know it, even while you're still pursuing the happiness you thought would give you the most joy O(-(

YEEEEES YES YES YES AAAAAGH mmmmm out here makin me think about my little guys since they have a similar kinda vibe lol It's about a semi-nonverbal girl who's possessed by god and was inherently DESIGNED to be possessed by god and is trying to figure out what personhood really means and is constantly confronted with people who take the line of living life and surviving without living and STRADDLE IT and she fucks around in people's dreams and WATCHES THE VERY CORE OF WHAT MAKES THEM PEOPLE AND SURVIVING AND HAS TO HELP THEM LEARN TO LIVE OVER SURVIVING (aka she gets them started on the path towards healing after Some Stuff Happened) AND WHEN I GRAB HER BY THE COLLAR PERSONALLY RIP GOD OUT AND SHOVE HER FRIENDS WHO LOVE HER (they didn't know about the god thing they just had Suspicions but then again her twin brother said she's always just kinda been Like That) IN THERE AND SHE HAS A MENTAL BREAKDOWN AND ALSO MORE GODS ARE SHOVED IN HER BRAIN AND SHE ESSENTIALLY HAS TO FIGHT EVERY DIVINITY IN THE SOLAR SYSTEM (including a loooong dead creator deity) and is just. forced to choose in continuing with the belief that she is inherently inhuman and therefore cannot live and must Survive for the sake of what others created her to be, or understand that her friends love her and her mom loves her and her brother loves her and her community loves her and SHE loves her and that every moment every little bit of joy that she's experienced over one really fucking crazy week is exactly why life is worth living life = love life is built out of love yknow? i unno

[anthurak]

9S is the final boss though? Like his whole arc after 2B dies is him going insane until you get to the final fight with A2 with her being the obviously better choice.

Alright, ‘cracks knuckles’ guess I’m finally talking about those Nier takes I’ve never gotten around to.

Yes, you are correct. Which is why I call 9S a ‘blemish’ and not something that outright ruined the game for me.

It’s still annoying when you get into later parts of Route B when 9S starts stumbling onto all the big lore and backstory reveals with even Commander White dropping into emphasize how important what he’s finding is. As if the story is saying ‘aren’t you a smart and special little boy, 9S, for discovering all these important things’. Which combined with 2B dying at the start of Route C, makes it feel like, as I said, 9S is getting the ‘he was the REAL main character all along!’ treatment. Particularly when we consider that 9S gets to be the PC of both Route B and half of Route C, whereas 2B only gets Route A and A2 only gets half of Route C, effectively meaning that 9S technically gets the most screen time, story-wise.

Add on the fact that, as I said in the original repost, 9S reads and acts like literally every generic, cardboard-cutout self-insert anime protag-guy, to the point where some of his dialogue with 2B that I think the game wants us to interpret as ‘flirting’ feels like it’s out of a goddamn visual novel, and you can see why I consider him pretty insufferable.

It also doesn’t help that every time I’ve revisited Nier: Automata, I’m always finding 2B more and more interesting and compelling as a character. Just as an example, has anyone noticed that despite being seemingly the most ‘professional’ and loyal to the YoRHA cause on the surface of the three PCs, 2B is actually the most merciful of the three to the machine lifeforms? Like how when you first encounter non-hostile machines, 2B doesn’t want to attack them, stating that there is no reason to attack those that aren’t attacking them. Or how 2B is actually the MOST open of the three to talking and working with Pascal, whereas A2 is at first extremely distrustful and 9S just wanted to attack him on sight.

And yes, I really like A2 as well. Unfortunately the way her route is constructed means that she feels just as much like a replacement for 2B as she does a separate character in her own right. Which combined with the shorter length of Route C, makes her character feel a bit truncated.

And yes, 9S rapidly revealing himself to be a crazed, murderous incel simping for 2B the moment she dies IS in and of itself a great, twisted and interesting character turn, and I wholly agree that A2 having to Old-Yeller him is absolutely the better choice for the final battle. Unfortunately, it doesn’t really change everything else I’ve been saying up to now. Or the fact that 2B absolutely got fridged to make it happen.

Personally, for a long time now I’ve felt a better way to do the post-‘everything’s gone to shit’ reveal that we see in Route C would have 2B not actually dying but instead taken by A2 and eventually purged of the logic virus, though with 9S still wholly BELIEVING that 2B is dead at A2’s hands. Say, A2 still stabs 2B, but it turns out to be non-fatal.

From there, Route C follows A2 and a weakened/regaining-her-strength 2B working together. Likely with some fun gameplay twists were-in you’re switching control between the two. All the while, 9S is deteriorating even further than what we saw originally, to the point where even when he learns that 2B is alive and sees her again, he just goes into an even more crazed ‘you abandoned me!’ and ‘you left me for her!’ mode.

Which actually ends up leading to 9S mirroring Eve’s own crazed obsession with Adam and the rampage he went on after the latter’s death. Which in turn at first leads 2B to believe that 9S has some lingering virus infection from Adam and Eve from when they were holding him captive and that is the source of his madness, meaning that 9S could still be saved.

Of course, in a tragic twist, it is revealed that it ISN’T something lingering from Eve, but rather that 9S is deliberately re-infecting himself with the virus. That the true source of 9S’s madness is simply his own twisted obsession with 2B.

Which in turn leads to a final boss fight of 2B and A2 fighting a now-monstrous 9S. A fight which culminates in 2B and A2, with the help of Pods 042 and 153, hacking 9S in an extended trippy hacking sequence.

A sequence which culminates in 2B/the player having to hack into 9S’s menu and actually forcibly uninstall his OS-chip in order to put him down for good. Complete with you/2B effectively having to fight the ‘Are you sure?’ confirmation box which becomes progressively more crazed and unhinged, until Pod 042 mentions that you can force-uninstall the chip through some seemingly simply method like holding the button. Or perhaps something equally zany like switching control to A2 to uninstall the chip while the confirmation box is ‘occupied’ with 2B.

Thus, we still get a tragic/bittersweet ending of 2B being forced to kill 9S, but this time for good with the sense that now she can finally move on. Also this version would absolutely have 2B and A2 becoming a couple.

So yeah, that's a... few of my takes on Nier. Heck, I didn't even go into the AU I've had percolating for a few years now wherein 9S is expunged from the story entirely, 2B is partnered with 60 and is a bit of a yuri-harem-protag and there is frankly WAY more world-building than is necessary.

[malinaa]

as a hunger games and shadow and bones enjoyer, thoughts on a malina thg au, where they’re both tributes for 12?? mal is so peeta “boy next door, boy with the bread” energy

please just the thought of malina in the games makes me sob 😭 alina wouldn’t volunteer because honestly the only person she would volunteer for would be mal (and vice versa). i think at that point alina is just praying to anyone who would listen that let it not be mal let it not be mal not him please not him. but then d12’s escort calls out, “malyen oretsev” and her world crumbles before her eyes.

one of the big differences from everlark is def that malina’s romance dynamic is switched, on the surface at least. alina’s love for mal is so so so evident in the beginning of s&b but you don’t really get mal reciprocating that love until the latter half of the book (mal has been in love w her since he was literally a child.. peetacoded fr but he didn’t like act on it until he realized that he lost her … katnisscoded 🤭).

anyway everyone in d12 knows that they’re in love with each other but the other doesn’t know so the star-crossed lovers angle could still be played. mal is DEFINITELY charming and handsome enough to get the capitol eating off his hand (that one quote in s&s that’s like if you put him in a fjerdan camp he’ll come back on their shoulders etc etc). i think what spark’s the capitol’s interest in them is their closeness. that spark gets fanned into a flame when the tiny slip of a girl from district 12 got a high training score and idk if there’d be any grisha power in this au so use ur imagination. when the interviews roll around, i think alina would talk about mal in a way that makes the interviewer’s eyes gleam but they run out of time before they get to the Big Question. then mal’s interview rolls around and he charms everyone in the audience and when the interviewer asks, “and alina? you two are childhood friends, you grew up together. what was it like being reaped together?” and mal gives everyone a sad smile and says instead, “let me tell you a little story. i was never a brave kid.” and he laughs, self-deprecating. everybody’s attention is on him, their dissent rumbling through the air because there’s no way a d12 kid with a relatively high training score (i’m shooting for a 9 maybe. peeta’s 8 would be good too) wouldn’t be brave. “alina would argue with me just like you all are doing, but i swear it’s true. i was weak. afraid of the dark. the orphanage ran out of candles once during a storm and i couldn’t sleep and even though she was in a completely different part of the building, she knew that i had a fear of the dark, so she ran out in the middle of the night and traded some of her old clothes for a single candle. she slipped into my room, all wet from the rain but i didn’t care. alina lit the candle and all i could think was, ‘she’s so much braver than me.’ she gave me light.” mal locks his gaze with the interviewer. “she is my light.” anddddd time’s up!

the capitol’s abuzz with mal’s declaration. they feel like he’s def in love with her (he is) and she doesn’t know it (she doesn’t—probably thinks he’s playing it up for the camera for sponsors) etc etc. the games start idk they’d try to stick with each other and the gamemakers have sick fun trying to pull them apart just so that a reunion would boost ratings. mal keeps finding extreme ways to help alina and keep her safe and she’s doing the same, but mal is a good soldier. he probably downplayed his skills in training to everyone, even her because he’s a damn good shot and a damn good hunter. the 2 winners from the same district announcement gets made and they run with more vigor to find each other but when they do, they obviouslyyyyy need to have The Cave Scene so mal is injured by a mutt or something idk. the story that mal tells in the cave that gets them a Feast would probably be the similar one that peeta gave (“your hair was in two braids instead of one” blah blah) but mal’s version of probably an amalgamation of something similar to alina cutting up her hand and when baby mal said “i’m going to marry alina” and he definitelyyyyyy tucks alina’s hair back and whispers, “i wanted more for you. a white veil in your hair. vows we could keep.” and they Kiss blah blah u get it. they risk their lives for each other again, at the end mal grabs alina’s hand and positions the knife to his chest but alina throws the knife away and blah blah nightlock or whatever it could be something else. regardless they LIVE and boom. end of book 1 🙏

or you could have a thg malina au with grisha powers (but they’re hidden/not in the capitol maybe or idk) and mal does shove the knife into his heart and alina like Bursts into light and they get miraculously saved by her light and d13 rescues them idk

[stxrdust-widow]

Ok not to be dramatic on main, but:

I’ve definitely been thinking about this way too much but the fact that Brennan was probably in love with Booth throughout at least the latter half of season 4 and all the way through season five but probably didn’t have the words or the ability to comprehend what she was actually feeling like!!! She’s never been in a long term romantic relationship, and at the time just didn’t have the capacity to understand anything that wasn’t quantifiable aka LOVE so it’s understandable but!!

Also, everyone made such a big deal about how Booth hadn’t been in love with Brennan before the coma absolutely untrue, but barely anyone talks about how Booths coma dream literally stems from what Bones was writing and narrating to him while he was unconscious??? Like hello, that literally proves that she was in love with him. She wrote a version of them where they were in love and married and growing their family, and even if it was just some version of them, maybe it was her way of projecting and analyzing her feelings in a more tangible and controlled manner. And maybe she never truly understood what she was feeling at that point, or maybe she did and deleting the story before he woke up was her way of suppressing those feelings, until she was finally confronted with them again in s5 when Booth confesses to her. And yeah, she was scared, convinced she couldn’t change based on her history and who she was and everything was worse because he told her everything when she wasn’t ready to hear it in a setting where she really didn’t have any preparation or control.

And when they returned in s6, she’s in a healthier place, still not quite ready but nearly there, having gained time and perspective, only to find Booth had stuck to his word and moved on. She can’t even hate the woman he’s chosen because it’s not in her nature, and Booth’s happiness is the ultimate goal and everything is okay between them until it’s not, and she finally realizes that she doesn’t want to waste any time, doesn’t want to waste her life. She wants to live and make connections and love and be loved, but it’s too late for her and Booth, and shes crying in the rain. Until it’s not, and Booth is single again, but he’s sad and angry and rightfully so. But it’s not the end for them, and they just need to take their time to heal, and I’m choosing to believe that even though they came together officially under a very stressful situation, wrought with grief and sadness, the fact that they still knew and trusted each other enough to comfort one another just makes it better. That despite all the heartache and rejection that occurred between them, nothing was able to sever the bond they’ve created, and they each know that the other is a safe place.

And I know the surprise pregnancy is a divisive topic amongst this fandom, but from what I’ve garnered, most people (including myself) are less angry about the pregnancy itself, and more disappointed that we didn’t see the actual moment where the tension breaks and they finally come together in some huge, dramatic way. I’m a huge fan of those moments, but I’m going to try to be happy with what we got, and leave all the early moments of their official coupledom to the imagination and to fanfic. But overall I like the direction they went. I wish we would have seen more of them learning to live together, grow together, but I suppose we already got all of that, just without an official love confession. As Angela put it; [they] were a couple. [They] just weren't having sex. And she was right.

Anyways, I have no purpose with this, just crying about the tragic, poetic nature of their relationship into the void.

[fraudulent-cheese]

Consider talking about the parallel lines of roti. PLEASE this is literally my roman empire and I'd love to hear your take

Oh geez, hope i can do them justice then!

So generally when people talk about the parallel lines plot in roti, it's to criticize it in various ways - and it deserves it, mind you - but a common pattern i see in those critiques is trying to find someone who's in the categorical 'wrong'. While i have entertained discussions related to that sort of thing with the other love triangle, im not sure it really applies here if you try to look at it from the character's perspectives themselves.

This isn't to say they're all innocent, they still make mistakes and aren't good at communicating (they're teenagers. duh.) Yes, Zoey's overly possessive of a guy she isn't even dating. Yes, Anne Maria gushing about Vito to Mike's discomfort during one elimination ceremony isn't great. Yes, Mike trying to actually talk it out would've helped resolve their issues quicker.

However... You can't really pin the full blame on anyone involved here. Yeah Zoey and Anne Maria fighting over a guy was dumb, but it makes sense in character; Zoey's both judgemental and was previously isolated, so i can see Anne Maria affirming she knows the "real Mike" really getting under her skin and overriding her people pleasing tendencies, while the other girl doesn't take any shit and especially won't take it from a girl who seems to think she's dating the guy she's currently seeing.

in my mind, they've ALL been screwed over in this situation in some way and it somewhat makes sense! Vito's being screwed over because he's an alter in a system with a host who's determined to pretending he's a singlet and doesn't remember what Mike does with Zoey. On top of that, no alter in the system is actually communicating at this point, so there's no real way Vito would know or care about it. Mike's being screwed over because of past experiences of telling the ones closest to him about being a system and rejecting him for it (it's heavily implied in one of his confessionals), a lack of memory for what Vito does and not wanting to screw up his friendship with/crush on Zoey. Anne Maria and Zoey are being screwed over because from the former's perspective she's in the right and trying to romance a guy who only seems to be truly himself around her, while from the latter's perspective it's almost like she's been lead on since both parts of Zoke are not subtle about their mutual crushes. Neither girl knows what's truly going on either since Mike won't tell them.

And of course, there was probably already going to be friction between Zoey and Anne Maria due to Zoey's own issues with making connections and projecting at least some of her baggage on the other girl and Anne Maria (reasonnably might i add) not wanting to take that. And also because the roti writters wouldn't allow the girls to be friends despite the things they could've bonded over but that's a seperate tangent and a half-

NOW i haven't been very critical of this plotline so far, and that's for a veryyyy specific reason; my biggest issue with it is how the narrative treats it. IE, by desperately trying to place Anne Maria as being in the wrong and siding very obviously with Zoke as the end point; they're already set up by episode fucking 1, Anne Maria doesn't get an arc or story outside of being the romantic rival, the alters in general aren't focused on as individuals throughout their short time on screen, zoke is literally the canon ship AND the campfire couple TWO SEASONS IN A ROW... It results in a plotline that is both predictable and boring to watch (for me at least.) and it's the origin point for most of the things wrong with it, at least the parts of it that aren't linked with writing issues that already plague huge parts of the show (cough cough the misogyny)

The saddest part for me though is that half the parallel lines don't get closure in the end. Vito and Anne Maria never talk again after Anne Maria's elimination, they never clear things up (on screen) between eachother, or even have Mike clear things up with Anne Maria! It's just never resolved, and it's never brought up again.

I'd like to think, even if it's post canon or whatever, that Mike/Vito went to talk with Anne Maria alone and tried their best to explain what was going on. It would take some adjustment and good communication to work-out, but i'd like to believe that it could! In my little brainhole i think that Anne Maria and Vito could just end up as friends who kiss sometimes for fun or are just close in general. Hell i could even picture Anne Maria and Mike + Zoey and Vito being friendly after the show's over and they've actually had a conversation about things. But alas, this is Total Drama, so the best we have to deal with these things is fanfiction and spinning the characters in our heads like microwave. Sad! Or joyous? Depending on your perspective.

[runningfrom2am]

extremely late chapter 14 thoughts:

1. sejanus as much as i love you- maybe not throw yourself inside the house when coryo is having an existential crisis.

2. i love lennox because there should be at least one person who thinks the right way. i hope lennox keeps him on his toes so he thinks three times before doing anything.

3. “Unless you still didn’t see it that way.” ohhhh… the drama.

4. “the back cover of an old book about a man who hunted humans.” is the book “the most dangerous game”?

5. trying to materialise her morals with her prize must’ve been awful. only having money to hold as you’re in a train for that long with that many thoughts, i can’t even imagine.

6. i truly love the family r has and how even that makes her different than lucy gray. the latter was the oldest in her unit, as far as i know, while r isn’t meant to take care of anyone. also you are doing an excellent job at not casting them aside, as side characters usually exist for a quick second in fanfics.

7. Coriolanus Snow Being Honest To A District Woman? It’s More Likely Than You Think.

8. well, ladybugs bring luck.

9. thank you so much for not making her jump to his arms in a few seconds. she went through hell in that arena and at least half of it could be traced back to coryo. the emotional weight of that isn’t something that will lift quickly. she is bound to him by something greater than her feelings.

10. “I am yours for the walk and especially when I walk away.” MA’AM IS THIS FORESHADOWING IN A WAY?

welcome back bestie!! also i hope you had such a great birthday !!

1. yeah he was not thinking LMAO he was just like “on my way to see my friend !” and lucy gray was like “bro cmon read the room”

2. yes i love him :’) he was ready to swing immediately. i really love writing sibling relationships bc with my brother i’ve had so many different perspectives on it through the years haha, but now it literally doesn’t matter i’m like “this person is annoying” and he’s like “i’ll fight them rn” lol. i really think lennox needs to bring that energy bc r is WAY too gentle for her own good, even after all that she went through. he’s a good kid, of course, raised by the same parents, but he’s not nearly as timid and i love him for it.

and ANOTHER thing ab lennox- him and lucy gray both know more than her parents do, and both are clearly protective of her but she is still willing to give coryo a chance. he sees coryo as untrustworthy and a threat to r even though he knows she cares about him, but lucy gray is more optimistic ab it. idk, i feel like they see the situation clearly but in very different ways.

3. he’s like “shit i came all this way to be shut down didn’t i-“ lol

4. yes ma’am 🫡🤭 i mean i know it’s a short story but i have seen individual prints of it too (i had someone on wp be like “but that’s not a book it’s a short story” like girl i know pls-

5. no literally i would lose my damn mind. like you’re staring at an amount of money that can change your life and trying to convince yourself it is somehow worth it (which i know she could never do) would be actual torture i think.

6. i love her family so much, like realistically i can’t imagine r being the person she is without having a loving and supportive family.

also thank you! i love lucy gray and the covey too much to neglect them. especially maude ivory!! we deserved more of her in the movie!!

7. no literally. especially r’s mom. i think he doesn’t consciously know it either but r had talked about her mom quite a bit while she was in the capitol so i think he trusts her more than he would care to if he didn’t feel like he “knew her”. also i think important to mention that his fathers death also affected her so deeply and even physically.

8. that they do 🤭

9. AH you are so welcome. like as much as that would have been cute or whatever i seriously don’t think that was even an option for her it wouldn’t have made even a bit of sense. honestly, she was more likely to bolt back out the door and make a run for it hahahaha

10. IDK WE’LL HAVE TO SEE

[one-and-a-half-yikes]

Okay so I ended up with a tie between my Witch AU and my Fantasy AU, but I think I'll just start with the latter since that's easier.

Inky Mystery Fantasy AU

Okay, technically it's called Blooming Crowns, but ssshhhhhhhh

When I first started on this AU it did have a plot in place, though I would say it was a bit convoluted?? Just a bit???

Fanny was meant to be the main character as I hadn't really seen any other AUs have her be the main character before. In it, the story was centered around Fanny being thrusted into the role of next in line for the throne even though she wasn't supposed to be. It was actually supposed to be Oswald.

Gotta pause for a minute here, this goes without saying NO there's no incest and this idea was literally based off the Disney wiki for these two. They were supposed to be a couple but then later down the line Francine got changed to his sister. Very strange decision there, but I decided to run with it for this AU.

Oswald had no intentions on ruling, but neither did Fanny. In fact they both talked frequently about running away together. It was a plan from the start. But as Coronation Day slowly drew closer those plans came to a stop. Oz had escaped at some point in the night, leaving a broken promise behind and letter for Fanny only. As strange as it was, as soon as Fanny had realized he was gone she'd cover for him. Breaking a window and claiming someone had stolen him in the night. Easier to say that than the truth. If he was going to leave her here, then he at least deserved to live out his life.

So the role Oz was meant to fill was then taken handed to Fanny and all the responsibilities that came with that. She was also more isolated. Now the eldest of her siblings, and saddled with so many responsibilities, she didn't really have anyone else to talk to about these things. There was Dovil, one of the maids but she saw her rarely and Red even less.

Also forced marriage plotline because of COURSE I was gonna fit that in somewhere lmao. And yes, it is Brute.

Brute's family is fairly respected in the community, and on good standing with both of Fanny's parents so it wasn't shocking at all to her when she was set to start courting him in three months.

The good news was that Fanny was spared from this by pure happenchance. While sorting through her hidden collection of books she had stashed away she'd found a pamphlet. She can't remember how she'd gotten her hands on it, but one look and it hit her. A way to escape, even if just for a little while.

Once heirs have been born and are of the age of 16 they are to mingle with the other heirs of the other kingdoms to establish connections and allyship. It was a tradition created a long time as a peace treaty to stop constant violence and wars from happening. This seemed like a good place to start. And when peace DID become a thing and many of the those wars had ended it was agreed upon that this was somewhat of a good solution to the problem.

So one month in a year is taken for all the heirs to meet up and specific location where they will share quarters and live together for a that time before returning to their respective kingdoms. Fanny saw that as good a reason as any to sidestep having to see Brute if she could help it. It took far more convincing than she thought necessary, but by the end of it, with a few weeks left to spare she was off to meet the other heirs.

The other half of the plot involving Oz, I never really figured it out. I suppose after the heir thing she would come home to reflect on her experiences in that month and decided she would at least set out to find her brother for no other reason than to slap the shit out of him. I have an idea of where he is, I never really created the kingdom he was from though which is on me. Also yes, Mickey would be Oz's adopted brother in this. All of Fanny and Oz's siblings are rabbits. There's 12 of them in total including Fanny and Oswald. Big family but ya know...rabbits.

