#i have a lot of WIPs okay
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I was tagged by the wonderful @astriiformes in a WIP tag game!
Rules: make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Tag as many people as you have WIPs. People send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, then post a little snippet or tell them something about it!
I do not think it is possible for me to tag as many people as I have WIPs (I mean there are 79 WIPs listed here so like...), but here is a list of all (and I do mean all) of the documents in my WIP folder:
a very hale christmas
alpenglow
at last
don't lay a finger on him
five times lawrence fell in love (and one time he no longer had to fall)
forthur??
hoop
modern idiots
morning coffee
not alone anymore
on a bench in coney island
quarry
snip snip
tales
the dropping of the ball
then and now
what now
BTTF/Columbo
Doctober 2024 (yes I'm still working on that I swear)
how can i be forgiven
something about the height...
to sleep, to dream, to wonder
you've got to be carefully taught
back to normal
birthdaaaay
blizzard
conscience
cozied up
hollow, hollow, hollow
jewish penicillin
lick 'em tomorrow
moments
morning treats
one quiet morning
p.s., i still love you
ripped pages
snugglebug
sweet indulgence
to cleanse bitter wounds
togetherness
torn away, pieced together
what once was a group project
a ticket to freedom
agency drabbles
bits and bobs
britches
buttons
buy time
cuddles
eliminating the problem
illegal? psh.
in another life?
itch
let them go
practice makes...something
screen doors and rocking chairs
shinin'
simple joys
six short prompts
talk me down
the shakes
Thing
thing??
those kids
upended
various arthur ideas
wasn't enough
what has been lost and what will be found
when summer ends
My Novel (it's in like four different documents right now and I'm not going to list those separately)
a little more love
can't hold on
cute
debatable
mi ozer li?
plane people
pushed down
stay dreaming
terror
That's, uh...most of my WIPs? It's not all of them, but...well, send me an ask with whatever title most intrigues you! Or titles! There are many on this list! And if you happen to see this and would like to partake, consider this me tagging you. Perhaps all y'all have WIP folders that are less overwhelmed than mine!
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✨Them✨
Sooo... It's my birthday today. Heh.
I wanted to thank every one of you who likes my work, shares it or leaves such heartwarming comments I nearly cry. It's the best gift for me. Your support makes me so very happy!
Thank you!
#my art#art#the owl house#wip#toh#toh fanart#eda clawthorne#raine whispers#raeda#toh raeda#i wanna do merch with them so much#but i don't have a lot of time lately#and i get reeeally tired at work so it's hard to get motivated to draw again#but it's okay
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The Hunter, the Myth and the Cure:
I wanted to write about a werewolf hunter gunslinger with no magic in a fantasy world, an elf who can shapeshift into a wolf (but isn't a werewolf), and the magic-immune daughter they accidentally adopt together.
The Legend of Orian Goldeneye:
Wanted to put a physics major and an amnesiac in a portal fantasy and whump them across several planets.
The Watcher and the Thief:
A backstory for my D&D ranger that underwent too many revisions and ended up being more about the side characters instead. Also she's the villain now.
Trials of the Six:
Avatar: The Last Airbender but epic fantasy heavy on the whump with a dose of portal fantasy. Features an oc created by my younger brother who I think disowned him so I have full custody.
Here's a reblog game for Novella November:
What is the worst possible way you can describe what inspired your story?
I'll go first:
"My story was inspired by a subgenre of ancient hp fanfiction, except its actually going to tackle the really big problems in that subgenre and take them seriously while multiplying the Creature Factor by ten so it can tackle a million other xenofiction tropes. Also Megatron from Transformers may or may not have inspired a background character as of my last writing session."
