#DIGITAL DRAWING IS A LOT LESS SCARY THAN IT WAS LAST TIME I TRIED IT

[tecchous-thicc-buttocks]

blorbos in tha phone

[fizzingwizard]

Ep 38 is another good one! We are on a roll. I have some thoughts on why and whether I could still end up whining in future episodes again... but for now let’s just enjoy the moment.

We are finally catching up with Yamato (and Jou) who has the sort of episode you’d expect from the brooding lone wolf of the group. I wish they’d pushed it just a liiiittle further than they did and I’ll tell you why below. Still, the point is we learned some things we needed to about Yamato, and with some higher than usual stakes (for a side plot) than usual.

Pic of the day, though, is all about his highness, our lord and savior, JOOOOOOOOO.

You will bow before him, peasant!

More below.

Like I said, the stakes are a bit high this week:

Right off the bat, Gabumon’s been beaten, captured, and tied to a cross...

... where Mephismon (this guy) is apparently planning to kill him in ritual sacrifice.

In other words, this episode is: Yamato and Gabumon Go To Digimon Hell

:P

I mean... Mephismon even looks scary. Very Satanic. Gives me chill, lol. Probably not as scary for kids who didn’t grow up being hit over the head with a Bible every day by evangelicals, though. Sometimes I look back on my childhood and just think “wtf?”

That being said, Mephismon is the sort of lackey you’d expect Millenniumon to have, much more in the vein of Devimon or DarkKnightmon. Aka, pretty darn scary. I was so frustrated for so long by all the small fry Digimon Taichi “struggled” with by himself for no apparent reason - they felt like filler episodes, tbh - filler for a show that has no reason to have filler!

And I STILL do NOT understand why we got WarGreymon’s evolution over a totally forgettable nobody Digimon, but these recent episodes with Koushirou, Mimi, and Yamato have all been serious crises where the characters put everything on the line, and yet nobody evolves. It’s not that I think they HAD to evolve here - I can see they’re leading up to it and since that guarantees more focus on them in the future, I’m totally down for that. What I don’t understand is why Taichi DIDN’T get that. Why play WarGreymon so early? The episode itself did involve Taichi challenging himself, but it all felt so setup. And so unmemorable that it’s just hard to care.

Anyway... I’m ranting about things that didn’t happen in this episode. Rant over xD Back to Yamato.

His desperate play to rescue Gabumon by himself goes as well as you’d expect.

Yamato: I’m too cool for this shit

He is chased by those gas mask-wearing Digimon whose name I forget. But they are conveniently blown back by the gush of a timely geyser. Geyser, you say? That means hot springs must be nearby. If hot springs are nearby...

Jou: Now I know what it feels like to be Team Rocket!

Jou falls out of the sky and right into Yamato’s path. Dressed in nothig but a towel, he looks to Yamato like a scrawny, nerdy, guardian angel.

Yamato: You’ve gotta help me, Clarence. Fly me to the top of the mountain.

Jou: I can’t, I haven’t got my wings.

Yamato: Yeah, you’re about what I’d expect my guardian angel to be like...

So, Jou immediately starts to chatter at Yamato, and it looked to me like Yamato might be getting annoyed. If this were 99 Adventure, he’d had snapped and said something like, “Can’t you see Gabumon’s gone? Aren’t you even going to ask about that or do you only think about yourself?”

But this is 2020 Yamato, and 2020 Digimon Adventure, where the kids are all Very Nice and don’t have much in the way of flaws. That’s my number one complaint about this show so far. So Yamato just waits for the moment where Jou needs to take a breath to break and ask for his help rescuing Gabumon.

(Gomamon reminds Jou to get dressed first, thankfully.)

Up on the mountain peak, Mephismon sacrifices the Data of poor blue!Elecmon to the fragment of Millenniumon he is guarding.

At first I was like, why do Yamato and Jou know about these crystals?? But then they’re like, we heard from Taichi over the digivice. Ah, of course. I kind of miss the old digivices that pre-date smartphones :P

Yamato explains how they ended up in this situation, and I REALLY like this. They came across Mephismon sacrificing innocent Digimon on their journey to reunite with the rest of the team, and it was Gabumon who insisted they had to stay and save them. Gabumon!

So this is not the first time we’ve seen the Digimon partners take initiative this season. The lack of personal flaws and personality clashes are my least favorite part of the reboot, but the increased agency of the Digimon themselves is probably my favorite. When DanDevimon swallowed Taichi, it was Agumon’s pain that caused his warp evolution. Not saying Taichi had nothing to do with it, but the focus was certainly way more on how losing his partner sent Agumon over the edge. Now we’ve got Yamato actually arguing with Yamato because he feels so passionate about rescuing the captured Digimon.

Yamato’s not heartless, of course - he just prioritizes the people closest to him first. And I have no idea if we’ll see much more of this sort of willpower from Gabumon - it’s partly there for convenience, since no one else is around. (Last time, it was Sora who wanted to help others at their own risk and Yamato clashed with her over the same thing.) The other reason is, this is the episode where we find out how Yamato and Gabumon became friends - which is especially important for the guy who gets the Crest of Friendship - so they needed something a bit more meaty than “the proof of our friendship is I follow you wherever you go and do whatever you want.”

But I love it because it really makes them feel like partners.

Of course, Yamato can’t say no in the end, so he and Gabumon go to save the Digimon. But they’re overwhelmed.

The vision of his partner’s bony ass shrinking into the distance as bullets fly overhead will haunt his dreams always ;^;

Yamato: Once a psychic read my palm and said I have an unusually short life line. I guess she was right. But she also said I’d marry Emma Stone and have eight children.

Jou: are you sure she wasn’t just playing a game of MASH?

While Yamato and Jou plan their strategy, we switch back to the rest of the team, where the girls are having tea time.

I know I complain about this every time but WHO DA HECK decided Sora and Mimi should wear the same color scheme look what you did now they both blend into the couch

The boys talk a bit of shop, then Takeru reveals that he and Yamato don’t live together because their parents fight and don’t get to see each other because they both work so much. He doesn’t really come out and say “they’re divorced” but he says he and his brother are separated. Even though Yamato calls Takeru to talk a lot, Takeru still feels sad that there are things he misses since they live so far apart.

Taichi assures Takeru that Yamato will be fine, pointing out that Yamato had already been adventuring in the digital world for an unknown amount of time before Taichi’s group ever got there. Wow, haven’t referenced that in literally ages. I’m glad these things are finally relevant again. Also like how it seems to confirm Taichi still kinda holds special admiration for Yamato. That seemed like the route they were going way back when Yamato joined the group in episode 8, but then it wasn’t touched on till now.

Then we get the long-awaited Yamato & Gabumon origin story! Yamato appears to have arrived in the digital world in a similar way that Taichi did. He looks the same, so probably it wasn’t a huge time difference (in human world time anyway).

At first, Yamato’s like, “leave me alone. I don’t have any interest in the digital world. Where’s the exit?” And Tsunomon says, “Fine, then I will just protect you whether you want me to or not.”

Yamato: Reeeeeally wishing Ikkakumon could fly, lol

Yamato recalls how, despite his chilly behavior, Tsunomon still jumped to his rescue.

(The rescue involved Ikkakumon shooting torpedoes up the mountainside so Yamato can grab them and climb to the top. What I don’t get is why this didn’t draw Mephismon’s attention :P I guess he figured his gas mask lackeys would handle it but uh.)

Past!Yamato rescues Tsunomon, who is so touched that he is able to evolve. Yamato makes an attempt to remain aloof...

... but in the end he turns into Taichi :P

So that’s the origin story! It’s more or less what I figured. Kind of surprised we didn’t get any scenes of them in the digital world proper, since I got the impression Yamato was familiar with that world as well as this plane that seems to be a sort of interface between worlds. But maybe not, who knows.

What they try to do here is set up that Yamato is an aloof type who tries to avoid relationships. But he snaps out of it and warms up to people so fast that it’s hard to really appreciate it. Plus he doesn’t really do much to push them away other than say “leave me alone.” Eh.

Lol it’s funny because he’s strapped to the cross but because his leg fur hangs like that, from behind it looks like he’s just standing there....

Mephismon starts to sacrifice Gabumon!

A power blast of dark energy starts to pulse from the mountain, sending everyone to their knees. Jou thinks fast and hides inside his bag. Nylon is good at blocking out satanic chanting after all.

His eyes fall on... his textbooks! Social studies, chemistry, the periodic table, Japanese history memorization textbook... these useless books! Could they actually be useful?!?!?!

no.

no they couldn’t

Yamato: Ahh! That’s it, I have got to start lifting more.

But wait - Jou gets an idea. There’s something that calms him when he’s stressed and that’s... chanting passages from his rote memorization technique books x’D So he sits down and... it’s basically a throw back to the Bakemon episode in 99. I believe he’s chanting things from the Japanese history book, but as I’ve never been a Japanese kid, I’d have to do more research than I want to to figure out for sure.

He then switches to chanting the numerals of pi! He has pi memorized! x’D I don’t know why that should surprise me. He soon begins to glow with the Zen energy of a cram school trance.

Jou: 3.14159265359... 3.14159265359...

Gas mask Digimon: 3.14159265359.... 3.14159265359...

These bright ripples emanate from Jou, counteracting the evil ripples coming from Mephismon’s mountain. It soon pulls the gas mask Digimon into the trance as well.

Ikkakumon: ... I have no effing idea what is going in this episode on anymore

Jou comes out of the trance to discover the gas mask Digimon ARE NOW HIS OBEDIENT SUBJECTS. WHAT.

(see I told you you’d bow)

seriously what just happened! XD is this Jou’s mutant power

or is this something all Japanese children who survive juku can do as a result of spending so much time memorizing shit

Ikkakumon then is able to shoot a bunch better pathway of torpedoes for Yamato to climb and MEPHISMON STILL DOESN’T NOTICE

Yamato finally makes it to the peak!

Mephismon’s like, “nice try, but what were you planning to do now? You left your friend at the bottom of the mountain and I’ve got your partner. And I doubt you’ve memorized all the numerals of pi.”

He kindly creates an evil burning vortex to increased the hellishness of the landscape. He understands that a Yamato episode needs the proper ambience.

Gabumon’s about to be sacrificed to Digi-Satan lmao

Yamato steps into the pentagram and get shocked. But he presses on despite the difficulty (and the hellfire), thinking about how much his partner means to him.

He drops to his knees while Gabumon begs him to save himself.

Yamato: “You’re my... friend!”

The power of friendship destroys the pentragram and also frees Gabumon from the cross.

The Crest of Friendship glows...

Gabumon is strengthened and becomes... WereGarurumon.

:P

Yeah... seemed like a good time for MetalGarurumon but whatever.

After a cool but brief fight, Mephismon is defeated.

He appears frozen? Can Gabumon freeze stuff? Whatev. Anyway he’s frozen and then disintegrates.

Gabumon is tired but happy. Their bond is now even stronger.

Cute Takeru on Pegasusmon flies down to his brother at last.

And the others wave up to them from Komondomon. Aw. So finally the team is back together! ;__; Please let it last this time, please please please....

Kay so, overall... I liked this episode. The whole “You’re my friend!” bit would have been stronger if we’d seen more of Yamato resisting that though. I don’t really know why but the reboot seems to pull its punches a lot. I really wish they’d let the kids be mean to each other like 99 Adventure did sometimes. Being mean doesn’t mean you’re a bad person and a terrible influence on children watching your show. It just means you are human and your viewers can learn from watching your mistakes and seeing your growth. Try to understand that, showrunners :P

A missed opportunity in this episode: Yamato and Jou. I was excited that they were gonna be together because they often clashed in 99. And in the reboot as well, it was established that Yamato is annoyed by Jou, although he’s much more polite and hadn’t said anything about it till now (just stayed away from wherever Jou was until he fell asleep lol). So I thought, in this ep, we’d see them butt heads and learn to work together, something like that. But aside from the very first moment where Yamato might look a teensy bit annoyed, they just get alone fine. Idk. Not interesting.

In the end, though, the ep was clearly meant to be Yamato only and Jou was just there as a matter of convenience so the whole group would be together at the end. Since the team is finally reunited, I hope we do start to see all of them interacting in different ways that show their personalities more. Might not be the same as 99 (or, I should say definitely won’t be, at this point), but just something more than “look how well we all get along.”

Next week...

Looks to be a light and funny episode. The Burgermon were one of my fav bits of Frontier. But I’m a little nervous about this being a Jou epiosde. It’s his turn, I know, but everyone else got something meaningful. Even Mimi - though there was lots of humor in her episode, she was also major league cool the entire time. Maybe that will be the case with Jou here, but I’m not sure because 2020 Jou is a little different - more scatterbrained, more open, more talkative, less serious, less likely to act sullen... he’s quite different, now that I think about it. So I’m actually having difficulty imagining what his personal test will be in this episode. Guess we’ll have to wait and find out. Maybe it won’t even be that kind of episode anyway.

Also, just a guess, but next week is ep 39. So ep 40 maybe will be the start of something big again. It would be good timing: the team’s together and everyone’s had a chance recently for an episode to themselves...

See y’all next week! As usual didn’t check for typos :P

[chickensarentcheap]

Sanctuary - Chapter 32

Warnings: some smut

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @thorsbathroomchicken, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @valkyrie-of-the-light

His eyes flicker open as she returns to bed; lifting the comforter ever so slightly -even the smallest of movements or the faintest of noises often enough to snap him awake- as she slides in next to him.  Tucking her back snuggly into his front before pulling the heavy blanket up to her chin. She’s unsettled ; unable to get comfortable, readjusting her pillow several times; repeatedly sticking one foot out of the covers before drawing it back in,  continuously rubbing her ass against him in a vain attempt to find just the perfect spot in the mattress.  He presses a kiss to the back of her head, then loops his arm around her waist and drapes a heavy, muscular leg over hers.  Effectively stilling her movements and providing that weight and pressure that she often craves when having a rough a night. They’ve been few and far behind over the past three years; the Dhaka nightmares rarely making an appearance, and relatively tame when they did. Nothing like she used to experience. That first year following had been rough; there had been more restless nights than there had been good ones, and he’d gotten used to having to calm her down after the nightmares.

 “What time is it?” she asks, and he lifts his head just long enough to cast a quick glance over his shoulder at the digital clock on the nightstand.

 “Almost five thirty,” he replies, and then tightens the hold on her body and buries his face in her hair. Eyes closing as he takes in her soft, familiar scent. Body soft and warm against his. “Go back to sleep. Lots of time left before we have to get up.”

 “I can’t,” she laments.

 “Just try,” his hand moves in slow, smooth circles against her stomach. “Just close your eyes and try.”

 “I honestly can’t. I’m too busy worrying about when and if I’m going to puke again.”

 “That’s like the fourth time this week alone. Maybe…” his hand slides down a bit further.

 “That’s wishful thinking on your part. There is nothing…or should I say no one…in there yet. We just started trying two weeks ago. There hasn’t been enough time for things to develop. There’s no way I’d be feeling anything this soon.”

“Just because we weren’t trying before that doesn’t mean it’s not possible. You don’t have to actually be trying for it to happen. We never tried with the other ones. None of them were planned. And it’s not like we just started having sex in the past two weeks. We’ve always had it. A lot.”

 She can’t deny that. It has always been a huge component in their relationship. Right from the very beginning in Dhaka; two relative strangers that couldn’t seem to keep their hands off of each other, both igniting something in the other that had been missing for a hell of a long time.  And it is the one thing that they’re good at. No…scratch that.  The one thing they’re amazing at.  Even when things were rocky between them, sex had been the one constant. All the harsh words and the brutal arguments forgotten the second they were behind closed doors and they were able to take their anger and aggression out on one another.

 “I am definitely not pregnant,” she says. “I’d know. I think I’m used to it by now.”

 “You’ve been throwing up all hours of the day for four days. You’ve been complaining about headaches. Dizziness. That you can’t sleep. That sounds exactly like everything you’ve ever experienced.”

 “It’s not the same. I know my own body. I know what it feels like when there’s a baby inside of me. This is not it.  This is stress and worry and the fact I miss my kids and I want nothing more than to get home to them. That I’m thousands of miles away from them. From my babies. When there could be some sick fuck just out there watching them and waiting to hurt them….”

 “That’s not going to happen,” he pulls her even tighter against him. “There is no one after them. There’s no one waiting to hurt them. And even if there was someone out there, they’re safe. They’ve got Nik  and her guys there keeping an eye on things.  No one would even be able to get close to them.”

 “And they were okay? When you called today?”

 “They’re fine. They’re being spoiled rotten and enjoying bossing your mom around and driving her insane. Maybe this will be what she needed to snap that last thread of sanity. Mine snapped a long time ago. The second I had to read fucking Goodnight Moon six times in one night.”

 “I thought it was Paw Patrol that did that. That stupid theme song over and over again. Remember how Tanner was obsessed with it and he’d make you put it on repeat on your phone? I think you aged about ten years in those six months.  And let’s not even talk about the great potty training fiasco.”

 “No. Let’s not talk about that. I may have a nervous breakdown if I have to relive that. You think I have PTSD from the job? No. It’s from having those two.  Especially Tyler. What the fuck is up with that kid? Some kind of imbalance from your side of things? “

 “Please. He’s just like you. He’s wild and uninhibited and fears nothing or no one. Good thing he was the one that came out first. Because it totally makes sense that he’s a junior. He’s the one that you’re really going to have to keep an eye on when he’s older. He wanted to be just like you  before he found out that fight bad guys and safe good people.   How he think you’re some kind of super hero and wants to be one when he grows up.”

 Tyler gives a derisive snort. “I’m no hero.”

 “To him you are. To all your kids you are. To me you are.”

 Lifting his head from his pillow, he presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth. “I just do what I’m paid to do. Nothing more. Nothing less.  And it’ll be a cold day in hell when I sit back and watch any of my kids follow in my footsteps. They’re better than that. They’re better than this life. And they deserve better. No way am I letting any of them do what I do.”

 “You know…” she rolls over to face him, chest pressed against his.  “…you’re not the horrible person you think you are, Tyler.  You’ve helped a lot of people. You’ve gone into some dangerous and scary situations to get peoples’ loved ones back. And that’s pretty damn selfless when you think about it. That you’re willing to put your life on the line to save someone else’s.”

 “It’s not selfless when you’re doing it for money.”

 “What about Dhaka?” she challenges.  “When you found out that Mahajan fucked us over? When you knew there wasn’t going to be the pay out that you expected? You still did everything you had to do to keep Ovi alive. Even when Nik wanted you to just leave him in the street. Even when Gaspar was going to split ten million  dollars with you.  You still didn’t abandon or betray that kid. And that is selfless. You were willing to die for him. You were willing to die for me.”

 “I still am. I’d do it in a heartbeat if I had to. No questions asked.”

 “You’re a big man with an even bigger heart. I’m blessed because I get to see that side of you. I get to live with it every single day. You’re not a terrible person, Tyler. You’re a great person that’s been forced to do terrible things.”

 He thinks of his loss of control the previous afternoon.  When something inside of him snapped as soon as McMann put his hands on him. How easy it would have been just to kill him. With his bare hands. He’d known what he was doing; it wasn’t one of those ‘black out’ moments when he lost his shit and didn’t realize what was happening.  He’d been fully aware of what was going inside his own mind; of the power and strength that his body possessed. And yet still he hadn’t been able to stop.

 He’d wanted to kill him.

 “And they were terrible things…if you want to call them that…that you had to do to stay alive,” Esme continues. “So you could make it back home. To me and the kids.”

 “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do so I could make it home.”

 “You don’t kill because you want to. Or because you enjoy it. You kill because you have to. And believe me, I’d rather you take someone else’s life than have them take yours.”

 He smiles at that, then presses a soft, tender kiss to her lips.  He wants to tell her.  About how the plan to intimidate McMann into giving him information hadn’t gone exactly as planned. That he’d come so close to making things a hundred times more complicated by killing the man.  That he’d felt a rush at what he was able to do; seeing the colour drain out of McMann’s face, hearing him gag and choke and struggle to breathe,  the sheer terror in his eyes.   But it would scare her. He would scare her. And that’s the last thing he wants.

 “You have to promise me that if it comes down to saving yourself or saving the, that you’ll choose yourself,” she pleads. “I know that sounds horrible.  It know it makes me sound like a terrible person that I’d even think that, let alone say it.  Especially because they’re children and I’m a mother myself. But Tyler, if you have to make the decision, if it comes down to only being able to get yourself out, you have to promise me you’ll do it. That you’ll get the hell out of there. Because I need you. And your own kids need you.”

 Sighing, he smooths her hair away from the sides of her face and away from her forehead. “That’s not the job.”

 “Fuck the job. Fuck the money. I don’t care about that. All I care about is you.  And believe me, I don’t want it coming down to having to leave the kids behind. But if it does, you have to promise me that you’ll worry about yourself first.  Because I’m not ready to lose you yet. It’s only been five and a half years. That’s nowhere near enough time.”

 Pressing his lips against her temple, he lays a hand on the small of her back and draws her even tighter against him. Chin resting on the top of her head, eyes closed. “I’ll get myself out of there. I promise.”

 He feels her smile against him, and she nestles her face into his neck, lips against his throat. The hand that had been on his back sliding up to the space between his shoulders, fingertips tracing the outline of the large Nordic tattoo that graces his skin.

