#i feel like it could solve a lot of my problems
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utilitycaster · 1 day ago
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beau's backstory arc really does take 2 episodes and its not even motivated by beau. its nott why we even go up there. beau, like laudna does not desire to solve anything in her backstory. but unlike laudna she does have current goals (learning to people, learning to monk, impressing her teacher, her spy gig, just learning in general) and future goals (cobalt soul, mage rangling, kid having).
Correct...I'm not sure why you mentioned this? Like, I said as much as well, and that's not a problem because Beau has goals and interests, and she could have still had a meaningful story without visiting her family (though it certainly adds a lot).
With that said however this does feel kind of inadvertently an opportunity to point out the care with which Matt treated character backstory in the Mighty Nein vs. the lack thereof with Bells Hells. Beau said she was taken to the Cobalt Soul and her father paid someone off. She was on the run from her home with no reason to return and plenty of reasons to stay away.
In the Mighty Nein's story, not only is she carefully brought back to her home by a thoughtful interweaving of her and Nott's stories; Matt also looked at her cobalt soul backstory, said "does this match up with the Cobalt Soul as it exists in the world," came to a conclusion of "no, this isn't how the institution generally works," and had Dairon look into it, leading to a very satisfactory conclusion that happened without Beau's involvement but still meant a lot to her! Hell, you could even call it a consequence; Beau complaining about it all the time eventually got through to someone!
For Bells Hells, it was always just "YOUR abilities are ALSO kinda tied to the moon and/or you need THIS macguffin." The shards were nice but like...it felt this was a golden opportunity for Fearne and Ashton to serve as heirs to the titans in a re-binding or proper banishment of Predathos but in the end they were just essentially a variation on Cool Magic Items. Neither of them even did anything significantly Titan-related in the end; the But The Titans refrain meant jack shit. And you know, I felt that Imogen, Laudna, and Ashton's complaints about the gods rang hollow...but what if they hadn't? My argument was always "this doesn't match up with what we know of the gods from all other lore" but I think what is notable is that I wasn't proven right...but I wasn't even proven wrong. What if the gods had addressed this? What if Imogen being a Ruidusborn DID mean she was either beyond the reach of the gods/could not be heard or that they felt it was better she suffered? What if the gods feared what the Hishari had done in terms of resurrecting the titans? What if Ashton were textually unable to spend time in temples, rather than this just being theorized by people desperate to prove the gods were bad?
The problem is that, on some level, improv was barely happening. Matt didn't say Yes And or No Actually, he just sort of barrelled on with his original plans and world without addressing any of the things his players brought up (again, lack of consequences, good or bad) and so we have no real answers, Bells Hells do look like selfish jackasses because in the absence of new information I'm continuing to believe the old, certainly when the characters were so unkind in the end, and everything feels flat, unexplored, and dull as compared to the lively and rewarding and meaningful stories of Vox Machina and the Mighty Nein.
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shatcey · 3 days ago
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First of all, I wanna thank you for starting this brainstorm. I really enjoy reading your thoughts and comments, and I totally agree with all of you. But I have a bit to add (a bit for me, others may say a lot). Sorry about that.
But before I start… I love all the guys from the Alice's team. I have no prejudice against any of them. And I even spent quite a lot of time analyzing Will and Liam some time ago. So the antics of this character are not so alien to me, and I perceive them as individual traits.
But I never thought before that the reason people don't like them might be because of their team and not because of the individuals. This is rather unexpected way of thinking. Interesting, that's for sure.
Fairy tale
It was mentioned in the comments that the characters of this tale practically do not interact with each other if ever. It's hard to disagree with this. But… I came from a different angle.
It's a children's story. It is written about a child and for children. Our other stories are about adults. "Sleeping Beauty," "Snow White," and "Swan Lake." Yes, they are still considered fairy tales, but in the end… there's always a prince and a princess. And… you can guess what happens at the end. So… subconsciously, we expect mature content. And the villains in this tales are asking to be included in this finale. Am I the only one who thinks that way? If so, then ignore my last sentence.
I will not say that there are no children's fairy tales in which people could not…. imagine…. something… inappropriate. Like Little Red Riding Hood. Only the lazy one didn't think about the big bad wolf.
But Alice is too… childish… too colorful and crazy. I know that the story is based on a mental disorder, but it still seems too light. And there is no prince and princess in it… already not good enough.
And when we think about Alice's team, we subconsciously inevitably think about… the child. And… how to date them after that? It's a very strange feeling, you know… awkward.
So I think that the choice of a fairy tale wasn't that good. Will see which story they choose next, but I doubt it will be a story with a child in the lead role. It really doesn't work.
Connections in the past
Nagi mentioned that, I'll just add a little bit. They don't have a common past before Crown. But Liam has been with Crown for 7 years, so they have some common past with William… actually a lot, but the developers didn't tell us about it. And the time they spent together has not reduced the gap between these people. I see a problem in their character (more on that later).
And the developers could solve this problem with Chronicles. Even if they hadn't met in childhood. But they could. Both Will and Liam come from wealthy families… you can say from the same environment. They could have met somewhere.
If not. The developers could create some associations… from the past to the present. For example, there was someone that Harrison took care of as a child (I don't remember does Harry have siblings?), and Liam reminded him of that person. That's why he cares about him. Or something from Will's past that explains very clearly what he really thinks about all the guys from the crown. It's really hard to understand him, so… this would greatly improve the experience.
