#i have been very underweight for a lot of my life im so happy to finally pack some on!!!!!!!

[subsequentibis]

.

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

hello, i’m the anon who asked about san fs reading! asking about him and his fs in bed is gross tbh are there questions like this?? 😭 honestly all these tarot readings (from tarot readers i like!) made me like his fs a lot! seems like his fs is a good person and they’ll have a love like in movies (that’s what san said he wants to have) so im pretty happy about it! i saw some of your readings and i find them exciting that’s why i wanted to ask about your take/perspective for his fs! like how would they meet, how would they treat each other, how would his fs’s personality be? personality, work, age or looks? like general things we would see when they confirm their relationship, not the too private stuffs. tho you can choose what makes you comfortable! 

San’s FS

Body (Outward appearance)

Alright, so, right off the bat (I may or may not have giggled when I saw this) I’m getting “emotional baggage”. Mind you this is for looks. So Atiny will probably see them (Though they most likely won’t since this is their current state BUT IF THEY DID) and immediately be like “Aww, poor baby, they looks like they have so much emotional baggage.” So right off the bat I kind of feel bad.

So yeah. Definitely seeing his FS is currently either underweight or overweight. Not in an extreme way, and more so because of what’s happening. Definitely looks like they’re on their last leg, with eye bags and such. But not necessarily bad-looking.

However, his FS still has this brightness about them. Like this joyful aura and demeanor that’s infectious. Like bright eyes that seem to shine and easy to make smile. They’re definitely confident in their appearance regardless right now. Getting slight Leo vibes but I dunno, may just be me associating that aspect of them with Leo placements.

Definitely dresses to impress. Stylish clothing that’s not luxury but definitely high-end. Like someone who looks well-off, but not rich in the way they present themself.

So, definitely just exudes that successful aura. Gives off those responsible office siren vibes (If San’s FS is a woman I know for a fact in the future she’ll be my woman crush in the most respectful way possible like she seems like THAT GIRL.)

So…She definitely looks like she’s on her last leg though, all things considered. She’s probably very physically tired, and going through some things right now. Health-wise also.

She’s very resilient though. Not letting that get to her, and powering through regardless.

Her appearance (I’m not saying she’s ugly here) is definitely unique. Not quite fitting into the box whether it’s features, style, piercings, hair color, Korean beauty standards, etc. but still absolutely owning it like the icon she is. (As you can tell I already adore this woman I will ride for her)

She’s probably someone who’s isolated because of her appearance though. She’s unique and people don’t like that, and are intimidated by her demeanor and her aura.

Definitely has a traditional feel even with the uniqueness.

Personality

She’s definitely responsible. She’s accomplished a lot and knows how to deal with heavy burdens in life. Probably the oldest daughter if his FS is a woman just from these vibes, since I have a feeling she had to take care of younger siblings for most of her early life, making her have to bear certain burdens and responsibilities. Almost like a second mother from a young age.

There’s a lot of passion that’s been sparked in her from many different things that have happened to her in her lifetime.

She may be the type of person who fears failure, and is pessimistic by nature. She’s afraid everything she works for will come apart and while she tries to mask it, she’s deeply insecure. Probably one of those people whose mothers had always seen them as competition if she’s a woman, and that’s really gotten to her.

Definitely the type of person who feels she always needs to succeed and cannot fail or be defeated no matter what.

She’s a person with immense courage and determination. She’s a very joyful person by nature despite everything. Definitely getting slight Pisces/Leo moon vibes here, but again, I didn’t pull for that it’s more of that’s what those traits are giving me. She’s individualistic and lights to fit outside the box. She’s determined and courageous but not overly so. She knows balance.

She’s definitely a competitive person. She strives to be the best at everything and trust she will do whatever it takes (As long as it doesn’t go against her morals) to get what she wants.

She’s not the type of person who avoids conflict either. If she feels something is unjust she’ll speak up about it, though I don’t see her stirring anything up herself. It’s more like she won’t let herself be pushed around.

She’s a prideful person, but in the sense of her ego is so fragile that one small crack will shatter her, so she masks that weakness with pride so that no one can be able to tell. But it’s still very easy to break her confidence and get in her head, even if she doesn’t let that show. She falls apart very swiftly, and it’s always catastrophic.

She’s someone who believes in fate. She believes everything will end up how it is destined to be, and someone that intimately knows change. Someone who has accepted change and adapts well to it. Someone who strives for change and pushes towards it. She definitely is intimately aware that life is just one change after another. But she can see that it all leads to one big picture being complete.

She’s perceptive. She’s observant and picks up on things quickly with a sharp mind. She’s a complex person, and her personality is definitely one of those ones that fluctuates a lot throughout her life. Loving and knowing her is definitely loving and knowing every version of her that comes along as she changes, and it happens fairly often, though not in a bad way. She’s constantly growing and adapting, sometimes faster than others can keep up with.

She’s someone who succeeds a lot in life. I’ve noticed that many in her situations do, because she wants to be sure she’ll be alright no matter what. I see her being someone who can easily make the public love her if she works hard because that’s who she is.

She’s definitely a stingy person. She’s the type who’s so used to having nothing and scared of being there again, so she pinches every penny possible. She’s a greedy person because she knows what it’s like to have nothing and never wants to have nothing again. It scares her more than anything.

She’s also a possessive person by nature in many aspects, though not in an inherently toxic manner. “What’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is yours, so keep it that way” type of mentality.

She’s a quick thinker and very assertive. She knows how to take action.

Misc.

In regards to her age compared to San’s I’m not getting much of an answer. It’s more, “we love one another and we’re happy, so what is the problem?” But there’s also that aspect of…Playing it safe? It might be an age gap that’s not BAD, but more so something they may get hate for.

They’ll probably meet after some period of loss for both of them, and bring with them joy for one another. They both have their own assets, so there’s no worry of “Oh this person is using me for money/status”, so that’s not something they have to truly worry about.

They were definitely going through a rollercoaster ride in life but everything settled and they found one another.

This will definitely be a time that releases them from some pains they were both facing.

So, in regards to work, San’s FS is a perfectionist to an obsessive degree, and prone to overworking. But they also get burnt out very easily. They’re the type who can work on a project for days but get little done, or they can finish a project in four hours and get a masterpiece. They often find themselves with the brunt of their coworker’s work and reaping none of the benefits of it.

I have a feeling San’s FS may be considering switching jobs which is why there’s no strong direction of career paths. San’s FS is probably fed up with ending up with everyone else’s work.

So, in terms of their relationship, they were both looking for someone willing to do what it takes to make it worth. They’ve probably both been in relationships with people who haven’t tried their hardest for the relationship.

They want joy, and for the relationship to be successful. They want something positive that’s worth celebrating when those anniversaries come around.

But there’s still some things where they can’t make decisions. Their opinions clash and they reach a stalemate in those aspects. Because of that, they don’t broach such subjects, and they hang over them.

They’re both people who have strong ties to legacies for entirely different reasons. San has mentioned he has a very loving family who has made him want to show others the love he has been shown, but I think for his FS it’s the opposite. She comes from a family that’s far from loving and because of that she wants to show others the love she craves.

Emotionally, they inspire one another. They give each other more willpower, and they push each other to get the things they want. I definitely believe San’s FS will inspire a song one day. They help make each other better.

Physically, they find comfort in one another. I can see them just laying together in each other’s arms. They feel at ease when the other is near, and they feel strong compassion for each other.

Mentally, they’re also both compatible. They’re very self-aware people who spend time contemplating things about each other and themselves. The type who can walk away from an argument to cool off then talk about it later with level heads and come to a conclusion quickly. They’re both very mentally mature in those aspects.

More on his FS (As established in other pulls based on asks):

Im not getting “Female version of Wooyoung” vibes.

They’ll probably have a small little petty rivalry because they both think the other is monopolizing San’s time

They also have similar trauma so that’s another issue that makes them unable to really…Like one another?

But they’ll be civil

I get more Gemini Sun, underdeveloped Leo Moon/5th house moon from her. Maybe Sagittarius mars. Confirmed by cards. Some water sign influencs, possibly a water sign 6th house/9th house. Maybe a Scorpio placement somewhere, or scorpio for one of those houses.

Her hair is a source of insecurity for her and it stands out

Her eyes stand out

Brown hair WOULD fit her vibes but not something I pulled on

Im not necessarily getting she’s spiritual. I think she may have come from a hyper-religious household who hate things that have to do with our particular font of spirituality. She herself doesn’t hate it, she doesn’t have a strong opinion on it. Though I’m getting one day she may stumble upon the spiritual community and become part of it

Once everything that’s been happening in their lives come to a head, they’ll meet. But that’s not something that’s set in stone to happen at any time. It may be weeks or years. Though I’m getting ten vibes. Ten of what? I don’t know

she’s ENTJ

Probable long-distance relationship

Can in fact fight and can fight well

[amievenaliveanymore]

i feel like everything in my life is aligning right now in order to make me relapse, like everything that's happening is really pushing me back into my ed,, living alone and being responsible for my own grocery shopping, relatives that always mock my appearance, i need to have control again, i hate my curves and my chest so much, i feel like if they weren't there i wouldn't want to be underweight again. i forgot how much i hate having boobs honestly, they make me feel dirty, i feel so dirty and bloated all the time, i had pancreas issues and the doctors recommended i cut down on fat. been looking at old pictures from when i was much skinnier and i miss it more than i thought i would. i cant believe the scale said 165... i thought recovery meant happiness, but it doesn't mean anything-it just means gaining weight and being more and more uncomfortable. like i don't think im trans ftm, but ive been thinking about it a lot again, how do i tell the difference between ed thoughts and body dysmorphia? im not allowed to be trans ftm, my boyfriend made it very clear he would leave me if i was and my relatives are horrible bigots. i just need to feel comfortable in my body again, i want to have sharp straight lines and a smaller butt and smaller chest, a more sculpted face, i wish i was born i cis man because i know if i try to appear as a man no one will ever accept me and ill be mocked, its not worth it, nothing is worth anything, i need to get back down to my gw to feel okay.

