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what-am-i-doing-in-this-fandom · 1 month ago

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STOP I'm thinking about the part in Gravity Falls where Stan shows up with freshly bought (stolen) light bulbs only to see Ford screwing a new one in surrounded by family.

And OH my GOD. AGH.

Stan gets a little (ir)rationally upset about this because... It's.. Guys,,,

Stan perceives it as Ford once again easily receiving the praise and love of their family when he had to fight tooth and nail to receive even half of it.... I'm not well ✋😔

#listen I might be too deep in the fandom space and i might actually be mischaracterizing them completely #I'm not saying that Dipper and Mabel don't appreciate and love Stan because they definitely do!!#I'm saying Stan is seeing Ford reintegrate into their new family and he's seeing him do it. so. easily.#So easily When Stan had to PRETEND to be FORD to get even a chance to be a part of their family again #Stan FOUGHT to be a part of this family #and Ford just gets to slide in and... just. be a part of it.#and i mean duh but also... man Idk #Stan had to pretend to be Ford to get even a smidgen of a foothold to be able to even just... interact with his family #Stan's a family man that HAS to look out for everyone but Ford's just.. family. He gets to just... be a part of them with no real obligatio #And I'm not saying Ford doesn't love his family I'm saying he's very repressed and bad at showing it sometimes #It's just that... Stan fought SO hard to be a part of his family. THIS family. That is all he has EVER wanted #and FORD- who had it and took it all for GRANTED- gets to waltz back in and just.... take it for granted AGAIN #hang on guys i think I'm starting to take this a little personally i need to calm down wow #Okay.... I think I'm good #But you get where I'm coming from #cole's talking #gravity falls #grunkle stan #stanley pines #grunkle ford #ford pines #stangst #stan twins #These tags really got away from me huh #Ahem-- all that to say I think Stan's vague resentment in that scene is valid!!

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hecksupremechips · 4 months ago

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Thinking of vlr Akane is so conflicting cuz on one hand I’m so upset that she doesn’t ever get a moment to just rest and enjoy being alive again I’m upset that she just gets deeper and deeper into this role she’s built for herself and she loses her humanity and will never ever be that girl who died in the incinerator. But on the other hand, I need her to get so, so much worse I need her to be so obsessed with perfection she has this unique ability to change the course of history and she will burn everything and everyone to the ground in the blink of an eye if it means she can "reset" and get a perfect timeline and I desperately need her to never be satisfied with anything because really, is there anything that’s worth all the damage she’s caused?

#zero escape #akane kurashiki #virtues last reward #yeahhhhh just having so many thoughts about akane and sigma and junpei and yeah im screaming eyes bloodshot #i want akane to just like post 999 just do silly shit with aoi get a cat be a gamer try to heal the best she can #and i want her to be so evil i think theres still some crimes she hasnt committed yet she should do those #i really really really want her and junpei to just beat the shit out of each other in a boxing ring. specifically post vlr #need them being old as shit throwing chairs everyone is cheering #and damn like vlr akane just cant agree with junpei on his philosophy that a life with pain is still a life worth living cuz then thatd mean #everything she did in 999 was all for naught like to accept even the bad timelines where she died as valuable...#thats a kick to the dick especially when she fought so hard to live and how her death was so unfair #except she was just a scared kid with no choice then. now whats her excuse #i just want it to be possible you know? possible that akane didnt need to do this and she couldve been happy #cuz yeah the trauma would be horrible but surely itd be better than the trauma she has now since she took that dive #i wonder if she knows that no matter what she does she’ll never erase her trauma and eventually she will have to face it #or if she actually believes she can figure it all out and win the perfect timeline and magical mental stability will happen #basically akane is avoiding therapy soooooo hard but then again who would even be her therapist #no one can possibly understand her...right?