#i have a lot of wips okay#also wowzie op i'm intrigued now lol#reblog game#novella november#others wips#my wips
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chapter I: "A Parade in Erhenrang"
#the left hand of darkness#colored it :)#thank you for such a positive respond under the sketch#i really appreciate that more people can't get this guy out of their head#i have a wip of one of my favourite scenes but not a lot of time to draw#but i'll get there eventually i promise#i tried to make him look older than 20s#because i wanted to okay#it's more fun this way#(also this is strongly inspired by that post with his and genly's age calculation)#thought of m*ilf estraven guided my hand amen#he has 3 kids for god's sake#tlhod#my art#left hand of darkness
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But what if I started cooking up more FFXIV nonsense in the kitchen??? What if keychains were on the menu??? ✨👀
#osipopz#osipopz art#ffxiv#ffxiv art#ff14#final fantasy 14#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv stuff#ffxiv dawntrail#ffxiv memes#ffxiv meme#ff14 art#ff14 meme#ff14 memes#ffxiv merch#keychains#wip#this one is just a sample#ngl I didn't like it but that's okay!#i still have a lot to learn#ffxiv keychain
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im gonna start posting fanfic recs btw whenever i find good ones. both here and my (awfully barren) 18+ account. because there are so many good fics out there with so few hits and fewer kudos and sometimes no comments period and it SUCKS because i REALLY LIKE THEM A LOT.. and i hope that by linking them here and yelling at everyone to COMMENT DAMMIT they might actually do it
seriously though any comment means a lot. most people who read a fic don’t even give a kudos. even if the fic wasn’t top tier, if you didn’t dislike it, hand over some kudos!! and if you liked it, comment!!!! even if the comment is one singular heart emoji it will be appreciated. if the comment just says “great fic!” the author will be happy. your comment doesn’t have to be this long winded gushing or analysis.
so many authors quit writing or lose motivation because the comments are few and far in between or just sometimes nonexistent. trust me when i say authors don’t care about how long or cool or smart sounding your comment is i promise!!!
i hope that mmmaybe recommending fics and telling people to comment might help fics i really like get more support maybe. and i, points at you reading this, hope that you will listen!!!at least a little….at least sum kudos….
#if u have the ability to reply to my reblog saying how much you loved the fic i recommended comment on the fic itself so the author can see!#especially since the rise of ai writing and seeing ai fics out there can be disheartening#make sure you let your writers know you appreciate them#you never know they might one day write a sequel bc your comment touched them#or might get the motivation to make more works.#(but don’t just comment bc you expect something out of it btw. sometimes the author might be too intimidated to reply ive seen that before)#im a huge yapper. if you can’t tell. lmfao.#and i mostly comment on guest. like 99% of the time because the fics are either really embarrassing#or i get nervous about them knowing me/finding my tumblr and thinking im cringw#bc i admire authors so much. and I get that nervousness! given I experience it!!! but guest mode EXISTS!!! most work allows you to comment#on guest mode!! the author CANT see the email you use for it!!! the only reason they even ask is to give you notifs if theres a reply to it!#a comment is still a comment even if on guest or an alt or your main#even if the fic is embarrassing shameful depraved smut you can log out and comment on guest. even if it’s embarrassing#because the author still worked HARD. it’s so hard to write. people don’t give enough credit to fic authors who do it for free#i had an account (now super abandoned) that had over 400k words. and that didn’t include wips#i reallg do struggle to write because i took a break for so long!!! i can write but not nearly as much as I used to!!! and it sucks!!!#support your authors guys. 1k words is an hour for the first draft at MINIMUM and another hour for revision and editing. and people get#pissy if a fic chapter is less than 3-4k words for some reason. that’s 6-8 hours of work at MINIMUM. likely so much more because there’s#also plotting and brainstorming and So. Much. Editing. stressing out over words and sentence structure. it takes so much time out of your#day. the only oneshot i have posted on this account is 2460 words. and it took me SEVEN HOURS#seven hours!!!! that’s a lot!!!! and for authors that have school or demanding jobs that kind of time is hard to come by!!!!!#and I hope i have convinced at least one of you to listen and go okay you know what. i will. because even if it’s a silly comment it’s loved#tldr support your local fanfic authors of you will be so stabbed. by me#fanfiction#fanfic#archive of our own#ao3#comment on fics#wick fic recs#that’s the rec tag btw. wow custom tags AGAIN i know. im doing what i thought i never would
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Obviously I love and support all of Destruction's creative endeavors but I just think he deserves to at least once have Hob Gadling drag him bodily to a Break Room so he can see people getting the catharsis and release of destruction in a safe and appropriate space until the feelings dissolve away and what's left is some people crying with relief and others laughing with glee as they start to find joy and fun in the contained chaos and they all leave feeling so much better when they arrived and then the room gets swept up and no harm was done.
Just. Destruction seeing a space where his nature isn't war, or bloodshed, or abuse. It's just humans getting their feelings out and having fun with it too.