[otasnox]

its feeling jealous again time :( i wish i was normal i dont want to get annoyed by my friends if i think too hard!!! i love them so so so much!!! but also im a little sick of hearing about transformers (i call with two friends usually and most of what they talk about is transformers) and normally im fine with it!!! god knows im the same way with my interests and 99% of the time it doesnt bother me!!! but the one thing that gets under my skin is when the two of them like they like each other way more than they like me. when they sound like they talk way more often than i talk with either of them. i get jealous you know like :(

i love them but i miss them? even though we talk all the time? maybe im just lonelier than i thought idk. i feel like i have very few friends these days (the only friends i have that i've talked to in the last 3 or so months are my online ones (i love my family dearly but they're family before they're friends if that makes sense?) like. i think i could count the number of times i left the house since i last saw my two irl friends (october 28th 2023) & i think the number would be less than 40.

cause i never go outside because i never have anything to do off my computer. i had doctor's appts for my broken foot but those are getting less and less frequent as it heals. i have physical therapy but that'll stop soon too (because i'm healing). i started my drumming lessons again next week, so i guess that's good. i like my drum lessons. my teacher is really fun and chill and nice, he's like a cool older brother (or maybe more like an uncle?) idk.

but like? i couldn't tell you the last time i went outside just because i wanted to just because i felt like it and not because my mom invited me out on the deck (which was like. twice.) or because i had somewhere to be (that was decided on by my mom).

idk i don't want to go outside because i haven't washed my hair since. last fucking year i think? (i've bathed since then but a lot of the time it's hard for me to work up the energy to do my hair) and then i don't bother showering because i never fucking leave the house. it's miserable

and on top of that? i think this is the most physically unfit i've been in my LIFE. like on top of weighing 300 pounds, i had to stay off my foot for like 2 months because i broke it and needed surgery. but i can't blame it all on my injury because the fact of the matter is that i'm a fat lazy pig who doesn't ever get up off his ass and do anything. my sister called me lazy the other day, don't even remember what we were talking about but i asked her why i would or wouldnt do something, i dont remember, and she said "because you're lazy?" and it felt like a shot to the heart.

like yeah i'm fucking fat. i weigh 300 fucking pounds, no shit. but do i like it? hell fucking no i've been trying to lose weight so desperately since february of 2022. and that's not even my first attempt, just my most recent!!! ive been trying to lose weight since MIDDLE SCHOOL.

but i'm fucking depressed as all hell and have adhd and no motivation or energy or any fucking self control so i just eat and eat and eat until i feel sick and then i get on call with my friends (some of the only times i feel actually happy) and my girlfriend talks about how she's so forgetful she forgets to eat and she was even a few pounds underweight at one point. she mentioned she had boney hips today and all i could think was how fucking jealous i was. to be that effortlessly skinny. to have that fucking self control. i wish i wasnt a fucking pig

like i need to stress i was so desperate to lose weight i joined edtwt. didn't work. didn't help at all. just made me feel worse and have worse goals. but in the end i'm enough of a fat fucking pig that even if i had successfully starved myself? id still be obese

my mom had me try a nutritionist once, to see if it would help. it didn't. not one bit. just made me feel more horrible about myself and how little self control i have. she just told me to portion my food better, snack less, eat healthier. you think i haven't fucking tried that? i've tried EVERYTHING. i just have zero fucking self control around food and it makes me sick to think about

i was supposed to have a doctor's appointment in november to see about getting ozempic (or something similar). got pushed back to december when i broke my foot. got cancelled altogether when december rolled around and i was still recovering from foot surgery. we haven't rescheduled.

idk. everything i hate about myself i feel like ties into how i look and how fucking fat i am its honestly disgusting. i hate this stupid fucking fat all over me i seriously just want to kill myself over it

like how can i even look in my friends' faces when i'm heavier than both of them combined? (not a joke. i'm dead serious.) they won't want to be friends with me when they see me, in days-old clothing, greasy hair, smelly in general but especially my breath, dandruff, and how fucking fat i am. they won't want to be seen with me. my girlfriend's never gonna wanna hold me in her arms when i look like this (and even if i lost all the weight, i've still got this ugly fucking personality underneath anyway. so what does it fucking matter.

i don't know. my therapist said i need to be kinder to myself but i really don't have anything good to say. i like my hair color my hair's so greasy right now that's all i can think about when i look at my hair. i have nice eyes. i'm more than terrible at making websites with html/css (not even good. not even fucking okay. i suck at it but i'm better than someone who knows nothing). i suck at being nice to my siblings, i guess, because they're never fucking nice to me. i'm good at giving my mom hugs, i guess, like, wow,that's a good fucking skill to have (sarcasm). i'm not good at any of my hobbies (art of any kind or otherwise). i'm not good at saving money. not good at spending it wisely. not good at cooking (not bad, but not good.) not good at going to bed at a normal time. not good at having a healthy diet. not good at not snacking all day. not good at making myself do things i want to do; i just sit around and watch youtube and chat on discord all day until my friends can call. i'm not good at going outside, but i'm not good at being inside either. "oh, well you don't have to be good at everything, as long as you're having fun, that's what matters!" okay well i'm not good at ANYTHING. and i'm not even having fun

like why is life worth living? i'll never kill myself only because i'm a coward and the permanence of death scares me. though, i'm too much of a coward to cut myself, so that's not surprising. another two things i'm not good at.

what makes life fun? i like reading fanfiction & looking at fanart. that makes me happy, if only for a moment. i like talking to my friends. i like listening to music, i like watching & playing video games. i love reading about foreign languages. but i'm not GOOD at any of those things! not even good compared only to the people in my friend group! not even CLOSE to good!

i seriously couldn't name one thing i'm actually, honestly good at. not one thing. "oh, well you're a jack of all trades!" no i'm fucking not! i don't have skill in ANY of these things i just tried them out. some stuck, some didnt. whatever! whatever.

is that so much to want in life? to want to be good at something? not even the best, not even CLOSE to that, just... good. i want to be loved, i want to be wanted, hell, i want to be liked. but you know what? if i killed myself and never came online again, would my friends miss me? probably. but they'd get over it fast. they'd forget about me. they'd move on. that's how life goes for random nobodies like me, i guess.

idk. i just wish i could be loved by someone. even to be loved by myself would be nice. i wish i could be good at something, what am i good at, fucking grammar? like that's a good skill. and not even one i bother using 99% of the time! i spend my days online, who the fuck cares about capitalizing proper nouns? not me.

i don't know where i was going with this. i think i an just incredibly sad and lonely. isn't that pathetic? what a loser i am

aghhh.....

[infinitystation]

When you get this ask, answer with 5 things you like about yourself publicly! Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is key 💕💌)

1) ive been a lot happier with how my art looks recently, even if i don't have the energy to draw very often :D i'm just kinda proud of how fast i improved, even though i'm nowhere near "outstanding" like a lot of the people i look up to. i'm good for me and that's good enough

2) IVE MAINTAINED A HEALTHY WEIGHT FOR LIKE THREE YEARS NOW WOO!! i was so underweight for most of my life jdhfj it was causing me. A Lot of problems. it's been nice to stay this good for this long

3) ive hit that point where professors have no idea what to do with me so i've been referred to as all sorts of pronouns. someone in the cafeteria opted to call me "buddy" instead of sir/ma'am once jhdkfh. feels good, im glad that's what i've managed to do with myself. in short, im very happy with my appearance now, looking in the mirror actually feels like looking at myself :D

4) i like to think i'm pretty okay at taking pictures, or at least pretty lucky with being in the right place at the right time :] i have a handful that i'm very proud of

5) i caught a fish with my hands once and he was very shiny and fun. idk if this counts as "something about myself" but i think it's worth sharing. here is the fish

[socialistsooner420]

lately i been seeing a lot of misinformation goin around regarding opositions to marijuana legislation as well as misconceptions of cancer that are just boiling my blood.

i think as both a cancer patient and as a marijuana consumer the most irritating arguments against weed are "THEY DONT REALLY CURE CANCER YA KNOW???"

yeah, i do know. if that were the case i wouldn't have cancer in the first place. but do you know what marijuana DOES do for us cancer patients? heres a little bit of perspective of what we have to struggle with

having cancer is not just "you have [x amount of time] left to live". thats only in the movies, its never as cut and dry as that. the sad truth is there's a LOT of uncertainty in the entire process, from discovering somethings wrong/finding the tumor, having the courage to go to the doctor and explain everything to them, having to endure many invasive, PAINFUL tests, waiting for the results (took 2 weeks to get mine back), then you have to figure out how tell your loved ones. Ya know what helped ease my panic during all that overwhelming shit? marijuana

fun fact: a lotta people leave when ya tell em ya got cancer! its an extremely depressing reality we have to face. a lot of people compare drug additcs to cancer patients, the joke usually being "you can yell at a person who got addicted to drugs, they chose that! but you cant make fun of a cancer patient, because they didnt!" well, unfortunately, people can and do "make fun" (more like bullying....) of us. people DO scream at us. for example: when i told my mom my diagnosis, she screamed at me, as if i chose to have cancer. she asked me "how could i do this to HER?". So not only is cancer a grueling painful process, its also stressful, confusing, heartbreaking, uncertain, overwhelming, and fucking DEPRESSING. Marijuana helps me get my mind off of all that. Instead of the constant thoughts such as "when will this cancer finally kill me so i can stop being such a huge burden on my family?" i can give my mind a rest and think happy thoughts instead.

a lot of cancers cause supressed appetites. thats why a lot of us are extremely underweight and gaunty. marijuana helps us regain our appetites and not have to starve and waste away! it also helps keep us at a consistent weight, another really dangerous problem for us.

