#i got kinda mad she manipulated me and everyone else and it led to at least.. 1 person dying and several get their lives possibly ruined | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vivacissimx · 1 month ago

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Sitting here on a Sunday morning reading through some of your Aly x Jae parental issues posting and I just got to thinking how Jaehaerys is the way he is due to his complex of "must not be (seen) as weak as his father" but Aenys' weakness was his desperation to be liked TM, which made him too soft TM. But Jae is also "desperate to be liked/for approval TM" (by the homies, by the Faith, etc), it's just the toxic masculinity version of it all.

The integrity of the family is the one thing Aenys wouldn't give up even for that, and the thing Jae serves on a platter almost right away in exchange for what Aenys could not have (starting with sending the mother who saved him and gave him a throne, then fought for having it taken away from him by her own husband, and then sending her to be a proper wife to said husband once all that is done).

Jae is the embodiment of that tweet that goes like: "if you say no to your girl cause you don't want to seem whipped to your boys then don't worry about it cause you're already whipped by the boys" RE dealing with his daddy issues vs family/women in it in particular.

He became so engrossed in this impression/complex that this is some cross of his own alone that he's bearing, that this was all revolved around HIS making, that he becomes blind to the fact that his father's House, in its own flaws, also allowed room for the development of two women that eventually defied Maegor whom anyone else was afraid of, and the wife that made half of his "glorious rule".

NOO I MISSED THIS (as you can see I'm cleaning out my inbox rn) FORGIVE ME

I completely agree naturally. With Jaehaerys unlike Aenys who was a true people-pleaser, there is this feeling that he's "sacrificing" by accommodating the max number of perspectives yet also getting it over on everyone because he uses that goodwill to manipulate out an outcome he desires. "Cross of his own alone" say That! It's kinda funny how Rhaena, Jaehaerys, and Alysanne all thought they were the sacrificial lambs of their trio... but "I totally support XYZ progressive policy but it's just not realistic right now" is absolutely a cop-out Men use & Jaehaerys was definitely of that mind.

On the matter of abolishing First Night:

What the queen proposed would be difficult, Jaehaerys said. Lords grew troublesome when kings began taking things that they regarded as their own.

On Alysanne being attacked while pregnant:

Lord Mooton hanged the guilty, and might have hanged the innocent as well, save for Queen Alysanne’s intervention. Jaehaerys was furious.

Including the last one because Jaehaerys doesn't do anything beyond be mad and in fact it's explicitly Alysanne who pushes forth on both the issues of legislating away First Night & of delivering half-mercy half-justice to those who disapprove of Targaryen incest, two policies which are technically Jaehaerys' but are LOUDLY placed on Alysanne's shoulders. Which is important!!! Because when Jaehaerys needs to be the absolute King who holds All The Power, Rhaena/Alysanne are just extensions of his will: he is. When Jaehaerys needs to navigate unpopular policy through larger social tensions while not losing the favor of his noblemen: well you know, my wife handles that. (See Daella's marriage and Viserra's betrothal when she tries to get Jaehaerys to intercede, lol)

As you pointed out, Alyssa Velaryon is the one who buys Jaehaerys his rebel army in the Baratheons, by fulfilling the expected quid pro quo when she marries Rogar and he initially seizes power through her (you cannot convince me that Rogar was not angling to take Rhaena to wife at first, and Alyssa V spared her that much in part from actual love, in part because it quickly became clear Rhaena would not be taking power herself). In general Alysanne as well as Rhaena do a lot of invisible legwork as well. Like, the comparisons here:

King Jaehaerys descended the Iron Throne and bade Lord Rogar follow him. He led his lordship from the hall to the inner ward where Vermithor was being fed. A bull had been slaughtered for his morning meal and lay upon the stones charred and smoking, for dragons always burn their meat before consuming it. Vermithor was feasting on the flesh, tearing loose great chunks of meat with each bite, but when the king approached with Lord Rogar, the dragon raised his head and gazed at them with eyes like pools of molten bronze. “He grows larger every day,” Jaehaerys said as he scratched the great wyrm under his jaw. “Keep your nieces and your nephews, my lord. Why would I need hostages? I have your word, that is all that I require.” But Grand Maester Benifer heard the words he did not speak. “Every man and maid and child in the stormlands is my hostage, whilst I ride him, His Grace said without saying,” wrote Benifer, “and Lord Rogar heard him plain.”

[Rhaena] turned away to kiss her brother on the cheek and embrace her younger sister. The two queens held each other for a long while, it is said, but when the midwife offered Rhaena the newborn babe to hold, she refused. “Where is Rogar?” she asked. She found him below in his great hall with his young son, Boremund, in his lap, surrounded by his brothers and his knights. Rhaena Targaryen pushed through all of them to stand over him, and began to curse him to his face. “Her blood is on your hands,” she raged at him. “[...] She gave you one son, that should have been enough. Save my wife, you should have said, but what are wives to men like you?” Rhaena reached out and grabbed his beard and pulled his face to hers. “Hear this, my lord. Do not think to wed again. Take care of the whelps my mother gave you, my half-brother and half-sister. See that they want for nothing. Do that, and I will let you be. If I should hear even a whisper of your taking some other poor maid to wife, I will make another Harrenhal of Storm’s End, with you and her inside it.”

How can my words tell of the grief that swept the Seven Kingdoms then, of the pain felt by King Jaehaerys and Queen Alysanne, of Lady Jocelyn’s empty bed and bitter tears, and the way Princess Rhaenys wept to know that her father would never hold the child she was carrying? Far easier to speak of Prince Baelon’s wroth, and how he came down upon Tarth on Vhagar, howling for vengeance [...] When [Baelon] returned to King’s Landing with his brother’s corpse, the smallfolk lined the streets screaming his name and hailing him as a hero. But it is said that when he saw his mother again, he fell into her arms and wept. “I slew a thousand of them,” he said, “but it will not bring him back.” And the queen stroked his hair and said, “I know, I know.”

Jaehaerys uses Vermithor to communicate what he can't say without seeming... vulgar. He lets Rhaena threaten Rogar (again) while he himself remains outwardly unemotional, even-handed. Alysanne is the one to comfort Baelon such that he can accept Jaehaerys' controversial decree which makes him Prince of Dragonstone.

I am not a Jaehaerys hater per se (actually I really like all the questions he presents) but if we are doing the gender analysis of asoiaf we can't exactly leave this feast untouched on the table! Targaryens complicate gender via incest/non-gendered accessibility to dragons. The "two Targaryen genders" as such are first invented via the split between Rhaena & Jaehaerys, Rhaena being the bad Targaryen who Jaehaerys contrasts against, therefore being the "better" option between. Aenys' effeminacy is mirrored in Alyssa V who Jaehaerys takes power from as the first symbol of his Manhood. Later, Alysanne is used in a similar way. Obviously the emotional realities have nuance and whatever but SOCIALLY speaking everything you've said about the mechanisms is completely correct.

#asks #jaehaerys targaryen #jaehaerys i targaryen #alysanne targaryen #rhaena targaryen #alyssa velaryon #gender in asoiaf #text

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yui-kuromori · 4 years ago

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Okay so mafia AU

The Wonderland’s tea party is an organization led by the Hatter. It’s specializes in drug trafficking, blackmail and selling information.

Arisu and Usagi are it’s newest members. They got recruited on accident really and it’s mostly Arisu’s fault. He was on the subway one day and sat beside this older man wearing sunglasses struggling with a piece of paper on his hand. It was hatter, who was trying to figure out the safest routes in and out of a building for an information robbery from a big company. Arisu had kinda peered at the map, gotten excited because *puzzle*, and offered Hatter some help. After Hatter tells him the “rules” Arisu spends the rest of the ride tracing out paths and tragedies, before leaving a baffled Hatter behind.

So Hatter’s like “we need this kid” and sends Niragi and Last Boss to “Invite him for tea”. Unfortunately for them, when they go to corner Arisu, he’s out with Usagi, and Usagi upon being told by Arisu that he think’s they’re being followed, and notices Piercings and Face Tattoos, goes “I think the fuck not”, grabs her best friend and *bolts*.

And run she does, going full parkour ninja, hauling Arisu’s skinny ass around. Niragi and Last Boss try following them, but after a while, she just looses them altogether. They report back to Hatter who just goes: “He has a ninja girlfriend?? We need them” and he’s really excited about it.

He sends in Chishiya and Kuina to actually talk to them this time and after some coaxing, they agree to at least try out. They both need the money.

What they didn’t expect was for them to be immediately adopted into the found family dynamic. Arisu and Kuina are immediately trans buddies, and Aguni is like “Okay, two more children for me and Takeru”, Last Boss takes the position of scary older brother, specially for Usagi, and even Niragi treats them nicely (in his own way).

Feat. Very concerned friends Karube and Chouta who have no idea what’s happening, their college classmates, who are running a rumor mill, Arisu’s awful family that keeps popping up even after he moves in with Usagi and Shibuki, who’s literally just vibing.

Also, this is probably Arisu x Chishiya

ROLECALL

Name: Danma Takeru

Code name: Mad Hatter

Skills: He is the leader and founder of Wonderland’s tea party. What used to be a two person gang grew into an organization because of his visionary attitude and charming personality. His charisma allows for nice deals and sales, while his ruthlessness keeps their family protected. He doesn’t usually go out on mission, but he’s a skilled fighter and a surprisingly smart man. He also has a keen eye and sharp intuition, especially when picking out new members.

Name: Aguni Morizono

Code name: Bandersnatch

Skills: He is the second founder and Hatter’s right hand man. He is the muscle of the operation, the strongest member on the team. He is responsible for dealing with their enemies, carrying out threats, defending their territory and keeping their family safe. He also trains all members on how to use guns, weapons and fight. He took Usagi under his wing, as he not only could see a bit of himself in her, but their fighting styles could be similar.

Name: Chishiya Shuntaro

Code name: Cheshire

Skills: He’s their doctor. He patches up whoever is hurt and occasionally deals with a dead body or two. He’s also responsible for gathering intel. He often goes undercover in big corporations and rival groups to gather some vital secret information that could be sold for a lot of money, or takes those groups down from the inside. He’s the one who took Arisu under his wing, noticing how good he is at reading people’s hearts, he’s been teaching him how to manipulate and lie and now they usually go undercover together.

Name: Kuina Hikari

Code name: Caterpillar or Absolem

Skills: Kuina is a dealer. She accompanies Hatter when he goes to strike a deal not only because of her charisma and people skills, but because she functions as a secret bodyguard. She’s also usually on robberies and stealth missions, where being undercover is not necessary but they still need to get in and out of somewhere unseen to get shit done. To those, she’s usually paired with Chishiya. She’s the one teaching Arisu how to fight, since their styles are the most similar.

Name: Niragi Suguru

Code name: March Hare

Skills: This is their killer ok? Need someone disposed of? Call Niragi. Need someone intimidated? Call Niragi. Some group is trying to start a turf war? Call Aguni who’s gonna take Niragi and Last Boss and they’ll fix it. Niragi’s also responsible for their weapons and sometimes will help with scheming. He’s decievingly protective of his family and shows affection with acts of violence. If you want any piercings he’ll do it for you.

Name: Samura Takatora (last boss)

Code name: Jabberwocky

Skills: His position is the same as Niragi’s. They are usually paired together for missions. While Niragi takes care of the guns, Last Boss takes care of knives and swords. They are usually sent with Ann or Arisu whenever they have to meet people and their looks alone are enough to intimidate any potential threats. He’s been teaching Usagi how to spear fight and is secretly delighted someone else has taken to more traditional weapons. If you ever want a tattoo, he’s the one to ask for.

Name: Ann Rizuna

Code name: White Queen

Skills: She’s the one responsible for most of their drug operation. While Hatter makes the deals, she’s the one crutching numbers, distributing product and sometimes even cooking up drugs herself. She can also fill in for Chishiya as their doctor and Along with him, Arisu and Niragi, she’s the one tracing most of their plans. If any of them were to die, she would be the one responsible for finding out who did it and helping to hunt them down.

Name: Tatta Kodai

Codename: Dormouse or Arganaz

Skills: Tatta is their getaway driver. He can outdrive everyone and anyone. His knowledge in mechanics helps them with their robberies and he’s been known to pull some Dean Winchester level stunts behind the wheel. He also keeps communication between teams clear and smooth. He’s been learning some basics under Ann’s wing and is getting pretty good at, uh, cooking.

Name: Usagi Yuzuha

Code name: White Rabbit

Skills: She’s a fighter and a runner. When she’s not in a position similar to Aguni’s, she’s doing patrols around their territory, spying on rivals and enemies from the top of buildings and helping Tatta to keep all the teams in the know. She’s usually paired with Arisu in the same way Kuina is paired with Chishiya. She’s also the only one that can keep them all sleeping a minimum of four hours a night and eating somewhat healthy food with a decent frequency. Many suspect that if Aguni retires, she’ll be the one to take his place.

Name: Arisu Ryohei

Code name: Alice

Skills: Arisu quickly become a big part of the brains behind most of their operations. He views plans with Hatter, tracing escape routes and planning damage control. He also goes undercover with or without Chishiya a lot, his innocent demeanor making him appear trustworthy. He’s also the one to analyze their oponents and tell the teams exactly where to look at for blackmail. He wrote down the plans that actually took down some big corporations. He’s been learning how to fight from Kuina, and is steadily getting better. He’s been also slowly learning how to hack, it’s just another puzzle for him.

#alice in borderland #ima wa no kuni no alice #arisu ryohei #kuina basically adopts him #usagi yuzuha #tatta kodai #ann rizuna #last boss #niragi suguru #chishiya shuntaro #hikari kuina #morizono aguni #danma takeru #hatter x aguni #karube daikichi #chota aib #saori shibuki #trans arisu

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miraculouscontent · 4 years ago

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You’re getting one reply, my dude.

Chat Noir did NOT fall in love with Ladybug on first sight. It was kinda the same way as with Luka; she was little awkward and anxious at first, but later showed how amazing she is. This is what made BOTH Luka AND Chat fall in love with her. So I don't understand why you see Luka positively and Chat negatively.

“First sight” is referring to “first episode,” so “Origins” for love square and “Captain Hardrock” for Lukanette. That’s not even the issue

Also, no. Luka was charmed by Marinette before he saw how “amazing” she was (at best, he heard about the photo curse breakage from Juleka given that the “Reflekta” picture is hanging where Luka can clearly see it from his bed), and then he fell deeper with the whole, “that girl is incredibly brave” line, whereas Chat Noir only got big heart eyes and started being interested in Ladybug when she was doing “amazing things.”

Marinette disliked Adrien at first. That was due to the situation.

...Yeah? A very dumb situation and misunderstanding that led to needless drama and the briefest one-sided “Enemy to Friend to Crush” subplot that I have ever seen and still made the jump all the more jarring? Lukanette’s “problem” revolves around the love square existing, not misunderstandings that hold no weight or value (even Adrimi is guilty of this because Kagami thinks that Adrien loves Marinette; Lukanette is the only ship free of misunderstandings), which is why it’s so ridiculous to me when people say “you can’t ship Lukanette because Adrien/love square,” because shipping Lukanette (as with any other Marinette ship) would usually imply that the love square isn’t a problem anymore..

And he din't lie. Adrien said that he's never had any friends BESIDE CHLOE.

Ohohooookay, now you are literally lying about what is said in the actual “Origins” episode, or just not telling the full truth.

Because yes, Adrien did say that he’s never had any friends besides Chloe... to Nino.

Adrien: I've known Chloé since I was a little kid. I know she's not perfect, but I can't throw her under the bus. She's like my only friend.

But what does he say when it’s time to clear the air with Marinette?

Adrien: Hey. I just wanted you to know that I was only trying to take the chewing gum off your seat, I swear. I've never been to school before. I've never had friends.

He tells her that he’s never had friends, yet he tells Nino that Chloe is “like his only friend” and will go on later in “Malediktator” to explicitly say that Chloe is his friend.

Adrien being Chloe’s friend in “Origins” was a huge dealbreaker for both Alya and Marinette, then Adrien lied to her and said that he’s never had any friends (which, I get it, a lot of people miss because I fully admit that the atmosphere in the umbrella scene is really good and you will miss it if you’re a heavy shipper not focusing on the details; you can say it a nicer way by going, “he worded it poorly” or “the writers are bad at dialog,” but the fact is that he told her something that wasn’t true), which started their relationship on false pretenses. It’s just like in “Gamer” where he exaggerates (whether intentionally or otherwise) to fish for someone’s pity/sympathy/forgiveness.

Adrien has tried and actually confessed his love to Ladybug. Ladybug knows that Chat loves her. Marinette has never gotten the chance to do that. She's also sending mixed signals when she panics.

So when Marinette would have the chance to confess, she doesn't and instead denies it. This isn't her fault, but it does mean that Adrien can't be sure. She's told him that she's not in love with him. So you can't really compare Chat and Marinette.

Yes I absolutely can and I absolutely will, because Adrien not being sure about how she feels sure didn’t stop him when Ladybug has repeatedly pushed him away when he’s leaned close to her/tried to kiss her hand. Like, wow that’s sure interesting how “Marinette might love someone else, maybe these hearts are friendly” (because yes, he would absolutely be dense enough for that) didn’t stop him from confessing to her in “Chat Blanc” the instant he thought she was Ladybug.

Same with “Stormy Weather 2,” he doesn’t even consider the what ifs of if she were in love with him and what his reaction would be, and “Weredad” is basically a full confirmation that he’s not interested in her. He’s basically like, “Meh, she doesn’t love me, so it doesn’t matter.”

Ladybug also hasn't said ,,I don't feel about you that way". She kind of talked around it because she doesn't want to hurt him.

My dude, my bro, my guy, don’t be in my inbox to come at me with arguments unless you’re ready for me to pull out the transcripts.

Ladybug in “Glaciator“: Listen, I don't wanna play around with your feelings. It would be the same as lying to you. I don't wanna do that. You're more than a partner, Cat Noir. You're my friend. And I'd never wanna lie to a friend.

Cat Noir: Why do you think it'd be lying?

Ladybug: Because there's this boy I...

Adrien later, a direct confirmation to the audience that he’s aware that Ladybug doesn’t feel that way for him: Perhaps Ladybug will love me someday. I mean, like I love her.

Ladybug in “Frozer” because clearly that message didn’t get through anyway: I can't accept this rose from you. I told you already. I'm in love with someone else. (after which he asks about “what if this guy didn’t exist” which means literally nothing and is just him reaching unless he’s planning to enact a murder which he obviously isn’t)

Ladybug in “Ladybug” because he’s still hoping for no reason: But the real Ladybug's heart still belongs to someone else.

Ladybug again in “Miracle Queen”: I can't be in love with you Cat Noir, you know that.

Seems pretty clear to me.

Besides, it wasn't the fact that Marinette confessed nor the fact they knew their identities that the world ended. It was because Gabriel was still Hawkmoth, so he manipulated the situation to his advantage.

Yes? And then Chat Blanc told her that “our love did this,” which puts blame on Marinette. That’s my point (though I’ll let Chat Blanc off the hook for that one since he’s akumatized... however it still doesn’t make much sense as to how he knows that Gabriel saw him transform unless he knew that Gabriel was watching from somewhere (it was Nathalie and Gorilla actually); he could’ve just presumed that Gabriel had known for a while, there was no evidence he saw that told him it was him transforming into Chat Noir in front of Nathalie and Gorilla that tipped Gabriel off and it’s also super unfair to blame Marinette for it anyway when it was Gabriel behind this whole thing but sure, just make Marinette feel at fault for the world almost ending).

Because that’s what the love square is all about; making Marinette feel bad about liking a boy, Marinette being humiliated for trying to confess to said boy, the universe constantly sabotaging her whenever she manages to do something right, having Marinette reconsider her feelings for Chat Noir AND blush at his cheek kiss after he ditched her as Adrien (presumably; we never saw Gabriel tell Adrien he couldn’t go and Chat Noir made plans with Ladybug as if he planned to ditch them even if Gabriel didn’t do anything) to go prepare a date with Ladybug (wow that sure is interesting how we don’t get an equivalent moment for Marinette from Adrien in “Chat Blanc” at the end, almost like they only care about making Chat Noir feel good about himself and not Marinette), then get mad when Ladybug doesn’t show up even after she tells him that she has prior plans, throwing a tantrum mid-battle and forcing her to apologize first before he’s finally like, “no... I’m sorry,” and then has the gall to add, “Maybe another time.”

Adrimi didn’t need to exist to torment Marinette. The love square already does a good enough job of that and I despise its very existence in all aspects of the writing.

Chat Noir got his damn closure, he just refuses to give up on the very first girl he saw when he went out heroing (I thought he just wanted to make friends but I guess he decided that wasn’t enough for him and “making friends” was immediately sidelined in favor of chasing after “his lady” (ugh)), who he doesn’t know the likes/dislikes of, who he can’t know the identity of, and who he can’t see all parts of because she has to maintain a professional attitude or everyone in Paris is going to die.

