#i had to get out my feelings yk
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In which Ford struggles so badly to relate to other people that he wonders if he’s really human at all. The more isolated he becomes, the harder it is to reconcile with his own humanity.
#my art#gravity falls#Stanford pines#ford pines#bill cipher#comic#eye strain#TIME TO DUMP EVERY ONE OF THE 27483949 THOUGHTS IVE HAD INTO THE TAGS BABY#OK!! SO!!!!#I feel like Ford would wonder why he and Stan (being identical twins) aren’t. yk. identical. shouldn’t Stan have polydactyly too?#as a kid he would dream about secretly being nonhuman and being whisked away to a fantastical world full of people like him#finally free of new jersey‚ finally somewhere he belongs#a lot of this disconnect from humanity came from utterly failing at social interactions while others (including stan) navigated them easily#the feeling waned after Stan was kicked out and he didn't have that direct comparison but it never left#then out in the wilderness of gravity falls‚ his isolation and immersion in Weirdness dragged it back up to the forefront#he deserves to have a breakdown over questioning his own nature. as a treat <3#color symbolism time bc I have a problem and use it at every available moment!!! blue and yellow get more vivid#the further from humanity the subject is#bill is entirely made w pure rgb blue and yellow (+ approximately 2674835 textures/layers/blending modes. I reached 150+ layers. help)#I like the idea that he would appear to ford like pure math considering hes a geometrical motherfucker and how the rest of the mindscape wa#I tried to mostly use trigonometry and related stuff for the Math Greebling. as well as fractals i love you forever fractals#MORE SYMBOLISM:#the grid-ish diamond pattern in all of the mindscape bgs (and elsewhere) is a penrose diagram of spacetime#which shows other universes on the other sides of black holes#SOMEONE ASK ME ABOUT MY EUCLYDIA HEADCANON LATER. IVE DUMPED ENOUGH DUMB HCS IN THESE TAGS ALREADY#BUT I THINK ITS VERY FUN#anyways. fuckt up guys n their egos influencing how they view humanity. bill tells ford hes as human as they come bc he was so easily foole#ford cant reconcile with his humanity bc of a failure to perform in one area#and then the immense guilt and shame over what hes done <3#I have So many ford characterization thoughts. no man nor god can stop me
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#911#911edit#buddie#buddieedit#911 fox#911 abc#911 on fox#evanbuckleyedit#eddiediazedit#my edit#otp: you don't need to pretend with me#1k#honestly ive been thinking about this since the lightning#because yes eddie had no idea the tsunami was gonna happen and the same way it wasnt Bucks fault it wasnt eddie#but this is the guy that asked for a sign about what to do about his wife and she died#then he tried to force his best friend to do something he wasnt ready for and he almost died too#and yes therapy eddie is better with his own feelings but i wonder if it crossed his mind#because maddie probably tried to get him into the keep buck distracted rotation#and he said no probably because he knew buck could need a place to escape to#but still#it could've crossed his mind the consequences of the last time he didnt give buck time#the tsunami the lawsuit all that yk#i dont know i just want to put the thought somewhere#it makes sense that eddie would wait him out after the previous moments with buck and death#anyway#yeah#evan buckley#eddie diaz
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@openphrase123 your fanfic(s but i mainly made art of the mira and siffrin one because i cant remember words for the life of me for i do not speak french) IS???? ? SO GOOD. SO GOOD IM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH finally something to look forward to in the week fr
Mild spoilers for it ig!! But nothing too explicitly groundbreaking i dont think it'll kill your mom to look at these without having read the ff first
Don't mind the shit quality i??? I drew all these so fast theyre kinda shit and i have yet to fully acclamate isat to my artstyle so it's mid
Teehee me when i make shitty rushed fanart to show my appreciation that i cannot put into words for my faovorite games and also authors
peep the rant in the tags
#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat mirabelle#god ive been obsessing over isat lately#its terrible how ive been feeding into it#ffs of it be having me giggling running around because siffrin is healing#not in this particular one though#at least not at the part thats written rn#i do love seeing them suffer in equal parts#siffrin my scrimblo i will microwave you#a mosquito is in my room as im typing this girl gtfo#slight spoilers for this fanfic i suppose#okay so THE FANFIC BROO that part where sif lets mira pick his name?! makes me think that sponsors always pick the names#hence why sif never got a new name and spica feels outdated#also i love LOVE seeing mirabelle get better and better at yk... remembering#needing sif to reintroduce themselves every time is such a creative way to do like a pseudo timeloop#everything was so neat#upset that i cant do them justice in drawinng though i have very little experience drawing black hairstyles#or like being around black people with such hairstyles which is a shame!! i would wanna get a better look at the texture and the variation#BACK TO THE FF i literally read this to my older brother out loud (thank god i managed to pester him to play Isat)#and my throat got so raw from speaking that i had to stop but then itd get to another cool detail and i HAD to tell him#so my throat pain? your fault not mine nuh uh not the lack of self control#case in point thanks a bunch for writing!! i wanna get as good at that as you at some point
