#i feel like crying this is terrible

[fungits]

quit smoking last night. biggest mistake ive ever made i feel like im going to die my skin is crawling this is so frustrating

[emotoangel]

you know sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat remembering the phrase ‘more than just romantic’ and feeling like I’ve been knocked down a hill by the reminder that Dan and Phil are like ,, actually together. it’s not just a weird online shipping two twinks thing they’re actual soulmates, companions through life, 4000 year old tortoises, RANCH, like a piece of furniture, like a normal gay couple ,,, what the fuck

[rynpie]

I tried drawing a nbc Lilia loosely inspired by the vampires

[bumblingbabooshka]

Spock, Michael, and Sarek: Funereal Letting Go "Let Your Father Die Energy Drink" by Cecilia Corrigan

[fishing-lesbian-catgirl]

I can imagine anything guy image: “I can spiral into tears and convince myself I’m the worst person alive over anything”

[kenneduck]

Me: Stop being sad.

Also me: Spends today thinking about Link and Mipha’s love and the fact he can’t properly grieve it because he cannot remember all of the memories of their relationship.

It makes me sad.

I’ve been coping with thinking about how post-AOC Sidon travels home. It’s after BOTW, and Sidon went missing for a few months along with other champions (and Tulin lmao) With his return, Link is emotional as he reunites with Sidon. Link was beyond stressed and worried over his missing lover. He hasn’t left Zora’s Domain in weeks since he got word of his disappearance. Once emotions settle during the reunion, Sidon gets to tell Link about how he went back in time and saved Mipha and all of Hyrule. He saved Link. Even if that Link wasn’t his Link, it made his heart happy to save his love from the grief he went through before.

And Sidon is so melancholic. He got to see first hand Link’s love for his sister. Her giving Link the armor after he saved all of Hyrule. The two sharing a kiss. A future between them that gets to finally exist. Something he knew from her diaries and from older Zora’s stories, but something that he deeply understood now.

As Sidon recaps this, Link is looking up to Sidon emotionally. Sidon too seems upset. But more so guilty, Sidon witnessed first hand what had to be lost for he and Link to love one another. That maybe what the two are doing isn’t right.

But Link shushes Sidon. Finally getting a word in for the first time after Sidon’s retelling started. That Link is beyond proud of Sidon for saving Hyrule. For saving Mipha. Saving him. Link can’t help but cry after this point. He thanks Sidon for giving Link a happy life. In both of his lives. Who Link was then isn’t who he is now, but he’s so happy to know that both past and present him get to love who they love surrounded by friends and a family they found. That it extends beyond him, too. So he’s incredibly thankful for Sidon. And that he loves him, and he won’t stop loving him.

Sidon can’t help but to kiss his Hylian lover. One he’s desperately missed during his travels. One he felt guilt over, but that washed away with Link’s affirmation. Now, Sidon just feels happy. Overwhelmed, but happy. He knows Mipha is happy, and he can’t wait to tell the domain what transpired.

[alwaysyouuuuuu]

So i was thinking about your Wolfstar Marvel AU again (it should pay rent with how much it's spinning around my head) and like,,,, Sirius not having any kind of closure about Remus,,, he doesn't know what happened to him, they never found a body or any traces of him and then he was pronounced dead and Sirius just. Doesn't know. He doesn't even know why they took Remus in the first place. And he probably feels guilty about it too (bc ofc he would!!!). Just, the lack of closure of it all, the big question mark haunting him, up until 70+ years later when he's face-to-face with Remus again (I'm loving it)

Hi hi hi!!!! 💕💕💕 Thank you so much for the ask! I am so happy we both find it consuming haha and I agree. AU needs to start paying me hourly wages for just how much it keeps me up and wondering at night. I would be in tears and at the end of my wit, if I had to do just part of this research in school (I was not into history or any literature for school, and that's putting it mildly.) and now I do this willingly lol.

You know one of those, "I'm so glad you asked"- *7 hour long vm* memes? I fear this will end up like that. Bear with me.

