#i feel bad for all the people i forgot to tag
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goodnight n go
genre/tags 𝟅𝟈 vernon x fem!reader, kind of secret romance, college au
word count 𝟅𝟈 7.1k
NOT PROOFREAD
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
The campus library hums with quiet activity: the scratch of pens, the faint tapping of keyboards, and whispers barely above a murmur. You’re in your usual corner, earbuds in and pretending you’re too absorbed in your screen to notice the commotion around you.
But you do notice. How could you not?
A burst of laughter draws your attention to the table just a few feet away. Of course, he’s there. Vernon Chwe.
He leans back in his chair, all lazy confidence, a backwards cap perched on his head like it’s an extension of his body. His hoodie looks soft, worn, perfectly slouchy, and it’s infuriating how good he looks without even trying. You force yourself to stare at your screen, typing nonsense just to look busy. He’s not even your enemy—not directly. But Vernon is part of Mingyu’s crowd, and that’s enough to keep him firmly on your ignore at all costs list.
You still remember how Jennie looked after her breakup with Mingyu—eyes puffy, voice breaking on every other word. She hasn’t explicitly told you to steer clear of Vernon, but loyalty doesn’t need to be spoken. Besides, you have no interest in frat boys who probably spend more time planning parties than studying.
“Hey, Y/N!”
You freeze. His voice cuts through the library like it has no regard for social norms—or the very clear quiet zone sign on the wall.
You don’t look up. Maybe if you pretend you didn’t hear him—
“Y/N,” he says again, louder this time. A few heads turn in mild irritation. You want to sink into the floor.
Reluctantly, you pull out an earbud and glare at him. “What?” you hiss.
He holds up a battered blue binder. Your binder. Your name is scrawled across the front in black Sharpie, unmistakable.
“I think you forgot this after class,” he says, his tone casual, almost playful.
You stomp over and snatch it from his hands. “Thanks.”
“Anytime,” he replies, grinning like you just made his day. “Oh, and nice presentation today in Dr. Kim’s class. You really knew your stuff.”
Your chest tightens, and not in the way you’d like to admit. Compliments shouldn’t feel like this—not from him, anyway. You shrug, keeping your voice neutral. “Thanks.”
You turn to leave, eager to put as much distance between yourself and his stupidly charming face as possible.
“You know,” he calls after you, his voice light, teasing, “I’m not as bad as you think I am.”
You stop mid-step. Slowly, you glance back at him. “What are you talking about?”
He leans back in his chair, his grin widening. “I mean, you don’t have to avoid me so much. I’m not the one who broke Jennie’s heart.”
Heat floods your cheeks—half embarrassment, half fury. “I’m not avoiding you,” you snap, even though the words feel like a lie.
“Sure you’re not,” he says, his tone maddeningly smug. “See you around, Y/N.”
You hate the way his voice lingers in your head long after you’ve stomped back to your seat.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
The house is packed, music thumping so loud you can feel it in your chest. You’re clutching a red solo cup—not because you’re particularly in the mood to drink, but because it gives you something to do with your hands. Jennie’s off somewhere, probably gossiping with Irene and Seulgi, leaving you to hover near the snacks, pretending you’re not awkwardly alone in the middle of a frat house.
You don’t even know why you came.
Actually, that’s a lie—you know exactly why. Jennie had heard NCT was throwing the party, and you didn’t want to spend another Friday night alone in your dorm. But now, as you watch the endless crowd of people, you’re questioning your life choices.
“Didn’t think I’d see you here.”
You don’t have to look up to know who it is.
Vernon Chwe.
His voice is casual, but when you glance at him, he’s smiling, almost like he’s been waiting for this moment. He’s ditched the usual hoodie for a plain black t-shirt and jeans, his hair falling messily over his forehead. It’s ridiculous how effortlessly good he looks.
“Didn’t think I’d see you either,” you reply, your tone sharper than intended.
He raises an eyebrow, clearly amused. “Why’s that?”
“I didn’t think frat parties were your thing.”
“Really? I live here.”
Your face heats up at your own stupidity. He just laughs, shaking his head. “Relax, I’m kidding. I don’t live here, but I might as well with how often I’m around. The brothers in NCT are friends of my frat”
You roll your eyes. “Of course they are.”
There’s a beat of silence, just long enough to feel awkward. You glance at the door, contemplating an escape, but before you can bolt, Vernon leans a little closer.
“You look like you’re having a terrible time,” he says, his voice low enough that it feels like a secret between the two of you.
“I’m fine,” you lie.
“Come on,” he insists. “I saw you glaring at the chips like they personally offended you.”
You almost laugh despite yourself. “Maybe they did.”
He grins, taking a sip from his own cup. “Tell you what—let’s make it less terrible. There’s a quieter spot upstairs. Wanna come?”
Every sensible part of you screams no. This is exactly what you’ve been trying to avoid. But something about the way he’s looking at you, his smile soft and unassuming, makes you hesitate. Against your better judgment, you nod.
Vernon leads you to a room at the end of the hall, far enough from the party that the music feels like background noise. There’s an old couch in the corner, and he flops down, patting the seat next to him.
You hesitate, but sit down anyway, keeping a safe distance.
“See? Much better,” he says, leaning back and stretching his arms across the top of the couch.
“You didn’t bring me here to murder me, did you?” you joke, crossing your arms.
He snorts. “If I wanted to murder you, I wouldn’t have picked a frat party. Too many witnesses.”
“Good point.”
For a moment, neither of you speaks. It’s not the awkward silence you expected. It’s…comfortable.
“So,” he says, breaking the quiet, “why do you hate me?”
Your head snaps toward him. “I don’t hate you.”
“Really? Could’ve fooled me.”
You open your mouth to argue, but he cuts you off.
“It’s fine,” he says, shrugging. “I get it. Jennie’s your friend, and Mingyu’s my friend. Guilty by association.”
You don’t know how to respond to that.
“I just think it’s kind of unfair,” he adds, his voice quieter now. “You don’t even know me.”
Something in his tone catches you off guard—he sounds almost…vulnerable.
You glance at him, and for the first time, you let yourself really look. He’s not grinning or teasing. He’s just sitting there, waiting for you to say something.
You glance at him, and for the first time, you let yourself really look. He’s not grinning or teasing. He’s just sitting there, waiting for you to say something.
“I guess…I never gave you a chance,” you admit, the words feeling heavier than they should.
