#i have a headache but my add meds are still working so i just decided to talk about this

[thepleasuregoblin]

Thinking about the Bladesinger wizard from 5e. What a cool concept with a terrible execution.

Ok so first off you don't get your wizard specialty until 2nd level so at first level you're just a normal wizard. At 2nd level you get light armor proficiency and proficiency with one one-handed weapon. You also get a Bladesinging sort of stance you can go into, more on that in a sec.

Now naturally since the high concept of Bladesinger is a front-line(ish) wizard, you're gonna try to maximize your AC. You're still a wizard after all, so your best bet is not to get hit. The light armor proficiency helps with this a little, studded leather gives you 12 + dex. However the Mage Armor spell gives you 13 + dex, so I guess you're saving a spell slot at least. You also get to add your int bonus as long as you're Bladesinging. Assuming a very lucky character generation with 18 int and 18 dex you can have up to a 21 AC at 2nd level. Pretty dang good, but unlikely that you'll pull that off.

Now on to Bladesinging itself. If you're smart you went with a rapier and prioritized dex (after int) so you can actually hit something. It works basically like a barbarian rage without the crash, and has the restrictions you'd expect: can't wear medium+ armor or shields, ends if you're knocked out. Also it ends if you make a two-handed attack, which is frankly wack. The bonuses you get are: add int bonus to AC (pretty good), add 10ft to your speed (not bad), advantage on acrobatics checks (cool I guess but why), and add your int bonus to concentration checks (you're gonna need it).

All these seems very neat at first, your wizard can hop up and chill with the fighters, you know, save some spell slots and do... Less damage than you would with cantrips, and die in a couple rounds cause you still have d6 hit dice and even 21 AC isn't going to stop you from getting hit like. 5-10% of the time at least.

The later features are barely worth mentioning. Extra attack at 6th level, at 10th level you can use a reaction burn a spell slot to reduce the damage by 5 x the slot level, and that one could actually be pretty handy, but kind of a hefty cost, especially since some spells will do better at defending you than this feature. Finally at 14 you get to add your Int bonus to melee damage while in Bladesong. That does let you put out some pretty solid damage with your weapon, but you still have to be in melee, and your 20+ AC is gonna do you even less good at 14th level than at 1st.

Overall, just play war wizard. Or eldritch knight. Or multiclass wizard/fighter. Or, preferably, drop 5e entirely and make a magus or something in pathfinder.

[babyfluffybutt]

Can you tell more about the “incident” that forced you into wearing diapers all the time

I've always had issues making it to the bathroom on time. Name the place and I've had an accident there from school, home, walking down the street its happened. Well later in life I found the whole abdl thing and was really excited to see that it wasn't as rare as I thought. I played around with wearing diapers but I still had control of my bladder for the most part (with a few exceptions) until about 3 years ago when I came down with a killer headache. It was so bad that they admitted me to the hospital, when they found out that I had a UTI so bad that sepsis had set in. When a person has this, they have to get bombarded with antibiotics which my body doesn't react well with. After a week stay in the hospital of them pumping me with these antibiotics, I was barely able to walk and was on oxygen, but something changed in that week which was the ability to use the bathroom. I figured it was fatigue, but after I got out of the hospital, and a few accidents, I decided to grab my abdl diaper stash and use that until I could get things sorted out. Weeks went by and I was still having accidents, which caused me to add diapers to my shopping list. The ones at the store were horrible, so I resorted to the regular abdl diapers. Weeks later I was seen by a urologist who chalked it up to nerve damage from the UTI and the only way to fix it was a series of meds that ultimately didn't work. After a ton of medical bills, I figured I might as well just accept it, and move on with life. my options were to use a cathetar or diapers, and since I enjoy diapers I might as well just use those.

[blackbutlerfandomnerddomain]

RANDOM DEATH NOTE HEADCANONS I WANT TO SHARE THANKS TO ME WANTING TO EXSPAND MY AU:

LIGHT:

Has survivor syndrome. What's that? Survivor syndrome, also known as survivor's guilt, is the response of a person when they believe they have done something wrong by surviving a traumatic event when others did not, often feeling self-guilt. This can be from being Kira or set before Kira, like an incident from his youth that he forever lingers with. This mixed with his "where's the justice" mind set only adds fuel to the fire of the war in his mind

Favorite food isn't apples as many would assume/joke about

The poor boy didn't really think of his sexual orientation until collage, didn't have the means or needs to and it wasn't only until he dated Misa and began to hang out with L he started to think on it more

In my AU Ryuk and Rem didn't give Light and Misa the Death Notes again and L, Light, Misa, etc didn't die, so this technically takes place the amnesia arc which I argue is a favorite okay?! Still doesn't mean Light gets dreams of him as Kira and isn't aware he was.

MISA:

Got really into the Gothic look after her parents' death where someone was a jerk and said a "joke" when she was still wearing black while she was still grieving

Didn't really fall in love with L right away (obviously) but she did care for him in a way that showed she cared

Loves bubble baths

Like Light she still has dreams of Rem and often find herself crying over the waking of her dreams as if someone killed her loved one in front of her

And like Light she knows after Rem confronted her she was the second Kira and feels terrible about it

Has a beautiful singing voice

After a lot her and Kiyomi kind of became friends, she honestly feels as if Kiyomi reminds her of someone she knew before (ie rem)

L:

Dude, this man was aware he liked both for a loooooonnng ass time, since Wammy actually

He knows Light and Misa were Kira, I mean he subspecies it since day one but to actually be right honestly hurt him.. He didn't want to be right in this case. So, he swore not to say a word since they're no longer Kira and 2nd Kira

Loves baths more than Misa

His family died in an domestic abuse murder suicide and he wandered out the house alone in which an officer found him and discovered his family's death, since then he's been emotionally isolated

Is autistic just doesn't get meds

Has lots of stim toys and objects he uses a lot when he thinks hard or under/overstimulated

Loves hot cocoa with marshmallows and whipped cream

Watari was basically his father after the many years they've known each other, doing the most of a father like role than others, helping the boy when needed, etc. And while L doesn't show emotions he generally is greatful and sees Watari as his father figure, even having him his best man and father-of-the-groom for his wedding

MISALIGHTL:

As mentioned with L when I said "wedding", the three didn't really want a huge public wedding since that would exposed L's identity and it would be a headache to deal with so they had a secret small ceremony with friends and some family with Watari being L's father-of-the-groom, Sayu as Light's Best Lady, and Kiyomi was Misa's maid of Honor. They each wore a mix of white and black with some red elements thrown in there for many reasons but mostly cause L said they looked good so yeah

Their wedding cake was similar to these two:

They all live in an apartment together, similar as to the building they were all stuck in, and have their own rooms/studies for work while Misa keeps working as a model and actress and both L and Light kept working as detectives until Light decided to leave being a detective after so many nightmares of cases and being Kira and decided to be a true crime/mystery novel writer

One day while they were chilling, pre-marriage them btw, L decided he's going to visit Wammy to get any plans of who his next "L" would be if he died and they came along with him. There they were able to meet Near, Mello, and Matt. The three kids hung out with them during their stay back in Japan to see who is perfect for the next role. Weeks pass and all three are doing really well and it didn't really sink in until later that L is actually doing this to see if he wants kids. Well, Misa and Light like the idea and they ended up adopting Mello as their son in which he admittedly cried

They go on date nights three times a week, one for each pair with their trio dates mostly being at home

After a few years of marriage they had two kids of their own in which Mello likes the role of older brother

NEAR:

Like L, Near is autistic (I believe that's canon and people hate it??)

Is nonbinary. I'm sorry I honestly can't see this baby as cis at all!

Owns lots of pants, shirts, skirts, dresses, tights, boots, heels, flat shoes, socks that'll work with him with any gender dysphoria and day

Primally goes by Near since that sounded right

Suffer from night terrors which is how his spark of studying happened cause that distracted them

Demi-Sexual bean!

Got adopted by Kiyomi and gets spoiled rotten

MELLO:

Choco-holic what else is new

Suffered an eating disorder which was quickly helped fixed with Matt and his new family

Mentioned above with L, Light, and Misa adopting him, he adores his family gratefully and it's not just cause L chose him out of everyone

Him and Near still have a rather strong rivalry but it's healthy now and also more so childish thanks to their adopted families

Likes his Uncle Matsuda a lot (Matsuda ends up marrying Sayu in this)

Is kind of that kid in school who knows shit and will market the crap out of soda and candies to the kids who have money and parents who won't allow sugar in his household

Often gets caught sneaking out to see Matt and sometimes (a lot) Near by his parents

Is Pan and always knew it

MATT:

Got adopted by Stephen and Teru in this AU

Still is obsessed with video games and eats candy cigarettes until he's legal to smoke if he wants to

Is straight besties with Mello and Near

Has so much gaming stuff it's unreal

Loves the rain

MATT X MELLO X NEAR:

Got together sometime after Near was adopted with Matt and Mello being a thing first and Near joined after

They're both protective of Near

And then Near would shock everyone with a thrown of a textbook to the face if someone says something bad about either of them

Misa is overly supportive of this relationship, Kiyomi loves to tease Near often, and the many times Teru and Stephen would interrupt calls with them to tease is too much

[chevvy-yates]

Ticket to the Major Leagues for Ryder, Thyjs and Falco on the ask game pls!!

How did they react to their first chrome? (Not including the neurosocket, shard slot and wrist plug).

Ryder’s first chrome were Kiroshi optics when he was still a Corpo. He used to wear contacts and/or glasses as he was born astigmatism. He wasn't allowed to get optics until he turned 18 (his family hates cyberware) When he eventually was allowed to get some they had to be in his same eye color (ice blue). The reaction to this was nothing special. He's had a headache for a few days and needed to adjust to see everything clearly now without contacts or glasses. So nothing really special But I want to add how he reacted to his first real chrome that definitely changed his body forever: his mantis blades: You have to know that he replaced his well functioning organic arms with these weapons. He decided it from 0 to 100. I mean he literally walked into a ripper doc's office and demanded "Cut off my arms and install me some with blades!" having literally no clue what Ryder was demanding there. At this point of his life he literally changed everything about himself drastically, often not thinking about whether this decision is good or not. Hate and anger mainly for Cyberpsychos drove him towards this decision. Of course the blades made it so he could protect and defend himself in the first place as he always carries them with him 24/7. and he finally had something that was added to his overall look that can be frightening plus he could fight with them. If trained right mantis blades serve you well. What he did not have in mind: learning how to live with two cybernetic forearms from now on that have sharp blades, he didn't know how to handle at first. Also the fact that he will never feel touch again like he used to hasn't been on his mind back then either. He was only to discover it afterwards because the ripper doc didn't care much to inform him about it since Ryder seemed to be bold and harsh. At the start Ryder often second-guessed himself about this decision he made. In the beginning he often sat at home having problems just to grab a beer because he had to learn that his brain and connected muscles around the elbow accept the cyberware and the given commands were set into the right motion. The ripper doc did a good job and Ryder payed all of his money left for getting the best ones the market had at this time. He didn't feel any pain and they adjusted fast once Ry found out how it works. Nonetheless he kept them and accepted his decision. He gets them checked frequently.

Like Ryder, Thyjs first chrome have been Kiroshi optics. As albino he's had photophobia and decreased visual acuity since he was born. So he definitely was in need to get a better eyesight as soon as he started Military school. The first day of having them felt weird for him, needed some adjustment and to get used to it. He had the usual headache right after he received them but no further problems. They felt like his real eyes before just way better.

Garnet's first cyberware is the one on his neck and the chest. He was diagnosed with lung cancer in a very early years of his life as he already started smoking "wie ein Schlot" at a very young age. So his entire lung including the trachea and the thyroid are cybernetic. Falco didn't do well in the beginning as he had been laying in bed before the operation for weeks to months already. They tried to fight the cancer off via chemotherapy before but it didn't work out so he opted in as last chance to stay alive to get that whole bunch of chrome installed inside his body. When he woke up after the operation and the meds losing their effect he felt insufferable pain in his throat and in general the weight of his body seemed very heavy (up to that he was still super weak, almost reduced to a skeleton). He needed months long rehabilitation and even today a medtech frequently has to check as everything works appropriately. He had to pay the huge bill for probably all his life if he didn't become popular in the music industry. After five years he was free from his debt. Today he's healthy, fit (trains frequently) and takes his needed medication as he should.

[pbandjesse]

I had to move my OB appointment from next week to tomorrow because I had scary high blood pressure at the rhumatologist today. So I have been feeling pretty stressed out this evening and it's very hard for me to tell if I feel sick because of stress or if something is wrong.

I had an alright day though. I would have bursts of energy and things would be okay for a lot of the morning. I slept a little better last night I guess. Though I did wake up after I had a pretty intense nightmare. And then I pulled a muscle in my side that was incredibly painful. It wasn't the worst sleep but it was not the best I've had.

When I woke up I texted James to see if they had left for the oil change appointment yet. They hadn't, so they came up to give me a hug before they headed out.

I feel really bad about this because the appointment was at 930 but they wouldn't get home until 2! It's insane that this happens every time. And we discovered today that we had to pay for the oil change?? The only reason we keep going to the dealership is because it had been free with our warranty. I guess we will find a new place going forward.

While James was gone I was trying my best to be productive. I would finish my floor mat project. Which may fit in the baby basket? Unsure about it in there be ause it's all folded on the sides but that doesn't mean there isn't a way for it to work. And I would had an apple and peanut butter for breakfast. I would lay out my larger puff quilt and start to add the stuffing. But I would only get a dozen stuffed before I started feeling to tired and had to come back upstairs.

I took a short break before putting together a mini hospital bag. Just in case stuff. Lotion, deodorant, Vaseline, chapstick. Underwear. Leggings. Socks. Sweatshirt. Charger. Nothing crazy but just things that I think would help me feel comfortable if I had to go to the hospital sooner then planned. Especially with how bad I've been feeling.

I would lay down for an hour. Just watching nonsense. I realized that my phone has been staying on my data and not switching to WiFi so I used so much that they had put me in a slow down until the end of the month. Super obnoxious that this happened. I would manually turn it off and was just a bit annoyed with myself for not being more careful.

I really wanted string cheese and was excited when James let me know that we had a brand new package in the fridge. I had two of those and some leftover stuffing for lunch. And that would give me another bit of energy to finish stuffing all of the squares of the puff quilt. I still need 4 more squares of the white yarn but 9 of the 10 rows are ready to be sewn together. I want to be able to work on that during our long drive this weekend so I would safety pin all of those squares together. I did three sets of three rows for manageability. I was very happy with this.

I came upstairs and decided to mix two of my new Burt's bees chapsticks together. I have a vanilla and a peppermint and now I have two vanilla peppermints and it's perfect. I used to do this all the time and it's just such a nice mild mix. I don't know why they don't just make it.

I cleaned that up and was hanging out waiting for James to come home. They got back here right after 2 and we basically just got back in the car and we were off for my appointment.

James would grocery shop while I was in the doctor's. The ride there kind of sucked. Bad traffic and bad drivers. But we got there and things were fine.

I am hoping I was just a bit stressed. Between the drive and the sort of uncomfortable conversation I had to have with the medical assistant (she was the one I had last time that made me bleed really bad), my blood pressure was very high. Worryingly high. She said I should call my OB. So while she went to mix my meds I would shoot them a message. About the blood pressure, the vomiting, the broken capillaries, the headaches. And within an hour they were calling me to move my appointment up. I missed the call but the voicemail seemed very concerned. The office was closed and I couldn't figure out how to get through the prompts so I sent a second message and was able to navigate moving my appointment and now it's tomorrow at 2.

And honestly since then I have been feeling really stressed and vaguely nauseous. The car ride home was not good for me. I felt sick and I think it was more I was upset. When we got back here I just wanted to lay down. I laid on James for a while, which isn't something I often do but I just really needed them. They kissed the top of my head a bunch and tried very hard to make me feel comfortable ans comforted. And it helped. Even if my belly hurts still and I had pains in my legs.

I would lay upside down with my legs on the wall and that helped. James made dinner. They didn't make my quesadilla how I wanted and I never ask them to remake stuff but I had to this time and they didn't make me feel bad but I did feel bad. I really enjoyed my second try quesadilla and I lovey husband for taking care of me.