Before we get into that, I'll clear up some background? So Remus was first taken along with a lot of their troop (ambush?), and they were partially injected (plot reasons plot reasons!! I feel like you can guess why!!) and the Sirius and co rescued them etc etc. And then Remus was targeted specifically.

So before the permafrost, I feel the situation was very bad for Sirius. For one, he would have agreed to the Serum in the first place because Remus was in captivity (also for the war effort, of course, but to Sirius, at that point there really was no room for question which may have been there otherwise), and then he got Remus back. Just to lose him again.

And then, to the Military and almost everyone else, Hope and Lyall Lupin lost a son, but Sirius Black lost a fellow soldier. He lost a comrade. Sure, they were friends, so him being vengeful is believable, to an extent. And no one really gets the blank look in his eyes, after.

I believe there was a quote that went like, "Should you lose a spouse/partner, there is a shared understanding of the relationship, but when you lose a friend, there's no tangible evidence, no widely acknowledged way to mourn."

Except, for Sirius, he did lose his partner, love of his life and dearest friend of so many years. And no one understands. Maybe James and Lily know, but it is the 40s. Realistically, they are quiet about it at best. For him it is both, and all the more painful. And he doesn't get exactly why Remus was targeted either. Remus was at an integral position in the OSS, unusual for his age, recruited at the very beginning, one of the sharpest minds, so it could have been that. And god, he was cold blooded when he got to fighting. But of course, he cannot shake the feeling that it was because of him.

So, in that time, the days he spent looking for Remus with James and Lily, (which really wasn't much, they would not have been allowed to!) he is partially cynical. Not to the point of self-blaming but enough to self-destruct. James tries to get him out of it, but Lily grits her teeth. She doesn't say much, because she understands, I believe, how much at that point he just wants it to end.

*BAM* permafrost.

After he gains consciousness, he would have blanked out for a while, because what even is this? But he doesn't, because after the first few excruciating minutes, when the blood is pounding in his chest, looking at every flash of light, every building and car that look unnatural, really, the first thing he processes is Moody telling him that the War is over. Good, at least something went well, he thinks.

They tell him many soldiers were rescued, because that's the first thing he asks. After it sinks in, he wants to hope, and maybe he does. Because this is real, he can see it. As outlandish as it is, he is in the future. If this can be real, how foolish would it be to hope that maybe Remus made it too? He would be old, and he would have lived his life. Maybe with someone else, and that's okay. If he gets to see him one more time, Jesus, it's okay.

They tell him what happened with HYDRA and his family. They tell him about James Potter and how he revolutionized weapons, they tell him about Lily Potter, who later went on to join the NSA. God, he gets fucking giddy hearing all of that, because it worked out. For someone, it did. For James and Lily, it did. He wants to meet Harry.

And he starts to have a nagging thought, because with how they speak of and to him, maybe they would have mentioned his known childhood friend. And Remus was known to his own credit.

So he asks, slowly about one Remus Lupin?

And lo and behold. They know of him of course, of course, he was Captain America's best friend. But nothing was known of him post war.

He tries to hold his face and nods, but Moody gives him a strange look. Tells him that he'll look into it for him. He tamps it down, though, there is no point in a wishful fantasy. He would have begged Moody if required, but there really is no point. And he doesn't think he can open his mouth without saying something incriminating.

Moody offers him the initiative, of course, but they tell him to take a breath, see the world, find himself first. And he does, he takes a few days. But then he gets time to think about it, to mull things over, to reevaluate his last choices. When he is trying to ease into the new world, he is busy, things are overwhelming. But once he gets home, he spirals. He remembers how panicky he had been during the first rescue mission. He had been desperate. And what if that clued them in? There were others in the OSS. So why just Remus?

It had to be him.

So he throws himself into missions, trains hard, exhausts himself so doesn't have to think. He does what he's always been doing, he helps SHIELD and doesn't question much, because he is still processing. Some things stick out but one can only handle so much, yeah? Besides, James and Lily were the co-founders.

