#try to explain that I’m a flawed human being in hopes that they don’t hate me as much -> realize I’m using it as an excuse -> feel worse ->
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
fishing-lesbian-catgirl · 7 months ago
Text
I can imagine anything guy image: “I can spiral into tears and convince myself I’m the worst person alive over anything”
#it’s soooooo easy#‘hey that thing you said was kind of insensitive’ -> feel awful and apologize immediately ->#try to explain that I’m a flawed human being in hopes that they don’t hate me as much -> realize I’m using it as an excuse -> feel worse ->#want to explain that I feel bad in hopes that it makes my apology sound genuine -> realize if I do I’m starting a pity party ->#Devil on my shoulder says that I SHOULD start a pity party bc then people have to console me even though I’m the one who fucked up ->#realize that if the devil on my shoulder thinks that that some part of me must think that. thinking that is kind of terrible ->#feel like I’m terrible -> start crying -> realize that crying will turn it into a pity party anyway ->#realize that I don’t want to feel like I’m terrible. that I do actually want people to console me -> realize I don’t deserve it ->#admit that I am truly horrible for trying to turn my fuck up into a way to make people comfort me ->#post about it on tumblr to vent (?) -> realize now I’m starting a pity party in front of almost 8k people ->#realize that makes me even worse. -> break down in tears feeling sorry for myself when. again. IM the one who fucked up#repeat at and slight inconvenience or mistake. feel like a piece of shit forever :)#it’s a flawless system. if someone sees me struggling and tries to console me I can redirect that to confirm that I’m a horrible person#try and tell myself that I’m spiraling bc of mental illness -> that’s an excuse ->#excuse = horrible person bc I’m not willing to own up to my mistakes -> return to spiral
111 notes · View notes
inphront · 10 months ago
Text
y’know i’m writing this fic and it’s making me think that maybe we don’t recognize enough as a fandom that a lot of harrow’s guilt and shame, which make her light years more sympathetic as a character, are a.) not actually that moral, b.) directly caused by the ninth, and c.) probably shared with her parents, the only characters in the whole series that i’ve never seen a single post trying to humanize/analyze as complex. like. harrow hates herself for what her parents did and honestly? the most likely reason for this is just that kids subconsciously recognize themselves as extensions of their parents, and *her parents probably hated themselves for what they did.* regularly explaining your crimes against humanity to your five-year-old but only being willing to discuss it in the terms of it being a horrible sin and having to take a ritual cleansing bath every single time is the action of a very guilty person. i have to imagine that those saltwater baths probably included some really intense self-flagellation on the part of harrow’s parents that she internalized. i’d venture so far as to say that their suicides were motivated by guilt over the massacre just as much as by shame over the opening of the tomb.
harrow’s sense of constant guilt is so often seen as proof of her having overcome the imperial morality pushed by the houses, and that makes sense given the fact that she *has* taken a viewpoint by the end of the series that opposes imperial morality, but also, guilt is like the main export of the ninth house. harrow’s relationship to it, even once it stops being something she projects onto gideon or otherwise externalizes, is fundamentally ninth and ties her to what she herself acknowledges as “the worst flaws of her house.” ultimately it is something she inherited just as much as the 200, which to me provokes a lot of questions about how her parents actually coped with the consequences of their own fucked-up actions. gideon experienced that coping as just straight cruelty, but we know that harrow got a much more complex window into their feelings and behaviors, and my guess is those behaviors bore distinct resemblance to hers.
i have to wonder what sorts of systemic pressures were falling on them and their house that led to them killing off a whole generation, and what sort of transformations they underwent. how *do* you live with yourself knowing that the blood of so many innocent people, people you were responsible for *protecting,* is on your hands? how could you possibly raise a well-adjusted child when she’s basically a mirror into an atrocity you could’ve hardly fathomed up till the day you committed it? do you think they tried to? i think they probably tried to, but ultimately being a good parent doesn’t change being a mass murderer, and it’s impossible to pull off at all when the mass murder is so directly tied to your hopes for your child. the ninth’s entire purpose within the empire is to carry the weight and memory of one of the most horrible things john ever did, to *inherit the mass death and necromantic subjugation of the earth.* in this capacity, harrow’s parents are *victims* of the empire and its doctrine around death who proceeded to perpetuate both the mass death and necromantic subjugation AND the task of bearing the burden of shame onto their next generation. i don’t really know where i’m going with this aside from “the ninth’s cycle of violence is based in shame and is an extension of john’s disbelief in forgiveness, which means harrow can’t break it without forgiving something unforgivable; it’ll be interesting to see how she manages such a difficult task,” and “i think we oughtta talk about the politics of guilt as it applies to the entire reverend family dynamic”
176 notes · View notes
clanwarrior-tumbly · 2 years ago
Note
what would the dark revival characters reactions be to the reader turning into an ink demon variant (characters include: Henry, Sammy, bendy, ink demon, twisted!Alice, Allison, Betty and Wilson). -🌕
Henry
It would crush him to see yet another friend turn into a terrifying inky toon creature. Just another victim of the Cycle’s machinations.
It's nearly as devastating as the first time he saw Brute Boris, but thankfully you’re kinda the same personality-wise.
However, you got irrationally angry at Henry at first, as him leaving the company caused Joey to create this whole world to begin with and drag you into it.
But you soon remember that none of this is truly his fault. He couldn’t have known; he didn’t want any of this to happen.
So in time, you get along with him again, feeling bad when the Ink Demon he used to adore keeps trying to kill him constantly.
You aren’t Bendy, but you stick around him, helping him survive the studio’s many horrors.
You also admire the sketches he still draws of that little devil darling to this very day.
Sammy
He doesn’t even recognize you as his coworker anymore, only ever addressing you as “My Lord” or “My Inky Savior”.
You tell him you hate being compared to Bendy, but he doesn’t even seem to hear you, instead saying the same shit about how you'll "set him free".
Hell, you don't know how to even set yourself free-
He leaves you gifts and Bendy cutouts around places you frequent, and singing praises, willing to do anything for you.
In many cycles, he was rejected/betrayed when offering Henry up to the real Ink Demon, unable to appease him not matter what he did...and that drove him even madder.
But you just talking to him convinces this poor, desperate soul that you're the real deal, as you've finally “noticed" him.
When he asks when he'll be free, you simply say "soon enough", and that seems satisfactory, as he claims he'll wait forever if that's what it takes.
TLDR: You have this fanatical musician wrapped around your finger and you have mixed feelings about it.
Bendy/Benders
Understandably, he's surprised and anxious when first meeting you considering how uncanny your resemblance to his demonic-self is.
It’s sad considering you’re one of the employees he liked the most. One of the few who didn’t mistreat him. 
Now you were stuck in this Cycle as another clone of him.
But seeing that you had some humanity left, he learns to trust you, exploring the studio with you and protecting each other from the Keepers.
Definitely shares his train and other toys with you, hoping they’ll make you happy as much as they did him.
Being a little devil, he's quite mischievous, as are you, so pranks are common. But they’re only geared towards the Butcher Gang and Lost Ones who are rude to you (they fear any Bendy variant so you both use this to your advantage).
Ink Demon
It started as an unwitting rivalry, which basically meant you had to run like hell if you saw him.
He touts about being the “real” Ink Demon and thinks you’re trying to compete with him for a long while...until he senses that you’re always afraid of him, never challenging him, and only then he understands you don’t want any trouble. 
Like him, you were turned into something awful..something flawed (yep he’ll be projecting for days).
He has sympathy for you, but he’s far from your friend. So don’t get too comfortable around him
Like with Audrey, he proposes merging together in order to become one powerful Ink Demon that everyone will fear..and in turn it’ll give you the strength to stand up to your enemies.
Unfortunately for him, it’s become a habit for you to turn down the offer each time he brings it up (much to his ire).
Twisted Alice
Her hatred of the Ink Demon goes for all variants of him..including you.
You try explaining that you’re not him and would never try to “taint” her attempts at perfection.
She doesn’t trust you and has chased you with an axe/tommy gun multiple times.
Though she stops when she overhears you singing “I’m Alice Angel” one day...learning actually likes your voice. It’s sounds pure, untainted by the ink.
Perhaps you’re not him, after all, she finally decides, approaching you calmly.
“Your vocal cords sound heavenly. I’d love to tear them out some day and use them as my own” is the nicest compliment you’ll ever get from her. Better treasure it.
Allison
Tom was adamant about trusting you, considering his own run-ins with the Ink Demon in previous Cycles.
While Allison wanted to believe you were good..the pair were worried you had some “link” with the demon (ie he might know where you are at all times, and vice versa, which is risky if you’re in a hideout with them).
So they’ll be on the move constantly, trying to avoid you (which is Tom’s idea more than Allison’s).
When your disprove their theories, however, you’re welcomed to join them or stop by one of their hideouts for food and shelter.
You ask Allison why she let you stick around despite looking like their enemy, she simply says that “anyone with even an ounce of humanity left in them is worth helping”, which makes you smile.
Eventually you’ll be trusted with a weapon and go on adventures with the pair, trying to find new ways out of the Cycle.
Betty
Being Wilson’s maid, she’s distrusting of anyone resembling the Ink Demon.
If you didn’t have his permission to stay within the manor, she wouldn’t want anything to do with you.
Assuming he did allow it (in exchange for hearing his ideas for experiments and giving him info on the Ink Demon), Betty only attends to your needs out of obedience, not because she necessarily wants to.
She’ll frequently remind you of this in the form of subtle passive-aggressiveness.
If you’re insecure about looking like the Ink Demon, however, she’ll grow a bit more sympathetic to your woes, offering you a wardrobe to better disguise yourself.
Wilson
Unless you were a previous acquaintance of Wilson’s, it’s very unlikely he’ll let you roam around as another Ink Demon clone freely.
If anything you’ll probably be imprisoned with the other “Cyclebreakers” with the Keepers keeping tabs on you.
Is 100% convinced you know the Ink Demon’s weakness and will bother you about this day and night.
Much like Bendy, though, you’re not so easily contained and you break out frequently.
To get back at him, you harass the Keepers constantly (and deface all posters of Wilson by doodling eyebrows, mustaches, etc. over them)
160 notes · View notes
commanderbuffy · 2 years ago
Note
I’ve been trying to figure out how to say this since we found out Airk doesn’t know about Madmartigan, but I’m struggling to put my thoughts in order. I’m a little afraid you are going to take this as a critique, but I promise it’s not! I’m just having fun psychoanalyzing fictional situations. :)
I don’t see any difference between what Kit and Sorsha are doing to Airk in TTA and what everyone was doing to Kit in Armourium. I never really felt fully comfortable blaming people for keeping things from Kit in Armourium because they did it out of love. I especially didn’t like the idea that Kit never forgave Airk. He thought she might die, if he came clean! Was the outcome good? No. Were poor choices made on everyone’s part? Yes. The thing is, that they did this on the advice of professionals and all felt horrible and, deep down, knew it was a temporary fix.
In TTA, it seems genuinely cruel to keep this from Airk. This isn’t a life and death decision for his health, his dad (HIS DAD!) is alive and the people he loves most are keeping it from him. Keeping it from him as a child was probably not the best idea, but I fully understand it. But now, at 26, Airk deserves to know. Airk deserves to be angry. At his dad, obviously, but also at Sorsha and Kit. They kind of screwed him over. They need to sit down and apologize and explain everything from the beginning. This cat, literally, can’t stay in the bag. There’s no way this story is staying hidden until Airk’s death; the world doesn’t work that way. TTA Kit and Sorsha need to do better than the crew in Armourium, being willing to lose Airk in his anger for a while, with the hope that he will return. If they don’t, he will find out, and they might lose him forever.
To clarify: I know TTA is fiction, and it’s obviously not your responsibility to write this!! I’m just looking at this story and realizing that this is a problem with flawed, realistic, human characters, and I am imagining how things would need to go in the future after our girls get their HEA.
-Producer 3/Numbered Theories anon
hello! sorry it took a couple days for me to get to this ask. sometimes i put off answering asks that require me to think a good bit because I like to answer long ones from my computer vs. my phone, and sometimes the asks get buried as well (since I'm saving all the lovely playlist recommendation asks and they tend to bury asks some times)
I think the biggest distinction between Kit/Sorsha keeping Mads from Airk in TTA and everyone keeping secrets from Kit in Armouriam comes down to the secret that's being kept and how it relates to agency.
In Armouriam, the secrets being kept from Kit were Kit's life and history and truths about herself. Things that everyone in her life knew except her. Keeping the secrets kept Kit's agency away from her and the knowledge of decisions she herself had already made. With Airk in TTA, there's one secret and it's a decision someone else made (that of course impacts him).
Yes, there's overlap! Both involve keeping critical information from a family member that would inform their worldview and directly relates to them. And you raise a good point that in Armouriam, they thought keeping the secrets was necessary for Kit's health. And in Armouriam, I really leaned into that. It was messy and there wasn't a straightforward right answer. They weren't in the wrong for keeping the secrets even though it ended up being the wrong thing to do.
In TTA, Kit and Sorsha are hiding the secret from Airk to protect him. And you're right, that does take agency away from him. He should be allowed to know the truth. Sorsha's reasons for not telling Airk are both selfish and selfless. She doesn't want to cause Airk pain, but she also doesn't want him to hate her for A. not telling him sooner and B. not fighting harder for him to stay (which is not a reaction Airk would have, but a fear Sorsha has that that would be his reaction). On Kit's part, her reason for not telling Airk is more selfless. She knows her twin better than anyone in the world, and she knows how hurt he would be and how much he would blame himself for Kit's pain. So, she sees it as sparing him.
People are messy. I don't really think there is a right answer as to whether Kit should tell Airk or not. She was a child when she learned and it kinda fucked her up long term. She has really solid reasons not to tell Airk. They also have no reason to believe that there's any possibility Airk would find out without one of them telling him.
Airk is not going to learn the truth about Mads in TTA. Partially because it's not relevant to the arc of this story. That's not to say I might not explore that possibility in a one-shot though! You never know!
SORRY THIS WAS SUCH A LONG, RAMBLING RESPONSE.
14 notes · View notes
neowinestainedress · 2 years ago
Note
Damn it, I just realized that Haechan manipulated the reader so much to bring her back as a toy by his side that he fcking succeeded. This end is so dark for me now, it must rot in a hole :(
Wait are you talking about happier? I honestly didn’t see it like this or else I wouldn’t have made them end up together, but if you’d like to articulate why it seemed like manipulation I’d read it because I honestly can’t see it. So if you want to send another ask where you explain more I could maybe try to explain better why I made certain choices and don't make you hate the end so much.
I'll try to explain briefly (this is my idea of brief... yes)  
The only part in Happier where I think he was playing some mind tricks was during sex when he brought Jeno into the conversation but that was it. And honestly, I wrote that more to show jealous-angry sex, not with the intent of gaslighting her (she also felt the same without him saying that, but it’s only logical considering she and Hyuck had been together for five years and with Jeno it was a few months thing). Probably Haechan came off as toxic because it seemed like he cared too much now compared to the other parts?
I truly believed I made the mc character development clear but apparently I didn’t. To me the last conversation where she sets the boundaries clear was enough to show she came back because she wanted to, because she never loved Jeno (and was basically using him just to try to move on from Haechan), and that there won’t be another occasion for Haechan to screw them over.
“But if you do it again, if you hurt me half of what you hurt me this time, I won’t be so gentle. I won’t take you back. I hate feeling like I’m going down, Haechan. I can’t take the same pain of the last year together. I can’t deal, and won’t deal with cold stares, and small replies. I won’t tolerate made-up excuses. I’m not like I used to be, I now know my worth. I’m smart, I’m funny, I’m beautiful, I’m a shining diamond and I want to be all of this with you by my side. But if you’ll leave me in the dust again I won’t waste a moment leaving you forever. You lost me once, you won’t get me thrice.” 
This part for me summarized everything so I don’t see how she can be gaslighted into saying those things. She doesn’t want to be Bora like in ‘enough for you’ and she didn’t take him back right away but she went through changes with him and also with Jeno.
Also when Haechan said, “You don’t have to take me back… as much as I want you, I can’t force you into this.” He was honest. In my mind, Haechan is a flawed human being but he truly tried his best, and is trying his best now that they’re back together, if I wanted him to be manipulative I would’ve written him like Jeno in shattered glasses but they don’t seem like similar characters at all to me, and the same thing applies to the mc, they both stay in the end but their personality and their reasons are very different.
I hope you didn’t take this answer as an attack, I’d love to discuss more actually but I just wanted to make my point clear because I know other people didn’t like the ending for similar reasons but in no way I wanted to romanticize a toxic relationship, and I’m sorry if it seems like it.
2 notes · View notes
yoonpobs · 3 years ago
Text
bad boy good thing | drabble i. | m
Tumblr media
WARNINGS. jealous jk, jk's gf is hot and he's not the only one who thinks that, jimin and tae as instigators, i swear jimin and jk love each other, fucking in public spaces aka a car in a parking lot, jk luvs his gf, appearance of perpetrator jin!
NOTE. i missed this couple 🥺oc is living her hot girl summer life and jk does nawt know how to deal with it Lol. hope u enjoy loves!!!!
