#i feel weird whenever i post art cuz i have to tag it with stuff other than my own bullshit organizing tags

[neolxzr]

hello invader zim tumblr do you accept art w no context as an application to join

[an-artistic-failure]

Improving as an artist is so crazy.

(And I know literally every artist goes through this and I’m just preaching to the choir)

But like I will look back at posts from less than a year ago and they do NOT pass the vibe check anymore lol. But I know that when I posted it that I thought it looked good, of course I saw flaws at the time but now they’re just so glaring to me that it’s embarrassing.

Like the “Off day” comic I made a little less than a year ago. Yk this one

It did really well and I still see it come up a lot on tags and stuff. And whenever I do I cringe cuz I don’t like the way most of those panels look. And if I made it today they would not be acceptable to me.

And I know this is a good thing, it shows I’m improving as an artist. I have raised my standards for what is acceptable art for me.

The real problem is that I know I’m gonna feel that way again about my art now in a year. And of course I see flaws in my art now, but I know one day they’ll probably look so bad to me that I’m lowkey embarrassed I posted it in the first place.

It’s just weird to make something I know I will eventually hate. I mean hate’s a strong word but you know what I mean.

But I guess that all I can do is just try my best to make things look the best they can for right now. Keep pushing myself so I can actually reach that point, where my standards are even higher.

[ca-suffit]

my inbox got *so* quiet the last couple days but then I noticed something interesting.

almost everything was about sam or lestat again

then look at how virginia is posting now

and this

this side has always needed to pretend this is about something else so they don't have to talk about fandom racism. some of the asks I got might have been real but the timing of this feels sus. trying to get me to talk shit about sam but when I didn't post anything for days u decided to get the gossip rolling urself? that's what this is lol. faked outrage to stir the pot. u have to subtly aim at black fans again and also go deeper into ur weird parasocial sam reid feelings so u feel important and loved. wtf.

didn't u all send sam a fan art book and other stuff ur always being loud about cuz he mentioned having it in interviews a few times? don't u visit him on sets and tell him u luv him all the time (I've seen the posts lol). he's fucking with u so u will watch the show more and react just like this lol idiots.

the last fangs psa post also tried to pretend it was about this

the craziest thing about this tho is that after she was done aiming at the black and brown fans, she posts a big part about this white guy *with a lestat icon* but.............now it's about race??

isn't it weird how they can't keep to one story lol. it's all about hating lestat except for when u can't use that against a white lestat fan u wish would stfu so u pull the "I'm black" card instead and then reveal u have no friends lol.

this has never been about lestat or sam. it's an excuse because they don't have the range to speak about why lestat being judged for his ignorant white shit feels uncomfortable to them (especially if they want to fuck him, cuz I'm p sure fangs does). they get off power tripping on telling white fans it's okay to do racist shit if u hate the "right" ppl. her and keybearer are the first to do dumb shit to alienate themselves but blame everyone else for it. then cry to white fandom for hugs because they know how easy it is to get white ppl to feel good about shit if u stroke the fires of antiblackness in them. nobody is kicking u out of spaces unless ur doing some fuckshit but white ppl only hear "I'm black and ppl are being mean to me :(" and then rush to do the most racist shit ever because u just gave them a "good" excuse to do it. if a lot of black ppl are defending a white person who talks about antiblackness and ur the only black person saying that's wrong? u are the one who is the problem! especially because fangs and keybearer are both *not* american and nearly everyone from "this subset" is......and that is also the show's focus, that is louis' struggle! not to mention how fangs got upset about *this* in the cap but then had no issue pulling out talk of the fucking palestine genocide on a black american fan, to say that black americans don't suffer oppression. is this the real reason nobody likes ur bitch ass, mayhaps?

them being unable to let anyone know peace because of their own bad feelings is the most annoying thing. the show hits u over the head with the "memory is a monster" thing. we *know* we're gonna be seeing different versions of ppl and events and that's alot of what makes it interesting and fun. it's insane u keep pretending we're ignorant to this, as if u *also* haven't been crying for years now about "wait until lestat tells his side!!!!" we have fucking heard ur annoying asses jfc. WE KNOW.

but u have these ppl who can't hear a word against their fav without pulling out the books and showing u some sad lestat passage to change ur mind. girl shut up idc?? can't u let ppl like things as they come gd. what's the harm in enjoying the journey. u assholes are always saying ur so smart but then u have tantrums that the show isn't on book 12 already and ppl don't luv lestat enough yet. who tf cares? he's literally all the tags are whenever a 2 second clip shows up in any S2 thing rn, what are u even complaining about.

fucking crazy that this is louis' story but the focus is always on why isn't lestat getting more attention, why do ppl hate lestat, why is everyone mean to lestat. nobody frames it like that because then u'd v easily understand how stupid and racist this shit rly is. when u speak up in defense about any black character they literally accuse u of being the woke mob but ok lol. "did u listen to what jacob *a black man* said about the character being a crazy liar, sweetie??" (example 1, example 2) this shit is so obvious.

[sharksa-shivers]

Hi lol

My name is Sharksa Shivers or Tiff, whatever, either works lol and i am migrating here now. I still have a twitter (i am not calling it X, fuck that lol, you know it's a twitter) The muskrat has been fucking up alot of shit over there so uhhhhhh might as well make another page online so people can find me cuz idk how long a burning building can stay standing so yknow...

Just in case tho- twatter: https://twitter.com/Sharksa_Shivers Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZ02ooJ9RYKAV9uIUQum1Gg Deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/sharksa-shivers (ima be honest lads, i ain't reposting every art ever on here so check my DA for my full art gallary lol. All my art garbo is there lol)

I'm p friendly but snarky and sometimes i got no chill but cuz of anxiety, that will probably be reeled in alot but i'd love to talk and make some more internet friends cuz i'm a lonely motherfucker, that'd be nice lol... Guess i will be trying to learn how this site works cuz i have no clue lol...Never had a tumblr before so uhhhhh yeah lol... Also i like to swear and say fuck and be edgy so uhhhh hopefully you're alright with self end life jokes and uhhhhh other stuff like that cuz otherwiseeeeeee you probs wanna head on out lmaoooo If you decide to show up and be a lil shit, i will not hesitate to use that block button lololol...Also if you decide to take my sfw art as weird fetish shit cuz i've had that prob on DA, that will absolutely earn you a block. Also peeps that make me uncomfy in general/spambots also will get hit with the blocc. I'll talk to anybody usually but if you wanna be rude, i'll probs block you if you decide to do that lol. Just be a normalass person and we won't have any issues. Do not start shit with me about my interests plz, i just want happy brain chemicals for like 5 minutes fdhjkfdjhfdhdf plz, lordt

My serieses and whatnot lol A NOTE: MY STUFF IS NOT FOR KIDS...SO PLEASE JUST BE LIKE...RESPONSIBLE. I'M NOT POSTING NSFW SHIT BUT LIKE I'M NOT GONNA CUT OUT MATURE THEMES EITHER SO PLEASE LIKE...VIEWER DISCRESTION ADVISED...THIS GOES FOR LIKE ANYTHING I MAKE IN GENERAL.

--- Kidnapped revolves around The Trio, a team of 3 demon fighters in training. Consisting of Sharky Sharkson, Max Bone and Kristy Miller, these 3 teenagers work towards the goal of defeating a genocidal immortal cult leader shadowdemon known as Demon Drop whenever he comes back from an alternative dimension. Training The Trio, powerful fire mer Orange Hair does her best to provide The Trio with the skills and resources they need to take down Demon Drop when he returns...Why is it called Kidnapped then? Because Orange Hair kidnapped Kristy to make this team happen and that's when our story begins, with Kristy having to come to terms with all of this...

Roomies --- Skylar is a loud and asshole-y chameleon with dreams of becoming a musician. Axel is a very nerdy and nice dog dude whos trying his best to live a good life. Together, these 2 are polar opposites and roommates...Maybe even something more in the future if Axel can figure out his true feelings for Skylar over time. These 2 get into quite alot of shenaigans and have to deal with whatever life throws at them both.

