#i need a cigarette so so so so fucking bad
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night watch
for the @steddiemicrofic prompt “guard, 532 words” | rated: t | cw: none | tags: pre-relationship, eddie pov, nightmares, sharing a bed, pet names, soft boys, fluff
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With shaky hands, Eddie pours himself a glass of water.
Nightmares rarely leave him so rattled these days but this one was so horrifying he doesn’t think he’ll sleep more tonight.
So he sticks a cigarette between his lips, grabs a lighter, and heads outside, hoping it’ll help calm him down.
He flicks the porch light on and that’s when he sees it– Steve’s car parked in his driveway.
“What the hell?”
Eddie tucks the cigarette behind his ear and walks to the car where he finds Steve sleeping in the driver’s seat.
He taps on the window and Steve jerks awake, head whipping around in confusion until his eyes find Eddie, widening comically.
Wiping drool from his face, Steve rolls the window down. “Uh hi, Eddie.”
“Hey, Stevie,” Eddie says, leaning against the car.
“Why are you out here?”
“I could ask you the same thing. I came outside for a cigarette, and lo and behold, Steve Harrington, standing guard by my house!” Eddie chuckles amusedly. “Terribly, I might add, considering you were asleep.”
Steve sleepily rubs his eyes. “I usually don’t fall asleep. Guess I’m really tired tonight.”
Wait–
“Usually?” Eddie blinks. “You’ve done this before?”
Steve bites his lip nervously. “Every other night but I leave before anyone sees me.”
“Why?”
“I have these– nightmares about you dying. One night when I couldn’t go back to sleep I went for a drive and ended up here, your light was on and I could see you through the window and that helped. I went back and got some more sleep. Sometimes I stay longer if the nightmare was really bad–”
“Oh, Steve.”
Steve grimaces. “I know it’s creepy–”
“Stevie, I’m not mad,” Eddie says softly, “I just wish you told me.”
“I didn’t want you to laugh!”
“I would never! Tease you a little maybe.”
Steve scoffs, but his mouth ticks up.
“Okay, come on.”
Steve tilts his head. “Where?”
“Inside. It’s fucking cold, you’re tired and my bed is more comfortable than your car.”
“I was just gonna head back–”
“Like hell you are.”
He leads Steve to his bedroom where they both climb into bed. Eddie doesn’t know if he’ll be able to sleep, but he’ll make sure Steve does.
“Sorry for not telling you,” Steve whispers.
“Promise me you will next time,” Eddie nudges Steve with his foot. “Sorry for haunting your dreams.”
Steve chuckles. “Not all of them are bad–”
“No? I get good dreams too? What do we do in those?”
Steve inexplicably blushes. “This– and um, hold hands. Sometimes we kiss.”
Eddie’s breath catches. “Damn, I’m jealous of dream me.”
“You don’t need to be,” Steve whispers, looking at Eddie with molten eyes that flicker to his lips, his fingers brushing Eddie’s hand.
“Christ.” Suddenly, sleep isn’t Eddie’s priority. At least not until Steve yawns. “How about you tell me about those dreams tomorrow?”
Steve must be really tired because he doesn’t protest. “Okay.”
“And next time you have a bad dream, you come here and I’ll turn it into a good one, okay?”
Steve sleepily agrees.
“Good, now sleep.”
“What about you?”
“It’s my turn to watch over you, sweetheart. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Eds.”
#steddie#steddie fic#steddiemicrofic#stranger things#stranger things fic#and then they make all those good dreams come true! the end!#steve harrington#eddie munson#monse writes
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Falling Deep
ONESHOT
ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: Daryl Dixon was a quiet but curious young man—shy, inexperienced, and way more innocent than you’d expect. It was just you, him, and... a vibrator.
ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: VIRGIN!DARYL DIXON X FEM!READER
ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: SMUT / LANGUAGE / ORAL FIXATION / CUNNILINGUS / SEX TOYS / DRUGS & ALCOHOL / NON-CON ELEMENTS
ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 6.925
ꜱᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ: PRE-APOCALYPSE—ALTERNATE UNIVERSE
ʀᴇǫᴜᴇꜱᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ: @dixongrimesgirl
ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ's ɴᴏᴛᴇ: Thank you for your patience! I know it’s been a long wait, and I can only hope it was worth it. This might not be exactly what you had in mind when you sent in the request, but I hope you enjoy it.
MASTERLIST & REQUEST GUIDELINES
The Chattahoochee was a whole different level of disgusting, even for a bar so close to the deep woods of Georgia. Low ceilings, broken lights, and the smell of piss and beer were present in every corner. Regulars stumbled in every night and day, a lot of them already drunk or high, but most of them?
Both.
It was the kind of place that was sticky no matter how much bleach you poured on it and where you could smell the bad life decisions coming from a mile away.
You worked behind the bar, pouring shots of moonshine and avoiding the greedy touches of men like it was just another part of the job. Which, in a place like this, it practically was. Located in the heart of the most godforsaken area of Georgia, it was the perfect place for the kind of people you’d rather not run into at any time.
Safe to say, Merle Dixon had been hitting on you since day one, coming at you with even worse pickup lines while high on who knows what. He'd lean over the counter, smirking, smelling like alcohol, cigarettes, and sweat. "Hey, sugar tits, gimme 'nother," he’d laugh, putting a half-torn dollar on the bar like it was supposed to impress you.
"Watch the damn language, Dixon, or that’ll be your last drink for tonight," you’d answer, not even looking up as you poured him another shot.
"Hey, c'mon now," he’d answer you, "don't be like that. Ya know ya wanna gimme a shot at somethin’ else, don't ya?" He'd grin further, which seemed more lustful than charming, his eyes staring at your tits like they belonged there at all times.
You'd roll your eyes and shove the glass across the bar with a little more force than necessary. "In your damn dreams, Dixon. And keep your damn eyes up here, or I’m gonna rip ‘em outta your damn skull," you’d warn, but not entirely without sarcasm. It wasn’t the first time he behaved like that, and it sure as hell wouldn’t be the last.
Then there was Daryl, his little brother, always standing or sitting nearby, almost like a shadow, or rather, like someone who didn't belong in a place like that. He wasn’t the type to come up and throw a pickup line at you; hell, he barely spoke at all. Just stood back while Merle tried to flirt with you, as if he was embarrassed to even be there.
You’d catch Daryl looking at you with these sideways glances, his arms crossed over his chest like he was waiting for whatever bullshit his brother might do next. Or maybe he was scared, and he just had no clue what to do with a girl who would throw a bottle at someone's head and talk filthier than any man in the bar.
One night, Merle was high on meth that had his pupils blown wide, and he was drunk as always. "Y'know, darlin'," he slurred, leaning far over the bar, "I could make your night real fuckin' interestin’. Got a little somethin' else with me that’ll loosen ya up for some fun." He took out a tiny baggie—powder—white and unmistakable.