 “Now it’s my turn,” he says. “To tell you something.”

 “Something bad or….?”

 “It got me thinking. About when you said you were worried about me going to meet McMann alone. Because we didn’t know for sure if he was on the up and up. He can’t be trusted. He’s shown that time and time again.  So I called someone. For help. That would have my  back.”

 “I thought Nik said there wasn’t anyone that could help? That the three of us were pretty much on our own. And if Yaz was with me…”

 “I called Mark,” he admits, and she draws back to look at him.  “Which I’d never thought I’d ever do a million years.  But you were worried and it got my brain fucking with me and I didn’t want to take the chance that it was all a set up.  He’s the only one there was. Trust me, I would have called someone else if I had the choice.”

 “And he actually showed up?”

 “He’s not my favourite person and I know I’m definitely not his.  But he did what he said he would do. He’d said he’d show up and he did.”

 “Well, one thing he always was a good solider.  When it came down to protecting other people, he was loyal to a fault. I wasn’t one of those people, mind you. “

 “Which is exactly I didn’t want to call him. Because of everything between you too. And I still want to kick the shit out of him, just so you know. But I needed someone to keep an eye out. Half my back if I needed it. And he did. He showed up and he kept an eye on things. He keeps his word, that’s for sure.”

 “Until you’re married to him. And then his word means shit.”

 “Well it’s a good thing I’m not into guys and I’m already married,” he teases, and kisses her softly. “I almost killed him.”

 “Who? Mark?”

 “McMann. I went into just wanting to scare the hell out of him. Put enough fear into him that he’d crack and give me the information I needed. But things went south. Quickly. And if Mark hadn’t have been there, this entire thing would have been well and truly fucked. I would have screwed everything up. It would have fucked things up even worse and made things even harder.”

  “Tyler…”  her eyes narrow, brow furrows. “…what did you do?”

  “It’s what I almost did.   Everything went fine. At first. I got him off guard and scared the ever loving shit out of him.”

 “Physically?”

 “Well, yeah.  That’s how I do things. I’m not a psychological warfare master like you are.  I go in and fuck shit up and I leave.  So I went there to scare the shit out of him and it worked. It was the last thing he expected and he almost pissed his pants.”

 “But…”

 “But I fucking snapped. When he started to retaliate. I lost my shit.  Completely lost it. I almost killed him.  I almost choked him to death. And you know what? I wanted to do it. I knew exactly what I was doing and I didn’t want to stop.  I wanted him dead. And part of me still does.”

 She falls silent. Slightly unnerved by his confession.  He’s not usually the type of person that revels in the chaos and violence he finds himself embroiled in. He doesn’t take pride in having to take the life of another a burden that has always weighed heavily upon him.  Killing for him is…and has always been…about survival. Self preservation.  No matter how much he hated someone, how badly they’d betrayed him, no matter how perilous the danger was they brought upon him, he ever revelled in the fact that he’d had to resort to such drastic acts.

 “I knew exactly what I was doing. I didn’t black out. My brain didn’t zone out. You know how it goes completely blank and I don’t realize what I did or said until later? When it all starts coming together?”

 She nods.  They’ve had many fights just like that. Where something inside of him has snapped and he’s been fully unaware of the things he is doing or saying.

 “That didn’t happen. I was in total control.  I knew what I was saying. What I was doing. I had my hand around his throat and I watched him struggle to breathe. And you know what, I liked it. I like that I had that power over him.  I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to kill him.”

 Her eyes are sad as she reaches up to clear his hair away from his forehead.  

 “Don’t like at me like that.”

 “Like what? I’m just…”

 “Like it makes you sick to look at me.”

 “Tyler…” she pecks his lips. “…I could never look at you that way. Your brain is telling you that I’m looking at you that way.  Trust me, I’m not.  I understand where you’re coming from. He lied to you. He’s been lying right from the start. He brought you into a crazy messed up situation. Which in turn brought me and the kids into it. Of course you’re going to be upset. Anyone would be.”

 “But like that? To lose control that bad? That’s not me.  When I snap, I don’t remember the things I said or the things I’ve done.  I’m not aware of it at the time. I just lose it. I don’t think about it. This was different. I knew exactly what I was doing and I knew I didn’t want to stop.  I wanted him dead.”

 “Is he still walking around and breathing? Is he still on this side of the ground? If you can answer yes to any of those questions, you were able to control things.  A lot of people wouldn’t have been able to.”

 “Mark stopped me. He’s the one that stepped in. If he hadn’t have been there….”

 “But he was.  He was there to protect you. To stop you from making things worse. I know he’s not your favourite person. And trust me, he’s not mine either.  But he at least showed up. He could have just said ‘fuck you’ and not bothered. But he was there and he stopped you. That’s the important thing. He stepped in and McMann lives to see another day. Which means those kids live to see another day.”

 “Do you realize how worse I could have made things? Or how bad things might get? What if he decides to try and take me out…or have someone else try and take me out…because of it?”

 “He won’t. He needs you. He knows he won’t get his kids back without you.”

 “He could come after you. Or send someone after you.”

 “He’s not that stupid. He’s a liar and a sexual deviant, but he’s not stupid. If he did something like that, you’d know it was him and he realizes that. Which only puts an even bigger target on him.  He’s crazy, but he’s not that crazy.   And lets look at this from your side of things. He lied to you. Right from the beginning.  He brought you here because he wanted you to blow things up and cause all kinds of shit and then take the fall for it.  And then he brings your family into it.  Especially your kids. Anyone would snap over that.”

 “I’m not anyone,” he argues.

 “You’re a goddamn human being.  You’re not a machine.  You have feelings, you know.  You have moments of weakness and anger and everything in between.  You have to let yourself feel things, Tyler. No matter how much it unnerves you. It doesn’t make you weak because you have weak moments. That’s all in your head. That’s your father’s doing; putting it in your head that any emotionally based reaction makes you less of a man.”

 “Are you sure you weren’t a shrink in your previous life?” he grins. “Because that sounds like something a shrink would say.”

 “I don’t need to be a shrink to know that your dad is quite possibly the most toxic person I’ve ever met and he had no right trying to raise you to be just like him.  And I meant what I said. You’re nothing like him. You never will be.  So you need to let go off all the shit that he’s put on in the last forty years.  Get all that crap out of your head. Because you’re a far bigger and better man than he could have ever hoped to be.”

 “You really do have a lot of faith in me.”

 “I do,” she admits. “And trust. And love. I happen to love you, you insufferable pain in  my ass.”

  “I bet right about now you’re thinking that’s the worst decision your brain ever made.”

 “Actually, it’s the first time I ever let my heart overrule my brain.  And I think things worked out okay.”

 “I do too,” he says, and the kisses her. Much longer this time yet still as tender; closed mouth upon closed mouth, her nails lightly scraping down his back.  And he pushes his hand through her hair; gently gripping the silky strands between his fingers as he feels her tongue pushing against his teeth.  He grants her access. The kiss deepening, one of her legs coming up to wrap around his waist, heel of her foot pushing into his ass. Allowing himself to pulled on top of her. Letting her take the full burden of his weight for several seconds, until he plants a palm on the mattress and lifts himself off of her.

 “Are you okay?” she asks. “I mean are you really are okay? Not just with what’s going on. Not with just this job. With everything. With life. Are you okay?”

 “I don’t know,” he admits.

 “Well, what do you know? What is your brain telling you?”

 “That I’m fucked up and I need professional help.”

“That’s something we can work on. When we get home. I think it might be good for both of us.”

 “It’s telling me that things are getting worse. I’m getting worse. The memory problems, my temper, all the pain.”

 “And that scares you,” she states.

 He nods. “I’m worried one day I’m going to snap like I did on McMann. That you’ll say something totally innocent and that my brain will take it the entirely wrong way and I’ll just lose it. And I don’t want that happening. I don’t want to be reacting towards you the way I did with him.”

 “You won’t.”

 “How can you be so sure? How can you have that much trust in me?”

 “Because you know I’d kill you,” she’s only half joking.  “You know I would beat the ever loving crap out of you. And I know you’d take it because you’d hate yourself for hurting me and you’d know you deserved a shit kicking.”

 “I’d kill myself. If I ever hurt you or the kids.  I’m not joking. I’ll end it if I ever get to that point.”

 “You won’t,” she assures him. “You won’t let yourself get to that point.  I know you won’t.  It’s not that I have an extra ordinary level of faith and trust in you. It’s because I know who you really are. The kind of person you are when you’re not on the job. I’m the only that gets to see that. Experience it.  You’re not a bad person, Tyler Rake. No matter what your brain tells you.”

 He kisses her again. Longer. Most intense.  His free hand tangled in her hair, tongues in each other’s mouth. Her hands beginning that slow, methodically exploring of his shoulders and back.  And she giggles against his lips when he presses his already rock hard cock against her.

 “Can you tell what my brain is telling me right now?” he asks with a grin.

 “That’s not your brain talking, Tyler. Unless your brain packed up and moved south.”

 “What do you think is sending the messages down there?”

 “No. No. I think it pretty much things on its own when it gets to this point,” she says, and then laughs and wriggles underneath him when he sucks a little too hard on the side of her neck.  “I swear to God if that leaves a mark….”

 “What are you going to do about? You weigh a buck fifteen soaking wet.”

 “Asshole,” she grumbles, and then grabs a hold of his hair and yanks painfully hard, using his initially startled reaction to get her knee into his stomach and push him over onto his back. “You were saying…” her grin is wicked as she straddles him.

 “That doesn’t count. I let you do that.”

 “Mm…hmm….” She leans over to press a series of kisses along both sides of his throat, over his Adam’s apple and across his collarbone.  “What’s your brain telling you now?” she asks with a grin, his hands on her thighs, fingers biting into the fresh.

 “My brain’s clocked out. I’m only listening to my dick now.”

 “Yeah? And what’s that telling you?”

 “That it wants to put a baby in you.”

 She grins.   “Very good answer.”

 ****

“You guys are good to go,” Yaz says, over the two way radios they each wear in their ear, the transmitters clipped to the hip  pockets on their jeans.   They’d been expecting his call; parked half a block away from McMann’s house, engine idling as they waited to be given the all clear.  “He left ten minutes ago. Satellite isn’t showing any other cars or warm bodies within a half a kilometre radius on either side.  There’s no one watching the house.”

 The ruse had worked; Mark calling McMann and arranging to meet him half an hour away to ask him more questions in regards to the wife’s background and her possible hand in snatching the kids.   Depending on how the ex Marine could stall for, it gave them at least ninety minutes to search the property without worrying about McMann showing up unexpectedly. The radios would make communication a lot easier; Yaz could use remote satellite links and neighbourhood security cameras he’d hacked into to keep and eye one the outside and alert them if any possible trouble was on the way.

 “Make sure you guys keep in contact with me.  And each other if you get separated for whatever reason.  I’ll keep an eye on the outside. You guys do what you have to do inside. Good luck. Hopefully you find something.”

 Tyler kills the engine and shoves his keys into his pocket.  It’s safer to walk; less chance of anyone spotting the unfamiliar vehicle in McMann’s driveway and alerting either him or the cops.  They paused at the back of the car and he pops open the truck; a handful of weapons and other paraphernalia hidden under the false floor. Including a smaller sized Kevlar vest that he removes, tearing open the Velcro fasteners and then holding it over her head.

 “Arms.”

 “This is going a little overboard don’t you think?”  

 She’s nervous enough without thinking about what the bullet proof vest represents. While going into the house the first time had been anxiety inducing, the second time has her feeling nauseous.  Her nerves are on edge and have been since his confession that he’d wanted to kill McMann the day before.  It was something she’d never thought she’d hear; that he could actually get joy out of taking another human being’s life. It was acceptable when he had to do it; killing a means to an end, ensuring his own safety and survival. But to hear that he could have easily done it and have no lingering remorse.  He didn’t scare her; he’d never given her a reason to be afraid of him.  But she was scared of the lingering effects of years on the job and PTSD were doing to him.

 “Arms,” Tyler repeats, and she obeys the requests.  “It’s just better to be safe than sorry,” he reasons, and then pulls the straps tight around her sides and across the chest.

 “In that case, you should be wearing one too,” she points out, as he removes the transmitter from her pocket and then clips it to her left shoulder.

 He sighs.  “Don’t start.”

 “I wouldn’t be the only one they shoot at if someone shows up,” she says, as he clips his holster -Glock already securely inside- to his waistband. “How come I don’t get one? How come you get all the cool toys?”

 “I’m the muscle, remember? You’re the brains. It’s always been that way. It’s why it works as well as it does,” taking her face in both his hands, he presses a kiss to her forehead before adding, “Why we work so well.”

 “Holy shit, you’re actually admitting it for once.  That we make a good team.”

 “When have I ever denied that? We make an amazing team.  Even way back when in Dhaka.”

 “You mean when you thought you were my boss and completely order me around.”

 “Well, technically, I do have more experience so I was…in a way…in charge.”

 “Still delusion. Even five and a half years later. That’s okay, baby. I’ll let you think you’re the boss. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

 “Let’s compromise. You can be the boss at home, I’ll be the boss when we do things like this, yeah?”

 “Okay,” she relents. “I’ll give you that.  But only because of your fragile masculinity.”

 He snorts.

 “So who’s the boss in the bedroom then?” she inquires, as they fall in step alongside of each other.

 “You have to ask that? It’s me. It’s always been me. Because that’s the way you like it.  Don’t tell me you’re going to pretend that it isn’t. That you don’t like when I get all mean and shit and boss you around and pull your hair.”

   It’s the farthest they’ve taken it; aside from extremely rough sex.  Her penchant for ‘fuck me like you hate me’ sex has been an ongoing and much enjoyed them for five a half years now.  He draws the line at anything more intense; refusing to call her degrading names or using any other kind of physical force.  He’s much bigger. Far more powerful. And often didn’t have a grasp on just how strong he actually is.  And the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.

 “I can’t believe we’re even talking about this right now,” she laments.

 “Yaz can’t hear us unless we press the button. So…”

 “No I mean talking about this like there’s nothing majorly serious going on here.  We’re talking like it’s just another day and we’re talking just a normal walk somewhere. It’s kind of….weird.”

 “What are we supposed to talk about?”

 “I don’t know. Something job related.”

 “We can talk about that shit when we actually get to where we’re going.”

 “Do you think he can pull it off? Mark? Do you think he can actually spew enough bullshit to stall McMann long enough for us to get a good look around and get the hell out of there?”

 Tyler shrugs. “I don’t know. He spewed enough bullshit to me when he came to our house. If he puts even half the effort into McMann that he put into me, he could be holding him off for hours. He really think’s highly himself, yeah? Mighty big chip he has on his shoulder.”

 “He’s actually pretty tame now. He was worse when I first met him and married him. Shit! Dog walker.”

 An elderly woman crosses the road and makes her way towards them; a yapping and feisty toy poodle on the end of a retractable leash.

 “She’s going to see the vest. She’s going…”

 “Just relax,” Tyler says, and then pulls her into a long, deep kiss, both arms wrapped around her slender body, drawing her tight against him and effectively hiding any sign of the Kevlar from the other woman. Who merely calls them ‘kids’ and grumbles about the inappropriateness of their very public display of affection.   And he keep as a hold on his wife as he watches the elderly woman and dog continue on their walk. Never given them a second glance over her shoulder and then disappearing around the corner.

 “I’m impressed,” Esme grins, as they continue on their way. “Very effective. Nice thinking on your feet. You kiss everyone you work with like that?”

 “Only the cute, tiny brunettes,” he says, and gives her a playful nudge with his elbow.

 “Go through here,” Yaz’ voice comes through their ear pieces. “There’s an alley way between the back of this house and the back of McMann’s.  There’s a gate to his place.  Can’t tell if it’s locked or not. Someone may have to hop the fence.”

 Tyler looks at his wife, eyebrow arched, amused smirk tugging at his lips.  

 “Why are you looking at me like that? Why would have to be my job.”

 “Because you’re smaller and can probably climb it a lot faster than I do. Come on. Take one for the team. You climbed the fence when we were at Mahajan’s place.”

 “Only because Ovi was too scared to do it.   You’ve got longer legs. It would take you less time to get over it.”

 “What’s the saying? Good things come in small packages? You might taste better to the guard dogs and keep them occupied while I get in, get what we need, and get out.”

 “You’re such a dick,” she grumbles, and he playfully tousles her hair and then takes her by the wrist, pulling her backwards and tucking her behind him.  If there was anyone watching them and waiting to ambush them from the alleyway or McMann’s backyard, at the least the bigger and stronger one would the first person they’d encounter. He stood a better chance at fighting someone off than she would.

 They make it through the backyard of the first house; bypassing an inground pool and an elaborate guest house, then stepping through an unlocked wrought iron gate. The squeak accompanying it seeming a hundred times later than what it should normally.   Trash and gravel crunch and pop under their feet; the alleyway in such a high class and influential area at look more disgusting that they’d thought it would be.

 “No lock,” Tyler says, as he tests the latch in McMann’s gate.  “Looks like you don’t have to work too hard today. Sorry. You don’t get the chance to commit B and E again.”

 “You’re just full of smart ass comments today,” she mutters, as he holds the gate open for her and allows her to pass through before once again stepping in front of her.  And she takes the opportunity to smack his ass. Painfully hard. Both hands. “Nice bum where ya from?”  

 “What are you? Like twelve?” he’s grinning at he says it.

 “Not my fault you have a crazy hot ass.  This was place is insane…” she takes in their surroundings; an enormous kidney shaped inground pool with a twelve person hot tub and smaller pool solely for swimming laps alongside of it.  Immaculately landscaped grass and garden areas, outdoor showers, a guest house, a three tiered wooden deck, even an area that boasts an outdoor kitchen and living room space.  Immaculately landscaped grass and garden areas.  “What kind of jobs is he taking that he can afford to live like this?”

 “All this is not from the job,” Tyler says. “There’s no way. You know what kind of payouts you’d have to be pulling in to not only afford all this but keep it up? There’s no way you’d be able to do all of this and take care of it just being on the job.”

 “Maybe it’s her money,” Esme suggests.  “Old family money.  The Buckmans were into some pretty shady shit. They have been for decades. Just what are we looking for?”

 “An entrance. Something that leads into a bunker or a cold cellar or a storm shelter.”

 They split up; each taking a side of the house and working from the very back of the yard and moving slowly towards the deck.  Shoving furniture aside, kicking away piles of loose grass and debris that could possibly be covering up a doorway.  The possibility become more and more remote the closer they get to the rear of the house; turning their attention to the sides.

 “Tyler!” Esme whispers, sticking her head around the corner of the house. “I think I found it.”

 He keeps an eye on the surroundings as he joins her; eyes surveying the windows, not just of McMann’s house but his surrounding neighbours.  Making sure that someone hadn’t heard them moving around the backyard and were now peeking out from behind curtains and through the slats of mini blinds.

 “This?” Esme asks hopefully, and nods down at wooden double doors that sit flat against the grass. “Is this what we want?”

 “Exactly what we want,” he replies. “Good job, babe.”

 The smile says it all. The way she happily gives a little bounce on her heels.

 “Shit.  Locked. Go and find a rock. About this big…” he makes a circle with his hands, roughly the size of a baseball. “…or anything else I can use to break it open.”

 “Shoot it,” she suggests. “You have a gun.”

 “You don’t think someone will hear a gunshot and call the police?”

 She frowns. “Very good point.”

 “Make sure you keep an eye out. For anything. For anyone. We don’t know for sure that there’s no one watching. Just be careful.”

 She nods, and then hurries off around the corner and into the main area of the backyard.  He stands; hands on his hips,  eyes sweeping back and forth between the windows of adjacent houses, the back alleyway, and down the narrow path between this home and the next.

 “Here,” she says as she returns, with one of the bricks that she’d pried out of the dirt; being used an ornamental border around one of the gardens.   “I didn’t see or hear anything weird. You?”

 “Nothing,” he takes the brick from her, then crouches down in front of the doors. “Give me the sweater.”

 She shrugs out of her hoodie…his hoodie…and passes it over.  Whether it’s nerves or the slight breeze in the air, she crosses her arms over her chest and rubs at her bare arms in an attempt to warm them.

 “Here,” he slips his gun from his holster and holds it out to hear. “You see anyone come down this path or come in from the alley, you shoot them. Don’t ask questions. Just shoot. Got it?”

 She nods.

 Tyler lays the sweater over the lock, muffling the sound as he smashes the brick down on top of it. The first one breaks the dial, while the second causes not only the entire lock to shatter several into several pieces, but tears off one of the door handles.

 “Please tell me you brought a flashlight,” Esme laments, as he opens the doors. “Because this has shades of disgusting Dhaka sewer written all over it. It’s been five and a half years and that smell is still stuck in my nostrils.”

 “Wait here, keep an eye on things, and I’ll tell you when it’s okay to come down.”

 “What if someone is down there?” she frets.

 “I have a gun,” he motions for her to hand the Glock over. “They probably don’t. So it’ll be okay. Just wait here. Don’t go anywhere. Don’t go around snooping or whatever you want to call it. Just stay here and don’t move. Anyone comes in the yard, just yell. I’m not going far. I’m just looking to see if there’s electricity down there.”