The associations that we build in our minds can be very unexpected… And it's not that hard to connect the characters, but… it needs to be done somehow. Otherwise they will just fall apart.
They don't feel like a team. And I see one of the problems is...
Self-sufficient
Both William and Harrison are exceptionally self-sufficient people. They don't need anyone. They don't have any flaws. I DO think so. And, on the contrary, we have poor little Liam, who has a lot of problems. It feels like the developers put everything they forgot to put into these two into the poor little kitten. Come here, little one, I'll protect you from these nasty people (a piercing glance at the developers). Yes, I will stroke your back so that no terrible nightmares can reach you. I know I'm talking to him like he's a child. Don't judge!
And who would have thought that self-sufficiency is a problem. If nothing is missing, nothing can supplement them. You all remember the joke about two cars, right? And so… combining them together is simply impossible by definition. Well, I have questions about Will's philosophy, but it's very difficult to use it in any way. And even more so with Harry. He is perfect both inside and out… The only problem is his curse, which prevents him from telling the truth. Poor honest guy.
Non family type relationship
The relationship within Alice's team is strictly business-like. You can say that the same thing is inside the Jude-Ellis pair. No. They have a very strong bond parent-child type. Jude protects Ellis and takes great care of him. So, no… It's not strictly a business relationship.
You could say that Ally and Elbie have a working relationship. No, Elbie never thought of Ally that way. And they have a very strong bond, which resembles siblings who love each other very much. And Roger and Ally, in contrast… resemble siblings who are constantly fighting. And again… it's very family-like.
But… Alice's team has well-defined positions. William is a boss, and they respect him and trust his judgment implicitly. Harrison just follows his instructions, and poor Liam is an errand boy, he not only does everything for his team, but also does the same for other teams. Like I said, poor kid.
So… It's a strong bonds, but strictly working. Yes, Harry seemed to care about Liam as if he were his own brother. But the whole team still lacks a family vibe.
And we all love family vibes… they're warm… And the atmosphere here is very cold.
Personality
And that's the biggest problem. They don't like to share. And I'm not talking about food or… people. They don't share their problems, they don't share their fears. They are used to working alone.
And more than that… they don't share their emotions.
William, as Kate said on his route, sit on the throne and look at others. He doesn't let anyone get close to him. Even to the closest people, he doesn't really open up, they are used to seeing only his very strong self-control. And that's how he feels… strong and reliable. He feels like a god, perfect in everything, but… he still feels cold and emotionless. A real god who has nothing in common with mere mortals.
Harrison, because of his personality (he is an introvert), doesn't like to talk much, doesn't interfere in other people's affairs. He doesn't want to, it's too much of a burden for him. Harrison doesn't show much emotion... again because of his personality. It's not bad, it's just who he is.
And Liam is the most active of the three because of his curse, but he still doesn't fit into any group because of his inner struggle. He doesn't really show himself. Despite the fact that he seems to be as sweet and kind as Ellis, the impression is different because Liam is more chaotic in his actions, and this leads to mixed signals.
And how to build the team with that behavier? It's impossible.
Connections with other teams
As Nagi mentioned, we don't have much interaction with other teams either. We have very strong couples… Willy-Vivi and Liam-Harry, sometimes (quite often) they show Vivi-Harry. And that's it. It is quite difficult to imagine anything beyond these four.
Oh… I forgot about Roger. Okay… we have also a pair Roger-Liam doctor - guinea pig.
Yes, we know (have heard) that Ellis is on good terms with Liam. But they didn't really show it, so it's just a rumor. Ally is literally babysitting Liam. We see this on Liam's route, but nothing outside. We know that Harry considers Jude to be his friend. Why? What makes him think that? What happened between them? Jude obviously doesn't share his feelings. William and Elbie have many mutual acquaintances due to their noble backgrounds, but they didn't use that either. So… there are many ways to combine them more tightly and make them a real part of the crown. At the moment… they seem like outsiders…
That's not good, Cybird. Not good at all.
I understand perfectly well that any or all of you may have a different opinion. I'm open to discussion and/or any criticism.
why team alice (as a whole) suffers compared to the others, other than the fact they r "starter routes"
DISCLAIMER: this post is not meant to undermine those who like team alice or any of the chars in that team; this is just a post i am making bc ive been thinking and theorizing a bit on especially why en doesnt seem to like will, harry, and liam as much as the other suitors as a whole. and i wanted to try to put it into words. but i'm also not really a professional when it comes to these matters, so take my words with a grain of salt. im open to hearing other opinions and welcome discussion, provided it remains civil!
long post + late night thoughts below
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especially ever since i started translating, and after al's route release, i feel ive become more conscious of the concept of "favoritism". even in the source material, favoritism is present to an almost painful degree. like, it wont take you long to realize liam literally has no (solo) 95k stories, while jude has the most out of the entire cast. which then leads to the question, which i ask as neutrally as i can: why? why is liam so unpopular? why is will not popular? or harry? and conversely, why is jude and ellis so popular? why does team alice seem less popular than the other teams? after some thinking…
basically, my thought just all boils down to the "lack of chemistry".
i dont think the issue lies so much with the chars themselves. i feel a lot of community doesnt really hate them as chars, they just like the others more. all that to say — will, harry, and liam r all charming in their own right.
