#i have a million thing i want to do today

[seat-safety-switch]

With the ever-present rush towards convenience, so many sit-in restaurants are becoming take-out-only instead. Let's be honest: none of us really want to go outside and talk to people in order to get food. Just flip that app and bingbong® yourself a drunk order of fried treats for only $25 in fees.

Pizza Hut was one of the first to abandon the pull of large square footage, throwing millions of nostalgic red plastic cups into industrial grinders in a mad rush to stop bleeding so much goddamn money all the time. Today, those cups are worth $250 on eBay, so they look pretty stupid now, don't they?

The problem with all this is, in the time of our foreparents, it was real hard to fake the existence of a restaurant. If you went to a Pizza Hut, it was a real-ass physical building. It probably had not been copy-pasted together by a bunch of Taiwanese scam artists using Google Image Search fifteen seconds before you appeared. That was more of a Taco Bell thing. Nowadays, you can't be sure. Computers treat bullshit the same as any other kind of shit, so sometimes you'll be ordering from a completely imaginary restaurant. Feels weird, doesn't it?

As with many other cases in my adult life where I figured out everyone was just faking it, I decided to try and make some quick money. Papa needed a new engine, you see, and Slant Sixes don't exactly grow on trees anymore. With just a couple wonky Excel spreadsheets and a glob of code the size of Upper Tonawanda, I was in business with Switch's Fun-Time Pizza, an entirely non-fictitious restaurant whose address happened to be at the same place as a Pizza Hut.

Folks would pay me money, and then I'd quickly pay Pizza Hut to have a pizza ready by the time the delivery guy rolled up. Nobody seemed to care that the box said the wrong thing, and soon I was collecting fat stacks of money for doing nothing at all, just like the platforms themselves. This went on for a few weeks, fattening my bank account for slaughter. Until the first complaints came in, that is.

Yes, friends: it turned out that the local Pizza Hut had hired someone who wasn't very good at washing their hands. Soon, I was handing out big-time refunds on behalf of a massive international corporation, except I was doing so out of my own ill-gotten profits. My rickety, strung-together bullshit engine made entirely out of spreadsheets and chewing gum simply could not comprehend the idea of a refund, much less one for a weak human phenomenon such as food poisoning. Soon, all the money was gone.

Have I learned something from this whole experience? Yes. The most important thing in food service is to wash your hands thoroughly before (and after!) handling the customer's meat. The second most important thing is to charge at least a hundred percent premium over your supplier, to leave room for little hiccups such as this.

That's way easier to do if you position yourself as an upscale luxury restaurant, such as Lord Switchington of Canterbury's Refined Palate Pizza Parlour For Bourgeois Assholes Only, which will be launching this weekend in the very expensive neighbourhood next to mine. Hopefully their Pizza Hut is a little bit better at keeping the bathroom soap dispenser stocked.

[howlingday]

The Vytal Festival, Leader~!

Jaune: (Thinking) The festival is today. Some people are going out of their way to dress up for it. Probably every girl here is wearing some kind of dress or another.

Jaune: (Thinks of Nora in a dress, Blushes) She... She wouldn't ask me. She'd think I'm too creepy to ask. But... If she won't ask me... Should I?.

Jaune: NO WAY! NEVER! NOT IN A MILLION YEARS! She'd just say something even worse like,

Nora: (Jaune impersonating) "Whaaat~?! Leader WANTS to go to the festival with me? Ew~! I would have asked you as a joke to see how flustered you'd get! This just makes you look even more desperate and creeeeeepy~!"

Jaune: ...

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: I might as well look around since it only comes once in a while... Maybe I should get some caramel popcorn before going back to the dorm.

???: (Taps Jaune's shoulder)

Jaune: (Turns)

Yang: FOUND YA, VOMIT BOY~!

Ruby: We found ya~!

Jaune: !!!

Jaune: (Runs away)

Ruby: (Chases, Tackles him)

Yang: Didn't take you for the festival guy, Vomit Boy~.

Ruby: Never took, VB~!

Yang: Wait... Don't tell me... You only came out... looking for Nora~? Just out and about hoping to see her, right~?

Ruby: Aw~! That's cute~!

Jaune: N-NO WAY!

Yang: Eh, that's too bad. She told us she wasn't coming down. Said she had to make up for a test or something.

Jaune: ...