 She stands at the top of the stairs, chewing nervously on her bottom lip, once more folding her arms across her chest as she watches him journey down the stairs and then disappear into the darkness. She can hear the faint drip of water,  the rustle of the soles of his boots as he passes over dirty and whatever debris may be down there. Then furtively glances around the yard and down the path towards the road, then to the back alley and up into surrounding windows.  Breathing a sigh of relief when a light flickers on below.

 “Be careful,” Tyler says, as he stands on the second bottom step and offers a hand. “The stairs are steep as shit.”

 “What’s it smell like?” she asks, as she curls her fingers around his hand.  “Because the last time you made me go into a place like this, I threw up in my mouth. A lot.”

 “It smells damp. Like a basement. Doesn’t smell like shit. And there’s no rats. So….”

 The cellar is impossibly narrow; he has to turn slightly to the side, shoulders too broad to fit in the space, and a protective hand falls on the small of her back, guiding her in front of him.  The walls are brick; cracked and faded in some spots, weeds and mould growing in some of the crevices. Floors are a mix of dirt and concrete; cracked and worn in a number of places.  Above them, bare light bulbs hang from a single strand of wire.

 “It goes pretty far back,” he nods down the hallway.  “There’s a couple of rooms off of it. Might be more.”

 “It’s like some kind of bunker,” she observes. “What the hell have we walked into?”

 “I don’t know,” he says. “But lets get to work.”

[devnny]

CHAPTER TWO.

JTRM — THE “R” STANDS FOR RECOVERING!

PREVIOUSLY.

This is it fellas; the MEAT, the starting point that actually matters. It's all a damn mess hereafter. Devi, babey... forgive me, the Hell begins now! (And Johnny... please fucking behave yourself.) 

Dear Diary,

I’m back from vacation.

I have a date FUCK meeting with Devi. Yes, that Devi. Weird, no?

She grew a head-thing too, but she can control it, and she’s going to try and help me do that too… We’ll see how well that works out. She yells a lot… scary.

I haven’t totally given up on my emotional enema idea, though! Just gotta work on my temper. Why does everything have to be so aggravating?

--

3:00PM:

“I must be out of my fucking mind, Tenna.”

“I thought you just got over being out of your mind.” Tenna replied from the couch, squeaking Spooky as punctuation to her sentence.

“Don’t chastise me.” Devi moaned, loosely draped over her armchair. “Sickness has nothing on Nny.”

She dragged herself into an upright position to continue her complaints.

“AN ART LESSON FOR A MURDEROUS LUNATIC, yeah, innovative idea there, Devi!” She cried to the gods in vain. No gods could save her from the bed she’d made so neatly for herself.

“Maybe he won’t show up?” Tenna tilted her head further off of the couch in an attempt to make eye contact with her forlorn companion. Devi only melted further down her seat.

“That’s my only hope.” She sighed. “But knowing my luck, he’ll show up with a bouquet of severed hands for me. God it was so… weird talking to him again. Besides the topic being about personal insanity and death, it was sorta like old times.”

Tenna sat up to stare at her skeptically.

“Don’t tell me you missed him.”

“NO, no! Nothing as stupid as that.” Devi insisted. “Well, I mean, I did miss the Nny I thought I knew, but that’s kinda “sucks to suck”, seeing as that Nny wasn’t… really him.”

“And what if that was the real him? And you’re going to slowly scrape Mister Nice-guy out of his skull with your bare hands, like some kind of monkey artist-therapist combo?”

“I doubt that even more.”

Devi got up from her chair to scoop up the art tablet that was besmirched with Johnny’s drawing from off of the coffee table. The little stick figure he scribbled down had stayed there, mocking her, since his creator had left in the early morning hours. Johnny had only shared a couple of his “Happy Noodle Boy” comics with her long ago, likely because he was embarrassed about them. He had said he used to paint and sketch very detailed pieces, but as “something” – which she now knew was the “Doughboys” and wall-demon, and whatever else was involved with these brain parasites – overtook him, he lost all ability to create beyond these meager doodles. She couldn’t imagine a more horrid fate for a creative. For herself.

To some degree, she pitied him, but then she would remember he that tried to murder her and felt a lot less pity. Even if she understood now that he was hapless pawn, set forth to do obscene violence in the name of some otherworldly creature, all that said about him was that he was too weak-willed to stubbornly commit to his art the way she had – so could she even help someone like that?

It was irrelevant, she decided, since his new little “voice” wanted to involve her in his scheme to eat the last remaining bits of Johnny’s brain. If she didn’t try and aid him now, he would probably just manifest in a couple of months to try and either murder her or… worse.

She shook her head. Disgusting!

“I don’t have a choice with this Tenna.” Devi grumbled. “Or rather, I guess I do, and I’m choosing to deal with this now, instead of trusting Nny to have any mental wherewithal to fight this off and not turn into a puppet again.”

“That’s very brave of you, Devi. You’re an inspiration.” Tenna joked, wiping a fake tear away. Devi groaned.

“Thanks. Now get out of here, before the creature himself shows up.” She tossed the tablet back onto the table haphazardly. “I know how he acts around me, relatively anyway, but I don’t need extra company throwing him off-balance, and this ends up a double murder.”

“Okayyy, but if things get hairy, give me a code, like, three stomps on the floor, or eerie silence, or something, and I’ll call the cops!” She grinned from the doorway.

“WHAT GOOD WOULD IT DO!?” Devi steamed and slammed the door shut. She still had very bitter feelings about the city’s useless police force – demon intervention or not.

--

6:01PM:

Johnny sat with his knees up under his chin in the driver’s seat of his car. He pressed his shins against the steering wheel anxiously while he tried to think about what to do. He had gone home and bummed around – the house was still as he’d left it, only dustier, which was to be expected -- until the afternoon, after which he started panicking like the madman he was. What the hell was he supposed to do, actually show up to this thing against his wishes? An ‘art lesson’ with that intimidating woman that he didn’t particularly enjoy being around anymore, mostly because she berated him with scathing honesty now!? Ridiculous!

Yet he was here, parked behind a 24/7, less than a block from her apartments, at the time she requested he come. Curse her, and curse her rightness about all of this. He didn’t want to go.

Hesitantly he moved a hand over and grabbed a small bag of his own art supplies from home. Nothing fancy, but he preferred his own pens for inking comics, as he knew how they performed. Small increments of control was better than none, after all.

Johnny, bag clutched to his chest, exited his vehicle and kicked the door shut. As he walked from the alleyway to the sidewalk that lead to Devi’s building, he questioned all the uncertainties that he was headed directly towards.

The most basic of those worries was his timing for this meeting – arriving early was out of the question, but he had arrived almost exactly on time, which also seemed kind of pathetic. He hated getting caught up in these sort of social dilemmas – but since it involved another person, and one that he kinda-sorta respected in the highest regard, he wanted to make a good impression! What if she was irritated that he was even a minute late? Or what if that made him look totally creepy, and arriving loosely around 6:00PM was more of what she imagined? Stupid social cues!

Amongst his inner-monologuing, he failed to realize how close he was to Devi’s apartment until he was at the steps of the building. He cursed to himself, then treaded up into the lobby and checked the time on the digital wall clock that hung lopsided by the elevators. 6:14PM.

“Shit.” Johnny mumbled again. He didn’t want to hurry if this was supposed to be a casual timeframe, but he didn’t want to doddle either! He decided to take the stairs, but briskly.

--

FOUR FLOORS UP:

Devi had just started to think that the glimmer of a chance that Johnny wouldn’t show up was plausible, when the door knock came.

“Shit.” She griped from the kitchen. Her chest heaved out a sigh, and she aggressively set down her glass of water on the counter. This was going to be a long night, surely.

A few short strides to the door, and she opened it up to her expected guest. At least he didn’t have a bouquet of human limbs.

“Hi.” Johnny shot her a sideways smile. Devi did her best to hold in any unhappy noises, and tried to force what little optimism she had out from the very bottom of her soul.

“Hey, Nny.” She replied, only a little dryly. Johnny smiled wider at that.

“No bat tonight?” He pointed to her bare right hand. Devi looked down to it, then back at him.

“Don’t tempt me.” She stepped aside and let him in, hoping that the act wasn’t just as good as signing her death certificate. Johnny strolled in much too casually for her liking, but she ignored that, hoping to put off any bursts of maniacal rantings from him as long as she could.

Johnny looked around her apartment, like a normal house guest might, seeing as he was one this time. He inspected a few of her paintings with a thoughtful smile on his face and his hands crossed behind his back, still clutching his pencil bag. Devi’s eyebrow ticked in annoyance.

“I didn’t really get a good look at your apartment last night. It’s nice. Very you.” He hummed.

“Thanks.”

“These are your paintings aren’t they? I like them.”

“Thank you, Nny.” Devi rolled her eyes tiredly. “Can we focus here, a little bit?”

“I’m only trying to be polite! You were so kind to invite me back despite desperately wanting to smash my skull in yesterday.” He smiled at her again, almost arrogant, as though trapping her in small talk was a necessary evil, and if he had to suffer this social outing, so did she. Devi snorted.

“Your immense politeness is noted. Now let’s get on to what you’re here for.” She tilted her chin in his direction as she walked by, leading him further into the living room. She sat with a leg tented up on the floor, and Nny followed, sitting across from her with his feet together.

“I see you came prepared for this. That’s good.” She noted the little bag in his lap, choosing to assume it was art supplies and nothing sinister. Johnny grinned while Devi took up the same drawing pad from the night previous. He eagerly opened the pouch to spill out his pens and pencils onto the table. Devi held in any relief that she was right in her assumption.

“So. You just want me to draw?”

“Yeah.”

“And you really think that’s the key thing here?” Johnny questioned skeptically.

“Sickness always talked about how annoying my work ethic was for her. While she was trying to form, I guess, I was using too much of my brain for painting stuff, so she couldn’t grow right, or quickly, or whatever.”

“I see…” Johnny brought a knuckle up to his mouth. “So it’s not so much using your brain, but using it for creative endeavors? Writing, drawing, thinking?”

“Seems like it.” Devi leaned back on her palms. “And to a further extent, not giving in to the temptation of sitting around and doing nothing. There were times where all day I’d be thinking; “I need to work, I need to work”, but I just sat there on the couch thinking about it, never actually got up and did anything, which is what she wanted. For you, it was probably a little different, seeing as – as far as I know – the only supernatural thing that lived in the apartments besides Sickness was the psychic fat of a morbidly obese woman.”

“…What?”

“Nevermind.” Devi looked around before settling her eyes on the paper again. “Just draw, for like, an hour. I need to get some work done too, so I’ll just sketch concept crap while you do that.”

“What should I draw?” Johnny inquired while he jammed the eraser of his pencil up against his gumline.

“I can’t tell you that, that defeats the purpose.” She sighed. “Just, draw a comic, I don’t know. It doesn’t have to make any fucking sense, just something.”

“HAH!” Johnny laughed. “Well I have good news about my Happy Noodle Boy comics, then.”

He seemed a little more enthused at that and pulled the tablet in his direction, before hunching over the table and skritching away at the paper beneath him. Devi watched him curiously a moment before returning to her art room to retrieve her own sketchbook.

--

45 MINUTES IN:

Devi looked up from her perch on her armchair at her struggling ‘student’. She’d already watched him wad up and throw three separate sheets of paper around him, and he was looking more unhinged the less his drawings were coming out like he wanted. Johnny stared at his current page with his lips pursed and his eyebrows furrowed tightly. As he lifted a hand up to the spiral of the tablet, Devi interrupted him.

“Ah.” She scolded. “Keep going.”

“But it’s STUPID. It makes no SENSE.” He argued at her from the floor.

“I told you that’s fine. Don’t get frustrated on the details, it’s fine if it looks like crap as long as you finish.”

“IT’S NOT!”

“Nny.” Devi’s eyelids lowered, indicating as ungently as possible that she wasn’t budging on the subject. Johnny responded with collapsing across the table dramatically.

“THIS IS TOO ANNOYING, I WON’T CONTINUE.” He seethed. “I’m going to the 24/7 and getting a Brain-Freezy!!”

“No, you are not. Finish your stupid comic, you only have like, ten minutes until ‘break time’ anyway.”

“YOU CAN’T MAKE ME STAY!” He screamed back, raising up to glare at her with his hands flat on the table. “I’M TIRED of being controlled, this is idiotic!!”

Devi frowned and set her sketchbook aside.

“Don’t be such a baby!” She chided him. “Think of the goal you’re working towards, you moron! Complaining about not being free when working toward freedom? HELLO?”

Johnny kicked his legs out and let himself fall backwards onto the floor, glaring at the ceiling as though it had called him a slew of cusswords. After a few moments of heaving breaths, Devi watched his chest slow to childlike huffing.

“But… I HATE it, Devi. I HATE IT!” Johnny clenched his fists tightly. “I hardly even enjoy drawing these ASININE Noodle Boys anymore!! I want to draw the way I used to, and this just reminds me that I can’t!! Sometimes it’s still fun, but mostly it SUCKS! COMPLETELY SUCKS!”

“Jeezus… don’t look at it like that, Nny.” She sighed. Tenna joked about her being a therapist monkey, but that was barely an exaggeration if this was going to be how things went every encounter. “Look at your scribbles like the first step back to your previous talent, not a continuous path of stagnant shit you have to walk. I swear, Johnny, this is going to help.”

She hoped that she was swearing to something she could actually bolster, especially after Johnny rolled his head over to give her an immensely forlorn expression. After a moment he sighed and sat back up, lamely picking up his pencil to continue drawing. Devi watched him again, a pinch uncomfortable with the sudden seriousness of the mood, and tried to think of something funny to say.

“Well,” She picked up her work again. “I guess if all else fails, you can just die again.”

Anyone else might have thought the comment cruel, but Johnny burst into a fit of muffled hysterics. Devi smiled against herself, but did her best to hide it behind her sketchbook. Johnny’s giggling tapered off as he settled his hand back onto the page he was working on.

“You know,” He began as he started scribbling. “the funniest thing about the whole dying incident… the method was so stupid.”

“I told you about the RadioShack arm and all of that, but the way I rigged it, it shouldn’t have ever worked! It was hooked up to the phone, and would activate when I got a phone call, but wouldn’t actually go off until I picked up the receiver and said “hello” into it. As Psycho-Doughboy so kindly said, it was a load of shit! I never get calls, not even wrong numbers, and especially not at 2 o’clock in the fuck-all morning!”

Devi’s hand stopped moving mid-stroke, her eyes wide. Johnny didn’t notice, and continued speaking while he drew.

“But, out of all the shit luck I’ve had, the phone rings, right then, right when I was screaming with the Doughboys, saying I was calling the whole thing off! Now that I think about it… I don’t know why I didn’t just… not pick it up – BUT, thank fuck I did, right?”

Devi remained silent, her throat suddenly, and increasingly, dry. It couldn’t be, it just could not be. Her mind raced; maybe it was wrong, she was mistaken – but there was no way, it fit too well. All she heard was that fucking “hello”, then a bang – a gunshot. A thud. A scream. If Johnny was still talking now, she couldn’t hear him.

“It was me.” She said suddenly, bringing Johnny out of his thought.

“Huh?”

“…It… was me. It was me, I was the one that called you that night.” Devi’s widened eyes lifted to stare at him as she spoke. “Tenna said… I was just… checking if you still lived there.”

Her mumblings died off as her eyes wandered away from Johnny’s face to bore into the drywall across the room. Johnny blinked, barely processing what she was saying.

“What? You called me that night, Devi?” He wondered only briefly how she could know it was that exact night, but quickly rationalized that he hadn’t received any other phone calls besides that one, before or since. It was Devi. His eyes grew impossibly larger as the reality of it dawned on him.

He stood up, unable to keep still with the sudden surge of energy pulsing throughout his body.

“You, you – YOU called me Devi!” He paced as he handled the information. “You did – oh my God, I can’t believe I never thought of this before!”

Devi’s attention made it’s way back to her now manic guest, and she watched him uncomfortably from her seat. Johnny smiled uneasily, holding his head while he walked.

“The entire reaction, I gave the reaction the credit for removing those shitty horrors from me, but I never thought of the action! The call itself! It wasn’t just the GUNSHOT, it wasn’t just DYING, it was that phone call! MORE IMPORTANTLY, it was the one that placed that phone call!! My God, all this time I’ve been ambling around, a slave free from his shackles, thrust into a world unknown, when the KNOWING was right there!! It was so obvious!”

He stopped his frantic pacing to kneel into a lunge at the foot of Devi’s armchair, startling her further into the fabric of it’s back. Johnny grabbed the corners of her sketchbook, which she was using as a pathetic shield between her frazzled self and the man before her, and he smiled wide with excitement.

“Oh, Devi! Devi it was always YOU – who else would it be!? Who else COULD it be!” Johnny breathed through a laugh. “Devi, you KILLED ME.”

She could only stare at him in silent horror. It wasn’t like she meant to kill him! She did say that she wished he would die for making her like him so much and then letting her down so horrendously but – Christ, it wasn’t meant to be so literal! She didn’t want to be the cause of it! If he wanted to just go vaporize and leave her alone, that’s what she would have preferred back then. Johnny didn’t seem to realize her discomfort on the gruesome truth to his ‘demise’.

“You stripped me of those wretched little monsters – even the WALL-THING!” His smile didn’t waver. “I should have known; there was a reason you escaped! No, a reason I MET you!”

Devi wanted to interrupt before he convinced himself of some soulmates bullshit, but her throat felt clogged, and nothing would come out.

“And here you are, helping me again… Fuck’s sake, I’ve been so foolish! So BLIND!” Johnny’s fingers gripped onto her sketchbook harder, pulling it down so the top was under his chin as he leaned in further. “All this time, it was always you; you made me happy, you escaped, you released me of that Hell!! If fate’s a real thing, THIS is it! How else would I get aligned with the one person, after all of that previous shit, that has the mental fortitude to withstand an attack from those disgusting vermin!?”

“J… Johnny.” Devi managed finally, through her barely functioning jaw. The sound of her voice seemed to reel him in a ways, and he slid back to sit on his heel expectantly, but with a much less wild look in his eyes.

“Oh, I beg you, please don’t be nervous Devi! I don’t hold any resentment for your hand in my death, not at all!” He chuffed. “And I’m so sorry for… for yelling, and being an overall pain in your ass since visiting you. I swear, after this, that’s it! Whatever you say, goes.”

Devi blinked in surprise at that. Was he honestly pledging his loyalty out of sheer gratitude that she inadvertently kind-of murdered him? She could only stare at his eager eyes, unsure of whether to be horribly afraid of this new measure of weirdness in their relationship, or to feel safer in that she was his so-proclaimed Angel of Death.

“Um… uh…” She tried to think of something to say, but was still panicking internally. “Um, y-y’know what, Nny?”

She hated how his head perked up, like he was waiting on her word.

“A uh… a Brain-Freezy sounds good, actually. You wanna go grab us a couple while I… think about what kind of existential bullshit I’m experiencing right now?”

“YUM. Yes, okay! I will!” His smile pulled up on one side, letting his gums peak out, before he ran to the door. He halted abruptly and turned to her again. “Is Cherry Doom okay? That’s the flavor I get.”

“Yeah.” Devi didn’t even think about her answer, and watched him leave with an uncertain, disturbed look in her eyes. She melted unceremoniously against the chair, arms and legs splayed out, and continued to stare at nothing in particular. She didn’t want Johnny to like her so immensely -- she didn’t even want for him to like her much at all! The way this was going, she might be stuck with him as long as his gratitude lasts. How long could the frenzied gratefulness of a homicidal maniac last, exactly?

--

NEXT.

[athena1138]

i did another ask list bc i’m at a crossroads with my drawing

Single or dating?

single pringle

What do you look for in a person?

So much but also not much? I just wanna be with someone who gets me. Someone who can make me laugh and blush and who treats me nice and respects my boundaries and isn’t afraid to tell me about their boundaries. Someone who won’t manipulate me and cheat on me and then gaslight me because they don’t want to stop it. I just. I just wanna be loved, like really loved and cherished, yknow? 

Zodiac sign?

scorpio :3

What Hogwarts house are you in?

HUFFLEPUFF

What shirt are you wearing right now?

I’m not, I’m wearing a little grey dress 

Do you have any pets?

Me personally, yes, 1 1/2 cats (custody of my first son is in debate between me and my mother.) In my house? 2 cats and 4 dogs

Netflix or Hulu?

Netflix bc the Hulu subscrip I’m leeching off of uses ads (which is totally fine, I mean I’m not paying for it (I do intend to get off of it soon, ker, don’t let momma freak out about it. Mom’s talking about getting her own.))

Best self care tip?

Honestly? It’s cheesy but, look in a mirror, like really look for a good 2 or 3 minutes. Find 10 things about your face/body that you can say you don’t totally hate. And then when you’re done, smile at your reflection and tell yourself you’re beautiful. If you do it enough, eventually you’ll begin to believe yourself. 

Any odd skills?

Idk what “odd” means. Um. I guess I remember certain things really well? Like, you wanna hear an exact conversation I had 13 years ago? Cool settle down. You wanna hear a list of 30 random and completely useless facts I’ve involuntarily collected over the years? I gotchu. 

Favorite color?

Teal and mulberry

Did you play sports growing up?

I tried softball, made it through half the season before I rage quit. That was it though. I was a band kid instead. (But fam, if I had known what water polo was, you best believe I’d have been on all the teams.) 