(Note: Roomies is my side series and it's undergoing some major needed work over time. It's probably not gonna be updated a ton as a result but i am working on it on and off whenever i get more inspired lol.)

Plz tag art as #KidnappedSeriesFanart or #RoomiesSeriesFanart if you wanna give me fanart or something to...Or tag me, whatever, i'd love to see it!!! (am not expecting but people have wanted to a few times and i'm cool af with that as long as you aren't...Yknow, gross and whatever lol...)

ALSO!!!! Just cuz i post dialog stuff/rambling stuff from/about Kidnapped/Roomies doesn't mean they will be in the final projects...But it doesn't mean it won't make it in either lol so take it with a grain of salt. I needa share more stuff to get any sort of audience imo sooooooooo ima share these cuz these get the points across more then random artpieces in my mind so yeah lol... EVERYTHING IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE, PLEASE KEEP IN MIND...

Ik fandoms are a big thing here sooooooo here's some stuff i'm super into lol: -Regular Show (hyperfixation atm) (Also simp king Mordecai is my fave character, argue with the wall lmaooooooo) -Owl House -Steven Universe -Final Space -Tangled The Series -Amphibia (less so after the finale tho, ngl, oof) -Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss (both lol) -If it's animated, i'm probably gonna be super into it lmao, i don't watch alotta live action stuff, i'm sorry oof X-X

Will say tho, i probably won't interact much other then like...Maybe an opinion here or there or just...Sharing art i like lol, i ain't lookin for drama or fights, plz no, i do not need it over silly cartoon shows that make my brain make seratonin juices lol

Other shiz i like: -Hiveswap (Homestuck too but Hiveswap moreso ngl lol) -Castle Swimmer -BIG into Elemental rn, we'll see how long that sticks lol -Mystery Flesh Pit National Park (fave internet story, god, i love the cosmic abomination, horror pit lol) -If it is shark/ocean/mer related, yes i want to see it, give it to me NOW... -Roblox (fave games are Tornado Alley Ultimate and Royale High atm lol but i play other stuff at points)

Uhhhhhrm, will update more later lolololol

If you needa contact me, hmu lol (tho i am usually easier to reach later in the day/at night tbh...Ima lil night owl buttttttt sometimes i do have to get up earlier so yknow, i could surprise ya... XD

Dividers are NOT MINE; Go check out cafekitsune for these, they got some really pretty ones lol Link to the galaxy banners: https://www.tumblr.com/cafekitsune/727305515676418048/%F0%9D%90%8F%F0%9D%90%80%F0%9D%90%93%F0%9D%90%93%F0%9D%90%84%F0%9D%90%91%F0%9D%90%8D-%F0%9D%90%81%F0%9D%90%80%F0%9D%90%8D%F0%9D%90%8D%F0%9D%90%84%F0%9D%90%91%F0%9D%90%92-galaxy

Commissions? Nope, not atm. Idk if i will ever do those tbh lol... Art trades? Depends on the timing but hmu and we'll see!! Usually I'll say yes cuz it's p fun lol. (I would prefer to know the person/be mutuals tho so i am not doing free art for Johnny Mcrando yknow?) Gift art? I am always open to peeps making art for me so you can if you want. On my end, depends lol...Maybe if i'm up for it. Do you ever do fanart? I would do so much Regular Show fanart if my brain was not fried 24/7 with Kidnapped stuff so...dfhjfdhjfdhfd I wouldn't follow me for the hopes of that alas but perhaps someday, i have done it before!! :p When tf you gonna upload you twat?? Whenever i have stuff, do not stress me plz, i beg lol. I do gotta draw, it keeps my mental health stable but also uhhhhhhhhh it's done when it's done babycakes uwu

[bunny-hoodlum]

☆ Share 3 fun facts about you, then pass this to three of your mutuals! ☆

Wow, I've been tagged four times! @alexis513, @littlemonstert-blog, @mrs-messy and @mysummerchoi, thanks for tagging me. :3

@mysummerchoi, I feel the exact same way. 😭 Plus, I'm not used to supplying info about myself when asked, haha. That stuff always evaporates from my head. ( . _ . )

I might have maybe almost died when I was three or four? Just kidding, but my mom thinks so. It was a day at a Californian beach, I was buried up to my neck in the sand for a picture and I guess they buried me too close to the water, so when a wave washed over me, they completely lost me in the sand, like either I sunk in deeper or sand washed over my head. My uncle just scooped me out like shwoop! lol. Without a picture, I won't know if it was a bad as they thought it was.

I can be clumsy and hurt myself and for whatever reason I never get scared or feel pain with this happens. Sometimes it feels predictable or like it's happening in slo-mo and I just go 'damn' before it happens. Like, at my old job working warehouse, I tripped on my ankle I think? And I just neatly fell forward like a feather, like I just knew not to resist or I'd hurt myself more. Try to imagine a lego man but with bendable knees. Now picture how you would use that lego man in a stop-motion film. It was like that. And it was so weird too that I thought it was funny. Sometimes when I derp and hurt myself it is actually pretty damn funny, but if it happens too often I get severely frustrated and devolve into a 5-year-old. Another time we got rear-ended twice near the offramp to Santa Barbara, and before the second impact, I just relaxed expecting it -- cuz you know, shitty drunk drivers survive because they literally can't tense up or do something worse like move to look behind them (you will hurt your neck doing that) -- But… But..! Try to get my attention when I can't see you, I freak the fuck out. This was probably more than one thing, but I think it's all related to each other lol.

Maybe this is too personal, but I always find psychology and whatnot very interesting, so from that perspective I'll share this bit of dumbassery: My attachment style has improved but is still pretty damn fucky. I just recently remembered how I had a crush on this boy in middle school (our middle school had 3 separate schools attached, so only time you could mingle with students from another jr high was after school clubs and we met in art club and bonded over FLCL), and I didn't know I liked him until the following year, but then I couldn't do anything about it because he was already dating someone else, a witty Korean-American girl (and I also had a complex about not being Asian enough). Time skip three years and he's finally a freshman, so I get to see him again. (We were same age but he had to start school late). I ask if he's still with her (because I still got some feels leftover) and he said she moved to Canada and had a girlfriend. And fuck if I know why cuz... I don't. My initial reaction wasn't 'Oh goody, I get to try again!'. No. I thought 'She's bi?! Why didn't she have a crush on me?!', like in that split second I wanted to be HER girlfriend instead of this other person. How dare this totally cooler than me girl that grabbed my crush find her own super cool girl to be with, like, first I'm not good enough for him, now I'm not good enough for her, I can't even begin to imagine how cool her Canadian GF must be, blah blah blah, she must be unsurpassably cool because she was chosen by someone also unfathomably cool and that's just how that shit works, blah blah blah-- sigh. The silent screams of my pathological need to be important, everyone. And that is why I will no longer do vent posts, because I feel super ashamed whenever I get validated for my bullshit. ; u ;

Haaa, alright, pick three mutuals. Hm. Feels like everyone got tagged tbh... @peppercornpress @char-lotteral aaaand @spaciousignatius 💖

[epicmilly]

welcome to my corner of the internet!! ✨

hello! i'm milly, your average teenage nerd :]

pronouns are she/her!

i'm a minor so please keep things safe/don't be a weird creep!

some of my favorite things that i will yap to you forever right now include: - anything mother/earthbound - anything! brandon sanderson - epic the musical - other random stuff!

in my spare time, i loooove doing anything creative i can get my hands on, whether it be drawing, sketching, painting, writing, crocheting... you get the idea lol

expect lots of cosmere stuff, earthbound stuff, and art, along with loads of random crem! :3

currently reading: Elantris by Brandon Sanderson, Ranger's Apprentance #5 by John Flanagin, The Oddyssey by Homer, and a few books for school :P

i'm actually quite shy in real life and struggle to make friends cuz i'm just too weird to fit in but y'all are nice and cool and i'd love to be friends!! >:3

tags! all my art is tagged #millyart! - other people's art is tagged #awesome art :D anything related to my precious babies is #amy+max until i actually name their story lol anything book related is tagged by the book title+series title, i try to tag spoilers but forget constantly so sorry- whenever i randomly yap, #yapping! - sub categories include #oc yapping, #book yapping, #epic yapping and a few other ones! :]

feel free to drop anything in my ask box, as long as you keep it appropriate! i'm totally willing to take drawing requests if you have any!! :D also feel free to dm me!

ty for visiting!! feel free to like+follow if you like the random things i post!

warning that i can be a lil weird and also an awkward idiot at times x)

[casualbluebirdmentality]

this post is literally just me ranting about my own gender experience/questioning as an afab person.

