#i have an appointment and i was at school
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Fine fine ill play ace attorney

Bro is tired
#after red dead#prommy#also sooooooo me fr#in high school I took a class that involved a lot of mock trials and I was always appointed lawyer#because my teacher was convinced I would be a great lawyer#though he had to pull me aside because I kept saying mothers and fuckers of the jury#and I kept writing my defense the day of and he knew but couldn’t say anything because I always won#I was makin that shit up on the spot but it doesn’t matter cause I won#cannot wait to play this I need the context behind molar mondays#wait do I even have it#wait no I don’t#aw beans#google how much is ace attorney#Mikey there’s like 10 on steam which one do I get I am expecting a dm answer
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જ⁀♡⊹。° the faded picture of a beautiful night
( bllk boys x gn! reader )



♡ a/n — part 2 to one of my fav things i've ever written ( part 1 )
♡ word count — 1.5k
♡ content — reo mikage x gn! reader, kunigami rensuke x gn! reader, nagi seishiro x gn! reader, ryusei shidou x gn! reader, set in the NEL arc (so slight spoilers?) , model! reader(reo), lowkey angst (kunigami) , barely abt the lock screen (kunigami) , childhood friends to lovers (nagi), forbidden romance(?) (shidou), teammates sister (shidou), ignore any typos or mistakes - not proofread!
♡ synopsis — some bllk boys (reo, kunigami, nagi, shidou) and what their phone lock screen is :)

⊹。° reo mikage
reo mikage has had a phone since he was 12 years old, and with his family's constant traveling, the man had no drought of gorgeous scenery to save as his lock screen.
after he met nagi, his lock screen switched from a gorgeous scene of hawaii to a picture the school photographer had taken of him and nagi celebrating after scoring a goal.
for the longest time, reo decided that he would never change his lock screen until he and nagi were both playing on the same professional team and were the best pair of soccer players in the world.
that was...until he met you.
it wasn't supposed to happen, actually- chigiri was supposed to be the player for ManShine City that was going to be photographed to sell jerseys.
as fate would have it, though, chigiri ended up having another appointment and the role fell to reo to fill in for his teammate.
he walked onto the set and immediately he was drawn to you, a perfect person who had his last name splayed across your back.
"oh! reo, this is y/n, they'll be working with you today. play nice and we'll get both of you a raise!" the photographer joked, but even with the silliness, reo's focus was completely on you.
the photoshoot wasn't actually all that bad, you and reo worked together well and he decided that maybe he just had the smallest...teeniest, tiniest crush on you.
by the time it was over, he dreaded leaving without getting at least your phone number. "i was gonna ask you for yours too!"you laughed, and he thought he could die happy with just that sound.
by the end of the night, you and reo had been texting for hours, making plans for you to attend his next game, a coffee date, and he'd even offered to do another photoshoot with you anytime.
before you fell asleep, you sent him one of the preview pics from the photoshoot- a picture of you and him facing backwards with your thumbs pointing at his last name 'mikage' written across your backs.
he changed that to his lock screen the same night.
and now, 2 years later, that same photo is his lockscreen no matter how much you tell him to change it since you started dating a year and a half ago.
he told himself he wouldn't change it.
not until he gained the courage to ask you to take his last name for real this time.
and the box was burning a hole in his pocket.

⊹。° rensuke kunigami
kunigami rensuke grew up wanting nothing more to be a hero, someone that people could rely on- someone who could make someone feel safe.
you didn't meet kunigami until he was playing at Bastard München, after he had gone through the wild card challenges, you had never known kunigami as someone who ached for the feeling of saving someone.
his lockscreen was just a picture of you and him at one of the BM galas that had been held for the last two years he'd been playing with them.
nothing too special, nothing too romantic, but also nothing that hid the one thing that could compete with soccer in kunigami's heart- you.
you never wished for anything deeper, anything more, you knew kunigami loved you and that was all that mattered.
until the two of you went to visit his family back in Japan.
you were only supposed to find the restroom, you weren't supposed to be looking at the photos on the wall, you weren't supposed to be peeking into a bedroom that you assumed was his childhood one.
and you weren't supposed to be feeling sick at the thought that you had never seen your boyfriend this happy.
the pictures of him as a child with a super hero figure in his hand and a cape wrapped around him, pictures of him playing soccer before he went to blue lock- a true smile on his face.