Jaune: Oh. Alright then. (Walking away)

Yang: (Grabs his arm) Hey, hey, where you goin'~?!

Ruby: (Grabs his arm) Hey, hey~!

Yang: Hey, Rubes~! Grab... "THAT"!

Ruby: Gotcha, gotcha~!

CLANK!

Jaune: (Metal collar around neck) !!!

Ruby/Yang: WE CAUGHT A VOMIT BOY~!

Yang: You're ours now, Vomit boy~!

--------------------------------------------------

Ren: I'm sorry for keeping you so late, Nora, but you need to keep your grades up.

Nora: Yeah, yeah. Honestly, I wanted to do more, but things kept coming up.

Ren: Actually, the festival is today, isn't it? Why don't we go?

Nora: Hmm...

Nora: (Thinks of Jaune, Smiling) Maybe I should...

BZZ! BZZ!

Nora: Huh? (Checks scroll)

Yang: (Via scroll) Look what we caught~!

Ren: (WHOOSH!) Hm? Nora? Nora? Where'd you go?

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: Wait... You sent that pic to Nora?

Yang: Yup~! Should be here any minute now to steal our pet~!

Jaune: WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PET?!

Ruby: (Points at Jaune) PET~!

Jaune: She's doing make-up assignments, though.

Jaune: (Fidgets)

Jaune: She's not going to show up anyways.

--------------------------------------------------

Nora:

--------------------------------------------------

Yang: (WHOOSH!) Hm? Hey, look who finally showed up~! Didn't you have a test to redo?

Nora: Y-Yeah, but it was, like, super easy, y'know?!

Jaune: (Wearing the collar)

Yang: (Holding the leash, Grinning)

Ruby: (Grinning)

Nora: YOUR COLLAR... IS HILARIOUS.

Yang: Right~? Super hilarious~!

Ruby: Hilarious~!

Nora: IT LOOKS LIKE FUN. GIVE IT.

Yang: (Keeps leash out of reach)

Yang: VOMIT BOY IS OURS NOW~! Y'WANT 'IM BACK?! YOU GOTTA BEAT US IN A CONTEST~!

Ruby: Contest~! Contest~!

Nora: Psh! I don't give a damn about Leader, but I ain't steppin' 'way from a challenge!

--------------------------------------------------

Nora: By the way, Leader... I didn't think you liked festivals.

Jaune: I... I-I thought it'd be a nice change of pace, you know?

Nora: ...Wait a minute, were you waiting for me to ask you~?

Jaune: N-NO! NO WAY!

Nora: Hahahahaha~! Ah...

Nora: ...If you want to go to the festival with somebody, Leader... It's better you ask them out yourself.

Jaune: ...

--------------------------------------------------

Nora: Winner~!

Yang: Huh? What are you talking about? We've got way more prizes than you!

Nora: Yeah, but look at this plush sword! Quality over quantity, right?

Yang: Even still, we've got more than enough stuffing in our prizes to make twice of your sword, right, Ruby?

Ruby: But the sword has actual value...

Yang: What?! For real?!

Nora: Y'want the sword, Ruby~? I know you love weapons of all kinds~!

Ruby: SWORD! SWORD~!

Yang: I can't believe you bribed my sister!

Nora: I CAUGHT A LEADER~!

Jaune: Will you take this stupid collar off already?

Yang: Suit yourself~! (Removes collar) Later, Vomit Boy~! Try not to get caught, alright~?

Ruby: Be free, little Vomit Boy~! Be free~!

Jaune: I'M NOT A WILD ANIMAL!

Ruby/Yang: (Leave)

Nora: ...

Jaune: ...W-Well, since we're here... Why don't we walk around for a bit?

Nora: Y-Yeah... Sure!

[ask-lps-staff-au]

Russell: To deepen the bond we have with our customers *cough cough* and to get our sales up *cough cough* we created this blog for you all to get in touch with us. Today, I’m going to introduce the rest of the staff here so you know who to address your questions to. Starting with-

Vinnie: ME ME ME!!!!

Russell: Yes, Vinnie, You.

Russell: What you do.

Vinnie: Ohhh! I like to dance :) 

Russell: No, what is your job?

Vinnie: Man, you should’ve just said that! My job is… well I lift heavy things sometimes? Like dog food and kitty litter. That kinda thing. Mostly just chill, though. That good?

Russell: You know what? Yes. That’s perfect, Vinnie

Vinnie: Sweet.