(despite all the cws and tws, it's really not that overwhelmingly negative-- moreso just yelling my confusion into the void lol. i'm just really paranoid abt accidentally ruining someone's day by not tagging smth, hence the literal max 30 tags.)

you can read it if you want but if not,, understandable lol. either way, enjoy this picture of a quokka that i got by googling "cute animal":

...ok.

figuring out ur gender as an afab person is so weird, cuz it's like:

am I uncomfortable w my tits (always have been) for Gender Reasons, or is it the societal conditioning that they're sex objects/will make ME be viewed as a sex object if they're "too noticeable"?

is the visceral discomfort that I've always had (literally since childhood) at even the THOUGHT of having a period a Gender Thing, or is it the societal taboo that makes it impossible to speak/think about it?

do I like the idea of being perceived as masc for Gender Reasons, or bc I know it will make people take me more seriously and make me less of a target for abuse/harassment?

do I feel like a boy in disguise/an imposter when surrounded by other women/in female spaces bc I actually am more masc in my actual gender, or because gender roles and their "boyish interests/presentation" and "girly interests/presentation" have been so ingrained in me that it feels like if I don't match up with That Exact Image of being a very femme woman, then clearly I'm just not a woman at all? (/s for that last phrase)

(A more specific/personalized addendum to that last one: I've got a sister and we both did a lot of performing arts stuff VERY frequently growing up, especially as a duo, and whenever the roles were a boy and girl (which wasn't most of the time but still happened fairly regularly), I'd always be the boy bc she was more femme than me & always wanted to be the girl, whereas i didn't really care-- so like, was that because I'm inherently more comfortable as a more masc person? Or did I just not care either way at the time cuz I was a damn kid just having fun playing a role, and now from years and years and YEARS of doing that I've just conditioned myself into thinking of myself as "the guy one" when paired with a woman/surrounded by women??????)

And THEN for me personally, you throw in the fact that both Nate/ND Stevenson (creator of the first show that ever made me feel Seen as a queer person, to the extent that it broke my brain a little) and Elliot Page (right after/while playing his Umbrella Academy character, who was the only "female" character I've EVER felt I could truly relate to in such a full, overwhelming extent for some reason I couldn't name, and whom my friends at the time literally said "had big [my name] energy," without having been told anything about my feelings at all) BOTH came out as transmasc. So it's like,, am i transmasc? All Signs Point To Yes, pretty much. And I distinctly prefer when my tits are squished firmly against my chest, which sounds a whole hell of a lot like chest dysphoria.

...Except that when I got a binder to try it out, threw a hoodie on over it, and looked in the mirror, it was just like,, weird. And a minute or so later when I caught my reflection in the mirror out the corner of my eye without thinking and my brain automatically perceived my chest as like, FLAT flat for the first time, it pretty much shouted "WRONG WRONG WRONG" and started clanging pots and pans until I took it off.

But, irl my nickname is a typically "male" short-hand (as in, someone reading it would assume it's a guy 99.9999% of the time) of my (feminine) name, and I much prefer it. So like I guess I'm just generically nonbinary... but I also really don't want to say that I'm not a woman? But that reluctance could just be reluctance at relinquishing what makes me "valuable" in society's eyes, or in accepting that I've "failed" to be what I was "supposed" to be. Or in losing my ability to "speak authentically" about things like sexism, even though I Know Full Well that that's not how that works, like, at all. So it's just... ????????????????????

The only thing I have been able to figure out is that I definitely want to be more buff and athletic, and definitely make my body at least a little more masc in that regard. So like, Buff Sword Lady definitely, at least. (I do quite enjoy swords. A lot.) So maybe I just want to be butch?

But I don't look like that yet, and it's so hard to figure this kind of thing out without actually being able to physically see yourself that way, without being able to actually feel it first-hand and compare. So I'm just, like, here, a fantasy writer doing muscle work-outs alone in my room every day, hoping that micro-dosing on jock culture will help me finally feel Right lmao.

[belovedcherie]

I posted 498 times in 2022

That's 498 more posts than 2021!

94 posts created (19%)

404 posts reblogged (81%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@luymani

@pcktknife

@tizzymcwizzy

@belovedcherie (lol its me)

@buggachat

I tagged 497 of my posts in 2022

#art - 137 posts

#reblog - 128 posts

#fav!!! - 101 posts

#cherie's chats - 69 posts

#miraculous ladybug - 64 posts

#project sekai - 56 posts

#cherie watches stuff! - 30 posts

#cherie's aesthetic - 21 posts

#spy x family - 20 posts

#splatoon - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#if i had a penny for everytime we were worried bakugou died i'd have 2 pennies which isnt a lot but its concerning that it happened twice..

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

THAT TEASER IS GOING TO PUT ME IN A DAMN COMA

9 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

#4

thoughts on multiplication

bc i need to scream about this SOMEWHERE. LIKE WOW. OKAY.

obviously spoilers are under the cut !!

tld;r: yelling abt adrien and WHAT ARE EVERYONES INTENTIONS??

ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE

yes im gonna yell about this first because adrienette holds my HEART YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THEY R EVERYTHING TO ME </3

ive been waiting for adrien to pin for marinette in canon for so long and season 3 def delivered with the little stares he was giving her BUT NOW THAT ITS FRFR HAPPENING?? HIS BLUSH WHEN HE LOOKS AT HER IN THE MORNING? HIM IMMEDIATELY CALLING HER UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO TELL HER HOW SPECIAL SHE IS? SOBBING

okay but the fact that he probs tried to kiss her every. day. we only saw 3 sequences but if that montage happened over the span of several weeks..... i am swooning. i am in tears. shambles.

adrien had me KICKING MY FEET AND RUNNING LAPS OKAY I HAD TO PAUSE SO MANY TIMESSDHFK

that being said before i write an essay on light of my life adrien lets talk abt,,,

reverse love square??

i love the idea of reverse love square bc adrien being a lovesick fool for marinette is my aesthetic but iM JUST HJDGSFSGKF BC OF THE TIMINGG

i was kinda hoping for some sudden rapid development today but im not complaining at all dw 🙏🏾 simp-drien is enough

the ladynoir moments are real cute tho :( them playing cards im cryingsdjhs

im excited to see the ship dynamic in the future episodes heheheh

GABRIEL. AGRESTE.

this man becomes more of a loser every episode what else is there to say

him digitalizing adrien.... funny... not funny haha...funny weird....

i hate when this guy gets smarter cuz he always has some wack trick up his sleeve 😔 but i wanna know more abt those weird siri rings

ALSO HOW DOES TOMOE PLAY IN THIS?? i think she knows hes hawkmoth but why is she helping him?? ik they were leading up to their partnership before so i guess we'll finally see why they were so secretive in the past!!

lie-la

i was gonna talk abt her in the gabriel point but this girl is so annoying she deserves one for herself

SHE GETS ON MY LAST NERVEEE

the genuine irritation i feel whenever i see her character on screen is actually funny

"ladybugs just a kid we need to forgive her ;(" GIRL I HOPE PARIS CAN FORGIVE U FOR THE CRIMES YOU'VE COMMITTED??

im sorry theres nothing productive to say abt her other than the fact that it seems shes going to play a bigger role this season (sadly) (but also yay cuz she brings the spice)

okay last point is abt felix

HELP WHEN HE APPEARED AT THE END 💀💀 THIS GUY WAS HERE THE WHOLE TIME????

i hope and PRAY he treats dusuu well homegirls been going through it D:

WHAT. ARE. HIS. INTENTIONS.

