#i got wayyyyy too drunk

[strxnged]

i just learned that i don't like drinking actually

[kakashixhatakesxwhore]

Most to least experienced in bed? Konoha 11 and whoever else you wanna add. Love your work 😩😩

alrighty, i switched this up a bit to avoid strange research, if you wanna see someone else/another group ranking, lmk - i hope this is up to code, and thank you for the request!!

Sex Tier List

Ranked: Konoha 11 (Naruto, Sakura, Shikamaru, Ino, Choji, Kiba, Shino, Hinata, Neji, Lee, Tenten) + Sand Siblings (Kankuro, Temari, Gaara) + Sasuke

Warnings: swearing, x(GN)reader implications, we are talking about sex, uh idk lmk if something makes you uncomfy

Notes: Boruto era for everyone, and, for everyone, their Bortuo era! this request had me fucked up lowk because, canonically, these mfs got zero action without rings - so we're putting an enjoyment spin on it, worst to best, in a modern-ish au. as in, who you would have to guide, vs, who could rock your world, five times over, in one night.

Masterlist💿

Tier 3 - Passable🪙

5. Hinata

I'm not even sorry. She deffo just lies there. Never gets on top. You have to ask for anything and everything, and not even in a sexy, teasing way, more in a 'I don't want to feel like I'm fucking a wooden board' way.

4. Kiba

May God love him because this man is certainly a selfish lover. That's not to say he isn't good - he's great at getting himself off, his brain just kinda shuts off otherwise. If you wanna cum, the onus is on you, because he's fuck-drunk within seconds of you touching him.

3. Kankuro

He's trying, okay?? It's just really fucking hard to keep you in mind when you just feel so fucking good. Kankuro's just inconsistent - that's the main issue. He'll try a million different positions in one session and is always unintentionally edging you.

2. Lee

Now, our darling, Rock Lee, is trying his best, honestly and truly. However, he doesn't know anything about anything, and you have to guide him every now and again. He's got the enthusiasm down, he's just not very good at translating it into pure sexual energy on the fly.

1. Gaara

He's too busy to be good at sex. When he does find the time, y'all get extra down and dirty, but Gaara's still lowkey inexperienced and the irregularity of your encounters doesn't help.

Tier 2 - Good🪩

5. Choji

Bro's got hidden talents, aight? It's a matter of him wanting to utilize them that sets Choji up. Most nights, he's chilling, but on those key few nights, hot damn.

4. Sasuke

I would've put him lower but y'all would've been mad - it's called REALISM. Sasuke would be wayyyyy too busy to put in the work to develop any actual skill in the bedroom, and he would find researching for it so far past disgusting. His good grace would be his natural endowment and prowess, but he's on thin fucking ice.

3. Tenten

Surprisingly stone top vibes, I cannot lie. She deffo gets off on your pleasure, but she's down here because she's kinda bad at first. There would totally be improvement, like obvious and quick improvement, but those first few times were pretty rough.

2. Shino

Baby boy. Sweet boy. Ugh. I love. I wanted him as number one, so I'm not even defending this. Take it up with my lawyer.

1. Naruto

He's not the main character for nothing. Naruto lays pipe, but he can get a bit selfish at times. Never fear though, the second he catches himself, lost in the sauce, another round gets added to his itinerary. He'll be making it up to you tenfold, even if it was just for a minute.

Tier 1 - Fantastic🔮

5. Sakura

With her level of anatomical knowledge, she barely even needs to break a sweat to give you a release. However, she will break a sweat, because she wants to. Just amazing, idk what to tell you.

4. Temari

Got me kickin my feet and twirlin my hair rn - she would be so GODLY in the sack. She's always very present, very attentive, but is so openly expressive in the moment. Temari would have you screaming syllables and seeing colours behind your eyelids.

🥉 Neji

The game my man's got is INSANE. I just know for a goddamn fact that no one dances the horizontal mambo as gracefully as Neji. You're pleased, he's pleased, no one's ever terribly tired or bruised, the limits are clear lines but are never even toed. That's just the reg, too! Special nights would be fucking wild, dude would have wine, and flowers, and candles - he would go the whole nine yards every time.

🥈 Ino

Be still, my beating heart. Christ. Yeah, Ino's got this shit on lock. She's a vers switch, need I say more? (I do, someone request a fic)

🥇 SHIKAMARU

Y'all seen my preferance yet, or nah?

Oh Em Gee - Shikamaru could have you, heels to Jesus, all night longgggg. The stamina, the will, the knowledge, the capability; it's all there, and no one is as apt to put it all together except for Shikamaru. He would go for hours at a time, until he physically couldn't anymore. He would know exactly what makes your timebomb tick, and he would push every button so deliciously. Fuck, he's a tease too. If you two aren't actively in the bedroom, he's trying to get you there.

[hyperobsessedd]

Quick little joost x reader drabble because i can’t be asked to write a whole paragraph.(I wrote WAYYYYY more than a paragraph oops)

a/n: after many edits were finally here

cw : mentions of alcohol and some cussing

⟡⋆.˚❀⋆.˚⟡

I think joost x reader who is trying to learn dutch would be so cute. You had been wanting to learn ever since you moved to the Netherlands but never got around to, you had to many responsibilities at work and outside of work. You did the occasional duolingo but the only phrase you learned how to say was ik ben een kind (I am a child) a phrase that obviously didn’t apply to you. For the most part you got around speaking English but even then communicating with the locals could be kinda difficult.

Meeting joost was probably the turning point in your reluctance to learn Dutch. It’s not like you started taking a Dutch course immediately after meeting him but talking to him really made you feel like taking one. When y’all were still in the talking stage he would always sprinkle in light Dutch words/phrases like schatje, liefje, mijn liefste. “Don’t worry about it, it’s just a term of endearment” he would always say when you tried to inquire about said words. Guessing that he would most likely never tell you what the words meant you took matters into your own hands.

Spending hours studying/learning Dutch wasn’t over some silly pet names wasnt exactly what you thought you would be doing when you first met joost but as they say love makes you do crazy things. As the weeks progressed you could fell that your Dutch skills were getting better (writing and reading specifically). You could now (for the most part) understand what joost was saying to you irl and over text.

He had initially invited you over to his apartment to have dinner and a movie but the possibility of watching said movie was very very slim. You guys talked and talked while eating, continued chatting while sipping on some wine, and even now in your almost comatose state the both of you continue to babble on (gaga reference) about whatever came to mind.

“You know what liefste” you chuckled at the mention of the silly little pet name. “What, why are laughing” his head turned towards your direction, the pout very obvious on his flushed face

“Just the nickname ‘s all” you slurred out, the alcohol seemed to kicked in

“And you’re sure that you aren’t laughing at me”

“Why would I laugh at you? I’m also drunk and I think you look cute like this” you said before giving him a small boop on the nose

“You think I’m cute?” His eyes light up upon hearing your words

“Of course I do, just like how you think I’m cute”

“I never told you the you were cute” he sat back on the couch trying to think about his past actions

“Do you think I don’t know what liefste and schatje mean” his eyes widened at the mention of the nicknames

“I thought you didn’t know Dutch” he looked deep in thought as if trying to recall things you had told him in the past

“Well I may have started learning it for a certain someone” you tried to hint at him hoping that he wasn’t too drunk to understand

“Oh really, is he nice” he played along speaking equally as vague as you were

“He’s a bit cocky sometimes but his pretty face makes up for it” you got closer to him until you were staring into each other’s eyes

“Really”

“Really”

⟡⋆.˚❀⋆.˚⟡

Notes and reblogs are always appreciated and requests are open

[thechillsquid]

Blind Eyes Au- Apologies

Okay so this was supposed to be a drabble writing but it just kept getting longer and kinda just became a whole oneshot so uh yeah

Warnings for some content: Casual body horror, heavily implied drinking various dangerous chemicals (but Bill’s fine he’s a demon but still), threats of violence, injury, blood, trauma, paranoia, panic, etc.

