#i have like 200 hours played how am i still on my first play through you ask?

[dude-wheres-my-ankheg]

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, LARIAN.

(for anyone who never played the originals, the above snippet of the Nietzsche quote comes up right at the start of BG1. I have seen it... too many times xD)

[thecapricunt1616]

Chicory (c.b. one-shot)

Snippet (more BTC): He tugged you by your hand back to the bedroom, kissing you deeply tugging you close by your hips and his hands traveled down your back, over your ass, squeezing and you moaned a bit, cupping his jaw and rubbing your thumb gently over the stubble that had grown since he shaved in the shower yesterday morning. He hummed softly, carefully sitting on the mattress and leading you to straddle his hips, playing gently with the hem of your panties between his fingers. 

♡ Chapter Inspo: Chicory is perfect for love spells, & sex magick, it is also a natural aphrodisiac - this being because it is a great source of the androgen hormone androstenedione. ♡ Summary: You wake up to find Carmy's dirty little book he's been hiding from you, and convince him you want to try some things out from it, too. ♡ W/C: 3.5K+ ♡ Posted Date: 05/28/2024 ♡ A/N: Hellooooo!!! Happy day 3/7 of the Capri 200 Follower Celebration Extravaganza!!! You can find said extravaganza ♡ Here ♡ this celebration will be going until next Sunday (06/02/24)! We're getting todays party started early because I am physically incapable of sleep today I guess!! Lol anywhore - This O/S is based on ♡ This ♡ request, from my Darling Dirty Olive Martini otherwise known as the goddess herself @carmenberzattosgf ! Give her a follow NEOWW!!! I hope you love my dear Martini baby! Your other request is still in the works xoxoxo ♡ Warnings for BTC: Smutty smut smut, embarrassed Carmy, unprotected sex, AFAB!Fem!Reader, Reader not described pic's are purely for vibes only, swearing, and typical TB trigger warnings

♡ 𝐌𝐲 𝐋𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞-𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞 ♡ ➵ 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 / 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵 ♡ ➵ 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 ♡

You and Carmy had been dating for about 2 months, and it was an extraordinary two months. While he wasn’t the best at communication, he tried, and he tried very hard. He was an amazing learner, and would pick up what you put down the second he realized he made a mistake - do his best to fix it, and not make the same mistake again. In regards to the bedroom, your pleasure came first, it was like that from the beginning. It wasn’t something either of you discussed, it was more that Carmy was the one who did the leading most the time, and you followed & told him what did and didn’t feel good. 

Most of the time, he was dead set on solely your pleasure. You could remember the amount of times you’d had penetrative sex with him, as much as you hated that you kept track, it was just in your nature to do so. He hadn’t let you go down on him yet,saying that he was ‘all good by eating you out’. On top of your lack of experience together - he also liked to have the lights off most of the time. You were much more sex forward than he was, so you just chalked it up to being shy, and didn’t think anything of it.

That was until he was sleeping one night next to you, falling asleep after eating you out for a straight 2 hours, you couldn't even remember the exact number of times he made you cum. You also weren’t sure how his jaw didn’t lock up. 

The reason you had woken up at such an hour, was because your hand brushed something hard and papery under his pillow when you stuck your hand under it in search of his to hold. You carefully pulled the foreign book out, and in the dim moonlight that peeked through his navy blue blackout curtains, you read ‘BDSM Kinktionary - The ultimate guide’ and oh - had that thing been read. The spine had been very broken in, it was clear this specific book of his was well loved. 

You flick through it, to see that there were multiple pages that had been dog-eared for later use. You got up quietly as to not disturb him, padding out to the kitchen where he kept the light under his microwave on. Leaning over the counter and flicking through the pages, finding the first one that had been dogeared and reading it. 

Bondage - The restraint of a person, either by physical item (cuffs, rope, etc.) or instruction (known as mental bondage). Restraint can be full-body (vacuum beds, suspension) or involve a single body part such as the eyes (blindfold), mouth (ball gag), wrists or even thumbs. Bondage may include furniture like sex swings and devices like handcuffs. 

It had various photos of different things mentioned and you raised your brows. “Carmy have you been holding out on me?” you whispered to yourself, a small smile on your face as you flicked to the next page that had been marked by a fold and read ;

Cockwarming / Soaking - Where one person puts their cock into their partner’s mouth, ass, or vagina (if they have one), and leaves it there for a set amount of time to, well, ‘keep warm’. Some people use it as a punishment, some people just like the feeling of it, some use it as a more intimate & sexual form of spooning/cuddling, and some use it as a method of trying to conceive after a creampie (see pg. 32).

You see a little star next to the definition made with red ink likely from a pen, and the word ‘creampie’ was underlined as well. Your mouth dropping slightly - this is likely what he wants to try. When you and Carmy did have sex, he would usually cum on your stomach, long thick white ropes of seed painting all the way up to your ribs, dragging his fingers through it before putting it to your lips to which you gratefully accepted and licked them clean. You tightened your thighs a bit at the thought. 

The bedroom door popped open quietly “Babe?” Carmy said, voice gravelly and deep with sleep. You jump in surprise, nearly hitting your head on the side of the microwave as you were bent over trying to read without your glasses in such dim light. “Wha’s up-” he asked padding over. He saw the cover on the counter behind you, eyes widening and eyes flicking back to you. His cheeks go pink “Uhh.. how- how did you - shit - fuck - m-m’sorry babe it was- I-” he ran a nervous hand through his hair taking a big nervous breath.

“Cockwarming?” you said and he rubbed over his mouth and chin nervously 

“It’s - i-it’s- y’don’t have t’do any a’that babe it was just a um-”

“A fantasy?” you cut him off. He bit his bottom lip roughly, swallowing thickly. His whole face and neck were red with embarrassment, he looked honestly like he could cry. Like a teen who’s porno-mags had been discovered. “I think it sounds…really hot” you grabbed the book off the counter. “I know you don’t really like getting head so-”

“S’not that I don’t like it. I just…I haven’t done it alot an’I don’t wanna embarrass myself n’stuff.” he rubbed his arm nervously and you stepped a bit closer, gently resting your hand on his chest right over his heart. You could feel it thumping against your palm like a monarch trapped in a plastic cup. 

“You can’t embarrass yourself with me Carmy, we talked about it. The way our bodies react to things- how fast they react, it’s not something we can choose. I’d never judge you, is that why you didn’t wanna tell me the stuff you want to try? Cause you thought I’d think it was embarrassing?” you asked him softly.

He looked at the floor, shutting his eyes and sighing “yes” he admitted quietly, “how much did you see?” he asked nervously

“Enough, I didn’t even know that was like a thing? But it sounds hot- can we try? I mean..we dont have to- but I could go right now, if you want to” you asked. He held his hand on yours, gently squeezing it. 

“I’ve never done it-”

“So we can learn together then, right? Things are most fun that way, anyways. I love doing new things with you, Carmy. It makes me feel close to you” you admitted. 

He pulled you into a hug, nuzzling his face in your neck and holding you close. “Thank you” he muttered into your skin, the tip of his nose chilly since you two had fallen asleep with the window open last night.

“F’what baby?” you asked, rubbing over his back, your finger pads gently brushing over the little moles adorning his skin like tiny constellations you traced over in early mornings just after his alarm went off and he was still rousing for the day.

“Bein’ you” he said and kissed the fleshy bit where your shoulder met your neck and a smile graced your lips, gently petting his hair “I wanna try if you wanna try…I mean really wanna try, not just ‘cause I wanna do it, cause you actually want to” he said. 

You pulled away, tilting his head to look at you “I want to.” you said, your voice honeyed with honesty and desire. 

He tugged you by your hand back to the bedroom, kissing you deeply tugging you close by your hips and his hands traveled down your back, over your ass, squeezing and you moaned a bit, cupping his jaw and rubbing your thumb gently over the stubble that had grown since he shaved in the shower yesterday morning. He hummed softly, carefully sitting on the mattress and leading you to straddle his hips, playing gently with the hem of your panties between his fingers. 

You opened your mouth for him, gently sucking on his tongue when he slipped it in your mouth since you know how much you both liked it and he moaned softly, gripping your ass tighter and pulling at the skin. You smirked into the kiss, pulling off after a few moments with a pop 

“Want y’to touch me” you said sweetly, gently kissing the corner of his slightly parted lips, his breath coming out in soft warm pants against your cheek. 

“Mm” he hummed softly reaching one of his hands under you, gently rubbing at your clit “y’sore?” he asked softly “I wasn’t too rough earlier was I?” he questioned as you kissed down his jaw, and over the hickeys, you’d left a few days ago on his neck. He wasn’t too stressed about them because he would just tell anyone at work to fuck off and there wasn’t going to be another friends and family night for a few weeks. 

“No love, m’okay, that was so nice earlier. Made me feel sooo good, Are you ok?” you gently stroke his jaw with your hand and he smiles a bit 

“Yes babe, m’fine. Feel good?” he asked and rubbed a bit firmer, in response your hips jerked a bit in his hands and a little breathy oh escaped your throat

“Yes jus’ like that babe feels so good, I love your pretty strong hands” you lovingly kiss his temple, resting your forehead on his “I fuckin’ love it when you touch me like that, bear” you said and his cock twitches in his boxers beneath you, already hard in briefs. It never took him much, but especially when you used his name. 

That name, his nickname. The name only the closest people in his life called him, the name that coming from you - made him feel confident, strong, dominant. “Can’t fuckin’ focus when y’bein so sweet baby c’mere” he pulls his lips to yours again, pushing your panties to the side, breaking the kiss of course to ask “thas’ok right?” carefully rubbing his fingers through your slick 

“Mmhmm, Course sweet boy - Feel how wet I am? All f’you baby. Y’so sexy, and so brave for telling me what you want from me, hmm? My brave Bear” you gently play with his curls, combing through them with your fingers. He kissed you again, cock grinding up against your pelvis unintentionally. You knew how much praise turned him on, he yearned for it. He carefully pulled back your hood, brushing the rough pad his middle finger over the sensitive bud. 

You whine into his mouth, hips jerking at the sudden, intense bolt of pleasure and in retaliation you took his bottom lip between your teeth and pull gently. Your eyes then fluttered open to see his hooded blue eyes darkened with need, long eyelashes fluttering his cheeks when he blinked. 

You sucked his lip between yours, sucking gently on it as he carefully trailed his hand down your slick folds, spreading your nether lips with his fingers a sticky click being heard when that same torturous middle finger that was teasing your innocent clit a few moments prior, breached your dripping entrance. Your mouth falls open, letting his lip snap back into place and a moan tumbles from your own lips. 

“Yes- fuck yes baby” you sat back a bit to take another knuckle in and he buried his finger to the palm, curling it and uncurling it around your gummy walls, a lewd wet schlick noise coming from your pussy as he did so 

“Sound so pretty” he breathed arching his finger a bit deeper and brushing against that lovely spongey little spot that made your clit pulse and fire grow in the pit of your belly. “Want another princess?” He asked, and unable to speak, you nodded, jaw dropped. You grind down onto his hand once he added his ring finger, rolling your hips so you were essentially riding his hand as he continued rolling his fingers and pressing on that spot. 

You were feeling that heat shooting to your core, your juices leaking down his palm, and wrist, droplets racing down his veiny forearm to nestle in the crook of his elbow. “Oh- oh-fffffuuuck” you whined out, rolling your hips quicker as you chased your high. “Mm so sweet - y’so sweet Carmy- letting me use your hand like this, thank you” you give him a hot, wet kiss, lingering for a moment. 

“Lemme help you mm?” He pushed your back to lay over him fully, cheek pressed to his chest “I like takin’ care’a’my girl” he said and quickly matched your pace with his fingers, continuing to curl them into that spot with every thrust in to his palm. He groaned softly at the short high pitched little whimpers you made as you went slack over his chest, your hips twitching as your walls fluttered wildly around his fingers, sucking them back in each time he pulled out. 

“Feels so good- sososo good” you rambled, nearly drooling on his chest you were so far away in your orgasm. 

