#near x mello x matt

[blackbutlerfandomnerddomain]

RANDOM DEATH NOTE HEADCANONS I WANT TO SHARE THANKS TO ME WANTING TO EXSPAND MY AU:

LIGHT:

Has survivor syndrome. What's that? Survivor syndrome, also known as survivor's guilt, is the response of a person when they believe they have done something wrong by surviving a traumatic event when others did not, often feeling self-guilt. This can be from being Kira or set before Kira, like an incident from his youth that he forever lingers with. This mixed with his "where's the justice" mind set only adds fuel to the fire of the war in his mind

Favorite food isn't apples as many would assume/joke about

The poor boy didn't really think of his sexual orientation until collage, didn't have the means or needs to and it wasn't only until he dated Misa and began to hang out with L he started to think on it more

In my AU Ryuk and Rem didn't give Light and Misa the Death Notes again and L, Light, Misa, etc didn't die, so this technically takes place the amnesia arc which I argue is a favorite okay?! Still doesn't mean Light gets dreams of him as Kira and isn't aware he was.

MISA:

Got really into the Gothic look after her parents' death where someone was a jerk and said a "joke" when she was still wearing black while she was still grieving

Didn't really fall in love with L right away (obviously) but she did care for him in a way that showed she cared

Loves bubble baths

Like Light she still has dreams of Rem and often find herself crying over the waking of her dreams as if someone killed her loved one in front of her

And like Light she knows after Rem confronted her she was the second Kira and feels terrible about it

Has a beautiful singing voice

After a lot her and Kiyomi kind of became friends, she honestly feels as if Kiyomi reminds her of someone she knew before (ie rem)

L:

Dude, this man was aware he liked both for a loooooonnng ass time, since Wammy actually

He knows Light and Misa were Kira, I mean he subspecies it since day one but to actually be right honestly hurt him.. He didn't want to be right in this case. So, he swore not to say a word since they're no longer Kira and 2nd Kira

Loves baths more than Misa

His family died in an domestic abuse murder suicide and he wandered out the house alone in which an officer found him and discovered his family's death, since then he's been emotionally isolated

Is autistic just doesn't get meds

Has lots of stim toys and objects he uses a lot when he thinks hard or under/overstimulated

Loves hot cocoa with marshmallows and whipped cream

Watari was basically his father after the many years they've known each other, doing the most of a father like role than others, helping the boy when needed, etc. And while L doesn't show emotions he generally is greatful and sees Watari as his father figure, even having him his best man and father-of-the-groom for his wedding

MISALIGHTL:

As mentioned with L when I said "wedding", the three didn't really want a huge public wedding since that would exposed L's identity and it would be a headache to deal with so they had a secret small ceremony with friends and some family with Watari being L's father-of-the-groom, Sayu as Light's Best Lady, and Kiyomi was Misa's maid of Honor. They each wore a mix of white and black with some red elements thrown in there for many reasons but mostly cause L said they looked good so yeah

Their wedding cake was similar to these two:

They all live in an apartment together, similar as to the building they were all stuck in, and have their own rooms/studies for work while Misa keeps working as a model and actress and both L and Light kept working as detectives until Light decided to leave being a detective after so many nightmares of cases and being Kira and decided to be a true crime/mystery novel writer

One day while they were chilling, pre-marriage them btw, L decided he's going to visit Wammy to get any plans of who his next "L" would be if he died and they came along with him. There they were able to meet Near, Mello, and Matt. The three kids hung out with them during their stay back in Japan to see who is perfect for the next role. Weeks pass and all three are doing really well and it didn't really sink in until later that L is actually doing this to see if he wants kids. Well, Misa and Light like the idea and they ended up adopting Mello as their son in which he admittedly cried

They go on date nights three times a week, one for each pair with their trio dates mostly being at home

After a few years of marriage they had two kids of their own in which Mello likes the role of older brother

NEAR:

Like L, Near is autistic (I believe that's canon and people hate it??)

Is nonbinary. I'm sorry I honestly can't see this baby as cis at all!

Owns lots of pants, shirts, skirts, dresses, tights, boots, heels, flat shoes, socks that'll work with him with any gender dysphoria and day

Primally goes by Near since that sounded right

Suffer from night terrors which is how his spark of studying happened cause that distracted them

Demi-Sexual bean!