I am very happy to take questions for this. This is a short run down of the plot I can remember but I think I wrote the rest in my docs. And yes, I do have stuff written for the other Questers (except Felix) so you can ask me about them and their stories! ^^

[auroras-void]

Literally anyone: *is my friend, is not mono and taken, gives me like, 1 (one) attention*

My brain:

Istggg I do this so fucking easily, like I don't even think it means much bc it's based on so little, but I just wanna be loved so bad, I'm so desperate for attention, my brain will latch onto the tiniest little thing and run with it.

Like I'm realizing now I've done this all my life, but before I was an anxious wreck so doing anything with the thoughts besides thinking didn't even register as an option so it was fine it never mattered. But now I'm like, confident... ish? Like confessing to my friends is now an actual thing that I could do, (and actually have done before, albeit unsuccessfully, but thats another story). So now I have to actually listen to, examine, and reflect on my emotions and determine where they're coming from and what I want to do about them??? So cringe.

But anyways ya I called up an irl friend of mine earlier who I hadn't spoken to directly in weeks just to hang out and chat, and I forgot how nice it was to just talk with them,, and we talked about how we should cuddle and play with each other's hair (platonically, we were both talking about loving being pet like a cat) when she gets back into town.... ~~and I realized I kinda wanted to add that honestly she could even just straight up kiss me and I would be ecstatic about it~~, and then I spent the next hour or so thinking about how good the vibes were just hanging out together,,, and how yk actually was she always that pretty?? So um ya ig that counts as maybe a teeny crush??

Like it feels similar to stuff I've felt before, but I mean, honestly I think my brain might just be getting excited bc we were talking about affection like in general and also I haven't been called prettty in too long. So I'm like wait do I actually want to kiss her or do I just want to be kissed like in general? It's probably only the latter, but I suppose they aren't mutually exclusive? maybe it's a qp crush?

I think I just gotta talk to her more and see how I feel really

Anyways /rant, honestly might delete the half under the fold to move to my journal later but I mean it's not like it matters too much which screaming void I leave these thoughts in so, eh.

[icedicedbabeee]

Ideas for unexplored relationships in The Quarry

So, The Quarry has a bunch of unexplored relationships. Some of which, I think could be incredibly interesting. At the very least, interesting enough to go on length ranting about:

Ryan & Emma: There is a strong implication that Ryan and Emma are both repeat Counsellors at Hackett's Quarry, potentially the only ones. I get the impression that while neither of them are particularly close, they do know each other a little. I think this could have been really fun, because we never really get counsellors talking about their experiences at the camp. These two could have shared some memories from taking care of campers and even started some small banter.

Ryan & Jacob: These two would be interesting from an angle of poor relationships. There is a very heavy implication these two don’t like each other at all, but there is no added flair. I don’t understand why these two dislike each other so much, to the point that they are able to repeatedly abandon each other to the wolves (figuratively and literally). It would have been interesting to see a reason why they don’t like each other and the division this could cause, or the unlikely alliance of these characters, instead of Jacob just disappearing for the latter half of the game.

Jacob & Kaitlyn: So these two have a very fun banter at the start of the game and Kaitlyn mentions that she sees Jacob like a brother. And nothing is done with this??? This is a huge missed opportunity, two characters who previously knew each other and have a pre-established relationship. I would have liked to see Kaitlyn confront Jacob about sabotaging the car or Jacob show concern for Kaitlyn once shit truly hits the fan. Maybe Kaitlyn even tries looking for Jacob?

Jacob & Nick: Poor Nick. Shafted so badly that he only has one true relationship, that I cannot support because he acts like a creep and asshole the entire time (Whether that’s because of the infection or not, I’m unsure.) But I digress. This would have been an opportunity to flesh out Nick. It’s implied these two are best friends and that Nick tries to follow Jacobs example, but literally when in the game does this happen? Most of the time, Nick is actively taking the piss out of Jacob. Doesn’t help that Jacob just...forgets about Nick.

Jacob & Dylan: I would’ve liked to have seen these two interact. They have a fun dynamic at the beginning of the game and honestly, it feels like on a smaller level these two can at least slightly relate to each other, both terrified of rejection and seeking belonging and want from anyone. They could have been a fun dynamic, even if not a major one.

Jacob & Abi: I don’t really have a deeper reason, I just think these two could have been fun. It’s someone for Abi to bounce off who shares some level of similarity to her. Honestly, Abi needed more screen time and I think Jacob could be a solid person to bounce her thoughts off.

Abi & Max: To be fair, I don’t know how this would work in game, unless you cured Max earlier in the story. But these two deserved better and I think their dynamic would be fun. The resident goofball and the Shy girl who both have gone through far too much this night team up. They could have had some nice dialogue.

Nick & Kaitlyn: This could have been great. From what I can tell, these two are both mellow and I think a relaxed duo is perfect for these two. Just a chance to be and do things, while fleshing out Nick.

Kaitlyn & Emma: I think that these two could have been fun. It could give us a bit more insight into Kaitlyn as Emma tries desperately to make Kaitlyn laugh. Also, I think it would just be fun to see these resident girlbosses get things done.

Emma & Dylan: THESE TWO. I want to see them. They both resort to humor in a tense situation, both hide behind a persona or what they think people want them to be and both are easily some of the most technology based in the group. It would have been a good chance to show what Emma and Dylan are like when they aren’t acting and their banter would have been priceless.

Well, that was way longer than expected, but hoped you enjoyed regardless.

[anasticklefics]

Unsaid

Fandom: Star Wars

Characters: Poe/Finn

Summary: They land on a planet that has a field that tickles anyone who comes near, and Poe is having one too many feelings about it.

A/N: My first fic back from hiatus! Honestly I’m only posting something because I wrote more than half of this while I was gone, but felt inspired to finish it today. I hope you like it, I’m very proud 🥺

Words: 2k

A breeze of heat ruffled Poe’s hair as he stood at the edge of the Field of Laughter on a planet that had too much of an orange tint for his liking. It reminded him of dry, unforgiving land full of sand and nothing but sand, but mostly it reminded him of the times he’d been stranded, so thirsty he could die, running for his life over the scorching ground. Just last week, that is. It reminded him of being near death, and of watching Finn and Rey getting dragged just out of his reach.

“It’s okay, you know,” Finn told him now, watching Poe as Poe watched the field. “If you want to try it, I mean.”

Poe chanced a glance at him, wondering what the orange tint made his blush look like. “I’m good.”

“Poe.” Finn had mastered the knowing smile he occasionally shot his way wonderfully. An amusement to it, but also something kind that made Poe all the more embarrassed whenever it was aimed at him. Vulnerability, even during the war, was always something that terrified him, even more than the war.

“Really, I’m okay,” he said, averting his gaze back toward the dancing blades of yellow grass. They’d been told the field was bigger than it seemed, twisting and turning behind the mountains and the trees Poe had been surprised to find here. They all looked dead, but were apparently perfectly fine.

“If you’re worried someone will see or hear you we could go further.”

“Why do you think I want to try it?”

“Oh, come on now.” Finn bumped their shoulders together. “You don’t have to pretend with me.”

The Field of Laughter was said to be a very ticklish experience; so much so that the natives who lived by it had developed a thicker skin, quite literally so, in order to survive having to cross it. It had saved them valuable time, not having to walk around it, and it only got a couple of giggles out of the younger ones now.

Poe was absolutely certain he would never escape the dancing blades, whose only purpose in life was to tickle whomever walked over and through them. They were kept regularly short, cut with hovering blades and quick hands, as they could probably tickle someone to death if they were able to trap them. A field of torture for most, but something else to Poe.

“I promise to pull you out if it becomes too much,” Finn continued, but Poe could tell he wasn’t going to push it more. It was up to Poe to decide whether he was brave enough to be vulnerable in more than one way.

They’d landed there by accident. A mission gone wrong, but not so wrong it had really cost them anything. Just time, which they sometimes couldn’t afford and other times were swimming in. They’d been fortunate, for once, to be rich enough to give it away so easily to a planet that neither attacked them nor wanted to help them. Proud of their history, but wary of their grounds, meaning they told them everything but let them see little. Poe knew of the group that had settled not too far away from their makeshift camp, keeping an eye on them and making sure they didn’t stray past the point they’d been allowed to see. Poe wasn’t sure why they’d been forced to stay by the Field of Laughter of all places, but he’d been thoroughly on edge for the past two days because of it.

“Better be careful,” Jess had said, pointing to the field. “If you piss me off I might throw you in.”

Poe hadn’t replied, his ears still ringing with the story of the field they’d just been told. Lab-made. Torture device. Impossible to stop. It had made him want to peel his skin off to hear it.

“Poe.” Finn, his one and only confidant in this, hadn’t teased him like Poe had feared, but that knowing look had almost been worse. “Come on, let’s take a walk.”

One thing you should know about Poe Dameron: he had absolutely no idea how to handle any type of feeling that involved vulnerability, which included embarrassment and fear and love and lust. Unfortunately his feelings about tickling had traces of all, to a certain point. It was embarrassing to love something most people hated. It was terrifying to love something to the point of sensuality.

Finn had found out by accident, too. A drunken night, Poe too touch-starved and exhausted and in love with him to keep quiet, and while whatever they were was still unsaid and only shown in quiet fingertips to skin, Finn was all too eager to give him what he wanted after he’d let it slip. Poe refused to talk about it now, all of it unsaid and quiet, all theirs but barely.

Finn hadn’t mentioned the field as they’d started their walk, but Poe couldn’t look at him as they’d walked along the edge of it, maybe too close to it for comfort. One misstep and he could fall in, and then he’d have to face one too many truths at once.

Truth was, he almost wished someone would push him in. Just as an excuse.

“It almost doesn’t look like the blades are dancing,” was the first thing he’d said. “There’s no rhythm to it.”

“I’m sure they’re trying their best,” Finn had replied and Poe had laughed, nearly hysterically, as if giddy at the idea of having them dance over his skin.

“How does it even work?” he said now, two days later, the evening sun still bright and orange, but fading ever so slightly by the minute. “Like, do they go for your feet first or trip you or what?” He was only able to ask because it sounded so stupid to ask it.

“No idea.” Finn tilted his head at the field. “Does it work if you’re dressed and wearing shoes?”

“No idea.”

“Maybe we should ask someone. I’m sure they’d be willing to share.”

“We’d look too invested.”

Finn grabbed his wrist, squeezing once and calming him instantly. “We don’t have to.”

Poe went to bed untickled, tangled up in Finn’s embrace.

*

He only went because he’d dreamt of it and had learned to take dreams seriously years ago. In his dream it had been intoxicating, the sensation unbearable enough to have felt real, and so he went, wondering if he would leave or die there, laughing until it hurt him. That was the most fascinating part. Where did the line go between pleasure and pain when it came to something like this? How much could he take? Were Finn’s occasional prodding hands enough or was he capable of handling more?

In retrospect there was probably a safer way to figure this out, but Poe stopped by the edge of the field, feet bare and pants rolled up to his calves, with a relief he rarely ever felt regarding this. The early morning sun was more of a soft canary yellow than orange, and Poe felt he could breathe more easily.

“Hello,” he said, his voice a murmur as he bent to get closer to the grass. “Aren’t you causing a lot of commotion.”

He didn’t feel stupid to speak to it. Somehow he felt it was alive, just communicating differently than him. He’d walked as far as he’d been able to, but felt as if his laughter would still be heard if it caught him. Many years ago, when he’d had too much pride to admit to vulnerability, he’d been captured by a rope and remained hanging upside down for longer than was comfortable, squirming, struggling, but refusing to scream for help. He knew he wouldn’t be able to keep quiet during this.

The blades did nothing to acknowledge his presence and Poe longed for a thick forest - preferably a dark green one - to hide him from view when he reached out a finger to hover above it. An idiot, they would call him if they saw him. An idiot that’s asking for it.

If only they knew how desperately he was really asking. How loud and persistent and starved his pleas were, in the midst of a war that gave him no privacy to be candid.

“Would you let go of me if I asked nicely?” The blades were just out of reach. He could imagine them suddenly reaching forward and gripping him by the wrist, pulling him in and under for the rest of his giggly eternity.

But of course, they merely kept dancing. He wiggled his index finger over them. “Are you ticklish yourselves?”

The silence around him was deafening. If he fell he would be heard by the whole universe.

If he didn’t fall he could pretend he had. Say he’d been sleepwalking, hence his lack of proper footwear, and had ended up in this ticklish awakening.

Finn would know, naturally, but Finn would never tell. Would only try to gently coax the answers out of him and Poe would blush and blush and blush until he would say something stupid that would have Finn either laughing or rolling his eyes. Finn would drop it only momentarily, for it was too big of a thing to do on your own for him to never bring up again.

Poe wasn’t surprised when Finn appeared a moment later, his steps quiet but not non-existent. “Hi.”

Poe sighed and straightened, turned to glance at him quickly to hide the already spreading flush. “Hi.”

“I knew I’d find you here.”

“Dead or alive?”

“Hmm, either. Happy it was the latter.” He stopped beside him, letting their shoulders brush as they gazed over the field. “Are you gonna do it?”

“Not sure. Honestly I might’ve stood here for hours if you hadn’t arrived.”

“I can hold your hand. Pull you back out.”

Poe looked at him. Finn, with his own worries and dark circles under his eyes from how little he actually slept and his ever present way of reaching out without expecting anything back. If he trusted anyone with this it was him.

“Okay.”

Finn met his gaze. “Okay?”

Poe held out his hand. “Okay.”

Finn took it.

*

In retrospect it was both an overwhelming and underwhelming experience. The idea of it, the actual act of stepping his bare foot onto the field, still made his heart race. But while it did tickle it wasn’t the hysteria he’d been imagining. To be fair, he only let it go as far as to his calf before he decided he’d had enough, but for someone as sensitive as him it should’ve been worse.

It did tickle, though. It tickled a lot.

“I think you’re just too used to the sensation,” Finn told him after they’d returned to their quarters.

Poe huffed in embarrassment. “Not like that.”

“Oh, come on. I’ve pinned you plenty of times.”

“Not like that,” Poe said, quieter.

“That sounds like a challenge.”

As he’d stepped onto the field, Finn’s hand tight over his, Poe had felt fear and excitement and shame and acceptance, all at once, as the blades started dancing over his skin. When he’d realized, after the blades had started tickling between his toes, that he wasn’t able to actually remove his foot from the grass, was when he’d started laughing and couldn’t stop.

“I’ve never heard you laugh like that, though,” Finn said now. “I’m actually offended. I’m definitely taking this as a challenge.”

“How did I laugh?” Poe asked, because yes okay sometimes embarrassment made him stupid.

“Desperately. More high pitched than usual.” Finn’s smirk was intoxicating and fucking terrifying. “Want to try to recreate it?”

“People will hear us,” Poe said, already laughing stupidly, nervously, too smitten for his own good.

“I have a perfectly good palm to muffle it.”

And so the rest of Poe got tickled, too.

[theregoesmylurkerstatus]

So... I have a lot of thoughts on the finale. I've deliberately kept my mouth shut, more or less, on the campaign overall because I'm a firm believer that you can't pass judgement -- at least not complete judgement -- on stories until they're over and done with.

Well, it's done! Kind of crazy. I've been watching Critical Role with almost insane consistency, viewing almost every single episode live, with maybe five-ish exceptions, since episode 19, and I've been blogging it for, what, two and a half years?

It's a weird feeling. It's been such a constant thing for me that I'm always gonna have love for it and remember with a lot of fondness.

...Which is in spite of the fact that I can now comfortably say I'm pretty eh on the ending. I know not being positive about something most of us have loved a lot for a very long time can sting a bit, but I personally think it also stings when people relentlessly crow over how good they think it is or want it to be, to the point where you feel you can't voice your absolutely valid upsets or dissatisfactions. So, here goes, if anyone's interested! I'd be curious to see other opinions, too!

I actually drafted a post talking about my overall frustrations with the campaign a whole two weeks ago, and then scrapped most of it when 140 blew me out of the water. I was really touched, and really happy. I hadn't expected it, but it shockingly felt right, you know?

Unfortunately 141 robbed me of most of that satisfaction and brought me right back to neutral.

The blanket statement you have to make, of course, is that you can’t criticise this as a DnD game, and you can’t be mad at the cast for playing it in a way they think is best for them. They’re the players, Matt’s the DM, and in the end it makes no sense for them to try to make themselves act how they think the audience wants them to, and I’m sure most of the audience wouldn’t like the result anyway.

That said, there is an audience. And that’s where I see this clash coming in. As a DnD game, as long as the players and DM have all enjoyed it and been satisfied, it’s a successful game! But for us, it’s not a DnD game. For us, we’re watching a story be written in real time through the medium of an RPG. And while as a DnD game you can’t fault it, as a piece of media, I completely get why the way things have gone has sat weirdly for a lot of people.

It's not satisfying to see so many character hooks dealt with so quickly or left as an offscreen "and then you do it." If they don't want to keep playing to dive into it, absolutely, but for us who have been watching this as a story with all these character elements get so built up, it's a huge anti-climax.

Which is a lot of what this campaign has been, really.

Oh, Nott’s cursed! But through a really cool character moment that problem is completely taken care of with no consequences we see. Yay, I want her to be Veth and that was an iconic move from Jester! Still, it kind of feels like this was built up to be a big problem and at the first success it was let go... Caleb's got a really intense frightening past he tries to hide, I wonder how the Mighty Nein will respond? Oh, they found out, but it's not a difficult revelation for anyone. Looks like it's easy for them to move past it and forgive. Yeah, that's healthiest for the characters, but huh, kinda undercuts it as a storyline or point of interest. Oooh, Avantika’s back! Ah, they’ve killed her and grabbed the eye again. I mean I don’t want them to die or for Uk’otoa to be free, but I’m starting to feel like that’s not much of a threat anyway. The Traveler’s been kidnapped! Nah he hasn’t, he tried to save Jester so he was let go with no further issue, and also he wasn’t actually in any danger anyway. Oh... Cool. So... Why should I care or be worried?

And these are just the biggest ones I remember being kind of let down by. I wanted to see them STRUGGLE for the successes to have meaning. To my view, threats of failure -- real failure -- really decreased the more the campaign went on, with a few exceptions.

Because don't get me wrong, we've definitely had struggles, and those have made for some of the best moments! Molly’s death, Yasha’s kidnapping, Yeza’s imprisonment. When failures that were threatened are allowed to occur, it’s far more gratifying when it’s followed by success, because you understand that that success was actually necessary. It shows us that what they do really means something.

Honestly, that's why the final battle really shut me up, because nothing makes you quite feel stakes and failure like having two PCs die, and having a resurrection ritual fail -- AND knowing that failure would be delivered on, had it not been for a seemingly miraculous roll of the dice to turn it around. One of the greatest failure's -- Molly's death -- made the success of his resurrection put a lot of my other issues to rest immediately, because to be honest? Molly's resurrection was the biggest success of the campaign, exactly because it was originally the biggest failure.

But this episode, we got to see the other side of making threats and successes feel disappointing -- when you get the impression that success was robbed from you. Again, their characters, their choices, but to have them roll an intervention to get Molly's soul, to convince Molly to come back with his own possessions they've so loved, after so long and so many struggles... only to apparently not get Molly at all?

Changed, of course. Memories, maybe he'd never get them back, though that seems inconsistent to how the initial resurrection was played and Matt's hints. It even makes sense that not having his memories and being a bit different, he might forge a new identity, but insisting Molly was a different person entirely after such a supposed hard won success to get Molly back, especially after what his death meant to the audience and potentially healing that old wound? It robs the narrative of a LOT of catharsis, at least for me and I know many others.

Trent, too, I'm very up and down on. He was so built up -- and what fun that build up had -- and I very much disagreed with the idea that the best story would be dealing with him offscreen.

It's true that you don’t need to explicitly address, confront, or explore every big aspect of character's story hooks and background ties for PCs to move past them and grow healthily. But that does not make it a satisfying viewing experience. People quietly healing in real life is healthy. People quietly healing in an explosive fantasy setting is frustrating for the audience.

What on earth is the point of a story if you don’t get to SEE THE ESTABLISHED CONFLICTS go anywhere? A lot of the characters got distant, quiet resolutions, if that, to everything we wanted to see.

Except, we did get to see Trent. It was a really fun, inventive battle, from opening to conclusion, but much like Travelercon, much like Nott's/Veth's problem with the hag, these were things that the audience in general wanted to see be really dug into and explored, and every single one of them got, in my opinion, quickly tidied up instead. Trent got beaten in the first and only proper battle they had with him, which, after all his build up, is pretty disappointing for a villain many of us wanted to see be a big deal. It really just felt like they were trying to tidy up to get on with the epilogue, which is not what a lot of us were looking for with Trent especially.

And that's how most of their endings felt to me. It didn't feel like any of them had reached a comfortable conclusion. Literally all of them, bar Veth and Caduceus, continued on their character journey threads, without each other and very quickly. Meeting Yasha's tribe and Vandran, Caleb finally openly debating changing time for his parents, Trent and Zeenoth's trials and the changing of the guard at the Assembly... All were things it would have been so fun to have all the PCs react to and explore together, and instead they were fleeting encounters in the latter half of a seven hour finale.

Is all this, from Molly not really coming back to Trent being a finale side plot to the Nein continuing on their individual journeys, potentially realistic to how these fantastical things might go down in real life? Sure! But that's not necessarily a good thing.

Stories THRIVE on conflict and resolution. That’s what makes them FUN! Conflict isn’t nearly so fun in real life and resolutions are often frustrating question marks, so no, past a certain point I don’t WANT stories to be realistic. I want stories to be SATISFYING.

And campaign 2 has fallen far short of the mark.

I haven’t spoken... Basically a word of this for most of the campaign, because as I said I’m a firm believer that you can’t necessarily judge something until it’s over, and because I ALSO firmly believe that being negative WHILE trying to enjoy something is counterproductive. I have had no interest in spoiling or naysaying the fun of the campaign for anyone, least of all myself.

But it's done now, and all I can say is... I really have had fun. I love the characters. I love their relationships. I’m pretty okay with where they’ve ended up. I’m not mad, really, and I’m still going to think of this campaign with a lot of affection. But it hasn’t been a satisfying story, even though for a week following episode 140 I thought, despite all the brushed over story threads, it might be.

So... to try and reclaim some of that satisfaction for myself, I might ignore some aspects of the finale proper. Namely Kingsley specifically. Taliesin's choice -- but to me, it's pretty clear that who we saw at the end of 140 was Molly, and the tags on my posts will reflect that, just as my 141 tags will be for both Kingsley and Molly, for clarity's sake. I personally want to believe Molly did come back, however others might want to interpret it. The victory in 140 that meant so much to me is hollow otherwise, and it just kind of hurts that we would lose Molly after everything. I was okay with him being dead -- I'm not so okay with his resurrection being stolen.

Kingsley will always be canon, but Molly is what I choose to acknowledge. I get if you don't like that take, and that's okay! I didn't care for canon's in the end. That's the good thing about storytelling, is that no one can stop you from making your own versions.

