#i guess i’m making an assumption that i have better mental health

[a-bucket-in-the-void]

i often think about why i seem to have better mental health than some of my peers and i think a large contributor might be the fact that i never went to middle school

[vxn3lla]

Superiority complex in the law of assumption community 

Disclaimer- everyone has their own opinions and experiences with loass (get that in your head right now)

Everyone is you pushed out- SOME of you hear this and decide “oh people don’t have free will and I control them” while in my opinion you can control how people interact with you and circumstances/sitiuations regarding other people you are also a person. So what makes you any different? You know about the law of assumption? It still works and exists for them just because you are aware of it doesn’t make you special. It’s like the people that say women don’t need to make their own choices regarding health.. some of you think people don’t need autonomy. You basically mold them to your liking like little minions and to me that’s selfish. Also if you know a person in real life instead of making assumptions what I like to do is actually communicate with them. You can manifest cool friendships, romantic events with your sp but don’t treat other humans as if they’re a lower life form than you just because you manifest consciously. Yes technically you can manifest anything but instead of controlling a person why not manifest a person that is how you want instead of not appreciating the connection you already have? Again this goes for the individual and the person you’re manifesting to change but if they are a good person then changing them solely for the sake of your enjoyment seems a bit immoral. How would you feel if someone thought that you had no free will and changed you because they didn’t actually like you? Tbh I personally plan on changing a tiny detail of 2 or 3 peoples personality just to make them more respectful to others but not fully altering them.

Law of attraction- I’ll admit that I’m guilty of this one. Many people in the law of assumption community seem to have a superiority complex as law of assumption puts you in charge and is very simple and to the point whereas law of attraction is more complicated and universe centered. But the universe is the inner world. They are in ways very similar.

Universe=Inner self

Vibration/Vibe=feeling/ knowing it is real

Show gratitude=living in the end/sabbath state/ state of the wish fulfilled

Again everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs. Some Christian’s tell people who aren’t Christian very rude things and even do bad things to them. Don’t develop that mentality. Again knowing law of assumption doesn’t make you superior to anyone you can have a good self concept without being an ass.

Using methods- some people use methods to help them manifest and some people don’t. If you don’t good for you but you aren’t better than people that use methods because guess what you both manifested.

Use methods if you want or don’t same with challenges whatever you enjoy and works for you.

Honestly theres no need to research the law any more but being on tumblr isn’t gonna “make you waver or slow down your manifestations” if that happens it’s because you assumed it would or you were already accepting failure.

Success is always guaranteed unless you decide otherwise

People that work hard and believe it is necessary for success- I genuinely can’t stand these people they push the idea that hard work is necessary for success when really it’s not. It can be because they are assuming so but they don’t know that of course. If only they knew. It’s understandable to have a superiority complex over these types of people who are so limited but not everyone becomes aware of the law of assumption and you did so just be grateful of that you have that knowledge and ignore limiting beliefs of others. I pity these people but it’s not my place to tell them their beliefs are wrong and limited.

[massivedrickhead]

i'd love to see number 6 or number 41! been loving these prompts recently ❤️

Hi :) Apologies that this took so long, my mental health took a dip into the toilet. It's not great atm but it is a little better.

I've already done 41, so here is number 6

6. “Let me be a mom for a second and tuck you in.”

Prompt taken from here

Read on AO3

-

Chloe was pulled from her spot on the sofa one afternoon by the sound of coughing coming from the kitchen. 

She thought she was the only one in the house, her afternoon lecture having been cancelled, so she was surprised when she saw Beca leaning against the kitchen counter. She was pouring a sachet of powder into a mug while she waited for water to boil, and she kept coughing into her shoulder. 

“That sounds bad,” Chloe said, trying not to laugh when Beca jumped. 

“Jesus,” Beca said, her hand shooting up to her chest. “Why are you home?” She sounded rough and congested, and she looked like she hadn’t slept. 

“Lecture got cancelled,” Chloe said. “I guess I don’t need to ask why you’re home.”

“The studio sent me home,” Beca said. “They think I’m sick.”

“I wonder why,” Chloe said, trying hard not to roll her eyes. “Why don’t you go up to bed, I can bring this up when it’s done.”

Beca shook her head. “I’m not going to bed, I’ve got too much stuff to do,” she said. 

Chloe sighed but knew there was no point in arguing when Beca was like this. She was stubborn to a fault sometimes, especially when she was sick. 

She knew it came from her childhood. From the years of casual neglect she’d suffered at the hands of both parents. She was used to taking care of herself, and the thought of asking for help wouldn’t have even occurred to her. 

Even if Chloe understood why she was like this, it didn’t mean it didn’t infuriate her sometimes. 

She picked up the box of sachets and read through the instructions, just to stop herself from calling Beca an idiot. 

“Making sure I’m doing it right?” Beca asked, a hint of a smirk in her voice. 

“Something like that,” Chloe said. “I suppose there’s no point telling you that you should be resting right now, not working?”

“A correct assumption,” Beca said, coughing again. She poured the water into her mug and stirred. “The Worlds are coming up fast and our set still needs a lot of work.”

Chloe noticed the colour of the packet she used and looked back at the box, frowning. 

“Bec, did you read this before you made that?” She asked

It was Beca’s turn to roll her eyes, though Chloe didn’t notice and spoke as if there’d been no response. 

“I think you used-”

“-Chloe, I’m perfectly capable of pouring hot water over some powder,” she said, cutting Chloe off. “I know you want to help, but you really don’t need to.”

Chloe looked again at the discarded packet on the counter. Looked at the tiny z’s and stars that dotted the purple background. She looked back in the box where the orange packets still sat, each one with little sunshine symbols printed on. 

Chloe smiled. 

“Okay,” she said. She put the box back on the counter. “If you don’t want my help, I can take a hint. I’ll let you get on with your work.”

Beca eyed her suspiciously and took a sip of her drink, wincing when it burnt her tongue. 

“Drink all that while it’s still hot,” Chloe said. 

Again, Beca rolled her eyes. “I know,” she said, leaving the kitchen in order to head up to her room. “I did read the box.”

“I’m sure you did,” Chloe replied, throwing away the empty sachet and putting the box back in the cabinet. “If you need anything, text me.” 

Chloe did feel a little bit bad, but she also wasn’t about to turn down an opportunity for Beca to be able to get some actual rest. Yes, she could have just outright told her, but Beca had insisted she didn’t need help, and Chloe was perfectly happy to comply with that request.

She waited about thirty minutes before she knocked on Beca’s bedroom door. 

There was a grumble of a response, and Chloe pushed the door open to see Beca sitting at her desk, head resting on her folded arms. 

“I just wanted to check how you were feeling,” Chloe said. 

“M’sleepy,” Beca replied. “I can’t get anything done.”

Chloe gave a little hum of sympathy and brushed some of the hair out of Beca’s face. “Do you think this is because you used a nighttime sachet instead of a daytime one?”

Beca rubbed at her eyes, confusion pulling her brows together. “No I didn’t,” she said, sitting up. 

“No, you’re probably right. The purple packets full of moons and stars and z’s were definitely the non-drowsy kind,” Chloe said. 

“Oh my god, Chloe, why didn’t you stop me?” Beca groaned. 

“I tried,” Chloe said. “You were pretty insistent that you knew how to pour water onto some powder.”

“I don’t have time for this,” Beca said, rubbing her eyes again in frustration. “I’ve got so much to do.”

