#damn insult a dude like that could have. bc if you read the book and how ahab was treated directly after losing his leg.

[wormboyfriendcentralstation]

what the tags to my posts have taught me is that the wurthering heights stans are eating devouring enjoying while im locked in Moby Dick Jail with the ahab starbuck emotionally draining yuri that lives only in my mind-

[aliasimagines]

It Was You All Along // Dave Lizewski

requested by a lovely anon 💕

Can u write dave x fem!reader where reader Always had a crush on him but he kinda ignored reader bc of Katie but then someone popular asks reader out and he gets jealous and y/n dresses up super hot and he realizes he fucked up

word count: 1809

a/n: i hope this is close enough! ❤️ (i couldn't think of a different title but this one reminds me of Agatha All Along xd)

"Hey, Dave! My folks are gone for the weekend and I thought we could have an X-men watch party. Wanna come?" 

"Sorry I can't, I'm hanging out with Katie." 

"Again?" you ask a bit louder than intended,causing a few people to look at you in the hallway. You continue with a lower voice "Aren't you like, tired of all the lying? Like, what if she finds out that you're not actually gay, hm? Cause you know she will, eventually." 

"Why do you care so much?!" Dave says, clearly frustrated. 

You raise an eyebrow. 

"Oh why would I? Maybe because we have been best friends since diapers, you stupid asshole!" you say not caring if some students hear you or not, anymore. "But you know what, you are right. I shouldn't care. Go play pretend with Katie but don't come to me, crying when you end up getting your heart broken." 

"Don't worry, I won't." he snaps back. And you turn around and leave but not before flipping him off. You felt the angry tears rolling down your cheeks as you zigzagged between the chattering teenagers. 

You couldn’t  believe how Dave could be so blind! He only had eyes for Miss Perfect. Whom by the way, is a real bitch and would go back to ignoring Dave or calling him a freak if it wasn’t for his little gay act. 

Somehow you made your way over to the restroom and locked yourself into one of the booths.

Dave couldn’t even see you as a potential “love-interest”. Eventhough you were the one who always were there for him, you were always there when he called, running to him like a lost puppy. And he couldn’t even care less. And you hate him for it. But you hate yourself more for still liking him. 

It’s not like you can do something about it, if you could, you would have. But that’s not how it works, so you are just crying your guts out on the toilet trying not to think about Dave.

In all honesty, you have no idea how you made it through the day. You almost cried during biology but you caught yourself after a few lonely tears. You could feel Dave’s gaze on you but there was no way you would look at him. As soon as the last bell rang you were out of school, hurring past Tod and Marty, not being in the mood for them either.

The next day wasn’t any different, you didn’t hang with Dave, Tod and Marty like you normally do. You didn’t sit with them at lunch, instead walked over to the only empty table you saw and placed your tray there. You mounched on your food, completely unaware of your surroundings until you hear the chair next to you being pulled out. You look up to see Matthew Greendale, resident hottie of the school sit next to you. 

"Hey, sorry, it's not a problem if I sit here, right?" he asks. You eyed him suspiciously. 

"No, it's fine." 

It's fine?! You mentally scold yourself. You never even spoke to this guy, outside of literature in first year. Why would he sit next to you? 

"I didn't want to sit with all the other "popular jocks" he answered you unspoken question while taking a bite of his canteen-hamburger. “They’re fun and everything but it’s nice to get away from them sometimes.”

You think of your friends who are sitting a few tables away and you can’t help but agree with Matthew.

“Yeah, I feel you.” you say without thinking.

“Hey..We used to sit next to each other in freshman year, didn’t we? It’s y/n ,right?” 

You nod with a smile, honestly being surprised that he remembers you.

“Yeah!”

“I haven’t really seen you around a lot. But when I do you are always hanging with those comic book nerds.”

“Hey! Comics are great.”

He puts his hands up in a defense.

“Oh no! I didn’t mean it as an insult. Some comics are good, my little brother made read one last month. It was actually great.”

“What comic was it?”

“Oh, uhm..It was about some kind of blind dude in a devil costume.”

“Daredevil?” you ask with a giggle.

“Yes, that one!” he laughs too.

The two of you continue talking until the end of lunch break. He is surprisingly fun to talk to and he even offers to walk you to your next class after lunch. You had such a good time you didn’t even think about Dave, heck, you didn’t even notice him literally glaring daggers into Matthew.

“What’s up with you, dude?” Tod asks snapping Dave out of it. 

“Yeah, Dave. What the shit is going on with you and Y/N?” Marty asks too.

Dave forrows is eyebrows. Yes, what the shit is going on with the two of you? Every since yesterday's 'fight' with you he can't stop thinking. About how he spends most, if not all of his time either with being Kick-Ass or, rather with Katie. It used to be different. He spent every second with you and he just threw you away so he could maybe get laid. And sure, Katie may be hot as fuck but she is.. Well, she is not you. 

"We had a fight, yesterday. I.. And she was right." he explains with a grimace. "But why the fuck is that Greendale asshole is with her?" 

"You jealous or something, dude?" 

"Wha- Of course I am not jealous! Why would I be? You guys are nuts." 

Jealous… The word rolled around in his mouth like a new flavored milkshake he never tasted before. 

Could he be… Jealous? He never thought of you that way, you were always his best friend. Just that. But.. The more he thinks about it the more he can't stop that twist like feeling in his stomach. 

That night he can't focus on crime fighting. All his thoughts are tied to you. Whether he likes it or not, memories of you keep popping up in his mind. How didn't he notice your beautiful smile before? And your laugh? It's like a beautiful melody. And… Gosh! When did he become such a sappy teenager? Oh and another thing.. He kept trying to think of something else, anything else like Katie for example but he doesn't care anymore! 

Dave goes home early with a frustrated growl. The remaining hours of the night he spends with tossing and turning and daydreaming instead of sleeping. 

(the next afternoon, Atomic Comics) 

Dave bangs his head against the wood table once again. A tired groan leaves his lips when he hears Tod almost choking on his iced coffee. 

"What the tunk, Tod?" Marty and Dave ask almost at the same time. The dirty blonde haired boy keeps pointing outside the huge window that they are sitting next to at Atomic Comics. 

"Is that fucking y/n?!" 

Now all three of them look outside the shop and see you, all dressed up nad seemingly waiting for someone. 

"Holy fuck!" Dave whispers. He stares at you, with his mouth a gap before jumping up from the booth they were sitting at and rushing outside the store. 

"Y/n! Y/-" he yells almost tripping on thin air. 

"Dave?" you question, quickly turning towards him. Damn, you missed him. No! Yeah, you did… "What do you want?" 

"What do I- What, can't I talk to you?" 

"If you wanted to talk you would have in these past days!" you say. Yes, you might have missed him, but it's not like you're gonna show it. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I am waiting for my date to show up." 

"Your.. Your what, now?!" 

"My date" 

"You can't go on a date!" 

"And why is that, Lizewski?" 

"Lizewski? Really, you're calling me by my surname? Are we in such a bad place right now?" 

"I don't know, you tell me. Are you going to tell me what i can and can't do, hm?" 

"I didn't mean it like that. I just…" 

"What, it's fine when you say it but when I do it with you about Katie I'm the bad friend?" 

"No,it's just-" 

"Sorry. Matt's here." you point to the street across the road where you saw the boy walk towards you. "I gotta go." 

You start walking away but Dave grabs your wrist. 

"Please, don't." he mumbles. 

"Why not?" you snap at him but your expressions soften upon your eyes land on his saddened face. 

"I- because I don't want you with him. O-or anyone." 

You raise an eyebrow. 

"What?" 

He took a deep breath before looking around. Matt was waiting patiently by the traffic light so he could cross the road. Dave quickly began explaining. 

"You were right. About Katie. I was such a dickhead, I am so sorry, y/n. I am sorry for ignoring you over her and and.." from the corner of his eye he sees the traffic light turn green. "Shit! I don't want you to go out with Greendale cause I.. Because I like you. Like really fucking like you. And oh my god you look so fucking hot in this outfit, not that you're not always hot but holy shit. I know we are just friends and you don't think of me that way but I ju-"

"Oh my god! Do you ever shut up?" you yell before pressing your lips to his. Dave stumbled back a little, but quickly recovered and kissed back. Your hands cupped his face and his hands grabbed your waist in response. You both tilled your heads, deepening the kiss earning loud knocking from Marty and Tod as they watched the whole scene through the window. Not that you noticed any of it. You didn't hear the passing by car honk at you nor the yells or whistles. You also did not notice Matthew walking away with a sad smile after seeing the two of you. Your touches intertwine and you're pretty sure you heard Dave moan slightly which causes you to giggle into the kiss. You both pull away gasping for air. You look down at your shoes, hoping to hide your flushed cheeks. Dave scratches his back and looks around nervously only to see his two idiotic friends making kissy faces. He lifts his middle finger for them before clearing his throat. 

"So.. Khm.. I guess you like me too?" 

You let out a soft chuckle.

"Yeah, I do." you say looking at him with a smile.

"That's.. Fuck. That's great." he replied genuinely happy. "Wanna get out of here?" 

You nod and you take off. You take Dave's hand and he intertwines your fingers with a smile. Maybe he is truly a superhero. He helps people and he gets the girl of his dreams. The happy ending. 

Dave Lizewski taglist : @sethcohenluvr @your-hispanichufflepuff

[esther-dot]

The worst thing with Jon's ending is that, if Martin never finishes the book, which is so intricate and detailed and difficult to write, the last impression we'll have of Jon is what the show gave us; that he's an idiot, falling for the wrong person despite everything, not caring abt the people (for whom he actually got killed) damned not only in posterity, but from birth. Nothing actually mattered but his last name. He was doomed from the get go bc of his birth; salvation is impossible.

Me —reading this—

I know our side of the fandom was the main one screeching over his character destruction in s7, but by the finale, the audience’s reaction was one of outrage because everyone knew his dialogue was ooc. So, it is comforting to know that most people didn’t buy what D&D were selling when it came to Jon. It’s still a bitter pill to swallow though. I think we will get one more book and then connecting the books to the show’s endgames will be much easier, so even if we don’t get any Jon and Dany interactions, we would be able to surmise much of it. I just can’t believe that if D&D were going for the “fool in love” idea, they wrote/directed/edited it in the worst possible way? Like, even if I don’t think it’s possible for Jon to behave the way he did, they could have had at least given it a veneer of plausibility, and they couldn’t be bothered?