In addition to having difficulty putting food down, its also hard for us to keep our food down. our supressed appetites come with the extra pain of extreme nausea and vomiting, which oh hey! personal experience i had today; i violently threw up 8 times in a row after only eating a bag of chips (supressed appetites make it VERY hard to eat actual meals), and i thought i was going to drown in my own vomit because i couldn't stop and breathe. i didnt smoke first 🤔 but i drank plenty o water and smoked some marijuana afterwards, and wouldnt ya know, no more nausea, and i was able to keep my next snack down.

cancerous tumors often become inflamed, randomly and for indefinite amounts of time. i cannot even begin to explain the unbearable pain it causes. it feels like there's a giant ball of itchy fire inside your body. Marijuana helps the inflammation go down and relaxes the body.

in addition to inflammations, tumors are just naturally painful. its a mass growing exponentially inside your body, compressing your internal organs, LITERALLY STRETCHING YOUR SKIN, and literally an extra weight to carry around. You know what can safely help take that pain away, without all the shitty side effects for pain medications such as oxys/percs (which is what they had me on before Oklahoma passed Medical Marijuana legislation)? Marijuana. Marijuana helped the pain better than oxy or percs, and Marijuana certainly didnt force me to become bedridden and sleep 20 hrs a day like oxys/percs did

Speaking of sleep, trying to sleep with cancer is also difficult. the pressure of anything even remotely close to your tumor area. I had a massive tumor in my breast that was almost 5 POUNDS, and even my shirt touching it hurt. imagine sleeping with a bowling ball extremely poorly ducktaped tightly to your chest. Thats what I had to do. you know what helped me sleep though?

you guessed it!

Medical Marijuana

there's so many more benefits that it has for different cancer types, as well as other ailments, but i wont go further because that would take forever to list. my point here though is that no medical marijuana advocate is saying its the end all cure all, just that there are many people that it could help who we're denying in favor of big pharmas opiod crisis.

its just plain ignorant and legitimately harmful to the people marijuana could benefit to deny that it helps sick people, especially cancer patients.

im so sick of hearing shit like "well pot ruined my sons life, now he's unemployed and plays video games all day" like bitch do you think i fucking care??

marijuana literally SAVED and continue to save my god damn life every day. its not pots fault you raised a shitty son with no rules or boundaries, i also know plenty of recreational smokers who hold down jobs and are well off, so its not weeds fault yr sons a loser.

im just glad oklahoma has pretty much the most liberal weed laws in the US. sq788 passed right after my surgery and i was so happy that finally i could legally and SAFELY get the medication that i had to do illegally for so long.

im ending my rant with this screencap of my favorite arch of archer when he had breast cancer which obviously hit close to home with me.

me too, archer, me too.

[curious-menace]

Arkham Scarecrow SFW Alphabet

im really enjoying writing arkham scarecrow. maybe ill do something similar to my random riddler headcanons posts with some scarecrows

long post under the cut

 A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Uhhh, the short answer is no. Jonathan is almost wholly incapable of what most people would term “affection”. His idea of loving is not using you for his experiments, only giving you small doses to build up your immunity( not that that will stop him from enjoying watching you panic). Jonathan leans heavily on gifts and words of affirmation as his language of love ( assuming he can even feel that emotion). He calls you  “my dear”  and “my darling” or once “my pumpkin” if he had too much to drink. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Jonathan would make a good friend if he could ever be wrangled into admitting it. He’s a complete bastard, but he's a loyal bastard. He always goes above and beyond for his friends but it's always in a “aw shit. My favorite idiot needs help AGAIN?!” begrudging , kind of way. You probably met in university/college and if you've stuck with him this long he’d be hard to get rid of.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He never asks for cuddles and is pretty touch adversed as a rule. Sometimes though, He simply plonks himself in your space and expects you to know what he wants. Usually it's gentle backrubs/strokes like you would with a child. Sometimes he just wants your warmth to sooth his aching body. He’s heavier than he was in Arkham asylum but still very underweight so you shouldn't have too much trouble moving him into a comfortable position.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Absolutely not. I'm not convinced this man owns more than his books and the burlap sack on his back ,never mind a home. He has plans to take the cloudburst on tour, to go cross country and then across the world spreading fear. That would be a little difficult if he had gotham mortgage sending him nasty emails every other day about missed payments. While he can cook and clean, I doubt you'd want to eat anything he made. Ignoring his filthy hands, he's probably laced it with fear toxin or a lethal amount of hot sauce.

His homemade cleaning chemicals are pretty stellar mind you. They can get blood, piss or tears out of anything. 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Scarecrow really is a ride or die kinda guy. If you've wormed your way into his life then he’s going to do literally everything and anything to keep you in it. He’s not above making you dependent on him for safety just to keep you around longer. He’s not a total monster to the people he cares about mind you. If you really didn't want to be with him, he’d let you go….eventually.

I'm not sure he fully understands the concept of a “breakup”on his end. He gets that you don't see eachother anymore but I don't think he quite grasps that it's not because one party is dead. There's a 99% chance he’ll use you for his fear toxin experiments as a way of kicking you to the kerb. If you wake up in a ditch with a text that says “we’re through” you should consider yourself lucky. 

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

I canon arkham scarecrow as having been engaged at one point in his life, possibly around the time of origins. I can imagine his partner gave him a “me or the fear toxin” ultimatum which has led to the man you know now. Despite how he looks, how he speaks and acts, he’s still open to the idea of a partner. He’s a loyal man who can't stand backstabbers, he’d appreciate someone like a spouse/husband/wife to have his back. If he decided he wanted to get married he’d propose almost immediately. It might be more of a business or thesis type proposal with lots of talking rather than flowers and wine and you're likely to be married as soon as you said yes. 

He has a tiny pumpkin ring saved for the occasion. Something like this (image credit https://www.banggood.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s gentle, in a creepy way unsurprisingly. He was a little stronger than the average man before the incident with croc, all that cardio and fighting with batman made him a skinny legend amongst the rogues for how well he could fight. Now? He couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag. Mostly he's calm and soft, especially when you wouldn't expect him to be.  He can still be an emotionally manipulative person but chances are good you're smart enough to see right through him. Calling him on his bs is actually a good way to endear yourself to him. He likes a challenge and he loves it when people think they can outsmart him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Hmm. yes and no. Scarecrow is severely touch adversed, but...It's not like with Riddler; Edward is on the autism spectrum and genuinely gets overstimulated by a lot of physical contact, he doesn't usually enjoy it unless under specific circumstances. Scarecrow WANTS to be hugged and held on occasion, but the mere thought of someone in his personal bubble sends his hackles up. 

When he first woke up after the asylum, he clung to you like a lampent. Scarecrow gives and recieves hugs like someone who needs them to breath.Your warmth soothes the aching pain when even drugs couldn't . By the time of Arkham Knight he’s grown cold and distant. His hugs are few and far between and unusually half hearted even when he initiates them. Maybe he’s just preoccupied with batman.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

I doubt he’d ever say the words ``i love you” but he’s absolutely going to quote love poetry at you, recite lines from his favorite literature  “shall i compare you to a summer's day” and all that. That’s far better than a simple “i love you” right?

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Jonathan is sort of one note when it comes to expressing frustration. Coffee machine not working? Melt it down into fear toxin vials. Line at the grocery store? Gas everyone out of his way. He doesnt get mad, he gets even. He’s not a super jealous person, he’s probably the most secure in himself out of all the rogues in Gotham bar Selina and ivy. But when something does hit his jealousy bone just right? LORD HE IS TERRIBLE. 

Unless you were the instigator, you are 100% safe but the poor soul who made the mistake of flirting with you will never see the light of day again.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He can't really kiss to be honest. He lacks a lot of lip tissue and tongue dexterity for deep smooching. He’s quite happy to give you little pecks on the cheek but anywhere else will get sloppy and he's not a fan of that. Jonathan has actually started to bump you with his head like a cat in lieu of kisses. Rare as it is, when he wants kisses he has a tendency to nuzzle into the crook of your neck or rest his head on your shoulder. He likes to be kissed on the cheek , forehead and top of his head. Most other places are covered in scars and lack the sensitivity to enjoy it.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He likes to scare kids. It's not as malicious as it is with adults, he just likes to yell boo at them, smiling as they scream and giggle and run away. It's probably the most innocent he’ll act around other people. He still doesnt like them per say but he’ll tolerate them in small doses. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Scarecrow , like most rogues, is not a morning person. He doesn't sleep well and he is hella grumpy when he first wakes up. Expect to watch him shuffle around his hideout like a zombie, still wearing a quilt and his dressing gown as he complains about everything from the weather to the loud creaking of the floorboards. You should present him with food and coffee and then retreat to a safe distance until he’s fully awake, otherwise he’s liable to turn on his grumpy old man routine on you. If he's feeling particularly sore or needy, he’ll ask you to help change his bandages and dressings .

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

It really depends on what he feels like in the moment. Sometimes he’ll leave you at home while he goes out to cause general mischief, sometimes he’ll bring you along as a look out. Sometimes it's a low-key night at the hideout reading and sometimes it's a caffeine fueled frenzie of experimentation and lab work with you as his trusty lab assistant.  He doesn't sleep well at night, the aches keep him up. If he were ever to actually go to bed he might find that you make a great pillow.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

As much as he resents people having the upperhand with information, it's hard not for people to see his past. His scars are so easily visible, inside and out. He doesn't talk about his past unless prompted. But if you do he’ll quite happily answer all your questions; he’s not afraid of discussing it. 

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Jonathan is a very patient man, not just when it comes to revenge.It takes quite a lot to make him fly off the handle and he cools off again quickly. That's not to say he doesn't hold a grudge like he’s being paid for it, only that it's more of a simmering anger rather than a boiling one.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers most things about you, he has an excellent memory. But that being said he never lets on that he knows these things. He likes to hear you talk about the things that interest you, even if you've told him about it before. Watching you wax lyrical about your chosen subject makes him feel close to you. 

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

I don't know if it's a favorite or even a positive memory but when he first woke up from surgery after croc you were lying beside him. He was understandably confused, maybe even afraid, but seeing you there brought him great comfort. He didn't know what was happening because of all the meds, but as long as you were with him he was confident things would work out for him.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He means well, you should always keep that in mind  before you snap at him. He brought you to the arkham knights HQ to protect you from his plans, he’s given you micro doses of fear toxin to build your resistance and by the time of arkham knight you can hardly move for the amount of guards he has following you around. He’s overbearing bordering on controlling but I think it's because he simply can't admit the thought of losing you scares him, even just a little. You aren't a rogue, you don't know Batman like they do. He just needs to keep you safe from batman, from the police and from the ugly world outside.

Given how weak he’s been viewed practically all his life, I believe he’d resent the accusation he needed protecting. deep in his mind he knows no one man is an island. He appreciates little helps even if he won't say it. He doesn't need protection per say but If nothing else, after being injected with his new toxin, he's going to need someone who’s corpus mentis in his corner for court and medical proceedings.  