—

All things considered, Bill wasn’t doing too shabby, though perhaps he’d pushed it with that last drink he’d had, but cmon! How else was he supposed to get a good buzz when all this human liquor barely made him tipsy, cyanide always did add a little spice! Well, that and whatever else he’d poured into that red solo cup before swallowing it whole, he forgot what had all been under Tate’s sink.

He ran his tongue lazily over an eye (doing very inhuman things in a vaguely human shape was hilarious!) and swayed a moment as he tried to figure which way the shack was. Ugh, he rolled his eyes into the back of his head, letting the forest go still and silent around himself before snapping back to attention when he’d recalled the path.

The demon hummed to himself and when he swayed just once more too many times, he let the human guise crumble in on itself. There was one satisfying crunch, a few squelches for flavor, and he scurried along on an array of spindly legs, body more sleek and reptilian in nature as his now lone eye stared up at the sky in almost an absent nature.

He just wanted to get back home, gorge himself on whatever snacks were in the fridge, and then possibly fall asleep under Stan’s bed (a good hiding spot to avoid Fordsey’s vengeful stare). Bill didn’t even take a moment to think about who may have also been awake this late in the night, crawling about the building as he got closer.

He flicked out a black-forked tongue, skittering about the perimeter and making certain that Ford hadn’t found a way yet to expel him from the shack. He didn’t see anything notable, eyeing the ground as he cautioned a few steps at a time until right against the wall just shy the kitchen window.

With all the ease and elegance a drunk eldritch monster could manage, Bill slipped the window open and forced his mass through, spilling out into the surrounding area before picking himself back up. Literally, as in he had to scoop up parts of himself that tumbled off, whoops!

He squashed himself back together and crawled to the fridge, prying it open with gnashing teeth and twitching claws, multiple eyes peeling open to peer inside. Ugh, what did they have that no one would miss immediately… few eggs, like a cup of milk… lettuce… maybe some butter sticks would do for now…?

As he shifted into something more human adjacent again (made things easier with the stupid lil opposable thumbs and he was wayyyyy too drunk to float properly so lengthy hairless ape it was!) he just barely noticed a creak in the floorboards. He glanced over, slowly shoving a butter stick into his mouth, little plastic wrapping and all.

A chill ran down his spine as he saw none other than Stanford Pines standing there, just… greaaaat. Bill chewed his mouthful slowly, eyes glancing quickly to the window as he held the other butter stick. Would it be better for him to just leave or…?

His stupid drunk fucking mouth spoke for him, “Heeeeeeeyyyyy, gurrrrl, howww we doin?”

Bill mentally lit himself on fire. Ford stared, the bags under his eyes were heavy and dark, “What are you doing here, Cipher.” Oh yeeesh, there was that whole growl to the guys voice right now, properly pissed the hell off.

The demon casually held up the other stick of butter a bit higher, slurring his words, “Look… I’mma just here for likeee, uh, snack.”

“Get out,” the man said shortly.

An annoyingly reasonable voice in Bill’s head that sounded suspiciously like Fidds told him to just for once in his life do as he was told without a fight. The louder voice in his head however was a bit more stubborn. “Is that whatcha said to good ole Fez, too? I know you’re going to kick him out the very moment those kids leave, him and Fidds gone from your life the soonest time possible. You can’t stand none of us can you?”

Ford took a few dangerous steps forward and if Bill was admittedly a bit more sober he would have noticed the way one of the guy’s hands was settled suspiciously over one hip. However, all he could focus on was the utter anger that flashed through the man’s eyes, the sheer hatred that sat there. “Dont talk like you know my brother or friend, demon,” he spat.

“I’ve known them longer than you cared to,” he responded snidely, moving to turn back to the fridge’s contents. That’s when he made his second grave mistake after not leaving when first told, turning his back on one of the most dangerous people in the multiverse besides himself.

There was a sound of fabric, the deep rumble of an inhuman snarl, and the cold metal of something being pressed to the back of Bill’s head. Ah. That was probably not good.

“What’s your game, Cipher?” Ford’s words were a low hiss now, right next to his ear, “If you even lay a finger on any of my family—“

“I care about them, too.” The words again slipped from his mouth on their own accord, Bill flinching harshly at his own words. Oh he had not meant to say that—

The gun clicked and he stilled, carefully settling his snack back on a shelf as he slowly moved to hold his hands up in surrender. He wasn’t sure what kind of a gun was against his head and he was realizing fast that unless he wanted to cause a whole fiasco, he better sober up and soon.

“I’m going to kill you,” Ford said in a hoarse voice.

Bill was surprised he hadn’t pulled the trigger already, giving out a weak chuckle, “Fordsey, there are kids asleep upstairs, how’s bout we—“

“Don’t! Dont bring them into this!”

The demon twitched at the man’s volume, listening tensely for any sounds of activity other than the panicked breathing from Fordsey behind him. “Okay— okay,” he finally agreed, hands still raised in the air. Yikes this was going south fast, wasn’t it? He swallowed down a giggle, but well well well— if it wasn’t the consequences of his own actions come to bite him in the angle once again!

“Why are you really here, Cipher?”

He was asking himself the same damned thing the longer this went on. “I dunno,” he sighed, cautiously turning his head so he could see the other. Being a bit closer to the man certainly made the bloodshot eyes more notable, as well as the subtle shake in the man’s stance. “Here… how bout we just go outside and talk…?”

“Why the hell would you want to do that,” the way Ford bared his teeth must have been a habit picked up from his travelings, it looked nearly feral. Bill kind of liked it, pausing to mentally brush the thought aside. Focus! There is a gun to your head that might actually be able to kill you and a very, very pissed Fordsey wielding it!

“Because, if you shoot me in here, you might shoot through some structural support and end up hurting someone else,” he said slowly, it was always good to play to Sixer’s logic when he got worked up. Though he also never thought that something like this would happen, so, maybe he was making a bigger gamble than he was realizing?

Thankfully, it seemed to make the guy think just a bit about where they were, his eyes darting away just a moment to glance out the room. “Make one wrong move and I’ll kill you.”

“It’s a d—“ Bill quickly bit his tongue, “Yup. Whatever you say.”

Ford kept the gun at his head as they made their way outside, Bill closing one eye to briefly check on the others in the shack, relieved and a bit annoyed that everyone was still sleeping away. Easing himself down, the demon sat down and glanced up at Ford, as long as the human was in a position of power and control, hopefully that’d help calm him some.

“You wanted to talk,” the man scowled, “So talk.”