He finds out. Well. Many things about his past and it's just so much (I'll stop or this itself will spiral to 3k.)

I feel he's quite mercurial at times in these days. Unsettled, but he keeps going. He drinks sometimes, gets shit faced. Those days are increasing, really.

Then he meets Elena.

And there is something striking about her. Such a young girl, and he can see it in her eyes that she has seen a lot. Too much. He sees himself in her. And he is protective. He is maybe a little taken aback. Because she seems so much... like an old soul.

And Elena is drawn to him too. She opens up, slowly, slowly, which she doesn't normally. But he is fiery. Like her. And they mostly have the same stances. She doesn't speak of her childhood, and so he doesn't ask. She does mention she had a dad, and though seemingly not for long, she remembers her name from him.

She seeks out his company and it soothes something in him. I feel he's a little more settled? With time? I mean it's hard to pity yourself when there is someone dragging you out to bowl and join soccer clubs, when that someone is a loner too. Even though thinking of Remus' hurts a little more each day, because he feels that Elena and Remus would get along so well. Man she even fights like him.

So when he sees Remus again, it is whiplash of the worst kind. Remus is just there. Because it is Remus and it is not, and he is standing there just staring because this Remus even fights the same. And he sees Elena standing frozen there, and it suddenly hits him that she looks... like Remus.

Except for her eyes and it is like he is watching everything from afar. All he can do try to hold Remus back. Until Neville flies them away.

Because what has his life come to?

Elena is not responding. She is not even looking at him. And Sirius is thinking a thousand miles an hour. I think he'd find out everything he can about whoever this Winter Soldier is.

Before they finally bring R in for questioning I feel S would be overcome with guilty and longing and a lot of painful confusion, really.

And mostly, Sirius is guilt ridden. Remus was in there, with them doing who knows what to him, for 70 years? He never deserved that. Sirius was outwardly rebellious. It was his family helping fund HYDRA. And then there's Elena. Is Elena Remus'? Because how in the world did Remus manage to have a kid while he was trapped in a facility?

There is something really cool about her name. if you look closely.

Outside of his blackouts, Remus solely spoke Russian to everyone around him for 70 years right? So it seems logical that's what he'd speak to elena in that environment, mind controlled half the time etc, before they were separated (she was like. 7) and he'd find it a little difficult to slip into English again, or that's what Elena thinks. So when he demands to meet her first, she storms in, defensive stance (Sirius is standing right outside by the way) but Remus just blinks. Because they said it was Elena Chernova. But it's not. It's Helena Black.

And Sirius just. Dies a little.

Basically. He is spiralling.

So is this, so I'll stop here.

Based on this post. + snippet.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

this torture we're going through with the anime must be divine karma for slandering Bones all this time...... they said "oh, you don't like how we adapt things? you say the manga does it better?? okay then, well now there is no more manga. it's Bones or bust, bitches."

[profounddefendorcrusade-blog]

I feel bad for Starlo. (pt. 6)

I think the main thing we were supposed to see as Star's character flaw wasn't that he was acting proud/arrogant/reckless/badass (I mentioned that it's fine for him to act that way because he deserved it after everything good he did and obviously I still mean it 110%), but how that proud, charming guy was never the real him. He literally lost himself trying to feel worthy and please everyone in town. For years he's been acting the role (for a noble cause) but the price was him losing touch with the nerd he is.

Yet STILL, if only everyone had been a bit more gentle with him, I bet he'd have toned it down during the WE section, and even before that. But they all decided to let him know the truth at the worst possible time, right when he was supposed to make Clover his deputy. Right after they attacked the kid because they were jealous. It was supposed to be the PEAK of Starlo's day and they randomly threw the "we never liked any of this" bomb at him instead of trying to talk it out BEFORE things escalated. I'd be pissed too.

Oh yeah...

