#i feel so bad for not doing this on time but i felt SO depressed on his bday bcus of hypstage i just couldn't

[space-blue]

A true off my chest bit about Jinx

It's a little critical of the show, but not hate posting. Just my feelings regarding the handling of Jinx.

I just feel like Jinx's death shows the writers hand in a bad way.

To me act 1 sucks because it felt the most rushed and like it needed to pad and set some things in motions, and most importantly they needed to delay Jinx's suicidality.

By all accounts Jinx should have broken after Silco's death. She should have buried him in the Pilt, walked home, set the place on fire and killed herself.

Instead she needs to be delayed, and she needs to have a reason to be in Stillwater with a lot of Zaunites, so that Singed can do his hiring bid demo with Warwick and score a new employer in Embessa.

It's convoluted, but basically Jinx needs two things :

temporary sanity

a reason to completely blow up later on

And they do both via Isha, the worst character in the whole show as far as I'm concerned.

She's introduced in a bad music video that does a weird job of introducing "sane Jinx". Then she seems to immediately be part of the team, and her attachment to Jinx, with zero set up, made it super out of left field.

It was blatant that she was being set up as a mini Powder to calm Jinx down, and when she blows herself up it's not gratifying if you know she's just a crank/lever being used to flip Jinx into dark and depressed mode.

IMO this could have been handled better (and I'd change a lot of the Zaun situation in Act 1 alongside), but then could have still led to Jinx being "saved" by Ekko.

Instead, I feel like the writers, maybe pressed for time, maybe unwilling to keep the "loose canon" as she was in the new state of the world, chose to kill her off.

Her death is Vi's fault, and I can't help but feel it's manufactured.

I feel like the writers broke Jinx an extra time just to tilt her over the edge and have that emotional scene with Ekko, but then couldn't see how to "excuse her".

Like what she's done is too fucked up, too dark (even if Cait served the city to Noxus on a silver platter, gased zaun, and faced no consequences lol) and she can't be made to move on from the horrors of it all.

It feels like they didn't have the time or will to break the cycle for Jinx. But it feels bad. It feels like it was an "attempt at redemption" death.

WW was an arcane creature by then and they all fucked off with Viktor and Jayce. They could have chosen to keep him innactive. They could have had Vi going with Ekko and relying on him.

The one person who can truly believe in the good in her, because he's literally experienced it in another version of herself. The one guy who could tell her again and again that it's not HER, it's the way the world made things, and that this can change.

I don't see why shy away from that, even implied, especially after Ekko managed to pull her from the brink.

It feels like Jinx is a "too far gone" rabid dog better put down than left loose in their setting.

And I don't really vibe with that. I thought true redemption would be her living. Leading. Her and Ekko could work to better Zaun while Sevika safeguards their interests in the Council.

And Vi could have still cried over WW's body.

[jitterbugjive]

Okay... I'll Accept Holiday Letters...

So, anyone who has followed me long enough knows by now how I get around the holidays. Seasonal depression kicks in, and bad memories of old toxic Thanksgivings and Christmases flood my brain any time I see or hear reminders of them. Plus there's some trauma from living in poverty and having very little around the holidays and the only people willing to exploit my mentally ill mother for work was the Salvation Army who basically pay pennies. And there's a whole lot more I don't like, like the cold, Christmas Carols, etc.

However.

The last couple of years I finally got to have proper family holiday get togethers since the toxic people in the family are gone now, and it was very healing for me. I still despise the holidays, don't get me wrong, they are mostly miserable for me. I generally tell people to not address the holidays with me.

But... I've been going through a LOT this year. Especially the last 6 months with my mother being manic and getting her whole life messed up. I've also been dealing with another family member experiencing psychosis on and off as well that I haven't felt comfortable talking about. The results of the election and things Oregon was voting on are not helping me feel any better, and I fear that winter depression is going to be hitting me like a truck. I can feel it creeping in already now that the weather is getting under 40F. On top of that, my family isn't in a state right now where anyone can feasibly host Thanksgiving or Christmas, so it's a bit of a lonely one this year. Sure, I have friends I can spend time with, but I was just getting used to the family dinners. Overall, this is just going to be a very hard winter for me.

And for once, I'm going to ask people to lend a bit of the Holiday Spirit (tm) my way, because I really need some pick-me ups to get through the rest of the year. Basically all I'm asking for is for people to send me letters of encouragement through my PO Box. Gifts and fan art are welcome too, I keep all my fan art safe. I'd prefer not to get flat-out christmas cards unless the cards are really nice or creative and have a lot of thought put into what's written in them. I could just really use some kind words and there's something that feels a lot more personal about physical letters that I can store away and pull out on a rainy day.

