#i get stressed sometimes bc. i feel like there is a lot of overlap sometimes for platonic and shippy! but sure why not

[cerealmonster15]

ok now that you've said it, im gonna ask for it. Azul X Cater, either friendship or romantic could be fun. Cater helping Azul relax without the stuffy business stuff and raising his confidence levels callin him cute or w/e? And Azul helping Cater with getting him super cool items to post on his magicam / putting spicy menu items in the monstro lounge for him to eat (not for like the art idea but like just in general on how the ship might play out)

HEHEHEHE THAT'S REALLY CUTE :3 they could be a power couple, i can see it in my mind's eye...

azul acts all confident but i think if a cute boy got close and batted his eyelashes at him he'd get flustered and fold in an instant lol

[dungeonmeshi-confessions]

I wanna do more kabumisu positivity following that other anon. it really brightened my day so much.

bc really I dont want to bash other ships to lift mine up!!! and I actually also really love and respect labru, and know the majority of labru shippers arent Like That, just like most kabumisu shippers arent Like That. every group has some annoying, loud, opinionated people and they dont represent the average person who likes the ship, you know? I would love to see some labrus follow suit and send in some positivity as well!!! If the positivity keeps going I will come in here and post all my fave things about labru, labru art, and labru shippers as a kabumisu. lets ditch the bitching and hold hands instead!

anyway, some reasons I really love kabumisu

- as a neurodivergent disabled person dating another neurodivergent person, this is like. THE couple to me. and like its not just about mithrun being taken care of. taking care of mithrun actively helps kabru be more mindful of his own needs. In my life, I may struggle to feed myself, but I can make breakfast if my partner is hungry. other times she may do the same for me, it depends on who is doing worse.

-they both struggle with insomnia also

-from everything we've seen, pre-dungeon mithrun wasn't entirely dissimilar to kabru (high masking people pleaser) and thats Fascinating to me.

-kabru's job seems pretty stressful (no matter how much fulfillment it brings him, its a lot of responsibility for one person!) so I feel like coming home to that one guy he can take his mask off around and not even have to try and impress must be such a huge relief. also add mithrun with cooking experience to this, making kabru a nice meal after a long day of work.

-Mithrun is actually very perceptive and sees straight through kabru's bs multiple times and doesn't hesitate to call him out. Laios isnt the only character that forces kabru to be honest. ("unless theres someone else?" "theres someone you want to tell that story to.") mithrun is also the one who gives kabru the information he's been seeking this whole time.

-I am very interested in exploring mithruns whole desire situation. what desires does he gain? I think it is probably a lot of little ones that weave together. oh also I think sometimes things may seem more mithrun centric bc in any story where he is going to end up in a relationship he is going to have a much more dynamic arc than whoever he is paired with. literally dynamic as in like. he requires a lot more growth to achieve the outcome. and there are ways to skip it or gloss through it but. a lot of these stories require that in some way you show the progress has happened.

-to me, kabumisu is more often queeplatonic than romantic. but Im aroace so that could just be my aroace glasses. ALSO kabru is vaguely aro to me. you mean the guy thats super desirable that doesnt really seem interested in anyone particular outside of pursuing friendship? that guy? (also the way he did rin omfg)

-random but I dont think kabrus PTSD is talked about enough and also like the extent of his trauma. its not just utaya/monsters/his mom dying; its being raised by a single mother, its his blue eyes, its being adopted, its being raised by an elf, etc!!!! a lot of things he does bc of ptsd get attributed to autism (I also hc kabru as autistic, and some is symptom overlap. but it is secondary to the ptsd! he is traumatized first and foremost ty) I really love kabru so much. ty for the ptsd rep <3

-also out here to say I know an amount of kabumisu content is mithrun centric. I will tell you from my pov specifically though its bc I deeply relate to mithrun (as someone who once told a therapist many years ago I desired nothing and truly meant it. she said I was like a puppet without strings. of course I saw mithrun and was like. oh.) and Im in love with kabru. kabru reminds me of all the people who gave me a reason to pull through. people who saw good in me and treated me like a person when I didnt feel like one. I also really relate to kabru though as someone with complex trauma, even if my traumas are not the same. thats why I say I think not enough is attributed to his ptsd. anyway, once I just opened a notebook and wrote kabrus name over and over again with hearts. I have never done this to mithrun. so dont tell me kabumisus dont like kabru !!!

-kabru and mithrun are both so gender. Ive seen so many variants on their gender and gender expression in the ship. some people hate this and insist they must be one way or the other. I think theyre neat lots of different ways. I love when theyre both feminine men. I love when mithrun is super masc. I love when theyre butch4butch. I love when theyre both trans. and so much more. its all beautiful. a very good variety of food. the other day on my dash I had a tallman art of mithrun with the biggest tits imaginable and the very next post he was like a little porcelain doll. keep up the good work guys. I love you.

.

[koreanbibliophilegirl]

CHARACTER BLURBS FOR MY DSMP SUPERPOWER AU

As promised to @aimlovesmusic :D 💗

Requested characters were Eternal Duo(Eret and Foolish), Quackity, and Ranboo!

Eret👑

Hero!

Hero Name: Monarch

Unofficial spokesperson for the Hero HQ, bc she's beloved by the masses and can stay calm & collected in the spotlight. In other words, he's the best cannon fodder for them 'cause she's got both high popularity ranking and PR skills.

Power is physical control(? idk what to call it), anyone who sees their glowing white eyes has to move in any way she commands. For example, he could tell someone to drop the gun, and that person would have to drop it. She can't control minds though, so everyone is fully conscious during the control & he can't tell people to think a certain way. + the control stops when Eret can't see you anymore/covers their eyes, with sunglasses, etc.

Hero HQ set his image up to be some sort of lethargic royal, never moving more than they need to- but Eret can run in heels & throw things with scary precision actually. She carries knives around just in case, and later they acquire mini grenades! :D

Likes maracons(INHALES them whenever they're stressed)

Foolish🦈

Also a hero!

Tentatively labeled the Golden Shark

He can call up storms and/or rain/thunder/lightning separately- indoors or outdoors, it doesn't matter.

Also, given enough material, he can build things in seconds! He essentially draws out a blueprint in his mind and moves his hands accordingly, and the materials just assemble themselves. This is usually v exhausting though, it's total knockdown for him if the build is big enough.

Adopted by former hero Puffy(Hero Name: Captain Puffy) as a teen

Is friends with fellow hero Tina Kitten(Hero Name: Carrot Cat... Probably. I'm still working on it)! Tina's powers(basically Cat™️) overlap with other, more popular heroes though, so Foolish got way more support from the Hero System than her. Foolish feels bad about this and tries to help her get more recognition, but there really isn't much he can do.

Hero System favors popular heroes and gives them waaaaaay too many patrols, so he's always exhausted now that he's in the top 10

Meat lover

Eternal Duo👑❤️🦈

Often paired on patrols together

Dating <3

One of the most popular RPF ships on in-universe ao3

They've got a Golden Deities brand, since Foolish's hero persona is Playful but Powerful God of Storms & Eret's the Languid, Relaxed Royalty, and both their costumes have golden bits on them.

Foolish gets shanked on patrol and Eret goes INSANE with their throwing knives

Poor villain Redrum didn't know what hit him lol

After the Golden Shark is announced to be in recovery, the videos of Monarch chasing down Redrum in heels becomes a sort of internet meme

Even more so bc Eret was the only hero who ever came close to actually catching Redrum

Eret expertly wielding knives in public leads to a rebranding, since the powerful-lazy-monarch persona was more or less shattered. Foolish wholeheartedly supports & enthusiastically endorses this change👍

Quackity🎰

Mafia kingpin

Code Name: Rey Club

There's an explanation about the Las Nevadas codename system in the "Lilly's dsmp superpower au" tag. ...Somewhere. I don't have the link rn. I'll add it later😅👍

[Edit: here! Also I realized I changed some minor details from when I posted that. Las Nevadas is not a family business!]

Took over LN when he was younger. Vibes are <The Court Jester> by thquib. I love that song.

Paranoid about his position as a result

SKILLED bartender

Since he hides his face as Rey Club, he secretly works in the LN casino palace's bar as Quackity the bartender. He hears a lot of gossip that way, and it's sorta relaxing too.

Sometimes he orders hits on Karens

Fave cocktail is Clover Club, but he pretends to like Casinos better when he's Rey Club

Ranboo🖤💜🤍

Triple Powered, which is super rare

All of benchtrio has 2+ powers so they all pretend to be single-powered(choosing their weaker powers to show) so that their vigilante identities stay hidden

Ranboo can teleport, compress(Silk Touch?), and BITE. They can bite through near anything. Chomp chomp

Works at the local library under Technoblade

And therefore first of the Bench Trio vigilante team to discover wildly popular vigilante duo Emerald Duo's civilian identities

Likes figs- wait why do I keep talking about favorite foods. Eh whatever. He also likes cake & other sweet baked goods.