"everything okay?" you jumped as you turned to look at kunigami, staring back at you. "oh, yeah. sorry, i just wanted to see what your house was like! i like the pictures of you, you were so cute!"
he looked at one of the pictures, a slight scowl on his face, "yeah, come on, dinner's almost ready." he grabbed your hand and led you to the kitchen.
you loved kunigami rensuke, and he loved you.
you just wish you understood why he seemed to hate his younger self so much.

⊹。° nagi seishiro
you'd known nagi seishiro since middle school, his head always shoved into his phone or another handheld game console- barely paying attention in class.
which was why you were his assigned tutor, for every single class.
fortunately for nagi (unfortuately for you), he had a way of making others around him become enthralled with whatever game he would be playing.
which is how you ended up being his lock screen at only 13.
well, really it wasn't focused on you- he was taking a picture of his new high score- that just happened to have you sitting in front of the TV with a controller in your hand.
For years after this, you and nagi spent your 'study sessions' playing video games, and eventually getting so close that everyone just assumed you were dating.
Except, the two of you hadn't really started dating until he was out of the first selection of blue lock, he had his phone so he texted you every night. and while, yes , he had reo- he strangely missed playing video games with you.
When he started playing for ManShine City, you tried to make every game that you could, and even while you two were apart you always facetimed and played co-op games together online.
nagi hadn't changed his lock screen since middle school- the one where you invaded his new high score- even when he got a new phone, he made sure to backup that photo every time so he could keep his lock screen the same.
he changed his lock screen only when you greeted him at his apartment after one of the games he thought you couldn't make
"surprise!! i know i told you-"
"is that a game?"
yes, actually, you'd brought a new game that you knew nagi had been wanting to play but couldn't get his hands on yet. "well, yeah, but-"
"do you wanna play?" and who were you to say no to him?
the game was easy for him, but you were so focused he didn't want to offer to help you. he snuck his phone out of his pocket and took a quick picture of you, in his hoodie, sitting on his couch, and with you tongue out in concentration as you played the game.
you didn't even know he changed it until you woke up before him in the morning and were met with your own face instead of the high score he'd kept on his phone for years.
"i look awful in this picture! change it!"

⊹。° ryusei shidou
shidou ryusei decided he was going to have you no matter what the first time he laid eyes on you.
you were at a 'family and friends' get together that the PXG team was hosting before their game next week, but he could not figure out who you were related to- and he knew none of the chumps on his team could date someone as gorgeous as you.
you were in a corner, alone, just people watching as everyone else mingled. so shidou did what he does best, be loud and abrasive, and immediately walk over to you.
"well, helloooo there pretty lady-" "hands off my sister, you freak." karasu magically appeared. "oh, tabito it's fine! we're just talking," you smiled and shooed away your brother, him leaving with a huff.
"sorry, who are you?" you tilted your head and shidou was a goner. someone who didn't know who he was? someone he could impress? someone this beautiful had their attention on him?
he was known to be confident, but for some reason when he was around you- even if he had just met you - he felt like he was actually his own age, just a nervous teenage boy who really wanted to impress you.
you and him spent the rest of the night talking- with some occasional interruptions from tabito just to make sure he wasn't 'making you uncomfortable'
by the end of the night, shidou had gotten your number, and resorted to texting you when he was pulled away for a singular team photo before immediately attaching back to your side.
you weren't supposed to talk to him, tabito had told you of all the people on the team- he was the one that you shouldn't be around. for some reason, though, shidou was the only person who made this dumb party seem bearable.
you had taken several pictures with him- one where you were kissing his cheek while he had his hands below his chin like a pretty princess.
after the party- you texted him the photo of the two of you, along with a silly goodnight text.
shidou had never felt like this, so desperately in need of being around someone, he immediately changed his lock screen to the picture of the two of you.
screw what tabito thought, you would be shidou ryusei's soon enough. no matter who would hate him because of it.