“And you’ll have time to do it later,” Chloe said, her voice moving from amused to stern. “But right now you need to listen to your body and rest.”

“My body only wants to rest because you let me drug myself,” Beca muttered, trying to focus on her laptop and not on the fact that her eyes kept threatening to close. 

“Your body wants to rest because you’re sick,” Chloe replied. “You can sit there and try and fight this all you want, but the longer you ignore what your body needs, the longer you’ll be sick.”

Beca knew she was fighting a losing battle, so she shut the lid of her laptop. “I’m still mad at you,” she said, accepting Chloe’s hand and letting herself get pulled out of the chair. 

“I know you are,” Chloe said. “Now let me be a mom for a second and tuck you in.”

Beca let out a scoff as she climbed into bed. “I don’t think my Mom ever tucked me in.”

Chloe felt herself soften, and when she spoke again the sternness was gone from her voice. “I know you always had to look after yourself,” she said, pulling the blankets over Beca. “But you don’t have to do that anymore. You have a family here that loves and cares about you. You’re allowed to ask for help. You’re allowed to show weakness.”

Beca was already asleep by the time Chloe finished talking, but she hoped at least some of it had filtered through. Chloe pressed a kiss against her forehead and left the room, returning a few minutes later with a bottle of water, some Gatorade, and a box of tissues that she left on the nightstand. 

She made a quick trip to the store to pick up some more medicine and other supplies, and Beca was still fast asleep when she got back. 

Chloe took a seat at Beca’s desk and carried on reading a book she needed to finish for class.

It was a few hours later when Beca spoke again.

“Have you been there the whole time, weirdo?” She asked, sounding, if possible, worse than before.

Chloe looked up from her book. “I had to make sure you weren’t faking it in order to get me to leave so you could carry on working.” She put her book down on the desk and went to sit on the edge of Beca’s bed. She placed the back of her hand on her forehead. “You have a fever,” she said. “How are you feeling?”

“Shitty,” Beca mumbled, her eyes closing again at the contact. “This is because I gave into it. If I’d just worked through it, I’d be fine.”

“I don’t think that’s quite how it works,” Chloe said.

Beca sat up and started coughing again. Chloe handed her the bottle of water and rubbed a hand up and down her back as she drank.

“Thanks,” Beca said, putting the half-empty bottle back on her nightstand. “God, I feel like crap.”

“Do you think you can stomach eating anything?” Chloe asked. 

Beca cringed and shook her head. “Can I take some more of that stuff?”

“I don’t think so,” Chloe said, checking the time on her phone. “I think you have to wait four hours between doses.”

“You can’t just bend the rules for me?”

“I’m not letting you OD on cold medicine if that’s what you’re asking,” Chloe said. “I can make you some tea with honey and lemon though, that should help.”

Beca shook her head slightly and moved the blankets so she could get up. “I can make it,” she said before she immediately started shivering. 

“Beca Mitchell,” Chloe said, her voice stern again. 

“Sorry,” Beca said, letting Chloe pull the blankets back over her. “I’m just not used to this.”

Beca seemed like she wanted to say more, so Chloe waited until she found the words. 

“I remember getting sick as a kid,” she said. “Waking up in the middle of the night with a headache and a cough. I went to find my Mom and tell her, and she just… She looked up from her computer like she’d forgotten I was even in the house. She told me to go back to bed and she’d come and see me once she was done with her email. I sat there for hours waiting. She never came. She forgot as soon as I left her sight.”

Chloe swallowed the lump in her throat, and she didn’t speak again in case her voice wobbled. 

“I guess I just don’t get why you would want to help me when my own parents wouldn’t,” Beca said, her eyes fixed on the pattern of her bedding so she didn’t have to look at Chloe. 

“Bec, look at me,” Chloe said, and she waited for eye contact before she spoke again. “I care about you. That’s all there is to it. Asking me not to help the people I care about would be like asking me to walk on the ceiling. I just couldn’t do it.”

Beca sniffed, nodded, and looked away again. “I, um, I care about you too. I don’t always show it, but I do.”

“I know,” Chloe said. “So, are you going to let me look after you until you’re feeling better?”

Beca nodded again, and Chloe smiled. 

“I’ll go make that tea,” she said. She kissed Beca on the forehead before she pulled a face. “Gross, you’re all sweaty.”

“Jerk,” Beca said, letting out a surprised laugh that turned into a cough. 

Chloe rubbed her hand on Beca’s back again as she waited for it to subside. 

“Okay?”

“Yeah,” Beca said. 

Chloe got up off the bed and headed for the door, but Beca’s voice stopped her before she left. 

“Chlo’?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

Chloe’s smile grew. “Anytime, Bec.”

[sapphic-sex-ed]

not explicitly sex related, but I’m a 17 y/o lesbian and I’ve wanted a girlfriend for as long as I’ve known I was gay but it’s just really not working out and I know I’m being dramatic but I actually feel like I can’t function on my own for much longer. I understand that the solution to this kind of thing is usually getting out and meeting more people, but sometimes I find the loneliness so crushing that I can’t motivate myself to do anything socially different. I’m just really exhausted and it’s like this vicious cycle I guess. It’s not really that I’m expecting someone to “fix” me or anything, but I genuinely think being able to be physically and emotionally intimate with another human being would make me feel a whole lot better, and I’d really like to have someone to take care of and be taken care of in return. I’ve got a lot of love to give and no one to give it to!! I do have friends, but I’m not really comfortable with being vulnerable with any of them for various reasons and I just don’t really know what steps I need to take to get myself out of this and it lowkey feels like it’s gradually getting worse. The more I write the more I feel like this might be more of a mental health thing than a sex ed thing, so sorry if this is the wrong place! Feel free to delete or point me in the direction of whatever the RIGHT place is, and sorry for all the negativity!

Hello anon. I think you are right in your feeling that this may be primarily a mental health thing (although humans are social animals and our social relationships do greatly affect our mental health). Lucky for you I am also a mental health professional, so while I can't treat you or anything I will address some of what I interpret to be your core points. I highly advice you to find counseling, be that in school or through health care or even just a trusted adult with whom you can open up, as what you are dealing with will not be magically fixed by getting into a relationship just for the sake of it. It's a process and it is always good to have somebody with you through that process.

Now, to the analysis:

... feel like I can’t function on my own for much longer sometimes I find the loneliness so crushing that I can’t motivate myself to do anything socially different

These are common emotions, especially in our teenage years when all emotions feel a lot sharper and acute than they will in adulthood. I think you hit the nail on the head when you identify your primary emotion as loneliness. To be social and connected with other people is so integral to us as humans that it is not odd at all that you feel it is almost disabling.

I genuinely think being able to be physically and emotionally intimate with another human being would make me feel a whole lot better I do have friends, but I’m not really comfortable with being vulnerable with any of them

I also think you are correct in that the remedy to your situation is human connection. What I want to challenge for a second is the assumption that it is specifically a romantic connection which will "cure" you. I want you to reflect upon, preferably with somebody (see advice to talk to a professional or trusted adult), the reasons you think this way. What are the differences between friendship and romance? What does connection mean to you? How would you know you have found connection? Can this only be achieved in a romantic context?