Vigilante name is Endgame apparently. I'm ngl I completely forgot what I named them & had to check my notes OTL

(Tubbo and Ranboo's vigilante names went through a lot of changes so I lost track of them skajskdaskjdka)

Doesn't talk as Endgame bc they're afraid they'll stutter and sound awkward + doesn't trust himself to not give away his speech mannerisms. Tommy and Tubbo don't care but Ranboo is Anxious™️

This impacts Endgame's popularity as a vigilante a bit

Aaaaaand that's all four!!!! 🥳💕

It's been a hot minute since I worked on DSMP Superpower AU, so it's really nice returning to it :3 Hopefully I can work on it more after my exams😊😅

[dpdcultureis]

can i get a run down of typical dpd traits and what it's like to have the disorder??? i didn't realize this was a disorder (which- as someone with a special interest in psychology it came as a surprise-) and i'm genuinely curious and want to learn more... i have suspicions about myself and some friends of mine now... 😅

also, if you'd rather dm me answers than post, that's totally fine too! i may end up with follow up questions too 😅

(also i'm so sorry if this isn't the type of ask you prefer and you don't have to answer at all if you don't want, i'm just curious and usually talking to ppl w i t h the specific disorders is sm more helpful and accurate than google 💀)

hey hi!! i'll answer with regards to how it presents for me, but keep in mind that it'll probably look a bit different for me because i have other mental illnesses (including personality disorders) that also influence my behaviour ^^ any of my followers are free to chime in with their experiences too, and just looking through the #actually dpd or #actually dependent tags might be a good pursuit too!!

for me it manifests as being very anxious about making my own decisions (even when i don't necessarily recognise it as such; sometimes it presents so casually - asking about something that really doesn't need external input - that i don't notice when it happens). it also causes a deep fear of living alone and being abandoned/losing the people close to me, although the first one may be partially influenced by the fact i'm physically disabled, and the latter is common in some other PDs too. i typically seek validation over little things and share as much of what i'm doing as possible to my close friends in an attempt to reaffirm my acceptance and the fact they care about me, in a way?

for me i also seem to get a bit clingy, which if left unchecked could progress into something worse like overprotectiveness/jealousy and the like. for me that doesn't happen because my other PDs mask that aspect, but i do sometimes feel that possessiveness that i worry about, especially around my depended (DPD's version of the BPD 'favourite person', for lack of a better way to explain it)

being asked to guess or make my own decision causes me some anxiety, and doing things without permission causes a similar stress. i still tell my parents whenever i'm leaving the house and what i'm doing, and sometimes ask if i can go out, and i turn 20 later this year 😭

i can't really think of much else to talk about that isn't just reiterating what i've already said but with different examples, so now i'll leave this open for any followers here to rb/comment and add their own experiences!

(if you're curious, the other PDs i believe i have are AvPD and BPD, which overlap somewhat with these symptoms, but also work to mask some of them too. bc of that, a lot of my experience with DPD is internal)

[wormeats]

meltdowns are hell. cant think or stop panicking and panic about panicking and not being able to do things or handle stuff. sensory hell, feel the need to escape my body and feel totally overwhelmed and hopeless every time even tho i know it is finite

tips in general for making them less horrible or preventing or if anyone just wants to reassure me bc it sucks and my own body and brain feel like hell and im actively trying to like myself and work with myself more and my body and brain but it is hard af? i feel like ive figured out some of my limits and stuff that helps to prevent and have been safer during them bc now i just cry a lot and scream into stuff and move my arms a lot bc before i wanted to contain it as much as possible so id hurt myself and it was dangerous, i cannot afford to care about being embarrassed anymore

or in general support groups or places to talk to other autistic people? talking to friends has helped and seeing videos ppl make about autistic experiences and going down wholesome supportive comment rabbitholes on autism videos. a support group would be so rad, but idk how to get help it feels like my therapist doesnt even fully understand a lot of what im going through but he understands more of the neurodivergeant experience i have than other doctors have, mayb bc of overlap with ADHD

idk i just want to not hate living and meltdowns make shit so hard recently but its also probably just my body begging me to take a break and get away from stress bc it is too much but i want to be able to do shit anyway and i cant

advice? reassursnce? i feel so broken aaaaaa but it has been getting easier i think as i learn about myself more, i just have repressed sm and been mentally ill for so long and struggling and idk im so tired and feel broken and need more sources ot support so im not crying and screaming and shaking until i run out of panic, probably is annoying af for anyone around me (ik it is sometimes at least ! and makes me feel worse bc i Also want to not be panicking and cannot stop)

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

im really confused bc i thought i was aro but i think i felt some romantic attraction to a cis boy in my school and and he is really nice but i promised myself i would never date/kiss/etc cis people bc it would make me feel super uncomfortable and now i found out he is straight too which is worse but im still confused about wether or not this was romantic attraction because im very likely autistic and have trouble identifying my own feelings and understanding what's happening with the people around me, understanding what I actually want and don't want and knowing what's the right thing to do in certain moments and im confused really confused (this boy gave signals of being queer like: being friends with queer people, holding my hand, painting his nails, talking to me- im openly trans and some people just pretend i don't exist because of it, letting me brush his hair and idk this is more confusing, why is a cishet man doing those things ¿ it doesn't make sense in my mind but idk if he's happy like that I suppose we will just let him be) another thing to consider is that his brother was there when he said he was straight and his brother is always trying to make him "less weird " or something like that and he never says "no" to his brother, idk i think i don't actually care if he likes me back or not, because i would never feel comfortable anyway I've been wondering if i actually feel romantic attraction, if i actually not or if im frayrom(feeling romantic attraction when you barely know someone and then that attraction fades) or something, idk :[ i also have trouble with gender dysphoria because my teacher said some horrible things about me and i just said some other horrible transphobic things about myself in front of some classmates because of it and since then :[ idk i don't like this and i don't know what to do and when I have trouble with being queer in this world I always come to this blog to ask you because you seem to always know something, like a reliable queer teacher that will help you if you need it, sorry for this :[

Hi anon

I'm going to try to answer this but I'm not sure how much help I can be particularly about the 'are you experiencing romantic attraction' part since I'm aromantic and autistic as well so I don't really know what romantic attraction is either and am really bad at reading people so I can't really even properly suggest whether you're perhaps not aromantic after all or what this boy's interest in you may mean. Maybe someone else who does experience it can weigh in on that. Although I do think perhaps to some degree it doesn't really always matter that much, trying to neatly divide up and define and label everything. I do get that these things are confusing, that people in general actually are really confusing especially if you're neurodivergent, and sometimes we want to try to put labels on things as a way to try to make things that bit easier to understand but I think too sometimes you can get too caught up in worrying about 'am I this or am I actually that' when in reality I think our feelings and emotions aren't ever that neat and easy to define and pin down and put into organised little boxes, like there's always going to be a lot of overlap between 'friendship' and 'romance'; there are going to be things that people who are 'just' friends and people who are romantically involved with each other both do. I understand the importance of labels to many people of course but I do think sometimes people feel like they have to rush to put a neat precise label onto themselves and it's this huge deal to pick the right one as soon as possible because they'll be stuck with it forever then and then sometimes they start to think actually they picked the wrong one and that really confuses and stresses them out, when it doesn't actually matter, if you try out and discard several labels before you find the right one. It's fine to question, it's fine to try things out and experiment with labels and throw away the ones that don't work, it's fine too if something fits you to start with but then something about you changes and that original thing doesn't fit you any more. It may be really confusing but really it's no big deal particularly not in the grand scheme of things - people make mistakes, or people change, that's just life really, that's how we grow and develop, and ultimately labels are there to be used only if you find them helpful and useful to you, so frayromantic for instance; maybe you are or maybe you aren't but if you decide that you are you still don't have to use that label for yourself if you don't really find it helpful to you.

When it comes to the idea of dating or kissing or whatever with cis people, I do get being wary of cis people in general because so much bigotry and hate does come from cis people but I do feel more like personally if it did come to considering having a close relationship of some sort with someone I would have to judge people as individuals not as a whole (because honestly there are many cis people who are amazing, accepting and knowledgeable [about trans issues] trans allies and there are trans people who are very bigoted and hateful even towards other trans people so... I'm not saying you not wanting to do anything 'intimate' with cis people is wrong by the way, if that's how you still feel that's totally understandable, but like with the labels, if you want to change your mind about that that's fine too; you're allowed to break that promise to yourself if you want to).

The straight thing or the issue of sexuality in general would be more the part that could be an issue for me and I can see more where your discomfort with that part of someone might come from because presumably it may imply if he is attracted to you he's not perceiving you as your actual gender. I think perhaps if you reach a point where you do feel that maybe you are attracted to each other in some sort of maybe romantic way and you want to pursue some sort of 'romantic' relationship with him, that would be something you would need to talk over between you so you both know better where you stand on things like is there a possibility he isn't actually straight after all? How does he actually view your gender and is he accepting of what your gender truly is? Would you be comfortable dating a straight person when them being straight may effectively be misgendering you? If not would he be prepared to change the way he labels his sexuality to avoid misgendering you? Though if you absolutely don't want a more 'intimate' relationship with this guy then these things probably don't matter so much and it's probably not something you do need to be worrying about too much.

Also of course it is possible this guy isn't actually straight after all, or is at least questioning his sexuality, though I don't think that things like painting his nails is inherently a queer thing, maybe it's just an alternative fashion type thing. But if perhaps he is at least questioning his own sexuality that could be another reason why he likes hanging out with you and other queer people, because as well as just enjoying being friends with you he feels safer with you.