WORDS. 3k+
Tumblr media
“I’m okay,” Jungkook murmurs, eyes fluttering shut as he repeats his own personal mantra. “I’m good. I’m fine—I’m chill. Chillest person ever. I’m good—”
“He’s not okay,” Taehyung snickers.
Jungkook blocks the negativity out, purposefully and intentionally. Nothing could ruin his day—not on his watch, especially as the sun shines over bodies across the beach while the waves break into beautiful fragments that he’s yearning to dip his feet into.
Personal affirmations came first.
“I’m good, I’m fine, I’m okay,” he chants like a crazy person, definitely earning some form of side-eye from the people next to him but he can’t be bothered. Another person thinking that he was insane wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to him—not when—
“You should open your eyes,” Jimin says, “How are you going to fight them if you don’t know thy enemy?”
Immediately, Jungkook’s peace is disturbed by the mouth of Park Jimin, who painfully reminds him of why he’s got into the entire personal mantra and affirmation thing. He used to think it was redundant, unnecessary. How could the universe return your wishes just as you’ve uttered them into the atmosphere? It didn’t seem logical to him.
But right now, that didn’t matter—not when he had bigger things to be worried about.
“Don’t disturb my peace,” Jungkook snaps.
“They did it first,” Jimin retorts, cocking his head towards the flock of people at a certain part of the beach, specifically towards where the water meets the shore.
Jungkook’s eye twitches. His peace is disrupted, his happiness is compromised and it’s all Park Jimin’s fault. He spent a good amount of time getting into his zone, reaffirming himself that he was in fact, fine, good—he was okay! But now, he feels all his resolve dissolve when he realises he can’t even see the main thing that was responsible for his dilemmas.
“You’d think a celebrity was on this beach,” Taehyung snorts.
“Not helping,” Jungkook says dryly.
“So isn’t your crazy person chanting,” Jimin points out, “but yet, here we are—listening to you reciting your own version of a biblical verse.”
“I’m fine,” Jungkook grits for the umpteenth time, and no less is his assertions any more convincing than it was a moment ago. The flicker of his irises towards to crowd is enough to prove that fact. “I’m just enjoying my day at the beach with my friends and my girlfriend.”
“See, there are two false statements in that,” Taehyung tilts his head downwards, offering a smug smirk that Jungkook wishes he could shove into the sand beneath him. “You’re definitely not enjoying this because I can see the veins protruding out of your neck at how hard you’re clenching your jaw, and”—the older boy makes the effort to taunt Jungkook further by letting out a low whistle the moment the crowd seems to grow slightly bigger—“you’re partially right about the friend part. Your girlfriend though … where is she?”
I’m good. I’m okay. I’m cool—
“Oblivious, as usual,” Jimin sighs, plopping back onto the beach towel beneath him while shooting Jungkook a pointed stare. “It’d be sad if you only called her your girlfriend for six months when you’ve been in love with her for seven years.”
“Okay that’s it. I’m going there,” Jungkook declares, huffing as he pushes himself off the ground while Jimin makes an effort to grab at his ankle, halting the younger boy from causing any damage and potentially getting them banned from ever returning.
“Not with that temper you aren’t,” Jimin snaps, “Sit your ass down. God. Can’t you take a joke?”
“A joke?” Jungkook splutters, abhorred. “You literally just said she’s going to break up with me!”
“I said that it’d be sad if—”
“Same fucking difference,” he hisses, rubbing a hand across his face before he kicks Jimin’s petty grip off his ankle while levelling him with a menacing glare. Jungkook’s eyes slowly drift to the side where you finally enter his vision, still smiling like the soft and sweet person you were as you help Namjoon with whatever crab hunting mission he had.
See, Jungkook’s mature enough to know that you and Namjoon were good friends, great ones, even. The two of you were smart and clicked well, and if anything, Jungkook was more envious of the fact that the two of you shared such a wholesome and meaningful friendship than anything else.
The fact that Namjoon used to have feelings for you didn’t bother Jungkook anymore, not when he knew where your heart truly laid. He also trusted Namjoon with his entire life and his firstborns (not that he’d ever tell you that, and God—did he hope that day would eventually come when it came to you). But still, Jungkook was mature—he did some growing up, and he was proud of that.
But Jungkook’s human, a flawed, ever-learning and constantly improving human. A human who’s crazy in love with his pretty girlfriend that he’s longed for years—and a human who isn’t blind. A human who can’t ignore the fact that, apparently, he wasn’t the only person that was trying to keep himself in check at how stunning you were. Every day—and especially today, with how your dainty yellow bikini drapes over the curves of your body.
Jungkook nearly cries. Yellow was his favourite colour. You wore it for him.
Not for—
“Maybe you should head over,” Taehyung murmurs, snapping Jungkook out of his love-filled mind as his eyes clear, immediately catching what his friend was referring to.
Some dude. Talking to you. Smiling at you like you carried all the answers to all the world problems as you giggle a tune comparable to birds chirping. Maybe Jungkook was exaggerating but it always sounded like you were singing his favourite song even if you were just explaining economical concepts to him like a soothing e-book.
“God, why couldn’t she have been ugly,” Jungkook groans.
“You wouldn’t have dated her otherwise,” Jimin retorts.
Jungkook gawks, affronted as he gives his two friends a scandalised expression as he places his hands over his chest to indicate the offence he took to that statement.
“I’m not superficial,” he huffs, “I fell in love with her because of her—”
“Personality, yada yada,” Jimin mocks him in a lower tune that has Jungkook glaring at him. “Yeah, okay. But don’t tell me that her being pretty doesn’t help you bust a nut every once in a while.”
Jungkook flushes.
“Well, yeah, but I’m her boyfriend—”
“Thank you for reminding me that you are in fact, still a boy,” Jimin rolls his eyes, “Men. Mansplaining everything, really.”
Jungkook’s jaw slackens as his eyes briefly land on Taehyung’s figure who doesn’t look too bothered with how the conversation turned out as he shrugs in response.
“How about you do the typical manly thing of being a jealous prick and go over there and stomp over all her fan club members,” Jimin says sarcastically, resting his arm over his eyes to shield them from the sun.
There’s a brief rustle from where the sand meets the towel, and a relatively long period of silence while the only thing that permeates the air is the sound of waves with laughter coming from a family a distance away.
“He did exactly that, didn’t he.”
“You need to stop giving him ideas,” Taehyung sighs, plopping a grape into his mouth before occupying the space next to his friend. “Should we find another beach to frequent?”
Tumblr media
“Really?” you laugh, “That’s so cool! I’m actually planning on landing an apprenticeship there over the summer.”
“Oh?” The man is leaning way too close to you for comfort, but you’re unfazed. Jungkook doesn’t even want to know where the hell Namjoon had gone, leaving you with this broad-shouldered, terrifyingly handsome man. “I could definitely put a good word in for you if you’d like.”
You beam, appreciative rather than brazen. But Jungkook thinks the man doesn’t know that.
“I don’t think I can accept that, Seokjin.”
And of course, you knew his name.
“Why not?” Seokjin smirks, and Jungkook knows that it’s definitely done him justice in other situations. “For a beautiful—”
“____,” he interjects, smoothly (or not quite) sliding next to you as his arms wrap around your waist before his glare rests on the man before him, who looks both shocked and unbothered at his appearance. “Who’s this?”
You jump slightly at Jungkook’s arrival but relax when you realise that it was just him and not some other beach weirdo.
“Jungkook, this is Seokjin! He actually attended our university—”
“Really,” he says dryly, “That’s nice.”
“Is this your …?” Seokjin looks Jungkook up and down before settling with a rather unimpressed look. “Do seniors usually bring their shadows out for playdates?”
Your eyes widen at his patronising tone, and before can even think to correct him with a tilted frown, Jungkook’s fingers dig into your waist, a precursor to his jaw that clenches while he engages in his own version of a staredown with the man before you.
“Boyfriend.”
Seokjin raises a brow.
“Me,” Jungkook blinks, unnerved and quite frankly, tired. He’s crossed this bridge enough times, and it’s always the same. Some older dude who thought that you were doing charity work by having Jungkook tag along with like some puny little brother. “I’m her boyfriend.”
“Jungkook—” you start, softly reaching to grip his arm.
“Interesting,” Seokjin says offhandedly and Jungkook knows it’s anything but. “Well, my offer still stands.”
He’s directing it to you as you peer up at him with your notoriously innocent eyes. Jungkook hates that this douche is still unaffected by his blatant declaration of the fact that you were—taken.
“I—that’s fine, Seokjin,” you say softly, lips curling into a thankful smile before he nods.
The look he sends Jungkook is nothing short of unimpressed, and Jungkook’s thinking of clamming the dude into the sand and quite literally, bury the hatchet with him. Sure, he was handsome and broad, and undoubtedly ripped—but Jungkook trained to benchpress twice his weight so he could beat up assholes who tried to hit on his girlfriend.
Right before he leaves, Jungkook calls for his name—intentionally calling him Seokmin—noting the way his face drops into a scowl.
“You’re not her type.”
He scoffs.
“And you are?” he throws back, brows raised as a challenge.
“That’s why I get to hold her and you’re walking away.”
With that, Seokjin doesn’t bother responding to Jungkook, especially in the way that you gawk at your boyfriend’s blatant warning to the older man.
He titters off, and it’s effectively just you and Jungkook standing by the shore while you briefly see the way Namjoon stutters before deciding to return to where Jimin and Taehyung lays.
Jungkook’s still seething in his rage, clenching and unclenching his fists even though he got the last word. It wasn’t that he thought you’d elope with Seokjin and leave him—he trusted you wholeheartedly and vice versa. He knew you loved him and so did he.
It had more to do with the fact that Seokjin saw you, and eventually, him—and thought that Jungkook wasn’t fit to be your boyfriend. That he saw a gorgeous girl on the beach and expected her to be single, and if not—to be with a boyfriend that had his shit together and not … not Jungkook.
“Jungkook?” you say quietly, tugging at his elbow while you peer up at him with wide and apologetic eyes. “I’m sorry.”
It’s no good, the fact that you’re apologising. As if you were responsible for his insecurities when you’ve done nothing but shower him with love and support ever since the two of you started officially dating.
“Don’t apologise,” he says stiffly, though his heart isn’t angry—he can’t help the way his words get out. “It’s not your fault.”
“But—”
“If you apologise then you’re gonna piss me off, baby,” he says lightly, peering you down with a small smirk as your eyes widen.
“I—okay,” you say weakly, and before he knows it, you’re intertwining your fingers with his, eyes suddenly twinkling in a way he’s grown all too familiar with.
“You have the keys?” he murmurs softly.
You nod, blind and in love as you sigh.
“Take care of me?” you ask sweetly, and Jungkook forgets all about Seokjin when he has you right in front of him.
Tumblr media
“O-Oh, fuck—Jungkook—ngh—”
Maybe Jungkook really was a crazy person, but he’d argue that you were equally as crazy to oblige to indulge in his lewd fantasies. He was crazy, for you and your cunt that was like nirvana, and it’s proven further when he fucks into you at a brutal pace, uncaring whether or not the car shakes with the exertion of the activities that were taking place in it.
It could be the fact that he had a decade worth of fantasies to play out, but he knows that he plays a huge part in opening your sexual nature and he couldn’t be happier about it, especially when you unabashedly throw your head onto your chest, whimpering with the dirty squelches of his thrusts that echo in the vehicle.
“You’re mine, aren’t you?” he growls, hand wrapping around the back of your neck to force your glassy eyes to look at him.
The look on your face is enough to get Jungkook even more riled up, your flushed cheeks and swollen lips while you nod your head manically, crazy—and his.
“Y-Yours,” you whimper, and just about then, Jungkook brings your hips down with his free hand and meets you with a sharp thrust that has your mouth dropping open and your face scrunched up in pleasure. “F-Fuck, J-Jungkook.”
“No one gets to fuck you like this,” he hisses, pressing a hot kiss to your neck as you whine, hips involuntarily swivelling to meet his fast pace. The car is shaking and it’s all too risky, Jungkook knows that—but his rationale is clouded with the antagonising face of Seokjin. “No one gets to see you like this. Only I do.”
“Y-Yes!” you sob, clutching onto him as he feels your pussy tighten viciously around him, the walls of your inner linings spasming as Jungkook hisses at the feeling. “Only you K-Kook. Only ever want you.”
Jungkook believes you, especially when you desperately hold onto him as he feels himself slowly reach the edge. He knows you are too, especially when your whines get higher in pitch, and your tugs against his shoulders get tighter. He knows because he’s learnt about your body as your boyfriend—and he’s the only person that will ever get to have you like this.
The thought, paired along with the risk of your situation only fuels his determination to get you off, his strong arms immediately wrapping around you to root you into place as he shoves his cock deeper into you.
“Come on, pretty girl,” he croons as you mewl in pleasure, breathless whines turning more desperate as your eyes flutter shut. “You wanna show me how much you want me?”
You nod manically, your pussy fluttering around his length as he grunts in exertion.
“G-Gonna—pleasedon’tstop—fuck, I-I’m cumming—!” you cry, tugging your face into the crook of his neck as Jungkook bites his lips in focus, all ready to accept your hot pleasure and his own.
“Come for me,” he encourages, lips hovering over your earlobe as you obey his orders, head thrown back as he watches your mouth drop wider and your eyes roll to the back of your head, pussy tightening around his length.
Jungkook thinks you’re beautiful. On days where you don’t feel like you do, but he may be biased to say that he thinks you look absolutely stunning for him like this. When he knows that he’s the one responsible for your reddened cheeks, the way you so desperately cling onto him whenever you’d orgasm (the only person that would ever know this fact about you), and the way that you’re left breathless, satiated and with that hazed expression after his resolute efforts.
Jungkook cums shortly after, with those exact thoughts plaguing his mind. He was so whipped. He really only had to think of you and he would get hard, and having you right above him, soft and warm with your arms draped loosely over his form made his heart all mushy and soft despite the way his cock stands erect.
You mewl in oversensitivity although you don’t complain. You never do, whenever Jungkook cums after you. Even now, when Jungkook comes down from his high with pants of his own, his own mind-clearing while his cock softens in you—you remain patient. Patient like the ever-loving, wonderful girlfriend that you were—one that Jungkook wasn’t sure he deserved.
“Wow,” you giggle, forehead resting against his as you return from your own post-orgasmic bliss. “I can’t believe I let you fuck me in a parking lot.”
Jungkook flushes, reality sinking in when he realised that the two of you weren’t hidden from plain sight. While the idea of being caught was definitely arousing, Jungkook knew he wasn’t too keen on having anyone see you delirious, even if it was all for him. He was lucky enough that your bikini top remained on the entire time, but both your sweaty bodies were enough of a dead giveaway.
“I just,” Jungkook tries to explain, words slurring in embarrassment as you raise a brow at him. “You look really pretty today.”
You stare at his forlorn expression as if admitting that pained him. Jungkook feels slightly embarrassed at how he reacted, and if you notice this, you don’t point it out—yet.
“Wore this for you,” you murmur, pressing a soft kiss to the mole under his lip. Jungkook’s heart soars at your admission even if he knew that. “You know it’s only for you, right?”
Your question is purposeful and Jungkook shamefully looks to his lap, and even then—you’re still connected. He slowly pulls out, wincing when his cum threatens to pool out of your pussy, but before he can pretend to clean you up, you’re putting your bikini bottoms back in place and clamping your hands over his cheeks so that he’d look at you.
“Jungkook,” you say sternly.
He sighs.
“Yes,” he groans, feeling a lot like a child who’s being berated. “I just—God. He was such a prick.”
“I know,” you say gently, fingers combing through his hair while he melts into your touch. “There are a lot of pricks out there, but you know that I only love you, right?”
Your confession is the same as the one you’ve made six months ago, and just last night before the two of you fell asleep—but it’s a confession that Jungkook never grows tired of.
“I know,” he mumbles as you giggle at him. “It’s just that … he really thought he had a chance with you, and when he saw me it was like—”
You frown, finger pressed against his lips to stop his rambling as he peers up at you with doe-eyes.
“None of that,” you chide lightly, “I don’t care what people think. The only person I care about is you, and no one will change that, okay?”
Jungkook feels himself relax into your touch, especially when you lean forward to capture his lips in a soft kiss that isn’t set to lead anywhere. He remembers. He remembers the times where you were unsure and all too worried of the words of others—and here you were, with him and with your gentle and loving soul, the embodiment of comfort as you tell him the words he’s always known but needs to be reminded of.
“I love you,” he says quietly as you grin widely at him, “Sorry for—you know.”
You roll your eyes, lifting your leg to get off his lap as you wince at the cum that threatens to escape your lips.
“I mean, it was kind of hot,” you shrug with a small smirk.
“God, I’ve created a monster,” Jungkook snorts, looking over at you when you shoot him a devious grin.
“You love it,” you throw back cheekily, leaning into his shoulder as he wraps an arm around you with a sigh.
He does. And he knows that he’s the only one that you’ll love back.
1K notes · View notes
plus-size-reader · 4 years ago
Text
Not a Good Idea
Tumblr media
Jack Kline x Plus size!reader
Word Count: 2084 words
Warnings: none
Summary: Jack asks out the reader thinking he's joking with her and she goes to hide but he follows easily?