is it REALLY an airy post if there's not childhood best friends to lovers? I plan to make at least 1 more part :) ( can you tell i got lazy at shidou's part?)
tags: @amelielovess , @ohagiyo
likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!
#★ · airybcbyy#mikage reo x reader#reo mikage x reader#reo mikage#reo#bllk reo#blue lock reo#bllk reo mikage#blue lock reo mikage#airy posts#bllk#blue lock#bllk x reader#blue lock x reader#nagi x reader#nagi seishiro#seishiro nagi#bllk nagi#bllk nagi seishiro#blue lock nagi#blue lock nagi seishiro#kunigami x reader#kunigami rensuke#bllk kunigami#blue lock kunigami#kunigami rensuke x reader#rensuke x reader#rensuke kunigami#shidou ryusei x reader#ryusei shidou
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op this is so real. I used to do the same thing. I would do the homework and leave my folders at home fuck!! I still will if I’m not hyper vigilant (read: stressed out and untrusting of myself) enough except it’s not just homework, now it’s leaving the stove on and forgetting about it
my hands were COVERED in ink all through high school and I still write important assignments (projects, finals) and appointments that way so I have an actual chance of remembering
seconding writing everything out in advance and HATING when the syllabus isn’t fleshed out enough. i use trello- a kanban tool meant to keep ENTIRE TEAMS of people organized- and load things up on a weekly/daily/monthly/syllabus/whatever basis and then I have it on my phone and school computer whenever I need it. It feels good to check things off
when that’s both too much and not enough physically writing it down helps me, yea. Get a big ol jumbo sharpie to knock down the list when energy is low and morale needs anything it can get mini whiteboards throughout the space help too. One just lives on my desk/table (whichever my brain chooses to work at for several weeks)
When I was a kid I kept failing classes because I'd lose my homework. I'd finish it, but between the dining room table and the classroom it would just walk away. Sometimes it ended up in my backpack, sometimes it didn't; sometimes I finished the homework at school and it got home in my backpack but wasn't there the next day.
To attempt to address this, my parents got me a neon orange folder to put in my backpack; it was my homework folder, all homework was to go into that folder and that folder only, and it was to only come out of that folder when it was being worked on. I was to put homework in the homework folder as soon as it was assigned and if I'd worked on it, put it back in the folder as soon as it was finished. The logic here was that using the folder was supposed to be automatic, and you wanted a bright color so it wouldn't get lost in the depths of a backpack.
I think I lost about eight of those before my parents stopped buying orange folders.
So it was very frustrating to search "how to be organized at work as an adult with ADHD" only to get a list that said "set alarms and write things down and try to make friends with a more organized person" which was immediately followed by tips to help your ADHD child stay organized and the one right at the top was to put their homework in a bright folder so they couldn't lose it.
If you have been harmed by the ADHD Tips Industrial Complex you may be entitled to a packet of fun-dip and a cactus cooler as consolation for losing your homework folder again.
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i mess everything up holy shit
#i have an appointment and i was at school#in my ela class the teacher said 20 mins reading time#so i got so immersed in my book i forgot to check the time#i made everyone so late#my nana had to call the school for 20 minutes#i messed it all up because of stupid fucking reading time#the school wouldnt fucking answer#now we have to skip a stop and its all my fault#because i didnt check the time#i said sorry so many times but they never responded#so theyre. probably mad at me#good#i feel like i could cry right now#this is doing wonders for my fucking mental health#dark pearls
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tw for me rambling, also body horror & death
i like to think about what if noel didn’t ‘run away’ and decided to stay and keep going as riley… i think that’s probably one of two of noel’s worst timelines LAUGHSS
like not worse for noel mind you. she thinks she’s thriving ( delusional ). just worse for the pc on how stress & trauma-inducing it is.