After dinner I went in the studio to cut the yarn for September's rectangle for the temperature blanket. I had some cereal. I accidently lost the end of my yarn and James tried to help me untangle it and eventually I was able to sort it out. Glad to have that ready to go.

I hung out with James in the living room for a while. My sinuses started bugging me and I was having to turn from side to side to breathe properly. Icky.

I took a shower and it helped but it wasn't a very nice shower. The water took forever to get warm and I was just grinding my teeth to get through it. I am cozy in bed now though.

While I was in the shower I had a revelation about where I may have thought up our baby's name. It's a character from one of my favorite fictional podcasts. I don't know why it just popped into my head but it made me laugh out loud. It doesn't make me want to not use the name but man it surprises me when one of the lines from the show ran through my head with the name in it. I had to call James upstairs to tell them. They thought it was pretty funny too.

I am not feeling as bad anymore. Like I am still not comfortable. But I'm not hurting in a scary way anymore. I am just ready to sleep.

Tomorrow I'm going to camp to set up my NAFT program for Wednesday but then I'll probably just go straight to my appointment. We'll see how the day works out. I don't want to push myself to hard with how I've been feeling. It's just so I'm hard to make those calls.

I hope you are all having a good night. I hope you sleep well. Goodnight everyone. Until tomorrow.

[orphancookie69]

Migraine Remedies 101

I recently posted about Red Light Therapy, but that is not the first light for me to try this out with-I also have been using a Green Light one for Migraines. I realized I did not have a post about Migraines, and I needed to right that wrong right away.

My Background:

I like to start with my background on these kinds of posts. I am 32 years young when I write this post. My grandmother, on my mothers side, has bad migraines. Her mom? In the early 1900's she had them worse, and medicine was far less advanced than it was now. Great Grandma had them, Grandma has them, mom has them-the writing for that trait was on the wall for me. The thing is, they should of started in my 20's or 30's. When did they start? When I was 2 or 3, how? I was sick from something, not sure as early parts of my story are lost to me, and my mom decided to give me a spinal tap to determine the cause. I was told, that she was told not to put a pillow under my head the night of the procedure, and she thought I looked uncomfortable so she went against that. I have dealt with migraines on a daily ish basis since I was 3 years old.

Growing up, my father has a steady job with the union so anytime we needed to go the doctor, we could. At one point, I saw a neurologist and he told me to try watching my sleep, caffeine, and diet/food allergies. Beyond that, which I still use to this day-my great grandma's remedies have been way more helpful. There are some doctors that I talk to about what I do and use, and they tell me they are JUST NOW teaching it in medical school. So I know what I am talking about.

Where Matters:

I wish I could of found a better visual for this, but location of the pain will tell you a lot in how you handle it. Keeping your triggers in mind, attack your pain with an informed strategy.

Remedies:

Sleep: Keep a consistent sleep schedule, and wind down before bed with no electronics

Caffeine: Try watch how much you have. You can try a caffeine pill, but there are some foods that have it too.

Diet: I watch what I eat in general but I also avoid MSG, Yellow #40, Red#40, and Blue#40.

Vitamins: D3 and Coq10 are prenatal vitamins that are also great migraine prevention. I had way less migraines when pregnant, however brief.

Ice: Ice pack on the location of the pain spot. I would always suggest wrapping the ice pack in a rag.

Migraine Glasses: This is kind of new, the eyes of someone who has migraines tends to work harder to be "normal" and focus so there are lenses that have the eye work less. Otherwise in general, glasses that help with the blue light glare of electronics helps eyes. One of the worst symptoms of migraines is light sensitivity.

Massage: Gently with fingers or a small machine, bringing blood flow to the area helps the body to heal itself.

Darkness/Nap: Your body can heal itself if you let it shut down other functions and focus on the task at hand.

Relax: Hard to imagine you can do when it seems like your head is pounding, but the sooner you can do it, the better you will be.

Green Light Therapy: You can find this on Amazon. I find this to be very helpful. It is better if you use it more often, not just when its really bad.

Medicine: General migraine medicine usually can do the trip, but if it is hormonal then you need a premysn (or something like that). Sinus issues? Take a sinus med, its a sinus headache. Medicine is a last resort, one I will use to stay productive or avoid the ER.

I might try Foot Reflexology one time as a possible remedy. Cupping or acupuncture could be good too, but I am not the person to do that. I have heard of Botox helping? But have never done that. I hope this helps! What would you add to this list?

[hiperacid2]

Of Migraines and Bad Days - M. Izuku

wc: 0.9k -ish

cw: gn!reader(no pronouns used), a few pet names (baby, love, bug idk why but i threw it there and it stuck), kind of a sickfic? reader has a migraine, definetly not proofread

a/n: SUPER self indulgent, based on my migraines that make me throw up + cry bc of the pain and fuse myself with my blankets, i'm not that happy with the ending so might try writing another in the future? sickfics arent something i read willingly 🥲

It was fine one minute, the next it was like a drill trying to split open your skull, it hurt to breathe, the birds singing and the sound of your heart was like a stabbing wound and the sunlight made you want to rip off your eyes to make the pain stop. You swear under your breath, the day was already going so bad, work was hell with all the new interns, the trip home was horrible; you had to let go of two trains to ride one without having an elbow to the face, it was like everone decided to take the train today, one villain attack with hostages in your area, and with you now standing in the middle of your kitchen planning dinner, of course a migraine was bound to happen, it was too much to wish for the day to end on a good note.

"Motherfucker could not wait until after dinner" you mutter, "where's the migraine medicine?". Walking to the living room cabinet that has first aid kits and pain meds felt like having a heavy metal band doing a wild concert in your brain, but still bearable, at least you could still move on your own. But as said, the day was horrible and it was too much wish for it to end peacefully; you ran out of migraine medicine and forgot to refill it. Taking out your phone you call Izuku.

After 4 headpounding rings he picks up "Baby? is everything okay?" you grimace at his almost scream, he must be in a crowded street for him to talk that loud, or it may be the fucking monster of a headache incoming too. "No," you cut him before he jumps on an anxious rampage "but it's nothing serious, we just ran out of my meds and I have one hell of a migraine" the next words come almost as a sob, "could you please bring some on the way home?". The next time he speaks is almost as a whisper and you swear that if you could kiss him through the phone you would "Of course Love, my patrol hopefully ends in about half an hour," he pauses, "do you think you can wait a bit more than 40 minutes until i'm home?" you hum an affirmative, to which he continues, even more softer "in the agency infirmary they must have some of your meds, see you home, love ya!", and before you can force yourself to speak, he hangs up.

Knowing he isn't going to call again, you discard your phone in the living room table, and on the way to bed you enter the kitchen and take one of the gel packs out of the freezer whispering "this'll do until he gets home", every step feels like hell, and closing your eyes adds to the nausea. And if it wasnt so painful moving maybe you could wait Izu under the cold water of the shower. Once you make it to your room, closing the door behind you, you throw the gel pack on the bed and close the blinds until theres not a ray of sunlight visible, changing to comfy pjs and burying yourself into the bed between the fluffy pillows and blankets, now waiting for Izuku.

Between the pain, being drowsy from it and the relief of the cold in your head, time seems to pass quickly and you kind of fall asleep, because the next thing you hear is the soft click of the front door, followed by a soft "I'm home!". Finally, your savior is here with godsend medicine. After some time, the bedroom door opens barely enough for your husband to slip in, "Hi baby, here's some medicine and water" he whispers, barely audible "I've also asked Shouto to bring us soup from that place you like, if you feel like eating later" you hear the sound of glass hit the bedside table and feel the bed dip where he sits, and then a soft, careful kiss on your forehead.

That kiss was the straw that broke the camels back and you started sobbing, "Izu, it hurts so bad, I had the worst day in the world, everything went wrong the whole day," you sniffle "and I wanted to wait for you with dinner ready, but then it started to hurt so much I almost couldn't see", he shushes you "I know bug, take your medicine and try to sleep" you let out a watery laugh "stop making fun of me, I'm not a moth". "But look at you in this fine cocoon!" he hands you the glass of water and the pill, giving you a pinch in the cheek, and takes it back when you're done, "Now sleep, bug" you pout at the nickname, but it goes undetected due to the darkness of the room.

"Would you stay with me until I fall asleep?" He almost doesn't catch it, due to how low you said it, as if fearing he would ever said no to you. "Of course baby, but first let me take off my jacket". You pout at the loss of warmth, but as fast as he got up, he was back at your side, now inviting you in his embrace. "Thank you for staying Izu" and almost inaudible, but he could feel you mouthing "I love you" in his chest. After another kiss on your forehead, he starts to lightly pet your hair, and in the loving embrace of your husband, your last thought before finally falling in a painless sleep was 'I hope you're always there to make this migraines go away, it would be hell to go through them alone'.

reblogs are appreciated!!

do not repost or translate!! this work belongs to hiperacid2

[hargrove-mayfields]

Day four of the Horror on Cherry Lane Challenge! Today’s prompt was Sunglasses!

Steve has a lot of secrets. Too many probably.

Most teenagers’ secrets are things like sleeping with the wrong people, smoking the cheap shit the jocks pass out, broken curfews and failing grades. He’s got all of those too, but Steve's secret runs much deeper than that.

His is the kind of secret that’d have men in black suits coming to take him away, or at this point, more than a decade after letting him go in the first place, putting a bullet in the back of his skull and calling it a day before any trouble comes up.

He’s been stuck in Hawkins all his life. Been fed the knowledge about the world off a silver spoon he didn’t ask for. His first five years of life are well forgotten to shock therapy and to the lab, where they intended to use him and the rest of the kids like him as weapons. Pawns in their big game of life.

But Steve was different. He could turn his powers off, make them undetectable by the machines they hooked him up to. They thought he was just a failure, so after so long, they wiped his brain with their very own cocktail of drugs and just let him go. Adopted him out to a middle aged dink couple who wouldn’t run their mouths about where their little bundle of joy came from as long as their pockets were lined with enough hush money, and that was that.

It didn’t take long for them to realize though, that he wasn’t as normal as they had been convinced he was. Not even knowing he was doing anything wrong, little Stevie would have outbursts, or small tantrums as momma always tried to convince everyone who told her Steve was too much for her to handle.

These weren’t just normal crying fits though. Anyone who got near him would be just as sad or scared or frustrated as he was. A single sob from that boy had enough power to crack the foundations of the family home.

Most kids when they have a cranky morning will get on the nerves of their parents, but Steve could disrupt the whole neighborhood without even realizing it. And that was his power.

They didn’t have a name for it, really. The range of what he can do is too broad, too undefined by anything else. There was a telekinetic girl, a pyrokinetic he’s pretty sure is dead now. But Steve was just special. Part of what made it so easy to go under their radar was this, but it also made him a risk.

The only reason he wasn’t immediately reported and given back to the bad men was the power this frail boy carried. It scared Ruthie and John, and they decided that they’d rather face the men at that lab again than a seven year old who could accidentally destroy them with his emotions.

So they kept him, and certainly kept their distance. They forced him into a little mold of how to behave properly and made him take pills to weaken his powers. They send him to behavioral therapy and make him act like he’s not a failed government experiment. A fact which he only learned a couple of years ago after his pills worked a little too well at messing with his memory that he forgot to take them, and memories came flooding back.

For the same reasons, Steve’s bored of being careful. Bored of following all the rules and being passive, just pretending he’s like everyone else so mommy and daddy dearest are safe. He starts getting a little riskier, testing what he can do, since this is the first time he’s ever really had control over his ability. He finds a link with other people and their emotions, something of an empathy power, but he doesn’t get far in his research, because his plan very quickly goes to shit when Billy Hargrove rolls into town.

Where to begin with Billy. That boy makes him feel all sorts of things he never even considered. The very first day he showed his unimpressed (but very impressive) face at Hawkins high, Steve cracks his windshield. Oops.

He was able to tap into that control and tone it down, but that reserve dwindled the more he’s around Billy, and from there it just spirals. Bending the basketball hoop on accident, exploding light fixtures, giving everyone in the school headaches. It gets to the point where Steve has to come to terms with the fact that he had a crush on Billy, and that he has to do something to get it back under his control before somebody gets hurt.

That and he doesn’t want to get caught now. He just got back into the swing of using his powers before Billy interrupted his calm. Going back there, or whatever else might happen, is the last thing he wants for himself.

He settles for a pair of ray bans.

It’s stupid, but when Steve was still young and all but popping his mommas brains every single time he cried, she was desperate to find a way to get him to stop. She started to notice he’d concentrate hard on one thing and another would happen, staring at a lamp until it shattered, looking into her face until her ears started to ring and pop. So she does what she can to break that subconscious focus. Puts a barrier between him and all that he’s hurting. A plastic, race car themed barrier, but it does its job, and it worked every time until they got him on meds. So now that he’s old enough not to just tear the damn things right off his face, he figures it’s worth a shot.

Because nothing had made him this emotional, this out of control since the day he found out the truth about his past. Billy is special, and the very last thing he wants is to lose control and hurt him.

He still feels like a dope walking into the school with a pair of shades on. Everyone starts to stare in that way he tries not to let remind him of the lab and the doctors standing in circles around him, prodding and waiting for a reaction. Steve thinks wearing sunglass inside is the least weird thing to happen in the halls of a highschool if Tina can come in with a perm high enough to touch the ceiling, but whatever. He’ll get over it.

The fact that nothing’s exploded from how on edge he is, mostly from wondering if his momma’s trick will work and not because of their judgement, is a very good sign.

Boldly, he decides to put it to the ultimate test, and approaches Billy.

In his head, he’s so focused on just going to talk to Billy, he has nothing planned to say to him, but he thinks he would’ve forgotten anyways, what with the lazy smile Billy flashes him when he notices him approaching.

Steve’s gaze quickly darts past Billy to check for damage to anything, the racing in his chest from just a look like that typically enough to at least crack a window. Maybe he’s not as confident about this as he thought, or maybe Billy’s just really good at making him flustered.

Doesn’t matter, because he’s at the other boys locker before he has time to process what he’s doing, “Lookin’ for somethin’ Harrington?”

“Oh, yeah, I was just checking for uh, my fans. Yeah, they follow me around everywhere, you know?” It’s bullshit, and it sounds more than dumb coming out of Steve’s mouth, but it makes Billy laugh, real low and raspy and that’s a win in his book.

“That what the little disguise is for?” Billy hums and taps his temple, clearly referring to the sun glasses perched on Steve’s nose.

“Oh these? No, I uh, wear these ‘cause of the uh.. because I wanna sleep in class and down want the teachers to know?” His answer comes as more of a question than anything, so he’s grateful when Billy seems to be more interested in his excuse than the subject at hand.

“Pfft, yeah right. I’ve heard you sleepin’ on the basketball bus. Ain’t no way your snoring doesn’t get you caught before your eyes do.”

Steve just waves him off, laughs with Billy even if his heart isn’t in it.

Billy closes his locker door, switching the subject as the scenery switches. It’s all a distraction to Steve, but he forces himself to look Billy in the face as the other boy asks him, “Seriously though dude, you okay? It ain’t like you to switch up your look. You’re not hiding anythin’ under the shades are you?”

“Nah. Just been thinking, I’m not the King because I’m not cool anymore, right? So I’m tryin’ to look a little more.. interesting.” Steve’s not a very quick or good liar, despite the military guarded secret that is himself and the little black number seven carved into his arm, and he can tell Billy doesn’t buy it.

He’s a good sport though, throwing an arm around Steve’s shoulders and assuring him with a little jostle, “Aw, Stevie, you're cool in my book. At least as long as you quit comin’ up with reasons not to hang with me, yeah?”

“Yeah, I- alright. I can do that. Sorry for flaking so much though. Didn’t realize until you said something.”

“S’Cool. Just meet me at the quarry after dark and it’ll make up for it.” Billy offers, obviously trying to play up the coolness neither of them apparently actually have, and Steve can’t help but call him on it. “It gets dark at like, four-thirty, five o’clock anymore?”