“Thank you.” Bill could see the way Ford stiffened, a brief look of confusion crossing over his face before melting back into annoyance as the demon kept talking, “I really don’t want, you know, trouble or anything here, pal—“

Ford snatched him up by the collar of his shirt, honestly it was pretty impressive how quickly he moved at his age, “I’m not your pal.”

He nodded easily, “Okay, okay, slip of the tongue, I’m sorry—“

He was let go suddenly and in his surprise at the sudden lack of contact, his face had a lovely meeting with the ground. He hissed, quickly popping back up, “Ow.”

Bill looked up and squinted, wiping at the blood dripping from his nose now. Ford was giving him one hell of a look right now. “What? I got somethin’ on my face or what?”

“You just, nevermind.” Ford eyed him a moment, “You can bleed?”

“You want a sample?” He mused, wiping the silvery gore from his hand off onto the ground, “I got a physical form nowadays so I gotta whole bunch of blood and guts and stuff in here.” He dusted himself off as he spoke, sitting criss-cross and letting his nose just bleed.

The gun lowered just a bit. Oh, the nerd totally wanted a sample, didn’t he? This… this might be a good way to get a truce going actually! He’d have to be careful with his apologizes, but maybe having something to focus on that was logical and quantifiable would ease Sixer’s paranoia and fears? Great! He was so clever, ha!

“How’s bout, I get let back in the shack, and I’ll answer whatever questions you can think up and you can collect just bout all the samples you could want? Blood, teeth, I got just about anything and everything.” He tilted his head, moving a hand up to carefully prod at his nose. Thankfully, it seemed the bleeding was chilling out, so that was good, he did not need questions from anyone else. “What do you say, IQ?”

“And if I refuse?”

“I… uh, I guess I’ll sleep in a tree or something…?” He gestured towards the woods with a shrug.

“…do you even need to sleep…?”

“I could ask you the same thing, eye bags.”

Ford scowled, “I wonder who’s fault that is.”

Aah. Yeaaaaah. Bill winced, shooting the guy finger guns, “My bad, I won’t push it.”

Sixer was giving him that weird look again and Bill steadily gazed back, waiting. “And whats the catch, what do you get out of this?”

“Outta what?” He asked, squinting.

“…this damned truce or whatever you want to call it you demon!”

“Oh. Oh yeaaaah,” he nodded, scratching at his chin thoughtfully. “So you want a cheap answer or a real one?” When Ford only stared at him, he held his hands up once more. “Alright, alright, look, I got a sweet gig going on here and I’m a bit drunk at the moment, but I kinda have grown to like this place and I might be engaged to Fidds, so yeah. Is kinda like I got family or something and I don’t want to lose it. Blah blah blah, emotional bullshit.”

“Yeah righ— what did you just say about you and Fiddleford—“

“He’s putting a ring on it,” he said proudly, holding a hand out and pointing at a finger, “Riiiiiigggghhht here, just uhhh. Wait fuck. Did I ask him yet… no he asked me I think? One of us did.”

“If you so much as—“

“Please just shut up, Ford.” Bill rubbed at the bridge of his nose, “I’ve heard that line so many fucking times by now, just. Do we got a truce or what?” Out of habit he held out a hand before catching the other’s look and quickly putting it down.

“I… suppose. For now.”

Bill gave a sigh of relief, “Amazing, now if you don’t mind, I’m going to crawl under Stan’s bed and pass the fuck out—“

“You’re what—“

“—byeeeeeeee!” He shot finger guns and before Stanford could change his mind, he melted into a puddle of black goo and eyes and slipped under the door leading back inside.

[killakalx]

personally im also loud w gags but i feel even if its softer eventually jason uses it as an excuse to take it out and just put his fingers in ur mouth/push ur head into a pillow

rn this scene is in my head: you tease him wayyyyy too much at some sort of house party. he isn’t too into sex while a shit ton of people are outside the door but you’re both a little drunk and he’s pissed off (jason todd’s words for horny). soooo your panties are probably torn and shoved into your mouth, and he starts with you on your back but the bed rocking combined with your moans around the fabric??? he just pockets them instead, then he’s flipping you over and shoving your face into the pillows. the headboard hitting the wall got louder but at least no one gets to hear those pretty whimpers right

[sondheim-girly]

ok chat we doing this! this is mostly based on the musical versions of the characters.

-it’s kinda irrelevant, but for the sake of keeping track of when this stuff happens we’re gonna say that during canon bob is a senior in high school and Cherry is a junior

-Bob first starts to like Cherry wayyyyy back in the day

-like middle of 8th grade (so that it fits with my other head canons lol)

-she’s one of the only socs who won’t follow his lead without question, which he likes

-and he kind of likes that she’s just completely not interested in him

-he hasn’t really had that experience before, as the perfect charming soc who everyone loves

-anyways during sophomore year he starts to actually flirt with her more and kinda shoot his shot

-but because she only sees the him that he presents around other people she’s just so not interested

-anyways at the end of his sophomore year there’s this big soc party

-and Bob sees cherry standing with some socs staring into space clearly looking miserable

-this is definitely inspired by the lyric “I tell my friends I like their parties wishing i was somewhere else”

-normally she puts on a mask at times like these to seem as though she’s having fun

-but things are getting worse at home and it’s just too loud and she can’t stand it that night

-and Bob just got there so he’s not drunk yet, and he sees her and decides to ask her if she wants to get away

-he loves her so much in that moment 😭

-but she’s all like “I told you I’m not interested Bob 🙄”

-but he’s like “you really look miserable”

-something about how earnest he seems convinces her to go with him

-they end up driving around for hours, and that’s when she sees the side of him that he keeps hidden

-she’s shocked by how sweet and considerate he is

-the next day he asks her out again, and this time she says yes

[sweetkiller690]

Fuck it, Juice Bar Regular Hcs

Herb (Bloom) Cookie

Herb is 25 years old (Oldest, minus Vampire)

He is autistic and has symptoms such as a lack of fear, unusual eating, trouble understanding others' emotions, hyperfixation, and sleeping habits.

He is Wasisn (a mix between Asian and White)

Originally from a forest near the Hollyberry kingdom

5'6 (Shortest one in the group)

Bisexual, uses neoprouns (plant/plantself), and is Poly

Major weed smoker

His mother is Matcha Cookie (he doesn't know)

She left him a forest full of carnivore plants and expected them to eat him.

Instead, they raised him as his own and you can guess how that fucked him up lol

He was adopted (found and kidnapped) by Sea Fairy and Moonlight at the age of 6.

Took quite a bit for him to get over his eating habits, but currently, he is fine.

He is the owner of a flower shop with his only current employee being Tumeric Cookie (oc)

The only reason why he has one employee is because of Cookiesnap.

Stronger than he comes off as. He can easily carry Mint and Sparkling at the same time

He usually has dirt on him because of all the time he spends in his garden.

Has a scar on the right side of his face, he doesn't really remember how it got there.

Relationships

Mint choco: "I like him, he's very sweet but a little dumb. His music helps my plants grow. I love listening to his music,,

Vampire: ''He stinks of red wine but at least he is decent. Wayyyy too clingy but has good intentions. I saw him on the floor passed out once.,,

Sparkling: "He's a pussy, he faints at the smallest drop of jam. He works himself half to death. At least he makes good drinks. ,,

Sparkling (Champagne) Cookie

Sparks is 24 years old

He is Hispanic

Originally from the Hollyberry Kingdom

The only one whose father didn't leave for milk

6'0

Gay, Cis and Polyamory

Workaclohic

His mother is Strawberry Fizz Cookie

His father's name is Yellow Wine Cookie

A major disappointment to his parents

He was going to be a professorial healer but dropped out

He faints at the sight of jam.

