#i have an a- anyways i no the class so if it goes down
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Steve and Eddie being chaotic childhood friends, gaslighting everyone they know.
It started when one of their teachers wanted the students to make pairs with someone they didn't know or get along with; therefore friends couldn't make the project toguether.
Of course Eddie wouldn't pass the oportunity to be dramatic and annoy a little bit the teacher, acting like it was the worst thing to ever happened to him and throwing himself on Steve's desk, making the other roll his eyes in a fond way.
It was the beginning of the year but in small towns most of the kids knew each other since before so it wasn't that weird of a request; but the teacher was also new so they didn't know the relationships of the kids very well.
That's why when small kid with a rebel vibe, starting to grow his hair and going to a more dark look, annoys them and says it would be a nightmare to do the project with preppy kid, clearly rich boy vibes and in his way to be popular, they knew who they were putting the kid with.
The teacher smirked thinking they did good, meanwhile Steve and Eddie trying not to grin and communicating with their eyes to not messed up and go along with it.
They ended up having to act like they hate each other in front of the teacher so they could carry on with the project, but what about the rest of the class who knew they were friends?
They follow along.
Maybe it's to gain Steve's favor, maybe they thought it was funny or maybe they thought it was about damn time they stopped being friends, that it was a good way to finally separate them and make Steve fully part of the jocks and Eddie less intimidating for the rest of the outcast.
Anyways, the whole class goes along with it and Steve and Eddie, like the dorks and drama queens they are, decided it's a funny bit to keep.
At some point they were too deep into it, having to act for the rest of the year like that because of the project and somehow convincing the whole school. Their friends to enemies story becoming popular knowledge.
Steve and Eddie now just think it's too funny to stop so they continue to gaslight everyone.
Eddie? Steve? No thanks, I hate that guy.
I just love a clueless Eddie trying to figure it out what's happening to his (finally) boyfriend at the same time the Party is clueless about the relationship between their dungeon Master and their babysitter.
Anyways, they going to high school and the whole mess with the upside down happens. In that moment Steve is so happy to being able to keep Eddie away from it.
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18+ mdni.
pairing: jeno x fem!reader (ft. jaemin)
warnings: noncon, dacryphilia.
.
the high ceiling of the women’s changing room allows the slapping sounds of jeno’s hips meeting your ass to resonate, making him more aware of the dead silence around him except for the few cries that occasionally leave your lips. it’s not the ideal place where he would’ve liked to do this, but he didn’t really have any other choices anyway.
he thinks that the soft feeling of your skin under his palms, your ponytail brushing his face, the sweet scent of citrus entering his nostrils, the hot sight of your leggings rolled up under your bum… are enough to make him forget the usual sweaty smell of the gym. make him forget what he’s really doing.
he’s always seen you in your sports wear, tight black leggings hugging your ass and pink bra cupping your breasts. he only imagined what was under, what type of panties you’d wear, but now having your bare skin at the mercy of his hands is making his cock really stiff.
he grabs your hair in his fist to turn your head to the side, looking at your face, just as glowy as it is when you leave your yoga class. you accidentally meet jeno’s gaze and seeing your big teary eyes on him has his cock jumping inside of you and he’s sure you felt that because you clench around right after.
to his dismay, you scrunch your eyes shut, letting out a weak sob. he’d like you to look at him, too, he knows you’re attracted to him, you have to be. everyone is. the smiles you flashed him from across the gym before couldn’t be just out of courtesy.
his stare bore into the side of your face, and all feels too claustrophobic for you, his mouth so close to you his deep breath hits your cheek. his pace is brutal and you keep squeaking whenever he goes too deep too fast.
your sad, pitiful sounds only fulfil his desires even more. if you weren’t attracted to him, your cunt wouldn’t be dripping around jeno’s entire cock. your inner thighs wouldn’t be covered in your slick.
a couple more thrusts and jeno would have reached his orgasm, but the sounds of the door opening and someone’s steps on the ground, stop him. the complete silence inside the gym could have fooled him that nobody else was still here, but the euphoric state he was in seconds ago probably also made him forget about jaemin’s presence.