the idea of an li / npc who seems so confident and sweet, the exact standards you’d expect a school’s star athlete to be: kind, helpful, warm. though, a bit untouchable because she always seems so busy with track practice and tutoring students, AND working part time as a front desk staffer at the hospital.
the only method of bonding with riley more being the tutoring, only being able to join the program if the pc has high grades. which, bc it’s DOL of course, the very first student to tutor leads to a combat encounter that the pc can choose to tell riley or not. which if they do, riley acts accordingly by calling out the student in front of everyone before throwing them out ( surprising strength for a girl that short )
and then everything after that…. is ENTIRELY dependent on if the pc has high awareness & if they visit the school at night.
which to not irritate people on the length of my rambles, putting it below here:
visiting the school at night, entering the library: the pc runs into the same student that harassed from the tutoring program there, sitting at one of the tables. it makes the pc antsy at first, but then the student speaks, saying they are only here to catch up on studying. since the pc DID get them kicked out for snitching.
a low awareness pc seeing the student not doing anything else. they notice a shadow of a coat over their seat but think nothing else of it and leave.
BUT A HIGH AWARENESS PC… sees something else that makes them freeze in their spot. through the faint shadows and lighting of the moon, they can see… fingers…. opening & closing the mouth. like a sock puppet. the shadow behind the student looking more another person that the PC SWEAR you can see peering at you in the crouched position.
your silence is deafening.
a loud, squelching sound of the hand removing itself from an opening of the student’s head that soon falls to the floor to reveal the crouched figure being riley herself. and of course, she’s not happy, she WAS banking on the pc not noticing. in fact, she’s wondering what the pc is even doing in the school this late at night!!!
the pc having the option to either help riley, or run. and like… turning to you all, the audience, we ALL know how riley is the star athlete, especially the track team. trying to outrun her is impossible, it’s a literal game over ( death ) for the pc.
BUT choosing to help riley get rid of the body and evidence will finally unlock riley as a love interest. her special stat being well, her hysteria. the pc now having the new option of reporting harassers to riley, who will HAPPILY get rid of them for the pc, at the cost of her hysteria rising. but the reward of combat encounters becoming fewer.
you may ask: hysteria regarding what?
well, the corruption of this town SILLY! riley who is becoming more wrapped up in her delusion that everything in this town is corrupt and awful ( she’s right about that ) and the only way to solve it is to get rid of everyone ( slow your horses ) (( and yes, even other fellow orphans. even the ‘good’ people in this town )) and that she and the pc is the only righteous thing in this town. riley at max hysteria taking too many victims to her list. the slightest fault someone makes in front of her could make them a target. ( god forbid someone says a lewd comment about someone’s body in front of her )
though, be careful of having her love too low when hysteria is high. being TOO submissive in combat encounters and taking enjoyment of the abuse the town dishes out can lower it! because then she’ll think the pc is now corrupt and ruined. and she might do something about that!! ( she’s going to kill the pc, she can’t trust them anymore. game over )
and raising her lust seems almost impossible. helping her crimes only raises it by 1-2%. but if the pc ever decided to take charge in the crime, if they have the sadist trait, it grants a 10% boost of lust from riley.