He owns a bar (duh) and he is the only one working it.

He has a pet yellow parakeet named Cocktail

His hair fizzes a lot. He got used to it and tuned it out.

Has a mole on his the right part of his face

Relationships

Mint choco: ''He's a sweetheart, a kind cookie who never puts himself first.,,

Vampire: 'He needs to go home to his sister. He is OK?? Just done having to drag him home every night...,,

Herb: ''He is an asshole. Not everyone is fine with jam on their floor! At least he makes good blunts.,,

Mint choco cookie

He is 23 years old (The youngest)

He is Blasiain (Black and Asian)

He was originally from the Dark Cacao Kingdom.

Mint is a resulted of an entanglement with Chocolate Bon Bon and Dark Cacao.

Meaning in a technical sense Mint choco is royalty

Bon Bom left the kingdom shortly after he was born.

He doesn't know that Dark Cacao is his father.

Chocolate Bon Bon would promote toxic masculinity.

Took a while to break away from that way of thinking. And when he finally did he started to let his hair grow.

5'8

Pan, Polygender, and Polyamory

Workaholic (Not as bad as Sparkling tho)

Wayyyyy too nice to others

Keen on giving people chances, especially when they do not deserve them

Loves tall vodka

Semi-famous violinist who works off of gigs.

Has a bit of freckles because why not

Relationships

Vampire: ''He may be drunk all the time but he is still a good guy.,,

Herb: ''Oddish but I still love him no less. His garden is beautiful, with such wonderful plants!,,

Sparkling: ''He worries me, I doubt that he gets enough sleep. Go to bed!,,

Vampire (Wine) Cookie

Vamp is over 2,000 years old but is mentally and physically 25

He is white

They used to live near the Hollyberry kingdom

Vampire's father is Mulled Juice Cookie.

His mother was a cookie and has long passed away.

Mulled Juice abandoned him and Alchemist

His abandoned started his drinking habits

6'7

Bisexual, Demiboy (they/him), and Polyamory.

Way to lazy

He is just an acholic

Since he isn't a full Vampire he doesn't need jam to survive but without it, he is sluggish and low on energy.

Uses wine as a replacement for jam

Doesn't have a job but still lives in a lavish mansion

Literally uses red wine to survive

They have been trying to grow facial hair (hasn't been working)

He can see in the dark and hear extremely well but not as good a regular Vampire

Relationships

Mint choco: ''I enjoy listening to his music when I'm getting over a hangover. ,,

Herb: ''He is a good pillow... ,,

Sparkling: ''His great... I love all the wine,,

The sillies

[baconcolacan]

What sort of relationship has the gang now? (Ew stay au) what does Tord think of them?

Okay it would take me wayyyyy too long to make new visuals to explain this au so I'll just write it down. Also keep in mind, this AU IS very self-indulgent so expect some ships I like:

The Stay AU is just a little thing I made for self-indulgence reasons. I wanted to explore the gang's relationships through a softer, albeit complicated, lens.

These designs I have for them are versions of them in their mid to late 20s. They did have a phase where they all wore their signature matching hoodies, but I place that timeline somewhere in their early twenties to late teens. In the Stay au, I'm focusing on them mostly in their late 20s onwards.

Brief summary of their history before my timeline: Edd was friends with Tord first, because during their first day of school he was the only other kid who was drawing by himself instead of outside during recess. Tom and Matt are childhood friends, their parents knew each other but they had a falling out, only later-hesitantly- reconciling when they all became friends with Edd and Tord. They all grow up together afterwards. Since you asked about Tord's point of view, here's his thoughts about his friends throughout the years until his 30s, keep in mind I'm not gonna be able to explain it thoroughly enough without it devolving into a 200k word fanfic: Edd - (childhood to late 20s) Arguably his best friend. He thinks the world of Edd since he approached him first and showed genuine interest in getting to know him. Edd's the first person he made friends with in England, which makes it special since the move had been so jarring for him. Growing up with Edd was pretty easy, despite him being snarky at times he always made sure to include Tord in everything he did, it was touching how much he cared. Tord had never met a person who was as excitable as Edd was, even if it often led to harrowing situations. Edd always seemed to want him to be part of his life for a very long time, it was the first time Tord had ever felt like someone cared and wanted him to be there. It pained him to leave when he did, out of everyone in the group, Edd was the one he couldn't look in the eye when he left. (30s) He had cut off contact with the group, but he still felt guilty the first few years when Edd would try to call or send him emails. He switched his phone number and abandoned his old email to make it easier. (mid 30s) Met him again but on the battlefield. It hurt him a lot to see him there after he tried everything to not get them involved. He never got to explain himself as a bomb, aimed for him, came screaming towards them. He thought Edd had died that day. (late 30s) Found out that Edd was alive, tried everything to reach him, even so far as visit England under pretense of a meeting with the PM. Found Edd after scouring London for a week, got into a fight with him, couldn't explain himself due to being overwhelmed. Edd said he hated him. It shattered him. Hasn't contacted him since. Tom - (childhood to late 20s) He wasn't sure about him when they first met, Tom got pretty attached to Edd when he first met him- mostly to make Matt jealous at the start, but then he started to genuinely like Edd and follow him around like a puppy- this caused Tord to get jealous and insecure, his kid brain thinking that Tom would take away his first friend in a scary new country, thus began what would become a lifetime of bickering and fighting. Tord admittedly feels a bit ashamed that he started their petty squabbling by essentially trying to bully Tom away from Edd. Of course, Tom fought back every step of the way, by the time they were teenagers they forgot why they started disliking each other in the first place, just seemed natural for them to be on opposing ends. Funky teenager stuff happened, and it ended up with them being on again off again lovers up until their early 20s. Then the incident happened, Tom was drunk and he decided to pick a fight with him, but this time he might have pushed too far, Tom managed to injure him with a broken bottle, causing the scar on his eyebrow. It was tense between them for a while, eventually they stopped fighting, sometimes even curling up together on the couch, but they never addressed what happened even when Tord was going to leave. (mid 30s) Met him on the battlefield. The bomb happened. He managed to save him but Tom still got injured in the process, costing his eyesight. Tord had been beside himself and wracked with guilt every time he looked at Tom's bandaged eyes. He broke down crying, apologizing for what happened. Tom didn't speak to him for a while, but later on slowly began to talk to him again. They restarted their relationship, this time "without the baggage" as per Tom's request.