Russell: Minka, sorry to cut you short but can we have your name and job please?

Minka: I was just getting to that part! Anyways, my name’s Minka Mark, and I’m the cashier here, you hear?

Russell: Loud and clear, Minka.

Russell: They aren’t lines, just say it how you normally would!

Vinnie: Yeah, you just gotta say it Zoe-ey!

Zoe: Zoe-ey? Oh, that’s it!

Zoe: *singing* Yeahh Yeaaahhh~ The name’s Zoe~ And now you know-y~

Zoe: *back to talking* Oh, yeah. I’m in charge of grooming the pets.

Russell: Ohhh-kay. Let’s move on.

Pepper: Serious as I can be. Number 1: what has four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs at night?

Russell: A man.

Pepper: Correctomundo, but are you ready for riddle number 2? What gets wetter the more it dries?

Russell: A towel. Are you just reading off a list of the top ten most basic riddles or what?

Pepper: I’ll answer that but you’ll have to answer three more riddles. Last one: the man who invented it doe-

Minka: HER NAME IS PEPPER CLARK AND SHE TAKES CARE OF THE DAYCARE PETS!!!

Pepper: Dangit.

Russell: Thank you, Minka.

Russell: Probably like 10 people at most.

Vinnie: But, hey! You never know if the algorithm could pick it up! You could be talking to millions of people right now!

Sunil: Millions?! Eek!

Russell: *sigh* That’s Sunil. Talk to him if you ever need help finding anything. I promise he’s more helpful than he looks right now.

Russell: … that’s it?

Penny: Was there supposed to be more?

Russell: No, this is just the smoothest interview I’ve had all day. I’m kinda shocked.

Penny: Well, I’m glad I did good.

Russell: Yep.

Both: …

Blythe: Ruff ruff!

Russell: Oh, yeah, that’s right! Don’t forget to check out Blythe-Style pet clothes which you can find on the racks in the front of the store (which are made by a different Blythe and not this Blythe. A human Blythe. Obviously because why would a dog make clothes!! That’s absurd!!! Almost as crazy as a group of people who can understand ANIMALS hahahaha!!!)

Russell: Those questions aren’t- Whatever. Ask us anything, I guess.

---

Hello, and welcome to the ((very much unofficial))* Littlest Pet Shop page! Please drop any questions you have for us in our inbox - Best, R. Ferguson

*((this is in no way related to or authorized by hasbro or the Littlest Pet Shop brand. This is a fan project fully made for entertainment purposes. I make no profit from this.))

((Hello!!!! Double parentheses mean that I, the person who runs this blog aka @octodrawn, am speaking. I wanted to give you a couple guidelines before you submit anything. If you’re interested, please click read more!

I want to start this off by saying I am a human person with responsibilities, boundaries and a lack of free time so it may take a while to answer your ask. I also have the right to not answer every ask I receive.

We are keeping things generally PG/PG-13 here, so that means Minimal swearing, no violence, Minimal references to drug use, nothing sexual except for maybe the occasional ‘I did your mom last night’ type jokes because they are funny to me.

This is primarily an art ask blog, but I will only use text for posts on occasion.

I’m not gonna put a cap on ‘what do you think of __ x __’ questions for now, but if they become a majority of questions asked, then I will. Currently, no ships are canon in this AU, so don’t expect any answers to say anything differently.

Don’t take the setup of this blog being diegetic too seriously. If you want to send something that’s like *gives them all cookies* or *transforms them into turtles* I won’t stop you.

Have fun and be yourself :-)

Please keep this in mind before asking anything. This is all for fun, so please don’t take this too seriously.

I’ll be making a tag list soon but feel free to send asks now :3))

[puck-luck]

hey @yauchfilms, enjoy :D this is your brainchild fr i credit you

Warnings: sub!m, no penetration, grinding, mental restraint needed instead of defaulting to physical restraint WC: 693

“Ti, if you can’t keep your hands where they’re allowed, then I’m going to have to pull out the handcuffs.”

If Mattias was told to make a list of things he’d expected you to say today, that sentence would not have made it onto the sheet of paper in a million years. He also can’t really decide how he feels about it– it’s jarring to hear you say such a thing, but… but. That’s where the sentence ends. Mattias’s mind goes blank after he reaches the conjunction. His mind is only able to think of a shrug. 