Please note I have a pea brain that can't read cursive very well, so if possible I'd prefer it be in plain print or typed out.

If you send treats they need to be shelf stable and properly sealed, no home baked goods.

My P.O. Box: (Can be addressed to Jitterbug or Jack)

16055 SW Walker Rd #274Beaverton, OR, 97006

And if anyone's feeling generous I do have an amazon wishlist that people should be able to buy and send stuff from without needing to be the middleman. I don't update it much and a lot of stuff is outdated but you should be able to organize it by priority to get a better idea of what things I'm most interested in. You can even add other stuff to the order that isn't on the list and it will still be shipped to my P.O. Box!

AMAZON WISHLIST

[sapphicselkie]

today is my birthday and tommyinnit has dropped a depressing banger

and i decided to transcribe the very quick, hard to read text boxes that occur between 2:50 - 3:13

#1: If you find a corner of this world wide web that has any substance at all, then please stick to it. The hundreds of millions of people that now place absolutely no value on their time, their precious time, and spend it watching soulless content designed to hold their attention is depressing. This all depressed me. There is so little substance in this mess of a world wide web. So little heart or soul or love. If you find any substance, stick to it.

#2: [something about being angry -- the text is too hard to make out]

#3: A Tribute To Minecraft, The Great Potato War, TheOriginalAce's Q&A's, Ludwig's 2020 streams, SMPLive Talent Show. This was everything to me.

#4: Status is irrational and nature is cyclical. It's attention porn. Don't get addicted to it. It's nothing. It means nothing. They are more insecure than you. But what the fuck do I know.

#5: When I was a boy, alone, this meant everything to me. I found my people. My place. All along the way I was a part of something that really meant something. This is the only good bit of this. Whatever I did that meant something, that is the only good bit.

#6: I can't watch back my old videos because everyone in them wasn't who they said they were. Do you know how bad this makes me feel. Do you know how sad I have felt all year.

#7: How could anyone possibly find out who they are when you are all immersed in this needless, self-indulgent spiral of instant gratification and distraction. This is not good for you.

#8: [upside down text] the poor 12 year old watching this sad ass video when he subscribed for funny minecraft videos. poor guy lmao I don't think I trust anyone here I don't think anyone trusts anyone here.

#9: yeah i know it's too much like bo burnham. It won't be in a year though. In a year it will be like Tom Simons. Just let me figure out what that means, ok?

#10: I used to feel like I was just doing everything wrong. That I just wasn't smart or good like any of my friends. I realise now I was the only one doing the right thing. I just wanted to have fun. What I'd do to get that back, my god. What I'd do. To have things be simple again.

#11: I just don't want to slip back into who I was. A year ago I needed you. A year ago most of my self esteem and worth and love came from you. A year ago I wasn't happy unless you were. I don't think I can ever do that again. That really was wrong. How did I possibly end up there?

[thunder-wolf64]

Ugh okay I'm about to get very not silly.

Content warning for: Sexual Assult, Body image issues, self harm, probably some depression.

Hmm. I want to talk about this incase I can give strength to anyone else. I know my problems are not as bad as others, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt and it's not valid.

Ive mentioned my fear of small children, I've mentioned really not liking a family friend (to a point that being forced to stay in a cabin with them made me feel so bad I dug my nails into my skin and scarred my arm and hand)

This all partly relates to one incident many years ago. I dont remember how old I was? Must have been earlier middle school?

The family friends I'm referring to have a son. He's a lot younger than me. He's neurodivergent in some way, he doesn't have the best idea of social anything.

I was staying at the family friends' cabin, my family and theirs. There was a guest cabin. I had just taken a shower to clean off the lake water. I was standing in the guest cabin looking at myself in the mirror by the beds, brushing my hair. I had major body image issues with good ol' puberty. I hated how I looked and i felt shameful when my shirt clung to my chest extra tight. I knew I would dry off more, and it would be less form fitting. I thought i could just stay in the guest cabin until then.

Then all the little kids, the boy and my two sisters, burst in, chasing each other around as kids do. I was still brushing my hair.

Something immature boys find funny is the word "boobs" he laughed at me and kept repeating the word. I adjusted my shirt as best I could I wanted to tell him off, but I was scared I would get in trouble if I made him upset.

I went back to looking in the mirror and brushing my hair. He ran past, giving my boob a poke as he sprinted out the door, my sisters in tow. That was it. That is what the warning was for. A touch. Over in a second.