(late 30s) His relationship with Tom is nice, cozy even, but he still feels guilt and shame even when Tom smiles at him and calls him "Elskede". He tries to make it work, but he doesn't know if he genuinely can, Tom wanted to try again "without the baggage" but Tord wanted nothing more than to finally address all of the ugly things they had done to each other. Though, hes scared of losing the only good thing he seems to have at this point. Matt - (childhood to late 20s) He's not as close to Matt than the other two are. When they were kids, Matt didn't seem to really want to be in his company, especially after he made up with Tom and Tord started antagonizing him throughout the years. Tord might have been a little scared of Matt, especially when he would glare at him every time he made Tom cry. He really didn't want to be around Matt for a while, he was a bit intimidating from their childhood to their early 20s. After the incident with Tom, Matt had been the one to approach him first, scolding him for the things he said, but relenting about how far Tom had taken it. Matt admitted he never really liked Tord, but was willing to set his feelings aside because it seemed like he finally got some sense knocked into him (pun intended). Unexpectedly, he would spend sleepless nights out in the backyard with Matt, and just...talk about the things that worry him and make him insecure. Matt is really good at self-love talk, and has helped him through darker moments. Matt had actually been the one to encourage him to leave, not because he didn't like him, but somehow Matt understood he couldn't grow into "himself" if he was just stuck there in London, it wasn't healthy for him to be stagnant, and Matt understood that. He was the only one whose eyes he could meet when he left, Matt had looked sad, but he smiled at him nonetheless. (mid 30s) Met him again but on the battlefield. The bomb hit. Matt had been the most mutilated out of all of them, but Tord managed to save him. Matt was in a coma for a while, leading Tord down a depressive spiral, worried that Matt would never come to. He spent almost every day visiting his ward, just to stand watch for a few hours and talk to him. (late 30s) Matt eventually woke up, but with complications, his memory became shoddy and mostly jumbled. He remembers things sometimes, but sometimes he doesn't. This became something of a heavy point of guilt for Tord, and he became extremely devastated when Matt forgot him. While true that he didn't become close with Matt in their early years, he treasured the moments he managed to have with him later on. Now he was back to being a stranger. It felt like he had lost Matt on that battlefield anyway.

[enlighten3d]

so my second ask lmao. random oc things for i thought about them yesterday in class for too long tehehee

-Janette ended up in the city and lived with Josh for like, a couple months while she was getting settled and during that time she gave herself a buzzcut and fucked up (its ok she got a proper one later ajdhsk)

-Janette drunk a LOT of alcohol in her late twenties/early 30’s when she was in the city and now she is very careful about how much she drinks

-Josh tried embroidery and failed miserably (i’m projecting i can’t do embroidery/silly)

-Adele tried stand up comedy ONCE. since her friends dared her too. did not go well

Also. you said yesterday that you thought about c!adele and o!adele switching places and i have some thoughts on thaaat

Basically C!Adele would be mostly confused on why janette isn’t trying to kill her and even more confused when josh is like ‘hiii <3’ and gives her a hug like a normal one. not a awkward on both sides hug.

And O!Adele she would be STRUGGLING. She’d just keep asking ‘what did I do??’ which wouldn’t make any of the situations she ends up in any better andgsjhd

hi lark from a week ago;; thank you for the random oc things

janette with a buzzcut..... thats insane /pos. also janette and josh roommates ??? yo ?? 0: djfjd

yeah, rhats real of her... shes Learnt...

HE FAILED;; oh i feel bad for him bcs hes just a bit silly.. hed feel absolutely horrible about being bad at it and;; i hate rhat nothing sbout josh can ever be not sad (/silly and /pos actually. i love him but his suffering is delicious)

OH MY GODS ADELE DOING STANDUP. THAT WOULD BE HORRIBLE AUDJDJZJDFHS. shed be one of those standup people thst had the punchljnrs to alll their joked be violence and/or insanely convoluted to the point where theyre not even funny shfndj (to me at least)

!! oh ive thought SO much abt this too actually..

.. honestly. honestly. 'I'm a Serial Killer Who Ended Up in an Alternate Universe Where People Love Me?' (dont know if shes actually necessarily a serial killer; it just Fits). yeah thats adele but the thing is that THIS SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF THOSE ISEKAI WEB/LIGHT NOVELS THAT HAVE WAYYYYY TOO LONG TKTLES WJDJKXDJSK im noy wrong.. but also fr, she better ruin thst relationship ad fast as possible; c!adele does NOT deserve o!josh and o!janette (actually she doesnt deserve their c! counterpsrts eother, esp josh..)

NOOO O!ADELE.. THATS JUST SAD MATE. FUCKING SAD. "what did i do though??" IT JUST SEEMS LIKE SHES TRUING TO MANIPULATE NOOOOOO. NO. NO. THATS SO FUCKED UP BCS SHE SJUST CONFISED BUT HER PARTNERS AND LITERALLY EVERYONE HATES HER AND SHE DOESNT KNOW WHH.. (o!adele is definitely not a good person; she is a cop (im assuming thst doeent change? if it does, then i take this wjole statement back). but shes not WHATEVER THE FUCK C!ADELE OS...). no thsts not okay aaaaaa (/pos to all of this ahfjsjfk)

;;;;;;;;

[feminist-furby-freak]

I love being a somewhat slightly tallish woman. Back in my freshman year of college when I was tall and thing and wore low cut clothing and had like manic pixie dream girl hair I would get wayyyyy too drunk at parties flirt with short guys and then once they let their guard down start psychologically tormenting them about their height. Like wow it sucks you’re so short. Do you think about it a lot? Because we definitely notice… etc etc. truly a time to be alive. Just taking out my anger on these men. I poured a drink on a guy once for looking at me. At another party one guy who was really really tall like 7 feet once picked me up (he didn’t ask obviously) and told me I was “heavier than other girls” (I was like 5’7” and maybe 130lbs). Anyway he got testicular cancer and now literally has no balls which is pretty funny I think.

But yeah I would love to be super talk and tower over men I was so sad when I stopped growing.

Random question, but I'm curious

For my two cents, I'd like to be shorter. Just a little guy.

[raspberryslut]

got wine drunk with my mom and talked with her about capital R Relationship problem for the first time since i was probably 17 and then ate wayyyyy too much food 💘 oh the end of this sentence was that i over-caloried and had to lay down on the ground

[pretendstoread]

i smoked a cigarette and i wasnt even that drunk

there were a few things i wanted to write about today but theyre lost to me now and i wish i at least wrote down the general Idea. but i've at least noticed that ive been actively Indulging in more...taboo? things i wouldn't normally or were too scared to try. i've smoked two cigarettes this summer (woah!), had two shroom trips (WOAH!), had sex with a man for the first time (JEEZ!!), i'm smoking weed more often (hmmm....), and i'm thinking of testing the waters with (recreational?) adderall. this is not to say that i'm going downhill, or self sabotaging, or actively trying to harm myself and others. in fact, i quite like this sort of indulgence i'm in. let me do some unhealthy things right now. i don't think i Deserve it but i just....idk...i kinda need it?

i've always been in this need for control--to have it, to be in it. it's very hard to do new things that way because i don't know what i'm getting into. i'm at the whimsy of the uncomfortable zone. i focus too much on the potential negative of a situation: i'm going to have a bad trip, i'm going to make a bad drawing, i'm going to humiliate myself because i am New To This. and that's where i lack grace and freedom and embracing the Fun of being new.

it sucks that being new at something, trying new things, meeting new people, putting yourself out there in some capacity makes me feel like a burden. if i'm not the responsibility of someone else (i.e. a supervising coworker, a babysitting friend, an experienced lover) then i'm a burden to my own ego. even if i'm alone in my room trying to shake my ass i still feel incredibly embarrassed by my own reflection. seeing such failure (seeing my own body) is maybe worse than sharing it with someone else. there's a humor in that vulnerability that brings me closer to whoever i'm sharing that with: coughing while smoking a cig, readjusting on a dick, spilling a nutcracker in your hair while tripping on the beach are all moments that, while silly and messy and unprepared, bring me closer with the person on the other side of that. it shows a little bit of humanity and humility.