#the sandman#destruction of the endless#destruction x hob#I just have a lot of feelings about Destruction okay#and rage rooms God Bless rage rooms#I have too many wips but if anyone wants to write this... 👀
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SPACE JASH ‼️
#WILL THE COSMOS SPEAK TO ME 🗣#did you guys know i like this song#i have a lot of feelings about this song#chonny jash#angelo tag#ignoring that i posted the wip like a week ago#i literally almost finished this that same day#i just needed the background but didnt do it until today 😭#okay goodnight#i volunteered at a museum event today so im TIRED#it was fun !!!#i luv museums
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Art Wip Game
@artisticallyill you asked about the Battle Cody & Obi so here it is
This one is definitely a bad name. While technically accurate, it's not the defining thing about this. Battle Cody & Obi is the name of my drawing that is my Codywan FMAB AU. Truly the title says nothing, and idk what i was thinking when i named the drawing but it's my fmab au
Here's it is so far:
In this au, the jedi are the state alchemists, Obi-Wan is a general and a state alchemist and a highly revered one but I don't know what his alchemy specialization is yet. Cody is his right hand who watches his back and has several big guns and people are scared of him.
I imagine this drawing to be them fighting Maul, who would absolutely just set a bunch of things on fire, not even with alchemy but with straight up matches cuz he's petty like that and Cody and Obi-Wan are trapped by the fire and waiting to see where he strikes next.
When I was ideating this, I realized that their dynamic is already pretty similar to Mustang and Hawkeye, especially with the "we can't date cuz you're my superior officer/subordinate" and the "i will flirt with others as a tactical move but it's fake and the real adoration only comes out with you"
Find wip game post here
#tag game#my wips#obi wan kenobi#commander cody#codywan#codywan fmab au#i have so many thoughts#i also imagine that one scene where roys abouta smush envy and hawkeye stops him#cuz i want a falling obi beign held at gunpoint by his commander because cody will not let him fall#cody makes him a better jedi okay?#obiwan might start to fall and codys there#theyre a team and they work well together#cody the ever serious one and obi putting on some false bravado to go by unnoticed because people underestimate him#its perfect#i think about it all the time#obi wan loses his state alchemist watch all the freaking time#cody always has it#and he clips it to his person so it comes to a point where people think hes the state alchemist#and they dont know what theyre fighting for or who#fives is hughes too smart for his own good#there are a lot of high ranking separatists and sith but i havent assigned them to a deadly sin yet#something to think about when i go to sleep tonight#fanart#digital art#star wars#my art#my wip art#fmab au#star wars fanart#wip
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blood of the covenant/water of the womb
The Black sisters are so tragic.
I mean, imagine:
As kids, Narcissa is the baby sister that the elder two dote on, while both Narcissa and Andromeda look up to Bellatrix, the proud, beautiful, powerful, accomplished, perfect eldest sister, who has always known who she is and where she's going, but especially Andromeda, since they look so alike she's always been encouraged to act like her too but since Narcissa doesn't have the stereotypical Black looks and her parents didn't follow the Black naming scheme she's encouraged to be her own person a little bit more.
At Hogwarts they're all Sorted into the same House, Slytherin, which only increases their bond. Bella does really well at school, probably the top of her class, which makes Andy, who's only a year or two behind hyperaware of where the bar is. She walks, talks, and dresses like Bella.
Until
Andy follows in Bella's footsteps (who's probably Head Girl by now) and becomes a prefect, but she gets assigned to do rounds with a Muggle-born Hufflepuff. And despite everything she'd been taught, everything she knows to be true, she finds herself falling for him and the worst part is she can't tell anyone, even Bella, the one she has always been able to confide in, always reassured her and set her on the right path.
Meanwhile Druella and Cygnus are arranging Bellatrix's marriage to Roldophus, someone she doesn't even like never mind attracted to but because she's the perfect Black and the perfect daughter she has to do it. And Andromeda sees and fears how she could get trapped, too, how there's another Lestrange boy in her year.
Meanwhile a strange foreign Dark Lord comes to dinner and he's so different to Roldophus and all those other men who think because she's a woman she must be weak and she's just a vessel for their pureblood children. And despite the way she shouldn't feel this way, Bella doesn't care. He listens to Bella's opinions and he takes her seriously and he sees her magical talent and her thirst to prove herself and he's not scared of her in the way others say that she's 'too intense.' And when he offers to train her, and adds that he never does this, she says, one better, I'll follow you.