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al-luviec · 4 months ago

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juvie buddies

#alek art #td duncan #td mal #total drama #total drama all stars #(if i want to get technical)#2024 #duncan is around 15 here... mal is around 16 #ive thought really hard about them these past few days . in my brain they actually knew each other and canon is different #duncan and mike got along really well. in juvie mal refused to speak to anyone about anything and would fight as many people as he could .#he wanted to stay in there and far away from home . they get roomed together and duncan is the first person who mal can talk to . he isnt #scared of him . he relates to him a lot . like -> wow we both act out for attention and people think we are terrible because of it #duncan being a mentally ill teenager seeing mal an also very mentally ill teenager thought 'i can fix him' . mike and duncan speak too here #i cant really see anyone else fronting besides those two . their brain was on lockdown and mike wanted out so bad . i see manitoba as a #gatekeeper so hed handle some sessions with their psych. i want to say they (duncan and mike) get moved to a psyche ward just because #i have more knowledge on being in one and how it goes ... but yeah i like duncan mal a lot . this art isnt ship whatsoever though 🙏 i dont #see them as a couple their dynamic is just better as friends imo #but anyways in all stars they obviously recognize each other but have an unspoken agreement not to say anything abt it #duncan is a known criminal but mike isnt like that . mike hadnt even told zoey about that part of his life . so duncan wanted to respect his #privacy -> then mal starts hurting people and he has to step in . mal isnt a good person by any means but i dont think he was that bad in #juvie . so duncan had to come to terms that his friend wasnt the same person he was years ago (in all stars duncan is ~18 and i think mike #is almost 20... so it had been a while since they last talked)#them getting each other like no other and being in pain because they couldnt really speak . i see them having a conversation still in moon #madness abt their past and history . god i just think abt them and their wasted potential wdym mike and duncan were in juvie together #duncan was in for trespassing or destruction of private property or something really dumb . mal fought his parent(s) and got in for assault #mal was already in when duncan was placed . and duncan was let out early on good behavior + his parents (dad) mostly did it to teach him a #lesson . wrong of them or otherwise . so mal was just kinda stuck there until they realized he was actually not right in the head . think he #knew abt their DID but was only diagnosed in juvie and had to go from there . tbh he shouldve been tried as an adult but td logic . doesnt #matter dw guys . mike gets the 'was put on random meds that made him go braindead' treatment bc that was me . post mental hospital abilify #had me messed up

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dayurno · 8 months ago

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my advice for anyone whos growing more and more frustrated with the state of aftg and fandom at large is that arguing is fun but you need to be happy. ok. you need to. its hard when bad faith takes are dropped to your doorstep but you need to be happy and enjoy yourself and have fun or there's no point in anything at all ever. ok. fandom is not real and nothing is worth more than your enjoyment. i love you please make sure to have fun and reach out to a friend today. for me

#this goes doubly for fans of color if i'm honest #i say this bc a lot of my mutuals either currently or in the past have been very upset about how the fandom acts #and ive Done My Rounds with that ok #ive survived great wars even. and they did not make me happy #yes i was right and yes i should have said it but ultimately there was no material harm to choosing to have fun instead #lifes hard as it is in the real world where real things happen why would you waste your precious fun time on fighting crusades #and trust me i understand deeply the wish to fight crusades. Ive Fought Them. it got me hate mail and #an overall loss of passion for something i held sincerely in my heart #theres nothing more worthy than your enjoyment im serious. none of this is real and the world is hard out there #you need to get a good thing while u can #i dont remember a single time where ive actually felt vindicated by arguing with people online about. anything really but even more so aftg #but i remember in perfect and fond detail every time the (now defunct) kandreil discord server came up with an au #or even just normal casual conversation #i remember asks i got years ago about kevin day hcs that i hardly even agree with now but still love #trust me you will Not remember these squabbles what you will remember is what you loved and if youre lucky thats a lot of memories #so have fun ok. for me #txt

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strawberrybouvine · 10 months ago

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Content Warning: Talk of chest surgery, close up pictures involving surgical tape/stitches/healing wounds, post op chest scars

Wanted to make a post for my chest cause I'm going to be hitting my 4 months mark on the 26th !

I had a bilateral mastectomy due to fiberdenomas. So not exactly top surgery but close enough lol

I reeeeally like how my chest has healed. Especially compared to the like fresh healing stage and it's honestly made me really happy and much more confident ^^

This was around the like 4 days-1 week mark

Compared to now at almost 4 months !

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skrunksthatwunk · 7 months ago

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why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.

