#i have a lot of feelings i project onto arthur

[rainstormsandothersadthings]

There was an interesting thing Arthur learned when he was eight and three-quarters in the field on the right side of the castle. He was chasing the red ladybugs that flew and crawled up the castle walls as if unaware of the unavoidable chill of the stone; as if they didn’t know the castle was where things rot and everyone pretends they can’t smell the stench.

[fllnrdr]

So… I have a lot to say about this post I saw on my feed today. I took screenshots and blocked out the username for the sake of the OP. I didn’t want this to be a callout post for one specific user, and do not wish them any hate or harm. I DO have a whole heap to say about this and the treatment Charles gets from the rdr fandom as a whole, not only the OP in the screenshot.

I have a lot of problems with this post, and I have been wanting to talk about this issue and pattern I’ve noticed in the rdr community. Again, I do not mean to send any hate in OP’s direction or suggest that OP is racist in any sense. With that being said…

It’s an inherently racial stereotype to assume that Charles, a black and native man, is illiterate with such a lack of evidence or real reasoning behind it. He was isolated for most of his life after the age of thirteen, and he’s been with a gang for only six months. He is very private, and he is shy. He doesn’t talk much at all, much less about reading. I have never seen this sort of assumption made about any other character, claiming they’re illiterate, because they’re never seen reading at camp.

This is the most ridiculous take I have ever seen. Charles is the one who buried Arthur with his own two hands and created his gravestone. He was the only person who knew where Arthur was buried, hence being the sole creator of Arthur’s final resting place. Charles’ handwriting is the one we see on the gravestone. Charles is the one who wrote the inscription on the cross. He is not illiterate.

I think a problem I have with a lot of Charles fans is that they see him as a blank slate. They see Charles, a physically attractive man, who is quiet and take him for that alone. He is often seen as a blank canvas to project their own ideas onto and sort of mold to their own use and convince. And often times, whether knowingly or not, Charles is consistently watered down to racial stereotypes. Race is obviously a part of who he is, and it affects a lot of his actions, as it does with everyone, but that is not all who he is.

Charles is clinging to the fringes of what little of his culture that he does have. His mother was taken from him as a boy, and he holds onto what little he does have and that absence of his mother, and both of his cultures (because people also tend to ignore the fact that he is also black) is a huge part of who he is. But a lot of folks would rather see his shyness as blankness. He is not levelheaded, but he is moral. He is not always morally correct though. It’s frustrating to constantly see who he is being ignored for the sake of the false persona that’s been created for him.

I think a lot of folks need to listen to the one dialogue of Charles opening up at the campfire. Yes it is a relatable speech for a lot of reasons, but it is also about his race, how he experiences the world, and how he feels as though he has no place because of the loss of his mother, the lack of knowing who he is, his culture, and a whole host of other things. He is one of the best written characters in the game, and to brush that aside to make him into this ‘softhearted super caring ideal s/o’ is so frustrating. This is the same man who was ready to kill Uncle if the need arose. He is moral, but they are morals of his own, and he is not always correct. He is also flawed, just like everyone else. He is not a saint. He is a flawed and conflicted man.

To disregard Charles for who he is, is such a great disservice to the character and to all the work put into him, his story, and other people who have and continue to share the same experiences as he does.

[potato-lord-but-not]

hello hello my lord one of my favourite panels in the pillowfort comic is the one where john just pushes oscar onto the bed and gets an 'oof' because even when they're getting all steamy they're being silly. okay time to yap apologies for the text wall the way they look at each other goddammit they're so horny but at the same time it's so loving??? so tender?? i feel like the way they're looking at each other contributes to at least 40% of the temperature rise in the room, it's good arthur and noel weren't there or global warming probably would've gone up ten degrees (speaking of noel and arthur... what were they doing? hmm)

also the way you capture emotion in not just their faces but also their body language??? im im not well ok i- for example john tilting his head and looking to the side, you draw that SO SO SO WELL IM WEEPINGGGG

also: HAIR. THEIR HAIR FUUUUCCKKKKK I HAVE SO MUCH GENDER ENVY RIGHT NOWWWW i would like to eat their hair. it looks so lusciously beautiful. i especially adore that one little strand that always falls in john's face, it's just aaaaaa i love that little detail so much and you pay so much attention to your comics or doodles or stickers or

okay i yapped too much i will sit in the corner now

no fr !!!! I think it’s fun to capture that unserious tone that being intimate with someone can have!! It’s very silly and I hold it dear to my heart and I will continue to project onto the sillies <3

AND UHHM THANK YOU !!!!!! I put a lot into really anything I draw so I’m glad others can see that too <3333 glad you appreciate the hair as well because it’s SO FUN TO DRAWWW

thank you for the yapping it really brightens my day teehee <333333

[sunnylolli]

Do you mind going in-depth about England and his BPD?

I would love to, actually!

I forgot if I already have, but my vision has ripened a lot since my initial headcanon.

It's a long post, so I'll put things under a read more!

I just want to clarify that I'm just giving him traits I can recognize from myself and friends I have that share the diagnosis, so in no way is this how every person with BPD/EUPD functions! (Also this is for my own indulgency first, please don't pick it apart for details, I'm just some gal projecting :,))

Anyway

The key components for this particular headcanon I see with him are unstable relationships, unstable self-image, paranoia/suspicion, imagined/perceived abandonment and a reaction hereto.

Because Arthur is afraid to be alone. He hates being alone and there has been a streak throughout his life of people leaving him or downright turning on him.

And what I see this mouthing out to is imposter syndrome and going black and white in pretty much everything.

"If they aren't explicitly with me, they're against me." (Ex. from historical canon see: Literally every single war and conflict he's been part of - Specifically I'm thinking about numerous instances in the war of roses and the Napoleonic wars.)

"If I can't be good (how he thinks goodness is defined as, which is practically angelic and pure, an impossible goal to achieve) then I might as well be as bad as possible." (His entire life, essentially.)

"I can't do it this way/I can't achieve it how I picture it, so I might as well not do it at all." (Ex. with how he gave up getting in shape because of Alfred's insane show of dragging his car around.)

He's uncertain in his ego and identity, he contradicts himelf a lot; Being proper and polite, posh, punk, pirate, primal feral animal etc. He has different aspects of himself he suppresses at different times and enforces at other times.

My favorite part to think about in this headcanon, is how in his childhood he was very much on his own, foraging and travelling, with the occasional encounter with people, his brothers and invaders. Such as France or Denmark and these encounters weren't always positive. I like to think of him being more lively and animated in his childhood. He shows what he likes and dislikes, he expresses himself and how he's feeling, he laughs more openly etc.

Overtime, he stores that away and puts on a farce to appear more serious and collected, because he wants to be taken seriously. He reflects the things he's seen and heard invaders do to his own lands and does that same thing to others.

He absorbs traits and aspects from other places, he allows himself to be influenced and altered, and reshaped and molded until he's so far from what he originally was that he's beginning to lose touch with what part of him is stolen and what part of him is genuine.

Thus, the personality disorder aspect.

As for the perceived/imagined abandonment, I see it being in many instances self-fulling prophecy, spurred on by low self-worth.

He has a hard time thinking and speaking positively of himself, and has a hard time truly believing that people actually like him and want to be together with him; Be that romantic or platonic or familial, he ends up being so disbelieving of it, he projects it onto others and gives himself excuses to withdraw from them or act cold towards them, such as "They'll leave eventually anyway".

His low self-worth vs. His self-confidence is a connundrum, because he can act self-assured and self-satisfied, but he's also absolutely not. The british spirit of self-deprecation compels him, fr.

He ends up being unpredictable in his mood, because either you'll push the buttons that sets him into a frenzy or he's going to downright stonewall you.

Lightly connecting this to his not-very-subtle alcohol problem, because I see him drinking to stop overthinking.

If he does allow himself time to think, he's going to spiral into the hardest self-loathing known to man and he can't really deal with stewing in his own loneliness, guilt, bitterness, sadness and self-deprecation for too long, before he actually begins to go crazy.

In most of my au's he does eventually go to therapy for it (Thank god) and his patterns do begin to grow more transparent as he tries to not be a self-sabotaging, insecure little man. And at the perceived abandonment moments, he'll start to look for ways to prevent it, instead of detaching entirely and repress the disappointment with liqour.

I think that's what I could conjure up from my mind about it for now, I'll reblog with additions if I remember more!

[lolliepops-rox]

Hello 2024 Hetalia fandom. I want to talk about schizophrenic Arthur Kirkland.

Background: I myself is someone with psychosis, along with experience with schizophrenic family members. I'm not talking completely out of my ass. But not do I obviously speak for every mental ill person ever. Moreover, I am pulling on the way being a nation would affect his relationship with being schizophrenic.

I am extremely new to the fandom, but my best friend who has been here for a decade has talked with me about how the idea was handled in the past. I want to give this headcanon a genuine and sincere look at it, because I think it's interesting and I want to project onto Arthur a little.

One of the reasons he's a terrible cook is actually because of his schizophrenia. Disordered thinking means he struggles to follow steps in a recipe. The impact on his motor skills makes him even worse. Please do not give this man a knife. He will cut himself.

I think because of his own experience with cooking, he is prone to food related paranoia, things like it being rotten or poisoned, sometimes affected by the era/current events. During times of famine he's gonna lean towards rotten, verse maybe some civil unrest leading to him thinking his food is poisoned. Disordered eating is a huge problem for him. (We found out partly where Alfred gets it from lol)

Continuing with the food theme, smelling rotten food is a common hallucination for him. Olfactory hallucinations just make sense for him to me, so the smell of fire and gas is a common one too. (This is partly the effect of the many London fires throughout the centuries).

In terms of visional hallucinations, I don't think he'd be very prone to it. Reality checks for them he'd have to rely on his British Isles brothers for them, due to being able to see actual mythical creatures. This is made hard by the fact he's often not on speaking terms with his brothers. This has resulted in an incident where Arthur had assumed a creature following him was a hallucination, that turned out to be real and was HIGHLY offended at being ignored for so long.

In terms of delusions, being a public figure makes discerning reality difficult at times. He is super prone to delusions about being hated by everyone, or being the most popular person ever. This can be hard to reality check because well, he is famous, and sometimes the public does hate him, and people have tried to kill him. My poor man's ego can NOT handle being a public figure with schizophrenia.