"Fuck off, Merle," you said with a smirk. "Go snort that shit somewhere else, where I don’t have to watch your annoying ass. Ain't your damn babysitter." You were used to it, but he was starting to piss you off more than usual. "And don’t even think about offering it to anyone else inside this hellhole. Last thing I need is you getting the whole damn bar high. Do that outside, with those who are probably shitting all over themselves right now."
Meanwhile, Daryl was sitting on a stool nearby, again, his eyes looking from you to his brother. You couldn’t help but notice how uncomfortable he looked, the way he watched Merle and every other person around. There was always something different about him—he was quieter, more... soft. The kind of guy who stood back and kept his head down.
"Leave 'er 'lone, Merle," Daryl mumbled, more to himself than to his brother. But he seemed to be sick of the whole scene. Not that Merle ever listened, or would ever listen to him.
No, Merle just rolled his eyes before shoving the baggie back into his pocket, not even looking in the direction of his brother, keeping his focus only on you... and your tits. "Don’t worry, sweetheart. Just tryin’ to show ya a good time for once." He grabbed his drink and stumbled off, probably to piss in a bush outside, and you were left with Daryl, who still just sat there.
Some time later, you grabbed a dirty rag and started wiping the bar down, side-eyeing him. "You gonna say somethin’, or just keep sittin' there?" You teased, soon throwing the rag under the counter and pouring him another drink.
He shrugged, looking away, clearly not sure what to do with himself. "Ain’t like I could stop him if he tried anythin’," he mumbled, looking down into his glass.
"If he tried, he'd go home without his dick. Not that it'd make much of a difference for him," you said back, smirking at him and trying to get him to loosen up a bit. "You come here just to watch me shut him down every night?"
It was a half-serious question, but you knew the answer. Daryl wasn’t like the other assholes—he didn’t hit on you, didn’t try to grab your ass or tits when you passed by, and never once called you some stupid nickname like sugar tits.
"I… jus' end up 'ere," he said awkwardly, his fingers tapping down on the counter. "Ain’t got much else to do."
"Well, at least you’re not tryin’ to snort coke off my tits or ass," you answered, making him go red in the face.
He opened his mouth to reply, but the words seemed to be stuck in his throat, and you couldn’t help but find it kind of adorable.
"You know, since you come here enough, Dixon 2.0," you continued, "might as well help me close up sometime and throw the rest of these assholes outta here. Would get you a drink on the house."
It was just a passing suggestion, a simple idea, but his eyes looked up, like he was considering it, and for once, he actually looked into yours. Not in that drooling, perverted way his older brother did, but with curiosity. "Maybe," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Dunno."
"You know what? Just think about it."
And so, the routine went on. Merle would walk in, and Daryl would sit nearby, quietly sipping his own drink while keeping an eye on his brother. And secretly, on you.
Tonight, though? Tonight was different. Somehow, you’d gotten him here, in your home, alone, without Merle, who was probably stinking of booze and piss all over again somewhere. His brother must have gotten his hands on something strong, or whatever it was, it gave you the perfect excuse.
You’d leaned in close while Daryl was mumbling about his brother and told him he should come over; maybe help you with something, and you told him it was important. You hadn’t even needed to lie all that much—he’d just nodded, eyes wide and nervous, and here he was, following you home like a little boy.
When he got to your place, he just stood there, all tense, and moving from one foot to the other like he didn’t know where to put himself. And you—well, you liked watching him squirm and being nervous, knowing well you were the one making him feel like that.
Daryl wasn’t even in the door for five seconds before you threw your bag on the floor, walking inside without saying anything else. No pretenses, no "make yourself at home." You didn’t bother with shit like that. If he was here, he was here on your terms, and you weren’t about to treat him like a guest.
"C’mon in," you said, standing next to the door to finally close it.
You saw him gulp, eyes looking around like he was searching for a quick exit he could use just in case, but finding nothing but trouble. So he nodded, stepping in, his shoulders hunched as he stood there, awkward as hell. Every inch of him screamed that he was nervous, but he didn’t run, not yet. You liked that about him. Quiet, sure, but still stubborn.
Meanwhile, your place was kind of a mess, clothes lying around, bottles on the tables—some empty, some half-full. A few were left over from last week, but hell, you weren’t cleaning for anybody, especially not for him. Daryl didn’t seem to mind, though; if anything, he looked like he was trying hard not to stare around too much, eyes fixed somewhere over your shoulder, his face all red once more, while you kicked off those awful heels that made your feet ache.
"Go on and sit down in my room," you said over your shoulder as you turned around, smirking as you heard his quiet huff. "I'm gonna get outta these damn clothes and put on something more comfortable."
"'Kay," he muttered and nodded again, sounding like he’d swallowed his own tongue.
Once in the bathroom, you pulled off the way too tight top and short skirt in the bathroom, letting yourself breathe for once. That outfit was a real curse; your bra always felt as if it was pushing your tits all the way up to your chin, but it kept the tips flowing, so you kept wearing those clothes.
But tonight? You’d rather die than let Daryl see you in it for too long. Poor boy was already chewing the inside of his mouth and choking on his own words like he might say the wrong thing and die on the spot.
But what you didn't know was that the second you went away to change your clothes, Daryl’s hands started twitching, like his body was on alert between curiosity and unease. A few of your clothes were tossed across the bed, smelling like that bar you worked at—smoke, sweat, and alcohol. It all felt like a place he shouldn’t be at, but here he was, sitting down on your bed and touching your clothes to shove them aside.
He told himself he wasn’t snooping, just trying to figure you out as he sat there nervously. Hell, you were already a mystery to him—a tough girl working in a bar where skirts and shorts barely covered what they ought to and heels high enough to bring any man to his knees.
So here he was, and his mind started running wild, wondering if every woman’s place was like this—half-dirty, with clothes tossed around, magazines piled up, and so much more.
Then his eyes landed on a big box sitting half-shoved under your bed, an open corner poking out like it had been forgotten as his foot bumped against it. He should’ve left it alone, but there was that itch, like he couldn’t look away. Daryl crouched down, sitting down on the floor, his fingers fumbling with the top until it opened up. His eyes went wide, lips parting as he looked inside.
It was filled with... things. Smooth, soft, strange-looking things in different shapes and colors, each one making him more confused than the last.
"What's this stuff?" He whispered, eyes squinting as he picked up a small pink thing with a rounded end. It fit in his hand, smooth but with some weight to it. "This for her... work?" He mumbled, rolling it over in his hand like it might magically turn into something he recognized. Maybe it was a tool, or even one of those weird bar gadgets he didn’t know about.
Another catch of something sparkly and soft shoved down in there made his heart beat faster, and before he knew it, he was pulling out more—the things looking weirder by the second. There was a wand-looking thing, and he held it like it might explode, wondering what the hell you were doing with all this.