“Fine. Meet me at nine, pretty boy.” Billy smirks, dropping his voice to add knowingly, “And lose the shades. I think you’re much more interesting without ‘em.”

[procrastinatingsapphictrash]

Migraines

Word count: 1679

Genre: Hurt/comfort 

Pairings: Natasha x fem!reader, platonic avengers x fem!reader

Warnings: Some swearing (let me know if I need to add more)

Request: hi~ was wondering if you’d do a natasha x reader with a dash of platonic avengers when reader has chronic migraines but hasn’t told nat so ends up in random places to try and sleep them away and the others keep finding her and then nat figures out she’s hiding something and feels hurt but ends fluffy wanting to take care of reader next time? you can choose who and change any part you want!

Summary: Reader gets really bad migraines and is constantly being found by the team when she wants to be alone, however her girlfriend Natasha doesn’t know what’s going on. 

A/n: This request was for @casperlikej​ so I hope you like it! Also I would like to mention that I know next to nothing about migraines so this probably won’t be super accurate but hopefully it’s ok to read anyways. I’m queuing this to come out on Sunday so that over the weekend I can work on the friends to enemies to lovers three part series and get that out soon (no I have not forgotten about that request). I am only like a sixth into that series but so far I’m super proud of it so I can’t wait to get it done! Also if anyone has ideas, feel free to request anything because I like having multiple fic ideas to think of at all times. Anyways I’m rambling now but I hope you enjoy this fic!

You hated being away from Natasha because although you had only been together for a few months and only known her for half a year you were sure you loved her but sometimes you just couldn’t stand pretending to be okay in front of her so you would hide yourself away. Currently your favourite place to hide was a nice rocking chair near the medbay area that was tucked away in the corner of a room. Barely anyone ever went by and the few that did never seemed to notice, giving you the anonymously you needed in order to curl up with your head in your knees and try to calm your head down. 

“Y/n? What are you doing here?” You hear Tony’s voice ask and you startle. 

“Oh, um, I’m just spending time with myself.” You respond lamely as Tony raises an eyebrow. 

“You never spend time by yourself,” he points out, “whenever you want to get away from us you always spend time with Natasha.” 

“I am alone sometimes.” You say starting to get annoyed. 

He scoffs. “No you aren’t, is everything ok between you two?”

“Everything is fine, just leave!” You snap at him. He hesitates in leaving the room but ultimately goes without saying another word after seeing how intensely you started glaring at him. It takes longer than usual for your migraine to go away because usually staying level headed helped but at least you yelling got Tony out of the room and to stop asking questions.

---

It was only a few days later that you got another migraine. You excuse yourself from the room you were sitting in with Bruce, Tony and Nat, mumbling some bullshit about needing to go to the store and ignoring Tony’s worried look on your way out. You knew that Tony would come looking for you in your old place so you decide to hole up in the room near the pad Thor uses whenever he visits earth. Today wasn’t a very bad migraine because you were able to catch the signs early but it still takes slightly over an hour for your head to stop pounding. You’re about to leave the room and go back to find the others but just to your luck Thor happens to arrive today unscheduled, something that only happens every few weeks. 

“Lady Y/l/n!” his voice booms happily as he steps inside, “it’s so good to see you, but what are you doing here, I wasn’t aware I had informed anyone of my arrival.”

You laugh slightly at his formal way of speaking and confused expression. “You didn’t, I just happened to be here because I was trying to be alone for awhile.”

“Are you feeling unwell?” He asks, looking concerned. 

“Not at all,” you reassure him, “in fact I was just about to go back to the others when you arrived, shall we find them together?” He nods eagerly, holding out his arm for you to hook onto like a true gentleman.

---

The next time you try to hide away you’re talking to Steve and he isn’t getting your subtle cues that you want to leave so he just keeps talking. You think he is talking about some sort of mission but honestly you don’t know because it physically hurts your brain to pay attention. You want to yell at him so badly but you can’t bring yourself to because he isn't trying to hurt you at all and he’s too nice to be angry at. 

“You agree Y/n?” You manage to make out. 

“Yes.” You say, not knowing what you’re even agreeing to.

“Great, I’ll go talk to the others, see you tomorrow for the morning training!” He says before walking off. You groan out loud as soon as you can no longer see him, partly because of how much your head hurts and partly because you accidentally told Steve that morning training was a good idea. This time you just plop yourself on the nearest couch and hope nobody finds you. 

---

You stumble into Bruce’s lab calling out for him. It had been over a week since your last migraine and encounter with Steve, one of the longest breaks you’ve had within recent memory but that came back to bite you in the ass when today’s was worse than ever before, even blurring your vision a little because of the pain. 

Bruce stands up from behind a pile of boxes. “Y/n, what brings you here.” 

“Pain meds now.” You order in a weak voice. He looks curious but doesn’t question you, heading towards a back cabinet and pulling out a bottle of pills. You immediately take two and swallow, ignoring him scolding you that you should only take one. Luckily since Bruce invented them himself it only took about five minutes for them to kick in. 

“Sorry, I had a really bad headache.” You tell him which is a half truth. 

He looks at you in concern. “Are you sure that was only a headache? It looked bad.” 

You wave him off, heading towards the door because you didn’t want him to ask anymore questions. “I’m fine Brucie, thanks again!” He sighs and shakes his head as he watches you leave, worried but deciding it’s not his place to badger you about it. 

---

Since every time you got a migraine you always ended up around one of the others you made a plan so that you could avoid everyone because you knew that one day your luck was going to end and Natasha would be the one to find you. You knew that she wouldn’t be mad at you or anything since you can’t control them but the relationship is still new and you don’t want to badger her with any of your problems. 

That’s why as soon as you start to feel a migraine coming on you hoist yourself up into the vents above your (sort of) shared room with Natasha where you had left a blanket and some pillows to relax with… only to find Clint waiting for you there. 

“I was wondering who had left these up there.” He says, seeming like it was a perfectly natural thing for him to be in the vents above your room. You decide not to question it, only sighing because you know that conversation would take up too many thoughts that you don’t have space for right now. You’re just so fucking done with your migraines and want them to go away. 

Clint notices your sadden expression and is serious for once. “Y/n, what’s going on?”

“I get these stupid fucking migraines and it only seems to be getting worse and I don’t want anyone to think I’m weak and I want Natasha but I don’t want to bother her with my problems.” You unload, holding back tears.

“I’m not going to lie to you, I don’t know how to make you feel better,” he confesses, “however why don’t you try to take a nap in your own bed and if you really don’t want Tasha to find you I can keep her distracted.” You nod and he helps you back out of the vents, climbing down after you. 

“Clint?” you say as he’s leaving the room and he turns around, “thanks.”

---

Clint makes his way to the common room where he sees Steve talking to Natasha. 

“Hey guys, what’s up?” He asks with a smile, faltering when he sees Natasha looks upset. “Nat, what’s wrong?”

“I think Y/n is going to break up with me.” She says, her voice thick with emotion. 

Steve frowns. “I told you not to jump to conclusions, maybe you should just talk to her.” Natasha just shakes her head, looking down and taking a deep breath, trying to regulate her emotions. 

“Y/n’s going to hate me for this,” Clint says as two pairs of eyes turn to him, “but you should go to your room, I promise that she’s not planning on breaking up with you.” 

Natasha noticeably brightens. “Are you sure?”

Clint nods. “I’m sure, she said not even five minutes ago that she wanted you. She’s going through some shit right now that you should talk to her about but she wouldn’t break up with you.” 

“Thanks.” Natasha replies, before hurrying to your shared room, worried about you after what Clint said. 

---

You curl up on the bed and let a few tears fall out and before long you are full on sobbing. You always try to stay strong and not cry but you just can’t deal with the migraines anymore. The bed shifts behind you and you sit up straight looking behind you. Natasha is climbing on to it and looking at you with a worried expression on her face. 

“I thought Clint was going to keep you busy.” You say, sniffling to try to stop your tears.

“He must have lied because he told me to come here.” She responds. 

“He’s an asshole.” 

She gives a small laugh. “Normally yes, but he did the right thing, I want to help you with whatever is upsetting you.” 

“You shouldn’t have to deal with me like this,” you tell her, “my migraines are my problem that I have to deal with.” 

She moves across the bed and puts her arms around you. “No sweetheart, I’m here with you.” You start to cry again, this time while it’s slightly from the pain it’s mostly because you feel so overwhelmed with how much she supports you. She pulls you in tightly to her chest, and plants a kiss on the top of your head. 

“I will always be here for you if you need something ok?” she says. “But now you need to rest.” 

“But-” you start to protest before she cuts you off. 

“No buts, you need sleep.” She says while shushing you. You wiggle back, trying to be as far into arms as possible before you slowly drift off, the pain of the migraine going away and all you can feel is warmth.

---

Taglist: @fayhar @stephanieromanoff @stop-drop-and-drumroll @acertainredhead​ (if you want to be added, comment, send an ask, or message me)

[one-real-imonkey]

Mhmmmmmmm, prompts you say? How about......the commander batch end up in the past with the TM except they were all doing something (one was sleeping, the other was unconscious, one was doing reports, one in the middle of a battle, heck, if you include Fox he could have been having a 'meeting (free interpretation) with Palpatine! Maybe the end up as teenagers! Who knows!

In strike bc I haven't seen you write a lot about clones sooooo....yeah, feel fre to ignore this!

Oh the clones my boys!!!!!!

They deserve love and affection and absolutely I’ll write for them. I’m rubbing my hands together and cackling like a super villain. 

They’re all their natural ages, as if they bandy been aged in advance.

———

They’d shown up a mile out from Jasters camp, discovered by a patrol.

Six boys, young boys, some armed, some injured, all almost identical to his ad.

Five of them were, if he had to guess, quintuplets, about 13, while the youngest looked about two or three years younger than them, his Jango’s age.

They were brought to the med tent, and Jaster called at the same time. He met them at the edge of the camp, let the little ones introduce themselves as they walked towards the tent.

Cody, the first introduced himself as, and Jaster noted the scar curling down the side of his face. Then Wolffe who was missing an eye, Ponds who was both bald and injured, Bly with yellow facial tattoos and Fox, who had no definable features Jaster could tell, but more hunched shoulders and bags under his eyes. And the youngest, Rex, with shaved blond hair.

They were not normal ade. The way they walked, watched each other’s sixes, the way their eyes scanned every inch of every room and how Rex’ika was kept to the middle of their group as they were escorted to the med tent. They moved like experienced soldiers, not a group of scared ade.

He stays to the side as they’re checked over, and though they’re obviously not sure where they are or whether to trust Jaster, they clearly want answers, and to compare notes.

“It has to be Force nonsense,” one of them, Wolffe, was saying, “how else could we have travelled so far in the blink of an eye. I’ll admit, it was a shock to go from a firefight to suddenly being alone with you all.”

“A blink of your eye,” Ponds threw back while the baar’ur bandaged his head wound, “I was unconscious and only woke up because you were yelling.”

“I nearly shot Wolffe, I’d been in a fight too.” It was concerning that Bly and Wolffe had both been in firefights, firefights, they were ade!

“Rex was asleep.” Cody chipped in, smirking slightly at the embarrassed and annoyed look that flashed across his vod’ikas face.

“Hey, I'd been awake for over a day, and so had you, so you're the one the medics would be angry at. He was doing his reports, because everyone would simply die if he waited until the morning.”

The baar’ur laughed softly, partly for the teasing and partly to lighten the mood with such awful things being insinuated by their comments, and gestured Jaster over, signalling that they were pretty much done, except for Fox’ika, who’s eyes they were checking having noticed his clear headache.

“It’s fine, baar’ur, you don’t need to worry about my headache.”

“Ad...”

“Nyac. It almost always comes after meetings with our... with our boss, it’s just stress and tiredness, I'm fine.”

Those words were oh so concerning coming from such a small child, and he could see the same concern not only on the face of his baar’ur, but also Fox’ika’s vode. He doubted boss was the right word for the person this ad’ika had been meeting. Not with the comments they’d been making, the way they stood and sat and walked.

Still, the baar’ur backed off.

“So, ade, now that you’ve been treated, I think we need to talk.”

“Yeah.” Cody, Jaster was starting to think he was their leader. “We should. Like why you keep looking at Rex.”

Had he been? The ad looked so similar to Jango, really, it was just the hair. Still, they all looked so very concerned to have any focus on their vod’ika, and he needed to be careful about that. The last thing he wanted to do was upset or scare them.

“To start with, it’s good to meet you all, my name is Jaster Mereel...”

The tent flaps opened and as if summoned his ad’ika slipped in,

“And this is my ad, Jango Fett.”

There was a second of silence, then a flurry of hand signs, before stressed little Fox swore, colourfully.

“Language!”

In another situation he might have slapped a hand over his mouth in shock of what he’d just said. He hadn’t meant to say it, but they all looked and sounded so similar to his ad, it had just slipped out.

And now they were all staring at him incredulously.

Jango looked half way between astonished at the language and annoyingly like he planned on using it.

He could imagine the ribbing he was going to get, how that conversation would go. 

‘So Jaster how was your day.’ 

‘Oh fine,’ he’d reply, ‘ except that a bunch of stressed and battle worn ade appearing from thin air who look identical to my ad who taught him a whole new library of swears to use.’

He wasn’t too surprised that seeing Jango had shaken something in them, but their story soon slipped out. Time travel, war, messed up ageing. Children sent into war, whether they were physically adults or not, it was horrific, and more so when you could see them like this.

Now they were their real ages, the ages they would be without the enhanced ageing. 

They were warriors and soldiers who’d seen the most brutal of war and death, and they were ade who deserved love and affection and so many other things they’d so clearly received from each other and none others as they’d grown up too fast.

These ade had been raised by demagolka and monsters, and his Jan’ika had been a part of it. Not intentionally, one of them had said, at least, they didn’t think so. Most of them had never even met him, and the one who had, Cody, claimed it had only been once. It was not a path he planned on letting his ad walk again, willingly or not.

It was no burden to adopt them, to claim them as his own and swear he’d give them a better childhood than they’d had. The biggest argument was over combat, because they were soldiers, and they wanted to fight, but Ka’ra they were so young. The quintuplets, they were only just 13, and when they were a little more adjusted and settled, they could start taking small missions, with adults and supervision. Rex’ika would have to wait, he was just too small. He and Jango could start at the same time, not before.

He would have been Demagolka to decide otherwise.

No child should look so grateful to be told they were wanted, that they had a home and loving aliit. No ad should look so disbelieving. 

Jango looked over the moon to have new vode, as Jaster had predicted, worming his way into their little group and cuddling in. It was cute, and clearly none of them were capable of denying a vod’ika, even if he wasn’t one of the ones they knew.

Jaster isn’t surprised by the way Jan’ika looks at Rex, not only could they be twins, but Rex has the hair he knows Arla had, and though wary and watchful of both Jango and the rest of the tent, and likely anything they could hear happening outside of it, they were happy to hold Jan’ika too.

Jaster’s aliit had just grown larger, but he couldn’t complain. It would be a journey and a challenge, their horrific pasts creating problems he likely couldn’t even foresee yet, but he couldn’t regret it.

And he knew they’d be adored and protected by his people too.

———

Thanks for promoting, I loved it. They all deserve better. I wanted to add something where they saw Jango and assumed he was another Vod who’d traveled, maybe part of Rex’s old batch before they were decommissioned and his moved to their group, but I couldn’t fit it in. But this worked well too.

Also absolutely Palpabastard was messing with Fox.

Thanks for reading.

Inbox still open, prompts or headcanons or asks. (-:

[cora-vizsla]

Cabur Chapter 1

Rating: M for swearing

Word Count: 4.5K+

Warning: Paz being a dick. Injury (no great detail). Reader not feeling sure of herself.

This is a female reader with very little descriptors. There shouldn’t be anything explicit in this chapter. If I miss something or you want me to add a tag, please let me know!

As much as you loved being a Mandalorian, sometimes you envied other people. When you first started going out on any type of mission, it was jarring just seeing faces. You were used to children running free but the moment they earned their helmets, there was no going back. You marveled at the fact that people walked around just seeing each other with nothing covering their identity.