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

His idea of a perfect date is you two working on your respective projects in comfortable silence, maybe a trip to the museum if he feels like the exercise. Obviously that suits some people down to the ground, myself included, but he gets that it's not for everyone. He’s probably ok with you planning the activities provided you warn him beforehand. 

Given everything he’s been planning for batman, things like important dates and even everyday tasks have a tendency to get lost in the fray. He's not doing it on purpose, He’s glad to celebrate these things with you if you remind him, He's just got his priorities in a funny order.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He shuffles his feet when he walks and is one of those people who always has conversations in doorways. You can never be sure he isn't aware of these habits and is doing them on purpose. He also used to smoke quite heavily but has since given it up due to his throat and lung issues.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

It's sort of a mixed bag with him. On the one hand he knows he’s ugly, that's the point. You're MEANT to be scared looking at him, he’s leaning into it. But on the other hand his “look” is a carefully maintained visage; if it slips it might lose the intended effect. He might not be as scary to look at or worse, people might look at him in pity. It's not ordinary vanity or narcissism but yes, he is concerned with maintaining the way he looks 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

The concept of feeling whole is somewhat lost on him; He’s clearly missing a few screws even in his most lucid moments. That said even in the depths of madness brought on by his toxin, he still notices your absence. Still incredibly distressed In his cell in blackgate, he can often be heard crying out to you for comfort  but is lacking the wherewithal to understand why you're not there. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Given that he has pretty extensive facial injuries, eating is pretty difficult for him. He used to really enjoy bagels and cubanos from gothams many deli’s. His favorite was a kosher deli in The Cauldron, before Joker ruined it. They’ve since rebuilt and while he can't eat many solids anymore , he still enjoys their matzo soup and smoothies. 

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Like most of the rogues, he absolutely can't stand bullies.He also can't stand physically aggressive people; if you're going to even TRY and intimidate him maybe you could use your words like someone with more than 2 brain cells to rub together, rare as that is in gotham. Back when he was a psychiatrist he hated people who were chronically late. Not his patients, most of the time it wasn't their fault  due to executive dysfunction or traffic, but people who kept HIM back and made HIM late were the bane of his existence. 

Z = Zzz (What are their sleep habits?)

Crane is a back sleeper who snores because of his damaged septum.He knows he makes a noise akin to a flip flop in a lawn mower but there is literally nothing he can do about it besides sleep on his stomach. He squirms around a lot in his sleep so even if he starts on his stomach, he’ll be on his back snoring like a dead horse in no time. The only thing that could keep him frontwise is if he were to sleep on you and have you hold him in place. 

[gilgameshthestudmuffin]

My Story//Return to the Community

I am going to start posting on here, I’ve been in recovery for a while but I realized I don’t care if I have an eating disorder, hell I find comfort in having one, knowing i’m doing something proactive to keep myself “beautiful.” I’m currently at the heaviest weight I’ve been in my life, Im still rather slim but my legs are filling out to a point where I look heathy skinny. I’ve never been heathy skinny, prior to recovery I had been underweight my whole life. Up until 7th grade I was underweight without trying. I gained some happy weight from working out 16 hrs a week and eating normally (even tho it wasn’t much) I became slightly over underweight. My eating disorder started here. I started starving, doing cardio, avoiding everyone in my life, and self harming. Up until 8th grade it was steady in starving 5 days a week, as much as I could until I had to eat to avoid suspicion from my mother. Once 8th grade began I got a boyfriend, I know so clingy, middle school relationships. I had been best friends with him for the year before that but had been on and off close friends since we were younger. Me and him started “dating” and he had more of an obsession with my weight than I did, which is impressive to say the least. Soon the number went from sustaining slightly underweight to the number dropping drastically. I was 5′6 and 86lbs. Surprisingly no one noticed, until my best friend told everyone. Suddenly everyone in my grade knew. A girl used to throw crackers at me at lunch, sometimes other would join in and throw food at me. Everyone had disliked me prior to this but now I had a larger target on my back. My boyfriend broke up with me because of new growing hatred everyone had towards me. I gained the weight back, until I was around 104 lbs. That summer, I lifted weights and took part in my sport for hours upon hours a day, I gained 10 lbs. I was slimmer than I was at 104 as in there was little to no fat on my body but I was built.  I had small muscles that were terrifyingly strong. Freshman year I got a girlfriend who admired my slim figure very much. She loved me with her whole heart but her mother broke us up after two months. We contained in secret but she decided I was too broken to continue with. She felt as though it was too hard to watch me slowly self distruct, she knew I self harmed and that was her concern even tho she did too herself. She broke my heart and it this time covid began. Over Quarantine I went back down to 104 lbs, by now I’ve grown to 5′8. After a while I met a new girl and she helped me so much. I started to gain weight and I was so happy. We lasted through all of the summer and my sophmore year. We just broke up after a year long relationship. I’m in a lot of pain i guess but I have somehow gotten rid of all ties to her in my head, I no longer care. I am currently 130 lbs and I cannot handle it. Im going into my jr year a fatass. Im still somewhat slim but the number on the scale keeps screaming at me. So this is me reentering the community. I hope to gain enough of a following that you will all hold me accountable to my calories and such, I will not be posting body checks because I am still 16 but I will post my measurements monthly and what I eat daily even on the days where I screw up starving.  

[selfcontainedinferno]

hi. im really struggling rn with feeling like my ed wasn’t bad enough or I wasn’t sick enough. Most of what’s making me feel like that is pretty typical, like I was never underweight, I never passed out, I was never hospitalized or tubed, I didn’t go days without eating, I haven’t had a lot of medical problems because of it. I never got professional help. I got better mostly on my own, I never actually lost much weight, I usually had 1 meal a day, I was only heavily restricting for 2 years and then lighter restricting for 2-2.5 more years. I just feel so alone and insecure and invalid. I don’t know if you can help me here but I just need reassurance

Hey, love. I don't know if this helps, but this is a very common story, and one I've heard from so many friends with ED's. Reading this was like looking at my own story, because I've never been hospitalized, never been underweight, never received any real help for it (I am now back in therapy but the vast majority of my recovery was done by myself.) You are not alone in your story, it's ridiculously common-the sad truth is that a lot of eating disorders go undiagnosed/untreated because of the fatphobia in our culture and our obsession with dieting/losing weight. The first thing I would do is urge you to get professional help. I am so so proud of you, and I'm sure you've come a really really long way, but the really difficult truth is that beating it entirely on your own is almost impossible. Take it from someone who was in a state of quasi-recovery for years, relapsing every other week-You can absolutely make progress on your own (and I'm sure you have!) but if it's at all possible for you, any professional or therapeutic help you can get will work wonders.

To circle back, though-you deserve recovery. You deserve happiness and to feel your life fully. I have heard so many people with ED's say they "weren't suck enough" and truly believe it, and I was one of them. But someday in the future you will look back at where you are now/where you were, and you'll be shocked at how much farther you've come. I can't wait to be even prouder of you than I already am. (And a friendly reminder-if you need someone to celebrate a recovery win with, my asks/dm's are always open!)

[kuroosdumbslut]

Hi! 🌸 could you write about the matsuno brothers having kids? like coming home from the hospital? Seeing their baby first? Their s/o just being calm through the whole process. they asking their wife how does she do that so effortlessly?? I would love to see their POV when they find out they are going to be fathers so much! Thank you!!! 🌺 I know it’s something really fluffy but I just love them so much 🌸 thank you once again!!!

*since you asked for all matsus, im gonna do hcs, i hope thats ok!!*

❤oso❤

-he was at work when he got the call

- "hey baby, i hope your work is doing good, but i just went into labor so if you can, please make it to the hospital"

-oso has never been so frantic, he got to the hospital in under 10 minutes

-when he got there, you were still pushing, so he jumped in as soon as he could and held your hand

-you were in labor for 2 hours before your son was welcomed to the world

-he had a good hair of dark brown hair and your eyes

-osomatsu cried like a baby (omg) and was so proud and happy

-(hes a good father, he just needs a little help sometimes)

💙kara💙

-the most emotional out of the boys

-you went into labor around 6pm, just before kara started dinner

-you had waddled into the kitchen to tell him lol

- "Sweetheart, dont start dinner yet, we need to get to the hospital. Yeah, my water just broke, it's go time :)"

-kara never knew how you could stay so calm, but he tried to follow suit (and failed but thats neither here nor there)

-since you were so close to due date, you both had decided to pack your overnight bags and all beforehand, so all you had to do was get in the car and go

-you had identical twin girls, your labor only lasting about 30 minutes

-kara laid on the hospital bed with you, holding one of the twins while you held the other

-both of you were teary, but kara was full on sobbing (as quietly as he could)

💚choro💚

-it was 3am when you went into labor

- "Choromatsu, baby, call the midwife. My water broke."

-he was awake and fully alert in 10 seconds flat

-you both had decided on a home birth, so while you were doing breathing exercises on the bed, choro was up, dressed, and on the phone woth the midwife

-tho a lot of people expect choro to be the calmest, hes extremely stressed

-the midwife got to your house fairly quickly and had the birthing tub set up in no time

- you had the longest labor ever omg, it was 9 hours before your son was born

- your son weighed a staggering 9 1/2 pounds and was a very big baby

- you did have to go to the hospital a little after he was born, however, because you were having trouble delivering your placenta

-choro was extremely stressed after, but tried to keep calm for your son

-when you did finally get to come home, you greeted your husband and newborn son with a warm smile and a few little tears

💜Ichi💜

-it was 4pm when you went into labor

-ichimatsu had just gotten off from the vet's office when he saw you packing the car up

- "love...?" you turned to him with a tilted grin and replied, "Water broke, time to have our babies."

-ichimatsu thought he was gonna pass out, but kept it together to drive the both of you to the hospital

-since you were having triplets, you were rushed to c-section to have your children

-ichimatsu was there the entire time, holding your hand and waiting with you until all 3 babies were delivered

-you had two girls and a boy, the girls were a healthy weight and size, but your son was a little underweight and was having trouble breathing

-he was put in an incubator after being checked over, but overall it was pretty easy

-you were holding the girls while ichi went over to your son, sticking his hand inside and gently holding his hand

- "hey little guy, rough time with your sisters?"