I'm afraid I don't really know anything about frayromanticism so maybe you need to search for more frayromantic people and see if their experiences seem to match yours.

I will also point out though that being aromantic doesn't necessarily mean never having a 'romantic' relationship since attraction (or lack of) and actions are different things. I mean don't let yourself get pushed into things you genuinely don't want to do or be rushed into things you think you might like but are still unsure about but if you like someone and they seem to like you, maybe you'd still want to do certain things with them even if you're not actually romantically attracted to them, maybe you just enjoy holding hands/kissing/going on dates/whatever and that wouldn't inherently/automatically mean you're not actually aromantic, and so long as you're properly communicating with each other about your feelings and your boundaries and everything that's fine. (But of course it's fine if you never want to date/kiss/have sex with/whatever else with anyone else too.)

I am sorry for what you've been through with the teacher. I don't know what your exact situation is i.e. what country or culture you're in and what kind of support network (i.e. family, other friends, local queer organisations, doctors or therapists etc who can help you in 'real life' with your gender dysphoria, etc) you have and I don't know whether a teacher behaving like that would be illegal or at least broadly condemned by society or whether it would be just accepted or ignored by most people but I think their behaviour is something you should seek help and advice with from someone who is better placed to do something about that, and ideally an official complaint about this teacher should be made to someone higher up than them if that is possible for you (or someone acting on your behalf) to do. Whether it's related to something like their queerness or not, a teacher making horrible remarks about a student is a cruel and despicable thing for them to do, it is bullying and they should be punished for that and ideally you shouldn't have to have them as a teacher any more. If there isn't any real way out of that situation though please try to ignore them; try not to take to heart the things this teacher said; try not to internalise their hatred and prejudices because they are wrong and you are so much better than that teacher is. I do hope there is a way out of that situation though and also that you can start to figure things out about your attraction a bit more soon.

Tiger

[ccorinthian]

I know I’ve been mentally ill posting a lot recently & I think the stress is making whatever I’ve got going on a lot worse, it genuinely feels like I’ve got several people in my head at times & that I also am completely different people sometimes. And it gets really loud in my head also bc there’s a lot of arguing & long, different trains of thought that I can’t control and they overlap and become so much I *have* to let it out. Idk if it’s normal to feel that way or if I’m just being overdramatic over things everybody deals with and has control over. It’s kind of fun when… we? They? Get along though but oftentimes it’s just loud and kinda tiring bc I can’t focus on anything lol

[allaboutabbott]

march 2, 2023

i talked to too many people yesterday, didn’t get a chance to write. which i did a lot of thinking, so that’s good too. i also started falling asleep at the gangway lmfao. but i think that just means i shouldn’t hit my pen after already taking an edible lmfao. its been so nice to have such a good routine with this schedule honestly, i feel like i am getting a lot of good, functional, time, where i am actually doing things that give me life.

i set up a contract on the bird over the summer! june 7th until august 16. so ill probably also go back to NYC for a while, because may is the busiest month for catering and it would be nice to get some shifts in there. especially during the spring, love the spring in new york. and if i go back for like two weeks i could actually have time to see people and all that. wow that would be SO FUN. and i won’t have to stress about any personal stuff, hopefully taylor will be there, and i could hopefully get a lot of reading done. although i say that all the time on the boat and it never actually happens lmfao. 

i think adrienne and i will get to be roommates next week!!! it will be so so nice to hopefully be able to see her more often, and if miranda and i were roommates AND on the same shift? that would be i think overwhelming for me. and it might be kinda nice if sarah kinda pursues her, especially bc they have overlap with hooking up with grace. i know i probably need to have the conversation with miranda, because its not fair to her to not. 

its funny also that miranda and i literally lived in the same neighborhood in NYC, where i thought i was going to like ‘self actualize and become the author i always dreamed of,’ and adrienne lives in san diego, next to LA, a place where i never thought i wanted to move bc it felt like the people there were so false and that it would be hard to make genuine connections. but that’s the problem i ended up having in NYC basically. in a different way i guess, those were all boring people, but still, it feels like the same sort of problem. i thought i would be able to connect with people in NYC better than in LA, and i haven’t lived in LA, but i do already have a lot a lot of friends out there, who could help me find those genuine connections. shit maybe i need to move out to LA and see what happens. bc also the tall ships run out of san diego tool, so i could do that for a min out there. and then i would have a place to live! and maybe i could get a scooter or something, MAYBE a motorcycle, but honestly probably not. 

i feel the precipice of another big change on the horizon. spring to winter is such an invigorating time of year, its like all the seeds you didn’t know you planted are suddenly bursting out of the soil. i didn’t expect to be thinking about making a change so soon, i thought deck would have kept me occupied for longer. i mean, at least i know i can always fall back on it, ya know? also we have no idea what the future holds, i guess i just didn’t think i would be thinking about it this much. venture was a very present contract, it felt like i couldn’t be anywhere but there, couldn’t focus on anything or anyone else. i feel like i kind of got consumed in it. i wonder if i have a tendency to do that, i’m thinking i do. especially with people i really really care about. i can really just give up my whole self for someone i love. why is that i wonder? well fuck actually i know!

talking with the therapist i realized i still have a lot of actions/thought processes that point to having low self worth/esteem. and honestly that makes sense. i feel like sometimes i don’t have a strong sense of self, or maybe its a strong pride in myself. i just feel like i am willing to give up everything that makes me happy, for me, by myself - willing to give it up for connection. and i know connecting with people is the ultimate source of life for me but this seems more to come from how i think love inherently has to be about sacrifice, self sacrifice specifically. “your work in the new paradigm is to give up being selfless and altruistic all the time. focus on elevating your own soul, and watch it ripple effect without you needing to manage how.” i feel like that is exactly what i’m struggling with. and also i don’t have to be the one to carry everyone, i feel like that’s what i try to do but that’s not at all how it works. and meeting people at their level does not meet lowering yourself, sacrificing yourself. 

maybe i need to remember that i am a person too, and connecting with myself is the same as connecting with other people. i usually go about it but connecting with other people helps me get back in touch with myself, but i could also work on trying to find my way back to myself by myself. it seems like i am trying to do that right now, and it feels like its working. it really doesn’t give me a lot of time for other people, but actually what tf am i saying? i have been hanging out with everyone i love here! the circle has gotten smaller, but honestly that is not a bad thing. 

god i really do love my life though. i feel like the amount of love and care i have been giving myself this past week has really boosted my emotional well being and my sense of self. gosh i really need to remember this, need to hold on to this practice. 

[therealvinelle]

hello! i just wanted to respectfully share some perspective. i enjoy your metas a lot & i think a lot of your takes on canon are really great! about the jacob being redeemable & jasper not, a lot of this has to do with how racist smeyer’s writing is & how deeply it runs through jacob’s characterization. jake is beloved on here but if u go to any other platform u will see obscene hate spewed at jacob with absolute vitriol & edward/the cullens showered with praise to the point where it’s disgustingly racist. and ur take on his canon is very interesting but while smeyer prob. didnt realize what she wrote for him was as bad as it was, (her ignorance is sad & baffling) the way she ultimately paints him against her white hero as a love interest is very racially fueled bc the goodness of his nature didn’t serve her white story well anymore bc edward has to be the hero & not the ‘aggressive brown man.’ this is very harmful writing & hurtful to a lot of real people. i don’t think anybody on here would ever excuse or forget jacob’s canon, but this is a big part of why a lot of us view jacob beyond that & not jasper, who does not have the excuse of being a brown kid written by racist whose characterization needed to serve the needs of the white ‘hero’ as POC so often do. this is definitely not hate to you & you are obviously not obligated to acknowledge it, but this is just some perspective on how a lot of us view jacob and why a lot of us think he is deserving of more redemption than others.

(Referenced post)

I actually wasn’t aware those fandoms had a racism issue. I sometimes browse r/twilight to marvel at how shitty it is, and I’ve taken a glance at the Twilight instagram, and all I see on both is tumblr screenshots. From this I figured these communities had to overlap with the tumblr fandom community in terms of opinions as well. I do remember fandom being awful ten years ago, but that was ten years ago and I thought we’d changed.

As for tumblr fandom, I totally get why people like Jacob and feel he deserved better. There’s just no end to the shit he goes through. He lives in poverty, his mother is dead, he’s the sole caretaker of his disabled father, his friends join a gang, he finds out he’s a werewolf and his life as he knew it is over, his best friend wants to become a bloodsucking demon and he’s unable to save her, and then he imprints on Renesmée so he’ll always be stuck with the Cullens. Life is so cruel to him, and because Meyer thinks imprinting is great we’re supposed to accept Jake/vampire baby he imprinted on against his will as his happily ever after. 

And as you point out, there are unmistakable racial dynamics happening with violent and aggressive non-white man Jake, whose imposing physique is emphasized throughout the text, and elegant and composed white man Edward.

So, yeah, I absolutely get why people want a better life for him, and reject the racially toned aggression and violence to enjoy the character he could have been instead.

My exasperation, and what I was referring to when writing that post, is that I think his sexual assault of Bella, threats, and attempt to kill her child should be acknowledged. It happened, it sucks but it very much did happen, and yet there’s no shortage of meta and takes on this site listing all the ways Jake would have been good for Bella. Reimagining canon is half the fun of being in a fandom, but presenting canon Jake as a good partner for a woman he assaults is... perhaps I missed out on some unsaid cue where everyone knows without saying that they’re not actually talking about canon Jake, but the character he could have been, but if so then I wish they would clarify.