He smiles, but it’s small and almost shy. “Well, I’m glad we’re fixing that now.”
You’re not sure why your chest feels so tight, or why your heart is beating so fast. All you know is that Vernon Chwe might be a problem—a very, very big problem.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
You’ve never been one to lose track of time, especially not at a party. But as you sit on the worn couch in that quiet upstairs room, hours pass like minutes.
Vernon has a way of talking that catches you off guard. He’s not loud or overbearing like you imagined a frat boy would be. Instead, his words are thoughtful, his voice calm, like he’s actually listening and not just waiting for his turn to speak.
Somehow, the conversation flows from harmless small talk—classes, shared professors, and how the campus coffee shop is ridiculously overpriced—to deeper things.
“You know, when I found out you were friends with Jennie I was surprised,” he says, leaning forward, elbows on his knees.
“Oh, really?” You arch a brow, leaning back into the couch.
“Yeah. You don’t have that… sorority vibe, you know?”
“And what vibe do I have, exactly?”
He grins, his eyes flickering to yours for a moment before he looks away. “You seem like you’ve got it all together, but there’s a lot more going on under the surface. Like, you’re the type of person who stays up all night overthinking things.”
Your stomach flips at how accurate that is. You cover it with a laugh. “What, did you take a psychology class or something?”
“Nah,” he says, still smiling. “I’m just good at reading people.”
“Then why didn’t you read that I don’t like you?”
It’s meant to be a jab, but it comes out softer than you intended.
He shrugs. “Because I don’t think that’s true.”
You scoff, but he doesn’t back down. His gaze lingers on you, not in an intimidating way, but like he’s trying to figure out how you work.
“Okay, fine,” you say, breaking the tension. “Maybe I didn’t like you before.”
“But now?” he asks, his tone teasing but his eyes serious.
You roll your eyes. “You’re…less annoying than I thought you’d be.”
“Wow, high praise,” he says, grinning.
You can’t help but smile back.
At some point, the conversation shifts to childhood memories. You tell him about the time you broke your mom’s favorite vase and tried to blame it on your cousin, only for your little brother to rat you out. He laughs, and it’s this deep, genuine sound that makes your chest feel warm.
In return, he tells you about the time he got his head stuck between the bars of a park fence and how Mingyu had to call their RA to get him out.
“I don’t know what’s worse,” you say, laughing, “the fact that you got stuck or the fact that you had to call for help.”
“Hey, I was, like, eight,” he says, pretending to be offended. “Cut me some slack.”
“Sure, sure,” you say, wiping a tear from your eye.
Before you realize it, the music from downstairs starts to fade, the party winding down. You check your phone—it’s past midnight.
“I should probably get going,” you say, though you don’t really want to.
“Yeah,” he says, standing up and stretching. “Me too.”
As you head downstairs together, the air between you feels different. Lighter. For the first time, you don’t feel the need to keep your guard up around him.
When you reach the bottom of the stairs, he turns to you, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “This was…nice.”
You nod. “Yeah, it was.”
For a moment, you think he’s going to say something else, but instead, he just smiles. “Goodnight, Y/N.”
“Goodnight, Vernon.”
As you walk home, your thoughts race. You still don’t know what to make of him, but one thing’s for sure—he’s not at all what you expected.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
The next morning, you stumble out of bed and drag yourself downstairs to the kitchen, still in your pajamas. Your mind is hazy, last night’s events with Vernon replaying on a constant loop. You’re still trying to piece together how you ended up talking to him for hours, completely forgetting you were supposed to dislike him.
As you enter the kitchen, the lively chatter of your sorority sisters fills the air. Jennie, Irene, Seulgi, and Chaeyoung are crowded around the table, coffee mugs and half-eaten bagels scattered in front of them.
“Finally! Sleeping Beauty decided to join us,” Jennie teases, raising her mug in your direction.
“Morning,” you mumble, grabbing a mug for yourself and pouring some coffee.
“So, where did you disappear to last night?” Chaeyoung asks, looking at you curiously.
You nearly drop the coffee pot. “Uh, what do you mean?”
“Don’t play dumb,” Irene says, a playful smirk tugging at her lips. “One minute you were with us, the next you vanished into thin air.”
“Yeah,” Jennie chimes in, narrowing her eyes at you. “You didn’t even say goodbye.”
Your brain scrambles for an excuse. “I, uh… I left early. I had a headache.” You force a casual shrug, praying they won’t press further.
“Really?” Jennie asks, her voice skeptical.
“Yup. Didn’t want to ruin the vibe for anyone, so I just went home,” you say quickly, pouring yourself some coffee and taking a long sip to avoid their gazes.
Thankfully, Seulgi changes the subject. “Honestly, I don’t blame you. Those frat boys were so obnoxious.”
“Right?” Irene says, rolling her eyes. “Especially Mingyu’s friends. They’re the worst.”
You freeze, your stomach twisting.
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Jennie groans. “Mingyu’s bad enough on his own, but all of them together? They’re insufferable.”
You stare down at your mug of coffee.
“Who even invited them anyway?” Chaeyoung adds.
“Probably Jaehyun,” Jennie mutters. “I think he’s like, friends with Mingyu or something.”
You sit in silence, staring into your mug as their voices swirl around you. They have no idea what you were doing last night—who you were talking to—and guilt settles heavily in your chest.
But why should you feel guilty? It’s not like you did anything wrong.
Still, you can’t help but think about Vernon’s laugh, his surprisingly thoughtful responses, and the way his eyes lit up when he talked about his favorite movies. He didn’t seem like the person they’re describing.
“Y/N?” Jennie’s voice pulls you back to reality.
“What?”
“Are you coming with us to brunch later?”
“Oh. Uh, maybe. I’ll see how I’m feeling,” you say, your voice distant.
Jennie nods, not entirely convinced, but doesn’t push. As the conversation shifts, you force yourself to focus on anything other than Vernon.
But no matter how hard you try, you can’t stop thinking about him, a fact that has guilt eating you alive from the inside.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
A few days pass, and despite your best efforts to keep Vernon out of your head, he somehow keeps finding ways to slip back in. It doesn’t help that he texts you memes or random thoughts like, "Do you think penguins get cold?" throughout the day, making you smile when you shouldn’t.
You try to bury the guilt. You really do. But when Vernon suggests sneaking into your sorority house for a movie night—because his frat is too loud, and “your room probably smells better than mine”—you can’t seem to say no.
