#i genuinely fear im losing it
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that feeling when you know if you were born the right fucking way you would have had a boyfriend by now but instead your whatever the fuck you are, the person who you thought liked you is fucking someone else, and the other one who youre not even sure you like anymore lives 5752 miles away
#im dying inside#i genuinely fear im losing it#and i want to spend winter break away from everyone so i can sleep and reset#but the fucker isnt letting me#and so now im just... stuck here... with these fucking feelings i dont even want
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the only thing in lobcorp that lags my screen
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp agent#created to die. my apologies...#white night#im genuinely unsure how to even start w this one. tagging wise. i guess spoilers if you dont know what happens w plauge doctor#would rhat count? would it? i feel like im losing my marbles w this guy#i should probablt be using the pjm tag but im a coward. funny haha face the fear. one day#i acruallt think the abbreviation is just pm. dont knkwbwhy i added the j
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ALSO I BINGED OBLIVION BATTERY ALL IN 3 DAYS OHHHH MY GOD TOUDOU AOI THE MAN YOU ARE (he is just a boy he is only fifteen years old. just a little thing still.) I think i am actually a bigger fan of chihaya (red hair and fast who is surprised definitely not me) but also kaname kei when he's like. SMART.
highly recommend only 12 eps very very enjoyable and gorgeous animation
#i might write for them bc im not like IN LOVE w them but I'll see ill think about it#i dont really write for minor characters anymore bc i have a tendency of FALLING IN LOVE. with these characters and i fear i am too old#to be losing it over highschool boys LIKE DO WE HEAR HOW STRANGE THAT SOUNDS. YEAH. so i can only do this when im not IN LOVE w them#every single day i thank daiya author for making ryousuke a third year and a uni student in timeskip genuinely i own him my life for that#chi rambles
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I just tried to microwave corn on the cob and it was the most terrifying experience of my life don’t make fun of me for worrying it might pop like a kernel if heated (it didn’t chat, we good. Twas delicious)
#corn#corn on the cob#meme#funny stuff#random post#txt post#random thoughts#no but seriously#the genuine fear#was unreal#microwaved those bitches at ten seconds like three times#I have a 3.9 GPA I SWEAR#i’m actually losing it#im smart#i promise
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I need people to touch grass asap.
#WDYM#i thought this was satire for a sec but no its deadass unironic im losing it#people think they're genuinely oppressed and a minority#for shipping a straight ship#i fear touching grass isnt enough#begging people to go out and turn off their phones. maybe look up the news.#they're acting that a) headcanons have any actual real-life impact. b) media isn't still incredibly heterosexually dominated#bizzare#bonkers.#like I don't know how to tell you that homophobia isn't a myth but very much a real life thing where people are killed for being queer.#cmon. u gotta know tjat.#how can u be so incredibly de-attahced from real life jesus christ.#myle mummers
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when you have a crisis over whether or not a kiss scene is needed to make the yearning and reunion and pent up emotions that much more meaningful or if it is better to have them commit small fleeting touches and nuzzles and trembling eyes and
#sophie talks : as fate would have it#this is about the soulmate!blade fic btw bc i am so committed to writing it and it NEEDS to be written after all this time#4.5k words in and im not halfway through.... head in hands let me free....#anyway i am leaning towards the latter bc !! blade being so reluctant to hold u again in fear of hurting u bc despite everything he has#gone through u are still the one thing he holds dear and if he were to hurt u in any way shape or form he might just lose his waning tether#to his fleeting sanity and so him eventually easing into ur touch and holding ur palm against his cheek and just drinking in ur warmth#and the sight of u after so so long and this ache in his cold heart is so painfully treacherous but he wouldnt have it any other way and#ourgh.... i love blade of honkai star rail so much if you couldnt tell like genuinely one of my most beloved characters#this is also why i have so many wips for him 🧍♀️#ANYWHO back to crying over my doc after crying over beefleaf again :'D
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hm. so the phrase "as above, so below" has a couple related meanings: a) what happens in the microcosm is a reflection of the macrocosm, b) what happens in a higher plane of existence also happens in the lower one, c) the microcosm is affected by the microcosm
all of this means pretty much the same thing: the below echoes the above
so, may i ask, what the Fuck is the bigger side to the so-below image? what is the above to Wally's dark below?