You looked at the women especially closely. They weren’t warriors and to you that was especially important, but they were beautiful. The way they did their hair and lined their eyes with different colors. You never had a need for it considering no one saw your face.

You had been young when you bought what they called eye liner. It was kept hidden in your room until one of your friends saw it and snatched it, making fun of you as they ran with it. You had pummeled them but a few of the warriors had decided to pull you off him, telling you how stupid it was to have something you would never need.

The only thing warriors cared about was what their armor looked like.

Now that you had your own armor you understood just a bit more. You took great care of it, even as you were getting newer pieces and growing out of the basic pieces you had gotten at first. It all mattered, and it was all that was between you and death at times. You were happy to die a warrior’s death, but that didn’t mean you needed to go right then.

You sat on the ramp of the Razor Crest watching the people that walked by. Every now and then they would glance at you and look away quickly, unsure why there was a Mandalorian near them. You sighed, almost wishing one of them would try to strike up a conversation.

Your company didn’t leave much room for pleasantries or conversation at all. You knew you should feel lucky that you were chosen to go with two of the greatest warriors the tribe had but sometimes you wanted to smack their bucket heads together. Even as they were walking up to you, they were bickering in Mando’a. You rolled your eyes and stood, taking a crate out of Paz’s hands as he turned to Din. You listened to them argue and they did so long enough for you to take all the supplies from them and stack them neatly along the wall.

“I know this isn’t my ship or anything but you two are starting to attract a lot of attention.”

Both visors turned towards you and you felt even smaller than normal. You were new, barely earning the title and placed with two of the strongest. You pointed at the small crowd watching the armored men argue and they huffed, walking past you. Paz made sure to bump into your shoulder, almost knocking you over. You growled out an insult and followed him, slapping the button to make the ramp close.

Paz sat down by the wall and cleaned his weapons. He was always making sure they were clean and taken care of, which you understood. What you didn’t understand was why he was cleaning the same weapon he had cleaned just a few hours before. Anyone else you would have questioned but he was in a worse mood than normal. You trudged over to the ladder and climbed up it, joining Din in the cockpit.

“Is it okay for me to sit up here?”

“Yes. You should be seeing how I fly this in case you need to.”

You sat down and watched him carefully. It was an older ship, but he took good care of it. He treated it just as well as he treated his weapons, which meant a lot.

“I’m sorry for saying anything earlier.”

You sat in silence, feeling uncomfortable that Din didn’t respond. Eventually he turned towards you once the ship was set on auto pilot.

“You had every right to speak up, vod’ika.”

You sighed, your shoulders slumping.

“Will I always be little sister to you? I’m a warrior now.”

“And you’ll always be littler than me.”

His tone was playful, and you smiled under your helmet.

“Don’t forget who trained you to be a warrior.”

“Gar serim! How could I forget about the infamous Din Djarin kicking my ass for years?”

He chuckled and sat back, crossing his arms.

“Don’t take it as an insult, prudii. I am proud of how far you’ve come.”

You smiled at the nickname he had given to you as a child. The moment you had seen him walking around you wanted to be just like him. You weren’t a baby when they had taken you in, but you were old enough to know what you wanted. You had told the Armorer then that you wanted to be a warrior and didn’t accept anything different.

“You call me little sister and shadow, but I am a grown woman now. I don’t need to be treated as a child.”

“You’re right. You will always be younger though until I die. So, you’ll always be vod’ika to me. Deal?”

You shrugged and he chuckled again. Din was shut off and cold to most people, but you were able to get him to chat every now and then. You attributed it to the fact that he had known you for so long. What made things uncomfortable was the behemoth of a man currently cleaning weapons.

You didn’t hate Paz. You really hadn’t been around him very much. He did teach but Din made sure that you were with him most of the time. He had called you shadow because you rarely left him when he was around.

It was common knowledge that him and Din bickered, and you thought you could handle it. One solid day with the two of them and you were sporting a constant and persistent headache. They fought in Basic just as much as Mando’a. Neither language bothered you, but you had a sneaking suspicion they argued more often in Mando’a because most people didn’t understand it.

“We’re going to be traveling for a while. Go get some rest. I’ll be sleeping up here.”

“Wow, thanks. Throw me to the loth wolf downstairs.”

“Loth wolves have more personality.”

“My apologies to the loth wolves.”

He barked out a laugh and you smiled, knowing just how rare it was to hear him laugh fully. You slipped down the ladder quickly, landing with a dull thud. You walked over to the cot and slipped off your beskar armor, setting it down gently against the wall. You made an effort not to make much noise not wanting to attract the attention of the brooding man in the corner.

You wondered if there was a way to break the shell away from Paz. He wasn’t going to ever be friendly to Din and it made it harder that you were closer to the one warrior that seemed to always piss him off. You wanted him to feel like he could talk to you though.

You sighed and laid down on the cot, quickly letting sleep pull you away from your thoughts.

XXX

You woke up to a loud noise and swearing. You rushed over to where Paz was and saw he was putting pressure on his arm. You walked over to the med pack and moved to him, kneeling next to where he was sitting on a crate.

“I don’t need your help, ad’ika.” He growled as he snatched the pack from you.

You bristled at being called a child and glared. You snatched the pack back from him and he hissed at the sudden movement of his arm.

“I am not ad’ika, Paz.”

“Alright, ge’verd.”

“I earned my title! I am not almost anything! Now shut up and let me treat your wound or I’ll let you bleed all over the floor.”

You grabbed his wrist and yanked his arm, yanking the sleeve up to look at the damage. You quickly used the bacta pad to cover the wound and made sure it was wrapped tight enough to work.

“I can feel the snark behind your bucket, girl.”

“You call me an almost warrior but I’m not the one who hurt himself cleaning his weapon. Isn’t that something you learn as a chi-“

He cut you off when he grabbed the front of your shirt, yanking you to him. Your helmet clanked into his, eliciting a snarl from your mouth.

“Let me go, chakaar!”

He twisted his hand in your shirt tighter and practically growled at you.

“If it wouldn’t be disrespectful, I would question how you possibly became a warrior. You’re weak. Soft. You can’t even break free of your allies’ grasp. How the hell do you think you’ll ever manage out there against someone who wants to kill you?”

A flash of self-doubt hit you but you quickly snapped yourself out of it. You reached forward and clamped your hand down on the cut on his arm. He hissed and let you go, cursing loudly.

“Cheap shot. Who is the chakaar now?”

“It’s still you. Next time you almost kill yourself don’t wake me up.”

“Toughen up, sweetheart, if your own tribesmen can hurt your feelings you won’t last a day out there on your own.”

You stomped back over to your cot and tossed yourself down on it. You chastised yourself for even considering being friendly to the giant ass on the ship. You’d stick to Din and continue to learn from him. He at least made sure there was a real lesson with anything hard you faced.

XXX

You wouldn’t ever admit it, but the mission was falling to shit. Din had gone in to find the quarry and you had no idea what Paz was doing. Your job was to watch out for anything incoming, but you hadn’t seen a damn thing in hours. Something was making the hair on the back of your neck stand up which put you on edge. You noticed that the woods around you got eerily quiet, so you stilled as well.

Right as you were about to switch the safety off on your weapon, you were grabbed from behind and flung to your right. You let out an involuntary squeak the moment you left the ground and whipped to your back when you reconnected with the hard gravel below you. You scrambled backwards and saw three shots land right where you had been. Your head whipped to the being stalking towards you and you jumped back to your feet.

“Paz! What the hell!”

“What the hell yourself! I just saved your ass!”

“It would have hit my beskar. I would have been fine!”

“There are weak spots in your armor, girl. You can’t expect to take three fucking hits and think you’d walk away without a mark on you.”

“So, I’m supposed to just walk away from being thrown by you?”

“Better you walk away limping than me dragging your body back to the ship.”

He was right in your face and you hated how much you had to tilt your head back to look up at him. You heard Din coming up walking the quarry and he paused when he saw the two of you.

“Glad to know I had no one watching my back.”

“I was watching your back until this chakaar decided to throw me across the forest.”

“I saved your life, ad’ika.”

“I am not a fucking child, Paz!”

“Enough!”

You shoved off Paz’s chest slightly satisfied by the fact he did actually move slightly. You stomped over to Din and took the quarry from him, walking towards the ship. You heard him try to talk to you, but you weren’t having it. The quarry complained that you were moving too fast, but you didn’t care about that either.

Once he was pushed into the carbonite you went to go to the cockpit knowing Paz hated it up there, but you were quickly grabbed and slammed into the wall behind you, knocking the air out of you. He lifted you up like you were nothing more than a rag doll, making it so your feet were dangling below you, unable to touch the floor.

“Let me go!”

“No! You are going to listen to me, ad’ika. You hate it so much when I speak down to you, but you don’t listen.”

“How can I listen when you don’t speak!? All you do is belittle me and trash talk Din. I haven’t heard a wise word come out of your stupid bucket!”

He moved forward so his helmet was pressed against yours, growling lowly. You grabbed at his arms and tried to dig into the spot you still knew would be sore, but he had wrapped it to prevent anything from harming him.

“I never would have let someone so weak pass my training.”

“Weak? How would you know when you were never there! You rip Din for being a bounty hunter all the time but when have you actually been there to train the next generation of warriors!”

“Maybe I was gone because I was ashamed, they were training aruetii with the idea they actually belonged!”

The roar of his voice was nothing compared to the pain of what he said. Outsider. You remembered all the children calling you that. Outsider. You would never belong.

You felt your entire body deflate and when he moved his helmet away from yours you looked down. He dropped you to the ground when Din started yelling at him and somehow you caught yourself, but you barely remembered it. You brushed past both of them and head straight for the cockpit, desperately wanting to get away from everyone.

You shut the hatch behind you and sat down in the co-pilot seat. A sob wracked you and you pulled your helmet off, desperate to be able to breathe. You held it in front of you and looked at it, tears streaming down your face. You had worked so hard to earn your helmet and took the creed just as seriously as the two men on the ship.

The children had taunted you with that word. Aruetii. They had told you that you’d never belong no matter how hard you tried, and you had proved them wrong. You were a warrior and damn proud of the fact. You pressed your forehead against the helmet and shut your eyes.

You just wanted to be accepted.

XXX

You heard the hatch open and wiped at your face with your sleeve before slipping your helmet back on. Heavy footsteps got closer until Din sat down in his chair, swiveling to look at you. You kept your face trained down at the floor, trying to calm your breathing and stop the seemingly endless catches in your breath.

“He was wrong, vod’ika.”

“He wasn’t the first person to say that to me, Din. I’m sure he won’t be the last.”

“And what happened every time someone said that to you?”

“I kicked their ass.”

“So why is this different.”

You shrugged and pulled at your chest plate, uncomfortable wearing the unforgiving metal.

“You and Paz are the two most respected warriors in our tribe. I just.. I thought things would be easier once I earned my place. All I do is fight and lose.”

“Don’t think that way, vod’ika. You’re a strong warrior. I made sure of that. I wouldn’t have brought you with me if I thought you were incompetent.”

“Why did you bring him?”

“We get bigger bounties the more of us there are. If I go in alone, they won’t give me the larger more important bounties to hunt. They see someone as clunky as he is, and they think he’s competent.”

“I wish he didn’t hate me.”

“He doesn’t hate you, vod’ika. If he hated you, he’d throw you from the ship.”

You sighed and let your head hang more.

“You don’t need to prove anything to him. You’ve proven yourself to the tribe. The Armorer forged your helmet, for you. You worked for the beskar that protects your body. Don’t let that chakaar make you think differently.”

“Do you mind if I sleep in your sleep area? I just.. don’t want to deal with him right now.”

“Go head. You can take your bucket off and relax for a while. We’re taking the quarry back and getting some more pucks. Won’t need you for a few cycles.”

“Keep him away from me as much as possible. I’ll work with him for the good of the tribe but..”

“Understood. Sleep well, vod’ika.”

“Goodnight, vod.”

You slid down the ladder and shot Paz a glare before climbing into the small sleep space. Once the door was shut you slipped your helmet off and sighed at being able to lay down without the helmet. You ran your fingers through your hair and groaned at the sensation. You would gladly live by your creed but the few precious moments you were alone would always be important to you.

XXX

You spent months avoiding Paz and helping Din get quarries. It became routine to help with whatever mission there was and immediately move to the cockpit or sleep area. You had found a way to clean your weapons in there even though it wasn’t the most comfortable. Anything was better than being stuck in the same room with Paz.

You weren’t sure you could ever get over him calling you an outsider. Din had been right; you worked damn hard for everything. His disrespect of you was disrespecting everyone who had trained and tested you. He didn’t know better than the elders or the Armorer.

Reminding yourself that you were competent is what kept you going. You moved through the rough terrain after a particularly grueling mission, listening for anyone sneaking up on you and your comrades. You didn’t know much about the current quarry, but he was a big deal which meant a lot of credits.

You had thought it was strange that Paz was the one walking him but didn’t say much. The guy was much bigger than you and still bigger than Din. It did make more sense to have Paz walk him if even to try to deter him getting away.

Of course, none of you were that lucky.

The quarry broke free by tripping Paz. It looked like he was going to take off but instead he pulled a blaster that was hidden in his boot. You tried to turn quickly enough to shoot but he was able to get a shot off first. You screamed out in pain as it hit your side, right in an open spot your armor left unprotected.

You dropped to the ground as Din tackled the man to the ground, punching him in the face. The man went limp and you howled out at the pain coursing through you. Din scooped you up in his arms and ran towards the ship. You couldn’t see much but it looked like Paz had tossed the quarry over his shoulder.

“Din.. can’t-can’t breathe.”

You wheezed in air and it was only amplified by the helmet. Din brought you directly to the cot and laid you down, ripping your beskar off your chest. He pulled your shirt up and swore under his breath at the injury.

“Vod’ika, I’m going to sedate you. I have limited medical supplies, but we’re close to a medic station. I move quicker than Paz. I’ll be back. You hang on, okay?”

You nodded at him and winced when you felt the medication being injected into your arm. You thought you could feel the cool of bacta hitting your side but sleep quickly took you from consciousness.

XXX

The first thing you noticed was how unfiltered the air felt as you inhaled. You groaned, touching your side lightly and heard shuffling around you. It sounded like Din and Paz were arguing quietly but your brain felt muddled. You tried to sit up, but a strong hand landed on your shoulder stopping you.

“Don’t. You need to give all the medication time to work.”

“Okay I-“

You stiffened when your voice sounded wrong. You whipped your eyes open and started breathing heavily as you looked up at Paz’s visor. Your eyes wildly looked where you knew his eyes should be and you jolted up to sitting.

“No. No!”

He tried to grab you again, but you roughly pulled from him and grabbed your helmet and slammed it down on your head. You slid back on the cot and panicked realizing both men had clearly seen your face.

“What did you do!? Why! Why did you do this!”

“You couldn’t breathe.”

“Then you should have let me die!”

Paz was trying to be calm and Din had his entire body turned from you. You sobbed and clung to your helmet like you were afraid they were going to take it again.

“Don’t be foolish.”

“Foolish? FOOLISH!? I took the same creed you did! Both of you! You both.. dar’manda. You’ve made me dar’manda!”

Din whipped so he was facing you and walked forward. You shrank back from him and Paz, feeling like a cornered animal.

“No. No one could possibly hold this against you.”

“No? You’re telling me that you could find any interest in a riduur if she had been seen? You have no idea how hard it is to be a warrior when you stupid men only want children. I had only a few years to live this dream of mine. Just a few years before the tribe would need me to start bringing younglings to add to our future. Now.. you’ve ruined my future. I’d be better dead than this shame!”

Din gripped the bed and tensed up. Paz looked down, not saying a word. Another sob fell from your lips so you curled up into yourself.

“It would have been a waste to let you just die.”

You raised your face slowly until you were looking directly at Paz. You felt your entire body tense as you glared.

“A waste for who? You know what? You got what you wanted. You said I’m an outsider, well now I really am. Forever branded dar’manda and shunned from the only family I have ever known.”

Paz stormed away, slamming things as he went. Din put his head down on the bed in front of him and stayed silent as you cried.

“Vod’ika-“

“Don’t call me that.”