“Fine,” you whisper-yell into the phone. “But if we get caught, I’m blaming you.”
“I can live with that,” he replies with a laugh.
A couple of hours later, Vernon is sprawled on the rug in your room, munching on chips he insisted on bringing while you sit cross-legged on your bed, watching Shrek 2. You hate how easy it is to be around him, how natural it feels to laugh with him like this.
“You know,” he says, turning to look at you, “for someone who supposedly hates me, you’re pretty bad at showing it.”
You roll your eyes, throwing a pillow at him. “Shut up and watch the movie.”
But just as he’s about to throw a chip back at you, there’s a knock at the door.
“Y/N?” Jennie’s voice cuts through the playful atmosphere like a knife.
Your heart leaps into your throat. You practically leap off the bed, gesturing frantically for Vernon to hide. He scrambles behind your bed just as you crack the door open, trying to look as casual as possible.
“Hey, Jen,” you say, forcing a smile.
“Are you coming to dinner with us?” she asks, peering into your room suspiciously.
“Oh, uh… maybe later,” you stammer. “I’m just… talking to my mom.”
Jennie raises an eyebrow. “Your mom?”
“Yeah, she called, and we’ve just been catching up,” you say quickly, holding up your phone for emphasis.
“Okay,” Jennie says slowly, clearly unconvinced. She glances behind you, as if she can sense something is off. “You sure everything’s okay?”
“Yep, totally fine!” you say, practically shoving the door closed. “Have fun at dinner!”
You shut the door and lean against it, your heart pounding.
From behind the desk, Vernon’s muffled laughter bubbles up. “Your mom, seriously?”
“Shut up!” you hiss, glaring at him.
He emerges from his hiding spot, grinning like an idiot. “That was smooth. Really convincing.”
“Ugh, I can’t believe this,” you mutter, flopping onto your bed. “This is all your fault.”
“My fault?” he says, sitting cross-legged on the rug again. “You’re the one who let me in.”
You throw another pillow at him, which he easily catches.
“Just admit you like me,” he teases, leaning back on his hands with that stupid, cocky grin.
You grab another pillow, ready to hurl it, but his words hit a little too close to home. Your grip loosens, and the pillow falls to your lap as your cheeks flush.
“See? You can’t even deny it,” he says, his voice softer now, his teasing tone giving way to something more genuine.
You hate that he’s right. But admitting it? That’s a whole other thing.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
It’s been a whirlwind of late-night sneaking, secret hangouts, and way too much Vernon. Not that you’d admit you enjoy it.
Vernon has gotten way too comfortable invading your life. He texts you constantly, calls when you’re least expecting it, and—when he’s feeling particularly bold—throws in a casual, “Miss me yet?” with a winky face. You hate that the answer is always yes.
To make matters worse, Jennie has been clinging to you like never before. She’s always suggesting lunch dates or study sessions, and you can’t say no without feeling like the worst friend in the world.
Balancing both is exhausting. It feels like you’re living two lives: one where you’re Jennie’s loyal best friend, and one where you’re Vernon’s… whatever you are.
One afternoon, when the stress feels like it’s going to eat you alive, you knock on Chaeyoung’s door, desperate for advice. She’s lounging on her bed with a sketchpad when you walk in, looking up with a raised eyebrow.
“What’s with the dramatic entrance?” she asks.
“I need help,” you say, collapsing into her beanbag chair.
“Uh-oh. Is this about Jennie or Vernon?”
Your head snaps up. “How did you—?”
Chaeyoung shrugs. “It’s obvious. You’ve been weirdly busy lately, but you look way too happy for it to just be school. Plus, Vernon keeps staring at you in class.”
You groan, burying your face in your hands. “I’m doomed.”
“Okay, spill,” Chaeyoung says, setting her sketchpad aside.
You tell her everything—how Vernon wormed his way into your life, how he’s not the annoying frat boy you thought he’d be, how you actually like spending time with him.
“But Jennie,” you say, throwing your hands up. “She’d kill me if she found out. And I don’t even know what this is with Vernon. It’s not like we’re dating, but…”
“But you want to,” Chaeyoung finishes for you.
You hesitate, then nod. “Yeah. I think I do.”
Chaeyoung leans back, thoughtful. “Well, Vernon didn’t do anything to Jennie. That was all Mingyu.”
“I know,” you say quickly. “But it’s not that simple. She hates Vernon by association. If she knew I was hanging out with him…”
“She’d be pissed,” Chaeyoung finishes with a sigh.
“Exactly,” you mutter, slumping further into the beanbag.
Chaeyoung looks at you sympathetically. “Okay, but hear me out. Do you really think this is sustainable? Sneaking around, lying to Jennie, sneaking Vernon into the house… You’re gonna crack eventually.”
You don’t want to admit she’s right, but you know she is. The thought of coming clean terrifies you, though. What if Jennie takes it the wrong way? What if she gets mad and it ruins your friendship?
“I just… I don’t know how to tell her,” you admit quietly.
“Well,” Chaeyoung says, smirking a little, “if Vernon is as crazy about you as he seems, maybe it’s worth taking the risk.”
Her words stick with you longer than you’d like. But are you brave enough to actually act on them?
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
This time, your sorority is the one hosting a party, the kind of event where you can already feel your exhaustion just from the noise and the amount of people packed into your sorority house. It’s loud and flashy, with your sisters dancing and laughing, and—against all expectations—Jennie has begrudgingly invited the Seventeen frat. You know why she did it. Drinks, snacks, and the usual frat chaos that she’s come to rely on for a good time.
But you? You’re stuck. You’ve spent most of the night glued to Jennie’s side, unable to sneak away, unable to make any excuse to disappear into the crowd where you could catch a glimpse of Vernon. The tension in the air is thick, and you can’t avoid the prickle of guilt as you glance across the room and catch sight of him. His eyes meet yours for a second, and you can almost feel the way his smile falters. He tries to move closer, but Jennie’s hand tugs you away, her chatter drowning out everything else.
“Come on, let’s dance,” Jennie says, pulling you into the middle of the room, and you can’t help but notice how she deliberately blocks Vernon from your line of sight.
You nod and force a smile. You hate this. You hate the way you’re pretending, the way you’re avoiding him, as though everything that’s been between you suddenly doesn’t matter. But Jennie doesn’t know, and you can’t risk it. Not when she’s this protective of you. You’d never hear the end of it.