See the full post

11 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

#3

i saw miraculous was trending and i was like OMG IS THERE FINALLY A NEW SEASON 5 EP?? but it was just beau 😭

12 notes - Posted August 30, 2022

#2

HI so um. back in 2020 kade made this meme thing and i dont think ive ever recovered from it bc I WAS SO TOUCHED LIKE 🙁 NOBODYS EVER MADE ME A MEME BEFORE

since we started talking again a month (+ a day bc i am late) ago i had the idea to make him one in return bc TALKING TO U MAKES ME SO HAPPY AND U DESERVE THE WORLD !!!

sooo here ya go @luymani ILYSM!! happy one month anniversary /p (that sounded way funnier in my head im so sorry LMAO)

13 notes - Posted August 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

thinking abt my son syaoran li ♡

See the full post

27 notes - Posted July 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[yoboyyyy]

i used to be in the boboiboy fandom but now i just want out bcs honestly the community fucking sucks.

big stans for this fucking fandom are in a delusion where the fandom is like a safe heaven bcs its all nice and "respectful" but in reality its just toxic positivity. The fandom just tries so hard to make it such a safe space to the point where u cant have any negative opinions about the show or the fandom like ever. Event tho its a completely fine thing to have different opinions but ppl take it the wrong way to say that its shitting on a show or were demanding things from the creators.

Ngl its mostly bcs how the fandom tries so hard to be kiss ass to monsta for whetherver reason. Sure its kidda fun having the creators being inclusive in the community itself but its to the point where some people take it too far to care about the feelings of a COMPANY.

I think it originated from the fanimonsta server. For the studio itself they have a set of rules for the employees to abide to. (strictly for employees) which is no shipping the characters what so ever. No nsfw/gore. Mostly need to be family friendly.

Which is totally fine for them to do cuz yeah its for the company. But those rules has somehore ingrained with the boboiboy fandom. Bcs in the fanni server they basicly use the same set of rules, I can understand for a server that consist alot of monstaff the rules make sense. HOWEVER, bcs how big the fanimonsta server influence has on the fandom, alot of fans took those rules outside of the server as well. Even tho they sayyyy its fine if u post ships outside the server for some reason it just feels wrong to post ships? or admit your posting ships?. I've felt like whenever i draw ships and theyre in a slightly nsfw situation it feels like a lot ppl are judging you in the fandom when the post gets blew up. Bcs then you feel paranoid of the creators of the show would look at your art, and ppl talk behind your back.

Thats another thing too when monstaff are so in the circle of the community, you feel like theres no privacy to actually post or talk about fandom stuff. Even if your a small acc with no following, you post and negative opinion, suddenly everyone knows about it. Even the staffs knows about despite not using any sort of tags. It feels so restrictive when your too scared to even open up a fandom talk when large pair of eyes just stalks ur every move. Bcs then those big people/ monstaff would actually give a shit about ur own opinion. Taking it as an insult rather just taking the critism with grace.

The fandom is not a fandom. Its just an extension of monsta the studio. Bcs unkowingly the studio actually controls on how the fandom is like. amd the fans are the ones whos getting chock hold by them bcs they cant have a say on anything or post what they really want to bcs of this weird cult like behaviors with the fans where they think bbb is perfect.

Thats why i hate being in this community. Despite actually enjoying the show and characters, i just cant have a fun in a community that cares so much about what a company fucking wants.

[selfcareparker]

okay fghsgdj yes you can say girl ! my pronouns are she/her :) okay but fr pause, i read this like 3 minutes after you posted it (or at least my notif said 3mins lmao) bUT IM IN BED AND I USUALLY HAVE MY COMPUTER OPEN WITH YOUR RESPONSE SO I MAKE SURE I ADDRESS EVERYTHING AND THEN SEND IN THE ASK ON MY PHONE HDGSJSH anyway, time to get my ass up 😔 but wait i find you so funny like honestly, reading that cracked me all the way up. and i feel the “lol” thing so hard!!!! idk why i do it all the time (i’m tryna stop) but i’ll say something with lol at the beginning and lol at the end... it might be a defense mechanism at this point lol (😔) AND (i need to stop with the uppercase too it’s not funny anymore) I DONT KNOW WHY I LAUGHED SO HARD JDHSK WHEN YOU SAID ALSO AGAIN HAHAHAH LIKE UR HAHHAH also my sleep schedule is not pretty either lmao but i’m homeschooled so i never have to get up for anything? hhdhsis idk but i’m glad you slept!! you need sleep!!

also (pls no i cannot) why did i not know what ykwim meant until i reread this?? like it makes so much sense- anyway! i think it’s so cool that you’re excited for university! idk why but i do lol like you’re getting ready for the future (masters degree and all that) & you’re (maybe) going to england anyway so that’s cool haha (hopefully when you go you can see your relatives 🤞🏾)

the fact that you get happy seeing my asks i- 💓💓

you make me wanna go to London & England so bad urghhhh like i’ve only been out of the country once (to Canada for a family reunion) but it sounds so prettyyyyy & i’m so sorry that cov*d is messing everything up and i hope you can see your relatives soon :(

now to address the whole english speaking/writing: I FIND THAT SO WEIRD DUHSKSJ i don’t know how an english speaking person could say that if you don’t write it 100% grammatically correct.... that it’s wrong? when literally, over here at least, WE’RE SO GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT HAHHAAH in both the way we talk and write!! and lol you’re welcome,, AND THE PARAGRAPH DID MAKE SENSE HDHSJSH & your rant is fine because... that is actually a bit ??? bc no one writes with 100% grammar lol

OH MY GOSH (see this uppercase thing is addictive) YOU STUDIED LATIN FOR 6 YEARS??? that’s really cool 🥺 the way that you know/speak 3+ languages i- NOT EVEN 3+ LIKE 6+ (german, english, latin, french, serbian, italian, and everything that comes with latin lmao) even if it’s just a tiny bit like wowee. it is really fascinating!!! i had the opportunity to take latin and i... didnt. i took art instead BUT ONLY CUZ MY FRIENDS WERE IN THAT CLASS AND ART LOOKED FUN IM SORRY

PLEASE WHY DO YOU KNOW EVERYONE?? that sounds so fricking cool tell your mom (mum or mama it’s really fine lol) that she sounds awesome. i think Jamaica would be fun either way!! i mean it looks pretty from pictures? i was a baby so i honestly have no recollection hahaha

LMAOO NOT U SAYING THIS IS LONGER THAN SOME OF MY FICS- PLEASE GIRL IM TELLING YOU I VERBALLY LAUGHED HAHAHAHAHAH but yea you really don’t need to apologize i like reading everything you say 🥺 HDKSHS AND UR FINE WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT ME BEFORE uhhh hmm uhh lemme think i, well, i saw chaos walking yesterday (big tom holland fan over here) and it was alright.. my mom acted a fool at all the jump scares LMAO but it was funny... since i’m talking about movies (this is hella random i know) but i like shark movies HDKJSSJ my favorite is the meg (it’s so good ohmigosh) and the 47 meters down movies aren’t bad either... i have two younger brothers... iiiii AM IN LOVE WITH MUSIC PHEW anddd i’m homeschooled (i think i mentioned that lol) i think that’s a good amount ahahaha AND IM HUNGRY RN JDHSJ

now. please. let me address the edit. i just want you to know that.. when i talk about your fics and i finish them and everything i’m not looking for more? like obviously if you’re writing i’m gonna read it but you don’t need to feel pressured or anything (idk if you do) to put more fics out lol like they’re great and i’m just sending the praise bc i love the ones that are there :’) but i’m so happy you’re working through your writers block!!! yay so so happy for you!!! and PUHLEASE anything you write is fantastic, i feel the exact same way when i write but girl. you’re fine. it’s gonna be great. (idk if this made any sense but... okay)