England, circa. 2003, on the phone to his PA: Can you send someone over? Either someone is trying to kill me, I'm having another episode, or both. I am not leaving my house until this is resolved. Thanks.

In terms of disordered movement, he would get slapped with that very 'childish' label. Arthur holds himself and moves in a way that looks weird to others. He moves way too much, everything has more motion and steps than necessary, overly fluid. It often leads to people getting accidentally hit by a stray hand from Arthur.

Arthur is NOTORIOUS for his word salad. I feel like Francis over the years has adjusted to understand a lot of Arthur's word salad but still sometimes it's like

Arthur: -gibberish- Antonio: uhhh what did he say? Francis: Don't look at me, this is even beyond my understanding of England.

Alfred is the worst of the native English speaking countries when it comes to understanding Arthur's word salad. Like Ludwig is better at guessing what Arthur meant than Alfred is.

Anyways, that's some of my thoughts <3 I would love to hear other people's ideas & feedback. Thnx xD

[rewritingcanon]

what do u think of the portrayal of harry and ginny in the cursed child (i feel like it's so out of character, especially for harry) also that he works at the ministry and that ginny gave up her quidditch career (same goes for harry)

alright ive had this in my inbox for so long because i wanted to do this ask justice so i really hope that anon is still around to read this. in saying that harry was ‘out of character’ in hpcc, i assume you’re talking about how he was a bad/flawed father, as MANY fans have argued the same. so i will address that first and then i will talk about ginny and hinny’s careers.

disclaimer: when i say “you” im not talking specifically about anon but about fandom.

harry potter vs fatherhood

harry’s whole life resolved around being the chosen one and the prophesied saviour of the wizarding world. it was either being The Hero or being the unwanted, abused and scorned freak living with the dursleys. when thats your home life, then you tend to cling on to anything that is an escape from that— and in harry’s experience that was hogwarts.

if you really think about it, hogwarts was very nasty to harry as well. he was always getting picked on or bullied or in some life threatening danger that he got blamed for half of the time— but because it was better than living with the dursleys, his mind idolised it as a safe haven.

harry also reflects this idolising behaviour onto parental figures, especially paternal figures. he doesnt actually know his parents, only has an ideal of them in his head that was constructed as a coping mechanism to the abuse and neglect he went through at home. he projects The Perfect Father onto every one of his paternal figures (i think the only exception to this is arthur but i mayyy be wrong)— sirius and dumbledore are the biggest ones that come to mind, even though sirius only knew him for two years, and dumbledore would manipulate and use harry for the betterment of the world, which is unlike a parent who would put their child’s needs first (harry did not recognise these issues at length at the time as he was used to the idea of self sacrifice and probs understood that it came with the territory of being The Hero). harry even projected his father onto himself in PoA and nearly died from it.

in saying this, its reasonable to argue that there’s a disconnect with harry and the idea of what a good father actually is. this is challenged in the books itself (with SWM, harry seeing that james was not the Perfect Man he built up in his head), but this is challenged the most in the cursed child.

throughout the play, harry acts as the personified ideal he grew up with. easygoing, confident, wise— when in reality he is the opposite of those attributes and albus can see right through it (ginny says this to harry in the play, i would find the line but alas, im on the train rn). hes not easygoing or confident— he’s fearful that he doesn’t know what hes doing or how to be a father, and hes scared not knowing makes him a bad father. hes acted out in fear multiple times— the biggest moment is when he bans albus from seeing scorpius to keep him ‘safe.’ he has constant nightmares about his trauma as a child when living with the dursleys and not having the stability or love he craved. his ‘wise’ advice is not applicable to his children because he is harry potter, The Hero, and they are just normal kids. this is why albus and harry get on each others nerves so badly— because they are constantly stomping on each others sore spots by accident. albus doesn’t appreciate the facade that harry tries to uphold, and harry doesn’t understand why— because he’s projecting that ideal onto all of his kids, and if it works for james and lily (presumably), why doesn’t it work for albus? harry would’ve done anything for a father figure like himself!! there must be something wrong with albus!! (🙄)

now The Blanket SceneTM is very controversial and pissed off a lot of longtime fans into denouncing the entire play as canon. ive talked about it at length and since theres more to discuss in this post, i will shorten it down as best i can for you:

as a way of bonding, harry tries to give his precious blanket to albus. he believes albus may be more like him and may be able to understand the sacredness of the present unlike his siblings.

unknowingly, harry is still projecting his ideals onto albus. the blanket is only so extremely precious to him because it represents his parents, who he still views in an idolised light. therefore the blanket is the ideal.

albus scorns this ideal so he scorns the gift. however, because hes a confused and possibly depressed fourteen year old, he doesn’t communicate the rejection of this in a healthy way and basically insults the blanket by calling it old and mouldy and comparing it to james and lily’s presents, which outwardly could make him seem like a brat.

by attacking the blanket, he attacks harry’s parents and the ideal. and harry is very sensitive about this

albus then accidentally triggers very central fears surrounding being an orphan and being a father when he says “i wish you werent my dad”

harrys first thought is that albus wants him dead. at this point, hes stopped listening to albus trying to explain himself as he’s already triggered, so he’s acting in complete defence when he responds “sometimes i wish you werent my son”

this was said with the intention to hurt albus, it was a mindless act with one goal. saying this is out of character for harry is ridiculous, because he’s done the exact same thing in the books multiple times to the people he loves.

another important note: these characters trigger each other accidentally. the intent to connect is there, but there are deep seated issues on harry’s side that was never confronted leading to these issues. and as albus is a young angsty teen who does get bullied and is a little self-centred (again, very normal for a 14yo), he can’t really communicate these issues to harry effectively (harry being dismissive of the bullying (that he believes is normal for hogwarts students) albus goes through doesn’t help the situation either), leaving harry stumbling in the dark and further emboldening that The Perfect Father he imagined as a child may not exist.

ok that wasnt very economical but anyways! those are the issues! what happens next is harry spiralling and confirming those fears, being forced to confront them and deal with them, and then the steps toward healing his relationship with albus.

im not defending how harry treated albus (dismissing his bullying, lashing out, the enmeshment abuse) but offering insight and trying to explain that he was certainly in-character. i think people simply had an emotional reaction to seeing their loved character being very realistically flawed, and decided they didnt like it without doing much analysis as to why harry was acting the way he was. trauma is very complex, and theres no expiry date for it if you simply refuse to confront it or heal.

a lot of harry’s journey with interrogating the Perfect Father concept was to confront and acknowledge his inner child. he has to recognise his childhood for the childhood it was without the flashy titles or impressed ideals. the confrontation with dumbledore is the pinnacle of it— harry idolised dumbledore as a central father figure, and he realised when confronting the portrait that his relationship with dumbledore was much more complex and nuanced than he originally thought. suddenly dumbledore ceases to be an ideal, and harry sees him for the man that he was: conflicted, more uncertain in his own choices than he let on, heartbroken and self-sabotaging.

when harry presents himself at the end of the play to albus, he presents himself as human— an escapist, unsure in his decisions, insecure, and scared of the dark, small spaces and pigeons. and albus appreciates the flawed, real version of harry. those expectations and ideals that albus struggled to uphold in the face of harry’s projecting simply disappear, and he finally feels like he can adequately be harry’s son just by being.

another less obvious moment that shows this, is how harry and delphi mirror each other. delphi is the more extreme version of this— she is completely deluded in her worship for a father she never knew, so desperate for the love and respect shes built up in her mind that she’s dedicated her life to it and feels empty without the ideal to go off of. its why harry defends her when albus asks him why they shouldn’t just kill her— because hes the only one who understands the pain of being an orphan, living in an abusive household, dreams of ‘what ifs’ and what it can do to a person.

whats important to take away is that harry and albus love each other immensely, which is why they are able to turn over a new leaf at the end. it speaks of incredible strength on albus’ half, and i really want to stress that albus LOVES harry, because i see so much content about him straight up butchering or slandering harry when that is sooo not them!! if albus saw the way some of yall were misinterpreting his relationship with his dad he’d be livid. whether or not you would do the same in forgiving harry is irrelevant— albus has always wanted to have a good relationship with harry and the same goes both ways. people hurt each other, sometimes egregiously so, but when one promises change and is serious about it, than chances are there will be change. this is especially so in the case of family.

ginny weasley vs age

what is paradoxical is how self-centred harry is, despite also being very willing to sacrifice himself for other people. albus possesses a self-centredness similar to him. harry is so caught up in his own world and comparing it to albus’ situation, and vice versa. ginny is normally the middle man who can see both harry and albus for what they are and the individual worlds they inhabit, and tries to communicate effectively between them. the play mostly revolves around harry and albus, so what i’ll have to say for her will not be as in-depth.

short answer: ginny matured with age. she is probably the most mature character alongside draco, although draco does let his emotions get in the way at times (funnily enough i think this is why ginny and draco get along so well in the cursed child and are able to recognise each other for who they are). she was very brash and courageous and wonderfully chaotic in the books, but she was also blunt and impatient, which is not something thats presented in the cursed child. instead, she is VERY patient and communicates extremely well, being able to navigate both harry and albus without prodding their weak spots like they do to each other.

she offers her own experiences to albus as her own experiences, not projecting them onto him as an unequivocal truth. this can be seen in how she opens up to him about how she was exploited by tom riddle, and she lets albus draw his own comparisons to himself and delphi without pushing his experiences into a box.

her relationship with harry is interesting, because she is the only one who sees him for him and the only one that harry’s not bothered by when she makes honest judgments on his actions. he’s only okay with her seeing him for the flawed man he is. she doesn’t make him feel defensive, nor does she make him feel demonised for not knowing how to parent albus, or for messing up with him (though she does call him out when he is in the wrong, something her younger self would be quick to do too). one of the most heart wrenching scenes is when ginny blows up at harry and really screams at him about albus being missing and him being self-centred about it, making it out to be about himself and his issues surrounding fatherhood. despite this, harry does not get defensive— which shows that he trusts even her negative judgments of him because she knows him so well (very very similar to the library scene with scorpius screaming at albus over his self-centeredness as well btw).