Eye color?

brown 

Hair color?

brown 

Any tattoos or piercings?

answered in my last list (8 earrings and a nose ring, used to have another set of lobes and an eyebrow ring, 3 tattoos)

First kiss?

I was like 11 and it was bad. Like really bad. We tried to eat jolly ranchers to make it better but it was just so bad. 

Are you learning any new skills?

Digital art :3 

Early bird or night owl?

night owl

Sunrises or sunsets?

Sunrises, but only if I’m already up. I’m not getting out of bed for that shit. 

*pick 2 foods and make me choose*

My top 2 favorite foods are pork 包子(big fluffy Chinese dumplings) and chili. I’d choose bao every day of my life :) 

Super power of choice?

Shapeshifting. But not just like into other people, more like I’d like the ability to give myself mutations. Catch me disappearing into the ocean for 50 years to go be a mermaid then catch me coming back out to be a fuckin tree or something until I’ve decided I’m ready to reintegrate into society. 

Do you want to get married?

I may or may not have at least 3 dream weddings planned out in scary detail.

Do you want kids?

fuck that noise

Any siblings?

A brother 10 years older than me who I’ve disowned, and a sister 8 years older than me. 

Do you drive?

Ye. 

Long or short hair?

On me? I don’t care. Usually long until I have a mental breakdown and chop it all off. On other people? I especially don’t care

Oldest, youngest, or middle child?

Youngest

First 3 songs from a shuffle?

The Weed Smoker’s Dreams from Hugh Laurie, Smells Like Teen Spirit from Nirvana, Money from Ivy Levan. 

Marvel or DC?

MCU but DC’s villains. 

Any pet peeves?

Being rude to people, chewing with your mouth open, driving without your lights on. 

Are you named after anyone?

No, but my middle name came from my mom’s best friend growing up. (Though my dad was married to a Rebecca before my mom which I think is really fucking weird that I’m named Rebecca, too? Mom swears there’s no correlation but come on.) 

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Pfft, who, me?

How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

Depends on where I’m going. Max an hour and that’s if I need to shower and put eyeliner on. 

Have you ever been in an airplane?

Ye

How about a helicopter?

No

What time is it right now where you live?

11:30pm

Have you ever been out of your home country?

Ye

What was the reason for your last breakup?

He left me for a minor. 

What kind of phone do you have?

Samsung galaxy s7

Who is the last person you texted?

My mommy

Would you consider your name unique?

My name is Rebecca. Let that be an answer. 

Do you prefer swimming in the ocean or a pool?

They both have perks. Probably a pool, I guess. I can get scared of water I can’t see through, but I do love the ocean.

Are you right or left handed?

Right

Do you wear pajamas? If so, what kind?

Nope. I either fall asleep in my clothes or I’m sleeping in a tank top and underwear (unless I’m home alone then it’s just underwear.) 

What is the temperature right now?

80, and i have a blanket on.

Are you a picky eater?

Nope. I just have one thing I absolutely cannot eat and that’s anything on a bone. Oh, and ham & bean soup, gravy of any kind, and anything that comes out of the water. 

Do you fear thunder/lightning?

Hell no I love that shit

Do you get homesick?

I can, but increasingly less as time goes on. 

Do you wear a ring?

Nah. I have fat fingers and don’t like things on my hands. That’s part of the reason I don’t want an engagement ring is because I’d be too scared to lose it and then I’d never wear it and I’d still somehow lose it. (I wanna get the One Ring’s inscription tattooed around my ring finger.) 

Favorite soda?

Cherry vanilla coke

Are both of your biological parents still in your life?

No. Dad died 9 years ago

[dothewrite]

hellow! would you be able to do a scenario with oikawa and his s/o catches him late at night practicing volleyball (honestly i find guys that have ambition and just wanting to improve so hot anyway moving on) and his s/o can obviously see he's tired as hell so just as he practices his serve and it bounces to the floor she picks it up and steals it from him and he tries to get it back from her but she just cutely runs away with it and cute events ensue and he realizes how damn in love with her he

There might have been a slight time gap in-between writing the first and second part. Hopefully it doesn’t show too much. Hopefully it also doesn’t show my breakneck writing speed near the end either. Hopefully, you enjoy this!

It’s a Tuesday, just passed eight thirty.Or it should be, since the last time Oikawa checked the plastic clock in thechanging rooms was when the sun was still up. Now, he can barely see the skybehind the slim window slits that surround the edges of Seijou’s gym, and whateverlight there was had long shifted away from the wisps of clouds.

Without a watch and without the gym’sdigital timer switched on, he’s learned to trust the biological clock thatticks with each routine practice he works on day after day. His muscles screamat him with varying degrees of desperation during very specific intervals ofhis solo practice, giving him a decent idea of how much further he still has togo. A slightly masochistic way of timekeeping, but pain has never beeneffective in holding him back.

Oikawa tosses the ball between his hands,letting it slap his calloused palms in penitence. Penitence that he can take—must take—and he lets the sear of hishamstrings stretch along his bare bones with each fold of his knees. For him,it’s better this way. With the pain, he can measure how much he’s giving up forexcellence, for the image of himself that seems to drift farther when hehimself takes a step forward.

He’s glad for the sliver of air that theopen doors breathe in; it’s his only reprieve. Otherwise, his eyes would be farworse off than simply stinging from the stream of sweat that pours down fromhis forehead. He flicks his tongue up to lick the stale saltiness pooled abovehis lips, and squints past the rawness of his eyelids.

Justone more set. One more.

His eyes narrow and he watches the spotthat he’s aiming towards with such focus, as if it would shift underneath hisfeet and disappear. Oikawa crouches, feeling the tension pull his body taught andarches into it. And then he leaps, feeling the floor kissing his heels goodbyeand he’s up in the air; he draws his arm back as far as it can take and smashesit into the volleyball.

It hurtles forward with an electric joltand lands centimetres away from its destined spot.

The resounding smack echoes through thegym, and he feels it thrumming in his head, the blood rushing from his chestinto his ears, and the throbbing soreness his palm suffers.

He lifts a wrist to rub away the beads of sweatthat trickle into his eyes, stinging them into tears.

“Phew, that was a scary serve.”

For a moment he doesn’t realize that it’ssomeone talking until, he does, andOikawa has to blink hard twice to rid the fuzziness in his vision. Where themystery voice came from stands a familiar face, almost as if materialized outof mid-air, with her small hands wrapped around the ball that appearsunnaturally large. He watches her watch him with curious, surveying eyes.

“You aren’t picturing anyone when you hitit, are you?”

Oikawa breaks into a smile that looks alot more tired than he feels. “No, not particularly.”

“Well, I’m glad you aren’t, and glad it’snot me.” She tosses the ball up experimentally, and her hands sink when itlands in her palms. “You know, I expected this to be lighter.”

“Is that so? Volleyball players’ musclesare just for show, then?”

Her eyes sparkle with a worrying mischief.“Would that be so bad?”

“Not if it’s working,” he answers, andwatches her struggle to hide the sudden flush to her cheeks.

Their coach had locked up the rest of the ballsearly this afternoon, so the only one that Oikawa’s left with is the onesitting snugly in her hands like an overinflated balloon. It’s too big comparedto her tiny height, and he sees her curl unconsciously around it, protectively,like a pet. It does look rather comfortable there, and now he’s definitelydistracted.

It isalmost nine, he reasons with himself, he’s more or less earned the right to bedistracted.

Still, his fingers twitch restlesslyagainst his sides, strained with the pent-up energy it had borrowed from thesharp smacking pain against the volleyball. There isn’t nearly enough ache inhis thighs, his knees are still propping him up just fine, and the voice thatcurls up the length of his arms hiss at him: it wasn’t high enough. Not fast enough. Not good enough.

Oikawa steps forwards to beckon for theball before he notices himself moving. He couldn’t know what expression he wasmaking, too exhausted for restraint, but she had been watching with those hawkeyes of hers behind those glasses and she takes a step back in response. Theball presses tighter against her ribcage, and she half-turns away to protect it—orto protect him from it, most likely.

“You’re tired,” she says softly. Shedoesn’t want to scare him away quite yet. “Your mom texted me to ask if you’regoing to be back in time for dinner.”

Oikawa tilts his head, puzzled. “Theyhaven’t eaten yet? It’s nine.”

“Oh, Tooru. You know they always wait foryou if they can.”

“Oh. Well, I,” he begins, but he loses thewords before he finds them. He frowns instead. “I turn my phone on silent whenI practice.”

She wisely chooses to say nothing in response,but her eyes are thoughtful and her grip on the volleyball tightens. Shewatches quietly as Oikawa seems to pull himself out of the safe he keepseverything non-sport related in, the heat in his face cooling down as his mind’sunending gears roll to a slow halt. The soreness seems to intensify, and whathad been a bearable discomfort grows into a more human burn that he usually getsthe day after an intense work out.

“Is it starting to hurt?” She calls fromacross the court. He can’t help but think she sounds rather cheery about it.

He shakes his head, and at that, even hisneck seems to cry out.

“Yeah. I must’ve pushed harder thanusual.”

“Hmmm. Can you still walk?”

Now, Oikawa was tired, not dead. And mostcertainly not stupid. With his itchy and probably reddened eyes, he peers ather. Her fingers tap against the ball as they always do when she’s thinkingsomething. Calculating.

“Yeees,” he says slowly. “I believe I canstill walk faster than you.”

“Is that so?”

He draws in a deep breath. “That is so.”

“Okay.” She breaks into a roguish grin. “Okay.So, let’s see how fast you can really walk, then, Captain.”

Before he can spit out something smart tohold her back, she whips around with his one and only ball cradled like a babyagainst her chest and sprints out of the small crack between the open doors.It’s a foul—definitely a bloody foul—and Oikawa almost trips over his own feetthe first few steps he takes in pursuit. It takes all the hurried steps betweenthe middle of the court (which he doespause and turn off all the lights and switches to before locking up, because he’snot a complete barbarian) to the small crossroads in front of the school gates forhim to catch a glimpse of her figure, weaving in and out of a line of cherryblossoms planted beside the school walls.

Oikawa takes a second to gather his breathand check his shoelaces in case he ends up tripping over himself and possibly embarrassinghimself for the rest of the month. They’ve been dating for a good while, but itdoesn’t mean that the sight of her mischievous grin doesn’t ignite a pleasantburn in his chest, and his fingers that itch to draw her into close proximityjust to hear her strained giggles as he pokes her to death.

A third party would probably retch intheir mouths a little at this moment, but Oikawa kicks said imaginary partyaside and does what he does best. Holding his head up high and pretending tobelong exactly where he is, even if it is the realm of possibly over-saccharinerevelations.

He hoists his gym back further up hisshoulder and calculates exactly how far and how long he’ll need to traverse toreach his desired destination. In the cream glow of the streetlights at night,he can still pick out her waving arm and swaying figure, most likely doing her bestto taunt him.

Oikawa rocks slightly on the back of hisheels, and then sinks low. He takes a measured breath and sprints straightahead at her.

He’s grateful now for the mellow burn inhis calves instead of its usual searing ache, and he marvels at how easy hisfeet bound forwards—he hasn’t had an excuse to run at full tilt in ages, notsince he’s missed his bus two months ago—and although he can pick out thesudden chirp of alarm from where she stands, there’s still enough moments forhim to relish the sound of the evening wind whipping past his ears in torrents.

It’s hardly fair competition, but Oikawacrashes into her all the same with a wide grin splitting his face in half. Shesquawks when he collides into her, knocking her completely off her feet, butwhen he picks her up off the ground entirely, volleyball and all, and flingsher around in a wild circle, the squawks turn into peals of laughter.

He lets her down once he starts feelingtoo much blood rush to his head. He holds a hand to his head, still slightlywinded from all the laughing and the activity, and she does her best to forceher features into a firm, and poor, replica of a disapproving look.

It doesn’t quite have its intended effect,not with the drunken staggering.

Oikawa cracks into a fresh peal ofsniggers, and points at her. “You look like a really grumpy salaryman after onetoo many drinks.”

She tries even harder for a few seconds orso, but gives up when she sees him almost doubled over with laughter; his handson his knees and bent at the waist—if one didn’t know where to look, this youngman with too much vibrancy coursing through his veins would almost beunrecognizable as the older, wearier man in the gymnasium with all the weightof his future digging into his aching shoulders.

If it makes him smile for longer, nomatter how short, she would stagger and frown as much as she could.

“I believe I won,” she announces proudly,still swaying faintly from one side to another. “You cheated! You ran!”

Oikawa takes a moment to gulp in some airin between laughs and peers up at her. “And you didn’t? What was that, then?”

“I am a very fast walker.”

“You were literally bounding across campus!”

“Isn’t running just extremely fastwalking?”

“And is flying just extremely fast falling?”Oikawa demands incredulously, but she’s twinkling in her eyes and the way shethrows her head back when she’s got the upper hand distracts him entirely froma perfectly formed argument. There’s barely any light that isn’t too orange atthis time of night, but somehow, she stills manages to glow from her cheeks. “You’restill holding that thing.”

She looks down. “What, the volleyball?”

“They’ll count tomorrow, you know. Coachis insufferably anal like that.”

Grinning, she tosses it up and catches itagain. “Technically you could count this as a handicap. For our contest.”

“Which you cheated in,” Oikawa says,rolling his eyes, but he’s smiling because it’s impossible to stop himself. Hehasn’t felt this completely off kilter in far too long; he misses the liberatingsensation of completely losing his mind to whatever his emotions felt. “Whatwould you do if we agreed that you won, then?”

“Dinner,” she answers promptly. Whichmakes him wonder if she’s simply plotted this all along, since she’d steppedinto the gym, looking for him.

“Dinner? Won’t your parents be expecting you home?”

“I called them before I went searching foryou.” Oh, she was practically vibrating with poorly concealed satisfaction, andOikawa can’t find it himself to stop the choking laughter that bubbles up histhroat either. “Whatever you think, Tooru, I am far sneakier than you are.”

“I’m beginning to readjust my expectationsalready,” he agrees readily. She beams, even if he’s not sure that it’s quitethe compliment he would have chosen for himself.

“Okay. Then I win, you can take yourvolleyball, and we can all go to get okonomiyaki. Does that sound good?”

“Don’t think I don’t see what you’retrying to do. Sneaking in your win like that.”

Laughing, she tosses the ball at his chestwith a small jump in her step. “Accept your place in the universe, Captain. Anddon’t pick battles you can’t win.”

Oikawa warrants nobody ever talks to himas candidly as she does, and quite honestly, he wouldn’t let anyone else do it.He was many things, but not as enthralled with himself as many consider him tobe, and no matter how much Issei or Hanamaki would literally bury him withblackmail if they’d ever caught a whiff of his after-school exploits with hisgirlfriend, he allowed himself this one luxury. This one happiness that fillshis chest without him bleeding for it, and having someone else split into jawaching smiles because of something hesaid; this was far out of his depth, but one he was more than willing toflounder in.

“Alright, lead the way.” Oikawa grips theball with his arm against his waist, and jerks his head ahead. “Bus stop?”

“Mhmm. It’ll be my treat today, so eat asmuch as you like.”

“I appreciate the heads up!”

She laughs all the way to the deserted busstop, reserved only for school routes, and he trails behind her with anuncharacteristic smile on his face.

He’d remember this, for as long as hecould and as clearly as he could, underneath the harsh lights of the stationand the poorly pasted phone advertisements; she stands with her hands woundbehind her back and leaning towards him, waiting for his steps to finally bringhim to her.

And Oikawa doesn’t say anything when shehooks her arm through his and it’s oddly tender, as if afraid to press too hardon his bruises. He doesn’t say anything when she glances at her phone andsmiles slightly at an incoming message. He doesn’t say anything when he turnson his phone and there aren’t any messages from his parents after she’d foundhim in the gym.

He doesn’t say anything at all, onlysmiling and humming in the way he allows himself when he’s alone with her, andshe rests her chin on his shoulder as they stare out at the empty street,waiting for the next bus to arrive with their hands around each other.

[asktailikku]

For anyone over the age of 20, put your mind back to spring 1997 in the build-up to Disney’s One Saturday Morning on ABC.  On April 19th of that year, Disney premeired a new series on the channel called Nightmare Ned.  The series focussed on a 10 year old boy named Ned Needlemeyer (voiced by Courtland Mead) who has recurring nightmares every night, through which he has a better understanding of whatever is bothering him while he is awake.  Also appearing on the show are some of Ned’s schoolmates, including two bullies named Vernon and Conrad (voiced by Jim Cummings and Dan Castelanetta respectively), and his parents (the father, Ed, is voiced by Brad Garret).  The show lasted for twelve episodes due to creative differences between the show-runners and the show going over budget.  Any and all references to the show have simply been ignored by Disney as no rereleases of the episodes have been made on Disney XD or on DVD (here’s hoping for an appearance on that new streaming service)

In October of that same year, Disney Interactive released a CD-Rom based on the show, developed by Window Painters and Creative Capers.

This time, the plot centers around one big nightmare that Ned has from being home alone after school one day.  A storm takes out all the power in the house, warping it into something sinister.  As Ned tries to go to sleep through all the thunder and lightning, he is grabbed by a monster whose arms burst through the walls from behind his bed, dropping him into the nightmare world, and plaguing him with five Shadow Creatures.

The game is a sidescrolling adventure game set in five different levels.

The Graveyard Nightmare.  This nightmare is usually associated as the first level, due to it being directly in front of Ned on the “overworld” of sorts.  This area has the standard horror tropes of a gravedigger, zombies, evil trick or treaters, crypts, pumpkins, ghosts, and the Grim Reaper.  According to some fans, this represents necrophobia, as well as other standard horror-based fears.

The Bathroom Nightmare.  According to the manual, everything bathroom related has come to life and is after Ned.  Such things include a living barrier of razors, a labyrinth of pipes, massive toilets, as well as various unplayable transitions that show many more horrors that Ned has to get by (such as the one above).  Also included is a song about one thing that most children at that age fear: puberty.

The Medical Nightmare.  This is actually a dual-themed nightmare, originally set in a waiting room.  Jumping on the gurney brings Ned to the Doctor’s office, which begins with a runaway gurney barrelling down the hallway with operation happy surgeons trying to grab organs from Ned.  The end of the hallway is the operating room with an Electric Beaver running the operation, done in a manner similar to Wheel of Fortune.

Jumping on the giant mouth-shaped chair brings Ned to the Dentist’s office, which here is a giant mouth with various creatures hiding in the gums and teeth, “tooth worms”, braces and rubber bands, and the dentist himself.  There is also a little ditty sung by a uvula.

The School Nightmare.  And I mean that literally.  This stageis based around Ned’s school in the waking world, mixed with Alcatraz.  There are three layers to this nightmare.  The first being the school halls themselves, filled with rampaging students, bullies, evil librarians, janitors, and the school nurse.  The second is Craft Class, found within a locker.  This is where many of the game’s “boss battles” are located.  The bosses are done by digitizing stop-motion animations of various arts and crafts.  These include a chicken made of papier-mâché and macaroni, a skeleton made of cotton, paper plates, and pipecleaners (one that looks a lot like Jack Skellington), a Clayfighter 63-2/3 reject, and a vampire made out of a milk carton.  Beating the bosses will change the drab environment into a diorama of George Washington chopping down his father’s cherry tree.  Losing to them will make it into a diorama of Washington Crossing the Delaware.

The third layer, and possibly the most well known on line, is the chalkboard.  This is because of the song playing sung by a math teacher who is clearly taking drugs (as confirmed by the songwriter, Jim Owens) with many nonsense questions.

Train A is carrying 200 people going 80 mph on a 92-mile track, and is at the 46 mile mark.  Train B is carrying 200 ducks, going 40 mph, adding 1 mph each time one of the ducks quacks.

Madeline has 87 pomegranates and her cousin Riley has a $20 bill and 18 dimes; How many pomegranates can he purchase even though they are not for sale, which she has told him over 18 times? (The logical answer is that he will get every single one due to him having $21.80, but the teacher states that answer will still come to zero since THE STUPID POMEGRANATES aren’t even for sale.)

A pop-quiz that takes up the half of the song, followed by a nonsense bit that includes knowing how much kerosene costs, making the result of a few more mathematics into a dish by putting it in a 9 x 13 pan and cooking it until it browns, turning all the sixes you have so far into nines, subtracting a forty-third, dialing “9”, taking a right on 82nd, adding a half, picking any card, dividing it by 99 and then by 40.25, drawing smilies in the zeroes, crossing out everything you wrote, and if they don’t have the answer just going ahead to bunt and get the runner to score. (Jonathan Vecci on a YouTube upload worked out the answer to be 14,501.54440727273 based on the market price of kerosene on November 11th, 2017, wich was $3.238/gallon)

STRIKE THREE! YER OUT!

Suffice to say, this is also my favorite area of the game because of the boss fights and due to the trippy animations on the chalkboard whenever you hit one of the word animals and they change into something else that rhymes with that word, save for the Bees and the “Snake/Drake/Cake”.