-ichi will be very protective of his children, especially his son

💛Jyushi💛

-he had gotten home from baseball practice, you were relaxed with him for not even ten minutes

- "Sweetpea, my water broke. We're having the baby now."

-Jyushi was the calmest of the bots, surprisingly

-he informed the midwife that you went into labor and got the bed all ready for you so you could lay down

-when the midwife came, it was a blur of pushing, jyushimatsu encourging you and peppering kisses all over your hand, and 20 minutes later, your little daughter was born

-she was so small, only 6 pounds and 9 ounces

-she was healthy, though, just a small baby

-everything went so smoothly, and with no problems, you were shocked

-jyushi still had his signature smile on, but happy tears were streaming down his cheeks as he held his daughter close

- "I know you're just a little baby, but you can be whatever you want, and I cant wait to see what you become one day"

💗Todo💗

-it was a lazy saturday when you went into labor

-you were cooking up some lunch when your water broke

-its funny though cause you were wearing a skirt, so when your water broke, it sounded like you spilt water on the floor

- "Honey? Are you ok in there?" Todomatsu walked in, expecting to see an overturned glass or something, only for to see a pinkish puddle on the ground

- "It's go time babe, get the bag and lets have this baby"

-todomatsu was so excited, but nervous, so once you were checked intk the hospital and everything, he called EVERYONE

-his mother, his father, your mother and/or father, his brothers, everyone

- an hour later, your baby was born

-they were born intersex, but you both agreed on keeping both genitalia so your baby could choose whatever gender they'd like or keep both if they wanted

-you were both so excited, tears in everyones eyes as you held your baby close

-later on in life, your child decided to keep both and be a non-gender conforming person and tot was super helpful in helping them pick out androgynous clothing :)

**ok im so sorry but i had to add in different way of birthing, different numbers of kids, and different genders (i like to try and represent other people, genders, sexualities, etc here) if anything is incorrect, let me know and i can make the correct changes :)**

[mossboytobin]

Hey I want to talk about how fishkeeping has helped my mental health and wellness.

I deal with aspergers, BPD and Bipolar 1; so sometimes its hard to let myself feel like I'm doing anything right or good or whatever.

I've been keeping freshwater fish on and off throughout my life and im at a point rn where I'm working really hard to be my best self i can be.

(To preface specifically keeping fish is not the tip I'm trying to put out there, it's just how i happened upon this little life lesson so i'll be speaking from the angle of a fish daddy)

You know those days where you can't convince yourself you need to eat, or even get out of bed or really do anything? Yeah those days fucking suck, but since i've started keeping my 75 gallon community tank, on those days i know i HAVE to get up and feed my fish. Not only cause setting up a good tank is a significant financial investment, but also because i'm emotionally invested in the well-being of my dear sweet wet boiz. On those days, at least for me, forcing myself to roll out of bed for 2 seconds to sprinkle in some food or treat them to some bloodworms, forces me to have a moment where my brain can finally tell me "okay you did this right, look your fish are healthy and happy. I might not be able to do that for me right now but i know through my efforts these silly wet boiz are doing alright."

For me that one little thought that slips in can turn a shit day into an "i did something good outside of me" day. Im sure that sounds a little silly but it really helps me see im not just fucking up all the time.

So a little more on fishkeeping, I keep a 75 gallon freshwater community. I have a few species of gourami, a pleco, a Raphael catfish, silver dollars, these 2 long river lookin dudes that i can remember the name of but man they fast, a dragon goby and my favorites: 3 ropefish.

I also keep an ever growing variety of live plants in the tank cause my ropefish love weaving their snake-like bodies all arounf the stems and roots and my vegetarian fish like to snack on em.

Now for the highlights and downfalls of fishkeeping, in case anyones thinking of setting a tank up.

Pros:

Fish are pretty and very weird.

You can always show off your little chunk of nature to anyone, people tend to be down to check out your cool tank.

Sitting and watching fish swim around, at lwast for me, helps with anxiety. It can be a bit meditative. I always feel nice and calm when i get to hang out with me fish for a bit

Feeding them treats! Learning who likes what and giving them special little presents is such a fun rewarding adventure

Science! Tank maintenance requires you to learn about a closed system and how the environment impacts your critters.

Breeding, if u want to have baby fish to scream at how smol and adorable they are, theres tons of livebearing species that breed readily.

Peaceful water noises

Your cats will have a new favorite show to watch. Its pretty fun to see them bat at the glass trying to understand just wtf is going on in there. (If u have a cat make sure you cat proof your tank)

Maintenance is way easier than u think and u can control the level of effort you need to put in by selecting the right species of flora and fauna. If you learn how to balance things and adopt friends to fill the niches it pretty much takes care of itself. My tank is always crystal clear and i only have to feed them daily and then clean the tank every 2 weeks. And cleaning is very simple and easy.

You'll get to develop a friendship with critters that you normally wont interact with, i try really hard to make sure my fish are comfy with me, and since its been going for a while my fish always swim up front when i come by (because i basically am santa claus to these little weirdos) and show me their pretty colors and do cute little things unique to each fish.

Might help you find some peace in a chaotic period in life.

Its really rewarding to start with a small little nervous fella and help them grow up big strong and expressive. For example, when i got my dragon goby, he was zmall and underweight cause he hated being at the petstore and was refusing to eat. Then i brought him to his giant fun colorful new home and now he's about twice the size, nice and beefy and he went from a washed out grey-blue clor to an incredible luminescent violet-blue (also his favorite hobby is digging with his shovel of a mouth)

Theres a huge community of fishkeepers to get involved with, your automatically best pals with anyone in the fish aisle at the pet store.

Cons:

Obviously, fish arent for everyone, they take a lot of observation and dedication. Which some people simply dont have time or resources to really work well as a fishkeeper.

Bad things so happen, theres a learning curve for ev everyone, you cant just be perfect right as soon as you start (although i wanna point out that this fact helped me learn its okay to make mistakes, just learn from them and try your best to do better next time).

Depending on how you do it, it can be fairly pricey.

It is work, but its also encouraging when you manage to accomplish that work.

Thanks for reading, i hope everyone has a good day of being good to yourself and others! 💖

[1112lw]

Every question!!

SDFFSDFG DAM OK SIS

LONG POST AHEAD IF U LITERALLY WANNA KNOW ME PERSONALLY JUST READ THIS LMFAO

1: Name: Arche/Jupiter, my close friends know my real name so!

2: Age: High school has just been done so try to guess

3: Fears: Heights, oral presentations, the dark

4: 3 things I love: Drawing, men- concept art n stuff like that

5: 4 turns on: Oh here we go- uhh thighs, messy hair? when they give u The Look or when they. say things i will not talk about here HHGBDF n uhhh Arms 👀👀

6: 4 turns off: weird macho attitude, overly confident bullshit, being selfish and fuckboys in general

7: My best friend: not sure what this means but my bff is named Daphnée n i love her and ive known her my whole life so 

8: Sexual orientation: homosexuale

9: My best first date: :))))))) as if

10: How tall am I: sigh. I’m 5″4

11: What do I miss: sometimes i miss the feeling loved ig

12: What time were I born: 12:19

13: Favourite color: pink!

14: Do I have a crush

15: Favourite quote: My senior quote!! “if what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, I’m telling you I’m immortal”

16: Favourite place: well? my room ig? I like my yard too

17: Favourite food: ugh ramen,,,korean dishes are TASTE as fuck but i also like classic ass spaghetti so like lol

18: Do I use sarcasm: does it look like i dont

19: What am I listening to right now: dr.phil LMFAO

20: First thing I notice in new person: Hair and eyes!! also how they laugh

21: Shoe size: Like. a 7-8 in women’s 6 in men’s 

22: Eye color: Hazel/Golden yes bitch let me be special

23: Hair color: it’s either dark brown or golden brown idk

24: Favourite style of clothing: bruv its either kpoppie fuckboy or uwu skirts pastels

25: Ever done a prank call?: no i have anxiety

26: Meaning behind my URL:

27: Favourite movie: rise of the guardians and HTTYD

28: Favourite song: Comeback Home (BTS cover)

29: Favourite band: looks in the camera i dont know nan molla huh

30: How I feel right now: I’m fine im hungry

31: Someone I love: shoutout to my babeys in my server ily

32: My current relationship status: Single(tm)

33: My relationship with my parents: theyre fine ig just a bit tired

34: Favourite holiday:

35: Tattoos and piercing I have: Ear piercings? that’s it

36: Tattoos and piercings I want:

37: The reason I joined Tumblr:

38: Do I and my last ex hate each other? I sure hope not?

39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? A bit ig?

40: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Literally no

41: When did I last hold hands? Like last Friday

42: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 20 minutes

43: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? no i havent shaved in like months

44: Where am I right now? in my room, in quebec, canada

45: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? bitch i sure hope my friends would

46: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? fuck my ears 

47: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? yeah

48: Am I excited for anything? yeah? yeah

49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? ig? always

50: How often do I wear a fake smile? just at work tbh

51: When was the last time I hugged someone? not long ago i cant tell but my friends r cuddle monsters so 

52: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? i havent kissed anyone so 

53: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? lemme think uhhh no not rlly im not dumb 

54: What is something I disliked about today? i woke up n i thought i had school lol

55: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? oh john cock i want to be ur best friend

56: What do I think about most? i daydream 24/7

57: What’s my strangest talent? uhhh i can put my thumb behind my hand?

58: Do I have any strange phobias? trypophobia, if thats “weird”

59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? depends on what the video is, mostly behind

60: What was the last lie I told? idk answering to my deadname

61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? online

62: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I slightly believe in ghosts? also aliens GOTTA exist so 

63: Do I believe in magic? i think!

64: Do I believe in luck? yeah

65: What’s the weather like right now? very pretty i filmed a video outside!!

66: What was the last book I’ve read? L’Étranger d’Albert Camus in french class

67: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yes my dad’s a mechanic

68: Do I have any nicknames? a lot a lot

69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? bitch @ my birth #neverforget 

70: Do I spend money or save it? i have 40$ in my name right now

71: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

72: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? yes highlighter

73: Favourite animal? cats or otters

74: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? FBISDFD NO WE DONT TALK ABOUT IT

75: What do I think is Satan’s last name idk he can have any last name he wants!!!