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when you mentioned in your tags that there was hardly any laughingstock i didn't believe you at first, but holy shit ur right. YOU AND @krasytoonz MADE ME INTO A LAUGHINGSTOCK BELIEVER. I WILL PAY TRIBUTE TO THESE SKRUNGLY FUCKERS SOON, MARK MY WORDS *shakes fist into the void*
no yeah Seriously though its just us out here, fighting for our lives in the fucking Trenches. in ten years someone is gonna use the word 'laughingstock' casually in conversation and im gonna have War Flashbacks
#no please get out while you still can#once you let them in all the way They Will Not Fucking Leave they are There Forever#the inside of my brain is just me huddled in a corner while they make out in the middle of my skull#BUT YEAH THERES BARELY ANYTHING#trust me whenever krasytoonz posts them i am instantly there to ravenously devour the crumbs like a rabid pigeon#they are my only outside source of barnaby/howdy#them and the side plot in Stamps by Indigopoptart on ao3#oh the side plot my beloved.... im still starving but sometimes they trick me into feeling like im Feasting....#and that one tidbit in Beautiful Boy Its Only Love by ImaginatorOf Things - also on ao3 ofc#and thats IT thats ALL I HAVE. all We have#shoving my entire fist into my mouth and biting it off while sobbing. screaming. etc.#oh the pain and joy of rarepairs... its been a while since ive been so taken with one...#who knows? with the power of friendship and this gun i found maybe one day it wont just be viewed as a crackship by the masses#rambles from the bog#gotta be honest. krasytoonz also converted me all the way#like i was tenuous about it at first...#it was just a Thought yk yk#i was like 'oh thats cute but like. as a side thing. a background thing. they dont have much going for them'#i think that was because i had nothing to enjoy outside of my own brain#i liked the very rare very jokey crumbs from a couple of clownsuu's posts#but it wasnt enough to make me go Theyre Mine Now#then i stumbled upon krasytoonz and one scrolling session later! i was fully hooked! just like that!#laughingstock went from a nebulous interest to a Permanent Fixture In My Braincase!#but yeah uhhhhh glad i could contribute to passing on the Illness#if you ever get free i will envy you#and to future me: if youre free i envy you as well. but i also pity you bc theyre so so good theyre so cute whats wrong with you-#i hate them & i love them & theyre nothing & theyre everything & they wont leave & ive locked the door
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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it
#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL#AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP#yep that was meee :3#man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did#but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying#I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious#I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep#then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh#I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking#so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital#luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point#so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like#I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do#and I was scared it might make things worse#but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack#luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone#and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there#I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city#bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there#so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by#I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before#I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches#so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die#cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome#but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug#but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication#now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf#sleep.txt
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rook be upon ye
#so. this is suri. my meerkat veiljumper#dragon age the veilguard#rook#look ive had A WEEK (positive)#first i got swept away to a llama ranch (!!!!) for a halloween weekend#it was. so so great#got to eat freshly hunted deer meat? a first. i wasn't a fan lmao#and then on sunday my brother came by with his sons gaming laptop with a copy of veilguard installed on it so I could play offline 😭 y'all.#my heart 🥹#today im going to light candles at the graveyard so thats. emotionally charged#but i cannot tell you how extatic i am to get to play da to unwind at night. fucking sobbing.#next week fiber guys are comins and i get real internet and then a desk with outlets and then a pc and then i can work on ouro again AUUUGH#fitting the final piece of a puzzle feeling.exe#im updating you patreons more tomorrow too. heuehshaushdhdjdidudmz i feel so good. so hopeful#this halloween has been so great. and look at suri! love of my life. i don't even care that veilguard has been. yk. /like that/.#when i tell you the SOUNDS that came out of me when solas talks. being mr. sarcasm#varrics take on his character. AUGHH#bliss.#obviously it wasn't sunday my brother came LMAO. i can't remember the day but when da released 💀 BYE
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I'M HEREEEE!!!!! thank you @miyameowru and @mrsokkotsu and @storiesoflilies and @cloudwisp for tagging me i love you all sooosoo much<333333 THIS WAS SO FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OIKAWA MY DARLING BOYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SEEING THAT MADE ME SO SO HAPPY ACTUALLY WAHH I MISS HIM SM<3333333 AND THEN TENGEN AND CHUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHHH I LOVE THEMM!!!!!!