(and my cousin calls her mom mama so it’s really okay hahah i even call my mom mama sometimes) (and where you got the number “16 sentences” beats me but i still cracked up) (is this me pretending i had tags? maybe) HAHAHAHA OK BYE ❤️❤️ why did this take me so long to send i have no clue, AND WHY AM I OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING I SAID SHAJSHSJ ANYWAY BYE btw i love us too... like iconic // lovely anon 💓

me reading this:

also the dedication you put into sending me stuff— like with the laptop and phone and ahsksk 🥺🥺🥺

i’ll update you when i’ve started uni btw, i’m getting more and more excited every single day haha but i still have 3 weeks until it starts and even then I’ll obviously have to get used to it and everything, but you’re making me even more excited about it sksjshsg

yeah i wanna go to england too dkshsh let’s be sad together over the fact the we can’t travel eksjsh😔😭 but hopefully the wait will make it even better in the end <33 also i talk to loads of relatives over the phone at least once a week so it’s not too bad for me! but i miss their house 😭lmao

and i knowww snshsh so many native english speakers just make so many mistakes— and obviously i get that some things are slang but some things are simply wrong ajsh, the thing is no one has ever told me that my english is bad (i know it’s not bad anyway, but i’m still insecure) or no one has ever pointed out any mistakes, but yeah it’s mostly just insecurity dkshsg but yes thanks for saying what you said (previously as well as in this ask)😌🥰

Okay now for latin— girlll i don’t blame u for choosing art over latin esp. when all of your friends are doing art as well!! I’d choose art over latin as well lol skshsg but in year 6 we had to choose between latin and french, and at the time i didn’t like french? which was dumb of me and now i wanna learn french ekdhs but i don’t regret choosing latin at all bc if i properly learn french one day then i’ll already know understand loads of stuff (or at least some stuff lol) just thanks to latin 😌😌 but still, art>>>latin skskshshgs

I wanna watch chaos walking too!!! But i don’t get when/where/how it’s out lmao, cinemas are still closed here so i’ll either have to wait or find it somewhere online... il*egally 🥰 i don’t have high expectations at all btw but i like daisy and tom and the dog🥺 so i think i’ll enjoy it

GIRL SHARK FILMS SHARK FOLMS SKSJSHSHS okay so there are a few classics i haven’t watched yet, and also a few new ones that i haven’t seen yet BUT I LOVE SHARK FILMS SO MUCH SKSHSGSGSKK the first like proper shark film i ever watched was the shallows (which i like but my brain is still too small to comprehend what happened at the end (i mean i get it but i just can’t imagine it— idek if you’ve seen the film but skshhs)) and after watching it three times it does get a bit boring (but now whenever i see pictures or videos of big waves i’m just waiting for a shark to show up like come ON SKSJSG

^^^that pic/scene really traumatised me sksjsh but i still like the film

I only watched jaws like a few months ago, and i get that it’s a classic and also that it’s old and they just didn’t have the best.. equipment or special effects or whatever but i mean... look at meg and then look at jaws.... no disrespect to jaws at ALL but the meg is so much cooler. (That one scene on the boat where the shark just JUMPS OUT OF THE WATER AND SKSJSHHSUSJHA i get such a shock every time it’s so good (and the dog aww aksjshssli 🥺🥺🥰 and the boy with the ice cream lmao he’s iconic)

47 metres down, wow, i liked that film too. (i’ve only watched the original/first one i think) i mean that is such a fucking nightmare scenario like ALSJDHSNEMSKDJSHSJSKWBALSODUEWBSLDKHDJSNSKSKSHSGEBWKAISGSHEKEKSKLDJDJDHDHSHAGGA (that’s the best way i can express my feelings about that scenario lmao)

oh and i’ve recently been watching more horror films but i don’t know if they’re for me... I like the thrill and whatever but i just end up being scared for my life when i have to go to the bathroom at night or when i’m trying to sleep bc suddenly my mind is flooded with all the scary shit from the films 💀💀💀

and music i mean... you know those people who just don’t listen to music? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM???? i honestly like all genres especially in the last year, i am IN LOVE with Nicki Minaj + Megan andddd Stormzy and i like Harry Styles but i prefer his first solo album (and obviously one direction has bangers i have a throwback 1D session at least once a month), I also love MGK especially his new stuff and otherwise i mostly listen to german artists lmao. So who do you like?💖 (WHY DO I FEEL LIKE YOURE GONNA SAY SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SKAHAGUS IF YOU LISTEN TO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MUSIC DONT JUDGE ME AJSHDJS) (i know you’re not gonna judge me but)

++ @ the thing you said about writing, don’t worry, i don’t feel pressured at all!!! (not by you and not by anybody else.. except myself sometimes lol) and i’m just very happy that you liked my fics 🥰🥰🥰 and if i start telling people that i’m writing a fic then sometimes it puts a bit of (healthy) pressure on me. like yes sometimes it really is writer’s block, but sometimes i really am just lazy ddkshhd so now that i’ve told you i’m writing a fic i might get my ass up quicker than i would if i hadn’t told anyone 😌😌😌

[thedappleddragon]

ok time for 2 days worth of journaling

yesterday I discovered that if I take half of a mini bagel (because the store was out of bagel things), put on cream cheese and a slice of salami, you can make a pretty good bagel bite. I talked with my dad for a while about college things when he came home from work and brought groceries. I also made a frozen chicken Laredo pasta thing for dinner and ended up sharing it with my mom. dad and I shared ideas for what to add to it next time to make it better. I started with chopping up spinach, because I know it shrinks a bunch and is easy to hide in stuff. I want to try adding a little salt, maybe some garlic and onion, parmesan cheese, more greens, a bunch of stuff. idk. I like pretending to be a chef. but I talked with my ad about what kind of stuff I'll need for college, and how I'll probably need to buy real clothes and makeup so I dont look like a goblin who’s been existing solely in basketball shorts and pajama pants for the past year in quarantine.that;s why I made that post last night about fun girly sleepover or simple-ass makeup tutorial. I tried washing my face with an Olay soap bar, and it left my skin feeling nice but idk how good/bad it actually is for your face since its meant to be a body bar. I real online that a plain dove bar is actually pretty damn good for your face, but Olay was the only thing I had on hand. whatever. i played a bunch of stardew valley as well