As in, idk, just a thought, but don’t have Dany talk about how she wants to burn KL and then expect us to believe Jon has any positive feelings toward her after he thought stripping titles and lands from the children of traitors was cruel a few episodes before? Don’t act like saving Jon’s life is enough to make him become a lemming when Sansa and then Benjen just saved his life? Especially not after his people made them his king? Sansa was basically trying to treat him as head of their House? Especially not when bending the knee to a Targ is an insult to the Starks/the North? To have him throw all that aside, to only in the end be like, “well, obviously he loves the Starks more” like, bitch, I know. Of course he would kill Dany to protect them. I’m objecting to the stupidity before that. 🤦🏻��♀️

I don’t think D&D gave any thought to what it meant when they did this to Jon. I think they were so hellbent on hiding Dark Dany, they knew it would have to be a love story to hide it. So, every guy loves Dany to maintain the surprise. And, because they’re dudes, I guess I’m not supposed to object that they ignored all the red flags? Okeyden. What a waste to wrap everything around one moment.

I have been thinking that the trio of Targs (Dany, Aegon, Jon) has to be the way Martin will address the issue of destiny via birth/blood, being formed by it or defying it, but alas, that’s not something they were interested in addressing, and with their carelessness when it came to anything not Dany, they damned Jon, just as you say. What a thing to do to such a character.

[theverakeller]

Perhaps often joke they never imagined being with someone like each other. But it would not be this abusive horrible relationship. Do you have some other HC's to share? (4 of 4). I wrote an essay back so LOL.

Anon, YOUR headcanons are everything omg. I JUST HAVE TO AGREE YESSSS!!! WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAID. YES Web wouldn’t take Lieb’s shit and Lieb would be quick to apologize. And yes Lieb would struggle a lot with his PTSD and so many arguments start becomes of his anger because of that but Web would shut that down and he just would be SUCH a support system for Lieb and vice versa and they literally would just need each other so much and UGH.

But MY HC’s? omg okay so I don’t have many but literally my biggest one is that throughout the series, Lieb has a huge crush on Web and anytime he is around him he’s a super dork. LIKE COME ON. HE IS AND NO ONE CAN DENY THAT. So OBVIOUSLY when Lieb first saw Web he was like ‘holy shit this dude is super beautiful, way too pretty to be in the army what is he doing here whatever liebgott don’t get distracted’ but the thing is, is that Lieb CANNOT get Web out of his mind? He literally cannot look away when he’s near him his senses are just super heightened when Web’s around and so when he FINALLY says something to Web, he says something super stupid and is immediately ‘oh fuck you idiot he went to harvard he probably thinks you’re an idiot’ and then starts laughing it off and promptly insults Web for something dumb. As time goes on and they’re off in England and eventually further into Europe, the game that Lieb comes up with himself is to see how many times he can touch Web or make him laugh (so he says stupid shit) which is hard bc Web is always so solemn and writing in his damn journal and basically Lieb is just head over heels for this dude ok. When Web gets shot, Lieb heart almost jumps out of his chest when he finds out and so before Web gets shipped off to the hospital he makes sure that he goes and makes fun of him for getting shot or something but honestly he’s dying on the inside at the fact that Web got shot and is going away but is super glad that it wasn’t any worse AND MIND YOU THIS IS ALSO THE FIRST TIME THAT LIEB SHOWS WEB A LITTLE BIT OF SOFTNESS and not his usual dumb, sarcastic self that he usually is. Like after he makes fun of Web for getting shot, Lieb goes to leave but then turns back around and makes sure to softly put a hand on Web’s warm for a moment too long and tells him that he’s glad he didn’t get hurt too bad.

When Web comes back from the hospital Lieb is a different Lieb obvs, he is exhausted and SO ANGRY that Web wasn’t there in the Ardennes but at the same time he can’t stop the dumb fluttery feeling that pops up whenever Web comes around again and he’s just so happy that he’s back and seeks him out all the time and just touches him whenever he can. For example:

AND LIEB JUST PINES OKAY.  HE PINES!!! And he continues to be a dork in front of Web because WEB IS JUST EVERYTHING THAT LIEB IS NOT, HE WENT TO HARVARD! HE’S SMART! HE’S NOT A LOUDMOUTH! AND JUST EVERYTHING THAT LIEB NEVER KNEW HE WANTED BUT HE WANTS!!!! Lieb’s crush continues once Web comes back and there he is just being a dork and literally everyone in easy is like ‘bro?? what is your problem?? why are you such a loser when Web is around??” and so since this crush and pining just continues CAUSE IT COULD NEVER COME TO FRUITION BC LIEB THINKS WEB IS TOO GOOD FOR HIM. So the whole scene with the finding out that Web never finished school and Web freaks out on Lieb and then LIEB COMFORTS TO LET HIM KNOW THAT HE DOESN’T THINK ANY LESS OF HIM FOR NOT FINISHING and so when he asks him what he studied and Web is like ‘Lit’ and since Lieb is still in that trying to make Web feel better zone, his mind literally does a haywire when responding and without even thinking about it he’s like “I LOVE TO READ” and starts naming off comic books and then once he realizes what he’s done that’s when he puts the cigarette in his mouth bc ‘OMG JOSEPH LIEBGOTT, YOU ARE AN IDIOT, WEB ALREADY THINKS YOU’RE AN IDIOT AND YOU HAD TO GO STICK YOUR FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH’ and he’s just embarrassed and dying. MEANWHILE HE DOESN’T NOTICE THAT WEB HAS A BLUSH ON HIS FACE AFTER THIS CONVERSATION.

Meanwhile after finding the Landsburg camp, Lieb kind of curls in on himself and isn’t Lieb and Web is alarmed and notices and so he finds himself actively searching out Lieb to make sure he’s okay and to keep his mind off things and just wants to comfort him and all the time, even though he’s in his mind, Lieb is still like BUTTERFLIES IN TUMMY and it’s the cutest but since he’s not trying so hard he’s not being a loser and dumb and they just become closer and ugh it’s beautiful.

WHICH LEADS ME TO THE FACT THAT IDK HOW BUT THEIR FIRST KISS HAPPENS AFTER THE WAR IS OVER, IN FACT THEIR FIRST KISS HAPPENS V-E DAY NIGHT WHEN THEY’RE BOTH DRUNK OUT OF THEIR MINDS BUT THEN WHEN THEY REALIZE WHAT THEY DID BOTH OF THEM ,ESP LIEB AVOID EACH OTHER LIKE THE PLAGUE but they can’t do that forever bc reasons and so they have to talk about it eventually but that leads to more kisses and Lieb is like ‘wtf I thought you thought I was an idiot??’ and Web is just like ‘You are an idiot bc i’VE LITERALLY WANTED TO KISS YOU SINCE YOU SAW ME OFF WHEN I GOT SHOT’ and basically both have had feelings for each other since idk when and they didn’t know bc they’re both idiots.

ANYWAY MORAL OF THIS VERY LONG STORY IS THAT THEY ARE SUPER IN LOVE AND SUPER SOFT WITH ONE ANOTHER DESPITE THEIR VERY HEATED ARGUMENTS WHICH DO HAPPEN AT TIMES BUT THEY GO TOE TO TOE AND EVENTUALLY GIVE IN TO ONE ANOTHER BC THEY LOVE EACH OTHER TOO MUCH. AND LIEB DOES DUMB SHIT AND SAY STUPID STUFF WHEN WEB IS AROUND.

I’m sorry that was literally just one headcanon and I have other (not many) but there isn’t enough space and I already talked too much anyway lmao

[fruitylibrarian]

quest of the spear live rewatch!

i already spewed my pre call to adventure flynn thoughts all over a text post but I would like to repeat: pre-canon flynn my beloved <3

yes he is a bit of a bastard but he just loves his books and he’s so genuinely just like. passionate and like…. Big? does that make sense? like i mean inside. not literally. bright

flynn’s mom is so fucking funny

and she’s Trying Her Best

you know one thing I don’t understand, I assume that flynn could afford to keep going to college because of like grants and scholarships since he’s all smart and like, even if his mom is well off, no one below the morally bankrupt millionaire line can pay for 22 degrees and not die of no-money-itis otherwise known as Starving

but like. why not become a professor or some other academia position?

you’d be incredibly overqualified and you’re a white dude, so while academia isn’t exactly bursting with new spaces to fill I’m sure you could find something???? and like. a professor in particular, while baby flynn might not be great at the connection part, seems like a natural progression to at least try for considering it keeps you in that comfort zone and familiar space just in a different albeit familiar role, and allows you to go on long lectures people can’t interrupt. and like, professors literally like, part of their job is research and to continue learning, so like. it seems like the natural choice for him to go for?

don’t get me wrong, baby flynn in particular might not be extremely well suited considering his lack of people skills, but plenty of professors are brilliant slightly odd smarties who give long, super engaging theatrical lectures (sounds like him!) but suck at one on one meetings and talking to people or may be accidentally insulting, but like, their class is genuinely interesting and they grade decently so like, I think he could get past that hurdle is what I’m saying

obviously he’d have to work at it and get the skills necessary but you know what that means? MORE SCHOOL, BABY! just in a different direction! like just? it seems like the obvious choice for his situation

ah yes!!! magic letter!!! it’s kind of funny they do this, it’s a great hook and way to make applicants go Uh Excuse Me and want to know more but also like, there’s no proof magic happened either?

although you’d think some people would get obsessive like let me tell you if i encountered real ass magic like that i wouldn’t stop until i had an answer

ah the Incredibly Long Interview Line. it’s kinda how funny how like. Not Special he is but at the same time he is?

“never been treated so badly in my entire life!” what did you say to him charlene

i’m sure he deserved it i just want to know

wait oh no i just realized

all these people are dead

every single one of them got murdered in the first episode of the series

jesus that’s dark

not gonna be able to stop thinking about that one huh

also love how it’s pretty evenly men and women

although it’s still mostly white

fuck that lady just left crying I know they’re doing this to turn up the drama but DAMN, charlene

god he almost gave up. remember the timeline episode where he never became the librarian? weird.