The Nightmare in the Attic, Basement, and Beyond. The most linear nightmare in the game as the manual points out that the ultimate goal is to make it to the hidden shortcut to the Graveyard Nightmare.  The nightmare is set within a haunted house with various oddities in the attic, a living boiler that belches flames, and a violent flock of birds, two black cats playing with mirrors on ladders, a fortune telling machine that gives up on cryptic hints. The Basement is where things get really strange with wallpapers that comes to life to give Ned an atomic wedgie, a dragon that tells stories from “Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark” in prose form (and voiced by Edie McClurg), a violent freakshow of various taxidermied together chimeras, and a trip into a “jungle” within the basement.  This jungle includes a circus act of juggling jug-headed Siamese twins from Skipback County called Petey and Repetey, always bickering with eachother.

The game ends when Ned encounters each of the Shadow Creatures three times in each nightmare, with each encounter slowly turning them into someone that Ned knows while he is awake.  Once all five are turned back to “normal,” the ending plays, although depending on how many “hours” were spent; in the game you have no healthbar and life counter, so you are practically immortal, save for the bosses in Craft Class.  If you press Q on the keyboard, get stabbed by the dentist three times, or getting sent to the principal’s office and getting the wrong number on the phone, you lose one “hour”. If you waste less than 8 hours, you get the good ending where Ned has conquered his nightmares.  If you waste 8+ lives, you get the bad ending where Ned has become paranoid.

If you want to try playing this game, good luck trying to find a good copy of the game online, and even then you need to play it on Windows operating systems between 3.1 and Vista; it will not run on Windows 7-10, unless you run it in a Virtual Machine or DOSBox emulating Windows 3.1.  Disney has yet to acknowledge this game outside of the brief rerelease that came packaged with Villains’ Revenge.

“Oh, gosh!”

Hope to see you all tomorrow.

Sweet Dreams are Made of Screams For anyone over the age of 20, put your mind back to spring 1997 in the build-up to Disney's One Saturday Morning on ABC. 

[sunnixsunshine]

Two people I looked to most at the beginning:

Mark Crilley and Jazza! Mark Crilley really jump started everything since I couldnt go to a art class in middle school at first. I'd sit at my family computer copying him step by step until I branched out and began to draw on my own. Thats when I found Jazza. I watched his videos and fell in love with character design and tried copying his methods. Thanks to him I got better at using guidelines and learned fundamental things such as line of action and just having fun with art in general! I haven't watched Crilley since I stopped using my old account 7 years ago but I remember that he's a good teacher for beginner artists, especially those who want to draw in the anime style. And Jazza has plenty of videos up from even years back that still hold very well— I recently went back to his older animation tutorials and whaddaya know??? They still hold up about 9 years later!

Nowadays, when in need of or just wanting to shake things up with my art but I'm in a rut I go to many of the more casual artists on youtube such as...

DrawingWiffWaffles, Drawfee, and Doodle Date! They all draw in real time and that really helps to understand how to put your lines down. By that I mean they talk as they draw rather than do voice overs. They talk about their process in real time and it explains so much. Its very helpful! Drawfee also has tons of live streams on their twitch where and cross post/archive them on youtube(heres one where Jacob answers art questions). Doodle Date sit and chat and share their ideas with traditional media mostly, showing their thumbnails and sketch to lineart process and then the final product! Waffles does the same as well, or that's at least her formula last I had checked. I admittedly haven't watched her in at least two years. She's still fun to watch as she experiments a lot and makes it feel less scary to experiment with art.

Its very helpful to just sit there with any video of any of these artists going on as you draw or doodle as well! If you're not fond of or good at multitasking then just watching a video before hand should be just as helpful!

Heres a tip I wish I would have know years ago: Don't worry about finding your personal style. Itll come to you when it comes to you. My few styles comes from studying Pixar concept art, artist Krooked Glass and Cranitys, the art of Klaus, and Shiyoon Kim. This is all recent, about 3 years recent. And I've been drawing for 11yeara now.

Find an artist you like, study their work, copy their style(note: if you ever post it online, make sure to credit who the artist you copied from is!very important!) and do so until your comfortable to leave that little circle of safety. Go ham experimention. Play with shapes. Sharp shapes. Round shapes. GO NUTS! Until then, keep it simple. Don't stress.

Don't make it seem like chore to practice everyday because eventually it'll feel like one. Just do it when the moment strikes you. I suggest investing in a cheap 5 dollar sketchbook just big enough to fit a tote. Bring a pen or pencil with you so that when your on the run you can doodle.

Also. Trace photographs. I used to do it a lot in the beginning and still do when it comes to trying to understand objects or anatomy. Credit your models if you've used it online, or you can simply use yourself as a model(as I do for hands and most profile portraits). Gradually ease yourself out of tracing by leaving the reference to the side and eyeballing everything then overlap the sketch with the reference every so often(talking digital work) to check it. Also flip your canvas if the program your using provides it! It works WONDERS!

If youve got anymore questions you can DM me if ya want! :)

not being able to draw while being in the hetalia fandom is literal hell

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Hard Times | June Goals Update

So it’s been another month. Somewhat scary to think that time flies straight over your head, and doesn't ever stop...

Anywho...

*If you would prefer to not read my struggles with bipolar disorder and in particular, the depressive side of it, feel free to skip past this ramble!*

Hey People of Earth!

I’ve had a month. It opened shitty, ended shitty, lots of shitty things happened in between. In regards to June--damn, how shitty it has been.

I have tried writing this post on its own for around a week now. And every single time I try, I end up trashing the draft. Last night I decided not to trash the draft, and post it today, but I’ve somehow trashed the draft.

Again...

So. I've sort of been severely depressed since the start of the month... Oh boy...

If you don't know, I was diagnosed officially as bipolar on May 31st of this year. I kid you not, the very next day, I fell back into this terrible depressive rut I haven't been able to escape since.

I’ve been waiting three years for someone to just validate the feelings I've had--I’ve been desperate for someone to tell me what my doctor told me on May 31st. I was convinced that hearing those words, hearing that diagnosis would make me the happiest person in the world, and I think it’s the disappointment that stemmed from not having that that just choked me this month.

I don’t know why hearing so hey, Rachel, yo, you’re actually bipolar sent me into the deepest, darkest hole I have ever existed in. Because I’d been waiting so long to hear those words. Past Me was positive everything would be better after I heard those words. Past Me always thought everything would get better after hearing those words, but things have only gotten progressively worse.

I’m diagnosed as bipolar, and I can’t tell you how hard that has been to swallow.

I’m sincerely sorry for missing blog posts, and promising I’ll come back, and then never coming back. I’ve literally torn myself apart because of this... But, I’ve lived like a ghost this month, and doing anything has been so painful. 

I went from high to low in the span of seconds, and I can’t leave.

I want to get into how it feels to be bipolar, and to cycle into these moods so frequently. Of course, this is only my experience with this disorder. Others might not experience this like I do.

So for me, shifting from high to low feels like someone is punching me in the face, and will not stop. I hate going from okay one moment, to so low the next. It’s so frustrating to me. Ask my family or friends--it’s fucking frustrating for them too because do you know how difficult it is for someone to see you having the time of your life one day, and then being in such a dark place the next? I hardly understand this. I can’t imagine how those around me feel. Switching from high to low feels like I’m a failure, and I cannot stop failing, because of all things, I can’t control my own brain, even though I feel like I should have that right. I’m not strong enough to control my brain--it controls me. Switching from high to low makes me feel so stuck. Like I’m struggling in quicksand, but there is no way out. You feel defeated by yourself, even though you shouldn't have a competition within yourself . But that’s kind of what goes on with me every time this happens. My body and soul go to war, when that should never happen.

I feel like to a point, while I emphasize honesty in my blog posts, there’s a line I draw. There’s a point where I fear if I talk more about this, and talk more about the fact that every single thing I did in June was torturous, people will not want to listen. I don’t want to bog people down. But this affects my writing life so much, and in turn, will affect you.

Imagine one day, you’re on top of the world. You have everything you could ever want. You are successful. You feel great about yourself. You are in the best state you have ever been in. Now imagine, the next day, you witness something so upsetting, you spiral into the deepest rut you’ve ever been in. You don't want to keep going. You’re choking on your own life. You feel hollow.

This happens to me. Every day. Every week. Every month.

I wish I could be more positive about this... I miss my positivity so much.

I can’t remember if I’ve talked about this on here before. But January and February are always the worst months I ever have to experience. Jan and Feb of 2015 were emotionally draining, but I didn’t know why, so I moved along as they went. Jan and Feb of 2016? A little harder to get by, but I did it, with a little help from ALL THE BRIGHT PLACES. Jan and Feb of 2017? Completely different ball game. I’ve never fought so hard to stay here.

Until June…

I always said that if I didn’t have a diagnosis before January and February of 2018, I’d probably not survive beyond then.

I didn’t know I was capable of feeling that pain in a completely different realm of time.

June isn’t the winter. June is sunny, and bright, and where all the happiness should stem from. There are flowers outside. The sky is blue. Everything is beautiful. June isn’t supposed to bring misery like January and February. June is supposed to be breezy and light, and the cross into summer vacation. But I just exited the hardest month I’ve ever had to live through. And I hate that I’ve said that statement somewhere around 8 times in my life, and I’m hardly even sixteen.

I can’t tell you why I’m so depressed. I can’t explain it. I can’t tell you it’s because something bad happened in my life. Because nothing did. Nothing happened. Nothing should have changed.

Gah. I didn't want to have to say all of this. But I know if I don't know, I never will.

So welcome to my off day. Or my off month. I guess.

So now that all of that's been said, let’s get into these insanely ambiguous goals, shall we?

1. Hit 80k in FOSTERED #5.

HIT 90K BABY.

2. Outline more of ALANNIS, and like maybe try to finish it, though I mean this isn’t going to happen, so yeah, just work on it pls

Didn’t even touch the thing. lol sorry.

3. Upload another video.

Guess who didn’t do this. Guess who has a video ready to upload just sitting on her computer. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Actually, I do. (Reference above, lol)

(I will get this thing up when I feel a little better I promise!)

4. Read a book yo.

Didn’t do this. Also because of the above. Sigh. I did start THE HATE U GIVE and it’s amazing thus far. I’m around 100 pages in, and I love it.

5. Finish another character portrait.

If there’s something I did this month... Jeez...

I did a lot of art this month, man... So I mean, if there’s a silver lining to anything, it’s that... I actually just finished one of these an hour ago. I’m not going to show you one of them because I’m not digging the final outcome that much.

I finished this AWESOME painting of Emily from the FOSTERED books AKA the character who looks different every time I write with her... lol. (Did I just call my own art awesome? Uhm, well I say awesome because @sarahkelsiwrites​ drew the sketch, I only painted it in. So yes.)

I don't like complimenting my own work, but um, I think I have substantially (and quite miraculously) improved my abilities to shade using the painterly technique.

I actually did my first digital painting using the painterly technique earlier in the month.

Here I bring you, ‘Angsty Ben’

LOOK AT HIS EYELINER

LOOK AT HIS BLEACHED HAIR

LOOK AT HIS LIP RING.

LOOK AT HIS ANGST PATCH JACKET

LOOK AT HIS STROKES FANBOY T-SHIRT

THE SURF CURSE PATCH KILLS ME

WHO ELSE SEES THE CLIFFORD IS A DISAPPOINTMENT PATCH ON THE BOTTOM LEFT.

LOWKEY WHAT A FUTURE 17-YEAR-OLD BEN LOOKS LIKE.

Hahahahahaaaaaaa

I know. This is the best thing I’ve ever created. Ha. So this cheered me up. Awesome.

Obviously, it’s not entirely finished, though I’m just stopping here at this point, because it was really only here as a test in shading.

My point here, is that I think there’s quite a large improvement in shading...

@sarahkelsiwrites​ did an amazing job on Emily’s sketch, so huge thanks to her! I have a speedpaint for this, so it’ll be up at some point in time... Harrison is actually supposed to be next to her, buuuuut he’s giving me trouble, so... (He will be completed at some point in time also.)

AND NOW LOOK HOW LIT THIS IS

@sarahkelsiwrites​ drew me the most AMAZING portrait of Lonan, and I die.

If you don't know, the name Lonan means blackbird, and the meaning of his name, though never stated in the books, is a huge point of symbolism in the novels...

This is the sketch she drew (excuse the world’s shittiest scan):

(It’s shitty a) because the paper is kind of way too big for the scanner, and b) because haha my scanner is shitty)

BUT CAN WE JUST.

And then I, around an hour ago, went in and added colour...

AHHHHHHHH

Sarah said she’d eventually like to do a digital painting of this as well, so I’m just so stoked... THE SYMBOLISM IN THIS DRAWING ACTUALLY MURDERS MEEEEEE.

Cuz yanno, birds are supposed to be in cages, but LOOK AT HIIIIM.

In other news, I finally have an idea for book five’s cover...

Bless you, Sarah. Bless. This thing makes me so happy.

I also have a speedpaint for this. So yeah. Onslaught of vids coming your way the minute I start feeling better.

6. Complete that huge edit on FOSTERED #5.

YAAAAAS. I did this. In school. Like a boss. If you don't know, I like to go back and edit my novel every 10k words or so, and accidentally eventually let the usual 10k turn into 30k... So to continue writing, I had to make a bit of a large edit, and I did it! I think it happened in a day or so? So it was a lot less arduous than anticipated.

7. *Maybe* re-visit I’M DISAPPOINTED. Just maybe. If it won’t drive you nuts. Or at least look at the query and fix it up a little.

I thought about re-visiting I’M DISAPPOINTED. lol. Does that count. (More news on what the heck is happening with this book in my writing update which should be up at some point in time..)

8. Write at least 100 words in the I’M DISAPPOINTED short story.

I didn’t do this. I was supposed to edit what I had. I have it all formatted and everything. But I never printed it out... So then, I just never wrote anything...

Ahhh well, look at all the amazing art above, lol. I’ve done more, but I’m saving all that stuff for later when they’re all cleaned up and stuff.

So those were all my goals and stuff. So I mean, even though I had the shittiest month ever, I still managed to somehow get a lot of things done. I’m addicted to work. This is a problem.

(Oh by the way, another goal I hit this month... You know how I said a while back that I wanted to get a 97% average this semester? Well... uh. I kind of did. 97.25% to be exact... yeaaaaaahhhhhh I should stop...)

So here are more goals:

1. Hit 100k in FOSTERED #5

2. Outline more of ALANNIS, and like maybe try to finish it, though I mean this isn’t going to happen, so yeah, just work on it pls

3. Upload another video.

4. Read a book yo.

5. Finish another character portrait

like come on

6. Write at least 100 words in the I’M DISAPPOINTED short story. 

pls.

Some exciting things happening in my life right now:

- I’m seeing Ed Sheeran in concert this FRIDAYYYYYY

- I might be seeing Precious Kid in Pennsylvania. Possibly.

- MY BROTHERS MET PRECIOUS KID

- I’M SEEING FLIPPIN SURF CURSE IN CONCERT AT THE END OF AUGUST

- Also going to Mexico

So many things are happening, man...

Because this post started out as the world’s biggest bummer, I want to maybe help anybody out there who needs some comfort by sharing a couple of things that’ve made my past month less terrible.

Daughter performances have been the only thing keeping me going at night when I can’t sleep. My insomnia hasn’t left me alone for this entire week. After trying everything I know of (come on fam, even my favourite ASMR vid doesn’t work), I’ve resorted to watching performances of one of my favourite bands.

Elena writes beautiful songs about her own sadness. She does it in a way that brings me so much comfort. And while all that I go through is ugly, Elena uses words that make it sound beautiful, and in doing so, make my pain less hurtful.

I’ve never seen them perform their song Made Of Stone live, so finding this performance was absolutely amazing. I love that she expresses thoughts I’ve had myself. It makes me feel like hey, I’m not the only one. Someone gets me. This song does that very well.

See, this is why I love music. 

You’ll find love kid, it exists

I also love

This one really helped sooth my mind a bit. Which is nice. :)

This post really helped me when I was in a really suicidal rut a couple nights ago: https://themighty.com/2016/08/if-you-want-to-die-read-this/

^^^ I love this post.

On a little bit of a lighter note, Paramore’s Hard Times hits me where I need it.

If you’ve been a long-time follower, you know how much your girl loves Paramore.

THIS SONG.

Lyrically, it’s one of the saddest things Paramore has put out. But they’ve paired it with this funky beat that’s so ironically happy… And guys… The accuracy in representing depression… Oh my lord…

Hard times Gonna make you wonder why you even try Hard times Gonna take you down and laugh when you cry These lives And I still don’t know how I even survive Hard times Hard times

And I still don’t know how I even survive… <<< this hits my heart so much

I sing this part with no chilllllll.

*this brings me so much happiness*

Paramore was the thing that got me through that second terrible Jan+Feb beyond ATBP, so this is somewhat fitting…

This video by Dodie is the thing that pushed me to not give a shit if this seemed too bitter and pessimistic. She really made me feel that if I feel bitter and pessimistic, I should be real about that.

I’m not actually a fan of hers (I just don’t watch her vids, though I probably will now), but I’ve seen this thing pop up in my recommended since it came out, and I finally watched it last night. I love this video.

Also just kind of a simple one, but my sister helps too. Like loads. So far, she’s been the one to make me smile and laugh, even when I’m in the actual middle of this muggy period.

Maybe you don’t know this about me, but I’m a die-hard ASMR fan (if you suffer from insomnia, this is my secret to sleep), and CarolineASMR’s 24/7 livestream has been giving me life.

Whenever I’m just very down, and need something to do, I listen to this. And it’s always there. Which is so great for so many reasons. I wasn’t going to mention this one because I didn’t think it was that much of a help, but after going through my YouTube history, I realize that I’ve relied on this livestream so much this past week…

(If you ever need ASMR recs, hellooooo)

(START WITH BRIGHTGREYASMR THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY, YOU’RE WELCOME. THIS video is the only one that kills my insomnia around 90% which is AWESOME)

So all of these things have contributed to making my life a little easier. I wanted to share them with you to hopefully bring some light into your life, if you’ve been going through some hard times too. Just know that at some point in life, this suck will ease. I don’t know if it will ever get better, and I won’t say that because I know I don’t even like when people say that to me. But you’re literally going to keep kicking ass. Even if all you’re doing right now is existing, you are still worthy of every single moment you have. I know I don’t have hope right now, so I can’t tell you to just have hope, because sometimes, being hopeful isn’t always easy. I hope you find your hope, and I hope I find my hope. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m all ears.

That’s kind of the end of this post... Thank you for listening, if you made it this far. Thank you for letting me express myself when I need to. I hope this serves as a bit of an explanation for my MIA-ness. I’ll try to be back as soon as I can. You guys are sincerely the best.

See you in the next one. :)

--Rachel

[mtg-weekly-recap]

MTG Weekly Tumblr Recap: May 01, 2017

Nahiri the Lithomancer, Sorin Markov and Ugin The Spirit Dragon, Cartoon style. | @pazmonx

This week’s edition of the Recap has dodged the Ban-hammer! Let’s take a look at all the different formats that have been affected by banned and restricted announcements, as well as the heavily symbolism-laden Magic Story and some nostalgic fan-art. Join us for more wrap-ups than an Anointed Procession in this issue of the Magic: the Gathering Weekly Tumblr Recap.

1. Emergency Banning In Standard

Saheeli’s Lament | @planeswalker-umbral​

In one of the more bizarre banning and restricted events, the powerful two card combo of Saheeli Rai and Felidar Guardian were conspicuously unaffected by the announcement on Monday, April 24, despite the infinite loop being missed by Magic R&D, and therefore not attracting the suite of answers that cards like Heart of Kiran and other standard powerhouses now have to face with the release of Amonkhet. 

This news (or more specifically the lack of news) set many tongues a wagging as the merits and demerits of Wizards declining to meddle in Standard versus getting down and curating the format, with debate raging as to how the current meta with two dominant decks appearing far more prevalent and leading to far less innovation than Smuggler’s Copter and Emrakul, the Promised End (which were sent  to the naughty corner last January) ever did. Just as the hand-wringing and bemoaning three more months of a bland Standard reached it’s peak, Wednesday brought an addendum to Monday’s announcement, Felidar Guardian was hit with the ban-hammer. It is interesting that one of the main drivers for both the non-action on the Monday and further action on the Wednesday was the earliest release of the new set on the digital platform, MTGO. This allowed R&D to see what a potential new standard might look like, and whatever data they drew, they felt it was big enough and scary enough to make the call. So what does this mean for standard? Well, the upcoming pro-tour should provide some answers, and like with many recently shaken-up formats, aggressive decks should see good representation (and some success) while the brewmasters work behind the scenes. Rakdos and Jund discard/hellbent seem to blend the best of Amonkhet and Innistrad themes, as well as many recursive graveyard strategies. Amonkhet also brings with it lots of interesting control strategies the might make more of a splash as the format goes forward, now that a Turn 4 instant kill is no longer a spectre hanging over it.

— Liam W, @coincidencetheories​

2. Bans and Unbans in Commander

Brewing when they unban a combo piece | @phyrexian-without-a-cause

Following the official B&R announcement from Wizards for Constructed formats came one from the MTG Commander Rules committee: Leovold, Emissary of Trest is banned and Protean Hulk is unbanned.