Apart from that, I'd like to stress that the other Quileute characters are all great, I tend to focus on the vamp part of Twilight but I really do enjoy their characters, especially Billy, Leah, Sam and Emily.

I hope this cleared things up, and I don’t feel attacked at all, no worries. I’m glad you let me know.

[t4tozier]

okay time for my own hcs that definitely have some overlap with what people have already said but here we go

the big reason The Plan didn’t work is because they had no backup plan. this is because jace expected it to work the first time and is so so bad with making last minute changes

porter tried to take him on a surprise date and he freaked out as soon as he realized they weren’t going back to porter’s because. that’s what they had Planned. porter Said they were going back to his. what do you mean we’re going somewhere else now.

he gets frustrated at school because when he tries to be friendly to people they think he’s obnoxious/getting in the way/nosy but he’s like wait no. i’m trying to connect. is this not how we’re supposed to connect. but then if he unmasks and walks around with RBF all day people think he’s an asshole. he’s like why can’t i win here

he likes driving in porter’s car because his music is actually very soothing, the bass is pounding through the seat and it makes his mind go quiet for a little bit, plus then he can close his eyes and not worry about having to drive (he prefers to teleport whenever possible). but after the failed surprise date he does have to keep his eyes on the road bc he doesn’t trust him to take him to the agreed upon place

he likes the aesthetic of tight pants but would rather die than have anything tight up high around his neck. his scarf doesn’t count because it’s loosely draped around him, he doesn’t mind the feeling of something there, but if he wears anything higher than a v neck he feels like he’s getting choked

he’s not a wild magic sorcerer but he feels a kinship with his wild magic students because their surges feel a lot like his meltdowns. it’s scary when things are outside of your control and just Happen to you. and he feels like that with all of his students but the WM ones especially. so a lot of his self-soothing techniques end up being taught to the class and they actually work and he’s like :D

in tandem with this last one he often feels like he’s not doing enough as a teacher because it’s so difficult to explain how to do things that just come naturally to him. so yeah a lot of it is just talking casually with his students but what he doesn’t realize is that in talking about growing up as a sorcerer in a non-caster family and how he kind of dealt with that is actually incredibly helpful and goes over a lot of techniques that he doesn’t even realize are techniques

when he gets really stressed out he loses speech. he can still text very basic words/sentences, but if he’s at school he just seeks porter out wherever he is without bothering to give him a heads up. if he’s in class he’ll just stand outside the door and. wait. and if porter sees him then he’ll tell the kids to practice hitting each other or whatever and goes out to meet him but if he’s just in his office then jace will just silently come in and curl up in porter’s lap. and porter knows exactly what he needs and squeezes him so tightly because it’s jace’s own form of deep pressure therapy. sometimes jace will fall asleep like that and it’s like when your cat falls asleep on you porter’s like well. can corsica cover my next period she doesn’t need to teach just make sure they don’t kill each other. because i can’t leave now.

even though growing up as a sorcerer was difficult at times he’s so glad he is one because if he had to choose between all of the classes he would’ve ended up like fig with like a level or two in six classes because he couldn’t decide

he created his mirror image adaptation because imagine having three copies of you when your executive function is just not cooperating. he sends them to go do the dishes and clean his room because he’s like it’s truly only going to get worse because i’m overwhelmed about how dirty/messy it is and so it’ll just keep piling up if i don’t have someone to do it for me or at least help me. literal body doubling

oh no guys the autism beam is locking in on a new target,,,everyone say hi autistic jace stardiamond <3

[myleftpinkytoe]

Frequent, severe headrushes are super weird, bc from the outside it LOOKS super freaky. It's always a fun time (sarcasm) when the uninitiated see a particularly bad one, bc from their perspective it goes like this (steps usually overlap slightly):

1. Me, blinking: "oh, um. Don't freak out"

2. Eyes go unfocused. I stop responding to things said to me

3. I reach for something sturdy, generally miss, then pitch alarmingly to the side as I claw ineffectually at whatever I reached for while falling to the ground

4. On my way down, I begin to shake and twitch uncontrollably

5. I get to the floor, where I sit for a few seconds, still twitching & shaking, then blink a few times. Optional: I begin to gasp for breath.

Which, from the outside, looks fucking insane! Several people have said "you just had a seizure!" (they're not seizures! I'm completely aware the whole time!).

On the inside, it feels like this:

1. Dizziness & tunnel vision. I now have 0-2 seconds to sit down or grab something before I lose the ability to do that in a controlled manner

2. Vision goes. If it's a bad one, hearing is also gone. I can still talk though, so I might say something like "im ok! This is normal! I'll be fine in a minute!" (if it's not REALLY bad, that is)

3. Balance goes. This has a big range of results, ranging from needing to lean against a wall/object/person, to suddenly sitting on the floor, to (my favourite :/) not being fast enough to react before my vision goes and looking like I'm clawing at the object bc I can't see it and I'm no longer 100% sure where it is in relation to my body any more and my fingers are shaking and I can't get a fucking GRIP ON IT. This can also lead to a slow slide to the ground, so like: unfocused eyes, clawing at the wall as I slowly collapse downwards. Best result is getting a firm grip on something then locking my knees and elbows so I don't brain myself during the next step

4. Muscle spasms! Usually happens as I'm falling! My limbs start twitching uncontrollably, which can make my slow, clawing descent look even more alarming! If I'm grabbing something, it also looks alarming!!! If I'm sitting on the floor, is ALSO looks alarming!!!!!

5. Like 5 seconds of waiting for it to pass, shaking uncontrollably, holding onto whatever I can for dear life, unable to see or hear anything, sometimes repeating "I'm OK! Just wait, I'm OK!" if I remember to breathe!

6. (Optional) vision clears and I begin gasping for breath bc sometimes I hold onto whatever I grab so tightly that I forget to breathe! You know when you brace against something and you hold your breath automatically? Yeah, hard to remember to breathe when everything is a spinny, purple-black-green mass of wooOOOAAAAAHHH FUCK

7. Things clear up. I stand up straight and apologize. Someone tells me to drink more water. I laugh awkwardly.

I've hurt myself like 2 times but I've fallen >100 so the track record isn't terrible! It almost always happens within 30s of standing up (although one time it was like 2 minutes later which was inconvenient bc I'd made it to a busy hallway :/), and it's worse if I'm tired, stressed, hungry, or dehydrated, but it also happens when I'm none of those things. It's worse if I've been sitting for a long time, but it can also happen after sitting for 2 minutes.

It's happened a few times when I'm still sitting and I yawn. One time, it happened when I was sitting with someone, and I was like "oh one second", and I folded forward and put my head on my knees to just shake it out, and the person I was with panicked and tried to grab me, and accidentally Kneed Me In The Head! That was a weird time bc like they KNEW I did this all the time so 🤷. School was a good time (sarcasm), bc 5 minutes between classes to get across the building meant I didn't have the luxury of standing up slowly and I fell over like 4 times a day while teachers were like "👀 u ok?"

Sometimes the head rushes are so mild I can mostly ignore them. If I'm walking down an empty hallway and my vision is like "goodbye" but my balance is mostly fine, I'll sometimes just keep walking, maybe list to the side slightly. I prooobably shouldn't do that, but if you're in a busy hallway with a lot of people and you suddenly stop, people will sometimes shove you! Which is annoying! Plus, ive only walked into someone/something while doing this like 3 times in my entire life so again not a terrible track record. It's alwaya fun to walk into someone who came around a corner, blindly grab them bc FUCK, then be like "oh sorry I couldn't see haha".

I've gotten tests done, I've gotten my heart checked, blood drawn, the whole shebang, and apparently I'm fine and just have, like, unusually low blood pressure? Although I haven't actually done that table tilt test, so who knows! It mostly doesn't interfere with my life too much (those 2 injuries happened when I was admittedly way more dehydrated than I should have let myself get), except for Freaking People Out. Honestly people insisting I go to the ER is way more inconvenient than like 90% of the episodes.

I dont really have a reason for posting this, except to maybe ask that people freak out less when it happens? Even if it WAS a seizure, you really should not grab people during an episode, and I've been hurt by people trying to help me more than anything else (those 2 times aren't including other people hurting me while trying help). If we have a close relationship, I might grab onto YOU to hold myself up, and you can definitely hold me back when I do that, but otherwise if I'm falling and shaking, then I can't really control the direction I go in and a SURPRISING number of people end up kneeing me while moving to try to catch me! Also, holding my head directly on a hard, flat surface is WAY more likely to hurt me than letting me hover/ put my own head on my arms so maybe don't force my head down! I don't know why people do that! It hurts!!! If anything, you could put your hand between my head and the hard surface, so I have a soft bumper to hit (tho I almost definitely don't need it tbh), but honestly getting into that position is more likely to smack me in the face so maaaybe just don't.

Oof. You know, I'm always treating this like no big deal, but laid out in a post like this, it DOES seem like a lot? Maybe once the pandemic calms down here I should go get another opinion 🤔

[echoghost1]

EchoGhost's Phic Phight 2021 Master Post

And in case you missed any, or just like seeing the whole gang together, here is every single fic I wrote for my first ever Phic Phight!

