#i guess I started thinking about this because I also have a relatively big age difference between myself & my only sibling...

[zirconpetals]

Interesting how I often see people give Max siblings in fanfiction, even though I don't really remember him mentioning any? Only like, aunts and cousins. Maybe I just forget. Sam, however, did at least use to have a little sister, (She got erased from the timeline in a temporal paradox. So sad) but she's never used in fanworks.

Though thinking about it, when we see her in the cartoon (Her only appearance to my memory, but again, I might just be forgetting) she looks pretty young & Sam is a grown man in his 30s at the least... So if a fic takes place when SnM are in high school (or younger) for example, she might just not be born yet.

Though it would be really interesting to read a fic that explores their relationship or at least Sam's feelings about her... (Imagine if her name was also Sam. That would be really funny but also horrible. I'd like it if it was another gender neutral name like Alex or um. Chris. I don't know names.)

I guess If I had to visualize Max having siblings I'd imagine him as a younger child or a middle child. That's just the vibe he gives off. (& if he had to help raise his siblings I don't imagine he would be as excited to have kids of his own, though this is of course a more nuanced matter & each person is different)

[seventeenpins]

bad girl

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

word count: 4.1k

summary: you're staying in your hometown for a couple of months with your mom and relatively new stepdad. he walks in on you masturbating, and is surprised at the sort of porn you've been watching. no outbreak. very smutty. 18+

warnings: ooh god where to begin??, reader is kind of a detached menace but in a fun way?, masturbation, porn watching, infidelity, choking, pussy slapping, pussy eating, unsafe piv, dirty talk, big dick, daddy kink, bit of breeding kink, age difference (unspecified, but reader is late 20s, joel mid-40s or whatever you like really), begging, slight dom/sub vibes, readers mum is a ho, somewhat degrading language (probably other warnings????)

a/n: honestly don't know what happened here. one minute i was working on what i intended to be a lil daddy kink drabble and then it turned into a whole other beast. also--i'm a recently out nb person but feel most of my writing has focused on fem readers. any nbs out there who'd want smut more tailored to us??? doesn't come up in this fic, but in my heart joel miller is bisexual and would make for some gr8 gender play ahhhh

you had only met your stepdad twice before he married your mom, and only a couple of times since, and you could never quite get a read on him. he seemed quiet and gruff. upsettingly hot with his salt and pepper hair, and his biceps, and his little bit of tummy, but seemingly entirely unattainable (how your mom pulled him, you'll never know). your mom didn't have the greatest track record as far as not cheating on her husbands, and you didn't know how much or how little he knew about her past, but you were incredibly curious how long this one'd last.

he's polite. enigmatic. a man of few words. he had two kids, who you hadn't actually met yet, but they were a few years younger than you and away at college--one daughter from a previous marriage, the other adopted when he was a single dad.

you'd only been staying here for a couple of weeks, usually only home for two months out of the year to do some freelance work and catch up with friends, but since your mom got remarried (again) you're adjusting to the new dynamic. you didn't have the best relationship with your mom, but you didn't argue. didn't fight. didn't have enough interest or passion to try and make her angry. you had a mutual understanding--you'd stay here for a couple months of the year, rent-free, and you wouldn't get into it with her about how her four husbands and a dozen boyfriends in between them in the nearly thirty years you'd been alive had simply made you impassive towards most men, knowing they'd never be able to stick around, and instead you took what you wanted and then ditched them before they could ditch you. to say you had daddy issues was just the tip of the iceberg.

there's only been one family dinner night since you've been back, but calling it awkward was an understatement. you were sat in almost total silence, as your mom scrolls on her phone and joel scoops up some mashed potatoes and slaps them onto his plate.

"so, uh-," he begins, clearly not sure how to start a conversation, "how's your work been going? guessing it's pretty slow these months since you're able to take the time away? your freelance stuff going well?"

"sure," you agree, "it does get slow this time of year. freelance has been good. got a couple of projects i'm enjoying working on."

there's another silence.

"your momma said you'd been dating someone you met at your work? how's that been going?"

you laughed, thinking back to one of the only guys you'd mentioned to your mother, less out of a closeness to him and more because you wanted your mom to get off your case, "honestly, that ended a while ago. he was a pretty terrible lay."

joel clearly wasn't expecting that, and you smirked at him as he choked on the beer he was sipping, coughing and trying to cover up any spittle. your mom gently pats him on the back, still staring at her phone, not even listening. typical.

not sure how to follow this up, joel just shrugs and puts on a stoic face. "sorry to hear about that, sweetheart. what a shame."

you'd be lying if you said that didn't make your heart flutter just a little.

you've attuned to the general framework of home again. you've noticed a few other things, too. first, your stepdad seems to be taking a whole lot of evening shifts. second, your mom seems to be out when he's out, too, but always manages to slip in just before he gets home. finally, if there's one thing you know about joel, it's that if he's working an evening shift, you can pretty much guarantee that he's gonna be at least an hour later coming home than he says he'll be. more often than not, two. you've been here for sixteen days, and in the eleven days he's worked late, he's been late late. and this morning, joel said he wouldn't be home till at least 9pm.

it's only 5pm, so you think absolutely nothing of it when you pull up your favorite porn site, careless about keeping your bedroom door closed.

sometimes it takes you a long time to decide on what porn to watch. sometimes you want the release, and just need something that'll get you there quick. and then there are some days where you know exactly what you want. you know exactly how you want it, and you know just where to find it.

you've got an incognito browser up as you scroll through the page till you find the section you're looking for. click open a couple of videos in separate tabs. skip the ads.

place the laptop beside you, choose one to start with, and watch as the scene unfolds.

you need this. it's only been a couple of weeks since you've gotten laid, but you and your most recent fuck buddy have more or less broken up and you are extraordinarily horny, with no outlet besides your hand (and, technically, your trusty magic wand, but you forgot to bring your charging cable and she's only got so much life in her).

you focus on the scene, slowly dragging your fingers along your pussy lips, your other hand pinching and twisting at a nipple. you listen to the moans on screen as you tease yourself, dipping a finger into your tight, wet heat, and then adding another. the friction begins to build, and the pressure you're putting on your clit is just right.

"fuck", you let out a breathless moan as you start finger fucking yourself in earnest. your hips are stuttering and you feel it building so deliciously and you absolutely don't hear the knock on your door and the slight clear of a throat.

and then you register it, a couple of moments later.

you look up from your laptop screen and towards your door and you see your stepdad, cup of coffee in hand, and he's staring at you with an expression you can't parse, one eyebrow raised.

you buffer, taking a moment more for you to react to him, and you manage it in the worst possible way.

"fuck!!" you shout, slamming the laptop shut and practically flinging it away from you, pulling your hand from under the sheets and not-so-subtly wiping your slick on your duvet, and pulling your top back down over your tits. it's all done in a split second, and it was neither low-key nor quiet. you know your face is growing more flushed by the moment, and you can swear joel is actually smirking.

you stare each other down before you finally speak, "what are you doing home so early?"

"i live here," joel shrugs, takes a sip of the coffee, and then realises he might sound like a bit of a dick. "just- uh. just found out some... shitty news. decided to take the day off."

you almost forget the situation, quick to voice your worry--"are you okay joel? what's going on?"

he snorts. opens his mouth and closes it, as if he's decided better of it, and then opens it again. "just found out your mom's been stepping out on me. well. thought it was true for a while, but my brother just saw her with some guy. guess that's all the confirmation i need." he laughs, wryly, and his smile is dangerous.

"well shit," you say. it doesn't surprise you in the least, but you're not sure if it'd be better or worse to acknowledge that, and then you immediately remember your newest stepfather just caught you masturbating and you're deeply self conscious again.

"i'm really sorry, joel, but you've clearly-" you clear your throat, "caught me at a bad time. is there something i can help you with?"

he looks you up and down for a moment, and you can swear he's looking at your mouth for a second longer than you'd expect.

"well," he says, "i'd come up to see if you wanted anything for dinner. i was gonna order takeout."

there's a long pause.

"but now i'm curious about what i interrupted."

your eyes widen.

"let me see your computer. i wanna know what you were watching that you're so embarrassed of."

you immediately grab your laptop close to you and shake your head. this is something joel cannot see. "absolutely fuckin not," you tell him, and his smile gets sharper.

"i wasn't askin', sweetheart."

there's something dangerous about him now, and even though it frightens you, it's somehow exciting, too. commanding. persuasive.

he puts his mug down, and you barely think about what you're doing when you hand him the laptop, type in the password, and turn it around towards him.

you can't bare to look at the screen at the same time as him. it's fucked up and weird and he'd have every reason to avoid you forever after this, but there's a small (but persuasive) part of you that's telling you that this is a line he's willingly crossing, and there's a charge beneath it, and maybe you could get from him exactly what you want.

you study his face as he scrolls down the page. you hear him click, but no sound starts playing--he must be looking at the other tabs.

his eyes widen, and you can hear your heartbeat pounding as you watch his face.

you want him to say something. you need him to say something.

he hits play on one of the videos and the room is immediately fills with the sounds of slick flesh and moans and cries of "oh, daddy, oh daddy please--"

it's only then that he looks at you.

"well aren't you a filthy girl, hmm?" joel ridicules, "and don't think i don't notice the trend with these little videos of yours."

it's humiliating. you almost expect to die out of embarrassment right on the spot.

"look at some of these titles," joel continues, "stepdaughter gets fingerfucked by stepdaddy, stepdaughter's pussy pumped with daddy's cum ASMR, jesus christ girl-" he laughs, incredulous, "letting my stepdaddy breed my little hole".

joel's staring you down and you still haven't said anything, and that just won't do.

"these the usual kinda thing you like to touch yourself to? or is this a new subject now that you're home, spending time around your stepdaddy?"

"i-" you start, "i don't know, i-"

it's not an act, you're pretty fuckin frazzled, practically cocooning yourself in your covers and you shrink back in shame, and this seems to amuse joel to no end

"how's this, sweet girl," he says, and you realise he's been getting closer and closer to you and now he's seated only inches from your bare legs and pussy, still covered up with your blankets, "you tell me to stop, and i'll leave this room right now and close the door and we can pretend i never saw anything here-"

"no!" you cry out, and then slap a hand over your mouth, eyes wide at yourself while joel starts to chuckle.

"or," he continues, "you can let your stepdaddy make you feel real good."

"yes-" you cry, and not a moment later, the blankets are being pulled back and he's stroking two thick fingers along your cunt.

"there's a good girl," he says, and actually groans as he dips into you, collecting your slick, "so fucking wet for me. it is me you've been thinking about, ain't it?" he asks.

"yes joel," you say, because it's the fucking truth. you've been thinking about him nonstop for a while now, thinking about how his muscled arms look in those stupid threadbare t-shirts, thinking about the sigh he makes when he's had his first sip of a cold beer, thinking about the silver of his hair, the brown of his eyes, and the mere idea of what his cock might taste like. "i've wanted you to fuck me since i first met you."

he lets out a fuckin growl and presses his fingers into you. "such a cute little pussy, already dripping for me, huh?" he moans, and it's two digits pressing into you, but you've been working yourself up for a little while now and you're already swollen and wet and they slip right in. he finger fucks you for a moment before turning back to the laptop.

"which one's your favorite?" he nods at your screen, "which one do you watch and wish it was happening to you?"

you swallow and click back to another tab.

"letting my stepdaddy breed my little hole?", he snorts, "you really are a dirty girl, aren't you? get up off the bed." he commands.

you obey, standing up and kicking off the panties still around your ankles.

"and take that top off," he commands, and you do, pulling your top up over your tits and melting at the sound of his groan at seeing you bare for him.

he sits down on the bed with his legs spread, jeans still on. "you come sit here by daddy's lap," he says, and you do, sitting in between his thighs, inching back ever so slightly until you could feel his hard cock straining against his pants.

he runs his fingertips down your body, down your breasts and torso, dipping into your bellybutton, before drawing little circles on your hips.

'hit play," he says, and you grab the laptop next to you and resume the video.

he copies the video, rubbing one hand along your pussy and the other holding your thighs open.

"that's it," he coaxes, "keep those legs open for me, yeah?"

you're about to agree, when he starts stroking little circles around your already stimulated clit and the ability to speak leaves you. all you can do is focus on trying to keep your legs open, but your thighs are already almost quivering and he only chuckles.

"barely even touched you and you're already stupid."

you tried to nod and let out a sad whimper, tipping your head back and resting on his shoulder. he keeps his thumb pressed on your clit while he pumps his middle and index fingers in and out of you. it's so wonderfully, deliciously wrong. it feels addictive.

"you're doing so good, sweetheart, fucking on daddy's fingers like that," he praises, and it sends another spark of electricity building in your centre. encouraged, you start rocking your hips towards him, meeting each thrust of his fingers. "ready for another one?" he asks, and you nod vigorously.

he takes a moment to hold open your pussy and lean over you to look at it, stroking his fingertips along the outer lips, gathering some of your arousal, and prodding back your hood to get a little direct contact with your clit that leaves you writhing and gasping. he's smirking again, and presses a third finger into you. he curls them upwards, fucking the digits into you so nicely, and you enjoy the sensation as your arousal builds and builds and builds and-- as you come, you white out for just a moment, and as you come back into reality you can hear him speaking to you, "oh you're clenching so tight on my fingers, messy girl, look how you're dripping so nice down my fuckin' wrist. you're a nasty little slut, just like your momma huh? but i know you're gonna be a good girl for daddy, ain't ya?"

you continue to grind on his hand as his fingers stay buried in you, as you ride out the rest of your orgasm. only when you still does joel pull his fingers out of you.

as if hypnotised, he examines the arousal coating them. then, quick as anything, he pops his fingers in his mouth and sucks off your slick, immediately looking sheepish as though this was the only line he'd just crossed.

as quickly as he had become shy, he switched back to overt confidence. "y'just taste so good, sweetheart," he says, and then starts stroking your pussy again. "you're gonna let me have a proper taste, aren't you honey?"

you nod helplessly. it's so fucking good, it's too fucking good.

he scoots out from behind you and you buckle a little, toppling back onto the space he left. he's in front of you now and presses your thighs apart again, dropping to his knees on front of the bed's edge. he runs his tongue up your inner thigh, chuckling at your whimpers as he bites and nips at the sensitive skin. he takes a tentative lick, drawing his tongue towards your clit, circling it gently, and then dipping back before pulling off you for a moment.

"y'taste so fucking nice," he breathes, and his exhale on your slick pussy is exquisite. "i could just drink you up."

he presses the hood of your clit back once more, leaving his thumb there, applying perfect pressure as he flicks his tongue directly on that bundle of nerve endings and you feel like you're on fire.

"fuck, joel, yes-" you cry out, but he pulls back and shushes you.

"shhh," he says, "you don't call me joel right now, baby."

"i don't-?" you say, taken aback by the sudden lack of contact. then it clicks. "daddy-"

he smirks, "that's a good girl, sweetheart. wasn't too hard, now, was it?"