76: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? everytime i start hearing “waiting for you anpanman” or “i just wanna go home” 👀👀

77: How can you win my heart? aaahh. be a twink. b fashionable. b funny. cheesy. pls romance me like a npc in the sims 2

78: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? s(he) died smh

79: What is my favorite word? cunt is SUCH a satisfying word

80: My top 5 blogs on tumblr? oh great uh honestly cant be fucked 

81: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? please have brain. PLEASE

82: Do I have any relatives in jail? i sure hope the fuck not?

83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? either invisibility or mind reading

84: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? ahaaa “what are your intrusive thoughts”

85: What is my current desktop picture? my lesbian sims getting married LMFAO

86: Had sex? no

87: Bought condoms? no

88: Gotten pregnant? NO

89: Failed a class? i think yeah maths last year

90: Kissed a boy? :(((

91: Kissed a girl? no

92: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no

93: Had job? I have a job rn so 

94: Left the house without my wallet? yeah when i go to school

95: Bullied someone on the internet? define bullying?

96: Had sex in public? virgin squad

97: Played on a sports team? yeah

98: Smoked weed? no ew

99: Did drugs? no ew

100: Smoked cigarettes? NO EW

101: Drank alcohol? yep 

102: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? no i’d die

103: Been overweight? i’m twig

104: Been underweight? i think i was underweight when i was young? i was very Small

105: Been to a wedding? yes very long boring

106: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? bruh. everyday

107: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? probably?

108: Been outside my home country? ONCE

109: Gotten my heart broken? TWICE !

110: Been to a professional sports game? yesss canadians game!!

111: Broken a bone? no

112: Cut myself? not technically 

113: Been to prom? SOON SOON SOON SOSOSNSBFSHDD

114: Been in airplane? once

115: Fly by helicopter? i am not rich bitch

116: What concerts have I been to? noneeee- WAIT NO MARIE MAI

117: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? not sex but for the purpose of pretending i have a penis yes plenty

118: Learned another language? yeah!! i learned english, i almost learned spanish and i’m trynna learn korean now

119: Wore make up? i try!! but i’m not super good

120: Lost my virginity before I was 18? not 18 yet but it’s goin that way

121: Had oral sex? as if 

122: Dyed my hair? i wishhh

123: Voted in a presidential election? I WISH THE ELECTIONS R ONE MONTH B4 MY BIRTHDAY 

124: Rode in an ambulance? nope

125: Had a surgery? yes at a week old 

126: Met someone famous? i think yes but i was super small

127: Stalked someone on a social network? define stalked?

128: Peed outside? yes

129: Been fishing? YES

130: Helped with charity? i think? we do volunteering so 

131: Been rejected by a crush? not directly

132: Broken a mirror? no 

133: What do I want for birthday? boyf......boy..boyff

134: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? oh man uhh maybe 2-3, i dont know their names yet honestly

135: Was I named after anyone? MY DAD NAMED ME AFTER A FUCKIN CLIENT HE MET. as for my actual name now I named myself after my fav video game character. lit

136: Do I like my handwriting? yeah!!

137: What was my favourite toy as a child? bitch hot wheels

138: Favourite Tv Show? hells kitchen,,,,judge judy,,,anythin like that

139: Where do I want to live when older? honestly i wish i could just live in japan or tokyo, or new york? but i will most likely end up in montreal 

140: Play any musical instrument? i used to play the clarinet last year!!

141: One of my scars, how did I get it? the one on my knee, i scratched my desk with my knee 

142: Favourite pizza toping? my dad makes AMAZING sea food pizzas,,,

143: Am I afraid of the dark? a lot

144: Am I afraid of heights? A LOT

145: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? idk prolly? im a bit of a goody two shoes or however u spell it

146: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end: dont we all

147: What I’m really bad at: organizing my anxiety n shit i get overwhelmed

148: What my greatest achievments are: finishing high school 

149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: honestly has to be that time someone dug up my vent post about being dysphoric to try to say i hated myself with some dumbass DySphorIa Is SelF HaTRed argument

150: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: pay my parents’ debt off, buy 284223$ of BT21 merch, pay my whole college/uni and transition

151: What do I like about myself: idk i like how i literally do not give a fuck anymore and ive learned to love myself instead of trynna care

152: My closest Tumblr friend: @peptobismol-official​ @ace-landofthesun​ @dorkalisious​ and ana but idk her @ anymore :((( ana pls

153: Something I fantasise about: we dont talk about that

154: Any thoughts on the paranormal?: lit. please stop crawling in my ceiling !

ok now that u know my whole biography. go doxx me ig. bye bye

[beesmygod]

2018

every year i make an end of the year post talking abt how i changed during the year, so its Time Again for this check in on my life. and, honestly, this is probably one of my happier entries on tumblr (as well as my life). a big struggle i had this year was reconciling how happy and satisfied i am with my current situation with how uniquely awful the world is right now. 

i am happy! i can say that with confidence. i am really happy with the choices ive made in my life. im finally doing things for myself that benefit me instead of running anxiety based simulations of how im inevitably going to disappoint everyone. i’m finally not dangerously underweight (i gained 20lbs!), i dont vomit from stress unless im actually doing something stressful (and the strides made in THIS category are getting better and better every day) and im finally beginning to feel like a person again.

in 2016 i felt like i was waking up everyday to put on a human suit to go out into the world only to come home, unpeel it and melt down from the stress of having to be “in character” for so long. i haven’t felt that at all in 2018. i feel like im finally developing an identity of my own. i think the problem is that who i am is, tbh, pretty obnoxious, but its my obnoxiousness. i’ll get it under contol eventually, but for right now its nice to finally realize and be okay with who i am. even if who i am is a work in progress. 

if ive improved this much in one year, then next year will be better. from “human” to “good human”. therapy helped so much. meds helped a lot too (gotta have my ‘zac). my therapist told me i need to also ive myself some credit for my improvement but also adam helped too. and my friends! 

art-wise, within the last month, i finally feel like i got over an art plateau. for a long time i felt kind of stagnant and it was hard for me to get excited about making the comic. i felt like i was throwing myself against a wall i built myself. in may, after a visit to adam that was so good it made me depressed to go home, i had my least productive month and only made 5 pages. this really kicked my butt into gear and made me realize i had to do SOMETHING to change.

so i started to redraw the first chapter of my comic. which was a killer idea; being able to see 5 years of progress side by side is so heartening. absolutely not perfect at all, but so much better. in the last few months ive started a bad movie review/database type thing (with the first edition ready in january), drew a long overdue poster for the previous chapter of AGS and maintained all my current patreon goals. im still volunteering in my free time at the library, which i love and will be sad to leave in february when i move to RI.

and honestly, one of the most heartening parts of this year was having solid, irrefutable proof that i dont have to choose a job or a relationship. adam and i split most things but i have been able to very significantly pull my own weight. every time i buy a plane ticket with my own money im like “HAHAHA I CAN HAVE IT ALL!!” financial independence is wild. it takes sacrifice but im so relieved to know that my career, which makes me ridiculously happy but benefits exclusively me, is not something that makes me a burden to anyone with the misfortune to love or friend me.

i hope 2019 is good too, but i also hope its better for everyone. 

except everyone who has ever wronged me. it would be funny if their lives continued to get hilariously worse. keep that part up

[captain-kingliamsqueen]

You Can Only Be You (Liam x MC)

This may get taken down, I’m a little unsure about it so it may be removed later on...

Pairing: Liam x Riley

Summary:…Riley and her daughter have a heart to heart.

Word Count: 2,191

Masterlist <—–

Tagged : @starstruckzonkoperatorbat  @drakelover78  @queencatherynerhys @devineinterventions2 @jayjay879  @kawairinrin  @hopefulmoonobject @flyawayblue56  @gardeningourmet  @blackcatkita  @syltti78  @theroyalweisme  @hhiggs  @mfackenthal  @bruteforcebears @pens-girl-87 @barbaravalentino @umccall71 @darley1101 @crookedslimecreatorpasta  @jamjar84 @starstruckpixelberryhistoryvoid @speedyoperarascalparty @katurrade @scarlettedragon @zeniamiii @annekebbphotography @liam-rhys @xxrainbowprincessxx @perfectprofessorherokid @mynameiskaylabella

 ASK IF YOU WANT TAGGED! OR UNTAGGED!

I SINCERELLY APPOLOGISE IF I MISSED ANYONE, IM TRYING TO KEEP TRACK OF WHO WANTS TAGGED AND STUFF, IM GONNA PUT A POST OUT TO SEE WHO WANTS TO BE PERMANENTLY TAGGED!

I always notice every single spelling mistake or issue after I’ve posted…so apologies in advance! 

 It was 9pm when Riley approached her daughter’s bedroom. Liam was in a late meeting and wasn’t due back at the apartment for another hour.

“Deli-Bear, it’s time to put the book down” Riley stated calmly from the bedroom door. The 15-year-old looked up at her mother with a frown.

“I’m almost finished, could I have five more minutes, please?”

“sweetie you have school in the morning”

“I know…I promise I’ll go straight to sleep as soon as I’ve finished” Riley wasn’t sure what it was that she seen in her daughters eyes…but it wasn’t the usual happy glow she had.

“…alright…five minutes, but that’s it, as soon as the five minutes are up, its bed time” Riley stated. “thank you” Delilah replied as she buried her head back into her book. Riley stayed for a moment as she watched her daughter reading happily, buried in her book. Her attention was caught when she heard a noise coming from the other bedroom, where their youngest slept. Riley crossed the hall and stopped at the door. she watched as the little girl playing with her new dollhouse, she had been attached to it, since her mother and father gifted her with it for her fourth birthday. Riley cleared her through letting the little one know she was there, then let out a giggled a she seen her jump after being caught. Riley walked over to her and kneeled beside her.

“you should be sleeping” she whispered

“I got scared” the little girl mumbled

“scared of what baby?”

“the wind, it’s too loud”

“oh baby, it’s okay, it’s just a little wind, why don’t you and I climb into bed?” Riley gently wrapped her arms around her.

“will you stay, until I’m sleeping?” the little one asked in a whisper as she cuddled her mother.

“of course, I will, baby” Riley stood to her feet, taking the little girl’s hand in her own.