“Y’always do so good princess, always so good, can y’give me one more? Ye’? Then you can fall asleep on m’cock mm? You’d like that I bet, you always whine when I pull outta you” he said hotly in your ear, voice thick with lust and pure need. This was the game you two played, he would fuck you absolutely dumb, so that he got comfortable enough to talk dirty thinking you wouldn’t remember what he said or that you were too caught up in your own nearly atomic orgasms he was determined to lure out of you to be able to hear him properly. 

“Need it- need it- want you-“ you choke on your words, hips arching into his touch as he continued his assault on your gspot, this time adding his forefinger. “There- there right fuckin there I’m- I’m gonna make a mess shit fuck-“ you sob out, thighs nearly shaking with pleasure. “Carmy Carmy- Carmy- oh!” His name fell from your lips like an invocation. 

“Thas it pretty girl. Fuck- so fuckin hot- make a fuckin mess all over me angel.” He massaged that spot with his fingers, the heel of his palm giving delicious friction to your clit that was causing your brain and your mouth to disconnect, the string of lewd swears and filthy moans going unheard by you as you were pretty sure your vision went white behind your shut lids and your legs went fully numb for a moment. 

You came back a few minutes later to him whispering praise into your hairline, littering little kisses over it and gently brushing your wet sweaty hair from your forehead. “So so good baby. Always so good f’me huh? Y’gonna let me take care’a’you now?” 

You picked your cheek up from his chest, your skin sticking to his and pulling away like scotch tape, slow since you weren’t in a rush to move being so exhausted and very comfortable where you were. “Hey you, gonna lemme clean you up so we can try this thing out?” He carefully brushed your baby hairs from your face that were wild and curly with sweat from the encounter. 

In response you hum softly, in agreement, throat feeling dry as you sat up to let him move. He carefully reached over you, opening his night drawer and grabbing the feminine wipes he kept in there for you, as well as grabbing your water bottle from the tabletop.

He holds the straw to your lips “big sip f’me, ye’?” He cradled the back of your head gently. You leaned in, taking the sip he requested, and as soon as the icy water he assured your cup stayed filled with passed your lips one sip turned in to a few big gulps, eyes shutting in bliss. “Goood girl.” He praised gently. Hearing the bubbles at the bottom a few moments later, meaning you’d hit ice and it was empty so you pulled away, your tongue darting out to lick your dry lips

“Thanks” you said softly and pecked his shoulder with your chilly ice water lips gently. 

“You go do what you gotta do, I’m gonna fill this up mm?” He kissed your head and got up, heading to the kitchen. You went to the restroom, making sure to wash your hands which you know he did as well since you heard the kitchen sink while you were sitting on the toilet rubbing your tired face. 

By the time you got back, he was already switching out the fitted sheet for a clean dry one, in clean boxers - his problem still evident, standing tall and tugging at the fitted fabric. “Carm” you said softly and he looked up at you 

“Hey baby- y‘waters there got you a granola bar if you want it too. Wasn’t sure if y’just wanted to go to sleep but i'd love if you had a bite or two- 

” he goes on. The only time you had a hard time getting him to stop talking was when he felt as if you needed taking care of, turning into the male version of his sister, as you’d quickly found out how she treated him the few times you’d met her. 

“Carmy” you said again, stopping his rambling. “What about the book- the cockwarming thing? Did you…you don’t wanna do that with me anymore?” You slipped out of your now wet panties and flicked them into the laundry basket. 

“Oh- oh-“ he watched them fly and land on your shared pile of dirty clothes from the week of you sleeping over. “Uh- no- I-I mean yes yes I wanna do it with you, I can um…let me get a condom just in case I like- accidentally-“ you stopped him once more

“If you came inside me on accident I think that would be really hot.” 

He stopped digging through the drawer and looked over at you, cheeks flush. “Did you…take your thing?” He asked, like it was a secret. You laughed a bit at his boyish awkwardness regarding woman’s products. 

“I don’t take a thing the thing meaning my implant is in my arm. I’m never at risk with it for pregnancy, well - shouldn’t be - but it’s like a 98% thing…I also am pretty irregular? So I dunno” you shrugged a bit “but irregular means I probably won’t be pregnant, especially on birth control, so.” You explained. 

“Okay- um- yeah. Yeah.” He said, pulsepoint visible in his neck from how hard his heart was pumping in anticipation for what was to come next. “So- alright. You- you wanna be on top? I- I don’t wanna like..crush you” he said and you nod excitedly 

“I love sleeping on you! I’m gonna fall asleep, is that ok?” You asked as he slipped his boxers off, cock kissing his naval in greeting as it springs up from its previous restraints. The tip was so pretty and cherry pink, glistening with precum at the tip. Every time you saw it like this you just wanted to fall to your knees and take as much of the beautiful thick length down your throat as you could - but that was a line to still not be crossed by you two. 

“Ye’ s’fine baby. As long as y’re ok w’me wakin’ up hard as fuck I’m probably gonna dream about fuckin you feelin you like that all night” he admits, laying in the middle since you were sleeping together and getting comfortable for you. You crawled on the bed and took his shirt that you’d been wearing fully off so you could be chest to chest, and drape over him like earlier. 

This time, he spread you out with his hands, one on each cheek and guided your hips so his tip was nestled snugly against your entrance. “I’m okay as long as you’re okay” you said truthfully and sunk back on his throbbing cock. He grunted a bit, biting his lip and shutting his eyes for a moment. You knew he did that now when he didn’t want to cum too quickly, just from being with him a few times, you picked up on stuff like that just like he did. 

“Y’so fuckin tight” he breathed once he was able to relax again, wrapping his strong arms around your back and you thought he was going to push you down, seat you fully on his cock - but, no he…he’s hugging you. He’s continuing to let you sink down as slow as you want. When you finally were seated to the hilt, he places a chaste kiss to your jaw. “Thank you.” He nuzzled his nose into your neck, lashes kissing and tickling your cheek as his eyes flutter shut. 

“Thank you Bear. Always treat me so nice” you continued gently playing with his curls as his hands gently rubbed over your upper back, tracing the curvature of your shoulders with his fingers. 

“Oh I’d say it’s the other way around princess, you always make sure I get what I want - y’too good” 

To that, you just smiled, falling asleep a tiny smirk on your face - knowing it was the other way around, you knew he’d never agree. 

But you both wouldn’t have it any other way.

[lvverleavr]

Mutually Exclusive | Entry One

Entry One: Memories Relived

༘ Jake x f oc (Annalise)

༘2.7k words

༘warnings: language, illusions to sex

A/N: This is a first chapter to test the waters on if I should carry out a full fic of this so I'd love any feedback 🤍

Summary: In an ongoing letter to Annalise, Jake tells the perspective of his early adult life— living out his dream with his brothers and her seemingly always by his side. But when the band gets signed to a record label based out of Nashville, Anna struggles with the ability to pack up and leave. With a complicated dynamic by the day his flight leaves, Jake outlines his struggles and worries from the day he left Anna. All things that flood back the moment she shows up out of nowhere three years later.

Entry One:

I vividly remember the first time I met you, you’re barely your own person at fourteen but you were already so– you. Josh had joined the theater club and he couldn’t shut up about you. He went on and on for hours about how you jumped on stage, singing when you were told to sing and even crying with real tears on command. It didn’t take long for me to be captivated by you as well– usually I found the best reason to be out of the house when Josh had the theater group over for practices but once you began to tag along, my social life seemed to free up.

These run ins seemed to be more frequent– you quit the theater club after your first year but you never stopped coming around. Your mother rarely left her bed much past getting a glass of water and your father worked himself to death by the time you were sixteen. Our house quickly became yours too and I never minded, you stayed up even later than me and you spoke in your sleep– I could hear it through the walls when the guest bedroom slowly became entirely yours to decorate, filling it with posters of Jeff Buckley and Stevie Nicks until nearly every inch of the wallpaper had disappeared. My younger brother began to tease me for how much time I spent with you– claiming it was some hopeless crush I had, chasing after a girl who had no idea I was infatuated with her, it made me wonder at times if he saw something that even I didn’t see. Even with the comments they never seemed to phase me, never seemed to shutter the bond that you and I had created. I was really locked in on the band once we hit our senior year, convincing Josh to dedicate a few days a week to the garage and even picking Sam and his best friend Danny up early from school some Fridays for gigs without our mom knowing. You always took our pictures, claiming if we were gonna be a good band we needed some half decent shots. My father lent you his old camera and you became our very own band photographer. Still to this day we’ll all agree that you were just finding a way to feel included on nights we had gigs. By the time we graduated I couldn’t imagine having anyone else behind the stage with us.

We even went to the same school after graduation, you stayed on campus to live out some 2000’s college girl movie dream but I stayed back home and drove to campus each morning. College bars paid us $200 a night for playing from eleven until three am and we took as many as we could get. I promised my parents I’d stay in school while we played, giving me some form of plan b I never intended on using but it was either that or she’d stop letting us take Sam into bars for our shows. Small dive bars at two am quickly turned into real gigs all around town, soon we felt like a real band with a direction being paved for us. Those memories have always been accompanied by the last semester I ever enrolled in.

•••

We moved you back into your dorm, the ice still covered the walkway as we carried the rest of your boxes inside the old building– smelling of damp carpeting and old heat units. You always needed more than you packed and it drove Josh insane every year.

“You have a kitchen, why do you need a second fridge for your bedroom–” He mumbles, trudging up towards the flight of stairs.

“I don’t know my roommate, I don’t want her stealing my drinks while I’m sleeping,” You shrug, swiftly cutting past him and down a small hallway, Josh turning to look at me as I meet him with a matching shrug.

He glances down, watching you tap an elevator button with your elbow which causes him to shake his head, “could’ve told me there was a fucking elevator for our first four trips up to your room,” He mumbles under his breath, looking over his shoulder as I pass, offering a gently pat on his arm before sliding past.

“I thought you knew!” You say defensively as I watch a small smirk spread on your lips. “There’s a big sign when you first walk in that even says it.”

Josh opened his mouth for a rebuttal, quickly clamping it shut with another shake of his head and tapping the third floor button. I couldn’t help but let out a small giggle, Josh’s gaze shooting to me immediately “What are you laughing at Jake?” He snaps, “All you’re carrying is a comforter, you wanna switch?”

I shrug, dropping the comforter by his feet before holding out my arms, grabbing the small fridge from his arms. “You’re a real complainer nowadays,” I say out to him as the elevator doors open, making my way down the hall first to see your apartment door open, “I thought you said you closed this,” I call back to Josh, the two of you trailing behind me.

“I did!” He calls out, “Maybe it's the wind.”

“No wind!” A voice called from inside the door, I took the first few steps in, noticing a set of boxes sat on the couch right inside the door. A short girl rounded from the small kitchenette, she held a grocery bag in her hand and her tight brown curls were pulled back by an old faded bandana. “Are you… my roommate?” She asks skeptically, smiling as I meet her with a quick denial.

“No sorry I’m– um– just helping with the move–” I explain, watching you round the corner.

“I’m your roommate,” You smile, extending your hand out from underneath the box. “I’m Annalise but you can call me Anna.”

The girl smiles, shaking your hand before shaking mine and Josh’s, “Juliet–” She replies, “and you are?” She asks, her gaze lingering on me a beat longer than anyone else.

The eye contact caused my cheeks to heat up slightly as if on their own, “Right. I’m Jake-” I introduce myself, her fingers slowly grazing my palm as she pulls away from the shake.

“Lovely to meet you…” She smiles, turning her attention back to you, “Especially you, Anna– I took the liberty of loading my stuff into the smaller room, had a feeling you already set up in the bigger one.”

I could feel your eyes on me as her touches seemed to linger on my skin, you rolled your eyes at me slightly before finally turning your attention back to what she was saying. “I’ll just be setting up all my stuff just let me know if you need me,” You smiled to her, Josh and I following closely behind you. “Do not even think about it.” You said to me the moment the door closed. I could barely put down the things in my hand before feeling your scowl on me.

“What are you talking about-” I ask, Josh giggling as he sat up on your bed, taking the liberty to rip open a few boxes while you stayed focused on me.