they r good-looking, kind to kate, they r intelligent, they r all affected in some way by their curse, and they all possess development arcs especially following their main story, which i feel may be a symptom of the "starter route syndrome". where their main stories may fall a bit short, they may make up for in basically all of the following events. they r all flawed, thus making them feel human and authentic.
as individuals, they r all actually quite well rounded, in my opinion.
but when you look at them as a team or group, this is specifically where they fall apart.
the thing is — its not just abt the individual. its also abt how they see the things around them, how they interact with them; you can have very well-made chars, but if they don’t interact with others, how can we, as readers, get to know them? and of course, when i say "interact", this includes other chars in the cast. they say dialogue can make or break, and while there r some things team alice does well in dialogue, i think in other areas it also falls short.
now part of it may also be that the team as a whole didnt know each other before they all congregated at crown, while all the other teams have known each other in some way in the past, with team snow white (and, i think swan lake) especially having an extensive history. so i think in this sense, there is some inherent disadvantage team alice faces here at play as well. but this is not the only factor, considering they actually manage to tie liam and harry pretty well together as a combo. their friendship feels quite authentic.
as for will…we dont see all too many opportunities for him to interact much with harry (if they do, harry is often with someone else, like liam). but we know they r probably on good terms, though harry sometimes may feel a bit unsettled,,? by will. but the key is: they just dont interact much as a pair. in this sense, there is little opportunity to develop them as a pair, thus integrating will as a whole into the team. as for will and liam? these two share more interactions, but said interactions r not always executed very well, in my opinion.
for example, will sort of treats liam like a cat. he even calls him a cat in dialogue. but thats all it seems to be between them. their dynamic feels somewhat flat, and it doesnt help that will is even opting to tell (rather than show) the reader what he thinks of liam, thus taking away the ability for the reader to dig deeper into their relationship. thus, it may feel harder to empathize, sympathize, or find it relatable — the chars dont reveal much abt each other. their dynamics feel surface level, so even though they have distinctive personalities, traits, and struggles, it feels like we r only getting half of them. bc again, much of how we get to know chars is their interactions, dialogues, and thoughts abt other chars, similar to how we cannot really understand ourselves without the presence of others (like the "looking-glass self" which sociologist cooley coined).
i probably sound like a broken record by now, but basically what i wanna say is there is not much of a good way to integrate will into the team — or the way they try to do so isnt done very well. the dynamic then may feel "incomplete", like drawing a half circle and attempting to call it a full circle.
to give a point of comparison, we can take a quick look at team snow white and sleeping beauty, looking at what made them relatively more successful compared to team alice. i wont be looking at team swan lake due to them being jp only chars (as of the making of this post) and also just not having much info on them. but, sometimes it does help to look at "successful" cases to better understand or feel what had fallen short.
TEAM SLEEPING BEAUTY
ok so, quick disclaimer: team sleeping beauty isnt really my strong suit (if yk me, im prettyy biased toward team snow white personally ndhjsffgjdjfjsg), so to speak. so if anyone else has anything to add here, feel free. but i will try my best.
basically, i think team sleeping beauty has one prevailing advantage over other teams, which is they r a two-man team.
they can keep the dynamic compact, if thats the word. there r physically less ppl to have to "integrate" into the team. in this team, it is centered around ellis and jude's relationship with each other. but to put it simply, they r foils — and the fact they use such a literary device in and of itself adds to their charm, specifically bc foils r meant to bring out each other’s similarities and differences…traits that we readers digest and can potentially empathize with.
one wants to make the other happy, obsessed with the notion of "happiness", while the other is basically cursed (as a byproduct) to never be the happiest. there is this theme of happiness revolving around those two, entangling them to a relationship that can inherently "never end". this in turn highlights ellis' tendency to "restrain" and jude's cycle of hatred. they sort of go together like yin and yang — two opposing forces who still end up working together. they have a distinct role to play in each other's lives.
on the other hand, team alice characters r sort of more independent from each other and feel a bit like a hodgepodge. this results in the reader potentially finding more difficulty finding how they may affect one another…risking their role as chars in each others stories being rendered vague.
and if the role of chars is hard to be established, it is easy for them to "fall out" in terms of the storyline.
TEAM SNOW WHITE
so here is the three man team that makes the three man team work. and the biggest thing that team snow white has that team alice doesnt is distinct, complex dynamics established between all three chars in the team. in other words, they have a "full circle" whereas team alice has a "half circle".
ALFONS & ELBERT: ah yes the pairing that would become a couple if they were not labeled as love interests for kate in an otome game /lh but in all srsness these two do share quite an interesting dynamic. they were sort of there to share each other's pain, and even just as chars, they seem to reflect things abt each other. for example, through elbie, we learn of how "hopeless" al can feel despite his smiley front; and through al, we see a lot of what elbie was truly seeking and why. and how, despite al being a mirror that reflects others' desires, elbie is the mirror that keeps al grounded to his self, and reflects what makes al as a char. they share a close relationship of "two lonely and broken souls finding solace in one another", but there is also quite a bit of subtext in the semantics of their dynamic and dialogue together as well.