"Drugs? Gotta be for drugs," he muttered, frowning as he inspected the box. Could be some kind of injector, maybe? He knew about that stuff—the guys that Merle met sometimes, passing around different things for the good times. But nothing here made sense, and there wasn't any instruction manual in sight.
He looked around like you’d come back any second and catch him, heat burning inside of him as he thought about what this meant. Were you hiding something? Was it… Was it for some kind of secret thing you did when no one was around?
"Damn it, what’re ya up to?" He said, biting his lip, his hand brushing over the surface of the smooth, strange thing, feeling his pulse race at the thought that you did know exactly what these were for.
And yet he didn’t. Not a damn clue.
"Hell’s this?"
He felt a cord between his fingers, pulling it slightly, as if tugging on it might magically make it make sense. Maybe it was for listening to music? But it had no sound, and no little earbuds or anything that he could see.
Setting that one down, he picked up another—an oblong thing with ridges along one side. It looked almost like a flashlight, but there was nowhere for the light to shine from. He pressed his thumb over it, turning it this way and that, but nothing happened.
"What the hell?" It had to be for something specific. You wouldn’t just have random stuff lying around like this for no reason, would you?
Then he found another, rounder one, with a strange little button on the side. He pressed it, flinching a bit when it buzzed all of a sudden. The damn thing nearly jumped out of his hand, and he held it tight to stop the vibrations.
"Damn thing’s possessed," he nearly yelled, feeling his cheeks burn. It felt... weird. Too weird.
And you? You had barely slipped into the bathroom, taking off your work clothes and enjoying the idea of how Daryl would squirm alone for a moment in your bedroom. The way he’d stumbled his way in earlier, not wanting to make eye contact like he didn’t know what to do with his own hands? It was almost way too easy to tease him.
And there he was, practically glowing red, sitting next to the box you kept under the bed. A simple big box—hell, he was behaving so cautiously, like he’d just discovered a bomb or a dead body. But what really caught you was the thing in his hand. A vibrator.
"Oh, you gotta be kiddin’ me," you whispered, loud enough for him to hear. His head moved up, eyes wide as if he’d just been caught robbing a bank.
"Shit!" The vibrator fell out of his hand, hitting the floor, but that was only the start; the thing started buzzing further—vibrating across the floor and right toward your feet. Daryl didn’t move; he didn’t even reach for it. He just sat there, staring at the buzzing vibrator like it was going to bite him.
"Gonna tell me what you’re doin’ with my stuff?" You asked, half-amused, half-teasing, waiting to see what half-assed excuse he’d come up with, as you leaned against the door frame. His mouth opened and closed, but nothing came out at first.
"I… uh—" he stammered, swallowing loudly, his hands fidgeting like he wasn’t sure what to do with them. "I thought… I mean—thought it was, like, stuff for..." His voice trailed off, eyes looking to the ground, too ashamed to meet yours.
"Yeah? Stuff for what?" You pressed further, stepping forward, taking the vibrator and turning it off, stopping the noise but not the look of pure mortification on his face.
"I… thought it might be, y'know... Maybe it was, uh, y’know, things for... for bar stuff, or somethin’. Yer work." His voice was quiet, like he might get in trouble just for saying it out loud.
"For work?" You laughed and crouched down to sit next to him. "Yeah, Daryl, because every bartender needs a vibrator in her kit. So… You wanna tell me why you’re snooping, or am I just supposed to guess?"
You reached over, brushing a hand along the edge of your toy box, taking in the way his eyes tried to look at each item inside. Poor boy had no clue what half of it was for, but he looked at everything like it might burn him.
"Am sorry! I wasn’t… Jus'… waitin’ on ya an' got curious, I guess," he murmured. "Didn’t mean nothin’ by it."
You leaned in closer, enough that he could probably feel your breath on his face. "Curious, huh?" You asked, eyeing the way his shoulders tensed up. "You don't know what that stuff is?"
"Uh…" He blinked, looking between you and the vibrator like it might suddenly start buzzing again. "Not… really. No."
"Oh, you really don’t?" You pretended to be surprised. "It’s a toy, Dixon. A fun toy. For women. And men sometimes as well."
"That for real?" He asked, voice so quiet you almost didn’t hear it.
"As real as it gets, sweetheart. And judging by that look on your face, I’d bet you don’t have much experience with this sorta things." You raised an eyebrow, daring him to admit it.
He swallowed hard, his eyes dropping back to the floor. "Ain’t never… really..." He trailed off, his whole face full of embarrassment.
"Never what?" You asked, leaning in so close you could smell the cigarettes and sweat on him, and somehow, it drove you wild. "Fucked a woman? Or even fucked yourself, huh?"
"I—" His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat, a sound that told you everything you needed to know. "I don’t… don’t really know… how… t'do any of that."
"Oh, honey." You leaned back a little. "You look like you’re about ready to pass out."
Daryl trembled, trying to look anywhere but at you, his whole face burning. "I—I jus'… I dunno what to do with... all that," he continued, motioning awkwardly toward the box.
You smirked, thoroughly enjoying his discomfort. "Guess no one’s shown you how a woman uses one of these before, huh?" You watched his reaction, loving every little deep breath he took and every embarrassed flinch.
"N-no… But what if... maybe they could've been... for, uh, drugs?" His face somehow went even more red, and he looked ready to sink into the floor.
"Drugs? What, you think I’m hiding some kind of dealer setup in my own bedroom? And especially right under my damn bed?" You let out a laugh, shaking your head. "Trust me, they’ll get you high, alright—but not the way you’re thinkin’."
The embarrassment on his face was almost painful to watch as he shifted on the ground. "Like I said, I—I don't... Ain’t never done stuff like that before, okay? I—I mean, I done that with myself... sometimes. But not really... okay?"
You smiled, letting your fingers move over his, watching as his breath stopped, his eyes looking up to meet yours for a desperate second. "Well," you murmured, "maybe I could show you a thing or two. If you’re up for it, that is."
Daryl swallowed hard, his hands trembling as he glanced between you and the box again. He indeed looked like he was about to pass out, but he seemed curious—curious in a way that he couldn’t quite hide.
"Oh, c'mon, I know you want to," you whispered, clicking your tongue, standing up, and taking off your shirt slowly. His eyes looked up fast, staring at you, and he shifted on the spot, pressing his thighs together. That’s when you noticed the growing bulge in his pants—it was more than obvious he was already hard as a rock.
"Damn, Dixon," you chuckled, "you’ve got a real problem, don’t you?" You let your shirt fall down to the floor. "Hey, don’t just sit there looking lost—c’mon, no way you're that scared of undressing a woman!"
He stammered something, some half-strangled "n-no," his hands gripping his own thighs like he had to hold himself back from reaching for you. That only spurred you on, raising your brows as you grabbed him to stand up and guiding his trembling hands to the hem of your pants.