I have no answers to those questions, as they will be different for everyone. But I want you to reflect upon this for yourself because for most people, we need both close, connected friendship and romance, and speaking as somebody on the aromatic spectrum, for me personally, connection is much more rooted in friendship than romance. I don't ask you to think about this because I want you to think like I do or conform to my opinions, but because this assumption seems to be based in amatonormativity - or the norm that romance both is and ought to be in a sort of hierarchy placed above friendship, and it is easy then, to assume that to achieve the greatest connection we need to find romantic love.

I also would want you to ponder why you don't feel like you can be vulnerable with your friends. Is it because of something they do or say? Because of some resistance to opening up within yourself? This is something that would be lovely to address with a counselor and I strongly recommend it for you.

I just don’t really know what steps I need to take to get myself out of this

I have no easy solution for you, anon. No 10-step list to follow. The journey to break social isolation is a daunting one: the more isolated one feels, the more uphill it seems. What I can say is that two components which make connection is spending time together and talking. Small talk, just establishing that you are interested in the other person. Spend time amongst people, preferably in some context where you have to interact/cooperate. How to get there will be something to work with together with, again, a counselor/trusted adult. I don't know exactly how disabling this loneliness is for you so I cannot adjust for that in my advice. They will be ble to because they will know you.

I wish you well,

-mod liz

[horse-dylan]

Anti’s do be dumb sometimes.

Seeing a lot of people talk about anti’s saying shit like: “y’know you couldn’t save them right, you couldn’t change them, you stupid worthless so and so” and had a little think about how silly and meaningless of a statement it is and wanted to drunkenly babble and ramble a little bit myself even if no one wants to read a fucking novel about this.

I know a lot of people take the perspective of “no I don’t want to change them at all” or “no I want to make him worse” which is fine, all the power to you. But even outside of this perspective, what anti’s say makes no sense as an insult and i’m still struggling to understand why they say it at all. Well..no..not really I guess. Anti’s are making an assumption on why one would feel empathetic towards D+E and dumbing it down to that persons supposed vanity and “narcissism” based on the anti’s personal preconceived notions about the demographic typically involved in this specific community, without bothering to actually understand WHY they feel the way that they do. I saw someone the other day suggest its misogyny and I do agree to an extent. I know not everyone here is female but I do think the average anti assumes that is the case.

Like no, of course I don’t think I can save him, I can’t save him. Because he’s dead. I’m here, and he’s dead and gone, stuck in the 90’s forever. He was dead before I was alive.

The time for saving is far too late. I’m not going to dip on people that think about saving them. I think its fairly normal for people to fantasize about saving another persons life and stopping a tragedy, or fantasizing about changing someones life for the better. People do it all the time in a variety of different contexts, so i’m not sure why anti’s point to this for the sake of mockery. If anything, its very very sweet in a way. Sure it can be a hero complex, or it can be extreme empathy, or maybe its a bit of both but I honestly don’t think it matters when it comes down to it.

Like you saw what this person did but you also see the suffering they endured throughout their life, and you wish you could help them? I get that people resent it because if you’re not being charitable it comes off as “i’m special, built different” syndrome, but I don’t think i’ve ever seen anyone genuinely think they’d magically be spared if they were alive and in the offenders crosshairs, except for very young people who because they are young are rather egocentric and naive by nature of underdevelopment. And I think they deserve grace to grow rather than be subject to contempt. Also, I’m just gonna say it. I am a firm believer that the right person COULD have changed things, could have made things better. To believe otherwise (in my opinion) is to believe that a perpetrator is born the way they are and violence is simply inevitable of an evil human... Regardless, this mythical person was not there and so it did not happen. The only way it could happen with any of us is a time machine. This crime occured (in Columbine’s case) because no such person was present. It wasn’t some thing that was written in the stars, it was alignment of multitudes of disastrous factors/circumstances, and one small thing or person could have changed the outcome, but unfortunately it just did not happen. And so we acknowledge what went wrong, the types of people who were not present (people against bullying, people educated in mental health, encouraging a positive male culture that embraces love over ego, etc) and we try to do better instead of dumbing it down to the individual level of “this person bad”.

I don’t want to change Dylan, I want to go back and remove their pain so they’d live a happy life rather than die in the place they hated the most. That’s part of the tragedy when it comes to Columbine, that E+D were not evil. They were two boys who were dearly and deeply loved and they loved those who loved them. In the last few months of their lives they got so lost in the sauce of their own suffering and misery that they became blind to that love, and embraced their own cruelty, apathy and pride, obsessed with their own cruel image, so much so that they were willing to hurt the people that loved them. There’s a lesson to be learned examining what they did, and loving them for who they were, and understanding how they got to the point that they did. I admit some things in the community can come off as transgressive, but at the end of the day its just a group of people bonding with each other over these two boys, and their own suffering so they don’t have to be alone. I have not once in the entire time i’ve been here see a single person blame or trash any victim, even with people who supposedly condone.

Anyway, i’ve babbled enough, I just block anti’s who say this shit and I encourage ya’ll to do the same because they aren’t interested in actually understanding. They’re usually exactly like Evan Todd, and I don’t need that in my life lol.

I doubt anyone read this drunk sleep deprived schizopost mess but I wanted to ramble. Idk if im even making sense now but

[fallowtail]

You're so right! Wallowing in pointless, narcissistic self-pity by posting the same exact whining complaints every single day just to get fake attention from online strangers is MUCH better for your mental health. (especially since you just ignore the people here who try to be sympathetic and instead write yet more of the exact same posts about poor wittle you) Seriously, you don't seem like you want to be happier or better---you're too enamored with being a victim. You should be honest with yourself about that. It's hard but the first step to truly getting better.

Man at least be original in what you’re saying and don’t make it look like I’m sending myself anon messages for attention on tumblr dot com, come on. If you’re gonna be shitty about someone being mentally ill on the internet and talking about it on their personal blog and not being able to pull themselves up by their boot straps into perfect mental health just because people on the internet are nice to them (which, as an aside, you say is fake attention from online strangers, but then are also saying that because those same online strangers are nice to me about it that I should be able to use that to magically cure myself, which one is it? If that worked people with loving families wouldn’t kill themselves, man, but guess what: they do! All the time!) can you at least, like, idk, have something interesting or original to say? These are really bold assumptions to make about a stranger, what do you know about my life or how much I’ve fought to “get better”? You think you know me innately because you read vent posts I make while I’m having an episode and think that makes you an expert on me? This is honestly a little pathetic of you to be doing when you can’t even be bold enough to come off of anonymous, lol. Grow a spine man, come on.

[angelofsmalldeath-codeine]

Hear me out… But please, please, please let’s use our text comprehension and critical thinking skills before dog piling on me. Thanking yous.

Note: this is NOT a pearl clutching post.

Rant below the cut.

TW: kink; kink in public; consent

We don’t kink shame in dis haus. The lawd knows we enjoy kinky stuff.

However, I gotta say that kink requires consent from everyone participating in it, either actively or as a voyeur. There are hard limits to be negotiated, boundaries to be respected, agreed safety systems for when things become uncomfortable/unsafe.

Hence kinky activities taking place in dedicated spaces (their home, pride, clubs, dungeons, whatever is your flavour) and with consenting adults. Now, when you take your kink into the public space, you are forcing everyone around you to take part in it. And children exist in the public space regardless of many people wanting them to never leave the house until they are 18 or something. Children cannot consent to be part of someone else’s kink scene. And no, this is not a “But think of the children” stances that fundamental evangelicals use to tear apart people’s rights.