I was panicked, I didn't know what to do. I sat on the bed for awhile, crying and thinking of what to do. It felt like forever. And as embarrassing as it is to say... at that time in my mind I felt as if it was my fault, as if I had a sign pointing to me saying "touch me". And with that in mind, I calmed myself down, told myself i wouldn't say anything, and walked back to the main cabin.

And when I walked in, it was tense. The boy was getting a talking to from his mother, and mine walked over to me.

She asked me if i was okay.

I said I was fine, confused. Thinking its not like he shoved me, punched me, hurt my physically. My mind did not corelate the emotional anguish rushing though my head as I felt even more shame that people knew. that they had told on themselves somehow.

I was not okay, i am still not okay. And it really sucks. I can't blame everything on one incident. But oh man can I corelate a lot of my problems with that incident.

Tight clothes made me feel like scum. Ive only ever worn sports bras that leave me with terrible chest pain. I still cant stand a tight fitting shirt, a v-neck. I can't stand my feminine traits. Because that's what got me into the mess in the first place.

Something so small can mess you up so much. And I'm sick of not acknowledging it. Everyone has forgotten or said nothing. And I feel like I'm going crazy.

So if you made it this far, your struggles are valid. Your feelings are valid. No matter what happend, everyone takes things differently.

And i don't know if I'll can call this sexual assault, but it feels like it was, and that's what should matter.

Everyone stay safe

[skele-bunny]

could we still get some Dahlia thoughts even tho she didnt win the poll? (also, I tried finding the fic for her yesterday but I cant find it, do you have a link for it?)

I got so excited seeing this it went straight to the front of the queue wjskkx LMAO. Dahlia hasn't been posted yet :3 obligatory tag for @hypnoneghoul

Dahlia was the oops baby of Swissalps. Swiss didn't even have ANY idea he was knocked up until he was 12 weeks. They had just gotten back from tour and Mountain had been BEGGING him to get checked out as obviously this wasn't a normal cold picked up from humans.

When he found out he just... Kinda paled. Him? Knocked up? There's no way in hell. Do another test... No, that one can't be right either. There's NO way! Ohh, but yes way. He ended up walking back to the den in a daze, finding Mountain and talking to him about the results. They talked for HOURS. Mountain completely neutral on any choice Swiss wanted, Swiss at a loss of what to do.

Laying cuddled up that night before he finally whispered he wanted to keep it. "Then we'll keep them... If in the end, we don't want them, we'll talk to the delivery team, okay?" Mountain nuzzling down on Swiss' neck. "Okay..."

They told the others pretty quickly, getting excited and supportive reactions! Papa even sat them down and had an equally long discussion about how they'd move forward for tours, etc! He was happy to start arranging accomodations and care, even saying how he'll start getting things for a nursery if that's what they wanted (they ended up asking him to wait a bit on that.)

You'd think Swiss was an earth ghoul from how frequent he got flowers in his hair, but they very much copied what he was feeling. Lilies when he was upset, roses when Mountain or someone did something really nice for him, or dead flowers when he wasn't feeling well or just in a bad depression rut.

One time he got mad at Cirrus for some reason, and as she went to follow him in the room, vines shot out from a nearby pothos they kept and completely closed off the entry. After that, it wasn't uncommon for vines to be covering Swiss like a cocoon when he wanted to be left alone or felt like he was in danger.

When he finally had their little daughter? Oh she was perfect in every way. Honestly looked a lot more like Swiss minus the hooves and her horns matching Mountain's. She loved chewing on her hooves a lot, biggest gummy smile ever, chewing on Swiss' braid.

Her name is Dahlia, and literally has the WORST bambi legs. Despite this, she's always had a knack for sports especially (American) soccer. Even as a kit would squeal watching the children of sin playing, or when they'd turn it to the American channel. When she was able to get leg braces? PHEW it was done for.

Just super loud, "Dad! Think fast!" And kick it towards Mountain, only to completely miss and break the window. "Oops..."

[icumpinkglitterxo]

You can't hurt me

part 2 (a)

a/n: i love angst. this version is the depressing one but its good i promise 🙏🏻

warnings: angst, mentions of sh, mentions of suicide, mentions of eds,

part 1

enjoy ★

She sat with him, bandaging his wrist. Slash stayed quiet. He hadn't shown his face in public since breaking up with Axl.

His fake girlfriend, Natalie, came over after school to talk to him. He hadn't told her about their breakup yet. She tapes his bandage and cups his face, "you look awful... when was the last time you slept?" He shrugs.

She sighs, "wanna tell me what happened?"

He nods slowly, then tells her everything, not leaving any detail out. "I fucked up, I mean I really fucked up, Nat. Bad." She wraps her arms around him tightly, "I'm sorry, honey. I'm so sorry this happened. I'm so sorry it's so difficult. It shouldn't have to be this difficult."

