#i guess everything still sucks
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today i met a bunny at my local pet store,,, and then accidentally hit one on my way home from a weyes blood concert.. tf is my life
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when did that start?
#vent art a bit?? or a lot i guess? depending on how you feel about realizing you are burnt out which hm.#i think it's a lot of factors that started it all tbh and i think having a rough year just made everything a little more worse#perhaps i'm just not in the right headspace and consequently it feels like i ran out of juice after 15+ yrs#and my art started to feel ........disposable (which i'm aware it's not but you know how it goes)#this fucking sucks truthfully but i think putting a label to the feeling feels a little better because it's sentient now#and it being real means there's hope of making it (ironically) disposable one day#i will still draw dw but it's just gonna take time i think#didn't expect to be vulnerable on a late Monday night but if you feel like this also you're not alone#anyway i'm just gonna sleep thank u if you made it this far#doodles
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alien emoji
#ts4#simblr#ts4 edit#ts4 render#sims 4#myedits#AUverse#bow#dhestyn#kelly#sue#gaston#good news i didn't forget how to make things#this still isn't the band edit i had planned to do but idk it's kind of fun i guess#i used the blender compositor for some of the effects :-)#looking at it now it kind of ended up being an unintentional remake of that one bandAU edit i did forever ago#i never did like that one#the lighting was. not good.#but anyway! look at me posting my other OCs for once!#stella & marky are not in the band but#stella sells merch for them at their shows & marcus very lovingly tells them how much their music sucks#btw they actually are a band in canon. they perform in their high school talent show & everything#they don't get big at all though & they kind of just... give up on it after a while#kel is the only one out of the 5 of em who actually knows anything about making music#so they were doomed from the start really#this AU is literally the exact same as canon but they get mildly famous#probably played at warped tour or something when that was still a thing lol
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shoutout to media with only one female character thatās just a vessel for a sexual assault and/or pregnancy plot line with very little or no characterization beyond that
#inspired by#mouthwashing#thereās other media this relates to#Iām just thinking a lot about this game right now#idk I love the game and its art direction and the story is still amazing#it just sucks that anya wasnāt as developed as the other characters#and felt like more of a tool to make jimmy more of an unsympathetic asshole#almost everything about her revolved around jimmy#I guess you could make an argument that since jimmy is an unreliable narrator that anyaās lack of character is how he views her#sheās nothing to him#but even the sections playing as curly she falls kinda flat and still involves jimmy#idk maybe Iām being too critical#Iām just kinda tired of plot lines like these#where women are reduced down to their trauma and thatās all they are#not saying they shouldnāt exist!! they are still valid stories#I just wish they had more tact#I understand though that this is an indie title with only so much time and resources to put into such a big project#and I understand that more time was probably put into the art direction and gameplay and coding than just some extra lines of dialogue
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the next thing i need to do to become a better butch or a better dyke or a better feminist or whatever is abandon wired bras. but im scared
#D/DD and they HATE ME#i only have 3 sports bras that are actually supportive enough but dont prevent me from breathing#my new favorite bra doesnt have padded cups (for years i just wore the ones i got at victoria's secret as a teen) but it still has wire#to keep everything in place#because they love to move around and hurt.#i also ironically experience more chest dysphoria when im not wearing a bra (i dont experience it that much but when i do it sucks)#bc im more aware i guess#and i also dont want my chest to be perceived by men at all which sucks when they make up roughly half of the population#ive been considering getting one of the shefits from the instagram ads
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im more complex about the episode then everyone else seems to be apparently. imo they all sucked this episode.
for one, i am actually a dean sympathizer. lets be real parrot and wifies both treated him badly. i wouldnt have told parrot either when he was there constantly repeating the exact same things ash said to blackmail dean; and wifies isnt much better for affirming the shit ash told dean either, infact i would argue wifies was even worse then about it. if i was there hearing "ash was right. youre a burden, but thats ok." and "ash was right. your a burden, we should be leaving you for dead." i wouldnt want to risk jeopardizing my one source of safety either.
before the reveal that dean was actually involved in the leaking of their location wifies just came of as a semi-controlling dick. there were a million better ways all of them could have done things this episode. i dont really like the wifies glazing as if he was perfect this episode and didnt treat a fellow victim who lodgically didnt have a choice like shit. wifies is smart enough to figure out dean didnt want to sell them out. imo he had no actual reason to reason to treat dean with as little empathy as he did, especially when wifies knows exactly what its like to have his existance used to get to parrot in the exact chain of events parrot referenced after the compass was burnt.
both sides of odessy were being hypocritical and hurtful as hell and thats been a theme of uu the whole time. theyre all flawed, they are make mistakes and are selfish and hurt others doing what they think is righteous or best or safest. uu is the dichotomy of perspective, about how everyone does what they think is best and how more often then not that best hurts atleast someone. and guess what? thats life. thats actually pretty normal, especially if youve been through your own shit or are traumatized like the characters of uu are.
they all suck and hurt people, thats the moral of the story. the moral that feels very lost on most of the fandom...