ELBERT & ROGER: considering elbie's fear of doctors, it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that, despite the fact roger had never actually laid a finger on elbie the same way his father's doctor did, elbie still feared roger, bc roger still embodied the concept of what had deeply traumatized him in the first place. roger had to go out of his way to earn elbie's trust (as a doctor), and they had gone out of their way to depict this. in this sense, through roger, we can see just how deep-rooted this trauma is and its severity — time cant heal all wounds.
ROGER & ALFONS: theres quite a bit to unpack with these two. they r deeply intertwined in each other's lives, whether they like it or not. its not that al gets along with roger or views him as a "friend", per se, but he finds it easy to place the blame of his suffering on roger, implies through subtext that he still holds some hope for roger that he can fulfill his goals, and shows his own version of an act of kindness by erasing his memories when he decided to, well, off himself. on the other hand, interestingly enough, roger is the one who basically took away al's childhood, but at the same time, in the present, he is the one who is able to bring out al's most childish side.
all in all, team snow white seems to rely a lot on subtext, which is another device to create mult layers and complexities in the dynamics created between all the characters in the team.
tl;dr: team alice has individually interesting characters, which is why they r not really disliked necessarily, but their interactions with each other as a team fall short compared to the other teams, which in turn has an impact on how "relatable" they may be perceived by the reader. and this is basically why i think team snow white and sleeping beauty r more favored than team alice as a whole by the (en) fandom.
wrote most of this on my phone nfjsjhfhsgs will end the essay here
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rayyanishere1 · 23 hours ago
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A Day in the Life of a Loser: Loser Ford AU
Chapter 6: Maps
6th September 1971
Great, just great. Fantastic, even! That was an attempt at sarcasm.
Apparently our map had flown out the car window 4 miles ago and Stanley didn't bother to get it back! Now we're stuck in the middle of Indiana!
We're meant to move into our dormitories at Backupsmore University today, but from the looks of our situation, that's going to be delayed.
∆∆∆
"Quit sulkin', Sixer. It's not like we're in a different country."
"We might as well be! We are two states away from home and we have no map!"
"Don't you have photographic memory?"
"Well—"
"What're we arguin' about, fellas?"
A foreign voice startled the two and made them turn around.
Who they saw was a tall, lanky man, vaguely around their age. His long hair and horseshoe mustache was unlike what they've seen in New Jersey.
Stan liked it.
Realizing neither of them had answered the question, Stan spoke up.
"Oh, it's nothing, just my brother whining about our lack of map."
"What happens if we get lost, Stanley?"
"We ask for directions like normal people!"
"So you expect us to blindly trust strangers?"
They glared at each other, both having valid points but neither wanting to admit it.
"Where are you lot headin' to, anyway?"
"Backupsmore University. You know, the shitty one?"
"Stanley, don't just give that type information away..."
"Ah, BMU? I'm headin' there as well!"
The cute southern guy was going to the exact same place at the exact same time as he was? This was a once in a lifetime opportunity and he was not about to fumble it!
"Why don't you come with us?"
Before the concepts of a response could even pop into existence, Ford pulled Stan aside.
"Stanley, really? We don't even know his name..."
"Hey! What's your name?"
"Fiddleford McGucket?"
"See? Now we know his name."
"Well—We don't know where he's from!"
"Where are you from?"
"Tennessee."
"Again, now we know."
"Stanley..."
"C'mon, Pointdexter, please?"
Flashing the most convincing puppy eyes he could muster, Stan managed to win Ford over.
"Fine, but if we get kidnapped—or worse—I'm blaming you."
"Yes, yes!"
Stan proceeded to talk to Fiddleford while Ford watched from the sidelines.
Was he jealous? Psh, of course not!
Fiddleford pulled out a folded piece of paper from his back pocket. Could it be?
"A map!"
Lunging himself towards the map Fiddleford, he braced himself on the other's shoulders and read the map from there.
Turns out, he did have the whole route memorized. He wouldn't let Stan have an "I told you so" moment, though.
"Hello...You."
Oh, yeah, Fiddleford didn't know Ford's name yet. He quickly put himself at a more socially acceptable distance and cleared his throat.
"My name is Stanford."
"Well, hello, Stanford."
Ford always dealt with introductions curtly.
He watched as Stan and Fiddleford continued their conversation. Just as they did, Fiddleford went to sit in the passenger seat.
What the hell? That was Ford's seat!
"Stanley, why is he sitting in my seat?"
"Ah... It'll be easier for him to tell me which way to go!"
"I could do that easily."
"Maybe he'll feel safer in the front seat?"
"I thought we were worried about him kidnapping us."
"Listen, Sixer, I just..."
Looking at Fiddleford, who was waiting in the car, Stan blushed.
"Oh. I see."
Ford reluctantly sat in the backseat and pouted. He didn't want to hold back his brother, but he wasn't going to be happy about it.
∆∆∆
We appear to have found the solution to our problem. Just like inventive problem solving, it comes with it's drawbacks.
This "Fiddleford McGucket" seems to be awfully fond of Stanley. Perhaps he's a siren, attracting Stanley to his (and subsequently my own) doom.
I'm currently stuck sitting in the backseat of Stanley's car, forced to watch Fiddleford flirt with him under the guise of giving him directions.
It's obscene.
We're approximately 7 miles away from BMU. This is going to be a long car ride.
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foundfamily-connoisseur · 2 months ago
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I want some corn dogs so badly you guys im so serious.