He felt safe with her. They had known each other since they were little kids. She was the first person he came out to, resulting in her doing the same and leading to their fake relationship.

He sighs. "Am I an asshole?" She looks up at him, "what makes you think that?" He looks down and frowns, "I'm the one who broke up with Ax... Because I said us being together is wrong." His voice shakes. "Well, do you really believe that?" She asks cautiously, knowing how vulnerable he was already feeling.

He shrugs, "I...I don't know."

Nat sighs, "what makes you think it's wrong?" Slash looks at her. For a long time. Then he comes up with an answer.

"Everyone hates me. They judged me before for having long hair, and for being black, and for dressing the way I do, and for the few times someone saw me with red nails. They judged me. But they tolerated me. They talked to me in class. I got invited to parties. But now they hate me. They look at me with pure disgust. They write shit all over my locker. They write death threats and put them in my locker. They tell me I should end it. The day I broke up with Ax, I was assaulted. I was walking home alone, and these two guys from the football team started attacking me. And they weren't stopping. They were actually going to kill me for the simple reason that I love a man. I love him so much, and I know love is hard, and it takes patience. But I don't want to live my life hiding from people who might actually try to beat me to death because of who I love. That's not fair."

She frowns. "Oh baby, I'm sorry..." Slash shrugs. "I guess this is just how it has to be..."

A few weeks go by. With the help of Natalie, Slash felt comfortable enough to start coming back to school. He dreaded seeing Axl. He was surprised when the entire day had passed and Axl was nowhere to be found.

He shrugged it off and went to find Nat. She was waiting for him outside the school with a big goofy grin on her face. He scrunches his face up, "why are you so happy?"

She grins up at him, "I have a date."

His eyes widen, "a date!? With who!?" She smiles, "she's new here. She's called Michelle. She's super cool, and she's really pretty and -" Slash interrupts her, "I get it you little lesbian." She giggles. She was so excited. He smiles. This was nice. He was happy for her.

The two of them start walking away from the school. Nat looks up at him, "you hungry?" Slash looks down at her, "yeah, I didn't eat lunch," she frowns, "why not?" "Fish."

She nods. She knew there was a time when he had a difficult relationship with food, but this was just him hating any kind of food that came from the ocean. "Well, my dad said we can go to the diner and get lunch and dinner whenever we want," he looks down, "yeah? How much?" She rolls her eyes, "it's free, dumbass." His eyes light up.

The diner wasn't far, and the walk there only built their appetite. They were walking towards the diner, Nat walked a little bit ahead of Slash before she realised he had stopped.

She turned back to look at him, "what's wrong?" He stayed silent. Just kept staring at whatever it was he was so interested in. She looks over to see what he was staring at, and then her face drops, "oh..."

Axl.

With another man.

[august--and-everything-after]

So there have been a lot of times in my life (anywhere from a few days to months at a time) where I've felt too tired and unenergized to do anything. We could discuss this with respect to my depression but that's not what this post is about.

I tend to ramble, so the tl'dr is this: doing nothing often makes you more tired. The more you do in a day*, the more you are telling your body "hey we need energy to do this" and the more your body responds by providing that energy.

(*obviously up to a point, this whole post is meant only in relation to typical day-to-day life and YMMV with how much activity is a good amount for you – but I promise you it's not "no activity")

My rambling is under the cut tho for people who want to read more.

On some level it makes me mad that it works this way, but in my experience doing nothing generally makes me more tired, or at least keeps me in the cycle of apathy and inactivity. I might think of it as "resting" to have a day where I sleep in and loaf around and play video games the whole time, but at the end of the day I feel just as lethargic and unmotivated as I did before because this isn't resting, it's rotting.

What actually helps me is doing stuff. I tend to have more energy when I've done different things throughout the day, moved around, had different kinds of inputs and outputs. If I'm exhausted when I wake up and I spend the day doing nothing, I'll stay that way. But by and large, if I wake up exhausted and, for instance, drag myself thru the process of making a slightly more complicated breakfast (I'm talking just like an omelet or scrambled eggs vs crackers and cream cheese level of effort), and I maybe tackle some small chores, and do a bit of light stretching, and do a crossword puzzle or a craft, and play video games, and spend some time just chilling, and I mix these activities up so I'm not doing the same thing for hours and hours at a time then I feel way better by the end of the day.

Psychologically, we know that lack of stimulation is bad for your brain – it slows everything down, makes you feel depressed, etc. – and an adequate level of stimulation is necessary to feel good and energized and happy. (I mean good stimulation, not scrolling instagram all day type stimulation, but that's another post by itself).