and why not add another level of fun freak by having that riley almost seemingly prefers to only engage in sex with the pc IMMEDIATELY after they just commit a murder? like what’s not hotter than just killing someone you hate in the most brutal fashion imaginable, to then fuck in front of their corpse ( or almost corpse, they might still be bleeding out ), covered in blood??? like thats amor to riley
#. // ♡ 🌱 txt#noel the vendor#dol pc#i wanted to add art to this but the worms i have about this were too strong to ignore#i’ll probably add art to this later in a reblog maybe#anyway i love my very normal™️ girl#leaning HEAVY on her psychopomp insp#noel as a character believes the town is incapable of being saved#but she’s more ‘tame’ about it bc hiding herself in the moors after a day of just selling wares. it helps limit her exposure#which mind you-noel is already killing people who simply piss her off at work. again#it’s just more contained. especially with how limited her interactions with a pc are#but noel staying as riley? thats more exposure with the school having to talk to townspeople the hospital-#it chips away at her patience#i just love seemingly perfect characters who seem so sweet being exactly!!! not that!!!#like imagine the student that all the teachers love and students look up to is secretly playing soccer with someone’s head#its peak#also the reason why i imagine riley working at the hospital is to steal drugs to use on her victims#you can bet as the pc if riley is working front desk when they visit harper no visitors are gonna be showing up in their appointments!!!#riley wants to rip every adult’s head off lmao#and i’ll go into more detail about that second branch of terrible noel™️ a later time#it DOES involve the aftermath of if the pc decides to sacrifce her hehe
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No joke I have an emergency stuffie in my car. I have a tiny stuffie in my purse. I take a stuffie with me to the dentist. I take a stuffie with me to p much any doctor's appointment actually. I will take a stuffie with me to go grocery shopping if I'm anxious. I used to take a stuffie to school everyday.
Now days I usually want my hands free when I'm out and about, but I will not hesitate to take a friend with me if it feels dangerous to go alone.
10/10 highly recommend. Having something soft with a face on it does things to your brain that glitches out the anxiety.
I don’t care what anyone says I’m taking a stuffie with me every time I leave the house from now on.
#I think everyone should bring more stuffed animals to more places#My monkey brain is the one that's scared rn so I need a monkey brain solution#and my monkey brain can be tricked into feeling safe if I'm holding a stuffied rabbit#if it works its not stupid#well being#mental health#neurodiversity#neurodivergent#neurodivergence
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somehow, by some miracle, i ended up catching stomach flu and ive been having a GREAT time befriending the toilet seat and every bottles i could reach to read the contents of siNCE MOTHERFUCKING YESTERDAY GEMME OUTTA HERE MY ASSHOLE FEELS LIKE IM HAVING UNPREPPED ANAL SEX
#nobu.nobu.chat#will not recommend#didnt even get a good sleep#and my schools gonna start on monday too#and i have a hair and nail appointment tmrw#spent a whole damn roll of toilet paper WITHIN ONE FUCKING DAY
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#having a real one#why. the hell. would one school 2 states away give me a 13k grant for being smart. but the one an hour away. wants me to pay them 13k#after grants.#i would like. to know#i just. i hate it here#she speaks#i dont want to move two states away. thats horrifying. im a wheelchair user. like. are you insane#but. it would be a free ride and id probably get to live w my childhood best friend#but also. id have to apply for state insurance again and id be stranded away from my parents and have to find a real caretaker there#id be away from all my doctors appointments and My Bed and it feels like no one appreciates how fucking risky and scary it would be#greatest hits
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idk, crowsx3 design??? sdkjfh
the heads are all made of porcelain, and can rotate like that one horror short film with kevan brighting voicing in it
#artswin#quick sketch up#idk#tsp#tspud#crowscrowscrows#crowsx3#the stanley parable#stanley parable#the stanley parable ultra deluxe#ik im probably not the first one to come up with this but i have an idea for smth so i wanted to make a vague idea for a design first#my current idea rn is that. at least for my au. since theres three crows. there needs to be three sort of proctors for the game#and since proctors are people who oversee exams/officer with responsibility at a school#what im thinking is that narrator and curator are both proctors who “oversee”/“admin the game" (according to oxford)#or “one who is emploied to manage to affairs of another”/“person who takes charge of or acts for another” according to wikipedia#they both at least have control over the game (ie. narrator writing the script n stuff/curators museum etc)#but they need a third.#in 2013 tsp 432 goes missing. sees that the wheel needs to keep turning#the crows see him understanding the situation. and how he wants to keep the game going. so they appoint him as another proctor#thus timekeeper. who gets added on to manage the settings and time in ultra deluxe#i have more to say but idk just yet sdkjfhskdf#i feel nervous just bc idk if im stealing someones idea or concept for this. or even getting it wrong even if its just an interpretation#maybe later ill explain idk sdkjfkjsf
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my mom: the dog has a grooming appointment at 4.
me, who has a class at 4:30 and has to rely on my mom for transportation: oh, okay, you can head over and drop her off and then drive back here and take me over to the university, and then head back there in time for her appointment to end.
my mom: but they said the appointment would take only ten minutes
me: ....they say that every time. and every time it's been 30 minutes at least. every time. you cannot rely on what the estimated time will be. listen to me. listen to me. drive back here immediately after you drop her off, I'll be ready to go. do not sit and wait in the dog groomer's parking lot.
anyways. one guess as to what the fuck she did and who was late for class.