Got adopted by Kiyomi and gets spoiled rotten

MELLO:

Choco-holic what else is new

Suffered an eating disorder which was quickly helped fixed with Matt and his new family

Mentioned above with L, Light, and Misa adopting him, he adores his family gratefully and it's not just cause L chose him out of everyone

Him and Near still have a rather strong rivalry but it's healthy now and also more so childish thanks to their adopted families

Likes his Uncle Matsuda a lot (Matsuda ends up marrying Sayu in this)

Is kind of that kid in school who knows shit and will market the crap out of soda and candies to the kids who have money and parents who won't allow sugar in his household

Often gets caught sneaking out to see Matt and sometimes (a lot) Near by his parents

Is Pan and always knew it

MATT:

Got adopted by Stephen and Teru in this AU

Still is obsessed with video games and eats candy cigarettes until he's legal to smoke if he wants to

Is straight besties with Mello and Near

Has so much gaming stuff it's unreal

Loves the rain

MATT X MELLO X NEAR:

Got together sometime after Near was adopted with Matt and Mello being a thing first and Near joined after

They're both protective of Near

And then Near would shock everyone with a thrown of a textbook to the face if someone says something bad about either of them

Misa is overly supportive of this relationship, Kiyomi loves to tease Near often, and the many times Teru and Stephen would interrupt calls with them to tease is too much

[elysiumsasylum]

What it is like to date them - Death Note - SFW

Mentioning - Light Yagami x Reader, L Lawliet x Reader, Matt x Reader, Mello x Reader, Near x Reader and Teru Mikami x Reader

Light Yagami -

Well, it depends if he actually loves you or not, because then it’s two very different versions of Light Yagami. For this, we will say he does. I can go on about the other version later.

For one, dear lord, I feel like he would attempt to push you away from anything related to Kira, that and L. Anything related to the Death Note is shielded away from you. Hell, Light would go out of his way to come up with a better hiding spot for when you come over.

As much as I want to say he drops everything for you, he doesn’t. He is still the Ace Student Light Yagami, he has a strict Schedule to keep his grades up. So he does have specific days, and times were you come over (Sayu absolutely adores you, as you are the most normal thing about Light)

His mom absolutely loves you, she will make you lunch for when you stay in Light’s room for a hang out, and Mr.Yagami has heard good things about you, he does want to meet you but his schedule won’t allow it, especially as of late.

He is oddly affectionate at the oddest of times. However he is rather picky with it, he will only hold pinkies with you, kiss your temples, and just reject any kisses back, unless he is willingly kissing your lips. (There is a part of me that feels he is a massive germaphobe so) He does hold you when he is studying at home. He does crave your touch he just doesn’t entirely know how to accept it properly.

You two planned to go to the same University, just so you could see each other more often, even getting Light to Tutor you when you don’t understand something. His your genius boyfriend, he has too. Your words when he gave you a funny look. You were a little perplexed when there was two max marking students, one being your Light Yagami, and… some sloppier student. But then again, you weren’t one to judge.

When Light was placed on the Kira Case, you begged to join him. However he ultimately refused it, saying it was better for you. Sure, you may have not studied the criminal justice track as hard as he did, but he said it himself years ago, you two were a package deal.

L Lawliet - (I really hope you like sweet things)

L Lawliet does feel regret that you were stuck with him. Especially with how he acts some days. Which does mean you have to reassure him that you love him for all his quirks.

As much as the detective is not entirely known for sharing, you are absolutely given a taste of everything on his plate.

Now, on the Kira Case, you are by his side, however he goes through the upmost of care to especially ensure that your face isn’t leaked, nor your name. He would feel too much guilt if anything were to happen to you.

Anything you bake (if you do) is considered his favorite, until it’s ranked out by something else of yours. He is your biggest cheerleader

He has a bad habit of putting his cold feet on you, especially when you both are sleeping (you are he isn’t), he will put his feet under your shirt. It apparently makes him feel closer to you. (Even if he was under your skin that wouldn’t be close enough so) he is cold all the time so he is like a living ice-pack.

He’s as clingy as a puppy with separation anxiety. So expect him to be sitting on you, as he works.

He has stolen your clothes, on more than one occasion. Again, puppy with separation anxiety.

Misa Amane -

She LOVE LOVE LOVES YOU!!! that is not an understatement either.

As much as she loves you, you are never allowed to meet Kira. (That’s just for her) However! You are allowed to touch her death note and talk to Rem. (“Her two favorites are now each other’s favorites!”)

Rem tolerates you at best, much better than Light Yagami in her eyes.

Consider yourself her dress-up doll. She loves doing your hair, matching outfits, make-up, and nails.

Date nights almost every night.

She will always just consider you perfect.

Now, the Paparazzi have no idea who you are, which is surprising of Misa. But there are a bunch of theories about you despite being her phone background.

Prepared to be SPOILED ROTTENN!!!! Anything you eye for a little longer than the others, consider it yours. That luxury bag you wanted, its your gift tomorrow, because it was on your wishlist!

She is a tad bit overprotective over you, as she did lose her parents to a robber, so. There is that small paranoia that she will lose you too.

When doing stuff for Kira, she tells Rem to watch over you, to keep you safe.

Mello -

Now, at first glance, not much of you is to be seen in the relationship. As Mello is demanding in general. However, I would think it's a hidden soft-spot relationship, as Mello just acts like a hard ass all the time.

