#i feel that buckaroo

[nonbinarynightcrawler]

Steeples my fingers

Hyperfixation this morning has me doing an EXTREMELY deep dive on Chuck Tingle for what I want to be a video essay and...

I may try to reach out to him personally to see if he'd be willing to answer a couple questions once I've got a good chunk of my script finished. He seems at least friendly enough to turn me down if he doesn't trust a rando on the internet so I won't be stuck in "DM Read" limbo

[theswedishpajas]

Based on my favorite gif lately

[wanderingcas]

godddd writing canon dean is such a FLAVOR i almost have to remember every time i revisit him. he's just so messy and contradictory and CRUNCHY. chef's kiss so fun to write.

[become-a-robot]

I am shocked. Shocked, I say.

[darriness]

Omg but what if Buck’s parents have somehow been told about Buck/Tommy before the wedding, like Maddie prepped them beforehand (at Buck’s okay) so they wouldn’t act like idiots, and they’re ’trying’ now so when they see Buck and Eddie, Buck’s dad goes up to Eddie and extends his hand and goes ‘You must be Tommy’ and they mistake Eddie for Buck’s date.

WHAT IF

[steelthroat]

I am pretty responsible when it comes to money... someone could also use the word "stingy"

However:

Snacks

Little stupid but actually useful gadgets that ALSO look cool/nice

Museums/art related stuff

Make me act... unwisely

[checkthebox]

i am the #1 Falin fan

[falst]

blanket/cloak made of Actual Wool cooking me alive 10/10

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

trust me, i'm mixed but decidedly am nonetheless Not Black in said mix, and i know what person gets awkward "chuckles" and whose "childish" usage of language (mine) gets actual laughter

[1800duckhotline]

i remember talkin abt this with a friend a bit ago but damn i wish bg3 made the camp actually feel a little alive. at least during some events or after some big mission/quest is finished or something. like i want to see wyll and gale cooking mama together or jaheira enjoying wine with shadowheart and karlach and lae'zel gym buddies moments or what have you. just make them look like im not the only one making them talk to each other PLEASE

[helianskies]

finished our work week with our usual pow-wow of 'here's what our focuses were and what we've achieved' and bearing in mind i wasnt in on tuesday when these focuses are set and never committed myself to a task, ive managed to leave work feeling shit for not doing something i was meant to do. because apparently we admins were going to focus on chasing up information by phone since it's the school break and no calls have been made this week. well. if i had known that was what someone wanted me to do that's what i would have done. but instead, i was busy correcting other people's mistakes, fixing my own mistakes, juggling email queries, emailing people for info in between my usual tasks because i can't always make a phone call because that takes time away from my daily checks, checking data reports, being trained on new systems, liaising with another team to help them sort out interviews, and so on. and guess who was at work during that tuesday meeting and clearly said 'oh yeah we'll carry on with email failure chasing' and didn't make a single call this week. i dont care if he is part time. he still works 3 days. i have been fixing HIS little errors. HIS 'i didnt listen during our training a month ago and am not following procedure' moments. it's been a really shit week. i was not making calls yesterday because i was in such a foul mood and couldnt snap out of it and did not want to come across as rude on the phone, and they all know that - i made that quite clear. but i feel thrown under the bus. i've now set aside 2 hours on monday to do all the calls that we should have done in the last few days. we'll see if it's just me making them. and we'll see if my managers still think ive still 'disappointed' them. fuck.

[drchucktingle]

the curve

somehow ive found myself in a position where folks come to chuck in times of strife for encouragement. lets get the big part of this conversation out of the way LOVE IS STILL REAL and that is the thing to remember. that north star remains. today there is more to talk about though

existence pushes towards love community and freedom, because CREATION is what we were built to do and creation thrives with these things as fuel. IT GETS BETTER. LOVE IS REAL. however this change comes in up and down waves. its not a straight line and should not be expected to be

some of these waves are short and small, and some of the slopes are years or decades long. there is no mincing words here, we are entering a massive downward wave. the implications are huge and it is okay to mourn that. FEEL THOSE FEELINGS. it is an important part of the ride