For @lilacprincessofrecovery, I hope you like it darling
—————————————————————————————————
Jack had always had a crush on you, now that he understood what that meant.
He felt connected to you, and even though he didn’t know a ton of other people, he knew enough. He knew that no one was ever going to make him feel like you did, which was why he decided to ask you out on a date in the first place.
That was what you did when you liked someone, he’d seen Dean do it a million times before.
It seemed to work out for him just fine, because he was always in the company of women. You were a woman, and he didn’t see a reason he couldn’t do the same thing with you.
Granted, he hadn’t exactly worked out all the details yet but he figured you would help him.
You always did.
All he had to do was ask you and the rest would fall into place.
At least, in theory that was how it was supposed to work. After all, as soon as he had suggested that the two of you go out for a romantic evening as Dean so often did, you weren’t nearly as receptive to the idea as he imagined you would be.
In fact, you almost seemed upset by what he was suggesting.
He’d never seen you so upset before.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea” you hummed, barely looking up from your laptop as you spoke, your eyes still locked on the screen. Had Jack not been so fine tuned to your every move, he may have missed the slight tensing in your jaw.
He had definitely upset you, but what he didn’t understand was how.
In all those times Dean had asked a girl to have dinner with him, or get some coffee in the morning, she had never reacted like you were now.
In fact, you hardly ever acted like that at all.
You were always very attentive to Jack when he talked to you, eager to help him navigate the world around him or help him understand something he couldn’t quite wrap his head around.
It wasn’t like you to be so cold, but you couldn’t help it.
What he was asking, it was too much.
“What do you mean, not a good idea? Did I say something wrong?” he asked, concerned that he had unknowingly done something to offend you.
It all seemed pretty straight forward but it wouldn’t have surprised Jack if he’d somehow misread the situation or said something he shouldn’t have. He was pretty new to this whole thing after all.
It wasn’t like someone had gone out of their way to teach him how to talk to a girl he liked, he was just making it up as he went.
“No, it’s just not a good idea” you repeated, unsure of what to say to get him to drop this whole thing.
Nothing was going to make him realize how humiliating this was for you.
It just wasn’t fair.
You couldn’t imagine Jack would do something like that to be cruel to you, or push buttons that he shouldn’t but you couldn’t help but be upset by it.
It was just too much.
Jack hardly even realized what it was he was asking, and you just had a bad feeling about it. You knew that he was trying to be sweet, trying to do what he thought he should, but it wasn’t like he actually understood any of this.
You were basically the only girl he knew, like, at all.
Of course he had come to the conclusion that he wanted to have something with you because he’d seen this before. He constantly saw Dean trying to woo beautiful women and all that, but he wasn’t Dean, and you certainly weren’t like those women in the bar.
He didn’t know enough about this to even know what he wanted.
He didn’t know enough to know why you weren’t what he wanted, and the last thing you wanted was to wait around, caring about him, until he realized that.
You would only get your heart broken.
There was silence between the two of you for a moment as Jack desperately tried to understand what could have possibly gone so wrong in these few moments since he approached and it was only overwhelming you more.
You felt like you were ruining everything, like by saying no you were going to upset Jack and he wouldn’t want to be your friend anymore but he didn;t know what you did.
He didn’t understand that you were only trying to help him in the long run.
“I, I have to go” you decided, gathering the few files Sam had given you to look over as you went. It would be better to just get out of this situation as quickly as you could, especially since Jack clearly wasn’t going anywhere.
Maybe later you could have Dean explain just why this was such a bad idea. It would be much simpler than having to go through telling him yourself.
It was bad enough you were having this conversation in the first place.
You hoped that you would just be able to go, though, maybe you should have known better than to think that. As soon as you rounded the corner to your room, you came face to face with him again.
It was too much.
“What are you doing?” you gasped, cursing yourself for forgetting about what he was. It was lost on you too often that Jack wasn’t human and he could do things like teleport around and scare the shit out of you.
You thought you had been pretty clear about the fact that you wanted to be alone, but like Jack was known to do, he didn’t get the message.
Instead, he found himself more worried about upsetting you than anything else, including your own wants.
“I’m sorry, I thought I was supposed to come with you” he shrugged, once again struck with the fact he had done something wrong. This was really hard for him, and he was just trying to get it right.
It seemed like everything he was doing lately was wrong, no matter how hard he tried to get it right.
...and now he’d upset you, his only friend in the world.
“No, I told-'' you started, but stopped as soon as you saw the look on his face change from concern to complete and utter confusion. Just when he thought he understood, he went and did something bad.
It was getting frustrating.
“It’s okay, I just don’t think you understand what you’re asking” you allowed, deciding that if he wasn't going to just take your no for an answer, you were going to have to shed some light on the subject.
Just like Jack wasn’t a regular guy in any other sense, he wasn’t a regular guy in this either. He wasn’t being a creep or yanking your chain just to get a rise out of you.
If he had asked for a date, that was because he wanted one.
It wasn’t his fault he didn’t quite get why it wouldn’t ever work.
“Would you tell me? Please?” Jack hummed, confused as to why this was upsetting you so much. It wasn’t underhanded or accusatory like you had come to expect from other men.
It was real.
Jack was really just confused and that made this conversation that much harder.
“You don’t want to go out with me Jack, I don’t look anything like those girls Dean goes out with, do I?” you reasoned, hoping somehow he would get the point.
What you were saying made all the sense in the world to you, but not to Jack. He didn’t see what the big deal was, or why that mattered but clearly, you did.
There was this look in your eyes that he’d never seen before.
“This? Do the women Dean dates have this?” you asked, your voice little more than a whisper now as you grabbed at the fat around your middle with your fingers, as if proving your point.
To you, that skin was your biggest shame and more than enough reason for him not to care about you at all but Jack, being the metaphysical being he was, didn’t see a single flaw in you.
To him, every person was exactly how they needed to be and you were no exception to that.
You were perfect.
“I’m not sure. I’ve never looked at them too closely” he admitted, sitting down beside you on your bed, where you had decided to stay. It was far easier than standing there, having him look at you like that.
This whole thing was ridiculous.
It would have been much easier if he just accepted your no in the first place, but maybe that was the hardest part. Deep down, you didn’t want him to accept your no, or to know just how much you hated your own body.
There was nothing more embarrassing, but again, you had to remember who it was you were talking to.
Jack really didn’t have anything to gain by making you feel like a terrible person, and he didn't have a problem with how you looked. The only trouble would be making sure you understood that.
He didn’t see anything wrong with you, not at all.
“This is why you’re upset?” he clarified, Jack knew well enough to know that just because he didn’t understand why it was such a big deal, it was obviously affecting you quite a bit.
That meant it had to be important to him too.
“Yes Jack, you deserve a girl like the one’s Dean cares so much about. You can’t go out with me just because I’m the only girl you know” you tried, hoping that this would prove it to him.
There were plenty of other girls out there, girls far prettier than you, but even hearing that, Jack wasn’t swayed in the least.
He understood that you were different than they were, he was just lost on how they were somehow better.
They didn’t help him keep track of things that sometimes slipped his mind or read to him when he was too preoccupied to remember that he had to sleep every once and a while.
They didn’t pay attention to him or care about him, not like you did.
Besides, you were his best friend, his only friend. If there was anyone alive he was going to be in love with, or take on a date, it was you. There was no one in the world as important to him as you.
“But you’re my favorite girl, doesn’t that mean something too?” he tried, still genuinely confused if he had a point or not. He thought that he did but you seemed so sure that you were right.
He didn’t know what to believe.
“How can I be your favorite when I’m the only one you know?” you asked, a small laugh leaving your throat before you could stop it, thinking about how silly this whole thing was.
All Jack wanted to do was have dinner with you, or something like that, and you had turned it into something else completely.
He was trying to prove a point he didn’t even understand just because he cared about you, and that was sweet. Besides, it was nice to hear that you were his favorite girl, even if the roster was short.
You did like Jack, of course you did, you just didn’t want him to make a decision without knowing everything.
Right now, he didn’t know everything.
“Because even if I knew every girl on the planet, you would still be my favorite” he shrugged, leaving you just as speechless as you had been at the very start of this.
You wanted to talk to him, wanted to say anything, but it wouldn’t make any difference. There was nothing you could say that was going to make a difference, you wanted to go out with him.
More than anything.
“I’ll go on a date with you, if you’re sure it's what you want” you decided, looking into his blue eyes and finding it impossible to not do exactly that. You liked him and nothing was going to change that.
If he wanted to go on a date, a real date like normal people did, there was no sense in arguing with him.
“I would really like that”
419 notes · View notes
merakiui · 4 years ago
Note
hii could we get an angsty scenario/hcs of xiao and scaramouche/any characters you prefer! who are basically head over heels for someone but that person keeps getting with the wrong people and constantly getting their heart broken? Preferably with a good/fluffy ending but it’s up to you!
cw: angst + heartbreak  note - decided to go for scenarios! (❁´▽`❁)*✲゚*
[Xiao] 
One Call Away—
The sudden shout of his name had brought him out into the open, where he finds you sitting in a field of wildflowers, your head hung and quiet sobs racking your hunched form.
“You called?” The gruffness in his voice startles you and your head snaps up. He notices your pained expression and the tears that refuse to cease, and it gives birth to a strange feeling within his chest. “What happened? Surely I am not too late.” And then he shakes his head. “No, I’m never late.”
“Ah... I’m sorry.” You sniffle, pitifully rubbing at your eyes. “I guess your name slipped out. I didn’t mean to bother you. I just didn’t mean to call for you either.”
Xiao raises a brow and then surveys the surrounding area. “Well, it doesn’t look like you’re in any mortal peril. In that case, I’ll leave you to—”
“No!”
Your sudden shout startles the both of you, with you drawing back and Xiao’s eyes widening ever so slightly. He wonders why you’re crying when beautiful scenery surrounds you. Are you truly that pathetic? Are mortals usually this weak-hearted? Xiao can’t wrap his head around the idea of grief; he’s an immortal who has seen plenty of hazardous scenarios worth grieving over. Yet with the passage of time he has learned to let such emotions drift away on a wind current. Emotions are useless to an adeptus.
But now he’s stuck with them.
“No?”
“D-Don’t go...” Your voice wobbles and you wipe at your reddened eyes. “I don’t want to bother you, but could you stay here with me? For a little while, at least. It’s all I’ll ask...”
He feels like he should decline your desperate plea before it spreads its perplexing roots throughout his system. The words are practically on the tip of his tongue and he struggles to verbalize them. If he could, he’d shake his head and vanish from your sight. There’s something about your expression that forces him to stay, and he truly detests the way his emotions run wild at the prospect of something he can’t quite comprehend.
“Fine.”
And so Xiao listens to you. It’s something he does best; his eyes and ears are open as he gives you his full, undivided attention. Half of him observes your reactions as you explain what happened and the other half zeros in on the way your subtle hand motions. While he might not be anywhere near a cupid—and he would never be caught giving out relationship advice to mortals, which is something he couldn’t do even if he tried—he is still a being of immense power. From what he’s able to understand from your explanation, your loved one decided to part from you because they believed it just wasn’t working. And you, having been struck with an immense sadness, failed to call out to them to clear up any misunderstandings.
Eventually, after internally wrestling with his own thoughts and feelings, he asks, “Do you want me to teach them a lesson? Should you need them to feel the same amount of despair you’re feeling—”
“Oh, no! No. No. They don’t deserve to be punished for that. I understand now that our feelings weren’t the same. We really weren’t working and that’s okay. It just...hurts.”
Xiao tilts his head, an innocently childish show of confusion. “Where?”
“It’s not a physical pain, Xiao. I mean, it could be. But...this is more emotional.” Your hand reaches out, fingers wrapping around his wrist. He stares down at your hand and he almost pulls away. Before he can even consider what’s happening, you’re guiding his hand to where your heart is. “In here. It hurts now, but I’ll overcome it eventually. I’m used to it anyways...”
The straight-faced adeptus remains still as he feels the fast-paced beat of your heart. Mortals have always been weak in his eyes: feeble beings who break at the slightest inconvenience. Although you don’t seem close to shattering and that confuses him more than he’d like to admit. Perhaps you are one of the more resilient humans he’s come across in recent years. It’s strange when he feels your heartbeat, so very certain and alive with the sour feelings a heartbreak brings. He’s never understood that either. Heartbreaks and relationships. The differences between friendship and romance. Both can be seen through to the very end, if fostered healthily.
So then why are you so sad?
Truthfully, you’ve always seemed sad to Xiao. As an adeptus, he’s never been able to fully grasp the meaning behind human emotions. They’re insignificant in his eyes, mere flashes of feeling that can hurt and blind. They’re troublesome and useless—certainly not something he would ever want to experience. But those emotions can heal and bring cheer. They’re not all entirely bad, nor are they as evil as he seems to think they are.
Xiao realizes his hand has been on your chest for a while now and he’s been staring at you so much that you’ve begun to shrink away, partially embarrassed to have him analyze you with so much scrutiny.
“Is...something wrong?”
He shakes his head slowly at first before retracting his arm. And then he notices you’ve stopped crying. He’s not sure when this happened, but he’s oddly relieved to see your neutral expression. Somehow your crying face is painful and it wounds him in a way he never would have imagined.
“Thank you for listening to my rant. I know this is probably meaningless to you, since you’re an adeptus and all, but it really means a lot. So I’m glad I was able to get these things off my chest. I feel a lot lighter now.”
“You’re not sad?”
“Ah. Well...” Your gaze flickers, eyes darting to and fro while you struggle to look at him. “I’m still sad, but I’ll get over it! Don’t worry! I’m resilient!”
Xiao’s brow furrows in confusion. As he has thought plenty of times before, mortals are far too complex. Eventually he sighs and says, “It’s okay to cry. Don’t keep that inside, okay? You’ll just hurt yourself even more.” Now he’s avoiding your gaze and there’s a barely noticeable tinge of pink dusting his pale cheeks. He’s really not good at consoling humans.
“Oh, Xiao.” You pull him in for a hug and he stiffens, trying to squeeze out of your arms like a cat near water. But then he feels your fingers digging into his arm and he realizes that you might actually need this hug. Despite the fact that he’s not used to freely giving out hugs—or even cheering up mortals, for that matter—he is definitely out of his element. “Really, thank you. I promise to make you an Almond Tofu as thanks.”
“There’s no need for that.” Hesitantly, as if he’s worried he’ll break you, he wraps his arms around your form. “I’m just helping you because you called my name. That’s all.”
But that’s not the full truth. Hidden in those words is the real reason why he even bothered to stay despite the false alarm. And it worries Xiao when he thinks about the implications. He really does like you and this admiration has surpassed platonic love. As long as you’re okay, though, he’ll swallow his feelings in favor of making sure you’re always happy. It’s one of his duties as your friend.
Friend. A word Xiao never thought he’d ever use, but it feels nice. He likes it.
Yet The Distance Remains Harrowing.
[Scaramouche] 
To Mend a Broken Heart—
You’re spilling your emotional guts in front of the Sixth of the Fatui Harbingers, tears freely running down your cheeks like two faulty water faucets. It’s a pathetic sight, really. Scaramouche witnessed this exact show just a few weeks ago when you were so certain that that fisher was the one. Now, after meeting and getting together with someone else for a short time, you’ve come out of yet another relationship, unhappy and unsatisfied.
He’s jealous. There’s no denying the envy he feels when you talk so highly of these people and then wail about them a few days later. It’s a vicious cycle of mending a fragile heart and then breaking it into pieces all over again. With no end in sight, you fall victim to your own demise in the pursuit of love. He wonders if you’ll ever learn to choose your next partner carefully rather than settling for anything with a pulse.
“This is exactly what I said would happen, was it not?” he says with a sigh. “Oh, woe is you. If you were smarter, this last relationship might have lasted longer.”
“That’s rich coming from you. I’ve never seen you in a relationship before,” you mutter, wiping angrily at your eyes. His eyelid twitches at the not-so-subtle jab. “Ugh!I hate being so unlucky! This is the worst.”
“Rather than your foul luck, I think the problem lies within you and your taste in partners.”
Sniffling, you lower your head onto the table, hoping to just melt into the crafted wood before you end up making even more of a fool out of yourself. It’s rare to be in the company of Scaramouche, considering how often he’s assigned missions that require swift travel and a covert profile. But whenever you do find yourself sitting across from him, indulging in light snacks and tea, it’s always because you’ve lost your latest lover; and your own sadness requires the nullifying effects of Scaramouche’s cynicism.
“They’re good people! I just don’t know why it never works out. We’re happy and we both like each other—it doesn’t make any sense. Am I missing something? Is it my fault? They probably got tired of me because I’m not a good person.“
“Perhaps.” He takes a moment to sip his tea and you muster a weak glare. Only Scaramouche can delight in his beverage while you’re holding back another onslaught of tears. “Your crocodile tears are hardly flattering and your apparent need for consistent affection might come off as clingy. And you have a tendency to find flaws within yourself whenever something doesn’t go your way. Adding onto that, you doubt yourself a lot and you’re always quick to take the blame for things that are out of your control. In a way you are partially—”
“I get it. I’m not a good person.”