"no, daddy," you agree, and he's already diving back in, pressing his tongue into you in long strokes, letting you grind against his nose, his lips, the scratch of his cheeks, every movement he's making is so fucking perfect.

as he devours you, he presses his fingers into you again, and then you can't help yourself. you rut up on him, totally unable to practice anything resembling self restraint. in between strokes of his tongue, he pulls back and tells you, "i'm gonna need at least one more from you, baby, before you even get to think about sitting on this cock."

you let out a crazed whine, feeling joel's chuckle as he dives back in, eating your pussy like he was made to do only that.

he continues to build you up and up and without warning, you reach your peak again and come all over his face, your wet pussy drenching him and he closes his eyes and eats you through it like a man starved.

"fuck, baby," he says, "you taste so damn good, i could do that all day long."

you're splayed out, totally bare, the slick on your thighs cooling with the lack of contact. joel's looking you up and down, admiring your flushed body as he starts to undo his belt and drop his pants, your stomach flipping at the soft thunk of his belt hitting the floor.

you could feel, through his jeans, that his cock wasn't small, but you sure as fuck didn't anticipate just how thick and heavy it would hang between his wonderfully muscled thighs.

"you'd better get over here and fuck me, old man," you tease, and he snorts, before pulling you towards him by your ankles and landing a smack on your bare pussy.

"watch your manners, girl," he sneers.

"fuck!" you cry as you ride out the sensation, and he moves to slap you again, but your thighs are so slick his hand slips when he makes contact and accidentally presses you just right on your overstimulated clit, and to the surprise of both of you, you come again instantly.

he watches you, wide eyed, as you scream and your pussy clenches around nothing.

"you're just too easy, sweetheart," he laughs, "can't believe that little boyfriend of yours was such a bad lay when you're so goddamn easy. barely have to touch you and you're coming again and again for me."

"he'd just put it in, give it a couple thrusts, groan, and roll over," you snorted, loving the way joel's jaw clenches at your words, "besides, i prefer an older man."

"that's a damn shame, honey," he growls, "but i'm sure we can get ya taken care of."

you both realise at the same time that the video is still playing, as some particularly loud moans come through the speaker. you look over, and you swear you can see joel's eyes dilate as he watches.

that's a good girl, the man in the video croons, taking all of daddy's dick. wanna breed you full of me, fill you full of daddy's cum, you'd like that, huh?

you swallow and look back at joel. he looks ravenous.

"you love watching such dirty shit, don't you, baby?" joel asks, and starts teasingly rubbing your swollen clit again with his forefinger.

"yes daddy, please-" you agree, trying to chase the sensation, "please, i need your cock daddy, fill me up just like that-"

he lines himself up, notching the head of his thick cock at your entrance, and you're practically vibrating with need. it's not a want, it really is a need, if you don't have his cock right now you're probably gonna die and you need it you need it you need it so fucking badly

he laughs, and you realise you said all of that aloud, but you don't even have the capacity to feel truly shameful right now, you just need to feel him.

"c'mon, jo- daddy," you whine, "gotta feel you-"

"uh-uh, sweet thing," he chides, "i think you need to beg for it. you've got no manners, and knowing it's your momma who raised you it's pretty clear why, but you need to learn how to be a good girl. daddy's gonna teach you how to behave right here and now. got it?"

you let out a sharp exhale. "yes daddy."

"now beg."

two words shouldn't have such an ability to wreck you, but they do, and before you know it, you're rubbing your drooling pussy up against his cock head, rutting against him, begging and pleading-

"please, daddy, please fuck this wet pussy, you know how wrecked you've made me, turned me on so good, made me drip for you, made me come again and again on your fingers, i just wanna make you feel good, wanna take that cock, take everything you have to give, fuck me hard and fast and please, daddy, please--"

he cups your chin for just a moment, stroking a thumb along your jawline.

"that's better," he soothes, "what a good girl," and then he's slamming into you.

good fucking god he's huge, and you can swear you can feel every ridge, every vein, the swell of his shaft, the notch of his head, he's stretching you out deliciously.

you tilt your head back, leaving your throat bare, and let out a rough plea of, "choke me, daddy," and he doesn't need to be told twice, wrapping his hand around your neck and putting pressure in exactly the right spot. you can already feel the haziness building, and his thrusts keep coming fast and deep and you can feel the head of his cock brushing against your cervix.

"jesus christ, girl," he whines, and his thrusts start to falter a little, "you're gonna be the death of me. letting daddy use this nice little pussy just so he can feel good-"

his words begin to tip you over, and you know what you want-

"come inside me, daddy," you choke through the pressure around your throat, "fill me up, make yourself feel good, give it all to me-"

that does him in, and he lets out a strangled moan, coming inside you right as you come one last time, walls clenching tightly around his throbbing cock.

he releases your throat, and you both lay there for a minute, both totally fucked out.

after a minute, joel gingerly pulls out of you and lets out a weary groan.

"gonna be the death of me, woman," he snorts, and walks to your bathroom to clean himself up. he comes back a minute later with a cloth. you're expecting him to wipe you up, but first, he takes a moment to examine the cum that's dripping out of you.

"look so pretty like this, sweetheart," he smiles, presses his cum back into you, and then wipes down your slick thighs with the cloth.

"shit, joel-" you say, "who'd have thought you had that in you, old man?"

he rolls his eyes but he's still smiling, and then you sit together for a minute in comfortable silence. joel stands up after a while and grabs his coffee mug. takes a sip that you know must be cold by now, but he seems unbothered.

before he can leave, you stop him. "so-" you ask, "is this a one time thing, or?"

he shrugs, seemingly indifferent. "no reason i need to let your momma know what i know yet. and i reckon there's a lot more fun we can have before that happens."

you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding, and your shoulders relax.

"good." you say, and joel smiles.

"good," he repeats. "now, i know i've worked up quite an appetite and i'm guessing you might have, too. you pick the takeout, i'll go pick it up."

"thanks, joel." you smile, and you're already thinking of the next time as you scroll takeout options on your phone.

that's it. you're fucking addicted, and goddamn you can't wait for your next hit.

[wander-wren]

sometimes i wonder about what fandom is going to look like in 5 or 10 years. i think we might have already started to see a shift.

because, look, most of the oldest, biggest fandoms are from tv shows and movies, in particular ones that go on for years and scores of episodes. star trek, star wars, stargate (is everything star?), doctor who, supernatural…even sherlock really got its biggest popularity boosts in the modern day from tv adaptations. marvel and dc were comics first, too, but movies made them more accessible; their “cinematic universe” tags are the biggest on ao3 by far.

but what tv shows are we getting now? short, 8-episode things that get canceled two or three seasons in, that are usually less-than-faithful adaptations of other media anyway.

what movies are we getting? well, marvel turns more to slop every day, and everything else is remakes and sequels no one asked for. the general populace will still go see them and find some good movies that they like, but there’s not much really for fandom to grasp onto.

the best shows for fandom that we’ve had recently, that i can think of, are stranger things, game of thrones, and maybe our flag means death. stranger things is dying off, especially since they’re looking at a 3-4 YEAR gap between s4 and s5. game of thrones’s popularity plummeted after its final season, we all know that. our flag means death is still chugging fairly okay, but after that second season a lot of the fandom dropped it, and with it now being cancelled, i don’t see it sticking around.

yes, we can chalk part of this up to a new generation to of fans having this growing idea that fandom is super temporary, to be abandoned as soon as its not on trend. but media used to be on trend for a whole lot longer than it is now. seasons were longer, we had filler episodes, things were lower quality sometimes but at least they came out on a consistent schedule. i don’t mind if supernatural isn’t an artistic masterpiece, but if i was a stranger things fan waiting until 2026 for the final season, i would be annoyed if it wasn’t damn near perfect. that’s assuming i watched it at all—we’re all so used to not getting endings and moving on, so why would i bother?

i think there are two types of shows doing sort of okay about this. one is procedurals—9-1-1 is a popular one i’ve run into, and it started in 2018, around the beginning of the decline, but it’s managed 7 seasons in those six years, most of them with 18 episodes. the other is, honestly, anime—though we can and SHOULD talk about the terrible working conditions that make the fast turnarounds there possible. look at how big some anime fandoms are.

judging by the relative fandom popularity of other procedural dramas (grey’s anatomy, law & order, criminal minds), i think that’s going to remain sort of niche. fandom likes fantasy and scifi best, and they just don’t tend to have as strong of an overarching arc to dig into. at least, that’s why i wouldn’t watch them. i think there’s also a good chance these will start to die out in the coming years as well.

anime could also die out a little bit. better working conditions would necessitate less/slower content, and it’s true that most of the popular anime fandoms have been around for years, even decades.

so, what, no new, lasting tv show or movie fandoms anymore?

what will the biggest fandoms be in 5-10 years?

podcast fandoms have a shot. the magnus archives is still going strong, and i’ve been seeing a lot about dungeons and daddies. i think we’re kind of almost past the golden age for podcasts, but i am an outsider, so maybe that will change.

book fandoms seem like a kind of obvious choice, but they just don’t get as big without, you guessed it, a movie or show adaptation. and the downsizing has hit them, too—can you think of anything from the last 5 or 10 years that rivals harry potter, percy jackson, warriors, lord of the rings, hunger games, acotar…even game of thrones (asoiaf) again? i can’t. the collapse of the publishing industry is another post entirely.

2020 is really what cemented these changes, though they were starting in the late 2010s, at least. with actual industries shutting down, there was room for indie creators making things alone in their houses to pop up, and people had more time on their hands to try new things out and get into them.

the two things that have really been on the rise since 2020 is rpf and video game fic—often both combined. we’ve got genshin impact, call of duty, minecraft of course being huge, rpf of various youtubers, and k-pop rpf. now, i think rpf is contentious enough that it won’t really become the main fandom, but video game fic…might be it.

even video blogging rpf can often be a blurred enough line that people are more comfortable with it. and the thing is…youtube creators are actually more reliable than mainstream television these days. they need to be, to maintain their platforms. they need to not cancel series and to live up to their own hype as best they can and to not abandon the channel for 3 or 4 years at a time. and again, you can talk about burnout and unrealistic expectations and all of those things, but it’s still true.

maybe i’m completely wrong. maybe in 10 years the film and publishing industries will all sort themselves out and we’ll go back to the status quo. but i think this position fandom is finding itself in is interesting, and i wouldn’t necessarily be surprised if what’s most popular (both in the specific source material sense and the medium/genre sense) is different some time down the road.

[novamariestark]

Like A Virgin

Summary: Your most embarrassing secret comes out and somehow it ends differently than you thought it would.

Warnings: age gap, smut, pretty much 90% smut, oral (m+f receiving), piv, unprotected sex (wrap b4 you tap), virgin reader, first time,

Word count: 4069 (I swear that number is unintentional)

Fandom: NCIS

Pairing: Alden Parker x virgin!reader

[A/N] Guess who's back bitches!!! 🤭🤭

Was I dreaming? Or is this actually happening? Was the sexiest man I’d ever laid my eyes upon really buried between my legs?

His tongue darting between the wet lips, trying for find the sensitive bud. The simplest touch of the tip of his tongue, sent shivers through your body. You’d read about this, you heard your friends tell you about it but you never believed it felt this good.

And to think, you owe it all to that big mouthed best friend of yours, Nick.

What turned out to be a simple conversation, turned into the most embarrassing yet best conversations ever. Why? Because your silver fox, sexy ass boss, is between your legs, his face buried in your folds as he licks, sucks and nibbles at the soft flesh.

You hadn’t told anyone, no one at all, because you were ashamed. Why? Who knows. But you definitely did not want your co-workers to know, especially not… him. After a particularly long, hard case, Nick decided… forced, you all to engage in a team bonding exercise “Never Have I Ever”

What did that have to do with team bonding? That’s exactly what you asked Nick. He has been trying to get something out of you about relationships, sex and everything that goes with it. Sure you had boyfriends in the past, you weren’t that sad. But you didn’t just want to give it up to just anyone. You wanted the one. And the moment you laid eyes on him. You knew. But you also knew it was never going to happen. So you guessed you’d die a virgin or you just go to a bar and give it up to the first sleazy guy that was interested.

The game started off relatively PG, until it came to be Nick’s turn.

“Never have I ever had sex in public,”

“Really?” you asked, “Are you 12?”

“Size 14 actually” he said as he took a sip of coffee because we obviously don’t have alcohol stashed in your desk drawers. At least you didn’t. You rolled your eyes at the comment, and everyone took note that you were the only one who didn’t take a sip

“What?” you asked as you noticed all their eyes on you and the drink in your hand.

“You’ve never been adventurous outside of the bedroom?” Nick asked, a smirk finding it’s way onto his face, he had you now. “What have you done, little miss innocent?”

“You only get to ask one question, Nicky,” you said, trying to get as far away from the topic of sex as you could, especially considering your boss, and the owner of your heart and every other part of your body, if he wanted, was sat across from you. So you ask a somewhat, safe question, “Never Have I ever shoplifted,” you asked and you took a sip of your drink.

Obviously, it was like a million lifetimes ago and it was really ridiculous now that you think about it. All you took was a simple pink hairband, but nonetheless, you took it without paying.

“Oh my God, we’ve been working with a maniac,” Nick gasped over dramatically, “But seriously... that's your question? Come on, ask a juicier one,"

"No!"

He looked at you as if he were trying to read your mind, "Wait a minute... have you never?"

You felt the room spinning around you as everyone looked your way, your heart racing and your cheeks burning up like the sun.

You blurt out, "Fine okay! I haven't!" Your voice quivered as you spoke, and you could feel the tears stinging at the back of your eyes. The room fell silent, and for a moment, it felt like the air had been sucked out of it. You looked around, expecting judgement, pity, or laughter, but instead, you saw a a few surprised faces but Alden's face gave nothing away. No one said a word, and you felt like you could hear the thunderous sound of your own heartbeat in the quiet.

Swiftly, you stand up, knocking over your chair in the process. You didn’t care. You had to get out of there. You grab your bag and rush towards the restroom, trying to keep your composure as you go. Your cheeks were on fire, and you could feel the eyes of your colleagues burning into your back. The cool metal door hits you with a bit more force than you meant it to, and you stumble into the restroom, locking it behind you.

Once inside, you lean against the door, taking deep breaths and trying to keep it together. The sound of the lock clicking into place echoes through the small space, offering a momentary sense of security. Your hand shakes as you lift it to your face, wiping away the rogue tear that had escaped. You look at yourself in the mirror; your makeup is a mess from the hasty retreat. You hastily fix your mascara, which had started to run, and smooth out your hair. You take a deep breath, telling yourself that you can get through this.

When you finally feel presentable, you turn the handle and push the door open, only to find Alden leaning on the wall across from the restroom, his arms folded over his chest and his gaze fixed on the floor. He looks up as the door swings outward, and his eyes meet yours. For a second, you consider retreating back into the safety of the bathroom, but the words tumble out of your mouth before you can stop them. "What are you doing here?" you ask, your voice still shaky.

He straightens up, looking at you with a mix of concern and something you can't quite read, "I wanted to make sure you were okay." His voice is low and calming, but it does nothing to ease the storm of emotions raging inside you. You're acutely aware of the fact that he now knows your secret, and you're not sure how to handle it.

"I'm fine," you lie, trying to keep the tremor out of your voice. "I just needed a moment." you look at the floor, the wall behind him, anywhere. Anywhere but him, "I suppose everyone will think I'm some kind of sad loser now," you let out a breathy laugh even though all you want to do is cry.

