#i got a few and ive been sitting on them
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
hmm
would u guys be interested in random hcs for the strawhats? not x reader stuff but just little things about them?
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
65 notes
·
View notes
Text
everyone get up and make some noise for sirius' vivienne westwood two cowboys with their cocks out shirt!! we're losing our minds over here for sirius' vivienne westwood two cowboys with their cocks out shirt!!
#sorry i uhh. wrote this yesterday and just have not been able to stop thinking about it since so you guys had to see it#google vivienne westwood two cowboys shirt you know the one i mean xx the famous one from SEX xx#unironically this scene went from being kind of difficult to get through to housing my favourite paragraph ive written so far. all because#of sirius black's gay cowboy shirt. also pretentious vaggio reference because well this is remus' pov after all and i have spent#the last few weeks poring over the caravaggio art book i got for christmas i love it sooo much xx#hes done like. 8 john the baptist paintings but theres a few specific ones that really. give me the vibes im going for with sirius' arms xx#he's sooo. well maybe i get it is all im saying#this fic is just. sirius' gay little outfits and descriptions of all the different mugs remus owns and lots of flat kitchens#it is also just. remus having the worst ever time of his life emotionally physically financially and then sirius. sitting next to him#engaging in the sluttiest behaviour you could possibly imagine and having a little smoke#tonight they are in james' kitchen xx he has cooked them all a chicken jalfrezi xx#my fic#snippet#r/s#tsah
228 notes
·
View notes
Text
update: peach is doing very well!! she's eating and sleeping normally (sleeping more than normal, really, but that's to be expected)!! after 3 days of not sleeping and a few changes in painkillers, she finally just napped for an hr then, after another day, slept through the whole night (and most of the next day). she's started following all her usual routines again and is very keen to eat! still on some painkillers, but they're not having any horrific side effects anymore
now that im not staying up to keep an eye on her all night (while also dealing with upgrading my computer and my phone and also my sister preparing to go overseas and the dogs barking and howling constantly due to all of the above), i finally got some decent sleep too and slept for about 14 hrs. so today ive got that weird shakiness that i get from sleeping too much, but hey it's better than the whole of the last week
#personal#and i have a working computer that's finally on windows 10 so that's one less thing to have background stress about#and i have a working phone for the first time in.. a year? 1.5 years? idfk. my previous phone was 16gb so i could fit like 2 apps#could barely take pictures (and couldnt store them) and couldnt update most of my apps because i couldnt update my os because no space#so every app ran slow and then eventually my phone would crash if i opened the storage section of the settings#so i couldnt even offload apps so i could delete them while keeping the data for when i downloaded them again#couldnt order medicine remotely because my chemist only lets you do that from the app (not the website)#couldnt control the aircon because that could only be done through an app#missed loads of stuff because i didnt have email notifications because i could only use my browser for emails#couldnt see tumblr polls on mobile because i couldnt update tumblr because i couldnt update my os#left the house less because i had to delete pokemon go and that genuinely helped me go for walks#ive been dealing with all that for a year so this is very exciting and such a ridiculous qol boost#it sucks how much something like that affects your life. what do you mean i need an app for everythingggg#but god im just glad peach is ok. like there was a moment when i was so stressed trying to update my computer because it wasnt working#and then she ate a small bit of food for the first time in 3 days and just. everything was suddenly fine again#and the other night i spent like 6 hrs just sitting here downloading and installing things on my computer#but it was fine because peach was on the chair next to me sleeping through the whole night and it was such a relief#my sister finally got her flight yesterday (after it was moved four days in a row) so that's just one less thing happening#ive started playing bg3 so that's cool and maybe ill get a chance to actually properly watch that new dav trailer lmao#that premiered at 2am on the first night peach was home from surgery and hadnt eaten or slept yet and i was too stressed to care about dav#and it really just went downhill for the next few days#god. ok. today is the first day i can actually breeaaaathe
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dear diary today I made natural dyes out of vegetables to dye cotton. These ones are dyed with onion skins and they are the most beautiful gold.....
#ive been getting into natrual fibers#plant fibers are hard to dye according to the books i got#i did 2 days of mordating the cloth leading up to today#i home made a tannin bath out of acorns#and i have more squares sitting in a beat dye and 3 cabbage dyes overnight currently#and im saving the dyes for easter too#the dye is a little uneven in a few places on these#but i cant stop looking at them they are so beautiful to me
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
once again having a very blehhggg sunday night. sitting outside is helping. i think i just drove myself crazy sitting inside all day and stressing about things and then not doing them. ive got *googles* aroundabouts 73 days until i see friends that im comfortable enough with to ask for a hug from. assuming our schedules line up so that i can see them. we're all very busy nowadays.
