#better than half at 1/3rd my dose to me

[steaksex]

Neeeeeeeeed to be a dumb mutt again i think. Need to make mistakes and not understand basic things and instead of getting yelled at i just get a condescending look and accomodations. Next time i eat so fast i feel sick or try to save the best bite of food for last i need someome to put that shit in those scary spiky dog bowls that make it harder for your dog to eat so fast they throw up. Smiel

[mypoisonedvine]

vignettes of a bond || alpha!bucky barnes x omega!reader

I originally wrote this in two parts for my sleepover but after I realized how long it accidentally became, I've reformatted it, added/changed a few things, and made into a oneshot!

word count: 3.1k

warnings: smut, angst, knotting, violence

June 2nd, 1943, 11:43 p.m., James Barnes’ bedroom

“I wanna do it, before I go,” he whispered against your skin. “But I know it’s wrong. It’s too cruel.”

“No, please,” you whimpered, “I want it. I want your mark.”

Bucky pulled back for a moment and you examined your Alpha’s face carefully, knowing it might be the last time for a long time. “I couldn’t bond to you and then leave you. It wouldn’t be fair… you deserve to find somebody who can stay, and be with you, and protect you.”

“All I want is you,” you whispered. “Please, Alpha… bite me.”

You saw him hesitate for a moment before he leaned in and sucked at your neck, building the anticipation before he finally sunk his teeth into your skin and you cried out, one single tear rolling down your cheek. “Mine,” he growled against your skin as he lapped at the healing wound, “my Omega. Forever.”

“Yours, only yours,” you agreed eagerly.

It wasn’t the first time Bucky had taken you, but that night he really and truly claimed you, left you a desperate begging mess, stretched out over his knot as he filled you over and over.

The next morning, you were still sore between your legs as well as on your new mark, and it took everything in you to be strong as you saw him off at the train station, waving goodbye and praying that your Alpha would return to you soon.

November 9th, 1943, 2:24 p.m., undercover SHIELD facility

“You promised Bucky you’d take care of me,” you reminded him with a little smile, wiping a tear from your cheek.

“I know,” Steve relented, “but we both know I can’t do that. Not in this state. But maybe I can protect you if I do this. Maybe I can protect my country. I owe it to everyone, especially Bucky, to try.”

You nodded. “But I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too. Come see me before I ship out for good, alright?”

“Of course,” you agreed.

December 27th, 1943, 8:32 a.m., your front porch

“You’re lying,” you gasped as you shook your head. “You’re wrong, no, it’s not true.”

“It is,” Steve promised as tears welled in his eyes, “I’m so so sorry, I saw it myself, I had to watch him fall…”

“It’s not true! He’s not dead!”

“I know he loved you so much. He talked about every day, he couldn’t wait to come home to you,” Steve remembered, choking up noticeably. “But he won’t. He’s gone.”

“You don’t understand, I know, okay? I know.”

“You’re in shock, I understand, it’s hard to lose your mate—”

“You’re a beta, you wouldn’t understand,” you dismissed; sure, he looked like an alpha now, but it didn’t make a difference. “Omegas, we know when our Alpha dies, we feel it, it kills us. He’s far away, but he’s still there, I still feel him!”

Steve held you as you sobbed, your body crumpling into his arms. Sometimes you thought maybe he held you too tight on accident because he was still getting used to his new strength; other times you thought he did it on purpose.

February 3rd, 1944, 12:00 p.m., undercover SHIELD facility

“Even when I had nothing, I had Steve,” you recalled shakily, “and now he’s gone too.”

“Is that why you’re volunteering?” Agent Carter asked you. “Because you’d rather sleep for a hundred years than live without your mate and your best friend?”

“I’m volunteering because my mate and my best friend died for SHIELD,” you corrected firmly, “and if I’m not willing to also, then I’m admitting I think they went to waste.”

“Steve told me you didn’t think Bucky was dead,” Peggy remembered.

You winced. “I’m not sure. But I know he’s not coming home again. I came here to give whatever I could to help find him… I was asked to participate in a cryogenics research study. If it helps him, then I���ll do it.”

She was about to get up, apparently satisfied with your final interview, but you stopped her.

“On one condition,” you added. “If James Barnes is found, alive or dead, wake me up to see him.”

She nodded, stepping out of the room and leaving you alone again.

May 8th, 2012, SHIELD headquarters

“Can you hear me?”

You slowly blinked awake, your vision taking a moment to catch up with your mind. You saw tubes coming out of your arms; you saw Steve above you, looking like the day you saw him last.

“Did you find Bucky?” you asked instantly. Why else would they wake you up?

“No,” Steve answered, seemingly a bit disappointed that that was your first and only question.

“Then put me back to sleep,” you demanded.

“It’s been 68 years,” he told you. “You’ve slept for 68 years. It’s time to wake up.”

And you did, more than you ever wanted to, because you realized you couldn’t feel him anymore. Your Alpha was gone. Worse, he probably died while you were asleep; he probably died alone.

One more time, like he had 68 years ago, Steve held you while you sobbed.

August 1st, 2014, 2:11 a.m., Avengers compound, Steve Rogers’ quarters

You ran into Steve’s room barefoot and still in your pajamas, barreling through the door and right into his bed.

“Steve, I feel him!” you rushed.

“What?” he groaned sleepily, looking up at you as he blinked in confusion.

“I feel him again, he’s alive,” you explained. “I know it. He’s weak… he’s hurting… but he’s there.”

“That’s impossible,” Steve shook his head. “It’s been too long, he would’ve died of old age anyways.”

“Don’t you want to believe it? Don’t you want to think he’s out there?”

“Do I want to think he’s alone and I didn’t save him?” Steve hissed. “No, I can’t say that I particularly do!”

“But we still can, Steve, we just have to find h—”

But before you could finish, the feeling left you, and you were just half of something again.

“Oh,” you breathed.

“He’s gone again?” Steve realized.

You nodded, biting your lip as it started to quiver. He sighed and pulled you into a hug. “If I could just see his body, and know it was over,” you whispered, “if I could just bury him, have a funeral…”

“We’ll have one,” Steve decided, “after this mission. We’ll put him to rest. He deserves that, and so do you.”

You nodded into his shoulder. It shattered you into a million pieces but it was still the better option, to try to let him go in whatever small way you could. He would always, always, always be your Alpha, nothing could change that, but a funeral would at least bring some closure.

That would have to wait until after your next mission though… and it was going to be a big one: tracking the elusive Winter Soldier.

August 3rd, 2014, 1:14 p.m., Lower East side

You were a few blocks away, helping civilians escape the firefight, when you felt it.

For one impossibly brief moment, you felt him, stronger than you had in nearly 80 years. He was here.

You instantly got up and ran like you’d never run before, finding the Soldier and Steve locked in a brutal showdown— but his mask was gone now, and you nearly fell to your knees at the sight of him.

“Bucky!” you yelped, but you knew he wasn’t there or you would’ve felt his presence. Your Alpha was somewhere underneath the shell that wore his face, and you needed to find him.

You ran forward just as Steve made a break for it, getting to him just in time to stand between the Soldier and his mission.

“Alpha, please,” you whimpered, clutching at his chest. A metal hand backhanded you to the ground.

“Out of my way, Omega,” he growled, stepping over you, but you grabbed at his ankles even when he tried to kick you away.

“My mark,” you explained hastily, pulling your shirt down some to make sure it was visible. “It’s yours. Do you remember? You gave me this. This is your mark on me.”

He stared down at you, seeming to be contemplating it, and you scrambled back to your feet and faced him.

“I still feel you,” you whispered. “I knew you were alive, I knew you’d come back to me. I could feel you, right here,” you explained as you took his hand and placed it on your chest. “Could you feel me? Did you know I was waiting for you all this time?”

His eyes were watering but he still seemed confused— stunned, more specifically, as you placed your hand on his chest.

“I’ll always be yours, Bucky. I’ll always be your Omega, no matter where you are.”

A stun gun took you down, an array of masked men appeared, and before he could really see you for what you were, he was dragged away and taken to be erased again.

August 3rd, 2014, 9:04 p.m., Avengers compound, medical bay

“I can’t believe we let them get away,” Steve lamented, resting his face in his hands. “I can’t believe they took him again…”

“They’ll be back,” you promised sternly. “They’re going to figure out what I am to him. They’re going to realize I could break his programming. And they’re going to come for me.”

“And when they do?” Steve pressed.

“We’ll be ready. And I’ll get my Alpha back.”

August 3rd, 2014, 9:04 p.m., temporary HYDRA operations facility

"The woman on the bridge... the Omega..." Bucky mumbled. "She knew me... she had my mark."

"No she didn't."

He furrowed his brow. "She showed me..."

Pierce sighed, glancing over to the HYDRA scientist who looked back at him sternly.

"She's too dangerous to be left alive," the man sighed, shrugging in his lab coat. "We can't deprogram a bond like that."

"We'll take care of her," Pierce promised.

Bucky launched from the chair, snapping his restraints like paper. "Touch her and I'll fucking kill you!" he bellowed, tackling his handler to the ground.

Pierce just laughed as another scientist jabbed Bucky with a needle, dosing him with something strong enough to kill any other man but just enough to knock out a super soldier. Pierce stood up and dusted himself off as he watched Bucky go limp and be lifted back into his chair.

"I can see the fight in your eyes, Soldier," he taunted as he leaned into his face. "I know you really would kill me, if you could. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, right? But don't worry about your mate, we'll make it quick and painless. Hey, maybe beforehand me and a few of the other Alphas will show her a good time, poor thing's been without her mate for 70 years... I bet she's raring to go."

Bucky's arm twitched as his eyes started to fall shut, a tear falling down his blank and motionless face.

"Wipe him," Pierce instructed to the scientist, turning and walking away as the electric whirr of the machine charging up filled the room.

August 11th, 2014, 3:53 p.m., SHIELD headquarters

Steve was impressed with how accurate and imminent your prediction was; HYDRA was hot on your trail and desperate to eliminate the biggest threat to their Asset. Knowing they were coming made it easier, but it was still a brutal fight.

You and Steve tried to stay together, but they were smart, they used the perfect bait to lure you away.

"Tell me where he is," you demanded from the HYDRA agent as you held a blade to his neck, "then I'll kill you."

"Isn't it supposed to be 'or I'll kill you'?" he frowned.

You shook your head. "Not the way I operate."

Opposite to the reaction you were expecting, he grinned widely. "He's here."

Your heart stopped.

"On the roof. He's here to kill you."

You dropped the knife and ran straight for the stairwell, ascending them like they were nothing and calling out for your Alpha.

You found him there, waiting, gun trained on you. Raising your hands in surrender, you yelled to him again.

"Bucky," you called across the windy roof, eyes nearly blinded by the bright afternoon sun. "Alpha."

"I'm not who you think I am," he yelled back. "I'm not your Alpha."

It hurt to hear it in his voice, but you knew it wasn't him. Cautiously, you stepped closer. "Before you left, you told me you didn't want to mark me and leave me behind," you recalled. "But I wanted it. I wanted to be bonded to you more than I'd ever wanted anything."

He could clearly see you were coming closer, he even tightened his finger over the trigger of his weapon, but he was waiting. You kept walking to him, slowly.

"I've never regretted it," you continued, "not even when I thought you were dead, not even when I had to spent a lifetime-- more than that-- apart from you."

Finally you were face to face, and you stepped closer until his gun was pressed right into your chest.

"You can shoot me now and I still won't regret it," you promised. "I love you."

Shakily, he lowered his weapon. "Omega..." he breathed.

"Your Omega."

He pulled you into him and you sobbed as you felt him come to life in your arms-- the real him, your Alpha, your Bucky. He held you close and breathed against the top of your head and it was like a dream coming true decades after you'd forced yourself to let it go.

But you'd never given up. And now you had found him again.

Agents started to come onto the roof and Bucky spun the two of you around, firing with his right hand and using the left, metal arm as a shield for you.

He carried you and you didn't even know where he was taking you, but it didn't matter. In his arms, you were home.

August 12th, 1:03 a.m., Avengers compound, your quarters

You hadn't stopped coming or crying for at least an hour. Bucky had all but split you open on his knot all night and he didn't show any signs of stopping.

He apparently intended to make up for lost time. And you'd lost a lot of time.

"Just one more, I know you can give me one more," he groaned furiously rubbing your clit as his knot began to swell again.

You could give him anything, as long as he asked for it like that.

You'd lost count of how many times he'd told you to come for him, and how many times you did it immediately.

"I can see how full you are," he whispered as he rubbed your stomach gently. "So much seed in you that your body can't hold it all."

You looked down and yep, you were distinctly bloated from his come alone; it made you a little dizzy to even look at it.

"The idea of you alone during your heats, no one to protect you, it kills me," he explained with a growl. "I won't let you go again. I can't."

"Then don't," you sighed. "Never leave this bed, fill me with everything you have."

"Did anybody ever help you through them? The heats?" he asked. "I wouldn't blame you, they can be so painful... I just need to know so I can make sure you forget about them."