Vernon, on the other hand, doesn’t let it slide. As the night stretches on, you can see him trying to talk to you. A quick chat, maybe a dance, a little smile. Each time, you have to turn away, pretending you don’t feel the pull in your chest. He’s not buying it.
Finally, he steps back, his lips curling into a sharp smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Okay, cool,” he mutters, the hurt clear in his tone. “I see how it is.” He turns away, disappearing into the crowd.
Jennie notices. “Haha, that’s weird. Why is he only talking to you?” she asks, a tinge of knowing in her voice.
You force a laugh, hoping it doesn’t sound as fake as it feels. “Yeah, definitely. I don’t know why he was talking to me either.”
The words burn in your mouth, and you want to kick yourself. It’s all a lie. A lie you’ve been feeding to Jennie, to yourself, to everyone. But the guilt is too much, and you just need to get through tonight.
When the party dies down, and you finally find an excuse to leave, you head upstairs, your heart heavy with a mix of guilt and regret. You barely get your door closed before you pull out your phone and start typing to Vernon.
Hey… I’m sorry for earlier. I didn’t mean to be weird. I just didn’t know what to do.
You wait, staring at the screen, hoping for the buzz of a reply. But it never comes. A few minutes pass, then thirty, then an hour. Your thumb hovers over the screen, ready to type again, but no new message comes in.
Finally, you give up, tossing your phone aside and heading into the bathroom. You turn the shower on, trying to wash away the anxiety that’s coiling in your stomach. It doesn’t work.
You curl into bed, the sheets cold against your skin, but nothing can stop your thoughts from swirling. You feel horrible for betraying Jennie, for lying to her. But then there’s Vernon, and you can’t help but feel like you’ve betrayed him too. What’s worse is you can’t even tell Jennie the truth because it would hurt her, and you can’t risk that. You feel like you’re suffocating under the weight of it all.
The knock on your door comes hours later, and when you open it, Jennie is standing there, still in her outfit from the party, her expression soft.
“Hey,” she says, her voice quiet. “Can I come in?”
You nod silently, stepping aside to let her in.
“I know something’s up,” she says, sitting on your bed. “You’ve been acting weird all night. You can tell me, you know. I’m your friend.”
You stand there for a moment, fighting back the tears that are threatening to spill. You want to tell her. You want to be honest. But the truth feels impossible to say.
“I can’t,” you say, shaking your head. “I just… I feel awful. I don’t know what to do.”
Jennie sighs, looking at you with a mixture of sympathy and understanding. “Whatever it is, you don’t have to go through it alone. But it sounds like you need some time to figure things out. Just know I’m here if you need me, okay?”
You give a shaky nod.
Jennie stands and pats your shoulder gently. “If you need to talk, I’m here. But take your time. Just don’t keep it all in too long, okay?”
You whisper, “I just don’t know what to do.”
“I know,” she says softly, offering you a small, knowing smile. “But you’ll figure it out.”
As she walks out, you close the door behind her, burying your face in your hands. The guilt is suffocating, but you also know that Jennie is right. You have a lot to figure out—and soon.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
Everyone is packing up, signaling the end of another lecture. You grab your things quickly, your thoughts racing. This is it. You can’t keep avoiding him, and you can’t let things stay awkward between you and Vernon any longer. You know he’s been hurt, and you can’t just let it fester.
As you walk out of class, you spot him talking to a few of his friends, his back turned to you. You hesitate for a second, wondering if you should just leave it for another day, but then you square your shoulders and head toward him.
“Vernon,” you call, and his shoulders stiffen before he turns around to face you. The moment his eyes meet yours, you see the flicker of wariness in them, the same hesitation that you’ve been feeling.
“Hey,” he greets you, his voice neutral but with a hint of something else. He’s not mad, but it’s clear he’s still hurt.
You bite your lip, knowing this is going to be a bit of a confrontation. “Can we talk?”
His gaze flickers to his friends, who are still hanging around, laughing and joking. He looks back at you, eyes narrowed slightly. “What about?”
You take a deep breath. “I just… I want to apologize for what happened at the party. I shouldn’t have ignored you like that.”
He raises an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. “You’re serious?” He laughs dryly, a little incredulity in his tone. “After everything, now you want to apologize?”
You can tell he’s holding back, trying not to sound too hurt or too bitter, but you know him well enough by now to catch it. You step closer, lowering your voice so only he can hear. “Yeah, I’m serious. I messed up, okay? But can we talk about it, like, without everyone else around?”
Vernon hesitates, glancing at his friends again, who are still chatting, not paying much attention to either of you. He seems reluctant to leave them, but then he sighs and looks back at you. “I’m not sure what we’re gonna talk about that’s so urgent, but fine. Let’s go.”
You lead the way to the small café off-campus, the one where you both have shared stolen moments before. It’s always been a place for you to get away from everything and everyone. Just the two of you. You can’t help but hope this conversation will get you back to where you were before everything got so messy.
When you get there, Vernon still seems distant. He orders a coffee and takes a seat at one of the far booths, clearly not thrilled about being there, but you don’t let it stop you. You sit across from him, feeling the weight of the silence pressing down between you.
“So?” Vernon asks after a beat, his voice softer, more vulnerable than before.
You swallow hard, the guilt rushing back in full force. “I didn’t know how to handle it. I thought if I just ignored everything, it would be easier. I didn’t want to hurt Jennie, and I didn’t want you to think I was picking sides or something.”
Vernon leans back in the booth, clearly not convinced, but willing to listen. “And now? Now you’re ready to make it right?”
You nod, your eyes meeting his. “I don’t want to keep avoiding you. I never should have ignored you, Vernon. I care about you. I’m just… trying to figure things out.”
He stares at you for a long moment, his eyes searching yours, as if trying to gauge whether or not you mean it. Finally, he lets out a breath and looks away, taking a sip of his coffee. “You know, I didn’t expect it to be like this. I didn’t expect you to pretend I didn’t exist, Y/N.”
The words sting, but you know he’s right. You were too afraid of what it could mean to let yourself be real with him. You glance down at your hands, suddenly feeling the weight of everything you’ve been holding back. “I know. And I’m sorry for that. But I’m here now. I’m not running away anymore.”
Vernon doesn’t answer right away. He just stares at you, as if weighing your words. Then, slowly, he gives you a small nod. “Okay. I’ll take that.”
You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. “Thank you.”
He looks at you, the hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “But you still owe me something.”