“I didn’t look at your face. Paz warned me when I came on the ship, he had to remove it. He stayed with you and treated your wound.”

“I don’t care.”

“There are ways-“

“I am not marrying him, Din. No. And I’m not going to suddenly become his child so no matter what, my vow has been broken.”

“We can go to the Armorer. She can-“

“She can do nothing. She will say the same that you have.”

“You’d rather give it all up than-“

“Than be in a marriage with someone I could never.. yes. He has no respect for me. I was prepared to raise children on my own. I would have been honored to raise my ad’ika to be strong. I can’t teach them to be strong while being willfully disrespected. I won’t.”

“Then what? What will you do?”

“I will go. I’ll send half of my earnings to the tribe somehow. I can’t.. I can’t change what I am now, but I can still make sure they have what they need.”

“We could just not tell anyone.”

You scoffed and stood up, pulling on your armor. Everything hurt and you knew you needed more time to heal but the idea of getting away from everyone you knew was much more important in your head. Din handed you a bag full of supplies and walked you down the ramp, pointing you in the direction of the closest city as he handed you a comm device.

“It will be a long walk. I can-“

“No.”

He grabbed your arm and turned you, so you were facing him. He put his hands on your shoulders and pressed his forehead to yours, making your eyes start to sting with tears.

“Re’turcye mhi, vod’ika.”

You shook your head and sniffled, trying to stay strong.

“Goodbye, Din. Thi-this is the way.”

He hesitated and put his hand on the back of your head, keeping your forehead to his. You shut your eyes knowing that it was very likely the last time you would see him.

“This is the way.”

[dontcare77ghj]

Leisure Sickness

Natasha x reader x Tony x Steve

Leisure sickness is defined as a psychological condition in which people, read workaholics, can become ill when given time off.

Leisure sickness's symptoms can include headaches, nausea, insomnia, and vomiting.

These symptoms quickly became synonymous with Steve, Natasha, Y/N, and Tony whenever they went on vacation.

The four of you had decided that you'd had enough with the media and the general public for this season. It seemed as if everyone had an opinion on the team, and you were all sick of it.

So Steve had pitched the idea of the four of you going on vacation for a couple of weeks. 

It had been a lot of back and forth before the four of you came to a decision that you were all happy with. 

The four of you would take three weeks off from the world unless it was about to end and stay at a house on Tony's private island.

"This place is massive. I'm pretty sure I've been lost for the last hour." You said, entering the kitchen where Natasha and Steve were putting groceries away. 

"You've been gone ten minutes, doll." Steve chuckled, stocking the fridge full of drinks.

"Are you sure? Because I'm pretty sure it's been an hour." You commented, taking a seat on the counter. "Are we sure time doesn't work differently here?"

"How much coffee have you had?" Natasha asked, quirking an eyebrow. 

"I had two cups on the plane." You told her honestly. 

"You mean the cups that were basically soup bowls?" Steve clarified.

"I drank whatever was served to me." You shrugged. 

"We're going to talk about that later," Natasha said, pointing a finger at you. "But first, can you find Tony? We haven't seen him since we got here."

"Sure. I've explored a lot of this place. I should be able to find him." You shrugged, jumping off the counter.

"Alright, we'll see you in an hour," Steve said, receiving the middle finger from you. 

To be fair, Steve might have been pretty spot on. To explore just the ground floor took you about twenty minutes, and there were still two floors, both with dozens of rooms each, to search. 

"What's behind door number nineteen?" You mumbled, pulling open your nineteenth door, you'd been counting, to reveal another bathroom. 

Except this one held your Tony. A Tony who wasn't looking so good.

"Tones?" You asked quietly, moving to kneel beside the empty bathtub Tony was occupying. "What's wrong, hon?" 

"Just a bit of a headache," Tony mumbled. 

"And you're in the bathtub because?"

"It's nice and cool," Tony told you, keeping his eyes closed.

"Okay, how about you stay here, and I'll get you something for your head?" You suggested, gently brushing hair off his forehead.

"Thank you," Tony mumbled, leaning his head back once more.

"Couldn't you find him?" Steve asked when you reentered the kitchen.

"No, I found him." You told him, beginning to look through the cupboards. "Hauled up in a bathtub with a raging headache. Did we pack any Tylenol?"

"Here," Natasha said, throwing it to you. "I thought he looked a little pale on the plane." She commented.

"He was fine before we got on the plane, though," Steve mentioned. "You think it's an extreme form of jetlag?"

"Could be. It could also be the fact that Tony's not looked after himself at all the past week." You said. "He's been working himself to the bone. His body probably doesn't understand what's going on."

"So we should expect him to feel worse." Natasha deduced. "I'll make something to settle his stomach." She nodded to herself.

"And I'll deliver this." You said, shaking the pills. 

"I'll come with you. I imagine the bathtub's not that comfortable, and Tony might not want to walk to the bedroom." Steve said, moving to follow you. 

"Has death finally come for me?" Tony asked when the two of you made your way back to him.

"Not yet, Tones." You told him, kneeling in the same place as before.

"And not for a long time," Steve added, bending beside you.

"Ugh, I really thought it was him that time." Tony sighed before cracking his eyes open. "Did you bring the good stuff?"

"I did." You nodded, dosing out two of the tablets and handing them to him. "Give me a second, and I'll get you some water." You said, rising to stand, but Tony took the two dry. "That's disgusting."

"Water's for bitches." Tony grunted before closing his eyes again. 

"Come on, Tony, let's get you to bed," Steve said to him. 

"Too much work." Tony denied before Steve picked him up. "Woah! Give a man a little warning." Tony grumbled as Steve chuckled quietly. 

"Asking's for bitches." You teased, walking in front of the two and opening doors.

"Get some rest, Tony," Steve said, putting onto the bed and pulling the covers over him.

"I'll shut my eyes for a few minutes, and I'll be fine," Tony mumbled, rolling over onto his side.

It didn't even take Tony another minute before he was fast asleep.

The next time the four of you decided to go on vacation, you'd decided to go a bit more touristy. 

The four of you were in London for two weeks and would be spending your days visiting every popular tourist attraction. It was your second day in London, the first dedicated to sleeping off the jetlag, and you would soon be leaving the house.

At least you would be if you could settle your stomach.

Your stomach had been churning all night, and no matter what, you couldn't stop it. You'd managed to crawl into the bathroom and not wake anyone, but now you were stuck on the floor.

"Sweetheart? Y/N?" You could hear your name being called. "Y/N, where are you?" 

The bathroom door opened, but you couldn't lift your head from its position.

"Found her," Natasha called before walking over to you. "You look like shit, med," Natasha said, placing a hand on your back.

"Nice, real nice." You groaned, lifting your head slightly. "Just give me a minute to get up and get dressed, and we can get going." 

"The only place you're going is back to bed," Natasha told you as Steve and Tony entered the bathroom.

"Doll, are you okay?" Steve questioned you.

"I'm fine. I just need help getting up. And maybe getting dressed." You told him.

"Y/N, you are sick," Natasha said firmly.

"Nu-uh, I haven't thrown up yet." You denied.

"You don't look too far off from it, babe," Tony informed you. "How long have you been here?"

"I don't know. It was still dark when I came in." You grunted before dry heaving, but nothing would come up.

"Okay, Steve, would you please get some ginger ale?" Natasha asked, pulling your hair off your face. "Y/N, when was the last time you ate?"

"Not sure."

"Okay, add some saltines to that order too, Steve," Natasha told him.

"Do you honestly not remember the last time you ate?" Tony asked, coming to sit next to Natasha.

"I was working on that paperwork for Nick until the minute we left." You mumbled. "Forgot to eat."

"And that's most likely why you're feeling like crap now." Natasha hummed. "Do you think you'll be okay if we get you back to bed?"

"Just leave me here to perish." You groaned.

"No can do, you're stuck with us," Tony said as he helped Natasha pull you to your feet.

"Sorry I ruined vacation." You whimpered as you were laid in bed.

"You didn't ruin anything, med," Natasha promised, brushing hair from your forehead. "Not at all."

"We still have time before we have to go home." Tony soothed your guilty conscience. "There's plenty of time to do all the touristy bullshit your little heart desires."

"Yay." You moaned, curling into a ball.

It was a long time before the four of you were able to go on another vacation. 

Missions had begun to become back to back and would last weeks, Tony was forced to travel for SI, and Fury seemed to have an unhealthy attachment to long meetings.

It was after Natasha had been on a mission for two months, Tony had been in Japan for one month, and you and Steve had endured countless hours in the hands of Fury that Steve declared you all needed a vacation. 

Steve had literally googled relaxing vacations before deciding upon Brittany, France. 

Though Steve had argued with Fury, for what felt like days, Steve was only able to barter a week off for the four of you.

"Tony, why do you have more bags than me?" You asked as Steve attempted to play Tetris with your luggage.

"I like to have options, dear," Tony said, pulling his sunglasses on. "Never know when one of those parasites are going to spot me."

"Don't call reporters parasites." Steve chided.

"Are we ready to go yet?" Natasha asked, pulling on a jacket despite it being a warm day. "The plane is going to leave soon."

"Just one more bag, and we can get going," Steve told her, picking up a small suitcase.

"Can I once again point out how ridiculous that is? I own the plane. It should wait for me." Tony scoffed, climbing into the car with Natasha right behind him. 

The four of you faced no more problems until halfway through the flight. Natasha had jumped from her seat, startling the three of you from your half-asleep states, and bolted into the plane's bathroom. 

It was seconds before the sounds of retching filled the plane. 

"Tash?" Steve asked as the three of you stood up.

"I'm good." Natasha choked out. "Get away from the door, Steven."

"How'd she know it was only me?" Steve grumbled, walking back over to you and Tony.

"Spy, Steven!"

Natasha stayed in the bathroom for another seven minutes exactly. When she exited, her skin was flushed, she was covered in a thick layer of sweat, and she was shivering violently. 

"FRI give me Nat's temperature," Tony demanded as you rushed to pull Natasha to a chair.

"101.3, boss," FRIDAY informed you all.

"Shit, Nat," Steve swore. "How long have you been running a fever?"

"Not running a fever." Natasha denied, lounging back in the chair and pulling her jacket closer.

"101.3 is a fever, Tash." You said, pulling her jacket off. "We might have to get you to a hospital." 

"How long until we land, FRI?" 

"Three hours, boss." 

"We're going to have to bring her temperature down ourselves," Steve said, grabbing a towel and dumping his iced water on it.

By the time the plane landed, the three of you had successfully managed to bring Natasha's temperature down. 

The four of you emerged from the plane, Natasha cradled in Steve's arms.

"That was probably the most stressful start to a vacation," Tony commented as you all entered a waiting car. "Let's get you to a hospital, hey, Nat?"

The four of you stayed away from vacations for a long time after that incident. Not because you were all slightly traumatized but because life seemed to pick up its pace once more.

It had been a year and a half since Natasha had a raging fever, and now the four of you were on yet another getaway. 

Except for this time, it was for new reasons.

The four of you had had a commitment ceremony just two days ago, the Asgardian equivalent of a polyamorous wedding. 

It had been a long time coming and a lot of planning, but it was worth it. And it had meant everything to you all.

Now the four of you were on your honeymoon in Tony's rebuilt Malibu home. 

"Do you think we'd get in trouble if we moved here?" Natasha asked, pulling her sunglasses down.

"From who? We're all adults. Who would we get in trouble with?" Tony asked her.

"Fury. The government. The news. The world." You listed off. 

"At the end of the day, how much do they really matter?" Tony shrugged, pulling you onto his lap. 

"You would avoid Nick?" Natasha asked, quirking a brow. 

"The pirate doesn't scare me." Tony shook his head as you and Natasha grinned. "Don't tell him I said that." 

Before either of you could respond, the sound of footsteps coming closer caused you all to look up.

Steve was staggering over to the poolside, looking very much worse for wear.

"Jesus, Stevie, how many laps did you do?" Natasha asked as Steve stole her water and gulped it down.

"One." Steve gasped. "I felt like I was going to pass out, so I quit."

"Jesus Christ, sit down, Steve." You ordered, standing and moving over to the blonde. "You are really pale." You tsked, holding his head in your hands. 

"That's the Irish in him." Tony joked, now standing behind you with Natasha at his side. 

"When was the last time you slept?" You asked, running your finger over the prominent dark circles.

"The wedding night." Steve sighed. "I haven't been able to sleep since."

"You're exhausted, Steve." Natasha pointed out. "You can't run on willpower alone."

"I know that, but I physically can't make myself sleep," Steve told her. "I don't know what it is, but I can't."

"Maybe it's because you're trying to force yourself to sleep instead of allowing yourself to." Tony reasoned. 

"Why did you get all philosophical?" Steve asked him. 

"Always have been. Let's get you to bed, Cap." Tony said, helping Steve to his feet. With a bit of maneuvering, the three of you were able to move the bulky super soldier to your large bed and put him under the covers.

"Stay, please," Steve mumbled, already half asleep. 

"Always, Stevie." You said as the three of you crawled in beside your Steve.

Vacations could always be stressful, but it seemed for the four of you it was always amplified. Especially when someone always managed to get sick.

Remember all Taglists are open as are requests. 

Taglist

@rvgrsbrns @smilexcaptainx @hopingforbarnes @starlingelliot @piper-koko-barnes-rogers @jelly-fishy-babie @skeletoresinthebasement @agent-barnes40 @reann-shitposting @skadikh @summergeezburr @buckybarton03 @sunshinepower17 @bindythedemon @natasharomanoffismywife @keenmarvellover @bbybarness @storiesbystarlight @buckybarnesplumwhore @bromieeeomieee @marvelmenarebeautiful @niki-is-a-thing @pauloonig @abyssiniapleasant @beautybyfire @officalmarvelbaby @acertainredhead @reapersan @adoreyou976 @casperlikej @songbirdcannabe

Natasha Romanoff Taglist

@natasha-danvers @5aftermidnightdaily-blog @ohfuckno

All women Taglist

@imnotasuperhero

[marvelsimp]

The New Kid: Friend or Foe

The New Kid Masterlist

Ch. 5

Genre: Fluff? Pairing: Peter & Lesbian!reader, Avengers & Reader, (eventual Wanda x Reader it’s a slow burn) Warnings: violence(training), blood, stabbed, strong language Description: Y/n is getting used to living in the tower and makes an unlikely friend Reader’s Powers: Healer, telepath, and empath. Word Count: 2278

“You can’t pull your punches, Y/n/n.  In a real fight, you’re gonna have to fight for your life.”

“You know my whole power set is pacifist.”

“That’s why I have to train you,” said the slightly annoyed red-haired woman. “Now get your head in the game and let’s go again.”

You scoffed; you were frustrated that you had to do this.  That you had to learn how to hurt people.  You took a moment to stretch and you both went back into your fighting stances to start again.

You went to punch her face, but she dodged, she then raised her leg and tried to kick but you caught her foot.  She quickly got her foot free before you could do anything with it.  This went on for a while, you both got some good punches and kicks.  You did land on your ass a few times, but you got up each time and went back to it.

“Time out”

Thank god.

Steve walked in. Oh god no. You knew what was coming, you were gonna have to fight Steve.  You very dramatically fell on the floor and spread out. “Come on, Nat. This is creeping up on child abuse,” you laugh.

You earned a chuckle out of both of them.  Steve stood above you and offered you his hand to which you accepted. Nat went onto showing you some simple moves to help you fight someone bigger than you after about an hour you finally got to go and get a shower and really start your day.

The last week and a half passed by quickly.  Peter stayed at the tower for the first few nights but went back home once school started.  But he would come after patrol and he still video called during homework, like usual.  

Most of your time was spent in one of the labs.  You have been helping Tony with one of his suits as a way for him to familiarize you with the machines and programs.  Bruce did less hands-on work he worked on calculations for his own projects and did some work for SHEILD.  You went down to the Med Lab a few times to give Dr. Cho some blood samples or some information about your powers.  She took a small sample of skin, fat, and muscle from your thigh, but it healed within a minute like nothing ever happened.  

You also spent some time in the gym, which you hated but the others made it a little more fun.  You were really only doing it to get ready for training with Nat.  When you first went in you had no clue what you were doing.  Sam, Bucky, and Steve were doing some training exercise when you entered but Sam quickly saw your very clueless face and walked over to help.