Alden takes a step towards you, "They don't and they would never," he says firmly, his eyes searching yours for some sign that you believe him. "If anything, they're surprised, I know I am,"

"Surprised,”

"Yes," he says, taking another step closer, "I mean, you're smart, funny, beautiful..." His voice trails off, and he looks at you with a softness that you've never seen before in his eyes. It's a look that makes your stomach flip but it also has an effect somewhere else, somewhere a little more south. Your eyes avert from him, not wanting him to see exactly what you were thinking. Thinking about him. How he just made you feel with one sentence. You can't help but imagine what else that tongue could do.

He must have read your face because his expression shifts, his eyes darkening slightly. "I could help you with that," he says, his voice dropping to a whisper.

Your heart skips a beat, "What?" you blinked a couple of times. Did you hear him right? Or is this your imagination? Again.

"I said," he takes another step closer, his eyes never leaving yours, "I could help you with that."

You swallow hard, your mouth feeling like it's filled with sand. You've thought about it so many times, even at work, when you've stared at his beautiful hands as they glide over documents and computer keyboards, wondering what they'd feel like on your bare skin. But you've never, ever imagined him saying it out loud, especially not here, in the stark fluorescent light of the office hallway.

"You don't mean..." you start to protest, but your voice trails off. What could he possibly mean? Did he just offer to...?

Alden nods, a knowing smile playing on his lips, "I do. I could be your first," he says, his voice low and enticing. You can't believe what you're hearing. Your boss, the man you've had a crush on since the moment you and McGee interrogated him, is offering to take your virginity. It's like a dream come true, but in the most unexpected way possible.

You feel your cheeks flush even more, and you stumble over your words, "I-I don't know what to say."

Alden steps closer, his voice gentle, "You don't have to say anything. The offer is there if you want it, no pressure," he says, reaching out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear. His touch sends a shiver down your spine, and you can't help but lean into it slightly. He seems to notice and smiles, "You need a ride home?"

You nod, unable to form coherent words. You follow him towards the elevator. The ride down seemed to take forever. Too much close proximity and you were about to get into his car. Alone. You felt like a teenager again, the butterflies in your stomach had returned. You're nervous, excited, and a little bit terrified. You've seen movies, read books, but this was your first time feeling like this about someone.

The elevator doors open with a soft ding, and you both step out into the dimly lit parking garage. His car is parked right outside. He opens the door for you, and you slip inside, the leather seats cool against the thin fabric of your pants. The scent of his cologne fills the car, and you can't help but take a deep breath. He gets in and starts the engine, the low purr echoing through the space.

As he drives, the silence between you is thick and palpable. You can't stop thinking about his offer. You want to ask a hundred questions, but you're afraid of what the answers might be. You look over at him, his profile lit by the passing streetlights, his jaw clenched as he focuses on the road. You wonder if he's regretting his words or if he's just as lost in thought as you are.

Your eyes wonder back to his hands, gripped tightly on the steering wheel. You bite your lip, as the things he could do to you with those very hands played through your mind like a dirty movie. One you really wanted to star in. You absentmindedly squeeze your thighs together. Never had a man made you feel this way.

Should I do it? Should I lose my virginity?

But what about waiting for the right guy? If he isn't the right guy, I don't want anyone else.

The back and forth in your mind takes over, and you don't even realise it's been so long when Alden taps your shoulder.

"This is you," he said softly gesturing to your house. You looked over your shoulder and you felt a wave of sadness wash over you. Now you won't see him until tomorrow.

Unless...

"You want to come in?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. You didn't know why you were asking, but something inside you just didn't want him to leave just yet. Alden looked at you for a moment, his eyes searching yours before he nodded slowly.

He followed you in, the door clicking shut behind you. The house was quiet, a stark contrast to the chaos in your mind. You led him into the living room, flipping on a lamp to cast a warm glow across the room, "I'm not sure what to do, I mean I've watched stuff and read.."

He stopped you, "I told you we don't have to, [Y/N], no pressure,"

You nodded, "I know, I just..." You didn't know what to say. "I want you, I-I feel it," you stutter not sure if you made sense.

He stepped towards you slowly, giving you time to retreat should you want to. His raised his hand to gently move your face to look at him, "Where do you feel it?" he asked, his hand releases your chin and starts moving down, his hand ghosting over you, not making full contact in case you didn't want it, "Here?" he asked, his hand over your stomach, you shook your head 'no' and he continued further down, until he reached your clothed pussy, "Here?"

You nodded shamefully and looked away and his hand found your chin again, "Hey, it's okay," he said softly, a small cocky smirk made it's way onto his lips, "More than okay," you rolled your eyes but you couldn't help but smile. "Has anyone else made you feel something there?"

You shook your head 'no' again and his smile grew wider, "Just you,"

"I can still leave," he said, his voice a gentle rumble that seemed to resonate through your entire body.

"I don't want to disappoint you," you murmur, the words barely leaving your lips. The tension in the room is thick, charged with the electricity of possibility. You want him so badly it hurts, you need him. Now.

"You could never disappoint me," Alden whispers, his thumb tracing the outline of your bottom lip. Your heart skips a beat, and you can feel the heat building between your legs. He steps closer, and you can't resist leaning into his touch. He takes this as an invitation, his other hand sliding around your waist, pulling you against him. You can feel his erection pressing against your waist, and you gasp.

He kisses you then, a soft, gentle kiss that sends shockwaves through your body. It's the first time you've ever been kissed with such tenderness, as if you were made of the most delicate material and he didn't want to break you. You melt into it, your arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him closer. His hand moves up to cradle the back of your head, his fingers tangling in your hair as he deepens the kiss. Your heart is racing so fast you think it might just burst out of your chest.

You can taste the mint on his breath, and it sends a shiver down your spine. You've never felt so alive, so wanted, so... desired. His other hand travels down to cup your ass, squeezing gently, and you can't help but moan into his mouth. The sound seems to ignite something in him, because he suddenly picks you up, his hands under your thighs, and carries you over to the couch. He lays you down gently, his body hovering over yours.

"You want to stop?" he asked you, breathing heavily as he regains his breath. you shook your head 'no' once more, "I need words, baby. Once we start, I don't think I'll be able to stop,"

"Yes, please fuck me," you begged moving to kiss him again but he pulls away, just out of reach of your lips, you frown, "I thought..."

"I do, trust me, but I'm not going to fuck you. It's your first time, baby, I'm gonna make it special," he says, his voice gruff with desire. He leans down and kisses you again, slower this time, letting you feel the passion in his lips, the promise in his touch. His hand slides up your thigh, to your covered pussy, "Can I?"

You nod eagerly and he smiles against your lips before he starts to unbutton your trousers. He kisses along your jaw to your neck, his breath hot and ragged. The fabric of your trousers sliding down your legs, exposing your simple black lace underwear. His eyes darken as he looks at them, "These are beautiful," he says, his thumb tracing the lace band. He leans down and kisses your neck, sucking gently, leaving a mark that you know will be there tomorrow.

You reach down to palm him through his pants but just as your fingertips touched the fabric, he pulled your hand away, "No, It's all about you right now, baby,"

Alden's eyes are burning into yours as he runs his thumb over your underwear. You can feel the wetness that's already seeped through the material. He leans down and kisses you again, his hand sliding your underwear to the side. You gasp into his mouth as his thumb brushes over your clit. It's like a bolt of lightning shooting through you, making your body arch off the couch. His other hand is under your shirt now, his rough thumbs teasing your nipples. You can feel them harden under his touch, and you whimper.

He breaks the kiss, looking down at you with hunger in his eyes, "You're so beautiful, so responsive," he murmurs, his voice a low growl. He kisses down your neck, his teeth grazing your skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. He kisses down your chest, pausing to pay special attention to your breasts. His tongue flicks over one nipple, then the other, making you moan. He pulls your shirt off completely, leaving you in just your bra. He takes his time unclipping it, the anticipation killing you. When it finally falls away, he groans, "Fuck," before taking your breast into his mouth, his hand still working your clit.

You've never felt anything like this before. The pleasure is intense, almost too much, and you can feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge. You start to move your hips in sync with his thumb, your breaths coming in pants. He kisses down your stomach, his tongue tracing the waistband of your panties

And now that’s how you got here. Your first time, Is with Alden Fucking Parker.

***

“You’re so wet,” he murmured against your skin, his voice sending delicious vibrations through your core.

It’s like he had a PhD in the art of pleasuring a woman. His tongue, the perfect weapon, caressing your clit in just the right way. It was like he had a manual and studied it every night.

Everything about him was intoxicating—his scent, the way he groaned as he tasted you, the way his beard scraped your thighs as he worked.

He was the kind of man who could charm the panties off any woman and make her feel like the only one in the room. And here he was, doing just that to you.

But it was the way he looked at you that had me questioning everything. His eyes, a piercing blue, they were filled with a hunger that you’d never seen before. It was like he was starving for you, and you were his last meal.

But it wasn’t just the physical. It was his confidence, his command, his authority that had you wetter than the ocean. He knew what he wanted, and he wasn’t afraid to take it. It was a turn on like no other.

As his tongue continued to dance against your clit, your body began to tighten. The pressure building, your moans grew louder, your hands found their way into his hair, gripping tightly.

“Oh God, I’m going to come,” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

He smirked against your skin, not missing a beat, his mouth working harder. And just like that, you shattered.

But what happens now? Would we pretend this never happened? was this the start of something? Or was it just a one-time thing?

Parker reaches to unbuckle his belt and looks down at your face, your thoughts must have been written boldly across it because he paused, "We can stop if it's too much," he whispered, reaching down and stroking my cheek gently. A gesture you had never experienced from a boyfriend before. His thumb wiped away a tear that had escaped your eye.

You nodded, giving him the go ahead.

He stood, the sound of his zipper echoing in the quiet room, and stepped out of his pants. He was already hard, and the sight of him took your breath away. He was everything you had ever imagined and more. You watched as he kicked his pants to the side and took his shirt off, revealing a chest that was peppered with the cutest hairs ever. He was perfection, and you were about to get to touch him.

He moved closer to you, and you could see the veins in his arms as he reached for you. His cock was thick and long, standing tall and proud against his stomach. The tip was already glistening with precum, and you felt your mouth water at the thought of taking him in. You bit your lip, your eyes never leaving his huge member.

He sat back down on the bed, his cock jutting out in front of him. "Do you want to?" he asked tentatively although his voice gruff and full of lust.

You nodded, eager to taste him. You leaned forward, your hand reaching out to wrap around his length. He was hot and hard in your hand, and you couldn't help but moan as you took him into your mouth. He tasted salty and musky, and it was everything you had ever dreamed of.

He groaned above you, his hand reaching down to stroke your hair as you bobbed your head up and down. His cock filled your mouth, and you could feel his pulse against your tongue. You sucked harder, feeling him swell even more.

"Are you sure you haven't done this before?" he breathed out, his eyes never leaving yours. "You're a natural."

You blushed at the praise, but didn't stop. You liked the feeling of his cock in your mouth, liked the way he reacted to you. You liked the power you had over him.

You reached up and cupped his balls, gently squeezing as you took him deeper. He bucked his hips, and you knew he was close. You could feel his orgasm building, and you wanted to be the one to make him come.

You sucked harder and he tensed. "I'm going to cum," he warned, and you nodded. Then, without warning, he pulled out of your mouth and stood up. "I want to be inside you when I come," he said, his voice a harsh whisper. "Do you want that?"

You nodded again, not trusting your voice. You had never wanted anything more in your life. He climbed onto the bed, his body covering yours. He kissed you hard, his tongue delving you’re your mouth, tasting himself on you. It was erotic and raw, and you were completely lost in the moment.

He positioned himself at your entrance, and you felt the tip of his cock pushing against you. He was so big, and you were so tight. You were a little scared, but mostly excited. This was it. You are going to lose your virginity to the most amazing man you had ever met.

"Ready?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.

You nodded, and he pushed in. It hurt at first, but then it felt... right. Like he was made to be inside you. You moaned into his mouth as he filled you completely, his cock stretching you open.

He began to move, his hips thrusting in and out gently. It felt so good, so much better than you could have ever imagined. And as he fucked you, you felt something building inside of you again. An orgasm, this time deeper and more intense than the one before.

You dug your nails into his back, your hips moving with his. He groaned, his movements growing faster and more erratic. "You're so tight," he murmured, his breath hot against your ear. "So fucking tight."

You could feel him getting closer, his cock pulsing inside of you. And then, with one final thrust, he came, his warmth filling me up. You followed right after, your body convulsing around him.

You lay there, panting and sweaty, for what felt like hours. He held you close, his arms wrapped around you tightly. "Are you okay?" he asked, his voice gentle.

You nodded, your cheek pressed against his chest. "More than okay," you murmured. "That was amazing."

He chuckled, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "It was," he agreed. "But we're not done yet."

You looked up at him, your eyes wide. "What do you mean?"

He smirked, "I mean, we're just getting started, baby."

@mandy426 @writeandsurvive

[caineinthecorner]

Languages (world building)

★ Find my hcs referring to: The DBs, Others

Hewo. I have been busy with stuff but the thought of this post reentered my mind.

Anyhow is just me doing world building ramblings because the question of how Devildom, Humanity and Heaven handle communication is so interesting to me as a bilingual person.

Gentle reminder that I make shit up.

★ Loquar ad vos

Demons do not speak any human language, at least natively. They have their own tongue, the name unpronounceable to mortals. It's very throat-y and the grammar very specific. You will accidentally typo a death threat while trying to say "good morning".

However, because this was an issue back in ye olden days back when demon rituals were just discovered by humanity (and communicating with the demon you just summoned was Kind Of A Big Deal), human sorcerers came up with a "simple" (it actually took a long time to make, but it was purposefully made to be simple to replicate) translation spell to combat the language barrier - Loquar ad vos. The bridge for the language barrier between species.

But the spell is veeeery finicky, and only allows the translation of very specific languages; Amongst that list of translatable languages, is English and Japanese. Think about it like an online translator with a very low language selection.

Loquar Ad Vos also supports the translation from human language to another human language (So both Demon tongue -> Japanese and Japanese -> Spanish are possible while using it), so it is also used by human sorcerers as a normal translator independently from its original purpose of solely translating the demonic language.

The use of Loquar ad vos has become mainstream since its creation and nowadays every single summoning circle - human or demon or otherwise - includes it amongst the micro spells they utilize. You will get the scolding of a century if you write the runes for it wrong.

★ Nulla lingua

Angels, contrary to demons, are born with the knowledge of every single human language that has and will exist - alongside demon tongue - but lack a language of their own and mimic other beings’ instead. They do not require the use of Loquar Ad Vos to communicate with, and are therefore more “approachable” (this approachability with humanity resulted in a relatively amicable relationship between the two realms at the start of human existence, and therefore the extrapolation of theocratic rhetoric and/or angelology as a whole).

This is considered an innate Angel trait, shared through all angels no matter the rank or strength. Older or stronger angels tend to gravitate to older idioms, as they are more accustomed to them due to their age, while younger angels usually prefer newer and/or easier languages. You can very much guess an angel’s age by what language they feel most comfortable with.

Upon falling, innate Angel traits are either entirely lost or muddied greatly, so the beings who knew Everything now only know Few. As a small mercy of their God, demon tongue will remain in the sinner’s language repertoire, no matter the type of fallen angel.