You raise an eyebrow, confused. “What do you mean?”
His grin widens, the playfulness in his tone returning. “A little honesty. You can’t just tell me that you’re not running away and expect me to believe that everything’s all good now. I want to know why you were so damn scared of me.”
Your cheeks heat up, and you look away, embarrassed. “Vernon, stop.”
He chuckles, clearly enjoying teasing you. “Come on. Just admit it. You like me.”
You groan and shake your head, trying to hold back a smile. “Oh my God, you’re impossible.”
He leans forward, eyes glinting with mischief. “Just admit it, Y/N. I know you like me, at least a little.”
You roll your eyes, but there’s no denying the flutter in your stomach. “Fine, I like you a tiny bit. Happy now?”
Vernon’s grin softens, and he sits back in his seat, clearly satisfied. “Much better.”
There’s a shift in the air between you two, something lighter, more comfortable. You both know things aren’t perfect yet, but you’ve crossed a bridge, and it feels like a good step forward.
For the first time in a while, you’re not dreading what’s to come. You’re just here with him. And, for now, that’s enough.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
The cold of winter had been relentless lately, and you’ve been spending most of your time bundled up in layers of blankets, trying to stay warm while surviving the stress of exam season. Between your studies, your sorority obligations, and the pressure of keeping everything balanced, you’ve barely had time for anything else.
But tonight, when you were in the middle of reviewing your notes, your phone buzzed with a message from Vernon.
Vernon: Yo, I’m locked out of the frat house. Can I crash at yours?
You bite your lip, glancing over your shoulder to make sure no one is around. Technically, you’re not allowed to have overnight guests, but you can’t help but feel for him. The cold night air must be unbearable, and you know Vernon well enough to know he won’t ask for help unless he really needs it.
You: I’m not supposed to have anyone here, but I’ll make an exception for you this time.
Vernon: Thanks. I swear I’ll be out of your hair by morning. Promise.
A few minutes later, Vernon’s at your door, his face a little red from the cold, looking as casual as ever in his hoodie and jeans. You step aside to let him in.
“You’re lucky I’m a softie for you,” you tease, but the warmth you’re offering him is genuine as he steps inside.
“I know. I owe you one,” Vernon replies, smiling that crooked smile of his that always manages to make your heart skip.
You show him to your room, where you pull out the air mattress you keep tucked away in the corner for emergencies like this. “I’ve got this, but it’s not the most comfortable thing in the world. You’re welcome to it.” You hand him a pillow and a blanket.
He frowns slightly, eyeing the air mattress. “It’ll do.” He flops down on it with a huff, and you return to your side of the room, trying to focus on your notes again.
But the chill in the room isn’t just from the weather. The heating’s been out in the house for the past few days, and no amount of blankets seems to be helping. After a few minutes of shivering under your own covers, you turn to Vernon on the floor.
“You’re probably freezing down there,” you say, already feeling guilty.
He shrugs, but you can tell from his expression that he’s cold.
“I don’t want you getting sick,” you continue. “You can join me in the bed, if you want. It’ll be warmer with both of us.”
Vernon looks at you for a beat, hesitating, but ultimately nods. “Ok. But no funny business.”
“Of course,” you say, trying to hide your grin, but your heart is already racing a little.
He slides into the bed next to you, and you both lie there, staring up at the ceiling, neither of you speaking for a long while. The silence is oddly comfortable, but it’s also loaded—with so many unsaid things.
The two of you just lay there, listening to the sounds of the night, the quiet of your room feeling oddly intimate with him so close.
Finally, Vernon breaks the silence with a sigh, his voice just above a whisper. “You know… we’d be great together.”
You snap your head toward him, caught completely off guard. “What?”
His eyes are already on you, his expression serious. “I’m tired of always having to say goodnight and go. I like you, and I want to be with you.”
Your heart does a flip in your chest. You stare at him, your mind scrambling to make sense of his words, unsure of how to respond.
“What?” you repeat, because you can’t think of anything else to say. Your voice is shaky, a mixture of disbelief and something else you can’t quite name.
Vernon sighs, his eyes softening as he looks at you. “You heard me.”
He shifts closer, his hand brushing against yours under the covers. There’s a vulnerability in his gaze that makes you feel like your heart might just fall out of your chest.
“I’m tired of pretending,” he adds quietly. “I can’t keep doing this—acting like I don’t want more than just late-night talks and goodbyes.”
You feel your chest tighten, a swirl of emotions crashing into you all at once. You want to say something, but words feel inadequate, too small for the way you’re feeling right now.
Instead, you just stare at him, your breath catching in your throat. He’s close now, so close that you can feel the heat from his body, and his eyes are filled with an intensity that you didn’t know he could have.
You open your mouth, but the words get stuck. What is there to say when everything between you feels so... complicated? So dangerous? You can’t let this happen. Not now.
But before you can respond, Vernon speaks again. “You don’t have to say anything. I just—” He pauses, shaking his head slightly, like he’s unsure of how to finish his thought. “I just needed you to know.”
Your heart is racing. You want to pull away, but something about the way he’s looking at you keeps you rooted to the spot. There’s no denying it anymore—there’s something between you and Vernon. Something real.
But the reality of your situation sinks in like a stone in your stomach. You can’t let it happen. Not now, not like this.
“I—Vernon…” You trail off, unable to finish. It’s like your brain is in a fog, fighting against your heart’s instincts.
Vernon’s hand brushes against yours again, his fingers almost touching yours. “I’m not asking for anything right now. I just want to be close to you. And I want you to know how I feel.”
For a moment, all you can do is lie there, lost in the weight of his words. You don’t know what to say, but you know that the longer you stay in this moment, the harder it’s going to be to walk away from whatever this is between you.
All you can do is look at him, and in the silence of the room, let his confession hang in the air.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
The weight of the secret has been hanging over you for so long, and you've finally had enough of pretending. You’ve been running from this, trying to keep your two lives separate, but the pressure is starting to get unbearable. You know you can’t hide it anymore, not from Jennie—especially not now.
You find her in the living room of your sorority house, sitting on the couch scrolling through her phone. The warmth of the fire crackling in the background is a sharp contrast to the cold you’ve been carrying in your chest for weeks. You take a deep breath and sit next to her, your heart racing with anticipation.
“Hey, Jen?”
She looks up, a soft smile forming on her lips. “What’s up?”
“I—I need to tell you something,” you start, your words tripping over each other. “About... Vernon. And me.”