For the people who are hopefully hyped for campaign 3, heck yeah have fun! I’m on the fence. My investment, which... I think I can objectively say was pretty substantive as this blog will attest, doesn't feel rewarded, so I’m not convinced I can faithfully keep up for over three years all over again with a strong possibility that I will once again be left disappointed. It's been a huge chunk of my life, and... yeah!

I’ll take a break, probably, view (and liveblog, if people want!) campaign 1 when I’ve had a mental stretch and vacation, and then... I might start campaign 3. I definitely won’t be able to put the same time in it I did campaign 2 (my first love no matter what), knowing that it’s likely to not be so vindicated, in the end.

I swear I’m actually writing this in fairly good humour, but I totally get its always disappointing when the people you come to for fandom enjoyment just aren't sharing your fun. Honestly I’m half tempted to write all those frigging AUs I have sitting around! But I wanted to say my piece, and try and logically outline why this ending has been lacklustre for so many people, ultimately myself included.

Episode 140 felt right because it felt like a natural conclusion -- these disparate people coming together and finally being whole, finally soothing the hurt that MADE them so long ago. Episode 141 spat on that sentiment -- they all scattered to the winds, not as happy people to live out their dreams, but as confused people chasing up loose threads towards an unknown future, with the friend they thought returned still lost to them, ultimately.

It doesn't feel like the ending we should have gotten for the Mighty Nine, who were finally, finally all together. Until they weren't. So to me? I choose to acknowledge that they were, even if I have to force it to happen post-epilogue in my head.

[akitokihojo]

Monster - Chapter 19

chapter index

“How far off are we talking?” Inuyasha asked, kicking out the fire as the rest of his team hurried to pack up camp.

“Ten miles, give or take.” Koga answered.

“How are you so sure it’s Hakudoshi?” Kagome asked next, strapping her bag over her shoulders.

“Anyone want to fill us in on what a Hakudoshi is?” Miroku implored with a bemused frown.

“A short, evil minion that we need to kill.” The wolf demon answered.

Blinking blankly, Miroku shifted his eyes over to Kagome for an actual explanation.

“Naraku created a group of demons. As far as we know, he had five. We killed one already, so now he’s down to four: Hakudoshi, Kagura, Byakuya, and Goshinki. Hakudoshi, we really don’t have a lot of information on other than he’s a child and has long, white hair.”

“He’s a child.” Miroku gasped.

“An evil one!” Koga feebly defended.

“Miroku, think of it as a design.” Inuyasha spoke. “Remember how we explained Naraku to you? How he’s an inorganic half demon? Anything he creates is essentially inorganic, as well. Child or not, Hakudoshi is still a demon of his that needs to go down.”

“Excuse me?” Koga sort of gaped at how that bit of information was so casually mentioned and how no one else was the least bit fazed by it.

“He’s just a little boy though, right?” Sango inquired sympathetically. “Isn’t there a chance he can be turned around and saved?”

“No, I think he’s a bit too far gone.” Kagome grimaced. “We had a friend that was sort of tortured into shape by Naraku’s guys. Hakudoshi was the main offender and was a fan of sharp objects.”

“Oh, okay. Evil child with a knife. Got it.” Miroku cringed, immediately throwing aside any further argument he could have thought of.

“The only one that’s worth saving is Kagura, but that’s a story for another time. We’ve gotta get going.” Kagome added.

“Hello?” Koga called, demanding their attention. “Inuyasha, what the fuck did you just say about Naraku?”

“Oh, that he’s an inorganic half demon? Yeah. You didn’t know that?” The hanyou shrugged sardonically. It was high time the secret got out to all that were involved since everything was so real now, but that didn’t mean he planned on sitting Koga and Sesshomaru down to have a nice, mature, informative conversation. That just meant he’d openly talk about it in front of them so that they could piece it all together on their own. It wasn’t like they could do much with it, anyway. He kept it under wraps for the protection of himself and everyone around him. Now, there was no further reason for it.

“Yeah, come on, dude.” Miroku arched a brow, playing along. He felt it was only his right since the guy just tried to punk him. “Even we knew that.”

“How the fuck… Inuyasha, what are you talking about? What does this mean?” Koga questioned seriously.

“It means he’s not a full demon like he wants everyone to believe. I can tell you’re looking for his weakness though, and I don’t know that. Technically, at this point, him being half demon is useless information. It’s nothing more than a fun fact. Half demon or not, he’s still a force to be reckoned with.”

“No, but half demons have specific traits about them, don’t they? They have a time of the month dedicated to basically emphasizing their weaknesses, right?”

“We turn human, yes.” Inuyasha tried not to grumble with his admittance. It was common knowledge. What wasn’t was the day and time it happened. “Naraku, doesn’t. I don’t exactly know what he transforms into, but it’s definitely not human, and potentially even more damaging to him. Be that as it may, do you know when that is?”

“Obviously not.”

“Then, it’s useless information.”

“How do you know this? Did you see it?”

“A long ass fucking time ago, I did. I was a kid; I wasn’t paying attention to the phase of the moon. Unless you know where he is and want to camp out every fucking night outside his place to wait and see if you miraculously feel his demonic energy die off, I’m going to have to repeat, this is all useless information now. It serves as nothing more than a stab to his ego.”

“Dammit.” Koga hissed. He was hoping that since it was new information to him, it’d be something they could grasp onto and utilize in the future, but the mutt was right. No one knew where Naraku was hiding, and camping out was obviously out of the question. Not to mention, a monster like that with the pride he harbors would take extensive efforts to protect himself during his moment of incapacitation. As quickly as he’d clung to the hope, the wolf demon was going to have to drop it. “Can you guys keep up while running? We should head out.”

“Kagome, get on.” Inuyasha kneeled, securing her rear as she climbed onto his back. With a little hike up, he was set to carry her at a decent speed.

“Kirara, let’s go.” Sango firmly ordered, and the small cat demon by her side let out a little meow, hopping into an open space as she transformed into her larger, saber-toothed version.

“Uh, there are things you don’t see every day, and there are things you see that make you think you took a little too much of Kaede’s good shit. What the fuck is that?” Koga pointed to the large cat demon, beyond perplexed.

“Kirara.” Sango replied nonchalantly, jumping on the demon’s back with ease. Miroku followed, not quite as skillfully, but not as sloppily as he used to either. “She’s my cat.”

“You’re not high, buddy.” Miroku grinned. “This is not an illusion.”

“Kagome, you’re from a weird ass village.” He shook his head, heading off in the direction he came from as he led the squad forward.

Koga had had to slow his pace down a bit since he knew he ran faster than the average demon and he didn’t want to lose his new comrades, but he was glad to hear no complaints from anyone. In fact, it was him that ended up doing the complaining. By the time they reached the fork where he’d left Sesshomaru, the high and mighty dog demon was nowhere around. As fruitless as it was to even call out for him, given his scent and aura weren’t in the immediate vicinity, the wolf demon still found himself audibly searching.

“Let me get this straight,” Inuyasha began, safely setting Kagome back down to her feet. “You told Sesshomaru to wait for you?”

“Yeah.” Koga frowned.

“And, you actually expected him to listen?”

“He said he would!”

“Did he say he would or did he grunt?”

Koga paused as he recalled the conversation with Sesshomaru, realizing it was the latter that he’d received. “Fuck!”

“Who’s Sesshomaru?” Miroku asked after climbing down from Kirara.

“Inuyasha’s older brother.” Kagome answered.

“Half brother.” Inuyasha corrected.

“They don’t get along.” She continued with a grimace.

“From the smell of it, he’s long gone.” The hanyou mentioned, his nose in the air to gather the area. “He went right. We’ll go left. There’s no use in you trying to catch up with him, so just come with us.”

“What happened to no teaming up?” Koga meagerly mocked, barely putting any effort behind his deriding tone.

“You can come with us, you can stay behind, or you can seek out the imp fucker. I don’t care. I was just giving you another option.” Inuyasha rolled his eyes, leading the way toward the left route.

“Alright, alright. No need to beg, Inuyasha. I’ll help you out, but only because you asked so nicely.”

Inuyasha barely bit back his groan, his head falling as he kept walking. He was going to regret this, wasn’t he?

“Koga, you never answered my question from before.” Kagome said, jogging a little to walk beside him as they all continued down the path. “How do you know this is Hakudoshi? Didn’t you guys say the underlings all give off the same scent as Naraku?”

“Oh, yeah. They do. We caught something feint and followed it. You’re not gonna like this, but we ended up coming across a house at the edge of the woods -“ Koga paused, pointing behind them to the West. “And, everyone inside was…”

“Dead?” Miroku attempted to finish for him, wondering if that was the word he was going for.

“I mean, yes, but a little more than that.”

“How can you be a little more than dead?” Sango asked.

“It was gruesome, okay? The bodies were mangled. It was an entire family torn to shreds. The smell of Naraku was strong there, so we followed it out. We got all the way to this path here, and the scent of him went down both ways. Hence, why I came and found you. That way, no matter what, more ground is covered and we can hopefully corner the fucker. Sesshomaru was adamant that it couldn’t be Kagura, Byakuya doesn’t look like the type who’d want to dirty his nails doing something like that, but who’s the one we discovered has a thing for torment? Hakudoshi.”

“You cannot possibly be that stupid, can you?” Inuyasha gruffly asked, abruptly stopped in his tracks as he spun around. His brows were furrowed and his lips turned down in disapproval. “This is most likely the biggest trap anyone has ever willingly walked into.”

“No, that was definitely considered.” Koga plainly responded. “But, it’s a chance we have to take. And, one you readily hopped on board with without any further information.”

“Because, I decided to trust you for once. A big mistake on my end, clearly.”

“So, if you knew it was potentially a trap, you’d let it all slide and allow him to get away?” The wolf demon challenged.

“I would have taken a moment to establish a plan.” Inuyasha scowled.

“Hakudoshi could theoretically lead us to Naraku. Sesshomaru and I already came up with a plan. Cover more ground and pin him.”

“You’re forgetting one major thing here, Koga.”

“Goshinki.” Miroku concluded. It was the only name he’d heard that hadn’t been considered.

“Right.” Inuyasha assertively confirmed. “That’s a creation we have literally no information on, and you two are going off of assumptions. Assumptions that could get us all killed.”

“What’s happened to you, Inuyasha? You used to be so carefree and reckless.” Koga teased. “Now, all of a sudden, you’re rational and want to put as much thought into everything possible? Why’s that?”

Inuyasha didn’t answer. His jaw clenched tight, and his amber eyes pierced through Koga’s blue irises.

“Oh, got it.” The wolf laughed, patting Kagome’s shoulder. “It’s because your sweetheart almost died, right? Well, don’t worry. I’ll be right here to save her again if anything happens.”

“You son of a -“ Inuyasha ground out, stopping himself before he could throw a punch at him.

“Koga!” Kagome pushed his hand off of her.

“Kagome, what?” Miroku demanded, marching forward.

“Goddammit.” She grumbled before turning to him. “Look, there was an incident, but I’m fine.”

“What happened?”

“Naraku’s puppet kicked my ass; I told you that already.”

“You didn’t tell me it’d almost killed you!”

“It’s not imperative knowledge, Miroku. It happened, it’s done, I’m okay, so let’s drop it.”

“What happened?” He repeated more sternly.

She hesitated. She didn’t want this to make her cousin worry more, which was why she’d chosen to never include that tidbit of information in the first place. It wasn’t necessarily her most prideful moment, either. It was terrifying. For she and Inuyasha. Bringing it up would help no one, and would ease the pressure on no one’s shoulders. Still, Miroku pierced her with his indigo stare, and she felt compelled to give him something.

“He tossed me off of the mountainside and into the river after the heavy rains had filled it. Koga saved me.”

Miroku could say nothing, his hand flying to rub the tension from his forehead as he closed his eyes. This was why she didn’t want to tell him. What good is it doing? It seemed to only be reinforcing his stress and the longer he was silent, the heated sighs leaving his nostrils, the more uncomfortable she was becoming. She could only hope he was taking this long because he was processing the information and throwing it away. He got what he wanted, there was nothing anyone could do to change it, and now the best thing to do was to let it all go.

But, then his dark blue eyes transferred to Inuyasha. “I thought you’d said she’d been safe with you.”

“Hey!” Kagome quickly shouted, though she didn’t immediately regain his attention. Nevertheless, she spoke. And, she spoke powerfully. It was like she could feel the admonishment sitting heavily in Inuyasha’s chest, and she wasn’t about to allow that to overtake him again. “It is not his fault! My safety is in no one’s hands but mine, so don’t act like I need bodyguards standing at every side of me! I am not fragile, you know I’m not fragile! I know it upsets you that you weren’t there, Miroku, but that’s the thing! You weren’t there! You don’t know how it all went down! So, don’t blame Inuyasha, because you don’t know how hard he was trying to save me!” Finally, his look had shifted back to her, and it seemed his frown became something less angry and hinting more on the remorseful side. “Redirect it towards me! Ask me what I had done wrong! I can list everything! I was too scared, I let my emotions get the better of me, I wasn’t strong enough, I hesitated - I can go on! But, you’re not gonna do that, are you? If you aren’t going to blame me, then I can guarantee you that it’s not going to make you feel better to place the blame on anyone but Naraku, so just drop it! It happened, it’s done! Let it go, Miroku!”

Swiftly, while the heat still bubbled in her core, Kagome turned around to face Koga. “And, you! What was that? Were you just trying to gloat because you didn’t like that Inuyasha opposed you!? Grow up!”

“I - I didn’t know that not everyone here was aware of what had happened.” Koga feebly defended.

“No, you just didn’t think before you said anything! You were throwing whatever you could out there to get under his skin! If you want to tag along, you need to learn to communicate better, understand!? Work with us or go find Sesshomaru!”

Then she turned to Inuyasha, sighing out some heat and allowing her glower to relax a little before speaking to him. He was innocent, he didn’t deserve her temper. So, with one exhale, she pushed as much infuriation from her being so that she could continue semi-reasonably with him. “I don’t really think that there’s any way we can come up with a plan for this. I think the best thing we can agree on is to be on high alert. Expect the unexpected. Or, did you want to turn around?”

“No, you’re right.” Inuyasha agreed.

“Okay.” Kagome breathed, though she faced the others in challenge. “Anyone else want to say anything?”

The group was quiet, and she’d noticed Koga’s tail drooped almost fearfully, his azure eyes on the floor and away from her. Good. It was immature of him to bring up her near death experience anyway; he should be ashamed of himself. He didn’t just cause Inuyasha to recoil, but gave her, her cousin, and Sango grief in doing so, as well. What an idiotic move.

“Great. Then, let’s keep going.” She concluded, turning around on her heel and walking forward at a quick pace. Everyone else, though, had to stay put for a quick breather.

“What did I tell you about pushing her?” Sango asked Miroku, coming forward to give him a half-sympathetic rub on his arm.

“Yeah, I know.” He grimaced, turning to follow after his cousin so that she wasn’t wandering off alone. “I’ll go calm her down.”

Inuyasha pinched the bridge of his nose. “The answer you were looking for is, I’m not sixteen, seventeen years old anymore, Koga.” He sighed. “But, it does also help to have someone else to consider when making your decisions. You should try it sometime.”

“That was terrifying.” Koga admitted.

“Yeah.” Sango laughed, her cat demon companion following her forward. “That’s what you get.”

Kagome could hear the footsteps approaching, easily identifying the gait as Miroku’s, and as soon as he was close enough, she glanced over her shoulder at him. “I’m sorry I left home without telling you, and I’m sorry if that felt like betrayal, but can you please try to get over it?”

“Well, that was blunt.” He muttered. “I wasn’t betrayed, Kagome. I was worried sick. Look, stop for a second.”

“No, because then the others will catch up and I don’t want them to overhear us.”

“Okay, fine, fair enough. Just try to look at it from my point of view. Please. Our entire lives, I’ve spent looking after you. Not just after I moved in when dad and uncle died, but always. I was the one who gave you the boost on top of the counter to get the cookie jar, and then helped you down. I was the one who put a bandaid on your knee when you tripped and fell. I was the one who stood in front of you when the henchmen came to our village. I know you don’t need protecting, but I’m your older brother. Whether you need it or not, I want it for you. I like to know that you’re safe, and when I don’t, it scares me.”

“That’s very sweet, but it also sounds like you’re saying if you weren’t there to monitor the situation yourself and something went wrong, you’re going to be judgmental about it.”

“How did you get that from anything I just said?”

“‘I like to know that you’re safe, and when I don’t, it scares me.’”

Miroku grimaced. “That wasn’t supposed to be turned against me.”

“I don’t know what you want from me, Miroku. I’ve said I was sorry like ten times already. I can’t go back to two months ago and change my mind, and even if I could, I wouldn’t. You can be mad at me all you want, I completely understand, but can you please try not to take it out on Inuyasha?”

“I didn’t take it out on him. I asked him a simple question.”

Kagome stopped walking then, pinning him with a stare that read right through his weak facade.

“O-okay,” He babbled awkwardly. “So, it was less simple and more a question that put him on the spot. I met the guy yesterday, Kagome. I don’t know him yet, so if he’s telling me he’s ensured your safety but Koga’s telling me you almost died, I feel like I have the right to -“

“Be judgmental?” She interjected, walking again.

“No.”

“He never said that, anyway. He’s contributed to my safety, but no one can ensure anything. Especially out here. You said it yourself last night, you and Sango have been through the wringer, as well. How many times have you guys been really hurt to the point where you needed to lay low?”

He bobbed his head in a small motion. “A couple times.”

“Right. It’s impossible to know what to expect outside of the boundaries of home, and we’ve all had to learn that the hard way. I’m not asking you to be his best friend, I’m asking you to take common sense into consideration, and to think before you react. You cant control what happened in our separation, and you just need to come to terms with the fact that I’m fine. I know you want to protect me, and I sincerely appreciate it. I do. I want to protect you too, which was why I suggested you two go home. But, you made your choice, and as much as I wanted to fight you on it, I respected it. It’s not like you’re blind to the craziness we’re dealing with; I’m sure you’ve gotten a pretty good taste of the morbidity out here. All I’m saying is, what’s done is done. Let it be done. Stop trying to make up for lost time, and just be with me now.”

“Okay, okay, okay. I get it. I’m sorry, but I’m also not sorry. I didn’t want to upset you, but it’s sort of shocking to find out you’d almost died. You can’t blame me for responding in a manner that wasn’t exactly the most positive.”

“In my defense, you weren’t supposed to find that out.” Kagome sighed. “I’d wanted to keep that from you, and clearly for good reason.”

“Why? Why wouldn’t you want me to know that?”

“Because, that information only hurt you, Miroku. Are you telling me it’s a good thing you know now?”

“Okay, I see your point.” He finally relented.

“It’s not like I’m trying to keep secrets from you or offend you in any way. I’m just keeping my business on a need-to-know basis.”

“I understand now. I do. Is there anything else I need to know?” He gave a crooked grin to try and lighten the mood.

Kagome heard the footsteps of the rest of their group coming around the bend not too far behind them now, and she peeked over her shoulder to make sure Inuyasha wasn’t in sight. Still, to be respectful of his sensitive hearing, she chose to keep her voice low. “Yeah. The day I’d almost died, it was really hard on Inuyasha, too. He was scared he’d lost me. He’d felt like he’d failed me. So, what you said - salt in the wound, Miroku. Not cool.”

“Oh. Ouch.” His smile stiffened. Faltered. “My bad. I can’t even apologize to him, though. I take it from the way you’d whispered that I’m not supposed to know.”

“Yup. Just keep it in mind for the next time you want to act like a tough guy. You don’t know the full story. I know that’s what’s bothering you, but handle it.”

“Are you saying I’m not tough?”

Kagome stopped walking and analyzed the size of her cousin’s biceps, teasing him by pursing her lips disappointedly as she pinched the muscle. The flicker of her brown eyes up to his said it all and Miroku gasped.

“Is this what I get? Is this the treatment I get because I care about you?”

“No, it’s the treatment you get because you’ve got puny arms.”

“The audacity! You’re small, too!”

“Miroku, she stabbed a guy in the groin with an arrow yesterday. I wouldn’t say that if I were you.” Sango chimed as they all appeared down the trail.

At hearing that, Koga’s eyes went wide, aghast, and he swiftly spun around on his heel mid-step to head back in the direction they’d come in. He’d been the most recent to piss her off, so it was evident he was the one she’d have no problem turning on if he spoke out of pocket again. He’d much rather head out to find Inuyasha’s brother than stick around to potentially share the same fate as arrow-dick-guy. Before he could take another step though, Inuyasha snagged the back of his vest, dragging him along.

“Keep going, wolf. She’ll only turn on you if you pretend to be alpha.”

“Inuyasha, I am alpha. I’m literally the alpha wolf of my pack.” He murmured unnervingly to the mutt.

“I know.” He smirked. “I want to see what happens.”

“Uh,” Inuyasha heard Kagome up ahead, noticing she’d stopped walking, she and her cousin facing off to their right. From his vantage point a little down the path, he couldn’t see what they were gazing at, but he could tell there was a break in the trees right where they stood. “It’s a cave.”

“Do you sense anything?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

She was right. The scent was feint, but Naraku’s trail ended here and went inside. He could feel demonic energy, but what was disconcerting was, he couldn’t pinpoint just how dangerous it was. Even worse, from outside of the cave, he felt eyes on him. Eyes he felt would only peer harder the moment they went inside.

“You got anything to help prepare us?” Sango asked. “We haven’t faced anything belonging to Naraku yet. How strong are we talking?”

“That sword on your hip,” Inuyasha pointed. “It’s not just there for show, right?”

“No. I’m highly skilled with it.”

“Good. You’ll find it’s a valuable asset to keep you alive then. Other than that, all I can say is to stay vigilant. If Koga or I tell you to back up, you back up. We tell you to get down, you get down. Understand?”

“You two went from arguing to playing co-leaders?” Miroku asked with an arch of his brow.

“You got heightened senses?” Koga asked. “You got keen instincts?”

He scrunched his nose in regret of his remark. He was on a roll today. “No, but I’ve got nice hair and great listening skills.”

“Wonderful. Then, you’ll be just fine.” The wolf remarked with a wink, bravely leading the way inside.

“Hey, you okay?” Inuyasha checked, grabbing Kagome as he sort of forced her to walk slower and stick behind everyone with him. His arm wrapped around her shoulders as he pulled her closer to kiss her temple, her stride falling in line with his.

“I’m fine.” She dismissed. “Sorry for what he said back there.”

“Don’t be. You still mad?”

“Nah, I was more frustrated than anything. I get where he’s coming from, I just don’t know how to make everyone happy right now.”

“Don’t worry about making everyone happy, kid. He’s spent over sixty days worried about you. By now, it’s almost a learned behavior. Show him he’s got nothing to worry about. Show him what you’ve got. Just like you did with me.”

The advice made sense. It made a lot of sense. Miroku had always stood in front of her, shielded her from so much while growing up, so simply telling him no one needed to do that anymore wasn’t going to be as effective as showing him what she’d learned she could do. He hadn’t been there to see her develop into the conjurer she now was, so his absence went both ways. He was going to have to drop his need for control, and she was going to have to demonstrate her formed abilities.