she still possesses key qualities from her younger self, she’s just ironed out the rougher ones as she’s grown— she’s still impossibly brave, fiercely loyal, extremely devoted to those she loves and also very logical. you can tell harry and albus are more emotional than she is, which is part of the reason why she is able to construct her points so effectively. she puts her logical thinking to good use in emotional situations. i think people are forgetting that people aren’t typically going to be the same as who they were as teenagers.

why has ginny been able to grow so much in comparison to harry? because she’s recognised what she went through as a teenager and made peace with it. you can see it in the way she freely offers her own experiences about it. she’s been able to build on top of what she went through in a healthy way, and was able to experience real, healthy change. and she is so much wiser and kinder for it.

hinny vs their careers

first i’ll talk about harry because i think i have more stuff to go off of with him.

we’ve already established that hes The Hero first and foremost. after he fulfilled the prophecy and saved the world i dont think its such a stretch to argue that he may have needed another similar purpose to latch onto, and that being an auror granted him that. quidditch was fun for him, but it couldn’t give him the same purchase that being an auror could. heroes dont play quidditch, they save the world. the same could be said for neville and ron, who were also aurors at first. was it the healthiest road to go down for harry? i dont think so, but considering his characterisation in the cursed child, i think it works. ron ended up quitting to be a father, neville ended up quitting to focus on his real passion (herbology), and harry continued to cling onto The Hero image he’s used to presenting. yes, the ministry was impossibly corrupt and worked against him in his youth, but to harry that could’ve served as more of a reason to change the institution from the inside. this, i imagine, was most definitely the case with hermione, who was always an idealist.

that being said, i don’t think continuing being an auror is such a great idea post-hpcc. he at least needs a break in order to continue his job in a healthy manner and not misconstrue his identity with it.

in terms of ginny, i don’t believe she’d still be playing quidditch in her 40s. if you think about real athletes, very few of them continue playing professionally in their 40s (i think the average age is 34 but i may be wrong), especially after birthing three kids. we dont know much about her retirement, but there are many reasons one can assume ginny retired for, kids and/or age being the most reasonable deduction. its not so much a question of characterisation but more about the reality of having to give up your passion earlier than most if its sports.

despite retiring, its clear ginny is still very passionate about quidditch as shes still working within the field, just not playing the sport professionally anymore.

[libraford]

Also while I'm thinking about tarot and therapy, I'd like to link yall to a book on the subject of using cartomancy in a therapy setting, which is how I've been approaching tarot for the past 10 years.

It can be a bit dry to read sometimes, but it's been really useful when it comes to recontextualizing what it means to read tarot for clients.

It's been awhile since I read it, honestly. I cant remember exactly what it says. But instead of cards being a message from the divine or whatever woo spin you want to put on it, I've learned that cards can be a lot of things.

-a third person in the room to open up conversation

-a mirror for the querent to project onto

-a tool to tell a story

-a riddle for the querent and reader to solve together

-a rubber duck for the querent to talk to to sort out the problems.

-an image to inspire memory recall.

-image and word association

Like this is a non-exhaustive list of things that tarot or any Oracle deck can do outside of the woo aspect. And incorporating woo in my context works fine because, as I've said before- I'm a tarot reader, not a therapist. But these are ways that cartomancy can be divorced from that mystical setting and used for more practical problem solving.

It also means that you can choose to make the tools more approachable for people who might have stigma against it. On a few occasions, I'll be out doing readings and someone will be shy but curious about tarot and I'll ask them 'hey, you look like you've got some questions- feel free to ask.' And more often than not the question is about what's involved, are we summoning things, is my soul in danger- Hollywood stuff.

And I tell them that its art on cardstock. It's no more dangerous than a movie ticket. You pick some images at random, I tell you what I think they mean, and you can tell me what you think they mean if you want.

I think it opens people up a little to have it phrased like that, in a more plain context of what it is.

Anyways, that went on a bit longer than I thought it should. That book really helped me figure out a reading style. Strong suggestion.

[loudblonde]

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Male!Reader Mafia AU (Chapter 15)

SummarySimon and (Y/N) get close before getting some unfortunate news

Warnings: Oral sex, mentioning of boundaries and people not respecting boundaries.

Author note:

Heyoooooo, it has been a while, things have honestly been mundane here, I just started school and bought Baldurs gate 3 which I have already gotten almost 400 hours in it since august, so sorry for not really posting but I kinda forgot midst school and gaming. I was stuck on where to take this story for a good few weeks, again so sorry. I cant in any way promise consistancy but I will try and post more often.

Thank you so much to the folk who were concerned and all your kind comments that you have left, it truly truly makes my day so much better whenever I read any comment you post.

Word count 1.9K

Ghost awoke feeling the spot in bed cold. He sighed, this was by far a too-common occurrence over these last 4 days, they would be leaving soon. (Y/N) would have Simon fully at his mercy again. Ghost knew he had to fight against it, and so did Simon, yet neither of him wanted to, no matter how much Ghost screamed and yelled that (Y/N) Price was nothing more than a slippery snake with venom-coated fangs, neither Simon nor Ghost was particularly eager to displease this new owner. 

John Price himself had been strict but Simon always knew there was some part of him that regretted what had happened that night, it didn’t take a fool to see just how much he was being shown that he really shouldn’t be shown or seen, even for the bodyguard of John Price. 

Simon opened his eyes as (Y/N) entered the bedroom, he sat up slightly, propped up on only his arms, his back ached from this position, but he wasn’t going to sit up further. “Did we get the go-ahead?” Simon asked, his voice deep and groggy, betraying any calmness he may have hoped to not show. 

(Y/N) slipped into bed, Simon found himself lying down with his head on (Y/N)’s chest, he was far too comfortable in this position, far too exposed but that didn’t matter, this was… well he couldn’t call it safe, but it was nice. 

“Hmm, we leave in the morning, I said goodbye to Arthur, he leaves on a small trip towards the store to stock up on bulk buys. He won’t be there in the morning.” (Y/N) said with a slight sigh. 

“You sound almost sad at that, love,” Simon said.

“He is an old friend. He is my Soap.” (Y/N) said and Simon fully understood that, a bond he couldn’t explain to no other. Not romantic despite desperately trying it. He hoped (Y/N) wouldn’t be another Soap. “I am happy to see him and sad to leave, but we both know we won’t see each other much if at all after this.” (Y/N) said, disappointed. “Maybe at the opposite ends of a gun.” 

“You think he will kill you?” Ghost asked. 

“If he gets paid a lot, maybe, I won’t fault him for that. It’s the business.” (Y/N) said with a slight shrug. He absentmindedly ran a hand through Simon’s hair. “Your hair is getting long, I like it.” 

Simon leaned into his touch, slowly getting lulled to sleep by it. When he awoke again, (Y/N) was sleeping as well. Simon closed his eyes and felt sleep embrace him for a few moments before (Y/N) woke him up.  

Getting back onto the road meant one thing, medical attention. (Y/N) took over as driver and drove up towards northern Europe, (Y/N) took backroads and at times they slept in the car or in shitty cheap cash-only hotels, whatever the route was, they were not hurrying for time. It was almost a week later of this, when they finally arrived in their Swedish cabin, having almost completely blown past Denmark on the way up, only stopping a few moments for his wrist to be checked and taken care of. Simon looked to where (Y/N) was making a fire and yearned for them to get away from this life of running, but they were finally here, fully just alone and for once, without anything or anyone to worry about, a mutually distant place in a mutually distant country. 

The cabin was small and comfortable, though without running water or electronics, they had a generator for their phones and a small camping stow, all they would ever need. Simon laid his head down on the pillow of the queen-sized bed, it was tugged in the corner of the small cabin, only one room, perfect for laying low. 

(Y/N) glanced at him and smiled. Simon sat up as the other walked over, his arms found a way around his waist as he pulled him in. Simon kissed his stomach before looking up at him. “You haven't pushed yourself onto me,” Simon said softly. 

“Why would I?” (Y/N) asked. “You are a person, no one deserves that and if I must cum, well I have a perfectly fine hand that can get me off.” 

Simon chuckled at that, a small smile on his face. “You are making me more confident by the hour, that's a dangerous thing.” 

This time it was (Y/N)’s turn to chuckle. He placed his arms around Simon’s shoulders. “Yeah?” 

“Mhm, once I realise I am a handsome bastard then there is no stopping me,” Simon said. 

“Well, that just means that my Simon will be the fiercest and most dangerous man around.” (Y/N) leaned down and kissed him passionately.

Simon groaned against the kiss. “You want me to be that? To be confident and not just another thing like that König you fucked?” He asked before standing up, his arms still wrapped firmly around (Y/N). 

“Aye, I do. I love a man who knows what he wants and who isn’t afraid to either ask for it or take it.” (Y/N) said with a smirk. 

“My hand is still busted,” Simon said before backing (Y/N) up against the wall, (Y/N)’s back hit it roughly before their lips met. 

(Y/N) groaned lightly but returned the kiss, he didn’t fight this display of confidence that Simon was showing, despite (Y/N) being a power top, this confidence was very attractive and very different from what he had seen so far from Simon. 

Their kiss lasted a while as they let hands roam and map each other's bodies, both seeking comfort in the movements. 

(Y/N) pulled away and bit his lip before looking at Simon. “How far?” 

Simon hesitated before walking over and sitting on the bed, he spread his legs. “I don’t feel comfortable with penetration….” 

(Y/N) walked over and hummed. “Oral?” He knelt down, gently rubbing Simon’s legs. “You on the receiving end.” 

“If I say stop at any point, will you stop?” The confidence washed away to vulnerability. 

(Y/N)’s smile softened. “Of course, Si, if you ever get uncomfortable, even with kissing, tell me and I will stop. Even just holding your hand or touching you in any manner.” 

Simon smiled at that and nodded. “Okay, let's try.” 

(Y/N) reached up and cupped his cheeks before kissing him, his eyes fluttering close as he felt Simon respond to the kiss. He felt him kiss back, their lips parting easily, (Y/N)’s tongue explored Simon’s mouth, Simon didn’t fight against it, his trust in (Y/N) was unwavering. 

(Y/N) pulled away only to kiss down Simon’s neck, leaving behind faint hickeys. They pulled apart for just long enough to discard the shirt and remove the belt. (Y/N) looked up at Simon as he palmed his growing erection, there were no signs of hesitance so far. “You are doing so well for me.” (Y/N) praised, his head tilting slightly before he undid the pants button. With some combined effort they managed to pull the pants and underwear down to Simon’s ankles. (Y/N) situated himself better before grabbing some lube from the bag next to the bed. He coated his hand before giving Simon’s cock a few strokes, getting it erect.