“I saw her looking at you. Do not under any circumstances try to fuck my new roommate.” Your gaze narrowed, pulling a box from my hands and taking it into your own.

“Who said I wanted to!” I ask defensively. You weren't wrong, she intrigued me to say the least but was it really that bad of a thing?

“Because I know you. Don’t do it” You warn, “I have to live with her for the rest of the year. I do not need to put up with hearing about you like that for the next five months.”

“She kind of looks like you a little” Josh chimes in as he picks through the box of snacks he very thoughtfully chose to open first.

“Ew no c’mon don’t say that” I groan, shaking my head. He was right, her hair was the exact same color, her eyes shone the same shade of green and even her smile had a slight crook to it like yours did.

“No Josh you’re absolutely right and you know what Jacob I hope it ruins it for you” You bite, tossing your comforter from the floor and onto the bed beside Josh.

“Whatever okay” I roll my eyes, watching as you open up another box “I'm not that terrible to hear about, don't act like i'm horrible.”

•

Those next few weeks I crashed on your couch between classes, even spending nights there after late Sunday gigs. It was better than driving back and forth to the house and Juliet never seemed to mind. One club had a standing gig with us on the first Sunday of the month, we played the last set of the night and we even started getting a regular crowd to show up and see us. It was small but had a real backstage, it felt like the real deal to us. “I’m not even here stop looking at me,” You giggled, waving Josh off as he kept glancing into the camera lens. “Jake you're next-”

Your voice was faint, my focus on the conversation I was having with Juliet as she tagged along for the night. Her hair was down, draped over her shoulders and it framed the heart shaped neckline of her top. I wish I could say I barely noticed how low cut it was but that would be a lie and she knew it. “No, I never really get the chance to go out to shows. I'm really excited to see you out there.” She smiles, leaning against the beam running floor to ceiling beside one of the curtains.

“The real show is from the front, you should make your way out to the floor to see.” I smile, feeling her fingers brushing my arm. She didn’t even hide that she was flirting with me and at one point I stopped caring and started flirting back.

“Jake-” You repeat, pulling me from my conversation as I look over.

“My turn?” I ask, still feeling Juliet’s eyes wandering across the features of my face as you nod. “Don’t move, hm?” I smile at her, offering a small wink before walking over to you. “Alright where do you want me?”

“Just go fix your hair in the mirror, I need more candid stuff” You say, your tone flattening from what I heard you using with Josh.

“You don't have to get all weird,” I mumble, taking my fingers to gently rake them through my hair. “It's harmless flirting,” You don't reply, the click of your camera is all I can hear, so I keep talking, “Even if something happens you don't have to know about it-”

“Stop talking your messing up the shot,” You finally say, and all I can do is sigh in response. “You can do whatever you want, I just don't need to hear about you two if it happens.” You continue after a few moments of silence, “it's gross.”

I can't help but chuckle, rolling my eyes “You're so dramatic.” Finally turning to look at you, “Like I didn’t have to hear about that god awful sociology TA you had ‘sexual tension’ with all last year.”

You grab a pillow from the small chair in the room, throwing it at me as I start to laugh. “We did, he wanted me and that's why I passed with a 97 on my exam. You're just gonna take the only friend I made here and fuck her.”

I roll my eyes, “You can be friends with her and I can fuck her, they’re not mutually exclusive.”

•

I spent that night on the couch, Juliet leaving for her own bedroom not long before you went to bed as well. I shifted on the couch, finally settling in before needing to shift again. It must've been near two am by the time I felt sleep crowding my vision, jolting back awake to the quiet sound of a door knob twisting open. The soft light from Juliet’s bedroom filled the space just inside the living room, enough for my eyes to adjust to her outline, she glanced at me, offering me a small smile as she noticed I was awake. “Did I wake you up?” She whispers softly, I shake my head in response, “Oh good-” Her eyes linger on me for a moment before making her way past me to the kitchen. I couldn't help but watch as she passed, the warm light outlined her silhouette, her shorts barely covered to her thighs and her shirt lifted up her stomach slightly as she reached into the cabinet for a glass.

“It’s very rude to stare,” I hear her whisper, my cheeks warming slightly as I realize she noticed my lingering stares.

“Oh um I’m-” I start, noticing a smile on her lips as she looks at me.

“I don't mind,” She replies, filling the glass halfway with water before leaning against the counter. Her fingers gripped the edge of it as she brought the glass to her lips. I sat up further, seeing her rested against the counter as she looked at me from over the back of the couch. “Anna didn't seem too happy that you were flirting with me tonight.” She says after a few moments of silence. “You two have something going on?”

I can't help but laugh, quickly clearing my throat to cover it up “Sorry no… no nothing,” I correct her, shaking my head, “She just doesn't wanna hear if something happens… The girls she’s friends with and the girls I date aren't allowed to mix apparently.”

She nods, setting her glass on the counter before stepping towards me. “It doesn't matter though if she doesn't know they mix,” she smiles, “right?” She was standing at the arm of the couch by now and I couldn't seem to pull my eyes away from her, all I could muster up was a small nod. “I’m just saying I’m not one to kiss and tell…”

I sat up the rest of the way, allowing her to sit in front of me on the couch. “You're not one to be subtle are you?” I finally ask, watching as she rests her elbow on the back of the couch, shaking her head as she rests it on her palm.

“I’m not… But then again you're not very subtle yourself” She smiles, watching my eyes trail to your bedroom door. “She's not gonna wake up… We both know that.” She says softly, my attention turning back to her as I feel her fingers graze my knee. Everything in those next moments felt like a blur, a sped up memory and before I could think her lips were on mine. My hand cupped her jaw as her lips pressed to mine, parting slightly as her tongue slid past my lips and dipped into my mouth. My thumb circled her jaw softly as my other hand dropped to her hip, my teeth gently tugging at her bottom lip which pulled a quiet moan from her. My mind swirled as I continued to kiss her, my lips were sore but I craved to taste her even more.

“We should stop” She whispers against my lips, I nod and kiss her harder and she gently tugs at my hair. “Or you can come in my bedroom-” Her words fell from her lips in nearly a whimper, I nodded eagerly, barely able to stand and follow her to her room before I kissed her again.

The night with her came in flashes, the sheer impulsivity of the decision stayed in my mind in bits and pieces but the most I could remember was waking up the next morning. She laid beside me, the blanket covering her bare chest as the sun just barely lit up parts of the room. I knew I wasn't supposed to be in there but I barely remembered even falling asleep beside her. I slid on my shorts quietly, slipping out of her room in an attempt to make my way back to the couch before you left your room, but stopping dead in my tracks as you stood in the kitchen.

“Anna-” I whisper. I don't know why the sight of you had me frozen in place, like I was caught in some terrible act. You glanced up at me, looking me over for only a moment before picking up your mug and walking into your bedroom without another word.

[projectmoon-smash-or-pass]

propaganda:

✅️ "as Tumblrs token straight male, let me tell you why Hong Lu is the hottest Project Moon boy. Nay, the hottest Project Moon character. First off, it's established early on in Canto V that Hong Lu's family put him through extensive physical training so if you're smashing him, he'll probably be able to keep it up HOURS longer than you can. Second off, he's nice and has a sense of humor and has long hair. Third off, he has Roseate Desire as an E.G.O so he won't make fun of whatever kinks or fetishes you have because that'd be friendly fire. We've even got Dimension Shredder for the flesh fans. There's also several signs that there's something wrong with him meaning YOU get to fix him! He's basically flawless. The only issue is that his family based on the only relative we see probably won't approve because lets be honest here the demographic of people who'd read this blog and rich people has almost no overlap, but if what I've heard about Wuthering Heights is true, Limbus Heathcliff might back you up on this one."

❓ "i think the sex would be great but he would constantly be going like "wow! golly!" and you just have to be ready for that."

✅️ "smash hong lu and we both have a great time but when hes not looking i steal his wallet and gender"

✅️ "a wise man once said that hong lu made his sexuality take a 45 degree turn and you know what. no matter how goofy as hell he is i am still fucking him"

✅️ "Hong Lu is the most perfect character there is. I love him. I'd press smash 200 times for him"

✅️ "i need to cum inside hong lu and call him pretty"

✅️ "my partner says "he is so attractive i would like to study him under a microscope smash dmash immediately please one chance hong lu ill do anythign pPLEASE" he doesnt even play this game"

[riririkinzi]

GOLDEN HORIZONS AND BOLD TIDES

Hey guys! You remember my update about my Goldenheart Little mermaid fic that's been discontinued because I don't like the summary I made and that I'm gonna rewrite it in a different plot? Well I am while collabing with @long-distance-muse we've come up with some HC/Summary and stuff before the actuall fic cause why not (＾＾)人(＾＾)

HERE ARE SOME HEADCANONS/SUMMARY

• Valerin Adopted Bal when he was 2 years old, since his parents were killed that time and the incident gave him a scar on his face which makes him a prince of the merfolk kingdom

• Bal is a curious mer since forever, quite and shy yet he had an enchanting voice that would make anyone fall for him.

• Valerin would often tell stories of the world above from her point of view cause she knew how curious Bal is, and he loves hearing them.

• Merfolks below 16 are allowed to go above the surface if their acompanied by anyone above 16 which is the age of their adulthood.

• A merfolks life span is up to 300 years but when a human and a mers lips joined together for the first time, a mers lifespan would be cut into 200 and the human's lifespan would be the same.

• Merfolks would began to age really slowly when they reach 20 and so would a human if the 2 would kiss.

• When merfolks die their body dissolves into seafoam after their last breath and left what they last wore during their deaths.

• Bal own a garden where his most colorful flowers are gathered together of a circle like the sun.

• When Bal was 13 the noticed the guards brought home a statue of a young man around his age or maybe a year older and it was a head till it's chest.

• Bal somehow was mesmerized by it's young and handsome face, so he ask Valerin to keep the staue as a display for his garden and placed it in the center of the flowerbed and stare at it all day.

• Bal was also known for staring above, when the seas were calm, he would perch himself on a rock and stare upward for hours, watching the dim and distant star, lost in his own thoughts.

• On his 16th birthday the first thing he saw were the fireworks blasting off with different bright colors and stars in the sky so he sat on the nearest rock to gaze at it all night till the morning.

• A while after that night he found Nimona when she was in their shark form when he was collecting human items and together they would explore shipwrecks for human items.

• Nimona could have been adopted but prefer to be his Ward and Bal just accepts it.

• Nimona's still a shapeshifter and mistreated but the humans so she fled to the sea and decided to have her signature form as a mershark.

• At the age of 20, when Bal and Nimona went to the surface he spotted a ship with so many lights and music playing with the fireworks launching at the sky.

• Bal and Nimona reached the lifeboats to get a closer look, and from Bal's pov, he was amazed from the sight, so much joy, laughter, lanters glowing bright and music playing beautifuly with crafted instruments, and people were celebrating.

• But what caught his attention was him, Ambrosius, a Noble from a long bloodline of Knights, the center of attention and the man from his statue that must have grown.

• His heart was fluttered for he could not take his eyes of Ambrosius not even Nimona's voice can stop him.

• Soon a great big storm came, damaging everything from the ship, people panicked as Bal and Nimona got off the boats cause the humans are about to escape.

• Ambro wasn't able to reach the surface as he was drowning, Bal knew he was gonna die and had to save him and swim as fast as he can.

• The storm had calm while sun rose at it's peak, as Bal place Ambro laying down on the sand.

• For a moment Bal couldn't help but gaze at Ambro, his scaley hand carrassing his strong strucured face.

• He slowly placed a soft kiss in his forehead, breathing as Ambro had slowly opened his heavy eyelids halfway through but closes them again.

• Suddenly Bal heard footsteps of running and some shouting, meaning humans are coming so he heads back to the water as fast as he could and hid himself behind the rock.

• As the humans ran towards Ambro, they immediently carried his unconcoius body as Bal watches over while hiding.

• As he swam back to the sea, he couldn't stop thinking about the night he saved Ambro, how he first caught an eye on him and gaze into him.