1) Perseverance

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: While Maddie is helping Danny with his homework a notification from his phone becomes a major distraction.

Prompt: PR134 - Danny is sitting quietly next to someone. Maybe he's doing homework with his friends, maybe Jazz is driving him somewhere, maybe he's working on a group project with someone, maybe he's doing something else entirely. He suddenly starts *freaking* the heck out - Perseverance has just landed on Mars, and he just found out about it. How is his reaction perceived by whoever he's with?

2) The Reason You Wail

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: An odd feeling he can't quite explain is haunting Danny. He wants it to stop but he knows it won't, he just knows now.

Prompt: PR054 - As Danny gets older, he doesn't just predict the appearance of ghosts. He starts predicting when someone's going to die.

3) Forget Your Life Story

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: Danny woke up with no memory. He didn’t even know his own name. The doctor told him it would come back and his parents were there to help him. He trusts them, even if he doesn't recognize them. Even if some things didn’t quite line up.

Prompt: PR002 - Danny woke up from being in a month long coma with no memory of how he got there or anything about his past. Thankfully, the doctors said that his memory would return eventually, and he had his loved ones nearby to tell him who he was and his life story. However, as his memory slowly returns, there's huge, distinct differences between what he's been told and the things he's remembering.

4) Recreational Botany

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: It wasn't her fault. She was merely curious, had only wanted to help. She didn't mean for this to happen. She just hoped it would wear off soon. (TW: Drug use - Weed)

Prompt: PR228 - Ghost weed.

5) Fool’s Errand (Ghost Prince AU)

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: It had been hours since Danny flew off to fight Pariah Dark and Vlad took it upon himself to see what was taking the boy so long.

Prompt: PR065 - After their fight, Pariah Dark decides Danny has all the qualities he wants in an heir and forcibly adopts him. (Danny can either lose the fight to put him back in the Sarcophagus, or Pariah can get out again later.)

6) You Walked Right Into This

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: Sometimes walking is more than just walking. (TW: Child Abuse)

Prompt: PR142 - Jack and Maddie seriously injure Danny Fenton, resulting in him being at their mercy and revealing he’s not exactly human. Now the parents have to decide wether to help him... or finish what they started. TW for serious injury and probably gore and angst.

7) What You Fear The Most (Scary Ghost Form AU)

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: What if his ghost form was less human-looking? What if he looked every bit the monster his parents had always told him ghosts were?

Prompt: PR035 - Monstrous: AU where Danny's ghost form is monstrous and grotesque. On one hand, he doesn't have to worry about anyone recognizing him; on the other, it might be even harder to convince people that he's a good guy

8) Parallels

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: It's amazing the things you learn on a field trip.

Prompt: PR047 - Wacky reveals (ex: Danny drying up too quickly bc intangibility, Danny's drink stays cool way too long, people's electronic devices are always more charged when they've been near Danny, etc)

9) Cast Into Obsidian (Blind AU)

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: The accident sent Danny to the hospital due to the damage to his eyes.

Prompt 01: PR092 - Write a more traditional ghost story. How would things change if ghost powers weren’t super powers, but closer to old horror movie tropes?

Prompt 02: PR259 - The Accident didn’t turn Danny into a half ghost, but instead allowed him to see, hear, and physically interact with the very real ghosts that are now pouring through the portal (Alternative: Danny’s always been clairvoyant, but after the accident he finally sees all of the ghosts he’d grown up talking to)

10) Where The Lines Overlap (Parallels part 2)

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: Maddie wants to know what her son has been keeping from her and today he finally decides to tell her. (TW: Outsider POV of PTSD flashbacks)

Prompt: PR091 - When he told his parents the truth, Danny had only ever bothered thinking about the stress of potential dissection. With that out of the way, and his secret fully accepted, he realised that there were a lot of unexpected things to adjust to... Write about something funny or awkward as the Fentons learn to live with a half ghost son!

11) Quoth the Librarian, “But I’m Alone?”

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: Eleanor loved her job at the school library. She always made sure to come in early to make sure everything was just right before the students came. Today something beat her there.

Prompt: PR234 - Suddenly, there was a knock at the door...

12) The Baldr to My Odin (Ghost Prince AU part 2)

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: Pariah has recently acquired a son and wants to get to know him better.

Prompt: PR121 - Pariah Dark wakes up from his slumber and tries to live a peaceful existence in his castle practicing his swordsmanship and rebuilding his castle with all modern luxuries. But ghost from the ghost zone keep trying to challenge him to become king.

13) Tagged

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: Dr. Flora Santos and her partner Dr. Carlos Rodriguez have lucked out as they have finally caught their most elusive subject.

Prompt: PR090 - Something physical happens to Danny’s body that makes it impossible to keep his secret identity, well, secret.

14) The Paleontologist and The Princess (Dino boy AU)

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: Danny had one true passion; Paleontology. So can anyone really blame him for getting excited when he thinks he comes face to face with a dinosaur? Even if it isn't a dinosaur after all.

Prompt: PR139 - "Actually, Dad? I wanted to be a paleontologist."

15) Lost In Transmission

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: There's a Ghost Expo happening at Casper High and Danny thinks it'll be fun to see all the incorrect ways people try to find ghosts. He learns the hard way that just because is old, doesn't mean it doesn't work.

Prompt: PRO58 - Casper high is holding a supernatural expo. Supposed paranormal experts are gathered in their gym to show off their expertise. Thinking it'll be a flop, since most employ methods that aren't modern, Danny and his friends go for fun. Only, it turns out that traditional ghost hunting techniques are more efficient than they seem.

16) Dark Familiarity (Role Swap AU)

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: Danny has been hunting ghosts for a while now. He has been ever since they ruined his life and a mysterious package arrived with everything he needed to exact his revenge. (TW: Character Death)

Prompt: PR095 - Danny and Valerie role swap (but not personality swap!!). How does Valerie fair as a ghost? How does Danny do as a ghost hunter (and what motivates him to do it in the first place?) [Shipping them is fine, but gen fics are preferred!]

17) I’ve Felt It Too

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: Ember's having a bad day and Danny tries to help.

Prompt: PR079 - Phantom looked at Ember. Her eyes filled with tears. She gnashed her teeth and screamed. "You don't know what it's like."

And Phantom, with a heavy sigh whispered. "Yeah, I do..."

18) Repair All Of The Damage (Undead Danny AU)

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: After the tragic loss of her son, Maddie vows to bring him back. No matter what. (TW: Death of a child)

Prompt: PR088 - tw; death of a child?

The Fentons had their daughter sure but they always wanted a son. due to an accident or complication with their son, Danny, died. They decide to put their ghostly knowledge to use and try to summon the spirit of their son back to them. They are ghost scientists. they know how to contain them after all. How much time that has passed between the death and the 'summoning' is up to you!

19) Out Of This World (And Into The Next)

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: What if when Danny first fought the Lunch Lady ghost she actually noticed how young he was. What if she didn't know he was more than just another ghost? What if when she commented on how underweight he was, she decided to help him?

Prompt 01: PR113 - Danny has an existential crisis because he’s dead

Prompt 02: PR242 - somehow, he's gotten younger

20) Spirit Versus Spunk

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: Mr. Lancer isn't sure how he's supposed to be reacting to what he's seeing, but seeing as he's the adult here, he better make up his mind.

Prompt: PR019 - Danny and Wes Weston fight over a harmless ghost. This happens during a ghost attack.

21) The Group Project From Hell

AO3 or Tumblr

Summary: Danny and Tucker get stuck working with someone that they really don’t want to

Prompt: Everyone hates group projects, and that’s even if you like your group members. Tucker, Danny, and Elliot/Gregor all get teamed up for a group project, and Tucker and Danny need to refrain from killing him.

And as an added bonus I did make a Spotify playlist for this too! There's a song for each fic that I felt best fit the vibe of each story.

[blinkplnk]

#showyourprocess

From planning to posting, share your process for making creative content!

To continue supporting content makers, this tag game is meant to show the entire process of making creative content: this can be for any creation.

RULES — When your work is tagged, show the process of its creation from planning to posting, then tag 5 people with a specific link to one of their creative works you’d like to see the process of. Use the tag #showyourprocess so we can find yours!

Big thank you to @fengqing for tagging me and I’ll do my best to explain how I made this set for Jiang Yanli! 

1. Planning

The beginning idea for this set actually stemmed from my Yanli birthday set for the @mdzsnet event, wherein I was working with this palette: 

The one thing I had to learn with using palettes, and is my biggest help to others, is SCENE CHOICE. It can make a difference between tearing your hair out and being happy with your final result, though there’s definitely some trial and error to it.

So I knew I wanted to make a gifset using each of the colours, and, for the light blue, immediately my mind went to the Gusu Lectures period of time, due to Cloud Recesses having a much more blue and light palette than many of the other settings in the show. The lightness of the blue made me lean towards outdoor scenes, and I immediately recalled the interaction between Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan where she slips and he catches her (episode 6). Thus off hunting I went until I found it. The final set actually came about because I had more footage than the original gif needed and I didn’t want a colouring I was quite proud of to be a one-and-done kind of thing. I also found the scene featuring the second gif, which had a similar palette in the episode, and decided to work it in as well (because I have weird moments of fussiness where two gifs isn't enough lol). 