“I never said anything of that sort. Now you’re just asking for pity.”
Oh, how close you are to punching that smirk off of his face.
“Then since you seem to know everything, my oh so helpful friend, why don’t you tell me what I’m missing?”
“With pleasure.” His cup finds the surface of the table as he ponders your demand for a moment. “You’re missing someone who meshes well with your personality.”
“That’s not true. Everyone I’ve been with so far—“ His skeptical look makes you stop short. “Okay. Maybe we forced it because we thought it was love. But that’s besides the point! There was still an attraction! I think...” You huff and bury your face in your arms, nearly almost sprawling on the table. You’re too depressed to even consider how impolite your actions look, and Scaramouche scoffs at your poor display of manners. “Where am I even going to find someone who ‘meshes well with my personality,’ hm?”
“I’m sure you’ve already found them.” He clears his throat, tracing a finger along a sanded knot in the wooden table. “You’re sitting across from him.”
Whether he intended for you to hear that whispered part, you can’t say for sure. But your head perks up and you fix him with a lopsided grin. “You’re kidding.”
“Hm?”
“Me and you, a couple?” A small giggle escapes your lips and you swipe the remaining tears out of your eyes. “Don’t joke about that. I’m trying to be sad here!”
It wasn’t a joke, he almost says and he catches himself, suddenly self-conscious.
“I don’t think we’d work out,” you continue, motioning between you and him. “We’d hardly see each other and you don’t seem like the type for romance. Besides, I’m not attracted to you in that way. You feel the same, right?”
Scaramouche stares into his cup before he meets your gaze, a tight smile gracing his expression. “Of course. Your inability to settle isn’t all that attractive.”
Your eyes roll and you finally pick up your own cup to take a large gulp of lukewarm tea. The bitter Harbinger observes your actions with narrowed eyes. There’s a distinct pain that taps at his hardened soul, splitting it apart as your words echo within his spinning head. I don’t think we’d work out. I’m not attracted to you in that way. Why is he suddenly feeling...upset? He’s not one for pitiful emotions; he’s a Harbinger, not a lovesick fool! He ought to glare at you and storm off, demanding the two of you never speak again. But he won’t say that because he doesn’t want to hurt you. Because he cares for you. Because he loves you.
You feel the same, right?
No, that’s not right. This is the love he’s been wallowing in since he first got acquainted with you. It’s strange when he remembers every event that has led up to the blossoming feelings that reside deep in the epicenter of his heart, but it’s even more strange that he can’t find the courage to voice his own opinion.
“We wouldn’t mix,” he reaffirms your statement with a cold tone. There is no warmth in his eyes. “After all, your taste in tea is as bad as your taste in partners.”
And even though he wishes you could see through his walls—just this once he’ll allow you to tear them down for the sake of a half-baked confession—you just sit there and grin, no longer teary-eyed and forlorn. How odd. His heart feels far heavier than it’s ever been before. And you’re already scanning your surroundings, hungry for a love that will never keep you sated. Perhaps you weren’t even sad in the first place.
Upon realizing this, Scaramouche wants nothing more than to disappear into the wood like a feeble worm and never come back out.
You Must Break Another.
731 notes · View notes
extremelyblackandwhite · 4 years ago
Text
falling.
pairing: carter baizen x reader
warnings: angst, cheating (sorta?)
part 1 / part 2
Tumblr media
and it kills me 'cause i know we've run out of things we can say. what am i now? what am i now? what if i'm someone i don't want around? i'm falling again, i'm falling again, i'm falling. what if i'm down? what if i’m out? what if i'm someone you won't talk about? i'm falling again, i'm falling again, i'm falling and i get the feeling that you'll never need me again ...
Stay away from me. I don’t want to see your face.
Those words were burned and scarred onto his mind and no matter how much he drank, how much he smoked, how much he slept, he could still hear her voice echoing those same words which hit him like daggers. She’d meant those words, he knew her well enough to know when she meant something and she had meant every single letter of every single word she had muttered. He couldn’t escape them and the worse thing was, he couldn’t escape her face. He hadn’t seen her in the last three months but he couldn’t forget the look on her face, the look of disappointment and hurt. He was used to disappointing his family, that’s all he could do but he’d never disappointed her before. She’d been upset at him, he’d been upset at her but they’d never been disappointed at each other. They’d always been there for each other but now she was just gone and he daren’t even try approaching her. He knew her threats weren’t empty and he knew way too well not to mess with Y/N. She was sweet but at the end of the day she was a Vanderbilt heiress and if you got on her bad side, you could easily see it. Yet, that didn’t mean he didn’t miss her.
How could he not when she had been around since the very moment they were introduced for each other? He couldn’t really explain what they were and he didn’t want to dwell on it, he’d rather think to himself that she was gone rather than admit he was the one responsible for it. After all, wasn’t that what he always did? Run away from his problems and avoiding them, instead creating even more issues. It was easier after all. However, what he did not expect was to find her doing the exact same and he couldn’t help but admit how angry he was to see her with someone else. At Cotillion, with Chuck, it was easy to know it was nothing; after all, everyone with a pair of eyes knew all Chuck Bass was interested in was Blair and once Nate was off the picture, the two immediately became a thing. But now? Now he couldn’t convince himself of it, he couldn’t tell himself that she was trying to make him jealous as she stepped into a MET exhibition accompanied by someone whom he didn’t know. A Kennedy, he had heard, and how could Carter compete with a Kennedy? He could not but seeing his Y/N with someone else made his blood boil and his grip tight around the champagne glass. Clearly he had forgotten he was here with someone else as well, yet, that didn’t mattered. What mattered was that his Y/N was with someone else. 
He hadn’t even want to come to this exhibition in the first place, he’d even tried to argue it out with Serena yet it was no use, he was here now and he could see it; he could see them. He could see the man pointing to his Y/N introducing her to everyone in the room as if she didn’t already know them. And that smile, that smile that always got him to do anything she wanted. A smile that was for him no longer yet looked his way and faltered. He downed the cold champagne in his glass, staring back at her before she moved her gaze away, hand wrapped around her date’s arm. Carter shoved the champagne glass on one of the floating silver trays before making his way through the crowd like a wolf hunting its sheep until she reached her. Whomever she was with had left her alone, probably to get some drinks but he didn’t care.
      - We need to talk. 
      - No, we do not. - she grabbed a canape from a passing tray, a habit she had whenever she was uncomfortable at parties. 
      - Can you at least give me that? You ruined my family’s appearances at social events, you made your point. You owe me a talk.
      - That’s rich. - she looked over her shoulder, hoping her date would come and interrupt their interaction. 
      - Please. - his eyes scanned hers for any softness which still laid for him, yet he couldn’t read her eyes. They were hooded and hidden by thick black shadow and dark eyeliner which took away from how watery and bright they usually were, from how happy he remembered them. It’d been a long, long three months and part of him hopped all the care she had once held from him hadn’t died. He still held her in high regard and while he didn’t expect her for even care for him anymore, part of him still hoped she wouldn’t let him bleed out if she found him wounded. However, Y/N was much too smart to let her own emotions take over her in public situations and so she walked away.
Her gown dragged away all her insecurities and all the faltering which still seemed to dance around her whenever he was around, yards and yards of fabric dragged all that was bubbling all the way to her throat and she found herself walking faster and faster to the bathroom. Her hands flew to the porcelain sink, holding herself up as if the weight of all she had ignored for the past three months was pushing her down into the centre of the Earth. Her head snapped up, watching her reflection in the golden mirror; she thought maybe if she could see how pathetic she looked, she would snap out of it. 
     - Y/N. - her grip on the porcelain tightened up as she turned her head to see him against the closed door.
     - I hate you. - she almost barked those words at him, voice filled with poison as if she had wanted to say them a long time ago. His eyes softened, corners looking down, a far cry from how unreadable he always was. - With every fibre of my being, I hate you. 
     - Fine. - he made his way towards her, standing by her side. - I just wanted to say that I’m sorry I hurt you. I never meant to hurt you.
     - You humiliated me in front of everyone. - her eyes looked into his for the first time that night, old wounds still not completely wounded. - You kissed me in Santorini when you were with Serena. You are a bad person, Carter. 
     - I know but I wasn’t with her like I was with you.
     - Details of your relationship do not interest me, Carter. If you wanna talk about your relationship, I’d suggest couples therapy. 
     - We weren’t a couple in Santorini, Y/N. Did you seriously think I would’ve done that to you?
     - I don’t know you. - she spewed those words, letting go of the sink and walking backwards, away from him. - I don’t even trust you, Carter.
     - I hope you know I’m not asking for forgiveness from you. I’m just apologising. 
     - I don’t need your apology, I need you away from me. I want you away from me.   
     - You’re spoiled, you know that? - he pointed his finger at her. - Just because the whole world revolves around your family does not mean I’ll stop going places just because you don’t want to see me. You don’t get to decide what I do!
    - For someone who hates this lifestyle, you seem so bothered. - she stood there, not completely happy with the adjective he’d just placed upon her. Y/N Archibald was many things, but spoiled was not one of them. No matter how many riches she had, she did not expect the world to bend to her will.  - Why are you here if you’re just going to criticise me anyway? 
The two of them remained in that match, almost to see which one of them could hurt the one the most, as if hurting each other would somehow make the fact they weren’t together hurt any less. The truth was, both of them were stubborn individuals and while Y/N had been the most forgiving of the two, seeing the man she had always hoped would someday be hers with someone else had almost erased all of that. Maybe she was spoiled for expecting him to someday magically want her by his side but he was spoiled too. They were two flawed human beings staring each other, waiting to see which one would break apart first until he realised one thing; he did not want to see her break apart. He was bitter, angry at her even but deep down he knew there was no one to be angry at but himself. He had caused this and he was lashing out at her, hoping that by hurting her, he’d feel better about her hating him so much. However, he did not want to hurt her. At least no more than he’d already done, either willingly or unwillingly. 
    - You win. - he lowered down his hands in defeat. Y/N, however remained still yet if one were to touch her arm, they could feel she was trembling. - I can’t fight with you any longer.
He almost left her there standing, not sure of what to say. He really was going to leave, he was going to disappear for a while yet his decision faltered as his eyes almost too quickly scanned her, noticing the thin gold bracelet around her wrist. He had given her that bracelet, something he’d got from one of his first travels to Europe. It was nothing too special, in all honesty, compared to what she was wearing, it was probably the cheapest thing she had on her person but he remembered that bracelet way too well. He remembered giving her the small little bag, her little argument about how he shouldn’t have gotten something for her, how she promised she’d never take it off. She still had it, she still wore it. 
     - You’re wearing the bracelet I gave you. - he pointed towards her wrist and she immediately covered it, looking at it for a bit before looking up at him.
     - Fine. - her voice almost broke as she tried to undo the clasp.
     - Don’t. - his voice however broke down as she found the clasp. - You promised. 
Her aura softened, shoulders lowering to a neutral position as her hand unwrapped from her wrist, her eyes gazing the shiny gold metal before she looked up and at him. Whatever fire her anger had ignited within her went down, washed away like the waves onto the sand and for the first time she moved forward until she was close enough to feel his breathe on her face. Her eyes heightened up to his, lips half parted as her hands cupped his face, the same face she had seen grow older over these years yet remain the same blue eyes which were so typically his. Her finger grazed his cheekbone, the mere action making him nuzzle his face against her warm. She always had warm hands and the both of them no longer wanted to fight. She was tired and Carter was deadly afraid of not ever talking to her again, he could not lose her. He did not want to lose her. 
There was no sound, not even the soft music outside seemed to break the silence, all that was around was their breathing, soft and slow. Her eyes moved from his to his lips, pink tinted, tainted with the taste of champagne which she could smell from his breathe. Soft emotion filled eyes looked his for a second before she moved closer, closing the distance between them. Her hands moved from his chest to rest against his chest as she tasted the champagne on his lips. His hands held her waist flush to him, before he two broke off the kiss, foreheads leaned against each other.
    - Don’t leave.
164 notes · View notes
strawberrystar7 · 4 years ago
Text
The Miraculous Fandom can be misogynistic. And I can prove it. Just look at the different characters.
Also: Please read this until the end.
Luka vs Kagami:
Kagami is straight-up being hated for no reason just because she's an alternative love interest for Adrien while Luka is literally being loved even tho he is an alternative love interest for Marinette. And why is that? It's not because Kagami is less interesting of a character. If anything she's even more interesting than Luka is if you consider her background. I get it most people think Luka is more likable than Kagami but the only reason why Luka is loved while Kagami is hated is that Kagami is female and Luka is male. The majority of the fandom consists of teenage girls. They find him attractive and sexualize him. So the only reason for this is literally because they find him attractive.
I bet with you if Kagami was a dominant, powerful and independent male everyone would call her "hot" and everyone would love her. But she isn't she's a female so everyone calls her a "bitch" and "Cacagami" just because she's a damn love interest.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lukanette vs Adrigami:
Kagami is being hated because apparently, she is a bad girlfriend. But if anyone was a bad girlfriend/boyfriend in that relationship it's Adrien. In that world, Adrien and Cat Noir are seen as two different people but we know better. We know that Adrien and Cat Noir are the same person. He had been in a romantic relationship with Kagami yet he STILL went on to flirt with Ladybug and danced romantically under the moonlight with Marinette. Adrien was NOT being faithful towards Kagami. Even if you don't count the New York Special he had STILL been flirting with Ladybug as Cat Noir.
Marinette is being called out for being a bad girlfriend towards Luka because she is using him to get over Adrien but Adrien is never being called out for what he did to Kagami! Not only did he use her to get over Ladybug but he also kept flirting with Ladybug while he was in that relationship.
And why is that? Because again: Adrien is male and most of the fandom consists of teenage girls who sexualize him. So the only reason is that Adrien is hot.
Again people say Luka deserved better but Kagami deserved what Adrien did to her. And why is that? Because Luka is a hot male.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kagami vs Cat Noir:
The fandom hates Kagami for not letting go of Adrien but they also love Cat Noir for not letting Ladybug go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adrien/Cat Noir vs Marinette/Ladybug:
The fandom hates Marinette for being a stalker but Cat Noir is straight-up harassing Ladybug. Yet no one calls him out for that.
Every once in a while, Adrien crosses a line. Despite the show's attempts to frame his crush on Ladybug as sweet and endearing, he sometimes exhibits obsessive, borderline stalker-ish attitudes and behaviors.
He repeatedly professes his love for Ladybug as Cat Noir, time and time again. He is forcing her to endlessly rebuff his affections. He literally sometimes does this in the middle of their battles against supervillains. There's even that part in the episode Animan when he tries to stealthily smell her without her noticing.
There also is this part in Frozer when he didn't want to work with Ladybug because she didn't accept his advances. He also sometimes tries to force kisses on Ladybug, Prime Queen is an example of that. Heck, there even is this one part where he tries to kiss the Ladybug Sentimonster.
The fandom hates Marinette for trying to kiss Adrien's wax statue but they don't say anything about Cat Noir trying to kiss a Sentimonster. The fandom hates Marinette for smelling Adrien's pillows but they love Cat Noir for trying to smell Ladybug in Animan. They hate her for having Adrien's schedule and a lot of pictures of him but they love Adrien for doing that. And I bet with you if Adrien was able to get Ladybug's schedule he would get it.
I have seen someone calling Adrien out for having those Ladybug and Cat Noir dolls he uses for who knows what. Those toxic Adrien/Cat Noir simps literally tried to counter that with Marinette having those Ladybug, Cat Noir, LadyWifi, Evillustrator and Rogercop dolls. Like what? Those are two completely seperate things. Marinette has them for her babysitting duties. Adrien has those for who knows what. Probably to imagine himself kissing with Ladybug. Marinette has those to play with children like Manon. Now tell me where is this not misogynistic?
The Fandom hates Ladybug for rejecting Cat Noir but they are happy when Cat Noir rejected Marinette because it showed he's loyal towards Ladybug. Where is the difference here? Ladybug is rejecting Cat Noir because she is in love with Adrien. She doesn't owe Cat Noir to love him back just like how Adrien/Cat Noir doesn't owe Marinette to love her back.
What do you want her to do? Accept his advances and play with his feelings? Because that is what she would be doing if she would accept his advances. She would be doing what she did to Luka. After all, she is in love with Adrien. Yes, Adrien and Cat Noir are the same person but she doesn't know that. And yes, I know Marinette was in love with Luka. Truth, Gang of Secrets, and even earlier Episodes showed us that much. The same goes for Adrien and Kagami. They showed us Adrien was in love with Kagami. But that isn't the point. Even if both of them were in love with Luka and Kagami it doesn't change they had been using them. Yet only Marinette is being bashed for that. Even Kagami is being bashed for her relationship with Adrien even tho that had not been her fault. Adrien was the one who had been unfaithful. But again no one called him out because he is a hot male.
Do you really want Ladybug to do to Cat Noir what Marinette and Adrien did to Luka and Kagami? At least she's being honest with him and telling him straight up that she is not interested.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't you guys find it weird how only the female characters are being called out and trash-talked? The point I am trying to make is that a large part of the fandom is being misogynistic. The male characters are being loved but the female characters are being hated. And the only reason for that is because the majority thinks the males are hot.