#no fear: so-below#Big fear: there's an as-above companion we havent seen yet and its probably fucked to hell and back#bc if wallys in the dark and it looks like a very scared Bloody dark#what in the actual Hell is happening in the above?#im assuming the above - the 'higher realm' - is the real world aka the humans world#what happened what happened What Happened#if we get an as-above in the update im going to Lose My Absolute Marbles#in a good way! gonna go fucking insane! gonna eat drywall!#so-below currently has the vibes of '*touches the ground* something happened here...'#i have a feeling we're eventually gonna find out What Happened Here#welcome home speculation#i cant wait to Know i cant wait to Learn#its gonna be slow going but im Patient#ive waited far longer for far less#and im sure everything we learn is gonna be psychologically and/or emotionally damaging in fun festive ways!!!#can't wait to be gut-punched by our favorite puppets suffering!#and i mean that Genuinely. i Cannot Wait. i Love it when things get fucked up and messy <3#yesssss put them through ittttttt#fingers still crossed for official artwork of wally covered in blood#i NEED to see him covered in blood please please please#the others as well but mostly him. he'd look so great absolutely drenched in gore
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saw a tiktok that was like. Daily Affirmations: my work crush doesn’t like me. and now i’m like wow i wish i could send this directly to all of my new high schooler coworkers. who are all really annoyingly obsessed with our one male manager because he’s The Chill Manager. you may have seen me refer to this man before (it’s different when EYE love him because we are the same age. the high schoolers being obsessed with him is weird as hell and he DOES need to stop encouraging this) back in winterspring i was doing a lot of opening shifts with him and i was joking that we had the king and lionheart dynamic. which was real at the time but not so much the vibe now just because like. the vibe has shifted idk i work different shifts there’s different other managers i’m technically promoted there’s all these new people i don’t care about. the vibe is different. anyway. don’t care for these high schoolers and their obsession with him. especially because they’re like actual assholes sometimes to my friend managers… (they used to just work here and then two managers left and they got promoted) (i also technically got promoted at the same time but they rank above me and do more shit that i don’t want to do so like. obviously i’m not bitter or jealous about it. like if i had to manage a bunch of teenagers that didn’t respect me i might cry every single day) (which is happening to one of them fr. they’re literally such assholes to her sometimes it’s crazy like she’s not even as mean to you people as she should be…) not to side with like. The Man or whatever but unfortunately i’m not a teenager with a part time job i go to when i don’t have soccer practice so i cannot relate to the proletariat in this situation… like i knowww they’re seeing my girl as Bitch Manager and it’s making me hate them soooo bad. like you idiots can’t even fold jeans correctly!! i hate you!!!!
#literally the past three nights i’ve been working overnight with just the 2 friend managers and we’ve been having major bitch sessions#about these high schoolers…. sorry if this makes us bitches!!#maybe if more than 4 of them were literally any good at all at any part of their job we’d hate them less idk…..#like. if they sucked less it would mean i’d have to do less work. like girls work with me here im sick of covering your asses…..#can’t even put things back where they’re supposed to go correctly…#like why am i finding clearly marked clearance jeans mixed in the stack of full price ones…. stop pissing me offfffff omg#sorry again. but the next idiot teenager who asks me where something goes and i look at it and it’s clearly marked as clearance is going to#make me lose my mind for real. yes i do need a different job i know that im aware of this#the problem THERE is that all jobs look awful to me <3#and there’s genuinely nothing on earth i care enough about to make it a career!#i genuinely need to become a trophy wife and stay at home mom. like there’s no careers for me i fear#i don’t mean that in a ‘submitting to the patriarchy’ way i mean it in a ‘the only thing i’ve consistently known i want in my future for my#entire life has been kids’ way#anyway. having a job where you’re the fifth most in charge person there and third on an average day. makes you evil fr
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"Yona was just added bc Nintendo wants people to stop shipping sidlink!" Literally what the hell are you talking about
#yes nintendo is homophobic. no they do not give a singular shit about what their fanbase does??? what are you talking abouuuutttt#they literally dont care what people do as long as they get money??? like what#listen im upset abt yona having so many unanswered questions. mainly she came from another zora's domain#meaning she came from outside of hyrule. so that leads to a lot of questions.#but howww do you come to the conclusion that she was just added as a 'no homo' indicator#dont even get me started on the people genuinely unironically calling this queerbaiting. what are you onnnnnnn#'and oh but sidon said he used to see her as a sister! so its gross and wrong!' sidon literally thought out loud to links face abt how#had things been different and link had gotten married to mipha he would be his BROTHER IN LAW. SAID THAT OUT LOUD TO HIS FACE. so shh#imo. yona was added for one 'ohh wow exciting new character look at this' and two. as a way for sidon's trauma to be acknowledged#bc it was veeery briefely shown in botw. for like. a singular second if you snuck up on him at mipha's statue#but yona's defining scene in totk was her forcing sidon to confront that he wasn't being himself because of that trauma. and that#he needed to let go of the fear around it. if only temporary. because his people needed him.#so tbh?? sheis very important to the plot. she new mipha. admired her. knows why sidon still struggles with this and#how difficult and frightening everything becomes when he views the world through the lens of 'what if i lose someone again'#like. they added yona for his struggles to be spelled out to the audience even further#so to just boil her down to 'ewww woman gets in the way of my gaybies 😡😡😡'. hello. did you play the game.#do you even know who these characters are. quick gimme ten facts about sidons character that you didnt make up for shipping purposes.pronto