#i was 17 MINUTES late to class. i had to catch up on the BRAND NEW CONCEPT that was introduced in those minutes#i was ready to go at 4:05. i sat there by the door until she drove back in at *4:37*#and now IM being called unreasonable for being angry about it???#i got home to find she put up a note saying ''im not responsible for getting you to class on time''#and ''im not responsible for getting you there if you aren't ready''#YOU ARE. YOU ARE MY ONE SOURCE OF TRANSPORTATION.#THE BUSES DO NOT COME BY AT THE RIGHT TIMES UNLESS I WANTED TO LEAVE TWO HOURS EARLY.#IT WOULD TAKE ME 50 MINUTES TO WALK THERE AND IT'S -21 RIGHT NOW.#THIS WAS LITERALLY THE SIMPLEST THING.#I TOLD YOU EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEEDED TO DO. YOU COULD'VE DONE IT.#BUT NOW IT'S M Y FAULT?????#I WAS READY. I WAS FUCKING READY TO GO. NOT ONCE HAVE I NOT BEEN READY TO GO.#I HAVE ARRIVED EARLY TO ALL OF MY CLASSES SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE FUCKING SCHOOL YEAR#IF YOU'D HAD AN APPOINTMENT MUCH CLOSER TO MY CLASS TIME I WOULD'VE UNDERSTOOD. I WOULD'VE GONE EARLIER.#BUT THIS?? YOU COULD'VE TAKEN ME TO UNI INSTEAD OF SITTING IN A FUCKING PARKING LOT FOR 30 FUCKING MINUTES#AND THEN ACTING LIKE IM CRAZY FOR BEING PANICKED AND UPSET WHEN YOU DRIVE INTO THE DRIVEWAY 7 MINUTES AFTER MY CLASS STARTED#edit; ''why didn't you just go before 4'' because my mom said i didn't need to.#i forgot to add this in the post but#i did suggest that i leave at like 3:30 or something and sit at the uni even though i didn't want to.#my mom said i didn't have to do that and i'd get there when i get there.#leading to. this.
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I am begging people giving U.S. politics commentary to have, just, a basic, basic, 6th grade citizenship class level of understanding of the relationship between the branches of government. Please. You will not get icky electoralism cooties if you learn that "Whoever is the president right now is responsible for decisions the supreme court hands down right now" is nonsense.
#not only did you not pay attention in school#you obviously didn't pay attention in church camp#when they diligently instructed a bunch of kids who couldn't vote yet#that when we COULD vote we had to vote for antiabortion presidential and senate candidates#because the president appoints federal judges and the senate confirms them#draw the little chart#and if we all work very hard to elect antiabortion presidents and senators#Roe would be overturned in a few decades#and indeed#a couple of decades later#who could have FORESEEN?#your right-wing uncle who thinks the government is making the frogs gay#and that gay immigrants are coming to take his guns and his women#has a better understanding of the relationship between the presidency and the federal judiciary than you do#because this is fucking emphasized in right wing circles!#while y'all are like#“well actually Dobbs happened under BIDEN I am very clever”#“ha ha what do you mean if reelected he'll restore Roe he's elected right now ha ha”#Biden is waiting for the current justices to die Brenda#I don't even like Biden! I'm voting for him very reluctantly!#you people's piss poor civics understanding is making me defend Joseph Robinette Biden!