#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance #i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines #and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone'#gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK #i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it #in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day #and it's still not done. GUHH #I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE.#MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING #THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head #going to work on it some more. fuckk #the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal #themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it #sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time.#i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l #go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow #so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff #i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum)#eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit)#i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh #why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)

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dutybcrne · 4 months ago

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Thinking abt these tidbits from Kaveh’s character stories,,,

#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#☆ ┆ ( .haikaveh. );#//BC OFC OF ALL PEOPLE; HAITHAM WOULD BE THE ONE WHO WOULD FIND THAT WEAK POINT #//I wanna chew them like a gomita #//Nah but the fact that Haitham still went out of his way to bring Kaveh home and let him stay; to keep wanting him to stay #and keep buying him things; teasing him and actively looking out for Kaveh after Kaveh said THAT #//THAT gets me #//Bc I can’t imagine how much it would have hurt Haiyi to hear him SAY such a thing; esp if Kav was his only real friend at the time #//AND YET #//A N D Y E T #//Regardless of ship or not; Kav is SO cared for by he #//Perhaps that’s why it was so hard for Kaveh to see that #//Bc of guilt over what he’d said back then; only to be met with such kindness after his failures #//Bc he can’t BELIEVE Haitham ought to nor should genuinely WANT to after all that; their FIGHT #//Im realizing that’s prolly why Kavis so touchy abt Haitham teasing him #//Like it’s really hitting now #//I feel him tho #//If I had a dear friend I fought with to that degree and said such things to him to hurt him #//Lost touch with him save to bicker and argue on boards #//And then he showed up when I’m at my lowest; with a question abt my ideals and an offer to help me out #//I too would be wondering wtf his deal is and be Anxious the entire time #//The rent is deffo insurance so Haitham can’t say Kav never gave back anything #//in Kav’s eyes; meanwhile Haiyi damn well knew Kav would never accept his help so easily without giving smth in return #//Bc ofc he KNEW Kaveh would have never changed in all these years #//Haitham would know how stubborn and fixed Kav is more than anyone

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moomindreamboy · 18 hours ago

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Getting into the "what if it never gets better" trap

#telling myself it's my med change that's making it so so bad #i will get through this haze i better not have fought this hard in vain #doing really really bad #i got better briefly! briefly!!#the general state of the world is not helping what is already a grrimmmmm situation #ill eat a klonopin & hope it resets me by the time i wake up #then i get some god damn healthcare tomorrow #what is the POINT of all this agonizing to get my brain a millimeter closer to 'better'#i am so fucking tired #i'll stick it out i fucking Guess #probably was smart of me to ask for all the potentially dangerous household objects to be hidden away huh #ggghhhhhhhhhhhhh don't go insane challenge #vent #txt

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miabrown007 · 4 months ago

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sapphic racer rivals to lovers

#one of them used to be a formula 1 pilot. but she came out as trans and the mainstream community said lol no thanks #and her parents also disowned her (i mean she had to be rich to get to formula1 in the first place) so now she's trying to get into #street racing to earn money and do what she loves and knows #and the reigning champion is a guy who's all mysterious and everyone says is really stuck up #but it turns out the guy's just a woman as well who's trying to defend her hard fought position #and then they race and try to win over the other but ultimately they realize that they make a good team #and why pit two bad bitches against each other.#and i don't know enough about street racing or cars/motors in general to get to a decent conclusion.#but that's the generic idea which i'm sure someone had already written #but ideas are cheap and execution is everything and it's not like i'll actually type this out properly #anyway who knew formula1 is actually soap opera for men! the political intrigue today on the hungarian prix was excellent #miaing

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phagodyke · 6 months ago

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I will say while I've loved most of elden ring I'm really glad I'm down to just 2 more main boss fights (malenia + maliketh) before I start the endgame boss fights... whew 😮‍💨