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#controversial slightly radical political take incoming#im so sorry but i cant stand the 'vote blue no matter who' crowd like yall are the reason why we are in this mess in the first place#pushing unpopular centrist genocide supporting candidates and then acting shocked that they lose and blaming liberals not voting-#when republicans would NEVER push a candidate as far left as biden and hillary are right and thats why they keep winning#and acting like committing genocide being a red line to not vote for someone is a bad thing be so fucking serious#they would vote for someone who supported the holocaust in the 40s as long as they called themselves a democrat while doing it#the fucking tactic of vote for our guy because the other guy is ~worse~ instead of giving people something to actually care about#ISNT WORKING OUT SO WELL HUH who would have thought#genuinely that is why bernie made it so far in 2016. because he made people hope that things could even start to change.#and unfortunately trump also did that for his base. and even more unfortunately. the dnc saw that and stomped it out. and then THEY lost.#fear mongering fascism to people watching protesters against genocide getting beaten by cops under the administration youre pushing#isn't exactly that convincing. sorry.#like yeah. we need the majority in the house and senate for sure. but president wise? you cant convince me there is a 'less' evil option#like how dare you even insinuate that after all that has been done in these past nine months tbh#i think its the fucking sugar coating that really pisses me off more than anything#like. you do not have to make biden out to be a good man in any way just to make trump seem like a bad one. thats already established.#youre voting for evil. either way. just accept it. there is no 'less'. trying to absolve yourself from that is what pisses me off.#and 'voting blue no matter who' is what got us all here in the first place. convincing ourselves that here is a less evil in every situatio#sorry. im done now. i just hate seeing all those guilt tripping 'well now you HAVE to vote' posts on my timeline.#politics
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i left a bowl of soup on my desk two weeks ago and forgot about it for one day. and it has been growing slowly moldy. it is terrifying. i am so scared of it. i am so scared and i need to get rid of it because it is getting so bad and there's like at least four different types of mold on it and at least one i don't even recognize but i'm just so fucking terrified to touch it or even get close to it guys i need help what do i do i am honestly so terrified and i am starting to get scared to be in my room and i feel like i kind of can't breathe in here which is not really good and also i am such a shitty roommate but i am just so scared i cannot emphasize how fucking terrified i am
#boink#ocd#i keep saying ill deal with it#and then every time i look at it im like shit#its mold#fucking#its fucking mold#and then i leave it#and then obviously leaving it makes it get worse#to the point where like this thing is actually probably becoming a biohazard#what the fuck do i do with it#i am the disgusting person you hear about#but im starting to literally avoid my room because im so scared of the mold radiation or whatever the fuck#i feel like its touched everything#im scared to sleep in my room tognith#genuinely if anyone has any ideas for how to deal with this rn#like ig just suck it up and fucking deal with it#but guys i do not think the cbt worked well enough for me to manage that rn#like if anyone with ocd has ideas for how to minimize the obsession and the fear so i can just get it over with#like anything i can do in the moment idk#i feel not well and even though i literally know that its not related i just keep connecting everything to this fucking contaminant#and at this point who knows honsetly that actually could be the case#because i have fucking problems and i let it get out of hand#im kind of losing it
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what the tags to my posts have taught me is that the wurthering heights stans are eating devouring enjoying while im locked in Moby Dick Jail with the ahab starbuck emotionally draining yuri that lives only in my mind-
#me staring at the direction that they decided to take starbuck's character#LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO MY BOY#also sometimes i get annoyed about the way that pip and ahab's interactions were adapted#like if anyone could have dragged ahab's ass back from the edge. ranked. 1. pip and 2. MAYBE starbuck had a small chance but like#not really#pip and starbuck are like....... two examples of how ahab's damage couldve been averted#pip and ahab are SUCH an important relationship that got kinda lost#bc it shows that ahab COULDVE walked back his ego for human connection. he and pip wind up kinda getting each other in a weird way#pip in moby dick is like. if apollo was the ocean pip would be cassandra. do you understand.#pip and ahab know how each other tick in the book.#they were like each other's One Chances bc ahab couldve left his ego and done the one damn thing which would've REALLY saved#the one goddamn person who he's come to genuinely care about#and pip gave ahab the chance to have someone sort of get how actually scared ahab is of the ocean and how that fear was the biggest#damn insult a dude like that could have. bc if you read the book and how ahab was treated directly after losing his leg.#it wasnt JUST moby dick it was the way his ship treated him. you understand why he's Like That.#the ocean AND the whaling crew fucked them both over.#uhhh meanwhile starbuck Thought that he could walk ahab's ego back from the edge!#but in reality the way that starbuck was ahab's One Chance at not killing everyone on that ship is if starbuck had shot his ass in the cabi#limbus company#IM GLAD THE WURTHERING HEIGHTS FANS ARE HAVING FUN THOUGH IM GL
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https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTFDKbTgP/
this is what i envision annie and johns first kiss was giving😩😩😩
ANON HOW DID YOU JUST FIND EXACTLY HOW I WOULD ENIVSION THEIR KISS TO GO?!?!?!?!?! i am positively falling to my knees and SOBBING!!!! this is so insanely accurate to how i would picture this - annie just being so fully comfortable and safe in brady's arms, this peace/gentleness about the entire exchange.....ANON IM SOBBING!!!! THIS IS TOO GOOD! you hit the nail on the head with this one :')
(it was ABSOLUTELY serving this i fear AHHHHHH!!!!)