“i didn’t think you’d really be there.” just as jeno’s backing away from you, he hears his friend’s laugh. he feels his face getting warmer, quickly tucking himself back into his sweats. “sorry to interrupt,” jaemin grins, just like he would knowing his friend got laid.
he gets a better look at you, also covering yourself back up, noticing your red eyes and wet eyelashes. your sniffing enlightens jaemin on what jeno was actually doing.
he scoffs, looking you up and down and then finally at jeno. “didn’t know that was your kind…”
“i didn’t-”
“unless you fuck like a god, which i doubt, you aren’t making girls cry like that,” jaemin sarcastically points out, stepping closer to you who haven’t moved a muscle since you pulled your leggings back up. “poor little thing…”
jeno isn’t stupid enough to believe jaemin is really showing any pity, looking at his grin and the evil glint in his eyes, he’s enjoying it.
“don’t make me stop you there,” he smiles, “but i won’t lie that i’m curious to know what that mouth can do.”
#tw noncon#what is this#idk i had this in mind since the gym clips#forgive me#nct smut#nct x reader#nct hard hours#nct dream x reader#nct dream smut#jeno x reader#jeno smut#jaemin x reader#jaemin smut
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hi, nice bumping into ya! so I was wondering what's Noan relationship chart looks like?
Aaa haven't really made a proper relationship chart for Noan yet so imma just type it out here for now kekekek
Crowe <<< best friend Noan
Crowe in love/best friend>>> Noan
-One of the first few friends Noan made in freshmen year
-Noan had a happy crush on him the first few weeks but eventually died down and only views him in a platonic way now, on the other hand Crowe...
-Noan is grateful to have Crowe but his side as he had helped him on many occasions and Noan feels rather indebted to him even though Crowe often reassured him that he didn't want anything in return...
Sol <<<old schoolmates/chill Noan
-Crowe just wished Noan wasn't so harsh on himself, he WANTS to take care of him even if Noan didn't want his help, often insisting he can do everything himself
-Noan absolutely hated physical touch but Crowe holding his hand during episodes really brings a huge sense of comfort
Sol w̵͓̯̍̑h̶̝͜͠a̵̳̼͂ẗ̴̹ ̶̘̣̇͘ṱ̵̏h̴̬̓ę̷̃ ̴̭͎̒͋f̴̞̈́ù̸̥̬̾c̸̜̰̏k̴̰̗̎>>> Noan
-anyways... (lmao)
-Used to go to the same highschool and Sol knew Noan before he was even known as 'Noan'
-When Sol saw Noan in freshmen year he thought he looked very familiar and kept watching him, eventually turning into obsession
-Noan also doesn't recognize Sol much because he had looked different in highschool
-he thinks Sol is a pretty cool guy
-admittedly Noan developed a small crush over Sol on their first encounter but as time passed by Noan just brushes it off as just admiration
-These two losers always having a geek session on the topic of classical literature (*sigh* artists...)