The demonisation of sexuality and sex declined over time although it still bores influence on society’s thinking on what is ‘the norm’ and ‘acceptable sexual expressions’. This often led to criminalisation of sexuality and sexual practices which deviated from the established norm (heterosexual PIV for procreation purposes). Sodomy or masturbation were labelled sinful, which required an exorcism or other religious interventions (Tosh, 2014; 2017). Heterosexual sodomy was a crime in the UK until 1994 when the Criminal Justice and Public Order Act decriminalised it for adults. Check Buggery Act 1533 and the famous trials it’s brought us if you are curious. The Mental Health Act in the UK uses the same language to describe sadists in a consensual community and in the forensic setting of convicted serial killers. Thus, making it possible that a diagnosis of sexual deviance can be used to commit a person to a mental institution (Tosh, 2017). The DSM-5 conflates both and casts the assumption that everyone with a sadist or sexual deviant label is dangerous or a risk to commit extreme violence.

We cannot get on a high horse and scream that we are heavy on consent and respect when we take our kink to a fucking Ikea! Has anyone in that store consented to watch their Pup Play? Were there children around? My guess would be yes because it was a Saturday and they were in the restaurant. Children cannot consent to sexual activities. Even if it’s “just” light Pup Play with no sexual acts (I’m referring to touching, penetration, and such, don’t get smart on me now) happening in front of them.

We can be our own worst enemies. We cannot advocate to not being stigmatised, prejudiced against, judged for our preferences, yell from the mountain tops that we do consent better and turn around and force everyone around us to take part in our scenes. We can still be imprisoned and have our lives destroyed because of our preferences.

————————————-

I know the Daily Record is a steaming pile of shite of a newspaper. Don’t come for me on that one but this is where the footage came from.

Source:

Another example

[aroace-number-eight]

hey there, not to provide interaction for a post i’m sure you wanted people to interact w/ — feel free to ignore if this is the case.

as a fic writer who fears dying from health problems or from my parents maybe killing me if they find out i’m queer (it’s a bit of an irrational fear but also not,,, anyways), i feel you w/ that post. not completely, but a lot.

first off — something that may help ease your anxieties about people online knowing what’s happened to you. ao3 has something called ‘next of kin’ that you can set up with a close friend if you happen to die. ao3 will give them access to your account in that case (don’t ask me how they determine if you’re dead or not — they do have a process, i just can’t remember it rn). i have a friend of mine on ao3 who’s set up as my next of kin. if she doesn’t hear from me in a long long time, because we talk often, she’ll email ao3 and ask them for this access to my account. i don’t want any of my works altered. i just want her to add a little note that says smth like ‘hey, check out the writer’s profile’ in the endnotes of all my fics, and i want her to put a short message in that ao3 profile that says something about the fact that i am dead now, but i loved my time in fandom, and the people i met through it.

maybe you can set this up too, if you want to. it eased some of my anxieties about being gone and no one online knowing — my tumblr friends do have my ao3, and check it sometimes, so i know they’d eventually find out. it’s not perfect but it’s helped me.

also as someone who also writes in fandoms that don’t get much traction i also know what you mean by that, kind of. it’s hard. you love creating but also feel responsibility for like, being the one to create. and it’s a weird place to be in but one that doesn’t an easy fix. i deal with it by spending time offline, but that’s only made me ignore the problem, not deal with it head on. i wish i could offer better advice but i can say that while i do love your blog, i care for your well-being more than anything you could ever create. and i know that internalising this sorta thing can be hard sometimes, and that’s fine — i’m just leaving it here.

as for the real life stuff, like schoolwork and graduation, i unfortunately don’t have much experience with that and so can’t offer much in the way of that. if you have support networks offline you’ll probably already be using them, you probably do all you can offline to try and stay happy. it sounds like you’re in a lot of pain — in many ways — and i guess i’d just say to, if you haven’t already though you probably have, try to alleviate as much of it as you can whilst still living the life you want. if you’re not sure what you want, although you may be, try and think of it. it can be horrifically hard when in pain, i know.

i don’t know. advice varies widely on the experiences of the giver and the circumstances of the receiver, so there is a good chance that most of this will not be what you need to hear. and i do apologise for that; i’m not trying to be a douche, i promise, and i’m not trying to make assumptions about you and i’m not usually the kind of person to into someone’s inbox unsolicited and talk about this.

i just know how awful it is to be in pain, physically and mentally, and i just wanted to say that i hope it gets better for you, i hope you’re able to move through the world as best as you can. pain is so unspeakably terrible. not knowing, or regret, is too. i know. i’m sending you a virtual… thing of… the things you like (i’m not someone w/ a lot of eloquent words). want the best for you bc you are a person ofc, but also because you’ve made my day brighter so many a time with the words or pictures you put out into the world.

i hope that you’re doing okay, or will be, is what i’m trying to say, i guess. :)

This was sent a while ago and I apologize for the late reply, but first off I'm really thankful for the kind words and the advice. I kept this in my inbox reading over again and again, and I hope this response feels just because this ask means a lot and I'm so so grateful for your words. It's definitely easing me a bit. I don't mind it at all that you sent this

I do have an AO3 though it's mostly used to bookmark some of my favorite fics (many that I've yet to give my proper due in comments to). It's nice that the site has that feature, so what I can do is translate some of my works and WIPs into fanfic and put those there, and possibly the next of kin feature may be of use

I have a lot more illustrative works than written that are in the plans, which I think I'll just put into a Google Drive or something and share that, so any other artists in the fandom can take a look at them and draw them out. A ton of the ideas I have are very conceptual and abstract (they deal with a lot of headcanons, interpretations from the books, and relationships between the characters the way I see them), and I'm not sure how much of them will translate to others to get the idea across, so I'm working on gathering as much reference material and notes as I can if it's really important. I'm not about about credit, but I think just tagging this blog when using an incomplete WIP will suffice

As for the responsibility for a fandom stuff, I came to a conclusion a few years ago to just enjoy the fandom while it lasts and be more celebratory of the people I'm surrounded by and being able to share a mutual love for the piece of media that brought us together in the first place. My opinion then was that fandom, however small it is, shouldn't be a burden even though it weighed my heart to see something that has given so much to me feel like it was crumbling away. Rather, the friends you make, the days spent creating and enjoying and arguing and dreaming with people you look forward to talk to every day, even if you might be miles apart and will never see face to face, they're central to fandom and are what make creative works so much more amazing and beautiful and loving. I made so so many friends in the fandom from rps to group chats to discord servers, and even some irl, and have let them know on multiple occasions how much they matter to me, and have learned how much they cared about me as well, and that eased my heart at the time. If I had all the time in the world, I would reread their fanfics over and over and look over the small details they knitted into the stories and tell them how much I love their works, and how happy I am to have met them

Note this was my opinion a few years ago, and a lot has changed (many of the same people I used to talk to, I haven't seen since, both irl and online, and these days I don't know most people in the fandom anymore and have very little time to socialize), I ran the whole 13yearsoflorien celebration in hopes to make a community revival and for people to make friends here (which was an incredibly draining process but im thankful it's been done and that @/thedumpsterwizard could help me with it) and ofc my offline life is very tied up with school, so things have been a bit harrowing lately. Needless to say, I think the opinion I formed years ago still rings true, and I'd like to reconsider those words again. I don't know if those same words are helpful to you, but I hope the burden you feel on fandom creativity eases.