Andromeda and Narcissa watch this strange man burn the Dark Mark into their sister's arm and they don't know what to think. Narcissa's scared Bella will put herself in danger, that she'll do too much, give too much of herself because she doesn't know when to pull back. And Andy's scared Bella's going down a path she cannot follow, because deep down she can't say she believes in blood supremacy, can't say she hates Ted and she can't figure out a way through so she leaves.
It's like part of Bella's heart has been ripped out. They were all close, the Blacks, but Andy and Bella had a certain je ne sais quoi, they were thick as thieves and inseparable. Bellatrix is the one who burns Andromeda off the tapestry, crying while she does it, the scorned love for her sister, the anger and shame that Andy chose that Mudblood over her turning that love to bottomless hate.
Meanwhile Narcissa, the lucky one, watches it all. Narcissa is the one that gets it all, she's the only one who's able to marry for love and stay with her family but there's also this Andromeda-shaped hole in her and there's a Slytherin resentfulness of being Bellatrix's supporting act.
Every night that Bella is on a mission, Narcissa stays up, even while pregnant with Draco, until she knows her sister is safe.
That fateful Halloween she waits and waits and waits but Bellatrix never comes home. When she finds out her last remaining sister is serving life she completely breaks down. Won't sleep, won't eat. The thought of leaving Draco without a mother is the only thing that helps her hold on. Regulus, Andromeda and Sirius are dead/burned off the tapestry/imprisoned; she and Draco are the last Blacks, that makes their bond even stronger, makes her scared of losing him like she did her sisters. She curses Voldemort for putting her in danger, aware of her feelings for him and that Bella would do anything for them, swears she'll never let that happen to her son.
All the while Andy raises her daughter, who hates the name she gave her in the same way Andy know she would hate the Blacks. Narcissa and Andy watch each other from across crowds; Tonks and Draco are never at school together, never know more than scattered off-hand mentions of a cousin on their mother's side. But both Narcissa and Andy fantasize of a reconcilation, of Tonks babysitting Draco while they rekindle their bond. Neither bridges the gap. That burn, that rift cannot be healed. But they still ache for each other.
When Voldemort returns that fear for Draco grows, but it's tempered with the joy of having Bella back after mourning her for 14 years -- Bella, traumatized, starved, jagged and torn up at the edges, different, but alive.
And just like knowing he was innocent kept Sirius sane, Bella's love and trust of Voldemort is what made her able to hang on. Yes, they're both drastically different physically (the snake face and the emaciation) and mentally (both shaken, less confident), but everything else can be the same. Maybe better.
But everyone is scared. It's not the same world, where the Death Eaters have control and are undefeated. Voldemort is scared of that boy, Narcissa is scared for Draco. It's clear things are not the same, things are not normal. Far from it. Fear makes Voldemort angry, and cold, and distant and nothing she does feels good enough.
And that boy -- lying hateful filthy boy -- he dares suggest that her Voldemort's filthy-blooded like him. No, he must just be taunting her, scaring her. But there are things Voldemort's said, things he's done -- she would notice, the way she hangs on every word he speaks and plays their conversations in her head over and over again in Azkaban -- Bellatrix just does her best to silence it and block it out, all these confusing things, she's a great Occlumens after all.
She'll make things certain, make things right, trim off the weakness, cut out the sickness. Like Sirius. Like that young woman with Andromeda's face and Andromeda's laugh, that filthy half-blood Andy left her to create.
Narcissa can't keep Draco safe like she, the baby sister, couldn't keep Bellatrix safe. When Voldemort burns the Dark Mark into his skin she sees her son emaciated and dead-eyed.
To assuage Narcissa's fears Bellatrix trains Draco like Voldemort trained her; but he's not the same, he's weak, he's moralistic, he looks at her with wide scared eyes and he's a failure. The glory of the Blacks is gone.
All the while, Narcissa's fear grows, when Lucius is imprisoned, when Voldemort's ire turns on her family, on her son, sets him an impossible task. The despair she feels, she hasn't felt for nearly sixteen years -- Bellatrix more interested in eking out morsels of approval from Voldemort and turning her frustration on Draco, and Narcissa by extension.
All the while, Andromeda's fear for her daughter grows, of the danger she puts herself in as an Auror and a member of the Order, and she's reminded of Bellatrix, of how she gives everything of herself and how Nymphadora does too, begging, begging her to hold back.