#ive got to make other friends here and i /am/ but it has been. difficult. and very slow going.#friends? sure a few. friends that i feel close enough with to sit with them or ask for a hug? nah. absolutely not. nope.#dont mind me im just rambling
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
So I rearranged my bookshelf a bit for fitting trigun on my shelf...
Top shelf is still my persona shelf. It's way too established to change that. But I moved my assorted other fav manga volumes to the bottom shelf, leaving room for This...
It didn't Quite fit all the way, but it's close enough. This shelf is composed of my three top favorite mangas of all time, which are Also the only 3 series that I own in totality. Specifically bc theyre my favorites & I care enough about them to want to own them all lol
It's... really really nice to see them all in one place like this.
And of course. The trigun ❤️ completely worth the money I spent on them.
#speculation nation#this is nowhere Near the full number of manga and books i own btw#i have. boxes and boxes just sitting in the closet.#but this is my only functional bookshelf. im a little limited.#so i only have the Favs here. at least for manga.#sometime i should go thru all my manga. ive forgotten how much i actually own.#maybe someday i can get some more bookshelves... ive been thinking about it.#for now. this will do.#it makes me so ridiculously happy to see trigun on the shelf. even with it being a bootleg print.#it's honestly pretty great quality for a bootleg. only printing problems i saw were a few of the internal covers were a bit out of order#everything in the volumes themselves were printed Wonderfully#of course dark horse translation so not perfect quality there. but ngl it's almost nostalgic to read that version for me.#that was my first trimax experience. & as much as i value what overhaul has been doing for us#a part of me will always be fond of dark horse's translation too.#and thus why i keep hold of my 'he is reason enough for me to fight' header. i enjoy it Very much.#man. i cant believe i got home 8 hours ago. and ive spent this whole time fucking around with my new manga#but ykno what it's good that it's bringing me so much joy#for how much i spent on it i damn Well better get some enjoyment out of it lmaoooo#but ive read thru them and i will almost Definitely be flipping thru them again in time#i enjoy physically holding manga. it lets me peruse so much more easily than trying to scroll and click thru pages#worth Every Penny........
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#.... seeing him monday NDNDNDJJDJFFJJF#personal#with other ppl but still !!!!!!!!#n ive been like. twisting everything in my mind like oh you know maybe he liked someone else n not me. but#theyre not even in the country. and he had previously told me he didnt wanna see any of them again#and so. the logical conclusion is that. hes going. for me NDJJDJDJDJZJZM#I JUST. UNLESS HE REALLY LIKES SUSHI??????#idk im freaking out. ive never got this far. im just NDJJDJDJDJDJD#the past few days..... tellin me his job news.... confiding in me.... now goin to a dinner with ppl he doesnt like.... to see me....#i cant handle it NFJDJJDJDJDJDJDMX#like god this is so weird. i never thought this would happen to me im just NDJJZJZJZJZJDJZJ#hes so cute.....#i hope we get to sit near each other at the dinner NNDNZMZMZMSM#im not gonna overly try. and like with his bad luck JDJDDJMDDJSJSJ idk idk lmao#but...... GOD. he was just some guy with a seagull icon and a name on zoom.... then like he was just some guy that sat near me#then just like a guy i talked to sometimes and now we're friends and i JUST....????? MAYBE GONNA BE MORE???? ITS SO WEIRD. IDK. IDK#i cant believe we're this close. im literally NJDJDJFJXJMXMMM#HHHHHH#i like. ... i also looked at job stuff today. bc u know. i could actually FOCUS. bc i wasnt like. sherlock holmsing whether he liked me or#not bc i think its pretty clear at this point. im just NDJJDJZJZJJZJZJZMSMSMSMSMMZMZ IDK. IDK. ITS SO WEIRD.#I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME#AND WITH HIM???? SO WEIRD. IDK JDNDJJDJDJDJXJ I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED IM JUST. YA. GONNA TRY TO STAY CALM.
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
New Tales Ep 4 live review!!
- Before the intro sequence, I thought Anu didn't know Octavio friends? I don't know the timeframe in all this so it does feel a tad bit weird though, in this run I had killed Juniper so...