-šš°(f:ā¶ļøš„)
honestly, good take. kind of made me rethink some things that happened in the episode as well.
to be fair, yes, obviously dean was treated badly the whole episode. even i noted that wifies was a bit too harsh with how he approached things the whole video. he knew that dean was leaking information, didn't tell parrot, and still tried to put basically the whole blame of it on dean. "you could argue i hid it from you" yes, wifies, you did keep it from parrot, knowing that parrot would've tried to look for a different solution.
parrot was obviously not any better. he brushed off wifies despite the other very clearly showing signs of concern and he did also openly called dean a burden. which is, yes, he was slowing them down, but i feel like there was a nicer was to go about it.
and yes, i do sympathize with dean, but he did hide a piece of pretty crucial information from them, keeping a leverage in the compass, and then ran away after being confronted. it's fair, i'm not saying he was entirely wrong for that too, but i feel like it wouldn't be fair to say anyone was fully in right/wrong.
and yeah, you're are right, the morality of characters is a pretty obvious focus on the whole uu, and obviously all of them are very flawed. taking wifies's words, we just need to try and look at things from all of their perspectives. they're all understandable, and in some ways even reasonable, but there were much better ways to go about the whole situation, but the problem was exactly that. perspective. they were all focused on their individual goals and didn't try to see everything from the perspective of others. and that's what separated all of them.
#ā inbox .#so yeah actually did give me a different perspective on things ironically#its actually pretty fun to think about#i do agree with certain things but clearly its all up to interpretation i guess#they're all very flawed and no one is inheritely wrong or right#miscommunication is at it again#i just hope they can find a way to solve everything#god i love reading different peoples views on the whole thing#they all suck but thats okay <3 i still love them#parrotx2#wifies#deanthebean9#unstable universe
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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Got me sitting here like
#solas we're going to FIGHT#jay plays dai#veilguard spoilers#i hate that everything he says is now a fucking spoiler#goddddddddddd#because i guess it isnt in any lore you bald headed fuck#solas and his convenient half truths can suck a dick#i still love him tho#thats still my pookie#my schnookums#my beloved#dragon age#dai#davg
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I get hating certain political systems and trying to abolish totalitarian regimes but at the same time many of them are so interwoven with our history and society they have become tropes and when I consume media with a setting where the monarchy is absolute and revered then I am playing my part and sucking that princeling off
#litchi.txt#there are games that address this kinda stuff! and thats good! its good that there are games talking about how this is bad!#but at the same time when I go into a game knowing I will be the prince's sword and shield I dont expect the game to be anti-monarchy#despite having pretty strong opinions on many a thing I tend to put most of them away the moment I engage with media#imperialism bad. monarchy bad. doesnt mean I cant enjoy roleplaying in a game where I help these systems#because guess what its fictional and not everything needs to be a strong statement about politics#sometimes we just... wanna vibe with a setting#I am so very thoroughly exhausted from the politics in this country and where things are going I just kinda need that no brainer gameplay#even if it means working as the secret police for an emperor#even if it means replacing one dictator with another#because its still a game#a lot of people talk about imperialism-monarchy-colonialism with these things because they are a big issue even today#and they are important to talk about!! in real world!!#but I rarely see people be this upset about like religion etc which like. thats also a massive problem.#idk Im just tired of trying to look at fanart of all my fantasy medieval games and people being upset that the games#are not super anti-monarchy despite the marketing being literally 'you are the emperor's bestie. you help him out and go on a quest.'#'your quest is to manipulate local government to support the emperor and do his bidding'#like idk how That is supposed to be a game that addresses it properly#and maybe it does but ig since the MC doesnt look at the player and go REMEMBER KIDS! THIS IS EVIL AND BAD AND WHY MONARCHY SUCKS#it doesnt count??? I guess???