“Hey, kid.”

“Hi.”

“I’m assuming you have no clue what you’re doing?  You look as clueless as I would if I went up to the Tech Lab.”

“That obvious?”

He let out a chuckle.  Sam gave you some stretches to warm up and then showed you how to use some of the machines.  He gave you advice on how long to use each machine and told you that if you needed anything just yell.  The rest of your time in the gym you watched the three men do whatever they were doing.  Sam and Bucky’s bickering was very entertaining and so was Steve yelling at them to focus. You were there for around an hour every day until Nat started to train you.  You very quickly learned that you grew muscle faster than the average person and you weren’t sore for very long.  

When you weren’t in the lab or the gym you were probably in your room playing a game or you were talking to Wanda while she was making a meal. “So, are you the assigned cook?” you joked.  You’d only ever seen Wanda prepare meals since you got here.

Wanda just shook her head, “Not really.  I just enjoy it, so I usually am the one to cook.  But Bruce sometimes cooks and so do Steve and Bucky. When I first joined I helped Steve add a bit of flavor to his meals.  Thank god I didn’t live in the 40s.” She laughed a little, you love her laugh and smile, they seem to make the room a little brighter.

You weren’t a cook yourself so you didn’t help too much, but you would talk to her and get her something if she needed it but usually, she’d just use her powers.  

That’s really the only time that you see Wanda, most of her day is spent training.  She’s Strange’s apprentice.  You still haven’t met him, for someone who can make portals you’d think he’d pop in at some point.  You asked Wanda about seeing him, but she told you that you need to be invited or it needs to be something important.  She warned against pissing him off because it takes a while to get back on his good side.  But she told you she’d mention it to him.

You got into a rhythm of training, breakfast, tech lab, lunch, med lab, tech lab, supper, and Video games, the library, or more time in the tech lab.  It was rarely thrown off.  Every few days someone would go out for a mission or return from one.  Nat only missed two training sessions, so Bucky stood in.  You enjoyed training with Nat, but Bucky made sure to put some fun into it.   At first, he seemed so cold but after some warming up, he really was just a big Teddy Bear.  He can still be an ass though.

Your days stayed on this loop for another week until Thor returned with Loki.  No one fully trusted Loki so Stark ended up putting a tracker on him that Wanda enchanted so that Loki couldn’t remove or deactivate it… he was not impressed.  Well, he was, just not pleased.

“You must be Lady Y/n,” Loki smirked.

Thor whacked the back of Loki’s head. “Be good,” he whispered.

Loki just let out a mischievous laugh, “Don’t worry brother.”  Loki turned back to you, “So you’re the one who discovered me? I wouldn’t expect a mere mortal would be able to find me out... not even THE Scarlet Witch did.”

“You’re impressed?” you scoffed. “Or maybe a little jealous.” You knew that he’s the god of mischief and you aren’t gonna deal with any of his shit, you’ve got enough going on.

“No,” he defended, “Just interested.”

“I’m a telepath and empath,” you explained, “and a healer.”

“Oh! So, you cheated!”

“What do you mean cheat? Your thoughts were so loud you were giving me a headache!”

“I will get my revenge.”

He’s going to so annoying, isn’t he?

Loki was surprisingly quiet over the next week until you went to the tower’s library.  

The library itself is a whole floor, it has a copy of every book you could think of.  It even has a librarian who is almost constantly putting up new releases.  It’s a bookworm’s dream.  

You wanted to find a physics book or two and you weren’t against finding a new queer fantasy book.  You returned your books and asked Mx. Anderson where you could find what you were looking for and they quickly gave you directions and suggestions.

You found and picked out a few physics books and then made your way to the young adult section. The queer books have a rainbow sticker on the spine.  You picked out a few then headed to leave, you walked into the “classics” section and there was Loki on a couch reading with a pile of books next to him.

“Hey,” you smiled.

“Hello,” said the Asgardian who didn’t even look up from his book.

You bent down a little to sew the cover of the surprisingly thin book. “Oh, you’re reading Shakespeare!” He was reading Hamlet.  “My favorite is Romeo and Juliet. Have you read it yet?” He finally looked up from his book.  “No,” he seemed a little confused, “But I did read a few others of his work and I think that is in my stack.” He turned to find it. “It has such odd language compared to the rest of you.”

“They were written like four hundred years ago,” you explained, sitting next to him.

“Ah, language does change quite quickly.”

You nodded in agreement.

“What are you reading?” he said pointing at your stack of books.

“Oh, uh um. These big books are physics books, and these smaller ones are fantasy romance.”

“Hmm, you don’t seem to be one who reads romance.”

“Well, I’m really more into it for the fantasy elements but I do enjoy a good romance.”

He gave you a smirk,” Besides Romeo and Juliet and any of Shakespeare’s works. Do you have any recommendations for me?”

You went on to recommend some classics and some more recent books.  He listened to every word and asked a few questions.  You didn’t stay long; you were tired and just wanted to dive into one of your books.  You would usually be in the lab at this time, but it was nice to have a few hours to yourself before dinner.  

“Knock, knock,” said a voice at your door.

“Hm?” you looked up. “Peter!” you set down your book and ran to him for a hug.  It had been a while since Peter had come to the tower.  He hadn’t even been introduced to Loki, formally that is.  ‘How’s my favorite bug!”

Peter let out a laugh, “Good! You’re acting like we don’t talk every day.”

“Video calls and in-person are completely different things! Anyways what are you doing here?”

“It’s Thursday aka movie night.”

“Oh, yeah!”

You and Peter walked out of your room and went to the common space to eat dinner.

“Lady Y/n,” said a booming voice.

“Yes, Thor!”

“Would you and the Man of Spiders like to sit next to me and my brother?”

“Yes, we’d love that,” you laughed.

“So, you’re telling me that you’ve never had ice cream!” you practically yelled at Loki.

Everyone was surprised with how comfortable you and the trickster were with each other, especially Peter.  

“What’s with you and him?” Peter whispered.

“We bonded over books,” you whispered back. “Your girlfriend would like him.”

Peter smiled, he’s pleased that you’re getting along with everyone and most of all that you’re happy.  

The rest of the night was nice, it was just like the last two movie nights.  Dinner, talking, movie, and then Peter had to leave to finish his homework or go on patrol.  

The next week was just like you had gotten there but Loki had decided that it was a perfect time to really embrace his title.  He started to pull little pranks, nothing too bad or really anything that went beyond a little annoyance.  Or at least he didn’t until today.  

It was Saturday so you slept in because you thankfully did not have to go to training.  You were about to leave when you noticed a box on your desk.  It was about the size of a backpack.  So, you decided to open it and when you looked inside there was a black cat with emerald eyes.  Who got you a cat? You like cats and like…thanks?  But still, who would get you a cat out of nowhere? You picked up the cat and as soon as you did it started to transform, and you felt a sharp pain in your side.  The cat continued to transform into of course… Loki.  The raven hair man quickly sprinted out of your room to the common area.

You looked down and there was a fucking kitchen knife in your side.

“You bitch! I like this shirt!” you yelled while running out of your room.

When you entered the common room, Loki was nowhere to be seen.  But Nat, Bucky, and Steve were there.  “Where did he go?”

“Who?” Nat turned around and saw the knife in your side.  Her eyes widened, then she looked fucking pissed.  “What the fuck! Are you okay?”  The men's emotions followed the same track.

“Oh yeah,” you said nonchalantly.  You pulled the bloody knife out of your side.  Some blood soaked into your shirt’s fabric, but you weren’t worried.  But you do like this shirt… that bitch is gonna pay.

“Do you want me to kill him?” said the brunette man bluntly.

“Don’t worry, I got this.” You rushed into the elevator and told Friday to take you to Loki.

The elevator lowered to the Library. Of course.

“Sorry, Mx. Anderson!” you yelled while running by their desk. “There will be yelling and possibly blood shed!”  You already know where he is.  He’s in the classics.  

There he was sitting on the couch, nonchalantly reading the Iliad.

“You’re a fucking bitch you know?  I really like this shirt!” you waved the knife in your hand around.

“Oh please.  You’re a healer, you’ll be fine.”

You crossed your arms, “LOKI. My fucking shirt.”

He raised his arms in defense. “It just a blood and a slight rip.”

You walked up to Loki and took off your shirt, thankfully you were wearing an undershirt that you didn’t care about.  You handed the shirt to him.  “Fix it then.”

He accepted the shirt and scoffed. “Fine.” He waved his hand over the shirt and it was now good as new.

“See, that was easy.” You grabbed the shirt and started to walk away.  “And don’t stab me again! I think two assassins would very happily kill you!”

NEXT CHAPTER 

Ice Cream or Blood

[starksvixen]

Best Shot - Part 2

Warnings: mild blood and gore, mentions of death, shooting scene, some harsh angst, mentions of sexuality (no smut), swearing

Word Count: 1325

Prologue - Part 1 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 (finale)

-~- 

Here’s the plan. Burgess and Ruzek had gotten in contact with one of Quentin’s sellers. Jay would go undercover as a buyer, inquiring about buying one of the girls. He was to talk to Quentin about the specific Jane Doe to try and locate the rest of the girls that the trafficker had hidden. Once there was enough information, Jay would position Quentin into a specific spot where you could knock him with a bullet.

That’s where you were stationed now, watching as Jay spoke with Quentin, his hands in his pockets. You trailed the duo through the scope of your sniper, watching each step with your finger ready to fire. Suddenly, you see Quentin reach behind him and pull a gun on Jay. He had been compromised. Only problem was, Jay was in front of Quentin, blocking your shot.

“(Y/L/N), do you have a clear shot?” Voight’s voice echoes in your ear.

“Almost, I just need Jay to move a little bit to the left.”

“No, it’s too risky, don’t take the shot. Do you hear me, (Y/L/N)? Do not take that shot!” 

Quentin steps closer to Jay, shakily adding pressure to the trigger of his own gun.

“Sir! He’s going to fire on Jay, this is my only chance!” you say into your comms.

You inhale, your finger slowly beginning to add pressure to the trigger. A sigh reverberates in your ear.

“Do it.”

Jay moves to the side just in time for you to exhale, sending a bullet narrowly close to Jay’s head but a dead hit in Quentin’s shoulder. The offender is shot to the floor, sending blood everywhere, and Jay quickly disarms him before holding pressure to the wound. 

You quickly pack up your gun and make your way down to the scene. By the time you arrive, Quentin is being loaded into an ambulance with cuffs on his wrists. Laying your case into a squad car, you spot Jay exiting the building. However, when his eyes meet yours. it’s obvious he’s ticked. Storming over to you, he runs a hand through his hair.

“Do you know what you did in there! He was going to give me all the locations of his girls but you shot him!”

“He was just going to kill you after telling you, Jay! I couldn’t let him do that! Voight told me to take the opportunity I had!” 

“Yeah well dying is part of the job description. You got lucky, (Y/L/N). One inch off and it would have been me in that ambulance...”

“So what? You don’t trust my shot anymore?”

“I don’t trust your judgement to keep your feelings out of our work!” 

That was the last straw. You hide your tears and rip off your bulletproof vest, shoving it into Halstead’s chest as your glare daggers at him. 

“Don’t expect me home tonight,” 

And with that, you walk away. Little did you know, the minute those words left Jay’s mouth he was filled with regret. He had hurt the woman he loves the most.

-~- 

“Didn’t expect to see you here tonight, (Y/N).” a familiar voice says from beside you.

Gently slamming the whiskey glass to the bar’s top, you look to see Connor seated beside you fresh from a shift at Med. With a soft, slightly tipsy smile, you wave down the bartender and order a drink for both of you.

“It was a hard case tonight,” you reply.

“Was it the case that was hard or the guy you had to work with?” 

You both take a drink of the hard liquor at the same time, a soft sigh ghosting your lips. Connor and you were friends with benefits, especially after you were hurt by your perspective partners. When Jay told you about him and Erin, you fell into the handsome doctor’s arms. When Robin left Connor to go home, you had to help him sneak out of you and Jay’s apartment the next morning. After Jay asked you about the ring he picked out for Erin, you helped christen Connor’s new apartment. After Ava killed herself in front of him and Jay had pushed you away because of his heartbreak, you and Connor practically didn’t speak for a week. Just sex. 

Because of your many encounters, both of you had grown close as friends. Both of you knew each other’s work and romantic hardships. Without the sex, you guys were close drinking buddies. The bed hopping was an added bonus. A release of anger and frustration from your perspective situations. 

“He kinda made it clear tonight how he felt,” you reply, taking another long sip of the burning liquid. 

“Yeah, that always sucks,” 

“Says you! You’re nothing but a chick magnet!” 

“Hey! I’ve had my fair share of losses,”

Both of you end up in a fit of laughter, sharing drink after drink as the night goes on. Eventually, as the bar begins to close, you find yourself riding to his apartment in his Porsche. His lips upon yours in a drunken frenzy. Your naked selves tangled in his sheets as you sleep the night away.

-~- 

The smell of fresh coffee and scrambled eggs battles the killer hangover headache that greets you when your eyes open up. Where Connor always slept is empty, but he had laid one of his shirts there for you to wear when your body decided it was time to fight your hangover. With a soft smirk, you put it on and walk out to Connor’s kitchen. 

“Thank god for days off,” you say as you grab a mug from the cupboard.

“No such luck for me, I got a surgery in an hour.” Connor replies as he finishes cooking. 

“Damn, what a shame.” you say as you steal a piece of cheese from beside Connor, earning a slap on the hand and a smirk. 

“Hey! That’s meant to go in the eggs, not your mouth.”

“There are a lot of things that can go in my mouth, Dr. Rhodes” you say with a wink.

A knock on the door reverberates in the semi - empty apartment as Connor hands you the plate of eggs. He walks out to answer it, leaving you to eat and enjoy the gracious sip of coffee. Your little moment is interrupted when you hear Jay’s voice raising. 

Quickly putting your meal down, you rush over to the front door. Jay hasn’t changed from last night but to you, that didn’t matter. He still made the feeling of butterflies rise into your stomach.

“What are you doing here?” you ask as you back Connor away from the door.

“You weren’t answering my calls or texts, I thought something had happened,” he replies, not noticing Connor’s shirt on you.

“Yeah, you being a dick happened, Jay.”

“Look, I’m sorry, (Y/N).” 

That’s when he notices Connor’s shirt on you, the hickies from last nights events making anger fill his eyes.

“But I can see you had other plans...” he growls.

“What does it matter to you who I sleep with?! Jay for fucks sake, ever since Erin left you act like you own me! But you don’t! You chose her over me!”

Tears fill your eyes as realization fills his. 

“I’ll pick up what I need from the apartment later on. I can’t do this anymore, Halstead.”

You slam the door as tears race down your face like race cars on a track. Holding a hand on your mouth, you muffle your cries as your free hand holds onto your torso. Gently, Connor pulls you into a hug, giving you the comfort you needed but from the wrong guy. 

“I’ll help you get what you need and you can crash with me.”

With a soft nod, you wrap your arms around him tightly. 

Not once had you missed a shot in the past 10 years. But here you were.

You had missed your shot with Jay.

Tag List: (leave a comment to be added)

@annaallicce​ @ikleesfiction​ @weepingfestivalmentality @ shipshipshipau

[destiniesfic]

132 Hours, Chapter 9

“Don’t kill Cardan.”

The Bomb cocks her head to the side. “I thought you didn’t like him.”

“I… don’t.”

Previous

Read chapter 9 on AO3, or read below:

The Bomb returns sometime later with a liter bottle of spring water and Tylenol. “Prescription strength,” she tells me, dispensing two pills into my open palm. “Good stuff.”

“Whose prescription?” I croak, sitting up. It feels like every ounce of liquid in me is squeezing itself out as sweat or something else. Masturbating only helps so much—the only thing that abates the worst heat symptoms is mating with an alpha. And since that’s not happening, it’ll just have to run its course.

Oblivious to my true suffering, she winks at me.