Again, I'm so so thankful for this ask, I apologize if I've made you worry about sending this ask whether it had unsolicited advice or felt rude. I appreciate you reaching out, and though it's true advice may vary wildly between the sender and receiver, I think for this I'm sending my gratitude that a lot of this felt helpful and touching, and for your kindness as well. I'm sending my deepest condolences for your situation and health fears, and the physical and mental and emotional strain it all puts on you. I'm glad you take the offline time to ease yourself, and that you have a friend you speak to frequently and who you trust with your work. I know I spent a greater part of this message responding to your words, but I hope what I say here eases you as well, and I reach out in hopes you find this answer and find some relief from it. I wish for the both of us to see better and kinder days and that we will make it through all this soon, and that our fears will stay just fears and won't get the better of us. And that our health will be good too

Please take care, and thank you again for this message

[notforethan]

december 11th, 10:32 pm

thinking of you, but i won’t text you, that’s usually how it goes. i was thinking about it when we talked last, it’s hard for me to think of the reasons i had for breaking up with you since all the space i have for thoughts of you is taken up with missing you and worrying that i will never feel that way about anyone else again. i broke up with you because i thought it would be better for your mental health and that our relationship was a burden. you said you wanted things to feel easy, and they werent, not for me. i didn’t feel like you valued my time and i didn’t feel like you made time for me. i wanted reassurance and you said you couldn’t do more and you said things weren’t going to change anytime soon. you wouldn’t sleep at my place because you didn’t want to leave your cat at home. you wanted an open relationship but never did anything, and you talked about wanting crazy sex but we rarely had sex at all, and i told you about how i felt weird initiating it because of the way we had sex, and you’d talk about still being into peter and about wanting to have sex but we never did and that made me feel like shit. and in groups sometimes you’d act like i wasn’t there. and i wished you’d loved me out loud a little more, more visibly and maybe even just told me a little more. because it was hard for me to feel it sometimes. a lot of the times, most of the times i wasn’t directly in your arms. 

i miss the way you held me. we fit together so well. i miss the way you’d admire me from afar when i was loud or over the top and i knew you liked the way i was when i was going out with my friends and when i was just a little too much in that way. i miss the weird little things you noticed about me. i miss the things you would say and when you’d tell me i was beautiful or how lucky you felt to be with me. i miss being with you after work or when you’d had a hard day and holding you and holding you and being held by you. i miss how you’d be proud to call me your girlfriend. i miss looking at you. i miss how much i loved talking with you and id do anything just to see you for a bit. anything was worth it to see you for a little while. being with you felt so good and so natural so much of the time. 

you didn’t remember dates and you didn’t give me things and you’d notice things were wrong but you wouldn’t ask and i wanted you to ask. and i knew you wouldn’t. and i knew you wouldn’t reach out and you said you wouldn’t ask me to change my mind even though you wanted to, but i wish you’d done those things anyway. and i always would look back and you wouldn’t and i can’t explain what this means but it’s almost like out of sight out of mind, and  i just don’t think we thought of each other the same way. and i know we think of love very differently, probably too differently. and i didn’t think you even loved me as much as i loved you for a while, and maybe that’s not true but maybe it is and i guess there’s no way to really measure that. i wanted you so bad. i guess maybe all of you, or more than you were ready to give. you said you’d been obsessive in past relationships and didn’t want to get like that again and of course that’s good, but sometimes it felt like by doing that you held yourself back too much and i just don’t know. i knew how i felt for the most part but i didn’t want to overwhelm you. i didn’t want to be too much. so maybe we both held ourselves back too much and maybe that’s why. but we did it for different reasons. of course i’m making assumptions and truly i don’t know exactly what was going on in your mind. it’s like i can still feel you. i’m going to give it time. maybe three more months at least. i can’t feel like this forever. maybe if i do then i’ll know i made a mistake. but i need to wait i need to wait i hope so badly i did the right thing i hope you can be okay and oh my god it still hurts but i think i just need to stop thinking of you altogether. 

[tera-91]

The Last (hopefully) Rant of the Year

Honestly I feel like I am getting close to my breaking point … again.

The stress of everything is just, I feel like its affecting my health. Both mentally and physically.

The last 2 weeks have been a rollercoaster. One that just pisses me off. So the manager had me at almost full time hours. I didn’t complain. At least not until I was scheduled outside of the availability that I have had for over a year. I told that manager over and over again but they still insisted on scheduling me outside that availability.

It wasn’t my finest hour but during one of the shifts I told them I had to leave because of my availability. I couldn’t stay the whole shift. They told me to leave so I did.

This manager proceeded to make the next schedule. Not only did they schedule me outside of my availability they also scheduled me for just 2 days that the hours equaled just a days work. I spoke to a coworker to try to trade so next thing I know the schedule is changed. This was nice because I was now in my availability but still under what use to be one days hours. I thought if I leave it alone it will get better.

IT DID NOT GET BETTER.

The next schedule came out. This @(&*%&* has me scheduled for half of one singular day for the whole schedule. FOR THE WHOLE BLOODY SCHEDULE. That’s under $100 what am I supposed to do with that until the next paycheck. That’s assuming that I get more hours in the meantime.

Ive already put in probably 50+ applications. Many of those I haven’t heard back from. I haven’t counted but if I had to guess a number Ive probably gotten 10-15 definite “no”. I think Ive gotten a handful of interviews. Before this new schedule came out I was definitely considering giving up applying for other jobs and even considering canceling the interviews or say no if I got an offer. Although even then I would be out of my mind because one of the jobs is basically the same job but with more pay. Now though, nah if I’m offered the job I am definitely taking it. I might not quit this job I have right away but I’m also stubborn. Im not going to let this jerk win by having me rage quit like I did before.

___________________

Ive let a few days pass since the last time I wrote.

Its been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.

Like Im still pissed cuz I feel that manager is punishing me, which ive said something to the other managers in hopes for them to say something cuz I really don’t like confrontation, and this manager is one of those people that just turns what you say back to you. Like in the conversation you say one thing and then you go to say something else and they throw the first thing back at you.

Bad Example: “I ate a red M&M for breakfast.” But then later you say “I ate a green M&M” you mean as a snack or lunch something that happened later and they say “But you just said that you ate a red one”

Ive just taken a step back and looked around me. I am comfortable with the reduction of hours. Ive given the manager the benefit of a doubt or how ever that saying is suppose to be written. Its basically finals. Maybe they looked it up and realized this and gave me less hours. If that’s the case then at least let me know or a co-worker know so they could tell me.

________________________

Final week is over thankfully. I passed my classes!

The work situation is still a situation. I cant tell if my assumptions are right thought as the next schedule isn’t out yet. This is just frustrating. Another reason to take a different job. Two of the ones that I interviewed with said they do their schedule a whole month in advance! Its sad that to me that is a plus. As I write this, I only know what my schedule is for the next 3 days. After that I have no clue. Either I don’t work for the next schedule which is like WTF or the manager hasn’t posted it (sadly possible with this manager) which is also like WTF how can anyone plan their holidays with that because the next schedule covers the winter holidays and new year’s.

Now I cant even properly enjoy my time away because I keep looking to see if the next schedule has posted. I need to get my head in the game and get as much stuff as physically possible in however many days. There is just a lot to get done. I have an end of the video boom going on my channel (which I put on myself but Ive lost the momentum it feels like). Plus I need to hurry up and get ahead for next year so that way should I get more hours or a new job with more hours I wont have to worry about videos. I really don’t want to get back to the point where a new video doesn’t go live for 2 or even 3 weeks. I feel like that’s where I lost most of my engagement. I want to grow my channel in both content and size.