Hyugo <<<chill Noan
Hyugo chill>>> Noan
-Noan met Hyugo through Sol
-Would bump into each other in the hallway and have some small talk
-Hyugo would sometimes tease Noan over the fact that his clothes looked similar to the student council uniforms
Geo <<<chill Noan
Geo neutral/chill>>> Noan
-They're just casual acquaintances who talk to each other on some occasions though it mostly just about academic stuff
-Noan and Geo are in the same class
-Geo may not show it but he appreciates it when Noan offers to help the group during hell weeks so sometime he goes out of his way to get Noan some chamomile tea whenever he sees Noan visibly exhausted
-(Geo is def the type of dude who's secretly nice and attentive but chooses to hide it, hes just a lil' shy chat xD)
Deryl <<<chill/friends Noan
Deryl chill/friends>>> Noan
-The two get along quite well, got closer thanks to Crowe introducing him to the circle
-Worships the ground that Noan walks on whenever Noan helps him with his schoolwork (esp when he gets busy w sports tournaments and has to head outside the university)
-homies help homies 🤝
-bro dances in front of the bathroom stall to distract ppl from the sound of Noan changing his pad lol
Britney <<<chill Noan
Britney chill>>> Noan
-They get along through their matching interest with japanese fashion
-Gyaru enthusiast 🤝 Ouji enthusiast
-Noan would sometimes help with styling Britney's hair and in return Britney would paint Noan's nails :D
Jessy <<<chill Noan
Jessy neutral/chill>>> Noan
-Study buddies
-Jessy tried to get Noan into the idol bandwagon but it wasn't really Noan's thing, still pretty respectful w it even though he doesn't really understand lmao
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do you think toji and/or sukuna are into looksmaxxing. i need to know.
choso is probably near to tears just thinking about it - he's having a hard time adjusting to all these new trends anyways, wdym there's a whole section of it now?
i feel like gojo just flexes his "natural" looks, nanami doesn't even know he has them until someone comments on your post saying "you won/we're so back."
omg hellaurrr i really pulled out a notebook to jot these down (this isn't even a joke, my keyboard was messing with me but i was worried i'd forget to answer properly) but now i may transcribe my notes on jjk + looksmaxxing 😭 🤭 u always send me the funniest things
gojo once found a wrinkle on his forehead and cancelled class for the day. now he sleeps with a cucumber and a jade roller. when he gets drunk, he claims that a kpop idol dm'ed him for advice on clear skin, never says who though (#liar) and in high school he used a self tanner once because suguru once likened him to an overgrown, pale musty mushroom. ended up with orange streaks everywhere. does pilates but will never admit it. wishes that in another life he was an influencer just so someone would send him pr packages because its nice to get presents in a box. definitely calls himself an icon.
geto thinks essential oils are a part of looksmaxxing so he feels better on the inside. literally floats around like a walking bottle of sandalwood and lavender. tried growing facial hair because he thought it would be great to accentuate his jawline, but someone called him a discount samurai and he had to cancel the cult meeting that day. thinks looksmaxxing isn't just physical but also a state of mind, so he carries around books like crime and punishment to look smart. thought that wearing glasses would make him look smarter and had a phase where he wore fake ones and not one person complimented them.
sukuna secretly has a stash of protein powder. it goes in everything, smoothies and sprinkled over raw meat. says that he doesn't give a flying fuck about these things, but used to read old, ancient scrolls about medieval skincare. got uraume to make him a scrub from red spider lilies and wondered why his skin was burning sooo bad afterwards. sharpens his nail with blades and claims its better than just normally clipping your nails, but he always ends up scratching himself bad. has a collection of sheet masks. has the best eyebrows of all time and knows this (gets them plucked). has an anonymous #hater tiktok account where he comments rude things under gojo's posts.
nanami. you are soooo right, he probably doesn't know or give a fuck about these things because he's actually employed. but hates the idea of a ten step skincare routine for he thinks that the best routine is simple: cleanser + moisturiser + sunscreen. believes in the power of a neutral toned wardrobe with clean, tailored silhouettes. but there are photos of him out there from when he was 18 years old, with black eyeliner on his waterline. shoots down everyone's ridiculous looksmaxxing attempts. jawline exercises? just chew your food properly. botox and fillers? try eight hours of sleep before reaching for the needles. want to post a glow up journey? well, just focus on yourself and move in silence. kind of gojo's biggest opp for all this, and being so clean and put together effortlessly...