the most telling sign post on our slope is this: tromp won the popular vote (or likely will when the votes are done). we can talk POLITICAL STRATEGY all day about electoral college or who should court the center or the left and on and on but ultimately THIS is the real story

to me it signals a TRUE cultural shift. likely conservatives will have presidency, senate, house, and supreme court. WHAT A GIANT SLOPE. HOLD THE HECK ON because we will be riding it for a while, deep into the pit of the void. hold your buds tight, prove love at the local level

but heres the thing, MASSIVE waves have happened before. theyll happen again. mind numbing slopes into the abyss and great soaring leaps into the sky. in fact the inertia almost ALWAYS causes them to happen right after each other. hippies or punks back in the day, buckaroos now

politically we were trapped in a basically fifty fifty trot for a long time, but it was not always like this (just look at old election maps what the heck). to be honest, tromps map looks like one of those old maps right now. and DANG did COUNTER MOVEMENTS blooms from those times

in other words, THERE WILL BE A COUNTER CULTURE MOVEMENT THAT WE HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE IN OUR LIFETIMES. you are now a rebel for the resistance and the wave that will swing back towards love will awe us in ways we cannot even imagine yet.

but for now, feel those feelings, mourn, prove love, stay safe. do not let the hope i am espousing feel like a distraction from the very real, even deadly consequences of the terrible pit we are plummeting into. it is a horrible day, and FUTURE HOPE does not diminish that, BUT

get ready because that counter culture wave is coming and YOU are a part of it. if you want to shout HECK OFF DEVILS then shout it LOUD, if you want to cry then cry HARD, if you want to love then love with your WHOLE HEART. thats the start of the movement that we dont know yet

when that movement takes shape we will feel the inertia of the curve and it may make us sick from the rollercoaster turn, and that pressure will be uncomfortable and scary, but THEN buckaroo, we will soar, and ill be so dang glad to be holding on tight with you when we do

[yumenosakiacademy]

would tumblr label me as a bot if i suddenly went from 100+ to 0 followers of my own volition manually. i kno i can block a ton of blogs in quick succesion w/o it paying me much mind, but i feel like this a different ballpark. unknown, tho.

[darriness]

911 Fic: Outnumbered

Buck and kids - need i say more? It was an idea that wouldn't leave my head. I played a little bit with the canon timeline to make this work.

~ 800 words

__________________________

Buck’s day off goes from 0-60 mph so fast he’s not exactly sure how it happens. Well, that’s not true. He intellectually knows how it happens. But…he’s still confused.

It starts with him offering to hang out with Chris for the day. Eddie decided to take an extra shift and Buck never says no to hanging out with his best boy. He has plans for them to play video games, eat too much pizza and ice cream, and prank call Eddie as often as they can get away with.

…and then Maddie calls.

“Josh is way too many people short today.” She says in a panic and Buck can hear from the noise on her end that she’s in the car, “Chimney’s in Sacramento for that conference and I’ve got no one to watch Jee…”

She trails off and Buck laughs, “Just come drop her off.”

It may not have been the day he planned, but hanging with his best boy AND his best girl is hardly a hardship. Maddie barely gets out her ‘thank you’ as she kisses him on the cheek after handing him the baby and the diaper bag and then she’s out the door.

Buck turns to his niece, who is putting her hands on his cheeks and giggling, and smiles, “You ready for a fun day with your uncle and your cousin?”

…and then Hen calls.

“Maddie tells me you have Jee?” She says without saying hello.

“Hi to you too.” He says as he watches Chris attempt to teach Jee patty cake.

“Yeah. Hi. Look, Jee and Nia were supposed to have a playdate today because Karen and I are going to a spa.” She explains.

“Uhhhh…” Buck says.

“I would owe you so much if you’d watch Nia for us.” She says when he continues to hesitate.

“Can’t you…reschedule?” He asks. It’s not that he doesn’t want to see Nia, she’s adorable, but having two kids under the age of two in the apartment? Sounds like a recipe for disaster.

“They won’t let us reschedule. We’d be losing out so much.” Hen answers, “Please Buck.”

Buck really needs to learn how to say ‘no’. Especially when Hen drops Nia off and Denny (who they had been planning on dropping off with another family friend) sees that Christopher is also at the apartment.