I need to finish my book. Ive been working on it off and on for over 10 years. Part of me just wants to get it done. Another part of me feel like it is the key. Like when I get it done that will provide me the ability to do just about everything that I want to.

As odd as it sounds I want to start making candles but currently I don’t have a space for that so I need to figure out how to do that. Well I have a space but I need to make it so that I can make the candles in. I read that the space needs to be well ventilated and right now the only place I can do that is … a bit open to the elements so I need to fix that to make it useable.

I logically know all of that but my brain. Its just fixated on this schedule thing. I think partly because I’m afraid of missing when its updated. Which doesn’t make since because I have to go to work before the next schedule starts so even if I missed it updated I would have something to tell me when I go back.

Bah. This is enough of this. Im going to work on my youtube channel to do list and a few of the other things that can be handled now. Get my mind out of this spiral. I might post again this year. If I don’t hope the winter holiday season is how it needs to be and that the new year is a fun sparkly time!

[bisluthq]

I forgot to copy the post link, but this is a reply to two posts I guess, the one who said their dad drinks too much and the one from the teacher who doesn’t drink.

My dad is an alcoholic and has cut back heaps for him, but he could easily drink 35 standard drinks before he started to be “drunk” because his tolerance is so high. He’s down to about 14-22 standard drinks a day.

I have never had more than a few sips of a drink because, yk, look what I grew up with lol. He was still high functioning and going to work on time but having 20+ standard drinks a night in a 4 hour period. I never saw him throw up in my life and only saw him fall down on really hot days when he had been drinking but was dehydrated (cause he never drinks water). This isn’t to make any assumptions about anyone else, but my mum is slurring words after 3 drinks and falls asleep/ passes out after 6. My dad was always “normal” like other dads on work nights despite his TWENTY DRINKS. It looks different for everyone you know.

People ALWAYS asked me why I wasn’t drinking and why I was ordering a virgin drink and double checking with the wait staff that it was an alcohol free drink. Even at house parties when I was 18, my friends’ PARENTS would ask why I wasn’t drinking and say how I’d still be fine to drive after just 1 or 2 drinks 💀 a lot of those friends got booked for drink driving, luckily no one was ever injured.

Then I had one job where we’d do lunches with clients and co-workers, I had to be charming, intelligent and win them over so naturally you’d think I wouldn’t drink - my boss asked me why I wasn’t drinking at one of these lunches and encouraged me to, so I ordered a virgin cocktail but asked them to not say it was alcohol free lol. But you’d think my boss would want me sober!

. There’s so much expectation everywhere to always be drinking, even brunch and day drinking to just watch Netflix. It’s not healthy.

But you know what shocks me more though (going back to last weeks talk lol)? NO ONE wants to order dessert because they’re diet conscious (fair enough!) but they’ve just had half a bottle of wine and a cocktail (which makes no sense) lol. Fuck that Long Island ice tea and have the pastry! It’s so much better lmao

EXACTLY!!! I could’ve written a lot of what you’ve written minus the fact that from my student years to last year tbh I was drinking a lot. I’ve realized it’s not great for my mental health or my physical well-being and impacts a lot of my relationships tbh in a negative way so I’ve cut back a HUGE amount. What’s funny is like I said that people, even some people who previously expressed concern for how much I’m drinking, are still baffled that I don’t want to drink. I ordered a tomato juice at brunch recently because I… like tomato juice… and the friend I was with was like “why don’t you just get a Bloody Mary?” and I was like “because I… don’t want vodka? I want tomato juice?” and she was like “yea but you can have one cocktail surely even with your whole cutting back thing” and I was like “I absolutely can, but I don’t want to” 🤷🏻‍♀️ I did want an Aperol Spritz the one time, so I had it. But I didn’t want vodka for breakfast tbh and that was, to my friend, odd. Another friend who literally EXPRESSED CONCERN about my drinking a few months ago invited me round for drinks recently and I was like “can we rather go for a walk?” and she didn’t want to lol. It’s just this pervasive thing everywhere yk and it really has started to bug me. Like I want to do other things lol except sit around drinking tbh and I don’t want to be fucked up every time I go out. It’s also funny you mention the pastries thing because as I’ve said I try to follow IE principles and I haven’t been big into sweet things but since I cut back on the booze I’m super into cookies lmao. I keep fucking buying cookies and just munching them 😂 Cookies are so good y’all, way better than vodka 😂🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

[miguenhasthoughts]

07/07

How long has it been? Emotional turmoil has been a stranger recently and I have been more lost in familiar motions. The summer heat has been most opposed to my good mood. It surprises me when people want to go out in this blistering heat if they don’t have to. Though I say that about the storms in the winter… maybe I am projecting my preferred hermit lifestyle onto others.

I have been more active in this summer than those of years past. I’ve been going out to get drinks, dressing up, going out to the water, roller skating of all things. So maybe I’m not the hermit I aspire to be. I’m trying to challenge myself this year to be more proactive in things in my life. Financially it has been hard. And I feel winded at times by that aspect. This year I’m trying to focus on my mental health, despite the looming threats by the powers that be. God I hate this country. I just want a roof over my head with AC, to love who I love and to be who I am out in public. To get the healthcare I deserve and just live a fulfilling life. The world is so cruel. I guess saying the heat is my only enemy currently is another contradiction when this year is burdening everyone in this country with a fucked up choice. I just want to wear a sundress and feel the wind on my skin.

Despite the awful start to this year we have upsides. I have a girlfriend! I should say partner but she views me as her girlfriend and it is so validating to be in a lesbian relationship. She so sweet with a big heart and is really crafty and creative. I’ve never met such a reliable problem solver. She is also really emotionally intelligent that I respect the hell of.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t aware of the damage my last break up did to me. I still get insecure that I’m missing something and they will leave me without a word. All of my abandonment issues came rushing back when Micah ghosted me. Whenever I get the feeling of insecurity I have been addressing in by talking my anxiety down and trying to rationalize every assumption. It is exhausting and it tears me up. If May and I do break up I just want to make sure they are better than when we found each other. That we built each other up and if we ever found ourselves on separate paths that it was amicable.

Maybe it is because Micah has a birthday coming up and that is why they happen to be on my mind. They haven’t been for weeks. Yet I still feel a form of guilt that our relationship probably took a toll on their health and the cost of seeing me was grander than the enjoyment of the relationship. I never wanted them to be burdened by the relationship and I still wish there was closure.

Navigating my relationship with Sam has been complex. With my low libido and low amounts of time, it is hard to show physical affection and I worry that emotional and social affection isn’t enough for them. Or at least it activates their insecurities where they think I am disinterested. Which I admit is fair, without the intimacy it does feel like we are just going through the motions as roommates that sleep in the same bed and share a car and pets. We have our own activities and even spending time 1 on 1 isn’t always viable each week. I have been putting in effort to appease those needs that I know they have but I am sure it is noticeably forced. Beyond that we are good tho. We don’t argue or fight, we are just in a rut with each other.