[hyukassubi]

🍪 04 | Knight-in-training Kai Kamal Huening

♡𓂃 Pairing -> (Former) Knight! Huening Kai x Seamstress! Reader

♡𓂃 Synopsis -> Growing up, you never believed in purpose, nor destiny. Simply following the path of life, becoming a royal seamstress didn't at all seem like a bad idea. Only thing is, it wasn't your idea.

Your best friend who just so happens to be the crowned prince knows what it's like to grow up having limited choices, and Prince Kang Taehyun doesn't want the same happening to you. The commander knight, in turn, has other plans for the future. After Huening Kai closes a profound chapter of his life, he seeks refuge from the chaos of his past, opting for a cozier lifestyle instead.

... And it just so seems that those plans wouldn't be fulfilled without you.

♡𓂃 Wc -> 1,507

So, knights were a thing, and to your disbelief, some trained as young as ten.

“There’s no way these people are around our age.” You stated, watching beyond the small gathering outside the castle grounds full of young dirty boys facing tired royal knights.

Also it smelled like a pig pen.

Taehyun looked prouder than he’s ever been. “Knight training typically starts at age ten, yeah, but they’ll actually get to wield swords and stuff when they’re… I don’t know, a teenager?”

“You’re telling me they don’t wield swords during their training periods?”

“Nope, we give them rubber ones first, wooden ones later.”

“W-why?”

“Prevention, sweetheart, we don’t want to compensate for a booger-eating weirdo’s hospital fees, after all.”

It was around this time Taehyun’s sassy side started to show up, and from everybody in the castle, the only person who seems to be taking it well is you.

“I don’t think they all eat their boogers. Nor are they that incapable.”

Taehyun scoffed. “You innocent soul.”

“What?”

“You’re right, not all of them are, or will be, useless, I guess. It’s fun watching them grow from mere long-limbed babies to strong, muscular men who’ll end up taking care of you and the kingdom, though. And they especially take great care of me.”

The topic of knights was getting too political for your ten year old brain. “You make them sound like your nannies.”

Taehyun turned to face you, hands on his hips, hips don’t lie. “They are not my nannies.”

“Everyone in this castle is basically your nanny. Right, Bangchan?” You turned to the tall guard next to you, the real OG who has been looking after the royal family since prince Taehyun was in diapers.

Everybody within the field excluding the village boys and Taehyun and you sighed in sync like a church choir going off of several different layering audios and backing vocals, “Yes.”

You spat a smirk at the prince. “See?”

Taehyun didn’t utter a word. He just stared from the corner of his way too big doe eyes with so much intensity it can pierce through your bones like an x-ray.

The mucky village boys simultaneously gulped.

Commander Knight Bangchan who did not look a day over twenty-five harrumphed, ready to start his boring speech or whatever, and you had to hold yourself back from yelling out ‘hear ye, hear ye’ in front of, like, fifty other people.

“G’day everyone.” He started relatively cheery. “I can see by your needle-straight postures and trickling beads of sweat that you fellas are absolutely scared out of your minds for this important day, but fear not! Knight training only gets progressively intense by the time you’re sixteen. So think of these next four years as a bit of playtime, a bit of getting to know each other and a bit of fun.”

The village boys simultaneously let their shoulders drop and sighed in relief.

“That is, if you’re even going to be a knight-in-training for the next couple of years.”

The village boys straightened their backs again.

You had a mild craving for popcorn right about now, and Taehyun must’ve wanted something to nibble on too because he whispered over to you for a cookie but your mother’s clay oven broke down because some random girl that totally isn’t you accidentally stank up its insides by baking up some ‘salmon’ from your father’s recent catches that weren’t meant to be eaten in the first place.

Commander Knight Bangchan continued. “I am Commander Knight, and that’s basically one of the highest positions you can get as a knight.” Silence. “Now, as you can see here are two beautiful young children—”

The both of you stared into Bangchan’s soul, “Tell us something we don’t know—”

“—they are going to be the future of our kingdom.”

A collective gasp sounded from the crowd, and so did a few not-so-very-audible ‘oh no’s coming from the other guards guarding the field area.

Commander Knight Bangchan laid a hefty hand over Taehyun’s shoulder. “This right here is prince Kang Taehyun—” a collective bow from everybody that lasted three seconds commenced, “— and that thing in the white dress and bunny slippers is… his best friend who canonically has no royal significance at this date and time but—”

“Correction, my bestie is a queen.” Taehyun glared and all the boys bowed on their knees—

“Tell you what, I’m done with you folks. Off to the haystack you two, we’ll start knight training, now.”

Taehyun pouted as he dragged you to the haystack to sit down and watch the literal rodeo that’s about to take place, neither of you noticing a pair of keen brown eyes starring back at you for quite some time.

Only half of the boys made it through the Knight-in-training Acceptance Exam, which was kind of odd because all they did was answer a couple of questions ranging from ‘Who are your parents?’ to ‘If the whole castle was on fire and the prince was stuck on the top of the turret, what would you do?’ followed by a practical exam which included punching dummies and wielding rubber swords around.

The only reason why Taehyun told you to leave after the exams were over was because he had to pretty much give an oath of sorts to the young boys which was, according to him, ‘very very boring’ so he recommended you to pick flowers in the castle garden or something and he’ll meet you back in like ten minutes max.

And now here you are, hugging your knees at the edge of the duck pond in the castle garden, staring back at your reflection.

Taehyun just keeps growing, doesn’t he? Not particularly in physique right now but… he’s constantly changing while also being the same old Taehyun?

You wondered, sometimes, how it must feel having the future of your whole life planned out since birth. How the options are narrow yet promising and hopeful, how the future is predictable enough that it isn’t scary.

But, perhaps you didn’t need the universe to give you the map of your future. For what its worth… for now, you had your parents whose love for you is never ending.

And Taehyun.

And the florist, and the bakery.

And the boisterously chaotic castle you consider as your second home.

Taehyun tagged along soon after, with a friend.

“Y/n, I’d like you to meet Huening Kai.”

The three of you were around the same height, same age, but something about the boy standing next to Taehyun screamed ‘fragile! PLEASE handle with CARE.’ which… wasn’t a good fit on him for the most part considering he’ll be a knight in charge of, well, the kingdom. It honestly would never have crossed your mind that this timid, scrawny boy would have the guts to order a bar of soap at your local white market, let alone become a knight.

“Hello, Huening Kai.” Is what you said because that’s how you let another person know that they’re seen and that you’d love to be friends with them.

Taehyun had taught you well.

And he must’ve taught Huening Kai a thing or two as well, because he and all his shyness mustered up enough courage to look you in the eye the whole time and go, “Hello, Y/n. I like your name.”

“Thank you, but I think you have a better name.”

Taehyun nods along. ”I agree.”

Huening Kai takes out something from his closed fist.

A rose.

A rose so pretty and so red and so obviously plucked out from the castle gardens just a few bushes away. “Here. It’s for you.” Huening Kai adds, cheeks pinkening. “I thought it’s pretty so I… plucked it out for you.”

The small gesture shouldn’t have felt special, after all, you were the daughter of a florist and flowers of any kind were always within your vicinity, be it a large bouquet with tiny stuffed animals on it or home decor to be placed by the window of your bedroom.

So… why?

Why did this feel so special?

Huening Kai felt the silence, and it must’ve overwhelmed him because his eyebrows furrowed and his lips perplexed. “If it’s too much I’ll, uh— I’ll put it back and we can start over—”

“Oh no you’re good. It’ll look good on my flower crowns.” You smiled at the pretty little bloom. “Thanks, Huening Kai.”

All Hueningkai could do is smile, a soft thing that shivered at the corners of his lips, breaking away eye contact and shrinking back without meaning too, “Just call me ‘Kai’.”

You thought little to nothing of it, because any friend of Taehyun is a friend of yours you must respect and cherish and keep for a very, very long time. “Okay. Hello, Kai.”

The young knight didn’t quite understand the gesture, so his new found princely friend gave him a small nudge. “It’s a thing she does to tell you that she respects and appreciates you.”

Huening Kai nods, feeling respected and appreciated like he should.

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♡𓂃A/n: Fun-not-so-fun fact, this chapter wasn't proofread before being posted, but I think that shouldn't be a problem because 1) my writing eats hard 2) my humor is immaculate 💅💅💅💅💅HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED HYUKA (AND BANGCHANS) APPEARANCE BWAHAHAHAHAH

♡𓂃Tags: @sweetheartsaku @imcringebutimfree @i-like-to-read-at-4am @pengningie @marloree @stormy1408 @blossommi

Reblog & review if you like my work !!

[bingsoo-jung]

Because I’m a science bitch with a degree in science bitch shit (it was math-physics), I’d like to just explain my issue with there being a perfect eclipse in all the Dragon Age: the Veilguard promo material. Which is that it doesn’t work.

Like an eclipse isn’t just a moon blocking out the sun, it’s a moon with the same relative size as a sun, perfectly aligning with the sun. Any old planet can have an eclipse, it’s very hard to have a perfect eclipse. Often times the moon and the sun do not have the time relative size, thus leading to them lining up, but it being a partial eclipse with what’s called an annulus or ‘ring of fire’. The eclipse we had back in April was a perfect eclipse, meaning that it did not have a ring of fire, and that you could look at it! Don’t look at a partial eclipse with an annulus, it may look like a total eclipse, but it’s not. You will get hurt.

Now the issue is that the Thedas moon can’t do that.

See these moons?

See this sun?

The moons shown are bigger, in fact far too big to do a total perfect eclipse. It would just be a total eclipse with the sun being blocked out. So, the Moon cannot be the solar eclipse moon. This is where the problems start.

So what about the second moon of Satina that’s never been depicted?

Well, first off, for the big moon to be that big, it must either be very very large, or very close (remember, relative size, large items look bigger, but so do close up items). Now if it’s a large moon, then Satina could be a moonmoon, it could be hiding, we could be looking at a binary moon system, or Satina and the Moon could be far apart not affect each other. In that final case though, it does mean you should have more eclipses, so I suspect it’s not that.

So that leaves us with the others. Now, in order:

I’m just guessing it’s not a moonmoon. I would love it to be a moonmoon. But I don’t think it is. Mostly because no one cares about moonmoons except me and other people who find the name hilarious. Also that would make Satina not a moon of Thedas, but a moon of the Moon.

The moon isn’t hiding. I love the idea of a hiding moon, but it means that thw two moons have to have the same orbital speed. Or, the mass/orbital radius (distance from planet to moon) ratio has to be the same for both. But that’s not possible. Let’s say the Moon mass is 1 and it’s radius is 1. Then the mass/radius ratio is 1. Okay, so we take the second moon and make it small, let’s say half the size of the Moon, then the radius has to be 0.5. And sight lines are more or less a linear relationship, so that would mean the relative size of both moons would be the same. Now while he’s, this could be the case, BioWare’s also made it clear Satina is the smaller moon. So this doesn’t work.

Binary moon system. Honestly this would be two giant moons orbiting each other and is just a large moonmoon then. No I will not be explaining the physics of this. But it’s functionally that small things don’t actually orbit large things, small and large things orbit around the center of mass of their system, which just so happens to generally be in the center of the larger object.

The final one honestly could work! Honestly this is the most probable. That the Moon is big and close, and that Satina is much further away. Now, there does become an issue of Satina needing to be fairly large to do that, and at that point Satina and the Moon would gravitationally affect each other. But there’s probably a gravitational sweet spot where that’s not the case. However I’m not doing the math.

So what if the moon is just super close? Well… it would still be pretty big actually. Considering it takes up so much of the sight line, even if it’s super close, that’s large as shit. Furthermore, it’s a sphere, and thus it must be Of A Certain Size. The smallest spherical object in our solar system is still ~400km in diameter. However most spherical moons do tend to be bigger than this. Our moon is around 3400km in diameter, though it is unusually large.

As a final note, I do suspect that it’s just the 4th one of these, combined with Satina having phases, as the Moon is always a full moon, yet art in Thedas depicts phases. Likely referencing Satina.

So, ultimately I’m still wondering why there is a perfect total eclipse in the trailer and art, why Thedas has and knows about these things. Also why the fuck doesn’t Thedas have more imperfect eclipses with their giant moon! That should be blocking out the sun semi regularly! It’s not even that hard! It’s giant, and earth has yearly eclipses, Thedas should be having so fucking many okay?

[stardewremixed]

Alex headcanons

Wanted to be a knight when he was a child. Horse and lance, sword and suit of armor. Shiny. Made one out of tinfoil, scraps of Evelyn's fabric, and a broom stick. Neighbor kids made fun of him. He didn't dress up again.

Joined a yoga class on a dare. Well actually because he saw a pretty girl through the window and straight up walked into the glass. The instructor made him take the class. Something about balance and coordination.

Almost thought about joining the army right outta high school. He barely passed and wasn't sure college was for him. But the thought of dying while his grandparents (his only relatives) still lived qnd didnt have anyone to take care of them was too unnerving. He didn't want to leave them all alone. Still likes war movies sometimes.

Conscientious about his scent. Keeps his pit hairs trimmed. Religious about showering after working out. Keeps a spare deodorant in his truck. Leaves a trail of cologne - clean, just-out-of-shower scent, not too weighty, a bit soapy, rainforest mist like.

Has helped Sam out with his community service before because this man weirdly loves digging fence posts.

Also loves carrying things - groceries for his grandma (or the pretty farmer), barrels of ale and whiskey, folding tables from festivals, tools up a ladder, etc. Both arms full. Things normal people can carry on multiple trips. Alex gets it all and doesn't break a sweat. Would carry the farmer too (if she'd let him - and you know he's carrying her bridal style on their wedding night).

Loves a challenging ropes course. Can rappel down a wall or a mountain side. Can complete a obstacle course faster than anyone else. Would give Kent a run for his money at army crawling. Absolutely goes nuts about hiking, bouldering, free climbing too. Would probably do spelunking too if... he wasn't a teeny but afraid of the dark... because...

Kept a nightlight in his room until he was a teenager. It's why he never did sleepovers with the other kids. That and he hit puberty early. Towering over grade schoolers was only cool for like a minute. But you can reach things on the top shelf, I guess.

Occasionally freelances for the Adventurer's Guild. Gives guided hiking tours up into the mountains above the Valley or secret woods for tourists. He would be enthusiastic too - swinging his arms and waving his hands around while telling stories and pointing out cool sights.

His hugs are big, and leave you feeling wrapped up, but in a good way. Like a cozy warm blanket. You feel safe and loved.

He's a cuddler... while you watch TV together, while you read books together (yes, he likes sports magazines and biographies of his heroes), and while you sleep. He's definitely the big spoon and makes you feel cherished. That's until he starts snoring... lightly. You'll have to nudge him to stop. And those arms do get... heavy. And he's definitely elbowed his companion in bed before.

He's a bit of a wimp when it comes to shots. It's why he would never get a tattoo or get his ears pierced. He doesn't like needles. (They might also remind him of his mom and her treatments when he was little).

He once posed for a campaign poster for a lumberjack festival. Lewis had little success. Only a dozen young girls showed up on the bus that day. No actual woodchoppers. Needless to say, Alex kills it in plaid. Think Brawny paper towel guy vibes without the facial hair.