(Y/N) wasted no time before wrapping his lips around the head, he hollowed his cheeks out before slowly going all the way down, his tongue working expertly to hit all the right spots. Simon felt the wet warmth of (Y/N)’s mouth and moaned, his body was growing hotter by the second.

(Y/N) didn’t hold back, he bottomed out expertly, his nose hit Simon’s pubes, causing Simon to moan even louder, he was suddenly glad they were miles away from anyone or anything. 

As (Y/N) moved up and down his tongue massaged every pleasurable part. He removed a hand from Simon’s thigh to fondle his balls, causing Simon to moan even louder. 

Simon was in the clouds, no one had ever just focused on his pleasure, he placed a hand in (Y/N)’s hair, though he didn’t push down in any manner, the pleasure was too good, he was lost, no matter what he wanted to say it never came out. 

Simon felt a familiar knot form in his stomach. He moaned even louder as he struggled to find his words to warn (Y/N).

(Y/N) saw him and hummed in satisfaction, ignoring his own throbbing cock. Simon groaned at that, causing (Y/N) to feel pride in his own ability to please Simon. 

Simon didn’t hold out much longer, the vibrations, the warmth and the way (Y/N)’s tongue moved was pure bliss, he tapped (Y/N)’s head moments before he came. Simon’s salty hot cum sprayed down (Y/N)’s throat, which (Y/N) drank down without a problem. He pulled away and kissed Simon. “You did so well, I am so proud of you.” 

Simon barely registered the words, he was still riding the high from cumming. “You are amazing.” He chuckled cum drunk. 

(Y/N) chuckled and stood up, he helped Simon get dressed again before laying down with him. “Are you feeling less stressed?” 

Simon nodded. “Yes, thank you and thank you for not doing anything I didn’t want.” 

“Si, I would never, I may be an assassin, but I am not a monster.” (Y/N) said.

Simon chuckled and leaned his forehead against his. “You are painfully hard against my thigh, may I?” Simon asked. 

(Y/N) hummed. “Sure, if you want.” 

“I would love nothing more~,” Simon said.

—

The first few days of the cabin were quiet, almost exactly like their initial cabin but this time more intimate, neither man initiated anything sexual beyond those initial blow jobs, they were content with each other's company, and they needed nothing more. At least not for now. They had each other. 

(Y/N) awoke to find his phone blaring the British national anthem. He rolled over, ignoring the way Simon groaned before picking up the phone. He hummed as sleep still had a hold on him. “(Y/N).” 

‘Hey boy, we have this mess cleared up faster than we intended.’ His father's voice would normally have been a welcomed tone, yet it was like ice filled his veins. ‘Are you able to fly home as soon as possible?’ 

His mouth felt impossibly dry. “Yeah, no yeah, that’s good, I will see about booking some tickets home, we shouldn’t have any problems.” He said. 

‘Good, we need to get you up to speed on everything.” Price said before hanging up, undoubtedly very busy despite it being ass o’clock in the morning. Simon wrapped his arms around (Y/N). “Hey?” 

“We have to go home.” 

“Oh.” 

(Y/N) laid down and wrapped his arms around Simon. “I don’t know the situation or how open we can be.” (Y/N) said before placing a hand on Simon’s cheek, his thumb brushed across the scars. 

“No matter what happens, my loyalty is to you,” Simon said, fully just closing his eyes. He had thought there was no other choice but Price, that he wasn’t worthy of living unless he served Price and attempted to work off his debt, yet (Y/N) had branded Simon as his own with the necklace and had shown him more kindness then he had ever experienced before, no matter how much Simon knew that in the end he was simply being used, he was still going to worship the ground (Y/N) walked on, he would burn the world for (Y/N) if asked, fully loyal like a dog to its master. 

(Y/N) smiled at that, he kissed Simon’s forehead. “And I will do anything in my power to protect you, Si. I won’t let my father hurt you.” 

“I love you too,” Simon said softly. 

“Now, let's get some breakfast and catch a plane.” (Y/N) chuckled. “We can handle whatever England throws at us, no matter what, we have survived everything so far, eh?”

Simon chuckled. “Yes, yes we can.” 

Tag list

@rasberry-jupiter

@one-green-frog

[eldritchqueerture]

hi hello, back on da bullshit

@lighthouseshepard not sure if you want me to keep tagging you, so doing it just in case 💜

---

Getting ready for bed was, again, a quiet affair. The air between them felt tense, full of unspoken expectations that John didn’t know how to parse. He didn’t know how much descriptions Arthur now required of him, and he found it was a lot harder to tell where the man was directing his attention, watching him from a third person perspective. Was he supposed to… perform as a human now? Did he even know how to do that? He’d watched plenty of humans act out more or less meaningless tasks and gestures, but how did they know which ones were the right ones at any given time?

 But that he could figure out later. Right now, Arthur was far away from him (on the other side of the wall, in the bathroom), separate from him in a way he had never been before, and John suddenly realized, sitting at the edge of one of the beds, that what he was feeling was grief. It was the same thing that he had felt when he saw Arthur thrust Kayne’s dagger into his own throat and knew that the only way to save his life was to give himself over to the King and probably never see Arthur again; the same thing he’d felt for so long in the Dark World when the memories of his time on Earth and in the Dreamlands returned.

He was grieving the loss of Arthur.

He grimaced at himself, frowning at the irrationality of it. He hadn’t lost Arthur, he hadn’t lost anything – fuck, he literally gained a body, and with it the autonomy to do whatever the fuck he pleased. He could finally live a life of his own, without being dependent on Arthur to agree with him.

So why did it hurt so much?

The sound of water from the shower quieted and John waited, motionless, listening to Arthur softly muttering to himself at times, unable to parse the words. Eventually he emerged, already dressed in his sleep clothes, passing a hand along the wall.

“This is,” he spoke with a self-conscious laugh, “Significantly more difficult without you around.”

“I could help next time,” John offered without really thinking it through. Arthur raised his eyebrows slightly, a look of surprise morphing into embarrassment, and then into a carefully blank smile.

“Yeah, maybe,” he replied half-heartedly. John tucked whatever nauseating feelings that had elicited in him into a secure pocket of his mind, to be examined later, or perhaps never if he was lucky. “Uh, if you could direct me to the bed...”

“Right, yes. Forward a couple feet and then on the left, yes.”

“Thank you.” Arthur sighed as he sank down onto the mattress. “Fuck. That ritual really took it out of me.”

John hummed sympathetically, not looking at him. The way their beds were placed along the wall, sitting here, his back was towards Arthur. John had found that as long as he didn’t look back and they were both silent, he could pretend he was still in Arthur’s body, about to lay to rest like they always had. He didn’t know what to think of that desire.

“John?” Arthur asked, none the wiser of his inner torment.

“Yes?”

“Are you just sitting there?”

He realized he was. As obvious as this perhaps should have been, he realized he would also now require sleep.

He followed Arthur’s usual steps in preparing for bed and crawled under the covers after switching off the light. Arthur was still sat on his bed, following the sound of his movements with his head.

“What’s on your mind?” He asked after John had stopped moving. “You’ve been really quiet.”

John stared at the ceiling, trying to think of an answer that wasn’t a contradiction to everything he had said he wanted. Arthur had been right – even now all the physical sensations of textures and smells were less pronounced, easier to ignore. The one thing that bothered him the most, like a sharp splinter in the wound driving itself deeper and deeper with each passing moment, was the distance between him and Arthur. The way his voice sounded so far away and not right next to his ears. The way he would be able to just walk away from him now – and if John didn’t pay enough attention, he wouldn’t even notice.

“I suppose I’m just thinking about what comes next,” John said, not entirely untruthful. “Now, that we’re...”

“Yes, that’s a good question,” Arthur mused. “We have to consider what we want to do. I do want to pay Daniel a visit. And Marie! It will be good to see her again. And—And Noel... Maybe we could give him a call,” Arthur sighed. “I hope he made it out okay.”

John hummed in agreement.

“Well, either way,” Arthur continued. “Right now, we just need to sleep, all that is tomorrow’s worries. Are you...” he hesitated and let out a huff, apparently discarding the question he wanted to ask. Instead, he just quietly said, “Goodnight, John.”

John gripped the cold sheets tight in his fists, trying not to think of Arthur lying all too far away from him; of the fact that he couldn’t watch over him while he was asleep as well. Yet thoughts still crept to him like predators in the dark – did Arthur cradle his left hand to his chest like he usually did? Was he as acutely aware that it no longer belonged to John, as he himself was? Did it even matter to him that when he did that, he cradled John’s entire being to himself, and now...

His eyes started to sting, and he directly commanded himself to cut that strand of thought. He turned to the side facing Arthur, but in the dark, he could barely see the outline of his body under the covers. His chest tightened as he closed his eyes and willed his breath to slow. “Goodnight, Arthur.”

John’s first sleep was a fitful one. He couldn’t recall any dreams for all his wondering about what they felt like, but he woke up a few times during the night, with his heart beating fast, surprised at the number of limbs he could now move. Then, he’d be frantically checking for Arthur before memory caught up to him, and he’d sag back into bed with relief.

Not long after dawn, he finally gave up on trying to fall back asleep. Arthur was sleeping like a rock, and John wasn’t going to deprive him of this rare opportunity to rest. Instead, he got dressed and looked about the room.

Nothing really caught his interest as anything that could provide him with entertainment, aside from the window overlooking the entrance to the hotel. As he got closer to look out, he saw a family of four get out of the cab and walk into the hotel, the smaller child sleepily holding onto their mother.

Suddenly he wished for nothing more than to be able to go out there, experience the crisp, morning air on his face and listen to the slowly growing sounds of the city with his own ears. He looked back at Arthur – surely nothing would happen to him in this hotel room, right? No one knew they were here; Larson was dealt with, no one should be on their tail. There was no reason as to why John would have to sit here and wait for him to wake up – after all that was the reason for their separation, right? He was no longer bound to Arthur; he could just as well benefit from it.

He put on his jacket and, after a brief consideration, took out two bills from their wallet. With a last look back at Arthur – who hadn’t even so much as stirred – John left the room.