2. Creating

I have all the episodes saved on my hard drive, so it’s a matter of finding the right scenes in the episodes and going from there. With my scenes found, I wrote down the timestamps in order to put it through Vapoursynth, which I use to crop, resize, sharpen, and denoise my gifs before importing them into Photoshop (I use a portable version). I trim them down to a relatively similar length (bc I like those sets to be similar), adjust the timing and, with all that done, we’re left with our base gifs like so!

Now onto the fun part! Colouring! I’m going to pop the rest under a read more because it’s image heavy!

I already had a pretty set colouring since this was overflow from another set, but I’ll break that down a bit as well. My first step is always to plop a couple of spots of the desired colour onto the very top layer of the canvas, because it makes judging if its in the right realm or not much easier, like so:

My go-to’s for base colouring is curves (which does a lot of heavy lifting on colour correcting for me) and a vibrance layer (to see what colours we’re working with). 

Then it’s about manipulating those colours into something closer to my desired one. Thankfully here my scene choice made life much easier as it’s already a light setting but it’s also already got a lot of cyan to work with. Threw on a few selective colour layers (focusing on lightening the cyan;

making the blues stand out more by removing the warmer tones;

correcting that green-ish tinge back to blue and making the cyan lighter again;

Now here is a little something I tend to do thats negligible but it makes me feel better about the colouring and thats a gradient map set to soft light, low opacity (20% here) using the pale blue and black. It just helps making the image a little more cool in tone in my opinion, and I put that UNDER my original curves layer;

And this is where we break out the brush! Obviously the darker colour on the left needed to be lightened up, so I went in with the palette colour on soft light at 100%;

and lighten at 50%;

Then I added another selective colour layer to lighten up the cyans and get closer to the palette colour;

Back to our brush! A layer on the right with soft light to give a bit more uniform colour across that expanse;

And lastly, I pulled a gradient of just the blue across the left to smooth out the colour on the edge of the frame, like it is on the opposite side (bc I’m obsessed like that);

Amidst all of this, I was using masks on the brush layers to account for Yanli’s movement and keep it from overlapping her skin, until finally I was happy (you’ll notice above the two circles are barely visible now) and we have this result!

My process was basically the same for the other two gifs in the set, with the second requiring a few more brush layers and gradients until we had all three looking spick and span!

Isn’t she pretty?

3. Posting

This here is where we pray Tumblr doesn’t destroy our hard work.

I mean, ahem. I don’t tend to save stuff to drafts unless I can’t finish it then and there, or I’ll pop it into the queue if it’s for a deadline. The gradient text is one of my favourite ways to caption on sets and I use a palette generator from an image website (google adobe colour palette from image) to pull out colours to use (I fiddle sometimes to get a gradient that looks good), before popping them into Cuvou's text fader (I’d link but Tumblr don’t like that but if you google it should come up). I then switch the text editor here over to HTML to pop in the code generated by the fader, add any other text styles I want (bold, small font or header size font, etc), preview the HTML, preview it on my blog a couple times and then once I’m happy, usually that’s it! It gets posted or queued and out into the aether it goes!

In this case, this was the final result of the gradient text in the caption;

Phew so that was... a lot for what amounted to a colouring and I’m sorry if y’all didn’t want a tutorial but here it basically is xD For the tagging I’m going to go outside the fandom just a bit and tag, but if you’ve already been tagged, don’t stress it!

@offtodef with this set

@sugarbabywenkexing with this set

@gusucloud with this set

@wanyinxichen​ with this set

@sarawatsaraleo​ with this set

[abri-chan]

I was reading your unpopular opinions post and saw your buccellati is an incompetent capo without integrity point which is an interesting take! Would you mind explaining your thoughts to me?

I have hinted this in previous posts but time to compile them in a long one. However, do keep in mind integrity as a capo is different from that as a person. Sometimes they overlap: Polpo was corrupted as a person (a personification of greed) and that greed leaked into his integrity as a capo. As we see his own zone is in shambles during the opening of VA and probably what inspired Giorno to decide Passione needs a better leader. For Bruno, he is actually a kind person, but he doesn’t make the best leader.

So by *integrity* I will use the meaning of “being whole and undivided”, or said in a better way “how much do your decisions or ideals conflict?” So a person would have low integrity if his decisions really go in conflict with his stated ideals. Integrity is befuddled with morality plenty of times, but I want to make the case that it is separate: integrity only measures how much the actions of a system conflict with its core values. Morality comes into play when these conflicts have real consequences on people’s lives.

I’ll also compare Bruno with Risotto, because I see Risotto as a better leader and I want to illustrate by contrast. LONG POST AHEAD

So to start, why is Bruno inefficient? I think his inefficiency as a capo comes from his inherent kindness. It’s a bit like that part in Black panther, where the now dead king says: You are a good man, and it’s hard for a good man to be king. As a capo you have to prioritize your own team; because that’s why they are willing to sacrifice for you in the first place. So sometimes to be efficient you have to take decisions that to you as a *person* may be morally appalling but they’re needed for the greater good of the team. If you think about it murder doesn’t sound okay... but you can justify why Bucci Gang had to commit plenty of murders with regards to their team goal of getting up in the ranks. Or that it is just work assigned by the boss, and so on.

When it comes to Bruno we see him unwilling to harm citizens. Yeah I know he used this guy’s body in his fight with Giorno, but could be the Vegeta effect: at first the author makes us see this guy as bad bc he’s a villain and his personality suddenly changes a lot after he’s baptized as a good guy. I feel mangakas do change small details about characters as time goes on; overall their personality is constant but there are slip ups. Also Bruno may consider those that take drugs to not be worthy citizens... But overall Bruno is okay with torturing a 15 year old boy bc this boy is linked to the mafia by killing Luca, but he’s not okay with sacrificing a 15 year old  girl bc she didn’t choose to be thrown into the mess the boss made. That’s a kind decision, and Bruno really acted like a father to Trish; but that’s a dumb and inefficient decision with regards to his team. As Fugo said, they had done plenty of vile things before, so what’s special about abandoning another girl? You can’t endanger the whole team that has served you and put their life on the line, and then just quit and tell them go do whatever, follow me or not, I don’t care.

In my opinion, one thing people don’t talk about leadership, is that when shit hits the fan the leader is someone that is willing to shoulder the responsibility. A team-member can be relieved from the stress of making a hard decision if they say: my capo made me do it. You can’t be blamed if you are a mindless machine that follows orders. And that’s what keeps you sane in morally grey situations where the answer is not obvious. The leader on the other hand, in return for all the power and the willingness of each team member to be his pawn, has to shoulder the burden of the hard decision as well as its moral blame. He has to live with the fact of being the hand that pulled the trigger, and be the ONE to take the decision that no one else wants to take (bc it’s a mentally taxing thing to do).

So you can’t have a capo like Bruno who cannot take hard decisions, but instead unloads that burden on their team: think for yourselves. Definitely makes sense for the team to be self-sufficient on their own, but the capo sets the team goals, so if you area capo, in a hierarchy, you can’t have every member doing their own thing bc it will lead to chaos. You can’t unburden the decision of “following the capo or not” onto Narancia, bc he didn’t sign up for it. He signed up to be a follower and Bruno just changed the terms and conditions (more on this in a moment). Deciding to betray the boss was a capo-level decision, getting on that boat was a capo-level decision, and Bruno the capo just throws that decision burden away and onto his teammates; you pilot your own plane now I don’t care I never trained you and it was out of the blue. (Don’t come with the argument of maybe they all wanted to be capos one day. Sure, but you don’t train fledgling capos on a life and death situation of betraying the boss! It should be a gradual process, not throwing in the towel so your members have to pick up your slack. Bruno highhandedly dissolved the Bucci Gang as a team with no warning and on the worst situation possible for all his members-- when shit hit the fan his answer was to prioritize this stranger girl instead of his own team.)

Inefficiency is linked with lack of integrity bc if your actions conflict with your core values you won’t get much done. A good capo (different from a good person) would have set some capo core values, as well as core goals for his team, and would disclose those to his team members. There’s a contract between the capo and the team member, with terms and conditions; the member follows and sacrifices for capo’s vision because of tangible benefits that come from rising up the ladder. Sure, in many cases people follow for reasons that are not in the “contract”: we have Narancia following bc he respected Bruno, Abbacchio has a one-sided crush, etc. But the reason they were all elated when Bruno became capo is that all members knew they would have power and other benefits coming from them raising in the ranks of Passione. They trust the capo to stay true to the disclosed values and goals, because TRUST is of the essence.

Now what does Bruno do? He has a different contract with the newcomer Giorno, which he doesn’t disclose to the other team members. It’s not smart to play favorites, especially if you have nothing to justify this preference with regards to what the other team members know. We slowly see signs of distrusts or at the very least anxiety appearing in Bucci Gang; Abbacchio and Fugo question why Bruno trusts Giorno so much. It eventually culminates with Fugo breaking away, because Bruno has no integrity as a capo.