Those who have played with or against Leovold know how insanely powerful he is. With “wheel” effects like Windfall, Whispering Madness, Dark Deal, and Teferi’s Puzzle Box and plenty of control elements, Commander decks led by Leovold easily stripped apart opponents’ hands with efficiency and consistency, making him miserable to play against. It’s only been eight months since Leovold was printed in Conspiracy: Take the Crown, but it was enough to demonstrate his power. At the moment, Leovold, Emissary of Trest still holds its $50-price tag since it is a Legacy staple in many Sultai decks (Reid Duke took down GP Louisville this year with True-Name Nemesis Sultai, which ran two copies of Leovold in the main).

The announcement of Protean Hulk’s unbanning was by far the most surprising B&R change of the week. For those unfamiliar with Protean Hulk’s power level, Flash Hulk was a deck that won the third-ever Legacy GP back in 2007 whose main strategy involved Flashing in the Hulk on t2 or earlier with fast mana (yes, even t0), sac’ing it and tutoring up 4 Disciple of the Vault, 4 Phyrexian Marauder, and 4 Shifting Wall. The artifact creatures would die due to SBA and the Disciples would immediately dome your opponent for 32.

While Flash got banned in Legacy as a result of this deck, the combo dream never died: Protean Hulk returned to the limelight in 2015 when Lantern Control creator Zac Elsik among a dozen other players brought a Modern Hulk Combo deck to GP Pittsburgh. Here’s the basic strategy: after discarding Protean Hulk to a number of loot spells in the deck then reanimating it with and sac’ing it to Footsteps of the Goryo or Makeshift Mannequin, search out Viscera Seer and Body Double, copying the Protean Hulk that just went to your graveyard. Sac’ the Body Double with Viscera Seer’s ability to search out Reveillark and Mogg Fanatic, which you sac’ to ping your opponent for 1. From there, you sac’ the Reveillark to bring back Mogg Fanatic and Body Double, copying Reveillark. Because Reveillark and Body Double can continuously bring back each other, you can bring back Mogg Fanatic an arbitrary number of times until your opponent has been pinged to death.

While I doubt anyone will run this 5-color combo in Commander, the unbanning of Protean Hulk has got the community brewing up what creatures they can tutor up and combo off within their current decks’ respective color identities. Within an hour of the announcement, Protean Hulk shot up from below 4.00 USD to over 21.00 USD, with many eager EDH players scrambling to get their copies. My brother and I jumped on the opportunity and bought 5 copies within minutes of the announcement: I snagged two MP copies off eBay for five bucks total, whereas my brother bought three LP copies from his LGS down in San Diego, CA for about three bucks each. We’ll definitely be looking into making a profit when we sell some of them but not all of them—my brother plans to slot a copy of Protean Hulk into his Rashmi Elves deck and sac’ing to either Birthing Pod, Eldritch Evolution, or Natural Order, fetching six mana dorks and Dryad Arbor and swinging in for a buttload of damage, especially with Concordant Crossroads or Akroma’s Memorial in play. Can’t wait to lose to him like that…

— Vincent B, @the-burnished-hart

3. Legacy and Vintage Bans and Restrictions

Sic Semper Tyrannis (Thus Always to Tyrants) | by @phyrexian-without-a-cause

The most recent B&R announcement has brought with it the end of an era. In Legacy, the linchpin card of the Miracles deck Sensei’s Divining Top has finally been struck down, taking the most prevalent deck, in terms of overall appearances in major tournaments, in the format with it. The reactions to the ban have, oddly enough, been pretty reasonable. Even some popular Miracles players like Joe Lossett have been pretty quick to say that they understand and they saw this coming for a long time. The ban also makes Legacy event coverage a lot easier to do, now that commentators no longer have to try to make activating Top seem exciting. This just goes to show that if you make a road sign and put it at WotC Headquarters, you can achieve anything (please don’t actually make a big road sign and put it out front of Wizards Headquarters).

In the world of Vintage, Wizards has gone after Monastery Mentor decks and slapped Gitaxian Probe and Gush with a Restricted status. Much like with Legacy Miracles, Mentor decks in Vintage have been running rampant and the bans of these “free” draw spells are meant to weaken this Vintage powerhouse. Not much has been said about how these restrictions are being taken, but most people seem to be in agreement with Wizards, or are saying that Mentor itself should have been the one to be restricted, based on the power level of the card. Nevertheless, this seems to be a positive change for the format. 

These announcements have made people in the respective formats, or even outside of them that are interested in them, start experimenting to find the next powerhouse. In terms of how formats are taking their bans/restrictions, Legacy and Vintage seem to be taking their hits well, and, much like what Wizards hopes will happen whenever they make these announcements, the player-base seems to be growing and evolving with these new changes, producing more diverse environments for the people that make these formats their homes. One can only hope that these times of prosperity last, as this writer is trying to buy in to Legacy himself, and is excited at the prospect of jumping in to such a, seemingly, welcoming format. 

— Colin M, @delver-of-seacrest

4. Magic Story Recap

The Hand that Moves - Ken Troop

Decision Paralysis | Original art by Vincent Proce

The plot of this weeks Magic Story, The Hand that Moves can be told simply, Nissa takes Kefnet’s Trial of Knowledge. But it’s the details contained within that are the meat of this tale. Firstly, Nissa finds her way to the temple of Kefnet merely seeking answers to the perplexing questions that surround the entire city of Naktamun and the influence of Bolas. The Vizier of Kefnet tries to ward her away, but her resistance to his clumsy attempts at mind magic as well as her quite remarkable status as an outsider to the usual warrior-caste system allows her to keep him off balance enough to attempt the trial in order to interrogate the God himself. The first bombshell that hits is Nissa’s first vision is of an Angel, who appears to be none other than Emrakul herself. Now there is obviously much illusion and subterfuge within these trials so there is no clear inference as to whether this appearance is Nissa’s fear, or even something more sinister, considering in The Promised End Nissa appeared most affected by the influence of Emrakul, as well as Nissa’s formative years on Zendikar where the Goddess Emeria was revered even among her people. Who does this version of Emrakul represent, or is she not even part of the test and something Nissa had latent inside her since Innistrad? Equally as strange is the affirmation that the Angel brings: “I can do anything I want. Anything at all. Remember that.” Visions and symbolism follows, with very physical sensations and in the middle of it Nissa begins to study the leylines and see the fabric of the trial, behind the sights, sounds and sensations. The Test seems to fight against her, the closer she pries behind the curtain. Images that seem to be Bolas’s influence across the multi-verse appear, followed by further reminder that the five gods were part of a pantheon of eight. Three figures that might represent the missing deities scurry to escape the protection of the Hekma. A focus on the mining and collection of a strange, blue mineral. A series of images of decay and destruction that if they don’t related directly to the Gatewatch certainly follow their way around the color wheel, then more imagery of the approach of the second sun that is most definitely not a second sun, and then -

Emrakul returns

The angel that is Emrakul that might not be Emrakul ask Nissa if she would be a pawn or a queen in the game. Nissa sees the trap that no matter her power if she falls for this choice she would only ever be a piece to be manipulated. The phrase “Be the hand that moves”  echoes again from the Chess game Jace and ‘Emrakul’ played during The Promised End. Kefnet arrives full of pomp and circumstance demanding to know who was interfering in the Trial, scattering Nissa’s mental defences as Kefnet read her intentions. He declares that knowledge is not a gift to be given but a prize to be earned, and is about to dissolve Nissa’s mind, when “Emrakul”s advice stirs her to action, and she observes that Kefnet’s being is made up of leylines, something she has more than a little familiarity with, as well as noticing that there are several lines that are very off kilter. With a clumsy yet precise manipulation of those wayward leylines, Nissa is able to deflect the God enough that his attention wavered and she became to him merely an initiate who had passed his trial. Presumably the cartouche was waiting for her in the gift shop on the way out…

— Liam, @coincidencetheories

5. Fan-arts…

The Smallwatch | Original art by @erybiadraws

This weeks seems there’s been an interesting and wonderful trend towards the nostalgic, as we have been graced with many a fan-art of characters from our near, and sometimes not-so-near past. @alexgilbertart starts us off with the secretly unraveling Jace, Unraveller of Secrets from Innistrad. Another Innistradi visitor to be featured this week was @azami ‘s study of the studious soratami  Tamiyo, the Moon Sage

Stretching further back in the mists of time, @pandoraeve brings us the foremost Praetor Elesh Norn as she dodges the blue shells in a Mario Kart, and @erybiadraws shows us the undulating Ulamog in its full glory.

Finally, a couple of sketches from @dancing-sword, including Garruk giving Chandra animal handling advice, and a drawing of the Tarkirs planeswalking power-couple, Narset and Sarkhan

— Liam W, @coincidencetheories

6.Vanilla Matters.

Murganda Petroglyphs | Original MTG art by Scott Altmann 

The concept of ‘Vanilla’ in Magic is supposedly a simple one. A Vanilla Creature is simply on with no rules text (flavor text is allowed. Vanilla is a flavor, after all). Simply a creature type, a mana cost, power, and of course toughness. No effects on entering or leaving the battlefield, no activated abilities, and no keyword. Nothing. Mons Goblin Raiders, Grizzly Bears, Savannah Lions. The building blocks of a set, and usually filler cards for your limited or standard deck. But two topics have shone the spotlight on the humble Vanilla Creature this week, as @markrosewater​ ‘s Blogatog has been inundated with requests that if or when we travel to Murganda, we continue in the tradition of Murganda Petroglyphs from Future SIght block and have Vanilla Matters cards, or cards that bolster creatures without abilities. The trouble with this, as Mark Rosewater reiterates, is that the creatures themselves can’t grant their fellow vanilla creatures abilities, and there are only so many bonuses you can give to vanilla creatures before you’re giving them abilities, which make them no longer vanilla creatures which means they lose their abilities which means they are once again vanilla and oh no I’ve gone cross eyed. So MaRo has advised us all not to set our hopes too high on a visit to Murganda featuring Vanilla matters, especially as Murganda is already carrying the baggage of being the Dinosaur plane as well as somehow home to the Mimeoplasm. But that doesn’t mean that Murganda Petroglyphs itself can’t see a reprint…

Dovetailing with the discussion on Vanilla Matters was a check in with a recurring favorite of Blogatog readers, the Vanilla Mythic, which is precisely what it says on the box, a vanilla creature, at mythic rarity, that obviously has been subject to much speculation. Mark confirmed in a blog post that the mythic is doing just fine, and that we will see it later this year This has led to new speculation as to just what a Vanilla Mythic might need to be, to justify it’s rarity, starting with @sarkhan-volkswagen​ and continuing on in the various reblogs and replies. 

…and finally: Friday Nights

Noted Magic content creators Loading Ready Run released a new episode of Friday Nights this week, as just in time for Amonkhet’s release. Friday Nights is a series following the group’s misadventures into the world of Magic, which has been running since 2012. This month’s episode is notable for callbacks not only to the eternal conundrum of the proper creature type of the multi-headed Nessian Asp, but also to the fearsome reputation of Kathleen’s Cat deck which first made it’s appearance in the groups short, ‘It’s Magic’ which reflected their rediscovery of the game, way back in 2010.

Thank you again for reading this week’s issue of the MTG Weekly Tumblr Recap. Hope to see you next week!

Interested in contributing to the Recap? Want to keep track of notable posts and trends throughout the MTG community on a given week? Or write a short blurb on a specific topic? Do you just want to make us aware of one specific topic or post? Please PM our main editor @the-burnished-hart or any of our staff writers

[erratically-present-gengar]

How I derp-art. Alma Tutorial

So a couple of you weirdos keep asking me for help with how to art/draw gengars or what my process is because art is hard. Art is indeed hard and even with gengars can be a pain in the ass and I am mostly bullshitng my way through it, and my process can be stupidly long and I need to work on screwing with it so I can get shit done faster.

BUT

I put a tutorial thingy together, though first ever one I’ve done so more of me not knowing what I’m doing and trying to get things set up right to be helpful.

I put some steps in one image file and idk how tumblr is going to handle it, so if it’s a pain and you guys want the individual files set up somewhere else let me know. Can let me know if you want to know what brushes I use if that’s needed at all, but mostly this is to show how much I bs my way through things.

This is all in photoshop too though, so why I don’t use a lot of info for shortcuts besides the grouping.

To start with I try to get my damn circles/ovals shaped right for whatever I’m trying to do.

Sometimes it takes me a lot of tries to get it, sometimes I just start all over and try something else, sometimes I use the Ellipse tool, and sometimes I give up, find a reference, and start out over that for sketching with general shape because sometimes my brain just is full on dumb.

Eventually I end up getting out a sketch, usually using multiple layers in case I need to move a part or make edits without messing up some other bit. This is also why I like messing with digital more than paper because it makes this part of the process easier for me and can easily hide or delete layers or adjust transparency when needed.

I’ve more or less settled on what to do with Alma’s design, so not necessarily something to do with drawing Gengar in general.

Alma has very large/long ears and a tail compared to the usual for Gengar. I still have no idea what I’m doing with those damn spikes/fluff, but I add extra fluff around the bottom of her ears too. These are all definitely style choices I have for her.

I don’t really bother with the back spikes on her either because I end up having some difficulty getting them to look right to me, and usually blocked off anyways. I just go with the biggest fluff/spikes are on her head and around her ears, and then they shrink as they go down the back and eventually smooth out by the tail.

Arms are just like attaching them to a ball and figure out where they sit. Usually I start around under the ears and around where the mouth is going to be, but it’s a gengar, the things can do some weird things with their bodies so can probably have their arms just about anywhere if you really wanted, though personally I tend to get stuck with realism and wouldn’t be happy with doing too weird of stuff with the arms so just shift them around closer to the front or lower depending on what I want to do or if she’s got her hands in front of her.

Hands and feet I usually just do 3 digits, but can have more or less if you want. Most times I just draw 3 lines for where the fingers may be or general triangle shapes around it. Fingers and toes have their own layers too in case I want to change them and then don’t have to mess with the main limb.

But definitely different shaping compared to the usual gengar shapes. It’s just a personal thing. I don’t recommend copying off Alma’s features for your own gengars, and it would bother me somewhat. First try out figuring out how to work with the basic gengar shape, and then play with the form to figure out how you want to draw it, if you want to go with ball/balloon with limbs and spikes.

Once the main body is done I try out faces, since half the time I only have some idea for what I want to do with it, and I may also figure out something better. There can be a lot of trial and error with this, and a lot of extra sketch layers.

The stylistic thing goes with her eyes and being shaped a bit differently than the norm to soften her looks so she doesn’t look so scary. She can look normal for eyeshape, but as she tries not to seem intimidating most times, it’s normally just different than the usual.

Once  I’ve figured out what I want to do with the face, I group up the Sketch layers and use the pen tool for neater lines, because I am terrible at getting my lines right and clean with a regular tablet, so I cheat for the base part of it.

Each part has it’s own layer, especially if lines overlap so that clean up of the lines is a bit easier. It also helps with making some adjustments for parts I decided that looked odd to me with the lines that don’t get noticed as much with the sketch layer. Even for art that I don’t use the pen tool on I will usually separate the lineart in to their own layers. It can help if I want to change a limb or hand’s/foot’s position, or just minor changes without messing with the rest of the drawing.

Yeah that last part looks pretty terrible, huh?

But I can just go through the layers and erase lines I don’t want, fix up some of the ends so they’re pointed, longer, shorter, or whatever.

When it’s cleaned up I use my main brush for the outside lines and look sketchier and/or add line weight so the lines look more interesting. I’ll also use a smoother brush for the face since a little bit of a harder edge for those parts than the body.

After that I duplicate the group I have for the lineart and merge the 2nd group to help with color borders, slap down my colors, use the selection tool for the outside of the lines layer, and modify/expand by 1 or 2 pixels, move back to the body layer, and then just hit delete to get at least most of it.

Sometimes I remember to clean up around the lines more because my sketchiness can still trap the color where I don’t want it... In this case I didn’t remember until later, but oh well.

After that I make some layers for the other parts that need coloring. In Alma’s case she’s pretty easy since it’s usually just the eyes and sometimes teeth or something involving her mouth. I’ll make some layers for each part’s shadows and highlights, then group those together out of the way.

When I’m done with that I’ll use the pen tool to try to pretend I know what I’m doing with how shadows work and put down some guidelines for shadows. They’re usually not great, but I’ll mess with them afterwards.

New layer for the shadows. It’s a whole lot of bullshitting my way through them and pretending I know how they work. I’ll use my brush at a higher transparency at the start and then lower it to mess with edges and soften them, or use it in areas the shadows may not be so strong. I’ll also do a lot of erasing along parts and usually use the sponge brush for the eraser. I keep playing with it until I figure it’s good enough.

To clean up around outside of the lines I just go to the body layer, fix up the areas around the edges, then select the white space, go to the other layers that need cleaning up, and just hit delete as I go through them to erase the stuff outside the lines.

Next I work on highlights. Again this is a whole lot of me pretending I have any idea what I’m doing. The little brighter ones get their own layers, and the body highlights get another. I’ll move one of my sketch layers up over the color ones sometimes to try to help me figure out where I want to put a highlight over the main body so it looks rounder. I spaced and used the wrong color for highlights at first but adjusted them for using the purple I had for it already. Usually I use the lighten or screen layers for it. One thing I’m trying to remind myself of is the secondary lighting and how light bounces and can highlight the outside of an object too even if that part is otherwise in shadows. It can help separate parts too, though not really needed if you guys don’t want to. I just like it myself. The extra highlights I keep in their own layers too. .... I use a lot of Layers

I’ll usually mess with the floor shadow too, to show if she’s on the floor or in the air, and usually to me it makes the image a bit more interesting instead of blank white, since I usually am lazy with backgrounds and I suck at them anyways.

Just copy the body layer and distort it to wherever it looks good and at least semi matches the main lighting direction.

After that I darken it and, while it’s fine like that, I usually mess with it a bit more for style stuff and have a few duplicated layers to mess with it until I like it, rather than accidentally messing up the main part of it.

When Shadows are done I’ll throw on a bunch of unnecessary bullshit using a grunge brush because I like the idea of a haze being around her, though it’s not needed and more just a style choice and I like using textures. I have a few layers of it until I’m at least alright with how it looks, make some last minute adjustments with liquify for somethings that are bothering me but I’m too lazy to redraw the lineart part of it to fix it, and there I am.

There’s my likely very long process for how I draw Gengar/Alma.

Aaaaand that’s about it for what I do with them.

Pretty much why it takes me forever to get art done when I have the free time, and don’t post daily with art. With the jobs and health I just can’t do it.

and I def need to work on simplifying things.

I have several boards over on pintrest now to help with learning some things like lighting, shapes, etc. It’s largely either objects or people kind of references for most of the boards, but it can still help with learning faces or people if help is needed with that too

https://www.pinterest.com/Kalooeh/

[wherearethegirlbands]

INTERVIEW: Beth Kweeday

Interviewed by Ella Fradgely

Beth Kweeday is an artist based in Liverpool studying fine art at Leeds. Her striking digital pieces feature sexual imagery to The Simpsons, and are available to buy as prints or on other items here.

How would you describe your art practice / yourself as an artist? My art practice is definitely digital art, I used to hate digital pieces because I used to not be able to see much of an artistic element to it and found that it wasn’t a good way of working. I had a graphics tablet sat in my drawer for months before I decided to try it out, and even when I did I hated it because I didn’t understand it! I’m so happy I stuck with it though because it’s been the best outcome possible. To describe myself as an artist I would definitely have to say I’m a stubborn artist, I do things how I want to and very much sculpt my work to how I see best (which is probably why I don’t do uni work very well). I know what I like and how I like it done! How did you find your focus on sex based illustrations? It’s amazing to see artwork celebrating sex work and sexuality! Thank you! I’ve always been a big fan of sexual art, I was always drawn to works by Elizabeth Isley and various tattoo artists like Curt Montgomery and Sewp who use a lot of sexual imagery and knew that was the path I wanted to go down. It took a long time for me to find the confidence to, and it wasn’t something I started doing until my second year of uni despite doing art for years before. I had no idea it would do as well as it did, and I’m so happy that it has become such a huge part of my brand as an artist. It’s so important to me to be able to show my respect for these women who inspire my art so much through my illustrations, as a lot of my pieces are based on women in the sex industry. How have you found the response to your work by tutors and peers? Me and my tutors have butt heads a lot over my work, with me doing a fine art course I understand that they want me to step outside my comfort zone a bit but I think they need to respect that sometimes that doesn’t always work well with certain things. For example, I ended up withdrawing from my interim show because a tutor suggested I blow my illustrations up to a large scale and then lay them out on the floor. And given the basis of my work, it just didn’t sit right with me. I found it really rude, in a way? I don’t know, maybe it was just my stubborn side coming out again. My peers have always been so, so supportive. My course-mates were equally as shocked as I was when I told them about someone suggesting my work be on the floor! I receive a lot of love from everyone around me when it comes to my work, which is really wholesome and uplifting. My boyfriend is my number one fan and has supported me so much with my work, my shop and even does the occasional post office run for me. I have no complaints! Your colour palette is so gorgeous, so sensual and minimal! It’s amazing how you have build such a recognisable look to your work through it. How did you come to it and would you ever explore other colour palettes? Thank you so much! I used to be absolutely terrified of colour, and on some level I still am! I have always wanted to be a black and white tattoo artist, I’ve always only wanted black ink tattoos myself and until recently that’s all I had. Pink was never my colour either, but I accidentally put a pink background on a piece I was working on when I first started drawing digitally and I fell in love with it. That one happy accident has now turned into a staple piece of my whole brand! Through this lockdown I’ve tried using other colours, I am so inspired by @exotic.cancer on instagram and her use of colour in her works but it just didn’t feel as me as my classic black & pink!