"No, Bucky, never— I never let anyone touch me."

"Steve could've helped you, at least some..."

"He wouldn't have, he loves you too much. And I wouldn't accept anything less than you, ever. You're my Alpha. We're bonded. There's never anyone else."

That didn't seem to satisfy him, his eyes darting away as he swallowed. Your gut sank with the realization he probably wasn't being totally honest about why he asked.

"Your ruts," you gasped. "Were you alone for all of them?"

He shut his lips tighter.

"Bucky, it's okay, just tell me. I was asleep for 70 years, I skipped most of them, but you... you had to live through them all."

"They gave me betas, and omegas," he mumbled, "but I don't... I don't really remember. I know they wanted me to. They threatened to hurt me if I didn't, because they knew I'd go crazy after so many ruts alone, but I can't remember if I really did it. I remember... I remember crying, and begging for you."

"Alpha," you breathed as you felt new tears run over the stains of your old ones. "It's okay. Whatever happened, it's okay now. We're together again. Everything's okay."

You wiped his tear away with your thumb, holding his face tightly, weaving your fingers into his long hair.

"I'll always be your Omega," you promised.

He leaned in closer to you, kissing your cheek before pulling back a little. "It's faded," he whispered as he ran his thumb over the mark on your neck. "The last time I saw it, it was still fresh."

"It's older, sure, but it's stronger than ever, Bucky."

August 14th, 10:12 a.m., Avengers compound, residential area kitchen

Steve's eyes went wide when he came into the kitchen for breakfast and found you there, steeping your tea. "Surprised to see you out of the love nest so soon," he smirked.

"It's been three days, I don't think that counts as soon," you scoffed.

"It does to him," Steve frowned. "He's asleep, isn't he?"

"Yep."

"I know he wouldn't let you out of his sights if he was conscious," Steve chuckled.

At that moment, you heard Bucky call your name and run out into the hall, only a bedsheet covering his groin as he appeared in the doorway. You spun around and smiled when you saw him come running towards you, embracing you with his free arm.

"You should've told me you were leaving, I got scared when I woke up without you," he admitted weakly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry!"

He pulled back and clutched your face in both his hands. "I'm waking up next to you every morning for the rest of my life, you understand?"

You nodded dutifully. "Yes, Alpha."

"One hand on the sheet, please, Buck?" Steve winced, looking away.

“Whoops,” Bucky groaned, reaching to cover himself as you laughed softly.

“Let’s go back to bed, baby,” you decided quietly, taking Bucky’s (free) hand in yours and waving goodbye to Steve, who was already making his way as far out of earshot as possible.

[endlinetheredeath]

Meeting the crew

“We will be docking with my ship in a few minutes” Nak said and as the shuttle left Earth’s atmosphere completely all the turbulences suddenly stopped, and everything went quiet. All i was able to hear was the rumble of the engines and Nak’s flight equipment’s quiet beeping.

I got up from my seat and took a few steps towards the cockpit, i stopped at it’s door and held onto the frame. As i looked out in front of us i narrowed my eyes in concetration and i saw a ship in the distance, it was barely bigger than a the speck of a star in the vast blackness but it was really far away. Before i could open my mouth Nak looked up at me and said

“ I wouldn’t stand there if I were you, that's the emergency door and if the shuttle loses pressure ...”

I quickly looked down at him while i stepped forward my mouth slightly open

“If you want to look out front just sit in the copilot seat... just don’t touch anything!”

i nodded and sat down next to him. Now the ship in the distance was just a little bit bigger and I pointed to it.

“Is that your ship over there?”

Nak looked at me surprised ...

“ You can already see it?”

“ Yeah, it’s pretty small from here but i can definitely see it... must be huge up close...”

Nak turned back to his instruments ...

“Interesting....”

“Why you can’t?”

“No... and no species we know of can see that far ...”

“Oh...Hmm...”

I looked down at the instruments in front of me, this being the copilot seat it was an exact copy of Nak’s side. The first thing that caught my eye was an artificial horizon of course useless in space but comes in hand in atmosphere, than next was what i assumed was an altitude gauge but as I couldn’t read alien i was not 100% sure than next a radar screen and a bunch of buttons with labels that i couldn’t read but must be for power, engine, etc. The last thing i saw before i looked up again was the comms screen light up, and than as looked out of the windscreen again my vision was filled with an absolutely huge spaceship in front of us.

“That was quick...” I sat there wide eyed half shocked how fast that little speck became a giant.  Nak reached out and engaged the comms and started speaking an alien language, I looked at him and than back out again as the response came and the ship opened up before us. As the doors opened we flew in, the doors closed behind us and with a loud hiss air was vented in around us, once the pressure equalized another set of huge doors opened. Behind those doors laid an immense hangar filled with all kinds of vehicles and equipment as well as at lest two more shuttles as far as i could see. Between the items all around i could see figures of all shapes and sizes moving around working, some were even flying.

“Woow... so many species, I fell like a little kid again watching one of those sci.fi movies but....I’m ...I’m actually here, this is amazing!” I was at this point leaning forward looking out below us grinning like an idiot not even trying to contain my excitement.  Nak looked at me for second and smiled but said nothing before quickly concentrating back on the controls and landing the shuttle next to the others. As the landing gear settled he shut off the engine and powered down the machine before he stood. Now standing he looked at me smiled and said...

“Come now let’s meet the crew, and we’ll answer all your questions, i bet you have a lot. After that I think the crew has just as much if not more for you as well.”

“Alriiight...” I practically jumped from my seat and followed after Nak.

He opened the shuttle door and a ten person group waited for us outside the door in full hazmat suits although these suits were nothing like i ever saw.

“Oh yeah i forgot about them... “ Nak looked up the ceiling sighing deeply.

“No no, it’s better this way now that i think about it the human body is kind of a hotbed of all kinds of bacteria and illnesses... it’s actually good that you didn’t shake my hand earlier, i wouldn’t want to give you some virus that’s able to jump the species barrier.” I said turning to the hazmat team.

Nak stepped up next to me  “ I’m not worried my species has one of the strongest immune systems in the galaxy but thank you for the consideration, although it is quite concerning what you just said for the rest if the ship.”

While we talked the team erected some kind of energy field around the shuttle and one of them walk up to us handing Nak two small circular objects. Nak put one on his robe handed the other to me saying...

“This will incircle you in an energy field similar to the one that covers us and the shuttle right now so we can be safely moved to the medical bay for examination.”

I put the device on my shirt as Nak activated his by pressing the middle so i followed suit and turned mine on as well. After that we were quickly moved and examined thoroughly. They determined that most of what was in me was not able to affect others and the few that were dangerous they could make vaccines for rather quick, so me and Nak waited in one of the med bay rooms while the doctors did their thing.

“Soo...back on Earth you didn’t get to answer... are you using a translator ot did learn English?”

“No I’m using a translator, but your language is easy enough that i could learn it fairly quick, given my specieses language is the hardest that we know of as of yet and English doesn’t have anything i can’t pronounce. Well as far as i know...”

“Nice, tough English is actually not my language i just learned it myself my native tongue is Hungarian... and it’s if i recall correctly the 3rd hardest language on Earth...”

“Oh... How many languages do you humans have?”

“Well I don’t know exactly but if we count the dead ones as well the number is around 200 or even more... but as i said i don’t know the exact number”

Nak’s eyes widen at my response ...

“That many ... the most we knew was 5 and the majority of species only have 1 or 2 with dialects... and what are “dead” languages?”

“The number that i just said does not count dialects because well that there are just too many of those, and dead languages are ones that are not spoken anymore because the people who spoke it either died out or were integrated with an other culture that spoke a different language.”

Nak didn’t respond he just hunched over and held his head in his upper two hands and stared at the floor still wide eyed. i looked at him concerned that i broke him but he was snapped out of his contemplation by one of the doctors who just entered the room holding something... most likely the vaccines.

Nak’s head snapped up to the doctor...

“ Ah doc is the stuff already done?”

“It is” said the doctor

Nak turned towards me...

“He’s one of the best in his field but this was rather quick.” he smiled.

“Well the strains were easier to deal with than we first thought.” With that the doctor grabbed my arm and injected the vaccine into it, i winced and rubbed the place of the injection.

“Alright now you can actually meet the crew.” Nak said.

“Wait don't you need a vaccine shot as well?”

The doctor turned to me and said

“He already got it...” He pointed up to the ceiling where a small grate was “we dispersed the vaccine throughout the ventilation  system but you needed a more diverse vaccine and in a bigger dose, hence the direct injection.”

Nak paused at the door and reached in his robe. He pulled out a small thin circular device and handed it to me.

“Almost forgot... a translation device for you, just put it on your temple it activates automatically.”

“Wait you don't have one on your head, is yours subdermal?”

“Well yes, with so many languages on Earth do you have personal translation devices as well?”

“Well no nothing like this, we have to learn the languages that we want to speak, we don’t have the technology for it just yet, but it has been theorized and we are working on it.”

We walked out of the med bay and headed back towards the hangar. When we stepped back into the vast hangar a sizable group were already waiting for us.

Nak stepped up onto a crate and started talking his voice now booming loudly so that everyone can hear him...

“Everyone please welcome Tommy a member of the first sentient species from a class 12 planet!”

[pixiedoodlein]

10 days until school and I’m no more decided than I was a week ago. I flip flop ten times day about what might be best. A is sick of hearing me talk about it. He doesn’t disagree with my risk assessment but he is sick of talking about it.

It caused an issue with his friend, a friend who is his best friend and is unvaccinated and works in a jail. Months ago we told friend he could only visit (this place is their boyhood dream) once he’s vaccinated. Friend typically believes in science and is very health conscious but his gf is a moron Trump lover and her family the same and that’s who he’s been spending all his time with since this all started. When I asked friend why he’s not vaccinated he said he’s young & healthy, didn’t trust the vaccines, would do it when they got full fda approval. Plenty of young healthy people are dead of this. Anyway then I asked ok so what if you give it to someone who isn’t and dies, people incarcerated in the jail he works in and don’t have the luxury of social distancing, and he was like eh whatever. So yes friend is an asshole, but his best friend for decades, friend has always been kind of an asshole but has many redeeming qualities too. So we said no visit. But then in July when there was no covid here and no covid where he lives and we were blissfully living our covid free lives we loosened up and said he could visit with two negative tests. But then covid got bad again and when asshole friend contacted A the other day to say he took time off in late Sept to visit, A said sorry, it’s fully fda approved now you have no excuses not to vaccinate, we’re worried about our unvaccinated kids, and as of now you can’t visit but hey maybe if you get vaccinated and the numbers look better we can reassess in a month and you can come. Friend was a total dick about it, didn’t understand our point of view at all, stressed A about it, who was in a bad mood about it for days afterward.

Then there’s the neighbors. I had a chat with the kids and a chat with the mom. I framed it as we love them so much and I know they’re careful but I think we should all be more careful while the numbers are so rising (aka only outdoor hangouts) and we are careful but I’ve heard terrifying stories from doctor friends about kids and babies getting very sick, and they have a baby who I don’t want us to make sick, and she said she agreed. The kids have been pretty good about making the adjustment from constant sleepovers to playing outside but M keeps asking me “the kids need to pee are they allowed to use the bathroom, the kids are hungry are they allowed to come inside even for one minute for a snack,” and I feel like the villain (I’ve been saying yes to pee, snacks I’ll bring out). Everyone’s been understanding but nobody is getting what I mean when I say only outdoor socializing. All the kids keep asking me when I’ll take them to town again for ice cream, “but it’s outside” (um yeah but the car’s not), asking their mom to ask me for sleepovers even though they know what the answer will be. The other day they were playing in our yard then it started raining and they were like “we can’t walk home in the rain”- I don’t want them to walk home in the rain, but again the car is indoors!- so I drove them home (but made M stay at our house). They’re not my kids so I can’t make them wear masks and it feels like now I am in the position of being the mean parent who’s psycho about covid, which in a way I am, but it would help me to stick to my guns and feel okay about sticking to them if the government policies matched the severity of the situation, ie mask mandates in public places (instead of stores posting polite recommendations), vaccine mandates, virtual learning options, etc.

Which brings me to school. After selling M hard on real school, then I sold her hard on home school. She already “did” 3rd grade last year (as much as me teaching her in my pajamas counts as doing), but this district has an earlier cut off than the city, so she’s in 3rd grade again here. Which is fine by me- her birthday is the same day as the very late nyc cut off (12/31) and I hated that she was the absolute youngest. I used to beg the school to hold her back and they’d say “but why she’s doing so well!” not understanding that I was thinking ahead to the teen years. But anyway, despite her haphazard pj’d professor, she seemed to learn a lot last year so homeschool this year could basically be unschool. She’d traipse around the forest identifying birds and trees with A and her brother, reading for pleasure, and I’d spend an hour here and there reviewing some worksheets with her so she’d be on track when she starts real school after she gets vaccinated. She was into the idea, until she found out she and one of the neighbor kids are in the same class. Now she absolutely wants to go to real school, AND ride the school bus. The school bus part makes me very nervous. While there is now a school mask mandate (but will it be enforced? what are their lunch procedures, what % of teachers are vaccinated, what % of the older kids in the same building as the little kids are vaccinated, did they actually really update their ventilation system?) and a bus mask rule, it’s a long rural route (15 min drive or 45 min bus) and I have no faith that bus windows will be open and all riders will be masked the whole time.

So just tell her she can go to school but has to be driven by a parent, right? Not so simple. I was offered a job at a (somewhat, commuting distance) nearby nonprofit- an easy low stress job in a bastion of liberalism with very very nice smart coworkers, excellent work life balance, a writing job that sounds made for me, like the job description is exactly what I would put together if I were putting together my dream job (except the pay, which is half what I was making at a fancy DC nonprofit, but high for this area, and our housing cost is half so it should be fine if A can get away from little guy long enough to bring in some money too). It’s mostly remote but approx one day a week in the office and some days there will be things I need to attend out in the community (not necessarily our community, they serve the whole region). It won’t always be the same day in the office and the office is an hour away- so on those days A would have no car to get her to and from school, since I’d need to leave before school starts and get home after it’s done. So I guess we need to buy a new car? Aside from this issue we really don’t need a second car now, were planning to get one eventually, but not until A’s business has enough projects to justify the cost.

Despite its many demands/challenges/ stressors, home school is sounding easier to me at this point (especially because she already did this grade), except she WANTS to go to school. Someone talk me out of putting some lipstick and a pantsuit on her and taking her to get vaccinated. I know, I know: the 5-11 dosage is 1/3 of the 12-adult dosage. The doctors I’ve spoken to are split on this hypothetical kamikaze mission. The doctors I’ve spoken to are also split on me and A going to a pharmacy now for booster. It’s been almost 6 months since our 2nd dose. We do not have compromised immune systems. This county has way more doses than demand and I would feel better sending M to school (bus or not) if we had our boosters and she had a first dose- moral and scientific quandaries aside- because there is A LOT of covid here now, a lot of covid everywhere now, and I feel like we are returning to regular life at the time when we should be most hunkered down.

Which brings me to the data. Per capita there are as many known cases here as in nyc, except nyc has a 50% higher vax rate, much more mask usage, better medical system. People are not getting enough tests here, there is a higher positivity rate, and so I think the actual number of cases is much higher than the reported number of cases. It seems like, friends here and in the city and in the suburbs (I just broke up with a friend in the suburbs because she professes to be a good democrat but is hosting a bonafide super spreader event and vacationing in a place with 39% positivity and a collapsed health care system), are thinking of covid as something you catch from strangers- they wear masks in stores- but aren’t careful at all around close friends and family (so many extended family gatherings, so many, cousins and grandparents and half-siblings and aunts and uncles and whoever), when this is a disease that kills via the people you love most, the ones who’d never intentionally hurt you.

[gwydionmisha]

Personal:  Lincare is Still Lying to Me in Instead of Replacing My Nebulizer

Wednesday night I managed to squeeze a third of a dose out of the machine before it died for good.  I've called four times for a new machine, plus my doctor twice begging them to pressure the company, and I've been nearly four weeks without the minimum of two full doses, since the best the machine could manage was two half doses a day and falling.

I've been slowly deteriorating, but the difference between some meds and no meds until the only company in town that provides these things to Medicare feels like sending a new one is massive.  I'm not doing so hot.  my guess is that like last time the plan is to wait until I'm noticeably hypoxic before sending one.

Lies from the company so far: 2 instances of "Well send it to you one the next truck.  (One from employee one from supervisor when I stayed up Thursday to beg for my machine).  1 instance of we'll call you in 1-2 business days to explain to you how to fix the motor. (Second phone call. They have never called me back ever in the decade or so I've been dealing with them except for delivery guys at the door wanting me to come get my equipment.  Also this is madness.  There are signs on the thing that make it clear I'm not supposed to open the panel and poke around.  Also, how are they expecting a random disabled person with arthritis fingers to open and service a machine they literally throw out and replace when they break?  Why can't they just fucking send a new one like they are supposed to.) 3 Lies that they will send a unit. 1 lie that they will send a note to the warehouse to make sure they will send it right away.  (Third call)  1 lie either that they sent a note to the supervisor (3rd call) or that no one informed the supervisor that this situation was occurring (4th call, when they actually physically went and got a supervisor.  I am inclined to assume the supervisor was lying, but I've no actually proof and one of them has to be lying by definition).

Every time I call I have to start from scratch because they never have any record that I called and never remember me even though from the voices they only have two people answering the phone.  (The lady from call two and three has a very distinctive voice.  Theoretically call one an four could be two very similar voices with local accents and identical extremely distinct phone personas, but I think not.  These are also the two voices I remember from the two week saga where they'd lost my paper work and they were too lazy to look for it properly or get replacements from Medicare and they waited two weeks until I was dangerously hypoxic and panicked medical staff calls from poverty clinic to chew them out.)

There online reviews are terrible, by the way, full of people scared because their oxygen or and elderly relatives hasn't shown up and it's been a couple weeks.

Medicare pays them regardless of whether they provide essential equipment to lung patients so there is zero urgency to replace dead equipment since they can still charge the government equipment retail on dead equipment as if it works.  I mean who would actually force them to?  

Bonus?  They insist on calling me a couple of times a week because I haven't ordered new ampules because the equipment is broken.  Ampule peddlers have zero means of alerting the equipment people that there is a fucking issue even though they are literally in the same physical building and apparently they also can't mark my record so they stop calling me until they send me a new machine because of course.  Every time they wake me up to hassle me and get crankier, but they have no profit motive to stop, so...

Sigh.  

I am waiting for poverty clinic to open so I can leave them a message again and see if I can get them to strong arm the equipment company.

I have shit to do.  Air quality is better than last week, but it's still not great.  I need my meds.

[books-and-glitter]

You literally asked for this directly

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

Should be 69 of those 😚

I hate you so much. You monster. I only expressed that I was surprised and you did this to me. I didn't ask for this.

Nonetheless....

🌻 - there is a bug in the kitchen and I am now too scared to go in there.

🌻 - Harper is trying to protect me but she is frankly useless.

🌻 - it's not like a big bug but it is definitely not small.

🌻 - I saw moth put a flower before each of these and thought it was neat. So I am now doing it.

🌻 - the person who sent me this sends a "Daily dose of disappointment" in a group chat we are in. Except it is not daily. It's whenever she has one.

🌻 - Kool Aid originated in Nebraska.

🌻 - The Omaha zoo has both the largest indoor desert as well as the largest indoor rainforest. The rainforest is my favorite.

🌻 - there is a rope bridge in there though that used to scare me a lot.

🌻 - nebraska also apparently originated the reuben sandwich which is gross.

🌻 - the Ogalala aquifer is the largest underground water supply in the US.

🌻 - the 911 system originated in Lincoln so that's kinda cool.

🌻 - the largest Woolly Mammath fossil is from Nebraska. If I remember correctly it's the one in Morrill Hall. His name is Archie and I will die for him.

🌻 - speaking of Archie, he was found on a farm by chickens. The farmer got confused at why the chickens were pecking at something, went to look, found big bones and called an archeologist.

🌻 - okay the bug is still a problem but I now have you to save me when it shows it's little fucking face again.

🌻 - the word Nebraska comes from the Oto word meaning flat water.

🌻 - hell yeah we going back to nebraska facts. Next is that the goldrod is the state flower. Flower is kinda pretty but the paper color by the same name is stupid.

🌻 - blue agate is the state gem and I vibe with that. Agate is cool as fuck.

🌻 - UNL's weight room is supposedly the largest in the country at 3/4ths of an acre (32.6k sqft)

🌻 - the Nebraska capitol had a 9.8 million budget, came in under budget, was paid for by the time it finished construction.

🌻 - I think the capitol looks weird but I am also desensitized to it but objectively it is really cool.

🌻 - cliff notes was founded in Nebraska.

🌻 - unfortunately when the UNL stadium is seated to capacity it technically becomes the 3rd most populated place in the state..... It's also really loud.... And I hate it.

🌻 - Arbor day comes from Nebraska. Which is cool because trees.

🌻 - the Scotts Bluff National Museum has a section of the oregon trail wagon roadbed that you can hike. The museum itself is also kinda cool so I suggest it if you ever are in the area.

🌻 - I wish to kill you, kathryn.

🌻 - more Nebraska facts I hear you cry! No problem! Nebraska has Car Henge! So if you ever want to get the vibe of Stonehenge except stupid and made of antique cars in a field in the middle of fucking nowhere you're in luck.

🌻 - Runzas are the official state food and I hate it. Runza makes decent chicken strips but Runzas are gross. Yes handover that cabbage meat bread 🤢

🌻 - Nebraska has a navy apparently. I know this but I cant tell you what the fuck they do since we are like the most landlocked state in the country.

🌻 - That one president, Gerald Ford, born in Nebraska. That's kinda neat. (I know nothing else about this man or his presidency except he is the only one not nationally elected.)

🌻 - Fred Astaire, Marlon Brando, and Johnny Carson (I think, or he just went to UNL, the media arts building is named after him) are all from Nebraska.

🌻 - getting sick of nebraska facts? Suffer. Nebraska has more miles of river than any other state, which is weird because we were called the great American desert.

🌻 - apparently the Nebraska state insect is the honeybee!!! 🐝

🌻 - the Niobrara river is apparently really good for canoeing and has like 90 waterfalls.

🌻 - I am running low on nebraska facts.

🌻 - there is a park/reserve just outside Lincoln that has some bison in it. Do not fuck with bison. They will wreck your shit.

🌻 - I don't know if he is still alive but there used to be a bald eagle in the same park that only had one wing. (Actually I think he was missing half of one but still)

🌻 - the cottonwood tree is awful and on a bad year can look like a light snow if too many trees are nearby.

🌻 - the ashfall fossil beds are where you can go to see an active archeology site with the fossils of tons of animals killed by a volcano 12 million years ago.

🌻 - Nebraska has a unicameral. Which is basically instead of a state house and state senate we have one legislative body that is elected on a non-partisan ticket.

🌻 - it is illegal to fish whales in Nebraska. Once again we are completely land locked and there are no whales but.. its still illegal.

🌻 - I am dying here. Kathryn I will punch you.

🌻 - Morrill Hall also has elephant hall which is the main hall right when you pass the entry desk. It has like 15 (?) fossils in it and apparently it's the largest collection of elephant fossils on display.

🌻 - speaking of Morrill Hall, it only displays about 1% of it's collection. The rest is stored at Nebraska Hall nearby.

🌻 - I think the cranes in North Platte are lame.

🌻 - nebraska furniture mart in Omaha is apparently the largest in the country. Which I can believe. I went to the discount part and it was a giant warehouse. I don't know what the actual sale floor is like.

🌻 - cherry county is bigger than Connecticut.

🌻 - O street (highway 6) is the longest straight main street

🌻 - Nebraska has a testicle festival. It's probably exactly what you think it is. Too many fried cow balls is what it is.

🌻 - there is a really cool church between Lincoln and omaha called the Holy Family Shrine. Its got massive arches and is mostly glass. Im not catholic so it's not really a religious thing but a bitch can appreciate some cool architecture.

🌻 - the Hall brothers who made Hallmark (card company) are from Nebraska.

🌻 - UNL's Love library has a Shakespeare Folio. Its in the Special Collections and Archives' vault. I want to see it so bad and one of the archivists told me she would show me it next time they opened the vault but then corona... :(

🌻 - UNL's library also has like 5 million+ physical items in it's collections.

🌻 - the serial killer Charles Starkweather is buried in Wyuka in Lincoln.

🌻 - Kearney, NE is dead center geographically between Boston and San Francisco.

🌻 - 92% of the state is farmland/ranches.

🌻 - if you have made it this far I am sorry.

🌻 - Nearly every fun facts about nebraska page has mentioned that the food stuffs Spam is manufactured in Fremont. So I'll mention out of peer pressure.

🌻 - the bug is still in the kitchen. Kathryn has foresaken me. I may perish in the night.

🌻 - 10 more. There is a roller skating museum in Lincoln. It's at 48th and South streets. Has largest collection of historical roller skates.

🌻 - Larry the Cable Guy I'd from Nebraska and he has recorded narrations for some exhibits in the Lincoln children's zoo. Or he used to it's been awhile.

🌻 - going back to UNL stuffs. Morrill Hall is a pretty cool museum and you should definitely go there. If only to say hi to Archie.

🌻 - the bronze Archie that is outside the museum is currently sporting a fashionable face mask set both over his trunk and his actual mouth.

🌻 - there are a couple dino fossils in that museum and if you step over the barrier and onto the decorative rocks an alarm will go off. And staff will be pissed because now they have to tell at you.

🌻 - said museum also has a lot of cool rocks on the third floor.

🌻 - and the bottom floor has like a hall of nebraska animals where you can hit buttons to listen to animal sounds.

🌻 - aaand a room with a plesiosaur embedded in the floor which is really cool.

🌻 - there is also a cool museum in Nebraska called the SAC. Which is the museum for Strategic Air Command. It has a lot of planes and some stuff from moon missions and air force stuff. When I was little some oil from the big plane in the entrance leaked onto a pillow I had when I was sleeping under it on a trip.

🌻 - nebraska is better than iowa but nebraska kinda sucks too so it's not like it matters truthfully.

🌻 - Nebraska has a lot of weather like giant hailstones and tornadoes but Lincoln doesn't get much because it is in a geographic dent so weather tends to weaken over the city. Which is lame. I want lots of snow.

And there we are folks. 69 fucking facts. 58 of which are about Nebraska purely out of spite. I counted.

I am now off to murder my roommate.

(jk but you should expect to be quizzed)

[oscar-writes]

Okay so these are my characters for my wizard story (actually in it guys and girls are called witches so I should call it my witch story technically) it's the whole there's schools for witches and these characters go to one of them. I swear it's different than harry potter.

One difference is they have normal classes for the students who want to go into the normal world. They also have math becouse I don't care how much I hate it you need to learn math. Also when they enter their 4th year they can start signing up (with a group) to do little "missions" which is essentially going to a town where their is likely a magical creature that could hurt normal people and getting rid of it. Which the school dose look into the level of each mission. Only if it looks low level can a 4th year go to one. Also they need to have a group of at least 2 and not be failing classes. It's on the field training.

Onto explaining the characters. Matilda: she's the narrator. The story is written as her diary. She starts the diary cause she cant beleive what's happening and if she wakes up and its empty she'll know that it was all a dream. She's an optimistic ball of sunshine. (Wow me making an optimistic character? That never happens!) She's also sorta the group leader? They don't call her the leader but she's the leader. Also yes her name is a reference to the book/movie matilda. I won't explain her whole life here but essentially she finds out she's a witch to start the story.

Marionette (I should probably mention her nickname is marionette, her real name is margret but she's called that like 8 times in the whole story) she's matilda's best friend. They were friends growing up and happened to both be wizards. She ends up dabbling in dark magic. Which is presented as not being a good thing but like she's not evil cause of it. (Dark magic is magic that either has a sacrifice [ie hurting yourself or someone else] or runs on your soul. Which all magic uses your soul but dark magic deteriorates your soul, there's more too it but that's the general explanation) she gets into dark magic cause she has a desperate need for knowledge and cant let herself not learn. She sees it as just another way to learn (I'm the same way. Id do dark magic to learn.) Which this need to learn in her could also partially stem from her never knowing her parents (she's an orphan) she likes the family that adopted her and all but she still want to know who her real parents were. Which she can use dark magic to find out the question that's been eating at her her whole life.

Dani. Now Dani also goes into dark magic but for a different purpose. Dani wants power. Again this is framed as not good but not inheritly bad. Her whole life she had little power (she grew up extremely poor and her parents divorced at a young age) she wants power cause she grew up with little and knowing that at any moment she could lose what she has. She finds out she has magic and finally has power. She can finally control things. She has the power she didn't grow up with. She likes feeling powerful and dark magic makes you powerful. Okay to explain how they learn about dark magic (it's actually explained early on but only briefly by someone who was afraid of it) essentially at 3am (the witching hour) the veil between life and death grows thinner so ghosts or spirits can cross and become visible to humans. They either appear where they died or where they were most affected in life. Basically marionette found out about this and started staying up to talk with the ghosts. (What's a better way to learn than talking to the dead?) One night Dani sees this and from that night on they both talk to ghosts instead of sleeping. One day in their 3rd year they talk with a ghost who was a dark wizard. He basically tells them about how when using the dark arts you feel unstopable. You know everything. Your powerful. And they both go, "sounds great", then they get into dark magic.

Claudius, he was raised in a wizard family. He meets marionette and Matilda on the bus and they become friends then. He's also constantly stressed out cause coming from a wizard family they put more pressure on you. He's also useful though to explain things that are just parts of wizard society. Like he explains dark magic(or at least how the general person view dark magic), cause he askes marionette and Matilda who in their family they get their "witch blood" from. To which they answer then marionette asks if she can use magic to find out who her parents are. He responds that that would be blood magic, which is a form of dark magic. Then he explains why dark magic is a bad thing (if like to note that all beginning mentions of dark magic are biased. The ghost has a bias to it and Claudius has a bias against it) he's used to explain the magical world but also to show what coming from the magical world is like.

Luna. She is the least important (still very important character) pictured. She is only in about half the story. She leaves the group in their 5th year cause of a few reasons. 1) she finds out Dani and marionette are using dark magic so she stops trusting them, 2) they like going on missions but the missions scare her. And 3) she dosent like magic. Magic scares her, she grew up in a magical family but none the less it scares her. She wants to be part of the normal world. She's probably the most differing opinion in the group. She dosent like magic, hates the missions, wants to join the normal world, her main purpose is to contrast everyone else.

I think that's all I'll explain in this post.

[translesbiantheo]

very long post about ADHD/medicalising my body cos a post by a friend a few days ago got me thinking about it

so like, i’ve been on amphetamines for a good few months now for ADHD. And it’s like... IDK. IDK how to feel about it. I’m definitely more productive. In some ways it feels like I have my mind back, things I lost when CFS/IBS/adventures with SSRIs/a literal 60 hour work week at uni broke every coping mechanism I used through my younger life. I’m also getting pretty ill from side effects. It might just be winter - the cold is definitely making things worse and I am usually pretty bad in winter, but it also seems pretty clear that the side effects are responsible for a good portion of it too.

It’s also like... not perfect on a brain-fixing front?

Years ago, I tried some of this same medication that a friend had, and it was like. unreal. It seemed to totally clear my CFS brain fog. In the week of meds that I had then, I not only got a lot of short term memory skills back, but started remembering things that had happened in time periods where I had had no memories (there are whole chunks of time in which i have like 1 vague memory per six months or so). This hasn’t been anything like that. I’m pretty sure that I get a particularly strong effect when I increase my dose (like, the first few days on 20mg were better than a non-transition-state day on 70mg)*. 

But overall, I’m getting a lot more shit done. Like. The house is usually pretty tidy for at least a portion of each day. We’re eating food on a regular basis without spending money we don’t have on takeout. Laundry is being done almost often enough. Baby is getting more outings and more fun when we’re at home. I’m even doing creative work some days. So like, that’s pretty undeniably a Good Thing, even if i spend like an hour a day extra on the loo and several extra hours in really intense pain. If I had gotten PIP or we could otherwise afford a PA, I would do that instead of taking the amphetamines, without hesitation. I’d also stop taking them if we had like, capital-C Community, or didn’t live under capitalism. But I don’t live in that world? So like... shit’s gotta get done, this is really the only available solution that’s come close to being good enough.

My doc said that 90% of ADHD patients eventually settle on a long term ADHD med. I wonder if that’s actually true and whether that means that I should be trying to seek out something better than what I have now? There’s a lot of reasons that I went for this particular amphetamine, and there are reasons for me to be wary of the non-amphetamine options, and in general I get pretty shitty side effects for any and all serious medications. But a drug with side effects that are basically just +3 to IBS is obviously not the best if you already have IBS. 

There’s also that changing over drugs takes *a lot* of effort. It takes months of dose titration, a minimum of half a dozen trips to the nearest ADHD clinic, and given I’d have to step down this one first, probably at least a month of ineffective ADHD med levels. And at the end of it all it might not be any better... I might be less reluctant if the ADHD clinic wasn’t a 20 minute cycle away and also somewhat preposterously disorganised**.

I’m tempted to wait for spring when my health gets that warmth bonus, then try something then? So long as my 1/3 month check ups don’t show me as having been too ill and they don’t crash me out of these in the middle of winter. I also know from once attempting to step from 40mg down to 30mg that I respond really awfully to stepping down. Though in theory it is  really supposed to not be so bad. 

I kind of wonder even, if this is just me like, back up to old bad habits. Running the old’ brain machine hotter than it should be run, using drugs to put mind over matter now that will power isn’t enough. I’m pretty sure that doing that (plus my medical misadventures) is a large part of what broke me in the first place. 

What if, 6 months from now, or a year from now, I just collapse, back to as bad as I was in my bad years? Not only is our home not wheelchair accessable, but our family is 1000% dependent on my being able to Get Shit Done. My partner is as seriously disabled as me and xe does all the serious money-earning. If I were in a state where I couldn’t even take care of myself, then who would take care of my family?

It’s all so fucked up and i wish that there were options for survival besides attempting to overclock my brain and body with drugs that I don’t massively trust.

* The doc said that’s not how it works and called it a placebo effect, but like, I don’t trust that even a little bit. Doctors are always pretending to be all sure about shit like that even when there’s either no evidence or even evidence counter to what they’re asserting. (I cannot count the number of times that a doctor has asserted that a side effect i/a person i’m advocating for is getting that is literally listed under “common” and perfectly correlated with the med could not possibly be the med, until i/they stop the med and the symptom goes away then the doc is all “well of course it was a side effect”). I have almost never had the “expected” effects from a drug, even drugs that are helpful to me it’s just like... bodies are complicated, shit’s gonna be different from person to person.

** While I’m referred out to them, my personal ADHD doctor is the only person in the freakin world who can perscribe me these things cos they’re controlled drugs, and she’s only around on Mondays, and she has solid appointments then leaves the office right after and just like, does not respond to messages left with her receptionist. At all. Twice I’ve come within a day of just totally running out of drugs after missing an appointment and then struggling to arrange something, anything, in time. Once I spent a week dissolving a 30mg pill in a cup of water then drinking 1/3rd of the cup along with another pill to make 40mg-ish. Side effects from the dose wobblyness were unpleasant to say the least.

[daveshevett]

Road Tripping with a Tesla Model 3 - Thoughts and Ruminations

New Post has been published on https://planet-geek.com/2019/10/14/ev-cars/road-tripping-with-a-tesla-model-3-thoughts-and-ruminations/

Road Tripping with a Tesla Model 3 - Thoughts and Ruminations

This past weekend I finally got to let TARS, my Tesla Model 3 Performance, stretch its legs a big and go for some long distance driving. Over 3 days, we covered almost 700 miles, from Boston, MA to Rochester, NY.

This drive is almost entirely interstate, with the absolutely mind numbing stretch of the NY Thruway between Syracuse and Rochester coming to mind as the most tedious part of the trip. I was looking forward to using Autopilot for that bit in particular, and I wasn’t disappointed.

Preparation

Fully charged, oh, and have a software update.

My Model 3 is normally set to charge to 90%, which gets me about 270 miles of range.  According to Tesla, this helps preserve the lifetime of the battery.  But for short term trips, it’s okay to go into ‘trip mode’ – charge the battery to 100%.  That brought my range up to about 307 miles.  Golden!

The next step was to plan the trip a bit.  With my battery topped up, the trip analyzer said that I could make it to the Utica, NY supercharger in one go.  That’s about 270 miles, and I in theory would have 35 miles left when I get there.  Now, I treat these estimators with a heavy dose of skepticism.  There’s a lot of factors that impact battery consumption – a static analysis would have resulted in a lot of ‘Yeah, but what about…’ questions.  However, this estimation was being done by the car, while I was driving it, with active traffic reports being reported in in realtime.  It should be pretty accurate, we’ll see!

Departure

We rolled out around 2pm on Friday and immediately ran into unexpected traffic (later we learned from some friends that it wasn’t just us – all the routes headed west were problematic).  TARS kept updating the route onto more and more secondary roads, to the point where I was expecting us to be routed through someone’s garage and down their garden paths.  Hopefully I could avoid any empty swimming pools.

Finally, we got past the traffic and on the open road.  The car settled into the traffic fine, and I was able to enable autopilot for a large part of the rest of the trip.  

Autopilot

There’s an awful lot of jawing going on about the Tesla Autopilot.  It’s not full self driving (FSD), no.  It’s also not ‘just adaptive cruise control’ (as I’ve heard others yammer).  It’s somewhere in between.  On an open highway, without much traffic, it’s dreamy.  Lane changes, slowing down / speeding up according to traffic changes, dealing with people merging in or passing, it works well. The car software is updated often – anywhere from once a week to every few weeks. And each time a new version comes down, the autopilot gets better, smoother, and less janky. 

Here’s a good example.  When I received my car in May, it was just after the ‘automatically change lanes’ function was enabled.  And it was sketchy AF.  Yes, it would signal, change lanes, and continue.  But the signal ranges were all goofy, and if there was someone anywhere near your blindspot, the car would sort of ‘stall’ – leaving the blinker on, waiting for the other car to move.  If they backed off to let you in (like all nice New England drivers do, right?), the autopilot wouldn’t pick up on the situation change fast enough, so would just sit there with the blinker on.  Naturally, the other driver would speed up thinking I wasn’t changing lanes, and then Autopilot would decide there was a threat, and ‘phantom brake’ or jog back into lane.  it was unnerving.

With the current version (v32.12.1 – one patch level beyond the v10 release), this process is FAR smoother.  I was comfortable letting the car decide when to change lanes to get around slower traffic, or move over to let other cars by.

Interstate changes and ramps were still a little off.  When the car does not have clear lines on the road on ramps (which tend to be wider than normal highway lanes), it tends to disconcertingly head toward the outside of the ramp until it’s close to a line, then sort of jog back.  It’s jarring and uncomfortable, but it will do it.  I let TARS make 2-3 highway changes for me, keeping my hands and brake-foot ready for a sudden takeover.

First Recharging Stop

Eventually we made it to Utica, and pulled into the charging station.  At this point, the display was showing we had about 20 miles of battery range left.  I had been watching the numbers the entire drive, and even with the traffic, rain, etc, the numbers really didn’t change much.  The computer had the advantage of having access to traffic, weather, temperature, and route information, as well as how my batteries were behaving.  It didn’t get it wrong.

We jacked into the supercharger and got the message “20 minutes until you can continue your trip” – Huh!  4+ hours of driving, and a recharge in 20 minutes?  I’m good with that.  Lets grab dinner.

So we walked to the local food joint and had a quick meal while the car recharged.  

Getting back in, we were at something like 240 miles of range, plenty of electrons to get us the last 2 hours to Rochester.  

We ended up going to our friends house first, then to the hotel, which left us with about 90 miles of range.  Plenty for the next day, but we should top it up at some point.

On Saturday, we topped up the car with a very fast stop at the local supercharger (20m on the charger), which got us back up to about 200 miles.  This is where I start having some questions.

It looks like not all superchargers are the same.  Some have very good high speed charging (500+ miles per hour charging speed), others are lower.  It’s not because there’s more cars at the charging station or anything, the level of power coming from each station just seems to vary.  This is disconcerting, because when you’re trip planning, some stations may be able to charge your car up to full trip-level charge in 40 minutes, others may take an hour and change.  Now, the charging ‘curve’ for a Tesla isn’t flat.  To go from 0-75% charge can take as long as it takes to go from 75% to 100%.  If you’re doing long distance driving, the time it takes to top up gets important.  The station near the hotel was not charging as fast as the one in Utica.  That was concerning, because we should be able to fill up before we drove home on Sunday.  Timing would be important.

Departure

At the end of weekend, we did the happy party trick of showing off Enhanced Summon in a crowded private parking lot (there were half a dozen cars in our friends driveway, and rock walls all around.  I walked a hundred feet away and did a “HOLD MY BEER” by summoning TARS to me.  It did it BEAUTIFULLY.  The summon feature has improved greatly in two or three weeks it’s been out.  Very smooth, and doing exactly what a human would have done to back up, move the car forward and back 2-3 times to line it up with the exit, then roll over to where I stood. 

It’s a great trick to impress your friends with.  I asked our host “So, getting a Tesla now?” and he, a normally very conservative skeptical person, answered “I hadn’t thought about it before, but now I’m seriously considering it.  I’m very impressed.”

Victory!

We headed out to the charging station I had used on Saturday, and had the same rate problem I saw before.  So it wasn’t load or anything, it was just that this station sucked.  We went for a walk in the local mall, and decided to head out.  The mapping system set our next recharge in Lee, MA, about 270 miles away.  We should arrive with 20-30 miles of charge left.  So off we went.

The drive back was uneventful, with autopilot doing it’s thing for most of the drive.  Oddly, my biggest issue was I rest my hand on the steering wheel giving it a little ‘tension’ to let the car know I’m there.  After 20 minutes of leaving my hand in one spot, it would get tired and sweaty, and I had to switch hands.  Talk about first world problems!  

Charging in Lee

We got to Lee and plugged in, and YAY!  Plenty of high speed charging!  What a relief.  We were able to top up the battery enough to get home in under 15 minutes, and we got home to a dog that was extremely happy to see us after such a long time away (Yes, we had people taking care of her, don’t be like that.  But she did miss us).

Conclusions

All in all, the road trip was everything I expected it to be.  Smooth, fast, comfortable, and best of all, 100% electric.  Assuming our chargers were getting elecricity from standard sources, we produced 1/3rd as much carbon as we would have in a normal gas car.  I personally buy my electricity from a wind farm, so at least 1/3 of the trip was from renewables, so that reduced our footprint even further.  

Someone asked me from a cost perspective, was it cheaper driving an all electric car? I found an article that summed it up like this:

The long-range version of the Model 3 has a 75 kWh battery pack with a 310 mile range. If we still assume the average national electric pricing of 13 cents per kWh and a charging efficiency of 85%, then a full charge will cost $11.47. This is $3.70 per 100 miles of mixed city and freeway driving, or 3.7 cents per mile. This is almost 80% less than the cost per mile to drive the most popular gas-powered cars, which is approximately 20 cents per mile.

This fits my back of the envelope fiddling. I looked at my bill, and the entire charging costs from Sunday’s drive (about 370 miles) was $11.47. So not only was it not putting out any CO2, it was far far less expensive to operate than a traditional car.

I can easily see a future where more and more of these trips are automated, and my input into operating the car will be needed less and less.  We’re not there yet, and we won’t be for I’m guessing another 3-5 years.  But the progress is absolutely there, and I welcome it.

[20dollarlolita]

Easy headbows, $4

I'm not very good at making hair accessories, but they're also something that I forget to buy when I'm going on shopping sprees.

I finally got tired of having this hold me back from cute coords, so I sat down and made some simple headbows.

A spool of 2" ribbon is $2 at my store, and cheap headbands are 4 for $2, so I made a few.

There's a few different kinds of ribbon. The blue and green ribbons are grosgrain. The blue ribbon is reversible and the green one is printed on one side.

The pink and purple ribbons are satin.

The pink is double faced (both sides are shiny)

The purple is single faced (one side shiny, one side matte). Quick note: the non-shiny side is the “matte side” or the “unfaced side.” It’s not the “grosgrain side.”  Grosgrain is a totally different kind of weave. It’s the kind of weave that the blue ribbon and green ribbon I used are.

This bow technique is easier to do with ribbon that's the same on both sides (not the printed ribbon or the single-faced ribbon). I also have better results with satin ribbon than with the grosgrain, just because of how it folds lengthwise.  However, you can do it with any ribbon that's wide enough. You just have to be more careful with how you wrap it.

I made this bow a double-layer bow. Two loops on either side, made by folding the ribbon back on itself to make a Z. This is where having a double-faced ribbon really helps. With a single face ribbon, you have to either twist the ribbon to keep your faced side out, stack two ribbons together with the matte sides together, or cut two loops and stack them.

Making this kind of bow isn't an exact science, and anything that gets you a good-looking bow is fair game.

I found that proportion-wise, having the bottom loop be about 8"-11" sat really well on my head. The more layers you have on the bow, the longer the bottom layer should be.

Then, fold the center of the ribbon stack into an M shape.

Take 1/3rd of a pipe cleaner (or a twisty tie) and use it to hold the ribbon into it's M.

Pull the remaining ribbon straight out, so that it starts to loop around the pipe cleaner. NOTE: I accidentally pulled one of my loops out when I did this, didn't realize it, and had to fix it later. Make sure to count that all your loops are there when you make this pull.

Here's the part that's a little more art than science. Twist the ribbon in half or pleat both ends, so that it makes a nice-looking bump over the center of the bow.

Catch the end of the ribbon in the pipe cleaner, cut the tail and the extra pipe cleaner off, and then either sew or glue that onto a headband. I used RapidFuse gel superglue, because it's what I had on hand.

And that's the basics of it. Cut the ends of the ribbon at an angle so they don’t fray. You can easily make more than one bow out of a spool of ribbon, so this is a case where trial and error and just messing with it can help you get the best results.

I tried a variation for the single-faced purple ribbon. I put two ribbons back-to-back, tied a normal bow, and fiddled with the proportions. Just keep messing around until it looks good on your head.

Only thing left to do is to put them all on your head at once and model them in your pajamas with a healthy dose of duckface.

[notesonnewyork]

From the Long-Forgotten Archives #5

It’s Sunday, May 30th, 1841. Perhaps you’ve just gone to church or enjoyed a hearty evening meal. You’re flipping through Horace Greeley’s New-York Tribune and about to ignore all the ads on the page above when, suddenly, something catches your eye. Near the bottom of the third column, one of the blurbs appears to be in the form of a poem. Ha. Indulging your suspicion, you look more closely and begin to read:

JAYNE’S HAIR TONIC.

Come all ye bald, and all that’s grey, Come listen to my ditty, I wish to tell without delay, What brought me to your city.

It is to clothe your naked heads, With nature’s proper covering, Renew the soil that’s almost dead, Now under wigs be hovering.

My name and fame is outspread wide, Beyond the distant ocean; Both France and England, Spain beside, Have all got in the notion.

A bald Parisian cannot be found, Nor one throughout the nation; And all because they till the GROUND With his oleaginous preparation.

I offer now both free and pure, Although your case is chronic, And warrant all a perfect cure, In Dr. JAYNE’S HAIR TONIC.

Ahhh, so it was! Ha. And how unusual. Not because you’re reading one of those cute ABAB rhyming verses in a newspaper of all places, but because it’s pushing another Dr. Jayne “innovation.” Yep, that same Dr. David Jayne of Philadelphia, PA whose liquid elixirs are quite in vogue these days. In fact, the Tribune ran this exact bit of poesy in its Wednesday, May 26th edition, but you missed it. 

The notice says the good doctor’s tonic is being sold for $1.00 by druggists A.B. & D. Sands at their stores on 79 Fulton Street, 100 Fulton Street, and 77 East Broadway. Rubbing your right hand across your scalp, you have half a notion to pick a bottle up. Ha. Maybe at the 79 Fulton location on the corner of Gold Street. You had a bad experience at the one on 100 Fulton a few months ago. They were sold out of their proprietary Sands’ Sarsaparilla that day and couldn’t suggest a backup. Plus they were stocking some pretty dubious items. I mean, really, Dr. McMunn’s “Elixir of Opium?” And with a description like this:

Dr. McMunn’s celebrated Elixir of Opium is a new chemical preparation of Opium embracing all the medical qualities in a natural state of combination to the exclusion of those which are deleterious and useless. Superior to every other form of opiate such as laudanum, morphine, de-narcotized laudanum, etc.

Talk about false advertising! Nothing beats a dose of morphine for your money. Ha. And there was also this Dr. Jayne’s “Carminative Balsam” behind the counter. The one that boasts being 

A certain and speedy cure for diarrhea, dysentery, cholera morbus, summer complaints with children, and all derangements of the stomach and bowels caused by imprudence or error in diet.

Ha. Your late mother had a better cure for any of those things than some fancy balsam. She called it “Tough it out and use some common sense next time!” Ha. Besides, if you had extra money to spend on something lavish, you’d definitely do it on Richardson’s Sherry Wine Bitters. You had it at your brother’s new residence last year and it was really a hit. Anyway, you put down the Tribune and make for your hat. Sands’ store may still be open.

-----

(Screenshot from the May 30, 1841 edition of the New-York Tribune taken from Tom Tryniski’s astounding, self-scanned collection of newspapers at fultonhistory.com. Retouched by Riffchorusriff....

*Editor’s Research Notes:

1. From his base of operations at 20 South 3rd Street in Philadelphia, Dr. David Jayne (1799-1866) was apparently on an advertising blitz at the time. Not only did his poem appear in the Tribune’s May 26 and 30th printings of 1841, but generic ads for his hair tonic were also published in its May 29th and June 2nd issues. 

2. According to “Bentley’s Miscellany”--Volume 8, Issue 2 edited by W. Harrison Ainsworth and published on August 1, 1841--A.B. & D. Sands was indeed actually stocking its Sands’ Sarsaparilla, Dr. McMunn’s Elixir of Opium, and Dr. Jayne’s Carminative Balsam around the time of the Tribune bulletins.

3. “Doggett’s New-York City Directory for 1845 & 1846” cites Sands as offering Richardson’s Sherry Wine Bitters. It was one of the store’s so-called “patent medicines” along with others like Dr. Jayne’s Sanative Pills, Jayne’s Expectorant, Thompson’s Eye Water, and Payson’s Indelible Ink. As you read above, “Doggett’s” also provided a few amusing descriptions of these items.

4. As Ferdinand Meyer V--President of the Federation of Historical Bottle Collectors--described in a post on peachridgeglass.com, A.B. & D. Sands was opened for business around 1835 by brothers Abraham, David, and William at 100 Fulton Street. They were chemists and apothecaries before expanding to become well-known drug wholesalers in New York City. Sands existed until 1875 when it was acquired by Schieffelin & Co.)

[bksayinfuckitall]

Friday

It’s been not a great week. The traces of a disorganized mind and knowingly bad behavior.  Binge eating, again. Ignoring my own unambitious plans, again. 

Thursday at about 4 am, still pretty wide awake, I decided I couldn’t deal with the sounds of either Grace & Garrett’s moving truck coming at 8 am plus the trash pick-up sometime in there or the 4 big dudes dismantling the 3rd floor of the patio and dropping boards above my head, again. So I turned the AC down a couple degrees, turned up the white noise, and took 20 mg of Melatonin.  I mean, 5 mg is the recommended dose and 10 mg does a pretty thorough job, but, what the hell.

It worked. I didn’t hear the movers, or the garbage, and stayed asleep until 11:30. Got up to start the day but lasted about a half-hour, after making a breakfast shake and realizing I didn’t have enough energy to drink it at the table. Curled up on the coach with a blanket over my head. Slept so hard I had at least 2 REM cycles of dreaming. Slept so hard I didn’t move a twitch even when the boards started raining down onto the 2nd floor patio, interspersed with the circular saw buzzing.  Only my growling stomach at 1:45 was enough to rouse me.

If you thought I did anything with the rest of my afternoon, you’d be incorrect. The first moment I perhaps felt truly awake was 8 hours later, at the top of the Dorchester Heights monument. I’d just hit my 40th flight of stairs for the day, was assured I’d gotten my 16,000 steps, the park was empty, and the fireworks were silent, and while I hadn’t struggled through either the run or the climbs prior, it was the chorus of Katy Perry’s California Gurls in my ears that suddenly made me want to dance down the sidewalk towards the Back Bay skyline, the like the 47-year-old Karen I am, and there it was, I felt like myself immediately.

But it took that long for Thursday to work. It was coming on 11:30 pm.

It took me until 2 pm today to get my act together.....which I guess is an improvement. Spurred on, I think, by the random conversation with Garrett in the hallway, causing me to miss my networking Zoom call because I didn’t really want to do it anyway and what a great excuse to miss it. All he did, really, was ask me if I’d looked into working for a start-up (as he does), and told me about the angel.io website.

When I got down to business doing my one hour of job searching, not long after, the world suddenly felt bigger and the possibilities endless. The angel website profile allowed me to make a list of areas to search in, and I suddenly typed Detroit and Portland and Seattle and New Hampshire and Maine and Minneapolis. I wrote that I just wanted to do something new and move into the 21st century. 

I don’t know what to make of this 11th hour get-it-together shit, of the hopefulness that always comes at the end of the day and makes me want to embrace tomorrow, and then I wake up tomorrow and can’t think clearly, or motivate in any direction that sounded so good the night before. Starting to think that, because I know I’m going to just tank it in the morning, I dread going to sleep.

I also realized today that I’m going to have to go back to counting calories. And being disciplined about tracking. It took exactly one week of sluffing off for me to lose all the momentum I gained from the 3 months before. 

There is no great point to this post. Other than a brain dump. At 5:30 on a Friday afternoon. 

Perhaps I need to embrace the ethos of better late than never.

[auburnfamilynews]

John Reed-USA TODAY Sports

Give it to ‘em, Gus.

Auburn has to find a running back and erase the terrible Gainesville sweat/loss taste. There’s not a better place to do that right now than Fayetteville. Time to make your selections, everyone.

Auburn (-17.5) @ Arkansas (O/U 54)

This has to be a get right game for the Auburn offense. Between the worst performance of Bo Nix’s young career two weeks ago and the loss of #1 running back Boobee Whitlow, there is no momentum going right now on that side of the ball. Hopefully Gus took the off week to prepare a strong script to open this one with. I imagine Kam Martin will get most of the early carries, but ideally we’ll get a healthy dose of DJ Williams early as well. Arkansas is 120th in the country in allowing explosive plays on the ground, and whoever can take advantage of that will set themselves up nicely to get plenty of action at LSU. On the other side of the ball, Arkansas is a mess, allowing havoc plays (TFL, forced fumble, pass defensed, or INT) on nearly a quarter of all offensive snaps. That is awful y’all. This may be a chance for the DL to rack up some more sacks and boost their draft stock, so long as they limit Rakeem Boyd (617 yds, 5.6 ypc, 5 TD) on the ground.

I think this one looks like the 2017 Arkansas game that helped get Bert fired. 41-14 Auburn.

-Ryan Sterritt

While Arkansas has been playing better...or losing closer to teams rather than getting their doors blown off...this one shouldn’t be close. Auburn’s defense will be the best Arkansas has seen all year and may be the best they see for the rest of the season. I am going to say Arkansas gets to 6 points but if the Tigers leave their starters in, it should be a strong 0. On offense, I want to see what 2 weeks of work has done for Bo and the receivers. Sure, RB1 will be interesting to look at but I want to see better timing in the passing game than we saw on the Tigers last outing. They are going to need in next week in Red Stick.

Auburn 38-6, Auburn covers and the under.

-Drew Mac

You know who hated losing to Florida? Me. I did. Also, all of you. You know who hated it worse? Our team. Auburn has been basking in bitterness for nearly two weeks, waiting to pounce and the next unsuspecting opponent. Unfortunately for Arkansas, that’s Arkansas.

You know who enjoys beating the tar out of Arkansas? Me. 2006 Arkansas was the first Auburn loss I ever saw in person! Every time Auburn destroys the Hogs, it brings me joy. You know who enjoys it more? Our coach. Gus is so petty when it comes to Arkansas. This makes me happy, for I too am petty.

Auburn comes out swinging Saturday morning. The crowd won’t be a factor. Malzahn will actually have to keep his voice down as he calls in the plays - wouldn’t want anyone on the other sideline to hear. Arkansas has kicked the can this season. It’s over. Auburn 97, Arkansas 0.

-Josh Dub

I never worry about Arkansas being a trap game. Gus ALWAYS has his team ready to go against the Hawgs. Throw in this coming off a bye week where AU lost a very winnable game and I fully expect this team to come out angry Saturday morning.

However, life without Boobee will probably be bumpy out the gate. My hope is Auburn’s OL dominates allowing the Tigers to jump Arky fast so staff can start giving other backs behind Kam some work. But it wouldn’t shock me if this contest is closer than anyone would like at halftime. But I just don’t see how this Arkansas offense finds any consistent success on offense. My guess is Tigers take a bit to get going but pull away with a big 3rd Q & Joey punches 2 more late TDs in running the time out in the 4th quarter. Auburn 41 Arkansas 14.

-AU Nerd

The 2nd half of the season kicks off Saturday morning in Northwest Arkansas. With 2 weeks to stew over what happened in Gainesville, I expect a football team ready to play from the outset. I don’t mind this being an 11am kick, go in there, take care of business and start looking ahead to next week.

With Boobee out of action, it’s time for a Running Back to step up. While I fully expect Kam Martin to get the majority of the carries, I’m hoping to see a guy like DJ Williams emerge. This would be the perfect week to run the ball as much as possible.

Auburn 37 Arkansas 14

-Will McLaughlin

Auburn heads to Fayetteville. The Hogs stink. I think the Tigers will use this game to work out some frustrations and remind people “Hey, we are still a top team!”

Auburn 45 - Arkansas 13

-AU Chief

I, for one, am glad this is a morning game. Get this one over with and get our boys back on the plane to the Plains to get ready for LSU. Under any other coach, I would have a least a slight concern about the Razorbacks, however under Gus he has proven time and time again that any such concern shouldn’t be warranted. Now, keys to winning this thing the right way:

Feed DJ Williams the ball at least 10 times, no fumbles, and at least 5 yards per carry. Give him a chance to show that he can be a reliable running back in Baton Rouge the next week.

Find Anthony Schwartz in the passing game in the short/intermediate levels. Throw him the screen. Hit him on a slant. Give some of the better teams in our league something else to study on film to keep them a bit more honest as we enter the meat grinder next weekend.

WHEN challenged along the OL from a DL at Arkansas that plays with pride, adjust quickly to find something that works in the ground game. We can’t wait until another 3rd quarter to get this right after this weekend.

As Gus said this past week, be aggressive with punt returns, Christian Tutt.

Get to the quarterback. Give us some hope that we have a pass rush with our defensive ends heading into next week.

Obviously Bo Nix needs to have a solid outing where he doesn’t turn the ball over. That’s the only stat I care about from him on Saturday.

Leave the game healthy.

This game is the 7th straight game where it’s about Auburn. We dictate victory. I fear I won’t be able to say that for an 8th consecutive game next weekend. I honestly expect this game to be lower scoring than some may expect, due to the absolute necessity we have in establishing a run game beyond Boobee Whitlow. I could very easily see us rushing the ball 55 times Saturday. Auburn 38 Arkansas 6.

-Josh Black

I think Auburn might not attempt more than 15 passes in this game. There are a lot of issues with the running game, and Gus needs to work them out. Arkansas is going to be ground into powder. Auburn 62, Hogs 10.

-Son of Crow

I think this is a “take care of business” game. There’s a giant game next week, and Arkansas does not have the athletes to compete with Auburn if neither team makes mistakes. Auburn needs to avoid turnovers, force Arkansas to drive the field on offense, and get out of there with a win. Game state will dictate Arkansas covering the number and the total staying under. Auburn 30, Arkansas 13 (Auburn wins, Arkansas covers, UNDER)

-James Jones

I’m not sure that we win by super blowout standards, since I’m positive that we’ll be trying a bunch of different things on offense and working out a new running back. I do think that our defense will absolutely dominate the game and we may finally get that defensive score we’ve been looking for. Derrick Brown should have no trouble continuing his run toward a major award season, and I bet we start to see some sacks against a Razorback offense that’s terrible.

Offensively for us, I bet Gus does just enough in the passing game to get Bo comfortable after the bad week at Florida, and I bet we see a ton of running backs all get significant carries. We all want to see D.J. Williams, and tomorrow’s his chance to show us how he’ll lead the way to an Auburn win in Baton Rouge next week.

This one’s all on us, and I think the week off came at the right time. They come out angry, focused, and roast some pigs in the Ozarks. Auburn 42, Arkansas 3.

-Jack Condon

from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2019/10/18/20921094/staff-picks-11-auburn-arkansas

[timclymer]

Breast Cancer: Fancy Gadget and Half A Million Ringgit Failed to Cure Her – What Now?

May (not real name) is a 39-year-old-female. In mid-2008 she delivered her child. Two months before delivery, she noticed the hardening of her left breast. Ultrasonography did not show anything wrong. The doctor suggested it could be due to the breast being engorged with her milk. Although she breast fed her baby the breast remained hard. There was no problem with her right breast. She went to consult order doctors and all of them came to the same conclusion – no problem!

Utrasonograhy of her breasts on 1 December 2008 indicated diffused inflammatory process. The left nipple was retracted. Conclusion: probably diffuse mastitis. A biopsy is advisable. Subsequent needle biopsy done did not show any malignancy. Not satisfied, a tru-cut biopsy was done on 29 January 2009. The result showed atypical proliferation of cells suggestive of an intra ductal carcinoma. An open biopsy of the breast lump confirmed invasive ductal carcinoma with high grade intra-ductal carcinoma.

May sought a second opinion from a doctor in a private hospital in Singapore. The histology slide was restudied. It was concluded that it was a ductal carcinoma in-situ, intermediate grade with comedonecrosis and infiltrative ductal carcinoma.

CT scan done on 31 January 2009 showed: a) no metastataic deposits in the liver, b) several rounded sclerotic lesions seen in the thoracic and upper lumbar spine suspicious of metastatic lesions, c) a tiny nodule in the upper lobe of the right lung – probably a solitary pulmonary metastatic nodule. A bone scan confirmed bony metastases at the left scapula, left third rib and sites along the spine.

Histopathology report showed carcinoma cells are immunopositive for oestrogen rerceptors and progesterone receptors. HER2 oncoprotein is overexpressed.

May was advised to start chemotherapy immediately. The first chemo-treatment started on 2 February 2009. A pump was fitted to continuously deliver 5-FU. May also received two doses of Navelbine for each 5-FU cycle. In addition, May was given Zometa for the bone. In total May received 13 cycles of chemotherapy from February 2009 to October 2009.

At this point I asked two questions:

1. What did the oncologist say about the chances of a cure? The answer was: The doctor said there would be no cure. The treatment was only to control the problem. 2. You must have spent a lot for this treatment? The answer: Yes, approximately RM 500,000. That is half a million ringgit – right? Yes, it is.

A CT scan on 27 April 2009 showed: a) a solitary pulmonary nodule in the right middle lobe. This measures less than 5 mm. It shows no change from previous examination, b) multiple sclerotic bony lesions. These were already noted in the previous CT scan.

May went to China for another opinion in May 2009. A PET /CT scan was done. The doctors in China concluded that May’s condition had stabilised and there was no need for treatment.

A CT scan done on 12 October 2009 showed the cancer had stabilised. However, throughout the whole month of October 2009, May complained of headaches, pains in the neck and shoulder. The oncologist said the pains had nothing to do with her cancer!

In October 2009, May completed her 13th chemo treatment in Singapore.

In November 2009, May went to India for further treatment using the Cytotron (Cytotron is the trade name of the device developed in India. It looks like a MRI machine that uses Rotational Field Quantum Magnetic Resonance Generator).

May received an hour of Cytotron treatment per day. While undergoing the Cytotron treatment, May continued to receive the 5-FU-Navelbine regimen (the 14th cycle). The treatment was scheduled for a total of 28 days but after the 20th tretment, May developed bad coughs and chest pain. The doctor thought this was due to pneumonia and she was given antibiotics and cough syrup. An X-ray indicated left pleural effusion (i.e., fluid in the lung). A week later the pains still persisted and the coughs became bad whenever May moved. A CT scan was ordered and revealed pulmonary embolism (blockage of the arteries in the lungs by blood clots that travel to the lungs from other parts of the body). May was put on Heparin, an anti-blood coagulation medication.

May returned to Malaysia in mid-December 2009. May started to have pains again. Her shortness of breath also persisted. She coughed wherever she moved. The oncologist in Kuala Lumpur mentioned that the cancer appeared stable and there was no hurry to continue with chemotherapy but the pulmonary embolism had to be resolved first. May was prescribed Warfarin. Her pulmonary embolism cleared off.

A PET CT scan on 23 February 2010 showed stable results. The oncologist said no further chemotherapy was necessary for the time being. But May had to continue receiving Bonefos (for the bone). In addition May was started on Tamoxifen beginning March 2010.

In June 2010, May’s left breast hardened again. The oncologist did not think chemotherapy was necessary but May was asked to continue with her Tamoxifen and Bonefos.

In July 2010 the skin colour of her left breast turned dark. A PET scan on 29 July 2010 indicated increased FDG avid activity and this could represent an inflammatory process of tumour activity. There was also increased FDG uptake in the thymus. At this point, the oncologist suggested a mastectomy.

On 2 September 2010, May had her left breast removed. There were some wound infections after the surgery and it took two months to recover. The histopathology indicated invasive ductal carcinoma, grade 2 with a few foci of ductal carcinoma in-situ, high grade. Twelve of the 13 lymph nodes were completely infiltrated by malignant cells with infiltration into the surrounding adipose tissue in 4 nodes.

On 20 October 2010, there was a slight swelling in May’s right breast near the nipple. Ultrasonography of the right breast did not show anything wrong. May was prescribed antibiotics. Since there was no improvement, a needle biopsy was done on 27 October 2010. The right breast tissue showed invasive ductal carcinoma.

The doctor suggested mastectomy of the right breast. This would be followed by radiation treatment for the left breast. There would also be radiation treatment for the right breast after the wound has healed. Bonefos would be changed to Zometa.

A PET scan done on 10 November 2010 showed cancer activity in the right breast.The bone lesions which were stable before had now become active. In view of this, the oncologist suggested more chemotherapy.

May underwent 3 cycles of chemotherapy using a combination of 5-FU, epirubicin and cyclophosphamide (FEC) together with Zometa. The 3rd FEC cycle was completed on 14 January 2010.

How CA Care Got Into the Picture

On 3 November 2010, we received this e-mail:

Hi Chris, I am Don (not real name) and came across your website while searching for some alternative cancer treatments. My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer stage 4 in February 2009. She had undergone chemo and just recently did a mastectomy of her left breast. Unfortunately now her right breast is also affected. Last week the biopsy shows it is an invasive ductal carcinoma. Doctor is suggesting another mastectomy but we are worried as we don’t think it can help. Can you help us? How good is your treatment? Can I send you the reports for review? Hope to hear from you soon.

On 14 January 2011 was another e-mail:

Dear Chris, I would like to come to Penang and meet you to discuss regarding my wife. I have got the latest scan results with me. What are the days and time convenient for you to see patients?

Actually before these e-mails, Don came to our centre to collect some herbs but did not take them due to lack of confidence. Then she started to receive her first chemo treatment and suffered severe side effects. She had headaches, felt nauseous and was dizzy.

Before receiving her 2nd cycle of chemotherapy, May started to take our Chemo-tea. The side effects of this second chemo treatment were reduced by about fifty percent. This built up her confidence in our herbal teas. When May had her 3rd cycle of chemotherapy, she felt even better.

The War Has Not Ended Yet – perhaps a “surge” is just about to begin

May was scheduled to receive three more cycles of chemotherapy. This time the drugs to be used are Taxotere plus Herceptin. May is supposed to receive Herceptin indefinitely once every 3 weeks (but at least a year). May is also to receive Zometa once every 3 months.

From March 2010 to end of July 2010, May was on Tamoxifen. According to the oncologist since there was a recurrence, Tamoxifen was therefore not effective. He is of the opinion that May should switch to another drug – the newer generation of aromatase inhibitor. But for the aromatase inhibitor to be effective patient must be in her menopause. So to achieve this menopause, the oncologist suggested removal of May’s ovaries.

Don (husband) came to our centre in Penang and told us the above story on 18 January 2011. Comments:

1. The Breast Cancer War – fancy gadget plus half a million ringgit

Most patients (especially those who never had the experience of having a family member undergone medical treatment for cancer) have the misconception that after surgery / chemotherapy, their cancer will go away. Unfortunately, this is far from being true. Read the following two quotations.

Amy Soscia, a cancer patient said: There is no cure for metastatic breast cancer. It never goes away. You just move from treatment to treatment.

A renowned oncologist in Singapore wrote: Oncology is not like other medical specialties where doing well is the norm. In oncology, even prolonging a patient’s life for three months to a year is considered an achievement. Achieving a cure is like striking a jackpot.

In a review entitled: In the End What Matters Most? A Review of Clinical Endpoints in Advanced Breast Cancer (Oncologist, January 2011; 16:25-35), Sunil Verma et al, wrote:

– Many agents are being studied for the treatment of metastatic breast cancer (MBC), yet few studies have demonstrated longer overall survival, the primary measure of clinical benefit in MBC. – Of the 73 phase III MBC trials reviewed, a strikingly small proportion of trials demonstrated a gain in overall survival duration (12%, n = 9).

From the very beginning May was told the treatments she received were to only control the situation – and in this case, where is the control? Almost half a million ringgit has been spent but May was not getting any better. In fact her condition became worse. She is starting the second phase of another battle now that the cancer had spread to the other breast, after one had been removed. The war will go on. Based on the review paper published in The Oncologist a week ago, the overall survival advantage due to chemotherapy could just be an illusion.

Can we not learn a lesson from May’s experience? Albert Einstein said: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

2. Total Commitment – do you really believe in herbs?

Not all patients who come to seek our help believe in what we do. We are firm in saying that It is not for us to “influence” you to follow our ways. This has to be entirely your choice.

We are fully aware that after spending thousands of ringgit on the so-called scientific, high-tech treatments provided by the best brains in medicine, it is hard to believe that some roadside weeds could help your cancer. To the educated mind it seems like a big joke. So believing in what we do is an important ingredient for success. Past statistics showed us that only 30% of those who come are really committed or believe in what we do.

3. Chemo-Tea Helped Her – she gained more confidence

I told Don that I would be writing this story. Otto von Bismarck wrote: A fool learns from experience. A wise man learns from the experience of others. So the main aim of writing this story is to share May’s experience with others – perhaps those who wish to learn would not have to experience similar bitterness. Some patients believe even before they experience, but others need to experience before they can believe. It is a choice.

4. Cancer War – In a war, no one ever wins!

Tragic stories about breast cancer war abounds. But all is not lost. There are some patients who have the guts to say: “Chemo? No thank you!” Many of them survived to tell their sweet stories.

Let me close by quoting Dr. Bernard Jensen (in Empty Harvest): “While the situation is dire, should fear be the correct catalyst for change? I don’t think so. For fear is a disease in itself – a disease of the mind. Therefore, it is not out of fear, but courage, that mankind will be most effective in restoring health and harmony.”

Source by Chris Teo, Ph.D.

from Home Solutions Forev https://homesolutionsforev.com/breast-cancer-fancy-gadget-and-half-a-million-ringgit-failed-to-cure-her-what-now/ via Home Solutions on WordPress from Home Solutions FOREV https://homesolutionsforev.tumblr.com/post/186823209850 via Tim Clymer on Wordpress

[homesolutionsforev]

Breast Cancer: Fancy Gadget and Half A Million Ringgit Failed to Cure Her – What Now?

May (not real name) is a 39-year-old-female. In mid-2008 she delivered her child. Two months before delivery, she noticed the hardening of her left breast. Ultrasonography did not show anything wrong. The doctor suggested it could be due to the breast being engorged with her milk. Although she breast fed her baby the breast remained hard. There was no problem with her right breast. She went to consult order doctors and all of them came to the same conclusion – no problem!

Utrasonograhy of her breasts on 1 December 2008 indicated diffused inflammatory process. The left nipple was retracted. Conclusion: probably diffuse mastitis. A biopsy is advisable. Subsequent needle biopsy done did not show any malignancy. Not satisfied, a tru-cut biopsy was done on 29 January 2009. The result showed atypical proliferation of cells suggestive of an intra ductal carcinoma. An open biopsy of the breast lump confirmed invasive ductal carcinoma with high grade intra-ductal carcinoma.

May sought a second opinion from a doctor in a private hospital in Singapore. The histology slide was restudied. It was concluded that it was a ductal carcinoma in-situ, intermediate grade with comedonecrosis and infiltrative ductal carcinoma.

CT scan done on 31 January 2009 showed: a) no metastataic deposits in the liver, b) several rounded sclerotic lesions seen in the thoracic and upper lumbar spine suspicious of metastatic lesions, c) a tiny nodule in the upper lobe of the right lung – probably a solitary pulmonary metastatic nodule. A bone scan confirmed bony metastases at the left scapula, left third rib and sites along the spine.

Histopathology report showed carcinoma cells are immunopositive for oestrogen rerceptors and progesterone receptors. HER2 oncoprotein is overexpressed.

May was advised to start chemotherapy immediately. The first chemo-treatment started on 2 February 2009. A pump was fitted to continuously deliver 5-FU. May also received two doses of Navelbine for each 5-FU cycle. In addition, May was given Zometa for the bone. In total May received 13 cycles of chemotherapy from February 2009 to October 2009.

At this point I asked two questions:

1. What did the oncologist say about the chances of a cure? The answer was: The doctor said there would be no cure. The treatment was only to control the problem. 2. You must have spent a lot for this treatment? The answer: Yes, approximately RM 500,000. That is half a million ringgit – right? Yes, it is.

A CT scan on 27 April 2009 showed: a) a solitary pulmonary nodule in the right middle lobe. This measures less than 5 mm. It shows no change from previous examination, b) multiple sclerotic bony lesions. These were already noted in the previous CT scan.

May went to China for another opinion in May 2009. A PET /CT scan was done. The doctors in China concluded that May’s condition had stabilised and there was no need for treatment.

A CT scan done on 12 October 2009 showed the cancer had stabilised. However, throughout the whole month of October 2009, May complained of headaches, pains in the neck and shoulder. The oncologist said the pains had nothing to do with her cancer!

In October 2009, May completed her 13th chemo treatment in Singapore.

In November 2009, May went to India for further treatment using the Cytotron (Cytotron is the trade name of the device developed in India. It looks like a MRI machine that uses Rotational Field Quantum Magnetic Resonance Generator).

May received an hour of Cytotron treatment per day. While undergoing the Cytotron treatment, May continued to receive the 5-FU-Navelbine regimen (the 14th cycle). The treatment was scheduled for a total of 28 days but after the 20th tretment, May developed bad coughs and chest pain. The doctor thought this was due to pneumonia and she was given antibiotics and cough syrup. An X-ray indicated left pleural effusion (i.e., fluid in the lung). A week later the pains still persisted and the coughs became bad whenever May moved. A CT scan was ordered and revealed pulmonary embolism (blockage of the arteries in the lungs by blood clots that travel to the lungs from other parts of the body). May was put on Heparin, an anti-blood coagulation medication.

May returned to Malaysia in mid-December 2009. May started to have pains again. Her shortness of breath also persisted. She coughed wherever she moved. The oncologist in Kuala Lumpur mentioned that the cancer appeared stable and there was no hurry to continue with chemotherapy but the pulmonary embolism had to be resolved first. May was prescribed Warfarin. Her pulmonary embolism cleared off.

A PET CT scan on 23 February 2010 showed stable results. The oncologist said no further chemotherapy was necessary for the time being. But May had to continue receiving Bonefos (for the bone). In addition May was started on Tamoxifen beginning March 2010.

In June 2010, May’s left breast hardened again. The oncologist did not think chemotherapy was necessary but May was asked to continue with her Tamoxifen and Bonefos.

In July 2010 the skin colour of her left breast turned dark. A PET scan on 29 July 2010 indicated increased FDG avid activity and this could represent an inflammatory process of tumour activity. There was also increased FDG uptake in the thymus. At this point, the oncologist suggested a mastectomy.

On 2 September 2010, May had her left breast removed. There were some wound infections after the surgery and it took two months to recover. The histopathology indicated invasive ductal carcinoma, grade 2 with a few foci of ductal carcinoma in-situ, high grade. Twelve of the 13 lymph nodes were completely infiltrated by malignant cells with infiltration into the surrounding adipose tissue in 4 nodes.

On 20 October 2010, there was a slight swelling in May’s right breast near the nipple. Ultrasonography of the right breast did not show anything wrong. May was prescribed antibiotics. Since there was no improvement, a needle biopsy was done on 27 October 2010. The right breast tissue showed invasive ductal carcinoma.

The doctor suggested mastectomy of the right breast. This would be followed by radiation treatment for the left breast. There would also be radiation treatment for the right breast after the wound has healed. Bonefos would be changed to Zometa.

A PET scan done on 10 November 2010 showed cancer activity in the right breast.The bone lesions which were stable before had now become active. In view of this, the oncologist suggested more chemotherapy.

May underwent 3 cycles of chemotherapy using a combination of 5-FU, epirubicin and cyclophosphamide (FEC) together with Zometa. The 3rd FEC cycle was completed on 14 January 2010.

How CA Care Got Into the Picture

On 3 November 2010, we received this e-mail:

Hi Chris, I am Don (not real name) and came across your website while searching for some alternative cancer treatments. My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer stage 4 in February 2009. She had undergone chemo and just recently did a mastectomy of her left breast. Unfortunately now her right breast is also affected. Last week the biopsy shows it is an invasive ductal carcinoma. Doctor is suggesting another mastectomy but we are worried as we don’t think it can help. Can you help us? How good is your treatment? Can I send you the reports for review? Hope to hear from you soon.

On 14 January 2011 was another e-mail:

Dear Chris, I would like to come to Penang and meet you to discuss regarding my wife. I have got the latest scan results with me. What are the days and time convenient for you to see patients?

Actually before these e-mails, Don came to our centre to collect some herbs but did not take them due to lack of confidence. Then she started to receive her first chemo treatment and suffered severe side effects. She had headaches, felt nauseous and was dizzy.

Before receiving her 2nd cycle of chemotherapy, May started to take our Chemo-tea. The side effects of this second chemo treatment were reduced by about fifty percent. This built up her confidence in our herbal teas. When May had her 3rd cycle of chemotherapy, she felt even better.

The War Has Not Ended Yet – perhaps a “surge” is just about to begin

May was scheduled to receive three more cycles of chemotherapy. This time the drugs to be used are Taxotere plus Herceptin. May is supposed to receive Herceptin indefinitely once every 3 weeks (but at least a year). May is also to receive Zometa once every 3 months.

From March 2010 to end of July 2010, May was on Tamoxifen. According to the oncologist since there was a recurrence, Tamoxifen was therefore not effective. He is of the opinion that May should switch to another drug – the newer generation of aromatase inhibitor. But for the aromatase inhibitor to be effective patient must be in her menopause. So to achieve this menopause, the oncologist suggested removal of May’s ovaries.

Don (husband) came to our centre in Penang and told us the above story on 18 January 2011. Comments:

1. The Breast Cancer War – fancy gadget plus half a million ringgit

Most patients (especially those who never had the experience of having a family member undergone medical treatment for cancer) have the misconception that after surgery / chemotherapy, their cancer will go away. Unfortunately, this is far from being true. Read the following two quotations.

Amy Soscia, a cancer patient said: There is no cure for metastatic breast cancer. It never goes away. You just move from treatment to treatment.

A renowned oncologist in Singapore wrote: Oncology is not like other medical specialties where doing well is the norm. In oncology, even prolonging a patient’s life for three months to a year is considered an achievement. Achieving a cure is like striking a jackpot.

In a review entitled: In the End What Matters Most? A Review of Clinical Endpoints in Advanced Breast Cancer (Oncologist, January 2011; 16:25-35), Sunil Verma et al, wrote:

– Many agents are being studied for the treatment of metastatic breast cancer (MBC), yet few studies have demonstrated longer overall survival, the primary measure of clinical benefit in MBC. – Of the 73 phase III MBC trials reviewed, a strikingly small proportion of trials demonstrated a gain in overall survival duration (12%, n = 9).

From the very beginning May was told the treatments she received were to only control the situation – and in this case, where is the control? Almost half a million ringgit has been spent but May was not getting any better. In fact her condition became worse. She is starting the second phase of another battle now that the cancer had spread to the other breast, after one had been removed. The war will go on. Based on the review paper published in The Oncologist a week ago, the overall survival advantage due to chemotherapy could just be an illusion.

Can we not learn a lesson from May’s experience? Albert Einstein said: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

2. Total Commitment – do you really believe in herbs?

Not all patients who come to seek our help believe in what we do. We are firm in saying that It is not for us to “influence” you to follow our ways. This has to be entirely your choice.

We are fully aware that after spending thousands of ringgit on the so-called scientific, high-tech treatments provided by the best brains in medicine, it is hard to believe that some roadside weeds could help your cancer. To the educated mind it seems like a big joke. So believing in what we do is an important ingredient for success. Past statistics showed us that only 30% of those who come are really committed or believe in what we do.

3. Chemo-Tea Helped Her – she gained more confidence

I told Don that I would be writing this story. Otto von Bismarck wrote: A fool learns from experience. A wise man learns from the experience of others. So the main aim of writing this story is to share May’s experience with others – perhaps those who wish to learn would not have to experience similar bitterness. Some patients believe even before they experience, but others need to experience before they can believe. It is a choice.

4. Cancer War – In a war, no one ever wins!

Tragic stories about breast cancer war abounds. But all is not lost. There are some patients who have the guts to say: “Chemo? No thank you!” Many of them survived to tell their sweet stories.

Let me close by quoting Dr. Bernard Jensen (in Empty Harvest): “While the situation is dire, should fear be the correct catalyst for change? I don’t think so. For fear is a disease in itself – a disease of the mind. Therefore, it is not out of fear, but courage, that mankind will be most effective in restoring health and harmony.”

Source by Chris Teo, Ph.D.

from Home Solutions Forev https://homesolutionsforev.com/breast-cancer-fancy-gadget-and-half-a-million-ringgit-failed-to-cure-her-what-now/ via Home Solutions on WordPress

[mlmcompanies]

Wellness products that are good for the environment…

An MLM that doesn’t push recruiting…

A founder who tells distributors not to invest in more product than they can sell…

Seriously?

Is this MLM too good to be true? Or are they really trying to make a difference?

Melaleuca is a health and wellness MLM company founded in Idaho. They skyrocketed years ago, and now, when most other MLMs are losing revenue, they’re still trending up.

Recently they’ve hit the coveted $2 billion mark in sales. The question is whether those sales will translate into a good stream of income for you. Let’s take a look.

FAQ

1. What does Melaleuca sell? Melaleuca calls themselves the “largest online wellness shopping club,” selling nutrition, personal care, home cleaning, and cosmetics products that are supposed to be safer and more cost-effective than grocery store brands.

2. What are Melaleuca’s most popular products? Renew is the last dry skin therapy Melaleuca believes you’ll ever need. Their Peak Performance vitamin pack contains a collection of supplements separated into convenient morning and evening pill packs. So staying healthy doesn’t have to take a lot of thought. They also have a slew of great cleaning products that are environmentally friendly.

3. How much does it cost to join Melaleuca? It costs $19 per year to become a Melaleuca distributor.

4. Is Melaleuca a scam? No, they’re a real company with real products that health-conscious people will love. As MLMs go, they’re generous. They keep their membership rate low, and they aim to keep their employees long-term and help them retire wealthy. As a money-making opportunity, they probably aren’t your best bet. But honestly, most people join to use the products, not to get rich.

5. What is Melaleuca’s BBB rating? A+

6. How long has Melaleuca been in business? Since 1985

7. What is Melaleuca’s revenue? They boast $2 billion in annual sales.

8. How many Melaleuca distributors are there? 150,000

9. What lawsuits have been filed? In 2017, Truth in Advertising called out Melaleuca for misleading income claims. [1] In 2012, Melaleuca had a restraining order placed on Brian and Angelique Bartholomew to prevent them from recruiting distributors for another MLM. [2] In 2011, Melaleuca sued Max International for recruiting their distributors. Max International settled for $1.2 million, and a judge temporarily barred Max International from recruiting employees at Melaleuca. [3] In 2010, Terry Dorfman sued Melaleuca for breach of contract and defamation. [4] In 2009, Melaleuca filed a lawsuit against Rick and Natalie Foeller for recruiting other Melaleuca distributors for a completing MLM. [5]

10. Comparable companies: Pure Haven Essentials, Max International, Purium

So should you join them?

Product-wise, they’re pretty good.

Income-wise, there are way better ways to make passive income.

Click here for my #1 recommendation

  Overview

When Melaleuca got started some 30 years ago, they were just a humble little start-up company in a small town in Idaho.

Those days are long gone. They quickly became a multi-billion dollar company with operations in almost 20 countries worldwide. These guys bring in a million shoppers per month, rivaling sales volume of the likes of Amway and Avon.

And in 2015, their annual sales broke the $1 billion mark. That’s HUGE. They did $1.75 billion in 2016, making them one of the top MLMs in the world.

Their tagline is “The Wellness Company”, and they want all of their endeavors to cover four areas of wellness — a more holistic approach, we’ll say. The four aspects are your physical health, your financial well-being, your overall quality of life, and the greater well-being of the environment.

Frank L. Vandersloot started Melaleuca way back in 1985. He’s been a successful salesman his whole life, but as he started to age, he decided that he wanted to start letting someone else do the grunt work for him. So he built up a team of part-time salespeople and started an MLM. Well played, Mr. Vandersloot, well played.

Frank Vandersloot injects Melaleuca with a refreshing dose of humility and frugality when MLM is known for arrogance, over-the-top events, and fancy car bonuses. He’s known for preaching to his employees the value of living within their means, not going into debt, and not buying cars and houses they can’t afford.

He even discourages his distributors from pushing new recruits into a mountain of debt by purchasing tons of inventory and training programs. I can get behind that.

How much does Melaleuca cost? There’s an annual membership fee of $19. You also have to buy about $80 in product each month to keep an active membership and qualify for commission.

Products

Melaleuca health and home products have always been centered around offering environmentally friendly options to everyone. Of course, “environmentally friendly” usually comes with a higher price tag.

The list of Melaleuca products is longer than the line up outside of a Chick-Fil-A drive through at lunchtime. Seriously, the amount of products they sell is ridiculous. Then again, they have been around for over 30 years.

Their catalog can be broken up into the following categories: Nutrition, Medicine Cabinet, Beauty, Household, Bath & Body, and Essential Oils. Your one-stop shop for all the MLM favorites.

Some of their most popular products include Peak Performance Total Health, a nutritional supplement that supports your workouts and is actually clinically tested (congrats), their Renew intensive skin therapy lotion, and their eco-sense laundry products. The only way to see their prices is to log in to a member account.

They offer a membership money-back guarantee that allows you to terminate your membership up to three months after purchasing it and get your money back, and you don’t even have to give them a good reason. So signing up for their shopping membership is worth a try, even if you end up not really digging it.

Compensation Plan

The Melaleuca compensation plan, also known as their “Business Builders Plan”, isn’t half bad. However, it is way WAY more confusing than it needs to be. Smells like MLM.

Don’t worry, I’ll try to parse out the details and break it down easily for you.

The most important stream of income is the purchases your customers and recruits are making. You get a residual income on all of their purchases, so if they shop on the platform regularly, that can add up. You get 7% of their monthly spend.

If you are the Enroller, you can earn 20% on your new customers first 150 product points purchased, and if you’re that person’s Enroller and immediate Marketing Exec, you can earn 27%.

Your 7% in residual commission isn’t huge, but it stays flat straight through your downline. It doesn’t decrease, which is a pretty good deal. You get 7% off of your 1st generation, 2nd generation, 3rd generation, etc. This goes 7 generations deep.

You can also earn bonuses for enrolling Quality Customers. Quality customers are people who enroll, become Preferred Customers, and make the necessary minimum purchases within their first month.

Weekly Melaleuca bonuses are given out to anyone who has kept their Preferred Customers enrolled through the past 5 months. If you’ve managed to retain 75% or more of your Preferred Customers, you can qualify.

Finally, Melaleuca gives out some pretty good Leadership Development Bonuses for those who are building up a solid team of distributors who sell a lot and move up in rank. Each time one of the distributors in your downline gets a rank bonus or sales bonus, you get a bonus that’s equal to 50% of their bonus.

Like I said, the compensation plan is way too convoluted, lol. Usually, when MLMs do that, it makes me wonder what they’re hiding.

The average annual income of their Directors (and many new reps don’t even make it to Director level), is $2,047. These are distributors who have worked at building their business for quite some time and already have 8 customers or more. Many people won’t even make it that far.

Recap

Melaleuca has a pretty impressive backstory, especially if you remember back to the early 2000s when they really started to take off. But they haven’t slowed down – hitting $1 billion a couple years ago was their greatest milestone yet.

The company might be doing great, but most of their distributors are not. Sorry folks, but the numbers don’t lie.

Of course, if you’re into their products, it could be a fun gig to do on the side. Just don’t expect it to pay the bills.

If it’s financial freedom you seek and you like automated ways to build passive income, there are better ways.

Click here for my #1 recommendation