AND THEN OFC MY OWN PERSONAL TEDDY BEARR and kuna and bakugo😭😭😭 i can't believe that he and sukuna are the same lmao that's so funny. aaaaaaand then we have suguru and fyodor💀💀💀💀no comment there. i think fyodor would despise me actually and suguru is a lil yandere so idk what that says abt our perfect little relationship.
OK AND FINALLY SATORU AND DAZAIII WHAT DO YOU MEANN ONLY 85% THEY ARE MY LITTLE MEOW MEOWSS THEY SHOULD BE HERE WITH ME RIGHT NOWWW RRRRAAHHHHHH
no pressure tags: @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat @gothsuguru @staryukis @mossmotif @lxnarphase @kisstoru @ohimsummer @tirasamu @osarina @mizzfizz @sleepymarimo @hayakawalove @nappingmoon @spookuna @forest-hashira @madaqueue <33333
#ALSO FEEL FREE TO JUST MAKE YOUR OWN POST BC MINE GOT SO LONG YK#you don't have to rb this one if you don't want to!!!!!!#i just had to post them all lmao#i'm sorry the fyodor one is cracking me up a little#with suguru ok i get the 92#but with fedya???#sahdhgsadhgsahgdhagsda#i feel like he'd rather actually gut me alive than to be anything with me#AND THAT'S FINE BTW#i want him he doesn't want me some things are meant to be and some are not#hgadshgsahgdshgdhgsahgdas#OKAY BUT OIKAWA MY BABY BOYYY#OH I WOULD CODDLE THE FUCK OUT OF HIM#WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ILOVE HIM SM#MY LOSER BF<33333333333333#i was also now trying to figure out like what IS my type then..#and i think freaks is quite literally the best way to put it#chuuya is the most normal one out of them but he has his moments anyway#and bakugo#wait but#i think i could also call them all losers#asjhsahgdshagdhgsagh#OK OK I AM GETTING WAY TOO INTO THIS#THANK YOU FOR TAGGING ME MY LOVES MWAH MWAH MWAH!!!!!!!!!#tag game#mayor of loserville
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am i the only person who feels like they're missing out on everything
#somi ༉‧₊˚.#like i didn't go to hoco this year#i get rejected by everyone i have a crush on#the ONE guy i dated was an asshole#it genuinely makes me feel like i'm unlovable like#am i that bad#am i that ugly#yk#like looks aren't everything IK but still#i wanna be perceived as pretty and cute enough to be asked out#all my friends have boyfriends or people who've liked them#meanwhile no one liked me since my ex#tbf they have reason to not like me#i'm lowkey weird irl so#yeah#and like there's a girl at my school who looks like the grinch#LIKE GENUINELY I'M NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE MEAN SHE QUITE LITERALLY LOOKS LIKE THE GRINCH IF HE HAD BLUE EYES AND HAIR EXTENSIONS#but even she has a bf#THE KID WHO DRAWS ACTUAL GACHA HEAT DURING LUNCH HAS A BOYFRIEND#BUT NOT ME ???#like am i that unlovable ???#i just wanna experience teenage love#like love u see in movies#idk i think i'm gonna die alone
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ik everyone and their mother has said this already but I appreciate how many episodes of puppet history focus on non-white stories and are both respectful and dont just focus on mass suffering at the hands of white people, and when they do have episodes involving that they still make sure to focus on the people fighting back and not just "oh this horrible thing was done, sad!"