• Every night he swims to the same shore where he dropped him off, sat on the rock on the shore, watches over Ambro sitting on the balcony as the moon shines bright, wandering on who saved him.

• He was desperate to tell Ambro that it was Bal who saved him and desperate to become human.

• He had no choice but to seek the sea witch as Nimona carefully and quietly follows him.

• Once he enters it's home, the seawitch didn't show her face but only it's eyes and tentacles.

• Bal asked and begged the witch to become human and so the witch agrees to do so.

• She warns him that if he gains true loves kiss with Ambro, before the morning after a year of being human, he'll have the ability to become human and merman anytime he wants, but if he doesn't he'll die and turns into seafoam.

• She also warns him that every step he takes would feel like he's walking on knives and broken glass.

• The seawitch reminds him that her offer isn't free since he must pay the price and that price would be 2 things he owns: his Arm and his tounge.

• So Bal accepts the offer as he lets the witch cuts his arm off and his tounge with her tentacles.

• After giving his tounge and arm to the seawitch, she immediently gathered everything to make the potion.

• Before handed the bottle to Bal once she's done, she also reminded him that he has to drink it on land before sunrise, and once he drinks it he'll feel the pain as if a swords pierce right through his body.

• Once Bal left the seawitch with the bottle he held onto, Nimona swam towards him begging him not to do this cause she doesn't want to lose him, his kissed her forehead and continues to swam up to the surface.

• Once he reaches the land, while the moon is at it's peak, he instantly drank the potion till it's empty, he groaned as if a knife plunged through him then his body collapsed as everything went to darkness.

• When Bal wakes up, the first thing he saw was Ambro looking at him, asking his name, and if he's alright, but since Bal couldn't speak, he stayed silent.

• Bal is taken in by an enchanted Ambrosius who feels a strange inclination to the mysterious stranger.

• He gets cleaned up and dressed in finery, which is when Nimona sneaks in and chews him out since Queen Valerin is worried and they’re mad that he just left them despite her asking not to leave them too (could be used to set up conflict on a sequel) but they ultimately understand how love can make people do stupid things so she lends her help as long as Bal doesn’t do anything stupid like turn into seafoam.

• In his rooms which Ambro gave Bal to rest in, he was trying to practice walking, it was hard and painful at first due to the seawitch's warning, but he learns to get ignore her and gotten used to walking more.

• Bal haves dinner with Ambs and they get to know each other better. Ambs starts theorizing that Bal might be royal because of his etiquette, wit and hopes so cause he down bad right now.

• The next day, they go on a date in the village, and they accidentally cause a scene where Bal’s feet hurt too much that he collapses and Ambs catches him. But that makes the hood he wears fall down, revealing that the noble was in town with a stranger.

• This makes it to the director, who is a guest who was staying with the insistence of Amb’s parents to help them set him up for a political marriage that would increase their political power while making Ambs happy. But the director just wanted another noble in the palm of her hands.

• For almost a year, the Director starts sabotaging their hangouts and tries to constantly embarrass Bal to the point that he is ‘commoner’, there are rare times that her plan worked but most of them didn't.

• Nimona catches on to her plan and informs Bal, who goes toe to toe with the director in the court.

• Ambs sees Bal in his element, and realizes that it was Bal who saved him from the storm, he wants to marry him whether he’s a noble or a commoner.

• Director realizes that the stranger is more of a threat than she realizes, so she switches tactics and instead of trying to chase him out, resolves to kill him.

• Nim, Bal, and Ambs notice and react differently. Nim tries to find a solution to bring Bal back to the sea where he’s safer. Bal starts second guessing because of one trap where Nimona got hurt in. and Ambrosius realizes that the person he loves is in danger and resolves to confront and stop the director before she kills him.

• Ambs confronts the director and is backed into a corner of either he marries the woman she arranges for him or his lover dies and he agrees to save Bal, and Bal overhears that Ambs agreed to marry another and is heartbroken.

• Looking for Nimona to make sure they go back safely and to turn into seafoam from despair.

• For the afternoon till sunset, he sat on a rock at the shore thinking about his death, and for the first time now as a human, tears from his eyes had shed down through his face from all the pain and suffering he's in, all of those sacrifices for nothing.

• Nimona finds Ballister in tears, learns about what happened, and shows him the dagger that she trades her hair for the seawitch, and tells him that he can return to a merman if he just draws Amb’s blood.

• Bal is conflicted but he doesn’t wanna leave Nimona alone with all the hair they have given up for (cause death is significantly harder to arrange visits for) and hides the dagger under his pillow.

• Ambs bursts in, sees Nimona and Bal, Nimona shifts and hides behind Bal and Ambs is afraid. Now Bal realizes he truly has to pick between the sea and land.

• Bal shields Nimona behind him and approaches Ambs, hugging him sadly before leading him to his bed. He beckons Nimona closer.

• Nimona explains situation, Ambs shares his side, lovers realize they can’t be together and Ambs takes the knife and lightly drags it over his heart, just enough to cause blood to spill on Bal.

• Bal faints from the pain of transforming again then lands on Amb's arms, he carries his body to the sea, where Queen Valerin waits for them after Nimona spilled the beans.

• Bal spent the next few weeks in his room in sadness thinking how he never got to say goodbye to Ambro, that 2 worlds can't be together, and most importantly that he trade his tounge, his arm for nothing, forever will he spent the rest of his 300 years of living in silence, but alteast he'll keep his memories of him.

• Valerin ensuing shovel talk and slight respect for the human who cared enough for her son to agree to a loveless marriage.

• Not only Ambro's parents find out the Director's plan but also that Bal was a merman and it was him that saved Ambro, and gave him their blessings immediently.

• Ambs sets Bal down and kisses him on the lips, magic sparkles, Bal got his voice back and finally can now be human-merman.

• Val is impressed by the power of their love and grants Ambs the power to turn into a merman, his life span would extend into 200 years with Bal and offers them to wed in the oceanic courts.

• They wed, kiss, all the wedding night stuff if you’re into that and officially adopt Nimona.

• Head back to land the next day to a fuming Director, shows off the wedding rings, Queen Val shows up in her ocean queen glory and demands the director’s arrest for threatening her heir.

The redesign of Merman Bal is coming soon along with some art and more. But right now enjoy on this list that me and the amazing @long-distance-muse made together

(This is a mixture of the Hans Christian Anderson, Disney and some little inspiration of @mvjerbs Prince Ballister AU)

[seat-safety-switch]

The world is changing now. Soon, it will leave me and all the knowledge I accumulated during my life behind. It's not too late for me to get into the permanent record, though, with this information about a long-lost art of car ownership. I speak, of course, of the car stereo installation.

Nowadays, car stereos are largely an extension of your phone. And why shouldn't they be? Your phone can access any music you desire, conjure up pornographic visions from the ether itself, and tell you how to get out of the corn maze that you and your borderline-sentient 1979 Firebird Formula have gotten stuck in during your latest secret-agent shenanigans. Car manufacturers make terrible stock stereos, and so it just makes sense for them to step aside and turn them into "big screen that phone makes go."

It is for this same reason that, before the ubiquitous smartphone era, we wanted to swap the stereos in our shit-box Hondas. In the late 90s and early 00s, new standards were coming out practically every weekend. You didn't want to be the dope with an AM/FM/Tape combo when it was possible to be the brave technologist who accidentally bought a stereo on sale that only understood uncompressed Mini-Discs and the Diamond Rio 600. You could go to the store and buy a "head unit" (car stereo dweeb speak for "car stereo") and jam it into the dashboard, yourself. Sure, there were semi-professional installers out there, usually working at that very same store. Those installers cost money, though, and surely you can connect between 15 and 200 wires together in a way that doesn't burn your car down, right?

Wiring a stereo wasn't really that hard. It was just one of those death-by-a-thousand-papercuts deals. You pull out the old stereo, a task which ranges between "annoying" and "holy shit I don't think my car will ever go together again." Then, you unplug it from the wiring harness. They call it a wiring harness, because you get whipped by it and still somehow enjoy the experience.

It's at this point that the driveway-installing amateurs are separated from the driveway-installing pros. A smart person gets a little plug-in wiring adapter that translates from the car's wiring to the stereo's wiring. Someone who forgot to buy the little wiring adapter from the stereo store, and doesn't want to go back there because their car is torn into a million pieces, decides to hack and slash, twisting and soldering the car into the stereo permanently. This works too, but it will be a problem in about two weeks, when the MP3-CD player you just spent your paycheque on becomes obsolete, and is replaced by a Tokyo-24-HotSauce-WMV-DVD player.

Now comes the harrowing. You have just made your car's stereo harness much, much longer, and also likely much fatter. You gotta cram that shit back in the hole it came out of, ideally without getting in the way of anything else inside the dashboard. This is the point at which you must decide whether you will spend eight more hours routing wires, potentially re-doing the wiring work you just completed, or explain to your significant other that the heater controls only go two-thirds of the way to "cool" now. You will pass through this crucible and emerge a stronger, angrier person. You will have opinions on electrical tape for the first time in your life. Your neighbours will call the cops to have you killed after you swear loudly enough to wake their babies. The cops will laugh as you nearly pass out from heat exhaustion underneath your dashboard.

And in the end, you will be able to play an MP3 file from a burned CD. Congratulations. It was all worth it, until you go over a slight bump and the damn thing skips a bunch. I hear the new ones on the shelves now have a bigger anti-skip buffer. And those stock speakers, well, they sound like shit, now that you have this fancy new stereo blaring 64kbps Napster rips through it. Maybe pick up a new amplifier while you're at it, and an upgraded alternator to handle all that new current demand, and...

[pretty-idol-hell]

Okay, so, here is my PriMagi debut story!!

I arrived at Prism Stone Tokyo more or less straight off the plane, a full day of travel and less than three hours sleep, a complete disaster lugging a big suitcase behind me. It was literally my first stop when I got off the train from Narita (well, after the conbini for a pizza bun).

Upon seeing someone on the PriMagi machine, I decided to get in line for PriPara instead. I hoped the PriMagi machine might be free by the time I was done and I was right! Yes! I really didn't want anyone lined up behind me while I was fumbling through it.

.........

As soon as I put the coins in a new person immediately lined up behind me (godammit).

It was basically an exact repeat of what happened to me during my PriPara debut!!! (Someone breathing down my neck as I clearly have noooo idea what I am doing. I mean... Took almost the full countdown to realize ITS A F*ING TOUCH SCREEN. Uuughgh.)

Also, first version Luna has pink highlights (as seen in the video) because I didn't know how to change it then.

Still, although embarrassing (I didn't even know how to scan the cards....) I guess it was kinda cool to debut at Tokyo Station Prism Stone! (Also reminiscent of my PriChan debut, which was at Prism Stone Nagoya.)

So after this, I checked into my hotel, showered and all that, and went out to find an arcade with more machines so I could work things out. And I did! A Taito station with like six or eight machines AND a recorder!!?! So I sat down, put in my money and realized.... I left my profile card back at the hotel....

So, I decided I would just play one game with Auru and then move on. But then this came out of the machine.

Naturally I wanted my character to wear it immediately.

I thought about just making another one but... in the end, I decided no. NO. You are not abandonding initial PriMagi Luna! She debuted at Tokyo Station Prism Stone!

So, I went all the way back to the hotel, all the way back to the arcade, fixed my highlights, learned how to scan cards...

And slowly began to work out the other mechanics of the game.

I also learned that this game gives out URs like candy haha ha... (maybe because it's ending?)

So, first impressions.

I definitely don't like that it costs 200 yen. (All the previous games cost 100.)

But, after playing it's kinda understandable?

I mean just LOOK at these cards. These are actual printed cards from the machine!? How does that work. It's like... ma... magic... (you got me there).

PriMagi also feels like a more umm immersive experience than the previous games? It's LONG. There are a lot of scenes you can skip past, but if you actually watch all of them I feel like it takes at least twice as long as an average game of PriPara.