#toji def has a gym acc where he does the stupid back muscle poses (that's my own haterism coming through!)#and he buys cheap bulk powder to mix with water because 'muscles don't care about taste'#choso is just...that gorgeous. hes from the 1870s he doesn't gaf truly. will break out in hives if u talk about it#answered#HEHEHEHEH what a fun ask!!!!!!!!!!!!#jjk x reader#gojo satoru x reader#geto suguru x reader#nanami kento x reader#sukuna x reader
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my friend saw trolls 3 over break and we were talking about it over lunch and then *tried* to sing better place and we were soooo in sync (hahaha) jk we were just playfully singing it, but omg i was so excited when she said she saw it, now she can understand my trolls references/singing references/random ass memes, anyways we listened to mount rageous today also during lunch, and then somebody else saw it over break as well and said that nsync appearing at the end reminded them of me
#i am so glad trolls 3 is a recognized master perfect#people are seeing the light and watching it#bluebell talks#anyways good night lovely people#i am about to try and finish up a project i didn’t do all over break until the end#it’s due before class tomorrow and luckily i calculated i will#try and work on it a block and then lunch blocks#a block we are working on small things so i will have more time after i am done#the project itself i just hate it so much#i forgot two aspects of it 😑😑😑#ik it’s my fault and i should’ve paid closer attention but man idgaf#it’s fucking pe class don’t know why we need to do this shit#also if she tried to give me shit i am gonna say my dad had surgery for his cancer over break and i needed to help him#i mean that part is tru so yeah#i have an a- anyways i no the class so if it goes down#first semester grade can balance it out#like bro if they try to fail me gym in senior i am gonna be pissed#ain’t no way i am gonna take another class to fill out its credit#i want to take my two study halls and art 3 and photo 2 semester 2 classes and be over with hs#i am tired of this shit ok i don’t care enough to work in a dumb ass pe project
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leaks from the anime post bnha 430……. #REAL #NOTFAKE
#dabihawks#tododeku#bnha 430#mha 430#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#boku no hero academia#keigo takami#touya todoroki#shoto todoroki#izuku midoriya#now I’m going to tag the fankid. the old art is terrible do not perceive it#kaito todoroki#hishiro todoroki#SO WHAT IM PROPOSING IS……#hawks goes to work with ochako on the quirk counseling business rather than wtf he’s doing on the ranking system#dabi lives and is reformed and gets plastic surgery (but wants to keep some of his scars as a statement…) and he works with natsuo#he and natsuo have a soba shop. that only sells soba and boba#still trying to decide if Hishiro is a dabihawks kid or natsuos kid#hence why hawks doesn’t say ‘son’#I also think endeavor isn’t done with his bs and before his . UGH. ‘redemption’ signed a quirk marriage pact for Shoto#shoto and his wife (haven’t decided on a name yet but she’s ballin) try to make it work but they realize it just. it doesn’t#BUT OOPS SHE WAS PREGANTE. and she figures Shoto would. honestly be fine raising the kid there’s danger out there in the states#shoto’s also winding down on heroism bc it’s really. honestly I think he would also like to work at a soba shop#he doesn’t. but. I feel like there’s a reason he just mainly goes on midnight patrols yk?#anyway he and deku raise the kid . the mom’s involved as much as she can be while being the . yeah I think she would be the most famous hero#in the United States . good for her …. good for her………#if you wanna see me elaborate…… u know what to do… hit up that inbox#or if u wanna know what happened to the rest of class 1-a in my future au……
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finding out ur coworker is way older than you thought and having to very quickly reorient how you talk to them
#art#traditional art#watercolour#fanart#synthv#synthesizer v#genbu#kasane teto#rikka is also here :) i think she likes to cause problems sometimes. because all the adults in her life are dweebs#and very easy to cause problems with <3#anyone else have this happen before. im older than a lot of my university peers and i always have been#because i took 5 years in highschool and my undergrad has been like 6 years and counting#(hashtag learning disability <3 ) and like thats chill to me i dont mind#but now i usually assume everyones way younger than me and i get shocked when theyre not. a buddy in some of my classes#when i first met her i absolutely and completely assumed she was like barely 19 and talked to her as such#like i dont talk down to people or anything but i do soften the way i talk a bit and give a bit extra patience with younger peers#cause yknow. i remember what it was like being 19. being 26 is WAY easier lol so i wanna give em a bit of leeway yknow#anyway a few months after meeting her i found out she was actually a year older than me and a grad student when she ended up as a TA in#another class i took. i felt so bad. we bonded tho and she didnt mind she thought it was kinda funny when i was like WAIT UR A GRAD STUDENT#i thought she was like a first or second year undergrad..............#also yeah im a 31yo teto fan. i dont mind the popular fanon that she has a separate age that makes her actually 15 and#i dont mind that more interpretations have her like that BUT for my internal canon she is a grown ass woman because i think its fun <3#she pays taxes. she goes to work parties. she can rent a car. i love it#let teto rent a car. let her rent a car.#yknow im exicted to be 31. i still got a few more years of being a 20 something which is fun. but being a 30 something sounds like it rules