Marinette still hasn’t gotten her closure, so it’s no wonder to me why she’s still pining and struggling, especially when people like Alya keep pushing for the love square even when she asks her for help seeing Adrien as a friend.

#category: salt #relationship: love square #other: ask and answer

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atopearth · 3 years ago

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Ar Tonelico: Melody of Elemia Part 1 - Aurica & Misha (Phase 1)

PHASE 1

Okay, I am beyond excited. I honestly never thought I'd be able to play my favourite PS2 games ever again after I moved houses, because I can't for the life of me find my old PS2 that could play copied games, all the wires and some of the games, and I can't buy these games anymore either, so I was literally so sad and nearly cried when I first realised this. But then I realised that we could get PS emulators now and play the games!! Honestly so thankful and happy right now because omg it's so beautiful to know I can finally properly finish these games again!! Anyway, I still remember Shurelia and Lyner very well, I loved how cool Shurelia was, whereas I can't remember much about Lyner so he's probably the average protagonist that gets all the girls lmao. I'm not sure if I'll bother playing each Reyvateil "route" but I do know who I picked as a kid so I'm definitely going to pick her again. It's kinda funny, I wonder if this is when my bro and I decided to each choose our favourites and play through them so we could both see the different stories haha. I just remember he liked the shy brown hair Reyvateil and I loved the blue hair childhood friend, I can't remember their names anymore but I still love them hahaha. And if I remember correctly, Shurelia should have a short story/route, but I remember diving into her cosmosphere was weird because she's kinda like the old type of Reyvateil haha, so I was sad about that but it doesn't matter, it's Shurelia, everyone loves her!

On to the story itself! Lyner is pretty childish but he's a typical teenager protagonist so I'll just ignore it lol. On another note, dang, the art and character design and everything still looks good to this day imo. It's sad that Shurelia and Ayatane had to stay behind to fend off viruses that I can't really kill off until Lyner goes and gets the Hymn Crystal Purger, but I guess they can't really allow these viruses to run around into town, so as long as they stay in the Tower where I assume Shurelia has tried to seal them for many years, it should hopefully be fine~ Poor Lyner got his airship broken the moment he left though, but I guess that's how journeys begin haha. Lmao at Aurica (that's the name of the brown hair girl!!) healing Lyner with her Reyvateil magic/song and then running off when he wakes up, she's so cute lol. Kinda sad to see Reyvateil treated so badly by organisations like Tenba, like wow, the abuse is rampant. The village is pretty unreasonable to make Lyner kill their monsters to get his airship back but I guess that's just how desperate they are? Still don't like them. LMAO when Lyner went to learn grathmelding, the grandpa joked around saying Lyner's reward for learning it was his granddaughter hahaha.

Well, I guess it's good to help the village, because now they're willing to take care of the broken airship until Lyner finds someone who can fix it. Anyway, did Jack like Misha or something? I can't remember🤔 Lmao, Jack is so slack to Aurica, like yeah she's gloomy but I can empathise with her😭 Okay, I gotta agree with Jack though, Claire is definitely much hotter than Aurica, just the fact that she runs a bar by herself and tries her best to be strong and independent already makes me like her lol. On the other hand, why is Misha with Tenba, was she being manipulated or controlled or something? Anyway, the moment I saw Misha, I fell in love with her again, like wow, her design is so beautiful and unique, I could never pick someone else over her. I feel so sorry for her that Lyner can't remember her though, because I'm pretty sure she really likes him🥺 I can't remember the story but I guess we'll know when we can dive into her. Lyner is rash, super reckless and honest to a fault, but that honesty is a good thing I guess haha. The fact that he can't take people in Tenba badmouthing Reyvateil like they're tools that can be scrapped when they don't seem to be crafting good magic would make anyone mad, but Lyner refuses to sit by and listen to that, which is pretty admirable of him tbh.

With the way people react to others going into the Dive shop in the middle of the day with a Reyvateil, you'd be thinking they were doing something R rated lol, but they're just getting to know each other so it's kinda weird to have that kind of stigma, I mean I'm pretty sure going at night is weirder?! Anyway, I have to agree with Misha, Firefly Alley is a scary place, just thinking about being near all those propellers and falling down is crazyyy. It's kinda funny, but I remember Spica (Misha's friend that sells good stuff) but I don't remember the chainsaw girl lmao, I feel like she looks familiar but that's all hahah. It's so hilarious but brave of Misha to tell Lyner to dive into her so they can craft magic to break the wall and leave to go to Nemo without Bourd and them on their tail. Considering how bold she is, it's crazy that it's her first time, but since diving is such a personal thing, I honestly doubt Misha would let anyone aside from Lyner dive into her. I gotta agree with Hama (Misha's cosmosphere mind guardian) slapping Lyner for saying he's only in there because Misha told him to dive in, like excuse you Lyner?! You do realise the one that's being invaded and the one that has to feel vulnerable and everything is Misha right?! Have some tact lol! But I guess Lyner is slow, so it was normal of him to not have realised that it was a bigger deal than he thought, especially since Misha seemed so nonchalant about it. Misha's Level 1 Cosmosphere is so nostalgic though, I remember it so well, because I think it was a really nice contrast to see the brave and cool Misha in real life compared to the vulnerable one in the cosmosphere who is scared of revealing her true self to Lyner. It was nice to see him encourage her and to tell her that he wants to know her better, I mean it's sad that he can't remember her but you can't help things you can't remember I guess...

Krusche and Misha arguing all the time is pretty cute lol, I think it was even better when they worked together to open a door and made bets the whole time making them shout each other food if they got things wrong haha. Misha really is such a great girl to be so scared of heights but try her best to save Aurica. As usual though, Lyner is pretty crazy to jump and save Aurica when she was falling, like dang, they're lucky Krusche was nearby to catch them with her airship. Anyway, lmao at Aurica's naming sense and that fireball she made😂 I feel like Lyner is way more encouraging towards Aurica than he was with Misha before though, I guess it helps when it's obvious that she's troubled, whereas Misha being capable made him slow to realise a lot of things? Awww, Aurica cares so much about Lyner. She crafted blue magic in the real world because she wanted to protect him so much🥺 He's honestly really reckless though, he really could have died with the Hymn Crystal Purger, he's lucky Jack saved him. Honestly though, the more I play this, the more I feel like Lyner's type is Aurica and I'm so sadddd😭 I mean, I like Aurica too because she's so cute, but Misha😭😭

Lmao at how much it would cost Krusche to fix Lyner's airship, back to trying to climbing the tower back to Platina instead~ Well, I didn't expect Claire to really sing a song, her voice was beautiful! I'm glad she's out of Tenba and doing what she wants now, I feel sorry for any Reyvateil stuck in Tenba. Honestly, considering how self-sacrificing Misha was before for Aurica, I would have expected Lyner to care a little more of the possibility that Misha might be hurt or dead from one of the Hexagonal plates falling off and landing in Tenba where Bourd and them were having a meeting. I'm starting to think he really doesn't deserve Misha lolll. Anyway, the virus/Reyvateil Mir sounds familiar, was she one the girls in the next game? A Reyvateil utopia sounds about right if she was also once oppressed by people like Tenba. I honestly can't remember much about Ayatane but I do feel like I remember he disliked Lyner for being the one that protected Shurelia when he feels that he's so much more capable which is understandable considering he seems to be obsessed with her too. Well, the President of Tenba looks very...wow haha. Ooh I remember Misha looking super great as her real age, but she's great the way she is. Anyway, considering that Tenba experiments on Reyvateil, I hope Radolf talks about this with the church, but I guess I'm not sure if the church even has the power to destroy them even if they were so inhumane. Well, dang, Demon Aurica looks like a spider devil or something lol. I'm not surprised there's a part of Aurica that hates Claire though, it's understandable because she feels so inadequate compared to her. It's interesting to read the other bits in the cosmosphere that aren't as important, because omg, Aurica actually really liked this Knight guy before and she got rejected so terribly, that's sad.. I love Aurica's images of Radolf and Krusche, they're so silly🤣 Misha as a student body president is cute lol, and Shurelia(?) is there too?? Lol. Anyway, I like the cat on top of a vacuum, it's so cute. Lmao, okay wasting 900DP to find out that Aurica is a cat fanatic is hilarious, the idea of her rolling around with cats when no one is looking is so funny😂

I'm so glad climbing the Tower led to saving Misha, her breaking down and crying was so heartbreaking, she's really suffered😭 On the other hand, lmao at these residents up here cooking chicken, I just stole all their food✌️Lol at the trial though, it's literally just to test your strength! I'm sure Jack and them could do it too. Anyway, I never realised the Tower was called the Tower of Ar Tonelico, and oh wow, it's pretty cool that in between the Lower World and the Upper World is the Frozen Eye that separates the two so they're actually not physically attached. Oh wow, so Misha being the Star Singer meant she was the one singing her Chronicle Key song to keep all the viruses out, but because her song was stolen and she can't sing it anymore, the viruses are now attacking Platina. How sad though? She has to sing for eternity to keep world peace but what about her? Ooh, Jack left the Teru Tribe because they were too fixated on rules even when they were on the brink of destruction huh? I guess it's understandable why he would be annoyed, he's seeing so many people close to him die and he can't even use the technology that could possibly save them because of some covenant with Elemia. On the other hand, nice to know that Krusche wants to go to the Upper World because her ex-boyfriend Luke went there and never came back. Tbh, the Luke part sounds familiar but I don't remember anything else about this story. And I see, Jack is close to Misha because he used to protect her until he left.. She must have been so lonely after that. Anyway, I don't know why it didn't click to me that people are named after musical instruments here, like Flute and Harmonica lol, not sure what Tastiella is lol.

Time to do Misha's cosmosphere before going up! Adult Misha is beautiful~ lmao at the chunk of ice being an ice fairy😂 LOL at Aurica in the Don Leon costume😂😂😂 I'm kinda glad we did Misha's cosmosphere now though, because I would be so confused why her world is like this if I didn't know she has the responsibility to sing for eternity to keep the world peaceful. Especially now that she can wander around to find her song, I'm sure she's even more reluctant to go back to singing all by herself to save people she doesn't even know, and she's been doing this her whole life. I'm dying at the "flower" you can water with the China dress Misha that turns into a freaking tree hahahahah. I'm not sure about an abundance of love being able to grow a little flower into a gigantic tree😂 But I guess it exactly shows how little exposure Misha has of the real world, since even the stuff in her cosmosphere is really a lot of stuff she read in books. Honestly, I got mad at Lyner when he shouted at Misha to like do her job as the song fairy to save this Krusche, Misha was right that he doesn't understand her feelings at all. She's been stuck in one place for so long and has finally been given medicine that could turn her into a human, of course she would hesitate. I don't really blame Lyner though, since he doesn't really know about her life and her past at all. Shinobi Misha is so hot, I love the costume! It's so heartwrenching to hear how understanding Misha is to say she's willing on giving up on this chance (that she doesn't know if she'll ever get again) so that she can save Krusche because she understands that as long as she's alive, there's still a chance for her to find another way to be free, but if Krusche dies, she'll never have a second chance for her life. HAHAHA, I was thinking if those things in Misha's hair were drums, and thanks to Hama's confirmation, yes they are! But just like Hama's bells, they're just decorations, so don't beat those drums she says lmaooo.

Lolll at Shurelia being Misha's mum telling her to grow up. So, the reason Misha hates growing up is because when she was young, she was still "free" and got to be in Platina playing with Lyner and stuff, but once she grew up, she was forced to sing and sing, so now she hates the idea of being "grown up" and having to live with this responsibility for the rest of her life, since at least if she's a kid, she can rebel and be a bit more selfish... I always find it hilarious how every Shurelia character in the cosmospheres have to ask Lyner out 😂😂 I guess it's because Shurelia is connected to all the Reyvateils? So even if Shurelia herself doesn't realise it, she really does like Lyner enough that it leaks into all her "characters"? It's terrible to think about how strict Lyner's dad was on Misha when she was in Platina if it's still haunting her here. Aww for Aurica's cosmosphere, Don Leon was a gift from Claire to Aurica before she left the village, she told Aurica to treat it as if it was her so that she wouldn't be lonely. It's cute how Don Leon really stayed so important to her that it's even her Mind Guardian now.

I'm glad Misha put Lyner in his place and told him it's too late to say he doesn't want to involve everyone, but I guess it's understandable since they could die or never be able to come back to the Lower World, but even still, Misha is right, they should be the ones to make that decision and not him. Anyway, in terms of the story, I feel like Lyner would choose Aurica to download the Hymn Crystal into to fight the viruses but I'm biased towards Misha so~ The viruses invading Misha's cosmosphere must have been pretty scary tbh like omggg, that's terrifying, especially since she got sealed in a crystal and everything was a wasteland. It was nice that after choosing Misha for this, it seems like Lyner has finally shown concern and worry over Misha lolll. Well, Platina is saved and now there's potential for more interaction between the Upper and Lower Worlds so I guess that will be nice. And that's the end of Phase 1!

Overall, I've been really enjoying my time with Ar Tonelico again. Tbh, now that I'm playing it again, it really does run like a visual novel with RPG elements hahaha. The battle system gets pretty repetitive and boring though, I'm glad it's not hard, but it can get tiring when there's a lot of random battles, I had to escape a few times because I was just so bored of it lmao. Otherwise, I definitely like Aurica much more than when I was a kid lol! She's actually really adorable and kind, lacking confidence at times, but with Lyner, I think she's definitely found a lot more confidence in herself and her abilities, and we should really be thankful to Lyner for that hahah. I love her weird naming sense and how she's so obstinate about silly things. As for Misha, I still really love her too. I like how she's so honest and true to herself, and I think I like her dynamic with Krusche and them more than Aurica is with them, but I really like how vocal Misha is about stuff like telling Lyner what she thinks and stuff like that. Shurelia is as cool as I used to think she was haha. I think I'll go with Aurica's route first though, just because I've never played it😆

#ar tonelico

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c-ptsdrecovery · 5 years ago

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Reading up again on covert narcissism has been really helping me explain some things about my trauma and about my mom’s behavior. Like, I knew she was a covert narcissist, but I’d forgotten how tortuous the workings of a CN’s brain are. Some things I’ve realized, involving some quoting from the above source:

--They want you to feel a confusion between praise and shame, and to feel that you are less than them. It’s a combination of “How dare you achieve?!” and “But you’re still not as good as me.”

--Their praise contains negging. That’s why even when she complimented me, I never felt like I was good enough. Just like the time she read my dissertation and went, “It’s okay... bit dry.” She could always argue that I had myself said it was the more boring version of the dissertation, could argue that other things she had read of mine were better... But at the end of the day, I heard her intended message loud and clear: it’s not good enough.

--Her praise at required times (like telling me I did a good job after a school concert or something) always felt less sincere than my dad’s and I could never figure out why. Well, it’s because deep down she 1) resented that I did well, 2) resented that I had the attention in that situation, and 3) wanted to tear down my self esteem so I would see her as better than me, and so that she could more easily manipulate me in the future

--You can never do things well enough for them. They always have to do things better than you. That’s why I was never good enough at chores, especially cooking and dishwashing. That’s always why she came up with ridiculous reasons to be angry at me every time I brought her my credit card receipts. When she could no longer argue that I was spending too much or that I didn’t give her all the receipts, she began to complain that the receipts were slightly crumpled along one edge! HEAVEN FORBID!

--They refuse to acknowledge your accomplishments. They want you to KNOW they’re not impressed. ...This really explains why she intentionally (and uncharacteristically) tied up the phone line around the time I would finish defending my dissertation so that it was 45 minutes before I could get through to tell her I passed. Because she was jealous that I was getting a PhD and she wanted me to know how little my achievement meant to her. Her jealousy of my achievement was also why her worst abuse began the week I defended (and continued for three years afterward!)

--Mom used to argue that she thought well of my achievements by telling me how she was always bragging about me to her friends. Likewise, she would tell me constantly about how her friends said nice things about me to her. But these things were not about me: they were about HER. She was using MY qualities and achievements to build up HERSELF, not me. If these things had really been self-esteem building for ME she wouldn’t have said anythign about them, because she had a vested interest in me not thinking well of myself.

--I had an absolute COMPLEX about NEVER acknowledging my own achievements or qualities--to the point where I can’t take compliments or ring my own bell AT ALL because it feels SO WRONG--because the cardinal sin of our family is to think well of ourselves. We’re only supposed to think really well of HER.

--They want you to feel unimportant and small

--They want you to know they don’t care about your time or your feelings

--No one’s time, wants, or needs matter except their own

--I still get super anxious when my mom is upset about anything, because her feelings were always my problem. She expected me and everyone else to be entirely focused on her feelings when she was upset, so even if they weren’t my fault, I was made to feel that they were my fault.

--She apologized to me once for being so cold and unloving and cried at me. I said cried AT me because the only reason she was apologizing (because she’s PERFECT; why would she apologize for anyting??) was to make me feel guilty for suspecting her of being cold and unloving, and also to get attention and narcissistic supply from me as I comforted her (which I am proud to say, I did not do). She turned it from an issue of “daughter’s feelings were hurt; let’s focus on her” to “Mom is upset; let’s focus on HER”

--They demand you abide by their wishes. Even when they don’t express them to you. I was always expected to read her mind. The fact that I couldn’t was more evidence of how I wasn’t good enough.

--She forgot me at the bus stop once, and forgot REPEATEDLY to pick me up at school after practice. She had to walk a fine line between “i’m the perfect mother” and “i want you to know that you don’t matter to me/ how dare you require that i put myself out to pick you up?”

--they ostentatiously volunteer to show what a good person they are (teaching Sunday school, joining the library board, working for Christ Among Neighbors)

--she’s extra-sickening on Facebook. “Birthday blessings be upon you, (name)!” because she wants people to know how great she is

--they want to gaslight, manipulate, and confuse you in order to destabilize and manipulate you

--”You’re so sensitive”. Even though they’re obviously the most fragile ego in the room! they can take ANYTHING as an insult! you have to GROVEL to make them believe you’re saying something nice! (this is just a way to get you to say a lot of nice things about them)

--that time i told her i was feeling suicidal and she SIGHED and ROLLED HER EYES and said, “do you need to talk to somebody?” like I was ruining her evening. She wanted me to know how little she cared about my feelings while also saying just enough to have plausible deniability later if I told her her response hurt me (”but i tried to get you help! what do you MEAN my tone of voice was mean?? you always take things the wrong way. I think you hear insults where there aren’t any.”)

--They want you to feel that your emotions, which are inconvenient to THEM, are a negative part of your psyche and a reason that other people won’t like you. They want you to feel that they are in control of their emotions,and their emotions are always right, while yours are not.

--they make you feel small and stupid for needing emotional support. THEY’RE so independent! (except when you have to stroke their egos...)

--they ignore their “loved ones” (no wonder I felt so alone as a child. even now i’m DYING for attention. when other people get attention/praise for things i know i can do as well or better than them i’m TORN because i want other people to treat ME like that, but i can’t draw their attention to myself because that’s so WRONG. and also if i DO get their attention, then i can’t take the compliments anyway.)

--they don’t need to praise others because they’re so obviously superior!

--i was always uncomfortable when my mom sang. i always felt like she thought she was SO GOOD a singer, when she was only mediocre. it always felt icky to me listening to her sing or play the flute.

--they get angry when you’re sick. GOD, that explains SO MUCH. The time i kept nearly passing out and ended up just lying on the kitchen floor because every time i sat up i felt woozy again and i asked her to make me a sandwich because my low blood sugar was part of the problem and she was clearly ANGRY and COLD and didn’t say a WORD to me as she made me the sandwich. like, your daughter is unable to get off the floor, and beyond one, “are you okay” there’s absolutely NO care there. it’s no wonder i write so much hurt/comfort wherein someone is sick and the other person Notices and Cares for them... it’s wish fulfillment!

--they’re condescending.

--they forget about your requests on purpose. she’s always buying me just slightly the wrong thing for christmas and birthdays.

--i showed her some very artistic self-affirmations i wrote once and she started disagreeing with all the nice things i said about myself. because how dare i have self-esteem when SHE was there?

--they make people fight each other. kinda explains my brother and me and our undying enmity...

--they project their own issues onto you. that’s why she tells me i’m always so angry and that i hurt people a lot with my tone of voice. and that i’m oversensitive.

--they give you the silent treatment and make you beg and plead.

--they never try to make you happy (or if they do, it’s only for show. like buyign you SLIGHTLY the wrong thing, over and over again. plausible deniability. “i TRIED! i was being GENEROUS! how DARE you nitpick my presents!”)

--they intentionally ruin special days for you, especially birthdays. because they resent you being the center of attention. i remember the first time she let me have a birthday party with friends instead of older relatives (she always invited my aunts and uncles to my birthday parties instead of people my age because SHE wanted to be the center of attention at the parties, not me. the parties were for HER, not for me.) at this child’s birthday party, she organized all the games and ran them all and was very much the center of attention. the only thing i really remember from that party was the game she created and led entirely.

--they don’t really know anything about you. GOD, how very true. neither of my parents have a fucking clue about my personality, my tastes, my interests, or my sense of humor. they know about them on an EXTREMELY surface level. “oh, she likes cats. she did ballet for years. she likes trees.”