I don't think I even like corn dogs i never ate em when they gave em to us for breakfast at school. But corn dogs :(((((
Wait do they even sell corndogs. Where can I acquire corndogs. Or one. Corndog. It feels weird to say the singular version. Gimme them dogs
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 3 months ago
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In the world of heavy metals, love is denser than hate!
#Poorly drawn SVSSS#SVSSS#luo bingge#luo binghe#ask#Is that right? Two different character tags? I think that is right.#I'm calling myself out with screenshotting the asks with the dates because my full ask box has become a problem I'm determined to solve.#I promise you that if I did not respond to your ask it was because I 1) *really* wanted to hold on to it to make a doodle reply#or 2) really was so touched by the message and got overwhelmed#So expect many year + old asks suddenly gaining a reappearance! I'm going to get to them ALL.#Back to Luo Binghe (both versions). You see...the substance he is made with has a chemical reaction to affection.#Like how a pokemon has multiple paths to evolution depending on it's friendship points or exposure to random stones#so to does he evolve into various forms. I feel like Bingge (Ht) would be a noble gas. Unable to form bonds#I could also see him as a Halogen-type of element! Highly reactive and only truly found in manufactured environments.#And Binghe (Lv) would be an alkaline earth metal (+2). Sturdy. Forms bond better but not freely giving them away.#this is the second time I've related characters to elements - and I am far less familar with Scum Villian so please feel free to chime in.#I could be way off base here and I am very down for someone to talk chemistry and character themes.#Thank you all for the love you have given my silly little LBH. It means a lot to me B*)#Don't...don't look too hard at the lack of mark on his forehead here. I gave up. It's just...hidden behind his bangs.
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tecchous-thicc-buttocks · 1 year ago
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blorbos in tha phone
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ame-to-ame · 8 days ago
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#i think it's a little fucked up but a little funny that my mental state is currently at such a bad point where it's like.#any stress sends me into emotionally constipated panic. where it doesn't really show through for the most part. for the most part i seem ok.#and then if you crack me just even a little bit it's like that one modern art piece can't help myself#where im trying my best to juggle and maintain the facade of being fine but you can tell im tired and one deviation away from crumbling down#but can i cry? haha no. instead i just panic. everything sends me into silent panic. and i just think about really dramatic responses.#i hold my breath and worry that if i do anything wrong everything I've worked so so hard for will just come toppling down#because it has before. something you've poured your heart into. something you've cared so much about. can just be. so. out of your control#and you lose your voice and you lose your agency and you lose your will to fight and you lose a little bit of yourself#I don't know if i will ever get it back. it's been a while. I don't know if i can ever regain my confidence back. i miss who i was sometimes#i used to be warm. i used to be sure of myself. i used to carry hope around like a small star. i miss her. the person i was.#someone who could light up a room without trying so hard. someone who could make others smile without giving it too much thought.#someone who could make others feel good about being there and being alive. i barely feel good about myself these days sometimes. somehow.#I don't know how to be that girl anymore. everything feels a little forced. it shouldn't have to feel this hard. it used to feel natural.#i have moments where i feel like myself again. happy. confident. and then im brought back to reality almost immediately.#i feel guilty for feeling good. i feel guilty for being confident. and then i go hating myself again. it does weigh on me. what she said.#im sorry that i used to like myself. im sorry it made you feel bad about yourself. see. i hate myself now. do you forgive me now? hehe#I'll get over it one day. I'll get over it soon. i hate feeling like this. the overwhelming ego death. it makes me feel really shitty.#i hate this hehe i want to run away so badly but i know running away never solves anything you come back and the problem is still there#so i will go through it and i will fail and i will fall and i will stumble and hurt myself and feel humiliated and terrible throughout#but it will be fine. but I'll get through it and realize it wasn't that bad. I'll get through it and try again and again until i get there.#i need to stop seeking validation from people who won't give it. stop seeking comfort from people who won't give it.#stop hanging with people who make me feel worse. and stuff like that. it's like quitting an addiction hhhh i don't get it#i have friends who treat me really well. i have friends who i love and love me a lot.#i just can't quit certain people. part of it is bc im scared of change and part of it is bc i don't want to be more reliant on others#especially the people i do really care about and love and who love me bc. i think. if i have one more abandonment. i will actually. mm.#i think i would fully lose my ability to love new people haha like. romantically and platonically. haha.#but anyway that's the trauma speaking i will overcome it I won't let it control how i live haha#i will be ok i will be ok spring will be here eventually it's just the seasonal stuff#tw health#delete later
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emlos · 1 month ago
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im so fucking conflicted man, like this is making me cry
#not just about that previous thing#but also.....#i need rules to function in my head#how to decode good from wrong? rule: dont hurt people if you can avoid it#how to reasonably define hurting people#when i dunno what would hurt them? rule: as a baseline treat other people the way you would like to be treated unless they specify otherwisr#and jt works! it's a system#its the fucking wjat to we owe each other again. working out these reasonable rules is a never ending task#but when talking to people....#im like a programming language#so i can do a lot! but i have to be instructed. when dealing with exceptions/problems when i don't know what exactly to do to say to react#but like. i have issues with my self esteem i guess. for.no reason#how am i supposed to talk about it to people. why would i do that? how can i ask for advice if i already know what i am going to do?#i live in my head#and im so tired of this#i wish i could be myself or lobotomized#ive been feeling this pulled-taut rope in ky stomach whenever i think about my social life#i wish itd snap and ill awkwardly cut everyone off again#which makes me a hypocrite because im breaking a rule. im choosing to hurt people for my own convenience#does anybody elses brain work this way and PLEASE is there a solution? i need to stop thinking#so far mthe only solution ive found is grey zone (i dont know how to actually get real hard) drugs and a lobotomy#or just killing myself outright. i dont think i can do it yet but i wish i could#if i had a gun in my hands now for 5 minutes; as much as i want to i wouldn't be able to shoot myself#do you understand how this fact makes me feel even more like shit? depressed enough to wallow in self pity and misery not depressed enough#to solve it#just whine whine whine#i want to think like literally ANYBODY else think#i.want to.not need to make 10 yeat old ass rules for myself#but i dont know how to behave otherwise#im sorry i feel really bad
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pickapea · 4 months ago
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you have no fucking idea what a rave can do to someone with old man bones
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pinehutch · 1 year ago
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Feel like there's a type of fun I've forgotten to be having!