I throw the Tylenol back and wash them down with a swallow of cool water, then keep drinking. My mouth has grown so dry. But I wrench the bottle away from my mouth and say “Leave it” when the Bomb moves to take the pills back.

She gives me a look. “I’ll be back to give you more later, but I’m not leaving this with you. For all I know, you’d shut down your liver to make us take you to the hospital.”

I blink at her, wretchedly aware of the heat of my skin where my eyelids press together. I hadn’t even thought of that.

“Crap,” she says, fumbling in the plastic bag. “I should have taken your temperature first. Hold on, maybe we can still get it before the meds kick in.” She clicks her tongue. “Chemistry I like fine, drugs, sure—but nursing isn’t my area.”

“What is your area?” I ask. I don’t really feel like talking to anyone, but my curiosity is strong enough that I push through it. Anything to learn more about the people who’ve taken us.

The Bomb holds up her prize, a thermometer still in its plastic packaging, and grins at me. “I like blowing stuff up. I dabble in hacking. Basically, if there’s a wall, I want to bring it down.”

I shift in my blankets. It’s an endearing answer, but I worry that any positive feelings toward our kidnappers is budding Stockholm Syndrome. “This must be a boring job for you.”

“It was supposed to be, yeah.” She wrestles the thermometer out of the plastic and hands it to me. “You have a way of keeping things interesting. And Cardan’s a riot. I hope we don’t have to kill him.”

The beep of the thermometer turning on immediately after that statement makes me jump. “You said you wouldn’t,” I protest. “You said you’d take care of us.”

“I know. Our employer’s anxious about how much you’ve both seen and heard. But we can’t kill you, so there isn’t much of a point to getting rid of him. And between you and me, the Roach is very fond of him.”

“So—”

“Stick that thing in your mouth,” she says. “We don’t have all day.”

I glare but stick the cold tip of the thermometer under my tongue and wait for it to start beeping again.

The Bomb leans over, reading the lit-up display—red, already a bad sign. “One hundred point nine,” she announces. “No wonder you’re miserable.”

“No real danger though,” I sigh, pulling it out of my mouth and giving it a little shake. Would they really take me to the hospital if my condition deteriorated? Maybe I should consider trying to dehydrate myself. That’s the real danger of going through heat without a partner. I could do it, I think. “Forget” to drink, drive the fever higher. But our current circumstances are already precarious, and there are a million ways this might end badly for me. The headache is pulsing stronger over my left eye already, and the last thing I need is a full-blown migraine. I take a sip of water and silently will the Tylenol to kick in faster.

“We’ll keep an eye on you,” she affirms.

I wipe my hand on the back of my mouth, already feeling a little more like a person instead of a sweaty blob of hormones. “Don’t kill Cardan.”

The Bomb cocks her head to the side. “I thought you didn’t like him.”

“I… don’t.” I cap the bottle, looking down at my hands. My cheeks are hot again, which at least means some blood in my body has decided to circulate instead of pooling in my groin. “But I don’t think he deserves to die. He didn’t do anything.”

“Hmm,” says the Bomb, mulling it over.

I jerk my head up, but she’s smiling at me. Teasing. I flush again. “I’m just saying. I don’t see you guys as killers, anyway.”

Her voice has a dangerous edge to it when she asks, “You don’t?”

I shake my head to clear it. I may be sick, but I can’t allow myself to forget where I am and who I am with. The Ghost shot me already, and it’s easier than I’d like to imagine the Roach’s twisted features contorting further as he plunges a knife into someone’s back. “Maybe just you?” I offer.

“Well, you’re not far off. Murder is a messy business. I prefer to set the charges and wait at a safe distance. But we all do what we have to.” She shifts, and I must look worried, because she adds, “He’s probably going to be fine.”

“Probably,” I echo, and then sigh. “His family’s even more messed up than mine.”

“Well, your dad is Madoc.”

“My parents are dead,” I say.

“Oh,” says the Bomb. But no apology, no condolences. I kind of appreciate that. I learned a long time ago that no amount of apologies would bring my mom and dad back.

“And my sister—never mind.” I shake my head. I really must be addled if I’m spilling my guts to a stranger. Is this Stockholm Syndrome? Is this how it starts? “At least she’s not trying to kill me.”

“It’s another level of family drama,” she agrees. “The Kardashians have nothing on the Greenbriars.”

I try to work out why I feel comfortable around the Bomb. I think her frankness reminds me a bit of Vivi. She never bought into the pretensions of our new life—she wanted out as soon as she was in. And she talks about it like she really is outside of it. The Bomb is like that. She says what she means. She isn’t bowled over by anything.

“How can you do it?” I ask. “How can you do this kind of work for them? Is it really just the money?”

The Bomb blinks at me, her eyes large and luminous in the dark. Her brows draw together, and she looks past me. I seem to have struck a nerve, and for a moment I think she isn’t going to answer my question. Then, at last, she says, “It isn’t just that. The Roach and I—we owe them a lot. I think if… we might not be alive now, if not for what they did.”

“That’s worth kidnapping for? Maybe killing for?”

She looks back down at me. “I know you’ve had shit happen, Jude. I’m not interested in a competition there. But I think Madoc’s kept you from a lot of bad stuff, given you options. Some of us aren’t so lucky.”

“I know that,” I protest. How many Designation Equality Club meetings had Taryn and I attended in our time? Vivi was president for a little while, I think to spite Madoc. “I know it’s not all mansions and parties. And you know, bad stuff can happen in parties and mansions too.”

“Sure. We are the bad stuff.” She flashes me a grin, then says, “Just think about what could have happened if Madoc hadn’t been there to catch you guys. Where you might have ended up. What you might have done to get out of it.”

My stomach twists. I have, of course, thought about that, but it’s an alternate universe that I can’t look directly at, like a solar eclipse. It’s easier to think about two branching possibilities: parents alive, or parents dead with Madoc intervention. Thinking about Madoc never showing, about Taryn and Vivi and I getting put in foster care, maybe separated… it’s so dim and distant.

“I’m not interested in a competition either,” I tell her. “I mean, I am judging you a little for kidnapping us. I will judge you harder if you kill Cardan.”

“No one’s going to kill Cardan,” the Bomb says, patting my shoulder. “You should lie back down. I’m surprised you’ve been upright this long.”

I scowl, but my head is already beginning to feel swimmy, so I settle back into my blankets. “I’m really stubborn.”

“I got that.” The Bomb gathers up her things, but leaves the water bottle within reach. I am grateful.

Just before she can put her hand on the doorknob, I call softly, “If you kill Cardan, I’ll kill you.”

She looks back over her shoulder at me, looking oddly fond. Maybe a gang of kidnappers and thieves respects threats. “Yeah,” she says. “I got that one, too.”

---

Cardan somehow manages to con his way into spending a lot of time outside of the cell. I am not sure how long, because I am curled up toward the wall and barely notice the light from the window wax and wane. But as the day passes his scent starts to go stale and sour, and I pick my head up every time someone opens the door.

It’s always the Bomb, returning to give me more Tylenol or hand me fresh fruit—not fast food, therefore a luxury. It occurs to me then that they kept buying us stuff from a drive-thru or grocery store because they didn’t think they would have us for long and didn’t bother stocking up. But someone must have thought to buy one a bag of mandarins this time, because I am given a couple to nibble on after each dose.

“Boosts the immune system,” the Bomb says when she drops off the first one. She seems in a good mood, probably because the medication has managed to wrestle my fever down to a balmy ninety-nine. Achy and hollow, I just give her a nod. My hands shake when I peel it, but I can peel it, and I’m grateful for that. I have been so humiliated already, and I can probably take more, but I don’t want to.

I slip into a weird daze for the second half of the day. Even though the fever is gone and my cramps are easier to bear, I find myself cursing Cardan’s name. I am pretty sure his presence made my heat worse—just the presence of an alpha, a desirable one, has convinced my body that there’s a chance I might mate, so it’s punishing me worse for abstaining. The longer he’s gone, the more clearheaded I feel, to the extent that my head can clear. And I am angry, at him for intensifying my misery, and at myself, for being like this in the first place.

By the time he returns, any trace of sunlight is gone. He walks slowly, shuffling behind the Bomb. Even as she talks to me and I nod along, sticking the thermometer in my mouth, my eyes track his progress as he settles in his corner.

His hair is damp, his scent shot through with the floral soap from the bathroom. He showered before coming in. I am unreasonably jealous of him. My hair is plastered to the back of my neck with sweat, and my thighs are basically stuck together with dried—anyway, I haven’t left the room all day, not even to pee. I feel like a damp towel someone wrung out and left to dry over the side of a sink.

After I’ve taken the Tylenol, the Bomb hands me a paper napkin with two more pills folded in it. “In case you wake up in the middle of the night,” she explains.

“It’s night?” I ask.

“We sleep in shifts. If there’s an emergency, have Cardan pound on the door.”

“Why me?” Cardan asks. He’s assumed his usual posture, with his leg propped up and his arm balanced casually on his knee. I wonder if the Bomb notices the rigidity in his shoulders, the tension in the line of his mouth. I do.

“I don’t think Jude’s going anywhere anytime soon.”

I sniff derisively, which is a bad move, because I get a fresh whiff of Cardan and am forced to bury my face in my pillow to smother a whimper.

“Point taken,” Cardan says. “Night. Thanks…” I imagine the rest of his sentence curling up and dying at the novelty of him thanking anybody for anything, but he manages to continue. “Thanks for taking care of her.”

The Bomb dusts off her knees as she stands up. “No problem. If she dies, we’re extraordinarily screwed.”

“I know. Still.”

She nods, then leaves. This time, I hear her lock the door behind her. Cardan and I are once again stuck together, alone.

I turn over and curl toward the wall again so I don’t stare. It’s not like heat gives you night vision, but for a couple of seconds he seemed to be a crisp outline in the near darkness of our cell. I don’t want to be tempted. I don’t.

“How, uh.” Cardan clears his throat and tries again, awkwardly. “How was your day?”

“Sucked,” I mutter.

“Yeah.”

“Yours?”

“Sucked less, probably.” He pauses. “But still sucked. I, um, I wanted to check on you.”

“It’s okay.” I shift my head. There’s a twinge in my abdomen, but at least it’s not another full cramp. “Did you learn any neat card tricks?”

“Yeah, actually. The Roach says I’m a fast learner.”

“High praise from a career criminal.”

Cardan chuckles, and my heart jumps. I made him laugh. I don’t know why that affects me the way it does. It must be the heat, another weird side effect. “I should’ve brought the deck in. To show you.”

“If we get through this, you can show me another time.”

“Oh yeah?” I can tell he cracks a smile just by the way his voice picks up. “You’re still gonna want to hang out when we’re out of here?”

I press my lips together to keep from echoing a smile. “I don’t know,” I say to the wall. “Maybe I’ll be too busy with my cool new friends from college to make time for you. And maybe you’ll be too busy hanging out with the Roach. Although that’s honestly an upgrade from your normal crowd.”

“Ouch.”

“He’s not a douchebag alpha,” I point out.

“I don’t know what he is.” I can picture Cardan shaking his head. “I sat next to him for most of the day and I still don’t have a clue. He sounds like an alpha, but he doesn’t really look like one. He doesn’t smell like anything. He and the Bomb seem to have some kind of communication going, but I don’t know if that means they’re mated, or… just close, I guess.”

“I think the Bomb’s an omega,” I say. “Like me. We kind of had a moment earlier.” I screw up my face in thought. “It bothers me that I still can’t get a clear read on her scent, though. Especially now. That’s weird. What do they have to hide?”

“Maybe they’re all betas,” Cardan suggests. “They don’t give off the same pheromones we do.”

I snort. “That’s not possible.”

“Betas exist.”

“Yeah. They’re one in a thousand. The odds that there would be three in one place...”

“Impossibly low, yeah. You’re right.” He sighs. “Well, we’ve seen their faces, but maybe they don’t want to leave scent markers around so they can be tracked that way. That seems like a smart crime thing… to do.”

My lips twitch again. “A ‘smart crime thing?’”

“Oh, like you could do better.”

I snicker, but then the cell falls quiet. We have officially exhausted every subject that will keep us from facing our circumstances, and we know it.

“So,” Cardan says, “now what?”

I don’t know. I cannot imagine spending the night in this cell with him, like this. But I am supposed to be the one with the plans.” “Um, I guess we try to sleep.”

“Right, right. Will it hurt your foot if I take the pillow under it? I’d ask to borrow a blanket, but…”

“No, I get it,” I rush. The blankets are in no condition to be lent, but I’ve left him without any bedding and anywhere to sleep. “Definitely take the pillow.”

There is silence, in which I can imagine him nodding, then the rustle of his clothes as he crawls over to take the pillow propped up under my leg. His hand skims my foot, and it’s like an electric current zings up my body. I hold my breath, waiting for something else to happen, but I just hear him move back to his corner.

“Do you want, um, my sweatshirt?” I offer.

He scoffs, “I don’t think it’ll fit, Duarte.”

I roll my eyes. “You’re such an asshole. To keep your arms warm, because you don’t have a blanket.”

There’s a longer pause than the situation calls for, and then he says, “Yeah, toss it over.”

I make myself sit up so I can unzip it, then ball it up and fling it toward him as hard as I can. I am not feeling very strong, but the room is short, so it lands at his feet anyway. He picks it up and buries his face in it.

“Oh, you pervert,” I scold, even as my stomach does a flip. I am surprised to find I’m not mad. I’m not even annoyed. What had I thought was going to happen when I threw it over to him? It’s saturated with my pheromones.

And my scent. Which he’s supposed to hate.

“I just,” he says, taking another sniff. There’s a fuzzy edge to his voice. “I thought it would help. Since we can’t—I don’t know, I just thought it would help.”

I force myself to lie back down and turn around and not watch, even though I am unbearably curious. My face is hot, and heat gathers between my thighs again. It’s just the pheromones. It’s just the circumstances. If my mind were less addled, maybe I could make more sense of all this, but I cannot.

A minute or so later I hear him shift again. “Yeah, it’s a good blanket,” he says. “Thank you, Jude.”

“Sure.”

Then all is silent again, and I think he has fallen asleep. It seems impossible that he could. I am so weary, but my arousal is skewering me like a hot spike, and I keep listening for him on the other side of the room. There’s no way I can seek relief with him here, and no way I can sleep like this.

“Cardan,” I say, breathily. “Are you awake?”

He whispers back, “Yeah.”

I shift. It’s like parts of my body flare to life at just the sound of his voice. “What do you think would happen if you came over here?”

“You don’t—want that, right?”

I don’t know what I want. I think I am closer to wanting him—to wanting at all—and then the memory of Valerian using his knee to try and wedge my thighs apart comes back. I pull the blankets tighter around me. “This sucks so much.”

“Yeah.”

“Less for you, right?”

“You think so?”

“I don’t know. Aren’t you flooded with adrenaline or whatever it is that theoretically enables you to keep thrusting for days on end?”

Cardan chuckles. “Wow. You must really be far gone if you’re willing to put me and ‘thrusting’ in the same sentence.”

My cheeks warm. “I meant ‘you’ as in ‘alphas.’ Don’t be dumb. And aren’t you used to this?”

“From—oh. The O?”

“Uh-huh.”

“No, that’s different. They alter it somehow, on a chemical level. All of the euphoria and adrenaline, none of the, uh… the aches or the erections lasting longer than four hours. You know, stuff you want to avoid if you’re not in rut for real.”

“Right, makes sense.” I hesitate. “So, you are? I couldn’t tell.”

“What?” He sounds incredulous. “Yeah, yes, I am. Of course I am. There’s like no space between us and no ventilation. It would be impossible for me not to be.”

“Alright, alright.” I squeeze my pillow a little tighter. “You just seem so…”

“So…?”

“Clear,” I finish. “And calm. Calmer than this morning, at least.”

Cardan is quiet for a second before he asks, “Remember this morning, you asked if I was afraid of you?”

My heart thumps. “Yeah?”

“I’m not. I’m afraid of me. I’m afraid of… of...” He grasps for words. “I’m afraid of all the stuff I want to do. Because I’m coming to a realization that’s very painful and you can’t laugh, but I am, and it’s, it’s important—I don’t want to be like Valerian. Or like my brothers. Or even like Locke. I want to be different. I don’t know if there is a different, but I want to be it.”