Jennie quirks an eyebrow, her smile widening. “Finally,” she says with a knowing look.
You blink, completely caught off guard. “Wait, what?”
Jennie laughs softly, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “I was wondering when you’d come clean.”
You stare at her, dumbfounded. “You knew?”
Her laugh grows louder as she shakes her head. “You’re really not the best liar, you know. I could tell something was up, and you weren’t exactly subtle about it.”
“I—" You cut yourself off, unable to form a coherent thought as the realization hits you. “So, that whole time you—?”
Jennie shrugs nonchalantly. “Yeah, I kept bringing up how much I hated his friend group because I wanted to see how long it would take you to crack. Honestly, I’m surprised it took this long.”
Your mouth drops open in shock, but then, something inside you relaxes. You laugh, feeling the tension inside of you dissolve for the first time in ages. “I can’t believe you knew this whole time and didn’t say anything!”
Jennie smirks, her eyes softening. “You needed to figure it out on your own. And hey, you did. So I’m happy for you.”
You feel lighter, like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. All the guilt, the secrets, the tension—all gone in an instant. Jennie is happy for you, and you didn’t have to hide anymore.
With a deep breath, you pull out your phone and send Vernon a quick text:
You: Come over. We need to talk.
The moment your finger leaves the send button, you can’t help but feel a rush of excitement mixed with nerves. Jennie notices your expression and gives you a soft, knowing smile.
“You’re doing the right thing,” she says, her voice gentle but firm. “Go after what you want.”
The doorbell rings a short while later, and you almost jump out of your skin. Jennie watches you go with a teasing smile, and you roll your eyes before heading to the door.
When you open it, Vernon’s standing there, a little unsure, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. His eyes search yours, as if he’s waiting for you to say something.
You pull him up the stairs once again, except this time, you don’t have to hide or worry about someone finding out. It’s strangely freeing.
“Hey,” you say softly, stepping aside so he can come in. “I, uh… I’ve been thinking a lot about us, and about everything.”
He steps inside your room, looking at you with a mixture of curiosity and hope in his eyes. And for a moment, you just stand there, the space between you two thick with unspoken words.
You take a deep breath, your nerves getting the best of you for just a second. “Vernon, I—I didn’t want to keep lying to myself anymore. Or to you. I told Jennie about us.”
Vernon’s eyes widen slightly, but he doesn’t interrupt.
“I’ve been hiding how I feel for so long,” you continue, stepping closer to him, “and it’s stupid. I don’t want to keep pretending. I like you. I really like you.”
A smile starts to tug at the corners of Vernon’s lips, and without thinking, you rush to add, “I’m not expecting anything, but I just—”
Before you can finish, Vernon cuts you off, closing the gap between you and pulling you into a kiss that feels like the weight of everything falling away. All the confusion, the guilt, the fear—it all melts as his lips find yours, soft and warm.
When he pulls back, his eyes are shining. “You don’t have to say anything more. I already know.”
You smile, your heart beating wildly. This is it. This is what you’ve been wanting, and now you’re finally getting it.
He pulls you into another kiss, deeper this time, and you can feel everything shifting between you two—like the world is finally falling into place.
The kiss is everything you’ve been wanting and more, full of tenderness and passion, but also full of understanding. You’ve both been waiting for this moment for a long time, and now it’s finally here.
When you break away, your foreheads rest against each other, both of you smiling like you’ve just found something precious.
“I think this is the start of something good,” Vernon murmurs, his voice full of certainty.
You nod, your heart full. “Yeah, I think it is.”
And for the first time in a long while, you feel truly happy, knowing that you’ve let go of your fears and embraced what you really want.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
author's note 𝟅𝟈 i love vernon and i love this song
masterlist.
#jaeyunluvbot#vernon#vernon chwe#chwe hansol#kpop#seventeen#seventeen x reader#vernon x reader#vernon x y/n#y/n#college au#vernon x you#Spotify
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possible TW abuse, necrophilia, pro shipping
please read // accusation of being pro ship and engaging with necro fanfiction
I just came across this and I feel like I need to adress some things.
first of all, I DO NOT condone any glamorization of abuse or necrophilia and it upsets me that some people might think otherwise. I’ve created this account two weeks ago to try and connect with others who enjoy Scream just as much as I do but also as a form to inspire myself through fanfic, fanart, etc. When I’m outside or busy, I tend to mass like posts without further checking the tags or what they’re really about (which is probably not the brightest idea) so I can come back and read them later on. Apparently I’ve liked a fic that contained necrophilia. I was not aware that I had liked it but I’m glad someone brought it to my attention! It was 100% unintentional and I am not interested in reading stuff like that. I should’ve known better and double check before liking posts but I never realised it could be a bad idea because I honestly trusted my algorithm to not show me that kind of content. I didn’t even know people were writing about stuff like that. I understand the confusion but it was definitely not intentional. I apologise for any harm of confusion that may have caused.
pro shipping :
Assuming anon defines pro shipping as a person being okay with the shipping of different fictional characters whether they’re canon or not: honestly I don’t really understand the issue with this. Since when is pro shipping a bad thing? I mean the main reason this blog exists is because of a ship..? I only reblog stuff about stu x billy since that’s the only ship I care about regarding Scream (not including gale and dewey i mean they’re cute but idrc). After all those are FICTIONAL characters?? Most of the people I follow are stuilly shippers and the actors themselves openly talk about shipping their own characters? Besides, why would I care if people have other ships, as long as none if it glorifies things like pedophilia and/or abuse (and no, no matter how toxic, in my opinion and from the fanfics I’ve read so far, Stu and Billy’s relationship does not glorify abuse since all of their intimate acts are consensual).
If you consider pro shipping as shipping without limits (ignoring, condoning or glamorizing abuse, pedophila, necrophilia etc. that’s definitely NOT something I would EVER read or approve.
For the rest, I could care less about other people’s interests in fan FICTION (again, as long as they don’t contain any if the things I just mentioned). Feel free to correct me if I forgot something.
misogyny :
I made a post joking about how I don’t like Sidney in Scream 1/still hold a grudge against her. Not liking a character in a fictional movie does not make me misogynistic and I can’t believe I have to explain that. I absolutely adore Sidney’s character throughout the Scream franchise but I have no problem admitting that I did not like her in Scream 1996 for the simple fact that she killed my favourite characters (and she was just annoying). I know she had to defend herself and it’s a movie. Not liking a fictional character is never that deep and it doesn’t have anything to do with Neve.