The rhythm game is kinda random and doesn't flow nearly as well as the previous games. Touch this, now touch that, now touch this. Also, I keep forgetting to select the harder difficulty and the easier one is super boring. Also, I can't figure out the PriMagi equivalent of Cyalume Change (like I mean the button mashing)... my PriPara/PriChan technique hurts my knuckles on the diamond buttons, and my Idol Land technique on the screen is no good either.

And shopping for coords right in the middle of the song? Yeah. HATE IT. I can't imagine ever getting used to that. Even my friend who knows nothing about Pretty Series who was watching over my shoulder was like WTF it's forcing you to pay more? And I was like..... not exactly forcing me...... but............

But.

But the colors, the sounds, the characters. It's all very intoxicating and just designed to draw you in... for some reason 100 yen coins just keep falling out of my pockets... and into this game....

[nightthinker-08]

lil DOS2 rant?

Le sighhhhhh Finally finished DOS2 again, and I do adore this game a lot and has easily become my favorite. I love the combat of the game and the implementation of magical and physical armor really makes you think on your builds and strategies. And I know some might disagree cuz not a lot like turn based combat apparently? The story is so rich from start to finish, absolutely no parts of it bored me. The dialogues are fun and witty, catching me off gaurd and making me laugh way more than I thought it would. And the characters are so well written, you fall in love with almost all of them, especially the origin characters and the people you sail with in Lady Vengeance. But for all that praise, whenever I think of the romance in the game I can't help but feel its more than a little lacking. I love the characters to death I, wouldn't've have played the game twice already and have over 200+ hours on it if I didn't- but interactions with them are so few and far between. You don't even have one quiet moment with them. Well... I mean you do get one moment alone with them, but to call it a quiet one would be so... hilariously untrue for a number of reasons Anyway me being me took the little romance I can get in stride on my first play through, thinking "oh if I progress their quest they give me important dialogue!" So I focused a lot on the one person I wanted to romance (it was Sebille) and absolutely eating up any romantic dialogue that pops up (most of them catching me off gaurd cuz again we didn't talk much through out our journey and suddenly she's cozying up on me-). Only to have missed a lot in my first playthrough (not really a big complaint cuz I like you can do a lot of different things to get to the same point), and accidentally not progress one of my companions stories and have a small betrayal at the end. But then by the end of it all, while the ending I got was mostly happy, the ending I had with my chosen partner was absolutely bittersweet. While yes- I did make a lot of mistakes in my first game cuz I had no idea what the hell I was doing :D So it could absolutely be chalked up to me just missing a lot of key things to ensure a better ending with us. Hence why I played it twice in a row, and believe me I missed A LOT especially in forth joy, the first chapter. I tried my best to be as thorough as I can. Exploring every inch of them map, talking to almost every NPC I come in contact with, finishing every quest in my log book, talking more instead of fighting to get more dialogue. And while I can safely say I was absolutely more thorough this time round, I'm pretty sure I still missed a few things. Its a long ass game- there are a lot you need to keep track of, and I can be very forgetful. But I think I completed well enough to know this is the general scope of what an average player—or maybe not even averege, but a slightly more avid player—would get. So what did I get after all that? Well... Roughly the same ending with only minor differences... Was the entire game more different the 2nd time round cuz I knew what I was doing and found a lot of new and cool things through out that gave it more charm? 100%! Without a doubt! Did the companion I got together with get a happier ending? Also yes. But am I still a bit disappointed at romance and how that side plot ended? Sadly yes. Spoilers below for people who haven't played or haven't gotten to the end game.

So somewhere in the late game there's a choice to have Sebille rooted into the mother tree, I dont want to have to overly explain it but it basically bounding her to elven duties for the rest of her days and also she turns in a a tree once she dies :'Dc. Now I was an idiot and actually rooted her even when I had 2nd thought on it cuz I thought that was just her duty. And bit me in the ass at the end and was mostly what made the ending so bittersweet for me. She wasnt free yet we still loved each other so we had to part ways. Of course she said she'd always love me and never forget me before sharing a sweet kiss but it was still sad... Me being the simp I am I made a completely new game just to ensure she gets a happy ending (preferably together with my character) and she did and it was nice but... It made the whole end game conversation with her a lot shorter, it wasn't explicitly stated we'd stay together but in the epilogue nothing about our romance was mentioned. She was just happy traveling and living her best life and don't get me wrong- like Go girl! Live your best life! No need to get tied down! But I just wish the bond you form not just with your romance partner but with all your companions didn't feel like such a forgettable chapter of their life. There could have at least been a mention where at least one, or preferably all, of your party members would gather to together to meet up every now and again in the new world. Maybe its just makes me sad cuz I thought of my party as being a found family towards each other, so to see them be so ready to leave each other, split off and never talk to each other ever again really pained me. The origin characters are one, if not, my top reason I want to keep coming back to this game and replaying it but every time I just keep thinking of how it all ended, my heart sinks.

Minor complaints up ahead.

Poly? Where poly? No poly?? Give me the ability to romance both Sebille and Lohse you cowards!! so like at the end of my 2nd play through I made a save where one onf them I chose to be the new devine, made ifan sad and was generally a more sad ending- but also made me spilt with Sebille again cuz she was like "can a god mingle with us mortals?" and Im like oh shit so this is the wrong choice. So I reload my save and spread the source to everyone. and this time round it was happy again but she was still like " what happens with us is up to you" Like girl what you mean? We're on even playing field neither of us have responsibilities we're both free, what am I missing here? BUT ALSO SHE DOSENT KISS ME IN THIS ENDING?????? maybe I messed up the dialogue?? She says she wants me and love me but doesnt lean down for a kiss like my save before that or in my first game play either so I was left so confused-

another Sebille centered minor problem, after you kill her master her story kinda just ends there- Like there's nothing for her in Arx at all. And before you say it yes, we meet with Saheila when we get there, she's talking about elves wanting to rise up to start that war. And she just dismisses it and chalks it up to Saheila being insane(which you know true) but that's it? you don't want to figure out why your kin who's been through almost the same things we've been through suddenly underwent an over night change?? you aren't going to talk to the hostile elven people in arx?? People's opinion of you after killing the mother tree/ being prime scion doesn't get touched on here??? It just another one of my little disappointments in her story. She was very prominent at the start but nothing in Arx, which despite being the last chapter is still a long one. So to just have her there with nothing important to progress with her or our romance it just left me a lil bumed :/

[rottenbrainstuff]

BG3 playthrough - Parting thoughts

Massive spoilers:

I’ve now had some time for the ending to percolate through the grey matter, gotten over feeling sad that my first playthrough is over. I’ve started playing with my second tav, a tiefling paladin, and you know what, I’m already noticing little tweaks they’ve made to the dialogues. Like, nothing significant, but little polishes here and there. For instance: I always remember when I first met Asharak (the fight practice teacher) and he said to the kids, look who’s here! I thought he was talking about ME, look, it’s the hero who just showed up at our gate and fought off the goblins! Oh man I thought that was so cute. I was a bit disappointed when I finally realized he meant WYLL, not ME. They adjusted the dialogue so now it’s much more clear that Asharak is introducing Wyll to the kids. Little things like that. I can’t wait to see all the things that got finessed.

Man. It took me seven months to finish my first playthrough. I dunno how everyone finished the game so quickly, my final recorded time was like 200 hours. (granted this did involve several hours of backtracking to fix various mistakes) Initially I assumed I would never play BG3, because I don’t have a PC or a non-nintendo console or anything. It was fun to watch everyone talk about the game even when I had no ability to play it. I think I mentioned this a million times already, but this game was released for mac coincidentally the exact same weekend I got a terminal cancer diagnosis for my cat that I’d had for 13 years. (she’s still doing ok btw) It was so amazing to have something to distract myself with and cheer myself up with after getting that shitty news. I binged it for about four days straight, barely sleeping at all. It was the first big, brand new, non-nintendo game that I’d played in… like… decades, seriously. I was so blown away by the quality of everything. Came here for the funny mean vampire, stayed here for the… absolutely everything else.

I am really glad that I kept a character journal as I played - like, along with the notes I was keeping about game mechanics (because online guides are super shit), I would also write down little thoughts and observations from the perspective of my tav. I always have this record of my playthrough now, and I think it’s really helped me to preserve my thoughts and reactions.

Neil Newbon came to my city’s comic expo last weekend and I was absolutely broadsided by what a smart, nice, and humble guy he is. Isn’t it just such an AMAZING feeling to be a fan of something, then get to know the people who made that thing and find out they’re nice people? I… I don’t know what’s wrong with my brain, but I’m a bit glad I finished my first playthrough before the expo, because I feel… embarrassed somehow?... to be thirsting so much after characters now that I’ve chatted with the guy in real life and he’s talked to my kids? Isn’t that weird? Why is my brain doing that? It’s not like he cares. Very much no. Neil has an amazing sense of humour about it all. Weird brain stuff. Weird. What can I say.

Anyways, I was thinking about a summary of my favourite moments:

1) Cambian fight on the nautiloid. So like I said, I hadn’t played any big, new non-nintendo games in a while. (I mean Nintendo makes good games! But like. A game like Animal Crossing… isn’t… quite the same, you know?) I was wandering around the ship feeling quite blown away by how fancy games have gotten. I was marvelling at the graphics, the gameplay, the tension of the whole situation, and then I get to this fight and that absolute fucking BANGER of a song that is Twisted Force starts playing, that was when I really realized like shit, this game is going to be an EXPERIENCE.

2) Alfira’s dark urge death. I was exposed to a ton of spoilers for this game before I ever touched it so I knew a lot of the main story beats, thoroughly. With Alfira, I did know that the dark urge kills a bard, but for some bizarre reason, the only clips I had seen were of that dragonborn alternative that you get if you cheat and Alfira is unavailable. So I was already at the grove, exploring around, and I absolutely fell in love with the tiefling NPCs, and THEN I discovered it’s actually HER who dies. I was DEVASTATED. I was so attached to the tieflings - both myself as a player, and my tav as well - this was the first settlement of people he found, post-brain-scramble, the first people who were being kind to him, and they needed help so bad, and he wanted so bad to protect them… and here is this awful thing that he does that I can’t avoid. AUGH.

3) The siege on the Emerald Grove. It continues to mystify me that this path is actually a bit hidden in the game, and if you aren’t paying attention you will be herded into just killing the three goblin leaders to resolve things, which is such a massively less interesting path. (perhaps they’ve made the option more obvious with patches? I will see) I loved the tension of the morning before the attack: everyone’s fear really bolstered my desire to win the fight with zero casualties. I loved how, due to my familiarity with the NPCs, I instantly realized that Mattis wasn’t with the other kids and searched all over the place, legit worried, until I found him up by the gate still trying to make a buck, lol. I loved how when they mentioned people had ran off in the night, I knew exactly who wasn’t there and who it had to be. It really made me realize how much I’d got to know the NPCs. Zevlor gets two amazing cutscene speeches, and the fight itself was so freaking fun. I mean it certainly wasn’t the hardest fight in the game at all, but I think it remains one of my favourites, due to all the different moving parts and the planning it involved. It was so goddamned fun getting to use the explosives I had saved up, and I never really had the chance to rig up a battlefield the same way again.

4) Lenore’s tower, and the whole underdark in general. I found it all so lonely, and Lenore’s tower really got to me. I think I shed some tears. I loved the area with the giant sussur tree, I thought it was so beautiful, I took so many screenshots of it. I know if you’re a dark urge your upbringing is… unconventional, but I still imagine that my drow durge has spent a lot of time in the underdark and generally considers it home-ish, so it was neat to see it and think about how this is his home turf.

5) Moonrise and especially the mind flayer colony underneath. This was really where things just started to get interesting for a durge, you start to get the first reveals of your backstory. For a resisting urge, it’s extremely unsettling. Meeting Kressa Bonedaughter was especially horrible. I hadn’t really spoiled a lot of the details of the durge plot, so most of this was a surprise to me. JK Simmons did a great job as Ketheric - I remember being so incredibly curious how he was going to sound, but it worked so well, and as I have noted previously, they spend ridiculous care rendering his sad old man eyes.