Also did a modeling gig for Pierre once to sell some winter gear. Haley took the photos. Alex is a natural in front of the camera. Again, lots of female visitors... erm... customers to the town for a period of two days. He may or may not have autographed the ad for one of the ladies.

He's shouldered a lot of responsibility from a young age. His dad ran out on them. His mom was sick. His grandparents aren't the healthiest. Alex has picked up odd jobs since he was eight. Recycling bottlecaps. ♻️ Washing cars. Lemonade stand. 🍋

Delivering newspapers was one of his first real paying gigs. Granny gave him one of George's old newsboy caps. Alex wore it with pride. He's got an incredible swing for it. Also led him to be interested in baseball. He played three seasons in Little League as a pitcher before he became fascinated with gridball. 📰

It was actually Grandpa George who got him into gridball. Watching games together on TV, critiquing the players, talking technique. Male bonding stuff. He wants to take George to a pro game one day, proudly wheeling his Gramps into the stadium. 🏈

One of his first jobs as a young adult was at the local hospital. It's how he paid for his first apartment. He wheeled people up from their appointments to get picked up at curbside. Just like with his mom when he was a young teen. It felt like a good way to keep giving back even after she was gone. New moms. Dialysis patients. Kids with broken legs from falling off a skateboard ramp...

That's how he met Sam actually. (I like to think these two would be sort-of friends). Sam talked about music and boarding and surfing. Alex talked about the high school Alma Mater fight song and baseball and weightlifting.

Sam and Alex built an epic sandcastle village on the beach one year at the Luau. Both were bored. Vincent helped too. It was impressive... until high tide came in. Haley snapped a photo first at least.

Inspired by Grandpa George, he took a dance class. That's how he met Haley (when they were late teens). He was her favorite dance partner. He could actually lift her without dropping her. And he didn't step on his toes. He's actually pretty light on his feet. Tried tap dancing too but that wasn't as successful (or cool looking).

Named MVP for his high school gridball team. Would've gone on to play in uni but just didn't have the grades. And he needed to stay close for Granny and George. Still keeps his trophies from every sport he's ever played in his room.

Would challenge anyone to an arm wrestling contest any day. Has actually made some money at the Stardew Valley Fair this way. Out of towners might underestimate him. Amateurs! Shane is the only one who's come close to besting Alex and only then because he was drunk. Sober Shane might have stood a chance.

Bought George a big recliner with his very first paycheck from his adult job. Comfy cushions, high quality leather, great arm rests. George never sits in it because he had his mining accident shortly after and so it sits unused in a storage closest somewhere collecting dust. Still every once in a while, George wheels by and thinks about his grandson's thoughtfulness.

Will carry any of the Farmer's picked produce back to the bins, trekking across the fields, or will personally deliver products to Pierre's. By the armful. Corn, lettuce, bushels of broccoli, squash, grapes, tomatoes. He can carry 3 or 4 buckets at a time. Or by the basket. The big round baskets that the average person can only carry one at a time.

Likes the smell of freshly washed cars. And the air after it rains. New leather on a ball. Granny's freshly baked cookies.

Would literally be your shoulder to cry on. No seriously, people have. His mom before she passed. Evelyn after her frustrations with George. Haley after a boy she liked dumped her. Even Emily after one awkward moment as she was taking out the trash behind the Saloon and felt overwhelmed about a disturbing vision she had. He is always willing to comfort those he cares about.

Doesn't really cook but he can make a mean cheesy macaroni casserole. It's one of the few recipes he learned as a boy that has stuck with him.

Feels strongly about cheating in sports. And popping pills to make someone stronger. Especially because his mom was ill. He knows there are people out there who really need medicines. Illegal drugs are a disgrace to the profession.

Would absolutely spend his days fixing up the farmhouse, repairing the barn, sprucing the greenhouse, patching up the chicken coop while the farmer worked the fields and orchards and took care of livestock. I have this longstanding belief that Alex would make an excellent handyman in the Valley. Maybe it starts out as an apprenticeship with Robin. He's gifted with a sander, a wrench, a saw. And this man looks great in a backward cap, tight jeans, and a tool belt. He likes to feel useful, stay busy, and work with his hands. Painting your bedroom and repairing your shower leak would be his first projects once moving to the farm.

[blossomwithsunshine]

Why Tsubaki Yayoi is the Best and Most Interesting Character in Blazblue and Everyone is Wrong About Her

Alternate Title: Tsubaki is a Good, Interesting, Tragic, and Misunderstood Character so You're Wrong, Actually

I have noticed during my time in the fandom that this girl is demonized and gets A LOT of hate from the BB community, mainly calling her a "bitch", "stupid", "annoying''', "incestous simp," etc. At best, she's a very divisive character who does have some fans who correctly say she's overhated, but besides either of those, she'll be largely ignored despite her being a pretty major character. (I guess because she's not a "waifu" or "fanservicey" like most of the other girls. I side-eye anyone who doesn't like her outfit.) Literally the only thing not divisive or hated about her is her theme song.

I quite frankly think the hate is for misogynistic and crappy reasons from people who don't pay attention and has gone on for long enough, so here's my big defense post about Tsubaki Yayoi that I've been wanting to write for a while now where I explain why her character works in the story as best as I can. Strap in, folks. This is gonna take a while.

(Warnings: Mentions of incest, inbreeding, and grooming. Spoilers for Blazblue in general, mainly the parts revolving around Tsubaki. Also long af.)

Let's start with her beginnings because where else is a better place to start off? Talking about her backstory is VERY important when discussing Tsubaki since she has went through plenty of trauma. The Yayoi family is a family that places a lot of importance on their lineage and bloodline. However, they placed so much importance on their own bloodline that in trying to birth strong children, they resorted to incest and inbreeding, meaning that Tsubaki is a product of incest. All the children that were born, expect for one, would end up dying. The one child that survived was Tsubaki. Thus, she ended up being the heiress to the Yayoi family.

Her family is pretty much a cult, especially since the Imperator is basically a God. The family basically raised Tsubaki to serve and have full faith in the Imperator, no matter what. In gameplay, she mentions God in a few of her attacks so even in that, the cult-like philosophy she grew to have is showcased.

Does all this sound insane and messed up? That's because it is. Keep in mind of all of this since it gives plenty more context into her character. It's worth noting that this is the first big thing we learn about her in her arcade mode in Continuum Shift, the game she's first playable in.

So from the get go, it's already clear Tsubaki had a rough childhood, having a family resorting to incest, being the only child to survive, and she's essentially raised in a cult. This is when she meets Jin Kisaragi, a boy who is similar in age to her (probably just around a month older if I had to guess). Tsubaki is happy at the prospect of meeting someone who is similar in age to her, befriending him, and even calls him her brother as a result. Keep in mind, all of her siblings died, and she only knew her parents, teachers & relatives. She basically has a sheltered life and hasn't spoken to any other children her age, besides maybe her relatives (if they were close in age to her). Is it any wonder that she's overjoyed at the prospect at finally meeting another child. And yes, while it does seem weird she calls him "Jin nii-sama", I find it hard to blame her since not only was she calling him that since she was a child and thus that's what she's used to, it's also that incest has been so normalized in her family

I'll talk about her relationship with Jin later, so for now, I'll talk about how she's like at NOL Academy. It is here that she becomes roommates with Noel Vermillion and Makoto Nanaya, but they weren't exactly friends at first sight. In fact, Makoto distrusted the two at first due to her being bullied for being a beastkin. Later, a few students start to bully Makoto for being exactly that and Noel for her status and family. Thankfully, Tsubaki stops the bullying and sets the mean girls straight.

Tsubaki: I can't even stand the sight of your deformed mouths from all the foul language and your sunken eyes from looking down at others... I truly feel sorry for your so-called "family name."

And yet, people call Tsubaki a bitch. SMH. Of course, Tsubaki becomes best friends with Noel and Makoto after this and she's very kind to the two, helping them whenever they need it and only chastising them when they're being silly, like any other 'straight man' in a comedy.

It's after this that she becomes part of the NOL so that brings me to my next talking point, her arc in Continuum Shift.

In Continuum Shift, she is tasked by Hazama to kill Jin and Noel for deflecting from the NOL. Tsubaki's entire life has been based around NOL propaganda and she's basically been indoctrinated to be the perfect soldier for the NOL so she has grown to be very dependent on them. Is it really a surprise that she's not going to act logically? In her point of view, she's making the most rational choices of what's been given to her. Even smart people like Tsubaki can get indoctrinated and groomed.

The reason I even put the term "groomed" is because while yes, being groomed sexually is the most common way to be groomed, grooming can happen in other ways, even when you're an adult. In Tsubaki's case, she was groomed from a religious standpoint.

I think another thing that gets ignored is that Tsubaki is not completely for the idea. She even thinks that Jin and Noel have reasons for turning their backs on the NOL and just wanted to talk to them at first. However, since she's been groomed to never doubt the NOL, she has to go through with it anyway. It's plain to see in her arcade mode that she has plenty of concerns about it. In fact, when she sees Jin, she doesn't want to fight him and just tries to tell him to go back to the NOL. It's only when Jin refuses and takes out his sword that Tsubaki fights back.

Even after she beats him, she doesn't take the opportunity to execute him like she was tasked to do and again, just tells him to return to the NOL. She didn't even think she would beat him! She also would've probably done the same thing if she fought Noel and if Hazama hadn't come to manipulate her again.

Oh yeah, speaking of Hazama, Tsubaki is hated for letting Hazama manipulating her and she's called a stupid bitch as a result, but let's bring up a scene in his route, showing how he manipulates her, shall we?

When he talks to her, he does so at first, by giving her praises, as manipulators are prone to do, and it really feels that this is what Tsubaki wanted to hear for quite some time now, even with her confusion at first. He says she's kind, graceful, intelligent, beautiful, etc., even calling her the heroine, basically smooth-talking her. He even points out how it's rather unfair that someone like Tsubaki could be put in a low-ranking position like the Wings of Justice, even calling it the garbage disposal like how some of the other characters call it.

Of course, he doesn't genuinely feel that way. It's all so he can make Tsubaki more comfortable around him more and that she'll believe anything he tells her.

After this, he basically tells her there's another timeline where Noel doesn't exist and Tsubaki is Jin's secretary instead. The sad thing is that Hazama isn't even entirely wrong when he says this.

There actually is a timeline where Tsubaki is Jin's secretary, and this is explored in a drama CD called The Wheel of Fortune. However, Hazama leaves out one important detail...Tsubaki ends up getting killed in that timeline, which he is more than aware of. However, this is not something Tsubaki herself would have any way of knowing. The only time she technically does find out is through Izayoi's arcade mode in Central Fiction, which is a few games ahead.

Tsubaki did see this vision of her working alongside Jin when first wielding the Izayoi. She does try to hide that she saw this vision from Hazama, but he reads her like a book and calls her out for lying, even saying before that he can't stand liars. Again, not much reason for Tsubaki to think he’s the one lying. He's an important figure of the NOL, so why should she doubt him?

Also, if she's told there's a world where she can be with the man she loves, why wouldn't she want that and be angry she can't now? And especially when Hazama leaves out the fact that would end with her DEAD?? Would she be mad at Noel if she knew that part? I highly doubt it.

Tsubaki finally shows the jealousy, hate, and anger that she's been bottling up for a while since she basically got robbed. Hazama tells her it's not wrong for her to feel that way and that none of this is her fault, basically motivating her to kill Noel.

One of the main reasons Tsubaki gets hate is for her hating Noel and trying to kill her since she "took her place" as Jin's secretary in the NOL. This’ll explain more of her contempt.

One important thing to realize is that Tsubaki was basically raised to be an "ideal woman." (Or Yamato Nadeshiko for those who know what that is). She's calm and level-headed, she's a heiress to an important family, she's a Straight A student, and she's the closest to Jin out of anyone. It seems like the role would be given to her on a silver platter (and it WAS in the first timeline, actually!) But then comes Noel, who seemingly is not as talented, her family is not of high status, she's not close to Jin at all, and is basically not seen as deserving of it as Tsubaki is.

Tsubaki is instead put in a lower position than Noel, the Wings of Justice, something that is infamous and basically hated from everyone who has heard of it since they're basically the military police. Which, I know "Lol she's a cop"...she's not the only character that's a cop, 'K? Let's move on.

Another noteworthy detail to note is that Tsubaki just hid her resentment about this for a long time and didn't blow up at Noel until she is told she could've HAD that opportunity if Noel didn't exist. Tsubaki didn’t want to feel that way since she knew it was wrong for her to do so, but now you have Hazama telling her it’s not wrong for her to feel that way.

The 3rd important thing is that during their fight, Tsubaki....can't bring herself to kill Noel. Even when she's angry, hates Noel for taking her place, and has the advantage over her, she STILL cannot find it in herself to kill Noel. Even through this, she values their friendship too much for that to happen. Then Hazama comes and fucks it all up, because he's Hazama.

The next thing I'll mention is the Izayoi. The Izayoi is basically the biggest indicator of Tsubaki's character, as it's heavily showcased in her lore and gameplay. The Izayoi is a weapon that has the ability to steal light so that its user can utilize it in someway, mostly in battle. However, its biggest downside is that it can also steal light from its user, and if used too much, can blind and even kill them (which happens to Tsubaki in her bad ending). The Izayoi causes physical and mental harm to Tsubaki throughout the game, blinding her and causing her mental torment in who and what she should fight for to achieve true justice. The term "blind justice" is in full effect here.

It's through this game that we see Tsubaki as a woman who is full of doubts of who she is, what her place is in the world, who she should fight for, why should she fight, and is struggling with her ideas of what true justice is. She becomes so isolated that the only person she has on her side is a manipulative coworker who subjects her to further conditioning. The main question in her mind throughout is this: Should she follow the organization she's been groomed to follow her whole life or should she follow her friends, the two people she's been closest to her whole life? By the time she figures out the truth about Hazama, it's already too late and she is subjected to further brainwashing, leading her to "choose" the latter. This leads us into Chronophantasma.

There's not much to talk about with that game in comparison but it'll be more straightforward because of one important detail: She gets hate for her Chronophantasma depiction because she's a villain and is trying to kill Jin, Noel, and Makoto, but this completely ignores that Tsubaki....isn't herself for the majority of the game??? The Imperator is fucking up her head and Tsubaki at that point is completely brainwashed by the Mind Eater. PSST, I think the black outfit and red eyes she has should be a sign that she's brainwashed. Also, the "Mind Eater" name should give it away too.

Jin, Noel, and Makoto work together to save Tsubaki from the Mind Eater, but this is when Izanami has completely taken over her mind and is talking through her. It's pretty clear during the fight that Tsubaki is struggling and trying to break free from the Imperator's control, which, thanks to the three's help, does happen!

One aspect I love and that I feel is not talked about is a small scene where Tsubaki is in the inner depths in her mind, and coming to terms that she has darkness in her heart. From there, she wants to atone for every bad thing she did to Jin, Noel, and Makoto, and wants to return how they feel towards her. From there, she breaks free of the Imperator's curse and now wants to fight for the people she loves, since that's how she can achieve true justice.

Real talk, her fight against these three, awakening as Izayoi, and breaking out of the Imperator's control is one of the best moments in the entire franchise. Don't @ me.