--the reason mom got mad at me when i cried as a child was not, as she told me many years later, because she was upset that she was unable to comfort me adequately. The problem was that SHE wasn’t in the spotlight. she was required to pretend to care about MY feelings. She couldn’t comfott me adequately because i sensed that she was mad about me crying, rather than loving me and having compassion. she sent me to my room when i cried so i wouldn’t be the center of attention--and also to punish me for being so.

--i’m scared of spending money because mom 1) made me feel guilty for spending money on myself, because everything should be about HER [seriously, i got seriously scolded once for buying things for myself on a shopping trip instead of ONLY buying xmas presents for the family]. 2) made me scared about our financial situation because she wanted to have money for herself first and foremost for what SHE wanted. Thus her and Dad scaring the ever-living SHIT out of me last summer about finances and then turning around and buying themselves iphones.

--i’ve always felt so alone because subconsciously i always knew mom didn’t love me, even though consciously i made myself believe it. and of course i could never know if dad did, because even now, it’s a pretty fuzzy issue (which basically means he doesn’t. le sigh)

you know what? i’m going to get out that art project of self-affirmations and add some shit to it about being able to see through other people’s bullshit. because GODDAMN, i deserve a fucking MEDAL. i’m not going to let her negging make me continue to feel bad about those affirmations. because she’s just full of shit.

#narcissism #narcissistic abuse #emotional abuse #covert narcissist

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dhwrina · 4 years ago

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♡ ♡ ♡ howdy you lovely little beans !! 🤠 i’m nai ( she/her ; 21+) and i just cried bcs of a kdrama - first, i’m so in love with this rp, the concept ♡ ♡ ♡ , the effort that has been put behind it, my two braincells could never - ALSO y’all are so cute and i already love all of ur muses, someone bring me tissues, grandma is gonna cry ssdnsn anyway, i’m bringng u my bean rina the cupid canon with a little sidenote that i messed up her age lol wrote she was born 1997 but actually stated in the age section she’s 24, i guess math just does that to me. okay so, she’s a new muse so excuse me if sometimes i myself seem a little lost with her lmao. anyway i made a little PLOT PAGE , a WANTED PLOT TAG , a PINTEREST BOARD and you can read more ABOUT her here. so, if you want to plot please 🔪🔪🔪 LIKE this post. i’m down for everything gimme all the angst, brotps, enemies and fluff pls sdndnssa also if u want to plot discord pls lmk

below i’ll try to shorten her bio and also add some trivia and connections as well, thank you for reading this

tw death , abuse

♡ her life in the normal realm was a happy one. she died a natural death and led a pretty fulfilling life. ( that is bcs i needed to make her suffer extra hard for her life in donghwa do )

♡ due to her never experiencing any difficulties and having very supportive and loving parents, she just assumed that everyone else would be as nice as her parents were. this made her a little naive and overly trusting which wasn’t a problem as it seemed that rina somehow only met nice people ( look at me granting her some extra happy times so i can wreck her life more )

♡ her parents were (still are) the perfect couple which somehow made her obsessed with love. she was that girl who drew heart over the letter “i”. refused to use any marker that wasn’t pink and would always request a romcom at sleepovers when everyone else wanted to watch a horror movie.

♡ her parents the owners of cupid’s café are known for their matchmaking skills and rina probably got that from them. she also helped the people at school to confess to their crush and rumors said that asking rina for help would guarantee 100 % success.

♡ anyway rina herself never fell in love herself and kind of feel like a fraud since she gave out love advice but did not really experience love

♡ so one day, that perfect looking (shady) guy entered the cafe and rina fell in love with him. (tbh he wasn’t even that good-looking or funny it was probably just the way the light illuminated him or some shit that made rina believed he was the perfect guy straight out of a movie.....)

♡ turned out he was a complete douchebag. his obsessive behavour forced her to isolate herself from her friends and she kinda had no friends left then. also she actually planned to expand cupid cafe (probably some extra room for her matchmaking business lol) and planned to study but he also didn’t want her to “waste her time on something else” and manipulated her into giving up on that thought.

♡ when rina wouldn’t listen he’d become violent and rina started to question what love really was and if that what her parents had were just a naïve view on love and that most people couldn’t have the love they did.

♡ eventually she managed to escape from that relationship, but it did change her bcs 1) he never got punished for his actions (since she didn’t report him or told anyone about what had happened) 2) she kinda lost faith in that concept of fate regarding love but also other areas in life.

♡ that’s why i chose the rebel label for her bcs that belief started to crumble and she’s kinda mad bcs was it fate that she had to go through all this awful things ?

♡ right now she picked up her job at cupid’s cafe again. she is helping out her parents and honestly right now she tries not to think about her past dream about expanding the cafe etc. she’s rather focus on pulling herself together and to appear as normal as possible.

*inserts kdrama ending credits transition to her personality section here*

personality

♡ rina is the person who just likes to talk, she used to be very open and would even tell someone stuff they did not ask for. she laughs about everything she even finds dad jokes hilarious (she might as well love these kind of jokes the most). she’s quite trusting, tell her that scientist found out that fish can talk and she’ll believe you as long as you provide her some website. besides playing matchmaker for everyone she really enjoys photography (even made couple photos and had these couple photo instagram accounts were she’d post them.....). since that certain event, she has *dramatic vc* changed and bcs she tries to put on an act and be all happy ad that she sometimes comes across as fake ? also she doesn’t used to go out as often as usual and now only does her tasks at work and after that she just goes home and spends some time alone.

i want to write more but i’m brain dead rn so if u have any questions pls lmk

here are some basic connections if none of the plots on the plot page work

enemies, bad influence, good influence, someone who wants rina to teach them some matchmaking skills, sibling relationship, friends, ex enemies who are now friends, etc.

#dhwintro #also i'll get to ims later bcs i'm tired and need to go to sleep soon sjdsnd #i'm late but uni just doesn't want me to be happy :/#i didn't proofread anything same applies to rina's bio and the plots page bcs i graduated from clown school -#tw death #tw abuse

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wetalkinboutbooks · 5 years ago

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Realm of Ash by Tasha Suri

Summary: The fate of an empire rests in the hands of a young woman with magical blood and nothing left to lose, and an outcast prince determined to save his family at any cost, in this "dark, melodious, and memorable" new fantasy (Library Journal, starred review) from the author of the award-winning Empire of Sand.

The Ambhan Empire is crumbling. A terrible war of succession hovers on the horizon. The only hope for peace lies in the mysterious realm of ash, where mortals can find what they seek in the echoes of their ancestors' dreams. But to walk there requires a steep price.

Arwa is determined to make the journey. Widowed by a brutal massacre, she's pledged service to the royal family and will see that pledge through to the end. She never expected to be joined by Zahir, the disgraced, illegitimate prince who has turned to forbidden magic in a desperate bid to save those he loves.

Together, they'll walk the bloody path of their shared past. And it will call into question everything they've ever believed...including whether the Empire is worth saving at all. (Taken from Goodreads)

Our Ratings:

→ Geena: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

→ Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Overall: Realm of Ash is a great follow-up to Empire of Sand, where we follow Arwa who was introduced briefly in Empire of Sand. There is quite a bit of political intrigue in the first half which sets the pacing a bit slow but picks up quickly once the characters go through big revelations. The characters and their motivations draw you in, and overall it was a good read!

~Check out our spoiler Full Review Below

A QUICK SUMMARY:

So, this book picks up twelve years later from where we last visited this world in Empire of Sand. In this book, we are following the story of a once minor character, Mehr’s little sister, Arwa. Arwa has grown and married and been widowed when we meet her again. She is on her way to a widows hermitage where she is to live out the rest of her days in mourning, after losing her husband.

Since the Maha’s death, this world had descended into chaos. The daiva, aka, eternal spirits, aka CHILDREN OF THE GODS, have been wreaking a bit of havoc on the world. If you remember, the Maha was manipulating the dreams of the Gods to favour the kingdom. When he was defeated, those dreams had begun to take their natural course. With dreams come nightmares. And those nightmares have taken form. BUT. The daiva protect their own blood, which is the Amrithi people. Arwa is half Amrithi, but she isn’t sure if the daiva are there to protect or hurt her. In addition, her mother (aka stepmom) raises her believing that Amrithi are cursed and savages, and essentially taught her to hate herself.

In the widow’s hermitage, she meets an influential widow, Gulshera, and realizes she has connections to the imperial family and because Arwa doesn’t care about anything she offers herself up as a tool to the royals. So, Gulshera takes Arwa to serve under Princess Jihan, we’re subjected to court politics and meet Prince Zahir, aka a bastard. Together, Arwa and Zahir work together to find the Maha in the Realm of Ash (essentially a spirit world) so they can unlock a way to save the empire from ruin. Princess Jihan turns around and essentially implies that she sent Arwa to Zahir to ‘PLEASE’ him in an INTIMATE fashion. Arwa doesn’t take it and gets mad but Zahir isn’t here for it and it’s smooth sailing again.

During a trip into the Realm of Ash Arwa realizes the truth behind her Amrithi blood and the Maha’s crimes and shares it with Zahir. They both struggle, Arwa being staunchly anti-empire and Zahir trying to do something to prove his worth to his sister. When the emperor dies, he names Zahir as the Maha’s heir and Jihan’s older brother Prince Akhtar as Emperor. A few murders later, a different Emperor sits on the throne and Zahir has a bounty on his head. Zahir and Arwa use the aid of a secret women’s society Zahir’s mom was a part of to escape to where the Maha was stationed to find the secret to the empire’s success, discovering cursed towns, ghosts from their pasts, and their feelings for one another.

The Good:

→ Zahir

Kae: So ZAHIR! I love him. He is as kind as a kitten. As sweet as an apple pie. But because he is a bastard, he is hidden away in tombs that were converted to be his rooms. There, he does research on how to restore peace and order to the Empire. He knows his days are numbered, being the bastard son of the Emperor, so he is essentially doing research to bargain his own life. Besides that, he genuinely likes learning and spent the majority of his days doing that anyway before he was banished to the tombs to live in secret.

When we first meet Zahir, he is studying by candlelight in his rooms. Arwa finds a bit of power in him not noticing her, and takes the time to watch him for a moment. She thinks he’s handsome with his ‘pretty face’ and sharp, slender form. She’s like “damn he’s kinda hot… but I'm a widow… I’m not allowed to think boys are hot anymore.” But alas, she thinks he handsome. So they assess each other for a moment and agree to be apprentice and teacher.. Zahir gives Arwa poems and books to read that will help her better understand about the Realm of Ash and what he is working on.

Geena: Arwa wears a veil for 90% of the book because such is the way of the widow, so she makes a point to stare at Zahir through her veil because she knows he can’t see her checking him out. And this boy turns around and hands her poetry, the more we learn about the nocturnal prince the more you realize he’s such a Soft Boi™ who loves literature and wants to desperately prove that his life has worth. His mother was killed because she tried to give the Emperor some advice, and the Empire of Ambha drinks the ‘women aren’t shit’ juice so she was labelled a traitor and murdered. Zahir only survives because Princess Jihan loves him, and as a legitimate spoiled princess she has to be pampered. Zahir has the ability to study and work with magic, because his mother was part of a secret women’s society that did so and it was passed onto him, so he’s been tasked with figuring out a way to stop the Empire’s decline ever since the Maha died.

His character made me sad a little bit, because he feels like he should have died with his mother to some extent. And Jihan has led him to believe that his life being worth something depends solely on the fact if he can find the Maha’s spirit and save the empire. He’s treated like trash by everyone else because he’s a bastard and into witchcraft, even Arwa thinks he’s a weirdo in the beginning. But he’s such a kind-hearted soul?? Who btw respects women, when Arwa accuses him of tryna sleep with her, Zahir is like “MA’AM, I RESPECT YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART IDK WHAT SHIT MY SISTERS BEEN DRINKING BUT I WOULD NEVER!” well, he’s less dramatic than that but yea he suggests laying out rules so they don’t cross the apprentice/teacher dynamic. Also, during one trip into the Realm of Ash and Arwa’s veil comes off and she literally snaps at him to not look at her face (bc it is not the widow way) he straight up doesn’t look at her face ever for a good portion of the book after that skfjdf.

Kae: YEH HE JUST LOOKS AT HER HANDS. SOFTIE. I LOVE HIM.

Geena: Hand fetish IM JOKING… BUT SNDKFJDNST THAT’S ALL I COULD IMAGINE.. Arwa was like “Man, my veils off but this boy is still looking at my HANDS”

The Bad:

→ Gulshera and the Royals

Kae: Gulshera! Ohh, she made me mad at the end. But like, I get it, ya know? So Gulshera, our bow-wielding widow, was Princess Jihan’s nursemaid and confidant. So when Gulshera finds out Arwa is Amrithi (because Arwa got caught trying to rid the Hermitage of daiva) she basically goes to Arwa like “You know you gotta get up outta here right? You can’t stay here, shawty.” But she gives Arwa the option of possibly going to the Empire and devoting herself to the Princess and her cause for solving the Empires bad luck. So Arwa goes, meets Zahir, yada yada yada.

Gulshera asks Arwa very vague questions about what she’s doing but doesn’t exactly want to know what Arwa is doing. She just a lil nosey. So after a while, the Emperor dies and the named prince is killed by his brother. Zahir is next and he and Arwa escape. Eventually, they are found in the desert where Gulshera shoots the shit out of Arwa’s shoulder. It’s such a bad blow that Arwa is pretty much bleeding out. I was like, yo what the FUCK GULSHERA.

Geena: YEA LIKE SHE PRETENDS TO BE HER ALLY AND CARE FOR HER BUT TURNS AROUND AND IS LIKE “SORRY BABES IMPERIALISM ALWAYS WINS”

Kae: AND THAT’S THE TEA BAYBEEEEEE. IT was such bullshit. But again, I get it. Gulshera is like “It’s either me or you… And I raised the princess so imma do what she says and also I knew her longer soooo…. Bye Arwa. This will haunt me for the rest of my days… but it be like that.”

Geena: Kae covered Gulshera really well! But yea she was a stank old lady in the end, like you’re essentially the reason Arwa is where she is but you’re acting like you had nothing to do with anything. BUT N E WAYS, I’m gonna talk about Princess Jihan a lil bit because she annoyed me too. She was privileged and used Arwa like a ragdoll, actually not even just Arwa but her brother she claimed to love too. Jihan really guilt-tripped the FUCK out of Zahir being all “Did I save you from nothing? Do I deal with other’s scrutiny for nothing? Prove your worth to me brother, prove that I’ve placed my love in the right man” and I was like…… bitch…. She might have been a princess but she was the queen of emotional manipulation. Also, she claimed to be for the women but essentially told Arwa that one of her jobs was to fuck Zahir and like…. Hello….. What is wrong with you.

OH AND ANOTHER THING… when it’s revealed that the Maha used Amrithi people to shape the Empire’s success, and Zahir confronts Jihan about this she’s like “Yea, and?” like she saw no problem in using a group of people and villainizing them in the same breath… Imperialism is a hell of a drug

The Ugly:

→ The Nightmare

Kae: So the Nightmare was truly… A nightmare.

When we first learn about how Arwa became a widow, we learn about an incident that took place at a military base called Darez Fort. Darez Fort is where Arwa stayed with her husband, Kamran. We learn some soldiers come back with what they think is a Daiva, trapped in a little cage/crate thing. When they open it up, it appears to be a childlike creature. But it soon reveals a face of white bone and attacks everyone in the fort. The Nightmare makes the men turn on each other as well and it’s quite literally a blood bath. Everyone is dead. The maids, the cooks, the soldiers, and Kamran. All killed. BUT THERE IS A DAIVA THERE. It’s Arwa’s litter guardian angel. She knows her blood protects her, so in a panic, she makes this big ass cut on her arm and surrounds herself with her blood. The Daiva protects her from the Nightmare and she is the only survivor of Darez Fort.

The Nightmare leaves a sense of fear in Arwa that literally makes her shake. She can kind of sense when it’s near. So on her journey with Zahir and a guards woman named Eshara, they end up at another fort for a rest. Some soldiers are ordered by this mean ass general to stay inside the fort because they aren’t allowed to leave. This is when Arwa gets that chilling sense of fear as she did in Darez Fort. SOME EVIL SHIT IS AFOOT.

Geena: Yesss, the nightmares are like anti-daiva essentially. I really liked their concept and how they factored in with the worldbuilding. What makes them terrifying is that the Maha spent how many centuries fending off nightmares by using Amrithi, but suddenly without him to control how gods dream, nightmares are flooding the empire. Arwa manages to defeat the nightmares by unlocking the memories of her past ancestors from the Realm of Ash and crudely dancing a rite that locks nightmares in cages. Along with Zahir, Arwa figures out that nightmares consider themselves some sort of god and love to be worshipped. Both Zahir and Arwa decide that the empire can rot, and the nightmares can do what they want but they’ll teach anyone with amrithi blood to dance the rite and worship the nightmares to prevent any more massacres like Darez Fort.

→ Maha

Geena: God….. This stankass wrinkly-ass bitchboy really sunk his claws so deep into the Ambhan people that after he died, he was thought to be a martyr. Like 12 years after his death and people still worship him, and mourn his death? Mehr and Amun went through so much to end his reign of terror yet the empire continued to worship him. I’m sure they didn’t have the time or power to go around and spread the truth behind the Maha’s work but good LORD was it grating to read people missing that disgusting man. But thinking back on it, even if Amun and Mehr had exposed him… would people have believed an Amrithi couple that killed their beloved Maha? They probably would’ve killed them instead :(

Though, this was an interesting detail that Tasha Suri included. That, despite the evil being defeated, people will refuse to acknowledge it as evil and continue to point fingers at marginalized people for the problems caused by the evil being.

The Awesome:

→ Arwa and Mehr

Kae: If y’all could see me now, you would see me doing a little dance because BIIIIITCH. I WAS LIVIIIIING SOLELY FOR MEHR AND ARWA TO MEET UP AGAIN. EVERY PAGE I WAS LIKE “is Arwa gonna talk about Mehr? Does she miss her sister?” AND SHE DID SOMETIMES AND I LOVED IT. AND THEN ARWA SAID SHE WAS TOLD HER SISTER HAD DIED AND I WAS LIKE NOOOOO. SHE IS ALIVE, ARWA. SHE IS ALIIIIVE.

So when Arwa was in the Realm of Ash, she had seen Mehr and was SHOOK. Because you can only see dead relatives in the Real of Ash. So she actively avoided Mehr in the Realm because it hurt too much to see her there. It just confirmed that her sister was dead. And even I was confused because I was like “Ummm, Tasha… I know you didn’t kill off my girl after she done went through all that shit.” So I started thinking…. Because in the Realm of Ash, you saw the dead as grey ash. Shadows. But she saw Mehr in colour and full of life. So I had this theory that since Mehr has Amata (Amrithi spiritual magic closer to the ancestors) that she was seeing Mehr in the realm because of how close Mehr’s amata was so the ancestors and daiva.

GUESS WHO WAS RIGHT BITCH? MEEEEEE. I CALLED THAT SHIT. IT’S MY SUPERPOWER. So like, as Arwa is dying from that arrow bitchass GUlshera shot her with, she ventures into the Realm and see’s Mehr again. She calls out to her, and Mehr sees her. She promises to find her.

When Zahir and Arwa escape from his sister’s claws, the daiva take them out into the desert. Mehr eventually finds them and brings them back to her home. When Arwa wakes up, she is greeted by Mehr bandaging her up. They cry and hug. I CRY BECAUSE I’M SO DAMN HAPPY. I LOVE A GOOD REUNION. MEHR LOVED ARWA SO MUCH AND ARWA LOVED MEHR. AND THEY WERE SEPERATED AND HADN’T EVEN KNOWN THE OTHER WAS STILL ALIVE. AND THERE THEY WERE. TOGETHER. AND ALIVE AND HUGGING AND CRYING. It was beautiful. I was like, ugly crying. So thank you, Tasha. Thank you for writing that scene so well because it was happy and emotional and they both deserved to see each other again. It will go down as one of my top 5 reunion scenes.

I’d also like to say, unrelated to Mehr-- That Awra and Zahir did admit their love for each other and kissed. And Zahir was Arwa’s, and Arwa was Zahir’s, though they made it clear that they belonged to no one. They belonged to each other. And their love was so soft and built on mutual respect. They were both very lonely and longed for one another, but never pursued because Arwa didn’t want to break the honour code of the “widows way” or whatever, and Zahir didn’t want to disrespect her. BUT THEIR MINDS. THEY LOVED EACH OTHER. So they both finally gave in. And it was lovely.

Geena: ugghh yess, Arwa and Zahir’s relationship was based on mutual respect and love (just like Mehr and Amun!). In both instances, people forced them together but it was only through their own agency that they fell in love with one another, and support each other wholeheartedly.

ALSO, THE REUNION KSJNFKSJF I had a suspicion that Mehr was alive too based on everything that Kae mentioned too! So, when Mehr says to Arwa that she’ll come for her I sCREAMED!!!! I loved it so much, them crying in each other’s arms… Arwa seeing Mehr’s own kid… LIKE HELLO???