You are always sent out to shop for chocolate items though... he promises to pay you back (he never will)

He is pretty sarcastic and snarky, very competitive with you just in general, however, he is softer with you. He will let you win a few times if you play games together. (Dont accuse him because he will just deny deny deny, and he will just stop doing it for a while but then go back to it)

Every time you kiss him, he tastes Chocolate and Cigarette Smoke.

PLEASE REMIND HIM TO BRUSH HIS DAMN TEETH, BECAUSE I KNOW HIS ASS WONT

Dont expect that many dates from him, to be honest, sure he believes that quality time is the best date, however it’s just you two sitting around as he does his own things.

Near -

Like L, he is like a puppy with separation anxiety.

Expect him on you while he stacks his die towers tbh... apparently you add extra height to them.

He is a major gifter, but it's like.. small trinkets... that reminded him of you...like I'm pretty sure, you have a small Pokemon figure on your desk...it isn't your favorite but it's just what he gave you.

He will mirror your habits to see the things you like. EX: You like stargazing? He will start going with you more and more. Do you like baking? He will start asking to taste or help. Vinyl record collecting? He doesn’t understand it but hell, he has some habits you probably don’t understand. He doesn’t judge.

He has a personal finger puppet that looks like you. (He tends to place them next to each other alongside his own). They are always right next to each other

He absolutely melts when you mess with his hair. A large thing of putty in your hands

Matt -

Ehem… Backpack privileges go fucking crazy. You’re welcome, Ladies in the back who wish to be a backpack.

Like Mello, every time you two kiss, all you really taste is smoke.

I hope you like high-speed driving because I don’t think he slows down.

He lends you his protective gear, like a jacket and gloves. He likes you in his clothes just in general.

He also lends you clothes. No if ands or buts about it. You have to wear something of his.

He will lay on top of you. Sorry. (He is not.)

He plays with your hair, nonstop. His hands are always in your hair if it isn’t blocked by a helmet.

Teru Mikami -

You two definitely live together in one nice ass house. I’m just saying.

As a lawyer, he will practically give you whatever you wish. It’s almost sugar-daddy like if you weren’t dating him.

Expensive jewelry is a kinda must, more or less it’s really necklaces.

He loves just having experiences with you. Hell, he will take a week and take you to Tokyo Disney Sea (or whatever the DN Variant is)

He enjoys doing a routine with you before&after bed. He’d even help, he’d insist on helping you wash in the bath. Washing your back, hair, whatever you need.

He cooks. I’m sorry. He cooks. I would assume he is a very picky picky eater and as much as he loves you, he’s cooking.

Yall don’t cuddle all that often, as I feel sweat kinda makes him feel ick. However! Winter is the perfect time as he will allow it. He spoons you though. He will not be cuddled, he is the cuddler.

A/N: Hello! This is Elysium- This is not proofread at all, however, I hope you all enjoy my first post. I’m getting myself back into writing again, so expect more stuff like this. (And posting it obviously) I appreciate any feedback! Thank you so much? I hope you enjoy what I have to share 💙🪼

[smallsinger5901]

i can’t stop making them now

[cat3ch1sm]

This is so awkward, but I was wondering if you could write hcs for if the reader called L, Mello, Near, and Matt "daddy" or "sir" or something else along those lines during sex? 😭 (if not that's totally fine I just got a mental image of Mello being like "what-" and I'm seeking other opinions lol)

🐸~ loll!! don't worry i have gotten much worse requests than this, this isn't at all awkward. this request seemed fun lol i hope u enjoy! i love u lots and thanks for ur support<33

nsfw ahead, gn!reader, sub!reader

how they'd react to being called daddy/sir during sex~ wammy boys

matt

~ it just slipped from your lips in the heat of the moment. you had been really hazy and a bit delirious and matt had been deep inside you when it just popped out. and yes, it did catch him by surprise for about half a second since he wasn't expecting it and it wasn't something you'd ever called him before. but in the same half a second he was caught off guard, matt decided he loved it. he doesn't say anything about it in the moment, but it was the way you said it, with your shaky voice barely coherent and your pretty eyes crossed, overwhelmed with pleasure. matt takes it as a sign that he's doing a really good job, and best believe he makes it his mission to get one of those out of you again every time you two get intimate. on the other hand, expect pretty relentless teasing about it. matt both finds it amusing and a hell of a turn on how easily he can get you off, how he can make you just lose yourself like that.

~ "hey, matt, can you get that over there for me?"

~ "don't you mean daddy?"