Now, let's talk about her relationship with Jin. There's plenty of claims about their relationship being a toxic mess that would never work out and while I can't deny it's not entirely healthy, I don't think it's as much of a mess as people say it is. People say she has no reason to love him since he's just an asshole which, while fair, is not how I personally see it. I actually think it's rather reasonable why she would love him, so I'll explain why from her point of view.

I heard stuff like how Jin doesn't care about Tsubaki, which is...not even true?? Jin is the only person besides her family and teachers that Tsubaki knew her whole life and he's been quite decent to her. Yes, Jin is a huge jerk...but the person he's nicest to is Tsubaki. Back at the Academy, Jin, while still rather aloof, is pretty kind and attentive towards Tsubaki. He checks up on her and her friends regularly, gives her advice on what she can do, and they're able to hold a conversation with without her getting insulted. Also, in the present, there's a sword that's screwing with his head and basically has a shoulder devil AND angel telling him to kill Ragna, so there's that too.

In Chronophantasma, Jin does his best to put his fight against Ragna to the wayside since to him, Tsubaki comes first. He even works alongside Noel, someone who he deeply hates, to save Tsubaki. During their fight, he wholeheartedly believes that her will to fight through is stronger than the Imperator's curse. Now, it's debatable whether he feels the exact same way towards Tsubaki, but you can't deny his soft spot is usually only reserved for her. It's the regular "jerk/villain having that one special person they care about" trope.

One misconception is that she has nothing but blind love towards him, but I personally think if she did have blind love towards him, she would think he has done nothing wrong, which isn't the case as I'll explain in two instances.

One is regarding Jin's hatred towards Noel. Tsubaki doesn't really like how cold he is towards her. Back at the Academy, she did notice this, and she told him to be nicer towards Noel. According to Jin, Tsubaki has told him this several times. As Tsubaki says here, they've been close since they were children, but Noel has been a great friend too. All she wants is her two dearest friends to get along. It's a classic case of a person's close friends fighting with each other and that person being stuck in the middle. I've been in this situation a few times cough- Hell, I think she's one of the only characters who says to Jin to be nicer to Noel. Though since Tsubaki mainly appears in flashback scenes and isn't playable in Calamity Trigger, I can see how that gets lost.

To me, the biggest instance where this is showcased is her arcade mode in Central Fiction. In that, Tsubaki is given the opportunity to mold the world into what she wants (be by Jin's side) and Jin is targeting Noel for...reasons. So, like a yandere, she'll take Jin's side and target Noel too, right? No. Tsubaki actually protects Noel from Jin and fights him, even putting her life in the line for Noel.

That, to me, showcases how she doesn't see EVERYTHING Jin does is okay & just and won't side with him on everything, especially if he's trying to harm her other friends. It also shows she has put her jealousy and resentment for Noel aside, treasuring her as one of her best friends and it shows she has developed beyond that point since Continuum Shift.

Now, the last big reason she gets hate...her hatred towards Ragna. Now, I can see why that's annoying since for all her development, she never really gets past that point. BUT, I feel like this is mainly blamed with how we follow Ragna the most out of anyone, since well, he's the protagonist. Therefore, we have a much better idea on what happened from his point of view and we, as the players, know that Ragna is not a bad guy. We don't look at Tsubaki's point of view that much in comparison. So, I'll try to explain it from her perspective.

From how Tsubaki sees it, Ragna hasn't done much to get on her good side. She, at first, already doesn't like him because not only is he seen as a criminal to the world, but Noel and Jin, two of the people she cares the most about, also deflected from the NOL, an organization she has devoted her entire life to, due to his arrival. He hurts Jin, the guy she loves, to the point he has to stay in a bed to heal from his injuries, and Noel, her best friend (both also just broke her out of her brainwashing), at the end of Chronophantasma. Another essential thing to know is that Ragna is basically her antithesis. Tsubaki is calm, reserved, polite, and follows authority to a T, while Ragna is brash, foul-mouthed, hot-tempered and doesn't listen to authority. Is this petty and short-sighted? Yes, but it's not like she exactly hates him for no reason. Plus, her grudge against him is hilarious, especially when she thinks of the idea of him as her brother-in-law at one scene in Central Fiction. Sorry not sorry.

At the beginning of Central Fiction, Jin tells Tsubaki his backstory with Ragna and Saya and why he and Ragna have such a huge rivalry now. Tsubaki is actually shocked that Jin would almost kill Ragna, his own brother, like that. In fact, she finds it sad that brothers have to fight with each other like that. Maybe it could just be because Tsubaki places plenty of importance in family relations because of how her own family is like, but I felt this also was her realizing the conflict between Jin and Ragna isn't so black & white as she thought it was. Of course, not long after this, the timeline resets so it can't really be explored more. Blazblue timelines are such a mess, lol

I do think more could'e been done with Ragna & Tsubaki's relationship and it would've been nice to see her at least get a better understanding of him and see he's not as bad as she painted him to be, but it is what it is, sadly.

PHEW, this was long af. I unfortunately think the hate is not just rooted in misogyny, but also that she's a lore-heavy character, and Blazblue lore is infamously really difficult to follow. Not to mention, BB is a fighting game and plenty of people are just in it for the fighting. So if the lore is hard to understand, that would mean Tsubaki is not easy to get by extension. I think how long this essay was is proof enough there was plenty to unpack with Tsubaki, and I didn’t even talk about everything she’s involved with. She's not the easiest character to love at first glance, unfortunately.

BUT even with that, Tsubaki is another sad case of a female character getting demonized for far less than what a male character would do; just needlessly giving her higher standards. "We want morally grey female characters!" Bitch, a lot of ya'll couldn't even handle Tsubaki Yayoi. I have noticed the BB fandom, for the most part, is not welcoming towards female characters unless if they're sexually consumable enough for them, and Tsubaki, of course, is the most modest of all of them. With that being said, enen Noel and Celica of ALL characters get hate, for heaven's sake. There's really no winning with the girls in this series.

There's probably more I could've talked about, but this essay is long enough as it is. Hopefully, I made a good case study on Tsubaki's character and that there'll be a better understanding of her for now on, at the very least. Tsubaki Yayoi deserves more love than she gets, both from the game and fandom.

[tigreblvnc]

BLUE LOCK MATCHUP — @araerry

Your match is...

— Michael Kaiser

✦ OK, this intro is going to be very long and unnecessary, BUT

✦ I had to tell you about my writing process for your matchup.

✦ I read your entire bio in one go, commenting out loud, and I thought it was rare to read such depth in someone's words. It's not common and it intrigued me a lot.

✦ Honestly, I think very few characters can match you because it would require someone who can truly understand who you are, and I don't think that's something everyone can do.

✦ … And it might seem ultra paradoxical to you, but I actually thought of many people to match you with! However, there was always something missing or unconvincing.

✦ My choice was therefore quite limited, and not knowing your age range, even though I thought of some older characters, I refrained from going in that direction. But I'll tell you more at the end of the post if you're interested, where I'll mention the other characters I considered for a match.

✦ I thought of older characters because you really evoke someone who has long since surpassed adolescence! I know the particular context in which you grew up has a lot to do with it, and that's why I couldn't see myself matching you with someone still too immature.

✦ We haven't even gotten to the heart of the matchup yet, but I find your profile extraordinarily interesting. I mean, as a person behind your screen, you must be someone really fascinating to be around. This is the first time I've received such a detailed description with such precise content, so really, thank you! It's a blessing for me.

✦ (I love getting so much material; the more I have, the more I want to write!! MOUHAHAHA)

✦ -- Well, you're rambling but you still haven't started the headcanons, Yuno, right…

✦ First of all… It may sound cliché, but I absolutely wanted the suitor to be capable of spontaneously bringing flowers lol

✦ It's my romantic side speaking…

✦ This is the first time I'm giving Kaiser to someone, and I was waiting for very specific traits to say "this is the right person".

✦ In my understanding of his character, he absolutely needs someone who can take care of others. This is the very foundation of the relationship.

✦ "my maturity also comes from me being an older sister, in friend groups I’m usually the big sister of the group (sometimes mother) even If i’m usually always the baby of the group." -> THIS. It's exactly what I was waiting for!!!

✦ We can say that he is now independent and master of himself, but I believe that all his wounds come from the fact that no one knew how to give him love in his childhood.

✦ "with emotions I find it very hard to express my emotions, for me emotions are very complicated, I never can understand what I feel or what others feel" I don't see him being good at expressing his feelings either, because he was never given the space to do so.

✦ "and this is how my big psychology interest was born" He did it too, partly for personal gain. But I think if today we see him more expressive (it's relative, but he is still much more communicative than in the past when he joined Bastard München), it's thanks to his study of psychology. Imitating the behavior of others to blend in better. Understanding others to manipulate them better…

✦ Maybe you could see through his game. You show little emotion, you talk little about what you feel. It makes you hard to read, and… all the more desirable for those who try.

✦ Your first meeting probably took place in the past, after Kaiser was arrested by the police. They noticed his condition and his injuries, the treatment he was undergoing. He had to be taken to the hospital to check that nothing was broken. It was during this short period that you first saw each other.

✦ He saw the flowers you were growing.

✦ Guess where his tattoo comes from?

✦ (I'm going to create a whole lore about you and an alternative origin of his tattoo)

✦ I think that before you, he hadn't interacted with many other children his age either. He had always lived locked up, with no one to take care of him. He didn't go to school at all and learned the basics of life on his own. Reading, writing, stealing.

✦ This gap with society was a decisive element in your relationship.

✦ If he didn't listen to anyone, neither doctors nor police officers, wanted to hit everyone… I like to imagine that when he saw you, everything in him calmed down.

✦ For the first time, Kaiser wanted to listen to someone talk.

✦ And you were so calm, so shy.

✦ But he intrigued you, this wild boy from nowhere.

✦ Both of you had trouble with social norms. You didn't understand them, it wasn't your world.

✦ I think he was sincerely touched by your situation, even if he didn't physically show it.

✦ "I don’t like people," when he heard you say that, he felt like he was hearing himself.

✦ "I don't like them either," he replied.

✦ Between you, it was a game of taming. Distant, secret, silent, very powerful.

✦ You probably talked about very hard and painful subjects together, especially for your age. But it only scared others who couldn't imagine that two children could have such strength of character.

✦ Maybe he showed you what his father did to him.

✦ Never with words. Only showing.

✦ You understood, every time.

✦ "people have said that I remind them of old paintings" I can understand if they said that because you are someone pleasant to look at. You must have something peaceful, exuding a serenity immortalized, like in a painting. The features of Renaissance paintings are rather soft, you know?

✦ Speaking of painting, I'm sure he liked watching you paint. He didn't say anything, just sat on the floor, watching you brush the canvas. It had something restful, hypnotic that helped him fall asleep. It was something beautiful, and Kaiser had never seen anything beautiful until then.

✦ By any chance, did you draw him while he was sleeping?

✦ "I like sculpturing, mostly Hellenistic sculptures (classical Greek sculptures)" Kaiser's physical appearance tells me he would make a superb Greek statue, and maybe in the future, once the World Cup is won, you'll be the one to create it.

✦ "I’ve always been told I’m intimidating and hard to approach because of my face and my 'aura'" Honestly, I don't think Kaiser ever felt intimidated looking at you. He simply saw someone who, like him, was tired of life.

✦ I want to say that, due to the conditions in which he grew up, his general knowledge was very undeveloped. You talked to him about the stars, he remembers, and today he knows which direction to look at the sky to find their constellation.

✦ "I also love flowers and birds I know so many flower meanings and have a garden where I grow many flowers and plants actually" Were there any of those plants in your room? The ones Kaiser saw the first time he came.

✦ I like to imagine that even after joining Bastard München, a part of you remained etched in him.

✦ The dishes served by the club were never good. Never as good as the ones you made for him.

✦ Maybe you are one of the few to have a photo of him before his rise in football.

✦ "I have dark red hair (I dyed it)" I think he asked Ness for a blue gradient in his hair to echo your red hair dyed by yourself. It struck him when he saw you with it.

✦ Nowadays, he's in the middle of a match against PXG in Japan. It's right now that he's proving himself, learning to deconstruct himself to bring out the best version of himself. I like to think that once he returns to Germany, it will be to come and see you and say "I did it."

✦ It's to those we love that we are the proudest to announce our successes.

A word about your match: Okay, I gave everything I had in this matchup lol. Hope you enjoyed it. BY THE WAY, the other ones I thought of were Ego (yes), Rin, Sae, Chigiri, and Yukimiya, the latter two partly because they had known the hospital too.

© TIGREBLVNC 2024 | AUGUST '24 MATCHUPS EDITION.

[deleahtarte]

Style with kids could go so many ways, but one of the angstier routes I play with is (disregard anatomy, or just make it omega verse because I like the thought of them having kids and becoming a full family god damn it) Kyle finding out he’s pregnant and just choosing to not tell Stan about it.

It’s that trope I keep seeing and I think of them. Like Stan has something big going on, whether if it’s him having to move somewhere and go pro or he just blew up for his music—something life altering, and Kyle doesn’t want to get in the way. He’s also honestly scared. (It’s a big change, they’ve never been separated for more than a week. Long distance relationships are hard.)

On the day Stan is about to leave, Kyle breaks up with him. And god does he make it hurt. They go their separate ways with Stan trying really hard to dislike Kyle because there’s no such thing to him as feeling ‘neutral’ about Kyle Broflovski. He’s either madly in love or he hates Kyle with his guts, and with what Kyle had just said to him, Stan chooses hate. It’s easier that way for him.

Stan becomes successful, of course. He strikes me as the type of guy who, once they have what they want, becomes bored. (Season 11, ep 13. Where Stan cut Kyle off for fame but once he got it started going downhill) It’s never as great as when he first had it and sometimes it doesn’t even compare to what he imagined it’d be. The only thing—person, that proved Stan wrong was Kyle. Because even after all those years they spent together, Stan only loved him more. Boredom did not exist within Kyle’s prescence. Because even after all these years without him, Stan still has never found a greater joy than Kyle.

So he does the only thing he’s been thinking of doing for years. He goes back to South Park.

There’s no way he’d find Kyle easily. And it’s, hah, totally not like he came to South Park just to see Kyle, no. Stan just thought that coming back to his hometown would help reignite the same fire that burned him whole when he first left.

A few weeks go by, nothing. That flame has long burnt out. Or so Stan thought it did until hair that resembled it casually waltzed into the grocery store.

Kyle is a sight for sore eyes, ever the vision, but Stan could only focus on him for so long before his attention latched onto the kid holding his hand. She looks to be just about 5-6 years old; red hair, blue eyes, big smile. Stan’s heart plummets because he knows in his soul that she’s Kyle’s kid.

When Kyle spots him too, you’d think he found an alien in the middle of the isle with the way he stilled. They stared at each other for what seemed like forever, and if this was the only way Stan could be around Kyle—in the frozen food section of Food 4 Little—then Stan would’ve taken it.

He opens his mouth to say something, but the kid beats him to it when she points at him and exclaims, “Other daddy!”

Now looking at her from this angle, much closer, Stan wondered how he’d ever miss that she had his nose. His ears. His eyes.

It was like a lightbulb flickering on in his head once he figured it out.

That’s when another man walks into the store; their age, relatively good looking, Stan guesses. Actually, he kinda looks like Stan—and puts an arm around Kyle’s waist.