- Dear God Octavio not noticing it's Fran's Frogurt is so stupid 😭😭 literally no words. Till this exact moment, I could excuse a lot of the writing... Please.... He's not this dumb, right,,,, ouu,,
- "SAY UNCLE" "You're my sister and I'm your uncle" - I want to know the story behind this sm
- Fergus looking saved it with L0U13 free labour dance but.... Why did we even have the the mental worry, and then the stupid hitting Fergus butt,,, I know the games have this humour but this whole bit felt like not so well timed break
- This game cannot get where it is standing with the killing hmmmm, like no character in this run had a constant (though idk why L0u13, after his crisis, gets once again pro killing,, gonna try replaying better version)
- BROCK BACK AND HE JUST STRAIGTH UP SHOT ANU-PLEASE OFAIHFAS
- GUYS U HAVE THE GUN THAT HEALS 😭😭😭I know they wanted to make this joke but PLEASE
- I feel weird about FRAN being seen as newbie in business. Sure, she only knew one but she kept it going for a long time so I feel she knows a tad bit more seeing it's a fam business for years. Esp after that Susan talk in ep 1. She feels she should know sth more
- Bivington showing up,,, I did expect him to but I wonder. I can tell this is some setup but I wonder what type (future me I say hi) (hi past shina - dear god not one i expected, diluted elon musk oifashfiaos)
- can I propose an overpriced drink AS SIGN OF SUCCESS IS KILLING ME
- it's weird that any didn't realise she could use the lab for their project cud they need
- Anu from being a Newby to being a big fan of Maya Vaultfinder mega ultra player,,, I'm so proud
- JABBER PUBLIC PEEING AND SOOTHING MUSIC PLEASE WHAT WAS THAT WHY DID I STUMP UPON
- Anu being seen as genius and then most the work is just,,,, the goggles,,, the slapping,,,,, it's all so silly
- I was curious what would be Fran's wish and the synth sad music in there reminded me of Hyer Light drifter soundtrack. But Rita,,,
- BADASS SUPERFAN IS MY FAV character beside Rhys and all Tediore soldiers wjjwh
- Foopy PLEASE??? FOOP POOP??? The only thing broken is you HELLO - WHY WE GOT BOTH PISS AND POOP THIS EPISODE
- I wonder if Fran's focus on sexuality is a trauma response, too,, future shina here, but based on what you can tell LOUI3 I think that is the case
- 😭 Why did so many people know and could reference before Fran's traumatic experience tho??? Like it puts her so down and others just know it
-VVIP IS MORE LIKE WIP WORK WORK WORK and i got Octavio to sniff the substance cus I imagine he would try it sjshhehe
- VVVIP,,, WHAT'S NEXT A VVVVIP CUS I HOPE TO SEE SOME WWIPS,,, Also I made Octavio dance
- BADASS BEING FIRED NOOO I hope I will see him in fifth episode :0
- Susan having a gun. You go girl boss actually
- HELLO UNPROTECTED DATA STDs??? dear GOD I EXPECTED THIS AND YET I AM STILL BAFFLED
- THE FACT THERE IS A TRANSLATOR FOR YALL TALK
- I get why people like Susan, I love the translator bit, the bitchy high atittude, she gets it
- BRO THE FACT KATAGAWA SR IS NEXT TO RHYS IS LIKE 'haha remember how my son wanted to kill you well now another person does'
- "dangerous, yes?" girl it's a glowing rock
- I took around 20 screenshots of Rhys alone 😭😭😭I'm down BAD
- I wish got control of Octavio if he would say Susan is the boss... I feel it's a wasted potential
#my review#review#spoilers#new tales from the borderlands#ntftbl#anu#octavio#fran#l0u13#(i have been typing his name wrnog)#(wrong)#(can u tell im tired)#(FAihofhsaaois)#(these are from few days ago already but posting the slowly for those few who read them)#(thank you for your time spent on this)#(idk what is it about this game. it has great moments)#wait i dont need the (). anyways#its been a long time i wanted to play a game in one sitting for so long#ive been replaying it for the good run too#mostly to get some videos#it has some great moments - and i really feel people give it way too bad name#its not perfect#but it did make me smile#and sometimes - thats enough#After my exam tomorrow - which i hope i pass - i plan on writing rhys post from this game#i hope people will like it#if not#its ok. i like rhys#its just been a while. EDIT: tumblr didnt tell me i got over the amount of tags i can make so quick - thank u sm for reading all this
6 notes
·
View notes
Note
Are any of your OCs multilingual? ( Arden, Ambrose ect)