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guess which boyfailure just broke down crying in a culver's !!! 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
#💬 ⌗ 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭'𝐬 𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 . . . ✧#so im . i have to makeup an online class session right#i have to be on a zoom from 7 pm to 9#and im like cool sure i can do that but i just got out of conditioning and the crew team is going to culvers for fundraising#and like... the zoom wont be that strict right. i can have my camera off probably haha#top ten words spoken before disaster i tell u wtf#girl pulls up to the zoom call#CALLS ATTENDANCE 4 TIMES#btw#atp im in the culvers line tryna order right. she then sets down some rules#camera on. microphone has to be working#okok rudimentary stuff i can work w that right.. haha no then she goes you cant talk or laugh keep ur full face in the frame and NORMALLY t#that kinda sturff wouldnt be a probelm but im over here at culvers being big backed yk so i go ok. no worries ill lock in#so i borrow my friends knockoff airpods and sneak a couple bites in of my cheese curds but like fast sneaky and hand over mouth type shit y#anyways the tags are probably gonna get cut off so ill wrap this up. i suffer through not being able to take a bite of my burger for a good#hour and 20 minutes and thne my phone just fucking dies. after all that#i had to like dodge my friends hands in the air i had to make sure no one was in my camera frame cause girl would regularly check too#that and my lack of sleep for the past three weeks just accumulate to me sobbing in culvers im so paatheicsdafjsdl
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congratulations to Mme. Pascale Leclerc, who has surely just experienced both the funniest and most unhinged weekend a mother could ever have. Dear fucking christ, I hope your middlest son brought you a bottle of champagne for yourself, ma'am.
#kazoo noises#charles leclerc#cl16#monaco gp 2024#zoomies posting#sports posting#like man. where to begin. one of your racecar children is back in town for the weekend. he has yet to have a truly good work#weekend it seems in town. now this year. we're feeling ourselves a bit. we're feeling optimistic even. and then ur son becomes talk of town#because he keeps doing fucking bits on twitter about adopting his coworker who is friends with your youngest son. this goes on long enough#for actual reporters to comment on it. no one is willing to blink first so by friday night we've yes-anded ourselves to a grandson#(congratulations mme leclerc)#things go well. and then at qualifying they go DAMN WELL#BETTER THAN EVER REALLY! but man. im superstitious. i dont trust shit until its over and the dust has cleared#(the adoption jokes have continued by the way) and MEANWHILE everyone is eyeing that starting grid. were humming. we're making vague hand#gestures when commenting. we're all thinking. Maybe? (the streets can hear u tho. keep it down)#race starts. lap one CHAOS. so many fucking crashes. i'd faint if i had a child even in karting honestly.#(every parent in this sport deserves a prescription for laudanum)#but he's not in it. hes at the front. and he. well. he just Stays There. Through It All. and the laps tick down. until the race is run. and#there he is. your middlest son. cross the line and into the books. first place. home town. what curse indeed. thats your boy!!!!!!!! THERE!#they play the radio of him winning and the audio is peaked because he screams out so loudly. you can hear the water in the laughter.#later theres gonna be videos and photos taken of him pushing his boss into the harbor and diving right in after the man. those photos are#gonna be fucking studied in photography classes one day. and STILL! everyone involved with that goofy joke about him adopting his coworker#(who. despite all the silliness of the race stayed second place and got a podium) is still carrying the bit like a baton relay. Do you have#him over for family dinner? might as well add a plate i guess! people are joking about your youngest son having two nephews? a dog born#maybe a month ago and a man born about... what twenty three years and about a month ago? fuck it! family dinner#sorry this bit got away from me but as someone who loves my homecity and my mom so much it might actually be like.#a visible growth inside my body if they do an autopsy on me at time of death or like. my love will eat me alive. sometimes the charratives#gets to me#anyway cheers mme leclerc i hope you party so fucking hard this week
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It is most likely already done but Hnoc au where Galahad is still Lancelot's son (like in the Arthurian legends) and during Hellfire Lancelot is like, "Son, please we have talked about this."