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pup-pee · 9 months ago
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y does it feel so SO wrong 2 share ur opinion???
#oh u solved the problem#urself!#like its not even about bing right or wrong its just about literally communicating & i think im doing it BAD#IM NOT AFRAID OF BING “H8ED” ON I JUST#i think i just dont like having the chance of making ppl feel bad?#or soemthing aloong those lines?#theres a line a vry easy line 2 cross#like expressing a comic book opinion right? bc its super easy 2 sway a bunch of ppl#but if ur saying smth u dont like it while some1 does it has the possibility of making that person feel bad#& I H8 THAT...idk y it makes me feel like shit????? @ the possibility???#this feels like smth i should bring up w/a therapist LMAOOOOOOO#but like same thing when i was in class right? giving a presentation i got RLLY SCARED 2 do it bc i was giving an opinion or a fact BUT I#COULD B WRONG ON THE FACT!! which is y i just never did them bc i would cry lol but its just#it kinda feels the same way#its weird bc im fine w/getting shit wrong. its only when i share an opinion when i feel stupid??????? ok not stupid just mean? i think? yea#this is possibly the reason y i get nervous sharing hcs or aus. bc it wont b “canon accurate” & then will like fuck up some1s perception id#its not like any1 reads this lashfkj i just hmmmmmmm theres defiantly smth i should b discovering here i just am not...#i want 2 share my opinion bc its a fucking opinion theres nothing wrong w/it bc its not a fact EXCEPT in the way its a fact of how i FEEL o#THINK?? like its just its strange. i think this has a lot 2 do w/me never bing listened 2 as a child LOL uhhhhhhhh hmmmmmm yeah prolly akj#I FIGURED IT OUT I GOT IT ALLLLLL UNLOCKED#god i hhhhhhhhhhh some1 make a clone of me so i can talk 2 me like a therapist or smth#this is y i cant do therapy actualyl its bc i just keep yapping then by the time im done the therapist always went tyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy#srry ramblings
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twipsai · 1 year ago
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thinking more,,
#i cant help but feel horribly heartbroken every time i hear whats happening in gaza as well as so many other places#it feels like-- like none of this had to happen#i guess ive never even been in the same universe as someone who even sees one death as a solution#let alone thousands#as a jew especially it feels horrible#like this happened to us. and we're just doing it to someone else??? why??????#because if you walk into someones home kindly they will take you in. walk in with a gun and theres gonna be tension#i dont understand at all#and like maybe im naive. maybe im just young and my brain hasnt developed yet#and when im an adult ill understand how people could ever think war solves any problem#but. i just think its literally never fixed anything#sometimes people suck. should NOT kill them over it#and thats not even true in this situation!!! israel fucking sucks and theyre the ones commiting a genocide here!!!!!!!#if you walked in peacefully none of this wouldve happened#pass over is soon. and we'll say prayers and eat matza and have lots of food#and those across the globe will do the same. and yet they are murdering people#and we'll be in our safe warm houses and they will be dying#shouldnt there be some way to help them all???? america is one of the richest countries in the world and we're actively hurting them..#i genuinely cant fathom how people could ever think like that#i dont think evil exists but then i look at the world and i realize weve gotten pretty damn close#and yet i still have to wake up tomorrow#and i still have my own life to live#and the world doesnt stop for me to mourn strangers#i hate all of it. why cant we just be nice to people#anyways. ive just been trying mostly to avoid this topic esp online#this is my little safety zone and ive never really been one for politics; esp things that i dont understand#yknow i dont wanna spread misinfo; and at the same time i dont have the energy or knowledge to fact check#plus the whole emotional toll in a place that i just wanna unwind in#idk. i think im starting to feel like i cant just ignore all these posts anymore. im kinda starting to feel like i wanna scream#all of this really fucking sucks. this shouldnt be happening
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silverwhittlingknife · 2 years ago
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superboy: the man of tomorrow 1 spoilers
(it's just one panel but below the cut just in case)
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memory identification: go!