In the boat scene, Bruno prioritized his personal trauma and feelings: Trish reminds him of himself and his complicated relationship with his father. But your personal feelings should not come above your capo core values. (There are core personal values and core capo values, and you cannot mix them up as you please). Other members also have had shitty lives and personal feelings, but they don’t deviate from the team values bc they trust their capo won’t either. Why should Bruno’s feelings be special? Fugo rightfully asks why Bruno suddenly changed their contract, for a girl they don’t even know. And Fugo is right; Bruno betrayed his trust, along with the team’s trust: he didn’t uphold the contract and didn’t disclose his real intentions and core values to them. Not only that, but Fugo is made out to be a coward for not getting into that boat, but how could he follow a capo that no longer has  integrity? Fugo did the logical thing: his capo who he trusted broke his trust for a stranger, changed the contract, and no one even knows what the new contract is. What are the new core values for the team? What are the new goals? Bruno can’t even lead well anymore, and slowly everyone starts seeing Giorno as more of a leader (Narancia in the fight with Squalo and Tiziano). Because Giorno’s core values and actions align: he has integrity. Why would someone smart like Fugo follow a now chaotic leader like Bruno, who doesn’t even care how much the team has sacrificed for them and breaks their trust as if it were the right thing to do.

Compare that to a team like La Squadra, and it’s sad we don’t see more of their interactions. But from what we see, it’s telling that no one defected, unlike in Bruno’s Gang. And I doubt it’s bc these men were more friends or buddies than Bruno’s Gang. I’m willing to bet they have their own subgroups, and some severely dislike one another. But they stick together bc Risotto’s integrity has a leader has trickled down to his own team: they trust that Risotto will make the hard decisions when the time comes. And they trust he won’t betray the trust and sacrifice they have put into this.

Unlike Bruno who has favorites, it seems Risotto treats his men equally, since he divides the pay among them. It also seems the team clearly knows their core values and goals, otherwise they wouldn’t be so secure in following their leader. You can’t just follow blindly, if the leader doesn’t prove himself that his actions do align with the values he has disclosed to you.

As an example of Risotto putting his team’s values over his own personal feelings: Sorbet and Gelato’s death. We know he’s Sicilian and stereo-typically so at times. In the backstory, the murderer of his cousin is punished by law, but Risotto still kills him... bc blood is a family issue. You have to take honor in your own hands and inflict punishment. Mafia is a bit like family too, so the boss killing two of Risotto’s men has caused harm and humiliation to the entire team. No one will persuade me that Risotto’s initial reaction wasn’t to bust down Diavolo’s door (once he found him) and make him pay for the blood he spilled from his “squadra tree”. But he kept those feelings down, he swallowed the humiliation, bc seeking personal revenge on Sorbet and Gelato would be the foolish thing to do. It’s what Risotto the man would do, but now what Risotto the capo should do. He made the decision to bear the humiliation himself, as the capo who didn’t avenge his fallen men, and it took courage to say: “forget about those two, as if they never existed”. He swallowed both his Sicilian and capo pride in that statement. And he probably stays up at night thinking on how he would want Diavolo to pay through his nose.

In fact, La Squadra didn't’ defect again until Trish appears and they have a real chance at taking down the boss. And even then, Formaggio brings up the financial benefits of being the new leaders of Passione: it’s not just about the humiliation of having Sorbet and Gelato killed, but there are clear financial benefits to them following Risotto this time, and that’s worth sacrificing for. And Risotto doesn’t just up and change his terms and conditions as he pleases, so that makes their men feel secure. You can be angry all you want at Prosciutto killing an entire train, but if you’re need a team partner, would you want Bruno who will change his mind bc one guy on the train reminds him of his dad, or Prosciutto who to protect his own team is willing to kill an entire train? I think a lot of courage in Bucci Gang comes from the inherent virtues in his team members: Narancia is loyal by nature. In La Squadra, since even someone like Melone has “team virtues” it probably comes from the way the leader inspires them all and the kind of environment he has created. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather take the team that guarantees no one will abandon my ass in a mission, bc the capo has high integrity.

On a tangential note, I do believe Bruno is kinder than Risotto; I feel Risotto is more just than he is kind. But maybe for a leader it is more important to be just then, because too much kindness will get you into contradicting the core values you set up for your team.

[pastamic]

So I’ve seen quite a few posts complaining about the way Entrapta was treated by the Princesses, particularly with a lot of vitriol towards Mermista. I know a lot of us who are neurodivergent are really excited about Entrapta as a character because she’s autistic coded and a lot of us can really relate to her. I think a lot of us are also, and rightfully so, very defensive of the way these types of characters are treated because they get treated honestly so badly by show creators and other characters in their series more often than not, and that’s totally reasonable. If you’re uncomfortable with the way she was treated in regards to what I’m about to talk about I’m in no way saying you can’t still be uncomfortable about this because this is just my opinion and the way I saw it as one touch-averse ND person. To preface this I have not received an autism diagnoses, but I have an ADHD diagnoses and have started to suspect that I might be autistic as well (though it’s hard to tell with the overlapping symptoms.) My fiance is autistic and also has ADHD and has agreed with me on several of these points. 

SO 

[id: Screenshot of Mermista pulling Entrapta’s hair while they approach Horde Prime’s spire in season 5. Caption reads “I’m sorry I’m bad at listening!” end id]

This scene, which a lot of people had an issue with. I had an issue with it at first too bc like pulling peoples hair is generally like not okay! Though the situation was very stressful and dire and Mermista was under a lot of stress. I think this episode was actually particularly important because it showed Entrapta’s issues with feelings and people (like not realizing they were all upset with her) and the stress and residual resentment from fighting on opposite sides and the issues that the other princesses had with understanding Entrapta with a resolution that got talked through. Something that in my personal experience is really important for everyone, but especially ND people and people with mental illnesses. Miscommunications and misunderstandings happen and they all talked it through and I thought it was very sweet. 

But, the hair pulling (and the weird leash thing that Perfuma made with vines but that’s a whole post on it’s own and I’m not gonna get into it) 

Now like I said I thought it was kinda shitty at first, but thanks to quarantine and depression I’ve re-watched spop probably fifteen times now and I’ve noticed a bit of a pattern. 

Most of us have already noticed that Entrapta uses her hair as hands for stuff 

[id: Screenshot of Entrapta leaning over in Hordak’s lab and shaping one of her pigtails into a hand. Caption reads “Failure is a vital part of scientific endeavor.” end id]

Like literal hands

[id: Screenshot of Entrapta standing in Darla’s doorway holding her tools with her hair and making a suggestive face. end id] 

It’s her superpower, and while the other princesses do use their powers as a bit of an extension of themselves, for Entrapta her hair is straight up another body part/limb for her. Tbh if I had hair like that I would use it for literally everything and never touch shit with my hands. 

I think I’ve seen people point this out to an extent before but I noticed that Entrapta never really reaches out to touch anybody with her actual hands with the exception of Hordak.

[id: Screenshot of Entrapta smiling  in the Fright Zone squishing Catra’s cheeks with her hair. Caption reads “Hi, Catra. I saved your life. You’re welcome.” end id]

When she convinces Hordak to send Catra to the Crimson Waste instead of to Beast Island she like grabs her cheeks with her hair, and again in season 5 she pats Catra on the head when she tells her she forgives her. 

[id: Screenshot of Entrapta and Hordak in Hordak’s lab. Entrapta is using her hair to hold out Hordak’s arms in a T-pose. Caption reads “And you’re really way too obsessed with this whole failure thing.” end id] 

And when she’s talking about Hordak’s disability and brainstorming about his suit. I actually chose both of the above screenshots because I thought at first that she only used her hair in place of her hands because her hands always had her tablet in them but both of her hands are free in these scenes, though one could argue that she needs to use her hair to reach Hordak’s hands, she could lift herself up with her hair if she really wanted to reach out with her hands. 

Actually there’s a point in Season 3, episode 4 where she straight up just scratches her hair with the Shera sword so I’m not even sure she has feeling in her hair??? 

[id: Screenshot of Entrapta in Hordak’s lab scratching her head with the Shera sword. Caption reads “I’m not sure if we just need the sword or if we need She-Ra, too.” end id] 

She’s scratching her head with a big fuck off sword so I think that we can infer two things from that: that she can’t really feel much through her hair, and that her hair is like durable as fuck. Considering she lifts herself up by her hair a ton I’d imagine it’s not attached to her scalp in quite the same sensitive way that like non-magic hair would be. 

So I think it makes sense, and might be a respect of her boundaries, to reach for her hair over her hand if they need to keep her from going somewhere. You could argue that grabbing someone in general is a disrespect of boundaries, and in a lot of cases it can be, but in the case of a battle or dangerous mission grabbing someone isn’t really out of the ordinary. We see it with the Best Friends Squad a lot, but also with Scorpia and like literally everyone she’s around. 

When Hordak saves Entrapta from the portal exploding we do see him grab her by the hand, but it’s continuously established that Entrapta exhibits way more intimacy with him than with pretty much anyone else. She allows touch from others and doesn’t seem bothered by it, but Hordak is the person she most consistently reaches out to in regards to touch. 

[id: Screenshot of Bow kissing Entrapta’s pigtail like it’s her hand. end id] 

When Bow first officially meets Entrapta he kisses her pigtail like it’s her hand, which by the way is just super adorable I love fanboy Bow, but it’s not just Bow. Catra and Scorpia also mainly interact with Entrapta through her hair.