The hotel wasn’t busy at this hour. The only people he passed were the staff, who politely wished him a good morning. Only at the door did he realize he could have said it back.

The morning air felt chilly on his skin. He took a deep breath, smelling the exhaust fumes in the wind – not the most pleasant, but he’d take it. The streets were still mostly quiet, quite the contrast to the bustling city they had seen during the day.

He crossed the street and started walking forward, not really thinking where it would take him. He watched the shop clerks set up their stands and people hurrying off to work or run some other errands with a giddy feeling in his stomach. He realized he might get hungry now and frowned at the prospect of food. Arthur did seem to enjoy eating most of the time, but John could scarcely believe shoving things in his mouth like an animal would be that much of an exciting activity.

He walked for some time, taking in the unravelling landscape of the city. More people appeared on the streets as time went by, in automobiles, or horse-drawn carriages, and the combined sounds of it all created a sort of music in John’s ears that he could honestly get used to. The giddy feeling intensified, putting a soft smile on his face.

On the other side of the street, he saw a clothes shop that caught his attention. Spurred by a sudden impulse, he directed his steps there and entered, the little bell above the door happily announcing his arrival.

“Just a moment, be with you in a second!” Came from the backroom – a voice of a man by John’s estimations. He was glad to have a moment to look around before he was forced to interact – a little nervousness made him feel slightly jittery.

Looking around the shop, there were various shirts, pants, overcoats and accessories on display. His eyes were immediately drawn by a brown tie, laced with a golden thread. He brought a hand up to feel it between his fingers – the fabric was cool and smooth, and he could feel the lines of the thread under the pads of his fingers.

“Morning, good sir, what can I do for you?” The man appeared from the backdoor, and John jerked his hand back. He was older than Arthur, greying on top, with a big smile on his face. He spoke with a slight accent to his words, though John could not quite place it.

“I was just…” John faltered looking back to the tie.

“Interested in the ties? Anything specific you’re looking for?” He asked and approached John and the selection, rifling through the display to show him as much as he could. “The blue ones are especially in season, I find, though these red ones would positively fit you, sir.”

John did not especially care for the idle chatter, having his sights firmly on the first one he saw. He reached to show it to the shopkeeper.

“How much for this one?”

“Oh, that is a fine choice. I command your refined taste.” The man nodded with approval. “May I recommend a shirt to go with it as well? I have a perfect one to match—”

The whole affair took longer than John would expect. He refused the shirt the man had offered but ended up buying a hat. He also told him to keep the change, as he’d seen Arthur do many times, and a glimpse of a more genuine smile appeared on the man’s face.

After fixing the tie on his neck and bidding the shopkeeper goodbye, John exited to the street, feeling strangely more like himself. With the giddy feeling returning to his chest, he directed his steps back.

He returned to the hotel in good spirits, considering his lack of sleep and the general unfamiliarity with this physical form. It did seem like the longer he spent like this, the more comfortable he felt in his skin, so to speak. There was, however, a pit in his stomach at the prospect of speaking with Arthur, though he could not tell why.

The pit suddenly grew, swallowing every other feeling he might have felt, at the sight of the hotel room being empty.

Arthur’s bed was unmade, but that spoke to nothing as he usually didn’t bother with that unless they were leaving permanently. His bag and clothes were gone, however, and the worry grew as John searched the bathroom just to be sure. Arthur wasn’t there – that much was obvious – but with some relief he noted lack of any blood as well. Perhaps he saw John had gone out and went to look for him – blind, without anyone to guide him.

John cursed himself quietly and went out of the room. He made his way down by the stairs, making sure to glance through every floor. Downstairs, he spotted a receptionist – perhaps he would have seen Arthur.

“Excuse me,” he spoke. “Have you seen my friend? He’s thin, shorter than me—”

“Yes!” The man exclaimed. “He was just asking about you. He should be over there, by the telephone.”

John looked over at where the man pointed, and sure enough Arthur stood there, looking around blindly like an idiot. Without further comments to the hotel clerk, he made his way to him and grabbed his arms.

Arthur yelped in surprise at his strong grip. “What? I—”

“Arthur,” John growled at Arthur’s gasp. “Shut up, it’s me.”

“J-John?”

“Yes! What were you thinking, leaving like that?”

Arthur flinched slightly as if he’d been struck, his brows knitting in anger. “Me? You left!”

“Yes, but I can see. You could have gotten hurt or—”

“What, so just because I can’t see I don’t get to leave the fucking room while you wander off wherever you want?”

Arthur’s words were a quiet hiss, but they were starting to draw attention to themselves. John’s grip on Arthur’s arms tightened.

“People are staring at us,” he pointed out.

“Where’s the door?” Arthur asked angrily.

“In front of us, the other side of the room.”

They hurried outside, John keeping his grip on one of Arthur’s arms, barely keeping himself from dragging him faster. As soon as they were outside, John directed Arthur towards a back alley, mostly out of sight.

“What the fuck, Arthur,” John breathed out.

“Don’t ‘what the fuck’ me,” Arthur snarled. “Where the fuck have you been?”

“Out,” he replied. “I can move on my own now.”

“You could’ve also fucking told me.”

“You could have waited for me instead of going out there, blind.” Unwittingly, John’s fingers dug into Arthur’s arms. “I can’t guide you if I’m not there, remember?”

“I don’t fucking need you to guide me all the time.” Arthur tried to push John’s arms away but lacked the strength to do so. He exhaled through gritted teeth. “Let go of me.”

For a moment John felt the urge to fight. He wanted to pin Arthur to the wall, grab both of his wrists with one hand just because he could now; strip him of any control so that he would stop going out and putting himself in danger. He wanted to dig his fingers into Arthur’s flesh until they were coated in his blood, until they were one again so that he wouldn’t disappear from John’s sight.

That moment of hesitation had sparks of fear, however subtle, bloom in Arthur’s eyes.

“Let. Me. Go,” he hissed.

At once John let go of his arms as if burned and took a step back. Arthur did the same, his back hitting the wall. He stumbled but regained his balance quickly.

“You don’t get to control me just because you have a body now,” Arthur spoke shakily but intently. “Just as you didn’t get to control this body when you were in my head, you fucking monster.”

“I…” John frowned, breathing heavily.

“I don’t fucking need you and you don’t need me anymore,” Arthur continued. “So, if you want to leave, then leave.”

“Oh, fuck you, Arthur,” John spat out.

“Then we’re in agreement,” Arthur laughed mirthlessly and turned around towards the hotel. “Fuck this.”

John watched as Arthur followed the wall, quite confidently. How much of that was actual spatial awareness and how much was pure spite he could not tell, but he would lie if he said the way Arthur stumbled near the door didn’t bring him a bit of sick satisfaction. He turned and walked in the other direction, spurred on by anger and other feelings that coiled in his chest like maggots, festering and writhing.

[unhetalia]

hello i am here to project onto america :D

i have a hc that nations arent immune to having or developing mental illnesses. they dont present in the same way as humans but i honestly believe that being immortal and the personification of millions of people + giant landmass(es) does a number on nation brains. think about the hundreds of years of wars, diseases/plagues, starvation, slavery, robbery and backstabbing nations have endured from eachother. that's a lot of trauma happening to them over and over again.

taking into account america's history with england, davie, the other nations, his citizens and government, AND himself, it's safe to assume our boy would probably have severe anxiety and a personality disorder (bpd?)

he struggles with behaviors like reassurance seeking, unstable relationships, black and white thinking, attention seeking, engaging in impulsive recklessness, and up-down self image.

has this issue of hopping from relationship to relationship chasing the high of being wanted only to crash and burn when his partners start pulling away triggering him to feel like he's being abandoned (again)

goes back and forth between adoring england and wanting his attention 24/7 to hating him and blaming him for everything and anything that has happened to him several times a day

probably lowkey paranoid as fuck and thinking other nations are out to get him and secretly want him to fail and lose his status as a superpower

anyways this was a lot and probs makes no sense but this has been on my mind for a while so

My headcanons for Al are pretty different BUT also boils down to "you'd get a little fucked up too, if it happened to you".

I mentioned in another post that my Al is autistic but undiagnosed, and also has ADHD and seasonal affective disorder. I think Al has taken a lot of cues from media and people he's admired over the years on how to engage with others, however, he doesn't often 'update' his script with the times. Alfred knows he needs to be polite meeting new people, but his script is still maybe from the 50s. He opens doors, calls people ma'am. To people he doesn't know, he's a perfect gentleman, "such a nice boy".

With people he's known for a long time, though, he usually seems pretty blunt. He talks too much about something despite all signs of disinterest from who he's talking to. Tends to put his hands under his knees to avoid fidgeting. His mind tends to wander while people are talking.

Between this and the trauma of being left behind, my Alfred is completely uninterested in romantic relationships because he sees it as something that is completely impermanent. He treasures above all family and friends - specifically Tony, Canada, Mexico and whoever I decide is his best friend (I know it's totally unsupported by the universe, but Belarus). It will take a long time for him to give romance a chance.

His relationship with Arthur is ... odd. He's the cause of a lot of Alfred's beliefs about other people's permanence BUT in Alfred's head, Arthur left him and then Alfred left Arthur, and therefore they're even. So Arthur is now this person with a clean slate for Alfred even as he is the person that has led to this Alfred who believes people will leave him behind.

Another thing is that Alfred DOES grow out 'people leave' mindset because he will see humans who hold on tightly. But they'll always leave him, even if it's just because of death. So there's a transformation from the pessimistic worldview of 'people leave' to a more personal 'people leave me'. I do think Al gravitates to outsiders and those who've been abandoned - orphans, stray animals, forgotten by the system types, as a way to heal a personal wound while also righting a wrong (no one should be left behind except me).

[good-beans]

HI @rainbowghostcat and @boxx-sama -- I have been enabled so I'm here to ramble a bit about my faves >:3 Top three are definitely Fuuta, Mahiru, and Yuno! Good taste gang !!����✨✨✨

It's a mix of enjoying their songs, genuinely getting into their stories, and relating to them just enough to go a little crazy asdfsd :') Shidou comes in at a close 4th, I love him a lot but I'm not as insane as I am about these guys lmao.

I was holding onto these asks to ramble when I had the time/energy but uuuuhhh I didn't mean to go on for so long sorry 😭 Woe, 03 06 02 thoughts be upon ye...