People keep calling out Marinette and Kagami for "being in love with the perfect side of Adrien" or idolizing him yet they are doing exactly the same thing they have accused those characters of. They are literally idolizing Adrien/Cat Noir and Luka (and possibly other male characters).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes, Marinette HAS her flaws but SO DOES everyone else. Also, a show with main characters without flaws would be extremely boring to watch. That aside, EVERYONE has flaws EVEN Adrien/Cat Noir. People seem to forget that these characters are teenagers.
The human brain isn't fully developed until 25 years of age. Everything is there except for the frontal cortex, which is the last thing to mature. An immature frontal cortex explains the spectrum of teenage behaviors: it's what makes adolescents adolescent.
The rational part of a teen's brain isn't fully developed and won't be until age 25. Adults think with the prefrontal cortex, the brain's rational part. This is the part of the brain that responds to situations with good judgment and an awareness of long-term consequences.
So of course the characters in MLB act accordingly.
Humans ARE NOT perfect. They are flawed. We all can agree that Marinette's crush on Adrien IS unhealthy but did you ever come to think that Cat Noir's crush on Ladybug IS ALSO unhealthy?
I probably could find even more proof that Adrien's crush on Ladybug isn't as healthy as people think but that's not the point I'm trying to make.
The point I'm trying to make is that a large part of the fandom (not the entire fandom) is being misogynistic.
People see Marinette as this creepy stalker while Adrien is perfect and could never do a mistake. People are literally criticizing Marinette for thinking he's perfect while they do the same. And the only reason for this is because they sexualize him and the other male characters.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What I also do not understand is this "Cat Noir is way better than Adrien" nonsense. Like why? That makes zero sense. Those two are the same characters.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't get me wrong. I do not hate Luka or Adrien. Luka is an amazing guy and Adrien is literally a cinnamon roll. Those two are amazing but I can't stand all the hate Marinette and Kagami are getting.
And I know not all Cat Noir/Adrien fans/simps are like that but a lot of them are. And I think not all of them are even aware of this.
I also know that a large part of the fandom isn't even aware that this is happening. So I thought I should make people aware that this happens.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't even know if "misogynistic" is the right word for this or if I should have used "sexist" but I hope what I am trying to say came across. Because this really is a problem the fandom does have.
263 notes · View notes
chaozsilhouette · 3 years ago
Text
Moonlit Musings
The night is such a perfect time to face one’s darkest truths. Shrouded in the moon’s light what can one do but admit to their flaws. It can be a time of rejuvenation and rebirth, only if you let it.
§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§
It was a quiet night.
The full moon hung high in the heavens accompanied by millions of stars. Not a cloud to be seen, an ideal night for passions to run wild. Normally people would be taking out their telescopes or arranging romantic picnics.
Sadly, nights like these only filled Sun Wukong with dread. It was a night like this when he was finally able to return after the Journey. That was the night he learned he had lost a precious treasure.
When he returned, he expected to be greeted by his subjects until Macaque showed himself. He expected to be strangled as the pale furred monkie admonished him for his recklessness. He expected to watch as fury transformed into tearful joy as they embraced one another for the first time in over five hundred years.
But that wasn’t what happened.
The moment he set foot back onto Flower Fruit Mountain, he sensed something was very wrong. Like his previous return trips, his subjects greeted him with loud celebrations. The new mothers showed off their infants. The young ones wasted no time climbing all over him, taking in the scent of their king.
The immortal elders, however, looked concerned.
That was when he realized Macaque’s scent on the mountain was far too faint. Even the magical signature of his clones no longer felt fresh.
Macaque was nowhere to be found. The monkeys reported Macaque had returned a few years after he stopped by the mountain earlier in the Journey but not as his usual self. He didn’t respond to any of their questions. He didn’t even take time to check in on the infants. He didn’t say a word.
He just entered the mansion, but no one saw him leave.
Entering the mansion, Wukong dashed to their room desperate for answers. Opening the doors, he saw the room was horribly empty, sure all of his belonging were exactly as he remembered them, but all of Macaque’s stuff was gone. Macaque’s closet was empty and all his books had vanished. Despite his desperate hopes, there wasn’t any signs of a struggle or hidden messages to be found.
Macaque left of his own free will, but why?
He couldn’t bring himself to sleep in the bed they shared so many nights together. Every time he dared, he awoke expect to be greeted with the comforting warmth of familiar presence, instead he opened his eyes to a cold emptiness.
The lack of answers broke his heart, but he didn’t have time to start tearing the landscape apart trying to find him. Now that he was back for good, he had so many responsibilities to catch up on. He was determined to be a good king for his subjects and that meant ughthinking things through. Plus, he wanted to spend as much time with his master and brothers as possible.
Then there was the concerning fact all his previous allies had severed their alliance with him.
Apparently after all the fuss with the Demon Bull King, word had spread that Wukong broke their alliance by disrespecting protocol and attacking the royal family. Plus, his new position as a defender of humanity annoyed more than a few respectable demons. Combined with the sheer number of powerful demons he killed on the Journey cemented the idea that having an alliance with him would only end poorly.
He was banned from court meetings and the other kings in the surrounding areas wanted nothing to do with him. The chaotic nature of his past had finally caught up to him and in the worst possible way.
He was still recognized as the Monkey King of the Sun Court but was effectively blacklisted. No one wanted to mess with him, but they also didn’t want to interact with him. Not good for his mental health to say the least.
Simians are naturally social creatures. Wukong was used to constantly being around other people and learning new things. His time imprisoned was not kind. His first year of freedom had him constantly climbing over his brothers and master just to reassure himself that this was real.
And now that he couldn’t reconnect with old faces unless it was through a battle to the death…It forced him to delve into old memories. Memories that while sweet only made the emptiness more pronounced.
§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§
Sun Wukong smiled as he watched Macaque’s reaction.
The six-eared monkie was furiously pinching the bridge between his eyebrows after he shattered a boulder with a careless headbutt as though it would make his life mercifully easier. “You’ll have to explain it to me again. What did you mean by ‘no longer under Yama’s jurisdiction’?”
“Exactly what I said. I was napping. Having some time to myself, when out of nowhere some idiots tried to take my soul to the afterlife.” Wukong explained as though having entities of death rip out your soul to drag it to the underworld was no big deal.
“Bet you weren’t happy.” Macaque couldn’t help but smirk at the flippant tone. He just made it so difficult to stay mad.
“Not in the slightest. I barged my way to the top brass, bunch of cowards called the Ten Kings (totally undeserved titles by the way) and demanded what the fuck was going on.” He was still ticked off even if the payoff was sweet. Seriously! Did immortality mean nothing to these cowards? They couldn’t even play it off as him dying in battle. He was in the peak of his youth! “Can you believe they tried to play it off as a misunderstanding? Should have smacked the loudmouth when I was there.”
“So, through a series of ridiculous events, you erased your name from the records of the dead.” Macaque could easily piece together the rest from there. No matter how ridiculous the odds. He learned never to bet against his friend when a problem could be handled with brute strength or intimidation. If it didn’t look like such an answer was possible, clearly, they hadn’t experienced the force of a determined Wukong. Something about facing a ticked off monkie of practically infinite strength and invulnerability left harden conquerors pissing themselves.
It was hilarious.
“Not just mine. In my infinite wisdom, I erased the names of several of the monkey inhabitants of esteemed Flower Fruit Mountain, including yours.” Wukong playfully booped Macaque’s nose.
Turning away to hide a light blush, Macaque scoffed to cover his embarrassing response. “Typical. I can’t leave you alone for five minutes without you doing something insane.”
“I know. I’m just that awesome.”
“So what? Are we now double immortal?” That was the question wasn’t it. Due to their master’s instructions, they were immortal and ageless, so what exactly would this give them? He didn’t feel any different. He couldn’t sense any new powers or changes in his instincts.
His counterpart, however, had other things on his mind. “Who cares. All I know is that those idiots have no control over our souls anymore.” And with that the King took his rightful place across Macaque’s lap as the other returned to his scrolls.
Wukong instead took the time to examine his friend, who finally gained enough confidence to fully drop his glamour and embrace his true appearance.
He still couldn’t believe Macaque actually had six ears. The weird part was how natural they looked, almost as if seeing him with only two was bizarre. The coolest part was how each pair softly glowed a different color. Blue. Purple. Red. Sometimes Wukong would just stare at them, imagining that he could see glittering stars emanating from that glow.
Suddenly those magnificent ears twitched. Macaque didn’t bother looking up from the bamboo scroll. “A trespasser...multiple, boar and vulture demon. Another hunting party”.
“Again. Ugh. Don’t these idiots ever give up!” Don’t get him wrong, Wukong loved a good fight. What better way to prove how superior you are to others than to steal what’s most precious to them? But even he was starting to grow bored with the sheer number of hunters that thought kidnapping his subjects was a quick cash grab.
After the fifth army he returned in pieces to the surrounding upstart lords, you’d think they’d take a hint.
Thankfully he wasn’t the only powerhouse on the mountain. “I haven’t tasted blood in a while. Why don’t I defend the kingdom while your highness enjoys a show?” Macaque set aside his reading material, eyes glittering with bloodlust.
Wukong returned the smirk with one of his own. “I’m always up for a good thrashing. One request: make it glorious.”
“Don’t I always.” Macaque joked as he retrieved his spear from his own shadow.
Wukong summoned his cloud and claimed a good vantage point. Once again, he marveled at his friend’s hearing. Judging by the distance it would have been at least three hours before he would have detected their presence.
Kicking back, he transformed some hair into a fruit platter and waited for the screams.
§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§
To this day, Wukong knew Macaque was alive. Thanks to his efforts combined with the intense training, the monkie was double immortal. Besides, that monkkie was way too stubborn to die. He would survive purely on spite if he had to.
Macaque left, but why?
While he may have effectively isolated himself, that didn’t mean he didn’t hear about the other courts. A few centuries ago, he heard rumors about the formation of a new court by someone under the title of the Macaque King. Supposedly they were a powerful monkie who knew way more than he had the right to. For a brief moment, Wukong dared to hope it was his old friend, but it didn’t last. The few recounts he caught described him with black fur. Besides, he knew how much Macaque hated the title of King. Even when Wukong offered him the position as co-ruler of his kingdom, the pale monkie adamantly refused.
Still, he was curious.
For a few weeks he could have sworn he detected a familiar scent hiding underneath Mk’s. And he wasn’t the only one who noticed. A few of the immortal monkeys questioned him on the mango infused scent and what his plans were. It was almost too much to take in.
To think he returned to teach his student instead of showing his face. It hurt just to think about it. He chose to ignore the beckoning scent until it became impossible to ignore MK’s leap in progress. Then it just vanished like it hadn’t been testing his patience. Like it hadn’t brought him to the brink of shaking the kid upside down until he confessed where his old friend was hiding. The kid probably grew wise, or someone told him to change his bathing habits, and by the next training session it was all but gone.
Dragging his hand down his face, Wukong tried to reevaluate his thoughts.
Getting mad at the kid wasn’t going to solve anything. He knew he hadn’t been the most attentive master. Hell, the whole hammer exercise at its core was a desperate attempt to remove a painful reminder of better times. His master would be disappointed in how he was running away from his problems, but would encourage him to take the steps to be better. Zhu Bajie would be a sarcastic little shit, trying to get him riled up so the monkie would prove him wrong. Sha Wujing would sit him down and wouldn’t let him leave until they talked everything through.
He had to make things right with the kid. He deserved a better master. And this New Years he was gonna get one.
He spoke, praying the winds would carry his voice to his Warrior.
“Macaque. I know it’s been a while, but…I-I want to talk. I know you’re out there, somewhere I can’t reach. I miss sparring with you. I miss lazy days napping in the shade by your side. I miss defending the mountain as we held contests to see who could take out the most trespassers before their common sense kicked in. I miss you. Please come home.”
§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§
The moon was high in the sky. Stars danced in the heavens as the faintest hints of vibrations pulsed through the concrete from the late-night dance clubs. MK lay awake, his mind struggling to make sense of it all.
Ever since Macaque disappeared in order to remain undetected, he kept thinking about his relationship with the Monkey King. Sure, he was being trained and he was definitely making progress. The monkie was still on his case for supposedly cheating on him with another mentor. Nothing MK said or did could make the monkie think otherwise. Thankfully, he was no longer shooting him suspicious glares, but the underlying tension remained.
The sad truth is they just weren’t that close.
He would have expected to learn more about the Monkey King on a personal and emotional level, but he just couldn’t get past that wall. Their training sessions felt more like just the Monkey King arranged just to get it over with. There was no passion at all.
Okay, perhaps that last bit was an exaggeration.
When you peered past the arrogance and pride, you found one socially awkward monkie. It was similar to Red Son the more he thought about it, both seemed to find it difficult to talk to or relate to others in a friendly setting. Sure, Monkey King projected a friendly demeanor and called him “bud”, but if he didn’t know any better he could have sworn the monkie was afraid to take that final step.
The last few sessions had taken a bit of a turn in a positive direction as Sandy would say. Maybe Monkey King decided it was time to make a change? Maybe this was all a trick so MK would lower his guard and reveal Macaque’s identity? Maybe he was just tired and should have conked out an hour ago?
Maybe.
Reality was so different from the legends. When Tang first introduced him to the Monkey stories, he was hooked. He loved listening to the tales of the infamous trickster that flipped off every major religious figure with unbridled confidence. Meeting the Great Sage in the flesh was like a dream come true until he was exposed to the King’s less pleasant tendencies.
Mk couldn’t help but wonder just how much confidence the Monkey King had in his training skills. Did he ever train someone before? Could MK talk to someone about this without appearing even more ungrateful than he already looked? Why didn’t he stop Red Son from unsealing his father when he was there? Why didn’t he simply seal the entire family when they were reunited? Why did the five times immortal sage decide that now he needed to train a disciple? Was Monkey King not telling him something important?
He had so many questions and not even the foggiest idea of where to start looking. Or perhaps he did?
The truth was he missed Macaque. The dark-furred monkie may have only taught him for a month, but the progress he made and the level of care he was exposed to made him feel as though he had finally unlocked the ability to fly.
He missed the regular grooming. He missed learning about the demon community. He missed learning new ways to mess with Red Son through appropriate court manners.
Watching the fire user freeze up at the term “honorable prince of the Iron Bull Court” just made him laugh, when his hair combusted it really matched his face. Now that he thought about it, were those horns starting to peek out of his forehead? And maybe the slightest hint of a tufted tail swiping the bottom of his coat? Seeing the demon frantically compose himself was a treat he didn’t know he needed. He still had the video saved as one of his favorites, didn’t hurt that Mei caught it at the perfect angle.
Oh yeah, he missed that.
With any luck, New Years would be the start of something better.
§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§
On an island that remained surrounded by unquenchable storms, a single black-furred monkie sat cross-legged in a secluded part attached to the palace. All around him fruit trees and bushes bore a hefty bounty releasing an intoxicating scent of life.
Ears twitched.
Macaque opened his eyes, aroused from his meditation. It was odd. He had the faintest sensation that someone had been talking about him. Now that wasn’t exactly unusual, he made plenty of allies and enemies across the centuries. What was odd was that the voice sounded like someone he once cherished.
But that couldn’t be right.
The deceptive silence of his personal orchard gave him no answers. Not that he really expected it to.
For some reason he refused to identify, Macaque turned to the single peach tree in the grove. A tribute from his past and a reminder of his mistakes. But it was also a valuable resource once he learned the truth about the peach’s properties. He used its powers to protect many happy relationships, if only it could have helped him so long ago.
No matter.
He still had many projects to work on, including one successor just rife with insecurities. He honestly felt bad ducking out as he did. If things were different, he would have offered him a new life. His Stars were always happy to welcome a new member into their budding community.
As a bonus, his presence would have interrupted their constant attempts to set him up with new dates. He adored their efforts but being paired with partners who only wanted power or he would view only as friends was not something he enjoyed. Although watching them mentally destroy those they didn’t find suitable for him was quite entertaining.
Either way, New Years was coming up fast and he still needed to approve a few changes. His Stars were determined to make sure this event topped last years in every way possible, but they had to make sure they didn’t set the orchard on fire again. Or worse, they could launch the fireworks into the storm barrier. He wasn’t sure why or how, but the tornadoes and clouds turned different colors as explosions rang throughout the night.
It was beautiful but lost its charm after the third day.
73 notes · View notes
kuekyuuq · 4 years ago
Text
I have to ask...
Where do the anti-supercorp people get the idea from that Lena Luthor is xenophobic?
Tumblr media
Are we watching the same show?
I can see how one does not like Lena.
I can see how some of Lena's actions can be considered irredeemable.
I can see that her family was/is xenophobic.
I can agree she made some horrible mistakes in judgement.
Canon told us:
Lena was fired by Lex from LuthorCorp because he thought her naive about her pro-alien stance. The same brother who analysed Lena since she was four. 