#dc spoilers#memory identification CHALLENGE#okay so: obviously there's the 'waking up in cadmus'#the friends don't seem like a reference to anything - i mean ig it could be donna's death but i think they're just a generic memory#or possibly it's yj:dc and there's just nothing that actually happened to reference?#i think that's tara dying#and then the last one: match punching him?or is it superboy-prime punching him?#(to be conner is to be constantly getting punched by alternate superboys dsfdsfs)#anyway (despite this one angsty panel) this was fun and zippy#v. light-hearted and not a whole lot to it - looks like it'll be space adventure + punching-stuff#there isn't enough here to really hook me but the art is cute and conner's narration is bouncy#so if they keep putting it on the app i'll probably keep reading#i really wish. mm. okay WARNING RANT INCOMING this is kind of tangential and maybe it's just the comics that i pick up#but i feel like of the few modern comics i've picked up - a lot of them are very light on the characters having concrete problems#even problems as simple as 'getting bad grades in school' or 'have to lie to my dad' or 'need a job to pay the rent'#like. i feel like tim in robin '93 had concrete problems that couldn't be solved with a pep talk and 'you just gotta believe in yourself'#dick in nightwing '97 - same! concrete personal life problems that could not be resolved by a pep talk!#and i really miss. like. characters experiencing dilemmas or having to make trade-offs#and just generally i miss a bit more realism - like. conner feels unneeded. okay? so?#shouldn't he be going to school or something? why is costume-stuff top of mind? where are the authority figures/external forces?#i think these kinds of intensely-internal problems can work in non-visual fiction bc you're in the character's head BUT#comics are largely visual and everything with real emotional punch works way better if it's concrete things that i can see#anyway that's just my personal preferences though and it's not superboy's fault!#conner's never been a realistic character - he had goofy merchandising and was a kid celebrity and so forth#and although i didn't read his preboot solo i don't think he ever went to school there either? except in adventure comics?#so he seems very well-suited to plucky space-adventure#and i wish him the best. go forth and prosper conner!! punch those aliens!!
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medicinemane · 9 months ago
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And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"
I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse
And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa
And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house
I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished
...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)
And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff
There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government
No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)
Like have some accountability there and in every situation
Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free
If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off
I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)
But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced
Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around
I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)
...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change
(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)
(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)
#anyway; if I'm a lousy cheat or whatever least they can do is give me a gun so I can solve that problem#shit makes me wish I was canadian so I could take advantage of their sick implementation of assisted suicide#what should be a system that gives people a choice about the quality of their life; and I don't think should be relegated to terminal illne#...there was... think he was dutch; had been burned by his girlfriend all over his body; was in constant pain#and he ended up using assisted suicide in the end cause he was just in constant agony... think that's his choice to make#but of course the canadian system concretely pushes people; mostly the poor and disabled; to kill themselves#not theoretically; as in literally says word for word to them 'you should really kill yourself; just sign here'#it's sick; it truly is#but for any americans that want to dunk on it; I'm telling you we're no better#we have the exact same miserable desperation and people (again; mostly poor and disabled) into despair#only difference is we don't offer assisted suicide#the underlying issues in the US and canada are so damn similar; so much of what's happening ends up being the same#you can't act smug just cause you only make people want to die instead of also offering to help#that's like saying that you're the good guy cause while you did everything you could to drive someone to the brink#get them fired; slash their tires; just cartoon level villain stuff to personally harass this person... at least you won't hand them rope#we have such similar systemic issues to canada; and I am explicitly telling you that like the people in canada that have said#'I can't take it anymore; disability doesn't cover my expenses and I can't get any help... I'm at my wits end so I'm gonna go die'#I'm telling you that I feel that same way; just without any eugenics agency I can call up#I'm really working to get things stable; but it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of falling into permanent failure#and... and I'll actually tell you the amount even though I don't like to mention money... makes me feel guilty#my gramps left me $27k; which sounds like a lot; but I got 20 windows that need redoing (house has a lot of windows)#...if they ended up being 1k each; that's most of the money gone; if they end up being more...#and I got a whole lotta other stuff I've been putting off like plumbing around here; need to replace that faucet#it's an amount of money that helps; but it's an amount of money that isn't gonna last#...that's like a year of bills; and my mom already needs me to pay like $400 to the propane bill since she got behind#I want to use it to... to try and really get my feet on the ground; but it might loose me my insurance... it makes me want to die#and not to be a selfish bastard; but if I could I'd like to try and take and invest a bit to maybe build some passive income#given that... that a job never seems to work out for me cause I fucking suck and cause like... my insomnia has me up at 5:30 am right now#mm tag so i can find things later
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aroaessidhe · 2 years ago
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2023 reads // twitter thread
If I See You Again Tomorrow
YA contemporary/light sci-fi
follows a boy almost a year into a time loop, who has almost given up on finding a way out
until a new boy shows up at his school - which has never happened before - and he’s motivated to step out of his monotony and maybe find a way out
exploring loneliness and social isolation