On the other side of the coin Sam has been spending more time with their partner Barry. And I think his age and maturity is becoming more apparent for Sam. He comes from a neglectful home and hasn’t had a healthy social life growing up. These situations happen and he shouldn’t have to feel insecure about but Sam has been getting increasingly frustrated when they are showing Barry the give and pull of relationships require Barry would rather bury his head in the sand and hide behind his trauma then working on himself if it’d help the relationship. Which to me sounds about right for a young white man who is barely in his twenties. Not saying he won’t grow out of it or even that it’s the issue but it is part of growing pains that I am too sure if Sam has the patience for. It’s been interesting trying to play defense for Barry while also validating Sam’s emotions to make sure they both have a healthy outcome from their current spats.

[mental-health-advice]

I need a bit of advice. My brother is showing suicidal behaviour and signs of depression. My parents, they tend to react to things explosively. I had to tell them and now everyone is really panicked at home. My parents are talking with him. From my past experiences i know tgey will talk about thier own feelings and how much it would hurt them if something happens to him.

I have had suicidal thoughts in past. I never told them. I told them about other things, though and they reacted the same way. It didn't help me and kind of made things worse for me. I felt unheard. Like my feelings didn't matter. I have had time to get over this and i am doing not good, but better then where i was.

I don't know if i am just projecting from my own experience. But i feel like it will only make it worse for him. I am going try to convince my parents that he needs professional help. But i feel like i need to do more. I don't know what i can do.

Also another thing is that i feel kind of, i dunno, numb thorough this all. Like i am not surprised this happened. A funny, not so funny thing is, i was planning to get out of this house as soon as i can. And now i can't leave. I can't abandon my brother.

I know yall are not really therapists. I don't really expect advice. I guess, i juat needed to share all this. Get it off my chest.

Hey there,

Firstly, thank you so much for getting into contact with us! Sometimes just venting and getting things off your chest as well as knowing someone is/ has read what you wrote can make the world of difference. I really hope that by sending in your Ask you got some relief!

I am so sorry that your brother is showing some suicidal behaviours but I think it’s great that you were able to confide in your parents about this, despite your own personal experiences with how your parents have reacted in the past when it comes to suicidal ideation and mental health in general.

I think that it is important that you share with your parents that you think your brother needs access to some professional help and support. A great first step in getting the ball rolling with this is by seeing your local doctor or GP. Some additional information about getting help can be found on our page here.

This is just an assumption, but is it possible that your parents reacted the way they have done due to not really knowing how else to act and go about supporting your brother in this difficult situation, and in the past you as well? If this is the case, then perhaps giving them some examples of what may be helpful for them to do, helpful advice and support they can provide for your brother may be helpful for them to know? Think back to how they could have better supported you when you were really struggling and use this as a basis for how you can talk to them about better supporting your brother.

It's also important that you receive some professional help and support for yourself. Yes, your brother may be struggling a bit more than you at the moment, but you deserve help and support too and if you think of it this way.. if you are in a better state of mind then you will then be better able to be there for your brother as well!

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

[uhlavender]

Oh no I didn’t remember your URL at all, haha. I was trying to remember, but I couldn’t. I just remembered having an alt account and logged in. 

Wow that’s so cute and wholesome! I’m so happy you found a healthy relationship! And they’re totally right, you shouldn’t rush yourself. You may feel alright, but it usually takes longer to heal. If you hurt yourself again before it heals, you’ll be much worse and can’t do shit, so be careful. Sometimes, you just gotta treat yourself as if you’d treat a child.

Yeah the music question is difficult, I should have made it easier! That album for that Lorde song is so comforting. It’s so light, sunny, and peaceful. I remember when it came out, it was so polarizing, but I liked it. Cults is such a throwback, I didn’t even realize they made new music. I used to listen to music from their first two albums a lot. When I read into the With My Eyes Closed lyrics, to me it’s about being scared of your future or outcome and it’s staring right back at you. So you close your eyes to keep it a surprise or having to stare at it back. I think it’s also about working hard to achieve a goal in your life, and wondering if it’s worth it or if it’s what you really wanted. I think the last lyric means it most likely was worth it. But that’s just my interpretation! 

If I had to answer the question, I’d probably do two songs too. In the first half I’d choose Rock Music by Shlohmo. That album pretty much predicted COVID and gives off world ending, apocalyptic L.A. feelings. The latter half, I’d choose Movement 6 from the album Promises. It’s my favorite album as of recently and reminds me of 2021 and onward.

I share a similar view as you. I used to plan my future a lot and have these expectations for myself, but I discovered that just leads to disappointment (but I guess it depends on the person). For me, life isn’t just a moving goal post. I think it’s better to be living in the present. I think it’s still okay to set loose goals and a direction for yourself, but I don’t believe in a strict stairway to success. 

Anyway, that’s super cool that you plan to go to Shanghai! I think knowing a different language is a superpower, it grants you a new perspective of the world. So I’m totally for it and cheering you on. There are so many cultures and communities to discover around the world. I’m trying to learn a new language, and I read a lot about theories in learning new languages, so if you need any pointers in developing your Chinese let me know. 

Honestly, I shouldn’t have thrown that question in there. My memory is a blur too, so I share the same sentiment. I just remember wholesome feelings of sharing each others perspectives in life.

I guess I asked that question because I have identity issues or I’m just existential. I feel as if my whole life, my personality has been in pleasing others and making sure everyone’s happy, to the point where I don’t really know how to be myself. I end up having too many hobbies or interests and it leads to feeling like I’m not good at anything. I just feel like I don’t have an identity. I wish I “had it together”, where I know what I want to do and I know what I want to stand for, and I knew what opinions I had for something. But I feel like I’m always in the gray, I’m always an “I guess” person, never decisive, and always basing my decisions on pleasing others. Not sure if you get me. When I was reading the past posts, my assumption is that I was wondering if I was “pleasing” you, if I was responding “correctly”, when in reality, I’m just wondering if I’m “being myself” or not. I feel like my personality back then wasn’t real and it was just mental illness in control lol. Ever since I stabilized my mental health, I really don’t know how to be myself, or what it’s like to experience being normal lol. I’m always inspired by artists, and wish I had some form of identity. Back then it was so easy to express myself, but now that I’ve changed so much, I feel it’s so hard to express myself and give a fuck about anything. I guess I have no one to please but myself now, and I don’t know how to please myself because I don’t even know myself lmao. It must be confusing but I hope that makes some sense! Also, not expecting an answer or anything, I’m just ranting at this point, haha.

Also, I don't expect you to respond to everything, this is getting super long! Unless you like these long back and forths, then go crazy haha.

Yea I love both lorde and cults. I'm very loyal to my nostalgia lol. I saw cults in concert though and it was really bad. The band was great but the singer was really pitchy. I needed some space from their music after that since it was so disappointing.. but yea, love their recorded music. I think your interpretation is interesting.

I like the songs you chose.

I'm working on the moving goal post thing. I always tell people to stay present but that's because I have such a hard time enjoying the process. I'm so goal-oriented, always have been. It's not sustainable and leads to burnout.

What language are you learning? I'm interested to hear more about these language-learning theories. Don't think I'm very familiar with the topic.

I think there is a lot of value in being in the grey. Nothing in life is black and white anyway, objective truth doesn't exist, and good and bad are just concepts. I have a lot of interests too, and there seems to be an expectation to master something and have a niche because of marketability and capitalism. But your many interests do make up who you are, and you don't have to pigeon hole yourself into one thing.

The phrase is, "jack of all trades, master of none, but better that than a master of one."