Starting with Fuuta!! His character has everything – He’s cool, he’s lame, he’s terrifying, he’s tragic, he’s funny, he’s unbearably real, he’s my silly little guy, he makes me cry, etc. The core of his character that always gets me is how normal he is. How he’s probably closest to the majority of the audience – he (and Kazui) are the only ones who did not have murder on their mind at all. He anticipated harm, but the thought of someone dying never once crossed his mind. He’s right around teens/early twenties. He engages with the online world a lot. So many milgram fans are in that age range, on the internet a lot (in order to enjoy the project and its fanbase), feel a strong sense of justice (since they’re so engaged in a project about morality), and aren’t in any situation dramatic enough that they expect anyone to die. He’s so much like all of us. 

Continuing on that, his heart really is in the right place to start. He cares deeply about people and society, which is why he wants to fix it. His vision is a bit small, focusing on petty issues rather than huge social issues, but the point is he cares. He attacks Es because he’s trying to be the brave representative after hearing Haruka and Yuno were attacked. He yells at Kazui and Mahiru because they’re not helping the others. He takes care of Haruka. He gives Mahiru a birthday gift even when he has nothing to give. 

His biggest issue is, he doesn’t belong. I’ve written up a whole analysis on how he’s written very neurodivergent: he misses social cues, he’s on the outskirts of friendships and groups. It’s more clear in characters like Haruka and Muu, but Fuuta is just as incredibly desperate for attention. For love. For that feeling of belonging in a group. His knightly fantasies aren’t ones of violence and weapons – they’re mostly scenes of him surrounded by a close-knit party of adventurers who are cheering him on. 

All of this together is what makes him so compelling and so tragic to me. All the characters are human and real, but he’s the closest to a lot of viewers (myself included). He let the attention get to his head for just a bit too long, let himself get swept away in finally having friends. He got distracted thinking that the focus of being a hero was defeating, and not protecting. And all it took was a brief time of getting drunk on this attention, and now he has a little girl’s blood on his hands. It makes me absolutely insane.

I also think he’s such a cool special case because he truly got a taste of his own medicine. The other characters are being judged in an unfamiliar way, but he is being scrutinized in the Exact same way that Fuuta pried open others’ privacy. He was attacked and almost died because of Es’ judgment, just as his victim was attacked because of his judgment. The process of Milgram is putting him in his victim’s shoes, and it’s so cool to see.

Aaaaand on a lighter note – he’s just so fun!! He’s my little skrunkly fr!!! I love his shit-eating grin. I love his ridiculous laugh. I love his crooked teeth. I love the knight theme, and the fire symbolism. It’s pretty standard, but it suits him perfectly. He’s got such cool, badass songs! I’m obsessed with his voice, both his singing and vd performances are incredible. His vds are the only ones I’ll listen to often and out of the blue – Arthur Lounsbery uses such an interesting and fun voice for him ;--; His design is so fun (apparently I have a Type for redhead characters…), and his t2 development and design were amazing! There has been no other Milgram character that I want to reach through the screen and shake violently by the shoulders and also hug so badly 😂

I’m so obsessed with her theme of ‘being so kind that it causes harm’!! Because it’s very easy to dismiss the other characters as unforgivable when you look at the harm they wanted to cause their victim, or disregard they had for their victim’s feelings. But Mahiru… she doesn’t want to cause any harm. At all. She took her boyfriend’s feelings into consideration so much so that she didn’t stop him when she definitely should have. She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body and yet she fucked up big time!! It’s such a unique type of murder!! The other characters need to be sat down and told “don’t hurt innocents, don’t seek revenge, don’t be selfish, etc” and then Mahiru is over here like “don’t be… nice to people.” Because it’s not about being nice per se – it’s about not being a doormat. 

(I know her story is still a bit mysterious – my running theory is that her bf had health issues completely separate from their relationship. They started getting bad and he started to consider suicide. Instead of stopping him, Mahiru combined her need to copy her lover (as seen a lot in TIHTBILWY), her ideas that lovers do everything together, and her belief that one should do anything they set their mind to (as seen in her comments about Es/Kotoko and the attack). She says she’ll join him, make it a lovers’ suicide, but doesn’t follow through at the last second.)

She (and Mikoto) have really interesting themes of how not caring for yourself can actually hurt others. They put all their efforts into giving back to others, to society, fitting into the norms and expectations, not questioning others, and it backfires catastrophically. If she had stood up for herself and her relationship, she would not have assumed anyone deserved to die. She would have known that it wasn’t up to her alone to deal with her bf’s mental issues. She obviously wasn’t handling it correctly (rats….) but she didn’t need to! She should have pointed him to professionals instead of deciding she deserved to die along with him! But she was so poisoned by society’s expectations of being the perfect girlfriend and being considerate of others…

She’s just such a tragic case because the power of love is supposed to be perfect. She’s been taught her whole life that it’s wonderful and magical and pure. Who can kill with the power of love, after all? I can completely understand her denial of the situation, because I also wouldn’t picture a terrifying, dark scene if I knew I was only being nice for my whole life! 

And her crime aside – she’s super fun :3 She has The Most Fun songs, she’s full of energy and excitement and enthusiasm! (out of the various english covers I like, hers is the one I jam out to most often hehe). She’s the most stunning character there! I’m a sucker for sunshine-coded characters 🌻🌻🌻I think she has the best symbols out of everyone, between the birdcage and the carousel. The fact that both Mahiru and her bf could be the bird and the cage. The two symbols representing beautiful things that can be trapping. Representing cycles. Representing relationships. I know the hourglass is a popular one but I think this is Yamanaka's finest set of symbols. I am unwell about it. So yeah, rather than give her a good shake I want to yank her right out of there – Get in loser we’re gonna get you some self-love!!!!

And a slightly shorter rant on Yuno because that was a lot adfsdf. Ad I'm aware of the irony that one of my points is that it kinda sucks how most rants on Yuno are cut short :( The thing is, she’s been very honest about her crime, and most people have considered her issue in a context outside of Milgram so they already have a pretty good idea on where their vote stands. Despite being the “obvious” innocent one, she really is the most emotionally charged character imo. It’s easy to relate to the other characters and feel knee-jerk reaction, but none have been so widely discussed as abortion and sex work. I can talk openly about everyone else and get into a nice discussion on morals and emotions, but Yuno is the one character I have to talk very, very carefully around. Whether I’m rambling about Milgram to my family or interacting with new fans, I never know what’s acceptable to say without falling into a whole debate on politics.

So, if it’s made me into someone who keeps quiet and skirts around things, I shudder to imagine the amount of lying/masking Yuno herself must do on a daily basis. I can easily avoid the topic if I choose to – she was dealing with that debate long before coming to Milgram, and is currently dealing with debates and judgements and insults and pity surrounding it. She’s naturally strong so I think fans often forget all the shit that this 18yo is dealing with on a daily basis, and how effortless she’s making it look <3

[turian]

beloved gamer mutual & comrade @rhubarbspring tagged me to do a video game about me ( tysm for tagging !! truly loved reading all ur game thoughts. <3 ) explanations behind my choices under the cut.

(also, i had to cheat a little bit in the "you love, everyone hates" category, because i don't think people on tumblr hate da2, but one of my best friends despises it because of reused assets and combat designed more for consoles than pcs. and i can't remember any other controversial beloved games right now. the best i can do is games i love that i'm not sure anyone remembers? imagine ubisoft ballet? which, like. do people hate that. i don't think so).

tagging @cowsquirrel @malcriada @sakraya @ansburg @anoramactir + literally anyone i might have missed who wants to do this

favourite game of all time: so, look, i hate her as much as i love her. i always go back to new vegas even though i have a lot of criticisms of it - i had a realization recently after the release of the fallout show that while maybe i was projecting intergenerational trauma onto the game and using it to process some things, there is a lot in the game that is extremely imperialistic, even as it dabbles in anti imperialism. i can't get into all that here - better essays than i'm capable of have already been written on new vegas - but i also have to admit that new vegas taught me to see game writing differently, and helped me a great deal in improving my own writing. it's also just really entertaining playing later games by obsidian and picking out the new vegas elements. i think that new vegas gets praised too readily for being progressive when in reality it's only the most progressive game in the fallout franchise, and i think every time i return to it i'm noticing one more thing that'll kind of be making my eye twitch. but, yeah, i think it would also be dishonest to not include it here, regardless of my mixed feelings, because i keep going back, and because there are so many angles to it, and because i keep catching myself comparing other games to it.

i think a lot about like........... how so many themes i can relate to exist within the narrative of new vegas, but that doesn't feel entirely intentional. like, benny is so real to me because ! he was forced to assimilate into this culture that was not his to survive. and ulysses as well. and like!!!! yeah idk. going insane. i feel very similarly about dragon age elves tbh i'm like okay i feel seen but also this game is racist! kms :') will be projecting hard and taking so much psychic damage

many such cases tho </3 baldur's gate 3 and their treatment of the gur is always going to be a mix of relatable and uncomfortable to me

favourite series: soulsborne! i like how bleak it is, love the theme of death and rebirth, love how thankless the games can be, and i also love how the combat reminds me of muay thai. had a coach explain something to me using dark souls combat as an example once. i didn't really get these games at first, until i saw my best friend playing - she is ridiculously good at them - and then i sort of realized that they're just combat puzzles, and that like... they're kind of about honing patience, i guess? and after that they really became my favourite.

best soundtrack: honorary mentions: mass effect and dark souls both have some individual tracks i revisit on the daily, and skyrim's secunda is beautiful. but hollow knight doesn't miss, and i love how every track matches its environment.

favourite protagonist: i grew up in a really dysfunctional somewhat criminal family so like... lol. i feel seen when i look at arthur morgan <3 him and charles are both close to my heart. john can stay too ig

favourite villain: SO okay, maybe this is cheating a little, but. the reapers from mass effect. went into that game with zero spoilers, and finding out that they were in fact cosmic horror games was so <3

this would probably have gone to new vegas except benny (and also ulysses + i think he's more narrative foil than antagonist, as is benny) literally did nothing wrong in my eyes and after that point it's like... who is the main antagonist? the ncr and legion both? like yeah they're interesting but...

best story: i haven't actually finished pathologic on my own yet. kind of obsessed, though. just feels responsible to put it here. honorary mentions to new vegas, some fromsoft titles, twd, imagine ubisoft ballet........ (i love her and i miss her).