6) Gortash’s coronation. Again as a dark urge, this is an important plot beat, I think the last big backstory reveal? Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, not only do you have these horrible murderous urges, not only do you have this nasty little butler man trying to force you to kill people, not only did something horrible happen to you that wiped clean all your memories and turned you into a necromancer’s cute little pet for a while, NOT ONLY ARE YOU A GODDAMNED BHAALSPAWN and the leader of the goddamned Bhaal cult, NOT ONLY ALL OF THIS, NO, that wasn’t enough, oh no: now you learn you were also one of the original architects of the Absolute plot, removed only when Orin saw an opportunity to displace you. Dammmmn. Your companions all react to this information appropriately, so in other words, negatively. Karlach’s reaction is particularly strong, understandably, and hurt my heart. To balance that out a bit, you have Astarion’s reaction, which was… to thank you. If you hadn’t put this plot into motion, he wouldn’t have been abducted by the mindflayers, and wouldn’t have been rescued from Cazador’s control and given the means to resist his commands. 200 years of praying to every god, but it was you that saved him. I had honestly never even considered that, so that was… surprising! Really, really surprising.

7) Comparing spawn and ascendant Astarion - I didn’t play much with ascended Astarion, just spent a little time progressing through the next batch of cut scenes, just so I could see. I was really impressed to see the difference in the two characters, the difference in the writing, the difference in the performance. I enjoyed the visceral negative reaction I had to AA almost immediately, when we had our first camp chat post-ascension, and he SHOUTED at me when I was responding to him with… not even an angry or rude response, but just, a less-than-enthusiastic response. It was like ice water down my back, instantly taking me back to dealing with my abusive ex. I know everyone has a different and highly personal reaction to AA and I think that’s great, and I enjoyed how viscerally negative my reaction was. It’s fun when a thing makes you feel stuff! And I loved spawn Astarion, and how honest and vulnerable he is in his third act romance, thinking about his whole character arc and growth through the game.

8) Rescuing Minsc. It’s a bit of a long daunting set of steps to get Minsc, and I didn’t find it very fun tbh, but I did it anyways because I have to complete everything. I was fully expecting him to sit around camp and never be used, like Halsin and Jaheira are for me unfortunately, (sorry guys) but I was really unprepared for how funny he was going to be. I don’t really like ranger class (also sorry) so when I found out he can still summon Boo even if you respec him, I made him a barbarian, and kept him on my team as much as I could. He is now my second favourite companion to have with me after only Astarion. He has SUCH funny dialogue. I like that you can attempt to start a romance with him and he’s not having any of it. He even gets the opportunity to say a very touching speech as you gather your allies, if you let him.

9) Durge vs Orin fight. The actual fight itself was kind of pitiful, which I thought was sad for her, but it was a startling moment in the lead-up when she briefly changed into me and I actually heard my own tav speaking, like, more than just a little reaction line here and there, I got to actually see my tav speaking. I don’t know. I don’t know why that was such a neat thing to me but it was. Since this playthrough took so long, I really got attached to my tav, I guess.

10) Gather your allies. Ah, the big summary that I needed of all the people I’ve helped and made friends with, all saying something nice about me, haha. Not gonna lie, I reloaded and watched this a couple of times cause it made me so happy.

I’m so glad Larian made an epilogue, with so many sweet little details in it. I’m so happy I had a chance to play this. I don’t have a huge amount of current mutuals who are also fans, and my IRL peeps for some reason are absolutely refusing to finish this game, so please if you want to fangirl (fanperson?) about anything just start talking to me, I’m kind of starving over here!

[jacenbren]

2 tag memes

Got tagged in these by @dragonofeternal and I’m more than happy to play along!!

Current things tag meme

3 ships: Inumaki Toge/Okkotsu Yuuta; Legato Bluesummers/Millions Knives; Kai Smith/Zane Julien

Last song: Your Best American Girl by Mitski

Currently reading: the Jujutsu Kaisen manga. against my own better judgement.

Currently watching: working my way through rewatching Supernatural and Death Note. the former is a lot lamer than I remember and the latter is a lot goofier than I remember.

Last movie: Annihilation!! I love that movie and rewatch it from time to time, however I made the mistake of watching it while on a redeye to San Franciso and dozed off halfway through. had a nightmare of That Goddamn Bear chasing me. bad plan.

Currently consuming: fuck I forgot to eat breakfast today. I will make up for it by eating an entire box of cherry tomatoes.

Currently craving: I would kill for some donuts right about now lol

15 people 15 questions tag me

Are you named after anyone? Yes actually! My legal name is based on the name of a band my dad likes, and I stole my chosen name off of a character from the Star Wars EU.

When was the last time you cried? While I was traveling a week ago; I got really overstimulated and exhausted while off my ass on Nyquil and had a meltdown :(

Do you have kids? Nope I am nineteen and not at all mentally healthy enough to be emotionally there for a child. am currently hoping to remove the baby making bits asap.

What sports do you play/have you played? I ran cross-country for about seven years (all the way through both middle school and high school) and got my varsity letter my senior year! I also did track & field for a few years (my events were long jump and 100-meters) and to this day I still go on jogs during the summer.

Do you use sarcasm? I am very autistic so my ability to discern tone is. not great. apparently I use sarcasm a lot without meaning to lmao

What’s the first thing you notice about people? Probably their voice tbh

What’s your eye color? Blue. like apparently scarily blue. fucking satoru gojo dayglow freaky ass cerulean orbs.

Scary movies or happy endings? It wildly depends on the genre and my attachment to the characters. I'm much more of a psychological horror guy rather than an enjoyer of slasher films, so I definitely tend to prefer horror literature than movies. as for happy endings?? I definitely enjoy them when I'm looking for escapism, but unhappy/bittersweet endings definitely still have special a place in my heart.

Any talents? I'm really good at driving and I have perfect pitch!

Where were you born? Anchorage Alaska, born and raised :)

What are your hobbies? I'm a big writer, and I occasionally dabble in drawing. I'm really into Stardew Valley at the moment and I've racked up over 200 hours at this point in just one save file. I am falling hopelessly for Sebastian but I feel too guilty to divorce my current husband Elliot. help.

Do you have any pets? Yep, a cat named Ekko and a dog named George. No the dog isn't named after GeorgeNotFound. My dad named him after George Costanza from Seinfeld.

How tall are you? 5'6"

Favorite subject in school? I was always really into history and would meticulously take notes to the point where I could've probably taught the class myself. however autistic gifted kid burnout hit halfway through high school and I barely graduated after sleeping through most of my classes lmao.

Dream job? Any job where I can put some music on and just Do Tasks all day. I worked tourism over the summer (hated that job and I never want to go back) and spent half of it hiding in the back room putting stickers on merchandise. I Love Boring Menial Tasks.

anyway tagging @mellointheory @hecksee @apollos-boyfriend @setsuntamew @acewendino @wigglesforsquiggles @siryyeet @routeriver @versaphile @avitus-ostrander !! feel free to join in if you like; no pressure :D

[entropic-prince]

ffxvi thoughts and things

gonna do my best to avoid spoilers or discussion about anything specific to plot and mostly just talk about the vibe and feel of the game and my thoughts on it so far, but i did include an out-of-context early screenshot of the game bc it's just such a fucking cool screenshot moment

so i wanna start out by saying i definitely don't like final fantasy games by default. so when it comes to judging final fantasy games, keep my opinion with a grain of salt.

the thing i like most about this game is it's more or less an interactive movie. you do some combat and running around, a few quests, but the gameplay is relatively linear (at least up to where i'm at so far) and mostly you're being shuttled along the msq and being told the story with interactive moments. my impression is that this isn't a 200-hour game where you have to grind and suffer just to get through everything - i've actually almost been a little disappointed at how easy the first major boss and associated eikon were.

big fights against things such as eikons or proper mini-bosses have what are called cinematic action scenes, which are these really fucking cool action-packed scenes that you wouldn't be able to do in combat otherwise. it's probably the only time i've run into a quick time event and haven't had a heart attack or just wanted to bite someone. the actions are very well telegraphed and the actual quick time event is very forgiving, and the reward is this fucking sick as hell combat cut scene that is 200% something you'd see in a movie.

the combat in this game feels very, very good, and yoshi-p took a page from the yoko taro book and there are items in the game to help with accessibility. you don't want to control torgal (the dog) in combat? there's an accessory to automate that for you so that you don't have to worry about it. you're like me and grinding is the ultimate death knell for you in a game? there's an exp booster item you can equip.

even without the accessibility, though, combat itself just feels very good. it's dynamic, there's enough buttons to push i am entertained, you flip between two different styles of combat (so far anyway) and can use them to play off of each other and seamlessly combo into each other. it's very responsive, the hit boxes and snapshots are honest (unlike another yoshi-p game we all know of).

so far i'm generally liking the story. it's pretty dark, but it's not the darkest thing i've seen come out of sqex. i'm a little irritated by the way the writing is kicking at the whole racism piece of this nonstop, but i also understand the significance to the story and i appreciate them going all the way with it to really drive the point home because as i was getting annoyed i realized: this is the reality for some people. this is their life. they don't get to turn off their ps5 and walk away from it and chill.

all in all this game 100% feels like a movie that we get to play parts of, and i am fucking here for it. it's a lot more interactive than games such as heavy rain, but it has that same sort of limited scope of gameplay (so far) and so you don't really stray down a rabbit hole for 30 hours (so far) or have to spend the next 3 days grinding just so you can have a chance at a boss (so far).

i really just wanna share this screenshot i got because it's just so fucking cool and it's what i mean when i say this game is incredibly cinematic:

image is completely unedited, just a screenshot i took in that moment. it was just so fucking cool ok i still love it

[joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

Josh trivia: my first tumblr URL was the-legend-of-elder-scrolls (I actually can’t remember if the dashes were there though lol), with “the legend of” referring to guess what, and the Elder Scrolls referring to, uh, yeah.

Skyrim’s a game that throughout my life I’ve probably put over 2000 hours in. I don’t actually know the exact number - I’ve played it through I think 3 different Xbox 360s with lots of corruption across them all, and even outside of the Xboxes failing me I’ve had plenty of 200+ hour files where I got bored of the character I was playing or bored by having done every major questline and would just start new files that would get however far they do.

Obsession went beyond just playing the game as well - my favourite YouTube channel was Fudgemuppet and I’d watch tons of other channels too, especially modded content, I think longing for the PC version of the game while I remained trapped on console lol. I’d stare at the UESP for hours, get into arguments in comment sections, Facebook even had a political beliefs thing you could add in your personal info for some scuffed reason where I established myself as a firm follower of the Stormcloaks. I was too stupid to get dosbox running on my laptop so I couldn’t play Arena and Daggerfall, and I was too “I don’t have a way to digitally use cash at all” to play Morrowind, but I could certainly get Oblivion on Xbox 360 as well and... not quite play the fuck out of it to the same degree because man that core gameplay feel is very rough around the edges, even compared to Skyrim. But still! For a few years I lived and breathed Skyrim and it was the best.

But yeah that, did kinda stop. Primarily because of how long I’d played the game for. It was just very easy for me to get bored of it. “Seen it all” mentality because true enough I’d finished every main guild questline and DLC story and Daedric quest like ten times over. I knew how to game the systems so strongly in my favour that I wasn’t so much “playing Skyrim” as I was just menuing all the challenge out of the game. I was also so committed to roleplaying specific characters with specific equipments that I’d almost lock myself out of doing fun things as well as purposefully kind of cheat the game (as much as 360 allows anyway) to achieve my desired build faster. But that’d mean once I had all the components of a build I’d kind of lose all desire to play that character anymore lol. I just lost the ability to actually enjoy the game anymore.