Gkjlfkgjhfglh Where Do You Think You’re Going? (weak gesture like “me?”) Yes You. Get In Here amazing how can she even see him she’s around the CORNER. camera? magical surveillance? why? just to freak people out? amazing.

i do so love charlene, it’s a shame she wasn’t in the show more

also she literally never explains shit. What Makes You Think You Can Be The Librarian he doesn’t even know what that means, charlene

He Doesn’t Even Have A Library Science Degree

oh wow he does actually have librarian qualifications lmao

why did i not remember that

DLKFGJDFG I did remember him sherlocking her tho

wait her MARRIAGE? to WHO?

i thought her and judson were a thing despite jenkins being into her or something?

huh

also why does this qualify him to be The Librarian™ like oh he can sherlock? ok?

maybe it’s just bc he had the balls to do it

well, the sherlock thing is also not completely unhelpful it just doesn’t seem central to his skills, or at least, not the way he uses it (do we see him use it like this again? he usually applies more obscure knowledge then ye classic deduction sherlockian skills if I remember correctly which I may not because my brain is smooth)

judson is such a fucking drama queen

LKDJFGLKDJFGLDKFJG I FUCKING FORGOT HE LITERALLY JUST FUCKING REPEATED HIS MOM’S LITTLE PHRASE AMAZING

also why did he seem to think her sending everyone home meant he didn’t get it why would she stop all interviews because you fucked up

he just fucking walked out of a wall judson you are so dramatic

also warehouse 13 vibes huh. welcome to a world of endless wonder

I could do a whole fucking thesis on warehouse 13 and the librarians or—well that’s a whole other tangent

anYWYA

this interview was remarkably easy tho, it’s not like he wasn’t impressive but it wasn’t mindblowing either????? this coming from a big fan of flynn

the big shiny wonderous eyes as the library lights up……flynn my beloved

also his floofy hair ldkfgjdlkfgj

he’s like this is too good am I being prank’d

why the mona lisa?????iIs the mona lisa magic??? It only became famous because it got stolen why would it be magic??? Is this one of those we make it magic by believing it or some shit things???

Flynn Do Not Open The Random Box In The Library Of Incredibly Dangerous Artifacts

oh hello excalibur !!

oh rip flynn immediately being like “oh im not worthy, trust me” with 100 percent certainty im hurt oof

KSJFLGKDJGLKDJG THE APPLE “the apple from the garden of eden…….” *judson takes a bite* “actually I just left this here”

excalibur hello properly!!!!

judson is such a fucking DRAMA QUEEN he’s so casual!! and cal you too you slippery bitch!  

ah the jetpack.

DLFKGJDLKFGJ “it usually takes a new librarian four hours to find the jetpack. you did it in three! congratulations” love the implication that every librarian (at least since it was added to the library) has done this no matter how serious like the bad guy of this movie… *checks notes* edware wilde? jetpack. darrington dare, probably? jetpack. i like to think jenkins did it too (not technically a librarian, but you know)

flynn thinking of himself as embarrassing… ☹

HIS MOM IS SO PROUD OF HIM

part sweet, part funny, part rip

I don’t know what she was expecting when he said librarian tho like. originally he literally looked at shit for FRY COOk degrees don’t always mean shit you know

and librarian is up there with professor in Perfect Jobs For Flynn like what did you expect??? Like even if he’d become an archaeologist (a “cool” job) it’s not like that pays super well either as far as I know??

he was never going to be Traditionally Successful

he’s still the same person he still has the same strengths and passions of course he would go into academia and do something like librarian like????? her reaction saddens me.

just be happy for him!! look at him!!!

ok first of all even normal non magic librarians don’t just put books on shelves and that’s a condescending reduction of the job, and second of all, he is so happy!! he has a job, he’s taking responsibility, he’s meeting people, isn’t that enough??? isn’t that literally what you wanted??? even if it WERE what you think it is why couldn’t it just be a good first step??? like??? fuck??? you did been know that he was doing all those fancy degrees because he loved them not because they’d get him some super fancy job??? I mean egyptology is not the most profitable field you know this isn’t med school or whatever

god.

flynn’s mom, visibly not proud and very upset: of course im proud of you!

ok im being a little unfair, she’s trying and clearly she’s been supportive of him, if not straight up enabling of him, but like this is clearly being presented as like. normal person who is normal forced to take care of freakish strange son who is so nerdy and strange and a loser and she is so tired of his shenanigans and all that WORK she put in and he’s NOT FANCY AND CHANGING TO CONFORM TO HER IDEALS OF A GOOD SUCCESSFUL SON/MAN?

and that’s just all very. sigh.

the snake brotherhood are such obnoxiously cheesy villainous villains they’re even called the snake brotherhood

also I think we’re supposed to recognize him as the previous librarian from the painting but if I didn’t already know that I for sure would not know that

smartass flynn is a smartass

I never got people bringing someone coffee to impress them unless they knew their order like there’s no way you know who she likes her coffee so you could so easily get it wrong—like even if you don’t know exactly how much sugar she wants, you could also just get it entirely wrong like assume she likes black coffee but she likes it super sweet, or vice versa, or whatever. it can go wrong so easily!

or she could go “I Hate A Kiss Ass”

she did take it anyway tho so.

ah i did forget (or just not actively think about) how much like… christian mythology there is in this show :/ I mean we did been knew (excalibur and arthurian legend are pretty important to the mythology)

not that christian mythology is inherently bad it just gets a) annoying, b) boring, and c) y’know, very western centric and all

but then trying to reconcile di—you know what that’s a tangent for another time

then again I do assume no one is going to read this

the library really does just throw new librarians into death and go “hope this is fine!” huh

did they just imply god is canon in the “the librarian” universe

you were so cryptic with the no one thing!! just say NOONE

he’s scribbling in his notebook and mumbling out loud what a mood and I love him. what a nerd

ldfkgjdlkjg god sexy jazz music and a breeze this is so dumb

I do hate the forced love interests in all these movies it’s always like Some Hot Girl Is There And They Get It On!

like he really had chemistry with eve and banter but here it kinda feels like that wish fulfilment and then the nerd gets the hot chick the end and im saying that as the nerd

it doesn’t help that each movie has a different one who immediately is dropped as if she never existed afterwards

maybe it’s not as bad as I remember but. sigh

my instant impression of her is to not like her sorry nicole :/

she’s just so rude? she’s like. hot (derogatory)

i get there’s gender politics here with like. she’s used to being treated like a piece of meat and generally like, why not reap the benefits when you are going to get the creeps too, but like, also she’s just so unnecessarily rude—I mean rejecting his clumsy flirting is one thing but you know—ok I won’t even get into that the point is I just don’t really like her that much even tho I don’t think she’s necessarily a bad person or anything you know

but to be fair I think she got better and I remember her being compelling in her return to the show

and like. I do like how the trend in this franchise is “smart little nerd librarian and badass lady guardian kicks ass” but I do wish that it turned around occasionally. we do get cassandra but like. more lady librarians

wow an air marshal? aren’t they rarely even on flights?

sorry im being nitpicky there for sure lmao. please delete the cinamasins ding my words probably summoned from your brain

I get why shoving him out was necessary but also Wow

Gjklhkjfgh imagine sitting next to some mumbling nerd the whole flight and then you see him fly past the windows

LFKGJDLKJDFG he brilliantly lowers our expectations then jumps without a chute! remarkable!

hilarious or commentary on men getting credit for womens’ competency? why not both

i really thought that she was going to be a lying liar the first time I watched this

ah naïve boy. “uh that’s against the law”

flynn’s greatest strength isn’t just his knowledge but his like. breadth of different topics, just like, passion for learning of any time, and like. the ability to not just know a lot of different things but cross-reference and apply them to each other and use them in tandem to understand a greater whole

and we love that for him!

ah flynn therapizing himself lmao

why would she take him going “this bridge is rotting and physically cant support our weight” as a challenge

or him being cowardly like THE STRUCTURAL SUPPORTS ARE ROTTING

YEAH WHAT DID YOU EXPECT OF COURSE HE FUCKING FELL

ok i lied i like nicole i just don’t love their dynamic

i get what they’re going for i just. not my thing

like with eve there was still a clear mutual respect? i guess? idk

maybe it’s just because i’m more sensitive to mean banter? i don’t like mean banter, even when it’s like, def 100 percent well meaning and not mean spirited and no one is actually offended or hurt

although despite not liking their Thing I do a) think it’s very cute how he looks at her, b) their vibe as they start to get to know each other is Better, c) the end of the movie scene where she rides in for maximum drama? now that was good shit.

oh he’s sherlocking her in a shy attempt to impress her but it’s only going to piss her off, right?

oh she’s just sherlocking him back

KSGFJLDKFGJ LMAO “nerd” and that’s it. fair

Cutting Off His Head damn that’s hardcore

hmmmm cringe,

and more cringe

and cringe.

her waking up to him gone right after telling that story about waking up to her librarian gone and then killed—oof

love the serpent brotherhood lady being like wow!! he’s SO COMPETENT!! (cuts to him screaming)

do these ancient traps just have infinite arrows?

also I do love the whole waltzing across trope what can I say im a sucker

DFLKGLDKFGJLDKJG fucking CHUCKS SOMETHING AT IT and immediately where he would be standing is crushed by a huge rock amazing

he literally just chucked a rock at it and it fell over

ah the classic “let the hero get it for us” move

oh there he is! rip

why does he look like macpherson

not really but kind of

also contrast between the lady always being like “omg the librarian is so smart” and him assuming nicole is the one who did the smart thing

“your tears were perfect” how much more of an asshole can you get

They really could have played him as more sympathetic—“oh, we’re always around these powerful artifacts but we never use them for good! I had to do it, I was sick of sitting back and doing nothing” or like “all those years of danger and guarding powerful things and what good did it ever do me? what do I get for my service?” or anything but nah hes just like “mm power good babes. anyway I love sex and being mean”

to be fair flynn he was the librarian too—a real librarian? I mean yeah edward was corrupted and ultimately failed his duties but he had to have been qualified and actually got the job for a reason

flynn I know you think you sound badass but you really don’t

god not shangri-la again. everything the show did with that was. Bad. yikes

why is—god, I should really learn her name [checks notes] lana fangirling so much?