Kae: AND TASH SAID HER AND AMUN COULDN’T HAVE KIDS BECAUSE OF THE RITES SO I WAS SHOOK AND HAPPY AND OMG. literally SCREAMING.

Geena: YEA I REMEMBER THAT, BUT THEN I ALSO REMEMBERED YOUR THEORY! Where the Maha had said that people that danced the rite couldn’t have children because he tried to impregnate amrithi women he enslaved but it didn’t work… and Kae you’d said it was probably because he was shooting dust and YOU WERE RIGHT!!!

Kae: IT’S MY SUPERPOWER. IM TELLING YOU. I CAN GUESS THE SHIT OUT OF SHIT.

Geena: KJDSFNKSDJF I LOVE YOUR SUPERPOWER!!! My only complaint was that we didn’t get a longer scene with Mehr/Amun and Arwa/Zahir bonding :( I wanted mooorreee… other than that it was everything!

Conclusion

Geena: TO CONCLUDE! Tasha Suri didn’t disappoint with this sequel… and it’s so easy to write a shitty sequel but she was like nAH WE’RE NOT ABOUT THAT LIFE. And we loved it! There was a slow start as we read Arwa struggling with her internalized hate, but after she realized that she came from a people who have survived in Ambha in the face of adversity the book sped up real fast. The romance was so soft and wholesome and everything that we want in a relationship, Tasha knows EXACTLY what she’s doing when she’s writing romance. I don’t trust anyone else with a romance this soft, and I cannot wait to read her upcoming series that feature a wlw couple.

Kae: GEENA SAID IT ALL. Tasha knows how to write a romance. I love soft boi’s that will also murder a man for you if need me. LIKE YAAAS HE’S SENSITIVE AND RESPECTS ME AND WILL BEAT SOMEONE'S ASS FOR ME. WE LOVE TO SEE IT. Honestly though, overall, this was such a stunning sequel. Because Geena and I have read some sequels that were…. How to say this nicely… fucking terrible. Tasha is a phenomenal writer and I know her upcoming series will be great too! This book was full of lessons. One being, SELF HATRED IS FUCKING TRASH. SO LOVE YOURSELF AND YOUR RICH BACKGROUND. BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL LOOK DOWN ON YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE AND WHERE YOU COMF FROM SOMETIMES, AND YOU JUST GOTTA SAY FUCK ‘EM AND KEEP IT MOVING.

Geena: JKSNFKJSNDSKJF YAAAS, ALSO IK IT WAS BRIEF BUT LIKE DAMN… TASHA REALLY WENT HARD WITH THE AMRITHI IN THIS BOOK AND HOOBOY… Like the insights into past ancestors? And the fact that there are so many mixed Amrithi people that have been forced to hide their heritage… once again… I M P E R I A L I S M and G E N O C I D E… this series covered it pretty well… PLEASE READ AND SUPPORT TASHA

#realm of ash #tasha suri #book review #booklr #book blogging #book blogger #books #reading

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ts-into-the-coinverse · 5 years ago

Text

Made of Love, Chapter 26

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Table of Contents

Ship(s): Logicality, (platonic) Prinxiety

All Characters: Thomas, Virgil, Roman, Logan, Patton, Dr. Picani, Joan, Talyn, and Deceit

Synopsis: Humans Roman and Virgil get wrapped up in some serious magic business without meaning to. Their other companions aren’t exactly as they seem, either. Together they all must defeat a great threat for the safety of humanity.

Chapter Desc.: Patton realizes there are some things you can't hide forever. And one of them is standing at the door.

TW: Cursing, violence, heavily implied autophobia, unsympathetic character, manipulation, deadnaming(?), blood mention, allusion to transphobia. kinda. it makes sense when you see it

Prefer to read it on Ao3? Click here!

He locked the door.

“What?” Roman shot up from his seat. “Then who is it?”

The person on the other side banged on the door, causing everyone to jump.

“I, I don’t — it can’t —” Patton took a step back — “It can’t be him. He’s not… He said he’d leave us alone. He said he went back home.”

“Who?”

They hit the door again. “C’mon, Pistis,” they yelled using Logan’s voice. “You know you can’t hide from me forever.”

Virgil furrowed his brows. “Pistis?”

“Oh, no.” Patton backed away, eyes blown wide. “Why is he here? How did he —?” He stopped himself and placed a hand on his chest. “Where’s Logan? I-I need Logan.”

“Woah, hey,” Virgil held his hands up as if ready to stop Patton from running out. “Calm down. I’m sure Logan is fine.” He didn’t believe that, really, but he couldn’t have Patton freaking out right now.

“You don’t understand.” Patton turned his desperate expression to Virgil. “I have to find him. I can’t let Dolos do this again.”

Both Roman and Virgil flinched. It felt like something went through their chest to punch their hearts. It ached.

“Wait — Dolos?” Thomas stood up. “Like, like your brother Dolos? Freaky manipulation mind control Dolos? That one?”

“There aren’t very many others.”

A bright flash of light came from the other side of the door. Patton grabbed Virgil's arm and pulled him back to the others. Then the door fell forward. It crashed to the floor with a loud bang, causing everyone to flinch despite watching it happen. In the now open doorway stood Dolos still masquerading as Logan. He stared down at the door as if it was some mild inconvenience. He stepped around it and stopped, making direct eye contact with Patton and Patton alone. But instead of the dark blue of Logan's eyes, they were a bright yellow. They glowed the same way Patton's did without his glasses.

"What gave it away?" He didn't use Logan's voice this time.

Patton, whether consciously or not, stood in front of the group like he prepared for a fight. "You don't know Logan well enough to imitate him."

Dolos huffed and rolled his eyes, changing their color back to Logan's. He adjusted his posture before speaking in a very Logan-like way, "I've never felt anything in my life. My magic doesn't scare me at all and I have full control over it all the time. I definitely have no regrets about anything ever. All of my decisions are correct and precise because I'm always right." His eyes changed back and he dropped his posture. "Does that sound better?"

Patton frowned. "No."

"I don't know. It seemed pretty accurate to me." He examined his fingernails. "What do you think, Thomas? Sound about right?" His blazing eyes moved up. They widened a bit in surprise. "You seem a lot bigger than I remember. Did you get less naive since then?"

Thomas shifted from foot to foot.

"Stop." Patton stood in front of him. "Don't you start with that."

Dolos rolled his eyes again. “You never let me have any fun.”

“Maybe you should get a better definition of fun.”

“Maybe you should learn to see things from my perspective.”

They stared each other down, neither of them moving an inch or uttering a single word. It was a bit odd, and a little unnerving, to see Logan and Patton glare at each other like that. Even when they got mad at each other, they never looked at each other in such a way. A cold, hard glare to make anyone stop in their tracks. No one knew what to do next.

At last, Patton broke it with, “Why are you still pretending to be Logan?”

“You wouldn’t like what I’m wearing.” He pouted. “Unless… Is this upsetting to you? Do you not like that I have your boyfriend’s face? I could be someone else if you’d prefer. Oh — how about Ananke? You haven’t seen her in a while. Would you like to be reminded of what she looks like? I’m sure she’s somewhere out there still. Waiting faithfully —”

“Stop.”

Dolos complied with a bit of a smug smirk. “I didn’t realize you were still touchy about that. The guilt hasn’t gone away yet, has it?”

Patton must have been seconds away from losing his composure. “What are you doing here, Dolos?”

“Ooh, that’s a bit of deja vu, isn’t it?” His smirk widened. “Unfortunately, you’re not my main priority this time. I was really only sent to kill your boyfriend, but I thought that was way too easy. I mean, he was right outside. Alone. Where’s the fun in that?”

Thomas bit his thumb nervously. He eyed Patton the same way one would eye a bomb beginning its countdown. Not that Virgil could blame him. He could feel the outskirts of a very volatile emotion Patton was trying rather hard to keep to himself.

“You should have seen the look on his face when he saw me. I caught him completely by surprise."

Patton balled his hands into tight fists. "Where is he?"

"What do to think?" Dolos ran a finger across his neck.

The air was sucked out of the room. Or at least, that’s what it felt like to Virgil. Like someone whacked him full force in the chest with a hard object. All the blood drained from his face. It was almost impossible to tell if this was his own reaction or the result of Patton’s. They were so seamless. Unlike the times before where it felt like an added emotion thrown on top of his own, this time it intertwined with them. He didn't like the feeling.

"You're lying."

Dolos pouted again. "That's not very nice. Why would you think that?"

"That's — that's what you do.” Patton almost sounded desperate. As if he needed to convince himself rather than prove it was true. “Y-you mess with people so they'll listen to you. You, you lie to get your way. I've seen you do it."

"Maybe so. But I just needed you to let your guard down." His eyes got brighter.

"Uh oh," Thomas whispered.

"Uh oh? What uh oh?" Roman questioned.

"I'm going to need you to listen to me very carefully, brother of mine, no one is allowed to leave this house alive. Got that? Do whatever it takes."

"Time to go.” Thomas grabbed Roman’s and Virgil’s wrists to drag them away from Patton. He led them up the stairs to his room, shutting the door behind them. "Okay, okay. Uh." Plan. He needed a plan.

"Thomas, what the fuck?" It came out more as a statement, but Virgil still clearly wanted an answer.

"No time." There really wasn't. Thomas glanced around his room. The setting sun spiked his anxiety a bit, but he ignored it for the time being. "Just know that Patton is going to come up here at any second and he can actually kill us without a second thought. So…" There was only one way to fix it. A very long time ago, Thomas once saw Patton pull Logan out from under Dolos's magic. It was a scary situation to see as a kid. It wasn’t any easier now.

"Okay. You two need to hide. Right now." He rushed them to the closet and slid open the door. "Get in."

"Really?" They both gave him looks.

"Yeah, I get the irony, don't fight me on this." He pushed them in. "Whatever happens, don't come out. No matter what you hear just stay inside. Be quiet. I need all his focus to be on me. I'll be fine." Hopefully. "Just — just don't come out until I get you." He shut the door to cut off their protests. He backed away, taking a deep breath, then the door swung open.

He wasn't ready.

Patton stood at the doorway. Instead of his eyes swirling in yellow like Thomas expected (like they had been for Logan all those years ago), they were still brown. It caught Thomas off guard for a second until he remembered the glasses. His glasses were enchanted to make him look human. Unfortunately, they worked a bit too well. Now instead of warm and inviting, his eyes were hard and cold. He looked prepared to set out the task Dolos commanded him to do. And Thomas had no doubt he’d do it if given the right circumstances. Because he wasn’t really Patton right now. Not at the surface level. Right now he was a task — a mindset. One he was far too capable of completing. And that was the scariest part of this whole thing. Patton has had literal centuries of practice. He wouldn’t wait for Thomas to fix the problem. He’d see an opportunity to strike and take it. Thomas didn’t know if he could handle those conditions.

"Patton," he held up his hands. As if proving he was defenseless would somehow help, "listen to me. You're under Dolos's magic. You have to break free from it."

When Patton walked forward, Thomas backed up. He needed to keep space between them. That might have been a slight disadvantage on the "save Patton" front, but it sure helped for the "don't die" situation.

"I know you can do that. You know Dolos and his magic better than anyone." He bumped into his dresser. "There's no way he can have you completely under."

Patton held out his hand. But nothing happened. A moment of confusion passed his face.

Thomas couldn’t help but smirk a bit. “Yeah, I don’t keep any plants up here.” The smirk wiped clean off his face when Patton swung at him. Now, he wasn’t very good at fighting, but he was good at one thing: running away. He ducked out of the way in time for Patton's fist to connect to the dresser. Much to his surprise, it was a lot sturdier than he thought. When Patton pulled his fist away there was only a dent and splintered wood. "Oh, you are so not going to be happy about that when you come to."

But the Patton that was right here and now didn't care about it at all. He wasn't even phased. In fact, he was sort of… blank. A true neutral expression rested on his face. What made it all the more unnerving was that it was still Patton. This wasn't someone else. It wasn't an illusion or an advanced form of mimicry. It was Patton returned to his original settings. But he didn't have much time to think that. Patton lunged for him.

A squeak left his mouth and he dove over his bed. He felt a hand brush against his ankle before falling to the other side of the floor rather ungracefully. "Patton, come on." He picked himself up. "You're still in there — I know you are. Just listen to me. Drown out Dolos's orders. You can do this."

It didn’t seem as if Thomas’s words were getting through. Patton continued on his mission, oblivious to any attempts. This was not good. Thomas tried to fight back his rising panic and his instincts to call for help. His usual go-to for assistance was always Picani, but there was no way he was showing up any time soon. Then he thought of Logan, but there were a few reasons that wouldn’t work out right now. He couldn’t ask Roman or Virgil — they could get hurt. He was on his own. He didn’t want to be on his own. He couldn’t be on his own. He… he…

He couldn’t breathe.

Oh.

Oh no, no, no, no. Not now. Why now? He needed to be able to function. He needed to move. Instead, he was frozen in place with his lungs refusing to work. This was horrible timing. Snap out of it! Breathe!

Patton shoved him into the wall. He felt his chest constrict in the usual way that meant the wind had been knocked out of him. Not that it made much of a difference. He couldn't breathe anyway. He couldn't move. He couldn't focus. There was too much happening and yet nothing all at once. It was like trying to grab a cloud — impossible even when it seems so tangible. There was so much that needed his attention but he couldn't hold onto any of it.

Shit.

Did he say that out loud? Probably not important. The important thing was the pair of scissors trying to be jammed into his throat. Well, important wasn't the right word. More like urgent. Or even holy-shit-Patton-might-actually-kill-me. He didn't recall the split-second decision he made to save his own life. His body reacted on its own. He had one hand around Patton's forearm and the other around his fist. There was one problem that all his panic decided to focus on: Patton was a lot stronger than him.

His arms shook under the effort and pressure and fear. If he let Patton get any closer that would be it. "P-please." He didn't want to fail. Not like this. "Patton, please." But he was scared. He was so very scared. "Stop. Please." He wanted Picani. He wanted Logan. He wanted someone. Anyone. He didn't want to lose the last of his family. But what else could he do? His arms couldn't take it anymore. Patton kept pushing back. "Don't…" His whole body was consumed by fear. He couldn't think anymore. His one primal urge was to survive. He didn't want to be afraid. He wanted Patton back. He wanted everyone safe. He wanted to feel safe. With the scissors being so close to him, and sensing this could be the end, one last instinct was ripped from Thomas. One last desperate effort.

"Dad, stop!"

Patton froze.

Thomas held what little of his breath stayed with him. He didn't move.

Patton continued to stare at him, expression fixed in a perplexed manner. He slowly took a step back, the scissors slipping from his hand. He blinked once. Twice. A few times. Then that familiar warm color entered his eyes again. "Thomas?" He seemed to connect the dots on his own. "What did I —? Oh my goodness." He pulled Thomas into a tight hug. "Did I hurt you? Are you okay?" He pulled back enough to check for any injuries. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have let Dolos get to me like that. I —"

He was cut off by Thomas bringing him back into a hug. He didn't say anything. He couldn't. He buried his face into Patton's shoulder and failed to keep his tears from falling. His chest ached. But having Patton back made it a bit easier to breathe again.

"I'm right here," Patton whispered, rubbing his back. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

That was a familiar phrase to hear. Thomas elected not to dwell on it.

“No offense, Patton,” Virgil started, stepping out of the closet. “But I was about two seconds away from stabbing you in the back.” He tapped the ends of his daggers together.

“I don’t blame you.” He tried to let go so he could look at Virgil, but Thomas refused to let that happen. “Uh, thanks for not doing that, I guess?”

“Really you should be thanking Roman.” Virgil crossed his arms and tilted his head towards Roman, who was closing the closet door. “I wouldn’t have waited that long.”

“I was just listening to Thomas,” Roman stated defensively.

“It worked out okay in the end,” Thomas replied, voice muffled by Patton’s shoulder. He felt pretty crummy. All he wanted to do was crawl into bed, or maybe a dark hole, and sleep forever. But that had to wait for now. He needed to pull himself together to help get Dolos out of here. "It's fine."

Patton made a slight noise of disagreement yet made no effort to comment any further.

Thomas closed his eyes and sighed. His body was heavy. He didn't want to move. If he had to go through another situation like that he'd probably die on the spot.

"Maybe you should stay up here, kiddo." Patton managed to free himself so he could look at Thomas. He cupped his face and used his thumbs to wipe the remaining tears. "You've done a lot and I think you need…" He trailed off, his expression twisting into confusion. "Hey — wait a minute — did you call me dad?"

"Dolos is downstairs." Thomas tore himself away and hurried out of the room.

"Thomas!"

He ignored that in favor of going down the stairs as fast as he could. Which, really, wasn’t as fast as it could have been. He didn’t have a lot of limb coordination at the moment. So the others reached the bottom of the stairs about the same time that he did. Dolos was on the couch, still disguised as Logan, flipping through a book. It didn't seem as if he had much interest in it; he appeared pretty bored.

Patton practically seethed in rage when he spotted him. He marched right over to him and grabbed his shoulder. But then he vanished. Shattered into millions of pieces like yellow glass which faded out of existence.

"Has there been a time where you haven't fallen for that?"

They all turned to see Dolos sitting on the kitchen counter. He examined a coffee mug as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"Es gematim mijka," Patton nearly growled.

Dolos looked up in shock. "Language." He set the mug down and hopped off the counter. "Living amongst ostalloi for over six hundred years has certainly changed you quite a bit."

"Turn back." Patton marched to the kitchen.

"Why should I do that?"

"Because I really want to punch you in the face but I can't do that while you look like Logan."

Dolos raised a brow. "You certainly could." He examined Patton. "And I get the feeling you will if I wait long enough." He sighed. "Don't say I didn't warn you." Then his disguise melted away. His skin and hair got darker. By contrast, his hair was a lot curlier and messier than Patton's. He had an interesting pattern of freckles that stopped at one half of his face. Like someone took a paintbrush and splattered paint but forgot to finish. He wore a suit, which would have been fine, except it wasn't modern. It had that particular look that modern suits don't have. More angles. Muted colors with subtle patterns. This wasn't the right time period for it.

"That…" Patton furrowed his brows. "Why are you wearing that?"

"I told you you wouldn't like it." He straightened out his jacket with another mock pout. "I'm afraid my hat's been misplaced. It might help you recall the last time you saw me."

"The last time —?" His eyes widened. "Th-that was over seventy years ago. Why would you still be wearing that?"

"Oh, come on, Pistis. You're smart. Piece it together."

"I…"

Dolos waited.

Patton didn't speak.

"You're dead," Thomas whispered.

He shrugged.

“But…" Patton appeared to go over the situation in his head, "you said you were going back home. You were leaving. Why would you stay?”

Dolos sighed. Like an unfortunate secret had been found out. “Well, that’s what I told you. But after that incident we promised not to mention again, I decided to help you out. I didn’t think it’d cost me a life but I suppose that’s the price I had to pay for being soft.”

“I’m —” Patton looked conflicted — “I’m sorry.”

Dolos paused. He studied Patton curiously before rolling his eyes. “Yes, well, if I were more of myself. I’d probably tell you that my job as an older brother has always been to protect you — no matter the cost. Unfortunately, this version of myself lacks any of that compassion. So I’m afraid I must continue with my mission.”

"What are you going to do?" Thomas asked, a nervous edge to his voice.

"Wing it."

A figure appeared in front of them. Humanoid in nature, but certainly not human passing. It had no distinguishable features other than being a towering presence. It shimmered yellow with thin strings protruding from its appendages like that of a marionette. They led nowhere; fading from view after passing the full height of the apparition. It jumped on Patton, knocking him to the ground. The apparition noticed Virgil and Roman draw their weapons, and in response, shot out appendages from its back toward them. It wrapped around them, making it almost impossible to move.

"I'll be back to collect later. Please do try to make it quick." Dolos stepped away from the mess and left out the back door.

Thomas stood there. He watched Patton struggle to get out from under this strange creature. He saw Roman and Virgil try to break free. And then there was Dolos making his escape.

He chased after Dolos.

"Where are you going?" He stopped him in the backyard by the pool. Most of the backyard was composed of concrete except for a small section of grass closest to the house. He hadn’t spent much time back here in a while. Most of his outside time was spent passed the fence at the training grounds.

"Shouldn't you be inside?" Dolos turned to him with a raised brow. "Is coming after me really the best idea?"

"I can't just let you get away."

"And how will you stop me, exactly?" He approached him. "You can't fight, you have no magic — what are you expecting to happen?"

Thomas's hands fidgeted at his sides. He didn't have a plan. All he knew was that he couldn't let Dolos leave. He'd go back and alert Altair. That's what Figments did.

"You haven't changed at all. You're still that same scared little boy I met all those years ago. That's all you'll ever be, isn't it?"

"I'd like to think I'm a lot braver than I was." Maybe. Hopefully.

Dolos didn't appear to believe him. "Why don't we test that, shall we?" Another yellow figure sprouted up. This one was a bit shorter. It still had strings attached to its many limbs. There were quite a few arms. "I'll make it a fair fight."