... his brother doesn't take him seriously apparently and doesn't realize that staying positive and strong 24/7 is tougher than it looks, especially with Starlo's insecurities (and yeah being a farmer is hard work, but so is being in Star's position; on the contrary, it's even TOUGHER) ...

Orion should try being an entertainer for a day and see what it's like, let alone doing it for years

...Solomon says how Star thought him and Crestina didn't support his life choices...

... and how he rarely talks to his family...

...and it suddenly came to me: in all these years, they didn't ever bother telling him that they did support him? They didn't bother trying to reach out to him more? Understand his passion (Ceroba doesn't get it either; once again, I don't blame Starlo for caring about Clover so much, that kid understood)? Have an honest talk?

No wonder Star stopped interacting with them for the most part. Maybe him feeling worthless came from his family? Who knows (or he was bullied as a kid for being a nerd). In any case, he clearly had to deal with these feelings by himself.

This man's been through some stuff.

P.S. I know he has flaws like everyone, but you've gotta ask yourself the important question: WHY? where did all this come from? But clearly nobody in his life ever asked themselves this. So it all kept building up till he almost killed his deputy for... status. He was SO desperate to feel valued and get his friends back (who made him feel less alone.. but ultimately just left when he needed someone the most, at least ONE person) that he was ready to go all the way to achieve what he'd been lacking his entire life: *feeling like he MATTERED.*

I wonder If he'll ever go 100% back to being his true self. Slim chances :'( this is him now. Half farmer half sheriff

[deoidesign]

.

[clegfly]

Getting REAL sick and tired of how omori TikTok views sunny.

Like, they view any scene of him being emotionally vulnerable, affectionate, or even just making an expression outside of just being completely neutral as “mischaracterised”. He’s not some cool, stoic, unwavering badass, he is a traumatised teenager. Don’t cry whenever he dares to give his friend a hug or (god forbid) be SAD about something??? Isn’t like. Part of the point of his development about him allowing himself to break down the repressive walls he built when he shut himself in? And being able to rely on his real friends instead of imaginary versions? And isn’t the game like. Meant to SHOW that he still cares about them despite isolating himself?

It’s really stupid to get mad at a character like that showing emotion or affection personally, especially since he’s not used to expressing it properly after so long. But that’s just me

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

questioning sexuality is so exhausting

[stubz]

Log date 510: today human Max is not here and that is disappointing as I have tremendous amounts of fun when he is here

Log date 511: human Max is still not here, maybe he is sick? I will ask Giver what helps humans get better when sick and then have my drone deliver it to him!

Log date 515: …human Max is still not here and it is the end of the week as he would call it…I miss him

Log date 518: Human Max is here! I have missed him greatly for he is the most fun one! We will play catch and build and draw and, and…human Max is sad today…

Log date 520: He is still sad. He plays catch and draws and builds but is still sad…this is not fun for me. He is not fun.

Log date 522: ….human Max lost his Giver. His Giver was hit by a transportation vehicle and died in the medical bay. He couldn’t say good bye as he is here and she was light years away in Earth…

Log date 522-b: I told Human Max he is not fun. That he is sad. He lied and said he was okay and forced a smile. I told him he is my favourite because he is the most fun but it’s okay to not always be fun… I asked him about his Giver and he told me stories of her. Soon everyone sat down to hear the stories and still stayed when he cried.

Log date 523: Human Max will be gone for a while until he is better. I miss him because he is fun but I want him to be better because I have the most fun when he is feeling well. He lost his Giver and that will take a while for him to be okay…and I will wait patiently for that

[girlthativealwaysbeen]

mann im going to get my blood reports tomorrow and im lwk scared

[stardustvanfleet]

soft pretty bob jakey bc i’ve been having a tough week and i miss him :-( 🩷

[astriiformes]

Surgeon is calling in a round of antibiotics since my incision that's healing poorly is starting to get a little suspicious. :(

I'm trying not to worry too much since my second surgery is early on Friday morning, but I'm definitely still stressed. It would be just my luck to have this spiral into something a lot more serious, especially when I have so many other things going on.