#If I See You Again Tomorrow#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#ok i enjoyed some aspects of this like the MCs personal journey and mental health stuff i guess. friendships.#but the romance was annoying and unnecesary. not just my bitter aro ass saying this a lot of other reviews do too lol#the love interest is convinced that you have to find your soulmate to get out of the time loop for no logical reason??? & the MC (and me) is#like what the fuck man that’s stupid.#but then also he’s like we can’t hang out; you just think you Like me because we’re both in this time loop; focus on finding your soulmate!!#LIKE WHO CARES ABOUT CRUSHES?#YOU’RE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE IN THIS TIME LOOP WHY WOULD YOU NOT WORK TOGETHER TO FIGURE IT OUT……….#this is more me being frustrated at the character than the author but i feel like. the author could have thought of some better reasons for#him to avoid the mc i guess lol. or at least lampshade the stupidity#it……sort of ends up being soulmatey anyway#or at least he decides they in love anyway but lol u guys spent one day together then didn't see each other for 2 months or whatever???#so the end was definitely disappointing#I think it would have been way better if he did all his friend and family goodbyes then went to the place#and nothing happened and it turned out that after 365 days you just. pop out of it; problem never ‘’solved’’.#but then he goes to find beau anyway and they start something on their own terms#(bc like getting ‘trapped forever’ after a year would mean there’s instances of two people disappearing forever at the same time - they have#no proof for that either? I guess they would also have instances of people saying they did just get out of it after a year too but. well may#be if that happens you have amnesia. which wouldn’t work for this book. but anyway)#idk#also him hating his mum made me cringe because that was Obvious. i feel like a little more time could have been spent on that#and like i did enjoy it overall for the majority of it that wasn't the romantic thing! it could have been so good if it removed that#and gave everything else its full focus
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theultracharmingladynoire · 2 years ago
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This has been a rant building up for a while now and I just need to put it in here but it's that. I remember the joy and excitement I felt when I watched y/o/i ep 1 - 10 because I literally. Knew nothing about the show except for the fact it was gay?? dvsjgshd but it just was so GOOD but then I. Came across a couple of interpretations of ep 11-12 (which I hadn't watched by then so I had no idea what went down) which was just people being disappointed, people thinking the ending was changed for a season 2, people thinking it was out of nowhere (especially V/ictor's comeback?? I guess??) And that really. messed up my perception of the show?? Like upto then I was forming my own interpretations of the characters and after this I. Was lowkey scared to watch the last two episodes because I was afraid of it being bad™ (if that even makes sense) and then one day even when I did watch them I didn't watch them properly?? Like I even missed a lot of scene and dialogue because I was too nervous about what I had read about it before.
And like. I don't even think those interpretations are entirely wrong for record. I understand that especially when there was a whole week between episodes and when the fandom was so huge and active people might have a very different viewing experience which directly plays into how they interpreted the character arcs! And those interpretation are extremely valid even though I disagree with them. The show definitely leaves a lot upto intrepretation of the viewers so there isn't any interpretation that is necessarily wrong™ (Idk how to phrase this sorry)
But it's just that I wasn't able to form MY own interpretation properly because I was influenced by others' ?? (In lack of a better way to word it) and I just. I've been mulling over this for a whole MONTH and going back and forth and back about the ending. And it just feels very draining when I go out to look for meta and people who had opinions similar to mine and find...like what ten people?? it kind of makes me feel like I am looking at things wrong, and that probably the finale WAS just bad or whatever (which seems to be a more common idea in what I've seen)
I do think there were pacing issues, and I do think the character arcs CAN be interpreted differently than what they are in the finale but I also am a bit sad that not many people tried to recontextualise the show in light of the finale (again, it isn't a MUST But I really wish people tried to if I am making sense?)
And it's sad because I know this can be fun if I just created my own bubble without all the meta and opinions I disagree with but it's hard when that is somehow always what I come across? And I KNOW I should stop reading a post when I see that it may suggest something towards the opinions that I disagree with (because that'll just waste my energy), but then what if I AM wrong? What if those posts are right and I am willingly closing my eye towards what the characters originally are or something?? Is what perplexes me out and really makes me sort of nervous and uneasy(?)
And now it is getting worse and I feel like I am slowly losing all the love I had for this show and it absolutely SUCKS because I just want to enjoy this silly little show and now this is all....just a mess
#N rambles#I feel like I am just repeating things at this point#I've been trying to hold back a lot from venting about this on the main because it just plainly seems like a very trivial thing to be this#upset about#But after weeks of ranting in tags I just feel I really HAVE to say this because it is actually really making me sad#Like. I thought maybe after exams I wouldn't be upset? And I was so excited to do a lot more things for the show#I was so excited and looking forward to this#Especially since I have TOO much of free time now so I also am prone to overthinking in such a situation#And I did and this just sucks and I am fed up with just overthinking and keeping all of this to myself and getting too upset#so. yeah. I still feel very bad but I also think it's probably due to a lot. Of other factors#and this one is not helping#And for one thing: I am actually really nervous about posting this because this seems to be such a dividing topic#And by no means am I saying people shouldn't have been upset - but...yeah#I just. Don't know. I really do wish I could find more people who are active and who liked the finale?? I really want to talk about#The character arcs and themes and ramble about them but there's no one to. talk about it to positively???#I also want to rewatch the show. It would actually just solve this problem but#I am low-key scared??? I don't think this would be a right time to do it because I am just really confused about this whole issue and it#Will definitely reflect in forming my own opinions and I don't want that#like at this point I just want to discuss about the finale with people who also didn't feel it was too off or ooc or something#And just tried to intrepret it in good faith#Again I don't really care about people disliking it obviously#It's just that*I* wish I could find more people who liked it#(sorry for the weird phrasing in this whole post I am trying to express what I feel but idk how to do it exactly)#Also I used the slashes because I don't want this to turn up on search sorry
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