However, I’d never say I lost interest. There’s a classic question - if you could replay any game again for the first time, what’d it be? - obviously it’s purely a hypothetical you can never really do but, my answer’s probably Skyrim. And while I can’t replay it for the first time, perhaps if I give myself a good few years away from the game, it can feel fresh to me again? And that’s what I’ve done. After god knows how many years, I’ve gotten the game on PC and started finally replaying it. Several times before now I’d considered pulling the trigger and buying the Switch version for ease of accessibility - but the £50 price tag for an 11 year old game is steep lol. So we’re on PC now using Steam’s family sharing thing, since my little brother owns the game. It was actually helping him out with mods that kind of inspired me to push myself towards playing the game again, and yeah, here we are. I have Skyrim on Steam. We gaming.

Since it’s a relevant detail, I am running a couple of mods - but it’s important to me to fundamentally preserve the vanilla experience here. That’s what I fell in love with in Skyrim in the first place, and it’s what I’m here to re-experience all these years later. Accordingly, I’d describe basically every mod I downloaded as just adding a bit of atmospheric and some gameplay flavour. I didn’t even wanna fuck with Nexus so I’ve just gone workshop and downloaded the entire cities and villages enhanced collection, the entire sounds of Skyrim collection, what’s basically an immersive armours substitute adding the armours individually (I deliberately excluded one set that pushed outside the lore a bit too much for my taking) and an actual immersive weapons substitute just to get a couple more weapon types that still work with the world. I actually think the only gameplay mods I really got are a few that make like Daedric and other unique weapons a bit stronger to justify their lore position a bit more. For all intents and purposes though I really am just playing vanilla Skyrim but with a touch more atmosphere by way of sights and sounds. And that’s what I wanted.

Aside from that, the one other rule I’ve really set for myself in order to get the most out of this is just try play it like it’s my first time. By which I mean, let myself get distracted. Don’t lose myself in overarching goals. Wander into that cave. Take your time exploring. Chat with NPCs. I have a character, but I’m not really roleplaying. I’ve not specifically decided on an armour set I’d really like. I’m playing on apprentice even to avoid getting bored by damage spongy combat encounters. On finishing Helgen I walked westward, away from Helgen and that first main story segment I’ve done to death. I’ll get back to it eventually, sure, but I’m not interested in the urgency anymore. Instead I met Angi in her cabin in the southern mountains of Skyrim, where she trained my archery - which is not a thing I think I was ever even aware of having existed. Then I went down to Falkreath, where I learned that the current Jarl is a lazy bastard whose uncle the former Jarl was basically demoted in what almost seems to be an Imperial ploy. It’s weird, a younger Josh got so wrapped up in Tamriel’s version of the creation myth or whatever that I didn’t even really engage with the minutiae of actual current lore in just Skyrim as a place. And sure, reading wiki pages for hours has its charm, but just playing the game itself and talking to people and reading books? This is what I missed. This is what’s making Skyrim fun for me again.

I don’t know if I have a fun or interesting or really at all conclusive way to approach this post. I’m really just playing Skyrim again and wanted to talk about it, for nobody’s sake but my own. I’m just so happy to finally be playing it again.

[fan-cam]

House of the Dragon, Season 1 review + analysis (contains spoilers for HOT D and GOT)

Okay so, as you may have guessed, I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about the first season of House of the Dragon (from here on out, referred to as HOT D). It’s been two full weeks since the finale aired and though I am deeply sad it has come to an end, I have appreciated taking some time to reflect and of course watch the last episode three times through.

Game of Thrones (GOT) is a pretty big deal to me. Though I did not start watching the show until May of 2019, well-after it had finished, I promptly watched it three times through in about a year and a half, and became deeply involved with Westeros using it to escape a lot of personal events as well as the pandemic. Once I finished I saw an uptick in my mental health as I was brought back to reality, which underscores how important it is to check in on those coping mechanisms from time to time (are they still helping you?), but I will always feel deeply dependent on and involved in that series. 

I was nervous for HOT D, like many, because it had enormous shoes to fill. Additionally, I don’t think we have recovered from the societal trauma that was The Hobbit trilogy, making us wary of fantasy spin-offs and prequels. But, also like many, by the end of episode 1 I was hooked. Being back in Westeros and experiencing the show in real time was truly such a gift. For ten weeks, Sundays at 9 pm became my happiest time, and each subsequent week I would listen to several hours of Joanna Robinson and Mallory Rubin unpacking each episode, beat-by-beat, on The Ringer-Verse podcast network (you must listen).

Let's truly get into it: Season 1 feels like a pre-season, working with us to recalibrate almost 200 years before GOT, and setting us up for what’s to come--The Dance of the Dragons. I think some viewers found this to be a weakness, meaning the show moved slowly and lacked the big budget battles that we saw so much in GOT (though I would remind you that episode 9 of season 2 is the first time we witness a huge battle sequence). But this is something that I loved about HOT D; I felt that we got to spend time with each character, understand where they come from, how they communicate and connect with one another, ultimately allowing us to empathize with and love them a lot more than other TV characters this early on. Preliminary seasons are hard for me in general, I prefer them on a rewatch once I actually have a sense for each character, but with HOT D I felt connected from the beginning--a testament to the slow burn, not to mention the writing, acting, shots, lighting, sets, CGI, etc, etc, etc.  

It is also very important to note that HOT D has more female-directed episodes than GOT ever did. Seems hard to believe that a ten-episode season had more than a 73-episode show? That’s because GOT had zero. Four of HOT D’s ten were directed by women and we also saw an increase in female writers. Though we had an abundance of strong women in GOT, it felt refreshing to have a story centered around the very powerful Alicent Hightower and Rhaenyra Targaryen, showcasing the intensity and depths of female friendship. This season felt way more feminist than anything GOT ever did and feels like a real strong season for the girlies. Finally, I would be remiss not to mention Emma D’Arcy, who plays Rhaenyra, is non-binary. I am beyond excited to see a non-binary actor cast as the lead in this and do an absolutely phenomenal job. Emma provided us with one of the best performances I have ever seen in the Westerosi Cinematic Universe IMHO. 

Now onto a few things I did not love. At the beginning of episode 1, Aemma Targaryen has a conversation with her daughter Rheanyra about her duty as a woman, telling her "the childbed is our battlefield", unveiling a main theme of this prequel. As I previously said, GOT is known for its big battles in which women seldom participate. In trying to create a show that portrayed woman as strong and decreased the sexual violence we saw in GOT, the creators turned to childbirth to show the pains, struggles and war that women go through in this universe. I understand the thinking behind this, however it went too far at times. My biggest qualm, which I know a lot of other viewers shared, was an over-the-top-graphic stillbirth in the finale. We know that these shows are going to push us, make us feel sick and see things we don’t want to without apology, because that is a lot of Westeros' essence, but this felt like a little much. Also its important to underscore that Greg Yaitanes and Ryan Condal (two men) were the directing/writing duo for this episode.

Another pain point for me was the addition of Aegon's dream--“A Song of Ice and Fire”. In episode 3, King Viserys Targaryen brings Rhaenyra, his daughter, into his chambers to show her his cool little knife that GOT fans recognize as the knife that arguably started the War of the Five Kings and led to Little Finger’s execution. He tells his daughter, as he prepares her as his heir, that Aegon the Conquer had a vision that an army of the undead will descend upon the seven kingdoms (AKA the story that GOT/A Song of Ice and Fire tells), and a Targaryen HAS to be in power when this happens so they can unite the realm against the evil. Why is a Targaryen the one who can unite the realm you may ask? No idea. This is a show invention and an addition that feels like a fan nod at the expense of the story. Aegon's dream brought me out of the show since it felt so out of place and, to make me dislike it even more, leads to our very controversial Daemon the Domestic Abuser choking scene further making this plot point difficult for me. You knew I was going to mention this scene and in summary I do not believe domestic violence is needed to showcase Daemon as a morally gray, complicated character.

These complaints aside, HOT D is one of the best seasons of TV I have ever seen. Dare I say that I enjoyed parts of it more than, hold for suspense, GOT. It could be the recency factor though so I guess I will have to rewatch all 73 episodes just to double check. I would absolutely recommend HOT D if you have not yet watched or are avoiding it because season 8 broke your heart. Additionally, you do not have to have seen GOT to watch HOT D: it is a prequel and though it will be easier to watch if you’ve seen GOT since you already have an understanding of how the universe operates, it is not a prerequisite. 

🎥🎥🎥🎥🎥/🎥🎥🎥🎥🎥

[moth--knight]

if you don't mind sharing, how exactly did you find out you had adhd? and how did you get through college w it?

hi anon!! not a question I expected haha, but sure, I can answer (but I rambled sorry, so putting it below the cut)

I didn't realize I had it until I got to college, mostly due to interacting with peers who also had ADHD and whose experiences mirrored mine in startling ways. I had always been a good student in terms of like, grades? But I struggled with getting ANYTHING in on time. It was like there was a mental block preventing me from doing even the most basic of things. Sitting down to focus on a simple 200 word response felt like pulling teeth despite the fact that I was objectively a good and fast writer, and pretty much every assignment I have done since middle school onward I have done at the VERY LAST MINUTE. I nearly flunked out of my first semester of college because despite having As in all my classes, I could not for the life of me get myself to write the final papers for three of my classes. My professors were kind enough to give me extensions of a full two months - and yet every single one of those papers I wrote the night before the final deadline, crying on the floor of my dorm room until 7am. I didn't understand WHY I couldn't just fucking sit down and do it. It did not help that I could focus on shit like video games for HOURS without moving. I would forget to eat, forget to sleep, forget to use the bathroom - I always felt very fucking useless and lazy, because I *could* focus, but never on the right thing. Not to mention that I could not form habits to save my life. Even now at 25, remembering to brush my teeth twice a day is like, nigh on impossible. Lol.

In college I met some friends who were diagnosed with ADHD, and all of them were pretty much like "hey your issues with hyperfixations and an inability to focus on simple necessary tasks and an inability to keep habits and so forth all are very ADHD coded my friend" and I was like "NAHHHHHHHHH. NO WAY. I'M FINE." <- words of a guy who was NOT fine

Even worse, my partner at the time had a therapist who just from stories of me was like "btw maybe you should tell your bf they probably have ADHD it could help them" which is like. Deeply fucking funny kdfsgfhdkjsal Anyway. My own therapist eventually also was like "99.9% sure you have ADHD" and I was like "sick what do I do then" and she was like "well you could get tested and get on meds" and I was like "ahahahahahahaha well I cannot afford that so nah"

I had no insurance in college and every dime I made I spent on HRT or sent it home to my family. So. I basically ignored the problem. Which. Was not helpful. Lol. Quite frankly looking back I am not sure how I managed to graduate at all. I was under severe and constant stress because of the way ADHD was ruining my life as a student. It was not fun.

I didn't really *accept* that I had ADHD though until after college, and I still have never gotten a formal diagnosis 1) because I don't have that kind of money to throw around tbh and 2) I don't need a doctor to tell me what I already know.

BUT. YOU ASKED HOW I GOT THROUGH. SO HERE ARE MY TRIED AND TRUE STRATEGIES

Whenever possible, I tried to set up parallel working sessions. I often sat with a large group of friends/peers in our library and we would work together. Having other people with me helped keep me on track, and even when I spent half the time talking, the other half I worked. Working alone I often got NOTHING done. Parallel play saved my ass on many nights and for many assignments. My junior/senior year when we had to go remote because of COVID I swapped out in person for video calls with multiple people. Same sort of vibe. Now as an adult if I want to get something done, I still hop on a video call with my friends. It helps me focus to have other people there, and the background noise of conversations is soothing almost. I don't know why, but it works.

If you can, have some sort of schedule imposed by outside forces. I really fucking suck at habit forming, and so making lists and just saying "I am going to do this then" does not work for me. But having set times I would go to class and go to work helped me manage my time better, and carve out blocks that FORCED me to work on what I needed to get done. I color coded my schedule and made sure that my class hours and work hours were regular; it made my 'free time' also more structured around those mandated times, which helped a little. It also caused me a lot of stress though. There are tradeoffs for everything I suppose.

Walking and pacing!!! This sounds nuts but like. I luv maladaptive daydreaming and have since I was a kid, so I kind of adapted that to help me with school work. If I had an essay or something I would put on some music and go for a walk or pace in my dorm room and just think about the assignment. It helped me generate ideas so when it came time to sit and focus, I had something to work with rather than staring at a blank page. I really suck at sitting still and thinking, so moving around helped me a lot.