probably, as i do think demons would have their own languages and for dmitri his first language isn't english, but it's not something i've thought about properly or have planned out or anything, as i said in a previous ask this week i really don't have much info or facts about them outside of what's been said in the audios
#i dont mind getting quetsions about my ocs i just feel this week ive been getting so many and i dont want to dissapoint everyone#its not like theyre characters for a big novel or something that ive been working on theyre just... characters for my audios#i dont mean to diminish my boys or my work i just.. i feel like you guys have bigger expectations for these guys than what i have for you#sure i'd love to do more with them but im really busy i havent got time to sit down and try and plan out a backstory and facts for them#and the few times ive tried my mind is just blank so..#the vampire answers#the vampires ocs
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
i love making things poorly its so important for the creative spirit that you learn to love being an amateur
#bonk.txt#got possessed n started making a rambling video on a thing i like rn#n its like an hour n 25 minutes long atm n my god its been an experience doing so#i recorded talking all in like one day n pre editing it was like a total of 4(?) hours of audio (recorded two takes for both halves of it)#and im only using the second takes in it cause i was getting more comfortable speaking in them n wont get an opportunity to rerecord for#like maybe a few months? so im working with what i got i also didnt like rerecord a part when doing the second take cause i decided it#didnt fit the vibe i was going for n that part was like 35 minutes long also circling back to the one day thing i learned why u shouldn't do#that lol my voice was strained after that not like significantly n its better now but damn you should definitely not talk for like#collectively four hours in a single sitting#i dont even know if i will upload it once i finish it im mostly doing this cause i want to n im having a lot of fun with the learning proces#i wont be able to properly work on it for a while cause ive got family visiting soon n i prefer to keep my online n offline life seperate#and also keep my hobbies mostly to myself cause im frequently told i should monetize my hobbies n i have no interest in ever doing so#its just been a lot of fun to do this n embracing that i have no clue what the hell im doing n that it wont be the best but it will exist 👍
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
comparison (new on left old on right)
#As you can see i was mainly working ln fixing the distortion on the poles i did get a bittt carried away and add like a ton of oand but its#ok. also i did the math and its sitting at abt 40:60 land water ratio#rly its 41:59 but 40 60 is far easier#ive also still got to add rivers.. i have a few lakes as you can see but i haven't gone through and added rivers yet#ill probably have to do mountains first then rivers....#ive also been thinking abt making a sideblog solely for worldbuilding posts but im shy LOL so itd probably judt be 4 me#i wouldnt be opposed to sharing it with anybody whos interested i just dont think anybody rly is...#im also working more on the language its kiiiind of rly frustrating me..#i also have gaught to add a new island in the middle of the ocean bc ive been thinking while at work. but idk if i Actually want to use#those thoughts 4 this or keep them seperate.. whatevrr#but yeah. as mentioned the edits arent perfect yrt theyre kind of difficult to do 😭😭 map to globe doesnt allow you to draw directly On#the globe and the umm. sketch thing they have is kind of rlly annoying#like you can colorpick Once. but after that you have to reload the page to colorpick again#+ the likee. drawing you do on it is super artifacted and weird... + theres no way to just get the finished image idt. i may be wrong#but yes. anyways if i do make the sodeblog i wanna name it after the world but the issue is the world doesnt have a name 💀#and to make the name i need to work on the primary conlang some more 😭😭😭 but its frustrating me i think its bc i started with the#written form which like. every guide im looking at says you shouldnt do that 💀#so i might just scrap it and start from the ground up
1 note
·
View note
Text
Thinking abt my nuggets again. Explodes them.