~ "you are the worst."

mello

~ mello is someone who enjoys being in control during sex. so when you moan that in this pathetic, trembling voice, pleading with tears pricking the corners of your eyes for him to keep going, it's really such a rush for him. the brief moment of surprise at the unexpected title is quickly swept away by the surge of pride, almost arrogant in its nature. you've fully surrendered yourself to him; your pleasure is in his hands; you've acknowledged his power over your body. he'll probably get rougher in the moment, and later on in future intimate encounters he'll outright make you say it, denying you any release until you do, over and over and over.

near

~ although near does usually prefer it when you both are equals during sex, he can't help the swell of satisfaction in his heart when you call him that. after all, he has an ego like every other man on this list, and near gets something out of being at least somewhat in control, even in your sexual encounters where he does normally prefer not for anyone to be dominant. it's not like he needs to hear you say it every time, but near certainly doesn't mind when you do. besides, it means you like what he's doing and he's making you feel good, which is what he wants most.

ryuzaki

~ he probably spends the most time being surprised out of anybody else on this list. he doesn't have anything against it- besides, it would probably kill the mood if ryuzaki paused mid-sex to ask about it and what brought it on- but he just is somebody who likes having answers. so he may or may not literally interview you about it later- did he do something different? is that something that might happen again? what prompted you to call him that? he must know, even if you can hardly even sit up or form a full sentence yet.

[nanome-is-dumb]

HAPPY HALLOWEEN 🎃🎃🎃🎃

ALSO HAPPY BIRTH DAY TO EMBODIMENT OF HALLOWEEN fr hes so halloween

have my poorly drawn halloween doodles 🥲

i can't miss wammy boys. NEVER

and i see no one would feed lawmassacrians

I'lL FeED My SelF

[wammyhoe]

wammy boys when s/o pulls them for a kiss by the belt 👉👈

Yum, yes, please and thanks!!! Did it more like when you pull them in by their belt, hope that's okay!

Warnings: 18+ / MDNI / suggestive, very soft. I think... / L is the oldest with 32

L: He finds the gesture appealing, and seductive in such an intimate, short gesture that he can't help but feel a tickle in his tummy. L responds as quickly as his mind allows him. Leaning mere inches from your face, he mutters, "What are you doing next?"

Mello immediately responds by pulling you close and tugging your hair back to expose your neck. It's all his now, to suck, nibble, bite, and kiss. He loves the tiny breaths it draws from you. You can see his hard cock through the tight leather.

Near: It surprises him, you're usually never this forward, but fuck, he kind of loves it when you are. Feeling this wanted is as new as exhilarating, and Near is there for anything you want to do to him, ready to give in return.

Matt: The glow in his eyes burns as bright as the computer's screen. The craving lingers for a second before he responds, taking your hands in his own. Oh, don't back up now baby, please, he wants you so very bad.

[miss-ali-lawliet]

• Death Note writing •

♜ L Lawliet ♜

Growing Up with L // Hcs

L watches his S/O die because of Kira

L with a mute S/O // Hcs

Ask meme general childhood L //Hcs

L x Hajidere reader //Hcs

L playing fnaf // HCs

✟ Mello / Miheal Keehl  ✟

Just the three of us after a long day 

First Date with Mello // Hcs 

How Mello impresses a crush // Hcs

Ex Kira supporter that now works for/with him // Hcs

Mello playing fnaf // Hcs

🎮 Matt / Matt Jeevas 🎮

Just the three of us after a long day

How Matt impresses a crush // Hcs

Matt playing fnaf // Hcs

★ Touta Matsuda ★

Matsuda and how he flirts/dealing with a crush // Hcs

Ask meme for Matsuda: Romantic, Likes/Dislikes, Hobbies // Hcs 

♖ Near / Nate River ♖

Ask meme Near aging // Hcs

Ex Kira supporter that now works with/for him //Hcs

👓 Teru Mikami 👓

•Ask meme Mikami with anger, likes/dislikes, random // Hcs

[mellos-blonde-hair]

I need shifting tips….

[overlymellodramattic]

ignore the way half of these are mello & matt

(I’m so crazy about them they are the only thing in my head)

[gh0stbeeee]

Out of the Wammy kids, Matt would 100% be Light's favorite.

In a domestic AU where L and Light settle in together and try their hand at "normality" and live on their own floor at Wammy's (clownverse by @ponury-grajek tbh), Light would probably lose his mind from the chaos.

L thought it might be good for Light and calm him tf down a bit, and he maybe wanted to get involved in the children's lives to see what parenting would be like.

But, it goes about as well as expected. The children figure it out within the week, and the successors confirmed it within three days.

Near and Mello make it their mission to figure out why L would bring Kira into their home base, while Matt knows immediately it's because their lips have been doing the tango.

Near and Mello would probably make Light's life hell, just make every interaction a nightmare. He gets progressively more and more wound up until one day he can't take it anymore and ducks into a random room and screams.

It's Matt's room.

Light immediately goes red, apologizes and is about to shuffle out in total embarrassment, but then Matt says fuck it and holds up a controller.