I slept like shit last night, waking up at like 4 am and all mr dreams being shades of muted grey and brown and broken up into blocks, idk. I've been having weird abstract dreams and sleeping like shit for the past couple days. I think that's partially what cause my head to spin all afternoon. whenever I moved my head, it felt like my ghost was lagging behind my body if that makes sense. it sucked but got better when I moved around. I had my dad bring me water and Tylenol and then come back a second time to light my candle because he smelled like cigarettes and left the smell in my room. but I realized it was April fools day when I woke up, and contemplated how I was gonna prank my friends. I didnt come up with anything until my sister sent a picture of a crashed white Volvo, saying she failed her driving test. when my mom showed me I didnt believe her for a second, and folded over laughing when my mom was concerned about if it was real or not. I stole that joke and showed it to my 2 friend groups, with panicked misspelled texts to go with it for *authenticity* lmao. both groups fell for it at first, but band friends taking longer to catch on so I had to tell them it was a prank. my gamer friend in the other chat caught me almost IMMEDIATLY with reverse google image searching. but I laughed my ass off for a while either way. I didnt play any stardew today but I did play a little Webkinz. when my sister came back from her driving test, my dad brought home Dairy Queen blizzards and mentioned getting a nice-is dinner takeout :) unfortunately I waited forever for him to bring home food and it never happened. so my sister and I went through the mcdonalds drive through and got served by this absolutely DELIGHTFUL middle aged man who was very nice and funny and I told him she just got her license today. we went home and ate in my sisters room and watched John mulaney’s new in town. I had never actually watched the full special, but through Tumblr memes and a million animatics, I had pretty much seen everything. I had fun tho. we got regular chicken sandwiches when we porobably should have gotten the deluxe ones with lettuce and tomato and source or just gone to Wendy’s. tbh Wendy’s is SO MUCH FUCNKIN BETTER. and the mcdonalds was more expensive than I thought it would be. whatever. if we had gone to Wendy’s, sure we would have gotten better burgers, but we wouldn't have seen that deightful man. anyway earlier today I gave my cat some catnip and she was really cute about it. do cats drool more when they’re high? cuz damn it sure felt like it when she was mashing her face into my hand.  for lunch I made a different pasta thing, this time shrimp lomeign. I added spinach and broccoli, which I'm going to do for now and forever because it SLAPPED but my mom was acting like a child, saying broccoli is gross. she had me make spaghetti and proceeded to eat 3 or 4 bowls. I had a couple and went to my room. I realize that I'm typing all this shit WAYYYYY out of order, sorry to me reading back in the future or anyone who bothers to read these. tbh why would you. I hope people dont have my talk tag blocked (thanks for coming to my ted talk) and instead have 2021 daily blocked if they dont want to see these. I still make funny posts sometimes!! that’s also what I tag my art with!! but neither of those people would be able to read this anyway so I'm just preaching to the choir. anyway you’ll be happy to know that my head is no longer spinning, my teeth are nice and clean, I've got my comfy socks and pajama pants on, and I’m ready for bed. eventually. it’s not even midnight yet lmao. I guess I can mention this morning when my cat yelled at me asking to go outside, but it was literally FREEZING and im 100% sure I saw some snowflakes while I was out there for a couple minutes. she got so cold she climbed up on my lap as I was wrapped in my childhood sleeping bag I found in the laundry room. I breathed warm air on her and sat out there for another minute or so, mostly insulated by the sleeping bag, but carried her inside eventually. I didnt want to have to deal with that shit. tbh even tho I just had mcdonalds and it’s almost midnight and I've already brushed my teeth, I'm still a little bit hungry. but I dont know it’s that’s just because I'm lying down and your body takes a little while to tell you when you’re full, or if it’s because I waited for SO LONG waiting for city barbecue or bento cafe that just a burger and fries wasn't enough to cut it. well I'll just sleep it off anyway. you know what’s really cute? my cat laid on my lap and rested her chin on my hand as I typed :) I love her

[b0ne-marrow]

Valorverse - Pragmus and Phillia

(First off, I'm kinda playing around with my posting times. I realize that early in the morning was good during school time but with school out I should probably post later lol. You should tell me what a good time for you to get posts is!! When this posts it'll be 9:30 for me, for reference) I have no idea where these guys' colors came from but man I love how weird and different it is LOL Just CRANKIN out new babs like it's nothin Well, I had these ones planned and in my head for a while now but still lol. These two are Pragmus and Phillia respectively. Pragmus is named after Pragma love, and Phillia after (Of course) Phillia love. They're the accidental babs of Discord and Cadence. Pragmus refers to himself as a "Male" and Phillia refers to herself as a "Female", but neither of them actually have a gender they identify with. (see my draconequus writing blab: https://www.deviantart.com/musical-medic/journal/Valorverse-Foul-Beasts-800453700)  They each got a Giraffe leg, Black Panther paw, Lovebird wing, and Dragon's tail. Pragmus has a bat wing and Phillia's other wing is a swan's wing. They mirror each other. (I.e Phillia's left paw is the BP paw and Pragmus' right paw is the BP paw)  Horns are just in random shapes that don't pertain to any particular animal lol In the Valorverse, Shining breaks up with Cadence cuz he realizes he's gay so they both go their seperate ways. He gets with Spearhead and she gets with Discord and Fleur de lis.  So, Discord accidentally gets her pregnant during one of their visits and bam, twins babey They're still together so everything's good, they (mainly Discord) just didn't expect to become a parent so soon. A parent again in Cadence's case, as she wasn't planning on having anymore kids besides her daughter and son.  Phillia and Pragmus both have a regal attitude to them. They're technically princes/princesses of two different kingdoms afterall. They kinda looked down towards their subjects for a long while in their life. (they eventually grow out of it though, Pragmus more quickly than Phillia)  Phillia is a bit narcasistic, thinking she's better than almost everyone she meets. She's putty in Mama Fleur's hooves though, and she'll never admit it lol. Her as well as her other mom and Dad's claws.  She's mostly reserved and to herself, isn't friendly but has never stricken someone the wrong way, and mostly just stays where Monsterkind is. Both of them have pony forms but rarely wanna do anything in them. They're both kinda bitter at ponies and stuff as they know their history. I imagine her to have a really deep voice and just overall act like a villain even though she isn't one lol.  Pragmus is more a grumpy pants (that's also putty in their parents hooves and paws and claws) that's just kinda pissy all the time. Phillia loves to piss him off lol. Neither of them take to well to Buck Wild. They don't hate him but they don't like him either. The feeling is mutual though. They would help each other in a bind but otherwise ehh.  Discord isn't too surprised by this, as it's kinda how he felt about his family members too.  Thats' all I can think of right now lol, so I hope you enjoy! <3  A special thanks and shout out to these lovely people for supporting me on Patreon: -TBA If you like what I do on here, please consider supporting me on Patreon as well as the other websites I'm on, as well as commissioning me or donating! Every little bit you can do to help directly supports me. Patreon Perks include: - Early Access to all my works. - Access to WIPS and a special shout out on every post I make. - Being tagged whenever I post a new adoptable/auction!  - Drawings of your choice linked to how much you contribute! - Getting up to a 70 percent discount on your next commission from me! - Early notifications to when my commissions are opening and the ability to reserve a slot! The websites I'm most active on are Deviantart and Tumblr, so please message me there if you have any inquiries!! Commission Information: https://www.deviantart.com/musical-medic/art/Commission-Information-OPEN-797509905 Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Musicalmedic DeviantArt: https://www.deviantart.com/musical-medic Furaffinity: https://furaffinity.net/user/musicalmedic/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/Musical_mediic Tumblr: https://Musical-mediic.tumblr.com

Posted using PostyBirb

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Not Vibing + Nostalgia | Doing the Write Thing #47

Dudes. My writing life has just been so weird lately.

I’m not really vibing with this book right now. I don't know why. Kind of a bummer, but it happens. That’s okay. The important part is, I’ve been writing. Though to put it out there, I’m in an editing + outlining mood. Not a drafting mood. Does anyone else feel that way too sometimes? I mean, editing and outlining are still SO important, but for some reason, my stubborn brain refuses to believe I’m being productive if I’m not writing. Even if I’m outlining a million chapters a day, I still can’t feel content with my productivity. It’s weird. But yeah, anyway. Not vibing with you, FOSTERED #5. Not vibing.

THAT’S OKAY THOUGH.

Don’t know if I’m going to have much time to vibe beyond today and tomorrow because GUESS WHO’S DRIVING FROM TORONTO TO PENNSYLVANIA THURSDAY TO SEE PRECIOUS KID.

(when ur brother took that photo cuz both ur brothers already met the band for u because ur brothers happened to be on tour in California cuz ur brothers happen to be in a band, and also didn't happen to have a show that day so they drove like 2 hours just to meet the band for u and ur sister cuz ur brothers are great even tho like don't tell ur brothers cuz ew brothers.)

