moomindreamboy

[moomindreamboy]

Sad

[moomindreamboy]

actually at the end of my fucking rope because I don't think ketamine working either

[moomindreamboy]

The Lord of The Rings: The Return of The King, J.R.R Tolkien

[moomindreamboy]

If it needs to fall apart, let it.

[moomindreamboy]

To heal the wound you first have to stop touching it.

[moomindreamboy]

having a freeze response to stress is so funny in the context of normal adult stressors. millions of years of evolution are trying to tell me that the email will not find me if i stay very still and do nothing

[moomindreamboy]

sorry for being weird and evasive. i was raised to believe that having wants and needs was a moral failing

[moomindreamboy]

It's ok to acknowledge that I was cooking, and also struggling

[moomindreamboy]

Fuck it. I welcome the horrors

[moomindreamboy]

It's ok to switch tasks when I feel the horrors setting in

[moomindreamboy]

I've been gaining my curiosity back which is nice

[moomindreamboy]

btw you will miss this in 5 or 10 years. memory will smooth these circumstances down like a river stone, and you will find yourself longing for a shade of light or a moment of this particular innocence. you don't know about what happens next, and one day that will be the most alluring thing of all. don't leave it all for nostalgia. have a nice night now, whatever night it happens to be.

[moomindreamboy]

2025

BE A STUDENT OF WHAT YOU ADMIRE

DO IT BADLY RATHER THAN NOT AT ALL

TO DESPAIR IS TO CEDE VICTORY TO THOSE WHO DO NOT DESERVE IT

BROADEN YOUR CULTURAL HORIZONS

REVEL IN THE ANALOGUE

ACTION ABSORBS ANXIETY

GRIEF IS PRODUCTIVE; GUILT IS NOT

[moomindreamboy]

If you’ve never been all that disobedient before, you can and should start really, really small. For example, you can wear the slightly revealing or gloriously trashy-looking garment that makes your mom roll her eyes and sigh despondently every time she sees you put it on. You will feel judged and disapproved of when you put it on, but that is fine. Your goal is to sit with the uncomfortable feelings and continue with your desired behavior anyway.  Saunter down the steps in that highlighter-yellow Garfield crop top with your chest hair flowing over the neckline, and harness as much courage as you can muster. It’s okay if you feel like a beacon of sin. Just keep it moving. Your emotions are not the target here. Your behavior is. You can feel however you are feeling in the moment so long as you keep acting like you’re free.  Do you have a favorite TV show that a partner or roommate vocally hates? Try watching that show around them without apologizing or defensively joining them in mocking the program. At first, you probably won’t be able to enjoy the show while in their presence. You’ll feel self-conscious about everything they find annoying or cringe-inducing about the show, and so focused on their reactions that you can’t relax. That’s okay. Allow those feelings of embarrassment and guilt to exist and pass through you without giving up. In time, you will be able to ignore these reactions more, and enjoy the activity.  You want to see the needle of discomfort moving down just a little, like Link’s body temperature meter in Tears of the Kingdom when he puts on a breathable outfit in a hot climate. You’re not gonna go from roiling hot to frosty cold in an instant. But after a certain point, you won’t be actively in pain anymore. Things are just gonna slowly suck less, bit by bit, until they are finally okay. That’s true of most major life adjustments, I find.  Probably the best way to develop self-advocacy skills while growing in your distress tolerance is simply by telling other people no. Do this without explanation or hedging. Nitpicky aunt wants to hear all about your dating life? “No, I don’t want to talk about that.” Unreliable ex-friend wants you to do them the tiny favor of moving their entire home gymnasium into a new third story walk-up? “No, I’m not available.” Manipulative shift supervisor wants to cajole you into sticking around for another three hours to close? “No.”  As many advice columnists smarter than me have already intoned, “no” is a complete sentence. “No” requires no explanation. “No” is not subject to debate. “No” can be repeated over and over like a broken record if a disrespectful person acts like they can’t hear it. And you can walk away at any time to make your “no” physical and impossible to argue with, when someone has proven they don’t respect your boundaries. 

you can read or listen to the full piece for free here

[moomindreamboy]

hey.

if you happen to be reading this, i just wanted to say some things coming from someone who knows what it’s like to fall asleep in tears.

you are not a burden or a mistake or a problem. you are a person with feelings and talents and potential. you deserve happiness even when you feel you don’t, and you deserve a future even when you’re stuck in your past.

life isn’t all about finding the one or succeeding perfectly. life is about finding your happiness and wellbeing in a world that gives you chaos. in that chaos you might cry yourself to sleep, might stay in bed for a day only getting up to use the bathroom, might mean shutting out the world out of frustration, might mean saying “fine. bye.” when you really just want them to stay. but you have tomorrow. and i hope tomorrow brings you at least one, real, beautiful smile.

you’ve got this. you’ve got a good heart. don’t forget that. even when all you can hear is reasons to give up on yourself, don’t. you have got this.

[moomindreamboy]

One day you think: I want to die. And then you think, very quietly, actually I want a coffee. I want a nap. A sandwich. A book. And I want to die turns day by day into I want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friends, I want to sit in the sun. I want a cleaner room, I want a better job, I want to live somewhere else, I want to live.

[moomindreamboy]

The Glass Staircase.