"Wanna play Mario Kart?"

Light, after playing with Ryuk after school for weeks, quietly just takes the controller and starts up a game.

Matt is chill. He is so unbelievably chill in this house of chaos it boggles Light’s mind. He has never met someone so passive in his life, and probably never will again.

Matt prattles on about what a pain Mello was being lately, how he's been insufferable to talk to and that he can't imagine how Light's dealing with the full force of it.

"Seems like a lot— just got off the Kira investigation too, right? While you were a student? And the suspect yourself? Sounds like a total nightmare to me, jeez. How'd ya do it?" Matt chuckles to himself a bit, blowing out some smoke. Wait, wasn't he like thirteen?

"I don't know myself..." He grumbled without thinking, immediately distracted by Bowser shoving him into a hole off rainbow road as he hissed obscenities at the online player.

"Ha! Not as pure as you make yourself out to be, huh?" Light was about to reply, but cut himself off with a shout when Matt shot him with a red shell right before the finish line.

Light starts joining Matt for Nintendo turned game nights when the irritating children start making him itch for his pen, or L has decided to be particularly obtuse that day, and even when he just feels like screaming.

For a barely teen, Matt was easy to chat with. Light didn't go into depth with some of his problems, but still Matt just snickers and agrees with him most of the time. Light knew he was probably getting probed for weaknesses, but he didn't care at this point. He needed someone normal to talk with.

They even delve into respective tech/hacking skills, argue over which government organization's files are harder to get into, what they're favorite code language is, etc.

Matt himself wasn't looking to run to Mello or Roger with their game night chats, it was nice to find someone to play with once in a while, no way was he gonna betray Light's trust for no good reason. Playing video games with him was hilarious, he got super serious and devious when he locked in, and his rage rants were prime comedic material. Not to mention that he's never got to geek out about hacking with anyone before. Who cares if he was Kira, he needed a reliable teammate for WoW.

Light’s favour for Matt starts showing itself outside the game nights. One of the younger kids stole his psp and broke it? Matt would find a newer version sitting on his bed in box. A limited release was coming up but his allowance was short? Light dipped into L's limitless accounts to get a copy for Matt's collection.

Ecstatic, Matt thanks him in the hall way with a big grin while the other kids look confused.

Rumor gets back to Mello, who is quite pissed off Matt has betrayed them to become Kira's favourite.

Matt just shrugs as Mello screeches, they'd figure out sooner or later that Kira was just a mildly pathetic, dry humoured, burnt out college student with a side of megalomaniac supervillain.

Until then, more special treatment from his step-Kira.

[nooneisherekys]

The trio

credit to @/horreurscopes for mello’s design

This is just Mello but as a self insert, so is basically me and near although I’m shorter than Near

[staratinia]

The 2nd Debate: Can men tell?

Synopsis: You and the task force debate another topic: Can men tell if a woman is faking an orgasm?

Warning: suggestive topic

wc: 1.5k

_________________________________________

It starts the way most tragedies start: Misa’s legs across your lap, a spoon of parfait hanging mid-air, and too many men in one room.

"So anyway," Misa chirps between bites, "I faked it. Obviously."

The room suspends in time. Matt slowly lowers his goggles. Mello freezes mid-chocolate-chomp. Matsuda makes a sound like a car hitting a mailbox. Light—Light simply sets his pen down and exhales like someone just broke a vase in his soul.

"I’m sorry," Mello says slowly, turning to her like she’s a crime scene. "What the hell did you just say?"

"I faked it," Misa repeats, all sunshine and murder. "He was all, 'yeah, baby, take it,' and I was mentally checking my Amazon wishlist."

You burst out laughing.

Light cuts in, adjusting his collar like he’s trying not to strangle himself with it. "This is already spiraling. But…it is a good question."

You raise an eyebrow. "You interested in the academic pursuit of fake orgasms, Yagami?"

"I’m open to discussion," he says calmly, but his voice has that dangerous let’s-solve-this-with-math edge. "We’re clearly in uncharted territory here. So let’s clarify: can men reliably tell when a woman fakes it?"

"Absolutely not," you say.

"I can," Mello declares confidently, which is how you know he absolutely can’t.

"No," Misa says. "There’s a difference between being attentive and narrating your own p*rn script while we do all the acting."

"They can’t tell," you say, tone firm. "And if they say they can, they’re lying, delusional, or both."

"That’s bullshit," Mello snaps. "I always know."

"You always think you know," Misa corrects. "Very different."

"You think moaning means it's real?" you snort. "Sweetheart, sometimes I moan to match rhythm. Like a metronome."

"Okay, then explain what you’re doing. Lying there, giving Oscar-worthy fake moans?"

"Sometimes, yeah," you say sweetly. "Sometimes we even toss in a twitch or a leg shake to sell the performance."