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For the first time since I can remember I did not hate every second around my family andā¦ not only that actuallyā¦. Kinda enjoyed myself? Idk, just got home and Iām real tired but I think thatās just cuz I was up early and busy and then had the drive home. Christmas stuff and all that. My mom didā¦? Get me a pair of shoes that were lesbian colorsā¦. I canāt tell if that was some insane coincidence and she didnāt know or her trying to say/do something all things considered. Apparently my siblings kept telling her I wouldnāt like them when she picked them out (which is fair I wear almost exclusively all black and mostly boots over tennis shoes) but she insisted soā¦. Mmmā¦. On the one hand I wish she would just likeā¦ say something? But if it was some weird way of being supportive I guess it was kinda sweet? Idk. I might be reading into it and it was just a coincidence
They also all insisted on helping me move in February which kinda has me like ???? Because Iāve moved four times since Iāve moved out and they have never once done a THING to help even when I lived much closer but Iāll take it cuz that means I wonāt have to rent a truck cuz theyāll bring theirs and I wonāt have to hire ppl to move the big furniture so thatās a lot of money Iāll be saving
They're also giving me one of the beds and mattresses from my great grandma's house since they've been clearing it out after she died a few months ago because when they asked what all I would I have to move and didn't say a bed and then explained my bed is a 20+yo mattress laid directly on the floor they were like :/ which obvi I know wasn't ideal I just couldn't afford to get a new one but now I won't have to. Obviously it's used but it's still only a year or so old they said, and I don't think I've EVER had a mattress that wasn't at least 15 years old so that'll be nice. I hope it helps some of my back issues...
Anyways, idk what fucking happened to these people in the span of a couple months but it kinda feels unreal
#they also got me some manga whichā¦..#some of it was manga I wanted!!!#however one of the series I told her I wanted was blue exorcist and. well.#I guess she forgot the second half of the title because she got me volumes of some manga that was blue something#I donāt even remember Iād never heard of it before and when I read the summary itās some slice of life romance#so now I have random volumes of the middle of that series that I have to figure out something to do withā¦ā¦#cant say I really wanna read it lol#didnāt bother to tell her it was the wrong series cuz tbh that was way more effort than sheās ever put into my actual interests#so Iāll take it ig#ugh this is so weird#itās like. I can tell sheās trying to do better after we had that conversation last month#which yeah in some ways is nice obviously but really I just feel complicated#cuz it doesnāt fix everything else even if she gets better now#and also it was easier to just accept she fucking sucked and hate her#I think I still kinda hate her butā¦. ugh like I said idk itās complicated#anyways my siblings also made me play Fortnite with them which Iād never played that#it was okay I guess#met my grandparents new puppy theyāre obsessed with#(theyāre both convinced they hate pets and ended up with him cuz my uncle got it for his daughter except both of them are bad a taking care#of things so he ended up with my grandparents)#but theyāre so clearly obsessed with this fucking dog oh my god like itās insane#theyāre both the epitome of that joke about the dad not wanting the cat but then absolutely loving the cat#kaz rambles
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every day i struggle to make choices
#i should invest into some kind of education but cant make up my mind#mostly because options suck#i cant do trades unless my body sucks less which is sad because id love to be an electrician#cant even think about getting a pilots license cuz im not passing the med cert#i think id rather die than be a med assistant actually#working clinics at all makes me nervous tbh but probably where im headed in the short term#surgical tech would be cool but i cant do a Real program while working full-time#which is what limits most of my choices#i need to find more paid training programs i guess#if i had to pick a miserable but fulfilling job id go into education itself#but the teaching profession has always been in a downward spiral esp as of late#i dont want healthcare because i hate seeing dysfunctional glorified murder machines grinding around and around endlessly#acute care sucks id rather be in an icu for function but then im depressed because our patients are always dying#it was better as a phleb but this hospital doesnt have phleb and like i said im nervous about clinics#but i need to fucking commit to outpatient phlebotomy i think :/#the most fun ive had at a job ever#i wish i had more widely applicable skills but i cant be an emt/para even just for the training#because half of it is unpaid and the other half you pay for#and again#a job NOTORIOUS for being exhausting dangerous and traumatizing#if i was 17 again and wasnt escaping the tar pit of my mother id go for an english degree and i wouldnt even regret it#thinking about school in terms of a job i have to have forever vs for the sake of learning is so different#id like to know everything. i wanna read and write forever. and do research and have real technical skills that help people#im still riding off of the high of getting 5 ccs off of an oncology patient who desperately needed a port#they were able to run like seven tests off of it#i had to use a couple ped tubes#she only had to get poked Once and barely noticed it bc the doc team came in and im so happy i made her admission that muvh easier#labs are so miserable#checking back on the blood and seeing all of the results came through made me more pleased than anything else in the world