"Well, here’s your chance," you smirked, waiting for him to open the button. You watched his fingers fumble with it, shaking as he pulled down the zipper, and then, when he managed to pull your pants down over your hips along with your panties, his eyes widened like he’d forgotten how to breathe.
"Keep goin’, don't be shy," you whispered, guiding his fingers down your thighs until your clothes hit the floor.
He just stood there, staring, mouth opening like he wanted to say something but didn’t have the slightest clue what to do next. You leaned in close, eyes locked on his, before you knelt down again and took the vibrator out of the box once more, pressing the button and letting it hum.
His eyes shot to the toy, watching with pure terror and fascination, and when you pressed it into his hand again, he held it like some foreign, sacred object he was too scared to break.
"Here," you mumbled, laying down onto the bed, legs spread just enough to give him a view he couldn’t tear himself away from even if he tried, before you pulled him next to you and guided his hand between your legs, pressing the vibrator to your thigh and dragging it higher. "Just like that, Daryl. Feels interesting, doesn’t it?"
Daryl could barely breathe, staring down as if hypnotized, the muscles in his whole body tensing up. When you moved his hand to press the vibrator against your pussy, you felt him stiffen, his other hand gripping his thigh to stop himself from trembling. The toy was vibrating against you, and you let out a quiet, satisfied sigh, glancing up just in time to see the way his eyes stayed on you, watching every little twitch and shiver of your body.
"I bet you’re a quick learner," you teased, reaching down to guide his hand again, moving it with the toy so it hit just right, and damn, if it didn’t feel good. His mouth fell open a little, and he sucked in a breath when you suddenly moaned, pressing yourself harder against the vibrator. His hand moved a bit awkwardly, like he didn’t quite know if he was supposed to be touching you this way, but the look in his eyes said he wanted to keep going more than anything.
You let out another moan, a little louder this time, just to see the way he reacted. His grip on the toy tightened, and you didn’t miss the way he was fighting with himself, clearly struggling to keep himself in check as his cock pressed harder against his pants, his breath coming out faster and shorter.
"Poor thing," you whispered, pulling his hand away for a moment, just to watch him struggle. "Bet you’ve never been this hard, huh?" Daryl's eyes looked at you, wide and mortified, like he wanted the floor to swallow him whole. But the look he gave you—so desperate, so needy—only made you want to push him further.
"You wanna see what this thing can do to me?" You asked, not giving him time to answer as you pressed the vibrator into his hand again and guided it back between your legs. "Just keep it steady, like that. Right there." You rocked your hips against it, letting out a shaky breath as the lust built itself up inside of you, still watching as he clung to every little sound that left your lips.
Daryl's eyes were glued to you, his mouth open, and you noticed the way he kept moving his hips, trying to get rid of his hard-on. But no matter how much he squirmed, it wasn’t enough. He was near leaking through his pants by now, his cock being so hard he couldn’t think straight, and the sight of you practically coming undone in front of him had him on the edge himself.
"Feels good, doesn’t it, Dixon? But... don't you want to feel that too?" You taunted, moving your fingers along his wrist, pushing him to press harder and the toy just a tiny bit into you, wanting to let him feel every little tremor that wracked your body. He just nodded, lost for words, breathing hard, his eyes moving between your face and the way your hips bucked against his hand.
"Keep going, just like that," you urged, and he obeyed, pressing the vibrator a little harder, his other hand softly brushing against your thigh as if he needed something to hold onto to keep himself from falling apart. His face was so close now, so flushed, eyes wide with need, lips parted as he struggled to keep his breathing steady.
"Y’know, Daryl," you moaned, "you’re doing a hell of a job for someone who’s never touched a woman before, not even with toys." His face burned, but he kept going, kept pressing that toy against your pussy, completely mesmerized by the way you reacted.
"You like watching me, don’t you?" You murmured, letting out another moan that left him swallowing hard. "Don’t think I haven’t noticed... that you can’t keep your eyes off me and how damn hard you are."
He tried to come up with a response, something about "I... I didn’t mean to..." but his words trailed off, and he was just there, helpless, utterly at your mercy, his hand tightening on the toy as you let out one last moan that left him breathless and staring, before you snatched the vibrator from him and clicked it off.
The little tremor it left in his hand was nothing compared to the way he stared at you now, still holding onto that last bit of control.
"Think you can do it without help?" You asked, grabbing his wrist and bringing his hand to your pussy and to make him feel how wet you were, his fingers twitching as they moved along your folds. Daryl nodded but was holding on for dear life and trying not to slip.
"I... I dunno," he mumbled, eyes glued to your pussy.
"Oh, for the love of... here," you growled, placing your hand over his, guiding his touch lower, rougher, until you dragged his fingers exactly where you wanted them. But Daryl was a mess, barely holding himself together, his other hand still clamped over that hard bulge in his pants as he lay there beside you.
"Now, watch closely," you instructed, pressing his fingers just the way you liked it. "Doesn’t take much, does it?" You smiled, letting your free hand move down his chest, your fingers finding the hem of his shirt and pulling it over his head. "Bet you’d come just feeling me touch you."
He whimpered, the outline of his cock pulsing through his pants, a wet spot already forming itself. It didn’t take much to notice the hesitation in his every move, making him so easy to toy with.
You leaned back a little, pushing your tits forward. "Go on and position yourself over me," you dared, and as soon as he did, you lifted his other hand from his bulge to your tits, watching as he sucked in a breath, his hand shaking as if he were holding something he had no right to touch. "Ever felt these before?"
Daryl shook his head, still wide-eyed, his eyes looking into yours for a second before dropping back down, like he was afraid to look too long.
"Then make the most of it." You reached down, pressing his other hand harder against you. "I want you to use that mouth of yours now," you smirked, pushing him down to press his lips against your nipples. His breath was warm and shaky, and he hesitated, his mouth just an inch away from you. You raised an eyebrow, daring him, and after a long, deep breath, he finally leaned in.
"That's a good boy," you praised, your fingers running through his hair, feeling him shiver under your touch. He was so damn easy to play with, each little whimper and moan only turning you on more, urging him to suck and lick, his tongue slow but eager, desperate for more.
"Gently," you ordered, glancing down to see him lose himself, his hands now touching you like he didn’t want to let go. The poor guy was panting, his eyes squeezed shut as he sucked and kissed your nipple, as if the sight alone would push him over the edge.
You soon moved your hand down, feeling the outline of his cock through his pants, feeling him flinch, his breath stopping as you gave him just a bit of what he wanted. "This what you want, Daryl?" You whispered, teasing him and squeezing his shaft just enough to make him groan, his hips bucking, desperate for more. "You do, don't you? But now, I want you to eat me out."
Daryl couldn’t even get out a response, his mouth still on your nipple, but the look in his eyes told you everything.