Not knowing who you want to be is an opportunity for you to explore and find out. I have a friend who has never been in a relationship and she just started dating maybe two years ago. I remember her asking me what to look for in a partner cuz she didn't know what she liked. But there was no advice I could give except to fuck around and find out. The only way to know is through doing. And what you don't want/who you aren't is just as important as you are too! It's honestly a really exciting position to be in.

Also, I just wanna say, people are always changing. It's not like you know who you are and then you stay that person forever anyway. Imo learning about yourself is the key to confidence and self-assuredness. I think people are always constantly learning about themselves because if you aren't changing, you aren't growing, and that's the worst thing you can do.

[goldenharmony]

I do blame the rise of salt for causing a very black and white view on this, since its also a similar situation with the RWBY fandom in how the rise of hatewatching and dunking on it made regular fans paranoid on what’s salt and what isn’t. For ML’s s1-s2 era, people could talk normally if they didn’t like a certain aspect, but it certainly changes if you start having an intense amount of hatred towards a certain character, relationship, or plot point. Especially when people feel the need to insult the writers or make huge assumptions about the production process along with haters often insulting other people’s intelligence if they still like the overall series, so it’s a fear of being lumped with those people. Along with the fact that a lot of popular salt against a character is sometimes veiled in problematic shit like misogyny, racism, or disregard for mental health/trauma so people might have bad experiences if it personally affected them.

While I can still talk about things I might not like in ML with my friends, I find it WAY easier to talk about the cons of my other hyperfixations (which I’d still consider to be amazing series) because I guess I know that I’m not surrounded by intense amounts of negativity. But it also helps that I can search up “Sailor Moon” or “Winx Club” and not a get a flood of youtube essays on why it actually sucks, even if they aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. 

I also find its a similar case with rewrites/reimaginings or redesigns.  Some rewrites are fun but some have “The writers are so dumb, I’m such a better writer” vibes which is like....no thx lol. 

maybe I’m like. old. but I find it so sad people will talk about like, regular criticism or what they want instead from A Media and they tag it as salt 😭 have we lost the ability to have differing opinions in fandom? do people really get that pressed? I enjoy seeing people’s opinions!!

[firagaarmor]

O Sole Mio

Ive Gaeul x Male Reader

SFW

TW: Depression? Maybe, I thought I had to put this. But, this is a fluff, I promise

You never thought it would get to this point. A decent house you can call home. A job that pays well with good friends and colleagues and one where you’re very good at and enjoy at the same time. But there’s one that you treasured the most. Your wife, Kim Gaeul. It was love at first sight when you first met her. You still remembered how it was back then.

It was your first day in college. You walked through the halls and corridors to your dormitory. You walked while memorizing the place considering this is where you’ll live for the next few years. As you walked up the stairs, you saw that there was a girl in front of your room trying to open the door. “Sorry, I think you got the wrong room there. This is my room actually” You said to her. She turned around and you were starstruck by her beautiful face. You felt as though an angel was in front of you. “Oh my mistake, sorry” She looked at her keys properly this time. It matched the door to your right. “Uh - It’s alright really hehe. I think your room is next to mine.” You said. “Oh right! My bad. I’m Gaeul by the way, Kim Gaeul.” She smiled and extended her arm to properly greet you. You properly introduce yourself to her. “Looks we’ll be seeing each other quite a lot.” She chuckled and smiled making your heart race. “Hehe, guess I’ll see you around Gaeul.” You smiled nervously as you answered her. After that you both went to your rooms.

The next few months definitely felt like the happiest times of your life. College sucked and the lecturers didn’t care much given how much work you need to do everyday. You were barely hanging on but at least you had her. Her schedules had a lot in common with yours so both of you were bound to get close. You went to classes with her, have lunch together, and even did a few projects along with her. Your feelings were growing and you wanted to tell her so bad. Unfortunately, your inner demons said otherwise. You had hurt your lover and broke her heart in highschool. It took a long time before you forgive yourself, but that fear remained. You tried to keep your feelings buried, but in the end, it only became stronger.

She seemed like a social butterfly. She would always greet someone when you walk with her to class. It felt like she knew everyone on campus. You thought it would be logical for her to go out and hang out with her friends. Instead she spends long hours in your room, talking with you about basically everything. You felt as though she knew you even better than yourself. Some part of you suggest that perhaps she felt the same way about you,  but the other part made the assumption that she just sees you as a really good friend. Either way, your heart would always beat wildly when she’s around. It’s like your heart now beats for her….

“Hon? Honey? Hey what’s wrong?” She waved her hand snapping you from your trance and her face showed concern. You’re brought back to your home with her. You remembered that you were having dinner with her. “Oh my, did I spaced out?” You said as you shook your head trying to regain focus. “You did hon, what happended? I saw that you weren’t touching your food. Is – is it not good? I’m sorry, I’m – “ You reach forward, holding her hand as you explained. “Hey hey, It’s alright, I’m sorry I made you worried. Just started reminiscing about how we met at college.” You smiled as you hold her hand. She chuckled and held onto your hand as her lips curve into the same smile she had back then.

“I never properly thanked you have I?.”

“Thank me? For what?” She asked back.

“For saving me.” You stared into her obsidian eyes and smiled brightly.

It was your second year of college. It was getting harder and harder just getting through day. You feel so exhausted with each passing day and you can feel your mental health deteriorating. It felt like you were drowning in a sea of darkness. Loneliness and despair is what you felt each second. You had tried to fight it off alone, not wanting other people to be burdened by you. In the end, nothing was working. You knew you needed to do something, anything to save your soul. In the middle of the night, you got out of your room and knocked on her door. You thought that she was probably asleep, but she opened her door after the second knock. She immediately hugged you which caught you off guard. It was as if she knew something was wrong the moment she looked at your eyes. You cried on her shoulders as she rubbed your back and said nothing.

“After that we went to your room where I told you what was wrong. You never interrupted me once. You just listened as you hold my hand in yours. You became my sun again and your light brighten my world once more. Thank you so much Gaeul. Thank you for saving me. I love you.” As you finished, you take her hand and kissed the back of it. She smiled brightly and moved to sit on your lap. “I love you too.” Her lips meet yours and you felt like you were falling in love all over again. She broke the kiss after and played with your hair while staring into your eyes. “Now, let me feed you before it turns cold.” She smiled while bringing a spoon full to your mouth. You ate it with the biggest smile on your face. It didn’t take long before you were done with your meal.

She grabbed the plates and began washing it as you stared at her through your seat. An idea came into your mind and you smiled. You slowly make your way behind without her knowing. Suddenly you hugged her from behind making her yelp at your presences. Both of you were laughing as she finishes washing the dishes. You then carry her bridal style and she wrapped her arms on your neck, her eyes looking at you with so much love and warmth. As you reach the bed, you put her down slowly and went to your side of the bed. She turned off the light and faced you. Your hands go to her face to carress her as kiss her on the forehead. “I love you Gaeul, and thank you again for  saving me.” She smiles and pecks you on the lip “I love you too, and I’ll always be your sun.” Both of you then sleep, holding each other. You were happy and satisfied with your life. You had found her. Your sunshine. Your O Sole Mio.

Note: I actually had the idea for this fic before Weekend Break. I was inspired to write for one of my ults and I wanted it to be a fluff. For some reason O Sole Mio by iz*one got stuck in my head so I figured I’ll name the fic after the song lol

Side Note: O Sole Mio means my own sun or my own sunshine