also following the lamia tradition of “serpent brotherhood second in command who is more interesting than the main evil white guy and also a pretty woc” huh

never got like “this is literally impossible” “well do it or I [generic bad guy threat]” like usually that means nothing lmao

LDFKGJLDKFJLDKFGJ ok first of all god is me? bitch?

second of all. me in english? on this fucking ancient very much not english thing? I mean I guess a) it might not be literal, even though he did say “m, e” by letters, b) it is a christian myth so maybe planted later??? but like?????

dude. giving the super powerful artifact to your prisoner? bad idea. if you’re worried about booby traps have a minion do it.

oh yes your gun is so scary in the face of a temple collapsing

why do heroes always think the whatever is safer with them than the temple that’s guarded it for a thousand years

I get it’s been discovered but like. fuck. still

You Are Going To Crash This Helicopter

SLKGJ HORRIBLE HIGH VELOCITY PIE OF DEATH

flynn and judson…..wholesome

oh here comes more forced romance

just let them be friends who grow to mutually respect each other blease

it is very fucking funny that the mom is like ….. oh my god…. oh my god,,, a WOMAN AJUST ANSEWREDM Y SDONGS PHONE?????????OH MY GOFD?????

he is bisexual. but it’s good he’s getting out

ah floofy hair

cahooting,

Yes You Do Need Clothes

that’s a teleporter sir

god eddie wild is such a boring fucking villain and person

and his plan SUCKS

also the serpent brotherhood (why BROTHERhood?) sucks and hates the library why would they just let this guy, a librarian, literally be their new leader

wow he just stabbed a guy on his OWN TEAM for no reason

great going asshole

love how lana is just like…. O-O

we stan lana. she hasn’t done much and she’s technically a bad guy i just love her

“at last we can be one” what does that even mean

why would lana or any of them want to help him he just killed one of their own for no reason hes clearly tripping on power and leaving yall to die

lfkgjdlkfgj flynn dodging so hard while the others is fight and then PUNCHING A GUY

dfglkjdflgkj wait it’s the professor dude why is that so funny

is he WITH THEM??? I think I just missed something

hold on a sec

yeah I think he just appears??? And flynn just fucking broke his nose iconic

wait so was he with them or is he just here going WHY ARE THERE RANDOM PEOPLE IN MY PYRAMID????????????

oh right he built the—ok I got it

Wait what

I mean I did think lana was neat and she seemed impressed with flynn but what shes just like, in love with him now? that makes zero fucking sense why would she want them to Be Together

Is it just so there can be a catfight between the two hot chicks?

seriously tho? morally pure blonde blue eyed girl versus Evil Asian Chick? really?

for the record NOT THAT IT MATTERS but lana is way cuter im just saying

ah badass judson

THE COMEDY OF THE CAPSTONE CRUSHING HIM DLFKGJDLKFGJ

oh………….pulling out excalibur…. predicable but so good

oh the painting….the very Parenty way of revealing it…… wholesome

oh did NOT like that transition

oh here comes the badass fucking entrance with his gf busting in on his mom trying to set him up with girls

HER ENTRANCE IS SO UNNECESSARAILY DRAMATIC I LOVE THEM

I just love the mom’s face ldfkgjldfkgjdlkfgjdlkfjgd shes like WHAT THEGUFVCJK

again I don’t love the vibes of “oh my weird loser son is finally normal!” but to be fair im exaggerating a bit from just facial expressions it’s just. sigh

but ngl the vindication of him being able to be like. yeah that’s right im a badass now and my gf is cool as fuck is still good

him and nicole do have not terrible vibes at the end but if I remember correctly that mission (time travelling ninjas and hg wells’s time machine) is the one that separated them so rip I guess

overall: good movie! as cringe as I remember but I still love flynn so much

[caligobeltrao]

I for one would love 2 hear ur thoughts on the hannibal novel 👀👀 - bloodybrahms ☺

ahhh thank you BB!! <3 I’m gonna throw it under a cut bc I know people aren’t gonna want my ramblings clogging up their dash lol. 

Edit after I’ve written it: Holy shit this turned into a monster but tbf I did say I was going to rant. I think I miss writing college essays...

Also, I would like to note bc I’m about to bitch, I do still love Hannibal and Clarice and all of the franchise. Hell, I even love book Hannibal because I’m garbage and want to be special. So yeah. It’s a fond bitching. 

Okay where to fuckin begin man... This novel was a fucking Shit Show, my dudes. It was like baby’s first fanfiction. 

Let’s just jump in, shall we? 

So by now, having read both Red Dragon and Silence of the Lambs, I know Harris injects of lot of sexual shit into his novels, fine whatever, but the amount of pedophilia is insane. Like, Red Dragon with the grandmother threatening to cut his dick off by holding it in between scissors????? And then we have Mason Verger, worst human on the planet. Like jfc I’ll go into him specifically more later but just. Men. Why does it always have to be sexual. 

Like that time Clarice wasn’t wearing a bra and she wanted to prove to Paul Krendler she wasn’t wearing a wire so she flashed him her tits?? Unnecessary, Harris. Bullshit on all counts. 

Next, poor Ardelia Mapp. So he clearly wrote out her accent in Silence, which frankly reads racist since to me it seemed like he did it every time a character of color was met but he didn’t for Clarice’s Southern accent except for this book when she was talking to Ardelia. Now, that’d be a cool way to show how close they are, sure, but it just... She didn’t show up enough to warrant that reaction from me, plus all the other casually racist shit he throws in. 

Ardelia’s literally there as the wise Black best friend to help Clarice along. She doesn’t feel like her own character, she’s only there in conjunction with her, or doing something for her. She was the fucking valedictorian for Christ fucking sake, she also works at the Bureau but if her department was mentioned it was only once in passing. She was not a full character which fucking blows because she could’ve been so cool. 

And real quick before I forget, I hate how she’s treated in the end. I do like she gets a reference and that brainwashed Clarice sent her an emerald ring and a note saying she was okay, but Ardelia was abandoned by her best friend (that she had lived with) with not even a phone call and they will never see each other again and I think Ardelia knows it. It sucks and I’m heartbroken for this woman. 

I’m gonna touch a little bit on the racism too. Now I’m white and not the most qualified to talk about this shit, but I do wanna mention it because it makes me mad. There’s just so many unnecessary slurs, any POC is more of a background helper character to Clarice than anything or a foil. 

For example, Evelda Drumgo. She starts us off. Badass Black woman who runs a drug cartel. She chooses to shoot at Clarice and risk her baby’s life, and we have Clarice wash the baby off and save his life. Then Evelda’s mother is written as irrational when she slaps Clarice for visiting the baby in the hospital; I get Clarice’s impulse, but that woman just lost her daughter because Clarice killed her. I would’ve slapped Clarice too, even if it was a totally justifiable shot. 

The baby himself is used as a foil throughout other parts, most notably to me when Clarice goes to visit Mason the first time. There are two Black boys from a foster home playing in a room with a camera so Mason can watch them, and it shakes Clarice up a lil bit because of the baby, but it says she’s getting more used to it.

Now this is half and half well written and shoddy to me. It’d be a cool moment, if the whole incident wasn’t nearly completely forgotten for the rest of the book shortly afterword. It could show growth, if Clarice had any growth to show. 

And then the Romani people who are literally just used and thrown away. Sickening. Also very broadly used the stereotypes we hear which Sucks; the three we meet in any sort of depth are pickpockets, one was already in jail and Pazzi used his leverage as a police officer to get her to do what he wanted and threatened to have her baby taken away from her permanently, like it was just bad. And then the man got killed. Pazzi let him bleed out. Asshole. 

The slurs. I could take out all of them and pretty much have the same damn thing. Like I get showing negative aspects of characters and just because a character’s racist doesn’t mean the author is, but with the characters already being as shitty as they are, fully didn’t need it to make them worse. Entirely unnecessary. Racism or the character being racist has no impact on the plot is the major thing, I think. And you can replace that with anything along those lines, like sexist, homophobic, transphobic. It didn’t impact the plot, they can still be shitty, you just don’t need to use them. 

This also goes in reference to Margot being a lesbian. And the transphobia holy shit, it was disgusting. Harris had Clarice think something so cruel and unnecessary it’s like my guy why was that even remotely something we needed to hear. We didn’t. I wanted to stop reading because that’s not my Clarice, first and foremost, and second, this is supposed to be the character we LIKE. And now I don’t like ANYBODY in this damn book. 

And he treats Margot like shit too, and Barney. 

Their friendship was beautiful and great and finally for once something nice was happening in Margot’s life and I was happy reading it, and then FOR SOME REASON Margot goes to shower in the same room as Barney after a workout, which makes no sense, and then Barney tries to force a kiss on her (and he was hard, Harris made that very clear) and she had been sexually assaulted by Mason her brother and ruin the whole damn thing and none of it would have changed any other piece of the novel if you removed it!!!!!!!!! Entirely unnecessary!!!!!! And Barney had the gall to say well I couldn’t help myself like none of that was realistic in the slightest, she never would have went in the same room to shower with him. 

Something you need to do is basically get some suspension of disbelief from your reader and maintain and stretch that as you go, right? Well mine was gone at that moment.

Also side note Margot is basically just there to show how shitty Mason is for the umpteenth time. Her whole thing is lesbian sexual assault victim.

Also heavily implied she was a lesbian because of the sexual assault. And we rarely see Judy, her girlfriend, so. Bad. Bad all around. 

Circling back around to Clarice and how disappointing she is in the books as compared to the movies. Well, Clarice is also a poorly written character. She’s 1000x better in the movie. Hell, she’s even better in this book than she was in Silence, but that’s not fucking hard. 

Pretty much all the characters are so flat they don’t even classify as two dimensional. 

Like sure, maybe we wanna say Clarice didn’t really solve much in the first book and was just handed everything because she was a trainee and that’s what Hannibal wanted. 

Like if you remember the John Mulaney sketch of Delta Airlines where he’s just going “Okay!” and running to the next place he’s told, that’s Clarice. 

Okay so why does she get goaded into all this shit now? She should know better. She should know how to handle herself better. Like she messes up basic fucking shit like clearing a room before untying Hannibal, which was stupid, she seems oblivious to some of the politics at work even though she’s been in the FBI for like 7 years now, she would at least have more fucking contacts than Brigham who died in the beginning and Jack Crawford who died at the end by rolling over in his bed to his dead wife’s side and Ardelia who would be near the same level as Clarice I guess but I still don’t know her damn department???? Like you fucking network. 