that is not extended to moments with myself though. i dont really know how to fully explain it. maybe it's some degree of not being comfortable with myself or perfectionist problems i have and self-perception etc etc etc. but have you ever failed yourself so hard you don't even want to try again? there is no one else to laugh along with you or reassure you or empathize. when i fail myself, I Fail Myself. yknow? ehhh not really something i want to think about further.

random things i have Happy Feelings for:

came home last night after being in a weed comatose at nat's and hammered nails into my walls so i can hang my belts. it was a random spurt of energy that got something i wanted done but for some reason never tried to do in my free time (i realize i am wayyyyy too adaptable to my own traps of inconvenience. i put the bag of toiletries in my room to Force Me to unpack them and ultimately left it in the way for a couple weeks before just stuffing the whole bag in the closet.)

really liked todays episode of the sopranos: s1e12. junior and tony both deal with mortality in different ways. not much more to say on it right now

also between this episode ^ (isabella the madonna hallucination), honestly themes of the show in general, and watching contrapoints content i've gotten a little interested in reading more about freud LOL. he kinda makes a lot of points??? like we all know this we're just freaked out about the mommy sex stuff. there's a tangent contra video on gamergate and an article she sourced talked about Gamers feeling threatened about their Space, their Games, being taken away by The Woke Mob--AKA women, aka MOMMY. the looming fear of mom coming in your room and saying it's time to stop playing. getting grounded and no video games for a week. mom said it's my turn to use the xbox. that fear recurring in these sad adult men being forced to look at their own flaws. their lack of perspective. stupid sluts coming in and ruining the fun, taking away our games. i found that psychoanalytic perspective reallllllyyyyy interesting

finding a new perspective on chores and self care: there's no rush with it. this is not a thing that needs to be Taken Care Of right this second. my whole evening should be dedicated to doing things on My Terms. i spend 40 hours of my week, every week, doing things on another entity's terms. i do shit when i wanna!!!! and it's for ME!!!!

[greetings-inferiors]

Also because I just realised it would be really funny: yes she is a lesbian

In fact I’m just going to add some stuff here that I thought about because ummmmm it’s fun lol

Staying on sexuality - I don’t think she’s realised it yet. I think the running joke would be that she thinks of romance as like achilles Patroclus where it’s like stoic soldiery brotherhood (or sisterhood in this case) but the things she thinks are platonic are VERY NOT. You can probably picture what I mean. Idk if she’s aspec, I think that’s just the default for me so I might describe her as being more aspec but it’s not intentional.

Also with her armour/hero costume - she wanted to be very knight-y, fully covered in plates and fully protected, but she was convinced (begrudgingly) to lessen it, with it mostly being chainmail with plates when needed. This was done for flexibility, but also to increase sex appeal (as being a hero is like being a celebrity, this is something female heroes sadly have to think about.) She was confused, however, as she believed a fully armoured woman was hotter, but eventually caved.

She likes making sculptures (she comes with built in chisels) and fencing (she quite enjoys the weight of a sword you aren’t controlling)

When she’s frightened the swords cower behind her and she could trip over them if she’s not careful.

She doesn’t like her non-dominant (that’s the word I was looking for LOL) swords being in enclosed spaces, so she prefers not to sheath them. They normally rest just touching her back, like how wings do, when walking they do point outwards to avoid hitting her feet.

She really likes meat, and doesn’t care for sweetness that much.

Just as you’re incapable of biting your finger even though it’s as easy as a carrot, she’s incapable of intentionally hurting herself with her swords. It’s not a complete block, if she’s forced or swinging too wildly and accidentally hitting herself she can hurt herself.

She’s scared that if she got drunk she’d lose control of the swords and hurt herself or others, but in reality all but her dominant sword would probably just drop, as if passed out. And just try dragging six swords, I wouldn’t want to drink either. Personality wise I think she’d lose some responsibility and be more carefree and outspoken when drunk, but idk if she enjoys it.

If a sword is broken it would REALLY HURT (just as if a limb was broken) and being reforged would also REALLY HURT, so best be under anaesthetic (thanks for the idea @chanceofprecipitation!)

She’d be a big lord of the rings fan.

She just on the whole leans into the knight thing WAYYYYY too hard.

Doesn’t really like going out alone in public as she both doesn’t want to bring her swords because… they’re massive floating swords, but also doesn’t want to leave them behind because she almost feels naked without them - if you had a detachable limb (not prosthetic, you literally could take it on and off), it would feel weird just leaving it at home. Remember that you can still move that limb and feel with that limb, so it is uncomfortable when it’s not in your immediate area, and YOU ARE MISSING A LIMB????

She has a strong “protector” vibe, like her main goal in life is to help people, hence wanting to be a hero. Also her swords can come together almost to act like a shield which with her dominant sword as a sword is cool imagery

Anyway I might add to this if I think of anything else. This is really just something I do in the shower I just think of cool abilities in shows I watch - like my Jojo oc (who also doesn’t have a name but uhh for story reasons (the poetry of someone who makes people forgotten having no one know her name when she dies is poetry))

Also I swear I have ocs that aren’t women it just so happens the two coolest and most developed ones are both women

So I read a good hundred plus chapters of my hero academia (maybe 200? Can’t remember if it’s even got 200 lol) and I liked it but just stopped reading it. But it’s kind of like Pokémon where I didn’t care for the story but the world itself is FASCINATING I think quirks are such a cool idea, and it’s fun to come up with some yourself

Like one quirk idea I had was one day when she was like 7 she was being picked on in the playground when these swords just fell from the sky, almost hitting her bullies, and one fell right into her hand, and she discovered that she had a psychic (don’t know if this is the term) link to these swords, but she still exerts energy controlling them, it’s just as if it’s extra limbs, it feels easy to wave around your arm but if you do it over and over eventually you’ll get tired, same thing with the swords. She has an odd number of swords, so an even number on each side acting like “wings” and then a “strong hand” like sword she’s most dextrous with (the one that originally fell into her hand). The swords can hold her up and can let her fly, but it is the same as carrying her body weight (plus seven or nine METAL SWORDS) so it’s not something she can just DO willy nilly.

Anyway, her hero name is Valkyrie and she has slots in the back of her armour to hold the base of the swords (making them act like wings) and a sheath for either all of the swords or just the “strong” sword.

I know it isn’t a typical quirk which are more biological and… scientifically explained, but who cares it’s my character idea and I think it’s cool.

I think it’d be a cool dynamic because it’s actually dangerous. She can’t exactly spar or practice with others because THEY’RE FUCKING FLYING SWORDS, I guess the average durability is higher, but they’re still dangerous, and as a child before she got them fully under control they would’ve been a real hazard.

I think the swords would have some level of senses, obviously not sight or anything but I think they’d at least be able to tell when they’re not in the immediate proximity of anything (so they won’t knock into or accidentally slice anyone or anything) and would feel pain, just obviously with a lot higher pain tolerance as they are metal swords. In my mind they are literally limbs that just happen to be psychically controlled swords.