Lena was horrified when Lex tied her to a chair and made her watch his attempt to kill Superman by turning the sun red
Lena came to National City in hopes to work with Supergirl (an alien)
Lena actively re-branded LutherCorp to LCorp to get rid of the anti-alien stuff and everything else people connected with the Luthor name
Yes, Lena created an alien-detector, but her intention was one out of ignorance (of the backlash this could cause), not of hate - when Kara much later explains the potential bad the item could cause, Lena is very much listening
Lena helps Kara on several occasions, using her intel and providing it to Kara, so Kara can investigate and write articles to dismantle anti-alien organisations (e.g. Veronica Sinclair's fight club, Cadmus)
Lena helps Supergirl on several occasions, using her intel and providing it to Supergirl, so Supergirl can dismantle anti-alien organisations
Lena actively seeks to dismantle Cadmus - the anti-alien group - even before Lena started suspecting Lillian to be involved
Lena schemes against Lillian to use Medusa to kill all aliens on Earth
Lena testified both against her alien-hating mother and brother
As soon Lillian told Lena about Lex' former facilities, she starts looking into them - they are well hidden, so it does take her a while (and by this date in the show, she may still not have unearthed all of them) - and dismantles many of them / continues to give Kara/Supergirl information about them (e.g. when Kara asks Lena for tech to find missing aliens, Lena offers to look into L-Corp (= former LutherCorp) database to search for anything useful for that particular cause
Lena encourages Kara strongly to find a way to warn all aliens about the alien registration manifest being leaked - she inspired Kara to "blob"
When Lillian finds out Lena is pro-alien and helping find the abducted aliens, she has her goons try to scare her off ("nothing permanent" - the goons accidentally threw Lena off her balcony...) - even her own family sees how non-xenophobic Lena is
Lena sacrifices Jack (her former boyfriend and still potential romantically involved one) to save Supergirl (the alien) - and (rightfully) blames the human woman, who controlled Jack, for it
When Lena suspects and confirms Rhea to be an alien, she cuts ties with her - because Rhea lied to her, not because she's an alien
Lena starts working with Rhea (confirmed alien) again - to help aliens who "weren't as lucky" as Rhea's people and to further and better Earth technologies; reduce environmental damages by infrastructure / good transports / traffic.... only to be betrayed by Rhea.
Lena learns Mon-El, Kara's boyfriend, was Daxamite and has zero issues about it
Lena has no issue with Sam being half-alien, but with the Reign-half being a huge menace to Earth, so tries to stop her and save Sam
The DEO kept Kryptonite in case any of the Supers went rogue - like Batman and Oliver Queen kept theirs - Lena kept and created Kryptonite and Harun-El to ...cure cancer; to fight against sicknesses, to use as a clean energy-source, to... do good things
...yes, she lied about it. But, her not-so-wrong reasoning was "if I tell, they will take it away. If they take it away, I won't be able to do good with it."
Lena rather had Supergirl drop her than chemicals that could have harmed thousands (human and alien)
Lena becomes quick allies and friends with Brainy (admitably, in many ways he's more AI than alien...) and befriends Nia later on, too
What else does Lena do with her stash of Kryptonite and the knowledge she gained from it? When Mercy & Otis Graves irradiate Earth's atmosphere with Kryptonite, Lena already has created an anti-Kryptonite suit for Supergirl and the fact it’s already at hand saves Supergirl’s life!
That's only up to season four... 
Yes, Lena did shitty stuff in season five. Arguably, for the right reasons, but ‘the road to hell is paved with good intentions’...  But were any of those things xenophobic?
The problem she has with Kara in season five is NOT because she’s an alien - but because she felt betrayed, personally. Rightfully so? Eeeeeeeh.... while it surely must have hurt to learn your best friend lied to you and played two personalities, at times taking advantage of it, too - which, let’s be honest, Kara did - Kara did have her reasons (initially), it IS selfish for Lena to assume the worst and take the fact itself so personally.  But, everybody lives in their own world, I am sure - dear few readers, who took it upon yourselves to read this monster of a post - we can agree, that we all judge the world and others based on our own perceived reality, based on our own experiences, emotions and circumstance, whether we try to be better than that or not...  I’d even make the argument, Lena is more upset with her intimate friend “Kara” (whom she shared her most intimate thoughts and feelings with) having lied to her, than with “Supergirl” taking advantage of her. Being played, Lena can deal with, but trusting and seeing that trust shattered... low blow. Please, correct me if I’m wrong, but to my knowledge, the only time Lena uses Kara being an alien against her, is when she uses and reworks the Fortress of Solitude's already existing settings to trap Kara in there for long enough for herself to get a head-start on getting Myriad to work (how else was she supposed to achieve that?).  Myriad, which she wanted to use to STOP hate, including racism (xeno-cism?). Brainwashing everyone is most certainly a veeeeeeery misguided approach, but the premise of ending all hate and the resulting pain is very much like the notion of "praying for world peace" - just that Lena got sick of praying and decided to actually go ahead and do something about it ((again: notion good; (attempted) execution horrifying)).
Even Lena trapping Malefic was to that very end. She trapped Eve (human) as well on that line of thought. At the least, she offered Malefic a deal to his liking as payment...? Eve on the other hand.... 
If anything, Lena is people-phobic. She has a hard time trusting anyone, remains suspicious to a fault. ...she did effectively kill Eve on Earth-38, though, by over-writing her with Hope.
Kara forgave her aunt, who came just as close, wanting to use Myriad for very similar purposes - and then forgave Lena, eventually, just as much. The difference being, Astra died. We never got to see if Astra would have actually stopped her plan, convinced Non, and/or would have aimed / worked hard to redeem herself...
In the same episode, where Lena's attempts with Myriad failed (and Hope took the fall) Malefic, who had tried to murder multiple people as part of his revenge against his brother (and had targeted Kelly for a while, too) was set free by J'onn and sent to Mars to do good there.
The whole of National City forgave Supergirl (and her potential for going bad and for her causing actual destruction) only a week after the redK incident...
All that said:
1) Lena lied to Kara and played her. Sure, Lena felt betrayed and from her point of view, with her set of experiences and her own preexisting many traumas and (very bad) coping mechanisms, it was... well, understandable... or at least traceable. But, forgivable? That's ultimately up for her victim (Kara) to decide. And, apparently, she does forgive her. Not easily. But she does; understands both sides, evaluates, listens to others, observes the remorse, and makes her own decision / judgement... which is (initially, tentative) forgiveness.
2) The show is REALLY BAD at dealing with characters' actions’ or events' consequences. Period. There is no real consistency, 'cept that things don't have real repercussions. That is how the writers decided to write the show from season one on. If the writers think Kara forgives Lena and show it, then that's that.
3) Every time I read the notion that Lena was/is xenophobic, I can't help but wonder if anyone who claims such even watched the show.
4) Lena is not her brother. She's flawed. She makes mistakes. But for once, Lena and her character are suffering the consequences. That may not enough for the liking of Lena Luthor haters, or anti-Supercorp taggers, but it is what it is - and it is much more than most any actual bad guy had to suffer through. Bad guys with evil intentions, (mass) murderers, people (alien and human) that rationally caused lasting harm and/or trauma to their victims.
5) Lena is not xenophobic.
Kue out.
157 notes · View notes
goggles-mcgee · 4 years ago
Text
Too Late: Luka & Kagami (commission for miner249er)
Chapter 6 of the commission for @miner249er 
Previous Work
Last Chapter                              Next Chapter
Summary:  Luka and Kagami just being there for one another and trying not to drown in their guilt and grief
It was mostly quiet between the two, Kagami had taken to channel surfing while Luka strummed his guitar aimlessly till he got sad and frustrated that he couldn’t find a melody. Then he would meditate before trying again. Mostly he was trying to get back into the music for his mom and Juleka’s piece of mind, he knew they were worried about him, he knew they noticed the lack of music in his life, but he also knew they knew why. Marinette. Even just thinking her name made his heartstrings tug painfully. How had everything gone so wrong? Him and Kagami had a plan, at the time it seemed like a good plan, but thinking back on it now he couldn’t help but see it for all it’s flaws, and there were...many. He felt like a fool, but he hadn’t brought up their failed plan because he knew Kagami could not handle hearing about their failure. He could hear it in her song, he could see it in her eyes, it was seeped into her very being, and all he could feel was pain and regret. That’s why there was no more music.
The “music” he would make would sound like his heart and his thoughts, and at the present they sounded like someone threw silverware in a blender and he felt like he was in that blender himself. Constantly hurting, constantly trying to get out and heal, but never being able to because he was too caught up in the motions. Once he had gotten the Snake Miraculous, he thought he understood the saying, “Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” His power was all about learning from the “past” and that saying had always been something that had stuck with him. He thought him and Kagami were well prepared to handle anything with their plan, but the more he thought of it, the more he screamed at himself that they should have told Ladybug, they should have told Marinette, they should have said something, anything. 
Romeo & Juliet had always been his least favorite Shakespeare play, he hated miscommunication in tragedies. It worked well as a plot device in comedies, but in tragedies it was just frustrating. Luka always believed people could be better than the famous star-crossed characters and everyone else in the play, he truly believed he was above that level of miscommunication. Sure he had trouble explaining himself, more often than not he used his music as his voice, confident it would make sure his feelings were communicated clearly. Then Marinette came and he found himself wanting to talk without his instrument as the voice, each day built his confidence, he had never been that confident in his talking abilities, and then everything crashed and burned. Miscommunication was the fuel. 
He was sure if he hadn’t cried as much as he had already he would be in a fit of sobs at the moment, but as it was, Luka was all cried out. So was Kagami it would seem, whose mother uncharacteristically was actually giving her time to herself, time to grieve, and time with her “friends.” Luka knew the only friends Kagami had were him and Marinette, and there had been that air of almost more that hung above them all, but just thinking of that hurt him more than he could ever put into words or song. It was easier to deal with the heartbreak of the things that came to be and passed rather than the ones that hadn’t even had a chance to see the light, or even have the opportunity to be a proper thought that was discussed. No. No. He wouldn’t think about it. He couldn’t think about it. 
“Luka? You okay?” He heard Kagami’s soft voice ask. He looked to her immediately hoping he wasn’t showing the desperation he was feeling, but at the tight smile he got in return he knew he failed hiding it. “Thinking about her again?”
He made a noise somewhere between yes and no. It was harder to talk when she disappeared, but he didn’t want to leave Kagami to have to interpret all his sounds so he cleared his throat and pushed past the lump that seemed to be stuck there no matter what he did. “Shakespeare.” 
Kagami nodded and took a seat beside him on the couch and leaned her head on his shoulder. “Romeo and Juliet again?”
Luka sighed and nodded as he closed his eyes and leaned his head on top of Kagami’s softly. “I know it’s not technically history, but it’s a part of history and it made me think.” 
“I would say stop thinking since that’s all you’ve been doing today, but I know that is not easy and not actually achievable.” 
“If I could stop thinking that would be great. I just...she would still be here if I had-”
“If we.”
“If we had just communicated we wouldn’t have lost her...I...we…” Luka growled before sitting up and grabbing his guitar and playing an angry harsh cord. He held his guitar to his chest like a lifeline, his grip not loosening, the string biting into his skin and for a moment he wished it stung or imprinted but his callouses protected him. 
“I know. I know. She...Marinette was my first friend. The first friend I had ever made on my own. Not one my mother made me have because it would be good for the company or because it would make me or her business partners look good.” Kagami started to tell Luka, of course he paid attention, Kagami wasn’t really one to open up about how she felt. Even with all the time she had spent with him and Marinette and all the encouragement they both gave her to be more open with them. “I thought...I believed our plan was foolproof. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t stop to think of human error, and everything that could go wrong. Marinette...Marinette and you gave me optimism Luka. I had never looked at the world or any situation I had faced with optimism. It’s not how I was raised. Or any Tsuguri for that matter.” 
Luka didn’t know what to say so he held Kagami’s hand and gave it a squeeze for comfort and a way to say to continue if she felt comfortable. There of course was an anxious little voice inside his head that was screaming that, maybe, just maybe, if Kagami hadn’t spent so much time with them, everything could have been avoided but he quickly shot that thought down. He would never regret becoming friends with Kagami. Never. She was Marinette’s and his compass. She gave them control and direction when the two of them wandered too far. Luka was the calm, he was the ship’s wheel. He followed the compass and made sure to keep them all steady and comfortable, but he was always ready to change the course if they all needed the change of scenery.
 At first, Luka thought of Marinette as the sea. Beautiful, full of life and emotion, taking care of all the creatures and life in its waters, and filled with creativity. Then she changed in his mind to a lighthouse, something that would call him and Kagami home, a safe haven, something to strive for. Again the image in his mind changed to her as their anchor. She kept them both grounded, she made sure Luka didn’t get too lost in his thoughts and she made sure Kagami didn’t second guess herself. She kept them safe. Marinette was all those things and more. 
“But you guys,” Luka tuned back into Kagami and berated himself for getting lost in his thoughts, “you guys gave me optimism. I was no longer just thinking about the bad that could happen in things. When we made our plan, I thought I had been thorough, that we had been thorough. I wanted to believe we were doing the right thing. The intelligent thing. Most importantly, I wanted to believe we were doing the helpful thing. I was optimistic. I was hopeful. And in the end we lost her…”
“Kagami...There is nothing wrong with being optimistic.”
“Did I say there was?” She snapped before her expression fell and she held Luka’s hand in both of hers, her eyes teared up as she looked at him. “I’m sorry.”
“I know you didn’t mean it Gami.”
“That doesn’t make it right.”
“Maybe not but you have already apologized. That’s what makes it okay.” 
“If you say so...I’m just not entirely convinced, but okay. It’s just, I love that you and Marinette are optimists. I liked seeing things positively for once and not always thinking what could or will go wrong if I didn’t do things perfectly. But the one time I do so, it bit me in return. I...I hesitated Luka. Now Marinette is gone, the media only reminds us of her akuma and only wants to speak of her akuma and not the wonderful person she is. Except maybe Nadja and Aurore’s blog. It’s all that’s on TV, then there’s the whole Agreste situation that I would prefer not to think about but again, the media is focused on it.” After Kagami let all that out it was like she deflated and sunk into the comfort of the couch. Luka decided to join in and just flopped himself back into the couch and just stared up at the ceiling. 
“Oh yeah...that. On one hand I can believe it, on the other I don’t want to but yeah let’s just...not get into that today. Maybe another day,” Luka grimaced at the memory of all the Agreste “rumors” flying around, and honestly he understood why Kagami would prefer not to think about any of that. 
“Or ever. That could be beneficial too.” 
“Gami. You know it’s better to face something than avoid it.”
“Perhaps, but avoidance sounds like the better option considering everything that has happened.” 
“Have you spoken to Adrien at all?” 
“No. Not since I found out he had no spine. And now...now I don’t even know how I would go about speaking to him. I do feel for him, but he’s not someone I consider a friend anymore. If anything he’s an acquaintance by necessity.” She huffed out with a shrug of her shoulder as she once more grabbed the remote for the TV and returned to channel surfing. 
“Yeah, I get what you mean. It’s....talking with Jules has been hard. It was hard before, but now it’s...I don’t know. I know she wants to talk to me, I try to talk to her, but she won’t talk to me. She used to before Lila. Then we fought...we never fought...but she didn’t want to listen to me about Lila and her screeching of a song. Juleka got mad that I couldn’t see the “true” Marinette. She said I was blinded by my...my feelings.” Luka preferred not to remember him and Juleka fighting but it had become normal ever since his sister had started listening to Lila Rossi. After everything that passed though, Juleka wouldn’t even look at him unless it was in worry, like she couldn’t look at him. Not because he wasn’t worth her time, but because she seemed to believe that she wasn’t worth his. 
 In the simplest of terms, it was heartbreaking. 
“Rossi has been exposed now though. She knows you were right.” Kagami said full of confusion, and Luka could admit it sounded confusing no matter how you looked at it.
“I think it’s because I-we- were right.” 
Luka glanced over at Kagami and saw her frowning, “She’s angry that you, that we, were right?”
“I think it’s more shame than anger. I don’t doubt there is anger there, but it’s most likely directed at herself.  Her song is all over the place…” He admitted with a sigh, he just wished that Juleka would open up to him like she used to so he could help. He didn’t know what was going on, but he knew that something was happening at her school and it wasn’t good for her or her classmates. He hated thinking his sister was getting bullied but with Marinette’s rise to fame as an akuma and her almost cult-like following and those who raised her to martyr status all around, he wouldn’t be surprised if the “Akuma Class” was being “taught a lesson.” 
“And yet she still won’t talk to you?” 
“It’s...complicated. We are both not the strongest talkers, but it has always been worse for Jules. Now with everything that has happened…” Luka let out a frustrated breath and ran his hands over his face. Before him or Kagami could say anything else to add on to the conversation they heard rushed footsteps hurrying down the stairs towards them. Immediately, Luka recognized them as Juleka’s footsteps. 
Juleka burst into the lounge from the deck, one look at her and Luka felt his anger rise. His sister’s clothing was ruined, her jeans that she had painstakingly sewn the lace to the outer edges of herself were splattered in paint and if he wasn’t mistaken there were rips on the knees. Her shirt looked wet and paint splattered, as did her hair, and one glance at her only visible eye told Luka she had been crying. She seemed startled to see them there and for a while none of them spoke, the only noise came from the TV where it had seemed to stop on a news channel since Kagami stopped her channel surfing in favor of focusing on Juleka’s entrance.