#really gorgeous world but frankly its unnecessarily long. theyre gonna kill me for saying that but its true..#some areas/bosses just become overly repetitive when the game is THAT massive like its unavoidable #they tried rly hard to distinguish every area + honestly its a great effort but it couldve been half the size and just as good #like i just did the elphael ulcerative tree spirit bc i wanted to finish millicents questline. and come on man we didnt need another one #the design is sick + loooove the animation. but its a bad fight not bc of the difficulty but bc its janky as hell #lock on doesnt work properly bc of its size and the way it moves. u cant see shit on ur screen fighting them melee its just hack n slash #and theyre always in the most dogshit arenas possible for them like spaces w no maneuverability. its just not fuuuun #especially after youve fought 5 or 6 already earlier on in the game..#and its cool to have variations like the scarlet rot ones but we already HAD one of those just before lake of rot!! the gimmicks worn off #i did everything except maliketh in farum azula today as well and again. it didnt need to be that long. killing beastmen gets boring #after like the first 20 combat is just mashing buttons.. even the platforming is getting dull bc ive done 120 hours of it now #and theres only so many combinations of ladders and hallways and so on that u can possibly cram in here..#i say all this with fondness like i truly do love it. but it couldve been a lot tighter! regardless ill still 100% complete it #and i get most ppl dont try to get every single armament and talisman etc so they probably dont waste time FULLY exploring like i am #ahhh. anyway ill probably do malenia and maliketh tmr bc im right outside both of their arenas. and then call it quits this weekend #ill get my first ending next weekend probably... and hopefully by june ill have 100% and then i can play something else 😭#ik the dlc comes out in june but ill probably take a month or two break before i get to that #it doesnt even neeeed a dlc.......its excessive as it is just make a new game by this point ahhhhh #anyway its like 1am i need to SLEEP. i said i would go out to watch for northern lights but its overcast and im tired and my roommate #didnt wanna come with.. so i was gonna go to bed early instead but i guess that didnt happen lol #gonna feel like shit tomorrow bc i have to be up early to take my meds and she'll wake me up anyway.. but cross that bridge #typing is getting difficult bc im so sleepy okay goodnight everyone #.diaries

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scalproie · 1 year ago

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I have a whole essay about vegeta in me but my phone is at 9% so youre all spared right now

#I mean is it really a surprise I like the guy? look at him and look at what you know about me💙#and to make a botched summary: hes like one of those hypothetical “what if the villain joined the good guys” scenario except its real #the fact that hes also morally abhorrant for 80% of his screentime is both great and the reason why he can never get a single W #bc him winning against either a major antagonist OR protagonist wouldve validated the wrong morals he introduced in the saiyan saga #that goku fought hard to invalidate #anyway long story short: geets is a character meant to be broken. both physically and out of his own mind #and it was really cathartic to see him make an active choice (and not reactionnary like for future trunks) to protect those he came to love #AND recognize and accept goku's superiority at the sunset of the series in the last major battle #AND HIM LOSING BITS AND BITS OF HIS ARMOR THRU THE COURSE OF THE SERIES UNTIL HE STRAIGHT UP ENDS UP IN HUMAN CLOTHES IN THE EPILOGUE #IT WAS A GREAT DETAIL I LOVED (and I Fucking Hate when post buu they still put him in that fucking cell saga armor I hate it)#anyway love this character. the vegetable.#unless you also love him in which case I Hate Him. and if you talk to me about super Im Going To Kill You #tagging later

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lighthouseborn · 11 months ago

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fellow "holiday season is complicated for grief reasons" kids wya? how r u doin this year? ilu. i've got a ten year dead parent membership card if you want to come cry about it being year two or year one or year six and a half or something/anything, i got you, i know ♥

#i have. been less Intensely Christmas Sad but more conscious of a future anniversary so i'm sort of #idling in a very nostalgic but not inherently evil spaced-out sort of space lately #''hannah does it get easier?'' It jumps around year to year. Nothing seems to correlate to this but some years it's really hard and #the only thing I could really think about was them not being there/missing out. Some years you hang a stocking and set a place at the table #and it's fine.#Year two was awful. Year 7 also very bad. A few in between were pretty okay.#Last year I was really angry in a righteous fury kind of way and I fought for all our older traditions like I WILL ENJOY THIS ;dlksjfg;sldl #hopefully obviously this doesn't just have to be about parents that's just. that's the short stick i got i'm blowing you kisses regardless #and yes also if you are not awash with christmas grief you also get kisses i promise #genuinely about to haul off & start biting ( ooc. )#loss tw #grief tw #it's an olive branch but still

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batsinurbelfrey · 7 months ago

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#mental illness sucks so much kuz ur friends are all out experiencing beautiful things and sometimes even sending you pictures #and yet you cant reply because unbeknownst to them you are stuck in a Friday night lay-in-the-dark-and-spiral episode #asking yourself like 'will the fact that I have to take so much benadryl cause me to get early onset alzheimers and rob me of my old age?'#'will my body break down before its time because of how hard it has always had to work just to keep me alive with my disabilities?'#'will i some day get ovarian cancer and die because it kept getting written off for a decade like my pcos did?'#'is my birth control going to kill me? apparently the brand I'm on is really dangerous'#'what if after everything ive done and fought through. i don't even get to live the life I've been working towards?'#and other shit like that on repeat until you like. throw up or pass out #sometimes i almost miss being severely depressed because at least in a way i almost had more peace then. at least around the future and #death concerns. since i. yk. didnt care if i lived or died vs caring SO much-#vent #personal