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i am once again incredibly fond of something the broader fandom hates
#I LIKE SUPER !! I LIKE IT A LOT !!!!!#im tired of seeing gohan fit tierlists that exclude super...#i also like gt.. i still haven't seen much of it yet but so many of the characters designs r cute#and i like ss4. for fag reasons if im being honest#and we get mustache vegeta.....#i like every thing sorry. except shitty haircut cardigan gohan. i wont budge on that#he ljterally looks like a background character ITS SO SUCKS !!!!! Y DOES GOKU GET TO KEEP HIS CUTE HAIR WHEN *HE* BECOMES A FATHER#i understand not liking super it sucks that vegetas arc has to get suspended forever#and bulma and chichis permanent wife-mother statuses suck (though this isnt rly unique to super)#i just like. literally everything else about it . its fun that its so silly. toriyama was a gag writer first ā¼ļø#dbz is kind of the most serious the franchise had ever gotten and would ever get#like i LOVE dbz of course and i think like me it was a lot of peoples first introduction to the franchise#but i feel like theres an idea that its like. the most āpureā dragon ball rather than like an interesting deviation#its also weird to me that people dislike super/gt/daima/whatever for being like. ridiculous. like it has ALWAYS been absolutely ridiculous#characters in db were using the dragon balls for like. extra height. and the comfiest pair of underpants. and a boyfriend#the really elaborate and strategic wish plots in dbz are awsum but not the end all be all i feel ...#i guess it also comes from people thinking of db as like an inferior predecessor to dbz? so they think of anything db-like as a downgrade#charlie words#am i out of tags and tumblr hasnt told me again
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as cool as their design is im really starting to dislike the sonau in general, aside from their stuff suddendly being everywhere and everything being about them and how cool(tm) they are now with the mystery stone turning people into dragons and the similarities between the sonau and the three dragons (naydra, eldra, farodra) its actually not an impossibility that they used to be sonaus as alot of people have been theorizing about ..but ...... idk that would very much ruin their otherwordly yet ethereal mystery to me
i probably sound like some hater whos trying to find something more to dislike about totk all the time but i promise im not!!
the three dragons being some unexplained mystery, beings that are there yet few can see them, timeless, nigh untouchable, they dont act on anything, they dont talk, something about them has always made me look at them in awe; if it turned out they were just yet another cool(tm) sonau guy that ate a stone ... :/
not a fan of that one lads, but dont worry, i will keep my thoughts to myself from now on, i dont want to ruin other peoples fun nor seem like i just hate everything ... the three dragons are just really important to me so i had to say something
#ganondoodles talks#tloz#totk#totk spoilers#totk spoiler#besides i have leanred that i tend to have the unpopular opinions and frankly im tired of the hate directed at me#if you disagree thats fine but please dont spam me with why you think its cool actually#bc it just feels like yet another argument starting as to why im wrong and need to be talked down to and also suck actually#sorry its been all over my timeline on twitter so i just had to throw my dumbass opinion out there again#and it was a few times more than id like in a row where my random thought posts where torn apart by arguing people needing to prove im wron#the dragons where something i just absolutely loved in botw#they hold a special place in my heart and i dont like the thought of them too being just yet another sonau thing#i feel more secure posting my thoughts here than on twitter#but still i dont want to sound overly negative so i will hold back from now on#unless im exhausted and overly tired and not feeling that great physically like right now i guess lol#ill just have to grit my teeth and try to ignore everything i dont like but everyone else loves like always#anyway i need some sleep#ill be fine after that i think#and then try to resume work on destiny and a commission i havent had the energy to get to
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why am i so interested in south american cultures and history. and why do i keep stopping myself from learning about them