My best guess as to what's happening physiologically is that your body adjusts how much energy it makes based on how much demand there is. We all know that you eat food and your body uses it for energy, but here's what's happening at the cellular level (highly simplified, the details are completely irrelevant here): your body breaks the food down into different molecules of carbohydrates, fats, proteins, etc., and then uses those molecules to make a different molecule called ATP. This molecule is vitally important to how your body functions because it's what makes so many different cellular processes work, including things like muscle contractions and nerve impulses. You can probably see how not having enough of that molecule going around can really slow you down and make you feel fatigued and foggy-headed.

Generally, biological organisms don't like wasting energy for no reason, and it takes energy to make energy. When your body "makes" energy, it's making the energy stored in different molecules into a form that is usable by your body. If there's a low demand for energy, your body won't waste the energy that it already has making more, since it's not being used. The stored energy can stay in storage. When you get more active tho, that activity signals to your body that there IS a need for energy, so it gets to work making more of that stored energy available, and then you're off to the races.

Huge caveat that I've not done additional research for this post, this is based on my education and personal knowledge, I'm not a doctor and this shouldn't be taken as medical advice, etc.

Feel free to hit me up with questions or comments about anything I said here, or general observations about my rambling wordiness and lack of flow lol

[pansyfemme]

i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time i’m just a total mess

[spaghett-onaplate]

depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed

[cheekblush]

took myself on a little shopping trip yesterday in the city where i used to study in hopes of lifting my spirits but by the end of the day i felt so disheartened. wandering the same streets 10 years later and not much has changed. i’m still the same lonely unlovable girl.

[pleasantmsp]

I love Beauyasha so much. I miss them so much.

The reunion gave me so much joy and now I'm in this weird happy but melancholy state. I love the Nein so much and I want more of them. And I especially want more of Beau and Yasha. If we get a Fjorester wedding one shot, I will be stoked. But then also give me the Beauyasha wedding too!

I'm really just hoping they keep doing these little reunions cause I love the Mighty Nein so much and seeing them makes me so happy.

[icewindandboringhorror]

There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.

[mad-hunts]

you know, even though barton is pretty consistently active in gotham's underground, there have been two times in particular throughout the years that he just seemed to disappear into thin air for like a month or so. like no one could contact him, and his kids seemed to have nothing to say about the subject + shooed people away if they showed up to his clinic expecting to get medical care when it's actually been closed for an extended period of time. and i still think people have no idea what happened, BUT that's because barton's kids are honestly such real ones sometimes because they kept everything that was happening very private.

the reality of the situation is that he was suffering so deeply from depression that he was not eating or drinking anything and didn't speak / say anything to anyone for a time... so, to say that his depression was really bad would definitely not be an exaggeration. but yeahhh, i was just saying this because i know i made a post about how barton's depression can make it so that he physically can not get out of bed in arkham, but it's also something that plagues him outside of it as well + he has had major depressive episodes where he experienced mutism as i was talking about before and thus, i feel like not only does barton try to check in on his kids (whenever he's not being an arsehole that is jsjsj) but they also check up on him to make sure thing's are okay with him mentally

[sugah--bee]

okay so this is wildly like, impulse

but I really really really wanna do something with october and I am still posses by the spirit of crafting and not the spirit of art

so instead of trying to draw every day for a kind of inktober, I'm going to work on my wips every day for at least 20 minutes with pics of progress

rules

-have to work for 20 minutes a day and upload pictures with my progress and how much time I spent

-that's it thats all the rules. im not doing anything about finishing a project a day, or even finishing any of them, and if the time ends up being completely me weaving in ends or something that's fine, the goal is make progress not bust out 31 sweaters

literally it's just finish it february, but in October because I usually draw so this seems like the right month to do challenges like that

and I'm making a hashtag so I have some organization, and so people can block it if they don't want to see like, 10 pics of 'the same sweater but it's totally different because there's been an inch added' lol

[strangerhands]

mmmmm heyyy👁️. ive basically been gone from tumblr for over two days because ive been feeling like a shitty piece of shit. BUT. i finally saw dune part 2 and ohmygoddddd it was so so good. but yes. i was missing leto so bad the entire time. Father come back pls. i need you.

[steaksex]

Neeeeeeeeed to be a dumb mutt again i think. Need to make mistakes and not understand basic things and instead of getting yelled at i just get a condescending look and accomodations. Next time i eat so fast i feel sick or try to save the best bite of food for last i need someome to put that shit in those scary spiky dog bowls that make it harder for your dog to eat so fast they throw up. Smiel