Mello looks genuinely betrayed. "*You guys have moves?"

"We have full choreography."

"But why?!" Matsuda says, devastated. "Why would you fake it?"

"To get it over with," you and Misa say together, flatly.

"Sometimes," Misa adds, "it's either that or crush your ego like a wet paper cup."

Matt wheezes, slouching deeper into his chair. "So I’ve been out here doing my best and getting simulated applause?"

"You’ve been getting politely excused from the stage," You smirk.

"I hate this," Mello growls. "So what do we do? Just ask?"

"Yes," you and Misa say in unison.

"What vibe, Mello?" you say, deadpan. "The vibe where she’s faking it to your rhythm and wondering if she left the stove on?"

"Ask? In the moment? That’s insane. That ruins the vibe."

Matt holds up a hand. "Can we get a definition of a real orgasm vs a fake one, for… scientific clarity?"

"Real orgasm?" you say. "You forget your last name, your credit score drops 20 points, and you speak in tongues."

"Fake orgasm?" Misa chimes in. "You make the same sound you do when you’re stretching. ‘Oooh yes.’”

Light sighs. "Okay, so if we remove the performative aspect—sighing, moaning, tremors—what are the involuntary markers?"

And that’s when L looks up. No warning. No sound. Just death incarnate, perched on his rolling chair, eyes dark and glittering like an abyss with a Wi-Fi signal.

"There are seven."

The room screeches to a halt.

"Seven what?" Matt says slowly.

"Seven orgasmic indicators that cannot be faked consistently unless the performer is a trained actress with an unusually detailed grasp of pelvic floor biology," L says, sipping tea like he’s saying "pass the salt."

Mello blinks. "Okay. Fuck. What are they?"

L holds up his hand and counts off with his fingers:

"Spasmodic contractions in the pelvic floor—typically rhythmic and between 0.8–1.2 second intervals."

"Clitoral retraction, followed by increased sensitivity, often to the point of pain."

"Gluteal tension release. This one’s subtle- most overlook it."

"Pulse spike exceeding 140 BPM."

"Pupillary dilation. Irregular breathing."

"Immediate shift in verbal capacity—loss of coherent speech or substitution of language with unintelligible vocalizations."

"Post-orgasmic awareness lag. A woman who came will take 7–23 seconds longer to respond to nonsexual stimuli."

Everyone stares.

"You just know that?" Misa breathes.

"I wrote my thesis on it," L replies. "It was titled 'The Climax Conundrum: Detecting Deception in Post-Coital Behavior.'"

Light looks over slowly. "I want to read that."

"You can’t," L says. "I submitted it anonymously to avoid social consequences."

"Too late," you say. "The social consequences are here."

"Jesus," Matt breathes. "You’ve been researching."

"He’s been collecting data," you say, squinting. "L, do you have a spreadsheet for this?"

"I do," L replies. "It’s color-coded and anonymous. Except Mello's entry. His was emotional."

"I never filled that out," Mello snaps.

"You screamed it aloud in the kitchen," Near says. "That counts as consent."

"I’m surrounded by freaks," Mello mutters. "I just want to be able to tell when a girl’s not into it. That’s it. Why is that so hard?"

"Because you think ‘being into it’ looks like a bad adult video" Misa says. "Meanwhile, real orgasms are messy. Unsexy. She probably says your name like it hurt."

Matt leans over to Light. "Yo, are you okay with all this?"

"Actually," Light says calmly, scribbling something down, "I find it enlightening. Women deserve to finish. If I have to alter my own technique, so be it."

Misa fans herself. "Oh my god. Say that again, but slowly."

"Women. Deserve. To finish."

"He's becoming too powerful," Matt whispers. "He’s hot and informed."

"I feel spiritually attacked," Mello mutters. "I hate that I’m the one yelling and he’s the one getting laid for it."

"Mello," Light cuts in, adjusting his tie with that exact face he makes before he says something awful but infuriatingly correct, "you’re projecting a lot of emotional distress for someone who claims to be getting women off consistently."

"EXCUSE ME?"

"If you were confident, you wouldn’t be yelling."

"I’M YELLING BECAUSE EVERYONE IS LYING."

Near finally speaks without looking up: "Statistically, women fake orgasms more often with men who lack emotional attunement or self-awareness."

"WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?"

"It means you're loud, sweaty, and ignoring their clit," Matt translates.

Mello grabs a throw pillow and screams into it.

L, quietly, sets his teacup down "In empirical studies, roughly 48% of women admitted to faking an orgasm at least once. Of those, over 85% stated their partner did not notice. When asked how they performed it, most cited vocal performance, timing cues, and mimicking muscular contractions."

Matt raises a brow. "So… fake moaning, squirming, some heavy breathing?"

"Yes," L replies. "Though many also described using repetition of phrases such as ‘right there,’ or ‘don’t stop,’ to hasten the process."