[modern-day-bard]

Worth The Feeling

Note: this is a completed project but I’ve had major problems posting on tumblr from my laptop! I’m not sure why. If anyone who sees this is interested, I also posted the fic on Archive Of Our Own 🫶🏻

Content Warning: 18+

This story includes explicit smut, intimidation, and an age gap relationship (MC is 26, Javi is in his 40s). Minors, do not interact.

Chapter 2:

Now, I've made some blunders before. Mostly calling talent by the wrong name, which is a big mistake when dealing with big personalities. But I've tripped a few times, spilled a few things, and I even broke a glass in the middle of a take.

Yet somehow, none of those things compare to this.

Treating the lead as if he was a PA? Telling him he needs to get a walkie ?

The thought makes me sprint even harder toward the sound stage. Once inside, I scan the area as quickly as I can. There's at least a hundred people in here now and the more I push past, the more I realize they are turning to look at me disapprovingly. I really should find a new shirt first, but it can wait.

"Lana!" I shout when I catch a glimpse of one of her classic colorful scarves. I can see the bright fabric tied in a bow on top of her curly head of hair, but she doesn't turn around.

"LANA!" This time several people, Lana included, turn around.

"Hey!" She runs up to me and sweeps me in a hug, before pulling back with an uncharacteristically miserable expression. "Why are you all wet? Ava, I can see your bra." She pokes my visible white strap.

I swat her away. "Just wait. That is the least of my worries."

I explain the situation, visibly cringing as I await her reaction.

In typical Lana fashion, she bursts into musical hysterics. She covers her mouth when she notices how pained my expression is.

"Lana, I am this close to panicking. You don't think he'll complain, do you?"

"No, no he won't complain. You said he was relatively cool about it, right?"

"Yeah, I mean, he didn't even correct me."

"Exactly. You know if it was one of the Marvel guys from our last picture, you might be in trouble. But from the sounds of it, he probably won't even remember it by tomorrow."

"Yeah..." Why did that idea not make me feel any better?

Lana is snickering again. "You know I sent you the cast list like a month ago, right? How do you of all people not recognize Javi Gutierrez?"

I lower my voice. "You know I'm not an indie movie fanatic."

"I know. It's your fatal friendship flaw. But he was on a bunch of shows, too!"

"I haven't had time for TV with school! Movies are less commitment. Don't scold me in my time of need." I wack her arm.

"Fine, fine," She holds her hands up in defeat. "But seriously Ava, unless you want to continue to give us all a free show you should really get another shirt. I have to get these mics up and running, but go to wardrobe and find Barb."

She's right. The first scene is at 8:00am, and as a sound assistant, Lana has to be ready to mic up the actors as soon as they're out of hair and makeup. I still have to print out scripts for the first few scenes, and I'm really starting to hate the sticky feeling on my stomach.

"Okay, thank you!"

Lana winks at me as I turn and head for the wardrobe trailer on the far side of the lot. Barbra has been on Norwick Productions sets since movies were invented. That is actually the answer she will give a person if they ask how long she's been working. She's the grumpy, tough-love mom I never had. And since Lana is pretty much the only person I hung out with during hiatus, I missed Barb dearly.

Barb's expression pales as soon as she sees me.

"Ava, it's only day one for god's sake."

"Don't worry Barb, Lana already scolded me for you."

"I do like that girl. And I'm guessing you came by to catch up after break, and not simply because you need my help?" She raises a knowing brow.

"Obviously." I flash her a very over-dramatic smile.

"I should give you one of the ratty uniforms from the end of this film for that."

"But you won't, because you love me." I batted my lashes.

"Uh-huh." Barb sighs, disappearing into the depths of the trailer before coming back out with a clean white t-shirt. No fuss, no fake blood.

"You are my guardian angel." I say after swapping the shirts.

"Bring me real coffee tomorrow instead of this crafty crap and we can call it even." She says in a flat tone, and I know she's not kidding.

I give her a quick hug. "It's good to see you Barb."

That makes her chuckle slightly. "You too, kiddo."

I check my watch again. 7:30am. Barely enough time to print out the scripts. I bid Barb a quick goodbye and head to the closest copier.

After kicking it a few times, and uttering several curse words, I got the copier up and running and several copies of today's script printed. I try to skim today's scenes while walking back to the soundstage. I'm beginning to grow curious as to watch is actually happening in this movie. Since we usually shoot scenes out of order, these few pages aren't helping very much.

Back on the soundstage, I spot Lloyd, our director, and walk over to hand him today's pages.

"Ava, welcome back." Lloyd says in his usual artistic drawl. He takes one of the copies from me, flipping through as though looking for something specific, though I know he is barely even skimming the pages.

Part of me is holding my breath, wondering if Javi would have complained to Lloyd or a production manager at this point. I'm not sure when he would have time for that between hair and makeup, but in a world where my mishap today costs me my job, he would find the time.

But, Lloyd is deep in conversation with a cameraman and doesn't spare me another glance. I take that as a good sign, and slowly slink toward the far corner of the room. This way I can still have a good view of the stage without calling too much attention to myself. I can see Lana across the room micing up one of the actors in the scene. Some older gentleman who I heard was popular on a cowboy show that I've never seen. I recognize his face more than I did Javi's, which embarrasses me further, even though the fact is only known to me.

Then, as though the gods of shame were looking down and laughing at me, Javi walks into the large room. I quickly open the first scene's pages to see if I can figure out whom he is playing. That, and so I can take my mind off of how he looks even more attractive in costume. I steal a glance up from the pages and see Lana micing him up now. He's smiling warmly at her, and she chuckles at something he said. Lana tends to laugh at most things, but I can't help but wonder what words were being passed between them.

The two men step onto the CIA set together, both dressed in impeccably tailored suits, making light conversation. Now is my que to bring them their copy of the pages for a final once-over before we roll the cameras. I inhale deeply and set my shoulders back.

Don't be intimidated, Ava. You can't embarrass yourself any worse than you already have.

Well, I know that last part isn't true. But I repeat it to myself all the same.

I walk up to the men, handing them each a copy with a smile.

The older gentleman gives me a friendly nod as he takes the script. Javi gives me the same smile he gave Lana a few minutes prior. I'm turning to leave, and I'm surprised when he says, "Thank you, Ava."

I pause, half out of surprise that he remembered my name, and half over the hesitation of wondering if I should apologize for earlier. But his attention is already on the pages, and there are so many people around to hear me admit my mistakes. I decide against it.

- - -

After we shoot the first few takes, I think I'm starting to piece together what the film is about. In the way that it is not unlike most other spy films I've seen. Older Cowboy, whose real name is still evading me, has a small role as the experienced head of the CIA who brings on Javi's character, a real loose cannon, despite his reservations. There is something about a kidnapping of Javi's lover that makes him "too close to the case," but he lies about his involvement with the woman to make sure he can be the one to save her. I'm assuming that is when we will be in Italy. Spy movies love a good ol' car chase in Europe.

I'm not blown away by the originality of the script or anything, but I'm still engaged in the scene even on their tenth take. I realize that Javi is actually quite talented. I'm only ever engaged in a scene if the actors are talented. That, or if Lloyd is having a breakdown.

I spend the rest of the scene trying not to notice just how well tailored that suit is on Javi. I never leer at the talent, but I always appreciate a good-looking man in a suit. Plus, there is something different about him. He has a kindness to him that I haven't seen with other actors. We've been working with a lot of big names recently, so maybe I've just become disillusioned. Even still, I know some lesser actors who would've complained about my assumption early, even if they painted it as a joke. They would never want me to fully live it down. But not Javi. At least, not so far.

When they call for a break, I decided it would be best to fulfill some of my other duties on another part of the lot.

The rest of the day goes by in a blur. I try to stay away from the soundstage, knowing that they will be working with Javi for the next few hours. I check my watch for the umpteenth today, and I crack a smile when I realize we only have about an hour left. My last stop is Emma Madden's trailer, our leading lady. And then I finally get to drive home and sleep.

I hadn't met Emma before, but similar to Javi, she isn't in the same celebrity category as our last film, so she seems much friendlier. I got a call on my walkie letting me know there was an issue with her food, and with not much else to go off of, I figured I might be in for a celebrity meltdown. However, when I got here, she let me know that she is severely allergic to mustard, and was afraid to touch the sandwich that had been dropped off to her. Sure, maybe it was a little 'Hollywood' for her to have me come and throw it in the garbage for her, but she was pretty apologetic about it.

"Thank you so much, Anna." She says with her knees brought up to her chest, as if she was shielding her center from the turkey sandwich springing back up out of the trash. Her expression is worried and her tone is so sincere that I don't correct her. Not that I would have otherwise.

"Not a problem Ms. Madden." I dust off sesame seeds from my palms.

"Oh please, call me Emma." She smiled at me now, and I couldn't help but like her a little.

"I know a mustard allergy is like, totally random, but it's actually pretty bad. I have an epipen and everything." I know she must be at least thirty years old, but her inflection reminds me of a teenager.

"I'll let crafty know. They should have sent you a food preference and allergy sheet to fill out months ago, that's the studio's fault."

"Oh, they did! I completely forgot about that. I figured it was just if you were a picky eater."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"Well, no worries. I'll let them know now." I reach for the doorknob of the trailer.

"Thank you again!" Emma called out as I closed the door behind me.

As I'm finally able to drop off my walkie for the day, I run through all the ways that Emma's Mustard Mayhem could have cost the studio hundreds of thousands of dollars. How did they start production without having her sign a waiver? Why did no one double check that all the talent had sent in their allergy lists? If she were a higher profile celebrity, this could have been a huge issue. But as usual, these are the scenarios I keep to myself. And as I drive home, I try to run through only mustard scenarios, and ignore any that pop up with another actor in mind.

Series Masterlist

[copperbadge]

Sam, you’ve talked a bit about the anger that comes with going undiagnosed for so long, and with having parents that dismissed your struggles. I’m about your age and I recently told my mom that I am relatively sure I have ADHD and that I was looking into getting a diagnosis, and I was at least 60% expecting her to disagree. And instead she said. “Oh yeah, I always thought that.”

Like. ????? WHAT. WHY DID SHE NOT EVER SAY ANYTHING???? Also, she was a teacher for years, and she knows how much I struggled in school so I am just. I’m honestly not sure if this is better or worse than her trying to say I couldn’t possibly have it. Like, at least she acknowledges that I struggled I guess? :/ Anyways, how’s it going with you?

I mean, I'm a big fan of repression.

That's only partially a joke. I'm not a big fan of repression but I do believe in trying to correct negative/damaging thoughts when they can't lead anywhere productive. I'm not a "think positive" person per se, but...

Yes, I am angry I didn't get a diagnosis earlier, particularly since it's not like my family was ignorant about the issue. But meditating on that just makes me more upset, and discussing this with my mother is not going to be cathartic for me or productive for either one of us. Even if I just wanted to take out my anger on her, which is a childish but understandable impulse, it's not like she did it maliciously. She was doing the best she could alone with three kids to raise and she desperately needed at least one of them to be "normal", for reasons that have much more to do with her upbringing and mental health than anything to do with me or my siblings. 

And that's all a fucked up situation, but there's nothing to be done about the past. So when I feel annoyance or anger, I stop and think, okay, but there's no point in lingering. Get it out if you have to, but then let's move on to how you can repair that damage. Then I talk about it on here so other people will feel okay about it, and I try to practice compassion, to remember that my parents tried to give their kids a good life with the tools they had and with their own disabilities to deal with.

It sounds like you're in a different place than I am, so I don't know how helpful this is. Not that you really asked for help, it's sweet that you just asked me how I'm doing, but I like to be helpful anyway :) I think the anger you're feeling is normal; the "oh yeah I assumed you had a disability and DID NOTHING" situation is actually quite common, you're not the first person I've spoken to who's had that experience. But part of managing the anger is making a conscious decision about what to do when you feel it.

Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun, wrote a book called Start Where You Are that I read about five years ago and which I've found useful in managing emotions about things I can't change. I think it gets overhyped as a self-help book, but that's not really how it functions; it's more about explicating a specific line of Buddhist reasoning and using Buddhist practice to accept the difficulty of the world without buying into helplessness over it. Part of that is learning to sit in the pain of unhappiness -- to acknowledge an emotion, experience it, and move into either using it for a productive purpose or letting it go. It's a practice that doesn't come easily, but it does seem to help, at least for me.

Funnily enough, I started writing the Shivadh novels before I had a diagnosis but I knew from the first novel that Jerry was neurodiverse. Writing him with ADHD, even as a supporting character, has been very helpful for me because like me he can't really talk to his parents about it, with a father who has passed and a mother who is in denial. But he's still a fundamentally likable person who gets to demonstrably mature over the course of the books, to achieve things he couldn’t before and be praised for it. It's very satisfying to write about someone who got a late diagnosis and that made his life measurably better. Because it has, for both of us! I would rather have this diagnosis at forty than never have had it at all.

So yeah I'm sad, and angry, and struggling, but crucially I'm not taking it out on myself or others, and I know that this is a temporary situation. These are feelings that will fade in time because they arise from grief for could-have-been, and it's worth the sadness and the anger to have the diagnosis and to finally have help. I can't help the failures and bad relationships and mistakes I made because I had a disability I didn't know about, but I didn't know about it -- and now that I do I can improve my life going forward. What I'm feeling now is passing; what caused those feelings is permanent, and from now on I'll understand myself better (and, at least in theory, have access to bomb-ass medication to help raise my quality of life).