#rat rambles#oc posting#in particular Im thinking abt my girl ding shes my best friend#I actually have been thinking abt giving her a funky design if I do eventually draw her but I am facing one key issue#she has like. no ego gifts.#which is sad! I wanna play around with ego gifts more! most of my main guys have boring gifts!#I could just pick her out some but that feels like cheating I wanna work with what I get y'know?#but I dont have her working on anything so she'll probably never get any naturally#so alternatively I could do some like. number generator scenanigans to chose like 3 random gifts to give her#that way I dont get to chose and am forced to work with what I get#which Ill probably do but Ill have to blacklist a few gifts (mainly the eye covering ones since thats an important part of her design)#I might also do this with some of my other gift lacking guys that might help rhem gain some favor with me#Im quite attached to most of my older nuggets but theres only like 3 or 4 of my newer ones Ive been able to click with#and by newer I mean from like the middle of my second runthrough (Im currently on first day reset number 4)#so thats not a good sign for any of them#well tbf a decent chunk of the newest ones are from the last run through so those guys genuinely are quite new#anyways maybe giving them somw gifts will give me more inspiration to actually think of stuff for them#the siblings are the only ones that I have any attachment to right now of the last two batches and ema is lucky to be one I like#and my girl ding earned her position in this corporation so Im obligated to adore her#for context she was one of various nuggets I made to sacrifice to grind out tool abnormality info#but she somehow managed to survive one that I fully expected her to die to so she gets to stay#one of the other ones also got to stay but thats just because I had enough info for we can change anything already#and by stay I mean sit in storage for the rest of time because I think it's funny#he was my guy for whatever the hell the weapon upgrading one is called#for the non leathal ones I just had most of them finish the research and then go to we can cange everything#but he lucked out and got to live#the others didnt tho so rip to them#at least my tool grind is officially complete and I dont have to worry abt it anymore#I also am in general really close to being done with my abno info hunt#I even defeated apocalypse bird a lil while ago so I basically only have white knight to worry abt now
0 notes
Text
its times like this when i really wish i had an SO's shoulder to cry on
Because I think i factrued/sprained my foot the other day it happened wednesday but its still pretty swollen and pops when i try to walk on it without hobbling. i know i signed up for health insurance through work. i wrote down the insurance company name as Bayside and I have my personal insurance id number but the card never came in/got lost in the mail (and i already called for one replacement that never came so idk if theyll send me a third) so i cant confirm the insurance name nor call them, but i need to because ive called/visited 5 health care facilities around me and NONE of them have even heard of Bayside. So im calling the phone number that my manager provided me with telling me that was the insurance company. I keep calling the number (and mind you ive called them before to try to get a second insurance card sent to me but that was in like April) and i get that its saturday but theres no answer and the stupid automated machine wont let me leave a voicemail. the automated answering voice on the phone also says that theyre called National Benefit Plans by SafetyNet and google says the phone number im using belongs to National Benefit Plans out in San Antonio Tx (i live no where near there). I found National Benefit Plans' website on SafetyNetPlus dot com but National Benefit Plans doesnt have their own website, just through SafetyNet, and also the SafetyNet website says on a side panel that "this is NOT insurance" and instead keeps saying "health benefits" instead so idk what the fuck ive been paying for for the last 6 months tbh and im having an emotional breakdown bc i dont want to fuck my foot up for life just cause i couldnt figure out my health insurance/benefits shit
#ive been fucking sobbing on the phone for 20 minutes calling the phone number over and over again#im about to mcfucking lose it and im sad and confused and scared because my foot is still so swollen even though it doesnt hurt very much#and google says if swelling on an injury like this persists after 48 hours to go get it looked at#all the walkin clinics near me dont have any xray techs til monday & quoted me anywhere from $130-$300 if i dont have insurance which i can#provide proof of nor am i even sure i actually have at this point and im ngl my guys i only have like $180 to my name until next friday#but then basically my entire next paycheck is going to Geico#and overall im just having a really really really bad time rn and im scared that if my foot is actually fractured im gonna fuck it up worse#by walking around on it without a boot/cast. yeah ive been sitting at work the last few days#but its front desk at a hotel so at least for the first hour of my shift and last 1.5 hours i HAVE to be standing#my foot was so swollen after work today it hurt to get my shoe off#im just really fucking stressed and anxious and confused and im sitting here sobbing my eyes out realizing theres literally no one i can#call just to vent and cry it out with#cant call my mom cause i busted my foot leaving her place after her husband got in my face & screamed at me for saying you cant hit people#cant call my siblings cause none of them can help/we dont talk often enough that i feel like i can burden them with this#i have a few casual friends but same sitch im not close enough with them that i feel comfortable venting while sobbing to them#i could call my ex but shes got a new boo now/its not her problem/we rarely talk anymore/she cant help so no point in calling#only other person who knows/is worried about me is my ex's mom but she wont be home from work for break til 2pm & its 11:30am rn#not close enough to any of my coworkers either#its times like this that i realize how truly alone i am these days with no one that can physically comfort me#which of course is only making me more upset#thats what i get for being depressed and reclusive the last 2 years and only letting people get an arms length reach from me emotionally#there is a medical clinic i can go to that is a 50 minute drive from me and without insurance you just pay a $20 sliding fee plus a little#extra for the care services but again theyre not open until monday and also its a 50 minute drive from me#so all im learning is i shouldve gone some place thursday morning after it happened and im fucked at least til monday#FUCK my STUPID BAKA life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#whatever. guess imma keep icing it try to keep it elevated and just endure it and hope it doesnt get worse#emma rambles#vent tag#DONT REBLOG