Light’s mouth twitches. "So encouraging sounds can mean you’re doing it right or doing it very wrong."

"Yes," L says calmly. "The average male is not trained in reading involuntary physiological responses under arousal. This, combined with ego, creates the illusion of skill."

Mello looks like he's about to combust. "You think I’m an illusion?!"

"You are statistically at high risk of misidentifying performative pleasure," L says. "Your confidence is excessive. That correlates negatively with accuracy."

"I’m going to start waterboarding people for the truth," Mello mutters. "I swear to god."

Near chimes in, softly placing another domino: "Just ask if she came, make honesty feel safe. Revolutionary idea, I know."

Light hums. "Actually, I agree. Consent culture includes post-sex check-ins."

"I want a refund on every sexual encounter I’ve ever had," Matsuda says quietly.

"Honestly?" you grin. "Probably fair."

L sips his tea again. "In summary: no, men cannot reliably detect a faked orgasm unless their partner is spectacularly bad at lying or has a seizure mid-coitus."

L begins typing furiously. "I am now creating a shared spreadsheet titled 'Task Force Climax Self-Awareness Survey.' There will be anonymous entries, follow-up questions, and an optional open mic feedback box."

"NO ONE WANTS TO DO THAT," Mello snaps.

"Already received two entries," L says, eyes flicking up. "Thank you, Matt."

"You’re welcome," Matt grins. "Typed 'pretty sure she finished once.'"

"I wrote a poem," Near says. "It’s called 'Echo in the Thrust Chamber.'"

You stand up dramatically. "In conclusion: you don’t know shit. But the good news is, you can learn. A woman body is not a Rubik’s cube. It’s not about solving it fast. It’s about turning it with intention."

There is a beat of stunned, reverent silence.

Then Light mutters: "...‘Turning it with intention’... That’s going in the spreadsheet."

And L nods solemnly. "Quoted. Highlighted. Immortalized."

Consequences:

Three of the task force members never looked each other in the eye again.

Mello threw his back out trying to prove something later that week.

Matt got a thank-you text from an ex.

Near’s poem was published online and banned in seven countries.

L laminated the spreadsheet Light from that day onward started asking, listening and ruining lives.

[justnother-user]

What we really need in this world is more Matt (Mail Jeevas) x Reader fic

Pls send me some, I can’t find any 😭

[smallsinger5901]

its been far too long since i last made some of these 😔

[callie-the-creator]

insomniac

sfw. warnings: reader is fmab, mentions of kira and his murders, l can’t sleep, etc.

author’s note: i miss l so much. :(

l sat in his characteristic crouch on the edge of his chair, fingers entwined, eyes intently focused on the monitors before him. the task force headquarters was dimly lit, the flickering screens casting a bluish hue across the room. he had spent countless hours reviewing evidence, piecing together clues, and trying to identify kira, but the elusive criminal mastermind continued to evade him. l won't rest or, at the very least, he refused to. his main focus consisted of two things: keeping y/n— his girlfriend— safe and away from any danger and catching kira (l had dedicated the past few years to the investigation pursuing kira), a figure known to kill those whom he deems morally unworthy of life.

so many criminals have died.

his mind raced with possibilities, tracing and retracing steps, connecting and disconnecting dots. his suspicions often circled back to the same few individuals, but without concrete evidence, he was trapped in a maddening loop of speculation. he needed proof, something tangible that could lead to an arrest. the gnawing uncertainty kept him awake, denying him the rest his body craved.

as the hours dragged into the early morning, l's eyes, bloodshot and weary, drifted to the cot where his girlfriend, y/n, lay sleeping. her presence had been a rare comfort in his life, a steadying force amidst the chaos. she stirred slightly, her breathing deep and rhythmic, oblivious to the turmoil that raged within him. "y/n...?" he whispered, his voice barely more than a breath. he wasn't expecting an answer; he just needed to hear the sound of her name, something to anchor him to reality.

she groaned softly, her eyes fluttering open to meet his. "hmm...whaaaat?" she mumbled, her voice thick with sleep. it was clear she wasn't pleased about being woken up, but she tried to focus on him nonetheless.

l hesitated, his mind teetering on the edge of a precipice. he knew what he was about to ask could shatter the fragile peace they had, but he couldn't suppress the question any longer. "would you betray me?" he asked.

y/n blinked, her drowsiness giving way to confusion. "what are you talking about?" she inquired, pushing herself up on one elbow. "why would you ask something like that?" she added.

l’s gaze remained fixed on her, searching for any hint of deceit, any flicker of guilt. but all he saw was a concern, her eyes wide and earnest in the dim light. "i’ve been thinking…” he began, his voice steady but laced with tension, "about kira, about the people who might be capable of such things. and it occurred to me that...i don't know if i can trust anyone anymore." he said, sadly.

she sat up fully, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders, her hair all messy. "l, you know me," she said softly, her voice a soothing balm to his frayed nerves. "we’ve been through so much together. how can you even think i would betray you?" she questioned, despite knowing very well that l had every right to not trust her. after all, he was the head of the investigation and thus the arch nemesis of kira. he must remain vigilant, it is all he can do to ensure his safety.