In reply, she smiled and nodded, glancing up to the hanyou in appreciation. Kagome gave a little perk of her lips to silently request a kiss while he was still so near, and he grinned, leaning down to quickly give her what she’d wanted.

Inside the cave, it was dark. Ominous. Inuyasha was right, he felt closely watched. Almost studied. He jogged ahead to catch up with Koga, the hit from his boots against the cavern floor echoing off the surrounding walls.

“You feel that?”

“Yeah.” Koga agreed, blue eyes searching for the culprit. There was nowhere for anyone to hide, though. Not so close to the entrance at least. The only way to discover the source, he felt, was to delve deeper, but deeper was where it would definitely grow increasingly dangerous. A turn of events they were prepared to expect. No matter what, Koga didn’t like the feeling swimming in his gut. “Come out of hiding! You wanted us to follow you, right!? Well, here we are!”

The wolf demon’s loud voice bounced off of the walls, repeating down the chambers the cave harbored, but no one replied. No one came out from behind a rock, or a nook in the siding, no one approached, no one was there. Except someone was. Someone had to be. This was Naraku’s scent, there was no mistake of that, but for some reason, the demonic aura was so engulfing, it almost felt like they were inside of a demon, itself.

“Well, if they didn’t know we were here before, they sure do now.” Inuyasha remarked dully.

“We give off demonic energy, ourselves, dipshit. Of course, they knew we were here.”

With a roll of his amber eyes, Inuyasha trudged on beside him, remaining observant of their surroundings as they traveled through the tunnels. The deeper they walked, the more sinister the feeling became. It was like wading through a sludge of demonic energy, and that sludge was toxic and thick, almost entrapping. Still, there was no way to pinpoint the source. It was all around, and he was trying to figure out the direction of a stronger pull, but he couldn’t.

Kagome fell behind. Just slightly. Out of nowhere, a very subtle dizziness began to hit her, but she didn’t want to worry anyone. She hadn’t had much water today, so maybe she was a bit dehydrated. It wasn’t bad at all, so there was no need to bring it up or ask for a small break. Maybe it was the energy of the cave. It was putrid, that was for sure. Definitely similar to what she felt when Moryomaru was near. Vile and rotten.

That had to be it. It was just overwhelming. Kagome tried to blink her slight case of vertigo away when the tiniest ache in her head pinched right over her eyes. No one else was reacting, though. Were they not affected by this? With a deep breath and a thick swallow, she pushed it all aside. If the demons of the group, more sensitive than she, could go forward, then Kagome could, too.

The further they went, the worse it got. She found herself squinting to see straight, tensing her throat so her pained sighs wouldn’t alert anyone. Her head wasn’t consistently throbbing, but came in waves. Not even quick waves. In fact, she couldn’t grasp the pattern, sporadically coursing through and causing Kagome’s brow to crease and her nose to crinkle each time. Again, she tried to gather if anyone else was having adverse effects to the atmosphere. Koga and Inuyasha seemed relatively uncomfortable but that was the extent of it, Sango and Miroku appeared fine, and Kirara had reversed her transformation to perch in her owner’s arms. Then, Kagome’s vision blurred momentarily, and her fingers twitched. What was wrong with her?

As much as she didn’t like it, she was going to have to say something. This wasn’t going away. Something was off. She was feeling a haze drifting over her, and it almost seemed like it was legitimately clouding her vision now. Kagome opened her mouth to gather Inuyasha’s attention, but her voice didn’t seem to work. Her body stopped as they all kept going, though she hadn’t told it to. Her brain was sending signals to her legs to keep walking, to her mouth to speak, but her command seemed to be meaningless all of a sudden.

And, when she blinked that time, she opened her eyes to see the bars of a cage before her. It was pitch black all around, not a sound to be heard, not a person in sight. No longer was she dizzy, and her head pounded no more. To her right, her left, beneath her feet, and above her head, she was surrounded by metal that sealed her in. The bars were cold and didn’t budge at all when she thrusted her bodyweight into it, trying to shake the lock free.

The shock to go from behind her group to wherever the hell she was now in a split second had her shaking, her lungs pumping as a panic sprung over her. She called for Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango, Koga, but no one answered. Her voice merely echoed in the darkness she was trapped in, the rattling of her cage from her forceful jerks against the bars hitting her ears over and over as the sound bounced off of walls she couldn’t see.

When she heard someone speaking, Kagome held her breath. Ice pebbled her skin. The voice was that of a child’s, a young boy’s, yet it held the underlying hint of menace. It was like she could sense the smile he wore, the enjoyment on his tongue, but he wasn’t talking to her. What he was saying, it didn’t make sense.

Inuyasha felt a spike, and both he and Koga stopped immediately. Ominous energy no longer filled the air. It was focused now. It was heavily concentrated in one spot. Behind them. The hanyou turned around to scour the open area they’d reached deep within the cave, spotting no one that didn’t belong, but then his stomach unexpectedly sank. It dropped so low, he thought he was going to be sick. The threat they were feeling, it was coming from Kagome.

She stood there, her hands raised up as she steadily moved her fingers one-by-one, her expression blank. He could hear the smallest mumble coming from her lips, but what she was saying, even he couldn’t make out. A sense of dread was overcoming him. Why was he feeling this? Even Koga seemed struck, confounded, saying nothing, but instead, actually taking a step away. The evil, it was growing. Evolving.

Miroku and Sango had turned to look, and Miroku was quick to notice something was wrong with his cousin, but as he went to step forward, Inuyasha hastily reached for his collar, pulling him back.

“Kid?” He cautiously asked. Kagome didn’t even look up from her hands. “Kagome?”

After a moment, she sighed and shook her head, her dark tresses fluttering around her shoulders. She made a few more subtle sounds from her mouth, the only clear word Inuyasha gathered being, “testing.” Otherwise, it was almost like she was learning to speak, clicking her tongue once or twice to discover how to make audible noise. Her brown eyes wandered around the large cavern, blinking as if to adjust to the dull light in the cave, panning over them, up, and then coming back to land on him.

“Kagome.” He tried again, this time more seriously. His heart was pounding as it would in the face of an enemy, his instincts were ready for an attack, but everything felt wrong. This was Kagome. This was his Kagome. He wasn’t supposed to feel this with her; it was all wrong.

Her plush lips parted, and a breathy, “huh,” was released. Her voice was high, sweet, and a timbre she rarely used.

Inuyasha let go of her cousin, knowing he was staying put now, and his fists clenched at his sides. Worse, Tessaiga began to quiver in its sheath, calling for his attention. It only did that in dire situations. It only asked to be released when he neglected to recognize it needed to be wielded for his own protection. It was wrong. It had to be malfunctioning because of the weird aura.

“Oh,” She sighed again, beginning to speak more clearly from then on. “There it is. Finally. That was tough - she’s a tough one.”

“Kagome -“ Sango tried.

“That’s not Kagome.” Inuyasha said, cutting her off.

A smile began to curl at her lips, and it scared him. It scared Inuyasha. It was crooked, arching more in one corner before it expanded on the other end, and her tongue tipped out between her teeth in a playful manner that made his blood go cold. That wasn’t Kagome’s smile, that wasn’t the grin he loved so much. Even Miroku twitched agitatedly at his side, stepping away before he looked at him with disturbance hindering the glow in his eyes.

“What’s wrong with her?” Miroku asked.

“What?” Kagome leaned her head to the side. “Don’t you recognize me…?” Her voice trailed off at the end as she nibbled her bottom lip. “Miroku?”

She seemed unsure of the name she spoke.

“Or, are you Miroku?” She asked, pointing to Koga, ending with a frustrated groan as she tapped her head. “Hang on, it’s a little jumbled in here. She wont let go just yet.” A few more taps. “Come on, lady. Let it go. Ah, no, I was right. Miroku.”

“What’s going on?” He reached, jaw taught.

“And, you’re Koga.” She pointed again to the wolf demon, completely disregarding the question. “Which obviously makes you Inuyasha, and you’re Sango. Got it.”

“Who are you?” Koga asked, stoning as he nobly squared himself.

“I’m Kagome.” She giggled.

“Who are you!?” Koga repeated in a lethal growl.

“Woah. Someone’s testy.” Her smile shifted to a wry smirk. “What are you so upset for? I haven’t done anything yet.”

“Don’t make me ask you again.”

“Or what? You’ll choke me out? Kill me? Look at me, pal. Whose body am I in? If you come at me with those claws of yours, it’s not me you’ll be touching. Come on, use your brain.”

Koga didn’t rebuttal, clenching his jaw and slanting his eyes dangerously, and her gaze bounced around to gather the discomfort written over all the others’ faces. Inuyasha, in particular, seemed the worst off. His hardened features screamed his seething anger, but his golden irises communicated something much different. Something more desperate.

With a grumble in the back of her throat, one that was small and held the attitude a young teenager would, Kagome rolled her eyes and lolled her head slightly, a small stomp being given from her right foot. “You guys are no fun. I’m Hakudoshi. Duh. Who the hell did you think I was?”

“So, this is what you can do? Mind control?” Koga glared.

“Way to simplify it. Don’t do me the dishonor.” Hakudoshi gestured to his entire self inside of Kagome’s body. “This is much more than mind control. I have control over her heart, brain, soul, you name it. Kagome has left the building.”

“Where is she?” Inuyasha questioned, his voice coming off husky.

Hakudoshi pointed to her head. “Right up here. She’s annoying as shit, how do you handle her?”

“Let her go. This is your one warning; let her go.” The hanyou growled. “You hold onto her, you hurt her in any way, not a single one of us will blink when it comes to ripping you apart.”

“You’d hurt your precious lover?”

“You think we don’t know your body is around here somewhere? You honestly think we’re that stupid to believe your entire entity is inside of her right now? No, you’re in this cave, we know that much.”

“But, where?” Her smile widened tauntingly. “This cave goes on for miles, and what makes you think you have that sort of time on your hands? You can go searching for me, but what’s your plan? Is someone going to play babysitter while the others go on a wild goose chase? Not a single one of you is strong enough, and that’s what’s fucking funny. Two humans and three demons against a conjurer. From the looks of it, three of you would be too sentimentally stunted, maybe four of you, and the last one - that’s you, Koga - would just get absolutely wrecked. Or, are you going -"

“Get out of her head, you stupid, fucking brat!” Inuyasha demanded, his claws biting into the heels of his palms with rage that was only building at an uncontrollable speed. How did this happen? It couldn’t have been that quick. Did Kagome feel anything weird, anything abnormal, or was Hakudoshi stealthy while he slid inside and took command.

She arched a brow at the interruption. “Well, that was rude.”

“You’re forgetting something, Hakudoshi.” Miroku spoke. “So long as Kagome is in there, she can still fight back. If one of us has to restrain her while the others go searching for you, so be it. Kagome wouldn’t allow you to hurt us.”

Hakudoshi guffawed, laughing hard as Kagome’s frame doubled over to clutch her stomach. “What!? Again, look at me! I have complete control over her!” He boasted, flailing her arms about. “This is all me, you fucking moron! Kagome can’t stop shit right now! She had just enough darkness in her heart for me to grab hold, and now the fight she’s putting up is worthless. I can utilize the knowledge and skills she’s learned by flipping a switch in her mind. If I want to kill any of you with her abilities, I can and there isn’t a damn thing you guys can do to stop me!”

“What darkness?” Inuyasha asked.

“I’ll actually entertain that question, because it was hard to find and I’m proud of myself. Apparently, holding Kikyo while she died was what did her in. Just a tiny bit. It’s been eating at her for a while now, hasn’t it? That’s not where it started, though. There was a little girl? One she failed to save, or something?” She grimaced carelessly. “I would say that created the smallest, dark spot in her heart, and Kikyo’s gory death made it about the size of a small ink stain. She’s resilient, I’ll give her that. But, not resilient enough.” That last part was almost sung while he emphasized each word of the sentence, tapping her finger in time. “All I need is an inch. So long as there’s darkness, I can take rein.”

Kagome could hear everything that was being said from within her cage, listening to this little boy speak through her. She could hear the others reply to her. It was like she was just a bystander to a conversation while she was also the main focus, and it was driving her insane. She felt completely powerless, rattling the metal bars as hard as she could, but the lock refused to give.

It didn’t surprise her to have darkness in her heart. In fact, what surprised her was how small it was. Kagome was the type of person to pick herself back up again, she never lost hope. In the era they were living in right now, darkness surrounded them, but it was what they fought for that made the difference. She knew that was what had divided her from Kikyo. She knew she’d been strong enough to avoid allowing it to take over her. But, she was human. Kagome was a human who’d been through a lot, who’d had her heart broken, who’d seen others have their hearts broken, who’d had her world turned upside down over and over. So, she wasn’t upset to know her heart had taken a hit. She was upset that her anguish was being manipulated against her.

How was she going to get out of this? Her back was bare; she didn’t have a single weapon on her. She stood in her cage in nothing but the clothes she’d donned that day, stripped of her bag, her arrows, and even her father’s blade in her boot. It was like the demon wanted her to feel as vulnerable as could be, to watch helplessly while he plotted in her own body.

Still, she shook the door of her crate, the metal hitting loudly, echoing, muting her scream as she demanded to be set free. Kagome refused to be a prisoner in her own mind, her own vessel. If he thought she was annoying now, she was going to create as much noise as she possibly could to give this guy a pounding migraine. Hopefully it would throw him off or distract him, though he seemed well versed in tuning things out. It was the best option she had until something better came along, and it was more important that she didn’t sit back and take it.

“Naraku’s not going to be too happy to learn she’s still alive.” Hakudoshi mentioned. “Though, given there was no validation of her death, he was fifty-fifty on the possibility, so maybe he’ll just do his notorious grunt before giving us our next orders to kill her. Which brings me to my next course of action. See, I honestly didn’t expect all of you guys to show up, no less the conjurer. I was trying to draw in Sesshomaru. I’ve been bored and felt like taunting him a bit, and since Naraku asked us to dispose of him, I figured I’d have some fun beforehand. Goshinki went one way, I went the other, and I was really hoping Sesshomaru would follow in my direction, but my dumbass of a brother broke his muzzle and found some villagers to eat, which stole Sesshomaru’s attention from right under me. Anyway, in you guys walk, and the moment I saw the conjurer, I couldn’t resist. Now, I’m toying with the idea of taking her back to Naraku. It’d save us both an enormous amount of time -“

“No.” Inuyasha rumbled.

“-and he can choose whether to keep control over her and use her to gain the power he’s always wanted, or kill her on the spot and remove any inconsequential threat she thought she ever was.”

“Like hell!” He barked.

“Right, right. Of course, you object. That’s to be expected, but it brings us around full circle. Obviously, you all were going to die the moment you set foot in this cave. No matter what, Sesshomaru and the wolf were going to be goners today, and Koga made our jobs a hell of a lot easier by bringing Inuyasha along. The rest of you are just bonuses, I guess. The thing about me is, I’m not really the, um, remorseful type.” Kagome leaned her head to the side, the smallest smile curling her lips. “I like it when people scream. Watching blood seep from wounds excites me more than anything I’ve ever experienced. I couldn’t have imagined a better scenario. Now you all get to die by the hands of someone you care so much for.”

“Kagome.” Sango stepped forward, a valorous pinch to her brow appearing. “Kagome, you have to fight harder. I know you’re in there, I know you can hear me. Kick his ass. Push him out. Push him out.”

Kagome’s eyes were on Sango now, and for a moment, her expression had completely fallen. Her lips were straight, brow was uncreased, and her entire body had stilled. Then, she dropped her gaze, a shudder running over her, and a pout formed so fully that her chin quivered.

“S-Sango?” Kagome trembled.

“Kagome!” Her friend called urgently. “We’re all right here! We know you can do it!”

“It’s so cold.”

“Keep fighting! Keep -“ A flash of heat ran through Sango’s veins when she stopped, realizing Kagome’s frown had crumbled and it seemed like she was pinching back her laughter. Gradually, her stomach shook with amusement and a snort came through her nose, giving in to the one-sided humor of the situation as she laughed.

“Man, you should have seen your face!” Hakudoshi gloated. “How could you fall for that so easily!? You’re clearly not the brains of the group!”

“You’re despicable.” She said through clenched teeth.

“Thank you.” He replied with a grin.

“You guys need to go.” Inuyasha spoke lowly. “Find Hakudoshi. Kill him.”

“What’s that you’re saying over there?” Kagome rose her eyebrows in question, her head inching to the side curiously. “Trying the whole divide and conquer thing?”

“Go.”

“Inuyasha…” Miroku started, appearing more tense than he had before.

Was he expected to just run off and leave her behind? Sure, Inuyasha was strong and he and Kagome clearly cared about each other, but this was his family. This was his cousin, his little sister, being manipulated right now, and he was being told to leave her to someone else to take care of? That wasn’t going to sit right with him. It was logical that Inuyasha would be better at tending to this situation given he was stronger and faster, but Miroku was struggling with the aspect of leaving her at all.

Hakudoshi took the moment to shrug everything off of Kagome’s back, heedlessly dropping her bag to the floor before returning her quiver full of arrows where they belonged.

“Ah, that’s better.” She spoke, wiggling her shoulders freely before pulling an arrow free. “Miroku, tell me she won’t do it again.”

“You need to go.” Inuyasha insisted, giving the guy beside him a pressing look. “Get out of here.”

“I can’t leave her.”

Hakudoshi lined up the nock of her arrow with the string of her bow, utilizing Kagome’s skills by simply reaching into her brain. It didn’t matter if he had never shot before. Kagome knew how, and it was her being he inhabited. Anything she knew how to do, he was able to do as well. Pulling the string back, he leveled his aim, lining the arrowhead up in Miroku’s direction.

“Awe, let him stay, Inuyasha.”

“Look, I can’t protect you and her at the same time. It’s better if you go and find him. You need to save her.”

“Inuyasha’s right, dude.” Koga concurred. “We’ll only be in the way, and for what?”

“To help!” Miroku strongly stated.

“Where’s that arrow aimed, Miroku? You think you’re helping right now?”

“They’re right.” Sango said, backing up. “Inuyasha can handle this. We’ll be of more help if we find that bastard.”

“But-“

“I can sense your anxiety.” Hakudoshi grinned, teasing them all, adding to the tension on their shoulders. “You really think it’s gonna be that easy to find me? Do you think my body is somewhere in this cave, sitting helplessly alone? Don’t take me for a fool. Of all of Naraku’s creations, I am the genius. I am the more cunning. I am the imperceptibly strong one. You think Naraku made me a child for nothing? No. It was to deceive everyone. It was to strike more fear. You may only see your precious Kagome right now, but believe you me, you’ll be an idiot to think finding and killing me will be as easy as running off to save the day.”

“Oh, shut up!” Inuyasha commanded angrily. “The only thing you’re good at is fucking with people’s heads. You want to make us think it’s going to be difficult so we second guess or stall. Well, it doesn’t fucking matter. Either way, you’ve fucked with the wrong person.”

“Oh no, I’m shaking in my boots. Whatever shall I do?” She giggled. “I’m not just good at messing with your head, Inuyasha. Want to watch me drag you all down one-by-one? She’s yelling right now. Kagome’s trying so hard to break free, and she’s frustrated that she’s gotten nowhere. She’s beginning to lose hope. She’s really reliant on her weapons, isn’t she? Without them, she’s powerless, and boy is that catching up to her right now. ‘Inuyasha! Inuyasha, please!’” Hakudoshi called out in the exact scream Kagome was internally fighting with.

The hanyou flinched painfully, his jaw tensing, and a trembling breath left his nose. Every muscle in his body went unbelievably taut for a moment, horrified by how scared she was. He’d had to fight his instincts to protect her, because he couldn’t. He couldn’t do a damn thing for her right now except face her as she currently was.

“Miroku, she just wants to make you proud. Awe, you two have such a sweet bond, don’t you?” Hakudoshi said, violating Kagome’s mind as he discovered her thoughts, her emotions, laying them out on the table for everyone. No longer did she wear a smile. In fact, she seemed nothing short of serious now. As if hurting people was a business matter. “Grew up together, got into trouble together, lost your fathers together. The look on your face when you watched your one remaining parent die has stuck in her head for even this long. Wow, it’s so vivid, too.”

“Stop it.” Miroku muttered.

“You only held it for a moment before you realized she was looking. Then, you wiped it off and never showed it again, and she didn’t know why. But, it’s stuck with her ever since. Oh god, and your fathers went down in flames, didn’t they? Fire and bloodshed, demons everywhere, they were doomed from the start. You were trying to stop the bleeding even after your father shut his eyes. She saw you put on that brave face when it made the least amount of sense, and since then, she’s felt like she needs to put one on with you too in order to be taken seriously.”

“That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it?”

“I know her better than anyone does. She knows perfectly well that I respect her and take her seriously whether she’s got a brave face on or not.”

“Knowing her better is irrelevant, Miroku. I’m in her head. I can see everything. You want me to scream again so that you’ll believe me, or what?”

“No!” He quickly sputtered, terrified to hear her desperation again. “No.”

Hakudoshi blinked, lowering the bow and arrow Kagome held. Her plush lips were relaxed together, and her gaze lowered just for a second before he looked back to her cousin.

“Her heart’s pounding right now. She’s scared. She really doesn’t like that you’re the one I’m threatening.” He cocked a brow in speculation, and as he continued speaking, it was more to converse inward than anything. “Would you rather Inuyasha? No? Sango? No, again? Koga?” He sighed in irritation, re-stringing the arrow. “Then, silence.”

“Go.” Inuyasha urged, feeling the gravity of the situation upsurge dauntingly. “You guys need to go.”

“What are you gonna do?” Miroku inquired when Koga grabbed his shoulder and began pulling him back to continue through the tunnels.

“Whatever the fuck I can.”

“No! I’m staying with you!”

“Oh, please do.” Kagome’s voice sinisterly brushed their ears while she once more aimed.

“Miroku, I know you don’t trust me yet, but right now, you’re going to have to!” He barked, shoving Miroku away. “What the fuck are you so worried about!? If anyone’s in fucking danger here, it’s me! So, if I have to tell you to get out of my way one more fucking time, I’m gonna kick your ass!”

“Let’s go, Miroku!” Sango dropped Kirara to transform, reaching for her boyfriend’s arm to pull back.

Kagome inched her arrow back further, pinching an eye shut for better aim.

“We’ve got this, Inuyasha.” Koga promised.

Inuyasha had turned away to regard them for a split second, grateful that Miroku had finally given up his obstinance, when he felt the incoming threat. Thinking as quickly as he could, he pulled Tessaiga, the sword transforming as each inch was freed from its sheath, jutting it out to successfully block the shot that was too close to hitting Miroku in the back.

In his peripherals, he’d caught Kagome waver. Her head had notched to the side and her hands twitched. Her face had twisted almost painfully, but before long, her deadly stare was back. As if it had never left.

“Oh, you’re fast!” Hakudoshi grinned.

Tessaiga transformed when defending against her arrow. It had been calling for his attention on his hip. No. He was almost scared to see if his hunch was true, but he had to. Turning back forward, Inuyasha squared, holding Tessaiga in the direction Kagome stood and watching as it stayed transformed, swirling with energy that should have died off. As if betrayed, he nearly dropped his sword to the ground. It was detestable, compromised, ruined, wrong. Tessaiga didn’t work against Kagome. It wasn’t supposed to. He’d figured out a while ago that it was meant to aid her. It was meant to protect her. Fate was a funny thing, and it managed to tell him he was born to be by her side, not opposing her.