She's not good enough for him, not with the sickness, the weakness still clinging to her. Bellatrix very much wants to kill the woman with Andy's face. She's always been perfect. It's everyone else around her that's wrong, everyone else who has to go. She'll do better. Try harder.
And when the Snatchers catch that filthy boy, and he slides out of her grasp like a buttered eel, Bellatrix hits the bottom rung of the ladder of despair. She doesn't know who she is, anymore.
Voldemort's retaliation and rejection breaks Bellatrix's heart, but it hardens Narcissa's.
Bellatrix will do anything to make him happy. She finally kills the witch with Andy's face -- do you see -- do you love me now -- but he's still cold, still frightened, still different, and she despairs, but it will be all over when Harry Potter is dead and he can breathe again. They've won. It will be alright. It will go back to normal. She can have it all again -- Voldemort and Narcissa and her perfect, pruned family.
Narcissa will do anything to keep him safe. And so she chooses Draco's life, she lies, her heart in her throat, in front of her beloved sister, to the Dark Lord, with unshed tears in her eyes and Harry Potter's 'corpse' before her.
Bellatrix's death is something Narcissa knew was coming, deep down She mourned her sister sixteen years ago and she mourns her now, but it will all be worth it if Draco survives this ordeal; Potter must win, he must live, Voldemort must die. And Bellatrix will never allow this.
She wishes she could tell Andy that she understands.
#the black sisters#bellatrix lestrange#andromeda tonks#narcissa malfoy#bellatrix black#andromeda black#narcissa black#bellamort#tedromeda#andromeda has middle child syndrome i don't make the rules#been brainrotting about the black sisters a lot while writing these next few chapters#hp meta#long post#fic outline??#maybe? can i handle other wip?#voldemort doesn't say i love you like a normal person he turns up at bellatrix's front door with the corpse of someone who insulted her#like a cat with a dead mouse#it's okay she knows what he means#sk1 rambles#this is why i have a rambling tag
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WIP | Coloring part 1
Recorded process wherein my bucket tool failed to work
#mononoke#kusuriuri#薬売り#fanart#wip#art recorded.Vaille#only part 1 cz it's rushed and i have class#i forgor a lot of details on the eyes#but it's only rough coloring so it's okay
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i just randomly felt like doing a render since i havent done those frequently at all this year www and who else would it be of if not yuu
#re:kinder#fanart#yuuichi mizuoka#my art#i just really wanted to draw yuu and even though i have a lot of wips and visions i didnt feel like executing them just yet#i wanted something a bit more mindless for my brain to do and i remembered i have the ability to do renders#i used to do em like. A LOT around when i was 14 to 15??? like before i really started posting frequently here#and before the fibromyalgia randomly kicked in mid 2022#since then i pretty much just indulged in staying in my comfort zone www since i couldnt do much#BUT NOW THAT IM ON MEDS I SIT DOWN AND I REMEMBER I CAN RENDER🫣🫣#like ive been drawing a lot all this time regardless but render render is a whole other patience thing render is fight for life#AND I DIDNT FEEL LIKE IT TILL NOW RANDOMLY SO. WE GET A PROPER YUU RENDER#i think ive done one once but it was experimental and a simple challenge mainly based on color rather than the render part#but no no it couldnt stay that way what kind of rekinder fan am i if i havent even done a proper render of it😢#i hope this makes sense i now realize i have no idea how people would interpret the term render#and I WILL DO MORE DEFINITELY i have visions okay i have. visions#wait no i have done another rekinder render actually it was a hiroto one i posted while i was trying to do daily rekinder drawing#but that was done on a 1-2 hour limit to be started and finished the same day SO IT DONT COUNT!!!!!
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hiiiii G4 and W4 for the ask game if you're still doing it
yes i’m still doing it <3
answering these out of order bc i’m really bad at picking just one line haha
W4. Is there a fandom you haven’t before but want to try in 2025? (Or a fandom you’d like to go back and write more for in 2025?)
TBH, I’ve never been good at participating in more than one fandom at a time. I can read for multiple fandoms but writing… Just one. I’ve never known why that is, haha. So, I’d like to keep sticking around in DC for a while longer, I think
But… If I could write for more than one fandom, I would love to go back & finish the fic I’d started for SRMTHFG. I also have several unfinished fics for other fandoms, but IDK if I would ever actually end up having them see the light of day ahskjd
G4. Give me your favorite line from a current WIP.