A round of puppy dog eyes later (Denny to Hen and Hen to Buck) means that Buck now has two nine-year-olds and two 18-month-olds in his apartment. He’s severely outnumbered.

…and then Denny calls Harry.

Buck’s not sure what is worse - having to stop Nia and Jee from using permanent marker on his kitchen cabinets or having to stop three tween boys from daring each other to see who can jump off the highest stair going up to Buck’s loft (he has no interest in earning the Ms. Flores treatment if he allows Christopher to get hurt on his watch).

He loses track of time and the amount of food he doles out. He actually runs out of food and has to offer Harry two crackers and a single slice of bologna when the boy says he’s hungry later in the afternoon.

If he makes it through this day…it will be a miracle.

– – –

Chris opens the door when Eddie knocks.

“Uhhhhh hey buddy.” Eddie says in confusion, reaching for his son’s backpack and slinging it over his own shoulder, “Where’s Buck? You shouldn’t be answering the door by yourself.”

“I saw on Buck’s phone that you were here.” Chris explains, “So I knew it was you.”

Eddie nods, “But where’s Buck?”

Chris shuffles backwards and nods his head toward Buck’s living room. Eddie enters the apartment and peaks around the stairs. What he sees makes his heart clench.

Buck’s fast asleep on his couch sitting up but slouched down so his head is on the back of the couch and his feet are on his coffee table. He’s got a fast asleep Jee-Yun on his chest and she has a fist balling up his shirt at his chest.

“It was a busy day.” Chris says, having made his way to his father’s side.

Eddie smiles softly, taking Chris’s backpack off his shoulder, “What do you say we make some dinner for the three of us and let Buck and Jee rest for a while?”

“I don’t think there’s any food left.” Chris says.

Eddie chuckles in disbelief, scrunching his eyebrows for a moment, “I’m really going to need to hear about this day.” He says, “In that case, why don’t we order pizza?”

Chris smiles, “Sounds safer than you cooking anyway.”

Eddie gets a mock offended look on his face before ruffling Chris’ hair and pulling out his phone to call the pizza place. He’ll let Buck and Jee nap until the food gets here.

[stars-in-a-jam-jar]

It just feels so safe to him. It feels so safe to be sequestered and small and hidden the way these shards of Kristen's goddess are. Held by someone who loves her, who saved her, who believes in her, who holds her gently and understands her like no one else. He's drawn by his doubts about his life and his religion and his parents, all things that he believes he belongs to, not that belong to him. The idea that Kristen's goddess belongs to her, but she also belongs to her goddess. A mutual belonging. Something he has never felt before.

The STRESS!!!!! THE STRESS OF NOT BELONGING TO YOURSELF!!!!!!! He's been taking Stress Tokens and you KNOW IT!! He's becoming more and more stressed and strained, and seeing the shards of Cassandra with his sister fills him with this very base, instinctual form of comfort, of relief. It's divinity within his reach, if he only allows himself to ask the question. If he only says 'Maybe I can belong to myself first and my family/church second.' He's never been allowed to ask any questions about himself except 'How do I serve better?' 'How do I be a good kid?' OF COURSE HE'S A FUCKING PALADIN WITH THAT MINDSET!

But in this moment, he's not thinking about serving those above him. He's not thinking of Being Good. He's not thinking of what his parents might do or say, or the fact that he lied to them about the gold, or whatever feeling attempting to proselytize to his party incites in him. He's just thinking 'What is that? Can I touch it? Can I see it? Can I be closer to it?'

I'm crying I'm fucking crying

so much happened this episode that was important on a grand scale but the most important thing for me was bucky applebees reaching out to touch the shards of cassandra; bucky, who clearly still loves and looks up to his big sister in spite of the things i’m sure he’s heard his parents say about her, who asks her questions because he cares about the answer, not because he’s trying to get something out of her, who is facing minor conflict with his party because he’s trying to convert them to helio (just like kristen did with hers freshman year), paladin of helio, reaches out to touch the shards of the goddess of doubt, mystery, and the night as though drawn to them, only stopped by his father’s hand

[power-handmaiden]

Chuck Tingle interview

OK, here is the FINAL 2024 Tingles My Butt post, which I've been pretty hyped for. I still kind of can't believe this. While I was figuring out how I'd move on from 2024, @drchucktingle generously offered to answer some questions of mine to commemorate the end of my tingler project! Here they are!