“Inuyasha.” Miroku whispered apprehensively.

The hanyou slid his sword back into its sheath, and then removed the sheath entirely from his belt, tossing it to the side. “Go. I promise, I won’t hurt her.”

Finally, he heard them run off, the sound of their feet fading down a corridor as they rushed to find Hakudoshi. There was a chance. Before, her fidgeting, that was Kagome trying to regain control. It had to be. Hakudoshi had almost struck her cousin, of course she was going to object powerfully. Inuyasha could reach her, he was confident of which. It was going to be tricky, but it was possible. She was conscious in there.

“So, it’s lover versus lover, is it?”

“Kagome.“

“You realize you’re part demon, right?”

“Baby, I know you’re giving it your all right now, but you’ve gotta put in a little more effort.”

“All I have to do is flip that switch in her brain to use her conjurer abilities.”

“Push him out, kid.”

“It won’t even take a lot. You’re only half demon, so with the power coming from her, I’d say ten percent would be enough to do you in. Twelve percent to be safe. Six percent if I want you to suffer.”

“Come on, kid. Fight.” Inuyasha pushed.

“Oh, give it a rest.” The grumble in her voice was deep, another octave she rarely used. “All you’re doing is agitating her; you’re not helping her any. What is this? You think some motivational speech is all you’re gonna need to save her life? Or, is it your own life that you’re more worried about?”

Inuyasha could barely fight his glower. It felt off giving it to Kagome, but it wasn’t Kagome it was intended for. It was Naraku’s minion. Hakudoshi was lucky it wasn’t he going after him, because Inuyasha would make his death agonizing. As if he didn’t already hate Kagome being touched as it was, she was now being held captive from the inside. He wanted Hakudoshi to beg for forgiveness before he ended his meager existence.

At the exact same time that Koga had sensed something was off, Kirara gave a low growl of warning, reinforcing the wolf demon’s decision to stop immediately. The further they’d gone down the corridors, the darker it had become, and the drip of water echoed loudly in a cavern up ahead. Quickly assessing it, Koga could tell there were no living beings anywhere near, but that somewhere in the cave was another dangerous demon. It was either Hakudoshi’s body or the fucker wasn’t lying earlier.

“There may actually be someone else here. With him.” Koga mentioned to the others.

“Are we near them?” Sango asked.

“No. I can’t tell where they are, but the further we get from Kagome and Inuyasha, the more clear their energy is becoming.”

All he smelled was Naraku, though. Which meant, no matter what, they were going up against an underling. Considering he was traveling with two humans, Koga almost wished they were facing an off-brand demon. These were like mini bosses before the big boss, and Koga just wasn’t sure how skilled these humans were with the weapons belted to their sides. Would they pull through and be actual assets to him, or was he about to have to keep their lives in tact while facing a direct descendant of Naraku, himself?

“Stay close. Follow orders. You go against anything I say, I’m knocking you out myself so I don’t have to deal with saving your sorry asses. Got it?”

“Who died and made you king?” Miroku grimaced.

“The previous leader of my clan.” Koga snorted.

Miroku and Sango exchanged a bemused look before shifting back to Koga.

“I’m the leader of the wolf demon pack. That may mean nothing to you, but let it mean something here. I know how to look out for people, I know how to make quick decisions in the heat of battle, and I know how to make the best calls. We’re all fighting for the same thing, right? So keep up and don’t hold me back.”

“How about, you don’t hold us back.” Sango countered, slanting her eyes brazenly. “There. You wanted a challenge, right? You wanted to make sure we weren’t submissive and weak? Well, go ahead. Lead the way, King Wolf Demon. We’ve got your back.”

“How far ahead do you think they are?” Miroku inquired, gazing into the dark shadows in front of him.

“Not sure.” Koga replied, impressed by the boldness of the woman. She was gutsy, he could grasp that much. “It helps that Hakudoshi’s presence isn’t hanging over us anymore. Now that it’s centered, whomever’s with him is standing out.”

“You can’t follow their scent?”

“I only smell Naraku, but it’s all over the place. It’s like they’ve touched every fucking wall in this maze to throw us off.”

“They probably have.” Sango agreed. “It would be a good reason to back up Hakudoshi’s arrogance regarding our difficulty finding him.”

“So, we go forward, right?” Miroku asked.

“Only way to figure out where the scent gets stronger. Be on your guard.”

Kagome was protesting as hard as she could, wrestling, yelling, trying to break the lock on her cage. Hakudoshi was reaching back to equip another arrow, and he was moving agonizingly slowly. His way of taunting both she and Inuyasha with the threat.

“Stop it!” She demanded. “I won’t let you hurt him!”

But, she went ignored. Time and time again, she went ignored. What did she have to do? What had she done earlier to make Hakudoshi’s control falter when he’d shot at Miroku? She was frantic and scared, and she was resisting. She was resisting, and that resistance was like the spark of a flame in the kindling. While she pulled back, there was a thump in her core that pushed forward, but what was it? How did she fan the spark to grow into flames? How did she do it again?

“What would you do if I spoke to you entirely like I was Kagome from this point forward?” Hakudoshi asked, aiming an arrow at Inuyasha.

The hanyou didn’t answer. The bastard would have him dead in a second if he didn’t think up a plan, and he needed to be quick. He’d need to dodge and then he’d need to disarm him. That was the best course of action. Pinning her down would be second. He had to believe that the rest of the group would pull through, would kill the brat and free Kagome. Until then, he was going to have to do everything he could to survive, which may very well be as difficult as facing Kagome in the flesh. He knew what she could do, and this child was inside of her putting her skills to the test. Against him. If he really could utilize her conjurer powers, Inuyasha would have to be incredibly careful. It was ironic to think about, a demon using conjurer powers, but wasn’t something he was willing to underestimate. Technically, he was just possessing her, not completely encapsulating her body as it was easy to assume. Which meant, Hakudoshi probably wasn’t all talk.

“Her mannerisms are right here.” He pointed to her head, nearly nicking her flesh with the arrowhead. “Oh, whoops.” He flinched too casually, cringing at his mistake.

Inuyasha had had to tense rigidly to avoid reacting. He couldn’t feed into Hakudoshi’s bullshit. It would egg him on. It could potentially cause him to actually hurt Kagome, and Inuyasha refused to allow that.

“So, anyway, what’s your plan? You really gonna fight Kagome? Or are you gonna take every hit she throws at you?” When Inuyasha neglected to answer, she shrugged her brows. “Silent treatment, huh? I bet you wouldn’t ignore your girlfriend.”

Her expression softened, brown eyes shimmering as they always had as a very soft curve appeared on her lips. When she spoke then, it was in her natural tone, and it struck Inuyasha directly in the heart. “I understand if you can’t fight me. This is scaring me, too. But, can you do me a favor?”

It took everything in him not to respond, but he’d failed to keep all of his reflexes at bay. His amber eyes flickered away and his frown deepened momentarily before he forced himself to look back at her. Whatever existed of Kagome’s smile had shifted as she now worried her bottom lip between her teeth, and her gaze had fallen to the rocky floor beneath their boots.

“Inuyasha, I really don’t want to hurt you.” She tremblingly admitted. “Kill me before I do. I can’t stop him. I’m trying so hard, but I can’t stop him. So, you have to stop me.”

“No!” He growled. “Stop it! Hakudoshi, stop it!”

“Baby, please.”

His stomach clenched painfully.

“Why can’t I break free? What do I do?”

“God fucking dammit, stop it!” Inuyasha slammed the heels of his palms into his temples.

Kagome began to walk closer, and the hanyou had to remind himself to take a step back. The aura coming off of her, the threat, it wasn’t hers and it was to be heeded. This wasn’t his girl he was up against; he couldn’t be fooled so easily. But, each step away from her was physically painful. He was supposed to be protecting her, but he was refusing her quivering form.

“Why won’t you let me near?”

“Knock it off already!”

“You have to promise me that you wont let me hurt you.” She whispered.

“Hakudoshi!” He back stepped again.

With a small groan, the demon relented. “Fine. This will be more fun, anyway.” He said, making Kagome grin as she lunged to attack Inuyasha.

Swiftly, he grabbed her wrists to protect himself, flinching back when she’d almost cut his face with the arrow. Getting her to drop the bow was easy, but her grip on the sharper object was white-knuckled and fierce. Already, he knew his hold on her was too strong, but he couldn’t let go just yet. He could feel the danger levels spiking, which made him believe Hakudoshi was legitimately using her conjurer powers. If he didn’t make her drop it soon, if Hakudoshi cut him, he could be severely hurt, and then what? Lose Kagome? Allow his death to sit on her shoulders? Neither were going to happen.

“Kid, keep fighting for me, okay?” He said directly to Kagome, thrusting her back against the cavern wall to smack her hand against the uneven rock. Finally, her grasp relented and the arrow slipped from her fingers.

“Remember when Naraku was holding me over the cliff?” Hakudoshi continued his charade, speaking as if he were Kagome again. “Just before I was thrown over, I wanted to tell you that I loved you. I didn’t want to die without you knowing.”

“Stop it!”

“And, I know you know now, but I feel like I should remind you.”

No, no, no. He couldn’t hear that. Hakudoshi or not, he didn’t want that tainted in this moment. They said those words so rarely, spoke their feelings through actions and other versions of affectionate discourse, but whenever that phrase did come out, he didn’t want it to throw him right back into this incident. He wouldn’t have it taken away from them. He was frenetic to shut Hakudoshi up.

He’d acted without thinking. It was a natural impulse, and before Inuyasha knew it, his knee was being thrusted up into Kagome’s diaphragm. She doubled over with a violent cough, her breath coming raggedly, unevenly, struggling at first until Hakudoshi started laughing with saliva dribbling over her lower lip.

Inuyasha had backed away in unrestrained regret, holding his hands out at his sides as if they’d abused their privileges. How could he? He’d hurt her.

“Holy crap, dude.” Hakudoshi guffawed, and Kagome’s voice both caressed and defiled his ears. He wished the possession changed her tone to the child’s. It was painful to hear her be talked through, no matter how out of character it’d been or not. “You really kneed her. That wasn’t even a warning tap either, that was a full on hit!”

“Fuck, baby! Fuck! I’m so sorry!”

“What kind of abusive boyfriend are you?” He asked, standing straight.

“Oh, fuck off!” Inuyasha ground out, setting his jaw irately. “You can’t get under my skin with that shit.”

“Maybe you’re right.” Hakudoshi bobbed her head. “Only, ‘I love you’ will do the trick.” She grinned tauntingly, picking up her foot to pull out the knife in her boot.

Kagome slowed down a moment. Too long, she’d been fighting the restraints of her bars and it was getting her no results. She needed to take a minute to analyze the situation, no matter how difficult it was to do right now. It was easier to let her nerves get the better of her, to keep fighting and struggling, but it was fruitless and Inuyasha needed her to come back to him.

She looked closer at the lock keeping her closed inside the cage. So many times, she’d kicked it with everything she had, applied her entire bodyweight into it, and the only thing she’d achieved in doing so was creating loud clanks to echo in the darkness she currently resided in. The lock didn’t look to have received any damage whatsoever. That was impossible. It should have at least sported a dent, or a nick. Something. This was getting her nowhere. Why?

Because, she wasn’t shut in by a key. Of course. She was confined by demonic energy. She’d been so heavily consumed by Hakudoshi’s that she hadn’t even been able to feel the power engulfing the thick, black padlock. That being said, she still wasn’t sure how the hell she was going to get out of there. Yet again, she was held back by her inability to transmit spiritual power into her hands.

That wasn’t going to work for her right now. Kagome had no other options. She couldn’t wait for an alternative to appear, because nothing ever would. She was going to bust out one way or the other, and this was how. Hakudoshi had no right to threaten Inuyasha with the power that was hers. It was hers. And, she was going to use it exactly as she willed.

Koga’s heart was beating hard, his lungs were pounding. It felt like they’d been traveling through the cave for way too long and only ended up turned around, but before he’d even sensed it, Kirara caught onto something to their right. She led the way, her hackles raising, her growl growing more violent when they finally found the right path. Koga felt it, too. Up ahead was a threat waiting for them. Literally waiting.

“For a while there, I honestly thought you’d never find us.” A woman spoke, her arms crossed over her center. “The child’s been out for half an hour now? Forty-five minutes? Were you guys walking or something?”

For a quick moment, Koga took in the sight before them. They were in another opening, one just a smidge more narrow than the other they’d left Inuyasha and Kagome in. Water had leaked in through the cave ceiling, coating the ground in puddles all around, the drip loud to his ears. The woman in front of them, she was tall. More interesting, she looked to be about as done with anyone’s shit before anything had even happened. It was like the expression of annoyance was forever etched into her skin, her eyes naturally slanted in that manner. Her hair was brown, medium-length, worn half up in a twisted bun that a white feather decoratively stuck out of. Red painted her lips, nearly matching her bold irises, and along her body, she wore a plain, black dress that dipped down low in the center of her chest.

On the floor at her side, a young child slumped in his seat. His hair was white, long, untamed. He was unconscious and still he managed to give Koga the creeps. Nothing more needed to be studied about him. That was Hakudoshi.

“Kagura?” He asked, just to be sure.

“Don’t try to be my friend just because you know Sesshomaru.” She shook her head, rolling her eyes. “I’m still under orders to kill you and protect this freak.”

“Because of Rin?”

“Because of Naraku.”

“Because he has Rin?”

She sighed out heatedly, shaking her head in irritation again. “You clearly already know the answer to that, so why are you asking?”

“Don’t you think it’d be easier to save her if we knew where Naraku was?” Koga tried, carefully stepping forward with a subtle hand gesture for Sango and Miroku to hang back. “Give me something that I can pass on to Sesshomaru. Better yet, come with us. We -“

“Stop.” She ordered abruptly, and it was said in a tone that brought Koga to listen. Very slowly, very steadily, she shifted her head from left to right, her scarlet eyes never parting from his azure. It was her way of conveying something she couldn’t say out loud, but whether he understood was up to him. Hakudoshi wasn’t completely unconscious; he could still hear everything. The last thing she wanted was him bringing anything back to Naraku, and that fucking rat would. “Back up.”

“I don’t want to fight you.” Koga admitted, following her gaze as she glanced over to the child’s limp form, then back up. What was she telling him?

“Then, this’ll be easy.” She said. This guy had to be as daft as they came. There was only one way to make this painfully obvious, so careful of the ruffle of her clothing, she grabbed her ear and once more looked at Hakudoshi. That seemed to do the trick. Koga stiffened slightly, nodding in comprehension.

“Kagura, what am I supposed to tell Sesshomaru?”

“Nothing.” She frowned. “You aren’t leaving here today. So, I suggest you fight, or you’ll die in shame.”

As Hakudoshi lunged at Inuyasha, Inuyasha had to be quick to grab Kagome’s wrist again. He couldn’t afford to be conscientious or apologetic right now. He had to disarm her and pin her down. Swiftly, he stepped a leg behind her ankle, shoving her back to throw off her balance, and dropped down to the floor with her. He tried smashing her hand against the ground to make her fingers release their grip on the blade, but they actively refused. She held onto the knife for dear life, and Inuyasha had to shove the worry that his clutch was bruising her to the back of his mind.

“The first time we made love -“

“No! Shut up!” Inuyasha demanded, silencing her sweet voice. “Get out of her head!”

“Make me.” She rumbled seductively, the switch in her timbre nearly giving him whiplash. “Of course, that brings us to the third time we made love.”

“Fuck you.” He growled, pinning her still as she tried to buck him off. “Those are intimate moments between she and I.”

“Not anymore.”

Inuyasha thrusted her hand along the ground again, fighting against her incessant battle to stab him, but still she clung to the dagger with a grasp that would not yield. He was just going to have to pry it away from her, then.

It was difficult, but his main focus had to be her dominant arm. He couldn’t let go of it whatsoever, so he had to figure out a way to use his hand that restrained her left. Dragging it down, despite her opposing struggle, Inuyasha managed to capture it beneath his knee, freeing his own hand to force her fingers to release the knife. She’d given a jolt and the sharp blade clipped his palm, making the hanyou hasty to retract back.

“Man, I really messed that up, didn’t I?” Kagome giggled. “I’ll admit, it’s hard to multitask. This lady’s got it down to an art.”

There was no conjurer power that backed up her attack, and Inuyasha got fucking lucky. His hand was seeping blood now, but he didn’t have time to even think about it. It was actually working in his favor. The more blood that got on her hand from his prying, the more slippery her grip became. Finally, Inuyasha stole the dagger away, dropping it to the side of his leg as he quickly rolled her over to her stomach.

God, he’d forgotten how fast she could be. Immediately, Kagome was pushing up against him, and he’d barely been able to really define his dominance. He had to apply his knee to her back to shove her back down while he expeditiously scooped the arrows from her quiver and threw them out of reach.

“You fucking jackass!” Hakudoshi protested on a wheezy breath.

Inuyasha removed his knee, realizing his bodyweight was hindering her breathing, and everything else was by pure instinct. He’d jerked one hand behind her back, hiking it up so she had limited use of her shoulder, and took a solid grip in her hair. Maybe he’d gotten too lost in the moment, too aggressive. He could feel how forcefully he was pinning her down, feel her cheek scrape against the rock, but it wasn’t until she cried out that he slackened.

“Ow. Inuyasha, you’re hurting me.” Kagome moaned.

“Shit!” It was reflex, his reaction to let her go. But, he shouldn’t have been so precipitous. He hadn’t realized her free hand had reached for the blade he’d thoughtlessly dropped so close. Kagome rolled over nimbly, and Inuyasha hardly had time to react. She swung the dagger at him, and he was incredibly fucking grateful it was in her non-dominant hand, because it was held at an angle that gave him the advantage to jump away without harm in the nick of time.

“Wow, you really are weak for her.” Hakudoshi commented, rising to Kagome’s knees. “If you don’t wisen up, those emotions will be the very thing that kill you.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Inuyasha responded, wiping the blood from his hand on his pant leg, a vain effort as he felt more warm liquid cover over the burning wound. He had to ignore the angry spot on her cheek he’d caused, one that went right over the small scrape she’d received the day before, making it larger, darker.

“You know, maybe I’m going about this all wrong. Maybe I’m attacking the wrong person.” Kagome smiled mischievously.

Immediately, Inuyasha knew where Hakudoshi’s thought process was headed and he stiffened.

Steadily, Kagome lowered the knife to her thigh, scratching the blade against the texture of her pants. “What if I -“

He’d moved promptly, he had no choice. He went to pin her down again, to steal the dagger from her grasp once more. He was going to throw it so far away that it’d be lost in the shadows and worthless to find in the depths of a struggle. But, Hakudoshi got the better of him that time. Inuyasha hadn’t established proper form, and Kagome bucked her hips upward, tumbling his balance and rolling him over.

Good fucking god, she was strong. He was hanyou, he had formidable strength, and yes, the fear of hurting her was drastically holding him back from doing anything too impetuous, but he was now in a pressing conflict. The knife was inches from his throat, and she was pushing all of her weight down into him. Inuyasha was lucky he was quick enough to stop it in time from stabbing him through, and now he was fighting to keep her lifted so she didn’t succeed.

“Kagome, baby!” He called warily. “I could really use your help right about now!”

“Kagome says to suck a dick.” Hakudoshi grinned.

“Kagome!” His options were limited. Rolling her off of him was a feeble choice if she still had the fucking knife, though it gave him an opportunity to pick himself up and create space. There was the potential that she’d be faster in that sort of predicament, and that obviously needed to be taken into consideration. He desperately needed to disarm her and he needed to act quickly, because she was bouncing her weight down on the dagger now in an attempt to wear out his muscles.

His best option was to take her by surprise. He needed a split second, that was all. He had no choice, and he would make up for it in whatever way that he could later. For now, Inuyasha fixed his grip on her hands holding the knife with one palm, trusting the strength in his arm, and with the one he now freed, he slapped Kagome in the face with what was absolutely too much vigor. But, it worked. Hakudoshi was discombobulated for an extremely brief moment, a gasp leaving her lips, eyes wide from the jolt of it, and Inuyasha utilized the time to push Kagome back and rip the knife from her fucking hands, throwing it in a direction unknown even to him.

Hakudoshi began thrashing against Inuyasha. He hit him back, he scratched, he laughed wickedly, and it was difficult for the hanyou to take hold of Kagome’s wrists again with how wild Hakudoshi made her flail. Inuyasha was trying. He was sorely trying to get her under control, only really failing to block one good hit from her, and when he’d thought he had a forearm in his grasp, Kagome sprung off of him, ripping herself free to run toward something.

He rolled himself over and pushed himself up, his body going insurmountably tense in response to what he was facing that his gasp was silent and nothing more than a hitch in his chest. Hakudoshi had snagged an arrow and her bow, and was inching it up to aim at him. Kagome’s smile was one of victory, her bottom lip stained with blood he’d caused her to bleed.

She was furious. She was screaming. She was desperate and frantic. This was her body, and Kagome had no control over it. This was her mind, and it wasn’t listening to a thing she was saying. What caused her stomach to ache painfully was that she could feel Hakudoshi pulling her spiritual power, rounding it up, saturating an arrow as he aimed it at Inuyasha. Hakudoshi had the upper hand, she could practically see it, and her panic was beginning to overwhelm every inch of her.

“Inuyasha, run!” Kagome cried, but unsurprisingly, she went unheard. Until Hakudoshi had the audacity to tease by repeating it. His tone held no inflection. It was said casually, carelessly.

“Inuyasha, run.”

“Please! Run!”

“Please. Run.”

“No.” He replied gruffly, and Kagome froze, realizing he was replying to her. “I won’t leave without you.”

Hakudoshi inched her arrow back to create a tauter string, and she could feel that he was about to release it. No. No!

Feeling helpless, Kagome shook the bars of her cage again, frenzied enough to try anything to save him. She was hot all over, her heart was pounding erratically, her mind was racing a mile a minute.

“Stop!” She screamed. “Stop it!”

This wasn’t supposed to be happening. This was her body, dammit. This was her mind, this was her heart, this was her ability. Why wouldn’t her powers work for her? Why would they never work this way? She’d been trying to burst the lock, and nothing. Failure was not an option right now, she needed to recondition her strength.

Protect yourself for me, my little bird. Keep it in its cage.

Her father. His words. It rang so relevant right now that it hurt. She was nothing but a little bird trapped in a cage, but it was the most unsafe she’d ever felt. Her papa thought it’d be her salvation, to hide away, but this was irony at its worst. The fact of the matter was, her powers weren’t what put her in danger. It was the people around her. The people against her. Locking her gifts up to defend herself had been the counterintuitive option all along.

“They’re mine, Hakudoshi! Stop!” He was about to shoot and Kagome was terrified, shouting so loud that her voice broke. “They’re my powers! You can’t use them!” She rattled her cage defiantly, feeling a pull in her abdomen that helped her push against her restraints. “They’re mine! Not Midoriko’s, not Kikyo’s, not yours, they’re mine!” Hakudoshi released his shot. “Get out!”