Your shop is amazing, I especially love your notebooks. Do you have a favourite item on there and how do you find the experience of running it? Thank you so much! I definitely love my phone cases, I never would have thought that I would be doing anything like it a couple years ago. Opening the shop was so scary, the constant “what if it doesn’t do well” and “what if nobody buys anything” kinds thoughts were trying to hold me back but I was really struggling for money and I thought I may as well give it a go. I had no idea it would do so well so soon, it definitely has bad weeks and good weeks in terms of sales but it’s the best thing I ever did. Nothing could have beat the feeling when I got my first international order, I couldn’t believe it! Now every time I get a new order I’m so excited to see where it’s going to. It certainly needs tidying up and updating a little bit, I’m hoping to have my own website within the next couple months instead of doing it via Etsy so that’s pretty cool. One of my favourites of your works are your drawings of shiny leather boots. What software do you use to create your drawings? I use Procreate on my iPad! This came from my goal to be a tattooer, I have a few friends who are tattoo artists and it was all of their recommendation and it’s been the best thing ever. I used to use a graphics tablet with I set up to my laptop with Sketchbook Pro but this has helped me with my drawings techniques a lot better. What’s your favourite drawing of yours? I love my first butterfly pieces that I did, they did really well and what started my trademark butterflies. I love my Simpsons/song lyrics ones too! I definitely want to carry on that series. And I really like my BDSM Is Not An Excuse For Murder piece, I remember reading about what was happening in the Grace Millane murder trial last year and becoming so enraged by what I was reading so I reacted it to it in the only way I knew how and the reaction was overwhelming, in a good way though!

Does music ever influence your art practice? Yes definitely! Sometimes I’ll be sat doing nothing and a song will come on and there’s my drawing. My Simpsons song/lyrics ones actually came from my petty arse reacting to hearing a girl slag me off in the background of her boyfriends Instagram story saying “Beth makes crazy girls look bad” whatever that’s meant to mean. And it reminded me of Paramore’s I’m Not One of Those Crazy Girls and there it was, and they just kept coming from there! My Girls Girls Girls piece which is actually on my own phone case was inspired by Motley Crüe too. Do you find artwork is a good platform to discuss politics? Oh yes absolutely, I’ve learnt so much through artists discussing their political views via their platforms, such as Florence Given. Plus I love a good anti-Tory artwork, I link it with my own as and where I can! It’s important to remind people of things like this as much as possible, even if it means writing Boris Johnson Shags Crisps in the sky every once in a while. I love your trademark butterflies, have they always been a part of your practice and do they symbolise anything for you? The butterflies where a very spare of the moment thing, I remember I finished a piece and was thinking that it just needed something else and I couldn’t for the life of me think what it was and then I just thought I would give it a go. I think using them within BDSM based work is cool because it’s almost like two opposites, you have something so delicate and fragile resting on something most people (unfortunately) deem as aggressive, and obscene. Kind of saying it’s important not to judge a person on their sexual preferences too, just because someone, particularly a woman, is into this certain thing, doesn’t mean that she is any less of a woman than someone who isn’t. If that makes sense.

Who are a few artists that inspire you and your work? (Can be artists of any kind not just visual) My main inspirations are digital artists and tattooists, such as ripbambi, skyeknotart, exotic.cancer, chimaera, my good friend Molly (titzandbitzz), the sad amish tattooer, I love Alex May Hughes and her gold plated Simpsons pieces, she was one of the main reasons I started doing my own. Your Simpson’s drawings are so iconic, do you have a favourite that you’ve done and why do you think they get such an incredible response from people? Thank you! I love my Fuck Boris and Fuck the Tories ones, as well as my lyrical pieces too. I just love the Simpsons so much and I started doing those pieces just as a bit of fun and to keep my work a bit different to the more sexualised pieces. I had no idea they would do as well as they have been doing! Bouncing between sex and the Simpsons is my ideal career in art and it’s something I plan on doing for a very long time. Finally, what are some ways we can support you as an independent creative during these difficult times? To be honest, every like/comment/share I get on a piece is to me a huge support. I understand that buying art is not always an option for some people, I try and keep my prices as low as possible as I want to be able to cater for everyone. I am so lucky to have really understanding customers, as this pandemic has been a strain on my shop but everyone’s been so patient and helpful. Instagram is a great way to show support for an artist, I myself try to share as much art as I can. I’ve been introduced to so many amazing artists just by seeing a piece shared on someone else’s story! It helps a lot and it’s so easy to do

[newstfionline]

The surprising return of the repo man

By Todd C. Frankel, Washington Post, May 15, 2018

CLEVELAND--The computer in the spotter car shouted “Hide!,” and repo agent Derek Lewis knew that meant to keep driving like nothing had happened. He’d just found another wanted vehicle. He was about to ruin someone’s day. Best not to draw attention.

It helped that he wasn’t in a tow truck, the stereotypical image of a repo man. Lewis drove a beat-up Ford Crown Victoria sedan. It had four small cameras mounted on the trunk and a laptop bolted to the dash. The high-speed cameras captured every passing license plate. The computer contained a growing list of hundreds of thousands of vehicles with seriously late loans. The system could spot a repossession in an instant. Even better, it could keep tabs on a car long before the loan went bad.

Now, Lewis had a live hit in a parking lot. He glanced at his laptop. The plate matched a blue 2006 BMW 325xi. He twisted in his seat. “It’s right there,” he said.

Technology has made the repo man ruthlessly efficient, allowing this familiar angel of financial calamity to capitalize on a dark corner of the United States’ strong economy: the soaring number of people falling behind on their car payments.

No longer tethered to a tow truck and able to use big data to find targets, the repossession industry is booming at an unexpected time. Although the U.S. economy recently entered its second-longest-ever period of expansion, the auto loan delinquency rate last year reached its highest point since 2012, driven by souring subprime auto loans. It’s evidence of how the economic recovery has not been evenly felt, with some of Americans’ biggest purchases--automobiles--being fueled by unsustainable borrowing rather than rising wages.

And the repo man has noticed the change.

“So much of America is just a heartbeat away from a repossession--even good people, decent people who aren’t deadbeats,” said Patrick Altes, a veteran agent in Daytona Beach, Fla. “It seems like a different environment than it’s ever been.”

Repo agents are the unpopular foot soldiers in the nation’s $1.2 trillion auto loan market. They don’t make the loans or issue the repossession orders that, for some high-risk customers, can come as soon as a single payment is days late. But they are the closest most people come to a faceless, sophisticated financial system that can upend their lives.

Lewis rolled to a far corner of the parking lot, next to an apartment building overlooking Lake Erie, and called the BMW’s lender.

“I’m sitting on a live hit for you,” he said.

He texted for a company tow truck. It was seven minutes away. This was the hard part. He had to just hope the vehicle’s driver didn’t come out and drive away. It would be like watching a fish wiggle free of the hook.

He sat in silence, one of the few times his spotter car wasn’t logging new plates, each one trumpeted by a video-game-like bing. The system picked up passing cars. Parked cars. Cars stashed in driveways. As many as 10,000 every eight-hour shift.

Lewis compared each scan to planting a seed.

“Is it going to grow into a repo?” he said. “Or are they going to pay their bills?”

Lewis works for Relentless Recovery, the largest repo company in Ohio and its busiest collector of license plate scans. Last year, the company repossessed more than 25,500 vehicles--including tractor trailers and riding lawn mowers.

Business has more than doubled since 2014, the company said. Even with the rising deployment of remote engine cutoffs and GPS locators in cars, repo agencies remain dominant.

Relentless scanned 28 million license plates last year, a demonstration of its recent, heavy push into technology. It now has more than 40 camera-equipped vehicles, mostly spotter cars. Agents are finding repos they never would have a few years ago.

The company’s goal is to capture every plate in Ohio and use that information to reveal patterns. A plate shot outside an apartment at 5 a.m. tells you that’s probably where the driver spends the night, no matter their listed home address. So when a repo order comes in for a car, the agent already knows where to look.

“It’s kind of scary, but it’s amazing,” said Alana Ferrante, chief executive of Relentless.

Lewis, 33, got his start repossessing cars when he was 14, helping his dad tow vehicles in the dead of night. His dad moved on to construction. But Lewis kept at it, eventually getting burned out on chasing cars. He went to work as a firefighter and paramedic--which provoked very different reactions from people--before returning a few years ago to the job he knew best. And for a while, the job remained mostly the same. He’d prowl around in a tow truck, armed with paper orders and a map, just praying the target vehicle was parked where it was supposed to be.

That all changed in recent years.

Repos remain risky. Lewis has had a gun pointed at him three times and a cigarette stubbed out on his forehead once. He’s had people come out screaming at him. He’s seen them break down in tears.

Lewis, who as operations director still regularly does repos, tries to follow one main rule: “Don’t make someone’s bad situation worse.” So he avoids hospital parking lots. But he loves shopping malls, especially the last row of lots, where the employees park. Discount stores are another target.

“For getting a live hit, this is the place to be,” he said earlier, weaving his way past rows of cars outside a Dollar General.

It could feel like he was preying on the poor. Lewis said he just went where the repos were. Even then, repos clustered in unexpected ways. Lewis pointed to one apartment complex so stocked with repos it became his honey hole. Yet similar buildings nearby were repo deserts.

Nationwide, repo agents described a broadening base of people struggling to stay current on their auto loans. In the old days, agents picked up mostly entry-level cars--Chevy Chevettes and Dodge Neons.

“Now it’s all over the place,” said Altes, the Daytona Beach agent, who is also the former head of the repo trade group Time Finance Adjusters.

Agents today get assignments for high-end brands such as Mercedes-Benz. They take the new cars of Uber drivers. Relentless picked up its first 2018 model last year, just weeks after it debuted. The only cars still rarely seen are Subarus and Volvos--the unflashy favorites of the urbane upper middle class.

Now, Lewis kept his eye on the blue BMW, a vehicle that might cost $37,000 new but after more than a decade was worth less than $8,000. The tow truck rolled up. Lewis slipped on a pair of work gloves.

“You ready?” he shouted at the tow truck driver.

The best repo is a quick “hook and roll.” This wasn’t one of them. The BMW had all-wheel drive. All four wheels needed to be off the ground. The tow truck swung its lift under the rear tires of the backed-in BMW. Lewis and the tow driver jumped out to assemble a metal dolly to raise the front tires. Time crawled. Lewis scanned the lot. A woman walked toward them. He watched with relief as she climbed into a different car.

“See you, guys,” the tow truck driver shouted, pulling away with the bounty--worth about $400 to Relentless.

First repo of the day. Thousands of seeds planted.

Although there are no national auto repossession statistics, other measures point to a growing problem. More than 4 percent of auto loans were at least 90 days late at the end of 2017--the highest rate in five years. That number jumps to almost 10 percent for subprime auto loans alone, according to a report by the Federal Reserve Bank of New York.

Affordability is one factor. The average new car price has soared 20 percent over a decade, to $35,500, while wages have been sluggish. Auto loans now carry higher balances and longer terms, stretching out the timeline for trouble to appear.

Analysts point to a period from 2014 to 2016, when auto lenders got too loose with credit. That helped the United States sell a record number of automobiles in 2016. But it also pushed the delinquency rate higher.

“As a result, the markets pulled back a little bit,” said Amy Crews Cutts, chief economist at Equifax.

The rate of auto loan write-offs--which includes repos--is trending higher but remains below its 2009 peak, according to Equifax numbers.

Repo agents have their own theories about what’s going on--from fading attachment to vehicles to an increased willingness to walk away, a lesson learned from the housing crisis. One national list of active automobile repossession orders reached 360,000 this year, more than double what it was at the same time last year.

Lewis believed the industry followed a pulse. April was always slow because people made car payments with tax refunds. But repos soared on bad news, such as the loss of 1,500 autoworker jobs in Lordstown, Ohio, announced this year. Lewis recently heard that a nuclear power plant near Cleveland might shutter.

“I expect we’ll see some from that,” he said.

His own industry has seen changes, too. Regulators, led by the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, have cracked down on the job’s outlaw attitude. Lenders have pushed agents to take certification courses. Last year, Relentless switched its 120 workers from contractors to employees in an effort to change the culture and its incentives.

The camera systems have made agents more productive but also opened them up to new challenges.

Repo agents are responsible for the majority of the billions of license plate scans produced nationwide. But they don’t control the information. Most of that data is owned by Digital Recognition Network (DRN), a Fort Worth company that is the largest provider of license-plate-recognition systems. And DRN sells the information to insurance companies, private investigators--even other repo agents.

For repo companies, one worry is whether they are producing information that others are monetizing.

Now it was after midnight and Lewis was back at work, trying to rouse himself with Red Bull. This time he drove a tow truck. And he had his eye on a potential repo: a 2016 Chevy Cruze.

The order was only a few hours old. Half of Relentless’s repos are found within the first two days. After 10 days, most vehicles disappear.

But Lewis had a plate scan for the Chevy taken five days earlier, at 8:39 a.m. outside an apartment complex. He bet that was the car owner’s home.

The tow truck’s rumble seemed impossibly loud. Darkened apartment windows lined the parking lot. Lewis backed up the truck and guided the lift. He jumped out with a flashlight and verified it was the right car. He got back in, lifted the vehicle higher and pulled away. A real hook and roll.

Safely out of sight, he pulled over to inspect the vehicle. He could see a woman’s sunglasses in the front console. A “black ice” air freshener and knickknacks dangled from the rearview mirror. In the back was a child’s car seat.

Lewis didn’t flinch. He knew that a mother was probably going to walk outside in the morning and realize her car was gone. She might call the police to report it stolen. But she had to have known this moment was coming after a flurry of lender late notices and phone calls. Lewis understood. What do you do against the inevitable? He has four children of his own. He had paid to get strangers’ cars out of repo before. But this was his job. He’d been doing it most of his life. And technology hadn’t yet figured out how to soften the blow.

After her car was towed to Relentless, the woman’s personal items would be stored in a cardboard box, amid the stacks of boxes from other repos. The car might be gone, the missed payments and repo fee too much to make up, but she could get her items back for $50.

The repo man had a policy, part of that aim to not make a bad situation worse.

The child’s car seat was always returned for free.

[rtawngs20815]

Can data save the world? We asked ‘Freakonomics’ duo Stephen Dubner and Steven Levitt

Journalist Stephen Dubner and economist Steven Levitt are the duo behind the popular “Freakonomics” books and podcast, crunching numbers and telling stories that explore the “hidden side of everything,” as their tagline goes. They were in Seattle this week to keynote Microsoft’s Data Insights Summit, and they sat down with GeekWire afterward for a conversation about data and the state of the world.

Listen to the GeekWire podcast below, download the MP3 here, and continue reading for an edited transcript of our conversation with Dubner and Levitt.

It’s been said that we’re in a post-fact world. Can data save the world, if people pay attention to data in an unvarnished, objective way?

Stephen Dubner: No, but on the other hand, I don’t think it’s a question of saving. … The more history you read, the more you realize that this period, while colorful at the very least, is not that anomalous really in terms of political discord. I mean, even American politics. Obviously, we’re on the side of data and we’re on the side of factuality, but I will say this: We’re not activists. We’re not advocates. We really try to be non-partisan, no horse in any race, but no matter how loudly we say that we think something should work this way or it would be better to do this, nobody cares. I mean it’s all preaching to choir. I think there is a role for people like us and people who use data and so on, but it’s always going to be — I don’t want to say around the margins, I’m more hopeful of that, but political leverage is massive and that’s hard to change.

Steven Levitt: I think that data is almost never treated in an unvarnished way. Even within firms, data is manipulated. It’s brought to the front when it supports a position. It’s pushed aside when it doesn’t. Ultimately, the world is run by people. People use data for their own purposes, their own incentives. Like Dubner said, we believe in data. We live and die with data. But after, for me, 30 years of trying to convince people of things with data, what Dubner said was true. Stories are better than data even if you’re trying to be in the spirit of data.

Dubner: That said, I think an interesting question is, in what realm does it have more leverage? In other words, does it have less leverage in the political realm than, let’s say, the corporate realm? I would say yes, definitely, less in the political realm, because they don’t really need to obey it because politics really is a lot about emotion, and Q-Rating and leverage.

Levitt: But at the same time, the first Obamacare revision was killed by OMB (Office of Management and Budget). That was a rare case where really sensible data analysis actually intervened. What did they do the next time? They tried to rush it through so quickly that the numbers wouldn’t be out by the time they had passed it. Now, that was just the House, and with the Senate, who knows what will happen. But occasionally, there’s a role for data.

Levitt, you talked on stage about your data consulting work. You let the data speak for itself. You don’t take people to conclusions or interpret it. You talked about your work with King Games, maker of Candy Crush. Is there one tech company or other company out there that’s just crushing it with data — that really understands it? We’re here in the home of Amazon and Microsoft and the tech world.

Levitt: Many of the tech companies, the new companies, do an amazing job with data. I’ve never worked too much with Amazon but every indication is that they do. King Games was an amazing data-driven company. I honestly, though, have never seen an old firm, like a brick-and-mortar firm, that did much good with data, ever. I don’t know whether that’s a legacy of the way they think. It’s often a legacy of the systems they use. But I think the future belongs to firms that know how to use data. The power of data in profit maximization is just incredible. If you can get people and pride and the need for power and expertise out of the way, the data can be unbelievable.

What’s worked in the best consulting situations you’ve had when you’ve been inside companies? What about the culture of the company that succeeded made it work?

Levitt: The kinds of companies that we work well with are companies which have had some success and, more recently, have had less than success. Because they know what it’s like to do well but they also see that it’s fragile. We wrote in our book, “Think Like A Freak,” about being willing to say, “I don’t know.” That, I think, is the key thing for success with us. We don’t know anything about the businesses we work with. We go in and say, we don’t know anything about what you do. We just come in as outsiders. It’s only the firms where people are willing to say, “We don’t know the answers.” The only firms that are willing to say they don’t know the answers are the firms that are getting clobbered. But if you’re getting clobbered too badly then things are spiraling out of control and no one’s actually got any time to do real work anymore.

Are journalists doing enough with data? 

Dubner: It’s certainly gotten better. I used to work at the New York Times as my day job. I was always somewhat more numerate than average just because I’d always liked math and I like economics even though those weren’t my concentrations. It was really surprising to me how much the media was really innumerate. When you don’t know something about something, as we all know, your typical response is often dismissiveness or fear/intimidation. It wasn’t like the belief that this is important to tell a certain kind of story, therefore let me try to figure it out or find advice. It’s more like, “Let me go the other direction.” The other direction is journalism by anecdote. I don’t like that so much. I like a hybrid. I like storytelling with data in it.

That said, in the last 10 years, you look at the Upshot at the New York Times, you look at FiveThirtyEight, I think there has been a huge improvement. That said, I feel like they basically built a better silo. The people who produce that and consume it, is still relatively small. CNBC financial reporting has some of the most inside-out backwards data proclamations that you can ever hope to see. Granted you’re dealing with the stock market primarily, which is one big weirdly misconstrued black box of people who don’t really know what the outcomes are, pretending that they do. I think that there are people fighting the good fight. I’m not saying we’re some kind of heroes. We just do it because we like it. But I think it’s still a little on the margins.

I’ll say one more thing about what Levitt said about in response to your question about firms or institutions changing. I think a big part of it is that, like you see in hospitals, for instance, or big insurance companies, the people who have the leverage to make decisions tend to be older or more entrenched. They’ve made it in their career and it’s scary to say, “You know what, I’m going to take everything I thought I knew about how to run this business and figure everything and embrace a different data approach and learn that.” I think that’s why you see the younger firms, or whatever you want to call them, digital natives or data natives, they have a totally different approach to it. And I get it. It’s incentives. I see why people are protectionist without it but I don’t like it.

Levitt: While it’s great to talk about data as the driving force in business or politics, the scarcest resource we have is people who can sensibly analyze data and then communicate that. I think there’s almost no way to learn how to do that. You certainly can’t learn it in school. We don’t teach it at the University of Chicago. I don’t think anywhere they really teach that. In the absence of talent, there are really limits. I draw a very stark contrast to computer programming. When there was a need for computer programming that started to arise in the ’70s, and has grown ever since, we figured out very effective ways of training computer programmers. Take somebody who is reasonably intelligent, and within four to six months, they’re a semi-decent programmer. And within a few years, they’re an excellent programmer, usually. But we haven’t figured out, the market has not yet figured out, how to train people to do data analysis. In some ways, it’s a much more amorphous task than programming. It’s more difficult to teach and there’s such a small set of people who have the experience and the training and the talent to do it.

Dubner: You should talk about your dream, your academy.

Levitt: I had a dream of doing a data science academy, but the reality was there was so much work. In the end, it just didn’t make sense.

There’s clearly a demand for it. This conference sells out.

Levitt: The demand is clear. If you look at the projections of the job of the data scientist, and the salaries of data scientists, it’s obvious that is the future. So what I say to my talented undergrads is, “Forget about getting an economics PhD. Forget about going to law school or med school.” The best jobs in terms of fun, interesting, always different, challenging, the sky is the limit, right now, it’s a data scientist.