-Considering that your process for tinglers is just to write it out and not stress about proofreading and editing, was it weird for you to see someone decide to go back, examine, and contemplate every single tingler published in the past decade?

the whole dang project was really wonderful for me, for exactly the reason you have just said. tinglers are very STREAM OF CONSCIOUS and only edited with one quick pass so while i think this adds to their honesty and rawness it also means that my time with them is limited. really watching someone go back through them at this depth was like reading a diary that i have not opened for many years, and it jumps around through time in a very beautiful way. it was very moving

-I love tingler character names. I personally admire how many great ones you come up with. (I never know what to name my ttrpg characters.) You just come up with all these great names that seemingly spring from nowhere, how do you do it?

DANG great question cant believe i have not been asked this before but yes there is a type of name that shows up in the tingleverse that is unusual and has a certain feeling and cadence that is very specific. if i am trotting along with sweet barbara and there is a name of a product or a place or something that has this tone we will say ‘oh thats a tingleverse name.’ the reason i wanted to do this in the books was as a very subtle way of saying these stories exist on a timeline that is RIGHT next to ours, so in some ways it is exactly the same as our world but there are these little cultural differences with things like chocolate milk and spaghetti and then with the names. you will have buckaroos like justin and sarah trotting along next to buckaroos named corb torbins-quill or borto lart.

-So, as a reader, reading from 2014 to now, old tinglers and new tinglers feel different to me. I believe you when you say tinglers have always been sincere, but they feel MORE sincere than they used to be. Like, I feel like there was some self-consciousness and irony in some of the early tinglers that you've since let go of and embraced the Chuck Tingle voice more. I don't know, am I imagining this, or does this square with your tingler writing journey? If it does, what has that process been like for you?

i think you are absolutely correct. the intention with tinglers was always to be a place for me to express myself with complete sincerity, but the practical way of HOW to trot like this took a bit of an evolution to arrive at. in other words i knew the basics, but actually refining the best way to express yourself and perform your art takes time. maybe in the same way goin back and watching season one of a tv show can feel very different from season three, even though they are part of the same expression. 

similar thing happened with in my chuck PRESENTATION as well, where my main focus was to stay anonymous so the metaphors i used to talk about my life were still true but laid on much thicker. even my attire was a large gi so that you would not even be able to see my shape, which has obviously changed now because i wear suits these days. all of this was a process of starting in a place i knew was important to me and then peeling off the parts that were not helping the message or expression over time

-Is there anything you could tell us about the significance of Borson Reems? I feel like he's more than just another Buck Trungle/Chuck Tangle/etc but I'm not sure what exactly...

yes borson reems is god. not that i believe in GOD in the way that most buckaroos talk about god (i am agnostic) but within the tingleverse, borson reems is an avatar for the creator of that world. technically i am borson reems, because i am writing the books. the question is: are we all the gods of our own little worlds that we create? i do not know, but when i look around at my buds and the joy and love they bring to various timelines they sure seem like gods to me

-A lot of no-sex tinglers (especially ones that aren't romance-focused) vary in terms of plot and structure a lot more than erotic tinglers. Is your writing process for these stories any different?

same process actually, but the sex scenes in tinglers are about 1500 to 2000 words long, and total tingler length is 4000 words which means if you are not including that portion you are going to have to come up with some creative way to fill that space in the story and a new axis for story to turn on. so the variety comes from me getting creative and trying out different axis points

-In "Not Pounded By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Non-Fungible Tingler That Is Literally This NFT" Because Of The Current Catastrophic Environmental And Ethical Impact" there are references to an earlier draft of the story that was never released because you ended up disagreeing with the message. Are there any other tinglers that never got finished and/or published, if you'd be willing to talk about any of them?