His hands return to your ass, the most scandalous place you’ll allow. Once they’re cemented on the globes of your cheeks, he’s determined to keep them there. It takes a lot of effort, but Mattias wants to be obedient.

You’re trying something new. Normally, Mattias takes charge in the bedroom. After all, he’s the bigger one. He’s stronger, partially because he’s a big dude and partially because he’s a professional athlete. One thing he rarely has, in the bedroom, is self-restraint. 

Your goal is to teach him.

It’s how you ended up on top of him. He’s not even inside of you– you’re just sitting with his cock nestled between your folds, rocking back and forth across his length. His hands are allowed to rest on your ass or your waist. The second he starts guiding you, you stop moving. It’s infuriating and, well, so sexy, so Mattias is ready to give you everything you’re asking for.

He stares up at you, head cushioned by the pillow below him. He’s got a nice view of your body, naked and undeniably yearning for contact the same way his is. Your nipples have peaked, there is a pretty flush coating your visage and creeping down your neck and chest, and your cunt is dripping. 

“Now you’re listening,” you tease, a fond quirk of your lips brightening your face. Your palms are flat against Mattias’s chest, which only aids you as you resume your grinding. You have leverage, an advantage over your big, strong boyfriend, and it’s exciting you both. 

You’d expected him to put up more of a fight. You’d expected him to take control of the encounter– flip you over like he normally does and pound into your cunt until you’re shaking beneath him. 

That’s not what’s happening. No, Mattias is behaving. He’s listening to your words and soaking them in with a dumfounded look on his face, blinking incomprehensively. 

Unconsciously, his fingers twitch. You’re looking down at his cock, where the tip lays against his abdomen. His hands flex as a drop of precum blurts out of his slit, settling against the soft skin of his stomach. 

Just as you prepare to stop your movements, Mattias’s eyes grow hooded and he relaxes his grip. His hands drift up, finding your waist, removing his biggest temptation completely. He’s no longer playing a dangerous game by touching your ass– he’s finally dropping one of the remaining shreds of his desire for control.

“That’s it, baby. Fuck, you’re being such a good boy,” you praise, working your hips faster. You bring one of your hands down to his tip and trace your fingers over the details of his skin that you’ve come to know over many intimate rendezvous. You find the line of his slit, the veins near the crown, and each patch of skin that seems to blush an angrier red or throb more noticeably. Your touch is featherlight and Mattias lets out an involuntary catch of his breath, just as more precum pools from his tip.

He’s really not sure, but this– having you on top, with your pussy so close but the hug of your walls seemingly lightyears away, and the softm kind words that he normally whispers in your ear parroted back at him– this has to happen again. 

You’re always Mattias’s good girl, even when you’re teasing him. Mattias just didn’t realize how badly he needs to be your good boy– he’s got a taste of it, and the craving is insatiable. He’d do anything you ask just to hear you say that again.

[seoulmatez]

good morning :3

[moeblob]

A lil guy !

[iknowwhereyousnoozeatnight]

this one's for all the yuri enjoyers out there — nsft under cut

meronia event prompt(s): scar

[mumblesplash]

don’t let the superhero costumes fool you they’re just here to shoot people 

[muffinlance]

Interest Check: Isopuppy Plushies

Anyone interested in buying isopuppy plushies?

Either as a pattern or actual sewn-by-me toys. Because I have crocheted So Many Toys over my children, and I am thinking it's time to go back to sewing for awhile, but I should also stop rampantly making toys without homes to send them to. So. Casual interest check. I am absolutely making one for myself; this just determines if I should go through the effort of making an actual pattern so I can replicate the process.

[ygodmyy20]

I could draw them forever and I'll never get bored.

[iratusmus]

having entirely too much fun with old outfit requests

[kandicon]

*writes the same exact headcannons in slightly different scenarios over and over again*

[jrueships]

WHOEVER THE FUCK IS RECOMMENDING MED PPL TO GO INTO RADIOLOGY JUST CUS IF THE MONEY, IM GONNA FUCKING gET YOU

[exhaustedwerewolf]

when the dnd session was so insane you’re like “damn I want to rewatch that bit” but you can’t because it was not an incredible fantasy film but just you playing make believe with your friends

[spearxwind]

Honestly i Get It now i do get why people build things constantly

[godblooded]

….fucking Spotify requires you to buy more fucking audiobook credits????