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#not finihing this btw but like#still bouncing around the idea of a dating sim thanks to that cosme fanart im still obsessed w so i came up w these.. might keep em idk#weve got the MC still dont have much ab her bc i focused on the others tbh#and shes the inspiration of an abstract artist whod rather die than admit her fave drawings are based on some pretty outfits she saw MC wea#and the way she makes her feel; then shes also the muse of a self appointed poet who yet cant bring herself to write how MCs hair shines li#e the moon and the stars cling onto her coat; and last but not least we have a wannabe musician who just got her first instrument and cant#quite play it let alone make her own music and she wont say it but even tho the lyrics of the songs she practices w never quite match she#always thinks of MC. will i ever make a game ab this? hell no dont have the patience#art#my art#also based the uniforms onthe ones i used to wear... this is a latam school so like. most likely no clubs just quirky kids#DAMN THATS A LOT OF TEXT
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yall I'm doing it scared and I am so proud of myself
#very minimal things to be doing scared but . im filling out forms and emailing new people and making appointments and shit#so i can join my school's rowing team#and i usually have . very little tolerance for stuff like this so im being very brave presently#speak
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ep 4, attack of the lady manager !
gifs & screencaps ☆
#daily hiitachin 🎏 ☆#hikaru hitachiin#kaoru hitachiin#ouran high school host club#ouran koukou host club#ohshc#really hope i didnt miss a day#my memory is getting worse sos#i cant remember if i posted yesterday#before you ask#yes i am going to the doctor for this 😭#i literally have an appointment tmrw#ok enough abt me#i loove kimono twins with all my heart#matchy matchy#so cute#kyokao & haruhika subliminal messaging in here#shipper life ♡
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interesting to me how when i turned 19 i was kinda terrified bc i was like “oh shit this is my last year as a teenager….. i won’t be a teenager after that… i wanted to be a teenager for all of my childhood and now that part’s almost Over. aaaaugh” and now approx. 9 months later i cannot fucking WAIT to stop being a teenager oh my god i am ready to move on. 20s please i would like to be in them. i am done being 19 thank you !!!
#marzi speaks#it’s . probably bc of the vasculitis thing#which like. while it is a traumatic thing that i need to work through and plan on going to therapy about#it also put a LOT of things into perspective for me#and like actually i do not think i am afraid of growing up anymore !#i mean i still have like. the imposter syndrome and the fear of getting overwhelmed and falling behind#that’s not gonna go away overnight that’s been there for as long as i can remember#BUT!! i know deep down that i can figure it out now.#bc i figured out a lot. i figured out how to gauge my physical well being#i figured out how to be someone who can regularly make phone calls without crying#i figured out pharmacies. and i’m figuring out how insurance works#and appointments and withdrawing from school and reapplying to school#and all of the lifestyle changes that come with having an autoimmune disease#i’m learning self advocacy. i’m learning how to respond when people treat me poorly (always accidentally so far)#yeah getting my license has been hard and slow just bc i have all the anxiety shit about it. but i AM putting that effort in#i dunno it’s just. adult responsibilities are horrifying and the prospect of existing independently in our current society#is horrifying. and i think i’ll always be scared.#but i used to think i might not be able to handle it. that i would fall apart#i know now that i won’t. i will find a way to move forward and be happy. because that’s what i’ve always done#if i can take the scariest couple of months in stride the way that i have. then i think i can handle it#anyways. 19 was eventful enough can i be 20 now. i think being 20 would be good for me#still a Weird thing to think about. two whole decades. but like i can do it methinks
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you know how some people have mundane superpowers. i have one and its called "significantly older women feel compelled to tell me their life stories trauma and all"
#when i say significantly im talking women old enough to be my mother literally#i was thinking about it and the list from my teenage years is unhinged#dad's ex girlfriend#the uni appointed therapist#my own ex's mother??#the mom of a guy i met one(1) time at a freshmen gathering#mom's old friend from school#idk why they all felt compelled to traumadump on a 16-19yo#i didnt have shit to say except oh thats horrible and you deserved better i was a teenager barely coping with my own issues lmao#anyway#yapping tag
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