(when u made that poster Justine [middle] is holding with ur sister [u did the lettering] and ur brothers got the band to sign copies for u ur sister and ur best friend and they do and r like the sweetest people ever)

(when u find out precious kid is having a show in Pennsylvania and even tho its a 7 hour drive ur brothers and mom decide to take u becuz u have the best family ever)

Also, going to Mexico from next Monday to Friday with the family. So my life looks like this:

Thursday: wake up really early and drive all the way to Pennsylvania. Watch Precious Kid show. Faint.

Also Thursday: drive to grandparents’ house and sleep there.

Friday: drive all the way back home.

Saturday: RELAXXXXX

Sunday: Pack. Also. Don’t panic. You’re going on a plane. But don’t panic.

(this is going to be really hard lol.)

(I’ll try)

(I’ve gone on a plane before no problem)

(Except now I’ve got anxiety (TM))

(rip)

Monday: Get up at like 2AM (so basically just don’t sleep the night before), go to airport, get on plane, go to Mexico.

Rest of the week: Enjoy Mexico fams.

Friday (or whenever we come back I don't know things I just go as things go): hello back home Toronto school starts soon BUT ALSO YOU’RE SEEING SURF CURSE IN LIKE 10 DAYS AND MAYBE GET TO MEET THEM AND ALSO DAUGHTER RELEASES A 13 SONG ALBUM TWO DAYS LATER.

HONESTLY JUST FREAKING LIVE YOUR LIFE BECAUSE LOOK AT ALL THE AWESOME SHIT THAT HAPPENS.

Anyway onto the update.

Daily word count goal: 250

Words written: 789

Total word count: 120 981

Total page count: 219

Songs played: SO I don't think I wrote with music, but I have a couple things to say in regards to music.

Like I mentioned one of my ALL TIME favourite bands (right behind The Strokes, like SO close behind The Strokes sort of) Daughter, is releasing a new album on September 1st. I about died. I talked to @sssoto​ about this after noticing they posted an ominous uncaptioned photo yesterday, and I can’t believe it actually happened.

It’s actually a score to the new Life Is Strange video game, but GUYS. Daughter just released their second album at the very start of 2016, and I don't think anyone was expecting them to release something so huge so soon. I’ve been screaming all day because of this news if you know what I mean. ;)

So punny.

They released one of the songs off the album today called Burn It Down, and I’m just going to leave it here because I'm afraid I’ll just type in all caps like OMG GUYZ ITS SO GOODZ so to avoid embarrassing myself:

The lyrics are absolutely amazing. I adore everything Daughter because Elena writes every lyric with such care and has such amazing word choice. Honestly look at me being a writer commenting on word choice in lyrics. ;) I can’t help it. She’s honestly an amazing lyricist.

Here’s some of my faves from the song:

Always said I was a good kid Always said I had a way with words Never knew I could be speechless Don't know how I'll ever break this

And there’s:

Now the world is only white noise Frequencies that I can't understand

NOW THE WORLD IS ONLY WHITE NOISE LIKE WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT.

(See what I mean. She writes with so much care but it doesn't seem forced. Writing goals. Also so sorry if Igor or Remi or someone else also penned these lyrics as well, lol. I love you too.)

I'll set fire to the whole place I don't even care about our house

!!!!!!!

So I got a little carried away there. Daughter is greatness.

Let’s just get carried away more, shall we?

So Surf Curse released their second album Nothing Yet this year. I’m a chronological music listener, so if I like a band, I have to like them A LOT because I buy every album and listen to them in order. I’m not a single song listener. Like, there are so many single songs I love from other bands but I’m such an awful music listener, I won’t listen to them until I fall in love. Basically, any band I listen to is a favourite band.

(I’m so sorry, I’d love music recs though if you have any. I genuinely do love when people do that. :) I apologize for my weird music habits though. Genuinely don't know what’s up with that, lol.)

My point was, I finally got Nothing Yet. My sister, best friend and I (with my brotherz cuz lol) are going to see them, and obviously they’re going to play songs from this album. I’ll admit, this album doesn't have the classic ‘Surf Curse’ sound, but I’m so down for Nothing Yet.

Nothing Yet is a lot more indie than punk but aaaaahahhahaha guess who’s living for it.

Favourite songs so far (I’ve only listened to it once full through since I just got it but): Falling Apart, All Is Lost, Nostalgia, Sleeping, and Christine F.

This isn’t related at all to my writing session tonight but.

Things to know: I’m not having as much fun as I should be? I’m writing a Lonan Clark Interrogation Scene (TM) [they’ve happened so many times because this boy is such a savage at this point they’re like recurring episodes looooool], but eh. Content is fine, but I’m not vibing. You catch my drift? Did I just say catch my drift.

How I felt: Is it terrible if I say bored. Sorry Lonan. dkm. (This is a me thing. It’s literally a great scene, and I’m just sitting there like yahhhhh no.)

Bad haiku to describe writing session: Boredom is not good / Especially when the scene / Is kinda good yeah

Rating of writing session out of 10 and why: 6.5 because of the above :(

On a scale from 1-10 my level of stoked-ness is: also a 6.5

Lyrics to describe writing session: He wants it easy; he want it relaxed / Said I can do a lot of things, but I can't do that / Two steps forward, then three steps back

--The End Has No End, The Strokes (Room On Fire)

I can promise you I’ve used these lyrics before but honestly me. I want it easyyyyyyyy I want it relaxed said I can do a lot of things but I can’t do thaaaaaaaat.

GIF to describe writing session:

*AND THAT OVER THERE IS RACHEL’S MOTIVATION FLOATING FAR, FAR AWAY!*

Thank you Julian. You always believe in me.

Excerpt:

How about some savage Lonan dialogue.

“I really have to tell you the truth?”

“Unless you want your brain matter to paint a Picasso on the wall behind you, I’d suggest so.”

(lonan is the second person)

(I should make that clear but I don't really need to cuz I have tags before this + context but)

“This could take as little as a half hour if you stick to the facts and stop with your bullshit, but seeming as though doing so is impossible for you, I’ll settle for two hours. Understood?”

honestly is he talking to me in this last one. because this scene could literally take me as little as a half hour if I stuck to the facts and stopped with my bullshit but it seems as though doing so is impossible for me so I’m settling for two.

(We all have off days. It’s okay.)

(It’s funny though because I don’t really have writer’s block. I know exactly what needs to happen but every time I try to write I'm like oh this is torture what are words.)

(This happened yesterday too. When I re-read what I wrote, it was fine, but it’s taking a long time to put together! Which is fine. Honestly, that happens sometimes. :))

So that’s it for the writing update! That’s actually not it though! So before I really started blogging, a few really special people in my life did some really amazingly sweet things for the FOSTERED books (+ I’M DISAPPOINTED), and I wanted to stroll down memory lane and talk about it.

EDIT: So I just took 3 hours to find all of these images. I had to scroll through my Instagram which has over 2000 photos on it... Like sometimes I wish I could go back and tell my 12 year old self that literally no one cares but alas. I’ve blurred all handles etc out because my (and everyone else mentioned here) Instagram is private, sooo that’s exclusive to friends and family.

Without further ado, I bring to you, NOSTALGIA. To preface, these were all from 2014/2015. So no judgements. lol. Excuse how lame I am in these captions. Honestly. Also: I hope this doesn't come across like I’m boasting about things people have done for me as that’s not what I’m intending at all. I just want to share the love and kind of thank the people who did all this stuff for me one more time because honestly, every single thing I received genuinely touched me, and everything I receive now continues to touch me. It makes me really happy thinking about all this stuff, so I thought I’d share the good vibes. :)

1. I’M DISAPPOINTED cast fanart

So @sarahkelsiwrites​ drew these guys for me in 2015. I mean let’s just give a shout out to Ben. (Her art doesn't look like this anymore lol. So sorry Sarah.)

2. My first Twitter banner

Do I need to explain this one.

Also, that ain’t my handle anymore wut kind of.