Speaking of, I took a LOT of breaks. Which seems counterintuitive I guess, but allowing myself to get up, go get a snack, go chat with someone, etc, made it easier to come back and sit down and work rather than trying to just sit and focus and fail to focus for hours on end. I took lots of breaks but also got small pieces done in between every break, so it all added up in the end.

Anyway, sorry, this is a lot. the TLDR is I spent my schooling years either unaware or in denial of having ADHD, and it destroyed me. I wish I had accepted it sooner, and I wish I had more adults in my life that could have saw the signs and helped me.....but alas.

Even so, I developed ways to cope that I still use now. It helped me a lot to start talking to other people who also have ADHD because it made me feel less alone. I've also tried very hard to reframe my thinking of myself as lazy/useless because like, I am not either of those things! I just have a disorder that makes shit hard! GRAH!

I have no idea if any of this is helpful anon, but I hope ??? it can be. I don't want to presume anything BUT if you too are in college and struggling I am wishing you the absolute best and I hope you can find a good support system. (And if you ever want to chat, my dms are open <3)

[pyukumukuus]

i finished totk yesterday and wanna put my thoughts somewhere

SPOILERS AHEAD DUH

i think playing this immediately after botw maybe caused me to get a bit oversaturated with the game about half way through since the gameplay is so similar.... the gameplay being so similar isn't a bad thing as such because the gameplay is very good, but i think if i had not played botw so recently maybe i wouldn't have felt that dip in enthusiasm.

although that said, i do think the best and most consuming part of both botw and totk is when you have just few enough hearts that the game feels really challenging but you are getting strong enough that you are starting to find cool weapons and unlock black tier enemies, so it's possible that i reached saturation point at the same time in both games when i started getting 'too strong'.

anyway....

the sky

the sky was cool but i didn't spend anywhere near as much time in it as i thought i would from the trailer, mostly i think because it was so hard to traverse. it was also quite samey and i hated those shrines where you had to carry a crystal for miles.

hyrule

i loved all the new bits to hyrule like the caves, the wells (the wells!!!!), and death mountain cooling down and being fully traversable. i did however think that too much of hyrule was the same as in botw. i was excited to see rito village covered in snow, but became very disappointed when the entire region simply returned to how it was in botw after finishing the dungeon. with the exception of eldin, i felt like the whole map was pretty much the same as it had been in botw and there was more much incentive to explore it all again, expecially after recently playing botw.

the shrines were a lot better in this game, but i still found myself thinking 'ugh' on some level whenever i found one, especially later on in the game. i did, however, love the ones that were like eventide island and stripped you of all your gear.

i would have liked to see more settlements like lookout landing and some bigger changes to the existing settlements.

the depths

conceptually i love the depths and when i first set foot in there i was stunned because it did not feature in the trailers. it feels eerie and truly challenging. i love how the dragons can show up in there, i love that it is unsettlingly warm at 23 degrees C, i loved the yiga clan and master kohga, the spirit temple, and how you can jump into a chasm and just be engulfed in darkness with nothing for miles.

however as the game went on i started finding it tedious to explore. like the sky, it was a bit samey. the treasure was hit and miss; i remember taking almost two hours to find my way to an X on my map which turned out to be a pair of trousers which cost far too much in money/resources to upgrade and i have not even worn once.

i would have liked some more explanation for some of the things in the depths, like why it had non-decayed weapons despite all the gloom, what those spirits holding the weapons were, why the lightroots matched up so perfectly with the shrines on the surface, and why every significant hyrule location had a corresponding significant depths location. maybe i missed some info somewhere along the line but i felt the depths was a bit bare lore-wise.

the zonai abilities

fuse - honestly i never got bored of this. banana sword. egg spear. president hudson shield. this was seriously the coolest way to mod weapons.

ultrahand - wicked and cool but i am so lazy when it comes to building contraptions.

autobuild - i probably built like 200 super springs and not much else.

rewind - cool but i kept forgetting i had this.

ascend - this was so handy and i used it way more than i thought i would. loading times are a bitch though...

the dungeons

i thought the dungeons were average. i was glad to see them return, but i still think they aren't really a patch on the fan favourites of OOT and twilight princess. lightning temple was super cool though.

i think the build up to the dungeons was vastly improved on botw. i liked climbing all the way up to the wind temple with tulin, and the zero gravity stuff was really awesome for the water temple.

i did feel that because you can do the dungeons in any order, this actually harmed the storytelling because it meant every memory acquired after beating the dungeon had to be exactly the same. oh what's that? zelda, the sage of time, appeared to you and warned you of a great threat in the future??? who'd have thought???

the spirit temple was awesome and i love that i stumbled upon it totally by accident, however i have to admit that later on i did end up feeling a bit disappointed with the quest order. i had already beaten the spirit temple and found the master sword before entering hyrule castle re. zelda's appearance - this meant that after completing that quest my next quest was simply to.... go straight back to the castle. i think because totk is more story-heavy it would have benefitted from being a bit more more linear. some of the events of this game are a bit of an anti-climax because they are presented to you in such a weird order.

the memories

i really enjoyed unlocking the memories even though, again, the order you find them in is not fixed and can end up being kind of weird because of it. like you can find a memory in which zelda is talking about her insane plan to turn herself into a dragon so that she can wait 10,000 years to give link the master sword, and then you find a memory that confirms that yes, zelda has indeed travelled back in time!

i got spoiled for the fact that zelda was the light dragon and i am pissed about that, because i think that is a really awesome twist, especially the part where you find out the master sword has been with the dragon all along. i wish i'd had the opportunity to be genuinely surprised by that, but i didn't, thanks to someone on youtube who didn't tag their spoilers 1 week after the game released :)

the sages

tulin is best boy, yunobo is okay, everyone else is kinda trash (especially my beautiful boy sidon :( ). i like the concept of mineru's construct but in practice she just gets in the way all the time and i cannot control her.

the final fight

the final fight was good, a lot better than botw and with better buildup too. i loved having to enter the castle from the depths. ganondorf was genuinely hard for me to beat (because i'm really shit at flurry rushing) and the fact that your hearts get knocked off permanently too had me thinking i would have to bail out and come back after some practice and a lot more food.

conceptually i loved the final dragon vs. dragon showdown but that part of the fight was too easy and a bit of an anti-climax.

the ending

i'm not gonna lie the ending did disappoint me. i really wish zelda had stayed as the light dragon - rauru/sonia/link transforming her back (and fixing link's arm?!) just felt like a weird deus ex machina and rendered zelda's big forbidden sacrifice as basically pointless. i think zelda saving hyrule from great peril but with no knowledge of who she was or why she did it would have been more emotional and poignant and bittersweet.

i read a post someone made about how they wished link had taken ganondorf's secret stone and eaten it in the ending it to transform himself into a dragon and reunite with zelda in immortality..... and honestly i am so down for that

(no i don't give a shit about what that would have done to the tIMELINE)

final verdict

this game was incredible..... but i am left feeling weird. i feel like going back to botw now will feel incredibly bland in comparison to totk, however it is precisely because of botw that some things in totk felt bland, such as the similar gameplay, lack of change to hyrule, and the fact that we had to do shrines and collect koroks again.

it is hard to summarise how i feel about this game. i feel that it is so much better than botw in every way and i would probably not play botw again now that i have totk, and yet, i still think botw is the better game. i think botw hit harder, simply because it was the first zelda game to do anything like that, and now the only way to make a game hit like that again is to do something totally different.

[astramthetaprime]

Plans and Progress

Okay, so I quit my job Friday at the end of my shift.  Without another job to go to.  Because it apparently gets easier to do once you’ve done it before.  /shrug

However!  I am not without plans, and progress is being made in other areas of life.  First, the plans.

I am taking this weekend to be a weekend.  Because weekend.  And I just quit my job.  So weekend.  

Starting Tomorrow, 1/23/2023 

I will sign up to be an Instacart in-store shopper. Grocery stores sometimes do hit one of my few sensory problems, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.  It’s like my targetting system goes crazy, I try to focus on everything at once.  Annoying, but not a desperate issue unless I’m very tired. 

I will also sign up to Rover to do dogwalking and petsitting.  Because I’m actually good with animals.  Animals are usually much more sensible and far less annoying than people.  

I am also considering signing up on Fiverr as I had an idea a while back to do small mailings.  If there’s one thing I still know it’s the postal service.  I actually came up with a pricing scheme for doing small-run (200 or less) mailings of 4 pages or less.  That’s generally how many pages you can stuff in a standard business envelope and send with a 1st Class stamp without going over the 1 ounce limit.  I can think of all kinds of uses for this, I could print, address, return address, stamp and send mailings easily.  It’s a skill I know.  Play to your strengths, work on your weaknesses, right?  

I will also re-do my resume as it’s a mess.  I’ll be putting in more applications to actual jobs but honestly if I can make enough in the gig economy it will lose importance.  I’d far rather work on my own at stuff I know and am good at than try to learn a new job at this point.  But I will re-do the resume.  

Outside of work-related, I continue to work on Pathfinder . 

Also there’s that bit of fanfic from the last post.  Because I got caught up over a good looking older guy with black hair.  Because I’m stupid for black hair.  

Good lord why did it have to be Tom Cruise?  The poster boy for L. Ron Hubbard’s ego trip?

My Buddhist intellectual heart just cracked a little.  Somewhere in my brain, a brain cell just sacrificed itself for the greater good of humanity.  I believe in data and robot spacecraft and verifiable, reproducible science as the basis for science-fiction.  As Asimov and Clarke intended!  

Okay, enough of the caterwauling, back to the post.  

Progress!  Has been Made!

This past week I was checking some prices of things on Amazon, y’know, as you do.  And I found a queen-size weighted blanket at half-price. Like, an insane price.  $23.  Not joking, it was $23 dollars.  So as it was a reasonable price and I’ve been curious I said what the heck and ordered one.  It came in this past Friday and for the past 2 nights I’ve been sleeping with it.  I’ll admit I was skeptical since I largely don’t have sensory issues except the aforementioned problems at grocery stores.  But I’m here to tell you, that thing works.  It’s like sleeping wrapped up in an octopus filled with lead shot, but I wake up in the morning and my back is not hurting, there are no hot flashes or nausea, and damn if I don’t sleep through the entire night!  I’ve had 8+ hours of solid sleep for the last 2 nights and I’m not being forced awake by my back hurting.  It’s freaking amazing.  So yeah, you guys weren’t kidding, I’d never have believed it if I wasn’t sleeping in it.  Yay Skillful Means!

I have been thinking on ways to get my original fiction out there in the world.  I am aware that part of the problem is exposure.  My first thought is audiobook versions.  I used to do a podcast many moons ago, it’s no longer online so please don’t look for it, but I narrated all my original fiction extant at that time.  And while of course I know my own work better than anybody, I am not a voice actor.  I have a thick Southern accent, an inescapable Tennessee Hillbilly accent, that simply does not lend itself to quality narration.  Also, possibly due to my autism I stutter and even to myself my speaking voice is just wrong.  I think it’s called “prosody”?  My voice is often monotone, the rhythm is often off, and thanks to the ravages of early menopause my voice dropped about 3/4ths of an octave several years ago.  So yeah, doing my own stories just would not be a sound business decision at this point.  But Audible does have this thing called ACX where authors can connect with voice actors to produce audiobooks of their work.  It’s something to think about, and certainly I’m well aware of the popularity of audiobooks.  I’ve listened to enough of them myself, that’s for sure.

The key point in all this -- I’m coming up with options rather than sinking into the abyss.  I am betting on myself, on my skills and abilities, rather than trying to shoehorn myself into the standard model of societal physics.  There are other ways to make a living where I can run my own life and not be forced into the boxes of what’s always been done.  I can make my own hours, find my own work that fits my abilities and limitations, and freaking be myself.  

Right, so.  I’m going to go watch my view count on AO3.  And try not to think about the Stupid Black Hair thing.