Also I appreciate how Shane makes an effort to pronounce shit correctly, and to be respectful of people's cultures and spirituality, and to find lesser known stories from these cultures. It's always cool to go into the comments and see people who usually don't see their history or people acknowledged talking about how happy the episode made them.
#I hope he does an episode on ndn history I feel like it would heal the part of me who had to sit through 30000 white history teachers#all telling the same story#as good as it is to be in a time where colonization and native people get acknowledged beyond the basic “they were there and then we were!”#bs it's also like. ive had several times where ive had to step out in class bc my white teacher was talking about how white people#slaughtered ppl like me. in horrific horrific detail. some stories which still haunt me.#I know much of our history is soaked in tragedy but I would be happy to see a puppet history episode talking about what we did divorced fro#the white man or at least. what we did when we werent being betrayed and raped and murdered. yk. cause i feel like thats literally all#people know about us. its probably a reason why so many white americans think we're not around anymore haha#if I could commission a puppet history episode i'd commission one on ndn history tbh#sorry tags got ranty#puppet history#shane madej
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it's not sinking in that today might be the last day in my house and town for many months to come
#like how do i even feel#on one hand im excited because like now that i finally agreed to dads stupid whims he technically will have to give in to things#ive been wanting since FOREVER like going to the gym#plus it's impossible to eat junk food when he's there he won't even let me kacchi maggi because maida hai bimar ho jayegi#and aadhe se zyada din toh pyaaz ye sab nahi kha sakte so it rules out any outside food#which is so good because like i just found out im pre diabetic lol#like borderline sugar like ab kuch nahi kiya toh seedha type 2 diabetes#so i need to eat healthy or ill literally die#i mean eventually but whatever being diagnosed with this in my 20s would kill me#also simply the fear of living with him is so much that i HAVE to study#and i want to now it's high time#but yeah want doesn't really work for me#i read a quote somewhere that 'goals' don't mean anything because winners and losers have the same goals#and i was like WOAH. like the person who gets an all india rank had the same goal as me: to pass the exam with good marks#but they succeeded and i didn't so it's isn't our goals that differentiate us#which ik is obvious but like still idk put things in perspective#anyway yeah that way my life MIGHT be fixed#but there's also living ALONE with my sociopathic FATHER who has more mood swings than me on pms#and being cut off frm the rest of civilisation and yk developed roads and buildings and ice cream shops#i guess it is mostly food ig :( which is good like the most junk food i can eat there is a burger from a nearby stall and that's pretty#much it they literally do not even have havmor or anything in walking distance forget scoop wali ice cream#but i like my bed and i like my ceiling with the stars and i like looking out of my window and knowing that the first ever crush of my life#lives right next to me and i like knowing that ill meet my bestfriend atleast once a month#i don't really love my mom or my brother tbh but idk maybe ill miss them it's weird ive never lived without them#i don't know i really hope that this is like a boot camp kota types experience rather than so much isolation that i sink deep into#depression. but then ive hit pretty shocking lows this year so hopefully i can handle it#my sister did say that when she lived alone with him for a month it was quite peaceful and okay because he usually gets more angry when mom#is around warna mostly he's fine#i don't know i don't know bhagwan ji please ab aur mushkil mat banana life bohot jhatke de chuke ho already ab pls#mujhe apni galtiyo ko sudharne ka mauka dena 🙏
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rushed ass drawing of feels bc my fucking gOD MY POOR BOY
angry rant under cut
so, recently on twitter a new sonic ship has been created: prototype sonadow or terifeels (terios x feels). and, tbh, i really like the concept but. jesus fucking christ.
the way people have interpretated terios and feels' relationship has me sick. basicaly, their characters have been reduced to "reserved protective dom" and "pure naive sub" respectively, which is gross as shit to say the least. they are CHILDREN, yet people keep sexualizing them, especially feels' cuteness and childlike behavior.
this ship has potential, i just wish the right people got to mine it.
it's ok if you like their "protective x pure" dynamic, just don't be a pedo about it.