[dolokhoded]

80s jesus 'verse disciple headcanons pt. 3 (jesus, judas, jb)

my sincere apologies i know i said i'd bost judas "in a little bit" about. 2 weeks ago. here they are. @ that one anon who asked me about judas, my brain works very slowly, there he is

JESUS

ok starting off jesus is gender wacky. idk what he is i use he/him for him but calling him a man feels off. he's my favorite gender identity which is wack.

being somewhat divine does that to you you don't really care for the labels society has completely made up. ANYWAYS

i don't even know what i'm gonna write for jesus i'm sure you know what kinda guy jesus was. 

okay. grew up in nazareth with his parents miriam and yosef and his siblings 

(don't ask me why im using the hebrew form of names for the parents but not jesus himself. it's because we have a hundred marys.)

he has three siblings, two sisters and one brother, and he's older than all of them with a pretty big age gap, he was kind of an accidental pregnancy

(or, y'know, the son of god. but who knows ! )

had a relatively normal life compared to everyone else. i guess reparations for how well his life went last time idk.

jesus is also the only one out of them all who has somewhat of a sense that they've all existed together somewhere before ? he doesn't clearly remember any of it, but he did recognize his disciples when he met them.

he also has a lot of nightmares. they're vague, but very painful.

anyways aside from that pretty decent upbringing. he always knew that he wanted to help people as much as he can.

he learned carpentry from his dad and although he did study political science he ended up just running his father's shop.

however of course he also runs his organization ! which i really struggle to pick a main cause for because like it's jesus ? i feel like he'd care about anything that helps people he's just trying to make the world a little better.

idk. i'll think about it.

before he was doing that he was doing a lot of activist and volunteer work alongside his cousin john ! you guys know cousin john !

and therefore already had a lot of peers and a lot of friends who then followed him and supported him. the first being andrew, who was very close with john and was there when there was just talk between the three of them and maybe some more friends about jesus starting his own cause

aside from carpentry, which he obviously likes and is very good at, jesus is actually a little bit of a creative in general.

he just started with woodcarving with his leftover supply for fun and then slowly moved on to clay and occasionally even sculpting.

likes to give stuff shape anyways

cares so much for his whole team and always reminds them to be kind to themselves and take care of themselves however he has not practiced self care a single DAY in his entire LIFE

will overwork himself to exhaustion if someone doesn't physically drag him away. has before.

for an all loving creature he has the emotional intelligence of a doorknob

dgmw he's great. he's kind to everyone and all that. he's understanding.

still has not known what the fuck is going on a day in his entire life. each time any of his friends looks the slightest bit off he comes to the wildest possible conclusion.

most of the time said conclusion being that it's his fault

he might be a tiny bit self-centered. usually not in a positive way towards himself either, it just means he thinks he's the cause of everything bad happening in his life.

feels like the world revolves around him, just in a very pessimistic way

but he's got a lot on his plate can you blame him.

love how i went "yeah he's relatively doing pretty well" and then gave him a bunch of issues lol sorry jesus

JUDAS

welcome, queers, i know you're here for him, here he is

judas is an only child and comes from a very rich family.

his parents own an insurance company and have like a bunch of buildings they're renting.

generational wealth, basically. it's all inherited and they're making a shit ton of money out of nothing it's all already set up.

judas' family is also very religious.

and i know that so far two out of the two times i've said that it means the parents are assholes but i swear it's not like that james and john's parents are also religious it just wasn't relevant.

but yeah judas' parents are, in fact, assholes. judas was very involved at the temple from very early childhood.

which unfortunately led to him being abused by religious officials that he could supposedly trust and grew up with.

especially once he started growing into his teens and came to the realization that he very much Does Not like women.

which his parents didn't love either.

somewhere around that time he started to distance himself from his family, especially once he moved away for university. judas studied political science but halfway through kind of changed career plans and double majored in journalism

which was very demanding but he did it anyways !

in university he meets jesus. jesus is in his third year when he's in his first and helps him out a lot. they're both very politically active too and always meet at protests and charity events etcetcetc so, yeah, they know each other. and sure there's something there but judas is very closed off and they drift apart when jesus graduates.

oh, judas also has depression, he was diagnosed at age ten, his family was very ashamed of that as well.

in his last year of university, he falls out with his parents once and for all.

they already weren't close, judas was very hurt by them and obviously he had a lot of personal issues with them but to him the line came when he found out about a lot of things that were going on behind closed doors in his parents' company, they were scamming a lot of innocent people and also partnering with a lot of . really just scum of the earth kind of people.

judas got rightfully very upset and had absolutely zero reason to keep covering up any of this. so he didn't ! and obviously that was very disastrous for the company.

judas gets disowned. not legally, but his parents cut all ties with him. not that he wasn't going to do that himself anyways.

obviously though as a consequence he suddenly has very very limited money. luckily for him he's currently in a relationship with his guy, isaac, who's very happy to let him move into his apartment. it would benefit him too to share the rent anyways. as it turns out, isaac's not a great guy ! judas himself isn't too well either so they have a very weird very unhealthy very codependent relationship and though they fight a lot it takes judas two years until he finally finds the strength to walk out on him.

judas didn't think that through very well because he doesn't really have anywhere to go. to his luck, guess who he runs into !

it's jesus. of course it's jesus this is the dolokhoded bible where the main character is still jesus, no matter how much i love to talk about james and simon.

jesus is on his way to a meeting with his team and he's like hey why don't you come along. and judas does. and that's it, he meets the whole gang, he ends up rooming with andrew and philip for a while before he gets his own place.

and, y'know. he does, eventually, in an excruciatingly slow process that tests the patience of all of their friends, get together with jesus.

okay i prob have to write this too uhh sad stuff ahead judas attempts once.

he's spiraling and overworking himself and hiding it pretty well. has some petty fight with john that jesus scolds him about and then has another fight with jesus over that and overall it's not going swell.

strangely enough it's john who decides to check on him after that. he has not gotten along with judas a day in his life but he could tell how upset he was and jesus is hurt and also a little petty and isn't gonna go do it himself so he decides he might as well. to his horror he stumbles into. well. yeah

he survives.

he moves in with jesus, john and matthew for a while after that.

(a lot of them are rooming they don't have much money)

goes back to therapy too.

okay sad stuff over. it gets better. he's doing well. gets a job at an independent news page and becomes quite known among his circles for his work too.

JOHN THE BAPTIST

or JB.

he does not baptize anyone. his first name is john baptist. don't ask me the logic of being named after himself when he hasn't existed yet for people to be named after him ok making an au of a defining characteristic of current human society is fucking difficult

jesus' cousin. his mother, elisheba, is miriam's sister. she's a good fifteen years older than her, and was in her fourties the year that both jesus and jb were born so her getting pregnant was a bit of a surprise.

grew up with jesus and they're very close. they studied together and they theorized together and they discussed everything together.

very big on environmental activism. and by consequence very very anti-capitalism. very anti-fast fashion, for multiple reasons. also vegan :).

jb genuinely believes the human race is the universe's biggest abomination and we should just go extinct. he's not wrong.

he doesn't pick favorites (but he does and they're andrew and philip they're his favorites)

philip was sort of his right hand

he's kind of there to encourage all the shit jesus can't if he doesn't want absolute chaos and zero planning. give simon a pat on the back for getting into fights with racists and all that.

generally he's a little more radical that jesus is. they don't agree on everything but they both respect each other's stances.

he's so well read. it's obvious too, they're all educated obviously, but this guy talks and you can tell he knows his shit. it's very impressive.

and not even in the sense of being well informed and reading theory he knows literature he knows art he's so cultured and i don't like using the word cultured because it often brings to mind a very western very white very high class perception of "culture" but that's not what i'm talking about here.

jb calls himself an atheist in a more political sense. he believes that people shouldn't rely on some higher force to give humanity and morality substance and should instead search for meaning inside those things alone, otherwise they won't have the right motivations to be moral and therefore their beliefs will have no strong foundation.

he grew up jewish but his relationship with his faith is very personal to him and stays between him and god. he doesn't care to discuss it with anyone, except maybe jesus a few times.

sort of everyone's go-to person for advice. he's there to talk the stupid out of them.

his mother was a seamstress, and he learned from her. he likes to make a lot of his own clothes.

professionally, however, he's a translator. he speaks hebrew, english, greek, russian and arabic. (also a little bit of french and german. he's not qualified to translate those though) (is constantly in the process of learning more)

he just fixated on different alphabets as a teenager a little too hard.

[oliviax727]

I finally gotten to it, I am finally going to start learning a language (Spanish)

Wait, why should I care?

You don't need to care at all. I just want to keep a public record of my progress and see if I can pull off the effort for long enough to achieve my goals.

If you're not interested, there's no shame in scrolling past this post once a month. And dw, these posts will be at most monthly. So if you're here for something else, this won't clog things up.

If you're concerned about the physics, reminder this is my personal account, and there's another one exclusively for those who just want the science without the shitposting/personal/political stuff.

Though if you're like a linguist or something - or are interested in language stuff in general, I'm sure you can find some value in this post perhaps.

What language will it be?

tl;dr Spanish

Also I love putting all this colour in my post. It satisfies my autism so much.

Now, I've come from a very multilingual background. I learned mandarin between age 5 - 13, and latin in grades 7 thru 8.

Mandarin was a language I could never get the hang of.

It probably had to do with some child-like racism combined with a lack of motivation.

Buuuuut it most likely was a consequence of when I moved from Hong Kong to Australia, my new school did not accomodate the fact I was already experienced.

Nevertheless, I feel as if my Mandarin skills have been overshot, and I don't think I'd be motivated to re-learn it unless I overwhelmingly succeed in this.

Latin was just a dud - I decided to do it because I thought it would be interesting, but dropped it after I realised I had too much on my plate heading into 9th grade.

But Spanish on the other hand, well, there are three better reasons why I choose to learn it:

I never really got an opportunity. I stopped wanting to learn from my abuela when I was 3-5 yo, and my Australian high school also didn't offer it either (my high school's curriculum was dogshit)

A big portion of my relatives are tied to Argentina, with my mum being born from Argentine immigrants. She spent her high school years doing ESL as Spanish was her second language

Aspiring to do Astrophysics is likely going to land me in Chile, as the Andes is home to telescopes-a-plenty

I could've also gone with other languages I'm interested in, like:

German (because my abuela was born from German immigrants - no they were not Nazis, they actually fled in 1936 to avoid conscription)

Croatian (my abuelo was born in Yugoslavia and fled in the 1950s)

Greek (I don't know why it was my "latin is cool" phase, so I guess I wanted to do ancient greek but I don't know how much drift there has been over the last 2000 years thanks to the romans)

And thus I go with Spanish.

But what about regional dialects?

I am very aware that there are various dialects of Spanish within Latin America, and generally, most online methods of learning will teach you Spanish Spanish.

But I think it's more important to first learn a bit of basic vocab, and the grammar, before worrying about my regional dialect. I'm still pretty sure that the most common and important grammar conventions are still shared between languages.

And I already know that people will tell I'm a foreigner, because I'll have an "English"-like accent to it. Learning a specific dialect will only make it harder to tell, not eliminate being "language clocked" entirely.

So what's this going to look like?

Every month or two I'm going to personally report, to myself, via tumblr, my progress in learning. I'll list what I learned, what I still need to work on, and what I wish I could do next.

Effectively this is going to be a public journal of sorts, to make sure I feel like I'm doing this productively.

What's the weather like now?

Given that I've already attempted to learn Spanish twice previously, and being exposed to cultural influences, I already know a bit of Spanish.

Most of it is just random bits of vocabulary, that sound a lot less impressive if you were to try and make me say a sentence:

Custom greetings "Hola", "Buenos Noches"

Expletives "¡Ay caramba!"

The basic conjunction "y"

"Niño, niña, hombre"

Agua (with the "con gas" or "sin gas" tacked on too)

Counting from "uno" to "treinta-nueve"

Some month names like "Mayo" or "Diciembre"

Some colours like "Rojo"

Some utensils and tools like "Boligrafo"

Other stuff that I won't be able to recaly suddenly

And I mostly only understand the pronunciation, most of the spellings I had to look up on google translate. Extra I's like in December or thirty, or that there's no "ph" in pen.

There are other simple grammatical rules that I know of:

Gender i.e. words that end with a you tack on a "La" and for o's you tack on "El". More generally you have to pay attention to grammatical gender

As an educated guess from knowing a bit of Latin, I'm sure there are noun and verb declensions that interact with gender as well

Word order, much like English, is SVO

Clearly, I have my work cut out for me. But I also have a head start over a lot of people primarily because I have experience in other languages related to Spanish, which can help inform me on grammar and common vocabulary. I also have some (minor) knowledge in linguistics.

Another one is that I don't just assume that Spanish is a 1:1 translation of English, where you can just swap words for others. This seems like a trivial fact. But you'd be surprised at how much "English-speaking privilege" can blind people who don't require learning second languages.

It can be much more effective to learn a language when you know your expectations.

What are my Goals?

Well, in the spirit of a SMART goal, I don't really know. Because I don't actually know how long it will take me to get to a desired level of fluency.

Sometimes a language can take years to learn, sometimes it can be picked up in just one. And there are so many different "levels" of acheivement.

Which is why my goals in the long term will be more vapid:

At some point, I want to have a semi-fluent conversation with my abuela in Spanish

I want to be able to speak and understand a proper, unbroken sentence within a few months or a year

Now, what I mean by "Sentence" is really finicky. I don't mean "Las mujers leen; ¡Soy una de las mujers!" (see I'm already learning ha ha). I mean a sentence you'd normally say like:

"Hey X, I'm gonna go to the store, what do you need me to buy? Ok see you in half an hour."

That will be a bit difficult. It requires a lot more vocab to get to that level. But of course, I know it's do-able because millions of people have done it already!

What are my short-term goals? And how will I learn?

For the short term, my goals are a little more simpler. Primarily because there will always be a course or an app that will help me learn.

And for the first few months, my goals are most likely going to align with whatever the app has designed for me to do.

The problem is that I feel like most apps will act as if they can take you from no-knowledge to fluent speaker in like 5 months tops, which for an adult sounds a little fishy if you ask me.

When reading through the recommended applications, I came across two that were appealing:

Duolingo, which is more fast-paced and short-form. It gamifies language but may not be great for formal education

Rosetta Stone, which is advertised as better for natural language learning. And requires more effort.

I decided to use both, mainly because I'm lucky enough to afford it ... for now. I don't have much other means to spend my money regardless.

The reason I choose to use both is simply because I want the best of both worlds, and that I can't tell which one is better until I try it. Duolingo makes it entertaining, Rosetta Stone makes it serious. Sort of the balance I'm looking for.

At some point I hope to stop using at least one or the other. But for now I have nothing better to do.

Anyways, that's all I gotta say on the matter for now. Wish me luck!

[filmnoirsbian]

Hi Joan, I know this may seem random but you seem like a person with wisdom so I wanted to get your advice. I saw my former therapist on a dating app and it freaked me out. I understand therapists have their own social lives and that’s fine, but it freaked me out because he’s twice my age (actually even older) and I literally started to spiral because I was wondering why he was popping up for me first thing when I opened the app as a compatible match. We didn’t match or anything, I would’ve had to send a ‘like’ (this is Hinge) but I immediately exited out of his profile. He either saw me and also exited out or he hadn’t seen it yet because once you reject on Hinge it’ll bounce your profile their way so they can still like it. For further context, the app has an “age range” feature. He falls FAR outside of my range however I didn’t set mine to “dealbreaker” mode which means it can still recommend people outside that range. It doesn’t happen often though. I’m also freaking out because I guess I’m questioning whether he saw me? And the scariest thing for me is whether his age range is set super low or whether, like me, he simply doesn’t have it set to “dealbreaker” mode. it was like a traumatic jump scare and I’ve been thinking about it all day. I stopped doing sessions with him like half a year ago because of insurance issues but I even recently considered going back and now I feel like I can’t unsee that and it freaks me out because I can’t tell if he’s a potentially creepy person who dates much younger women (this would crush me) or if maybe this was all just some big awkward coincidence. I live in a very big city and the chances of this happening feel little but they did. I’m starting to spiral and question if he’s a bad person, if the therapy was even helpful or maybe even harmful etc. anyway I feel pretty terrified and feel like I need an outside perspective, any insight would be much appreciated, thanks so much 🙏

Considering that you also didn't have your account set to "dealbreaker," I think it's a little unfair to assume the worst of him from this. It's absolutely awkward and I even understand feeling mortified and stressed by it, but it's ultimately a situation of coincidence that, however unprobable, is very possible. How would you feel if your supervisor or dentist popped up on hinge, also a possibility? Awkward no doubt, but life is filled with moments of awkward chance which you have to either laugh off and move on from or become overwhelmed by. I understand not wanting to see him in a therapy capacity after this, as it may just be too awkward, but that doesn't make his time spent as your therapist unproductive or harmful. And it doesn't mean you can't find a wonderful new therapist to replace him. I'm sorry you had this jump scare, and hope you can put it out of your mind relatively soon.