0 notes
Text
Theres one local theatre in my town thats at the end of the line of the bus route and theyll do throwback movies and a lot of the times its 80s movies and with the new 4k version of risky business on the horizion i desperatly need them to show it
#i need them to show it so i can have the very specific movie experince i have when i go to that theatre#and i do not arrive late to the movies#i walk around the fanciest dollar tree in town and marvel i usually a random snack that ive never seen anywhere else other than here#then ill go across the street and since the streets up there are upkept and paved well its blistering hot and ill been reminded#that i do infact live in the desert but the airconditioning of the fanciest grocery store will save me i will go there and also marvel#and become enchanted by the fresh baked sourdough loafs one of which i will buy and hope the theatre is cool abt it so i dont have to carry#it wrapped in my movie theatre hoodie like a baby if theres time i will go have a slice of pizza at the local pizza place it has not changed#since the 80s and is more humid than miami in the summer but ill sit listen to synth and have my food as i watch the fountain then ill head#to the theatre get a print ticket cause i will NOT leave the theatre without my lil sou ineer and stand in the consesscions line trying to#remember if this is a pepsi or coke establishment but dont worry i got time cause the line takes 45min to get thru somehow even if im the#only one in it ill get mt drink and walk to my seat thinking this place is huge but i did used to be an old grocery store or a staples so ye#ill have a blissfull 2 hrs of movie time come out a changed man my new personality for the next few days is this movie like it always is#ill go nextdoor to the fancy icecream place and get a cone but i always get a plain flavor and ill eat it outside in the wire chairs n heat#this is reflecting time by the time im done its ususlly around 5 which means my mom wants me home asap n doesnt want me sitting in the heat#so ill go back get a stronf coffee n take n uber which will almost always take the long way which means i get looking out the window day#dreaming as i look at the sprawling desert one of my fave parts of the day i will return home w a beadache since my constitution cant handle#anything anymore and car rides make me feel ill but ifs fine cause ill get home n my bed is perfectly msde by my mother whom i love and the#and who sometimes makes my bed for me cause she also know im getting home w a headache and the house will be that perfect temp of freezing#and ill lay in bed w an icepack n my coffee and itll feel the way sundays b4 school used to feel in a good way#and ill still be listenong to the score and reflecting and feelimg greatfull thay i can have my lil movie days n treats and feel so carefree#for a while and feel hopefull n inspired and then ill a nap and wake up feeling refreshed and then ill text my dad n give him my opinons#and rating on tbe movie and then e#he'll call and we'll talk abt 80s movies and ill still have that sunday feeling and ill feel so co ntent#its such an incredibly incredibly hyper specific experince but i deeply cherish it and ill have it abt 3 times a year n i look foward to it#anyways i need to go to bed now but hoping that experince will come again soonish and when it does i hope they show risky business#or ferris bueller
1 note
·
View note
Text
big venting ahead :-{
#depression tw!!#sh tw!!#the last few days have been some of the hardest ive had in a long time#i feel like i always say this but it feels true every time tbh….#i feel like my brain is collapsing on itself…#just . very very bad thoughts and my head kinda going crazy and i guess partially acting on those thoughts#which is very very depressing tbh. i feel like im not gonna make it#ive been somewhat paralyzed these days. 80% of the time im awake i cant move. i have some moments when i can like get up and eat something#or something like that but other than that i spent all day yesterday sitting at my desk literally staring at the wall#because even moving a finger seemed like an impossible task to complete#and then last night i started spiraling and for the first time in a long time i could picture the worst possible thing i could do actually#happening#so i just cried. and cried. and i got in bed because that is the only place where i feel somewhat safe. from everything else but mostly#myself…#it doesnt help that no one cares#i was supposed to meet my friends to but#buy* stuff to cook for new years eve today but i texted them that i was having a crisis and i didnt think id be able go get up and go today#and it was implied and i also said that i was struggling but there was no response to that#there was barely any response at all#and this happened time and time again and when i tell my therapist shes always like#why dont u tell them? why dont u tell them that this behavior hurts u#and i just cant bring myself to do it. like i cant fathom hearing a close friend telling me that they’re struggling with depression and not#saying anything in response.#and i wonder maybe theres something about me where people just dont give a shit if i live or die basically#and i cant force someone to care about it thats why i dont say anything. but it sure as hell hurts#anyways.. i hooe today wont be as bad as yesterday
1 note
·
View note