oh this is a VERY good question. the story of the NFT tingler is that when buckaroos were first talkin on nfts online and nobody really knew what they were, my first thoughts were just ‘oh this is interesting what the heck is this?’ this is my way with most CURRENT EVENTS. and i thought ‘this would be an interesting tingler, i suppose maybe i should make the tingler an ACTUAL nft’. this was in VERY early days so i did not really even understand what an nft was (neither did 99 percent of buckaroos yet honestly). so i looked into it just enough to actually MAKE a nft tingler that was a real nft and put it out. lasted for about thirty seconds before buckaroos were messaging saying ‘oh this is bad chuck you should look into what this is’ and i DID look into it and thought’ oh yeah this is terrible nevermind’. i took down the original and thought ‘well THIS is what art is all about. this is where i thrive in a world of moving living art that is in communication with itself’. so i dove into the research and actually started to understand NFTS and then i repurposed the story into a strongly anti-nft tingler and put that on out instead.

as far as OTHER tinglers that kind of move and breathe and live like this, in communication with the audience, GAY T-REX LAW FIRM is another very good example. that one i wrote early on and i think it was kind of in the model of something like fifty shade of grey, where issues of kink and consent and communication are not really handled well. i think at the time it came out the story was okay, but as time went on it always kind of bothered me and finally i thought ‘i love art that exists in the REAL WORLD and changes and evolves, so lets rewrite that story and fix some of these mistakes.’ honestly it is something i wish more artists would be open to. its okay to let something hold strong against a changing timeline, but it is also okay to explore what its like to take the notes that time gives us

-This one is about Chuck Tingle that exists in deeper layers of the Tingleverse that operate on tingler logic: what does the location inside his/your butt look like?

probably a nice mid-century modern home up in laurel canyon neighborhood of los angeles. kind of quiet and small like a cabin but also very cozy, like the kind of place where you would put on a crosby stills nash and young record on vinyl and gaze out into the woods for a while then walk down the hill for dinner at a little cafe where you spot some actor from a 60s tv show also having dinner in the corner booth. this basically sounds like the start of a tingler and in that tingler i will say the actor would be a bigfoot.

-OK this one is very self-indulgent but if you could help settle this frequent point of discussion I have with my wife- where do the following fit in the Tingleverse bigfoot/dinosaur/unicorn/living object(/human/does not apply?) taxonomy?

-a ghost of a regular human

-a regular human vampire

-a human/fish mermaid

-a sentient winged horse

-a sentient centipede large enough to wrap around a mountain several times (she is handsome)

alright lets trot through these. a GHOST is not one of the four tingle types so you can have a ghost racecar or a ghost unicorn or a ghost bigfoot. ghosts are outside of the four types and do not have a classification

a VAMPIRE is also outside of the four types. so you can have a vampire bigfoot or, of course, a vampire night bus. does not strictly fall into any of the four main categories

MERMAIDS are technically a long lost species of unicorn I DONT MAKE THE RULES I JUST EXPLAIN THEM. this makes the MERMOPED tingler a little confusing but i had to pick a category and that one went into living object. now that i mention it possibly the only tingler that is technically a double category of unicorn/living object.

WINGED HORSE is easy, thats a pegasus which is a species of unicorn just like a mermaid

a SENTIENT CENTIPEDE LARGE ENOUGH TO WRAP AROUND A MOUNTAIN is an ancient creature, therefore dinosaur tingler

-My other self-indulgent question: do you have a favorite bug? (Or second-favorite if you count Mothman as a bug)

i love finding spiders in the house and giving them a pet because they are doing a good job livin their lives doin their thing. close second would be a pretty ladybug

-Any thoughts on what tinglers will be like in 2025? Do you expect to be writing a lot of political tinglers again, like post-2016?

honestly i really do not like writing specifically political tinglers anymore, and the amount that i write has gradually dropped over time (i think ALL tinglers are political but in a different way). so honestly i think i will write a few political tinglers but not many. my hypothesis on this is that my HORROR NOVELS are very very political and so maybe i get a lot of these ideas out of my system that way now. when it comes to tinglers i just wanna explore my OWN mind and heart and butt more

THANK YOU for these wonderful questions and thank you for your tingler-a-day project it was so moving and powerful. what a treat it was an honor to be a part of something so beautiful. THIS PROVES LOVE IS REAL