"Pathetic, but also really cute," you laughed, unzipping his pants just enough to reach inside, your fingers wrapping around his cock and making him gasp, his whole body tensing as you squeezed him. He was thick, hard, already wet from the pre-cum that leaked from his tip, and the way he moaned, quite high, only made you want to drag it out and tease him until he was begging to come.
As you quickly positioned yourself over his face, you could see how he was a nervous wreck the moment your ass hovered above him. "Oh, please, don’t just lay there. Get to work," you teased, lowering yourself down, your pussy brushing against his lips.
When he finally opened his mouth, it was like you flipped a switch. The moment your folds hit his tongue, he moaned, the sound muffled against you. It sent shivers down your spine, and you couldn’t help but grind against his face, pushing him harder against you.
"God, you’re a natural," you gasped, encouraging him with your hips. "Just like that, baby. Don’t be shy; use your tongue."
Daryl’s mouth worked hesitantly at first, but the more you ground down, the more confident he became. His face was buried in your pussy, the taste of you driving him wild as he licked and sucked, trying to figure out what made you feel good, and the way he looked up at you, eyes full of wonder and lust, only made you want to ride his face harder.
"Yeah, keep going," you panted, feeling your legs tremble as he finally got into a rhythm. "Good boy, just like that," you moaned, feeling the tension building inside you. He was so focused, so eager to please, and the way he hungrily licked and sucked made you see stars.
"Don’t stop, Daryl. I’m so close," you urged. "Yeah, that’s it," you moaned, pushing your hips down even harder. "Don’t you dare stop. Just like that—yes!"
The way he held your thighs, trying to hold you against him, and the way he whimpered against you—those sweet little sounds pushed you right over. "I’m cumming! Fuck!"
Your body tensed, and you ground down harder again, shaking and feeling him groan against your dripping pussy as you let go and came, completely lost in the moment.
You felt him drink it all in, and you knew he was just as lost as you were. The second you pushed yourself off his face and watched him, face red and lips parted, you could tell Daryl had no idea what to do with himself. Wide-eyed and panting, he lay there as if you’d just dragged him straight into some fever dream he wasn’t even ready for. He seemed so helpless as he tried to piece together the storm of feelings that’d just hit him.
"Still with me, Daryl?" You asked, letting your weight push him further into the bed. His eyes looked down between your legs, then looked away, like he didn’t have the courage to watch.
"Y-yeah…"
He shuddered, that helpless little whine slipping out as you leaned down, your mouth right over his. He was as stiff as a board beneath you, looking both horrified and desperately curious at the same time.
"Think you can handle more of this?" You whispered, one hand moving down and wrapping around his cock as you took it fully out of his pants.
"W-wait," he stammered, trying to close his legs in a last attempt to get some space, but you only held him tighter, giving his cock a slow, teasing stroke. It twitched in your hand, leaking all over your fingers like he couldn’t stop himself.
"Sweetie, look at you," you smiled, swirling a finger over the tip, just to watch him jerk, hips lifting up like he was begging. "So needy aren't we?"
Daryl let out another whimper, his face going beet-red, those shy eyes looking away once more as though if he didn’t look at you, he’d somehow be less mortified.
"Feels so good, huh?"
His whole body was practically trembling with need, and he was leaking—a lot. His cock throbbed in your hand, pre-cum dripping so much it smeared along your fingers.
"Damn, Daryl," you whispered, smirking as your fingers now teased along the underside of his cock. "Didn’t know you’d be this easy, really."
You soon leaned down, your mouth just over his cock; the slightest lick of your tongue along his tip pushed another bit of pre-cum out, and you couldn’t help but laugh, loving every bit of his need.
"Baby, look at you, leaking everywhere," you teased again, wiping the tip with your thumb before bringing it to your lips, licking off the taste. Just when he thought he couldn’t take any more, you pulled back slightly before leaning up to kiss him, letting him taste himself on your lips.
It made him moan again, his hands reaching out to grip your body as if needing to ground himself. "P-please…" He whispered, but you didn’t give in just yet.
Instead, you reached down, grabbing your vibrator again. You saw the way his eyes narrowed, with pure nervousness all over his face, as you suddenly pressed the toy to his cock, starting at the lowest setting. The buzzing made him gasp, his hips jerking involuntarily against you as you dragged the vibrator along his shaft, right along that sensitive spot just under the head. Every time it brushed up and down, he leaked more against your hand, only making it messier.
"Oh s-shit…" He whimpered, sounding utterly wrecked.
With a smirk, you leaned back and held up the vibrator for him to see, his eyes following it, dazed, and lips parted. "I think that’s enough; otherwise you might explode on the spot," you said, watching his expression drop just slightly as he looked at you switching it off and tossing it back into your toy box all of a sudden.
Leaning up, you gave his lips a slow, lazy kiss, feeling him melt against you, even more needy when you pulled away and slipped back down. And damn if he didn’t start leaking more, a fresh drop of slick pre-cum glistening right there, just begging to be tasted.
"How sweet you are, Daryl," you murmured, slowly moving your tongue along the underside of his cock, not missing the way his hips jerked up instinctively, even though he didn't seem to understand why. One gentle lick. That’s all it took for him to be close again, and he was helpless against it.
"Just relax and enjoy it," you continued, letting your tongue move along the tip of his cock and the desperate little gasp of his driving you wild as he grabbed the sheets, practically sobbing as he tried to hold back.
You wrapped your lips around just the head, barely enough to count as anything. But to him? It was like fireworks going off.
"N-no, I—oh fuck, I can’t—" He breathed out as his head fell back, his body shivering under you.
And when you took him just that tiny bit deeper, that was it—he lost it. Hard. He tried to hold it, tried to push you back even, one hand weakly pressing against your head, but he was already too far gone. The orgasm tore through Daryl, overpowering him completely.
His whole body stiffened, a helpless cry coming from his throat as he finally lost it, filling your mouth with his cum as he came. Before he even had time to process it, you’d swallowed every last drop from his throbbing cock, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand as you looked back up at him.
He was still shaking, his mind clearly blown, and when he finally managed to look at you, it was with that same wide-eyed shock.
Daryl just lay there, still in shock, his body trembling as reality sank in. "D-did ya really jus'—" His voice cracked with disbelief all over his face as he tried to wrap his head around what just happened.
You smirked at him, leaning in close, your lips moving softly against his in a teasing kiss. "What’s the matter, sweet boy? Never had someone swallow your cum before?"
He quickly shook his head. "I—I thought ya might get pregnan' or somethin'!" He stammered in embarrassment, his mind racing with the wildest thoughts.
"Oh, cutie. You really think it’s that easy? I'm sorry, but that's not how it works," you laughed, nudging his arm, enjoying the way his shoulders tensed up like he was trying to hide from you. "What? Can’t even look me in the eye after that?"