She’d be a very well trained sword fighter (obviously), and she’d be clever and studious and rule following and all that, but also with a layer of social detachment, as having 7-ish flailing death sticks following you and only just being under control (they’d definitely be uncontrollable with intense emotions/stress) isn’t the greatest way to make friends, and she’d be slightly socially awkward already (hence being picked on as a child. Obviously no one picks on her now, because of the swords, but she’s still outcast). This would lead to her being strong of character and high and mighty at times, but I think she’s VERY nerdy about swords, and is also interested in fencing and other blades. She’d be an absolute geek once she’s on the subject of something she’s interested in LOL

You may notice I’ve been referring to her with pronouns this whole time. That is because I am awful with names and do not have one for her. Suggestions are welcome.

Anyway yeah this is the closest format I have to oc dumps since I can’t draw lmao

Oh but yeah both the sword breaking and reforging would be incredibly painful, I cannot stress enough they are like limbs so it would be like a limb being broken or being grafted on to. Not fun.

[bornfrustrated]

Too much love for these guys. 

Full moon party, Koh Phangan

[hakkais-hoe]

Random Headcannons Part 2

Back by popular demand loves 😂

Age Rating: same as p.1 take it all with a pinch of salt n don’t get offended (:

These span throughout the time lines

Man some of these are weird af

Pt.1

▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️

Ran chopped his hair off cos Sanzu got chewing gum in it (he cried throughout he was very proud of his hair)

Kakucho didn’t have his first kiss till 18 when he was in a club n some random drunk girl grabbed him n smacked one on, he was shocked for a good half hour

Kokonoi can’t drink whiskey for the life in him, gets absolutely fucked off one glass

Sanzu shots or downs any drink even if it’s just a bottle of juice or coffee

Takemitchy cry’s at all the John Lewis adverts

Hanma once unironically told you to call him “daddy” in public 💀

Takeomi eats copious amounts of cheap nasty tasting chocolates when he’s stressed

Sanzu once found Rindous orange stash in his office draw n ate them all, Rindou raised absolute hell n shot Sanzu in the foot 3 times before making him go buy new ones

Kokonoi hates dogs says they’re too noisy for him even if they’re silent

Draken keeps pictures of people he cares about in he wallet, has one of those picture things that fold out into like 100 plastic holder things

Inupi is scared of spiders, like he will scream his lungs out n climb on furniture to get away before he rings someone to help him

Shion has chinchillas

Pehs apartment is in the same complex as Pahs

The Kawata twins once died their hair opposite colours to freak people out but no one noticed

Taiju has wayyyyy too many crosses in his house

Sanzu once found a dog outside durin one of his highs n took it home, woke up the next day to a very large rat sat on top of him, he screamed the house down

All of the ex Tenjiku members still get extreme second hand embarrassment when Ran n Kakucho are together 😭 iykyk

Mochi actually hates mochi like despise it especially matcha flavoured ones

Chifuyu is actually allergic to parrots so they hardly ever have them in the pet shop

Baby Mitsuya shaved his own hair when he went to get his dragon tattoo

Senju cut her own fringe n Takeomi had a melt down n tried to stick the hair back on with tape

Wakasa eats way too much candy nd ends up with cavities that need filling every time he visits the dentist

Koko orders food every single day he never cooks, mainly because he can’t

Sanzu once filled the water in the Bonten meeting room with laxatives before a very long meeting

Hakkai never sits well when Mitsuya is trying to cut his hair pattern in, fidgets like a wo 24/7

Nahoya smiles even when he’s sleeping, very freaky

Draken has a massive obsession with giraffes, he’ll never tell anyone but he’s had a toy giraffe since he was a baby that he keeps under his bed during the day

Izana went through hoe faze like a biggggg one

Inupi tried to show some of the second gen Toman how to walk in heels

Shinichiro couldn’t pull because Wakasa was there 24/7

Koko and Inupi have a tiny matching tattoo on their ribs, just a tiny delicate one liner of each others initials (in a completely platonic way)

Ran also has a Haitani Obsession, it’s lemons water, he has a bowl full of fresh lemons in his house and office, he caries around a bottle all day everyday with freshly made lemon water in it, even in Bontens meetings, he even had one with him during all his past fights

The Haitani’s were raised by their grandparents, like I think their parents are alive n that but they just done want to deal with them so they send them off to their grandparents n now they’re older they just buy them an apartment to live in so they don’t have to deal with them

Shion n Peh are both ‘trust fund babies’

Takeomi is really, really stingy with his money 😭 Ik we like to think he’d spoil people but fr this man will it get his black card out for anything!! Tight git

Rindou plays with stray cats all the time, he really likes their toe beans too

Angry had tow pet hamsters but one of them ate the other 💀 (found out this happens more than anyone wants to admit)

Taiju has a whole fucking aquarium in his house and restaurant

Yuzuha still sends Taiju Christmas and birthday cards

Children absolutely love the bonten trio for their loud hair colours

Inupi seems really aloof n nice but he’s actually the biggest dickhead when he’s around the others

Shion cried during Encanto cos he “relates” to Mirabell as the odd one out in all the gangs 🙄(he’s just weak rly so he’s a sour boy)

Izana was known for never even acknowledging stupid questions, just ignored or got rid of the moron

Speakin of Izana we know he has a soft spot for Kaku but I think he has one for Shion too, hear me out, he knew he was weak cos he saw him loose to Toman durin 9th gen but he still brought him to Tenjiku 😭 Izana was a softie rly or he needed a token charity case

Ran got mistaken for a girl way too many times in prison when he had his hair down so he saw his fair share of fights in there, ofc Rindou n the others joined in

Takemitchy once let Hina wax his leg hair💀 she only got through one strip before he cried

Rindou and Mikey are both maladaptive daydreamers

Sanzu is a raging narcissist challenged with an unbridled inferiority complex and a very high need to be liked (by mikey)

Koko on the other hand in also a raging narcissist however he has a malevolent god complex

Mikey has a god complex coupled with a minor inferior complex and extreme unbridled rage

Ran n Rin are just crackheads with no sense of self preservation they can and will leap off a bridge into ice water if dared

Mochi is very tired please give this man a raise

All of the 1st gen black dragons through Wakasa was a girl for a solid month till he whipped his top off I front of em, Shinichiro almost had a heart attack n tried to cover him up 🤦‍♀️

▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️

This is way longer than I meant it to be but it is what it is ;)

Taglist: @soushswag @pervitoshi @roppongiperfume @loonashadow @bontensbabygirl @haitink @wakasagurl @sunahyejin @reiners-milkbiddies

[yaz-the-spaz]

“pAYNt” “zAYN” not Payne lol Also I guess Ziams are gonna pretend Liam’s interview with Logan Paul doesn’t exist. Nothing about what he says indicates they’re a couple and if they are it’s not a healthy relationships. Why would Liam speak about not being able to reach out tonhis supposed partner

look feel free to believe that, no one's stopping you (just like no one's stopping me from believing what I believe) just as long as you're also willing to acknowledge that that same merch:

had L's all over it - a pretty interesting coincidence/choice given all the possible letters he could've chosen out of the entire alphabet, including the one his own name starts with which would've made a hell of a lot more sense too if paynt really was just zayn+paint

had colors highly associated with zayn & liam - band colors which zayn clearly still associates himself to or he wouldn't have named his album yellow metal, not to mention the fact that after watching this fandom for almost 12 damn years I'm pretty sure he's very aware of the fact that ziam fans often post yellow and red hearts to signify them and you would think if he didn't wanna fuel rumors he would've picked literally any other combination of colors out of the rainbow. and yet.