“c’mon sweetie, let’s get you to bed” Riley walked her over to the bed, she lifted the duvet, then help her climb back in then she lay herself down on top of the duvet.

“now, Ella, it’s time to go to sleep”

“I can still hear it”

“it’s okay, baby, it’s just a little wind, it can’t hurt you”

“promise?”

“I promise, sweetie” Riley whispered as she gently ran her fingers through Ella’s Hair. “Goodnight Ella” she whispered before She placed a gentle kiss on her head as she sang softly to her daughter, sending her to a slumber. Riley was startled when she went to turn and get out of bed and seen Liam stood at the door.

“how long have you been there?” she asked

“not long” he whispered, trying not to wake the little one. as Riley made her way to Liam, he opened his arms, pulling her into his hold, placing the most gentle kiss on her head.

“was it the wind keeping her up again?” Liam asked

“yeah, poor girl” she sighed as she cuddled into him.

“why don’t we get to bed?” Liam asked

“hmmm I like the sound of that” she hummed with a smile.

“alright, c’mon then” the two headed down to their bedroom.

“I missed you today” Riley whispered tiredly as she squeezed his hand.

“I missed you too, Baby”

“I’m Exhausted, I feel like I could sleep for a year” Riley yawned as she headed for her dresser, then began to change

“me too, I feel like I haven’t slept in weeks”

“what times your first meeting tomorrow?” Liam asked from the across the room.

“ten am”

“alright, why don’t I have it postponed for a couple of hours, you can sleep a little longer?”

“I can’t ask you to do that Liam, plus I have to get the children up for school, Ella has to go to her nursery class” The two headed for the bathroom, where they done their usual routines of washing their faces and brushing their teeth.

“you didn’t, I offered, it’s fine, I have an early meeting anyway I’ll get them up” he smirked “I’ll send Alex a message and let him know to postpone it”

“thank you honey” Riley smiled, she rinsed her mouth then, placed a kiss on Liam's lips. After the two finished their routines they headed for bed, turning the bedroom light off on the way. Once they were in bed, Riley shuffled over to cuddled Liam, pulling the duvet on her side of the bed, around her tightly, keeping her warm.

“its freezing in here” she mumbled

“c’mere” Liam whispered as he cuddled close to her, he gently ran his hand up and down her thigh, to help her warm up. “hmmm my human radiator” Riley smirked.

“Liam?”

“yeah?”

“I love you”

“I love you too baby” he whispered as he gently placed a kiss on her head.

The next day Riley awoke to a noise coming from somewhere in the apartment. She stretched and yawned as she reached out to lift her phone to check the time. Eleven am… there shouldn’t be anyone in the apartment, the children were all out, Liam was in is second meeting of the day. Riley got out of bed, pulling her robe and slippers on, then she headed out of the bedroom. She quietly made her way down the hallway past Ella’s bedroom, then the boy’s bedroom after that. As she went to pass Delilah’ room, she heard the noise, louder, this time…it was coming from in there.

She took a deep breath as she placed her hand on the handle, her heart was beating out of her chest, then she flung the door open.  She gasped as she seen Delilah sitting on her bed, reading.

“DELILAH RHYS! WHY ARE YOU NOT AT SCHOOL?!” she reprimanded

“mom!” Delilah jumped.

“I-um…”

“does your dad know you’re here?”

“no…please mom, don’t tell him!” the teen stood from the bed and approached Riley.

“does security know you’re not at school?”

“yes, I told Mara I wasn’t feeling very well, she was going to speak to dad, but I reminded her that dad was in a meeting and it wouldn’t be right to interrupt it.”

“Why aren’t you at school?”

“I…I don’t like it there”

“what do you mean you don’t like it, Delilah?”

“the other kids there, they don’t like me mom”

“Deli, you gotta elaborate, tell me what you mean?”

“they pick on me mom”

“they pick on you?”

“yeah…they…they don’t like me”

“baby, not everyone is going to like you”

“mom, they call me names…I don’t want to go back, they make fun of me.” Delilah burst into tears

“hey, listen” Riley instantly wrapped her arms around her daughter, holding her close. “what they say…it doesn’t matter sweetie”

“but the things they say mom…they comment on my clothes, my looks, everything about me, sparks a comment…I don’t like being there”

“hey, look at me…I don’t care what they say…you are perfect just the way you are.  Everyone is different baby, but you can only be you, if they don’t like that…then fuck them”

“mom!?” Delilah chuckled slightly at her mother’s foul language.

“what? It’s true! Fuck them all! Listen…ive been through what you’re going through…I struggled…I struggled horrible baby, they called me all sorts…when I was your age, I had a million freckles on my face” Riley smiled “and one day…my best friend…she called me a leopard, do you know what I did”

“what?”

“I went home, and I cried myself to sleep…”

“but…but your always so strong”

“yes…I am now…most of the time. But you can ask every person on the planet…and majority will tell you when they were you’re age…they struggled too… the only difference between you and me baby, is that its people who don’t know you, that are judging you, they don’t know anything about you babygirl so don’t let them hurt you …it was my friends that turned on me…”

“this one girl…we were joined at the hip…we were friends since day one, we met in our first year of high school…and I remember one day…she made a comment about how I was putting weight on and that I was too big…at this point I was actually underweight for my height and everything, then she said…what was it now… ahh that’s it “y’know ri, maybe you should start wearing make-up and get yourself a boyfriend” and that tore me apart…so I started eating a little less…and I always thought so badly of myself, I was wearing make up all the time because I thought you know Riley, if you don’t start wearing make-up…you won’t be pretty enough to have a boyfriend…if you put any more weight on…no guy is gonna wanna look at you…I knew it was bullshit but…I was between the ages of 14 and 16…I was thinking the same thing most teenagers were thinking…my brain was toxic when I was your age…for years, I struggled because I let what they said get to me…and I shouldn’t have…I didn’t have anyone I could speak to about it, I spent years, full of so much anxiety, I couldn’t go to school…college or work without a face full of makeup, I could not do it, I feared what people thought of me because the girl called me weird, I questioned everything I did, I would have anxiety attacks at work, at my first job, working in a store…lots of people coming in and out…my brain was working overtime…all of these people were judging me… when I was twenty…I told myself, no…I will not live my life like this! I will not live my life based on what other people thought…I told myself…they don’t know me…they don’t know anything about me…so why on earth should I let my life be ruled by what they might say…I would never know if they did say anything…because I don’t know them” she chuckled “I’m telling you all of this…because I need you to believe me when I tell you…that what they say…it doesn’t matter…what they say…is not the truth…and if you let it get to you baby it will do more harm than good. You know…when I started my job at the bar that I met your father at…I made a decision…I made a decision to live my life…don’t let stupid things that don’t matter bother me. You go to school, and you work hard, you make friends… and you succeed babygirl! One day…one day you will be queen, and a lot of people will have some not very nice things to say…you could be the nicest…most generous queen but there will always be people trying to bring you down baby and its your decision to make…you can let them get to you…or you can choose to stand tall against them.”

“I don’t wanna hurt because of them mom”

“then don’t…let it go in one ear and out the other.” Riley gently wiped her daughters’ cheeks “for the record sweetie…your father has to know”

“but…”

“but nothing sweetie, he will be mad if we don’t tell him, he is your father…he needs to know…I think you should tell him”

“o-okay”

“I think he has a break between his meetings, shall we go and see if he’s in his office?”

“okay” Delilah nodded as she wiped her face.

Riley and Delilah left the apartment and headed for Liam's office. The two stopped as the came to his door. Riley knocked gently then opened the door, allowing Delilah to walk in first, she followed straight after, closing the door behind her.

“Deli, what are you doing here sweetie?” Liam asked as he stood and walked round to the front of his desk to meet his wife and daughter.

“Delilah has something to tell you”

“is everything alright, why aren’t you at school…are you okay?”

“daddy breathe…I’m okay”

“what’s wrong then?”

“I didn’t go to school today”

“why not? Are you sick?”

“no, I’m not sick…I didn’t want to go to school because…the other kids…they weren’t being very nice to me”

“what did they do? Did they hurt you?”

“they were calling me nasty names, making not very nice comments about me…I didn’t go because I didn’t want them to make me feel sad anymore” Riley and Liam swore they heard their hearts breaking.

“c’mere” he wrapped his arms around her. “we love you so much sweetheart, we love you the way that you are”

“I know daddy…I talked with mom and I’m going back to school tomorrow…and I’m not going to let them get to me”

“good, you’re a strong girl, Delilah…stronger than I was at your age. All I ask of you is that, if it continues…you will come and talk to us”

“I will…I promise”

“now…I have some free time…what do my girls think about having some lunch?” Riley and Delilah nodded happily as they headed out followed by Liam. Riley and Liam walked hand in hand as Delilah skipped a little ahead of them.

“oh…and Delilah?” Riley called catching her attention.

“yes mom?”