#no cuz i have a fucking interest in it and its unexplainable idk where it came form#i literally live on a whole other continent way away from south america#i never been to anywhere in south america#i do not have a drop of latinx blood on me i have absolutely no connections to the damn place#but yet i am so interested in whatever the fuck incas aztecs and mayans were doin#about past history and current history#and current countries NOT TO MENTION THEYRE SOOOOO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL GOD#i saw a vlog about brazil and never wanted to visit a country more in my life like holy shit#also i was obsessed with sottr mainly cuz of the focus on the latino civilizations#but from little research ive done it was quite stereotypical and blending the civilisation even tho theyre very different#but okay anyway#i HAVE the interest and yet i dont go let myself research ???? like i literally tell myself no????? no ill do that later ?????????#i have very poor memory retention okay so ig that makes me demotivated but STILLWOUWHABFJ#i remember watching some vids on the topics and trying to learn the damn differences BUT I REMEMBER FUCKING NOTHINGGGGGG#i can barely remember what i have learned in math last (4 weeks ago) like jesus cmon...................#i want to learn but i can barely remember anything FFLOR FUCKS SAKEEEKSGXVAJ#but still I dint think that's a reason for me denying myself and self sabotaging myself here ?????#i guess cuz im not taking it as much of a priority compared to the subjects im doing it + art + art history#which i also fucking suck at btw i am constantly trying to learn sm for art history and i remember. barely anything !!!#i remember i had to relearn the events and everything of ww2 like around 6-7 times and im not joking here#cuz i would not remember anything and now i remmeber it vaguely enough to be able to know some basic facts but no dates or smaller events#ok god my memory retention is shit i think i actually gotta be concerned about that shit#anyway i just wanted to rant except i have absolutely no information or facts to offer whatsoever#rumaiq rambles#writing this whislt listening to a Argentina 70s top playlist and there is absolutely no bad song. i love them all. and that is very rare#especially for me i am picky as fuck with my playlists and music#idk what the conclusion of this is i dont think there is one
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I have learnt things about Geto that I wish I could unlearn
#I think I'm getting about the same amount of spoilers as a few weeks ago except now I understand them#But like. I expected so much of him#Seeing gifs of that one scene in which Gojo gets distracted because of Geto almost made me watch this a year ago#Geto was actually my favourite character in that one JJK fanfic I read that I mention so often even if he had literally one scene#I know so much of the emotional turmoil and conflict in JJK and Gojo in particular depends on him#And you're telling me he's Thanos?#I learnt a few days ago that everything pretty much happens in one year. That there's one year between Geto's death and Gojo's#I thought it would be like ten years. Ten years of the act haunting him#But no? So it's not a broken teenager who has these ideas and is killed by another teenager to stop him?#It's a what? ~30yo man saying Light levels of stupidity? Even worse perhaps?#Goodness I hope this is not so. I hope this is better written than what I am seeing#Because goddammit I can't do it. It would kinda ruin every emotional scene from then on?#That one scene I was so looking forwards about patting Gojo's back or whatever. The one in which Gojo gets distracted. It just. I don't know#I won't be able to be moved if Geto doesn't work xD#I was fearing I wasn't going to like him a lot because my expectations were big but oh my god please not like this#This is way worse than I expected. Someone tell me he actually makes sense. What's the point of this whole political play#in which no one is fully wrong and no one is totally right otherwise? What is the point of the haunting. This feels just idiotic xD#And I don't care about the traumas and all that. That works for the teen not the ~30yo man#It would have worked if Gojo would have killed him like 1-2 years after everything not like a few months ago. Last winter#After like ten years a 30yo man should have realised this plan sucks.#Even if it's utilitarian. Who is going to make clothes? Buildings? Streets and railways? Bread??? Go have a talk with Nanami please#We have been told there are not a lot of jujutsu sorcerers. How are you going to fulfill all those needs out of nothing?#And even if it were little by little so the needs could be getting fulfilled little by little too#If you decimate humans won't that cause more curses? I guess he's thinking on the long run but still this plan seems like a mess#I hope it makes more sense than it's looking it will make because of my god this would truly be the last nail on the coffin xD#I am being more and more tempted to get to Utahime and then just drop this. This is breaking my heart xD#It could be soooo good and it always almost is#And then. AND THEN. Abfksbfndbfkan#Jen pick me up. Come solve this. I am scared xD#I talk too much
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I truly, from the bottom of my heart, hate angst without catharsis.
#i talk#fandom talk#<ā I hate it in everything but in this specific instance I'm talking about fandom stuff#This is just in general but I do get kinda tired hearing it rehashed over and over in PhiI's chat#I actually started watching him a little less near the end of the server because I got really sick on chat talking about it nonstop#Love the crows but that was (and still is) obnoxious as hell hearing it get brought up every other message#(Resigned voice) Obligatory ''No hate to folks who like it'' disclaimer I just personally hate trend that with a burning passion#Anyways thinking about this again because it's happening a bit in chat again right now and I'm like ''I am not the target audience for this#streamer talk#I guess#Idk I could get into the specifics of why it sucks but I don't feel the need to defend my taste it just frickin sucks
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