sectioned off the words in the block/square t-shirt design so that the 'payn' part stood alone - lol does this honestly even need further explanation like ??

was released exclusively during pride month of all months which should be a MAJOR 👀 👀👀 to anyone in the queer community (esp given the rampant rumors about zayn's sexuality) - and again needs no further explanation imo

immediately followed all this up days later by wearing the merch, again full of liam connections, while performing a snippet of a song he famously dueted with liam on, that liam also literally has a line from permanently tattooed on his body - again, he's watched the fandom for 12 years you think he hasn't seen ppl toting this song as a ziam anthem? or that he didn't see any of the comments about the merch? you truly think he has zero awareness of how this all looks together? you really think the song choice means absolutely nothing to either of them when liam got a line from it permanently inked into into his skin and zayn even put a refrain of it in one of his own songs on icarus falls? when they literally dueted/harmonized on it live almost every night for like two years? when liam cried the first time they had to perform it without zayn? all the possible songs zayn could've chosen to show off his famous high notes and he choses the one with THE MOST ziam history right smack in the middle of the entire internet dragging liam to hell and i'm supposed to believe that means absolutely nothing?? nah fam.

(I'm not even gonna get into the fact that liam was drunk and looked super uncomfortable or that that asshat, l0g4n p@ul, would do literally anything for clicks or that liam's team let liam - someone with a known drinking problem - continue to drink during the interview just to get through it cause all that's been hashed and re-hashed and should be a MAJOR red flag that something's not right to anyone paying an iota of attention)

go on believing it has nothing to do with liam if you want, but that's a hell of a lot of overlapping coincidences to really just be all coincidences in my book. once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern. and this is wayyyyy more than three times, especially when you consider all the other big weirdly suspicious things they've been caught doing that link to each other

i mean if these are really all coincidences and they truly hate each other and don't talk or have any kind of connection/relationship with each other then i guess it's also just another big ol' coincidence that...

they both seem to really, really love the number 25 for some odd reason

or that they both seem weirdly dedicated to maintaining eyebrow slits even 10 whole years after they first started the trend between each other in 2012, despite the fact that they supposedly don't even talk anymore

2012

vs.

2015-2022 (and these are just a few of them btw, there's so many more)

or that the "e" in zayn's liam m.o.m. tattoo just so happens to double as an "a" in a way that makes it look suspiciously like it spells out liam

or that zayn just so happened to get an exact replica of the album artwork from liam's first single tattooed on his hand

[putting the rest under the cut cause this got wayyyy long]

or that liam just so happened to get/debut the 4 tattoo on his RING finger (RING!!) within days after pillowtalk was released and originally stylized as "PiLlOwT4lK" with a 4

or that neither the boys nor their families or friends/colleagues seem to be able to stop further fueling rumors by continuously interacting with, liking, and reposting from ziams:

x, x, x, x, x, x

...seriously there are soooo many instances of this and this is just the tip of the iceberg (i unfortunately reached my pic limit for this post but if i included even just a fraction of them this post would be 5 thousand miles long). honestly, if they all think we're just delusional crazies & weirdos why would they keep interacting with us and our posts? even when they're not even tagged (meaning they likely went looking for them)? and especially when so many of these posts are blatantly romantic/sexual and/or outright disrespectful to the women they're supposedly actually dating? (if you don't care to click i'll just go ahead and tell you that most of these literally have hashtags like #ziamisreal or #zerrieisfake/#zigiisfake, etc. plain as day and/or talk about ziam being queer/gay, coming out, and/or are edits of them literally in a very sexual or romantic pose with each other, i.e. things that cannot be interpreted any other way other than that they're queer as hell, their public relationships are fake as hell, and their families know it - i may reblog this with more pics later though for posterity if i have the time)

let's also not forget that twice now liam has spoken as if he's already married despite very much not being married (publicly anyway) and that zayn got a marriage poem tattoed despite also not being married and even being publicly single at the time - x, x, x

and don't even get me started on the damn cartier bracelets that they were both spotted wearing multiple times that were never connected to and/or seen on their respective girlfriends at the time

i mean at a certain point you literally gotta admit there's at least SOMETHING going on even if it's not a romantic relationship cause you honestly cannot make this stuff up, THIS IS TOO DAMN MANY "COINCIDENCES" TO BE GENUINE COINCIDENCES.

there's also tons of proof that most celebrity interviews are at least partially scripted and that people like liam are heavily media trained to make sure they stick to very specific pre-defined talking points (rebecca ferguson and the jonas brothers have talked about this - x, x). if you choose to believe everything in that interview was genuine and that it's a sign of a non-existent or unhealthy relationship, that's your choice. but as someone who's been in this fandom for almost a decade at this point, this is not the first time (and sadly probably won't be the last) that I've seen one of the boys outright lie on camera or seemingly do a complete personality 180 after saying/doing something totally different many times in the past.

do you know how many times various members of this boyband have said on camera that they don't talk to each other only to then turn around and say they never fell out of contact/never stopped being friends? it's truly baffling to me that anyone even believes that bs anymore with there is not only a literal mountain of evidence proving otherwise, but also plenty of admissions from the boys' own mouths themselves of this not actually being the case. so no, liam speaking about "not being able to reach out to his supposed partner" is not at all surprising to me. louis and harry had the same narrative not too long ago. so did zayn vs. the rest of ot4. and yet we have harry on camera recently admitting that they're all still friends and never had a falling out. this was of course followed up by liam calling zayn his "brother" which you can take how you will (he's obviously not gonna publicly call zayn his partner/husband/etc. when they're not out and when the majority of the fandom/gp still believes their relationship to be a bromance) but that's a pretty strange word choice to use for two people who aren't friends and aren't even in contact, so that alone should tell you something weird is up - if the giant trail of breadcrumbs already illustrated above somehow doesn't, that is.

furthermore, out of the hundreds of times liam's talked about zayn, he has almost always only ever had good things to say. there have literally only been about three notable instances where he's had something seemingly negative to say and at least two of those times happened in the company of extremely sketchy men who are known for doing literally anything for clicks (and during times where ziam rumors were reaching a fever pitch and it looked like someone was gunning for damage control). so excuse me if I choose to instead put my stock in the hundreds of other times where liam has only had nice things to say about zayn instead of the couple of weird times where he said something totally and completely out of character, and to pay more attention to all the million other things they do that say there is something going on between them.

again, you don't have to believe it's a romantic relationship, but at the very least you gotta suspect that you're being lied to about something because there is absolutely no way to explain most of this away. i mean this is stuff that has continued for OVER a decade, during most of which we were meant to believe they don't even speak to each other and you mean to tell me that the both of them have this many weird coincidences/linkages between them? (and these are only a few of the really big ones btw, not even getting to all the other smaller things!) and not only that but both them, their families, and their colleagues continue to show public support to the creepy weirdos online who supposedly constantly disrespect them and their relationships? like MAKE IT MAKE SENSE. either we're weird and delusional (in which case you would think they would've started ignoring us a long time ago). or we're onto something.

...I know what I believe ✌🏽🏳️‍🌈