I am so bewildered that I don’t reply. For as long as I have known Cardan, he’s never been anything other than a bully, a terror, delighting in other people’s suffering, reigning from the top of the food chain. He always seemed to enjoy being an alpha, relish it. I can’t make heads or tails of what he’s telling me now.

Is he saying he doesn’t want to hurt me? He’s never cared before.

But I think about him tucking the blankets around me, gingerly propping my foot up on the pillow this morning, and I wonder.

“It wouldn’t be like Valerian,” I whisper, but he must have fallen asleep, because he says nothing.

Next

[finleyfray]

Bittersweet Memories

Part 2

Part 3

Huge thanks to @captain-josslett for helping me with English and making this have more sense

TW: smut(ish) just a little, some angst, laguage, think that’s all!

Finley struggles to open the door to their apartment. She was tired and her head was hurting so much. She just wants to snuggle with her girlfriends and fall asleep.

“Hey.” Fin looks over and sees Alex walking towards her and embraces her in a hug. “You look like crap.” Fin rests her head on Alex's chest and chuckles.

“Thanks darling, I’m happy to see you too. Is Maggie home yet?” She yawns and Alex leads her to the couch. “I have a killing headache.” Fin sits on Alex and rests her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder.

“She’s picking up some food. Did you take your migraine medicine today?” The redhead asks Fin with a stern look on her face.

“Shoot, I forgot.” The black haired woman whines.

“Here we go again.” Alex sighs. “Did you drink water today? Eat anything?”

“Oh come on, don’t harass me like that. Of course I did drink and eat... we had breakfast, didn’t we?”

“That was yesterday, Finley, this morning you woke up too late and ran off to work. Making a huge mess. Leaving your clothes on the floor. And your wet towel in the bathroom on my clothes. I swear to God, how much water did you drink?” Alex scoffs.

“Well...I didn’t see your clothes, I’m sorry. I didn’t drink water... but I’ve had coffee! And a can of Monster! Or two…” Suddenly her girlfriend stands up, resulting in Fin falling off of her. “Ouch! That hurt.”

“That’s not... I swear I’m going crazy with you!” They hear the door open and Maggie coming into the living room looking at them.

“What are you yelling about?” She frowns and looks at Alex, who looks angrily at Fin. “Maggie, I’m glad you’re here.” The redhead says with a smile. “See, our girlfriend here was wondering why her head hurts so much! Fin, care to tell Maggie how you took your medicine this morning, drank plenty of water and ate three meals?” Her voice is full of sarcasm and Finley curses mentally.

“Oh come on. I’m going to eat now, and drink water and take meds, I swear I just forgot!” She tries to defend herself, but Maggie already looks at her with her stern mother look. “Don’t be mad at me.” Fin puts on her puppy face. “Pwaaseee.” She pouts.

“No, no, don’t give me this face, you know the deal. How can you forget to take care of yourself almost every day?!” Maggie growls flustered. “These are literally the basic things in life. You have to eat, and you have to drink water to survive, and you know after that mission where you hurt your head pretty bad, that you have to take your migraine medicine, otherwise you’ll be in pain. And you should remember it, how you keep forgetting to take care of yourself is beyond me.”

“I don’t know...” Finley looks down, because she did know. She wasn’t taught how to take care of herself. In the orphanage they didn’t care if the kids ate something, they didn’t care if they had something to drink, or walked around in dirty, damaged clothes.

So Fin learnt how to go days without eating, only drinking some sink water. It was normal for Fin. So she grew up, was then thrown out on her 18th birthday, and went to college. She didn’t think of that either. Having not enough money to eat every day, or buy new clothes, having to survive on minimum wage that she was earning with her job. It was hard to manage to study and work 16 hours a day, but she had to stay positive. So when Finley started working in the DEO and earning so much money, she decided she had to save it. Save it in case something goes wrong and she loses her job. But, this drove her girlfriends insane. How she couldn’t do the basic thing, like putting her dirty clothes away. How every time she tried to make laundry, it went wrong on some level. She’d mix dark clothes with white. Sometimes she forgot to add laundry detergent. Or she forgot she put the washing machine on but forgot to dry it. So the clothes stayed there until Alex or Maggie saw it. Finley really tries, she does, but it just escapes her mind every time.

“I’m sorry.” Fin sighs, she wasn’t going to tell them, she doesn't want their pity “I guess I’m just getting distracted.” Maggie scoffs, but goes to hug their girlfriend anyway. Soon Alex joins and they stay together for a bit.

“I did buy dinner, so let’s get you some food, and water, then you’ll take your medicine and we can go to bed.” Maggie kisses her softly and Finley smiles into the kiss.

***

Later as they were in bed, after eating and showering, Finley lay on top of Alex while Maggie was still in the shower.

“Are you still mad at me?” Fin asks, looking in her girlfriend’s brown eyes.

“I’m not mad Finnie.” Alex sighs cupping Fin's cheek. “I was frustrated, of course, I will still be when you do this. But I’m not mad.” She kisses Finley softly, her other hand going to Finley’s back holding her close. The blue-eyed woman sighs happily and wiggles on top of Alex to get more comfortable.

“Fin...” Alex breathes heavily “Stop moving.”

“Why, does it bother you?” Finley smiled devilishly, pressing her leg against Alex’s core and moving her hips. The redhead kisses her girlfriend hard and bends her leg so it was now against Finley too. The shorter woman moans at the sudden pressure, and moves her hips faster.

“Oh, I see you’re better.” Maggie stands there watching her girlfriends making out and humping each other for a few minutes. “So I’m glad I decided not to put any clothes on.” Her girlfriend’s stop and looks at her. Maggie's hair was still wet from the shower, and she only had her towel on. “Can you two just be naked already?” She drops her towel on the floor. “That was quite a nice show you did for me. But, I’m afraid I need to cuff both of you for breaking the rules.”

“B… But... “Alex’s face was almost as red as her hair “We didn’t… We still have all clothes on! We didn’t had sex without you!” She looked at Finley, who already had taken all of her clothes off, she sure was ready. “You’re such a bottom!” Alex scoffs, sure the black-haired woman was so ready for Maggie to cuff her, but Alex tried hard to remain her tough face.

“Agent Danvers, I’m afraid I insist.” Maggie smirks at her redheaded girlfriend, swaying her hips as she approaches the bed.

***

Finley yawns as she opens her eyes and looks at the sleeping face of her girlfriend. The redhead was snoring lightly and she looked so peaceful and cute. Fin snuggles closer and rests her head on her girlfriend's chest.

She knew Maggie had already left for work, feeling a cold spot behind her. The blue-eyed woman was tired after all the fun they had yesterday and didn’t want to get up.

“Shouldn’t you be training rookies at work today?” Alex’s sleepy voice asks. Fin gasps as she realises that the redhead is right, she springs from her bed and looks at the clock.

“Ohhhh shit, J’onn is going to kill me!” She quickly undresses by dropping her clothes on the floor and goes for a quick shower. As fast as she can she dries herself and drops the wet towel on the floor, puts on her combat clothes and runs to work.

It was no fun being at work without Alex, but her girlfriend deserved a day off. They were supposed to have lunch together, but after some robbery that Kara helped Maggie take care of, the blonde informs Fin that her girlfriends can’t make it, so the black-haired woman takes care of all her paperwork that is due soon, and heads to the DEO gym to train a bit.

Finley was getting tired from all the punches and running, so she decided to stop and go take a shower. Suddenly she sees a blur and her girlfriend’s sister stands before her.

“Kara, hey, something wrong?” Finley asks as the blonde frowns and looks at her.

“Ohhhh shit. I forgot, I left my phone at home this morning. What’s the time?” Fin facepalms and looks at Kara.

“Well Alex asked me to look for you, cause you didn’t answer your phone. You do know what time it is?”

“Where the fuck have you been!? We tried to call you thousands of times, why didn’t you answer!?” Maggie tries to stay calm, but her voice is full of anger.

“It’s 10:30, and your girlfriends are going crazy, come on.” She lifts the black-haired woman and speeds her home.

“Thanks Kar.” Finley sighs and opens the door quietly. It doesn’t really help her as she sees Maggie and Alex in the hall waiting for her.

“I’m sorry! I was in such a rush this morning, I forgot my phone! And I went to work out after sitting down doing paperwork and the time just flew.” Finley tries to calm her girlfriends, but she clearly saw that they were beyond pissed.

They turn and go to the living room, and Fin follows them waiting for their forgiveness. Alex sits on the couch and drinks the rest of her whiskey.

“Guys, come on, I’m sorry, you know I just forgot-”

“That’s it, that’s exactly it! You always forget. Forget to eat, to drink water, to take your medicine. You forget to put your clothes away, forget to do the laundry, forget to go to sleep! Forget to take your phone, to let us know you’ll be late, to let us know you’re okay! Forget to do the groceries, forget to buy some new clothes, to put your towel away instead of dropping it on the floor!” Alex was standing now waving her hands angrily. “Well maybe you got that from your parents, seeing as they forgot you at the orphanage!”

Finley blinks as Alex suddenly goes silent. Her blue eyes are suddenly wet and she turns around and rushes out of their apartment.

 ***

Maggie looks at Alex in shock. She can’t believe her ears. Alex did not just say that.

“Danvers, what the fuck was that!?” Maggie rushes to the door to follow Finley, and stop her, they need to talk, this is not a good situation. But as soon as she’s outside, Finley is gone, there is no sign of her. She goes back to their apartment and searches for her keys.

“Why are you just standing there like that?! Do you realise what you’ve just done?! That was way too low, I can’t believe you just said that!” Maggie yells at her girlfriend, she was beyond mad. Yes, Fin drives her crazy sometimes, but that doesn’t explain Alex’s behaviour.

“I... I didn’t mean that! It just slipped!” Alex tries to explain herself, but her mind is still processing what just happened. “I didn’t want to say that, I’m sorry!”

“It’s not me you need to apologise to. It’s her, but guess what, she’s gone! And we need to find her, and you really need to try hard, because that, Alex, that was just unbelievable.”

“Where do you think she went?” Alex asked, trying to calm down her nerves. Her mind repeats the words she just said and Alex realises how awful she’d been. But she really didn’t mean to, she wasn’t thinking at the moment, her mouth just shot out the words on its own.

When Maggie and Alex started dating Finley, the younger woman never said anything about her family. Of course the first one she met, outside of them, was Alex's younger sister. With it being autumn, and thanksgiving, she soon met Eliza and Maggie aunt Vivian. And she saw how Fin was in awe seeing how both women cared for their children. When Alex and Maggie asked her about it, she told them that she had spent most of her life in an orphanage, but refused to say any more. So they agreed they’ll just wait till Finley is ready and tell them on her own. This was 2 years ago, but Finley still hadn’t talked to them about it.

And now Alex fucked up, and told her girlfriend, an orphan, that her parents forgot about her. She isn’t sure how Finley is ever going to forgive her. Hell she doesn’t even know if she can forgive herself. Maggie looks at her, and Alex realises that she failed her too. Sure, the shorter woman tries not to give away her anger, but she sees her eyes, and the Detective is really mad at her.

“I don’t know, she doesn’t really have any friends... Kara? No, that would be too oblivious, she probably doesn't want us to find her now, she wouldn’t go there... You think she would go to any of our friends?” Maggie took a deep breath trying to calm herself enough to think clearly.

“No, I don’t think so. She can’t be that far, she just left. You think she went to a motel?”

“No, she hates spending her money. Doesn’t DEO have sleeping quarters?” Maggie asked.

“Yeah... it does...” Alex begins but her phone rings, she answers it “Danvers... Yes, we'll be coming in now.” She ends the call, and looks at Maggie “There’s an emergency at the DEO, your unit has been informed, J’onn said to bring you along.”

“Shit, alright. You’re good to go?” Maggie looks at her girlfriend, remembering Alex had been drinking earlier.

“I’ll be good, you drive.”

 ***

Finley walked to the DEO, trying hard to wipe her tears away. She didn’t want others to see her crying, that would be humiliating, but she couldn’t stop it.

Her mind kept repeating Alex’s words, she was not prepared for a woman she loves to hurt her like that. Why would she, she trusted them with her whole heart. Maybe that was her fault, maybe she should have kept that in mind. By now she would know that everyone in her life ended up hurting her.

It was like every time she was happy, it all came crashing down around her. She remembers the day she entered the orphanage for the first time, she was eight. There were so many kids there, just walking around, those kids were sad, but Fin? She was hopeful, she was actually happy that her father wasn’t there to hit her, she felt safe. But that feeling went away so fast, and her life was still a hell.

“Hey.” Fin jumps at J’onn voice. “You got here fast, where are your girlfriends? We have a debrief in five, we have to deal with this emergency quickly.”

Oh, so there is an emergency. That’s why he’s here. She nods and walks to the bathroom cleaning her face. Fin won’t let them all see her tears, she’s stronger than that. She enters the room and J’onn begins. Normally she would stand with her girlfriends but Fin hangs back.

“Cadmus is containing a shipment of hundreds of alien’s. We need to stop them. The NCPD unit is already informed, but it’ll take them a bit longer to arrive, so Detective Sawyer will go with you. Agent Danvers will be leading. Dismissed.” Finley avoids looking at her girlfriends, and walks as fast as she could to the armoury to prepare for the mission.

“Fin" Alex rushes after her.

“No!” Fin growls. “Right now I don’t have time for your bullshit Agent Danvers. We have a mission and that is my focus.” She didn’t mean to snap at Alex like that, but her sorrow was becoming her anger and she can’t be distracted. Distraction means slower reaction time, and that means injury or death. She wasn’t in the mood to die today.

 ***

The mission was going to plan and Fin kept up her professionalism. But with any mission, things can go wrong. It happened so fast, one second Fin is beating down a Cadmus agent when suddenly an explosion goes off above them. Finley hears the crack of concrete and looks up as a huge block of concrete starts breaking away. Right above Alex. Fin doesn’t think. Her only focus is on saving her girlfriend. Whatever it takes. So she sprints towards the redhead and pushes Alex as hard as she can out of the way. Fin falls to the ground as a huge bang fills the room. Fin tries to gasp when pain surges through her body.

“Fin!” Alex yells as she looks at her pinned girlfriend. She rushes over and is at Fin’s side in a second. “Why did you do that?!” Alex panics and tries to move the concrete to free her girlfriend, but it is too heavy. She looks at Finley, noticing that the concrete didn’t crush her whole. She allows herself to calm slightly. If her sister comes fast enough, it should be okay, Fin has a chance to survive. “Supergirl, come in, I need your help!” But she’s met with silence. “Supergirl! Maggie!?” Alex yells desperately.

“Yeah, what’s wrong?” Maggie responds worriedly.

“I can’t reach Supergirl, we’ve had an accident, Finley is trapped!” She hears Maggie gasp.

“I’m coming!” Maggie yells and Alex focuses on Finley, trying to comfort her. Soon Maggie is by their side. Alex looks up at her scared girlfriend and sees her tears as Maggie tries to suppress a sob.

“Fin. Finley talk to me.” Maggie kneels beside their fallen girlfriend.

“Hurts.” Fin chokes out.

“Alex, we need to move it! It’s crushing her!” They try to push it as hard as they can. “It’s not moving! Supergirl, come in! Please…” Maggie begs but she too is met with silence. “Damn it!” she pushes the block again.

Alex sobs and goes to sit behind her girlfriend, placing Fin’s head in her lap and stroking her short hair gently. She listens to Maggie as she yells trying to reach Kara.

“Why would you do that? Risk your life for me?” Alex looks at Finley’s blue eyes, and gently strokes her cheek.

“I... I’ll always save you...” Finley smiles sadly. She can’t feel her leg anymore and she feels dizzy. She doesn’t regret saving Alex, she would do anything to keep her girlfriends safe. But it’s getting harder to stay awake, and Fin doesn’t have the energy to try anymore. She is tired, so tired, she really hopes they would be okay, even without her. “I love you both… So much…” Finley whispers and her eyes flutter close.

“No. No, don’t close your eyes. Come on, Finley, please. KARA, COME ON!”