Anyways, this is not what I expected to see when I came on here and I’m sorry if this sounds a bit defensive, i’m just tired of people acting like they know anything about others without confronting the person first but I am glad I’ve been made aware and I’ll pay attention to the content I engage with in the future! I hope this cleared things up and I’m sorry again.
P.S. If you have any issues with me regarding something I’ve said or engaged with, I would prefer if you dmed me so we can talk about it personally. Thank you for reading!
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CORRECT TAGS‼️‼️‼️‼️ @rn0na-lizard you are so so so correct….. my favorite ‘Normal Girl’ in hmds…….i almost never see anyone talk about these aspects of her let alone also love her for them as they should.
i feel like Leona/ DS lumina gets mischaracterized super often which is understandable bc out of all the DS candidates leona is the least like her ancestor (who i also love, for different reasons).
in AWL lumina was the only kid in the valley for a very long time, but many of the DS residents have lived in the valley their whole lives. while lumina had accepted her role as a proper young heiress by chapter 3 of AWL— and when DS begins Leona already at this point of her life— lumina still had a lingering sense of uncertainty and angst and loneliness and doubt, and unresolved worries about her parents. absolutely none of this is present with leona
in this world leona starts with Lumina’s 22 year old appearance, she’s just rich as hell and living her best life (as she deserves), she’s unabashedly shallow, puts herself first always, speaks so politely and affably yet she can be so casually cruel in the most genuine cute way and out of touch with reality and and i fucking love her and i’d die for her. my beloved girlboss girlkeep girlypop
more iconic Leona Moments
when muu/muffy asks for beauty advice leona’s recommendation is “this brand of mail order beauty cream is simply divine! and it was quite inexpensive too, just 100,000 G 🥰” everyone else looks uncomfortable and muu is like “you’re as frivolous as always….”
aside from the 3 who take literally half your money (Witch💖, moi, and thomas) leona and panama (romana) take the most money from you if they carry you home when you faint. just a couple of girl bosses holding on to their girlpire (btw shout out to sebastian, the only resident in the entire valley who carries you home for free)
neither panama nor leona attend the harvest festival, they send sebastian there by himself to test the food first lmao (if you poison it like the witch they’re harboring on their property requires you to do, sebastian is just like “i can’t serve this to Mistress Panama…”)
once again sebastian attacks mukumuku for her sake, this time not to make her a paintbrush but she told him to get her the best slippers and this was apparently the easiest way. sebastian gets fucking mauled btw
leona has hands down the best romance route in hmds. all her scenes are incredible but god the slow burn friends to lovers with your DVD player….
in her purple heart event she shows up at your house because she heard you have a DVD player, asks you to show her how it works, and then just leaves after she’s done playing with it
in her yellow heart event she has sebastian fetch van so she can buy a DVD player for herself but van’s like “i’m so sorry …. Pete… bought the last one….”
leona is so unable to stomach the idea of other people having things she doesn’t that she starts to cry and the only way to placate her is to tell her she can go to your house anytime she wants just so she can use your DVD player. that’s not a setup to a budding romance that’s her final heart event
it’s the most incredible romance arc in the world like girl you have infinite money you can just. buy a DVD player somewhere else?? “i want to watch DVDs at my house just like you!” leona you have three entire bedrooms
“rich girl love interest who has everything except love, win her heart by having genuine conversation with her”: done to death, tired, i don’t have time for that
“rich girl love interest who has everything except a fucking DVD player, win her heart by giving her expensive stuff and ‘relax tea’ and access to your DVD player”: audacious, intriguing, never been done before, innovative
if you deny her god-given right to access your DVD player she is like “Is that so……………Just let me be alone for a little bit.” incredible tragedy i understand. take as much time as you need to grieve darling
oh but her first heart event asks you to pick a side in an argument she’s having with panama and the correct answer is to say “sebastian is the one who’s wrong” (sebastian has said nothing wrong this whole time and yet both of them have just been yelling at him to shut up)
and her blue heart event is “help me find this heirloom necklace… boohoo…” and when you find it she’s like “perfect! now grandma won’t get mad at me. hmm, you seem pretty dependable…♡” augh she’s way too good at this…….!!! i’ll do anything for you!
when you propose she says “of course, i always dreamed of having a romance and a wedding♡” and says nothing abt how she feels about you <3
also if you marry her, once a week she goes to hang out at her ex love interest’s place for 6 hours straight and comes home saying “whew… i had so much fun that i must have lost track of time… i’ll hurry on home”
if you marry another girl she starts flirting with you like “I’m so envious of your wife, having such a fine husband… Pete.” (or whatever your name is)
i’ve become obsessed with her and romeo’s horrible trainwreck soap opera marriage since replaying cute in jp… it’s SO… i have so much to say about them that it should be its own post but i’ll just give the cliffnotes
shotgun wedding vibes. romeo is surprised by his own wedding. they’re childhood friends but he himself has never considered marrying her. her words to him at their wedding are “Make me happy♡” (command)
she understandably can’t stand his terrible table manners or his clothes or anything about him (except that she wants to watch him surf and have his child. but he instead walks in circles all day. coward) and he’s both really good at accidentally stepping on landmines and just ever so slightly majorly terrified of her after marriage (“but surely her angry outbursts are just her way of showing love hahahahaha” you’re going to die. she’s going to kill you). the only positive things they say about their marriage are extremely shallow. they can’t communicate with each other because romeo always says the Dumbest Shit obliviously and leona always responds by cutting him out of her life forever!!!!!! (for 5 seconds) while he has no idea what happened
they are both so melodramatic and they both just do nothing except make each other worse and run away from each other and push each other away but they can’t escape each other. neither of them ever has to grow or change if they marry each other because an elderly overworked man is sustaining both of their existences and neither of them can take care of themselves and i love them your honor
also romeo’s first crush as a kid was apparently her mom, and if leona falls for YOU she flirts by mentioning that sebastian says you look like the spitting image of her dead father. dear fucking god
they’re the epitome of “You're both just enabling each other's mental illnesses. You're both perfect for each other. Never change. Just never involve anybody else in what you've got going on.”