I love the dialogue from the opening scene for my ghost hunters wip. It’s loosely based on buzzfeed unsolved, though more the fandom joke that the skeptic of the two ghost hunters is actually a demon in disguise shskjdk
“No,” Jason says flatly. “Absolutely not.”
“C’mon,” Tim wheedles. There’s a stubborn set to his jaw, his shoulders. He’s not the kind of person to let go of an idea, once it lodges in his brain. Jason admires it; the sheer force of will packed into all five feet and eight inches of him. He also hates it, especially when it leads to scenarios like this, the two of them on opposite sides, and unwilling to back down.
Because Jason is stubborn too. “No, Tim,” Jason says firmly, digging his metaphorical heels in. “I can think of oh, about a dozen better ways for us to spend our time.”
Tim frowns at him. Jason hates how adorable he finds it; hates the irrepressible urge he feels to smooth it away, perhaps with his own mouth. Tim jabs a finger at Jason’s chest, though the diner table between them keeps him from making contact. “You’re just afraid we’ll find proof, and you’ll have to eat your words.”
Jason scoffs. “Hardly.” He bats Tim’s hand away.
Tim isn’t actually far off the mark. He wants to go ghost hunting—no, more than that, he wants to start a ghost hunting show, exploring Gotham’s more haunted areas, and Jason… well. Jason is worried that they’ll find something. Not because he’ll have to eat his words, though, but because it could be dangerous.
If they stick to the locations that most people considered “active”, they’ll be fine. Those places aren’t haunted, not really. Maybe they had been once, but now it’s all residual energy, brought to life by overactive imaginations and nerves.
But Jason knows Tim—has gotten to know him quite well, over the past couple of years—and he knows that, while he may start with the popular locales, he won’t be satisfied with them forever. That’s charted territory. Tim prefers the unknown; the unexplained. So he’ll go digging, and probably find reports of places that are actually haunted.
And considering that this is Tim, who can find trouble just by walking down the street… well. It’s a recipe for disaster.
Not that Jason can say any of that. As far as Tim knows, Jason doesn’t believe in any of that bullshit. (Honestly, most of the stuff Tim talks about is bullshit, so it isn’t even that hard to pretend.) Jason wants to keep it that way.
Is it cruel, to lie to his best friend the way he’s doing?
Yeah, probably.
But it’s keeping Tim safe, so Jason never lets himself feel bad about it.
“I’m actually worried about you, I dunno, tripping over a raised floorboard and ending up with tetanus, or something,” Jason says. Which, to be fair, also a real fear, if less pressing.
Tim scowls at him and kicks Jason’s knee under the table. “I’m not that bad,” he protests. “And, anyway, even if I was, that’s what you’d be there for. To keep me from getting tetanus.” Tim smiles winningly, and Jason knows he’s lost.
#ressaart#asks and answers#tauriawritesfanfic#i have a tag for this wip#what was it again…#jaytim#dcu#i’ll go find the tag shjdjdjdj bc i’m not sure any of the ones i tried are it#so they may disappear when i edit this#bfu au#jaytim ghost hunters#edit: okay tags found#i really should continue this au shskjdk i like it a lot
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oh nuts. a life experience has given me a new layer of perspective on Cas's homosexual declaration of love to Dean.
recently I had occasion to tell a person I had feelings for them knowing full well they didn't feel even a twinge of the same thing for me. while the whole thing was a decidedly unpleasant experience, I kept laughing at myself internally bc I didn't want to say "the happiness is just in saying it" like fucking Castiel over here. (we don't need to talk about it, it's fine.) (I am happier having said it and it's kind of bullshit, but I digress.)
because the thing is, the happiness isn't in just saying it, right? the happiness is in the having. I made a whole TikTok "proving" that the Empty didn't come for Cas when he confessed his love, but rather when he realized Dean loved him back. even for Cas, the happiness was in the having, not in the saying, however brief it was.
and I've always been one of those people who rolled their eyes at the whole concept. why would the happiness be in just being, in just saying it, if it's right there in front of you to have. and then it hit me like a tonne of bricks (as I was washing my kitchen counters).
Cas really didn't think he could have Dean.
at all. in any capacity. he really, truly, and honestly felt to the depths of himself that Dean did not have any twinge of similar feelings, that this really was a Hail Mary shot-in-the-dark. and I think me, personally, really didn't understand that about Cas. that his belief in his love being unrequited was that unshakable.
something else I've been pondering is how audiences have so much more empathy for fictional characters who share traits that IRL they find objectionable and unappealing. but the thing is about fictional characters is that we follow them around in their most private, vulnerable moments. we see Dean mourning Cas when he dies, literally killing himself because he can't live without him, but it's so easy to forget that we're the omniscient ones here.