As soon as Luka stood up to comfort Juleka, maybe ask who the hell did that to her, she just as quickly shouldered past him and ran into her bunker with a slam of the door. That was another new thing, though not unneeded, they both got separate rooms after...after Marinette had helped Luka convince his mom they deserved separate rooms. Especially because of Jules and his ages and the fact a curtain wasn’t enough privacy but then there was the fighting due to the Lila and Marinette situation. It was just easier for them all if he and Juleka got separate rooms, his mom agreed, he knew it was because she noticed the tense silences and the loud music coming from them both during that time. So Kagami and Marinette helped Luka clean out another bunker room that had been used as a storage room and then helped him move in. 
Luka didn’t know how long he stood there just looking at Juleka’s door but he came back to himself when he felt Kagami place her hand on his shoulder. He looked down at her to see her giving him a sympathetic smile and gave his shoulder a squeeze for comfort. It was grounding, but Luka’s heart still hurt at his sister’s refusal to talk to him or Kagami. He knew she needed him, and honestly he needed her too, he just wanted to be her brother again, and her be his little sister that was sometimes annoying but it was in a loving way. Everything had changed and Luka felt like he was on a sinking ship with nothing to grab onto for support except Kagami but he didn’t want to drag her down with him. 
“I just…” He started, his voice tight with tears.
“I know.” Kagami answered. 
“...Collège Françoise Dupont.” Both of their heads whipped towards the TV once they heard the name of that school. On the screen were two reporters that neither were very familiar with but they had seen the news channel in passing. 
“Is that right? An investigation?” The male reporter asked.
“That is correct Robert! It has been confirmed by inside sources that a full scale investigation will be launched on Collège Françoise Dupont! Not only for its horrible negligence against The Protector but because of new reports made by students who no longer fear having to be akumatized since Hawkmoth has conveniently disappeared. Apparently the number of calls to the Board of Education was just appalling. As were the reasons behind the reports.” The female reporter announced with a plastic smile, but if you looked it would twitch every so often like she was fighting to keep smiling.
“I would like to say I’m surprised Madeline, but that would ultimately be a lie.” Robert quipped back with an equally plastic looking smile. 
“Yes it would Robert.” The reporter called Madeline chuckled as she said that. “In other news still connected to The Protector, her parents will be getting an official apology from TVi Studios after said studio used footage of their daughter without permission written or otherwise.”
Luka and Kagami winced at the mention of Tom and Sabine as they knew the couple were having a hard time, but they had no idea that TVi Studios showed that segment without permission. Luka especially had a hard time believing it considering Nadja worked there and was a good friend of Sabine’s. Kagami looked particularly worried about this so Luka nudged her as a way to ask what was wrong. “Do you think they sued the studio? I don’t think M Dupain and Mme Cheng are in the right state emotionally to go through a lawsuit.”
“Well...they said it was an official apology so I don’t think they sued, which is good, because you’re right. They are in no state to go through a lawsuit or anything much at the moment.” Luka agreed.
“On to World News, there has been an amazing recent discovery in Northern Scotland. It has stumped the people, and historians. When we come back from the break we will talk about this historic find and what it means for the people of Scotland. See you after the break Paris!” Robert said before the commercials started up. Luka didn’t know why, but something told him that discovery was important.
Next Chapter
132 notes · View notes
poisonousquinzel · 3 years ago
Note
https://lady-ha-ha.tumblr.com/post/160715688748/is-that-comic-before-the-reboot-and-which-one-is
(I have not read this comic) Is this true? (if so, ivy deserves someone better).
Post
Kay, first off both of those people are Jarley shippers so take everything they say with a grain of salt and then some, cause no. that part isn't about how much Harley loves Joker and will always choose him over Ivy. Literally you can tell ops don't know what they're talking about cause her whole thing in those issues is going to kill him for years of graphic abuse but ultimately falls back with him once she’s face to face with him.
Like wow, congrats on missing the fucking point again but not surprised from people who ship her with The Fucking Joker.
Tumblr media
also, ffs, can anyone please have basic comprehension skills and realize that Harley and Ivy are both fucked up sometimes because they’ve got issues and that’s not comparable to Joker’s long ass history of graphic and disgusting abuse.
Harley and Ivy are villains, they're not a wholesome cookie cutter, White Picket Fence, super vanilla ship with no bad moments. They're both bad guys with a fuck ton of trauma that they both have to work through, and have done so at this point. 
Gotham City Sirens was published between 2009 - 2011, Harley and Ivy weren't blatantly romantic at this point nor had they had anywhere near the development that they’ve had at this point.
Like don’t go into Harlivy content expecting them to be the perfect wlw rep with no flaws during their arcs from BTAS to current time cause that’s just not realistic. They’re both deeply flawed people who’ve got a fuck ton of trauma that they need to (and have) worked through. 
I have talked about the BTAS issues here and this post is good at explaining them too. 
X
X
Harlivy is not and has never been a purely wholesome, goody-goody ship. They’re messy, they have issues, and they have bad moments sometimes, but they both worked through their seperate trauma and came out stronger and better because at the end of the day, they care about each other. 
Harlivy has messy, toxic moments sometimes, but they’re not, and have never been, abusive. There’s a difference between unhealthy moments and a ship being abusive. 
That’s completely different to how Joker acts Constantly, because he does not care that his actions towards Harley are abusive, because he doesn’t give a shit about her. 
He enjoys hurting her. He enjoys ruining her. 
Jarley has always been intended to be written and shown as a domestically abusive relationship.
This is also the first instance where it's directly referenced that there's something more than platonic between her and Ivy, other than the reference in Batgirl Adventures. 
Gotham City Sirens is also not connected to any verses.
This didn’t happen in the timeline we’re in rn with Harley Quinn (2014)/(2016)/(2021).
Comic timelines and shit are stupid and make everything more confusing and awful and I hate it sdfjdksksdkjsd
-
this is gonna be a long post since ops wanna just cut and paste random bits of the issues like jarley stans always do (cause jarley never has good moments that aren’t entirely surrounded by him abusing her) I’m going to show them in full context. *added a keep reading cause it is a lot
(All panels shown are from #15, #18, #19, #20, #21, #23, #24, #25)
So, Harley's entire thing at this point in the GCS comic in that she's been triggered by flashbacks of Joker's abuse and she breaks into Arkham with the intent to kill him.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
The entire thing in these issues is showing her smarts and how she knows people's trump cards to get under their skin so she can break into Arkham. 
She’s trained to identify these things in people and she's fucking good at pushing people's buttons. 
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
this is also just one of my fav Harley covers so I wanted to show it jsdjksdks
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
“Trump cards. Everyone has one. Places where the armor we build around ourselves is weakest.” 
She’s right. And it’s now shown that Harley’s willing to use those below the belt trump cards if she has to.  
And frankly, I’d say this is worse than what she says to Ivy. And I’m not surprised she did it. She didn’t want to, she tried to get him to just open the door - 
Tumblr media
“Don’t make me do this, Aaron. There are some secrets that should stay hidden. Things you should never learn about your own life.” 
but she’s also entirely fueled by rage and the desire to kill Joker. She came here for a reason and she’s not leaving until she’s done it.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
“I’m going to kill you. For everything you’ve done to me. All the times you’ve made me feel useless and small. For all the times I will never forget. For all the things I can never forgive. All the memories -”
“Hello, Harley. I’ve missed you.” 
“Memories. That’s all I have left. The past is gone and all I have is... memories. 
Memories.
Memory. 
Gone.
I guess I too have a trump card.”
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
“Oh, Ivy. You know exactly what my answer is going to be. But you’re hoping you’re wrong, aren’t you?”
She’s also right about this, they already mentioned this in #18.
Tumblr media
“How did I become the bad guy?”
“You’re the one choosing a man over her girls.”
“Are you kidding me? You would never say that to Harley, and we both know she’d dumb us in a flat second if Joker called her.”
“Hey! That’s not fair-- Actually, that’s probably true.”
“The difference is, she can’t help it. You can. And she’s working on it. You’re not working on it.” 
Tumblr media Tumblr media
“Too easy, Ivy. Too easy. I know your weak spots. Now I just need to push.”
This is exactly what she’s been doing since the starting point of this post. She’s still in that mindset and she knows she can’t beat her on a regular battle field. Neither of them can. 
Tumblr media Tumblr media
“Like I said-- You beat me in any level playing field. But I don’t fight on those fields.” 
Harley’s biggest strength as a villain is her ability to completely mentally stall her opponents and learn their weak spots. She wouldn’t win against the majority of the Big Bads if she didn’t fight on a different field than they are. 
so, like yeah, out of context what she says to Ivy seems awful and completely screwed up, and it is, but it’s also built up really well and it’s completely in character for her at this point in her fall during these issues. 
Is what she did fucked? absolutely. It’s not painted that it’s not. 
Ivy Literally Goes To Kill Her For It.
In the end of this all three of them are recaptured by Catwoman and Batman and that’s where we’re starting off at again. 
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
“Oh, Harley.
The only human I’ve ever called a friend.
To what lengths will I go? Where are my own limits? She is the Strangler fig. And I am the tree, choking underneath. 
Without me, she could never grow. 
But without her, I would fall if I grew too tall.” 
Tumblr media
“Will she ever stand by herself? 
Will she ever be ready? 
She is in throes of madness. She sees him, her brain flooding with adrenaline, it makes her excited, nervous, then the feelings start to fade, and she needs more. And more. 
She sees it as passion. She sees it as love. 
But it’s not. It’s addiction. And she’s relapsing.” 
Ivy is well aware of the nature of their relationship. She’s not stupid and she’s been shown already to know that it’s something that takes time. It’s not a one off break up and it’s over. That’s not how abusve relationships work. 
Tumblr media
What do I do?
I could use my pheromones to alter her brain chemistry.
I could leave her behind abandoning her to the wilds of her own mind.
I could kill her right now.
Show her how red Nature can be.
There's one other option.
Tumblr media
It would require patience.
Even love.
Maybe I'm more human than I want to admit.
Tumblr media
"You have one chance to answer this."
I know, if she agrees, she'll be doing it for revenge. For him.
"She put us behind bars."
But maybe if I get away from this place, if I give her something else to think about. Maybe she can break the cycle. But it has to be her choice.
"I'm going to kill her. Come with me."
So yeah, it’s definitely not a just “Harley hurts her and runs off with Joker and it’s just a plain ol’ her choosing him over everyone and that’s that.” 
Jarley shippers love to just reduce all her scenes and arcs down to their “epic love” and shit, but that’s taking away literally everything about her and reducing it down to the 3 panels that they’re “cute” in. Her arc in this part is fucking heartbreaking to read.
And Ivy damn well knows what’s going on with her. She’s smart and she’s the one that’s been there throughout all of this. She found her in the park after he shot her out of a rocket. 
And she knows it’ll take time for Harley to get over and through his manipulation, that’s just how it works with abusive relationships. 
But she’s also not forgiving at first, she’s mad and rightfully so, until she sees the sate of Harley’s cell and realizes how bad her addiction is at that time.
A lot of the unhealthy moments on Harley’s side when it comes to them are directly caused from the effects of being in an abusive relationship with Joker. Because she’s always in this area of her journey in those moments. She’s never fully over him or emancipated. 
And that’s realistic. It’s hard sometimes to be friends with someone who’s in abusive relationships like theirs, having to watch them return to that person time and time again and it’s frustrating after a while. 
I know from personal experience, it’s really hard to watch someone you care about go back or forgive someone that continues to hurt them. 
But abuse victims desperately need a support system outside of their abuser. It’s a crucial part of being able to escape, because when they do try to get out they need someone there or they’ll literally have no where to go but back into their abuser’s arms.
It’s heartbreaking and it’s really rough for everyone effected, but that’s just how it is most of the time. Especially in their case, as they’re not just regular folk dealing with this. 
If she doesn’t have Ivy, Harley has no one else to go to but Joker, on more than just an emotional level. 
She’s lost her job. Her income. Her home. Her livelihood. Her everything.
Most of the time she has no other choice but to return to a life of crime after she’s released from Arkham because she can’t get a job, she’s a notorious criminal and she’s got a lot of issues that don’t just disappear with a bit of therapy. 
She has no other choice but to return to Joker because the other alternative is the streets. At least she knows what to expect with him. 
And that’s not even getting into the manipulation, gaslighting and degrading abuse that he drills into her constantly. 
He’s made her believe she’s not anything without him. That she’s not smart or useful or anything. 
And that’s why it’s so damn important for her to have a support system and why he’s so damn against Ivy. 
Because Ivy is the good voice on her shoulder telling her he’s wrong and that she doesn’t deserve that. 
-
And on Ivy’s side, she’s aware she gets very near cutting off all parts of her humanity. 
She’s a plant goddess, she’s insanely powerful and she feels everything through the green. Frankly, she’s not even on the same playing field as these villains. She’s significanty more powerful than Harley and Joker. 
Her connection to Harley is what keeps her humanity in tack, because despite everything, she does care about her. She was the first person she let in, the first person Ivy called a friend. 
The person that was able to get through to her in #14/#15 when she was losing herself. The one that was able to get through to her that the dude was manipulating her. 
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
“Ivy, I know you think you love this guy... but you’re just gonna end up strapped to his rocket!”
She had to knock her out for the dude to trust her / not attack them anymore. But Harley got through to her by mentioning how they first met in the park when she saved her after Joker shot her off in a rocket.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
And Ivy is understandable turned off towards humans considering her origin and trauma around that. 
She’s got a lot of trust issues.
But both of them work through their seperate traumas over the years because their affection for each other is stronger than the issues their trauma has given them.
-
and also, sometimes, they just have shit writers. that’s an issue overall in comic fandoms. Some writers just fucking suck at getting any of the characters right, let alone LGBT characters, who’re notoriously treated like garbage by DC. 
65 notes · View notes
felikatze · 3 years ago
Note
give me the a brainworms i am deeply invested in this man
(0) (2) (3) (4)
okay first of all you asked for this. second of all if i am a little off track from the game that is explained by me just building thoughts like building blocks without looking back. third i was supposed to be studying for an exam but this counts as practice right? it's character analysis anyway lmao.
buckle the fuck up, my dearest anon, because I have sub headings.
1. A as the Player Character
Let me begin with why I am obsessed with this horrid little guy in the first place: he's a silent protagonist. I am always obsessed with protagonists. It's a law of nature. I love taking hollow characters and dissecting them for scraps. It's a long standing practice of mine.
Being a silent protagonist, A, as X, does not have a set personality. However, there are patterns. Firstly, as any semi-silent protagonist, A is a reactive character. He does not start incidents, he only responds to situations, presented by the Sephirah, as they arise. He does not actively seek out new information, merely going about the routine of expanding departments, but expresses curiosity when information is presented to him.
I'm aware fandom likes to characterize X and A differently, likely because they are initially presented as different characters. I, on the other hand, would like to pose the theory that they are more similar than expected.
I believe that A is also a reactive character, rather than active. Despite the fandom wiki describing him as stubborn, the goal A pursues with such fervor, the completion of the Seed of Light, is not actually a goal he set for himself. Carmen is the one who set this goal for him by leaving him her legacy.
Throughout the backstory we get relating to the Cogito Project, A is Carmen's assistant, whereas Carmen is the driving researcher. This is how many of the City's inhabitants seem to be; going with the flow of goals set for them by superiors. Yes I will get into his attachment to Carmen later.
The above is not to say A isn't stubborn. Once he has accepted a goal as his own, he will pursue it at all costs, as is obvious from any and all flashbacks leading to horrible deaths. But the point isn't his pursuit of the goal, but where that goal comes from. Even Lobcorp itself supports this, despite what Hokma may say; A as X follows the "simple" task of managing the Corp's day to day activities, and executes any mission given to him by the Sephirah. He outranks them, and doesn't actually need to do their missions, but does so anyway. Players are driven by the reward offered by those missions, of course, and A might be the same in that regard. Nonetheless, at no point in gameplay do you do anything somebody else hasn't told you to.
The overarching narrative of the Script would be the most obvious example. Every single person in the game follows the script, whether they know it or not.
Lastly on this note, a phrase we hear attributed to A, "Machines must behave as machines." Now, Angela may be attached to this phrase because it bears significance to herself as a machine, and informs most of A's unjust treatmeant of her. However, what if it doesn't just apply to machines? The phrase reads as such, "Everyone must act according to their own role."
2. A, Carmen, and the disease of the mind
So, A will at any cost pursue goals Carmen set for him. Question is, why? The obvious answer would be saying he's in love with her, which like, true. But also, how did Carmen come to be so precious to him?
Let us return to the comparison, "This is how many of the City's inhabitants seem to be." We don't really know why exactly most characters joined Carmen, excluding mainly Daniel and Benjamin. But this does not mean we can't have theories.
Carmen's ideal was curing the "disease of the mind." What is the disease? Complete hopelessness. The inability to form aspirations and dreams, to think of a better future. A is a very reactive character who does not set goals for himself. Therefore, I personally conclude, that initially, Carmen's ideology resonated with him because he could identify with the disease.
This is the point where I start rewatching Lobcorp story clips. Dear god.