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skrunksthatwunk · 3 months ago

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household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight

#out of three. please the third episode's what makes it okay im fighting for my life out here #it is NOT for lack of trying on my part but theres only a brief window of time when the olympics is not happening #and as it turns out the watchthrough is Not my mom's first priority (how dare she etc)#i do feel slightly bitter that we've gotten through two eps of band o brothers in the same time #we are fighting for the same timeslots yet somehow the hour long show's gotten a leg up??#you don't have time for a 23 min ep but DO for a 60 min one?? explain the math to me please #idk how to explain the vague feeling of betrayal bc it Does Not make sense Nor matter in the slightest #but cmonnnn we were doing so well. and my little bro's starting up school again soon and my dad's gotta go back to work #sometimes eventually (<- hes on medical leave) and my grandparents are coming over next week We're Losing Time Soon #ughhh if i'd known the olympics were happening (<- somehow completely oblivious to this) i'd have accounted for #my mom getting whisked away by the land of synchronized divers and shot putters and whatever the hell #happens in the summer olympics (<- only pays attention to winter olys)#bc that always happens. and *i* have to go back to school in Some Amount Of Time Im Too Scared To Check (p sure it's late aug though) and #when that happens i'll (hopefully) be stuck across town which means we won't be able to do it any time besides the weekends #and i don't wannaaaaa #i know this is the least important problem anyone's ever had like i get that i know but #it's important to me that they sit down and watch this with me. and watching it pull apart and being #the one who's easily the most invested it makes me look all desperate when i ask them for their time and they can't give it #we can only pull this off neatly in the summer and we were so close and now we're losing it right at the finish line #i don't want life to get in the way of this little bubble i've fought so hard to make y'know #and it's childish and embarrassing and whatever but i just want them to have fun with me with this thing i care about a lot #but i can't do that bc my mom needs to watch the judo matches at Every weight class #even though she's recording a lot of them? i don't understand but whatever i know it's her thing im just moping about it ig #i want it to be as perfect an experience for them as possible and it's slipping away from me #and i don't wanna leave this project unfinished when i start school y'know. sighh #i think they might feel like i only want them around when we're watching stuff. whcih is weird bc that's like #The Singular Way we family bonded literally my whole life so idk why they wouldn't get that when reversed #but either way that IS how i wanna spend time with them. i want them to understand this thing that's become a part of me #and i wanna talk With them about it. and so far it's been fun in a way it's never been before. my mom at least seems to really like it #and i want it to Keep going well bc if we lose momentum im worried they'll start finding it tedious. sighh

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lacomandante · 10 months ago

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That Patrick O' Brian quote about the Sharpe series is so funny bc it's true and unfortunately Tom Clegg (Sharpe series director) was the same exact way. Would cry tears of joy watching his battle scenes behind the camera but when it came to interpersonal scenes that fleshed out relationships and characters he didn't give two shits.....alas

#;ooc #(jason assumpta and brian cox have all attested to this)#(but when we sat down to watch the sharpe episodes together assumpta was like “i remembre having to fight with him. i did not like him”)#(LMFAO to be fair assumpta i am SO glad you fought for it. we got much better scenes because of it but good lord.)#(and yes its hard to make work bc realistically sharpe wasn't supposed to fraternize with the chosen men and his men)#(just the officers- which we really only see fleshed out in the books tbh)#(and then by company like two of the best officers are dead or left the series!! lawford and knowles which SUCKS)#(assumpta and i would have a running joke when we would watch movies every night)#(if a battle scene came on she'd point to it and go “tom clegg would cry at this scene” LMFAOO get him assumpta)

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leslieseveride · 1 year ago

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if you really love matthew perry, please read his memior. he's not a profound writer by any stretch, but... it's his life story.

#*and this is icarly!#matthew perry #friends lovers and the big terrible thing #it's definitely not a book that i feel like you can really give a star rating on #but he takes you through his life and talks mostly about his addiction #he talks about it on and off again throughout the book and you really get a sense for how much he was trying to grapple w/ his addiction #the obstacles he has had to overcome throughout the course of his life is just... remarkable #whereever he is now i just sincerely hope he is the most peaceful he's ever been #he fought so hard he deserves to rest now #please go out and buy and read his book 🙏❤️

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