Cas never knew.
Dean's whole thing was pushing him away, keeping him at arm's length, making it seem like whatever heroic thing he does for Cas he'd do for anyone. he downplays how important it is for Dean to share the Deancave with him, to show him his favourite movies, share his favourite songs. he acts like the things Cas does for him don't mean that much to hide how much they do mean. he uses "we" whenever he even gets in the vicinity of expressing a feeling. "We were worried." "We're glad you're back." "We needed a win." "You're our brother." The audience knew the difference. We saw how he'd clench his jaw or swallow hard or make a face that said "God, I'm being such an idiot". Because we saw him in those little moments. We got to see the cracks in the mask.
but Cas never knew.
the self-hating angel of Thursday was never going to think it was all a way for Dean to protect himself. obviously, that's the delicious tragedy of it all, but what I think I realized at the end of all that is Cas confessing his love to a Dean who didn't love him back wouldn't have worked. Because the happiness really is in the having. If happiness was just in saying it, then The Empty would have come before Cas even finished getting the words out of his mouth.
so Cas's plan wouldn't have worked if Dean didn't love him back.
this is just me yapping on about my own nonsense, but I do think it's really interesting. there's contentment in "just saying it". there's freedom and relief and an unburdening. I think one can argue that it makes being happy in the being easier. there is certainly some joy in telling a person you think that highly of them. but true happiness?
nah.
true happiness is always going to only be in the having. Cas didn't understand the difference until he experienced it, and by then, it was too late.
#beautiful and poignant messages in the 2005 CW cult classic dark fantasy show supernatural that they did by accident#like they literally showed how wrong cas was to believe that happiness ISN'T in the having aaaand qed dean loved him back#spn meta#destiel meta#castiel meta#mine.txt#destiel#supernatural meta#spn#supernatural#meta#messy thoughts#lol sorry for the tmi but i needed the lead up okay#i'm fine i knew#i was very much cas in this situation no hope of any other outcome#only he was wrong lmao#I think the way Cas scrunches up his face after Dean's 'don't do this Cas' is almost like that bittersweet regret.#that 'oh. if only we had known this sooner. if only it wasn't too late now.'#AND IT'S A LOT YOU GUYS#i do wonder if cas wouldn't made a different plan with different information#personally i don't think he'd've gone out like that if he understood that dean loved him too#like he saw the love in his eyes. but part of me thinks it was relief that this didn't make dean hate him.#but sometimes it's just bad writing and we can't ascribe conscious thought to an out of character decision lol#but i think after everything cas would've fought for the thing he never thought he could have#which is why in my fix it fic wip that i'll finish someday cas is like okay well. gotta get outta here now and kiss my mute coconut lol#i love them so much
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mrs. click's class, october 1983... with a little bit of a twist.
#tammy doesn't have mrs. click's class in this one oopsie#ronance#nancy wheeler#robin buckley#SORRY 2 STEVE I PROMISE I DON'T HATE HIM#robin's just going through a lot right now okay? and it's not going to get any better#bc this is a prequel to rebel robin: surviving the upside down#LMAOOO she's gonna go through it </3#also please clap i had to fight my ocd to say 'nancy goddamn wheeler'#wip weekend#WOOO
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I've never watched Venom, but...
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VENOM HORSE VENOM HORSE VENOM HORSE VENOM HORSE VENOM HORSE VENOM HORSE VENOM HORSE VENOM
#fanart#wip#Venom#Venom: The Last Dance#Venom horse#lots of slobber because I sorta remember Venom being a very drooly boi#unless that was Carnage#shows how little I know about Spider Man 😑#but Venom horsey looks so freaking badass!!! I had to draw him!#thinking of inking and coloring later#Venom horse giving me some Ludwig from Bloodborne vibes here#haven't watched Marvel movies since the first Doctor Strange and Deadpool 2#I'll probably go see Deadpool 3 but not other Disney Marvel films because they keep making them too long#I don't have the attention span#and though they have yet to do Young Avengers I'd rather they didn't#EDIT OKAY MAYBE I'll watch the Venom movies#always kinda liked Venom's character
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