#sth#sonic fanart#sonic the hedgehog#feels the rabbit#ughh i had to get that out of my chest anYWAY what do u think about the background??#i tried something new with the leters and shit#also i gave the drawing an rgb type of effect that i dont like but cant fix :))#i thought it could make the drawing more interesting since. yk. its kinda bad#in my defense i finished it at 4 am and i was t i r e d#also also i gave him yellow eyes!!¡!#i couldnt make any other color work with his color palette#nov.aart#nov.junk
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I was really thinking about if I would ever be comfortable merging my art accounts and I don't think I will. At least not unless I did a full rebrand which I'd really rather not since I'm very happy with how things are situated now.
But I think it boils down to acceptance seeking. I've been socially isolated for a very long time and it's difficult. Even back when I first started drawing au stuff years ago, I contemplated making a separate blog for it because I knew how many ut fans didn't really like the aus. I didn't want to alienate any of the "audience" I'd already built but I also knew there would be a turning point I would just wind up barely posting on one account or the other and it would feel like trying to limp half the time on one leg and then limp the rest on the other, which would be pointless.
But with mirrorshipping (selfcest) being a much more universally contentious topic, I got worried it would only deter people even more. I certainly didn't want to lie about it, especially bc I don't associate it with prshipping the way some others do, so it's not really that im "ashamed" of it, or want to hide it, just that I know it's the kind of thing that's very likely to make some who just walked in turn right back around.
To some degree, as someone who hopes to one day make a career out of being an independent artist, it makes sense to prioritize "growth" over personal satisfaction, but on the other, I've always struggled to care about that sort of thing. Any time I've cared about "alienating" a potential "audience", it's always been more about personal acceptance. I don't want people to see one little aspect of myself or interests and judge me entirely based off of that, even though that's all anyone really can do on the internet. I don't take blocking personally, despite how the prior sentiment seems to contradict that, I get it, I block all the time too, for a variety of reasons. But if there's a chance there're others who don't really mind that I mirrorship, they just don't want to see it or have to block the tag, I don't want them to feel turned away or annoyed, and so I kept it all to a separate account.
There are a few other reasons I won't really get into, too, like how people often do associate it with prship, and how I don't really want to draw that type of a crowd to my main blog, either, but I know in my heart it's the acceptance/approval seeking that was the biggest motivator.
I really honestly wish I knew how to connect with others beyond just trying to "do things right" and hoping that earns me positive attention. I really wish I didn't always feel like my only chance at affection is to improve what I can offer in return.
#some sleep deprived introspection#will probably delete later I've just been feeling exceptionally isolated lately and thinking about it a lot#and for some reason posting about it despite it technically being something I would normally never do#let's get a round of applause for sleep deprived poor decision making 👍👏#or I guess not really poor just something that would embarrass more sane me#sorry about this man#not a vent btw just kinda musing out loud#or maybe I guess it is a vent bc it is still personal negative feelings in a way#I just mean in the sense I'm like. fine. just a little sad haha#sunny with clouds#cw selfcest#selfcest#selfcest ment#juuuust in case#I guess I also had a bit of an unusually uncertain response to my own interest bc I've never really shipped before At All. so like.#that made it feel even weirder and more out of place even to Me yk. idk
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i don't have any real negative opinions on the decision to cut the party size from 4 to 3, but i will say that something i've noticed after completing the game & watching other people go through it is that a lot of the companion's character development seems to be tied to the party banters in a way it wasn't necessarily done before?
which is, in theory, fine--i think we're being encouraged to try as many party combinations as possible since worrying about balance isn't inherently as much of a thing. plus, we've always had some information that could only be uncovered via banters, so it's not entirely a new thing either.
but then we run into this interesting situation where it's really easy to miss information about them if we don't do that. previously, i didn't feel like i was potentially missing out on character information if i didn't constantly switch up my party & you would also just naturally get more variety by having 3 of them out with you instead of 2 anyway.
like i didn't realize i had never taken bellara & davrin out at the same time, but because of that i missed their entire exchange about his past and his clan. previously i feel like we could at least uncover some of this information via dialogue wheels at our home base (the ones at skyhold were pretty comprehensive & would give you more branches after completing main story quests or companion quests), but now that mechanic just doesn't seem to exist anymore.
it's like an extension of the way we get to eavesdrop of their conversations between each other at the lighthouse, but we're not allowed to participate. like yes, i do enjoy that they get to speak with each other & aren't locked in one location just waiting for us to engage with them, but i don't love the fact that my character--who is supposed to be the leader & forming bonds with everyone--effectively has to learn about people through the metaphorical grapevine (for lack of a better phrase)
the cutscenes we get are nice, but idk. it would be nice to feel like i'm allowed to participate with the social aspects of the team beyond seeing the occasional '!' over their icon on the map.