We share something in common in that we’ve each spent a lot of time with Nathan Myhrvold. (His stratoshield idea was featured in SuperFreakonomics) Is it more needed than ever now, given (the U.S. withdrawal from) the Paris Climate Accord?

Dubner: I don’t know if it’s needed more than ever because of that. Honestly, I haven’t been following closely the temperature data. There was a period where Nathan’s group I don’t think made a lot of headway, but David Keith’s group and some others were making headway in trying some small-scale trials of geoengineering. Look, I do hope that, whether it’s that idea specifically or, I don’t know if you remember in SuperFreak, we also wrote about their idea for hurricane mitigation … which they have no idea if it would really, really work but that is the kind of idea — forget about data, per se — but it’s the kind of idea that really does change the world, that it would be nice to experiment with more.

You know, the other thing I learn about, the more history I read, is that almost every trailblazing, truly groundbreaking new idea — history of medicine, history of science, history of finance, you name it, agriculture — almost every one out of the gate is immediately ridiculed and treated as total garbage until tens or hundreds or thousands of years later, people appreciate it, because change is really scary. So, I take that to heart and know that change can often take a really long time. That said, I think the trends for this kind of thinking — data-informed thinking — the trend is definitely up and I find that really encouraging.

Tell me what work so well about your partnership. Because obviously it’s successful. You’ve been doing it for many years.

Dubner: I haven’t thought about that in the long time. It’s been so long since we’ve started together. People asked that in the beginning. I remember you described it as, we appreciated the complementaries. I appreciate that Levitt is world-class at what he does. And also what he does is rare. If you’re working with someone who does something that a lot of other people don’t do and he’s really, really good at it, I’m not going to try to do that. I’m going to try to do my thing. Levitt praises me as having higher-caliber qualities than I truly have. He thinks I’m better.

Levitt: I was going to give the exact opposite answer. Which is that, I think we’re both better at doing what the other one does than outsiders would expect. When we’re talking about research and how to interpret research, Dubner often has amazing ideas. In the storytelling, sometimes I can come up with the end of the story. What I would say is actually it’s a lack of ego. … On two separate occasions, you wrote entire chapters that took you months to write. And I said, “This is awful.” And you said, “Yeah you’re right. This is awful.” And literally just threw it in the garbage and started over from scratch. It’s almost unthinkable that anybody would be willing to do that.

Follow Freakonomics on the web and Twitter, and watch the keynote by Dubner and Levitt at the Microsoft Data Insights Summit below.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2sHjDDU

[rtscrndr53704]

Can data save the world? We asked ‘Freakonomics’ duo Stephen Dubner and Steven Levitt

Journalist Stephen Dubner and economist Steven Levitt are the duo behind the popular “Freakonomics” books and podcast, crunching numbers and telling stories that explore the “hidden side of everything,” as their tagline goes. They were in Seattle this week to keynote Microsoft’s Data Insights Summit, and they sat down with GeekWire afterward for a conversation about data and the state of the world.

Listen to the GeekWire podcast below, download the MP3 here, and continue reading for an edited transcript of our conversation with Dubner and Levitt.

It’s been said that we’re in a post-fact world. Can data save the world, if people pay attention to data in an unvarnished, objective way?

Stephen Dubner: No, but on the other hand, I don’t think it’s a question of saving. … The more history you read, the more you realize that this period, while colorful at the very least, is not that anomalous really in terms of political discord. I mean, even American politics. Obviously, we’re on the side of data and we’re on the side of factuality, but I will say this: We’re not activists. We’re not advocates. We really try to be non-partisan, no horse in any race, but no matter how loudly we say that we think something should work this way or it would be better to do this, nobody cares. I mean it’s all preaching to choir. I think there is a role for people like us and people who use data and so on, but it’s always going to be — I don’t want to say around the margins, I’m more hopeful of that, but political leverage is massive and that’s hard to change.

Steven Levitt: I think that data is almost never treated in an unvarnished way. Even within firms, data is manipulated. It’s brought to the front when it supports a position. It’s pushed aside when it doesn’t. Ultimately, the world is run by people. People use data for their own purposes, their own incentives. Like Dubner said, we believe in data. We live and die with data. But after, for me, 30 years of trying to convince people of things with data, what Dubner said was true. Stories are better than data even if you’re trying to be in the spirit of data.

Dubner: That said, I think an interesting question is, in what realm does it have more leverage? In other words, does it have less leverage in the political realm than, let’s say, the corporate realm? I would say yes, definitely, less in the political realm, because they don’t really need to obey it because politics really is a lot about emotion, and Q-Rating and leverage.

Levitt: But at the same time, the first Obamacare revision was killed by OMB (Office of Management and Budget). That was a rare case where really sensible data analysis actually intervened. What did they do the next time? They tried to rush it through so quickly that the numbers wouldn’t be out by the time they had passed it. Now, that was just the House, and with the Senate, who knows what will happen. But occasionally, there’s a role for data.

Levitt, you talked on stage about your data consulting work. You let the data speak for itself. You don’t take people to conclusions or interpret it. You talked about your work with King Games, maker of Candy Crush. Is there one tech company or other company out there that’s just crushing it with data — that really understands it? We’re here in the home of Amazon and Microsoft and the tech world.

Levitt: Many of the tech companies, the new companies, do an amazing job with data. I’ve never worked too much with Amazon but every indication is that they do. King Games was an amazing data-driven company. I honestly, though, have never seen an old firm, like a brick-and-mortar firm, that did much good with data, ever. I don’t know whether that’s a legacy of the way they think. It’s often a legacy of the systems they use. But I think the future belongs to firms that know how to use data. The power of data in profit maximization is just incredible. If you can get people and pride and the need for power and expertise out of the way, the data can be unbelievable.

What’s worked in the best consulting situations you’ve had when you’ve been inside companies? What about the culture of the company that succeeded made it work?

Levitt: The kinds of companies that we work well with are companies which have had some success and, more recently, have had less than success. Because they know what it’s like to do well but they also see that it’s fragile. We wrote in our book, “Think Like A Freak,” about being willing to say, “I don’t know.” That, I think, is the key thing for success with us. We don’t know anything about the businesses we work with. We go in and say, we don’t know anything about what you do. We just come in as outsiders. It’s only the firms where people are willing to say, “We don’t know the answers.” The only firms that are willing to say they don’t know the answers are the firms that are getting clobbered. But if you’re getting clobbered too badly then things are spiraling out of control and no one’s actually got any time to do real work anymore.

Are journalists doing enough with data? 

Dubner: It’s certainly gotten better. I used to work at the New York Times as my day job. I was always somewhat more numerate than average just because I’d always liked math and I like economics even though those weren’t my concentrations. It was really surprising to me how much the media was really innumerate. When you don’t know something about something, as we all know, your typical response is often dismissiveness or fear/intimidation. It wasn’t like the belief that this is important to tell a certain kind of story, therefore let me try to figure it out or find advice. It’s more like, “Let me go the other direction.” The other direction is journalism by anecdote. I don’t like that so much. I like a hybrid. I like storytelling with data in it.

That said, in the last 10 years, you look at the Upshot at the New York Times, you look at FiveThirtyEight, I think there has been a huge improvement. That said, I feel like they basically built a better silo. The people who produce that and consume it, is still relatively small. CNBC financial reporting has some of the most inside-out backwards data proclamations that you can ever hope to see. Granted you’re dealing with the stock market primarily, which is one big weirdly misconstrued black box of people who don’t really know what the outcomes are, pretending that they do. I think that there are people fighting the good fight. I’m not saying we’re some kind of heroes. We just do it because we like it. But I think it’s still a little on the margins.

I’ll say one more thing about what Levitt said about in response to your question about firms or institutions changing. I think a big part of it is that, like you see in hospitals, for instance, or big insurance companies, the people who have the leverage to make decisions tend to be older or more entrenched. They’ve made it in their career and it’s scary to say, “You know what, I’m going to take everything I thought I knew about how to run this business and figure everything and embrace a different data approach and learn that.” I think that’s why you see the younger firms, or whatever you want to call them, digital natives or data natives, they have a totally different approach to it. And I get it. It’s incentives. I see why people are protectionist without it but I don’t like it.

Levitt: While it’s great to talk about data as the driving force in business or politics, the scarcest resource we have is people who can sensibly analyze data and then communicate that. I think there’s almost no way to learn how to do that. You certainly can’t learn it in school. We don’t teach it at the University of Chicago. I don’t think anywhere they really teach that. In the absence of talent, there are really limits. I draw a very stark contrast to computer programming. When there was a need for computer programming that started to arise in the ’70s, and has grown ever since, we figured out very effective ways of training computer programmers. Take somebody who is reasonably intelligent, and within four to six months, they’re a semi-decent programmer. And within a few years, they’re an excellent programmer, usually. But we haven’t figured out, the market has not yet figured out, how to train people to do data analysis. In some ways, it’s a much more amorphous task than programming. It’s more difficult to teach and there’s such a small set of people who have the experience and the training and the talent to do it.

Dubner: You should talk about your dream, your academy.

Levitt: I had a dream of doing a data science academy, but the reality was there was so much work. In the end, it just didn’t make sense.

There’s clearly a demand for it. This conference sells out.

Levitt: The demand is clear. If you look at the projections of the job of the data scientist, and the salaries of data scientists, it’s obvious that is the future. So what I say to my talented undergrads is, “Forget about getting an economics PhD. Forget about going to law school or med school.” The best jobs in terms of fun, interesting, always different, challenging, the sky is the limit, right now, it’s a data scientist.

We share something in common in that we’ve each spent a lot of time with Nathan Myhrvold. (His stratoshield idea was featured in SuperFreakonomics) Is it more needed than ever now, given (the U.S. withdrawal from) the Paris Climate Accord?

Dubner: I don’t know if it’s needed more than ever because of that. Honestly, I haven’t been following closely the temperature data. There was a period where Nathan’s group I don’t think made a lot of headway, but David Keith’s group and some others were making headway in trying some small-scale trials of geoengineering. Look, I do hope that, whether it’s that idea specifically or, I don’t know if you remember in SuperFreak, we also wrote about their idea for hurricane mitigation … which they have no idea if it would really, really work but that is the kind of idea — forget about data, per se — but it’s the kind of idea that really does change the world, that it would be nice to experiment with more.

You know, the other thing I learn about, the more history I read, is that almost every trailblazing, truly groundbreaking new idea — history of medicine, history of science, history of finance, you name it, agriculture — almost every one out of the gate is immediately ridiculed and treated as total garbage until tens or hundreds or thousands of years later, people appreciate it, because change is really scary. So, I take that to heart and know that change can often take a really long time. That said, I think the trends for this kind of thinking — data-informed thinking — the trend is definitely up and I find that really encouraging.

Tell me what work so well about your partnership. Because obviously it’s successful. You’ve been doing it for many years.

Dubner: I haven’t thought about that in the long time. It’s been so long since we’ve started together. People asked that in the beginning. I remember you described it as, we appreciated the complementaries. I appreciate that Levitt is world-class at what he does. And also what he does is rare. If you’re working with someone who does something that a lot of other people don’t do and he’s really, really good at it, I’m not going to try to do that. I’m going to try to do my thing. Levitt praises me as having higher-caliber qualities than I truly have. He thinks I’m better.

Levitt: I was going to give the exact opposite answer. Which is that, I think we’re both better at doing what the other one does than outsiders would expect. When we’re talking about research and how to interpret research, Dubner often has amazing ideas. In the storytelling, sometimes I can come up with the end of the story. What I would say is actually it’s a lack of ego. … On two separate occasions, you wrote entire chapters that took you months to write. And I said, “This is awful.” And you said, “Yeah you’re right. This is awful.” And literally just threw it in the garbage and started over from scratch. It’s almost unthinkable that anybody would be willing to do that.

Follow Freakonomics on the web and Twitter, and watch the keynote by Dubner and Levitt at the Microsoft Data Insights Summit below.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2sHjDDU

[grgedoors02142]

Can data save the world? We asked ‘Freakonomics’ duo Stephen Dubner and Steven Levitt

Journalist Stephen Dubner and economist Steven Levitt are the duo behind the popular “Freakonomics” books and podcast, crunching numbers and telling stories that explore the “hidden side of everything,” as their tagline goes. They were in Seattle this week to keynote Microsoft’s Data Insights Summit, and they sat down with GeekWire afterward for a conversation about data and the state of the world.

Listen to the GeekWire podcast below, download the MP3 here, and continue reading for an edited transcript of our conversation with Dubner and Levitt.

It’s been said that we’re in a post-fact world. Can data save the world, if people pay attention to data in an unvarnished, objective way?

Stephen Dubner: No, but on the other hand, I don’t think it’s a question of saving. … The more history you read, the more you realize that this period, while colorful at the very least, is not that anomalous really in terms of political discord. I mean, even American politics. Obviously, we’re on the side of data and we’re on the side of factuality, but I will say this: We’re not activists. We’re not advocates. We really try to be non-partisan, no horse in any race, but no matter how loudly we say that we think something should work this way or it would be better to do this, nobody cares. I mean it’s all preaching to choir. I think there is a role for people like us and people who use data and so on, but it’s always going to be — I don’t want to say around the margins, I’m more hopeful of that, but political leverage is massive and that’s hard to change.

Steven Levitt: I think that data is almost never treated in an unvarnished way. Even within firms, data is manipulated. It’s brought to the front when it supports a position. It’s pushed aside when it doesn’t. Ultimately, the world is run by people. People use data for their own purposes, their own incentives. Like Dubner said, we believe in data. We live and die with data. But after, for me, 30 years of trying to convince people of things with data, what Dubner said was true. Stories are better than data even if you’re trying to be in the spirit of data.

Dubner: That said, I think an interesting question is, in what realm does it have more leverage? In other words, does it have less leverage in the political realm than, let’s say, the corporate realm? I would say yes, definitely, less in the political realm, because they don’t really need to obey it because politics really is a lot about emotion, and Q-Rating and leverage.

Levitt: But at the same time, the first Obamacare revision was killed by OMB (Office of Management and Budget). That was a rare case where really sensible data analysis actually intervened. What did they do the next time? They tried to rush it through so quickly that the numbers wouldn’t be out by the time they had passed it. Now, that was just the House, and with the Senate, who knows what will happen. But occasionally, there’s a role for data.

Levitt, you talked on stage about your data consulting work. You let the data speak for itself. You don’t take people to conclusions or interpret it. You talked about your work with King Games, maker of Candy Crush. Is there one tech company or other company out there that’s just crushing it with data — that really understands it? We’re here in the home of Amazon and Microsoft and the tech world.

Levitt: Many of the tech companies, the new companies, do an amazing job with data. I’ve never worked too much with Amazon but every indication is that they do. King Games was an amazing data-driven company. I honestly, though, have never seen an old firm, like a brick-and-mortar firm, that did much good with data, ever. I don’t know whether that’s a legacy of the way they think. It’s often a legacy of the systems they use. But I think the future belongs to firms that know how to use data. The power of data in profit maximization is just incredible. If you can get people and pride and the need for power and expertise out of the way, the data can be unbelievable.

What’s worked in the best consulting situations you’ve had when you’ve been inside companies? What about the culture of the company that succeeded made it work?

Levitt: The kinds of companies that we work well with are companies which have had some success and, more recently, have had less than success. Because they know what it’s like to do well but they also see that it’s fragile. We wrote in our book, “Think Like A Freak,” about being willing to say, “I don’t know.” That, I think, is the key thing for success with us. We don’t know anything about the businesses we work with. We go in and say, we don’t know anything about what you do. We just come in as outsiders. It’s only the firms where people are willing to say, “We don’t know the answers.” The only firms that are willing to say they don’t know the answers are the firms that are getting clobbered. But if you’re getting clobbered too badly then things are spiraling out of control and no one’s actually got any time to do real work anymore.

Are journalists doing enough with data? 

Dubner: It’s certainly gotten better. I used to work at the New York Times as my day job. I was always somewhat more numerate than average just because I’d always liked math and I like economics even though those weren’t my concentrations. It was really surprising to me how much the media was really innumerate. When you don’t know something about something, as we all know, your typical response is often dismissiveness or fear/intimidation. It wasn’t like the belief that this is important to tell a certain kind of story, therefore let me try to figure it out or find advice. It’s more like, “Let me go the other direction.” The other direction is journalism by anecdote. I don’t like that so much. I like a hybrid. I like storytelling with data in it.

That said, in the last 10 years, you look at the Upshot at the New York Times, you look at FiveThirtyEight, I think there has been a huge improvement. That said, I feel like they basically built a better silo. The people who produce that and consume it, is still relatively small. CNBC financial reporting has some of the most inside-out backwards data proclamations that you can ever hope to see. Granted you’re dealing with the stock market primarily, which is one big weirdly misconstrued black box of people who don’t really know what the outcomes are, pretending that they do. I think that there are people fighting the good fight. I’m not saying we’re some kind of heroes. We just do it because we like it. But I think it’s still a little on the margins.

I’ll say one more thing about what Levitt said about in response to your question about firms or institutions changing. I think a big part of it is that, like you see in hospitals, for instance, or big insurance companies, the people who have the leverage to make decisions tend to be older or more entrenched. They’ve made it in their career and it’s scary to say, “You know what, I’m going to take everything I thought I knew about how to run this business and figure everything and embrace a different data approach and learn that.” I think that’s why you see the younger firms, or whatever you want to call them, digital natives or data natives, they have a totally different approach to it. And I get it. It’s incentives. I see why people are protectionist without it but I don’t like it.

Levitt: While it’s great to talk about data as the driving force in business or politics, the scarcest resource we have is people who can sensibly analyze data and then communicate that. I think there’s almost no way to learn how to do that. You certainly can’t learn it in school. We don’t teach it at the University of Chicago. I don’t think anywhere they really teach that. In the absence of talent, there are really limits. I draw a very stark contrast to computer programming. When there was a need for computer programming that started to arise in the ’70s, and has grown ever since, we figured out very effective ways of training computer programmers. Take somebody who is reasonably intelligent, and within four to six months, they’re a semi-decent programmer. And within a few years, they’re an excellent programmer, usually. But we haven’t figured out, the market has not yet figured out, how to train people to do data analysis. In some ways, it’s a much more amorphous task than programming. It’s more difficult to teach and there’s such a small set of people who have the experience and the training and the talent to do it.

Dubner: You should talk about your dream, your academy.

Levitt: I had a dream of doing a data science academy, but the reality was there was so much work. In the end, it just didn’t make sense.

There’s clearly a demand for it. This conference sells out.

Levitt: The demand is clear. If you look at the projections of the job of the data scientist, and the salaries of data scientists, it’s obvious that is the future. So what I say to my talented undergrads is, “Forget about getting an economics PhD. Forget about going to law school or med school.” The best jobs in terms of fun, interesting, always different, challenging, the sky is the limit, right now, it’s a data scientist.

We share something in common in that we’ve each spent a lot of time with Nathan Myhrvold. (His stratoshield idea was featured in SuperFreakonomics) Is it more needed than ever now, given (the U.S. withdrawal from) the Paris Climate Accord?

Dubner: I don’t know if it’s needed more than ever because of that. Honestly, I haven’t been following closely the temperature data. There was a period where Nathan’s group I don’t think made a lot of headway, but David Keith’s group and some others were making headway in trying some small-scale trials of geoengineering. Look, I do hope that, whether it’s that idea specifically or, I don’t know if you remember in SuperFreak, we also wrote about their idea for hurricane mitigation … which they have no idea if it would really, really work but that is the kind of idea — forget about data, per se — but it’s the kind of idea that really does change the world, that it would be nice to experiment with more.

You know, the other thing I learn about, the more history I read, is that almost every trailblazing, truly groundbreaking new idea — history of medicine, history of science, history of finance, you name it, agriculture — almost every one out of the gate is immediately ridiculed and treated as total garbage until tens or hundreds or thousands of years later, people appreciate it, because change is really scary. So, I take that to heart and know that change can often take a really long time. That said, I think the trends for this kind of thinking — data-informed thinking — the trend is definitely up and I find that really encouraging.

Tell me what work so well about your partnership. Because obviously it’s successful. You’ve been doing it for many years.

Dubner: I haven’t thought about that in the long time. It’s been so long since we’ve started together. People asked that in the beginning. I remember you described it as, we appreciated the complementaries. I appreciate that Levitt is world-class at what he does. And also what he does is rare. If you’re working with someone who does something that a lot of other people don’t do and he’s really, really good at it, I’m not going to try to do that. I’m going to try to do my thing. Levitt praises me as having higher-caliber qualities than I truly have. He thinks I’m better.

Levitt: I was going to give the exact opposite answer. Which is that, I think we’re both better at doing what the other one does than outsiders would expect. When we’re talking about research and how to interpret research, Dubner often has amazing ideas. In the storytelling, sometimes I can come up with the end of the story. What I would say is actually it’s a lack of ego. … On two separate occasions, you wrote entire chapters that took you months to write. And I said, “This is awful.” And you said, “Yeah you’re right. This is awful.” And literally just threw it in the garbage and started over from scratch. It’s almost unthinkable that anybody would be willing to do that.

Follow Freakonomics on the web and Twitter, and watch the keynote by Dubner and Levitt at the Microsoft Data Insights Summit below.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2sHjDDU