"i don't know what to think anymore…” he admitted, his tone betraying the depth of his internal struggle. "i just…can't afford to make any mistakes. you know that.” he sighed. this was the last conversation that he wanted to have with y/n, despite it needing to be addressed.

y/n reached out, her hand covering his. "listen to me," she said firmly, her touch grounding him. "i am not kira. i would never do anything to hurt you or anyone else. you have to believe that." she partially pleaded with him. if they wanted to put their relationship on ice because of this minor bump in the road, then so be it, but y/n is sure that it would only result in hurting them.

l’s eyes softened, the storm within them momentarily calmed by her words. he wanted to believe her, to cling to the hope that at least one part of his life remained untouched by kira's darkness. "i want to believe you.” he said quietly, "but i can't let my guard down. not even for you,” he said matter-of-factly. “i’m sorry…”

y/n sighed deeply. she then slid out from under the warm blankets, her bare feet meeting the cold floor with a shiver. standing beside him, she gazed down at him, his hunched form bathed in the eerie glow of the computer screens. leaning down, she pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, her lips lingering there for a moment before she ran her hands through his unruly black hair. "can you at least come to bed then?" she asked softly.

the night had stretched on for far too long, and the first light of dawn would soon pierce the gloom. l shrugged, his shoulders rising and falling almost imperceptibly. "don’t know," he replied, his tone detached and distant, eyes never leaving the monitors.

y/n let out a small, plaintive whine, her worry for him bubbling to the surface. she wrapped her arms around him from behind, pulling him into a tender embrace. "please?" she murmured, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. "you need to rest. just a little while…”

l felt the warmth of her breath against his skin, the comforting pressure of her body against his back. for a moment, he allowed himself to be still, to feel the weight of her concern and the depth of her affection. he glanced at her, then at the clock on the wall, the numbers blurring slightly in his tired vision. his gaze returned to her, meeting her pleading eyes. "fine," he said finally, his voice tinged with reluctant resignation before mustering a small, almost imperceptible smile. "but five minutes is all you’re getting."

[mailjeevasfan]

Hi hii how was your day or night Going? I wanted to request the death note characters with a gn s/o who that day decided to wear lipstick and take their partners by surprise and gives them quick kisses all over their faces leaving them with lipstick marks and then continues on their way as if nothing had happened. Thank You in advance

sorry if these were kinda short but i hope this is what you were looking for!

-death note x gn!reader

-light, misa, l lawliet, matt, mello, near, matsuda

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dn characters if you left lipstick marks on their face ❦

light yagami

i feel like he’d be uncharacteristically taken aback by something like this. i hate to say it but he probably would be kind of frustrated at this, when he’s around the task force at least. he just needs his image to be professional and serious. but in private he’d probably find it kind of cute, and if it was before he started working on the kira case.

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misa amane

it goes without saying that she’d live for this. in fact, i think it would be more likely for her to do it to you. but in the situation of you doing this to her, she’d get kind of flustered in an adorable way but be super excitable at the same time. as i kind of said earlier, she’d probably do it back to you as well, and would totally take pictures.

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l lawliet

depends on his mood that day probably. if he’s busy with stuff he might be kind of agitated but you’d most likely know not to disturb him if that was the case. that being said, if he wasn’t busy and he was also in a fun mood i feel like he’d love it. like even around the task force he’d find it adorable. i can’t help but see L as someone who actually loves little cute things like that IM SORRY

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matt

he would 100% love when you do stuff like this. he already thinks you look so cute when you wear lipstick but if you were to do this he’d go crazy fr. he would take tons of selfies with you showing the marks and show EVERYONE lmfaooo

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mello

basically the same to matt. even though he’s high strung and has a short temper, i think he’d find this very cute. he’d like the slightly possessive undertones the most if that makes any sense??? in general, he likes to show you off to the mafia members all the time so this is just another one of those things. essentially, he’d wear those lipstick marks with PRIDE

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near

he’s obviously a very logical and analytical person, so he’d be confused at first. but ultimately he’d be flattered. he’s not used to this kind of thing so he’d try to analyse this action a bit more, even if there isn’t much to analyse, he just doesn’t know this yet.

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matsuda

would be ALL OVER THIS. he’d be soooo flustered and embarrassed but also would be so happy that you’re being so affectionate, and ofc would return this affection. task force would 100% side eye him and he wouldn’t be fazed by any of it he just loves this gesture and doesn’t care about their opinions at this point.

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