#Lancelot than goes to Brian and be like 'Look i dont know what you told my son or my husband but you need to stop.#Gally hasnt stopped singing about hellfire. Arthur hasnt stopped mopping. I wld had killed you for this but i am not sure you can die'#It end with Lancelot barging in wherever Arthur is and being like 'HOLY SHIT ARTIE TRANS PEOPLE EXIST'#Anyway they get Brian from down there and he goes into gunfire room so Galahad doesnt have to and since he's immortal he just brushes it of#Pendragons love and accept their son Mordred#Fort Gallfridian is diverted away from the sun#Peace is achieved with the Saxons#Gawain is sent to sensitivity classes#Tragedy diverted#do not take me seriously#empty thoughts#high noon over camelot#hnoc galahad#galahad hnoc#lancelot hnoc#hnoc lancelot
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saw a post about projecting your ethnicity onto a character and started missing vespa ilkay. so so bad
#pov u grow up in a 3rd world country(/planet) where healthcare workers are exported by the thousands like cheap produce to richer countries#it's your ticket out of poverty as long as you can deal with the loneliness the separation from everyone you know the discrimination etc#ive never talked about my hc that vespas mother was one of them sending money every month visiting every couple of years until it just stop#like why return to the swamps when youre doing fine working on a richer planet w much better living conditions#cost of living rises every year. sending home a % of your salary used to be enough to support your husband and daughter and then it isnt#you know how it goes#vespa is also dead set on this path until ranga realizes that hemorrhaging healthcare workers leaves them with little to none of their own#students on scholarships or in community/state universities are bound by return service agreements and are forbidden to leave the country#until theyve rendered a few years of work on ranga to pay back their tuition + as a really shitty solution to the brain drain problem#this is real in my country btw but my professors say a lot of ppl do break their rsa's and fucked off to work in other countries LOL#our state unis can barely afford decent facilities they do nottt have the budget to chase down their own alumni in other countries!#but the mental image is a bit funny#vespa ilkays first crime: tinakasan ang rsa#i do also think it lines up with her having a network of med friends everywhere in the galaxy (heart of it all) you kind of go into pre/med#expecting most of your classmates to leave to work in other countries eventually. mine are aiming for the usa / uae / europe / japan etc#anyway whether vespa breaks her rsa or not she leaves ranga asap decides to switch careers and the rest is history#i also deeply love the fact that she's superstitious i'm very sad it wasn't highlighted more (i've only heard s1-3)#as someone who did grow up in a rural area and went to more albularyos/folk healers than doctors in my childhood. (they never failed me)#lots of folk illnesses (ex. balis; pasma) local medical superstitions (dont eat noodles in hospital; youll have a really toxic shift) etcc#theres also a lot of potential in tying her past as a rangian + med student + assassin to me idk how to word this properly#being raised on cautionary tales of not to touch/disturb anything in the swamps then being given free reign to poke & prod at things in her#lab classes (now with the proper ppe)....she was having so much fun with the curemother prime too lmao#years of walking hanging bridges docks boathouses in ranga etc gave her great balance & stealth#cracking open alien shellfish in the swamps to cutting open bodies for studying then for assassination....#I MISS HER SO MUCH BALIK KN SAKEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i get why most people + the canon focuses on her being an assassin bc people find that cooler i guess#but vespa being a swamp girl > 3rd world med student > assassin is so personal To Me. the whole pipeline. eugh.#skl.txt
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would love for my faceblindness to stop fucking me over
#I used to think I was bad at remembering names but? I'm really not actually#my problem is linking them to a physical appearance...#my brain just kinda tosses most faces in the same bin. I can remember other traits but they typically take a while to memorize#which sucks because at that point it would usually be weird for me to admit to the person that I don't know their name.#I'll just have to hunt down their instagram or whatever#it usually goes something like: I meet someone -> they tell me their name ->#i have not yet had the opportunity to observe their non-face traits and thus have nothing to anchor that name to -> annnd it's fucking gone#-> I learn to recognize them by dress/body type/behaviour/interests or w.e -> but I can't go back and link that to a name#-> the horrors#kitchat#anyways. I want to credit my lab partner in a report but she was thin and blonde and white so. could be nearly anyone from my class