Plus after her final fall from grace with the FBI, we meet or are told of random side characters that go no where and do nothing just to say “hey look at my special little girl, everyone likes her and looks up to her!!” Why? Because she caught Buffalo Bill 7 years ago and then never got a promotion or even worked with the BAU? Again, it does not make sense. People may pity her? But a random girl in the lab wouldn’t be fangirling. Starling herself said her career had gone nowhere because of the politics and not sleeping with Paul. You need to show me why she’s likable in her actions not others words. 

We spend more time away from her than with her anyways but Jesus. 

AND HER IN THE ENDING. She was fucking BRAINWASHED????? Bull FUCKING SHIT. He completely ruined anything he even remotely might’ve had in this cluster fuck of a novel. 

Case in point, difference from the movie, Hannibal spends weeks (possibly? it’s left purposefully vague and I’m guessing that’s because Harris didn’t know the ins and outs and wanted his novel done) meticulously brainwashing Clarice, he had stolen her father’s bones and she’s so far gone at that point she doesn’t care, and the whole scene where Paul is getting his brain eaten? Yeah, she happily indulges and when he insults her, she asks Hannibal for more. Fuck you, Thomas Harris. 

And Hannibal’s a Gary Stu, fucking fight me. 

In the movie he either is or he’s tap dancing on that line, don’t get me wrong, but in the novels it’s insufferable because it doesn’t seem earned. The pigs didn’t attack him because they didn’t smell fear on him. No. He’s easily able to drug and brainwash Clarice and take her as his lover. No. Go away. He’s so smart and one step ahead and can manipulate anyone and everyone into doing what he wants and blah blah blah shut up! A character being perfect isn’t interesting even if he’s evil!! We all know he’s never truly in danger because of how Harris writes him and that’s boring!! 

And I personally have a pet peeve where the villain is described as a monster or unstoppable. That’s boring and I no longer care about your story. I know 9 times out of 10 your main character is going to find a bullshit way around the impossible and kill it. Or it’s just like a default personality and nothing else is added to it. And that’s Hannibal. 

I’m on Hannibal Rising now and, spoiler alert, he’s very bland as a character. (Also Harris switched some details in the novel which kinda annoys me like get your own canon right my man but whatever.) The plot itself is pretty fun? I guess? Like there’s action and stuff and I’m enjoying that. But it’s the same set up where Harris’s Gary Stu always wins, like he was 13 in the book when he killed the butcher. Let. Your. Characters. Lose. 

Also even more racist shit but what did I expect really. 

Anyways, I have no idea who I’m supposed to root for in the novel because all the characters are just kinda shitty. It really just boils down to Harris not showing any redeeming qualities or actions from any of his characters. I liked Margot for a while out of spite but she never really went anywhere and the way she killed Mason (btw she sodomized him with a cattle prod to get his semen bc side plot and then stuffed his Moray eel down his throat and somehow I still don’t think that’s the worst part of the novel) just. No thanks really. 

All the random little side plots were also pretty not great. How many time does Harris have to say Pazzi of the Pazzis? Like I fucking get what you’re going for, even if I hadn’t watched the movie I’d be like, “Oh this dude’s gonna get hung outta that window, dope,” the literal first time. Stop treating your readers like idiots. 

And then Margot’s side plot was that the will their father left said she needed a biological heir to inherit because he was pissed she’s gay and we needed the homophobia I guess, so Mason got everything, and she was helping him with the Hannibal shit because he’s pretty incapacitated duh, and in return he would give her his jizz so Judy could be artificially inseminated and they could have a child and get some of her inheritance. I don’t care. It was all very gross, and Mason kept saying shit like suck me off you’ve done it before, I won’t be able to feel it anyway, maybe Judy’ll suck me off you think she’d like that. It’s all gross. 

And I guess this is a good a time as any to finally start on Mason. So a great rule of writing to make everything work better and give your story more depth is to give everyone both positive and negative traits right, even and especially the bad guys? Like, rules can always be broken if you’re a good enough writer, but I believe I have established that Harris isn’t quite there yet, to put it nicer than I have. 

Mason is one bad trait after another. It’s like when Harris was bored of constantly writing about plain ole pedophilia, he threw a dart at a board of horrible things and landed on topics such as: pedophilia but make it incest, extreme sadism, sadism but against children now, and good old fashioned racism! Fucking Cordell was supposed to collect the children’s tears after Mason would make them cry and put them in martinis for him. Realism went out the goddamn door real fast with this novel y’all. Like a fucking Scooby Doo villain over here. 

And he loves talking about being a sadistic pedophile, he will literally not shut up about it to Clarice when she first gets there telling her about his trip to Africa and this portable guillotine he has and just. I get it was probably like trying to make her uncomfortable on purpose because he’s a Freak, but it went way too far if only because it was annoying, not even uncomfortable for me as a reader. I was bored real quick. Get to the shit I actually wanna know. 

And it sucks because of the weird, over-the-top way of how he died, I got zero satisfaction from his death. I couldn’t even be like, “Well at least Margot got her revenge,” because that’s not how she originally wanted to kill him!!! She wanted someone else to extract his semen for the insemination but couldn’t find anybody to do it for her, and then Hannibal, whilst tied up, said use a cattle prod and you won’t have to touch him and when you kill him you can blame it on me, and I’m pretty sure even if she hit his prostate right every time and he COULD cum from that alone in addition to how his body is Fucked Up now, it would’ve been a lengthy, gross, and re-traumatizing experience for her because all she wanted to do was avoid seeing and touching her brother’s private parts again, which I think is a totally fair and rational desire. 

So I have to live with the fact that she was desperate enough to not lose the house and business because of her homophobic father to go through her childhood trauma again. There’s no place in this book that has a somewhat positive conclusion. 

Even the very last bit where Barney has a girlfriend and a ton of cash from Margot, all he wants to do is see every Vermeer in the world right? Well, because Hannibal and Clarice are in Buenos Aires where one of them is on display, Barney gets spooked and has him and his girlfriend leave before he can see it and it ends that bit with he never got to see it ever so he didn’t even complete his dream!!! 

Also for good measure, Harris throws in that Hannibal and Clarice enjoy having sex regularly. For no reason. Just letting us know. 

I know this seemed like just a bitch fest, because it was, but I kinda sorta enjoyed it? It kept my attention at the very least. It’s really disappointing because like I said, I love the movies, all of them, and have since I was little. To see the original not stand up to that image in my mind is a little heartbreaking. Especially Clarice. She was a strong female role model to me, but turns out she’s... just kinda there. And her ending is that of her no longer being herself and getting that agency taken away from her. 

There is a reference to her waking up from a sleep, if she is asleep (that’s kind of how he worded it), that kinda let us draw our conclusions on whether she was just brainwashed into being good for him or if she was willingly going along with this and was in love with him I guess and it felt like a slap in the face. She turned from a hardworking, modest country girl working her way up to the FBI into a female Hannibal. Which on the surface sounds kinda cool because we love luxe serial killers, but that’s not what she wanted or who she was set up to be. And to insinuate that she would even remotely consider choosing that path for herself is at its best an insult to her and at its worst a complete erasure of her background, what little character Harris did set up. It also completely erases my own connections to her, as a girl from a small town myself who has bigger dreams than this and also... a good, strong set of morals. He just tossed that out the window. 

Obviously if you’re on this blog, you like slasher x reader shit, and this is a novel with a slasher x a person, right? So why am I so mad about it? Because the whole point of this blog and reader insert fanfiction in general is that you are taken as you are and loved wholly as yourself and that you are worthy of that love (in a fictional setting, not really loving people who are like this, which I think we understand but I want to clarify). She was not taken as she was. He is not in love with her, she is not in love with him. She was transformed into what he wanted out of her. He couldn’t get her to be Mischa, his first plan, so he made her like himself. And the fact that he was so easily able to do it makes me upset, and even more so is that it’s not written like it’s weird or wrong. It’s written like they’re in love and this is a good thing. 

He may have been going for the classic “everyone is capable of doing bad things” stuff we see a lot, but we got that from Margot already. And Barney, for stealing Lecter’s stuff and selling it. And Paul, and the entire FBI for turning on Clarice, and the kidnappers, and Pazzi, and random shitty side characters. And none of it was particularly well written or made some sort of strong statement. It just was. And that’s not a good enough basis for a novel. 

Anyways, if you made it this far holy shit you’re a saint and I love you, let’s be friends?? <3 Have a good day y’all, thank you BB for giving me permission to ramble. 

[paradife-loft]

part 2 of Watership Down thoughts.... a lot longer than part 1, oops.

BLACKAVAR, oh my gosh, Blackavar is also my favourite and I love him a lot ;____; (this is also a lot of what I mean w/ the Efrafans behaving like humans - the specific punishment given to him is very much a calculated thing to make an example, and a wound that even once healed is never going to look normal and unmarked. it doesn’t seem like the sort of thing most other rabbits would come up with, since they tend to be so much more concerned with what’s right in front of them.)

the part where Hyzenthlay is also a prophet like Fiver! I’d completely forgotten that angle as well; it’s very cool.

re: my earlier note about the purpose of Efrafa’s social structure - it’s interesting; the line about preventing the white blindness is what Holly brings back to tell the rest of the warren, but then when we get the bit of Woundwort’s POV, that seems like only a latecoming portion of the rationale for all of it? I wonder if that’s an intentional discrepancy to point out, maybe what the lower-ranking members of the warren are told and believe, versus Woundwort’s actual power-centric motivations? but it explains why I’d forgotten the former bit, in any case.

BLACKAVAR FEELS 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO or: oh my god, the bit where he follows Hazel under the bridge just because he figured well, it was an order? and then went to go find the others anyway even though he was exhausted???? the part where he tries to convince the group to continue on because it’s fox country out of nothing but general patrol intuition, gets voted down, and then up and forgets he made the suggestion bc that’s how you do things under Totalitarian Hell Warren, even though he’s later proved right??!?! I love him and I love the insight into Efrafan culture, and everything. also when we find out that he and the Efrafans in general have A DIFFERENT ACCENT? how is this fellow so precious. how.