Thomas felt a weight enter his hand. A sword. It shimmered yellow at certain angles but otherwise looked pretty real. He lifted it and almost sent it flying. It was lighter than he expected. When he held Logan's sword, it was a lot heavier than it looked. This one weighed about as much as someone would guess it should weigh. It wasn't real.

And neither was that creature right in front of him.

But his perception of it didn't change all that much. It was real enough to cause damage in the same way the sword was real enough to be held. This was still a dangerous game to play.

He gripped the sword with both hands. He still had no idea how to use one properly. If everyone made it out of this he should ask how to use one. That seemed like a valuable life lesson at this point. The number of times he’s held a sword these past few weeks without knowing how to use one… too many. Well, this was only the second time, but once was enough.

The creature shuffled toward him. It seemed unsure how to move. As if it didn’t know if it should use its many arms or the legs it was given. They stared at each other. It may not have had any features, but Thomas could feel what should have been its eyes boring into him. Neither of them made a move.

Dolos sighed in what sounded like annoyance. “You take after Logan, don’t you?”

Thomas gave him a confused glance. “Wha —?” He didn’t get the chance to ask a complete question. The creature swiped at him and he instinctively backed away. He held the sword in front of him and mimicked the stance he had seen Logan teach Roman how to do.

The creature swiped at him again, and this time, he swung the sword. He made contact, slicing through the arm. Both parts of it shattered like glass which left one less arm to deal with. Thomas sort of wanted to apologize. That seemed like it would hurt, but the creature was silent. It didn't scream or cry. Perhaps a mouth was needed for such things.

It did, however, manage to convey that it was pissed off.

It went after Thomas with no hesitation. And Thomas was too inexperienced to keep up. The sword was hit out of his hand. When it connected with the ground it shattered into pieces. He was defenseless. Not that he had time to dwell on that. He was knocked down soon after.

He tried to scramble away, but the creature was faster. It caught up to him. He shut his eyes and braced for impact. Except it didn't come. He cracked one eye open to see someone else in front of him.

A broad grin stretched across his face. "Logan!"

Logan pulled his sword out of the creature as it shattered into pieces. He turned his head to address Thomas. "Are you okay?"

"I'm…" The guilt rammed full force into Thomas again. The first thing Logan did was make sure Thomas was okay. That was always the first thing he did. Because he cared. Of course he cared. God. Thomas was such an idiot. "... sorry."

That wasn't what Logan was expecting. "What?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Thomas got to his feet. "I didn't mean what I said. It was wrong to even think it."

"Thomas."

“I wish I could take it back, but I can't, a-and it's out there and I’m sorry you heard it. I never should have said it.”

“Thomas.”

“I’m just really sorry. Y-you don’t even have to forgive me, I understand. It was wrong and dumb a-and I just wanted someone to be angry at —”

“Thomas.” Logan put a hand on his shoulder. “Breathe. I know you want to rectify everything right now, but it is not the best time. We're kind of in the middle of something."

Dolos wiggled his fingers with a slight smile. "Still here."

Right. "Y-yeah, I guess that's a bit of a problem."

“Let me take care of him and then we can talk, alright?” Logan smiled at him.

He took in a deep breath. “Alright.”

"That's very sweet," Dolos drawled with exaggerated kindness. "Yet I can't help but notice that you're implying you'll beat me. I think you're forgetting I'm a Machai elf. I may have been out of the loop for quite some time, but my expertise still exceeds yours for centuries."

Logan frowned. "Maybe you should put that to the test."

"Maybe I should." A thin string of light circled around his palms and wrists, tracing the shape of slick gauntlets. They were a bit bulkier around the wrists but otherwise appeared like normal gauntlets. Though with someone who was proficient in illusion and mimicry, looks could never be relied on. In addition, two human-like figures rose up from the ground. In a way, they almost resembled the dummies Patton made. Except these were swirling with yellow lights and had the same strings attached to their limbs as all the other creatures Dolos created did.

"Stay behind me," Logan muttered to Thomas.

Thomas wouldn’t dream of doing anything else. He kept a safe distance while Logan fought off the dummies. As well as them, he also had to deal with Dolos. The gauntlets proved to have something else to them. The bulkier part lifted to reveal a dart. Once one was shot out, it shifted to move on to the next dart. There were a few close calls with that already. Thomas sort of wished he could do more, but that wasn't an option. He was a bit inept at fighting if that wasn't obvious already. He had to have faith that Logan could handle himself.

Then he felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise up. The itchy feeling of being watched crawled up his spine. He spun around to see a beastly creature on all fours right in front of his face. It resembled a bear with a longer snout and thinner claws. It didn't have any eyes, but Thomas had a feeling that didn't matter. With a mouth full of jagged teeth, it posed a major threat.

"Um, Logan?"

"What is it, Thomas?" Logan spared a glance back and gasped.

"We have another issue."

The beast roared, loud and booming.

"Aw, are you scared of Ursa?" Dolos asked the same way one would address little kids. "She's a familiar. Well — she's more of a fail-safe. If my life is in danger, she pops up. It’s very convenient for not dying."

Ursa pounced. Thomas and Logan dove out of the way, but now they were separated. Ursa turned her attention onto Thomas. Which was unfortunate. He didn't have anything to defend himself with. She growled, inching closer.

But she stopped. Something between a roar and a yelp escaped her mouth. When she turned to look behind her, Thomas was able to see Logan. She snarled and redirected her attention to him.

"Bold choice," Dolos commented as he examined his gauntlets with mild interest. "You're just gonna let him handle this on his own?" He moved his eyes up to Thomas. "A one on one with Ursa is a very unfortunate situation."

"Don't listen to him Thomas," Logan shot back. Ursa tried to take a bite at him. "I have it under control. Just get out of here."

Thomas idled. He wasn't a fighter. But could he really leave Logan alone like this?

Dolos tsked. "Never try to be the hero, Logan. That won't make up for what you are." He lifted his arm and the thick part of the gauntlet popped out again. As he took proper aim, he stopped and seemed to reconsider. Instead, he aimed at Thomas.

Logan narrowly avoided a swipe from Ursa. He had his eyes on Dolos. "Stop!"

He didn't.

The dart flew out of the slot and, to Thomas, everything seemed to go in slow motion. The dart was heading right towards him. He gasped. An automatic response that seemed like a bit of an underreaction considering the circumstances. But he couldn't move. He couldn't think. All he had was an urge. A strong need to not die. Not today. Not right here. Just…

Don't.

It missed him. Barely. But it did. He felt it slice along his cheek as it whizzed passed his ear to stick in the wall behind him. He let out a soft breath. He wasn't sure if it was out of relief or because he suddenly felt so winded. The edges of his vision turned fuzzy and nothing was staying still. His whole body had extra weight hanging off of it, sliding down and begging him to reach the floor.

Dolos looked shocked. And then confused. "How did…?"

Logan got hit by Ursa's claw. He collided with the ground and his sword went sliding along the concrete. "I'm an idiot," he groaned. "Thomas, rule number one. Always keep an eye on your opponent."

“Ursa. Stansei."

Ursa growled. Her teeth were inches away from Logan’s face but she backed off.

Dolos scowled. "Stand up."

Logan did so with visible reluctance. He was bleeding a lot. Most of it came from the fresh claw marks across his arm.

"Both of you, get over here."

Thomas's legs started moving on their own accord. He didn't want them to move. His body hurt. But… he couldn't get them to stop. He was forced to follow Dolos's orders, as was Logan.

"Anytime I visit your little family I always get a surprise."

What the hell was that supposed to mean?

A yellow line sprouted from Thomas's feet. It wrapped around his legs and up his torso, pinning his arms in place. In the end, it covered his mouth to stifle any protests. He glanced over to see Logan in a similar predicament.

"Well, no matter. You two are coming with me."

“Dolos!”

Dolos cringed and faced the doorway. “Pistis.”

Patton scowled and stepped out of the house. “Don’t call me that.” A cut on his face was already starting to heal. Behind him, Roman and Virgil followed. They all looked like they went through hell and back.

“You're still on about that? My sweet, naive baby brother. It doesn’t matter what you call yourself. It will never change what you really are.” He pushed his curls back to reveal pointy ears. "You'll always be one of us no matter how far you run."

Patton scowled further. “We’re not going to talk about this. Just let them go.”

Dolos didn’t speak for a moment. He glanced between his captives and Patton. “Choose one.”

“What?” Patton looked at him incredulously.

“Choose which one you want to save. The other will come with me to Altair.”

Patton gaped. He shared astonished looks with Roman and Virgil. He was downright dumbfounded by such an idea. “You… you can’t just ask me to choose —!”

“Either you choose one of them or you get neither.”

Thomas could feel the coils tightening. He was being squeezed from all sides. Pressure began to build up from the places under the coils. It was so tight. He felt like any second he could pop.

"Stop! Fine, I'll do it." As the pressure lessened, Patton looked between the two of them. He truly didn't want to choose. Thomas could see it. Then he saw something else. Patton and Logan started doing that silent conversation thing they did sometimes.

Patton sighed. He pushed up his glasses as he pressed his palms to his eyes. "Boéos, Dolos…" He dropped his hands. "Okay. I — I got it." He didn't look at either of them. "Thomas. I choose Thomas."

Thomas's eyes widened. What? No. He frantically shook his head and tried to protest. Why him? Logan was the one that needed to be saved — not him. They couldn't let Altair get near Logan.

"Interesting." Dolos looked somewhat surprised. "Not what I expected, but it's your choice." Without any type of warning, Thomas was released. Well, released was a bit of a gentle word. It was more like he was tossed to the side. Instead of smashing into concrete, as he expected, he fell into water.

That would have been a good thing… if he could swim.

Hey — his childhood didn't exactly leave a lot of room for extracurriculars. He meant to learn, but he didn't think it was that important at this point. Pools had shallow ends for a reason. What an idiot! Of course this is the one thing that would come back to bite him.

Through the disturbed water, he could see a few bright flashes. Like sparks from when a match is struck but on a larger scale. He kind of assumed he was seeing things until hands reached out to grab a hold of him. He was pulled toward the surface, and when his head was above the water he took a deep breath, suddenly feeling as if he hadn’t been able to breathe for ages. And he saw Logan. Logan was helping him out of the pool. He wanted to apologize again, just on impulse, but he didn't have the air to say anything yet. Plus, there were a lot of other things happening.

Roman and Virgil were on either side of Logan, worry on their faces. Patton had an earthy bow trained on Dolos. When he saw Thomas was fine, relief visibly washed over him. That relief soon switched to a glare that he aimed at Dolos. He dropped the bow, snatched a dagger from Virgil’s hand, and marched straight toward him.

“Woah, n-no, no, no — wait.” He held his hands up in defense and backed up. “This body may be a result of Altair’s patchwork, but it’s still going to hurt a little so please for once in your life, don’t stab what’s right in front of you.”

Patton kept the dagger trained on him. “Then tell me something useful.”

“Sure. Yes. What do you want to know?”

“Why are you acting like this?”

Dolos furrowed his brows. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re different. I mean, you were never the nicest person in the world, but you still had…" He tried to search for the right word. "Decency. You never would have thought about hurting Thomas or trying to control me. I thought you...” He struggled to find the right words again. "What happened to the Dolos that let me run away with Logan?"

Dolos paused. His eyes flickered over everyone before returning them to Patton. “When Altair brings someone back, they don’t come back… whole. He’s stronger now, so he can bring back more of what made that Magus alive, but it’s impossible to piece everything together again. Returning from the dead is nearly impossible as it is, but with the way Altair kills people, there’s no coming back from that. It doesn’t matter how much magic you use, or what god you pray to, that person will never be who they used to be. They will always miss a part of themselves.”

Logan rubbed his wrist.

“Can you tell us where he is?” Patton continued.

“I’m afraid that’s classified. Or rather, I wasn’t put together with that information.”

“Smart move,” Virgil muttered.

Roman crossed his arms. “Then what can you tell us?”

Dolos gave him a look. “I can tell you a few things. I can tell you you don’t have much time left. I can tell you that Altair will decide to come here personally if all of you aren’t taken cared of soon. I can tell you that the second Logan dies, Altair will have complete and utter control of his magic and — well — it’s time to prepare for the end of the world at that point.”

“Seems a bit extreme,” Logan mumbled.

“Possibly. But I’ve been around for almost eight hundred years. Humans and Magi alike haven’t changed much in all these centuries. When confronted with ‘conform or die’ not even the most complacent Magi will take that lightly.”

“W-what do you mean?” Thomas spoke around chattering teeth. He leaned into Logan to try to get some warmth.

Dolos sighed. “Altair doesn’t see himself as the power-hungry control freak anyone with a sensible mind would paint him as. He thinks he’s playing the hero in this story. He wants to help us.” He motioned between the Magi of the group. “Humans,” he pointed to Roman and Virgil, “cause trouble. They’re the reason we have to hide. And outliers,” he looked right at Thomas, “well, they’re just not nice to have around. He wants a perfect utopia. No outliers, no mistakes, and no trouble. And if he gets his hands on Logan’s magic in its pure and raw form, then everything you have been working for for the past two hundred years will start to go down the toilet." He glanced around at all of them. “Is that all or have I successfully dampened the mood?”

"How did you find us?" Logan asked.

A slight smirk tugged at the corner of Dolos's lips. He didn't answer with words. Instead, his eyes trailed over to Virgil, and his smirk widened.

"Virgil?" Thomas stared at him with wide eyes. He might have been freezing already, but he felt any heat he had left seep out of him. He wasn't sure what to think. His heart dropped to the deepest pit of his stomach. The same exact feelings he felt when he found out he was the reason he'd never see the rest of his family again took over him. Pain. Regret. Disbelief. Did he trust the wrong person? Was this his fault?

Virgil acted just as shocked. "I, I didn't." He looked at everyone, begging them to believe him. "I wouldn't. I..." With each passing second, he seemed less sure of himself.

"Right. Well, this has been fun." Dolos's voice dripped with heavy sarcasm. "I'd love to keep up this pleasant chat, but I have places to be. Any last remarks?"

No one said anything.

Patton gazed at Ursa for a long time, then he turned to Dolos, speaking in a soft voice, “Are you actually dead?”

He winked. Ursa went up in smoke as every other Figment did, and Dolos’s body shattered into millions of glass-like pieces that faded once they hit the ground.

(Next)

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #logicality #platonic prinxiety #deceit sanders #ts deceit #violence tw #blood mention #autophobia tw #deadnaming tw #transphobia mention #unsympathetic deceit #made of love

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tongue-tied-ties · 6 years ago

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I finally got through all 200,000 words of that freaking epilogue and GOD HAVE MERCY I SHOULD HAVE WENT CANDY AND THEN MEAT.

Overall though, I like it. I like it alot! I mean there are some things I feel weird about which like.......aren’t the things everyone else feels weird about apparently.

SPOILERS BELOWWWWW~!!!!

So it’s alot easier to get out of the way what I am weirded out about than to explain the many things I did like.

- I feel weird about the xenophobia thing and how it’s being treated. Like it’s being treated like a huge issue but like non-issue all at once?? I guess that’s because from John’s perspective he’s just too busy being weirded out or suffering to truly get involved. Like I sincerely hope nobody on the team thinks standing by in a situation like this is a valid stance in any way. But it also happens in real life so like, I get it. I think this bothers me because these kids were heroes. But also they were heroes out of necessity and because they were main characters. Like that’s honestly it. They had a mission and fulfilled it and they were hailed as heroes.

- Hussie presenting xenophobia as both a joke and a serious issue and sometimes it’s hard to tell what position the comic is trying to take which makes me uncomfortable.

- I think it’s in character, but I hate that Karkat alone had to defend himself every time Jane was being the #worstTM. I hate that Roxy just standing by knowing good and well these are the stakes every single time was never fully addressed. I wish somebody sat our beautiful bae Roxy to let them know that like this is shitty too?? Like you saying this is simply politics when a literal extinction is happening is shitty why didn’t anyone tell them that in stone cold, super serious terms for the love of GOD it bothered me so much.

- Alright anytime Dirk used any sort of like reddit NiceGuy Are you triggeredTM 4-chan bullshit language it turned me all the way off. Like incel, beta, cuck?? Misgendering our void icon?? Yea. Cancelled but also not cancelled because I haven’t been this shook or excited over a villain in so long.

- Gamzee. Just...yikes all around. I’m not sure how I feel.

- JAKE DESERVED BETTER. HE REALLY FREAKING DID JUST SAYING. JAKE DIDNT DESERVE THIS MADNESS. Omfg i never hated anyone as much as I did Dirk when he snapped Jake’s psyche in half forcing him to love Dirk. It was so fucking iconic though and I’m still mad y’all. So many feelings. Oh god and when Jane like........did him wrong?? What le fuck? Jake i’ll be your friend, come here mate. Please let me hug my boi who I didn’t stan before but i stan now.

- Those kids.....I love those kids give them a good future, please. I’m begging hussie let John be a good father.

- I think the kids grew because they were with each other, and they fact they didn’t stay together and let each other be isolated kinda makes this make sense to me but it does feel like with some characters the growth went out the window. But also....people can regress especially if they stop after like one epiphany or whatever, so I see how this happened.

- Dave redirecting what should have been the core political issue (freaking extinction/controlled population of exclusively the trolls) to the economy every single time. Like Dave baby you were never the most racially sensitive dude (coming from a black girl who watched you say negrocity, call black people not shining shoes revolutionary (which could be read as irony in context but still) in the same rap, which, YIKES!) but like try please?? Hussie freaking fix this.

- I oddly feel weird about them getting rid of their flesh bodies for their ultimate forms and I’m not sure why but I honestly don’t want all bots. I can’t even explain that in a way that makes sense.

- Jade. Like....everything she did was a big yikes and honestly I’m reading the main story again to see if there was a character trait that led to her behavior. Cuz Dirk literally always had an overbearing personality and it was never truly addressed leading to what happened. Jane never really stopped with the whole business and control thing and she never really seemed to care for the trolls one way or another so I can kinda see it.

- Honestly?? I’m happy for the form of happiness that some characters had but MAN was it just the slowest most excruciating march towards that end. In candy, it felt like I was literally feeling John’s twilight-zone stir-crazy rise up in me as I read through. I think a “benefit” from reading Meat first is that like.....damn I ended up agreeing with Dirk. Like all of this shit was largely avoided and addressed sooner when Dirk was in charge and I hate/love that I’m saying this! Like what the hell y’all that's so brilliant to me. In Meat, I just.....wanted them to be free to make their own choices and when I was nearing the end in Candy, I realized they weren’t so damn isolated and I was happy that some of them finally got to heal.

To segue into I liked it starts on the same point my dislikes end.

- I felt so frustrated by everything that was happening which.....dear God is great writing because if I was John feeling this for years instead of the solid day it took me to get through Candy I’d be handling it way worse than John. I almost wished that Dirk would come in and take charge because they were just.....fucking up on every level. With Meat, I wanted what was in Candy and I wanted them to have their fucking free will to choose instead of these awful circumstances Dirk forced them to be in.

- DAVE. DAVE. DAVE. Fuck I love dave just so much, he felt the most home to me the entire time. When he fought back in Meat to make his own choices I was so proud of him. When he decided to join the revolution I was proud of him, when he finally admitted he was gay I was proud of him. When he just existed and seriously thought about what he wanted and needed to work through he felt like he authentically was trying to figure himself out the entire time in both Meat and Candy and I was so proud of him. Honestly will always have my heart.

- NUBS MCSHOUTY. From awkward bottom to rebel leader he is just a breath of fresh air every time he speaks because it is always a freaking mood. LIke yes, the extinction of your people is awful and you should say it. Yes, people who stand by and just sidetrack the conversation into semantics is awful and you should freaking say it. Yes! Yes! Yes! omfg. YOU ABSOLUTE FREAKING ICON

- Dirk. I.....ugh I know this is controversial but I love everything that happened. Our Dear walking God complex becomes literal God and it all goes to hell. Our friend the control freak, controlling the narrative when he reaches his ultimate form. Ou dear Dirk who always needs something to fix horribly fixes the narrative. When he revealed himself and said “but you already know that don’t you” in his iconic yellow text color me FREAKIN SHOOK. Like literary reveal of the gods (specifically this god ha). Nothing will shake me the same holy shit I was horrified and the horror never stopped. Omfg shook Dirk just freaking shook. So since I read meat first I was like “holy cow was he always like this?” But like, the one dirk that was decent freaking killed himself with his last wish being for relevance and like.....of course he’s like this?? It’s Hal, Caliborn, ARDirk, Brain Ghost Dirk and Dirk One who honestly was only half decent most of the time. All of these pretentious beings in one? Oh yea edge lord self masturbatory train dead ahead. AND I LOVED IT, the absolute fear and horror as he took the narrative back from Calliope was horrifying, his increasing disdain after the reveal, the moment he forced Jake to fuck everything up for the resistance was ICONIC oh my god I was so here. I was loving it so much I was scared I was being controlled by Dirk.