He opened his mouth, but whatever words he thought he might stammer out just died right there, and his hand went up to scratch the back of his neck.
"I... I didn’ mean to..." he finally managed to say, his voice cracking in the middle, his face still as red as a tomato.
You raised an eyebrow. "Didn’t mean to what? Coming in record time?" You let out a sarcastic scoff, and he near cried, ducking his head as though it would save him.
"I-I dunno, I thought... I jus', I mean—" he stumbled over each word. "Jus' ain’t never been with... y’know, anyone... like that."
"No kidding," you replied dryly, watching him shrink even smaller, if that was possible. "Anyone coulda guessed that, by the way, you freaked the hell out." He winced at your words, but hell, it just made him look all the more adorable, laying there.
When you placed a hand on his thigh, he went stiff as a board all over. "Easy, Daryl," you murmured. "No one’s laughing at you... much."
"I-I’m... sorry," he mumbled again.
"Sorry?" You scoffed, tilting his chin up to force his eyes to look at you. "For what? That you came too soon, or that you actually loved it?"
He tried to look away, but your fingers held him in place. "Both, I reckon," he answered, his voice shaking. It was like he thought he’d done something wrong, like he needed to apologize for being human.
"Nothing wrong with it, Dixon. Means I sure as hell did it right." You laughed, running a thumb over his jawline as he stared back at you.
"Bet that head of yours is just spinning right now, ain’t it?" You said, half-mocking. "Poor, sweet Daryl, don’t know what to do with himself now."
It was easy to see what he still needed—what he wanted, even if he couldn’t bring himself to say it. You didn’t have to guess, though. He was desperate for something more, desperate for you to just tell him what to do. It was obvious that he had no experience with women or anything like this, but it didn’t matter to you. If anything, it just made it better. You wanted him nervous.
"Hey," you said softly. "It’s okay. You don’t need to be embarrassed. Not at all." You could see that he wanted to apologize again, wanting to make up for how pathetic he felt.
"Tell you what," you said, kissing his cheek. "You’ve got a lot to learn, Daryl Dixon. But I think you’re gonna like it. You just need to stop worrying." His hands moved to your waist, but they were hesitant, unsure. "And me? Well, I’m not here to judge you."
You took his hands and placed them back on your body, guiding him again. This time, he didn’t hesitate much, but it seemed as if he was trying to copy the way you had guided him earlier, trying to find some way to make up for what had happened. But that, for now, was enough.
"Don’t worry," you said, grinning at him, "I’m going to teach you."
Because you would. And he had no choice. Maybe that was what you liked most. The way Daryl needed you now, the way he didn’t even know what he wanted, but he was willing to follow you with your help along the way.
And he was only going to fall deeper.
TAG-LIST: @itwasntaphasema — (also tagging @darylsdelts as requested)
#twd#the walking dead#daryl dixon#norman reedus#daryl dixon fanfic#daryl dixon fanfiction#daryl dixon x reader#daryl dixon imagine#the walking dead daryl#daryl dixon x you#daryl dixon the walking dead#twd daryl dixon#the walking dead daryl dixon#daryl dixon smut#daryl dixon and reader#daryl dixon twd#daryl dixon tboc#daryl dixon one shot#daryl dixon oneshot#daryl dixon fic#daryl dixon x female reader#twd fanfiction#twd fic#the walking dead fanfiction#the walking dead: daryl dixon#the walking dead fanfic#request#writers on tumblr#writeblr#janie hellion
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quit smoking last night. biggest mistake ive ever made i feel like im going to die my skin is crawling this is so frustrating
#i feel like crying this is terrible#im so mad its affecting me this much it doesnt make sense#there are ants on fire inside of my veins and they are MAD#i need a cigarette so so so so fucking bad#i know im stronger than this but damn#DAMN#its the longest ive managed to survive without smoking tho#this time is the Real Deal goodbye smoking forever#but dAMNNNNN#im gonna cry#good morning i guess
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sorry I’ve been on such a Dabi high lately but I almost croaked earlier at the thought of being his college gf and just being so opposite of each other!!!!!! you’re all good grades and perfect attendance, easily approachable and sweet smiles. and he’s all grumpy faced and dark clothing, makes people nervous whenever he stands outside smoking right by the doors.
who the hell would’ve thought you two would end up together? it just didn’t make a lick of sense seeing you two from the outside. but when they get a glimpse of you guys together, alone, everything just falls into place.
he’s so supportive of everything you do, no matter how dumb or nerdy he thinks it is. he keeps count of your stitches for you when you crotchet, doesn’t mind being your model for a cropped hot pink sweater you’re creating, wears the knitted beanie around campus that you made for him. he hates not having your attention but he takes some of the same classes you take so that he can help you study, quiz you when you’re not too sure of the subject, maybe even help you cheat if you want (you don’t, but he always offers).