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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i hate my uni sm lol i dont want to be heeeeere let me out let me out
#motherfucking dance classes. we have the exam in two weeks and the choreography's not ready.#we gotta meet up in our own free time without the professor and practise on our own and try out if something works or doesnt. on. our. own.#bitch like what are you getting paid for lol#i hate it here so much i didnt come here to dance#and i leave every rehearsal on the verge of a panic attack and with red welts down my arms from scratching myself to calm tf down lol#(ask me again why i became obsessed with the white haired beautiful princess with a disorder in record time lol I GET HIM)#its fucking mental torture to me lol#anyway now im getting passive aggressive comments in the groupchat because they suddenly decided that we need to meet#for another rehearsal. today in two hours. like bitch????? sorry that i have earlier plans??????#i gently suggested that we should try to set the rehearsal plans earlier#and i even put a sad emoji at the end to show that im not trying to be a bitch lol#and now a girl im like actually friends with goes all 'thank you for your input jagoda im waiting for you to suggest something better' like#girl?????????? lol#but like it's whatever. apologised immediately ofc like why bother#anyway BASTA
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I honestly can't remember the last time I wasn't nauseous. Was it five days ago? Seven? Who knows. Certainly not me.
#this is about the persistant stomach bug I've had since i got food poisoning on the 17th#I'm just. so damn tired of feeling like my stomach is going to crawl out my throat#I've thrown up more times in the past week than i have in the past ten years and I'm really upset about it#not to mention the pain that's happening#and I'm just supposed to carry on with my life!#I've had to talk to my work because i can't do the shifts i usually do and ask i seem capable of is fucking sleeping#OR#doing classwork#the only reason my class is going well is that it's in the morning and i can do the work for it with a ton of breaks to use the bathroom#and it doesn't seem to matter what i eat#I'm nauseous but not throwing up in the morning and then in the afternoon i start throwing up and by the time i take my evening pills...#i can't keep anything down#i can't even keep water down#i fucking love water#but nooooooo#my body wants to reject even that#i don't know what to do#hopefully this goes away or the CT shows what's going on so i can live my fucking life again#anyway#rant over#drink water you heathens
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I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun
#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much#anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events#ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people#or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know#ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD#welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on#surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like#yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part#to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably#not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day#yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name#this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this#and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it#and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly#but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me#or shown me much physical affection#my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on#but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while#ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit#i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart#then getting some footing#then it falling apart again#okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD#hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good#damn i gotta use that more#welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol
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