- Jake was always passive and like.....it manifested so bad. I mean I thought he stepped up when he finally, defeated the felt crew but like....of course, one battle isn’t going to solve a lifetime of posing and passivity. I don’t know why I never considered the horrible implications. I do wish he grew a full spine in one of the epilogues.

- Regardless of how I perceived her in canon, Epilogue!Jane was never painted as a hero ever. THANK GOD cuz Epilogue Jane is doing some really bad stuff.

- Roxy - our voidey babe exploring their gender identity and deciding in both that they don’t care for their assignment in some way, valid. Having all stages of their identity and the stages respected (in what I viewed as a great and fully addressed way as a cis black girl) is surprisingly refreshing when I look at Roxy alone and not the transphobic stuff Dirk was doing which was icky and Caliborn-ish.

- Rose and Kanaya being happy in Candy. Like it seemed so OOC but Rose also was literally dealing with something that ENTIRE TIME. When she was little it was the alcoholism of her mother, when she was in paradox space it was from horror demons to literal death, to life-threatening situations to being the seer she needed, to her own substance problem etc etc. Being non-essential freed her from that and we got to witness her still be the badass, freedom fighter she became. And I just love the thing she chose without needing to, without absolute necessity, was to raise their daughter AND fully immerse themselves in troll revolution against an oppressive regime. Fuck yes Rose, you deserve some fucking peace without debilitation or circumstance. Rose in Meat shall never be spoken of because that is so so so sad honestly. She was dying and like...Dirk took advantage of that which is tactically freaking genius considering Rose is usually who can pull these dorks together into action but damn Dirk.

- Fuck you know what I’m gonna say it. Dirk is the best villain holy shit he is honestly, truly smart and manipulative and somehow charming in this sick sick way God I hate/love him right now. I’m.....omfg still shook.

- I honestly just loved how intertwined it is, how twilight-zone/gritty it felt. Every literary craving I didn’t know I was having was fed and in the best/worst way. I’m hooked and here for wherever this is going. Also, I typed it above and I’ll type it again. I didn’t realize it but these kids, while they ascended as Gods were not heroes. I don’t think the kids really cared about their denizens much ever in canon. They fulfilled their mission and we handed them the hero stamp because we’ve followed their story. They are simply people who had a mission to fulfill and did that mission in whatever capacity you choose. They are ultimately really flawed human beings who were traumatized to hell and back with no real devices on how to deal with it properly. Of course, when you give flawed humans God powers, a world to rule over and nobody really holding anyone accountable bad things are bound to happen. They grew because they were in a situation where they had to and they were removed too soon for them to keep that growth. Fanfic or not, canon or not, essential or not, I think these are valid outcomes, within the context of who they are.

#upd8 #upd8 spoilers #rose lalonde #homestuck roxy #calliope #homestuck #dave strider #dirk strider #jade harley #john egbert #roxy lalonde #jake english #jane crocker #long post

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hitchell-mope · 6 years ago

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Ok. Listen. This is going to be a rant. So I’m forewarning you. This is gonna get mean and there are going to be opinions in this that the vast majority of descendants fans will not agree with.

I like Mal. She’s my sixth favourite character after Ben Jay Carlos Doug and Gil. But I do not like her actress. So please assume that unless I’m talking explicitly about the movies (IE. Tagging descendants 2 or 3) the the Mal in all my headcanons and chats and au’s is a zendaya. Cause I vastly prefer her. I do not think Mal is perfect. In fact I think she’s as far from perfect as a Disney character can be short of being an out and out villain. That’s why I like her. I’ve been mad at her a grand total of four times throughout the films so far.

Love potion

Snapping st Carlos

Attempted memory erasure

Bal scene in the hideout

Do I like how bal happened. No. Not by a long shot. Do I wish they’d gotten together differently. Yes, in fact I’ve cut out the potion from all my au’s but villain ruled Auradon but that’s only cause I had evil Ben find out in part two. Do I think Mal made up for it. Yes. Do I think she can be a dick. Also yes. As far as I’m concerned descendants 2 was just a giant middle finger thrown up against Mal chucking everything stupid she’s done back in her face. Ben’s not a pushover. He’s sweet. He’s innocent. He can be naive. But he damn well knows where to draw the line. Mal has never forced him to stay with her. She left because she believed she wasn’t good enough. And if you look at her face in the d2 date. She looks horrified at what she almost did. And Ben more then rightfully yelled at her. It all could’ve benn avoided if she had just sat and talked to him or jay. Cause. I’m sorry. But Evie wasn’t much help. Yeah Mal didn’t articulate very well and Evie was most likely stressed with back orders. But they should have at least tried. And with regard to the talk with Carlos that wasn’t. She really should’ve worded it better. And he should’ve put the conversation back on track after lettuce hair interrupted.

I don’t like chad. I don’t like Audrey. I don’t like Harry. And I’ll tell you why. Chad manipulated Evie into doing his homework for him. Then dropped her like a hot potato when Audrey deigned to show interest in him. I’ve never liked these whole rich girl head bitch in charge type character Disney seems intent on putting in their movies. I never liked Tess Tyler. I never liked Sharpay Evans. And I’ve never liked Audrey. I despise the way she talked to Evie when they first met. Yeah she may have been right. But did she seriously have to say that to poor Evie’s face. I don’t like Harry. Because he’s terrifying. There’s just something off about him. I’m not sure if he was written that way or his actor chose to portray him like that. But either way I just hope he’s vastly toned down in the threequel. I will however give him this. I like that he’s very obviously a feminist and a non racist. My gripes against these three characters have nothing to do with my opinions on their actors.

Now on to Ben. Brilliant amazing awesome caring compassionate adorable horribly ignored Ben. He and Mitchell are at this point the only reason I’m watching D3. K-Chen is apparently not in it and she’s the only reason I watched the first one. Ben is the catalyst for everything in the movie. He’s the first person to appear on screen. His proclamation set off the plot. He willingly went to the island when Mal most likely write in her letter to not go after her. He is the freaking male lead. I’m sorry jay. I love you. But it’s the truth. And the franchise has yet to include a duet between the main freaking couple. Which is completely stupid cause Ben is probably who all parents want their boys to be. Chad is who they say to stay away from. Ben Jay and Carlos are the most important male characters in the franchise. With Doug coming up as a very close second

I don’t like malvie. At all. I didn’t mind it to begin with but the more I went on the descendants tag and bal tag and Ben tag I saw posts completely disregarding bal and Ben. And then I saw a post that completely assassinated Ben’s character. I’m not saying what the post said to protect all parties involved. But for me it kinda crossed a line. I love jaylos. It’s the only non canon pairing from the movies that could conceivably happen in canon without the two parties having to make a complete 180 on personality. But I don’t hate janelos. I’d like it to have more screen time in the new movie. I’ve got something I like to call the doctor who rule. You don’t see every single nanosecond of the characters lives. There’s six months between the first two movies. More then enough time for Carlos to develop a crush on Jane. Do I wish jaylos had happened. Yes. Have I accepted that it almost certain won’t because Disney doesn’t wanna end up the same as the muppets 2015? Yes. Will that stop me having jaylos is almost all my au’s. Fuck no. But I’ve resolved to also ship janelos. Cause you can’t deny. They cute together

I am not fussed about hades potentially being Mal’s father. In fact I’m kinda looking forward to it. This is because I used to ship Hades and Maleficent back when house of mouse was on. And yeah I know that in the books it’s said that daddy dearest is a human. But villains lie. And I personally much rather prefer it if hades was her father because if her dad is in this movie and he’s not Hades. Then he’s Facillier. And ABSOLUTELY NOBODY WANTS THAT. On the other hand. I’d love it if Facillier were Uma’s father. It’d be awesome

I’m a multi shipper. For Ben alone I ship him with Mal jay Jane Lonnie and Gil and even with Doug to a much lesser degree. But with Evie. I just can’t ship her with anyone but Doug. I can’t see her with anyone else. Yeah. I know. It’s awful and I’m a terrible person. But I’m so far beyond caring at this point. It’s sort of like romione. They work so well together that you can’t really picture them with anyone else. Which is actually sort of weird because if I were to assign a descendants pairing to Romione it would be jaylos

Audrey hates the villain kids. Uma hates everyone from Auradon. Apart from their justified hatred of Mal. They have got nothing in common. Yeah they might bond a little over their hatred. But one of them would probably ruin it pretty damn soon. Most likely Audrey.

The following paragraphs will most likely anger a lot of you

Oustside of Uma and gil. I really don’t care about Uma’s crew. They’re background character. And they’re far less important then the main five characters (Ben Mal Jay Evie and Carlos). I like Uma cause she’s a badass. I love Gil. He’s adorable. And he’s my fifth favourite character (the first four are Ben Jay Carlos and Doug). I’ve sorted my five favourites into order of appearance. And Gil was last to show up on screen.

I love Doug. He’s the only Auradonian with any semblance of brain cells. Sorry Ben. I love you. But don’t deny that you tend not to think with your brain. The only others that have any common sense are Evie Dizzy Uma and possibly Carlos. And yeah. I know very well that a lot of fans don’t like him. But he makes Evie happy. And that’s all that really matters

They won. Grimhilde, Maleficent, Jafar and Cruella won. Snow was poisoned. Aurora was cursed. Jafar became sultan. The puppies did get kidnapped. They won. Briefly. But they won nevertheless. Conversely. Drizella was little more then her mothers chess piece. Hook was driven off his ship by a pack of preteens led by an immortal twelve year old sociopath in ballet tights. Urula got stabbed by the boyfriend of a hormonal teenage fish. Gaston fell off the roof before he could finish beast off. So it does sorta make sense that Ben chose the rotten four.

I don’t read the books. Never watched the cartoon. Too many continuities to keep track of. So I only pay attention to film canon

#disney descendants #ben florian #mal bertha #bal #anti harry x mal #anti dove cameron #mal critical #jaylos #anti malvie #janelos #devie

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 6 years ago

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GOT EP 4 REVIEW/ THOUGHTS

So unpopular opinion here but I really liked this episode. I know alot of people had issues with it but I didn’t really see anything wrong with this episode. Ok scratch that there were a couple of things wrong with the ep, which I will get to but nothing major. So if you want to know why I enjoyed an episode most people seemed to hate then feel free to read on. I do need to say that these are just my own opinions and feelings on things. I have no issue with anyone who disagrees with me or feels differently, or read something different from a particular scene. Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and feelings I completely respect that and hope others do too. Also fair warning this got a heck of alot longer than I thought it would so its pretty much an essay, guess I have alot of feelings lol. Anyway Spoilers ahead...duh.

Sansa

There was only one moment in this episode that had me full on crying to the point where I had to get a tissue and it was that moment Sansa put the Stark pin on Theon. It was just such a poignant moment and so sweet. Like Theon was a Stark, deep down in his heart he was a Stark and I’m glad that they recognised that in this moment. In fact that whole funeral scene was the perfect send off for all those characters. From the individual goodbyes to Jon’s speech and that shot of all the pyres burning. I can’t fault it.

But on to the big Sansa moment in this episode. The one everyone was talking about which is when she tells Tyrion about Jon. Like I get why people were upset by this and why alot of people saw it as her ‘betraying’ Jon. I even saw some posts saying that she was trying to undermine Dany in this moment and was manipulating Tyrion to get Jon on the Throne. Which on the surface I can see why it comes across that way. I mean she swore to Jon that she wouldn’t tell anyone and she hasn’t been Dany’s biggest fan at all this season. I even had a bit of a oh Sansa moment myself, I definitely felt conflicted about it. But I think there’s more to it than just that. It’s not so black and white. If we take a moment to think about what kind of frame of mind Sansa is in when Tyrion comes to speak to her. She’s just found out that the man she has believed to be her brother all her life, the brother she loves and cares for isn’t her brother at all. Which means her father a man who she always believed to be the most honourable man ever lied to the whole family. Which in itself would cause enough emotional turmoil but then factor in recent events, the Battle of Winterfell must have traumatised everyone who was there and Sansa lost another one of her brothers, because although he wasn’t related by blood Theon was still her brother. All that pain and grief is really fresh right now and is most likely tearing her apart inside.

Now that we now what kind of emotional state she is in we need to talk about the other factors that led Sansa to tell Tyrion, The first thing she says to him is ‘Why her?’ Some have suggested she was jealous in this moment or being petty but actually I think she’s just trying to understand. Whatever Jon and Tyrion sees in Dany she just doesn’t so she wants him to explain it to her, she wants to understand, and I think she wants to be reassured. But instead what she learns is that Tyrion is afraid of Dany. Which I think was the turning point or deciding factor I spose, for Sansa. This is a man she trusts who has always been honest with her. And he’s afraid. Which naturally does nothing to reassure Sansa and so her own fear only grows. What’s she afraid of? Well she already told us she doesn’t want Jon to go south. The men in her family don’t fair well when they do. I mean think about it. Her uncle Brandon went south and was brutally killed by the mad king. Dany’s father. Her grandfather went south and was brutally killed by the mad king. Her father went south and was brutally killed by another king. Then her oldest brother went south and was killed too for all she knows at the orders of a king. Now Jon is going South and you’ve got Dany with him proclaiming herself a Queen and she just happens to be the Daughter of the man who murdered two of the men in her family. And yes Dany isn’t her Father but Sansa doesn’t know that. She doesn’t know Dany. And lets be honest here as much as people say Sansa hasn’t made any effort to get to know Dany, well Dany hasn’t really made any efforts either. She’s done nothing to prove to Sansa that she can trust her. So you can argue that they are both equally to blame for the rift that exists between them.

Ok so far we’ve got 1) She’s just had some shocking, life altering news and she’s also dealing with the death of someone she loved so she’s not in the best of emotional states. 2) She doesn’t trust Dany and she’s just realised Tyrion the man she does trust is afraid of her. 3) Jon is going south and she is afraid he’ll meet the same fate as all the other men in her family. All of which as it is might justify her telling Tyrion about Jon. But here’s the main reason why I think she does and all the other things feed into it. We didn’t see the actual reactions of Arya and Sansa finding out because they cut the scene short (which I will rant about later lol) but we can assume that as Jon is an honest guy he told them the whole the truth. So Sansa knows that Dany is aware of Jon’s parentage and claim to the throne. As said before Sansa doesn’t trust Dany and what she’s seen of Dany so far has shown her that Dany is determined to get the throne at any cost. This was proven in Sansa’s eyes by Dany being unwilling to let the army rest before marching. I suspect Sansa’s biggest fear is that Dany will kill Jon to ensure that she gets the throne. So Sansa probably feels a bit useless and like how can she protect her brother. So she decides the best way to keep her brother safe is by getting him as much support as possible, Sansa is a lady she would have been taught Targaryen history so she knows they have a history of becoming unstable. I think she’s just preparing for the possibilty that if Dany turns on Jon there will be more people willing to support Jon than Dany making his chances of survival higher. We have to remember that Sansa was mentored and heavily influenced by Littlefinger, she was taught by him to look at all eventualities, every possible outcome and plan accordingly. Sansa is the kind of person who will go to any lengths to protect her family. That’s what she’s doing here. So what I’m saying is she’s not betraying her brother in that moment she’s protecting him.

Gendry/ Gendrya

Next I want to talk about Gendry and by extension Gendrya. So first off his legitimisation. Anyone else feel like Dany might have just created a bigger problem for herself here? I mean I am happy for Gendry but I don’t feel like it was the smartest move on Dany’s part because she just created another person who now has a claim to the throne. You could even argue that out of the three he has the strongest claim. The last legal, legitimate King was Robert, He won that throne fairly and legally by defeating a tyrant. I appreciate that Dany probably doesn’t see it that way. But the point is she just made Gendry the trueborn son of Robert meaning by rights he should be the next person to sit on the throne as the heir of the last true King. Which means there are now two people who have stronger claims to the throne than she does. It just did not seem like the wisest move to me. There’s also the issue of how the f*ck she knew Gendry was Robert’s son. I’ve seen some comments that Jon told her because he looked guilty but I have another possibilty for you all. I went back and watched the scene a few times over because I just didn’t see it that way at all. The look people are talking about is this one

(Sorry for the poor quality.) Which happens right after Dany says you’re Robert’s son. But if you look closely you see Jon actually looks to Davos first then Davos brings his eyes to meet Jon’s. Now me personally if I shared a secret like that with a group of people and I was the one who snitched and told someone else, when that came out I would be desperately trying to avoid meeting their gaze. Also if I knew it wasn’t me who had told the first thing I would do was look to the other person who knew and see if they look guilty. This is what I think Jon is doing when he looks to Davos. In this moment they have a conversation of did you tell? no, me either. So I disagree I don’t think this is a look of guilt. Jon has no problem meeting Davos’ eyes and when he looks away its towards Gendry. I actually think this is a look of confusion mixed with tension. They’re both trying to figure out how she knows but are also worried about what she’s going to do next. Now if we compare that to this shot of Tyrion.

This to me is more a look of guilt. He blinks, looks down at the table and then over to Vary’s. Now I’d like to call you back to the first time Tyrion met Gendry. Gendry was decked out in the Baratheon colours, carrying a war hammer and said hammer was embossed with a stag. Davos also tells him that his name is Gendry. So Tyrion may or not have known the names of the bastards that were killed but its possible he could’ve recognised the name but even without that it’s not hard to put the rest together and come up with he’s a Baratheon. I also think the look to Varys is very telling because we do know that Varys knows who Gendry is. Way back in season one there was a scene where he was talking to Illyrio about how Ned had found one of the bastards already. We know the first bastard he found was Gendry so yeah I suspect that when Varys saw Gendry he instantly knew who he was. I also read Tyrion’s sharp look to Varys as a ‘told you we shouldn’t have told her’ kinda look. It makes me wonder if there was some kind of conversation between them both that we didn’t see where they discussed whether they should tell Dany or not with Varys believing they should and Tyrion not being so sure. The other thing I noticed is if you go watch the scene again, everyone’s eyes are fixed on Dany and Gendry during this scene. Everyone’s. I mean Jon has such as intense look on his face as his eyes flick between her and Gendry. But Tyrion spends the entire time staring at the table. Now to me that screams guilt. Especially as at that point no one knew what Dany was going to do to him and I feel like if Gendry were harmed because they told her then Tyrion is the type to feel guilty. So yh I think it’s much more likely that it was Tyrion and Varys who told her than Jon telling her. But that’s my opinion and everyone is welcome to draw their own conclusions because lets be honest I doubt the writers will ever explain it.

Now on to the more important part. That proposal. Ok guys I didn’t hate it. In fact I might even say I loved it. So come on lets get some positivity back up in here. Guys we got an I LOVE YOU! And how adorable was Gendry I mean that whole speech about how she was beautiful and he loved her and none of it meant anything without her. It was just soo beautiful. And I knew he meant every word of it, all of his emotions were right there on his face and in his eyes he wasn’t holding anything back. He really was wearing his heart on his sleeve. It was one of the sweetest proposals I had ever scene... And one of the stupider lol. Yeah our poor Gendry kind of set himself up there. We all know that Arya doesn’t see herself as a lady. She has always had a negative response to the title Lady so it probably wasn’t best to use that title in his proposal. Now does this mean that Gendry doesn’t know our girl. Of course he does. He knows our girl better than anyone. He just got over excited and he is also probably a bit tipsy, I mean everyone at that feast was getting rather merry lol. He got a bit ahead of himself. This isn’t the end for Gendrya. I mean you just have to look at Arya’s expressions when Gendry is confessing his love and proposing to know that she is head over heels for him too. I mean the way she came down to his level when he was on one knee and how softly she kissed him. But Arya has to finish her list, she has to find justice for her father, mother and brothers. I don’t think she can really move on with her life if she doesn’t. I won’t be at all surprised if once she has finished the list she goes to find Gendry. I still believe they are endgame. One thing I will say though is I do not want Gendry to give up his title for Arya. Gendry has struggled his whole life with not knowing who his father is. Then he finds out it’s Robert Baratheon but he still has no identity because he’s a bastard and so he is a no one and he belongs to no one because that’s what society says. So I actually think being able to have his father name, for people to look at him and go that’s Robert’s son means a lot to Gendry. And you know what he’s earned it and he deserves it and I just don’t think it would be fair for him to have to give that up for her. He should be able to have both. I also don’t see him giving it up as romantic more like tragic lol. But again that’s just my opinion on the matter. I do think in the end though Arya and Gendry will find their way back to each other. Also I do think the way we keep getting Arya saying I’m not a lady all the time is a parallel to Jon constantly saying I’m not a king all the time. And well we all know that Jon is a king whether he wants to be or not lol. It’s how most people see him as a king so I suspect in the end a Lady is exactly what Arya will end up being but naturally she won’t be the conventional kind of lady.