he buys you your favorite drink at the cafes and always carries an extra laptop charger in case you forget. he helps you pick out your outfits when you’re unsure, and loves the opposite aesthetic whenever you stand hand in hand with him. he praises you when you succeed, and comforts you with your failures. he looks like a dirtbag that hangs around campus to be a creepy bum, but he’s there for you through and through <3
#sorry I just cannot get enough of him#I wanna write another fic for him which is terrible#bc I already have like 8 on my list :(#but he’s just so :(((((#I want him to be my opposite but so supportive bf so bad#he’s all cigarette smoke and I’m all strawberry scented lipgloss :(#why is talking about self shipping so hard for me AKSJDKDJDJ#I changed I’m to yours and back to I’m like nine times lmfao#BUT SERIOUSLY I need him so bad or else I’ll combust#I don’t need to write another college bf touya au I DONT!!!!!!!(?)#I’m being tempted……..he is my temptress in my hero journey……….and I am weak……#okay bye I wrote this at midnight but didn’t think anyone would see it until this morning anyway lol#I will attempt to do my own cluster lashes so wish me luck#if they fuck w my sensory issues then they are immediately coming AWF#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#dabi treats! 🍬
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Day 347 | id in alt
Kugisaki hasn't been around Gojo enough to gaf about him LMAO.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#shoko ieri#okay rant time yall#i know some folkos might be mad that i make it seem like shoko is a wet fucking rag which she kinda is kinda isn't#shes clearly capable in her area although in a very she's using what she knows in a different way than shes used to#Shoko unfortunately was EXTREMELY dependent on Gojo's decisions and i hate gege for showing that#most of her actions included gojo in some degree which unfortunately made the decisions in which she needed to say things#she made those decisions based around what gojo would do#letting getos body go uncremated letting gojo killed geto himself ect ect#she didn't involve herself because gojo was gonna do it anyway and i think that mentally effected her bad#so turned herself into her work. somebody that deals with corpses becoming a single minded corpse herself. funny aint it#she has jokes but she isn't very used to having somebody focused on her for a decision she made#because Okkotsu didn't even fucking say a thing about her when his ass came back so i think it would be funny if Kugisaki kinda loathed her#like yes Shoko. your decisions effect others that arnt Gojo did you get jumpscared and then shoved back into reality? i hope you did#she dosent speak. words arnt really her thing where actions mostly are.#so shes trying to do things that help and thats funny because shes kinda ass at it#like helping burying somebody and like preparing for the worst after you fucked somebody over#shoko i see you#also girl why is the only version of self care you have ever done FLINGING YOUR FUCKING CIGARETTE AWAY#why is that your only version of self care and not getting over your damn alcoholism. weirdoooo#Kugisaki using herself as a frame of reference for bad shit. girl i see you LOL#hope that Shoko shit makes sense because she definitely does shit. she knows what she's doin#but before gojo died. well gojo was sort of like a fucked up version of a higher up for her idk#Shoko isn't a pushover. Kugisaki is just mad as hell.#shoko is an asshole that sucks at walking forward but she hurts while healing too so...girl what the fuck#she cant do much or anything with the kids except heal them in a way that dosent quite matter anymore
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#tjis is ooc but I don’t give a fuck I need my pack of cigarettes#wilex#wilfrid#alex eggleston#yiik#I said I wouldn’t do art for a bittie but the other half of tuesday sucked so bad I had to pull out my canvas#you get this late because again. being perceived (everything I draw is ANTHRO 💔💔💔💔)#art#cat
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That was the first match…
#That fucked so hard that I need a cigarette#(For legal reasons - This is a joke)#Bad Blood 2024#The Human Liveblogs#WWE
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just saw a fic tagged both as a #fix-it fic (for the noncanon gay pair) and as #widowed character (implying the character's beloved canonical wife died somehow). motherfucker, spousal death is NOT a fix-it! STOP fridging women just bc you find them inconvenient for their husbands' relationship statuses!! give me lavender marriages, infidelity, miscommunication, polycules, or any other form of complex dynamic but for the love of GOD stop killing them off for the combined benefit of avoiding unconventional and/or uncomfortable dynamics and also allowing you to focus on that sweet sweet man pain in your shitty fic. the next person to do this owes every wife on earth $500
#i'm a silm fan i understand the concept of schrödinger's wife and as long as she isn't central to his character i am fine with writing her#out or ignoring an unnamed and/or entirely irrelevant cardboard cutout written by a male author who didn't care to flesh her out BUT idk if#she's unnamed or has screentime - if she literally haunts the narrative to the point that her picture is one of the last shots of the film#and the mc can't even bear to speak of missing her due to grief - SHE'S PRETTY IMPORTANT!!!#also wanna clarify i am not and will never be a wife but i feel like people who do this needs to pay whatever $500 times 2.6 billion is to#every affected woman. my calculations didn't include data on how many married women on earth married each other so wlw get a bonus i guess#len speaks#god. i really need to go get drunk and smoke one million cigarettes bc i'm so fucking agitated over a fic summary. hypomania makes me such#a mean cunt. in addition to me spending too much money being stupidly hypersexual and being unable to concentrate on literally everything i#really want to throw down. and even knowing that i'm STILL ANNOYED. but hey i've literally never left a mean comment on a bad fic so i'd#rather preemptively block and vent here. more like ramble here apparently god i need to take a shot#delete later
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Does jason smoke in canon?
quick response is here is him post-crisis shown lighting a cigarette in batman #408, so yes he did smoke. can't recall a panel of him post resurrection smoking but wouldn't be surprised if there is one, if i remember later I'll add it on. smoking isn't a BIG thing with him, not like fanon can emphasize, but there is an origin to him smoking when he was younger
[ID: two images of young post-crisis Jason Todd. First image is a panel of him sitting on a mattress in the apartment he's squatting in lighting a cigarette to his lips as Batman watches in the doorway. Second image is a close-up of the next panel where the cigarette has fallen from Jason's lips in shock and there is a little swirl of smoke. End ID]
#anytime i answer a question i feel like someone is going to respond r u fucking stupid hes smoking in every panel. like maybe im insane and#just blocked it out but i feel like theres a chance red hood jason smoked a cigarette u kno so dc can push bad boy aesthetic of it. but i#just cant distinctly recall a panel of it atm but also im tired#i do think theres something to be said about sheila smoking while he was beaten up and maybe that turned him off. but also i can see it as#him being triggered by cigarettes in certain ways/on some days but also enjoying the calm a cigarette can give him in the way he did as a#kid. but also he soooooooo about control & i could see him as viewing smoking as a weakness. like he does not need help. personally i dont#have a huge stake in him smoking. i dont think he would care for health reasons. i think he would do it to piss ppl off. and then maybe#v v rarely having one as a treat to show he can smoke if he wants & enjoy it but he does not succumb to addiction hes in control#<- not a reflection of how i view addiction this is jasons fucked up world. addiction isnt something you succumb to or weak for hes just a#stupid babygirl
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every time I get an asthma attack from existing in an indoor public place because someone is smoking they should have to pay for the $75 of asthma meds I take every month.
(disclaimer – I fully support the decriminalization and legalization of marijuana. i just also support the right for people with respiratory disabilities and sensitivities to exist)
#personal#vent#im on a FUCKING TRAIN. while im WEARING A MASK#its so easy to NOT SMOKE ON A TRAIN#im fine but my lungs are just gonna be uncomfy for the next two and a half hours.#if its outside its fine i can just move even if im annoyed#but whyyyyyy do so many people think its okay to smoke inside all of a sudden????#if you need to smoke weed for anxiety i get it bro. but there are options that dont involve putting people at actual medical risk#i had someone tell me it wasnt a big deal once and i got to pull the “i have medically recorded lung damage from covid” card#anyways if youre a smoker cool but please be nice to people with respiratory disabilities. having asthma attacks suck.#i like being in cities but ive learned with how bad my asthma is i just usually have to leave my mask on while im walking around#which is a good practice regardless#i just wish i didnt HAVE to just because of The Smoke and Smells#and btw YES weed smell and smoke can trigger asthma attacks just as much as cigarette smoke!!!!! if not more so for me#same with strong perfumes and stuff#my posts
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Smoking isn't cool
#look. look. i hate smoking i hate it a lot. but if my friends want to smoke im like okay sure im judging u a bit but its your life whatever#BUT it annoys me So much when someone goes oh smoking is so bad and hurts you and ive been trying to convince person that smokes to stop !!#only to immediately start when Someone Cool offers them a cigarette. like?? if u want to ruin ur lungs fine its your body#but at least fucking Stick to your own words. dont try to be all holier than thou only to immediately succumb to peer pressure#GROW A FUCKING SPINE. either stand up to Me or to the person offering you a smoke/drink/whatever#ull need to learn to live w ur decisions eventually why not start w me when i at least try to be a bit nice n understanding#this isnt even about smoking tbh this is about my friends not listening to their own goddamn morals and reason#me when my friend doesnt tell me smthing bc they think ill judge them for it. like. yes? i will#if you were being stupid? but if you stand by your decision then you should still be able to tell me?? despite Oh No Friend Might Judge Me:(#idk. annoyed. smoking still isnt cool so stop acting like it is#stormy in here
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ah, the ever-more-frequent Urge To Explode My Brain from unending migraines. a migraine that just lasts the day already sucks so bad. whole day is gone in a blur of pain and misery, right ? a migraine that lasts multiple days is sort of like if hell was real and you were in it. time has no meaning, only pain, etc.