i feel like a lot of story games i've played actually have garbage stories with good characters, which is why they're not here. baldur's gate 3 and ME, for example. or like... ME has a great story at first but they fuck up the ending so badly that a popular theory i've heard passed around essentially boils down to "it was all a dream!"

have not played but want to: i was actually supposed to apply for a job with the team that made these games !! i didn't because it would have required relocation to the US, but. idk i feel like they keep showing up, always highly recommended, and i think i own one? so yeah, i should really get around to that.

you love, everyone hates: again, i cheated on this one. i don't think people on here hate dragon age 2.

you hate, everyone loves: skyrim, detroit: become human, stardew valley (because it's a weird little cottagecore colonialism game but also because i don't really vibe with the art style and i get stressed as fuck in it because nothing is happening... it is simply not for me), and fallout 3 and 4 (because they're masquerading as games with choices but they fully aren't, they suffer from bethesda writing, and they are super unapologetically racist and imperialist). i mean like... not mad at any of my friends who like these games i just cannot play them. i don't really think any of the games on my list are unimpeachable, tbf.

favourite art style: disco elysium !! it's so <3 like, i also love it for other reasons!! but every time i play it i end up wanting to draw.

favourite ending: new vegas has four endings. i feel differently about them all, but the independent ending is very much shaped by the infrastructure the player assembles during a playthrough, and while it is maybe imperfect and very open ended in some ways i like how it doesn't really reassure the player. also, i really like certain elden ring endings and the dark souls 1 ending. and pathologic.

favourite boss fight: hollow knight has a lot i've really enjoyed (particularly hornet's). for elden ring, malenia is the fave, tho <3 when i defeat her i tend to feel really disappointed. like, get up. let's go again. parrying her is extremely satisfying.

childhood game: we like... found out we had some cousins which is wild because this has been a tiny family since Certain Incidents A Long Time Ago and they also had nintendo ds access and they were not into this game. and like... look, i'm not saying it's great, but it had dark souls ish combat? like, you could lock on? you could roll? and i ended up replaying it as an adult and being like. huh. not that bad.

+ imagine ubisoft ballet ily

relaxing games: distance, injustice 2 (i main red hood & black canary but i like playing robin too. it's super imbalanced and they still haven't nerfed starfire !! and it's incredibly funny like good for her), dark souls 1, and elden ring.

stressful games: again stardew valley because i would play with friends and it was like oh god i need to leave. i do not know what to do, i am useless, i am understimulated

+ red dead online is not a good game to play without substantial backup . so glad i had horse insurance because if i hadn't my only friend in that world would be dead. that said, i did like to hunt in that game + play the fps levels with groups

games you always come back to: new vegas but maybe she'll release me someday. idk. also unfortunately i didn't include it earlier but i keep going back to the sims 4 and baldur's gate 3. and fromsoft titles because i sometimes just crave that combat.

guilty pleasure: new vegas again!!! i guess i kind of talked about my extremely complicated feelings when i first spoke about it, but yeah. there's just so much to unpack and i'm never going to forgive it for a lot of things. the horrors and the joys are both numerous but the joys will never not be tainted by the horrors

tons of hours played: elden ring + bg3 + new vegas + mass effect. i don't have the hours of new vegas and mass effect available tho as they are confined to a now dead xbox 360

[bluecatwriter]

⭐️ for the director’s cut game!

Since you wrote one of my favorite Jack/Arthur fics ever, I give you my very first Jack/Arthur fic: "Words and Voice Fail Me"! "When Jack Seward has a breakdown trying to record on his phonograph on October 11th, Arthur comes to comfort him."

(CW for discussion of period-typical homophobia) 

-This was *checks notes* my third fanfiction I ever posted, and reading back over it, I can really tell— not so much by the overall writing, which has stayed pretty similar over the past two years, but by the way I handle the details, especially logistical details of who's doing what when. I just wasn't used to writing with such precision, and as a result a lot of the writing comes off as a little awkward. Would definitely streamline if I were to rewrite it now.

-This starts out with Jack's canon narration from the book, interspersed with description. This is one of my favorite ways to write because it feels very much like directing a play— the lines are there, but I'm "directing" (writing) the stage directions, as it were, to show how the character is saying the lines.

-I liked the idea of Jack breaking down here as sort of the culmination of all the past trauma that he hasn't been able to process yet, thinking of the way that Mina's "funeral" reminded him of Lucy's death and everything around it. 

-Like most of my fics, I just started with the premise and let the character voices lead me. (It's very similar to playing an improv scene, just with me playing both characters rather than bouncing ideas off another person.) I originally intended for it to be a pretty straightforward emotional hurt/comfort, but as I kept writing and the scene kept unfolding, I realized that Jack was going to lose it and ask Arthur to kiss him— and when that happened, it opened up a whole different plot than I was expecting.

-I am still pretty happy with the line, ""Well," he said, straightening his cuffs just for something to do with his hands, "I suppose I shall—" He wanted to follow the phrase with an excuse, but his mind blanked out on anything he had ever done in his life. "—go."" This is a good example of me 1000% projecting my nervous habits onto Jack. 

-This was the first time I realized that characters could have erotic tie-pulling and talk about emotionally-charged subjects while their lips barely brushed. It was the beginning of an Era for me. ;)

-There's some kinda interesting gender stuff here, with Jack escaping into a fantasy about him being a woman so that his feelings for the men in his life would be "natural." I feel like there's more I could've explored there, but the fic was long enough as it was.

-In this fic, I very intentionally wrote Arthur as demisexual, and have projected it onto him ever since. 

-Jack has curly hair in this fic! This was before I realized that I'd given all three suitors curly hair, and decided one had to go. The casualty was Jack, so nowadays I describe his hair as "fine."

-I'm a sucker for "one character says 'I love you' and the other returns it but they're not sure they mean the same thing" trope, and I use it here. (This may be the only time I've written Jack saying "I love you" to Arthur— in my more recent fics, I often have Jack express his sentiment in different ways, rather than just saying the words.) 

-It was fun to write a little scene with Jack pouring his heart out about all his crushes, and Arthur very logically analyzing them to explain why they make sense (except for Van Helsing— he just can't grasp that one). It was also a good excuse to throw in the phrase "virile manhood."

-Originally I wasn't gonna have them kiss again, but then the dialogue just made sense for Jack to beg for another kiss, and… well. There they go!

-"You can trust me, I'm a lord" is probably the best line-before-a-fade-to-black I've ever written. ;)

-Of course there's some angsty aftermath in this one, since Jack is still struggling with a lot of self-loathing. I feel like some of the writing here is a bit rough, but I'm still happy with the overall emotions that come across.

-I originally had this end on a pretty melancholy note, but reworked it to make it more hopeful that, regardless of whether or not they sleep together in the future, their friendship is still solid.

Thanks again for sending the ask! :D

(Ask game here)

[yallemagne]

genuinely curious, what do you think about Jack x Art as a ship

you know it's a good question when i unlock my chambers to fetch the laptop.

Love it. I'm obviously not as invested in it as Mina/Jonathan or even Arthur/Lucy, but I love it.

Before I get too deep into this, I'm begging you, if you like Jack/Art read @bluecatwriter's fics for it on ao3. Such amazing work. I need to catch up, but I haven't had reading brain.

Think we're gonna have to dip a little into headcanon here. And I spoil the book, newcomers beware.

I see these two as family friends. Obviously, what with the familiar nicknames Art and Jack. Both from wealth, though Arthur has titles and land and Jack has medical nepotism. I imagine Jack's upbringing to be very emotionally stunting, raised to embody rigid standards of masculinity. Meanwhile, Arthur's father decided to put all the work he could in making him feel emotionally supported, leading to a very emotionally driven young man. When they were little, I imagine Jack almost hating Arthur for how sensitive he is, saying he's spoiled, but it's really just bitterness over not getting a healthy upbringing.

And then they grow up, and Arthur grows a million feet taller, and Jack has a lot of complicated feelings about that. Cue "Don't be intimidated, Seward. Try to imagine him in his underwear.". Jack is a bit more mature at this point and recognizes Arthur's emotional maturity as a good thing. He still tends to view it as "Arthur is masculine enough to make up for some feminine habits", so it isn't perfect. Meanwhile, Arthur has always looked up to Jack, though he now has to crane his head down. The two of them embody something the other finds admirable, and their regard for one another sits in this void space between respect and attraction.

Now. Sexuality. There are two wolves in my head. One is more interesting. The wolves are: Jack is disaster bisexual and Jack is compulsory heterosexuality gay. The former is what is said about every single male character in the history of tumble fandom, and the latter feels more interesting from a writing perspective. For the development of this relationship, I lean toward the latter. THIS IS RELEVANT I PROMISE.

So... I think Arthur introduces Jack to Lucy in hopes they would get along because Arthur wanted Jack to one day be his best man. Very awkward when (this is just an interpretation of the events btw) Jack subconsciously recognizes Arthur's feelings for Lucy and projects his feelings for Arthur onto Lucy because Perfect Man likes Girl -> Like Girl to become Perfect Man.

(I do think Jack truly falls in love with Lucy as a person separate from Arthur over the course of the story, but not romantically. He just can't perceive it as anything other than romantic because of heteronormativity.)

Arthur loves and trusts Jack so much that, even knowing Jack proposed to her the same day he did, he goes to him and asks for help when Lucy is sick. This love and trust means he doesn't think to ask questions, though. I talked about that before.

When Arthur loses his father, his existing family, and Lucy, the woman he was going to build a new family with, he falls apart in Jack's arms. He trusted Jack with Lucy's health, and she died without Arthur ever being informed how dire of a condition she was in, and he still trusts Jack with his emotions. Jack isn't fully equipped to comfort Arthur, but his attempt is genuine and deeply appreciated by Arthur.

And then Bram wrote Arthur being comforted by the only other recurring female protagonist and decided that that marked the end of Arthur existing meaningfully in the story because Bram is a coward.

I've already written a post about Jack's feelings of entitlement regarding women and why it's more than just shipping that makes me resist the idea that Arthur and Jack married anyone other than each other. Their relationship is based on mutual respect and a willingness to be vulnerable with each other. The key to getting these two hitched is getting Jack more open to vulnerability, and then we are set.