The last thing I want to talk about regarding Gendry is this theory about how he is actually Cersei and Robert’s son that she talks about in season 1 to Caitlyn. When I first read the theory I will admit I was intrigued by it but ultimately I dismissed it. However did anyone else notice that look Jaime got. It was interesting that they focused on his reaction as well because up until this point Jaime has had nothing to do with Gendry like at all. The three reactions they zoomed in on when it was announced that he was Robert’s son were Davos, Jon and Jaime. Now Jon and Davos make sense because they were keeping the secret but why focus on Jaime. It does make me wonder if there could be some truth to the theory. We know that Cersei didn’t want to have Robert’s child, she used to drink moon tea to stop herself getting pregnant. It’s possible that maybe Jaime feared Cersei would harm the child so removed them from her and gave him to a commoner before telling Robert and Cersei the child died of fever. But who knows I guess we’ll see.

Jon

Now Jon didn’t do much this episode but there were a couple of things I want to talk about. First is I really do think Jon is so broken. I think he has been since he was murdered and brought back. Which is understandable. I mean he’s not having the easiest of times right now. But more than anything I think he’s feeling lost. His sole mission has been stop the Night king and his army and now that’s done. On top of that he’s been told this huge truth about his parentage and I think it could not have come at a worse time. If you look back at Jon’s journey he very much struggled with being a bastard in the beginning but he eventually came to terms with that. Then he became a man of the Nights Watch but that was also blurred for him when he infiltrated the free folk, once again he was struggling with who he was and his identity but again he seemed to get over that and find himself. Then he is murderded and leaves the Night’s watch ans is once again unsure of where he belongs which he again overcomes and he becomes King in the North and embraces his Stark side. Then what happens he’s thrown for another loop when he finds out he’s also a Targaryen. So Jon has always had this struggle with identity and who am I, Where do I belong. There was that one shot of him where he’s alone in his room right before Dany comes to see him. And he just looks so tired. You can really see how much he is struggling in that moment. Speaking of that scene it’s obvious that Jon is now struggling with intimacy between himself and Dany now that he knows she’s his Aunt. I do think it’s over between them two. I just don’t think he’ll ever be comfortable with it now he knows.

The scene where he’s in the war council, I was a bit annoyed when he sided with Dany because we all know that Sansa’s right, the men and the dragons need time to recover. Jon know’s this too so it just seemed really stupid to go along with Dany when he knows it could have serious reprecussions. However I do wonder if some of the reason he goes along with it is out of concern and fear for Sansa if they defy Dany. It could be a case of him protecting his sister. He was looking at her pretty intensely in that moment. Which obviously leads to that scene in the Godswood. I can not tell you how mad I am that we didn’t get to see Sansa and Arya’s actual reactions. Like really?! I think the only thing that will make that even a little ok is if there was some other discussion that happened like some kind of plan that’s going to come up later in a twist of some kind and that’s why they couldn’t show it to us. But yeah I thought we needed to see that scene. In regards to whether I think Jon should have told them my answer is absolutely yes. They are his family he can’t be keeping a secret like that from them.

Ok so I have a new theory for what I think might happen for Jon’s endgame. If he lives which as he’s my fav character he better lol I actually think he might go and join Tormund and the others on the other side of the wall. They had that exchange where Jon said Ghost will be happy on the otherside of the wall and Tormund says ‘so would you.’ Also when Jon says so this farewell Tormund’s reply is you never know. This to me makes it seem like it’s possible that Jon will end up meeting Tormund again. I’ll be honest I wouldn’t be mad about this. As much as I’d love to see Jon as a King and as much as I think he would make an amazing King I also want him to be happy. Thinking back the only time other than that 1st episode at Winterfell that we saw him truly happy was when he was living amongst the Free folk. You could argue that alot of if had to do with Ygritte and the fact that he was in love, which yes I think that played a huge part of it but I also think it ran deeper than that. As I said before Jon’s story has very much been about him struggling to know or accept who he is, Identity has been an ongoing arc of his. When he was amongst the Free folk he wasn’t Ned Stark’s Bastard or a man of the Night’s Watch, or Lord Snow he was just Jon. He could be whoever he wanted, the free folk judge you on your own merits not on who your father was or what you do for a living, Out there Jon was free and that made him happy so yeah I would be ok with that ending for him.

The one thing that does worry me though is that his scene with Sam and Gilly did seem like a goodbye scene. Unfortunately I’m not sure they’ll see each other again. On the brighter side though. They’re having a baby and if it’s a boy they want to call him Jon, like aahhh guys my heart might explode with happiness and all the adorableness. That was just such a touching scene and Sam with his you’re the best friend I’ve ever had and seeing Jon tear up, I just, I can’t even put into words how much that scene got to me.

Braime

Jaime and Brienne sitting in a tree. Can’t believe they are canon, like that actually happened. Loved that they got those moments together but then the branch snapped and it all came tumbling down. Poor Brienne and poor Jaime too. But here’s the thing I do think there’s more to it than it seems. It looks like Jaime is going back to Cersei. Except he’s not. He’s going to kill Cersei. I’m sure of it. It’s no coincidence that the thing that triggers Jaime leaving is Sansa’s comment about I wished I’d be there when they execute your sister it seems now I won’t get the chance. It could be read like Cersei is not long for this world, especially as Brienne said you don’t need to save her, but actually considering this comment follows the news that Cersei has killed a dragon, destroyed a load of ships and captured the Dragon Queen’s bestie, it’s much more likely Sansa is suggesting that Cersei might win. Jaime’s reaction to this is then I have to stop her. Now if someone said to you I’m off to murder my sister who happens to be a woman I love (loved?) and who is carrying my unborn child you would probably say that person was pretty hateful. I think this is what he means with the whole she’s hateful but I’m hateful too. I mean this is a horrible thing to think about and I haven’t really seen many people talking about it but Cersei is pregnant. I think we’ve all been so focused on Cersei is evil she has to die this season that we’re forgetting that there is an innocent life, a baby, growing inside her and it’s survival is dependant on hers. Yet if Cersei is left to live she will kill thousands and it’s this impossible situation where you have to weigh up which is the worst of the two evils, killing an unborn child or letting thousands perish. That is the choice Jaime is facing and yes it’s a hateful one but he knows it has to be him. Unfortunately though I still don’t think its going to end well for Braime. Pretty much from season 3 I figured out what show I was watching and from that moment I knew, I just knew that Jaime was not making it out of this alive. His story will end in tragedy and that tragedy will be that after getting out from under Cersei (yeah pun was kinda intended there) moving on and finding love with someone else Cersei will still be his undoing. He will die in Kings Landing most likely with Cersei. I will be very surprised if he lives. His death will naturally leave Brienne alone and heartbroken. It’s ok though Brienne if you go with Jon up North beyond the wall I think Tormund is still free. No seriously though all joking aside, It’s going to break my heart because although I do ship Tormund and Brienne its a fun thing to like, I also love and ship Braime, I think they’ve got such a deep connection and it’s going to be devasting seeing Brienne’s heartbreak. What’s worse is I suspect her ending will be that she becomes Kings/Queens guard to whoever ends up on the throne. Which isn’t a completely bad thing, it’ll mean she’ll get the recognition she deserves. But I also think she’ll do it because of the vows and because she doesn’t want to risk falling in love again so she instead decides to dedicate her life to the Guard instead. Which as I said she’ll be the noblest of them all but she’ll be alone and well as George RR Martin said that would be bittersweet.

Dany

Ok I know this is getting ridiculously long now so I’m going to put in my thoughts about Dany and then wrap it up. So don’t get me wrong I love Dany’s character but I am afraid that Dany fans need to brace themselves for some Dany criticism here. I mean damn girl what are you doing?! There’s just so much lately that is grating on me. Her whole speech to Jon about how he shouldn’t tell anyone because it’ll take on a life of its own and they’ll pressure him into taking what’s hers. I’m just sitting here like hunni I love you but it’s not yours, its never been yours. Like even if the Targaryen’s hadn’t have been defeated they would have had to have gone through Rhaegar, his three children and Viserys before they would have got to Dany. Then there’s the fact that both Jon and Gendry have stronger claims. Now I do understand Dany’s struggle here because she has spent 7 seasons believing that the Iron Throne should be hers but its still frustrating to see her acting so selfish. I think the thing that is paining me the most is Dany used to be such a sweet and caring person. But that moment in episode 2 when she found out that Jon is a Targaryen the only thing she was worried about was what about the throne. I mean supposedly this is the man you love and yet she doesn’t stop to ask if he’s ok. The poor man just had his whole world turned upside down and your worried about a throne. It goes to show just how much Dany has changed and I do think its showing her slide into madness. Now I know there’s been some discussion saying its wrong to say Dany is a Mad Queen just because she’s ruthless in taking down Cersei or that she’s just doing what she has to. I’ve seen some comments about how they didn’t call Aegon the Conqueror Mad or evil even though he burned thousands. True but here’s the cold hard truth. Aegon won, and history is written by the victors my friends. Aegon was a terrible person. He decided he wanted the Seven Kingdoms, he knew that with his dragons they’d be unstoppable and so he burned thousands of people to death, he destroyed people’s lands and homes and brought destruction wherever he went while conquering the lands. But he won and so he got to choose how the world would remember him which obviously was as a fierce warrior king who brought peace and properity to the newly united kingdoms. In comparison Aery’s Dany’s father, The Mad King, he lost. Robert won so Robert got to choose how the world would remember Aery’s which was as a monsterous tyrant who was known for his cruelty and was completely off his rocker. The thing is I suspect Dany will also lose. And so others will decide how she will be remembered and unfortunately your enemies will never paint you in a good light. If you kill someone you swore allegiance to against your oath then you better have a damn good excuse and she was a mad queen who was killing loads of people is a reasonable reason for killing someone you swore to protect and serve.

I know some people feel like Dany’s descent into madness is too sudden and badly written but on this occasion I’m going to have to disagree. I actually think it’s been very well written. Subtly written as well. This isn’t the first sign we’ve seen, the entire series is littered with moments that show Dany’s potential of going mad. The thing that was most clever was the hints of her going mad were all moments that we cheered on. Her burning Mirri Maz Duur all the way back in season 1. I mean we all thought she deserved it but you can’t deny it was a bit messed up. Then there was locking her maidservant and Xaro in the vault again they may have deserved it but it still showed her ruthless side abit there, Killing all the masters, burning all the Khal’s. These were all things that could indicate that she had a little bit of that Targaryen Madness in her but because they were bad people that we didn’t like we turned a blind eye and just shrugged and said they deserved it. But the thing that makes the writers really clever is that after years of us rooting for her and cheering at all these badass yes burn them all baby moments, they throw in one that makes people question it. Like Dickon Tarly. I mean no one really cared about the dad dying lets be honest but Sam’s brother didn’t need to die. I think this is probably the first time you’re hoping Dany will show mercy and let Dickon live. I think it’s also important to note that alot of the issue is the way she kills them isn’t considered humane. We all saw the look of horror on Tyrion’s face when he realised that Dany was going to burn them. I think the other thing to remember is that if you look at from the family’s point of view. It’s one thing if your son/ husband/ brother/ father is executed but at least if they are beheaded there are remains to bury. By burning them as she did she denied the family a chance to have funeral and say goodbye as is their custom.

Other signs of her madness is the obsession with the throne and with people bending the knee. Particularly this season. I think as we continue we will see Dany start to threaten more of the characters that we love and we’ve started seeing the beginnings of paranoia set in, we saw it when she questioned Tyrion’s loyalty at Jaime’s trail and in her tumultuous relationship with Sansa we’ve even started to see it a bit with Jon. Again another subtle shift is seeing the way others are behaving around her, I noticed it more in this episode but they’re every cautious like tiptoing around a sleeping dragon. They are nervous about how she’ll react and they’ve become more fearful of her. I’ve actually really enjoyed watching Dany’s descent into madness, it makes her character interesting. I do think its going to become more rapid now I think the events of this episode are going to be what finally makes her mind snap. Cersei poked the sleeping dragon and I’ve got a feeling she’s going to regret waking this Dragon.

The other controversial issue that seems to have come up is whether it’s sexist that Varys and Tyrion seem to be siding with Jon over Dany. Well yes and no. The show isn’t being sexist, but the characters are. Some of you might be thinking huh? So let me explain. As much as this is a fantasy tv show we have to remember it is set in a medieval kind of era. Back then men were considered more capable than women. So when faced with a choice between a male heir or a female, the lords will side with the male just because that is how things were done. So yes the characters are being shortsighted and sexist because as Varys said the Lords will support Jon because he’s male. But the show writers aren’t being sexist they’re being realistic and historically accurate. Yes this is a fantasy show but they still have to stay true to the rules of the era, especially as it is based on our own history and laws, George RR Martin didn’t just pull it all out of thin air alot of the events in the books and therefore the show are based on true historical events that actually happened. So if they just throw it all out and go yeah we’re putting a woman on the throne over this male and no one at all had a problem with it, well that just wouldn’t be at all believable. A good indication that the show isn’t being sexist in itself is the fact that they have that line where Tyrion questions it by saying well Joffrey was a male and look how that turned out. That’s no indication of whether they’ll be a good ruler. But then Varys was correct in his come back of the lords won’t support a woman over a man and in that respect yes having a cock is important I’m afraid. Both these characters know its not right but they are also aware of the world they live in and you do need the support to be succesful.

I’m also of the opinon that Varys and Tyrion are right. Jon is the better ruler. Dany she’s the better conqueror. But Jon is the better ruler for the very reasons Varys gives he is temperate and measured. Dany not so much and that was really shown in this episode. Her decision to legitimise Gendry I’ve already talked about. I do think it was a bad choice on her behalf. I get the I’ll have a Storm Lord on my side and in my debt but Gendry if given the choice of supporting her or Jon and the Starks will choose Jon. Storms End means far little to him than his family. And Arya and Jon and therefore by extension the rest of the Starks are his family. But the other impulsive decision was not waiting before heading to Kings Landing. She should have listened to Sansa. She also made a bad choice in not having a scout searching ahead. That’s how she lost Rhaegal and Missandei. This also along with the whole legitimisation shows her arrogance. The reason why she didn’t send a scout ahead is because she was arrogant enough to believe that no one would dare attack her dragons. How many times throughout the series have we seen someone warn her of a threat and her come back with I’ve got dragons? Which I don’t entirely blame her for being arrogant/ confident about that, her dragons are powerful war machines and yes it would be foolish to go up against them unless you’ve been armed with a weapon specially designed to take down dragons of course. Which unfortunately Euron did. As a side note I do think it was necessary for her dragon to be killed. Before that I was just sitting here thinking well Cersei is screwed, like even with the Battle of Winterfell reducing their numbers they were still a pretty deadly force with the combined forces and the two dragons. I just didn’t see how Cersei could win against that. Now however the odds are a lot more even, I’d even go so far as to say that Cersei has the upperhand now which makes the stakes much higher and therefore the show more exciting. But going back to the previous line of thought I think with Gendry the reason why she doesn’t think ‘hmm maybe I’m giving Gendry too much power here’ is because she doesn’t for one second think he would betray her now that she’s given him that power. Dany loves power which again is understandable because she spent alot of her life with no power and she suffered for it. But that love for power means she thinks everyone feels the same. It’s why she is so paranoid about Sansa and Jon. And its why she thinks she now had Gendry in her pocket. Unfortunately these character traits, the arrogance, the power thirst, the impulsiveness are what makes here unsuitable as a ruler. All fantastic traits for a conqueror but not for a ruler. It’s true of the Targaryen’s that they weren’t good rulers. Their entire dynasty was littered with wars, mostly against each other. Yes there were a few good ones but on the whole not so much. You could even argue that the first time the kingdoms knew an extended period of peace was under Robert’s reign.

But as critical of Dany as I’m being there was one moment in this where my heart just ached for her. When she was at the feast and you see her watching Jon being praised by Tormund and there are people gathered around him and he’s laughing with them. Then she sees Jaime, Tyrion and Brienne. All around her there are people celebrating together and she is sitting there utterly alone. She’s in a room with probably well over a hundred people but she looked and must have felt more alone than ever. It really pulled at my heart strings because as much as I’ve been ragging on her in this review I do love her and her character so seeing my girl like that was hard to watch.

Speaking of things that were hard to watch my poor poor Missandei. Poor Grey Worm too. I mean I think the part that was the hardest for me was seeing this brave beautiful woman who had been taken from her home and sold into slavery, spent years being opressed and most likely abused by the masters who was then freed by Dany and rose to become a close friend of a Queen and who had found love, die in chains. Now I’m not critising the show for having her in chains (I guess), I mean of course she was in chains she was a prisoner, Cersei would have been stupid to not have her in chains. Also other characters have died in chains, Ned did and Ellaria Sand’s daughter, I’m sure there were others too. But there was something about seeing a former slave die in chains that just made it soo much harder to watch, so much more heart wrenching. Also Grey Worm’s reaction I just it was awful I just wanted to reach into the tv and hug him. But I did love how strong Missandei was in that moment and her last words, not even just what they were but the way she said them. She had so much strength and power in her voice. Those were the words that Dany freed her with. It could also indicate what is to come with Dany buring them all.

Finishing Up

So I said there were a couple of things that I thought could have used improvement in the episode so I figured I’d list them at the end here. I’ve already mentioned the fact that we should have seen Sansa and Arya’s reactions to Jon’s reveal but here are some more.

1) The Starbucks of Winterfell. I’ll be honest I didn’t notice it until someone else on tumblr pointed it out. As careless as this was I can forgive them for it. From what I understand they have now fixed it and the versions on HBO now don’t have the coffee cup, They had also just come off a 55 nights or something like that shoot and were exhausted not to mention stuff like this happens all the time in tv and movies. But to be honest the main reason why I can forgive them for it is because I thought it was hilarious haha.

2) Ghost got ghosted by Jon. I mean come on they couldn’t even let him pet him. I am peeved that they didn’t untilise the direwolves more. I mean I like the dragons and all but I would’ve liked to see more of the wolves they were criminally under used. So it sucks that they have sent Ghost away. That being said at least we know he won’t be killed horribly like the other dire wolves. But for me the worst part of it is that they didn’t even give him and Jon a proper goodbye. Ghost looked so sad and Jon just nodded at him and was like see ya later. I am hoping that they will be reunited though. Fingers crossed.

3) A boy does not know his own name. This is the most unforgivable of them all. I’m not Gendry Rivers anymore, No hunni pie you’re not because you never were. Maybe I’m being petty but this one was not that hard to get right. Like you didn’t even need to read the books just google search it, Hell go on tumblr in the gendry tab. It’s Waters! Gendry Waters! Ok I can’t talk about it anymore I’ll only make myself angry again.

Overall I’m happy with where this season is going. I like that I’m struggling to figure out what will happen next and we’re still getting those shocks and twists. I’m both nervous and excited to see what will happen next. Anyway I apologise for the literal essay this got a lot longer than I originally planned lol so a very big thank you to anyone who actual read to the end.

#got 8x04 #got spoilers #gendrya #sansa stark #daenerys targaryen #braime #jon snow

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totaldramafan-lauri · 5 years ago

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RPing and me

This is gonna be a vent post about something that happened today, and it gets into stuff that happened in the past, so if you don’t care about that, don’t read.

As I’ve alluded to in a few past posts, I have an RPing background (it’s where my typing style came from, heheh XD). I used to RP all the flipping time when I was a teenager, and was a part of many groups over the years, RPing characters in a few different fandoms. But, after a certain incident, that I’ll get into later, I....haven’t done it in years. I was super discouraged to, and....kinda afraid to, to be honest. I-I know it sounds stupid, but....yeah.

But recently, thanks to the Discord server I’ve endlessly gushed about, I’ve been kinda easing myself back into it.....m-mainly for indulgence purposes, sure, but that’s kinda the point of the server.....And I’ve even become interested in diving into the stuff....I, er, never tried before....And so far, I’ve had a pretty good time. They’re not serious RPs, and usually they aren’t all that long, but the fact that my new friends are willing to....i-indulge me like that, even a little....m-makes me very happy.....>/////<

So, last night, a friend on Discord had started an RP with me. And.....it was getting really good....like, it was going in a direction that I really....was excited about. But.....then, they stopped it. All of a sudden, with no warning....they gave a reason for it, and sounded really sincere, so I’m not mad at them at all, but....it still stung. Getting excited over something and then very suddenly being let down has aaaalways been a weakness of mine.....and with this in particular....I cried. I actually, physically cried. And I immediately hated myself for it. I began beating on myself for overreacting, which led to me blaming myself for.....pretty much everything. I thought that maybe they were lying, maybe it was because of ME. Like, I was just THAT boring.

It led to a downward spiral of self-loathing that I vented to everyone about, and they thankfully helped me feel better, but.....geez, what a way for that to happen. What a stupid flipping thing to be the catalyst for a breakdown, right? XD

Well....it also reminded me of why I stopped RPing. Because I was scared of stuff like this. Not just RPs I like being dropped, but me reacting like THAT. I know all too well about being so invested in an RP, the feelings for a character being so overwhelmingly strong that you just want it to keep going, and then everything screeching to a halt so fast that you can practically hear a record scratch in the background.....and then finding out that you were the only one having fun.