months of migraines... with no break or end or effective treatment and also you still have to work and behave like a normal person because you cannot lie in bed for months not paying rent. well id describe it you but ive fucking lost the plot. its gone on so long and its so bad that when the migraine ISN'T at its peaking on the pain scale and making me feel like if i was hit by a truck that would be an improvement, i start to feel like my head is a vestigial organ that has been removed. cant access sensation in my head and it feels literally disconnected from my body. meanwhile the pain is still there (along with the brain fog, vertigo, nausea, etc) but it feels like its happening to somebody else.
#im kind of impressed that i can at this point carry a normal conversation (as good as i ever can. which is bad but irrelevant)#while being in agony and having been in agony for as long as i can remember#usually also with something dislocated just for some extra fun#because what i actually feel like doing 100% of the time is lighting myself on fire and/or screaming forever until i die#however thats the kind of shit that puts you in the psych ward again#so i am. smiling and making small talk while migraine auras wash out my vision and i try not to visibly dry heave#its really really really fucking bad. all the time so fucking bad.#i need to message my neurologist but likelihood of me doing that is low#because 1) the stuff she's put me on has so far done nothing but add intolerable side effects to the hell that i am already existing in#and 2) its fucking hard to do anything. even the bare minimum im not doing. so extra shit is just. not happening#i want to scream.#i am gonna. go for a walk and smoke a cigarette instead and then get really high because at least then i dont really care#the auras are making it really hard to see though. theyre like bleach all over my vision. just this wash of white#hhh.#chronic illness#chronic migraine#and its like. when my knee also gives out and it feels like theres metal in there slicing everything up with each tiny movement#or any of the other one million goddamn things broken in my body#i end up so overwhelmed by pain that i just want to lay on the floor and cry#at which point everyone around me gets mad that im not being productive and im costing them money and im not good enough#like ok kill me then. cheaper for you happier for me. just get a heavy object and go to town i would thank you for it#but i cant even say that because openly expressing suicidality just makes people angrier#im rapidly running out of fucks to give but also i will do anything to avoid returning to the psych ward#literally anything. morals out the window. i dont give a shit.#so its a catch-22.#vent
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the boys' first commentary on keating's lessons being cameron and neil saying 'that was weird' / 'but different' is getting to me like the entire film is a narrative on the suffocation of heavy academia and how it prioritises certain subjects (medicine, law, business, engineering) while condemning creativity and passion and how institutions are promoting conformity and grades-over-wellbeing teaching methods more and more as you both move up the elitism scale and as time goes on, and how that was okay for these kids and like so many generations before them they were going to let it happen to them, but one teacher was different. one single teacher told them to seize the day and make their lives extraordinary and he made them look directly at the state of things, and for a little while it was beautiful but they're just kids; how could they ever change things? and sure enough it catches up to them and the institution wins because it always does and suddenly the suffocating thought of what neil is so sure his life is going to be is so daunting and terrifying that he cant even face it
#he's just like me fr just without the gun#like yeah the world is actually a harrowing monotonous place and my generation is the last one to play outside as children#and if you dont chase a certain career path or excel in certain subjects then you're deemed inherently lesser#and your success is measured by your bank account and there is no warmth#like damn this film realeased in the 80s and set in the 50s had no business capturing the terror of being young in our society so perfectly#the ONLY saving grace is the 'o captain my captain' scene at the end#it's proof that the beautiful passion-filled independent lives the boys dreamed about#dont just become food for worms and we dont just go right back to the beginning#there's hope at least even if half the time im too busy BAWLING MY FUCKING EYES OUT to even see the screen at that point#godddd girl watching this doing an 'academic subject' that you despise and on bad days think might be the thing to beat you#but you do it anyway bc you're stuck now and besides your parents kinda made you do it when all you ever wanted to do was write#but that cant happen bc writing isnt 'good' the way economics is 'good' and maybe#maybe all that'll happen is i'll lose and start a career in business and work an office job for two decades#in a world that's melting and owned by corporations that want to bleed me dry#maybe that's all there is#i need a fucking cigarette#dps
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i genuinely think the worst place to live in the world is fucking belgium like bro why the FUCK does EVERYTHING CLOSE AT LIKE 6/7 IN THE EVENING do NONE of yall WORK
#stream#oh my GOD#this is fucking excruciating#i want a cigarette so fucking bad#or a vape#fucking ANYTHING#but it’s ILLEGAL to DELIVER or SELL tobacco products ONLINE bc i guess everyone here is just straight up brain dead & stupid#i’m going to kill someone oh my god i’m abt to go harass other patients like bro lemme bum a cig PLEASE#i’m even wearing a nicotine patch & im abt to put on ANOTHER !!!!!!!!#like#YALLLLLLL#REEEEEEEEEEEEEE#IM DYING#the valium is the only thing keeping me from drinking but even then#I NEED TO FUCKING SMOKE
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please excuse me
#i have no one to talk to and i need to be annoying for a sec#WINTER BREAK SUCKS#I MISS MY FRIENDS#I WANNA TALK TO [DATA EXPUNGED]#mf doesnt give a shit about me but he does a decent job of pretending and honestly i'll take it ok#i gotta get out of this house#need to smoke so bad#FUCKKKK man#everything sucks ass#feels like the world literally conspires to mock me lately and i can't do shit except smile and act like im not about to literally#drop dead and then spontaneously explode out of pure spite#fuck everything!!! i don't give a shit anymore#hahahaaa i swear to god its like i'm 14 again except im way worse now#AAAAA I NEED A CIGARETTE#THREE MORE DAYS UNTIL TERM STARTS
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guys when they fall back on the bad habits my pretty little girlfriend bad habits
#timothy's txts.#I NEED A CIGARETTE. ANGLERFISH VOCIE CAN I HAVE A FUCKING GODDAMNED TO HELL CIGARETTE#thinkign about dean and buck both using sex as a form of comfort and bad habits and girl you KNOW i can be so good at bad habits...#i am so so good at them YOU KNOW i am skilled at self destruction. and i'm not saying anything but i'm saying.... well. girl.#stream bad habit by ben platt don't even worry about it i love to say things that mean nothing <3
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