This Fucking Passage, omg - ““Probably he really has. But whether or not, you’d never get him to admit that he warned you or to listen while you told him he’d been right. He could no more do that than pass hraka underground.” // “But you’re an Efrafan. Do you think like that, too?” // “I’m a doe,” said Hyzenthlay.”

this occurred to me several times beforehand, but I kept forgetting to include it - everything takes such a short period of time, by human standards! there’s barely a day or two between every major event that happens; I think in total the novel can’t cover more than a month of time, and that’s on the far side? it’s such a weird position to occupy, because you naturally want to stretch the events out to a longer timescale that better “matches” the intuitive/emotional sense portrayed (and allows for all these injuries to heal, holy shit?), but in the context of a rabbit’s lifetime, the way they experience just a few days feels very different from how we think of just a few days.

this is just a hypothesis, but - I’ve been trying to figure out what’s going on between the switching between Lapine and English translations, w/ names especially, and - I think it essentially works in the same way as how/why I switch between standard Sindarin names in narration, and Quenya in dialogue, when writing Silm material?? which is very cool. something something old English dudes who like plants and language...

Bigwig getting bad language past the radar and literally saying “eat shit, stinklord” XD fucking iconic. (also frequently quoted, as I recall, by all of us ten year olds reading the book for class who were delighted by any and all ways of insulting people in words the adults around wouldn’t understand.)

it’s honestly fascinating just how many different non-rabbit animals the main characters end up establishing alliances with or otherwise using to their advantage in their conflict with Efrafa? Kehaar, the fox, the mouse, the dog? most of them due to Hazel’s instincts and strategising, too, aside from the fox, which is pretty cool as an even further extension of his main strength as a Chief Rabbit, knowing his people and their particular gifts and trusting them to use them. and beyond that - this idea that the Efrafans, who aggressively suppress their natural instincts as rabbits, despite being very skilled at perception and analysis of their surroundings, end up repeatedly at the short end of the stick in interactions with all sorts of other parts of nature? I dunno; there’s no exact dividing line “this group acts rabbit-like and this group doesn’t” to try and force on the dynamics here, and I’m really quite glad of that and think it makes for a much better story than the alternative, but. it definitely feels like some manner of emergent theme, for sure.

there’s something that just hits fucking deep about the passage: ““My Chief Rabbit has told me to defend this run and until he says otherwise I shall stay here.” // It had never occurred to Woundwort or any of his officers that Thayli was not the Chief Rabbit of his warren.... And if he was not the Chief Rabbit, then somewhere close by there must be another, stronger rabbit who was. A stronger rabbit than Thlayli.” -- especially in context with Woundwort’s meeting/failed parlay with Hazel earlier. like damn.

FUCK YEAH SCARY FIVER!!! “I am sorry for you with all my heart... Believe me, I am sorry for your death.”

“Come back, you fools! Dogs aren’t dangerous!”

god the last like, three chapters of this book have the most metal goddamn quotes ever

Vilthuril telling an embellished version of the first quarter of the book as a story of El-ahrairah’s people to her kids??!! I love that as a worldbuilding detail so much, oh my gosh. (also uhhhh, telling that the snare warren is rewritten in as “the rabbits of Prince Rainbow”, lmao. Prince Rainbow is an asshole XD)

aaaand that’s all! what a good ending. what a good book.

[werewolf-fucker]

1-100

Is a kiss considered cheating?

- oh hell yeah 

Have you ever faked orgasm?

-sadly 

Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?

- i think its going to be a miracle if im alive in 7-8-9 years 

Tell us some funny drunk story.

- one time i got too high and i tried to pass the bowl to a frog beside me 

Why are you no longer together with your ex?

- ah she cut it off but i was respectful of her decision 

If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? 

-oh shit i would love to be blasted into space 

Do you like someone?

- we shall see 

Who was the last person to disappoint you?

- my damn self 

Do you like your body?

- depends on the dysphoria 

Can you keep a diet?

- nah stoned me has no rules 

If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?

- ditch the white people! 

Do you work?

- sadly 

If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be?

- anything alyssas mom cooks 

Would you get a tattoo?

- i have two! 

Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?

- my friends and trasnition

Can you drive?

- im the only one of my friends that does 

When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?

-all of my friends are saps so we say it all the time

What was the last thing you cried for?

- uh we ran out of skim milk at work and i just lost it 

Is life fun?

- can be with the right people 

Is farting in front of people irrelevant?

- u just gotta know how to pull it off 

What’s your dream car?

- small truck/ something with room 

Are grades in school important?

- hell yeah if u want to do more stuff with ur life 

Describe your crush.

- listens well, affectionate, funny, idk im an easy date man 

What was your last lie?

- im gonna go to bed early 

Dumbest lie you ever told? 

- ONE TIME MY SISTER FOUND MY VIBRATOR SO I HAD TO TELL HER IT WAS AN “oil paint spreader” AND THATS HONESTLY THE STUPIDEST THING TO COME OUT OF MY MOUTH BUT SHE BOUGHT IT 

Is crying in front of people embarrassing?

- for me yeah but not for other people

Something you did and you are proud of?

- i did a still life a little while ago and i really like how it turned out 

What’s your favourite cocktail?

- whiskey ginger! 

Something you are good at?

- fuckin up lol 

Do you like small kids?

- I hate babies but i love hanging out with 3+ yr olds 

How are you feeling right now?

- could be better 

What would you name your daughter/son?

- im naming my next cat Beau

What do you need to be happy?

- good friends, my plants, my animals

Is there some you want to punch in the face right now?

- dumbasses at work and jazzercise lady 

What was the last gift you received?

- someone gave me a cookie today lol

What was the last gift you gave?

- i sent u a package!!

What was the last concert you went to?

- tbh havent been to one in forever 

Favourite place to shop at?

- i like thrift stores and little unique shops 

Who inspires you?

- anyone who knows what theyre doing 

How old were you when you first got drunk?

-16 i think 

How old were you when you first got high?

- like 15-16

How old were you when you first had sex?

- 14

When was your first kiss?

- 8

Something you want to do until the end of this year?

- idk if i get this one 

Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?

- legit just erase years 9-15

Post a selfie.

- in a separate post 

Who are you most comfortable around?

- probably @wild-wild-wonder or @gnomepapi

Name one thing that terrifies you.

- heights, fuckin hate them

What kind of books do you read?

- as cheesy as it sounds i like good ol YA novels 

What would you tell your 12 year old self?

- boys aint shit and just talk to people 

What is your favourite flower?

- bearded irises! 

Any bad habits you have?

- use weed as a coping mechanism so i do that wayyyy too much 

What kind of people are you attracted to?

- anyone whos into me tbh 

What was the last thing you cried for?

- skim milk and my parents kicking me out (its all good now) 

Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you?

- fuckin hate eggs and tomatoes 

Are you in love?

- im an ENFP and a sagittarius dude im always in love 

How long was your longest relationship? 

- 2 years 

What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?

- rampant misogyny, toxic masculinity, violence in general 

What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? 

- straight women

What are you saving money for?

- to move out soon 

How would you describe your bad side?

- whiny bitchass who cant deal with shit like a normal person 

Are you actually a good person? Why?

- idk if truly good people exist but ive done too much bad shit to be one of them 

What are you living for?

- a new easel and the opportunity to use it 

Have you ever done anything illegal?

- LMAO yes 

Do you like your body?

- i love some parts of it and some parts i dont 

Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?

- oh hell yeah

Ever sent nudes?

- yep

Have you ever cheated on someone?

- yep, not proud but yep

Favourite candy?

- kitkat!

Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!

- i follow over a thousand people on this hell site man idk what’s even happening 

Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game?

- i play OW on pc a little but i suck at it lol 

Are you religious? Does God exist?

- oh god exists, he fucking hates me 

What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?

- its cool just dont be preachy about it and get pissed when others arent 

How long have you been on Tumblr?

- like 4 or 5 years 

Do you like Chineese food?

- fave kind

McDonalds or Subway?

- subway but only from the one near my highschool where the dude gives me free food 

Vodka or whiskey?

- both 

Alcohol or drugs?

- both

Ever been out of your province/state/country?

- i try to make it canada once a year! my dads family is up there so i like to see them 

Meaning behind your blog name?

- it might be bc i fuck werewolves but idk 

What are you scared of?

- my boss cutting my pay to 2.25 bc she’s mad at us 

Last time you were insulted?

- today lol

Most traumatic experience ?

- yeaaahhhhh thats not happening 

Favourite app on your phone?

- tumblr consumes my life as always 

What colour are the walls in your room?- white man i live in an apartment 

Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?

- i love cryaotic! his voices puts me to sleep 

Share your favourite quote.

- i cant remember anything my dude 

Do you like horror movies?

- i like horror i just fucking hate jump scares 

Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?

- yeah i told her i was gay 

Do you feel lucky or special in a way?

- i love my friends and i feel incredibly lucky to know them 

Can you keep a secret?

- idk can i 

[yes-dal456]

47 Tweets From Parents That Sum Up The Nightmare Of Lice Outbreaks

There is perhaps nothing more fear-inducing for parents than receiving the dreaded “LICE” note from their kid’s school.

These notorious outbreaks have the power to make even the most level-headed parents want to burn all of their belongings and shave every family member’s head. Many moms and dads vent about their head lice anxieties on Twitter, and some manage to find humor in the bleakness.

We’ve rounded up 47 tweets about the nightmare that is a lice outbreak. Try not to scratch your head while reading.

Lice is the herpes of kindergarten.

— Wonder Kitten (@Tw1tter_K1tten) December 31, 2014

One daughter has lice. While my kids slept, I filled 15 garbage bags with stuffed animals and hid them in the attic Your move, the Grinch.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) July 20, 2016

Lice are proof that God doesn't think having small children is it's own punishment.

— Lea Grover (@bcmgsupermommy) October 9, 2014

*standing in front of smoldering remains of my house* Fireman: what happened, ma'am? Me: there's a head lice outbreak at my kid's school.

— JuneBug (@jenyb4) January 13, 2016

Parenting tip: If your kid ever gets lice, make sure you send them to the local orphanage with the best YELP reviews.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) September 30, 2015

When considering the price of fighting a case of child head lice, don't forget to factor in the cost of the wine you need to get through it.

— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) November 1, 2016

My daughter is so generous. She shared her head lice with me so now we can both be alienated by our family.

— Ponies and Martinis (@PonyMartini) June 6, 2016

Lice? Lice lice. Lice lice lice? Liiiiiice. - what English sounds like after I get a note from the school saying there's lice in the class

— Sarah del Rio (@est1975blog) September 14, 2016

I know I've taught my daughter well bc I overheard her saying, "My Barbie can't share her crown with you because she doesn't want lice."

— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) April 23, 2015

Parenting tip: Never have kids. They might get lice.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 9, 2017

It only took my wife mentioning "lice" once for this whole Burger King play place to clear out.

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 25, 2015

The only one I hate more than this is "The Game of Lice" #RealMomTruths @Luvs http://pic.twitter.com/eJ65Q7rgdm

— Susan McLean (@NoDomesticDiva) May 4, 2015

Four out of five moms agree that lice will give you a nervous breakdown. And even the fifth mom is just pretending to hold it together.

— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) April 26, 2016

One of my son's T-ball teammates has lice & the kids have been sharing helmets. Good news is we're changing team name to The Bad News Hairs.

— Dude of the House (@DudeOfTheHouse) April 23, 2015

2am and I'm sneaking around my house with a headlamp on giving my sleeping children lice checks. You know just another normal Sat morning.

— carly kimmel (@carlykimmel) February 1, 2014

Relationship status: Bribing my husband with sexual favors in exchange for applying Anna's final lice treatment.

— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) November 1, 2014

The family that removes lice together, stays together. Mostly because no one else wants them.

— BadParentingMoments (@BPMbadassmama) September 26, 2015

Is it normal for a grown man to cry after getting the first head lice awareness letter from school?

— Dad or Alive (@dad_or_alive) January 13, 2016

Calling a class Christmas party a "holiday fair" is wrong. We're too easily offended to call it what it REALLY is: Lice Roulette with Punch.

— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) December 22, 2015

Sorry I started singing "lice lice baby" when you told me about your kid's nits but come on, that's fuckin funny.

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) February 18, 2017

Lice really prefer clean hair. --what I tell myself every night when I let my kids skip washing their hair.

— Resist! SWT (@SWilderTaylor) September 19, 2015

Just when you think 2016 couldn't get any worse, the preschool sends out a lice warning. *dives head first into the dumpster fire*

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 8, 2016

In over 11 years of parenthood we've never yet had lice. *knocks on wood, throws salt over shoulder, offers firstborn to lice gods*

— Missy (@MamaFizzles) February 10, 2017

My type A, clean freak, hypochondriac wife just found lice in our daughter's hair so now I must start a new life.

— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) December 20, 2016

None of the pregnancy books warn you how much of the next 15 years you'll waste worrying that you have lice or a possible stomach bug.

— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) April 27, 2016

Taking your kid to get a haircut at a children's barbershop is like using a dirty needle, except lice is 100 times worse than hepatitis.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 3, 2016

I never thought I could love dandruff as much as I do each and every time it isn't lice.

— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) April 22, 2013

Gotta love the lice letter from school... in other news now I can't stop itching my head.

— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) November 11, 2016

In an ideal world chlorine would kill lice, amirite

— Christina Anderson (@Xtina_Anderson) September 4, 2016

Me: I need a break from the election. It would be nice to focus on something else. Life: Your preschool has lice! Me: Dammit.

— Lea Grover (@bcmgsupermommy) October 14, 2016

"Biggest asshole" is quite an insult. Now consider lice, the smallest assholes. Those smallest assholes are the biggest assholes I know.

— Nicole Leigh Shaw (@NicoleLeighShaw) July 15, 2015

THERE IS HEAD LICE IN THE EIGHTH GRADE! REPEAT: THERE IS HEAD LICE IN THE EIGHTH GRADE!

— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) November 11, 2014

Oh just scrolling through a story on super-strains of lice with one hand and shaving all of our family's hair off with the other.

— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) August 18, 2015

There really needs to be a super-sympathetic "I'm sorry your kid has lice." emoji. Someone? Please?

— Julie Maida (@NextLifeNOKids) February 26, 2015

Introvert Pro Tip: You'd be amazed at how many commitments you can get out of for the week when you get lice from your kids.

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) July 20, 2016

Boys, I will always be there for you...that is unless you have lice. Then it's feed yourself and find your own damn way to school.

— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) May 22, 2013

Nightmares as a child: monsters Nightmares as a parent: lice

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) October 4, 2015

... And it's official: Lice outbreak at school. Homeschoolers, you're looking smarter every damn year.

— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) September 11, 2013

One thing they don't tell you before you become a parent is just how much you will learn about lice. I have a Ph. Delouse.

— Shawn (@BackpackingDad) June 22, 2013

So I put the lice repel stuff in the kids' hair. The only problem is *I* don't want to be around them either, now.

— Jennifer Mendelsohn (@CleverTitleTK) December 13, 2011

School sent a note home with my 5yo that someone had lice in his class. In unrelated news I broke out in hives & burned all our belongings.

— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) November 5, 2013

I don't know why my place isn't moving on air bnb when the description repeatedly emphasizes that it's lice-free.

— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) January 12, 2015

Mice outbreak at my school! Wait, hold on, typo. Lice outbreak at my school! Lice. Actually wishing now it was mice.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) January 16, 2013

My kid was attacked by lice. The resulting casualties include hundreds of dead bugs, one confiscated Santa hat & four murdered friendships.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 19, 2012

Nothing like a "Confirmed Case of Head Lice At School" email to make me wish I'd gotten a dog instead.

— Karri-Leigh (@karri_leigh) January 18, 2016

It's hat day at school. I'll expect the lice out break letters in about 3 days.

— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) September 29, 2014

Every time my head itches I think, "well this is it, this is how I die" bc if the lice have finally come for me I'm lighting myself on fire.

— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) April 16, 2016

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from http://ift.tt/2o85kWf from Blogger http://ift.tt/2nMFer6

[ongames]

47 Tweets From Parents That Sum Up The Nightmare Of Lice Outbreaks

There is perhaps nothing more fear-inducing for parents than receiving the dreaded “LICE” note from their kid’s school.

These notorious outbreaks have the power to make even the most level-headed parents want to burn all of their belongings and shave every family member’s head. Many moms and dads vent about their head lice anxieties on Twitter, and some manage to find humor in the bleakness.

We’ve rounded up 47 tweets about the nightmare that is a lice outbreak. Try not to scratch your head while reading.

Lice is the herpes of kindergarten.

— Wonder Kitten (@Tw1tter_K1tten) December 31, 2014

One daughter has lice. While my kids slept, I filled 15 garbage bags with stuffed animals and hid them in the attic Your move, the Grinch.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) July 20, 2016

Lice are proof that God doesn't think having small children is it's own punishment.

— Lea Grover (@bcmgsupermommy) October 9, 2014

*standing in front of smoldering remains of my house* Fireman: what happened, ma'am? Me: there's a head lice outbreak at my kid's school.

— JuneBug (@jenyb4) January 13, 2016

Parenting tip: If your kid ever gets lice, make sure you send them to the local orphanage with the best YELP reviews.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) September 30, 2015

When considering the price of fighting a case of child head lice, don't forget to factor in the cost of the wine you need to get through it.

— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) November 1, 2016

My daughter is so generous. She shared her head lice with me so now we can both be alienated by our family.

— Ponies and Martinis (@PonyMartini) June 6, 2016

Lice? Lice lice. Lice lice lice? Liiiiiice. - what English sounds like after I get a note from the school saying there's lice in the class

— Sarah del Rio (@est1975blog) September 14, 2016

I know I've taught my daughter well bc I overheard her saying, "My Barbie can't share her crown with you because she doesn't want lice."

— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) April 23, 2015

Parenting tip: Never have kids. They might get lice.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 9, 2017

It only took my wife mentioning "lice" once for this whole Burger King play place to clear out.

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 25, 2015

The only one I hate more than this is "The Game of Lice" #RealMomTruths @Luvs http://pic.twitter.com/eJ65Q7rgdm

— Susan McLean (@NoDomesticDiva) May 4, 2015

Four out of five moms agree that lice will give you a nervous breakdown. And even the fifth mom is just pretending to hold it together.

— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) April 26, 2016

One of my son's T-ball teammates has lice & the kids have been sharing helmets. Good news is we're changing team name to The Bad News Hairs.

— Dude of the House (@DudeOfTheHouse) April 23, 2015

2am and I'm sneaking around my house with a headlamp on giving my sleeping children lice checks. You know just another normal Sat morning.

— carly kimmel (@carlykimmel) February 1, 2014

Relationship status: Bribing my husband with sexual favors in exchange for applying Anna's final lice treatment.

— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) November 1, 2014

The family that removes lice together, stays together. Mostly because no one else wants them.

— BadParentingMoments (@BPMbadassmama) September 26, 2015

Is it normal for a grown man to cry after getting the first head lice awareness letter from school?

— Dad or Alive (@dad_or_alive) January 13, 2016

Calling a class Christmas party a "holiday fair" is wrong. We're too easily offended to call it what it REALLY is: Lice Roulette with Punch.

— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) December 22, 2015

Sorry I started singing "lice lice baby" when you told me about your kid's nits but come on, that's fuckin funny.

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) February 18, 2017

Lice really prefer clean hair. --what I tell myself every night when I let my kids skip washing their hair.

— Resist! SWT (@SWilderTaylor) September 19, 2015

Just when you think 2016 couldn't get any worse, the preschool sends out a lice warning. *dives head first into the dumpster fire*

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 8, 2016

In over 11 years of parenthood we've never yet had lice. *knocks on wood, throws salt over shoulder, offers firstborn to lice gods*

— Missy (@MamaFizzles) February 10, 2017

My type A, clean freak, hypochondriac wife just found lice in our daughter's hair so now I must start a new life.

— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) December 20, 2016

None of the pregnancy books warn you how much of the next 15 years you'll waste worrying that you have lice or a possible stomach bug.

— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) April 27, 2016

Taking your kid to get a haircut at a children's barbershop is like using a dirty needle, except lice is 100 times worse than hepatitis.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 3, 2016

I never thought I could love dandruff as much as I do each and every time it isn't lice.

— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) April 22, 2013

Gotta love the lice letter from school... in other news now I can't stop itching my head.

— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) November 11, 2016

In an ideal world chlorine would kill lice, amirite

— Christina Anderson (@Xtina_Anderson) September 4, 2016

Me: I need a break from the election. It would be nice to focus on something else. Life: Your preschool has lice! Me: Dammit.

— Lea Grover (@bcmgsupermommy) October 14, 2016

"Biggest asshole" is quite an insult. Now consider lice, the smallest assholes. Those smallest assholes are the biggest assholes I know.

— Nicole Leigh Shaw (@NicoleLeighShaw) July 15, 2015

THERE IS HEAD LICE IN THE EIGHTH GRADE! REPEAT: THERE IS HEAD LICE IN THE EIGHTH GRADE!

— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) November 11, 2014

Oh just scrolling through a story on super-strains of lice with one hand and shaving all of our family's hair off with the other.

— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) August 18, 2015

There really needs to be a super-sympathetic "I'm sorry your kid has lice." emoji. Someone? Please?

— Julie Maida (@NextLifeNOKids) February 26, 2015

Introvert Pro Tip: You'd be amazed at how many commitments you can get out of for the week when you get lice from your kids.

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) July 20, 2016

Boys, I will always be there for you...that is unless you have lice. Then it's feed yourself and find your own damn way to school.

— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) May 22, 2013

Nightmares as a child: monsters Nightmares as a parent: lice

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) October 4, 2015

... And it's official: Lice outbreak at school. Homeschoolers, you're looking smarter every damn year.

— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) September 11, 2013

One thing they don't tell you before you become a parent is just how much you will learn about lice. I have a Ph. Delouse.

— Shawn (@BackpackingDad) June 22, 2013

So I put the lice repel stuff in the kids' hair. The only problem is *I* don't want to be around them either, now.

— Jennifer Mendelsohn (@CleverTitleTK) December 13, 2011

School sent a note home with my 5yo that someone had lice in his class. In unrelated news I broke out in hives & burned all our belongings.

— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) November 5, 2013

I don't know why my place isn't moving on air bnb when the description repeatedly emphasizes that it's lice-free.

— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) January 12, 2015

Mice outbreak at my school! Wait, hold on, typo. Lice outbreak at my school! Lice. Actually wishing now it was mice.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) January 16, 2013

My kid was attacked by lice. The resulting casualties include hundreds of dead bugs, one confiscated Santa hat & four murdered friendships.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 19, 2012

Nothing like a "Confirmed Case of Head Lice At School" email to make me wish I'd gotten a dog instead.

— Karri-Leigh (@karri_leigh) January 18, 2016

It's hat day at school. I'll expect the lice out break letters in about 3 days.

— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) September 29, 2014

Every time my head itches I think, "well this is it, this is how I die" bc if the lice have finally come for me I'm lighting myself on fire.

— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) April 16, 2016

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

47 Tweets From Parents That Sum Up The Nightmare Of Lice Outbreaks published first on http://ift.tt/2lnpciY

[imreviewblog]

47 Tweets From Parents That Sum Up The Nightmare Of Lice Outbreaks

There is perhaps nothing more fear-inducing for parents than receiving the dreaded “LICE” note from their kid’s school.

These notorious outbreaks have the power to make even the most level-headed parents want to burn all of their belongings and shave every family member’s head. Many moms and dads vent about their head lice anxieties on Twitter, and some manage to find humor in the bleakness.

We’ve rounded up 47 tweets about the nightmare that is a lice outbreak. Try not to scratch your head while reading.

Lice is the herpes of kindergarten.

— Wonder Kitten (@Tw1tter_K1tten) December 31, 2014

One daughter has lice. While my kids slept, I filled 15 garbage bags with stuffed animals and hid them in the attic Your move, the Grinch.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) July 20, 2016

Lice are proof that God doesn't think having small children is it's own punishment.

— Lea Grover (@bcmgsupermommy) October 9, 2014

*standing in front of smoldering remains of my house* Fireman: what happened, ma'am? Me: there's a head lice outbreak at my kid's school.

— JuneBug (@jenyb4) January 13, 2016

Parenting tip: If your kid ever gets lice, make sure you send them to the local orphanage with the best YELP reviews.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) September 30, 2015

When considering the price of fighting a case of child head lice, don't forget to factor in the cost of the wine you need to get through it.

— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) November 1, 2016

My daughter is so generous. She shared her head lice with me so now we can both be alienated by our family.

— Ponies and Martinis (@PonyMartini) June 6, 2016

Lice? Lice lice. Lice lice lice? Liiiiiice. - what English sounds like after I get a note from the school saying there's lice in the class

— Sarah del Rio (@est1975blog) September 14, 2016

I know I've taught my daughter well bc I overheard her saying, "My Barbie can't share her crown with you because she doesn't want lice."

— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) April 23, 2015

Parenting tip: Never have kids. They might get lice.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 9, 2017

It only took my wife mentioning "lice" once for this whole Burger King play place to clear out.

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 25, 2015

The only one I hate more than this is "The Game of Lice" #RealMomTruths @Luvs http://pic.twitter.com/eJ65Q7rgdm

— Susan McLean (@NoDomesticDiva) May 4, 2015

Four out of five moms agree that lice will give you a nervous breakdown. And even the fifth mom is just pretending to hold it together.

— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) April 26, 2016

One of my son's T-ball teammates has lice & the kids have been sharing helmets. Good news is we're changing team name to The Bad News Hairs.

— Dude of the House (@DudeOfTheHouse) April 23, 2015

2am and I'm sneaking around my house with a headlamp on giving my sleeping children lice checks. You know just another normal Sat morning.

— carly kimmel (@carlykimmel) February 1, 2014

Relationship status: Bribing my husband with sexual favors in exchange for applying Anna's final lice treatment.

— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) November 1, 2014

The family that removes lice together, stays together. Mostly because no one else wants them.

— BadParentingMoments (@BPMbadassmama) September 26, 2015

Is it normal for a grown man to cry after getting the first head lice awareness letter from school?

— Dad or Alive (@dad_or_alive) January 13, 2016

Calling a class Christmas party a "holiday fair" is wrong. We're too easily offended to call it what it REALLY is: Lice Roulette with Punch.

— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) December 22, 2015

Sorry I started singing "lice lice baby" when you told me about your kid's nits but come on, that's fuckin funny.

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) February 18, 2017

Lice really prefer clean hair. --what I tell myself every night when I let my kids skip washing their hair.

— Resist! SWT (@SWilderTaylor) September 19, 2015

Just when you think 2016 couldn't get any worse, the preschool sends out a lice warning. *dives head first into the dumpster fire*

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 8, 2016

In over 11 years of parenthood we've never yet had lice. *knocks on wood, throws salt over shoulder, offers firstborn to lice gods*

— Missy (@MamaFizzles) February 10, 2017

My type A, clean freak, hypochondriac wife just found lice in our daughter's hair so now I must start a new life.

— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) December 20, 2016

None of the pregnancy books warn you how much of the next 15 years you'll waste worrying that you have lice or a possible stomach bug.

— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) April 27, 2016

Taking your kid to get a haircut at a children's barbershop is like using a dirty needle, except lice is 100 times worse than hepatitis.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 3, 2016

I never thought I could love dandruff as much as I do each and every time it isn't lice.

— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) April 22, 2013

Gotta love the lice letter from school... in other news now I can't stop itching my head.

— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) November 11, 2016

In an ideal world chlorine would kill lice, amirite

— Christina Anderson (@Xtina_Anderson) September 4, 2016

Me: I need a break from the election. It would be nice to focus on something else. Life: Your preschool has lice! Me: Dammit.

— Lea Grover (@bcmgsupermommy) October 14, 2016

"Biggest asshole" is quite an insult. Now consider lice, the smallest assholes. Those smallest assholes are the biggest assholes I know.

— Nicole Leigh Shaw (@NicoleLeighShaw) July 15, 2015

THERE IS HEAD LICE IN THE EIGHTH GRADE! REPEAT: THERE IS HEAD LICE IN THE EIGHTH GRADE!

— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) November 11, 2014

Oh just scrolling through a story on super-strains of lice with one hand and shaving all of our family's hair off with the other.

— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) August 18, 2015

There really needs to be a super-sympathetic "I'm sorry your kid has lice." emoji. Someone? Please?

— Julie Maida (@NextLifeNOKids) February 26, 2015

Introvert Pro Tip: You'd be amazed at how many commitments you can get out of for the week when you get lice from your kids.

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) July 20, 2016

Boys, I will always be there for you...that is unless you have lice. Then it's feed yourself and find your own damn way to school.

— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) May 22, 2013

Nightmares as a child: monsters Nightmares as a parent: lice

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) October 4, 2015

... And it's official: Lice outbreak at school. Homeschoolers, you're looking smarter every damn year.

— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) September 11, 2013

One thing they don't tell you before you become a parent is just how much you will learn about lice. I have a Ph. Delouse.

— Shawn (@BackpackingDad) June 22, 2013

So I put the lice repel stuff in the kids' hair. The only problem is *I* don't want to be around them either, now.

— Jennifer Mendelsohn (@CleverTitleTK) December 13, 2011

School sent a note home with my 5yo that someone had lice in his class. In unrelated news I broke out in hives & burned all our belongings.

— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) November 5, 2013

I don't know why my place isn't moving on air bnb when the description repeatedly emphasizes that it's lice-free.

— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) January 12, 2015

Mice outbreak at my school! Wait, hold on, typo. Lice outbreak at my school! Lice. Actually wishing now it was mice.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) January 16, 2013

My kid was attacked by lice. The resulting casualties include hundreds of dead bugs, one confiscated Santa hat & four murdered friendships.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 19, 2012

Nothing like a "Confirmed Case of Head Lice At School" email to make me wish I'd gotten a dog instead.

— Karri-Leigh (@karri_leigh) January 18, 2016

It's hat day at school. I'll expect the lice out break letters in about 3 days.

— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) September 29, 2014

Every time my head itches I think, "well this is it, this is how I die" bc if the lice have finally come for me I'm lighting myself on fire.

— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) April 16, 2016

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from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://huff.to/2nvRV7E