The last RP group I was in, when I was 17-18....I won’t give away the fandom or the website cuz I wanna keep details vague, just in case some of the people somehow ended up here....I was absolutely in love with this group, and the story we had created. I spent so many nights with them, RPing or even just talking OOC. We even had a nice schedule where we would RP on a specific three nights of the week. The story was really intense and emotional, and it had took many exciting turns over the year....My OC even ended up in a relationship with the character I was crushing on, and I didn’t even ask for it, it just happened. Sometimes, people would plan out stuff around my character without me to leave me in suspense, and it worked every single time. So, naturally, I was very very content with everything. But then, people started to drift....at first, I thought it was because of school and other IRL stuff, and didn’t think much of it, but THEN....after about a year of fun times....

The mods came to a decision to.....restart the RP from scratch. It was completely outta nowhere, and naturally, I....didn’t respond too well. I BROKE DOWN. I asked, over and over, why, why would you do this, why would you erase everything we’ve built, why would you act like it never happened, there’s gotta be another way to renew interest that DOESN’T involve that.....And the answers I got just made it worse.

To put it simply: People were unhappy with the way things were going. Things had become too dark and dramatic, and they wanted things to be more lighthearted. To rub salt in the wound, everyone else was perfectly fine with this RP reset, despite the fact that it would be leaving the old RP ending on a cliffhanger. It was just ME who was freaking out.

That’s when it hit me that.....yeah, I was the only one who was still having fun.

I....took that part pretty hard. I began thinking back to everything that happened, evaluating the way everyone acted, looking for ANY signs that I should’ve noticed sooner....I recalled a couple instances of me expressing interest in certain plots....and distaste in certain others. I recalled me saying things like “I don’t like that” and thinking it was fine for me to say that because I wasn’t explicitly ASKING them not to do it. I recalled a few times where I would act out or have a meltdown when an RP session would get cancelled. I recalled a few times where an RPer would quit and only come back if certain things became closer to canon, and me making passive aggressive comments toward them....

And I realized.....the problem was me. The reason no one was having fun anymore was me. The reason everything had to be reset was because of me. Everyone had done so much to make me happy, and I hadn’t even considered thinking about how they felt. I had only thought about what I wanted. And the more things went my way, the more invested I got....Everyone was too nice to tell me I was acting like a spoiled brat.

I tried to keep going after the reset, but couldn’t do it. Not only did it leave a sour taste in my mouth, but there were a crapload of new rules put in place (some of which that I just plain didn’t agree with) that ensured the story wouldn’t go to a dark place (which, again, I had liked) again.

And....ever since then, I....I really started checking and double-checking myself for manipulative behaviors. I was even told by someone that it sounded like I was “manipulating” everyone, and having that said to me really hurt. It was never my intention, but....was I really a manipulative person? Was I really.....selfishly forcing people to pay attention to me? Because I got too invested in the RP?...

So...that’s why I never joined another group. Finding out that I basically ruined my last one and I didn’t find out until it was too late hurt too much....There were TIMES I’d try again, but it always had me thinking, over and over, “How does the other person feel? Are they having as much fun as me?” and feeling guilty whenever I’d get invested because of that.

I never want any RP partners to feel bored or uncomfortable with me ever again....Put those worries together with my usual low self-esteem, and....yeah.

Getting back into RPing recently has been good for the most part, but....Now and then, I get reminded of the things that made me stop. The worries of bothering people, of not feeling like I’m worth anyone’s time, of not wanting them to deal with my crap...of people getting sick of me......of not wanting things like that to happen again.....

Last night, I got reminded of the person I used to be, who had gotten so addicted to RPing that she no longer considered that the people she was playing with were actual people with feelings.

I never wanna become that person again.

At least I learned from that experience. I’ll give myself that much.

#venting

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thegorydamnreaper · 6 years ago

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Long Post! the rest of the ask & my answer below the cut!

Hi! I have a few more words to say than the alloted 500 characters of an ask, hope you don’t mind.

I wanted to disscuss with you if you have time, the fact that Pierce Brown managed to get full control of writing for the RR tv show. I know it’s too early to say something, but in the light of recent events (awful finales and so), I became more aware of how amazing it is. I really think our high hopes will be paid off handsomely.

I don’t know about you, but…when I look back at what my favorite RR characters have done in the series, I think that I am so bloodydamn grateful that Pierce Brown is the writer for the tv show.

Simply because, if we look at what the writers have done to Daenerys Targaryen, we can conclude that purity police would have wank material for decades to come.

I mean, all of the Gold characters (and Darrow) killed an innocent in the Passage. In Iron Gold Darrow burnt a slaver (who was also a genocidal maniac and according to Apollonius, not that repetant about it either). In Morning Star Virginia comdemned and killed her own twin brother (another genocidal maniac). Sevro keeps in mind the number of people he killed with his razor alone inventarized by Color. Victra forsakes everything when it comes to saving her kids, even morals or the benefit of the doubt. The Telemanuses are not on friendly terms with demokracy and they let vengence cloud their judgement. Cassius facilitated the death of a comrade and of his liege (although, they deserved it) and killed Fitchner and put his head in a box.

By that logic, we should have all these people go mad at the sound of bells and start attacking people at random. All that in order to justify their deaths (preferably by a ‘pure-hearted’ loved one). Awful right!

Thing is, Pierce Brown has established over and over again that 1. Revolution is necessary by any means (and Golds aren’t the type to just accept that, it’s not in their culture or DNA) and 2. You have to destroy (old ways) so you can rebuild (a new world).

What he also made very clear was that everyone has their sins, every character can be the villain is someone else’s story and…basically nobody is perfect. Nothing is black and white. Human souls are made out of shades of grey.

This stupid idea that revolutions always need to be peaceful, otherwise they are evil, is just that. Stupid! If the status quo is inherently wrong from its roots (even for the class it benefices), it should be radically changed. And if force is necessary (and it is, the author established that and reinforced it over and over again every change he got and in a way that it felt natural), then it should be used. Even Cassius, who protected the status quo despite the fact that it took his away his twin (indirectly), realised that it should be changed.

Demokracy is radical change for the status quo. But you cannot make it without the proper tools - power to destroy the symbols of the old world. Virginia installed demokracy because she (with the Rising and all the allies) conquered Luna first. And they all did it using force and manipulation. Otherwise it couldn’t have been done.

And she tried! Tried to change the status quo without demokracy. Tried to make conpromises. First, she tried to back up rights for lowColors and interColor couples. She joined the Reformist current. We all know how frowned upon they are in Gold Society. And how that never really worked in the midst of Civil War (although she is presented with a chance - Nero called the Reformists to ally with him, but he planned to kill them after he was done using them).

Then she compromised when she thought Darrow dead for months, Sevro wasn’t answering her, she lost the battle at Deimos against Roque and the only thing standing between Adrius and her son was some asteroids and the secrecy of his birth. She negociated with Octavia and asked to be ArchGovernor of Mars so her son could get the chance to live. I mean…the Rim forces were in theters and it was only so long until Octavia gained the Rim back. And she led the rebels. Of course, she would have gotten a death sentence or prison and her son would have been taken hostage or worse. Thing is, she was desperate. Otherwise she wouldn’t have done it.

Point is, in terms of revolutionary themes, morally grey characters, grey morality in general, the RR series cannot be adapted as anything else, but what it actually is if it has any hopes of being well-done. And the fact that the author who created this series in the first place will write full-time for the tv series is a blessing. Simply because, we know that we won’t wake up with ‘burning slavers was bad all along and is a sign of madness’.

I know it is a low bar to set, but given that a show of such magnitude did that, I kinda have to.

Of course, the books aren’t perfect, but the show can capitalise on that and improve things.

Thing is, I don’t want some purist approach to this series in any way, shape or form. It causes bias and messes up the entire story. And even the smallest chance that we’ll get the adaptation we deserve really makes me happy.

What so you think, though? About PB’s approach to revolution and grey morality? Would he be able to pull it off in the show as well? (I do think he can if he isn’t inpedimented).

Also, do you also have high hopes for the RR show?

Sorry for the long rant, I just need to get it off my chest ( I don’t take well to my faves being disposed off for the sake of some centrist garbage).

–

Hi darling!!! I love all of this! I’ll do my best to answer and expand on your thoughts, but it might get a bit ramble-y at times. Also idk why but the format is all screwed up BUT! here we go:

Firstly, and this is something I’ve said before and will keep on saying: THE CREATOR OF A STORY WILL ALWAYS KNOW MORE ABOUT IT THAN MOVIE/TV STUDIOS. They are the ones that created a world that became successful in the first place. Why anyone would want to deviate from something that has already been proven itself to an audience is beyond me. So good for PB, because at the very least we can trust that the end product will be truer to the books than any other failed shows/movie we’ve seen in the past.

Now some thoughts on books involving revolutions and revolutionaries:

1. They are inherently bloody, brutal, and violent. It’s the victors (the revolutionaries OR the old regime, depending on the story) that get to write the story of what happened, and they often gloss over their own crimes to portray themselves as heroes. Truth is hard to find, because it’s all perspective. THAT BEING SAID, revolutions are not inherently bad. In RR, even the Golds are harmed by the Society, though they’re supposedly at the top. Remember Julian? Or any of the other Golds that died at the Institute? Or how the Institute was rigged in favor of the Jackal, even if he didn’t deserve to win? The ONLY reason that happened is because the Society was inherently toxic. Sacrifices will have to be made in order to bring about a new, better, world - otherwise it’s just not a realistic story.

2. How does Red Rising differ from GOT on this? (Brace yourselves for a lot of salt here!) With GOT, Daenerys Targaryen, arguably the greatest revolutionary thinker for the duration of ASOIAF, experienced a fatal case of bad writing at the very end. But, looking back to what the real character wanted, it’s clear that she never punished those who were undeserving, even if it was brutal at times. Those that betrayed her were afraid of the change she would bring, because it meant they would those their power. In my opinion, Dany never would have set KL on fire on purpose - that’s a lot more Cersei. When faced with enemies, Cersei is brutal and utterly callous when planning their destruction. I think it’s far more in character for her to have set KL on fire by blowing the wildfire caches, than it is for Dany to hear bells and go “mad.” I can talk more about this, but let’s look to RR characters now.

All of your points on Darrow/Mustang/Sevro/Victra/Cassius are all spot-on. None of them are blameless. But I want to point out what might possibly be one of Darrow’s greatest “crimes” and a great analogue to the burning of KL- the burning of the Docks of Ganymede.

The death count was mind-boggling, the people innocent - and still, Darrow made the choice to burn them. Yes, Victra gave the order, but it wasn’t her call to make. He annihilated them, because he wanted to prevent further destruction. It was a calculated move, but that doesn’t make him “mad,” nor does it mean he view the people who died as lesser creatures (as Cersei or a different Gold might have). It was a measured choice that put his character in conflict and THAT is what made that scene good writing. He had to make a decision that went against his core beliefs, because it allowed the Rising to rid themselves of a future threat.

3. Okay, now about fandoms. People who read books like GOT and Red Rising are looking into a world that is similar to our own, but far enough away from us to feel safer (by that I mean the choices of Sevro or Jon Snow have zero impact on our real world politics). But because of that similarity, they can critique the world we actually live in. And I think that’s why so many people are upset with Thrones - the ending showed that no matter how much we dream of a different, better world, ultimately things never change. Whereas with RR, Darrow wins! They have a Republic, they have the start of a new world! Iron Gold and the ensuing books show the reality of fighting to maintain that dream - because again, it wouldn’t be realistic to just magically have a perfect world - but I think that it’s a good balance between hope and realism to make it worth reading.

So those are my thoughts! Moral purity is unrealistic and can stay the hell away from my beloved books and cheers to PB for (hopefully) maintaining creative control. I think if the show is on the right network, with the right creative team it could be done really well, and stay true to the heart of the series.

My hopes are high, though only time will tell if I regret that statement 😅

#red rising #iron gold #pierce brown #darrow au andromedus #sevro au barca #darrow of lykos #howlers #sons of ares #mypost #submission #ask #astrea #darrowsrising ‘s ask

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foxydivaxx · 6 years ago

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Bad Blood Chapter 1

Originally, this was meant to be connected to Young Justice: Demigods Arising but I have decided to tweak it a bit and make it the true Demigods Arising story of sorts. This is connected to the Osiris fic and whilst it is kinda Cassie-centric, it also focuses on other characters too.

"Any news about Cassie?"

"Nah. No one has found her yet."

Tim sighs. It has been a month since Cassie disappeared after her humiliating defeat to Vanessa for the Wonder Girl title. Part of her regrets that decision to have said duel take place. She made that decision not considering what Cassie was going through then. The poor girl lost her then boyfriend Conner Kent and later got dumped by him. Sure, Conner returned but their relationship soon turned toxic to the point where the two engaged in a physical altercation in the School Hall that caused Cassie to get suspended for two weeks. As a result of this, Diana decided to punish her not taking into consideration Cassie’s physical and mental exhaustion at that point. According to Tatiana, Cassie overtrained herself and that led to Cassie’s humiliating defeat.

And now it is too late, Cassie has gone and would never return and if she ever returns, the girl would have joined the Dark Side which should not surprise anyone given her heritage and the negative influence of people like Ares. As if that wasn't bad enough, Cassie's younger twin sister Tatiana also followed suit.

Adding more to the Cassie mystery is that she immediately deleted all her social media accounts on the same day as her defeat. That alone alarmed everyone as it is a well-known fact that Cassie loved taking selfies and playing around on social media and often talks to fans on there. But now that her presence is no longer felt, many began to panic, feeling that the poor girl might have committed suicide. This naturally led to the #JusticeForCassie campaign and #WonderWomanCancelled movement.

Please let Cassie not be dead.

Meanwhile in her room, Barbara was going through some files that she managed to dig up about HIVE case. So far she had managed to find some leads. Heck she can even say that she is far more competent and smarter than the entire Team as they are all a bunch of little kids. What was Batman thinking of putting little kids on a superhero team? Ok they are young kids, but they still could qualify for a wannabe superhero team since they all wear stupid outlandish costumes and use silly codenames, themselves and the so-called adults that call themselves Justice League. Seriously, what the fuck is that fucked up shit? Worst of the bunch as far as she is concerned is none other than Wonder Woman's little sidekick Cassie Sandsmark better known as Wonder Girl.

That girl is such a tragic trainwreck and a bitch. What did Tim and Conner ever see in her? What really pisses her off about the brat is that the girl reminds her of the stupid alien that Dick dated years ago. What was her name again? Oh yes Starfire. More like Hofire. Both of them are disgustingly beautiful. Starfire is a bit better because at least she can kick some ass. Cassie is completely useless that one forgets that she is supposed to be a fucking demigoddess yet someone like Damian can whoop her ass. She should even be able to go toe to toe with Supergirl and give her a nasty beatdown but nope, she gets her ass handed to her. Plus she dared to steal her Dickie from her.

Where did Diana find this child again? Oh yes, Diana did not find her instead the child fucking inserted herself into the Wonder Woman narrative just like Damian forced his way into the Robin title and never once earned nor deserved a single shit till recently. When will those brats learn? No wonder some people wished for Vanessa to take over as Wonder Girl. Ironically said girl is now Wonder Girl now how hilarious.

And alas, poor Cassie has disappeared and is nowhere to be seen. Well GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE! Barbara cackles evilly as she still plays around on her system.

Meanwhile at Gateway city, Tatiana was in her room with tears in her eyes whilst Donna comforts her. Cassie disappeared immediately after that defeat. One could understand why because that sort of defeat is very humiliating especially when the very girl that caused most of the unneeded drama in your life is responsible for it.

Making matters worse is the fact that many thought that Cassie was an irresponsible person and therefore unworthy to be Wonder Girl. This has been an ongoing debate for the past couple years. Sure Cassie has a temper but she can actually control said temper for the most part. The only reason that said rage has become more pronounced is as a result of Ares’ evil manipulation of his sister; something Diana and Zeus himself warned Cassie about.

Cassie naturally took the bait since she had lost her powers during that time, not like anyone could blame her. Still the fact that many people bashed her for this, Diana included was horrible. Now after years of hypocrisy on the side of the heroes, no one should be surprised if Cassie suddenly and openly denounces them and exposes all their secrets or even goes all Superboy Prime on them or worse commit suicide.

Donna sighed. Sure Cassie has some shortcomings but Diana herself is a hypocrite, in fact everyone has been hypocritical when it comes to Cassie. A lot of the criticism being leveled upon the girl might as well be applied to other heroes as well like Conner or Tim for instance.

Ironically said hypocrisy has been thrown at Amon aka Osiris several times which is why said boy has distanced himself from the superhero community recently. Black Adam openly lambasted the League and everyone else for that and rightfully so.

I hope you find happiness and peace Cassie.

Just then Donna’s phone rings. She checks the phone and discovers that it is Kori calling her. She then answers the call. “Hi Kori.”

“Donna....you have to come down here quick!!”

A couple miles in New York, Cassie is standing on top of a rooftop, preparing to throw herself down and commit suicide. Now one would find it laughable since she is meant to be a demigoddess, until they realize one disturbing detailing: Cassie lost her powers yet again during the duel and has remained powerless ever since.

The rest of the Team bursts through the door. “CASSIE DON’T!!” Conner shouts. Cassie turns around with tears in her eyes. The others begin to feel guilty for making her feel that way.

“There is nothing left for me here. You have all made it clear that I do not belong here. So why waste my time when I can just elsewhere and find peace. Heck even Hell is more peaceful than here. I cannot stay with the gods because of they are going through their own drama and are killing each other anyway.”

She takes a couple steps back. “Cassie I understand why you are mad at us and you have every right to hate us. But I want you to know that there are people that still love you regardless.” Kori says in the most gentle way possible.

It was at that moment that Cassie literally explodes. “LIES!! PURE UTTER LIES!! IF YOU ALL REALLY CARED, YOU WOULD HAVE ALLOWED ME TO PROPERLY EXPLAINED MYSELF!! YOU WOULD NOT HAVE ENCOURAGED TIM OR ANYONE TO BE ABUSIVE TO ME!!! YOU WOULD HAVE STOPPED BABS WHEN YOU SPREAD HER FILTHY GOSSIP ABOUT ME AND ALL OF YOU JOINED IN TO SLUTSHAME ME FOR YOUR PLEASURE!! YOU ARE AS BAD AS THE MEDIA!! PURE UTTER HYPOCRITES WHO ONLY CARE ABOUT HOOTING THEIR HORNS!! NOW I CAN SEE WHY PEOPLE LIKE JASON TURNED THEIR BACKS ON HUMANITY AND CHOSE TO DO HARDCORE JUSTICE!! YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ARE NOT SO DIFFERENT FROM THE VERY FOOLS WE HAVE BEEN FIGHTING FROM YEARS!!”

Everyone keeps quiet. Cassie clearly had been waiting for this moment and she has now gotten an audience. “Oh and speaking of failures, how many times have we been supposedly, not I used supposedly in quotation marks here because that shows how stupid you all are, were ahead of the bad guys only for them to outsmart us and somehow win?”

Dick and Kaldur exchange looks. “You know, had it not been for my father, I would have rotted in jail. Oh and special shoutout to the Black Adam family, the only family that ever truly cared about me. Plus of course Donna and Tatiana. The rest of you can go fuck yourselves and leave me be!!” She turns her back to them and ignores them as she walks over to the edge.

“Cassie wait...”

She stops and turns around as Vanessa walks in. “Cassie, listen I know you are mad. If you want to lash out. Take it out on me.” she says calmly, hands raised. Before anyone could say anything, Cassie stomps towards her so-called rival and aims a punch at Vanessa who does nothing to stop her.

Fortunately for her, Cassie stops mid-punch and drops to her knees and begins to break down in tears. Vanessa bends down and hugs her predecessor. “Listen Cass. No matter what anyone else says, you will always be Wonder Girl. In fact you are way better than I am. I do not like the great divide that Diana has created. There are other ways this could have been done.” she says. Cassie simply sobs, feeling very bad for lashing out.

“I...I’m so sorry...”

Vanessa smiles softly. “You do not have to apologise. We are both victims in this. Besides, I told Diana that I quit.” Cassie stares at her in disbelief. ”You did not have to.”

“Yet I did.”

Cassie shakes her head. “No. You remain Wonder Girl.” Cassie then smiles. “Besides, you earned it anyways.” Vanessa giggles and hugs her back. Everyone heaves a sigh of relief.

Osiris who had just arrived makes a slow descent next to them. “Cass, I understand you hate everyone and whatnot but if you throw yourself down there, chances are you might end up worse than Todd the moment they choose to bring you back from the dead. Or if you choose down a dark path now, you might end up the way Adam did years ago.”

The girl simply nods. “ I might as well go clear my mind of things for a while.”

He comes closer to her. “You know, you could have simply asked and I would gladly take you home with me so that you can get some breathing space since quite frankly, you need some of that.’ She rolls her eyes. “Fine. Let’s go.’ She wraps her arms around his neck with him wrapping his arms aorund her securely and together they fly away.

“Wait....that was it?“ says Garfield, earning a smack across the head from Raven. “Oww!!” he grumbles. Tim meanwhile stares up at the sky with jealousy in his eyes which is funny considering his relationship with Stephanie.

So she has choosen him hm? This whole shit was a setup to make that announcement.

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