Inuyasha grunted, the sharp strike of her arrowhead piercing the right side of his chest, causing him to stumble backwards a few feet until he hit the wall. There was nothing in her arrow. He was dealt nothing more than a painful blow through his flesh. Still, he found himself holding his breath anxiously. Her powers would have taken effect by now, right? The tail of the weapon stuck out in front of him, and he watched it to see if it would disintegrate. When nothing happened for thirty seconds, Inuyasha nearly slumped in relief.

There it was, she could feel it. Hakudoshi’s hold on her was destabilizing. Warmth radiated from her being, and Kagome urged it to grow. He was trying to reattain his control, like hands slipping over an oil-slicked rope, but she couldn’t allow that. The fire charred the kindling in her core and raged violently within her. It hurt, but she didn’t care. She let it expand through her veins, through her flesh, through her fingertips.

“Get out!” She repeated vehemently, doubling over as she vividly visualized the demon expelling from her soul. “GET OUT OF ME!”

Inuyasha watched Kagome’s frame fold, falling to her hands and knees as unrestrained grunts and groans left her mouth. Her fingers raked against the rock beneath her, and letting go of a cry, she stumbled down to her forearms with a wild tremor that racked her entire body.

“Kid?” He spoke through heavy breaths from his lungs.

“Get -“ She was fighting. She was pushing so hard, and he felt a manic energy soaring from her that greatly intimidated him. Kagome was giving more than what she had to free herself that her voice came out low and throaty, like she was forcing her words out while her body was battling intensely that it was nearly impossible to use her vocal cords. “Get out!”

It was her. Inuyasha’s stomach twisted achingly, desperately needing to support her, to be next to her. “Kagome!”

He ripped the arrow from his chest, clenching his throat to swallow the pained moan. It was unimportant in retrospect. Fuck his discomfort, he had more critical things to worry about right now. Inuyasha pushed himself from the cavern wall, sprinting over to Kagome’s crumpled body and skidding to his knees.

“Don’t touch me!” She screamed at him, and the hanyou went rigid. His hands hovered just inches above her back, twitching as he struggled with himself to listen to her.

“Kagome, it’s me!”

“It’ll hurt you! My power! It’ll - It’ll hurt you!” She claimed through choked exhales.

It was emanating from her. That’s what he was feeling. He may not be able to see it, but she was shrouded in her conjurer strength, seemingly able to do what she’d never been able to before as she fought back against Hakudoshi.

“He won’t -“ Kagome released a wrenching sob, trying to pick herself up to her hands but collapsing back down. “He won’t let me go. He’s still here.”

“Keep going, baby!” Inuyasha encouraged, dropping his palms to the earth while staying as close as allowed. “Fight him! You can do this!”

“Get out!”

“You can do this!”

Kagome whimpered through the engulfing and searing heat of the flames, taking as deep a breath as she could muster in an effort to fan the fire and keep it growing. Blinking open her eyes, she could see how vibrant the lavender of her power was, appearing like a legitimate blaze from her skin. At this point, Hakudoshi’s presence was barely lingering. She needed to be diligent to make sure there wasn’t an ounce of him left in her soul. If she wasn’t thorough in getting all of him out, he could potentially seep back in to take rein of her again.

Never. She wouldn’t allow it. She was going to make him regret ever taking her hostage, she was going to make him regret ever using her against her people.

“Let me go!” She demanded, slamming her fist against the ground.

“Good, Kagome! Fight him! You’ve got this!” Inuyasha shouted.

He was in her heart. He was clinging to the small fleck of darkness that’d been created from the times she’d endured, his grimy hands slipping but catching, slipping and catching again. Kagome tensed her breath then, concentrating her strength there as it torched and incinerated whatever presence he left within her. It was overkill, but it was necessary. She felt like she’d inhaled smoke, coughing and sputtering when she finally breathed again, but that was it. She was freed.

Hakudoshi was gone.

Inuyasha felt her powers calm, but didn’t reach for her just yet. Gradually, the stiffness in her muscles noticeably decreased. Kagome was gasping in air, her back excessively rising and falling with how her lungs pumped, but progressively, her body was relaxing.

“Kagome?” He whispered.

She couldn’t help the chuckle of relief that left her mouth, or the way her arms refused to work with her, failing to even try and pick herself up. Her head went from the balance on her forearm to the hard surface of the ground as her rear sank back to rest against her legs. It didn’t matter that her head scraped along, nothing mattered in that moment. She was too fatigued to care, or feel pain, or worry about anything more.

Extremely sluggishly, Kagome reached out with one hand, blindly feeling around for Inuyasha. He was still there, she could sense him, but words weren’t coming to her right now. All she wanted was his touch. She wanted to feel his warmth, his callouses. With her opposite hand, the side she’d yet to try, the side she’d assumed he had to be closer to, Kagome turned it over, sliding it out in the hopes that he would know what she wanted.

Inuyasha swallowed thickly, hoping he was reading her right. She was searching for him, wasn’t she? With her hand opened for him, he slid his fingers within, feeling the sweat that coated it and sighing out so deeply the moment her fingers curled to hold him there.

“Is it you?” He asked, unable to control himself any longer as he scooted closer. “Are you back?”

Kagome hummed, nodding lazily.

Inuyasha made haste to pick her up. He released her hand, grabbing around her shoulders to pull her to a sit so that she wouldn’t have to push with her defeated muscles. Her dark hair was everywhere, but she managed to sweep her arm over to fix the tresses out of her face, a small smile curving her plush and blood-stained lips. But, her eyes. Though lidded, they glimmered with tears and the earthy tones pulled him right back home.

“You did it.” He chuckled proudly, sweeping hair behind her ears as he admired her for all that she deserved. “You did it, baby.”

His fingers trembled as much as she, the ice was finally leaving his bloodstream, and Inuyasha cradled her jaw when Kagome finally got a good grasp on supporting herself. As tears fell to streak her cheeks, he gently swiped his thumbs to clean each one, careful of any sensitive marks that marred her face.

“I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Kagome leaned into his attention, uncaring of how she felt or looked while she couldn’t take her eyes from the wound in his chest. Though his shirt was black, she could still see the blood causing the cloth to stick to his skin, seeping through in a thick coating. Her fingers shakily reached for the injury she’d inflicted, stopped by his quicker hand when he grabbed her wrist and brought her knuckles up to kiss.

“I’m sorry.” She cried.

“Don’t be. You saved my ass, kid.”

“No, I -“

“You didn’t hurt me. I promise. This wasn’t you, baby, remember that.”

Feeling like she needed him or else she’d be unstable and incomplete, Kagome urgently grabbed his shirt and pulled for him, nearly losing her meager balance in the process. Inuyasha wasn’t hesitant in the least to comply. He moved closer at the same time he gathered her forward, hugging her tight while breathing her in.

“Are you okay, kid? You okay?” He rushed to ask, taking her jaw again to tilt her head to the side and analyze the blemishing of her face.

“I’m fine.” She replied.

Inuyasha swiped his thumb over her bottom lip and froze when she winced. Reflexively, Kagome sucked in her lip, finally tasting the copper as her tongue traced over the cut that bled. It must have collided against her teeth when he’d hit her. She could hear everything, she was aware of the general happenings of the fight going on, but given it wasn’t a direct reality for her, it was weird coming back to deal with the repercussions of it.

“Oh, that was a good one.” She commented, and Inuyasha immediately released her, a look of panic striking his expression. He’d almost backed away fearfully before Kagome reached for him, and she steadily pulled his hands back toward her. “No, it’s okay! Inuyasha,” She hovered one of his hands by her cheek before she nuzzled into it. “It’s okay. I promise.”

“I hurt you.” He breathed contritely.

“You didn’t do it on purpose. You were defending yourself. I’d have a problem with you if you hadn’t.” Kagome brought the other back to hold her as he had been.

Inuyasha curled into her, tilting her face again as he softly brushed a kiss to her scraped cheek. The tremble in her fingers was increasing, the shock of the situation really settling in. They rested on his forearms, her hold barely there anymore. She had to be fucking exhausted. It had to be so hard just sitting up right now. Her eyes were sunken and hooded, her smile was present but listless, her skin was pale and clammy, yet she still pushed through it all instead of collapsing and saving affection for later.

With a kiss to her forehead, he decided it was best to gather everything up. The battle wasn’t over. As much as he wanted to get her out of there, he needed to help the others, and Kagome was undoubtedly safer with him at this point.

Making sure she could support herself, he stood to find the knife he’d tossed. Thankfully, her scent was good guidance, and he was able to locate it hidden in the shadows in the distance. He fixed that in his belt before he picked up her arrows, unsurprised when he heard that grumble come from her as her stomach clenched in pain. Inuyasha made his way back calmly, smoothly, setting everything down beside him so that he could pull her hair out of the way. His hand was gentle as it stroked her back, soothing her heaves while she vomited.

“You’re okay.” He kissed her shoulder. “You’re okay, babe. You did such a good job. I’m so proud of you.”

Kagome coughed, a shuddering whimper following her discomfort, but Inuyasha continued to console her the best that he could. This was to be expected. She’d busted her ass saving them both and presented a level of power neither of them had yet to see. He’d take care of her tonight. He’d watch her carefully, he’d tend to everything she needed. Thankfully, Kaede had given them some of her medicine that helped Kagome the first time around, so she’d at least be able to sleep through the evening and fight the fever with a little help.

He helped her crawl away from the mess, whispering that he’d be right back when he walked in the direction of their kicked-aside bag, grabbing Tessaiga not too far off along the way. He pulled out the canteen of water and opened it up, ambling back and handing it over for her to sip on.

“Where is everyone? Can you smell them?” Kagome asked as she handed the bottle back over to him.

“Yeah.” He gave a small nod, replacing the lid before reaching for her arrows to drop back in the quiver over her shoulder. Her bow was within reach, so he stretched from his spot, dragging it their way. “They’re somewhere deep, but I’ll be able to find them.”

“We’ll return for the bag later.” He said, helping her to her knees so she’d be able to rise easier. Turning around, the hanyou readied himself for her to climb on his back, keeping a grasp on her hand to help leverage her up before he scooped up her rear to support her.

Thankfully, he not only had multiple scents to guide his way, but just a mile in, he could catch the sounds of fighting, of yelling. The cat demon’s roar was distinct and echoed, and Inuyasha picked up his pace.

As he got closer, he scouted out a spot to tuck Kagome in. She was already growing feverish; he could feel it through his clothing. Her part was over, she’d done more than enough. Now, he needed to protect her.

“Stay here, okay?” He whispered as she settled into her little nook. Her body was tired, and she leaned against the rocks for support.

“I want to come with you.” She said, but everything else about her communicated otherwise.

“No,” He shook his head, smiling softly while pushing her bangs from her eyes. “We’ve got it from here, kid. I’ll come back for you. I promise.”

Inuyasha leaned forward and brushed a kiss to her forehead, feeling how she subtly relaxed. “Tell me you’ll stay here. Nod.”

Kagome gave a listless nod, her face expressionless as she fully sank back now.

“Good girl.” He cooed. “I’ll be right back.”

It looked like he hadn’t taken the exact turn everyone else had. The tunnel he inhabited inclined and he came out on a ledge overlooking the scene below. There was a wind picking up in the cavern, one that only bewildered Inuyasha for a second before he pieced together who the woman facing off with Koga and Sango was. Kagura could control the wind, keeping their advances at bay while assaulting them with sharp thrusts of rocks shooting mercilessly through the air. Miroku and Kirara faced a child, a malicious grin on the little one’s face as he whipped his white hair over his shoulder.

Hakudoshi.

Taking out his sword, Inuyasha jumped from his ledge, slicing through the current Kagura flared with a wind scar that carved a passage. The moment his feet were on the ground, he raised Tessaiga over his head and slammed it down, watching Miroku get shoved out of the way by the feral cat demon as his attack went straight for the evil child. A barrier protected Hakudoshi, forcing his second wind scar to trail right over him in a circular motion before dying off as it hit the far wall.

“Long time no see, half breed.” The boy sneered.

“Inuyasha!” Miroku called. “Kagome, where -“

“She’s fine. She’s safe.” He quickly replied, amber eyes never parting from the purple ones belonging to the demon child.

“Eh,” Hakudoshi’s top lip curled cynically. “You tend to use those words lightly, don’t you.”

“Fuck you.” Inuyasha spit.

“You did quite the number on her.”

The hanyou nearly dropped his sword in his vehemence, marching forward. He could see the arrogant twitch of Hakudoshi’s mouth, thinking he had the upper hand with his barrier, but with a tightening of Inuyasha’s grip, the fang of his sword grew red and he stabbed it through. The wall around the child disappeared, and it was pleasant to watch his expression dwindle instantly. His small legs hurried to back up as he tried to rebuild another barrier, but Inuyasha went and broke that one two, reaching forward to strike his face.

“Not so tough now, are you?” Inuyasha grabbed the demon by his neck, lifting him up, ignoring the way Hakudoshi clawed at his wrist and hand to be set free.

“Kagome blames you for not saving her when she was thrown from the cliff.” Hakudoshi claimed through his clenched throat, choking but still speaking tauntingly with whatever willpower he had. “She saw you trying to grab your sword, but couldn’t understand why you weren’t able to get it because it was right there. She thinks you should have been stronger. Stronger like Koga. Like your brother.”

“No, she doesn’t.” He evenly refuted.

She’d lied. She’d never intended to stay behind and wait. Kagome just knew it was the only way to keep Inuyasha from worrying. She would be upset with herself if she didn’t do everything she could to help, and there was still some fight left in her.

At first, she’d tried climbing to her feet, but her legs shook and gave out from beneath her. Twice, she’d tried to stand, but it was no use. Not even with the wall as support was she able to walk up the incline. Just trying to pick herself up was exhausting, her stomach wringing painfully, and she’d had to pause to pass some bile. Trembling horribly, Kagome wiped her mouth clean, continuing forward on her hands and knees.

It was a strenuous path uphill, but Kagome pushed herself as hard as she could, swallowing thickly to fight through her body’s resistance. She could hear the action, she could hear Hakudoshi spewing nonsense to try and hurt Inuyasha again, and she could practically feel just how livid Inuyasha was as he faced him. She wanted to see to his end. She didn’t want to risk him getting away. If anyone needed to be disposed of in Naraku’s army, it was him. He was the termite, the demon who destroyed you from the inside out, and he was going to choke on his arrogance today.

“Kagome thinks you could have done more to save your mother.”

“You’ve lost your spark since you can’t speak through her anymore.” Inuyasha firmed his hold on Hakudoshi’s throat.

He wheezed, his voice breaking, but still he continued. “You were fourteen, you weren’t helpless. Just inexperienced and stupid. That’s no excuse. You could have helped her.”

The hanyou turned around, walking back the way he came.

“Kagome believes she would have survived if only you were full demon. Your mother would have been better off.”

“Kirara,” He called, holding the child a little higher. “Hungry?”

Tossing Hakudoshi, the saber-toothed cat leapt forward and caught him in her mouth, biting down and vigorously shaking her head from side-to-side. His screams echoed as he was mauled alive, ripped apart in Kirara’s teeth.

Kagome perched on the edge of the ledge on her knees, aiming an arrow in her bow downward. It was almost too much effort to pull the string taut, the muscles in her arms quivering horribly, but she powered through. Supplying a lethal dosage of her power into her weapon, she locked on the best she could.

“Kirara, drop him!” She ordered, and the cat was obedient to the ring of her voice. Spitting the maimed demon out, she backed away and Kagome released her shot, killing off the wicked underling of Naraku.

She’d had to catch herself before falling forward, her balance off kilter, her body weak, her stomach objecting, but she swallowed the bile the best that she could. She had everyone’s attention now and there was still one demon left.

“Kagura!” Kagome stressed demandingly. “Go! If you want to protect Rin, then go! Now! Otherwise, we’ll have to kill you, too.”

“You aren’t even going to try to ask questions?” The woman asked through a tense jaw and uneven breaths. “You’re just going to let me go? Just like that? That doesn’t seem like the wisest thing to do.”

Aggravated, Kagome pulled an arrow from her quiver in a means to challenge her attitude, aiming it in her bow. It worked. She was stopped promptly by Kagura’s quick reaction to raise her arms in way of yield.

“Alright, alright.” She murmured. Her scarlet eyes looked the countering woman over, how she was fighting just to stay up. She was dangerous. She was a force to be reckoned with, and she could tell that with nothing but a glance. Kagura was there when Hakudoshi came to, and he hadn’t been touched with her around defending him. Which meant, Kagome had pushed him out. No one had ever succeeded at doing that before. Hakudoshi was violent and sadistic. He’d make a home out of your body and then kill you while he was in it. But, when he regained consciousness here, he was pissed. Which meant, he lost. He didn’t get up as easily, either. He seemed out of breath, he carried himself as if he’d been wounded, as if his strength had been compromised, and she couldn’t help but wonder if he’d been sent back not only with a damaged ego, but damage to his being, as well. “I hope you win, conjurer.” Kagura said before backing out, leaving the cavern.

With a breath of finality, Kagome let her hands fall to the ground beneath her, supporting her body the best she could. Spotting her cousin gazing at her with pressing concern, she gave a feeble wave, a smile containing minimal effort accompanying it as she gave a thumbs up. Miroku chuckled exasperatedly, rubbing his forehead in agitation before running his fingers through his hair.

“You said you’d stay.” Inuyasha said as soon as Kagome’s eyes glanced his way.

“Sorry.” She mouthed. Matching his tone, as light as it was, was just too much energy right now, and it was a struggle on its own not to collapse.

As if reading her fatigue clearly, Inuyasha effortlessly made his way back up to the ledge to check on her. The backs of his fingers caressed her cheeks, pushing hair from her face. She was burning up; it’d hit her hard this time. They needed to get her to a place where she could safely recuperate.

“I don’t think any of those things Hakudoshi said.” She whispered on an exhale. Her body gave the slightest sway, and Inuyasha’s hands moved to her sides to prevent her from falling.

“Shh,” He soothed. “I know you don’t.”

“I - I would never.” Kagome looked as if she were about to cry, sparring against her exhaustion to stay upright. “I think you’re perfect the way you are.”

“Kid, stop.” Inuyasha lulled. “Come on, you need to rest.”

“Is the fight over?” Her brow furrowed tight, and one of her hands pressed into his thigh as she wavered again. It was like she couldn’t feel his support. “Are there - there anymore demons?”

“No. It’s over.” He shook his head. It clicked. She was about to pass out, and at the perfect moment, Inuyasha caught her when she fell into his chest. Giving it a second, he waited. Her breathing was still there, her pulse was still beating, but she was undeniably unconscious. Honestly, it was surprising that she’d lasted this long.

With a sigh of relief, Inuyasha held her tight for just a moment longer. Everything was fine now. Her body was forcing her to rest. Kagome was going to be extremely unhappy when she woke up later, but for now, she was okay. He pressed a lingering kiss to the top of her head before adjusting her legs so he could scoop an arm beneath the backs of her knees. She was safely cradled in his hold as he stood, silently gesturing to the others that it was time to leave.

| previous chapter | <-

[mikeshanlon]

i really enjoy the way young royals explores the theme of legacy and how detrimental it can be to have to live up to a legacy or be obsessed with reputation. (analysis and thoughts under the cut)

i think wilhelm resents the fact that he has to live up to the role of being in the royal family and yet is very afraid of ruining that legacy bc of all the pressure. before he was sent off to hillerska he went to a normal school and wanted normal people around him and was content with erik having to take on the responsibilities of crown prince. and when he does have to assume that role he says he can never be erik, that he’s always had to be compared to him and obviously doesn’t like that. but even before erik passed and he had to take on those duties he was afraid of fucking up the legacy of the crown, when he sees that sign in the hallway that says you are in charge of your own legacy after he holds hands with simon, his anxiety worsens. you can tell it’s been instilled in him for a long time that what is most important is the crown’s reputation rather than his own wants. in the scene where him and simon fight about alexander being caught, he obviously wants simon to stay, but he focuses on how him doing drugs will fuck up his family’s reputation if it gets leaked. as much as he cares for simon, his legacy and his duties are like this oppressive cloud hanging over him. 

i do think that wille cares for his family of course but to me it’s different that the sort of loyal unconditional care with simon and his sister/mom. erik and wille had unconditional love, erik understood how difficult being a prince in the public eye was, and wille obviously cared for him deeply and felt like he could to talk to him about issues. his relationship with the queen is much more strained, she wants a tailored, doctored representation of him in the media, he cannot be anxious and bite his nails, she makes all the decisions for him. family is important to wille partially because it has to be bc of how special his family is. he helps his family, he helps august pay his tuition, and then makes a point of disowning august after his betrayal as his new “brother”. but again, because of the royal status and expectations upon the family, that supersedes and colors all of their relationships with each other. it seems to be more a sense of “duty” than unconditional love. especially after erik’s death, wille always has to consider how the crown’s image will be impacted, even though he never wanted to have this responsibility, or even the responsibility of being the “regular” prince under erik. being a family unit that is under constant public scrutiny is going to strain relationships. the queen knows that the anxiety of fucking up his legacy will get to him, and she uses that to get wilhelm to back out of admitting it was him in the video and coming out. wilhelm has to choose between his own happiness and their reputation, is forced to think that denying it’s him in the video is the only way. he loves simon and wanted to live freely, but that pressure of legacy won out.

i don’t know if i think wille necessarily values the crown over his own personal happiness and relationships, like in the way maybe the queen does--i don’t think it comes from a place of “i’m lucky to be prince and owe my duty to the crown, so i do what i have to do to stay that way” (like how the queen said the crown is a privilege not a punishment), but from fear of destroying the legacy and his family. afterall, he still wanted to pursue a secret relationship with simon, i think if he fully valued the crown and uplifting legacy and fulfilling his duties he wouldn’t have tried that. he wouldn’t have made a point to tell simon he loves him. hopefully we get another season because i think with the iconic ending revolution rendition and him looking in the camera, which also parallels the shot of him being forced to apologize/go to hillerska, he is realizing that focusing on legacy is taking away what’s important to him, and he’s going to shake shit up.

august is definitely the most obsessed with legacy, wanting to carry on his father’s business, being persistent on befriending wilhelm and trying to social climb, wanting power and perfection with being prefect, rowing captain etcetera. he is so obsessed with perfection and reputation he gets addicted to drugs, he fucks with simon and makes him get stuff for parties he can’t afford because good parties will make him look better, he manipulates sara multiple times, he mostly wanted felice because of her nobility, he fucking films wilhelm and simon and OUTS him, his own cousin. he hates that wille has everything he wants but isn’t as interested in preserving and more importantly improving the legacy he’s inheriting. meanwhile august’s familial legacy is dwindling, and he holds on to the last bit of assets and names that he can.... v much sick and a weirdo that shows how harmful being obsessed with legacy is

the queen is of course v focused on legacy and it really breaks my heart and makes me angry that she doesn’t care about wilhelm’s happiness more than their reputation, and moreso doesn’t get august in trouble for literally leaking child p*rn of her kid for the sake of appearances?!?!?! like how is he even remotely trustworthy she is wrong for that! like i said earlier the obsession with legacy puts a strain on their mother/son relationship. she doesn’t even really say anything about wille’s sexuality or his relationship, and barely comforts him, mostly goes in with a plan she’s already concocted without him to fix everything. 