“next time you decide to skip school and not inform me or your father…my foot…might just connect with your ass”

If You Like It, Reblog It <3

[angelixii]

1-140 (anything you haven't answered already) - Felix

Oh, hello! Thanks for the ask!! 💕

3 fears - Spiders (I get frightened when I think about them) heights (slightly) and the public (anything like murder, kidnapped, ya know stupid people)

 3 Things I love - Music, Idols, and animals

 2 Turns on - ig Hats (like snapbacks) and glasses

 2 Turns off - oof I don’t really know.. ig self absorbed or a fudge boy

 My best friend - C: @straykids-sk (wuv you)

 How tall am I - 5′2

 What do I miss right now - My cat that passed away :c (her name was P.J)

 Favourite color - Blue, red, and sometimes green

 Do I have a crush - no not really

 Favourite place - my home

 What am I listening to right now - theres a website called asoftmurmur.com and it has noises like rain or waves and stuff like that

 Shoe size - pretty sure 10 in US womens

 Eye color - brown

 Hair color - light-ish brown

 Meaning behind my URL - I chose Felix cause hes my bias wrecker and hes angelic C:

 Favourite song - Theres like a million but 5SOS’s She Looks So Perfect wil always be a favorite (idk why)

 Favourite band - Ill just chose Stray Kids cause I don’t wanna write them all out

 How I feel right now - kinda tired but ig ok

 Someone I love - Ill say my best fren Georgia (@straykids-sk) cause i wuv her

 My current relationship status - single and i kinda wanna stay that way for a while

  My relationship with my parents - We all live in the same house and its just us (I have one other sister but she moved out. But shes here a lot tho) and we all get along well

 Favorite season - probably Spring c:

 Tattoos and piercing I have - none and I don’t really want any

 Tattoos and piercing I want - ^^^

The reasons I joined Tumblr - Georgia wanted me to and I thought it would be fun (I was right c:)

 Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - no :/

 Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - oh heel no she my best fren I would never

 How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - when I have school like 20 minutes at max

 Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? - I did today

 Where am I right now? - at my house on my laptop c:

 Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - reasonable level cause I’ve always had ear problems and they are sensitive (even tho I always have my earbuds in)

 Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - yup

 Am I excited for anything? - not that I can think of no

 Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - nope :/

 How often do I wear a fake smile? - not THAT often

 If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - oooof I don’t think I could answer that question

 What do I think about most? - probably k-pop

 Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - Definitely behind

 What was the last lie I told? - It was kinda a joke but “i’ll do it because im the good child”

 Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - Eh depends on who it is but facetiming/video chatting

 Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - ghosts kinda and aliens, I mean sure we’ve barely discovered space, who knows whats out there

 Do I believe in magic? - sometimes yeah

 Do I believe in luck? - I mean yeah

 What’s the weather like right now?- theres nothing really going on

 What was the last book I’ve read? - uhhhhhh fully on my own (not in class)? The Maze Runner Scorch Trials

 Do I have any nicknames? - Kassadoodle, Kassidilla, Kassy

 Do I spend money or save it? - I’m trying to save as much as I can rn in my little money jar c:

 Can I touch my nose with a tounge? - nah

 Favourite animal? - Lions and Fennec Foxes

 What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - uhhh im pretty sure saying goodbye to Georgia on video chat

 What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - oo um I cant really think of one rn :/

 What is my favorite word? - yeet

 My top 5 blogs on tumblr (not in any order)

@honeylixs

@zoxsu

@tinyfigureskater

@stray-kids-dork

@straykidsmate

 If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - I probably wouldn’t say anything cause im shy and afraid people would judge me on what I say c:

 Do I have any relatives in jail? -not that I know of

What is my current desktop picture? - a pic of Bts

Had sex? Bought condoms? Gotten pregnant? Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Had job? Smoked weed? Smoked cigarettes? Drank alcohol?

no to ALL those questions C:

Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - nope don’t think I could ever

Been overweight? - …

Been underweight? - no.

Gotten my heart broken? - nah

Been to prom? - nope

Been in airplane? - nope and I never want to really

Learned another language? - I take required (cause im one of the more intelligent kids in school. I know shocker right?) Spanish classes in school but im on summer break so I dont remember any c:

Wore make up?- nope

Dyed my hair? - nope

Had a surgery? - plenty of ear surgery and had my tonsils removed

Met someone famous? - nope

Stalked someone on a social network? - nope

Been fishing? - no but my dad has always wanted to take me and it sounds kinda fun

Been rejected by a crush? - nope never really had one and if I did I would never have the guts

What do I want for birthday? - ooo idk but i have to wait till next year anyway cause its already passed

Do I like my handwriting? - sometimes when my hand cooperates

Where do I want to live when older? - with my girl Georgia

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? - nope ima good child (yeah ok suuureee)

What I’m really bad at - running :/

What my greatest achievments are - managing to keep straight A’s and I dont even study cause im online so

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me - “u bird cage” - Georgia c;

What I’d do if I won in a lottery - ooooooooof idk

What do I like about myself - uhhhhh heh ig my hair or eyes/eyelashes

My closest Tumblr friend - Georgia (yes I do know her irl but shes honestly the closet tumblr friend I have so)

Any question you’d like? - hmm idk

Are you outgoing or shy? - definitely shy, unless with people im close to then quite crazy

What kind of people are you attracted to? - funny, cute and nice people

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - hA no

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? - kinda

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - oof idk

What does the most recent text that you sent say? “ohhhh no XDD” (sent to Georgia)

What are your 5 favorite songs right now? - (I already answered this question and don’t wanna answer again)

Do you like it when people play with your hair? - yes I love when freinds at school did (once we were watching a movie in Spanish and my friend next to me was playing with my hair and I almost fell asleep heh)

Do you think there is life on other planets? - totally

Do you like bubble baths? - I haven’t had one in forever

Do you like your neighbors? - only one cause I think im related to them somehow or they are to like my uncle

Where would you like to travel? - out of this hell hole country c:

Favorite part of your daily routine? - checking my tumblr and stanning talent

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? - stomach

What do you do when you wake up? - check my notifications on my phone

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? - I wish it was more tan than it is (im quite pale)

Do you ever want to get married? - yeah

If your hair long enough for a pony tail? - yes but I hate pony tails so I never do it (I used to all the time as a kid)

Would you rather live without TV or music? - I rarely watch t.v anymore and listen to music almost all day so

Have you ever liked someone and never told them? - I mean yeah

What are your favorite stores to shop in? - I dont really have one for clothes but I do like Walmart

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? - I mean sometimes

Do you smile at strangers? - If the smile at me first yeah

Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? - not that I can remember no

Ever wished you were someone else? - no (as much as I hate myself no)

Favorite makeup brand? - son;t wear any so I dont got one

Last thing you ate? - a Reese cup

Ever won a competition? For what? - not a big one I can remeber no

Ever been in love? - c:

Facebook or Twitter? - dont have a fb and i barely use twitter anymore but twitter

Twitter or Tumblr? - DEFINITELy tumblr

Are you watching tv right now? - i mean its always on for bg noise and light so ig so

What color are your towels? - all kinds of colors

Favorite ice cream flavor? - either Strawberry with out the strawberries or cookie dough

First person you talked to today? - my mom

Last person you talked to today? - Georgia

Name a person you hate? - C: theres too many

Name a person you love? - once again, theres too many

Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - C: theres too many

Do you tan a lot? - I barely go outside so thats a no

Have any pets? - too many

Do you type fast? - I mean kinda yeah

Do you regret anything from your past? - everything XD

Ever broken someone’s heart? - I highly doubt it

Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? - C:

Is cheating ever okay? - hell no

Do you believe in true love? - I mean sure

What your zodiac sign? - Pisces

Do you believe in ghosts? - why is this question on here twice?

Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? (via catscuddlingandyou) - “…but not at all overwhelming, the balance of the different fragrances was subtle and flawless.” Twilight - Breaking Dawn (Do NOt ask me why thats the closest book its not mine and ive never read it and i NEVER plan on it)

oof that took like two hours heh.. its now currently 2:18am. and im very tired

but thanks for the ask anyway love! Im sorry for the wait! I was busy today. But im probably going to go to bed now

[dramallamma]

For arguments sake, lets say that you DO get fat.

Okay. Just bear with me here. 

My disclaimer before I launch into my spiel is that the chances of recovery making you fat are slim. Very, very slim (no pun intended). And when I say “fat,” I mean medically overweight to the point of unhealthy. Not that  “omg I’m not emaciated anymore and Im so fat at a healthy weight” version of “fat.” Because tbh thats just another hurdle you’ll have to face in recovery and an entirely separate blog post I’ll probably end up writing eventually. But I digress.

When I consider how far I still have to go in recovery I feel literal terror in my chest. Sharp stabs of it. And I know that a lot of that is perpetuated by the concept that maybe I’m doing this “wrong” and maybe, “god forbid,” I end up “fat.” Which is, quite frankly, one of my worst nightmares. Because I’ve been there before, years ago, and I worked so hard to get away from it. I threw myself into an eating disorder that in turn turned me into what the disorder thought of as “ideal.” I cannot put into words the inner turmoil I’d go through every day when I was heavier, the physical and emotional discomfort and distress it caused. In my head I was a literal grease stain on society and the idea of going back to that is fucking horrifying.

However.

My eating disorder has stolen so much from me. I am just as miserable now, if not more so, even though I’m “thinner.” Even at my lowest weight I wasn’t happy. I was (still am, tbh) binging and purging in an obsessive compulsive manner - rules regarding my routine around it, shop lifting to afford the “supplies,” lying to everyone around me. Hauling 30 pound bags of chewed and spit food and vomit out to the dumpsters every day. I was exhausted and had anxiety attacks so vicious I’d end up being carted away to the hospital because my whole body had frozen, curled up like a dead spider, for periods of 30 minutes or more. 

Bulimia and anorexia still run rampant in my life, but I’m fighting it tooth and nail. I’ve gained some weight. I eat meals throughout the day and keep them down. I’ve stopped shop lifting, I’ve stopped lying, I’ve gotten my own apartment and I’m able to work a part time job. I was even in a relationship for a while. So I’m finally at the point where I can, with a much clearer head, take the concept of being “fat” at face value for what it is: Not A Big Fucking Deal. The issues I dealt with when I was heavier stemmed from my internal emotional illness, not from the weight itself. I think rationally, everyone who struggles with bad body image knows this anyway.

If I do continue growing (figuratively) through my recovery, and if that in turn does end up making me “fat,” would that be such a bad thing?

It would mean being free of the binging, purging, and trash bags full of vomit. It would mean being able to have a relationship, a better job (down the line), a better relationship with my mother. I’ve been doing this “underweight” thing for years and years and every time I try to recover, a major road block that almost always causes a relapse is the fear of becoming ‘too large.’ And then I relapse, and I hate every binge, every purge, every pound I have to beat the shit out of myself to take off. I hate the disordered existence. It turns me into a monster. And anything, ANYTHING, is worth breaking free of it. Even weight gain. 

So lets say you do get ‘fat.’ You go a few pounds past your body’s set point, or whatever. Lets say, for arguments sake, that you even end up medically overweight (which tbh doesn’t necessarily mean you’re unhealthy. There are plenty of overweight people with optimal physical health.) It is not the worst thing in the world. It is not worse than being controlled by your eating disorder. Its not worth not having any relationships, or independence. Its not worth becoming the middle aged/older woman or man still struggling with an eating disorder. 

Giving in to the fear of the possibility of “fat” is not worth losing your life and potential over. Its not worth the missed opportunities, missed happiness, missed relationships. 

Its just not fucking worth it. 

Tl;dr, giving in to your fear is not worth it. And also, this: