#i feel pretty vindicated rn

[catgirlbussy]

holy shit i just realised im autistic

i know this seems like a shitpost, and tbf i am laughing at myself pretty hard rn. it's dawning on me at 6 AM after being awake all night, but (if you care, and if you don't feel free to ignore too, have a nice day!) hear me out, cause this genuinely feels meaningful and insightful for me with how my life has gone so far. I spent an hour writing this post in hopes someone might find it helpful too :3c

If you don't wanna read my post pls enjoy this picture of our famous friend autism baby stackin those cans before you go~♪

(source: wikipedia)

l

like i already /knew/ I was before this moment, but i was thinkin about what i used to do as a kid and wow i am so autistic how the fuck did i not realise sooner. It straight up wasn't until I was already well into my 20's that I started to meet other autistic people online and learned about their experiences and difficulties from talking with them that I realised a lot of things they described matched for me too.

I live in assfuck nowhere so most of my life the only few times that I had met autistic people were like, folks who were nonverbal or whatever, just generally needing direct assistive care, and I never bothered to look things up on my own because I was already inundated with the pressures of growing up, school, mental health, etc. I remember one of the first times I had built up the courage to ask anyone about it, I was in the hospital because of mental health issues. This was in my second year uni, and when one of the doctors assessing me was asking me questions, I said I thought maybe I was autistic. He promptly and with a fair amount of snark told me that if I was autistic I wouldn't have gotten into university.

Thinking back, he was probably just an exhausted, fresh outta school resident with no special interest in psychiatric care (and also just seemed to suck in general), but it was enough that I shelved the idea for another 5 years.

Lo and behold, now I am lying here in bed, just absolutely gobsmacked by the VERY REAL idea that im autistic and like holy shit I feel so vindicated.

I've been on tumblr for just a bit, but I see a lot of folks talking in various neurodivergent circles about their experiences and that's been so wonderful for me. I also have a few good friend groups w/ a lot of neurodivergent folks, and that's been really exciting too.

Like, I'm still processing this cognitively as I'm writing, so please pardon this ill patterned post, but this feels like such a beneficial thing for me. Over time I've adapted a few strategies here and there to help myself accomplish various tasks, but now I feel so empowered to, like... actually figure stuff out.

Even after feeling confident I was autistic, it was this nebulous, floating concept in my head for so long of, "oh yeah im autistic or something idk," that I never really dedicated much effort to finding healthier ways to do things that didn't irk me or whatever. I don't feel like the label /itself/ is what is important to me here, but rather the awareness around why I do so many things in the ways that I do and that it's /okay/ that I do.

I don't want this post to go on too much longer, but I feel it's worth noting that I've fought for years with my family because they didn't understand why I was going about things the way I did. Again, remember, they all grew up in this cloistered hellhole too. But, surprise surprise, the times in my life that I have been doing better than any other are when I felt confident enough to ignore what everyone was trying to get me to go along with and instead just fashioned my own best methods (which also sometimes included informing said overbearing individual(s) to go fuck themselves cause I'm busy doing shit. It's hard for them to argue with me telling them as much when I would be completing X objective well, which is what they wanted in the first place).

I don't want to make this sound like I'm trying to be overconfident, but I mention as much instead as a sign of support for other neurodivergent folks to feel similarly empowered to drum to their own beat. Thinking back, I went from almost failing high school and ultimately retaking a grade to excelling in all my classes. Every single one. I know that's a relative assessment, you got variable difficulty levels, etc., and the grade score isn't important in and of itself, least of all because the school systems here (Canada) are a mess it seems, but just that alone as an idea, within the parameters of a particular system, I went from initial abject failure to thorough and lauded success.

Just think of what so many people could do if they weren't being pigeonholed into formats that absolutely aren't working for them.

I already have a boatload of (genuinely helpful by way of enabling access to proper education and treatment) diagnoses from my history of working with my (very wonderful and genuinely caring and helpful) psychiatrist that match with what I know about the neurodivergence term umbrella like ADHD, OCD, and bipolar, so it seems |autism| will feel quite at home in the group ^w^. I'll ask her about it at my next appointment to see if an official diagnosis has any value versus me just continuing to figure things out on my own.

Either way, I am thrilled right now thinking about the next time I get to shout

"FUCK YOU IM DOING AUTISTIC SHIT"

while an electric guitar squeals and lightning strikes all around me and I make cool stuff happen :3c.

[serenityfails]

pretty major mid-game lore reveal spoilers

people who aren't neck-deep in solas fandom like i am won't know what a controversial idea it was that solas and mythal were banging. i would like the record to show that i think whatever they were doing was probably more fucked up than just banging and that's why it's deeply, deeply sexy. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

(like, what, i'm supposed to NOT think it's sexy that he's her little guard dog who would do any tremendously monstrously evil thing for her if she pats him on the head and tells him he's a good boy after?)

also: i was absolutely certain solas was a spirit of wisdom before, and i feel vindicated, but i did not remotely predict ALL THE OTHERS also being spirits and that just being the elves origin story. that's insane. i have to think about that one for a while. after i'm done thinking about how hot it is that solas and mythal aren't exes: they're worse

regarding the outcome of the morrigan/flemeth/mythal relationship................... idk, i have to sit with this one for a while to see how i feel about it. rn i don't love it and i can see some people being MAD pissed about how that played out. i'm not pissed, i'm just... stroking my chin thoughtfully and considering. i think gaider knows a thing or two about having a Weird Relationship with your parents and i miss his streak of complicated pessimism here (and elsewhere in the game. i was talking with riss about how there's things i like and don't like about gaider's writing, but wherever you land on that i do think his attitude was pretty foundational to the tone of the series.)

oh also my babygirl bren showed up, she's not.... totally perfect but she looks good enough. i think her side profile looks better than front on. also her hands clipped with her hips the whole time u_u

a PS for Riss, if and when she reads this: you were right about the black city. also there is one place in the crossroads i'm pretty sure you can see it from. good luck finding it :)

[wenamedthedogkylo]

Cuz yeah wait like... the Hishari were from Issylra. They were into a "darker path" than the Ashari druids. They were doing some hinky elemental shit that baby Ashton was present for and got fucked up from. The village was destroyed at that time.

Oh fuck this line from the wiki stands out to me: "Hishari was formed as a commune and centered around a charismatic leader who experimented with 'esoteric, elemental worship.'" And look I like Abbadina right now, but she's clearly a pretty charismatic leader based on how her little speech was going. And everything we've seen and been told so far about this path of the Loam and the Leaf definitely could count as at least a watered down form of "esoteric, elemental worship" what with those elemental Eidolons they commune with.

This village they're in rn has been here for centuries, and the Hishari village was destroyed a few decades ago. We have no info yet saying just how long the Hishari village was around before it blew up, but the fact that they clearly share a little bit of an old old connection to the Ashari makes me think they were around for a while. We also don't know for sure that everyone else in the Hishari was killed and that Ashton is the only survivor—there's every chance there were other survivors who escaped elsewhere in Issylra and integrated into other communities. And maybe some were easier to integrate into because they already shared some similar elemental worshiping beliefs.

Idk I'm not saying this town is a Hishari cult, it's just a little coincidental to me from a narrative standpoint that there's still a town of elemental worshipers on a continent where another town of elemental worshipers blew themselves up and became a cautionary tale for the temples to wave around and keep people in line. And that Ashton is now on Issylra for the first time since childhood, having been at the epicenter of that cult blowing themselves up. Like... I just feel like the Hishari influence is being felt here a bit and that's interesting af to me. It feels like a situation ripe for surprise backstory.

AND EVEN EMILY IS PICKING UP ON A POSSIBLE CONNECTION HERE WITH ASHTON SO LIKE 👀👀👀 Idk this was rambling and probably not very coherent cuz I was still trying to pay attention to the stream while writing but I'm already feeling a bit vindicated

[thesungod]

my lowkey zeus apologism is feeling very vindicated rn rick shouldve done more expansion on zeus’s character so that he conflated with pjo zeus more. zeus is the god of kingship and lets be objective here he is for the most part a good king. him killing apollos son? bad dad move. Very bad grandad move. but to him that was the best way to satisfy his subjects and then he brought asclepius back to life anyway Fuck Hades or something. besides apollo is literally zeus’s favorite son who also happens to be ridiculously rebellious (no reason for him to join heras coup bro 💀 no reason), zeus can be paranoid about the guy considering the many threats to his reign and whatever the fuck apollo was on during the trojan war. what about the clash between fatherhood and kingship! WHAT ABOUT THE CLASH!

apollo’s vents about how his love hurts everyone implies why the gods became distant and installed laws about staying away from mortals but I think rick riordan is a criminal for not doing more about that. Come on old man. Lets talk about that. my second thing is i think there should be something about his dynamic with ares vs apollo because mythologically its unfairly fucked 😭

tldr no one understands zeus like i do

i think percy jackson causing people to greatly… dumb down and simplify the figure of Zeus is sad.

and what you say about the clash between fatherhood and kingship is so real because i eat that shit up.

however, strictly speaking pjo, zeus is a villain. i don’t know whether rick meant him to be the Big Bad from the start (he was always… not great, but one could argue that in the first series he wasn’t worse than many others and better than Kronos) or not, but it’s pretty undeniable atp.

apollo is in part an unreliable narrator but not when it comes to Zeus, i think

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

blank check for ur gold morning thoughts/predictions/etc. how are we feeling about all of this. (& how do u think it's going to end?) <3333

HI. FORGOT I HAD THIS STILL. taking my allotted break time (just started arc 29 ouahg) to finally . answer this

god. what the fuck man. how the fuck am i supposed to put my gold morning thoughts into words. this is gonna be so stream of consciousness and not organized AT ALL sorry :] btw i love that its called gold morning for one. thats so fucked. for the record i still feel so fucking vindicated that i was right all along about scion being scary i will never come down from this high of being so correct about media !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was actually just thinking abt this earlier i still think its so fucking crazy that. the slaughterhouse nine is like NOTHING now. all this time i had thought the apocalypse was gonna be some crazy rise to power for jack and instead hes just. fucking suffocating in some containment foam and his only meaningful contribution was saying some cryptic bullshit that set scion on a rampage. god. i have a lot of feelings abt that. and also the vague bonesaw redemption arc thats happening in the background (i dont want to call it that but also i cant think of the other word for that rn. only other word i can think of is domestication and thats not right either. you know what i mean)

uhhhhhhhhh okay predictions??? overall i do NOT expect worm to have a happy ending. i do still expect taylor to die at some point (shes gotten pretty fucking close a few times but god DAMN that girl is a cockroach (pun . intended)) i think a lot of people are gonna go out in a blaze of glory, specifically because that term has been used quite a few times recently... but i do think theyre going to succeed in either killing scion (probably more likely, we know the worms can be killed or. can at least DIE bc of his counterpart) or my insane person theory which is punting him back out into the cosmos and sending him to continue his cycle somewhere else. if that happens i think all the capes with (natural) powers will lose their powers, but the cauldron capes will still have theirs bc theyre like... artificial and it seemed like scion couldnt affect them as efficiently as he could capes with shards?????? idk. still DYING 2 know what happened to the corpse of the counterpart. potentially the way they send him away is by finding a way to revive it?? and then they can leave together. that seems way too happily ever after than what im expecting though. idk man im just. throwing wet pasta at the wall. if i say enough insane things perhaps i will be sort of kind of right and itll be really funny.

EXTREMELY excited bc like. i have 2 arcs left. i definitely wont finish it today like i was kind of hoping i would but im definitely gonna be. done with worm this week. what an insane thing to say. ive been reading this book since like. what. april? may?? i dont remember. either way holy shit good fucking book everyone read worm NOW. i was planning on drawing/writing some nhw this weekend but god damn i just got sucked into the worm fugue instead i NEED to know how this damn book ends dude.

[fumiku]

Kabrinmickuro Tinder AU

Imagine Mickbell with a tinder profile.

The AU has a Mickrin focus but there are kabrinmick and kurokabu shenanigans happening on the side so this is the schedule this is the situation buckle up, have the tangled mess that is their quartet

Ok so. Tinder AU. His tinder profile is terrible ofc and she only swipes right because they’re ex coworkers and she’d have felt bad + obligation + some pity and concern + morbid curiosity + vindication about kabru and freedom probably. So they chat and meet up but the flirting gets stamped down pretty quickly and instead they become buddies where they meet up to vent and talk.

The thing is, this is set in a modern au right, and it’s set the same year when Kabru and Rin go their own ways. College has ended and they’re going to univeristy, and Kabru picked a great medicine university… That’s on the other side of the country. He didn’t talk to her about it or ask for her thoughts at all, and Rin had assumed they’d be going to the good one in the same city they moved to attend the local college for. And she could follow him and get into the same one, but she doesn’t. Her personal arc of growing beyond Kabru and not uprooting her life and centering it around him has started and she’s like, oh, ok, fine whatever then. Kabru pretty much expected her to follow him when he told her about it even if the notion kinda annoyed him because he easily feels stifled, but he feels conflicted when instead she just goes congrats & good luck and lets him go.

MEANWHILE!! Kuro is also going away to university. Mickbell and Kuro are roommies ofc, and Mick’s a highschool dropout or just finished highschool or some such, doing jobs here and there. (Rin and him probably worked together in retail or such at one point. Rin maybe remembers Kuro as that really quiet coworker, but also it’s fun if she doesn’t know him yet too…) Kuro had followed Mickbell’s lead thus far (idk how i can make this line up with him possibly attending Kabru’s school though hmmm. Maybe kuro just never stopped education even when Mick did, just working a lot too when not in class. Maybe it’s a special university social program and that’s why Kuro gets a tutor?) but he’s been feeling a want for more. So of course Mickbell is PISSED and refuses when Kuro brings up he wants to move into an university dorm for the next semester, but unlike in canon here he’s able to just, leave. So he puts his foot down and is like, no Mick I need to experience the world for myself, I am seeking higher education!!!! Wether you approve or not!! Though he’s still gentle after with him once it sinks in for Mickbell that Kuro’s not changing his mind.

Guy who couldn’t follow his most important person to university because he doesn’t have the brains the grades or the means and girl who could follow hers but chose to let go because it was destroying her and she’s tired……..

Gbdvcjdh making a horrendous tinder profile was Mick’s way of going through the kuro breakup aftermath… Sobbing in his bed mascara running down his red cheeks as he writes "no pain no gain and baby I’ve lost consciousness from injuries several times in my life and I’m still broke rn so it’ll catch on soon and I’ll be rich just you wait everyone will be sorry for having left actually" Hitting people up in dms like a man possessed being way too agressively flirty and coming on thick bc he’s awfully coping. Rin swiping on the awful profile of her ex-coworker out of pity and morbid curiosity He posts pics of his "dates" with Rin on his socials to try and fail to make Kuro jealous (Kuro worries if anything) Mick handling the separation way worse than Rin she’s just kinda sad and melancholic and feels aimless sometimes but he’s mourninggg breaking downnn singing conceal don’t feel at 2 am

Kabru and Kuro take flights back to this city sometimes to visit~ Bc it’s like co-brainstormed with Toby this is kabrinmick and many many shoujo comedy love triangle shenanigans happens there with that but in my heart……… Kabru and Kuro having an university romance. Bromance at the very least… Maybe Kabru is Kuro’s tutor What would Kuro study… Economics… Linguistics… Psychology…. Some specific work program like idk eletric engineering……. Yeah this is the non-mickrin I was working towards. Gbdgdgd sorry, yay university romance kabukuro have all this context for the mickrin

To quote myself: In the end they become a 4 person household and everyone is uncomfortable /hj Wait in this au Kuro and Mick could actually possibly end up living apart woah what a concept

Co-brainstormed with @cranechel back in like july, more details from when we were developing it for more kabrin and nuggets of comedy gdbdg

I want the romcom sitcom bs for this AU but also in the angst route it’s 2 heartbroken people who lost their respective codependent relationship and smoking weed together in a dump after having cried a lot (their ‘dates’ lmao. Yes mick your hot date game is great. I bet he posts pics of them on his social hoping kuro sees and seethes and runs back to him) teasing that edge of having a codependent relationship themselves (cue Mick following Rin to the airport lmao)

I always have my hands in mickrin aus and timelines and this or that and lately kabrinmick also and it’s fun to me to think about kabukuro on the side there. In my vague mind relationships chart mickrin is happening kicking and screaming and then off to the side there are just Kabru and Kuro, chilling. Lmao

[silvermeww]

12. An unpopular character you like? (and why more people should like them)

asdfghjk THANKS FOR THE ASK I'M GIVING YOU SO MUCH <33 RN

Ooh, hmm, this'll be fun. there are so many examples in pokeani and honestly some are a little eh, but then I remembered how almost every comment I see about 'worse' characters seem to include Max and I just don't get it?? How can anyone hate him??

(fun fact, when I was first watching him - in dub mind you - I also really didn't like him much. but I was coming off from the end of the OG, which was pretty sad considering who we lost, and tbh especially in 4kids early seasons dub EVERYONE was pretty unlikeable. I think I hated almost everyone back in the early gens at some point lol; I can be real vindicative but I think watching the whole thing taught me to take my time before judging stuff :v)

But yeah!! I really don't get the hate. Oh, so he said that Ash sucked for getting 8th place in the Silver Conference - can we all remember that a) legit kid and b) he's seeing this guy lose to an evolved starter from his own region of the SAME type as Ash's. It's like watching a Venasaur lose to Meganium if you're from Kanto; you'll be feeling pretty patriotic and stuff too ngl, especially if you don't have any battle experience yet.

But he acts so smart - Yes, and?? I don't see anyone talk about how Gary was coming up in the first season spouting random facts only to lose in the prelims and get a lower place than Ash. Again, I wish that people remember that Max is the kid of a Gym Leader, who reads and watches Leagues to make up for not being able to watc the Gym Battles taking place under the same roof, who dreams of becoming as strong if not stronger than his father. He's going to have high expectations. He's going to think that knowledge is everything. He's going to show off as much as he can, to make up for the fact that he's the only one in the group who isn't a Trainer. And I love how he learns that you have to actually interact with Pokemon to learn what it's all about, that you can't replace experience, that you can still experience things now even if you are too young to start. There isn't a limit to going out and interacting with the world. He doesn't have to wait. He's allowed to make mistakes and own up and not know stuff and grow, now and in the future. In a way, he's learning the same things as May, and I think that's wonderful.

And while I wish that he could've gotten a Pokemon while on the journey (one that he could keep à la XY with Bonnie), I'm fine with what he had in Advanced. He got to see Gym Battles. He got to travel two (2) regions. He got to see different aspects of being a Trainer, as a Coordinator and as a Breeder/Doctor. He got the recognition of his father in the end and was able to get into the Gym business. He got to play and learn with so many Pokemon and just act his age for once, instead of having to grow up to make up the percieved difference (wrongly percieved, might I add). Dang it, he brefriended two Mythical Pokemon (Jirachi and that other Deoxys). I dunno, he's doing pretty well for himself. Sure he's snappish and remarks on a bunch of stuff, but AG is full of that (ugh Ash was on another level, especially in Hoenn) (we don't talk about flat Brock) and S1 Kanto was way worse.

Anyways everyone go out and appreciate this goober. He did not bond with this Ralts for nothing and I swear I did not cry in this ep just for everyone to hate him. His character growth was awesome and if we ever get a Chronicles 2.0 I need to see his journey (the kids that go with Ash legit get such powerful Pokemon I fear for the competition lol).

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

I can't believe Neil talking through the bathroomdoor got a little giggle out of me. After we've been through so much.

"no I'm sad" me too, buddy, me too.

Hell yes. That's what we need some fucking girl sex talk. Smth a little light, a palet cleanser.

Oh wow Neil and Britta talking about the kidnapping. 👀👀👀

Wait does Neil not get that she wanted to save him? Or does he not get she did ALL THAT to save him? Two very different things.

Britta finally really talking about all her feelings and experiences during the kidnapping.

And Neil talking about his feelings too. 😭

The quiet "well..." from Neil when Wynn says Britta's feelings for pendragon aren't wrong. 😂

Lmaooooooooooooo Neil why don't you tell them how you really feel about Pendragon.

Lmao are Wynn and Neil like some devil and angel on Britta's shoulder rn.

Johnny opening the door for Miles! 👀👀

Ohhhh bearded kindred. Intriguing. 👀

Oh wow toreador justicar, who is the cruellest of them all. Pretty in the way that a praying mantiss is. Yikes.

Idk if hand holding is comforting.

"I hear that you (Miles) don't have a lot of time, anymore." I'm sorry but subteefuge cannot be one of her main skills. 😂 So obvious.

Oh no. Ventrue call their sire's sire Grand sire? Lmaoooooo why is that the whitest thing they could ever do??? Goddamn you should all be wearing fucking powdered wigs!

Wowowowowow we're not gonna explain this weird disappearing needle gift???? I don't trust it.

Omg they're crushing Pieterzoon's skull right there!!!

And now we're back in therapy?? Goddamn.

Fuck Britta, I love you, but girl you need some goddamn therapy! Like damn girl, you have self worth issues.

Fuck me, I know I have said this before but I need Wynn to be my mom.

"What if I like him, because I'm like him.".... Just mouth open. Girrrrrrrrrrlll.

Wynn using her degree in psychology once again.

I guess this is also a little bit of therapy for Neil, as in that he at least vocalise it.

Neil really succinctly summed up the slippery slope of any abusive relationship. How they draw you in, and slowly change you and isolate you from everyone and they start asking things of you and at first you think it's fine, but it becomes more and more and at a certain point you think you might not want to do it but you alrwady did so much else and you don't want them to leave/hurt you so you keep doing it because it feels like there is no other choice.

Lmaooooooooooooo Neil just so practical, steamrolling this poor girl! 😂

Them talking about bad feeding.

Yeah right. Neil going to see Nara? I'll believe it when I see it. Consider me distrustful. e.e

Neil does not like Pendragon lol. And he's not shy about it.

Aw Britta, you need a hug, and therapy.

Fuck, we're back with Miles. Damn holy fuck. Oh god! 1 success due to willpower! Wooooh

Johnny's got Miles's back. 🥰

Ugh. Hardestadt is the worst. I hate him.

Yes!!! Lucita! 😂 What???? Kabir???? Weathers???? Amaya??? And Xavier??? Lmaooo! This is insane, but it makes me crazy happy!

Yes Kabir kiss her and make her feel connection!

NOOOOOO they cannot go fight yet. 😭😭 I needed more talking, more hugging!!

Weathers 😭😭😭😭 not wanting to take Johnny's car. He's such a good man.

Daaaamn they thought Miles just wanted them to grab the glowing ashes??? It's good to know that Miles stopped him though.

Oh my God! Pendragon lied for Johnny and the coterie!!! Intrigue!

Wynn caring about Neil's fanny pack. 😭

I REALLY like Amaya, she's a delight. (also I am still feeling vindicated about the fact that she was sometimes called Amara and that I wasn't just crazy for writing that down in some liveblogs).

Britta and Pendragon. 👀👀👀

"Speak" RUDE!

"It doesn't matter." (about kissing breaking the ritual) Okay that's pretty damn hot.

"I'll see you after." damn that must be hard to hear when you're convinced that person is going to die.

[lastoneout]

CW: weight loss, medical fatphobia, medical stuff in general, diet culture, disordered eating, brief mention of suicidal thoughts

Honestly, as much as I hate finding any joy in losing weight bcs it gives me like, really bad disordered eating thoughts, I'm actually feeling kinda validated that I've lost weight despite not changing much about the way I live outside of getting enough sleep and not eating stuff that I'm probably allergic to bcs it proves to me that my doctors were fucking idiots and it has NEVER been about how much "junk" food I've been eating or how often I've been exercising.

Like I was looking back on it to try to figure out if anything has changed that would make me lose weight like this and I'm pretty sure it's legit JUST bcs I finally found something that helps me get enough sleep at night. That's basically the only thing that's fundamentally changed in the last two months. And none of my doctors even THOUGHT to bring that up when they were giving me horrid weight loss advice like "don't eat fruit bcs it's sweet" and "you don't really need three meals a day" and "have your food on smaller plates to trick your brain into thinking you're full" and "intermittent fasting is totally fine and good actually" like NONE of that would have, or did, do fucking anything for me. All I really needed was to finally get enough sleep and stop eating gluten. That was it.

It's just like, I have been screaming at every single one of my doctors all fucking year that I have debilitating insomnia that I am 100% sure is making ALL of my health problems WAY fucking worse, and if they want me to actually put in the effort to exercise and "eat better" and all that shit then I need something to help me sleep, but it was like talking to a brick fucking wall!! No matter how much I insisted not sleeping was destroying my life and body they were like "well sleeping meds are bad for you actually :/" and "you just gotta go to therapy" and "exercise will help" and "don't take naps" while I was borderline suicidal bcs of how little sleep I was getting and the migraines it caused and ending up in the ER constantly and shit, like FUCK. And wow, now that I've taken matters into my own hands and found something to help me sleep I'm actually seeing a drastic improvement in my overall health and wellbeing!! WHO COULD HAVE THOUGHT???

Legit it makes me so angry I could scream.

I also don't think that weight loss has completely fixed my actual health issues like they said it would, it's sleeping that's helping and all that's doing is making life more bearable, I know it can't fix me, so like, feeling REALLY fucking vindicated rn. And pissed. Mostly pissed.

Anyway I'm gonna go play a violent video game and hope that makes me feel better.

[forzasedici]

I'm really just lmao at the backlash Carlos is getting. This is the weekend that keeps on giving.

His supporters were reaching a new level of annoying as the weekends went by. They were grasping onto that 7 point lead on Charles like their life depended on it!

I'm mentioning his fans because this isn't Carlos' first out of pocket statement. The only difference is this time it wasn't directed towards Charles lol!

Because Charles has a large female fan base and is a pretty boy (derogatory), all of Carlos' stupid statements where he'd try to blame Charles and even the team for his blunders were ignored. The only persons calling him out were really Charles fans. And that stupid 7 point lead was constantly thrown in our faces. "He's right! Ferrari should have let him overtake Charles, he was clearly faster, he's in the lead" " he's the faster driver! Ferrari is refusing to declare him the number one driver even though he's above in the driver's standings" lollll.

And now that it was literally impossible to put any blame on Charles and the team (and the Sun) as he'd usually do, here he goes showing yet again that taking responsibility for his actions is just NOT something he's willing to (or even can) do. But this time he chose to blame the baby of the grid. Someone who was this close to being the second person after Charles to win some form of race over a red bull driver. Someone who's probably having one of the best rookie seasons in a long time.

the vindication i am feeling rn because ppl are starting to understand what we have been struggling with this whole season.

as much as it was hilarious seeing his fans try and defend him it was even funnier seeing the spanish media running out of things to say to defend him so they have now started comparing him to senna and michael about how he can build the team around him.

they say that knowing full well that is the plan fred and co have with charles in the coming years. it doesn't help that rumours are saying sainz wants the same deal charles is getting (2+3 contract renewal). my brother in christ they didn't even make you take down the twitter post what makes you think they are backing you for 5 more years.

i am very much starting to believe that his daddy and the rumoured new team principal binotto are looking into getting sainz at alpine. now who he will be replacing i don't really care.

the thing being here you have one driver who will always be honest and critical about themselves which knowing charles only drives him to be better. then your other driver is the type that cannot take accountability because he thinks he's the best driver in the team so how could he make a mistake.

while i know many other legendary drivers were the type to not admit a mistake publicly they would at least work on themselves to become better but sainz has stayed the same mid driver since he got to ferrari and that's the thing. he has outlasted his course in this team and it's time to get rid of him. you're not improving, your only motivation is beating your teammate instead of winning and you're bringing drama and instability into the team? then you should be out. it's as simple as that.

[cruelsister-moved2]

Im the hater anon omg i didnt mean to lead u astray but i haven't finished it i'm just over half done. i probably will finish just so i can coherently say why i don't like it bc rn my thoughts are all over the place but  u hit all the major points im like nodding and taking notes rn.  Its very shallow lore wise like its all overly complex exposition that barely effects the plot. I could write about this for 100 years but basically it was boring and i just feel like it has nothing to say like theres no purpose or message and i think speculative stuff should have SOME weight behind it idk.  That paired w how the writing itself is like..not pretty or artful or anything………………….

And on top of that its not even actually funny. Instead of real jokes its just 100 million mcu quips awkwardly inserted so that no situation is ever treated genuinely or seriously or with depth. For example. My personal least favorite part beyond general quality so far is how often they bring up gideon being inappropriately horny… idk how else to word it.. Its one of her 3 personality traits. they mention her porn collection i swear every couple of pages. its played 4 jokes but like the rest of it its literally unfunny and feels so out of place. Like this is right when they just discovered an incinerated body → ”she looked troubled, which made Gideon sad, but she was also soaked right through to the skin, which made Gideon need a lie-down.” Its like if someone whose only point of reference was tiktok during that era where every vaguely masc woman got made fun of for being a quote hey mamas lesbian unquote tried to write a masc woman.  Reading it as a masc lesbian myself is just sort of embarrassing idk if other ppl feel differently but it just feels overplayed and goofy. 

Anyways… this is all very long and incoherent but thank u for complaining and vindicating me… i started reading it a couple days ago on a whim bc ive been seeing ppl talk abt it a lot lately and i was instantly SOOOOO disappointed. Part of it was definitely that i was expecting something very different because of how people talk about it but also its just like bad. Its insane. I also had no idea abt the roachpatrol thing so ummmmmm :(

hiiiiiiiiii omg so your suffering isn't even over yet my condolences.

the worldbuilding exposition industrial complex needs to end im so serious. I just had such a nice conversation with some writer friends about soft vs hard magic systems and world-building and how frustratingly common the assumption that more complex lore you dump the more sophisticated your story is at the moment. in reality many more sophisticated stories deliberately utilise abstraction and whimsy for thematic statements. v happy for brandon sanderson fans but again, a lot of those stories are basically like mystery novels except the magic is the mystery, whereas the speculative fiction authors who... actually speculate...are often using it as a tool to speculate about our own existence.

and the writing is so ugly like I've read a couple of chapters and I feel like i could get through a mid story if it's at least well written but it wasn't even inoffensive it was actively offputting like that prose was stinkyyyyyyyyy..... and the quips exactlyyy like who is laughing at none pizza with left beef anymore and the fact a lot of it isn't even the author being witty but just like. a reference to a meme? it's literally supposed to be like gritty but then everyone is memeing and quipping all the time how are you meant to take that seriously?

and okay the like sexualisation of Gideon had kind of been my suspicion but I hadn't read enough to make that claim for certain so. that's disappointing to have it confirmed. given that the author is a fem woman who calls herself a lesbian whilst being homestuck married to a guy, it really brings up some kind of discomfort in me to be using masc women that way and making a joke out of them and their sexuality and calling them himbos and shit like. it really doesn't seem like she actually knows any masc women??? and when that was a huge part of the marketing for the book it comes to feel exploitative.

one thing to be aware is that tor like. pushed it really hard marketing-wise for whatever reason. I guess they feel it symbolises a new era of sci-fi and like were using it as an outreach effort to engage the generation that mostly only reads fan fiction or whatever which I guess cheers if it achieves that. but the majority of negative reviews are specifically that it was nothing like what they expected it to be, because of the.... super gimmicky marketing.

the tagline being sword necromancer lesbians in space or something so lame 😭 and it really seems like the elements came first and the justification came second so it's never really explained why they use swords instead of more technologically advanced weapons (bc the answer is 'it sounds cool') or really why it needs to be in space at all (because the answer is 'it sounds cool'). even the necromancy is supposedly fairly tangential and ive seen people be underwhelmed how much actual lesbianism is involved too 💀

9mbut yeah the r0ach patr0l thing I wish people were more aware of because honestly above anything else, I've seen people who were fans and then found this out and felt super uncomfortable so I think people deserve to know what kind of background she has, and this is literally where she developed her writing and her name as a BNF so it's directly connected to her current career not just like a celebrity who tweeted something dumb when they were 14. like I think it's fair to take that into account + idk it's INTERESTING to me that she went from that to debuting with a masc lesbian whom she projects like comic hypersexuality onto it really is all much to think about truly

[goodmorning-hello]

This isn't really anything beyond needing to get it off my chest, but.

The Ute has been doing mmmm some Pretty Weird Shit for the past several months now,enough for even me to not only sit up and take notice, but actually ask my doctor if I should be, like, worried?

Never a great sign when your healthcare provider furrows his brows and leans back a bit and goes "hmm."

If that's not enough, after that visit the ol vag started doing some even MORE weird and painful shit and I feel like garbage more often than not rn.

So anyway I have a transvaginal ultrasound on Monday and I'm having mixed feelings about it.

Like obviously I want to figure out whatever the fuck is going on so we can make it STOP, but like. I'm nervous it's nothing and I'm an idiot; I'm nervous it's NOT nothing and im about to Go Through Some Shit; but also if it's the thing he spitballed while ordering the test (which had also crossed my mind as a possibility so it was gratifying to hear it unprompted from the professional lol) that would explain, like, so fucking much and would mean some of the shit Ive never been able to wrangle wasn't JUST bc I'm, like, a failure at being a human somehow, and while obviously I don't WANT to have something physically wrong that I'd have to learn to live with Potentially Forever it would ALSO be somewhat vindicating at the same time, and Now That We Know maybe some of the inconvenient symptoms can be managed. I don't know what I want.

[its-short-for-jackalope]

lol okay, hi.

i know ive been memeing about it tonight but i have some actual serious thoughts & feelings about Pulp Musicals rn so I'm going to ramble!

⚠️ This will contain spoilers for the first episode, The Great Moon Hoax !

Okay so one of my favorite, favorite songs in this episode is "John's Choice." (I will be listening to it on loop while I make this post.)

I love the whole song but I absolutely adore the part when Herschel is telling the crowd that the story is true. He adopts the phrasing that is familiar and easily recognizable after the "Great Astronomical Discoveries," we've heard, but now we hear it from his perspective, and my god it doesn't seem like it would do much but the shift in pronouns (he to I, his to my, etc) is SO impactful! (Especially when you're listening for the first time and you're expecting him to reveal the hoax like he'd said he was going to!) It gave me major chills the first time I heard it, and I still get chills every time. Every time.

Another bit that makes me go insane is when we get the line "I pointed it at the moon, our companion," and then the chorus/ensemble chimes in with "Always there, watching us, from Eden to Edinburgh. As we grow..." and then Herschel picks it up again with "As she glows," and he keeps going. But here it's the ensemble that gets me.

In "Great Astronomical Discoveries, Pt. 1" it's just Samuel and Rose singing those lines. Now, we're hearing the crowd singing them, and I think that's really cool and interesting. To me, it really reflects how it's a story that's grown and been passed around a lot, that people have been talking about it and telling each other. The crowd chiming in is like when someone interrupts to finish a story they already know by heart, or when people start singing along to a beloved song that's being played by a stranger in the street.

The crowd that's gathered at The Sun already know this story, and they start singing with Herschel because they already know all the words. It's not just his story—it has become theirs, too. And that just does something in my brain. Like.. it shows how much this story about the moon means to everyone, how important it is. (As Margaret says: "So many people have nothing to believe in...") They're so happy that Herschel is saying it's all real that they can't help but tell the story with him. And the way they whoop and cheer when he says it's true? That's beautiful.

...aaaaand also pretty tragic and heartbreaking if you think about the fact that we all know it really IS a hoax, haha oops, but we'll just not think about that right now, okay? okay. 😅

Of course, I can't ramble about my favorite things in this song without a huge shoutout to Curt Mega for his amazing singing. He puts so much feeling into this song in his roles as Benjamin and John. As Benjamin, we get to hear his vindication, frustration, and impatience, as well as his anger when his plan backfires. As John, singing about his made-up telescope, we can hear so much passion. Herschel's really trying to sell the story now, and I'd say he does a damn good job of it. (Sorry Benjamin!)

Basically, this song really lets Curt show off, and I am so grateful for that because my ears and my brain have been blessed. Thank you Matt, thank you Curt. 🙏🖤

now that I'm done rambling for the time being, I am currently in the middle of an art project that I'm hoping to finish tonight, so I'm gonna try and get back to that. If anybody else wants to add their thoughts, I welcome it!!! please, come experience brainrot with me!!!! :D

someday I'd love to make more posts like this (but hopefully better and more organized) so we'll see if that actually happens lol. I love this show so much. I wanna talk/write about it. 😍

[roughentumble]

that kidnapping case recently, the first time i heard about it i said "that sounds like a hoax" and so didnt post abt it at all and then. it turns out. she staged it and it was all a hoax. feeling pretty vindicated rn

[heffrondriving]

btr: we're gonna stream our performance... me: !!!!!!!! btr: on tiktok live~ me: ah crumpets and fiddlesticks (ಥ_ಥ)

[willow-on-the-mount]

one of my biggest art inspirations followed my art twitter account and said they love my art style,,,,,,maybe i am a good drawer after all