erik seemed to understand and accept his role as crown prince but obviously had issues with it as well, like when he makes the plan for him and wilhelm to run from the press, or when he tells wilhelm to enjoy himself while there aren’t so many eyes on him that care. erik shows someone who has more unconditional love and empathy but still has to focus on legacy and is much more inclined to continue his legacy, but we do see those glimpses over how even the most “ideal” attitude of preserving legacy causes issues.

felice is expected to live up to her mother’s legacy, of being an equestrian, of being the lucia, but she doesn’t want either of those things. her mother wants her to be thinner and straighten her hair, and find someone of nobility to be with. obviously she does find wilhelm attractive lol but i think the main reason she pursued him and definitely why she pursued august was because she was expected to social climb and have royal kids. felice feels the need to portray a false narrative of herself on social media to uphold a certain image of herself. it’s very fucked up that her mom wants those values instilled in her but i love that felice was putting up boundaries and pushing back against her mother and the narrative she’s supposed to live up to. her giving sara the role of lucia and focusing on supporting her friends more in the latter half of the season shows growth and i’m excited to see where her story goes. 

sara is interesting because she seems to want to reject the legacy of her family and being working class and to fit in with the elite of hillerska. sara hates micke, hates that simon contacted him because it’s bringing in this “shameful” and painful part of their past (which i mean is def fair). other than sara’s betrayal in 1.06, i think the scene where she tells her family that she wants to reside at hillerska really exemplifies where she’s at in her relation to legacy/class. after dining at hillerska and living amongst the elite she gets annoyed at eating around the TV, she blames her mother for not leaving micke sooner, she gets angry with simon for caring for her. she wants to lead her own life, be popular and wanted because people want her, not for pity (even though i think simon of course truly cares abt his sister she feels annoyed with his protection and care). felice says early on that she thinks sara doesn’t care what other’s think or having friends, and sara says she still wants friends though. i think sara’s biggest thing is she wants to belong, her and simon moved schools after she was bullied for being autistic so i think that definitely affected her even though she tries to act nonchalant about hillerska at first. we see sara’s longing to fit in in smaller ways at first, like her asking her mom for a better piece of her uniform because hers are “cheap” and already worn out. she gets annoyed at simon for chewing loudly, or her mother sitting casually at the table. as she gets closer to felice and madison and all the other students, the allure of the upper class and their lifestyle draws her in more. so much to the point where she gets very anxious and upset at the idea of her and simon leaving hillerska because he’s having his own crisis and doesn’t consider his pov. so much so that she effectively betrays simon and felice, the people she’s closest to, to make a deal (and make out lol) with august to room there and “be just like him”. personally i think sara’s attraction to august is mostly that allure of the elite and that he seemed to “desire” her when he kissed her because he was being a manipulative dickhead--again that want to fit in and be wanted. and  i think there is a really interesting angle of jealousy and competition in female friendships, even if it is really subtle or not intentionally insidious or anything, sara does slowly start to trying to assume all the roles/fashions/mannerisms of felice to live that life she wants. i do think felice and sara’s care for each other is genuine and one of my fave parts of the show, but i think a lot of people who experienced being a teen girl know how we are always pitted against each other even in our subconscious because of how society treats and values women.

simon seems to be the character that is least interested in upholding legacy and tradition or giving a fuck what anyone thinks (as omar said here lmao) and that makes him a really interesting foil to wilhelm. there could be something said about micke fearing that simon is following in his footsteps, but to me that plot more so reveals how the upper class (august) continually exploit the working class for their benefit, and the trappings of generational oppression. the other thing that can be said is simon signing up for private tutoring and rowing, but again i think that serves to further show that he is forced to “play” by the game of the elites because the school/society is corrupt, and also, that simon has further ambitions outside of where he’s at. he wants to get good grades because he wants to explore new places and avenues. to me simon’s biggest motivations are his passions, the things and people he loves--music, his family, wilhelm. he isn’t loyal to others just because he’s expected to be, or uphold a certain image but because he really cares. he doesn’t watch out for sara because that’s his expected role as her brother to do so, but because he cares. he wasn’t interested in knowing wilhelm because he’s a prince like everyone else, he makes it clear he thinks the royal family are privileged and exploitative, but he is interested because he saw the real wilhelm. he’s out and proud even though his elite classmates are more conservative, he doesn’t care about voicing his unpopular opinions, he has no problem walking away from august’s dickhead behavior or calling him out on his shit. simon doesn’t care if people don’t think of him in the best light. (the only exceptions ig are the drugs conflict and the video, though literally anyone would have a problem with that because it’s much deeper that public opinion and has ramifications and is deeply traumatic--but just adding that before someone is like “well actually!”) i also think it’s interesting that most of the songs simon sings has themes of pushing back against the societal norms, and being remembered in history, plus of course the revolution song motif, and how much those songs affect wilhelm, he seems to connect deeply, like he wishes he could do those things but simon is the one who gets to sing them and actually live them.

[jonesyjonesyjonesy]

heyyy, this is my first ask ever on this page so I'm not exactly sure how to start this, so ill just get right to it from one jonesy/zeppelin stan to another.

Robert apparently wrote Carouselambra about him being frustrated with Jonesy and Jimmy not being there for him after his son karac passed away,,, the song itself is great inho, it's my favorite off of ittod besides in the evening. The situation was tragic enough on it own, but it also put a huge strain on the relationships between the band members, it seems like. I can't pretend I know a whole lot about that part of their history in particular, just wanted to hear your take on it.

Hello my dear!! Welcome to my asks! I hope it is a cozy and pleasant experience. You are always welcome, no matter how inane, as I myself am the queen of inanity (I'm claiming it here and now folks).

^^ look at these boys in their 30s (36, 34, and almost 32 respectively, dear god)

In Through the Out Door is generally pretty fascinating. 'Carouselambra' in and of itself I think is one of those tracks that if it had been deeper into the canon (as if Zep had been able to make more albums), it would have been openly considered a masterpiece. That's actually how I feel about the whole album, but...instead, it causes consternation.

The track itself is one of my favorites as well. It's like Space Jam but everyone's on drugs and having a midlife crisis and WOW it's good. The actual inspiration for the track, as you say, I think was a combination of the highs and lows of Zeppelin and this includes Karac's death and the aftermath. 'Carouselambra' was originally called 'The Epic' -- I like to imagine the epic poetry it was being likened too and if epic poetry was still written and consumed the way we consume Homer and Virgil, that Zeppelin would be a perfect candidate. 'Tales of Brave Ulysses' could never.

The general consensus is that 'The Epic' was renamed 'Carouselambra' because that's what being in Zeppelin was like. Around and around on this gaudy mechanical and in the process these tragic things were happening and you only got fast glances at them or missed out on important things. And in the case of Karac, I'm sure Robert was grappling with the fact he just wasn't around (and I believe he's said as much).

This culminating with Jonesy and Jimmle not being at the funeral, which at the time, Robert had apparently said to Richard Cole, “Maybe they don’t have as much respect for me as I do for them. Maybe they’re not the friends I thought they were.”

Which is understandable! I mean, anyone that close to you dying, let alone a child. You would want your friends there (...if Robert considered Jonesy a "friend" to me is debatable considering his supposed tongue-in-cheek offer to Lita Ford to be the bassist for Zep in '77, but I'm just a bitter Jonesy stan (and I have plenty of theories and ideas about the Jones/Plant dynamic)). From what I've read, Jonesy was on family holiday, I imagine continuing with Maureen and the girls in the RV they rented for the second leg of the '77 tour -- he stole away after the Oakland debacle and drove it up to Seattle (this is from a glancing in Mick Wall's When Giants Walked the Earth, which I'm currently reading). Can that man get any more precious? And Jimmy was...Jimmy, heroin and all, although he's been quoted saying "We were all mates. We had to give the man some space.”

Potentially illustrating this, Robert commented on this in 2005: “The other guys were [from] the South [of England] and didn’t have the same type of social etiquette that we have up here in the North that could actually bridge that uncomfortable chasm with all the sensitivities required … to console.”

By ITTOD, though, we have our "relatively clean" camp friends Jones and Robert leading the charge and, I hope, having some good heart to hearts and enjoying each others' company. I really do wish we had more from that time, of that dynamic because I think it's a really interesting blip on the timeline given their distance mostly (I believe Robert said in 1971 that he had just started becoming friends with Jonesy, which I don't find hard to believe considering their opposite natures).

And then you get 'Carouselambra', all the nonsense and the mayhem boiled down into "why the fuck are we doing this"-edness. The kids are getting older, the tour is now a slog, and now you've got back pain. Kind of a sad carousel at the end of the day. “The whole story of Led Zeppelin in its latter years is in that song, and I can’t hear the words," Plant said, regarding how his voice is mixed lower than the keyboard in the first half. And there they were, in their 30s, and punk was on the rise and let's be honest, rock n' roll has never been a "middle years" kind of game.

But TO ME, that adds to the theatricality, to the idea that everything WAS getting lost and muddled. It's a brilliant, most likely unanticipated homage in my mind and Led Zeppelin WAS theatrical for as much as it was about the music, it was about the mythos and fable as well.

As a side note, I really hate how ITTOD is talked about for the most part as this like "lame keyboard album" when in fact, if Zeppelin had continued, it would serve as an LZ III/HotH vibe to me in that they could do whatever they want so they did and wow it was great. That's just my opinion, though, and I can definitely chalk it up to bias and also my love for Jonesy's post-Zeppelin work that really showcased just how fucking marvelous he is.

oh my god this got so long how did this get so long

This is just my take...I'm sure many people would be ready to contest what I have to say and that's just fine. 'Southbound Saurez' is one of my favorite Zep tracks and I stand by it.

I hope this was worth the time, lovely. Thank you for appearing in the asks and I hope you return someday. It was really lovely to take a journey into the more "academic" side of Zep...turns out I know quite a bit and I'm pretty good at rustling through the interwebs to find all the quotes I wanted to locate!

Feel free to correct me or engage in discourse kindly. I don't have time for negativity, I just turned 26 after all.

let it be known this is literally 950 words

[scenecipriano]

A Funny Story

Description: How they met really was a funny story...

Characters: Patton, Remus, Roman, Janus Logan (Mentioned), Virgil (Mentioned)

Relationships: Intruality, Past Logicality, Analogical (Mentioned), Brotherly Demus, Intruality are Roman’s parents. 

TW: Arson, Cheating in relationships, Implied Unsympathetic Logan and Virgil

---------------

Patton hums as he stirs a cookie mixture, it was just him and his eight-year-old son Roman at home, his husband had gone out to get what he likes to call ‘cookie juice’, Patton always thought that was an odd way to refer to milk.

“Hey, dad? How did you and papa meet?” Roman asks, startling his father in the process.

Patton turns to look at him, a playful scowl on his face as he points the cookie batter-covered spoon at the boy.

“What did I tell you about sneaking up on your old man? And what’s got you wondering about that kiddo?”

A mischievous grin forms on Roman’s face as he shrugs.

“Not to! And cause when I was at school we had story time and Mr. Thomas let everyone tell a story. I told the one about the dragon witch that papa always tells! But then Remy, that’s Mr. Emile’s son, told the story of how his papa met his baba and everyone thought it was funny! I can’t let him be funnier than me dad, it would be a crime!”

Patton snorts in amusement as he pushes his cookie batter aside, taking a seat at the kitchen table. He gestures for Roman to join him.

“What makes you think, mine and your papa’s first meeting was funny?”

“Because papa is silly? I’ve even heard you tell others when they’ve asked that it was a ‘funny story’! I wanna know, please?” Roman musters up his best puppy eyes.

Patton rolls his eyes fondly as he ruffles his son’s dark auburn hair.

“All right…”

10 Years Earlier

Patton should have known it wasn’t going to last. His friend Andy tried to warn him about Logan Pimbrook the very first day Patton gushed over him. Of course, Patton didn’t listen, too caught up in his fantasies of what it would be like to date the Logan Pimbrook. He was Valley High’s star pupil, Logan was going places and snuffed anyone who even looked at him, but he had chosen Patton.

Now, Patton found himself crying on a park bench, on Valentine’s Day of all days. He and Logan had been dating since Patton was sixteen and the latter had been seventeen. Six years later and Patton finds his boyfriend half-naked in their shared apartment with Virgil Storm of all people.

Patton wasn’t one to ever really put down people, but Virgil Storm had built up a reputation in school and even during college, but he never thought that Virgil would go after Logan.

“Well, isn’t this a sight for sore eyes! Literally, you look like shit, cupcake what’s the matter?”

Patton looks up, letting out a pitiful sniffle. Standing in front of him was a man who looked to be at least a foot or two taller than him. His skin was fair, his face angular and a ratty-looking mustache stood out among his features. The man had his dark brown hair tied up into a messy bun, a grey-streaked piece of hair framed his face perfectly.

If you were to compare him to Patton, you would say they were opposites. The man opted for black and green colors with bits of mesh and ripped jeans, whereas Patton was all about pastels and pretty skirts.

“Hello? Earth to cutie on the bench, are ya broken? Is it because of my devilish good looks?” The man teases.

That earned him a wet laugh from Patton, causing the man to grin brightly at him before taking a seat next to Patton on the bench.

“I-I um… I’m Patton and… N-No I’m not okay…”

“I’m Remus, sorry for saying you look like shit I legit have no fucking filter, but anyway what’s wrong buttercup? Come on talk to the stranger in the park, promise I’m not a murderer.”

Patton couldn’t help but laugh again, he was sure that if Andy was here he would be trying his hardest to get him away from Remus.

“I-It’s nothing really...just… something stupid…” Patton mumbles.

“Well, good thing I like stupid! Come on, no need to be sad on the big V-Day!”

A smile tugs at Patton’s face as he shakily wipes his tears away, he takes a deep breath and turns to face Remus completely.

“I… I just found out that my boyfriend of six years has been cheating on me… a-and he chose to do it with the… the possible worst person in the world!”

Remus crosses one of his legs over the other, leaning against his knee as he props his head up with his hands.

“Got names? I love when some piping hot tea is spilled! And talking about it may help ya, my little brother Janus is always spewing on about talking your feelings out.”

Patton turns fully around on the bench, pulling his legs up and into a crisscross position as he does.

“You may not know him but… my boyfriend Logan Pimbrook, decided to… to cheat on me with Virgil freaking Storm! Can you believe-”

“Wait, wait wait wait! Virgil Storm? Tall, lanky, pale motherfucker with black eyeshadow and wears a patched hoodie thinking he’s Sally from fucking Nightmare Before Christmas? That Virgil Storm?” Remus interrupts.

Patton blinks owlishly as he nods slowly.

“How?”

“He dated my brother a few years back, convinced him to sleep with him then proceeded to post pictures all around their school. My brother had to be homeschooled after because of all the bullying.”

Patton stares at Remus for a moment before freezing.

“You’re Janus Doherty’s brother, that’s why he left? I… I had no idea… I saw the pictures and took as many as I could down but it was too late. I had no idea that Virgil did that to him.”

A dark look passes over Remus’s face, Patton knew that the look wasn’t pointed toward him.

“Well, Patton seems like we have a mutual enemy! You said he fucked your boyfriend right?”

Patton nods, squeaking when he’s suddenly pulled up from the bench.

“Do you think this Logan will be out by now?”

“M-Maybe? Why?”

“Good, let’s go.”

Patton wasn’t sure what Remus was exactly planning, or why he wanted to go to his and Logan’s shared apartment. He asked him multiple times, only to be given a wide grin and a cryptic answer of ‘Just wait.’

Now at the apartment, Patton fidgets nervously. It was only a mere hours ago that he was here, walking in on his boyfriend and Virgil on the couch of all places.

“Is your name on the lease of this place?” Remus asks suddenly.

“Um… No, Logan insisted that he would take care of everything why- Remus!”

Patton watches as Remus picks up Logan’s MacBook, slamming the computer on the ground with enough force that they could hear the screen crack.

“What are you doing!?”

“What’s it look like? Destroying his shit, he slept with one of the sleaziest people in Florida, he deserves everything he fucking gets. Now, do you want to cut up the couch or should I? I don’t mind doing all the damage!”

Patton knew this was wrong, it was petty. Was he really that angry at Logan that he would go as far as destroying the other man’s things?

“Oh, this bitch.”

Patton shakes his head and looks at Remus, he was holding a digital camera in his hands. Patton recognized it as the one that Logan always carried with him, never letting anyone touch it.

“What?”

He moves to Remus’s side, looking at the camera. There were multiple pictures of Logan posing with Virgil, some just as recent as a few weeks ago and some going as far back to when he and Logan first started dating.

“Make that two fucking sleaze bags.”

Patton wasn’t sure what really came over him, maybe it was hurt, or maybe it was the unbridled anger that filled his heart, but the next thing he or Remus knew was him snatching the camera and throwing it onto the floor as hard as he could.

The little thing exploded into pieces, each of them sliding across the hardwood floor. Silence floods the room before being broken by Remus’s loud laughter.

“That’s what I’m talking about!! I’m gonna go ruin that bitches clothes!”

Patton clenches his fists as he’s left alone in the living room, he marches over to the kitchen, grabbing a knife from the knife block. He stalks back over to the couch and begins to rip into the leather.

Stuffing came out and flew above his head the more Patton ripped and stabbed at the couch.

‘ How many times… HOW MANY TIMES!?’

Patton stops his attack on the couch, his hands trembling as he drops the knife. A choked sob leaves him as he slumps down in front of the ruined appliance.

“Should we burn these or- Patton?” Remus calls as he walks back into the living room, dropping a pile of Logan’s clothes as he makes his way over to Patton.

“I-I gave… I-I gave him six years of my life… a-and he’s been cheating on me since day one! I’m s-so stupid!”

Patton buries his face in his hands as sobs crash through him. He feels Remus wrap his arms around him.

“You’re not stupid, he is for stringing you along. Now, get up, dry those tears. We’re not crying over an asshole like him or Virgil Storm.”

Remus helps Patton stand, slowly pulling his hands away from the crying man’s face as he wipes his tears away.

“L-let’s fucking burn those boring-ass clothes.”

Present Time

“Really, it was a poor lapse of judgment on our part, but I can’t say I really regret it…” Patton finishes as he looks at his son.

Roman sat staring at him wide-eyed.

“You and papa set someone’s house on fire!?”

“Yes, they did and if it wasn’t for me setting them up with an alibi they would have ended up in prison.”

Patton and Roman turn, seeing Janus standing on the kitchen threshold, grocery bags held in his hands as he flashes the two of them a look of amusement.

“Uncle Jan! Did you go to the store with papa?”

Janus sets the bags down just in time to catch his nephew as Roman threw himself into the man’s arms.

“No, but I came right when he was unloading the car. Now, why were you two talking about arson?”

“Arson!? Not without me, I hope!”

Patton couldn’t help but smile when he hears his husband’s voice, his smile brightens when Remus pushes himself into the kitchen.

“Dad was telling me how you two burned some mean guy’s house down!”

Remus gives Patton a questioning look.

“He needed a funny story for his next storytime session at school,” Patton says innocently.

Remus grins and walks over to his husband, planting a kiss in the center of his forehead, earning them a chorus of ews from Janus and Roman.

“It is a pretty funny story huh?”

[gointothevvater]

Her full profile is finally here! Seven pages of information! I may have gone down the rabbit hole just a tiny bit! 

.

St. Cecilia Jameson

Gender: Cis female

Status: Alive

Occupation: Singer for British rock band Stiletto ("Like the knife or like the shoe?" "Yes.")

 Family: Elizabeth Robinson, née Wallis (Mother), Bryony Robinson (Older half-sister), Esme Robinson, née Davies (Grandmother, deceased), Herakles Zafeiriou (Biological father, though she's never met him), Evander Zafeiriou (Older half-brother, who she's also never met, though they've exchanged family photos and stories via email)

Voiced by: Florence Pugh (Speaking), Lzzy Hale (Singing)

Age: A few months younger than Pickles

Date of birth: December 15 (Sagittarius)

Place of birth: Oxford, England

Birth name: Felicity Robinson (Initially, only Sammy knows this, though the rest of SnB learns it at Esme's funeral)

Nicknames: Ceelie (By Pickles and Sammy, mostly, though the Dethklok boys pick it up eventually), Star (By Magnus), princess (By Skwisgaar)

Ethnicity: Half English, half Greek (Though she's unaware of the latter for most of her life)

Height: Five-foot-one

Sexuality: Bisexual

Relationship status: It's complicated. It's always complicated. She's unlucky in love. 

Current location: London, England

Appearance: St. Cecilia is a petite woman (She's half a head shorter than Pickles!) with golden skin and long white-blonde hair, which she wears in a high ponytail. She has thick, dark brows and bright brown eyes (Skwisgaar says she has "wolf eyes"). She has three white marigolds tattooed on each shoulder, a labret piercing, and a vertical collarbone piercing at the hollow of her throat. Her ears are pierced three times each, in which she wears two silver hoops and a silver stud on each side, and she has a small black star beneath each eye. She has a Christina piercing, nipple piercings, and a belly button piercing. She has a No Time For Antivenom tattoo on her sternum, and a European robin tattoo at the back of her neck. Along her spine, she has a tattoo reading "to thine own self be true." She has a shitty stick-and-poke crown tattooed behind her right ear. She has a pear body type, with wide hips, a small chest, and an even smaller waist (Nathan can encircle her waist with his hands). She typically wears a black muscle shirt, ripped dark jeans, heavy boots, black driving gloves, and a studded black leather collar with a D-ring at the front. She also wears a Gibson pearl guitar pick on a necklace, which was given to her by Pickles when they first started dating in the 80s. She wears a silver cuff on each ear, and her tongue is pierced with a simple silver stud. 

During flashbacks to the Snakes N' Barrels era, she's shown with darker blonde hair cut in a mullet style, and only her labret and ear piercings, plus one on the right side of her nose. She wears a cropped white tank, with high-waisted jeans and black Converse sneakers. She wears mismatched armbands, one black, one striped, and the same collar she wears in the present.

Her more casual look consists of a black button-up shirt with the sleeves pushed up, which she wears tucked into a pair of leather pants. She wears pumps instead of boots, and her hair is twisted up in a clip. She keeps her collar, but doesn't wear the pick necklace or her ear cuff, and she switches her hoop earrings for studs. She doesn't apply her stars.

For fancier occasions, she wears a black dress with spaghetti straps and a very short, flared skirt, black opera gloves and black strap pumps. She, as always, wears her collar with it, and she pulls her hair into a high bun. 

Personality: St. Cecilia is cocky, witty, and teasing, but ultimately good-natured. She's a bit selfish and stubborn, but she does everything with 110% effort, hoping to impress people, even if she winds up getting hurt in the process. She'll do literally anything for validation. To say she's vain would be an understatement. She's something of a coquette who flirts with both men and women, and is she has a tendency to "think with her dick," as Tony once put it. She's slow to anger, but quick to jealousy, and she holds grudges for far too long. She's the playful type, but it's largely in a chill way. She's an obvious extrovert, and the role as frontman for Stiletto came very naturally.  