Whenever someone needs to interact with Entrapta in a tactile way, it’s pretty much always through her hair. When Entrapta needs to interact with others in a tactile way, it’s pretty much always through her hair. Entrapta’s hair is like another set (sets?? She can split her hair up a lot) of hands. So I don’t think it’s as rough of a treatment as people are making it out to be. It’s not like pulling a non-magic person’s hair. Entrapta’s hair is magic and she uses it in place of her hands near constantly. It’s not like pulling someone else’s hair because Entrapta’s hair is her power, it’s an extension of herself in a way that other’s hair is not. 

It’s okay to feel uncomfortable with Mermista (or others) pulling Entrapta’s hair if that makes you uncomfortable, especially if you’re neurodivergent as many of us have experiences of people completely disregarding our bodily autonomy and infantilizing us in a way that’s frustrating and harmful, but (and I’m not gonna name names bc this isn’t meant to be a discourse post and I’ve seen it a lot) demonizing Mermista for pulling her hair in a high stress situation when she’s struggling with leadership already and Entrapta is seemingly ignoring her orders to do whatever for the sake of science. Though we find out that’s not the case, Mermista doesn’t know that at first and was intending to keep Entrapta from putting herself or the rest of the team in danger which is a foundation of leadership responsibility. 

Should she have tried to be more understanding of Entrapta and actually try to communicate frankly that she was mad instead of assuming that Entrapta would realize it on her own? Absolutely, especially as a leader. But she’s new to leadership and that’s like half of what that episode was about, and people make mistakes, especially with communication. That’s something that I think spop as a show handles really well. People make mistakes, people do things they regret, and people struggle with things like communicating and boundaries even when they have the best of intentions. What matters is that it’s talked out, apologized for, resolved, etc. I’m ND myself, and I’m friends with a lot of neurodivergent people and miscommunications happen A LOT even with like the base knowledge that we need to speak bluntly, clearly, and honestly in order to be understood. Sometimes even when you’re blunt and honest and open things still get miscommunicated. I definitely think the princesses infantilize Entrapta far too much, but I don’t think the hair pulling is as much of an issue as I’ve seen people make it out to be and I definitely don’t think Mermista is some Vile Bitch (tm) for doing what she did. 

(Also I took all these screenshots myself please appreciate that I spent like two hours combing through spop episodes to find them djsfjklds) 

[this-is-my-main-i-follow-from]

I already wrote this post, but I’m coming backk up to the top to put a cut bc it’s p long.

my brother is singing falsettos out loud & I’ve already had a stressful day bc I’ve done nothing (lack of structure & lack of productivity gives me really bad anxiety) & he’s either singing out of key & out of time, or it just sounds really bad without the music. He’s the only one who can hear the music bc HeadPhones. & also the falsettos is probably really bad for my mom bc she’s mad that dad left her, esp bc the house is a mess & stressing her out & she needs to go grocery shopping & he used to do that “but now he doesn’t because he stopped loving [her]”, so my bro singing fucking falsettos is really bad. I can’t cook supper bc I don’t have a recipe & the stuff is still frozen & idk what kind of dough I should make & besides the kitchen is a mess & he won’t fucking clean it. I mean it’s also partially my fault bc I’m a lazy adhd mofo, but it’s his job today & my job to cook. I need to get into the kitchen & cook before mom & my OTHER brother get home from shopping but I can’t bc he’s just drawing & singing & the singing is so annoying- I was trying to listen to a thing but I couldn’t fricking hear it bc adhd auditory processing disorders, it didn’t have fucking subtitles or anything & it was not great audio quality & I couldn’t differentiate between the words he was singing, & I couldn’t hear the quiet parts when they overlapped with his singing. I wasn’t going to write all of this I was just going to say that his singing makes me want to cut myself, but apparently there’s a lot more to it. also I don’t want to end up cooking while mom is home bc I don’t have any drawings on my arm & mom is fucking nosy & wants to see my scars so I have to work extra hard at hiding them but even with ppl who arent nosy, like my little bro I don’t like them out, but the longer my older bro sits there fucking yelling out of key, the longer I’m delayed & I won’t be able to cook. By this point, I won’t even be able to cook the meal I was planning on, I have so much shit to do I’ve missed so much & I’m so behind, but I’m so incapable of doing anything like i can’t do chores bc I use the excuse I have homework but I never fucking do my homework so I’m also behind in school & even with the stuff I like like dnd & writing & violin I can’t do, & I skipped online kung fu & I’ve been slacking off under so many excuses but I’m just being lazy & anxious & I also gained so much weight & it makes my body feel so bad & i know this isn’t my body’s happy weight & being fat makes my boobs bigger & I’m fucking trans & I hate them I even tried cutting them off myself & ended up waiting 15 hours to go to the hospital so that I wouldn’t make mom suspicious (& they put me through triage really fast bc apparently I did a lot of dammage- I was planning on giving myself stitches, but my icepack melted & I couldn’t numb my body anymore so they’re lucky I even went to the hospital, it was bad bc I had to walk 20 minutes either way weighted down with a fucking toolbox & I waited outside in the cold bc my phone died & thus:) mom found out anyways so I lied to her about going to buy drugs bc obv /that’s/ a better idea than telling her I went to the hospital & SHUT UP UNNAMED OLDER BROTHER ok he’s between songs now. If I told mom I went to the hospital she would ask why & be like “y didn’t u tell me” & “r u cutting urself again” & like yeah bitch I have been for a while ik the social worker said I should tell you a codeword, but I don’t do that bc u blame yourself or cry or want to talk about & I yes I fucking cut myself what of it? Yeah I tried fucking removing my own left breast, bc u arent’ supportive of medical transitioning, at least not when they’re ur kids. Ur mad at dad bc he got a tattoo bc it’s  body modification & thus uncatholic, but u’ll support ur catholic university friends gettin gtheir eldest daughter a reduction bc her boobs are big & painful- bitch what’s so different about me? I went so far as to try giving myself a reduction, you say you’re concerned about me mutilating my body & making bad decisions, but, you know what? because of this I have legitimately mutilated my body, & made a dangerous & bad decision. isn’t autosurgery proof that I need top surgery bc it’s a danger to my life if I don’t get it? The government is able to pay for it I think & bc it’s a danger to my health (& i get pain & I can’t work out & I get back pain & my skin pulls & hurts & if I jump my tissues yank my skin & it hurts & it puts so much strain on my back, & binding gives me pain, so I need a reduction as much as your catholic university friends’ daughter does) I should be abe to qualify. Even if I don’t qualify yet & have to wait two years, at least that would be the start of two years now instead of in a long time, I mean, mum, you say you want me to talk about it & you’re afraid I’m rushing into it? guess what? They are too! the healthcare system will make me do a bunch of shit to qualify, & tbh, I think that they are better qualified to talk to me about surgery & what I really want than you.  Fucking finally, I hope my brother is done his play & finally shuts up. TA MA DE FUCK NO HE’S STARTING AGAIN CROWS DAMN IT CROWS CROWS CROWS & MAGGOTS I”m not even gonna be able to make anythiung for supper & i have no ideas besides the long one which I don’t have time for anymore. fine. whatever. I’ll go SH in my room. I won’t even work on fanfic bc I’m too fucking adhd & broken. I fucking hate it when ppl say “we;re all a bit adhd” like no bitch shut the fuck up, we all struggle with the things adhd ppl struggle with sometimes, but adhd is a neurological condition that makes those struggles so commonplace & intense that it affects our everyday lives. & no. adhd does not mean we’re more creative. Even if we do have more likeliihood of coming up with funky ideas, most of us struggle to articulate them or understand them, or we forget them as soon as they come. you’re not adhd bc you’re a little more creative, youre just an ableist asshole & fuck you. adhd isn’t creativity its’ a fucking disability. I’m directing this at those fucking parents who have the lovely nd daughter who gave me a hug, but you two are motherfuckers. Yeah I get thaat adhd, once you learn how to mannage it, can be useful, & I understand that part of the reason this disability is so hard is bc society isn’t designed for it (like a lefty using right hand scissors), but ot’s still fuxking REAL & if you can’t deal with it yet, it 100% is a disanbility. OK? Ok. I had smth I was going to say earlier, but I got distracted by smth else that made me mad, so I never got around to it. Youo know what I love? I fucking love how tumblr has next to no character limit so I can just type as much as I want. You know what I don’t like? I’ll probably get deactivated by some SJW maggot-eaten crow-fucker who thinks that my rant& mentioning my failed ed & my self harm (oh fuck shut up, my brother is chanting “dumb”) so anyways some fucking sjw fuck-hole will report this post & my blog & I’ll be deactivated for simply getting angry on tumblr. It’s fucking tumblr! You used to be able to say whatever you needed to say! But now, esp us ppl w EDs, have no safe place to talk about our issues (at least, not w/o fear of gettin gterminated for “encouraging” EDs, when we’re just trying to help ourselves). Anywasy, sorry for all the swears & go se, I swear when I’m mad. I’m gonna go do smth, idk what. Can’t be anything productive, Can’t even be unproductive stuff I like, like watching youtubem, or smth cathartic like playing fiddle. I might just go & bleed a bit & ignore everything for a while. I nkow that the world will still be stressful when I get back, & I’ll still have to cook, & I’ll still be behind in school, & mom will still be broken-hearted over dad, but I’m feeling calmer just thinking about it so that’s what I’ll do.