#anon......#i am actually deceased#this is one of my favorite posts of mine of all time genuinely#like...#YES U GET IT#YES YES YES#EXACTLY HOW I ENVISIONED IT 100%#SCREAMINGGG#annie x brady u will always be famous#like CMON#ITS THEM!!!#THEM TO A 'T"#im actually obsessed about to go lose my mind#(also ive heard so many good things about this show/movie/series(??)!!!!)#this is fantastic#sweet anon u ATE with this one i fear#annie x brady#annie bradshaw#silver bullets#mota writings#(IF U NEED AN ACCURATE IMAGE OF THE FIRST KISS HERE U GO!)
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there really never is a good time to tell someone you have feelings for them, is there?
#gopher rambles#complaining#ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#every day I think 'I should tell her I like her' but then I think of all these reasons that it would be a bad idea#im still not entirely sure if id like her to be my girlfriend (because I fear that would be an unkindness to her) but I do want her to know#its only fair. shes been a good friend and she deserves to know that my actions arent for entirely platonic reasons#but Im also afraid of losing her as a friend#genuinely looking for advice if anyone has any
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I think what makes your writing so wonderful is your understanding of the human condition. I’m closer to 30 than I am 20. I think maybe it’s easy as you get older to numb your feelings and suppress the “big” emotions to the point that you can forget how they feel. Your writing is special because you put feeling into every word. You know exactly what it’s like to be an angry teenager, you haven’t forgotten what that means and you’ve never tried to sanitize it to make it more palatable. I read your fics and I think, oh my god I remember feeling like that… actually I still feel like that, I think I just forgot how to feel that way out loud. You take the worst parts of people and you say, “look at how horrible! Look how beautiful! It’s broken and ugly and deserves all the love in the world!” I could probably ramble on for a while but I just want to say that I hope you never stop writing or lose that compassionate lens through which you view humanity. Cheers, xx.
top 10 asks of all time im literally just sat here
#i read this for the first time the other day and by the first sentence you had me lowering my phone getting choked up#like im actually going to cherish this ask forever#i have certain asks that make me go 'maybe i SHOULD tell my mum about this side of my writing just so i can show her this'#like look! i took the anger and the sadness and the fear and made it beautiful! it meant something after all! look look look!#'i hope you never stop writing or lose that compassionate lens through which you view humanity' crying again#genuinely thank you for this.#ask
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oh my stars im surprised it actually reached dsp and he had to say something but watching the homophobe allegations spread the way it did was fucking crazy
#like i saw that post too- when i saw it i was like aw thats kinda disappointing hes got some more conservative views#and is maybe falling for some scare mongering but hes a 40 yr old japanese guy this is shit i could see my own family posting but theyre no#BIGOTS Just ignorant and thats how this shit works#I dont know#as a queer fan i was really shocked to see that post taken off of bsky and summarized as “DESPE HOMOPHOBIC/DESPE BIGOTED”#Its really not so black and white as that and theres nuance to these things and#i wanna underline im not saying this as a fan to defend him im saying this bc it got seriously blown out of proportion in like 3 seconds#theres a level of natural cognitive dissonance that occurs as wrestling fans. at the end of the day all of these guys are CIS MEN!!!#im also frustrated at how the person who posted about this on bsky presented it and left but lemme leave it at that bc#i dont think they wanted this to happen but idk what you expected. Respect#idk its just sad like sad to hear that hes falling for fear mongering and sad to see people lose the fucking point anyways n believerumorss#bc i feel like theres genuinely something to criticize and maybe start a dialogue about that wouldve maybe reached him and informed him but#naw. not on twitter. Whatever#Edit not falling for fear mongering but reposting fear mongering im not absolving that guy of anything Just sadd
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