(i’m now @ rachellwrites)

(but I don't use my twitter for anything besides reblogging precious kid tweets so there’s a warning)

3. Ashley’s Foster comment legacy + Sarah and quinoa

I mean. Sarah’s profile picture was legit an avatar she made of Harrison through an app or something.

4. Fetus Loner angst tho I didn't know he was angsty

It’s almost three years later and The Emotional Loner Chronicles is now running its 12th million season ft melancholy and angst

5. Ashley’s Foster comment legacy lives on

6. Fosever foreverrrrr

Sarah made me this really awesome plastic thing with perler beads to commemorate Fosever (MC + love interest aka foster + reeve) and I can’t get over how cool this thing is... It’s been a while (like a year) since I’ve seen it, but it’s lying around somewhere, and it’s incredibly cool. It actually attaches together. Thanks @sarahkelsiwrites!​

7. @sarahkelsiwrites​‘ early Reeve fanart

sarah’s going to kill me for putting this on here lol. Honestly though at the time I literally freaked. She drew it for me when she was at home sick, and it’s just so thoughtful and adorable lol.

8. Ashley’s cliffolution

@imdisappointed​ (Ashley) is the best best friend I could ask for. Bah.

9. Making paper cranes with Ashley

Ashley was actually the one who helped me make all the paper cranes on the newer edition of the FOSTERED books. She posted this when we were done, and I still can’t stop laughing.

10. I’M DISAPPOINTED love

this is just so sweet, lol. bah.

11. Clifford fanart by Sarah + caption

Sarah drew this portrait of Clifford a very long time ago, but it still remains one of my favourite things ever.

12. Sarah and Lonan clash heads a lot 

Do I need to explain this one other than the fact that @sarahkelsiwrites​ literally calls the FOSTERED books Harrison Palooza.

13. The Harrison Chair

Here’s a really cringy old excerpt from book three that explains why Sarah posted about a chair in a hotel room ignore the literal terrible writing :

“She’s in Texas?” I blurt, turning around on the spinning chair. Harrison stares at me for another second like he’s contemplating some evil plan, walks up to me, lifts me out of the chair, sets me on the bed, then takes a seat in it himself. “Oh yeah…” he mumbles. “So much fucking better…” “Harrison!”   “Jesus, this is so much fucking better…” he moans, rubbing a hand over his face. “What the hell was that for?” I growl, crossing my arms over my chest, cocking an eyebrow up at him. He sighs before deflating completely in the chair, answering me with his eyes closed. “For sitting your fat ass in my chair.” He grumbles, soon demanding Foster go turn on the coffee machine.

I talked to her about this recently, and apparently she still gets mad over this. Oh boy.

14. Lonan and his Quest bars

This is actually my own comment but I’m sharing because this is just too good.

15. I don't even know what’s going on but Harrison.

@sarahkelsiwrites and her pro Harrison edits. I just love the font choice in this.

16. Sarah makes Reeve a birthday cake

This was so cute, and I actually forgot this happened until I found this post again super recently!

17. Cousin retrieves a cup with the word Foster just to show me

This was years ago, but I think it’s just really adorable? I think it’s so sweet that she went out of her way to get it. Honestly. I can’t gush because I’m just eklsblwkanelfkn feelings.

18. Ris cover from the trash

This picture was actually what pushed me to make this post because my cousin and I just talked about this a few days ago! She told me she looked through the trash for weeks to find this thing because it looked like it said RIS and lol honestly I just... That’s so funny and thoughtful and plain adorable cuz I know I wouldn’t search through the trash for Harrison (leave him where he belongssss), but she did and that’s just bahhhh. So thank you Becca. for literally going out of your way to retrieve two pieces of trash with my characters’ names on it because if that isn’t their aesthetic, I don’t know what is.

19. Sarah’s emojis

lol. I cri.

20. Greek god.

I can’t help but laugh so hard every time I see this. HAHAHAHAHA.

So that’s it! I talked about birthday cakes etc, before, so I didn’t include them in this round. But honestly, all of these things mean so much to me... I wish I could project my gratitude a little more eloquently, but I’m so happy these three wonderful people are in my life, and thought of my book and liked it enough to take their own time to make things for it.

Most of this was all a couple years ago, like I mentioned, but I still love all of these things now. Thanks so much for letting me share them with you! I hope you guys enjoyed this post. :) I’ll see you in the next one!

--Rachel

[stggggggg]

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idk if those tags still work lmao but anyway well I guess I’m fucking back here!!! Bc stupid Elliot felt the need to follow my blog so I can’t post a minor little bitching about something anymore so I got post long bitching and spirallings here now. I should just diary but it’s too late now. Anyway I just wanted to make a list for posterity:

Stuff to cover whenever I finally fucking get therapy:

Making sure I do not under any circumstances grow up to become my father. I already see parts of him in me and it makes me sick. My moodiness my irritating quietness when I’m annoyed my judgemental ness my quickness to anger the way I yell I need it all to stop. I need to get on some anger management techniques as early as possible so I don’t fester like this forever. I have so much rage in me sometimes and I used to revel in it but I can’t do this anymore it just hurts.

My complete inability to exist in the real world the amount of time I waste on social media the amount of time I spend in these fucking fantasy worlds of my own creation bc I cannot cope with a single negative feeling in reality. Whiskers died and I went into a three month Neopets fugue state. Like I literally don’t remember anything from that time except playing and drawing neopets. And it got me back into drawing which is good but that led to posting more which led to another twitter addiction which led me to draw more shit for attention which then blew up to like HUGE attention that I didn’t expect which led to getting over 1000 followers which led to a big head which led to me still just pretending. Animal crosssing has also been a huge time suck. It’s all cuz I was coping with quarantine and also like there was nothing else to really do but idk I need to be more present. I need to remember how to make art that isn’t for an audience and how to not feel the urge to post every single thing I’ve ever made.

The classic fear of intimacy that has plagued me my whole life I am literally so fucked up with that man. Can’t say I love you anymore. To anyone not even like the hollow I love yous we used to just say to mom and dad daily like I just realized I do not say that anymore. And it’s not that I don’t love people it’s just that I can’t express it and I think I am regressing in that Regard. It’s like expressing any emotion is cringe to me. Empathy machine broke. Has been for a long time. Been really haunted by the now almost TWO YEAR OLD marlis stuff lately and idk why. I was such a freak. I only liked her when she was being mean to me and when we had weird sexual tension and then we she started being nice and wanting to spend time with me sexually and non sexually I couldn’t take it and I essentially ghosted her. We had a little make up over insta dms months ago which I’m glad about but I stupidly opened her reply while drunk and didn’t respond then kinda forgot to reply and then it was too late. And like I miss her friendship sort of. We weren’t that close and like we had nothing in common but like we did kinda be vibing doe. I really want to talk to her about Elon musks kid name

My inability to speak to people and communicate well and some of that is brain and some of that is like mouth literally. Increasing social anxiety and inability to hold conversations or want to initiate them. Honestly scared I have some level of autism at this point. Even since Trevor called me autistic or aspergers or whatever as a weird joke I can’t stop thinking about that. I thought I might be add or adhd for a bit but I think adhd right now is what bpd was in 2014 where everyone is just self diagnosing and spewing symptoms of it that I feel like are just Being a Person and also who’s to say that like anyone is not adhd in these times where we are constantly like bombarded by stimuli. Like do u think adhd existed pre electricity. Were there cavemen who were like fuck fuck I can’t focus on hunting today I need to go dig a reall deeep hole for no reason besides self satisfaction.

This was supposed to be a fucking bullet point list of shit I need to cover in therapy dude. Summary

Don’t want to be like father (easy to anger, pathetic, moody, wont talk)

Aggressive fear of intimacy

Bad at communication

Complex hierarchies within my own mind that hold me back from literally everything

Social media addiction

Purposelssnesss and helplessness

Resentment and envy I have for most others at all times

Severe self esteem problems and bad relationship with what I look like

I miss my cat

Can’t take self seriously

More to come probably!