Skills & Hobbies: St. Cecilia writes good poetry, great song lyrics, and terrible erotica. She likes plants and is quite the chess player (Though she hasn't managed to beat Charles even once), which she learned during her school days. She also learned to fence, ride horses, and speak fluent Latin there.

Musical Talents: She's a classically trained singer (When she was little, she was part of her church's choir), and she writes most of the song lyrics and some of the music for her band, Stiletto. In Snakes N' Barrels, she played lead guitar on a white Jackson Pro Series Rhoads RR3, but during their reunion concert, she plays a more modern Gibson Explorer '76 Reissue 2010 Cherry. She took piano lessons for several years as a child, and she's still pretty good. Nothing outstanding, but if Stiletto needs to incorporate a piano into a song, she's perfectly capable of playing it herself. 

Relationships: 

-Pickles the Drummer: Their relationship is a complicated one. They've known each other for ages, and they've been together through the highest highs and the lowest lows, all the way down to rock bottom. She partially blames him for her late teens and early twenties being the fiasco they were, and she cut off contact with him for a long time after the SnB breakup. During the run of the show itself, the two reconcile somewhat and even become more or less friends before Abigail shows up and things start to crumble again. They have a hard time admitting it, but there's love between them, and there has been for a long time. They're both afraid to try getting together again, though, as there's a mutual fear of the relationship ending as it did the first time, with them hating each other again. They're back together at the end of Doomstar, but there's no way of telling if the love between them is enough to keep them together or if they'll just fall apart all over again. 

-Magnus Hammersmith: They were more off-and-on than anything, but they were together for years, even though quite a bit of it was long-distance. It wasn't supposed to be a serious thing. It was just supposed to be a quick fuck. Then it was supposed to be a performance to annoy Pickles, but Magnus quickly realized that St. Cecilia's feelings for Pickles were too strong for her to be any use to him in his revenge plot. The basis of their bond formed because they understood each other on a level they've never known with anyone else: Former Snakes N' Barrels guitarist St. Cecilia Jameson and former Dethklok guitarist Magus Hammersmith both understand on a fundamental level what it's like to be left behind and forgotten. Magnus caught a bit of feelings, and when Roy Cornickelson's funeral came around, Magnus warned St. Cecilia not to attend. It was their last interaction, and it forever cast him in a positive light for her, even after she learned what he was doing with the Metal Masked Assassin. 

-Nathan Explosion: They get along pretty well. Their first meeting was at a singers-only Crystal Mountain party, and they ended the evening with a quickie in the coatroom. He wrote a song about the encounter, but Pickles never figured out that it was about St. Cecilia, which Nathan thinks is just the funniest thing. He mostly sees St. Cecilia as one of the guys once she meets with Dethklok again for the SnB reunion. It's a "been there, done that" kind of deal. She's not brutal, but she's funny and she's fun, and goddamn, is she pretty, and they would absolutely hang out if they could get their schedules to line up.

-Skwisgaar Skwigelf: St. Cecilia is nothing short of enchanted by Skwisgaar. It's not a crush, exactly, but she has a huge amount of admiration for him. They've practiced together a time or two, but she's a little rusty and winds up with her fingers bleeding because her calluses have gone soft. He tends to tease her over her soft hands. A guitar god, he tells her, can't have hands like a princess. His calling her “princess” becomes a bit of a thing for them. The two of them often have brunch together, talking shit and drinking. She's good for him; He's never had a female friend before.

-Toki Wartooth: Within the series itself, St. Cecilia hasn't given Toki much thought. He's cute, but he's just sorta there. His incident during the SOBERTOWN USA concert really scared her, and she more or less avoids him after that. Post-DSR, though, their relationship changes. He, like her, was hurt by Magnus, and even with him dead, Toki misses him terribly. St. Cecilia misses him, too. As sad as it is, this becomes their common ground. Their other connection, odd as it sounds, is pole dancing. St. Cecilia does it for exercise, and Toki did it for money, and they often compete to see who's better on the pole. 

-William Murderface: St. Cecilia actually has a begrudging fondness for Murderface. He's awful, but he's also pretty funny, and she likes to hear him talk about knives and medieval weaponry, as her family home is full of such things. They clash over things, of course, but she likes being around him more often than not.

-Charles Offdensen: St. Cecilia really likes Charles, actually. He's basically the only person on the show who's really "on her level" class-wise. He attended Harvard, and she attended Oxford, so they have a great deal to talk about. They play a lot of chess and fence on occasion, and if it weren't for her feelings for Pickles and his obligation to the Church, they just might have gotten together.

-Dick Knubbler: They're friends, in a way. She thinks he's kind of a weirdo, but he knows how to have a good time, so as long as he isn't hitting on her, she likes being around him. 

-Abigail Remeltincdrinc: They became friends mostly due to the fact that they were both women in the music industry (And both working for Crystal Mountain) and supporting each other seemed the right thing to do. Abigail getting involved with Dethklok and catching Pickles's attention quickly became a sore spot, and they drifted apart after that. After DSR, things got even worse. Abigail, naturally, is glad that Magnus is gone, while St. Cecilia is devastated by the loss. They had something of a falling-out over it, and they haven't really spoken since. 

-Edgar Jomfru: Despite being very different people, St. Cecilia really enjoys Edgar's company. He merely tolerates her at first, but she grows on him, to the point where they're legitimately friends come Doomstar. The two of them often have lunch together on the roof of Mordhaus so they can get some fresh air. 

-Family: St. Cecilia's family consists of her mother, Elizabeth, her older sister, Bryony, and her now-deceased grandmother, Esme. St. Cecilia has a very formal, cold relationship with her mother, and she has no desire to change that. As far as she's concerned, her mother doesn't deserve to have a good relationship with her. St. Cecilia adores Bryony, though. Though Elizabeth brags about her, Bryony remains modest and is very close with her sister because of it. Though there's seven years between them, they may as well be twins. Esme, who passed away in 1993, was more of a mother to St. Cecilia than Elizabeth ever was, and St. Cecilia still misses her terribly. She was a big part of getting SnB off the ground, and the boys even came to her funeral.

-Snakes N' Barrels: St. Cecilia adores all the boys, of course, but Sammy is the only one she really kept in touch with after the breakup. He was her favorite long before Pickles joined. There was a pregnancy scare not long after the band took off that somehow, against all odds, brought the two of them even closer. Sammy was St. Cecilia's first love. Her relationships with Tony and Snazz were much more professional, though none of them were anywhere near professional. The crown tattoo behind her right ear was done by Tony on a drunken night in, and it was too good a night for her to even consider covering it or getting it removed. 

-Stiletto: She gets along with them all quite well! She's known Niamh McLoughlin, their bassist, the longest, and their friendship dates back to their school days. Lex Clarke and Priyanka Dayal, the drummer and the guitarist respectively, came as a package deal, as they've been more or less married for years. St. Cecilia adores them and the sweetness of their relationship. She's a little envious of them, actually, though she would never say so.

History:

-Childhood: St. Cecilia was born in Oxford, England to Elizabeth Robinson. She was raised more or less at her family's girls-only boarding school, away from her mother. When she was fourteen, she fell off a horse during an equestrian class and badly injured her shoulder. She was one of the popular girls during her school days, up until she hit fifteen and decided that she was no longer a child and had a right to demand respect from her emotionally distant mother. She quit the piano lessons she had been taking for several years and took up the guitar, though it aggravated her injured shoulder and even as a teen, she developed a dependence on painkillers. This rebellious period stretched until she was sixteen and ran away with the help of her grandmother. St. Cecilia was given her name just before she left, so it would be easier for her to hide, as well as a hefty sum to tide her over until she could get herself settled. She was only in LA for a few weeks before she met Sammy at a bar where the SnB prototype band was playing. Naturally, Snazz and Tony weren't thrilled with the idea of Sammy's kinda-sorta-girlfriend trying to become their lead guitarist, and when Snazz disparagingly referred to St. Cecilia as Yoko, she broke his nose (How could he have not expected violence when a Beatles-loving British girl was called such a horrible thing?). This earned their respect and is an event that they laugh about to this day. 

-Snakes n' Barrels era: St. Cecilia stuck with the band for several months before they found Pickles, and she was smitten with him the moment she heard him sing. Esme was an important source of financial support during their formative years. The band made it big after not too long, and they all grew quite close. St. Cecilia ended up in an ill-fated off-and-on relationship with Pickles as time went on, and to this day she doesn't remember the first time she told him she loved him. It wasn't long after his first OD and his following stint in rehab that she told him, and they were both drunk in celebration of his release. His tolerance, even post-rehab, was far higher than hers, though, and he remembers, though he sometimes hates that he does. Though there was genuine love between them, the stress of the band and both of their substance abuse problems drove a wedge between not only the couple, but also the entire band. Coupled with Pickles fucking groupies behind St. Cecilia's back and St. Cecilia's becoming a rather serious Vicodin addict to combat the pain in her injured shoulder, the band was doomed. Pickles came to see St. Cecilia off on her flight back to England, saying he would meet her there when his next residuals check came in, but he never made it, and they didn't speak to each other for years afterward. It hurt, but St. Cecilia supposed it was for the best. A clean break, and all that.

-Preklok: After SnB broke up, St. Cecilia returned to Oxford, staying with Bryony in their mother's guest house as she tried to figure out her next move. Despite her gift for writing lyrics, she had no talent for writing books, and that idea quickly went down the drain. She still received a large amount of money in residuals, but she was reduced to a mere socialite, though it mostly agreed with her. At her mother's insistence, she attended a few classes at Oxford University. She absolutely loved it. In 1992, Esme passed away. St. Cecilia only told Sammy about it, but he took the initiative and brought Pickles, Tony and Snazz with him to the funeral. St. Cecilia was initially pissed, but she really appreciated the support. That was the only time she saw Pickles between SnB's breakup and their reunion concert. He was devastated when her parting words to him were "I love you with everything I am, but I never wanna see you again." In the mid-90s, she posed for an issue of Playboy, and Pickles has a copy of the issue tucked away somewhere. It wasn't until 1998, when she moved to a little flat in London, that St. Cecilia reunited with her school friend Niamh and the idea of Stiletto came about. They found Priyanka and Lex at an open mic night at one of the local clubs, and they hit it off, both as friends and as bandmates. They played at many clubs and pubs, and they were soon found by a scout at another open mic night. They signed with the UK branch of Crystal Mountain Records and were assigned the surly but efficient Melinda Glasscock as their manager, and within three years, Stiletto was huge, due in part to St. Cecilia's residual fame from Snakes N' Barrels. Their first tour was through Europe, but the second came to America, where St. Cecilia met Magnus in a bar post-show. They got on really well, and she invited him to her hotel room for the night. They exchanged numbers and got quite close over time, with her even flying him out to London from time to time so they could hang out. Magnus knew who she was from the start, and while he planned to use her feelings for Pickles to get her on his side, that soon faded and he came to genuinely like her. She wouldn't learn who he was until later on. A few years before canon, she had a quickie with Nathan in a coat room at a singers-only part at Crystal Mountain records, and he used the fact that she couldn't fit her mouth around his dick as inspiration for Dethklok's infamous song "Glasgow Smile."

-Season 1: 

-St. Cecilia's first mention within the confines of canon is during Performance Klok, when Pickles mentions he hasn't been in a serious relationship since the '80s despite the fact that he would certainly thrive under such attention. 

-She first appears in Snakes N' Barrels, during the documentary the Dethklok is watching. The guys are a little critical when they (Save Nathan, who's known for a long time) learn that part of SnB's downfall was due to Pickles's failed relationship with St. Cecilia. There's some comedic nonsense talk about fucking one's guitarist before Pickles goes to speak with Charles. Though St. Cecilia is working on an album with Stiletto when she's asked to go the reunion, she manages to push through and finish in time, though she arrives nearly late. She finds Pickles backstage, and when he sweeps in to kiss her, she pulls away a bit, saying they can't do this, as she's spoken for. She lets him hold her close, though. The rest of Dethklok finds them like that, and St. Cecilia excuses herself to go find Sammy, Tony and Snazz. There's some talk about Pickles not leaving Dethklok, which he says he won't, but they're rather worried after catching him with St. Cecilia in his arms. Meanwhile, she manages to find the boys, and they meet with Pickles backstage. While the boys partake of the Totally Awesome Sweet Alabama Liquid Snake, St. Cecilia doesn't, as she once humiliated herself by passing out on stage and doesn't wish to repeat the incident. She presses a kiss to Pickles's palm before they go on stage, an old ritual that they were never able to shake. What happens is far worse than someone just passing out, and she and Pickles leave the stage amidst the chaos while the medical Klokateers take care of the boys and see them off to the hospital. It's a disaster. She's embarrassed and angry, and she turns down Pickles's offer of a ride home and calls someone instead, as she didn't get her money converted and can't pay for a cab. This someone turns out to be the man who's claimed her, Magnus, and Pickles is none too happy about it. He tries to stop her from going with him, but it doesn't work. 

-She isn't seen in Dethkids, but she is mentioned. When Pickles starts drinking harder than usual, he finally gives in to the urge to call her, to talk about how Sammy and Snazz and Tony are doing, and to tell her that she should steer clear of Magnus. He's so drunk, though, that she barely has even an idea of what he's talking about. 

-Offscreen, but somewhere between the two SnB episodes, Magnus and St. Cecilia abruptly break up. She has a feeling something was going on with him, but his sudden disappearance really hurt her. They had been together off and on for years, after all. A few weeks before he left, he bought her a little pink knife and showed her how to use it, just in case he wasn't around to protect her. When he left, he left his guitar behind, and she still has it as of Doomstar. 

-Season 2: 

-She's mentioned by Seth in Dethwedding, though only as "that British chick" he thought Pickles would eventually have married. Pickles nearly decks him for even mentioning her.

-St. Cecilia's next appearance is in Snakes N' Barrels II. In part one, during the advertisement for the SOBERTOWN USA concert, she's missing from the band lineup, and Pickles is both relieved and a little concerned by her absence. 

-In SnB II part two, Nathan, Skwisgaar and Toki find her among the crowd at the SOBERTOWN USA concert. Nathan asks if she wasn't invited to play, but she says that she was: She just didn't think it was right to play without Pickles. Realizing that Pickles is sneaking around backstage, she leaves to go find him and try to keep him from doing something he'll regret. She only finds him just as Tony, Snazz and Sammy start freaking out, and she only just manages to keep Pickles from killing Rikki Kixx, though she honestly doesn't mind the thought of him dead. She pulls Pickles away from the stage, where he calls the Klokateers to take care of Sammy, Snazz and Tony, and she sets to icing down his bruised knuckles. She tells him that she and Magnus broke up, and he's thoroughly pleased about it: She's too good for him, anyway. That irritates her a bit, but she tells him to call her sometime, though she insists he do it when he's not drunk off his ass. 

-Season 3: 

-Ironically, when Pickles calls her in Dethhealth to inform her that he's dying, he's in fact drunk again. She wants to go to Mordhaus to see him, but he tells her to stay where she is, as he doesn't want her seeing him like that, though she's seen him at rock bottom as it is. At the end of the episode, he's drunker and higher than ever, but he calls her again to let her know he's all right. She can't understand him, though, so he puts Nathan on to explain. She’s thoroughly relieved, but she’s still considering going to Mordhaus to see him. She implores of Nathan, "Take care of him, all right?"

-Offscreen, in the time between Dethhealth and Dethmas, Pickles goes to London for a while to appease St. Cecilia, and to their mutual surprise, it's not really all that different from how it was when they were actually together. There's lots of cuddling and kissing and great sex and just... Hanging out. It's easy for them to be together. They have their share of problems, but the old spark between them is still there. Pickles is honestly a little scared of that: What if he falls for her all over again just for her to break his heart like she did last time? The fact that she has Magnus's guitar makes him doubly suspicious. He starts drinking harder than ever to drown out the thoughts of her. 

-In Rehabklok, when Pickles's drinking is brought to the attention of the band and he's sent to rehab, he tries for a while to blame it on St. Cecilia. She broke his heart, and he drinks to cope. It makes perfect sense, until he starts to really think about it and realizes that he's equally at fault for how their relationship (And also SnB) fell apart. He realizes, after many years, that he hurt her as badly as she hurt him. And that makes him feel even worse. He talks the doctor into letting him call her to apologize, but it doesn't go well: She's a little offended that he would even consider blaming her for his drinking, given he was a drunk long before they met. "Is that what I am to you now? An excuse to get drunk and act a fool?" Not long after that, Pickles realizes the real cause for his drinking.

-Just before Charles goes to speak to the UN in Doublebookedklok, he calls St. Cecilia and cryptically asks her if she speaks Latin. She owes him a favor for getting her out of some legal trouble, so she can't really refuse. Several months before, she punched a scummy paparazzo who called Magnus washed-up, and Charles used his reeducation program to keep those involved from pressing charges or damaging St. Cecilia's reputation. 

-Season 4:

-In Fanklok, before Charles meets with the band to discuss Klokikon, he welcomes St. Cecilia to Mordhaus and presents her with an ancient-looking journal that belonged to Aurelius Isambard, one of the original prophets of the Church of the Black Klok. She's taken down to the basement, where she's introduced to Edgar Jomfru, and gets to work. 

-In Diversityklok, after he's spoken to Edgar, Charles speaks to St. Cecilia. He finds her engrossed, but thoroughly worried. She asks if this is real, and she's even more worried when he tells her it is. 

-Offscreen, St. Cecilia has been hard at work translating the journal, and she's come to a passage that seems to describe the growing tension between the band. It also mentions an approaching star, and she takes to sitting on the roof at night to observe the sky. 

-In Prankklok, when Pickles tells Nathan that he's not allowed to drink any tequila during their friender-bender, Nathan tells him he can't visit St. Cecilia when they stop in London. Pickles reluctantly agrees. Not long after, we see Pickles on his phone, though, debating on calling her just before he notices the storm warning.

-Offscreen, St. Cecilia approaches Charles about a phrase repeated over and over in the journal: Fata sidus oritur, the star of fate is born. 

-After Charles breaks the news about Ice Festival to Skwisgaar in Bookklok, he goes to speak with St. Cecilia and Edgar in the basement. She's tacked two star maps to the wall: One from the previous week and one from the previous night. There's a spot near the center of the first map that seems bigger on the second one. She looks like the world is ending when she tells him it's the Doomstar. It's real. It's coming? When? Soon, she says. Far too soon.

-When Charles tells the boys he's going out of town in Dethcamp, it's to take St. Cecilia to an observatory, where they meet with Ishnifus and spend a few days tracking the Doomstar's movement as it comes closer and closer to Earth. 

-In Going Downklok, when Pickles shows up all decked out for his meeting with Abigail, Nathan is quick to ask, "Don't you have a girlfriend?" Pickles insists he doesn't; He and St. Cecilia was hurt and angry the last time they spoke. On top of that, he believes she's all the way in London, and Abigail is right there. 

-Offscreen, between Dethdinner and Breakup Klok, St. Cecilia is tagged in the video of Pickles leaving Dethklok by a drunken Toki. She's incredibly hurt. Pickles has nothing, he said. She, apparently, is nothing.

-In Breakup Klok, Pickles tries to call St. Cecilia to invite her to his wine tasting, but she refuses to answer and sends him straight to voicemail. Towards the end of the episode, after the escape from Salacia, Charles requests a check-up on Edgar and St. Cecilia back at Mordhaus, and Pickles is stunned and angry to learn that she's been more or less within arm's reach for months. Had he known, he's certain things would have been different-- He wouldn't have tried to make a move on Abigail and he wouldn't have fucked up his chance to get back with St. Cecilia again.

-Offscreen, St. Cecilia speaks to Charles about staying at a hotel for a few days, just until Roy Cornickelson's funeral, after which she'll return to Mordhaus and her translation work. The day of the funeral, though, she receives a call from Magnus telling her she absolutely cannot attend, as he can't guarantee her safety. It's the last time she has contact with him before his death. We also see her watching the news about Dethklok's breakup and the insinuation that Abigail caused it, and St. Cecilia chucks a bottle at the TV, mirroring Pickles's actions in SnB II.

-In Church of the Black Klok, St. Cecilia is fetched from the hotel by Klokateers and taken to the Dethsub, where she meets with Charles, pointedly ignores Pickles, and goes to work with Edgar instead. 

-The Doomstar Requiem:

-In "One of Us Must Die," St. Cecilia can be seen on one of the slides, staring up into the sky with Isambard's journal held to her chest. Towards the end of the song, reading from the book, she sings, "Dethklok, they must be rejoined/Evil, it must be destroyed/No more apathetic stoics/They can learn to be heroic/Write the song that will be our salvation..."

-In "Training," while carrying the journal, she sings the lyrics, "As the prophecy foretold, the Doomstar has been born/And you all will be endowed with a power known to none." Nathan, Skwisgaar and Murderface are looking at the art of the Prophecy, but Pickles is watching her. Ishnifus places a hand upon her shoulder, and they sing together, "The Deth lights are within you all waiting to be woken/And when the five are united, the evil will be broken," in a show of solidarity.

-In "En Antris et Stella Fatum Cruenti," just after Ishnifus is killed and the Doomstar goes red, we see a shot of Charles, Edgar and St. Cecilia at the Church, watching the sky. 

-In "Morte Lumina," in a mirror to Nathan and Abigail's kiss, we see Pickles approach St. Cecilia, and she presses a kiss to his palm (Which is a really significant gesture between them) before he pulls her into his arms. 

Trivia: 

-The stars on her cheeks are actually a makeup trick, as she's afraid to have a needle so close to her eyes. 

-She smokes Honeyrose Cherry cigarettes (Which have roughened her voice a bit), but she doesn't drink to excess, save when she's with Pickles. He's a terrible influence on her, but she adores him just the same. Considering him and Magnus, she has rather bad taste in men.

-Her signature scent is Estée Lauder's Cinnabar, which features notes of jasmine, orange blossom, cloves, and patchouli. She uses a cinnamon body oil when she wants to get Pickles's attention. It always works.

-She wants nothing more than to be loved, but she's keenly aware of the fact that most of the people who "love" her only want to coast on her fame. It's resulted in her having a hard time trusting people. The fact that Pickles and the rest of Dethklok don't need to coast off her is part of why she likes them so much.

-She's an iced coffee addict, and she prefers chocolate, caramel, or hazelnut varieties.

-She was raised Catholic, and while she lapsed a long time ago, she has occasional bouts of Catholic Guilt. Her name is related to her religion, as St. Cecilia is the patron saint of music.

-Her preferred alcohol is Bombay Sapphire gin, though she also likes white wine and champagne.

-She's a plant mom. Her flat is full of plants, including a little devil's tongue cactus she bought at a farmer's market in LA when she first came to America. It's traveled the world with her! It lived in the cupholder of Snazz's van for several years, and now it lives in her kitchen, perched on top of the microwave.

-She has a pretty serious oral fixation. She's always got something in her mouth: A cigarette, a pen, a popsicle, someone's fingers, a dick. Depends on her mood. Getting her tongue pierced helped a little, as she can play with the stud, but some habits just can't be broken.

-She and the rest of Stiletto own a condo building in London together, and she naturally has the penthouse to herself. It's very airy and open, with lots of mirrors and plants and exposed brick. One corner of her living room is just a huge window that looks out on the city. It's her favorite feature. Magnus is too nervous to go near it.