So, by briefly binging day 27 onward, I've come up with lines that very much support this lil theory of mine:
First, from Carmen, a description of the disease, "People lock away their own potential."
Second, a line from Angela, after the memory synchronization, "You've locked yourself in this prison without bars."
Carmen describes A as humble, and Benjamin thinks he is warm. If I suppose A was one of the diseased initially, Carmen would be the catalyst for this change. Carmen was someone with big aspirations, with plans to heal what is wrong with the City, and it gave him hope. He was one of the diseased, but through time with Carmen, with that relentless optimistic spirit, he may have been cured, for a time. It's not a stretch to say that she was his light.
But lor shows us what happens when the seed of light sprouts wrong, doesn't it? It distorts. A grasped hope for the first time and then it is ruthlessly crushed. Carmen was everything. Yes, A is described as a jack-of-all-trades, as a genius in all pursuits he puts his mind to, but what does that matter in the face of someone who can unite people? Who can give them hope of a better world? Who can inspire them to actually use the talents they have?
And what kind of pressure is it to put the legacy of a messiah in the hands of the diseased?
3. A and the Perception Filter: A is weak to White damage
No, I am serious about that. He's extremely weak mentally. Obviously death of a loved one is a changing experience for absolutely anybody, but Carmen's death destroyed him.
Not only did he refuse to confide this grief to anyone and bottled it up, now everybody looked to him to lead the project, but he just isn't Carmen. He isn't an ambitious person, he doesn't have the same optimism, he can't bring people together, but people expected him to, and he failed. Hard.
While he was without a doubt talented in science, he was also just an average guy.
After her death, A grew to hate humans. He lost trust in them. He refused to confide in anyone, and be confided in by anyone. Thus, the team fell apart.
In both lobcorp and lor, we get interesting tidbits about precations taken to protect the manager.
Firstly, Lobcorp's perception filter. The cartoony art-style of the game is a result of the game being in first person. Through the eyes of the manager, everything is cartoony!
This is a measure undertaken to specifically protect the manager's psyche. Angela tells us that, before it was deployed, the manager would frequently go insane, one notable incident including the manager trying to hang himself. When we first hear this, the previous managers and X are still separate in our minds. However, they're all A! A went insane multiple times without it.
This is understandable, considering that employees also frequently go insane and try to kill both themselves and others. But they're there in action, confronting the Abnormalities directly. Just watching them made the manager go mad. They could not handle the responsibility for the employees' deaths.
In lor, Angela explains why she picked the Rabbit Team from R Corp as their main contractor instead of any other team. One team was simply too big for L Corp's narrow hallways, and the other team... dealt in psychic damage. It was simply too big of a risk for the manager. But the manager is always secure behind the cameras. Would that teams methods just be that brutal visually, or would their attacks have reached the manager?
Combined with his immense grief at all of his friends and coworkers dying in part because of him, A cannot bear to look at death.
4. A's greatest flaw: Avoidance
A common thread during Core Meltdown flashbacks: A refuses to look at suffering. He just can't. Whether it be looking away from Elijah writhing on the floor or hanging up on Daniel's panicked report of death.
This is actually the thing Angela takes the biggest issue with, and what hurt her most. A would never look at her, acknowledge her, and she did not understand why. But I think A did not refuse to look at her out of maliciousness. Rather, it was out of grief over Carmen. He could not look at her without being reminded of what he lost.
Angela's creation came about because A wanted someone to guide him, someone like Carmen. He threw himself into the project to the point it made Benjamin happy that A was passionate about anything again. But as soon as the project he distracted himself with is complete, he is filled with regret. Carmen cannot be replicated, and he breaks again.
Furthermore, tying this back to my first point about A being a reactive person, we see Angela take charge over A. She's the one recruiting employees and leading the business. It was likely a relief for him to be able to step down from the leading position.
But avoiding it made everything worse. He did not act when he saw Elijah's unchecked ambition, he did not act beyond a simple check at Gabriel's decay, he gave Giovanni the same hope he clung to to no avail, et cetera et cetera.
Avoiding his problems is making them worse and sending everything down the drain (including his psyche), so he deals with it the only way he knows how, avoiding them more!
Biggest example of A's big avoidance problem as his psyche crumbles: the memory wipe. A, in perhaps his one singular moment of acknowledging his emotions, recognizes that he is incapable of fulfilling the Script in his current state. His grief is just too much.
By erasing his own memory, he could start fresh without his grief, because he might've really killed himself otherwise. His suffering became bigger and bigger, and he coped by avoiding it.
The memory wipe allowed him to distangle his problems. Through his interactions with the Sephirah (which I will not individually detail for the sake of my sanity and because I dumped all this on a friend on discord already), he can deal with and actually process his issues one at a time.
As the motto describes, only by facing the fear can he build the future. Only by finally facing his grief and acknowleding it, seeing that the past cannot be changed and he has no choice to move forward, can he actually do so.
5. The Sephirah as ghosts
Lobotomy Corporation feels like a ghost story. I've touched upon this in my previous A post.
As you reach the Corp's lower levels, there are less Sephirah. First there are four. They act like normal employees, and do not breach into the story's underbelly until you reach their core supressions and the facade breaks. Second, counting Tiphereth as one, there are three. They still go about their duties, but they know what they are. Third, there are two, and the facade is gone. They know what they are, and they will tell you about the sins of the past.
And finally, you reach Keter, and there is only one.
This gradual decay of the facade is what really gets to me. I said that by interacting with the Sephirah, A deals with his issues one by one, but that's what the Sephirah are, in this case. Representations.
The people the Sephirah used to be are dead, and the Sephirah are their ghosts. The core supression involve putting these ghosts to rest. Doesn't it match the progression of a typical ghost story? Find the ghost, find what they used to be, and help them move on.
So, if everyone is a ghost, then A is alone.
But, behind the scenes, the Sephirah are still there. They are still people, and they have changed for the better, too. As always, A simply does not look.
(Does he even see the good others see in him? Does he look away from praise, too? Did he even realize Benjamin's admiration for him? Will we ever know?)
6. A's end.
A's progression of moving on would be fine and dandy if it did not end as thus: A does kill himself.
A sees himself beyond the point of no return. Everyone is dead. He is alone. Carmen is never coming back. He can't call it quits now, or else everything has been in vain. (Even if the last days show us a part of him wants to just quit, so badly.)
So, there's only one thing left to do: follow the Script to its ending. Fulfill Carmen's legacy at all costs. Death as the ultimate release.
This is the point where I admit I do not like the death as release trope. But the game does a good enough job as presenting it as the only option A had, or the only option he saw himself as having.
However, I've mentioned it before, I'll mention it again: A was not alone. Death was his release, but he left wreckage. In order to end his own suffering, he inflicted the same pain he went through on others.
Throughout the game, he moves on and pushes through. The ending shows that in reality... he didn't.
At least in lor the characters stick together and help each other heal.
This has been most of my thoughts on A, amounting to my longest analysis post ever, having taken me approximately two and a half hours to complete, and clocking in at 2337 words including up to this paragraph.
Thank you anon for giving me the incentive to verbalize all of this, so I can finally be at ease having inflicted my thoughts on everybody else.
51 notes · View notes
shit-scfandom-did · 4 years ago
Note
so i have a few questions
1)i cannot understand how you ship k*ramel. their relationship was FILLED with toxicity. from mon-el failing over and over again to listen to what kara had to say to him basically telling her to give up being kara danvers. convincing her that "being supergirl and having you is enough” was absolutely horrible. karamel had their moments but overall it was toxic. then in s3 mon el was married and the whole point of season 3 was allowing them to move on. accepting the toxicity from s2 and pushing past that romanticized time. mon el was a better person by 3b but he was still married. even if mon el and imra did break up in the finale there’s no future for karamel. even during 5x13 kara went to ask on advice about lena. and when winn came to visit from the future not a word about him. she’s moved on and it just wouldn’t make sense for kara to end up with him.
2) how can you hate lena so so so much?? it’s been said over and over again that all she’s ever wanted to do is good. though she’s designed to be this morally grey character. she has FLAWS but that’s what makes her so good. she’s a victim of abuse and you can see her struggle with that especially in seasons 4 and 5. in 5 she definitely goes down a questionable path but how can you expect her not too? after being emotionally abused by her brother, betrayed by her family, andrea (this did happen before kara), and then eve. finding out that kara and EVERYONE she loves has betrayed her as well. I mean how could you not go mad?? and even when she “went mad” she was trying to rid humanity of PAIN. something she later realized was a necessary part of life. her hurt blinded her from reality and lex’s manipulation pushed her down further. she’s been hurt and broken so many times and while that’s not an excuse for what she’s done you have no sympathy for her and that I find appalling. lena has realized what she’s done is wrong, that she’s made mistakes, what she did to kara, and she will have to live with that isn’t that punishment enough? she’s apologized and is trying to make up for everything she’s done by saving the world (again). your unnecessary hate towards her infuriates me. cant you take a step back and see the whole picture?
3) why DONT you ship supercorp or accept the queerbaiting? (watch this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=C2w2GBXd_Pg) They are the core relationship of the show while the danvers sisters are the heart. they’ve gone through so so much together and practically dated in early season 2. they love each other it’s just oh so apparent. i like to believe one of the reasons lena reacted so strongly in s5 is because she was in love with kara and she couldn’t handle the person she was in love with lying to her. and kara flew around the world to get lena’s favorite food!! if that’s not romantic idk what is. I feel like you’ve developed such a clouded view of supercorp that you need to take a step back and understand what lena is the love of kara’s life.
wow what a long message. im not here to hate. im here to inform & undertand. i get it. karamel had their moments and even MY perception of them might be a little cloudy. im not going to hate you for liking them. hell I even shipped them for a little! my brother thinks 3b mon el and kara would’ve been perfect but he understands that supercorp is just where the show is leading and he wants them to be endgame. but what I will hate is your hate. what’s the point of all this? this thread, this account is going to do NOTHING. so why bother? I debated sending this and I hope I’m not too harsh at times but I really wanna see what you say. I hope you can open your eyes to lena and supercorp. maybe even become a supercorp shipper yourself!
- thanks and supercorp endgame 💙❤️
First of all, if you want to discuss ships in the future send this type of anons to facepalming-since-chernobyl, this blog is not for this, but for gathering receipts.
1.I just ship it, I don’t get why you have to understand it. It’s shipping. But if you insist:
No, it was not filled with toxicity. Count me when he failed to listen to her when they were in a relationship. Secondly, he is not a dog, he has his brain, he is his own person. People don’t always do what others asked them to do. It’s not slavery.
He has NEVER said to her to give up being Kara Danvers. How did he exactly convince her? How can you read the scene that he convinced her that being supergirl and having him is erasing Kara Danvers? In this scene he supports anything SHE WANTS to do. Also, Kara Danvers doesn’t equal Kara being a reporter in CatCo. On that moment she had her blog. She change people’s live with it like a real reporter. She took the risk and met consequences of her actions aka being fired by Snapper. Also, remind me who told her to create a blog? With your logic Lena was erasing Kara Danvers too.
Friendly reminder that he was forced to the marriage to keep peace. Also, friendly reminder Imra and the Legion out him in this situation without telling him about her plans. She and Brainiac put him there, knowing exactly how much he loved Kara and how much she meant to him. Imra knew that, that’s why she asked him to stay and solve his feelings. She said if he had come back, she would have known he had no doubts. But he wanted to stay, that’s why they broke up. He came back because once again he sacrificed himself for the greater good, like a real hero. Maybe watch the Argo eps because they clearly show that no, it was no about moving on.
It was not accepting about so called toxicity. First of all, she already forgave him that he lied. Secondly, all of she was screaming in that scene, when she was infected with M’rynn’s powers, happened before they got together and it was already approached in the musical ep. Aka, this scene had no point.
There is no future for karamel because you say so?
Kara went to asked him, because she truly believed and trusted him and his judgment. And yes, she asked about Lena and what did he said? That Kara deserved the same compassion she gives others, something Lena never gave her. And sorry, I know all scs scream the 100 ep was about sc, but it was about Kara fully realizing she is not responsible for Lena’s horrible choices. That’s it. And friendly reminder she called her a villain in the last scene. Also, the ep showed than no matter what, Lena always ends screwing something, because she has too big ego, always knows better, doesn’t stand criticism and doesn’t trust anyone.
It doesn’t make sense for you. Suit yourself.
2.Her fans made me hate her :) Thanks to them and how they excuse her every horrible action, how they treat her as a victim, while she abuse everyone etc. I started to watch her more carefully. And well, she is a horrible, white, privileged capitalist, who plays god, judge, jury, has mommy issues and acts like typical Luthor while crying she is not one, while still using Luthors money and resources.
Yeah, many people want to make good and end doing evil things. Common people pay for their sins, she has never. Since allowing hostile Daxamite army to invade the Earth (also, her portal affected the other aliens who destroyed the NC), producing a device that could recofnize aliens without their consent (and it was used by Children of Liberty,)producing and lying about Kryptonite, trying to make people superpowered without any supervision, killing Adam during illegal experiment, supporting openly alienphobic president and in a way Agent Liberty, killing Lex and then blaming Kara and finally manipulating Kara for months, lying, gaslighting, yelling, making her steal Lex journal, trying to lobotomize her and tortured with kryptonite, hurting every way possible, physically and mentally. Working with mass murderer, enslaving 3 people (kidnapping Eve, without her consent putting AI into her mind, basically RAPING her brain and making her a puppet in her own body; enslaving end experimenting on Malefic and Russel – threatening to kill him to steal Andrea’s necklace) – none of it are flaws. It was horrible abuse and violating every human right and the fact some people excuse it is disgusting.
First of all, being victim of abuse doesn’t give you the rights to HURT other people. The fact I have to explain pains me. Secondly, what abuse exactly? Lillian didn’t love her? Lex kidnapped her? Said he was going to kill her? You know what? Winn HAD HORRIBLE past and he didn’t turn into a murderer. Mon-El was abused by his mother and never tortured Kara with Kryptonite. J’onn killed a lot of white martians but last time I checked he doesn’t feel good about it. Also, never said the things he has done were GOOD. See a difference?
Yeah, and all of it, still doesn’t give her the rights to torture people. Also, friendly reminder she lied to Supergirl about Kryptonite in s3, much before the whole drama. Remember how she destroyed the life of a girl that stole boyfriend in middle school? It clearly shows she always had THAT in her. Plus, sorry not sorry, if she wanted different life, outside her family she could have easily done that. She was in Star City, with Jack, doing her researches, making her career. And she threw it all away, because she WANTED to be a Luthor.
Plus, sorry not sorry, if you feel betrayed and hurt because your friend didn��t tell you something she didn’t OWE you, you go to therapy, not trying to lobotomize entire planet.
Mate, she wanted to lobotomizer entire humanity, without ANYONE’S consent, because SHE, one single Lena, felt hurt. This is playing a GOD. Nothing explains it.
Planning a cold ass revenge for months is not being blinded by feelings.
Once again, even if could argue about how many times she was broken, most of that was a white privileged life she chose herself but whatever, it still doesn’t excuse her. All of she has done should meet consequences. Paying for shit you have done, accepting it, fully realizing what you have done is a part of redemption. Still in s5 she didn’t even apologize to Kara. Because she still didn’t understand what she has done and doesn’t feel sorry about it.
Feel appalled as much as you want, because I’m not going to feel sorry for a white, privileged woman who has never paid for her actions and is basically a living avatar of the worst Karen you can imagine.
She realized Lex was using her horrible experiments (remember? She experimented on puppies too) to his own agenda, that’s why she went to Kara. That’s not grasping a thing. Mhm, if you call that an apology then suit yourself. She is not saving the world, she is helping once again other people fixing the shit she created.
Feel infuriated as much as you want, because I don’t care? Especially when it comes from a person who tells others to take a step back while being totally narrow minded about Mon-El and karamel.
3.Because actors, prodcuers, writers call SC a female friendship. Mel did that in her last interview. See whatever you want but maybe stop forcing people to ship a horribly abusive ship.
Well… no. Kara is the heart and soul of the Supergirl. Alex is her most important relationship. Lena is an important friend, who doesn’t deserve it yet, but we all know Kara is the Paragon of Hope so of course she is going to forgive her.
I know you people think sc dated because they breathed in one room, but in s2 Kara dated, had sex, kissed, cuddled and enjoyed her time with Mon-El.
Yeah, they love each other as friends. It was said more than once.
That’s your delusion, you are free to do it.
Kara done that to Alex too, so you are saying she is romantically in love with her sister or something? If bringing people food is romantic and damn, most of the people I know loves me, god.
No, lena is not Kara’s love of her life.
Cool, you are not going to hate me because I ship karamel, I’m touched.
Sorry that you are going to be super disappointed in the end of the show I guess.
You will hate my hate – what’s the point of it?
Once again, because I don’t think you understand the point of this blog or read the description – it’s gathering receipts of assholes who cross tag and hate on the actors. Maybe go and search #gross hate or #cast hate on this blog so you can see how amazing your fandom is. Have fun.
I would rather eat my own shit than starting shipping the victim of abuse with her abuser.
Thanks and no :)
165 notes · View notes