Following the events of Dracula, Jack is anxious about embodying perfect masculinity, getting a wife, having a million kids... but this anxiety manifests with him bothering Arthur to do it. Arthur is in no rush to do any of these things. The woman he was preparing to build a family with is gone. Jack, who sees every single woman as a potential wife because of misogyny, is flabbergasted. Perhaps they have a falling out (just cut out my write-up of the falling out bc I'm like "that's a good idea!" even though I know I'll never write it). Jack has been pressing Arthur to move on because Arthur embodies the masculinity that Jack strives for, and if Arthur doesn't want a wife, what if Jack doesn't want a wife either?? What if they're both gay??? Arthur asks "...well, what if?"

Then they have a Vegas wedding.

[the-pen-pot]

Sweltering

'You look like you're going to faint.'

Merlin squinted at where Prince Arthur, heir to the throne of Camelot and absolute prat, was basking in the long grass by the duelling ground. He was wearing nothing but his trousers. His bare chest – sculpted by years of training with every possible weapon Camelot's armoury had to offer – carried a soft golden tan. His boots, socks and tunic had been abandoned, along with his armour, in a great shiny, stinking heap.

Not that he was the only one. The knights were all arrayed around in a similar state of undress. The hot spell had been going on for weeks, gradually baking the land until the castle lost the mausoleum chill of winter and became an oven instead. They'd started training at first light, just to escape the worst heat of the day, which of course meant that Merlin was out here at day break, too, fetching and carrying and doing the gods knew what else. Then, while they lay around like landed fish, he had to tidy up.

'Of course, I can understand why you wouldn't want to take your tunic off and inflict your weedy physique on Camelot as a whole.'

Briefly, but with murderous intent, Merlin contemplated dropping a mace on Arthur's head. He might have come to Camelot skinny, but after a couple of years of hauling Arthur's armour around, he'd built up a bit of of muscle. Nothing like the knights, maybe, but a respectable amount, if some of the looks he got in the kitchens were anything to go by.

'I think the population's already scared enough, looking at you ugly lot lying around half-naked.'

This was met with laughter and jeers from the knights, who were far too comfortable in their own skin.

'I know jealousy when I hear it!' Elyan crowed, his skin a rich, dark mahogany in the sunlight. They were all varying shades of brown. Even Sir Leon had developed a golden glow and then a smothering of ginger freckles to go on top of it.

'Merlin, mate? Arthur's right, you look a bit peaky. Have some water at least?' Gwaine begged, waving a skin at him, his smile blossoming into a shit-eating grin when Merlin grabbed it and realised it was empty. 'You'll just need to fill it up, first.'

'Yes, come on, Merlin. I want water,' Arthur added, all smug arrogance.

The other knights lifted their empty water-skins in a clamour, and Merlin groaned. The last thing he felt like doing was standing in a line at the well. He was already sweltering, dripping sweat from every pore. It wasn't like filling up the skins with magic was a possibility, either, not unless he wanted to inform five knights of the realm that he was a sorcerer. Lancelot, of course, already knew, and he was giving him a meaningful look.

It was a fair warning. After all, Merlin was already hot enough without being cooked on a pyre.

'You're all arseholes,' he muttered, snatching the water-skins from various sweaty hands and making his way towards the closest well. It was too hot to stamp across the scorched grass, and he settled from grumbling under his breath as he flitted from one feeble patch of shade to the next, trying to find respite in even the faintest breeze.

He headed to the market-square, where the awnings hung limp in the breathless air and the well was a pockmark in the middle of a sun-beaten cobbles. At least there was a fraction of fair-fortune on his side. Most people had the good sense to get their water before the day reached its zenith. Now, there was no crowd, and he set down the various waterskins before hauling up the rope, grunting and sweating from the exertion.

It was too fucking hot for this.

He finally got the bucket onto the rim of the well, noticing how quickly the drips had vanished in the merciless heat. At least the water was cold, sheltered as it was deep in the aquifers below Camelot. He could practically feel the chill radiating off of it, and he pursed his lips as a spark of mischief ignited in his brain. The knights had already been basking for more than a candle-mark while he'd been sorting out their armour and putting weapons away, and frankly, Arthur's ego was once again in danger of making his head too big to fit through doorways.

Besides, they had, technically, asked him to get water...

'I know that look.'

He glanced up at Gwen, who stood on the opposite side of the well, the sleeves of her dress rolled up and a pretty scarf tying her hair back off her face. A gleam of sweat glossed her forehead, but she looked to be in a better state than him.

'What look?' he asked innocently. 'There's no look.'

'You're plotting something.' Her cheeks swelled as she tried to smother a smile, raising one eyebrow at him. Gwen had been one of his first friends in Camelot. She knew him too well to believe his protests.

'No, I'm not. I'm getting the knights water. Like they asked. Mostly.' He grinned, picking up the water-skins and putting them into the empty basket she carried. 'Can you get those to the armoury? And pass me those buckets?'

Gwen looked as if she thought she should probably do something to save him from himself if nothing else. He watched the brief flicker of conflict over her face before she set her basket aside and did as she was bid. 'He'll put you in the stocks,' she warned.

'He'll have to catch me, first,' Merlin promised, steadily filling both buckets from the well before picking them up. 'Thanks, Gwen!'

He waited until he was away from the marketplace before letting loose the leash on his magic, just enough to make the buckets lighter and silence his footsteps, to stop the precious water sloshing and warm it, just a touch. After all, he wanted to make Arthur squeal like a girl, not give him a heart-attack. With that little bit of sorcerous assistance, the rest was child's play.

The basking knights never knew what hit them.

The first bucket of water made them jerk and holler as the cold water smacked over bare, sun-warmed flesh. There was a general spluttering as if they couldn't quite comprehend what had happened. Of course, Arthur was a bit quicker off the mark than the rest, leaping to his feet as his cry ricocheted across the field.

'MERLIN!'

Later, Merlin would point out it was a mercy that he at least made sure Arthur had shut his mouth before hitting him, full in the face, with the second pail of chilly well-water. It slicked that blond hair to that big head of his and ran in rivulets across his bare chest, soaking his breeches and leaving him drenched and gasping.

'You said you wanted water,' Merlin pointed out, not even trying to hide the breadth of his grin. 'I was just following your orders, Sire.'

He watched the spark flare in Arthur's eyes, the way a glimmer of amusement warred with outright disbelief. Even after all this time, he still liked nothing better to poke at Arthur, to tread that fine line that pushed right up to the edge of Arthur losing his temper.

Arthur took a step forward, his hands clenching into quick fists. 'I'm going to make you regret that,' he promised.

Merlin spread his hands, taking a step back. 'You're welcome to try.'

There was one, split second of motionless where he watched the balance teeter between Arthur's desire for dignity and his thirst for revenge before it fell firmly on the latter.

With a bright laugh, Merlin took off. Arthur and the knights may be strong, but they weren't the lightest on their feet. He was faster and had the advantage of longer legs. The heat was forgot as he darted away, delighting in the way Arthur cursed as he followed him. He hared across the training ground with the prince in hot pursuit, half-naked and dripping. He'd let Arthur catch him eventually; he'd have to, but for now Merlin was going to make him work for it.

******

A shadow fell over him, and Merlin looked up as far as he could from where he was bent over in the stocks, offering Gwen a cheeky grin. Truthfully, it was only the official part of his punishment. He'd been mercilessly dunked in the stable trough when Arthur finally caught up to him, which had been both disgusting and hilarious, because he'd managed to grab Arthur at the last minute and drag him in as well. The prince had retired inside to recover the tattered remnants of his dignity, shouting orders in his wake that, once the sun had gone down, Merlin was to spend three candle-marks in the stocks for his crimes.

'Oh, Merlin,' Gwen said, weary and fond.

'It could be worse. At least the sun's gone, and everyone's too hot to bother throwing vegetables.'

Gwen sighed, sitting down at his side so that he didn't have to look up at her and thoughtfully offering him a quick drink. 'Was it worth it?' she asked. 'Really?'

And Merlin thought of Arthur's face, beautiful, amused and outraged all at once. He thought of the satisfaction of revenge and, reluctantly, he allowed his mind to linger on how good Arthur had looked with the water slicking his breeches to his strong thighs and resting like a mantle of diamonds across his skin.

'Yeah,' he acknowledged at last, running his tongue over his bottom lip before catching it in his teeth. 'It really was.'

[hysterical-ryu]

I’m restarting a project I began back in 2018: redesigning the children Frey & Lest have with the love interests!

I never liked how none of the children matched the love interests, and the canon children don’t look like Lest at all (unless you marry Amber, or if you headcanon Frey and Lest as siblings, I suppose). So, I went about redesigning them, and then life got in the way and I forgot about this project.

I assigned everyone 1-3 children, gave them names and vague personalities based on how their parents would potentially raise and influence them. Not every family has one boy and one girl, since these are based off what families I envision characters would have (so feel free to disagree lmao).

I’m starting with the bachelors and going from my favorite to least favorite, and then moving onto the bachelorettes in the same fashion. Since RF4 doesn’t have same sex marriage, all bachelors will only be paired with Frey and all bachelorettes will only be paired with Lest. I also had an idea for potential extras (like Bado, Venti, etc).

Their clothes will mostly match the canon clothes of Noel and Luna, but I redesigned them to have different colors, and sometimes a slightly different look. But I did try to keep common motifs (diamond shapes, little flower shapes, etc), and some colors. Also they’re simplified because holy shit I am not drawing all those goddamn details 12+ times. I’m not even sure how some of those clothes function!

But anyways!

For Leon we have Noel and Estella!

Noel is the name of the canon male child in the game, and coincidentally Noel is Leon spelled backwards, so it was perfect!

Estella means “star”. Maria would’ve been a reasonable choice, but I wanted a name that still meant something and connected to her while not being her literal name. A star is the symbol that Maria draws on her letters to Leon, so I thought that was a cute choice!

Estella and Noel are twins, and I like to think that after being cute, innocent toddlers they would take on their father’s more mischievous nature. While Leon tends to only tease, I think the twins would be full on pranksters. In particular, I think Estella is the mastermind. 

I’m aware that Leon’s fox ears and tail are more than likely magical and not genetic, but I still wanted to add them. These children look a lot like Leon in particular because I love his palette.

Next one will be Arthur!

Feel free to tell me your thoughts, I’d love to hear them!