#veilguard spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#like. i get the wanted the interactions to feel more organic and i agree to some extent this achieves this.#but it also leaves me the player feeling weirdly left out of the dynamic a lot of the time?#dialogue wheels my beloved come back i never had a problem with you. i don't need it to be a full cutscene either we can just sit there#and stare at each other as i cycle through the choices.#i suspect theres a LOT of characterization i missed out on simply because i only had x amount of party combinations throughout the game#& im sure some of those banters are location/mission specific too which is even more limited#idk i just think we should have been able to speak to these people more yk
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dude im
i think this is the first time in... as long as i can remember that life's actually going well. like sometimes life just Goes By until something bad happens or whatever... but like, ive had a lot of pretty good days in the past month ish? ive gone to two really amazing local shows recently, plus some other concerts, im seeing my favorite band next week, i might be making merch for another one of my favorite bands.... and yeah ive had shitty days and i got sick but like.. i remember those days well so the inbetween is just, that.. the in between... god idk becoming more involved in my local scene has been so fucking surreal..
#like its hasnt been great weeks back to back but#ive had really great experiences? yk#so like... those mainly stick out to me bc of my memory issues#and like.. ugh#i dont even know it just feels like things might actually start getting#fun#ever since i went to my first incubus concert i like... knew i wanted to fucking go to as many as possible#and thags coming true!#ive found so many local bands i absolutely fucking love and theyve become what i regularly listen to#which makes that so much easier#and im hoping to eventually get my license because like... i need to start drivinnt#which will make traveling easier#if i do get to sell shirt i can make money#and stickers#and just#idk im actually excited for the future for the first time in so longm#like.. i know So many people like concerts#but just like#theyve genuinely given me a reason to live#i love seeing people at shows and i love taking photos and meeting the bands and just everything about it#i met a guy whos been to two shows i have and i got his insta n like#that shows that like hey maybe i can find a group of people to go with yk?#even if its not him or whatever#i still want to try and make a movie one day but i really am considering working for bands and shit cause like#i dont want to be rich i wanna live w a couple people and travel and actually Live#as long as i can pay the bills and get gas im okay#i mean fuck im even willing to stick around my home town longer if it means that i get to do that shit yk?#idk im rambling but whatever#just like#fuck im so thankful to have found a place i genuinely enjoy and most of the time can express that pretty easily
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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from this thing lolz
ty to @cherry-207 for the idea !! XPP
vargas by zarla-s
#sunny's art#vargas#edgar vargas#vargas zarla#scriabin#zarla s#scriabin vargas#would add shitpost tag too but i made so much effort on these to call it shitpost#this took me like 4 days . it could've taken two but i had to go out most of these days#this is just another “ i forced myself to color this thing just to practice coloring ” piece#went crazy with this one X3#changed pretty much all of my brushes#bye square-shaped brush . i'm gonna miss you#i feel like edgar would actually find this cute tbh#it's perfect for them and they both know it#i know that the actual meme doesn't really look like my artstyle#but this is the first time i draw a face from that angle okay#that's all bye#nevermind i want to rant about something .#okay it's like . everytime i draw edgar i struggle a lot thinking of the clothes i want to draw on him#so i literally took a screenshot of every thing zarla has drawn on him so i can yk . pick something out of there#well on this one drawing she made he had this pretty beige cardigan and i was like okay sure let's get that one#then . was just coloring and when i tried to shade the beige it just looked dirty and ugly#why when other people do it it looks good and when i try to do it it just looks ugly ??!!1!1?!#funny enough this is the third time this happens to me#it also used to happen with gray . i just changed the color of the shading to dark blue and boom fixed#so i had to change it to green . looks better like that anyways#so i'm thinking . does beige look bad on edgar or it's just that i don't know how to shade beige in the first place#( probably second one#i think this is actually all
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