romeo really does feel like her stupid lackey. like the karen to her regina. they even had this dynamic in the games they played as kids… she was the Harvest Goddess and he was Servant A/Minion A (they might still be playing this game as adults…he calls her lady/mistress sometimes after marriage…)
btw leona’s best friend (wife) marivia is also just as… there’s an event where they just gossip about all the mineral town ppl and marivia says ann would win a gluttony contest and they both giggle
there’s also an event where marivia casually walks into Witch’s hut and just interviews her so she can write her into a novel. witch is left completely drained by this exchange. leona and marivia both are so chill about the horrible cruel villainess living in leona’s shed who wants the town poisoned and rewards you for killing animals and hurting yourself and is putting curses on everyone (and they’re right. she’s never done anything wrong in her life)
#i also feel like leona and marivia summoned Witch (just girlypop things summoning hot evil ladies from hell)#i’m a marivia x leona x witch truther. the evidence is out there. evil yuri triad (real)#i also love to believe that witch is fucking with all the rival couples in the valley but ESPECIALLY romeo x leona#since she’s petty about her crush (leona) choosing the village idiot of all people#she can’t affect gustafa and nami because gustafa is like a garden gnome type that wards away evil#leona would make coquette edits of phantom skye/steiner#man i really have a lot of overlapping ships but i just like thinking about everyone together in some way#marivia was interviewing witch for a girls love leona x witch sequel in that series she wrote that has the main character based on leona#(this was revealed to me in a dream)#bokumono#harvest moon ds#hmds#harvest moon#story of seasons#hmds leona#hmds lumina#i’m sorry for going ham about your tags i promise i’m normal#^_−☆#hmds cute#i feel like everyone collectively forgot what hmds was like which is understandable because it’s a fever dream#or maybe we misremembered it from our childhoods#but replaying the girl and boy versions in english and japanese has really refreshed my views on the characters#i have so much to say about everyone mostly the rival couples#love the dysfunction and bad vibes in this game#poisoned water supply type of townsfolk#girls hour (meet up in the mines to beat each other up and slaughter various animals and humanoids to eat)#it’s such an evil game#haunted by natsume malware ghosts
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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So idk if I can really articulate the way I'm feeling rn to translate it perfectly, but I want you guys to know how much I truly appreciate everyone who's followed me over the years, who has interacted with me in any way no matter how small, and anyone who has shown up recently. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. It's probably cheesy to say but everyone here has made my life so much brighter and I feel so unbelievably blessed to have been invited into your lives in some way, even if it's just as someone who sometimes shows up on your dash.
I decided to scroll through my tag on here and the way people have supported me over the years though everything really, deeply touched my heart this evening. The people who have drawn fanart for me, the people who have commissioned me, the people who have tagged me in things (I cringe every time bc I feel soooo bad for not seeing them until I look in my tag once in a blue moon, but know I appreciate you trying to include me), the people who tag me when asked who their art inspirations or favorite blogs are (!!!!!!!!!??????), the people who post their art saying that my art inspired them in some way, people who express their excitement when they realize I've followed them (this will never stop being wild to me, what an incredible thing!!!! I'm just me!) everyone. It's absolutely mind boggling to me and I can't stress enough how much it means.
I've had such an incredible time on this site so far and met some of my closest friends here and just.. wow. Thank you so much to all of you, from the very bottom of my heart. I cannot thank you enough for all of your support!! Every little bit of interaction is a blessing to me and I've run out of ways to express that so I'll wrap this up here but yeah!! I hope you all have a lovely evening or whatever time of day it is in your time zone. Know that you've impacted me in a way I can't express and try to give yourselves a little grace, you'll never know how much you've improved the lives of the people around you by just spending a little time in their space ♥
#i wanted to tag a bunch of my friends bc i saw a lot of people i don't interact with much anymore bc of my reclusiveness in recent years#but i was terrified of accidentally leaving people out so if you're wondering if i'm thinking about you then you're exactly who i mean#love love love love love I'm so incredibly fortunate and i can't forget that!!!!#the fact that i've been on here since 2014 and have only received one mean ask that i can think of is insane#i know i've been a bit of a downer lately but overall my hope is that i've created a positive space where people can be happy and feel safe#in some way in any way#and i hope i feel like someone people can talk to (or at.. i know im bad at replying but i do like to read sjkdlfsd)#i've been told that i may come off as intimidating but i truly don't want to be i want people to feel comfortable interacting ^^#ANYWAY gotta go to bed this is embarrassing thanks for listening byeee#dl#not art#i forgot to mention this but also people who use my art for their pfps???????? SPEECHLESS#all of the art in the world and you chose mine it makes my heart so full#also just realized i completely forgot to respond to emails today#if you see this and you're waiting on one I'll reply tomorrow but know I've gotten it!
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wtf hey gang
you're never gonna guess who it is LMFAOAOAOAO
HELLO WORLD IM BACKKKKKKKKK sorry for not writing for a while............. i've been going thru some whack shit lately but i graduated a couple weeks ago so that's pretty awesome!! hopefully i'll actually be able to get back into the flow of writing cuz i have 60 somethin' asks that i've been neglecting since scott pilgrim takes off came out??
also please expect more ghost content because i saw rite here rite now last night (REALLY FUCKING GOOD BTW I CRODE) and i am very much back to my natural state of fixating on the ghouls
#twiix rambles#feels good to be back honestly#i forgot about this blog for the longest time#which i do feel kinda bad about#i just haven't had like#much of a drive to write at all for about a year#went through a lot of stuff this year#sorta been working on my mental health#trying to better myself as a person#things have been hard#and i do feel really guilty about not posting#so many neglected asks#i love rambling in the tags as if people are gonna read all of this mumbo jumbo#tldr im back and im gonna try writing again#expect slowish updates#thank you for everything though guys#there is nothing that makes me happier than seeing that people are still reading my writing years later#i've improved so much as time has passed and im very proud of myself#im very proud of how far i've come#i owe it all to you guys :3
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trying to figure out how to draw this dude in a way i'm happy with. think i'm getting closer to it. also i haven't drawn in literally months but the pizza energy overcame me hi. feels good to open mspaint again.
play pizza tower, ok?
#pizza tower#peppino#my art#not pictured: the fucking struggle i was facing drawing with actual pen earlier#felt bad#mspaint feels good#my home.#he's supposed to have toppins under his arm there#i just didn't really bother to clean it up. at all. lol#i was forcing myself to do more fun things#by drawing a random shape and turning it into drawing#i liked that one enough to actually show it to other people#ok enough tags chatter goodnight#mspaint#<- almost forgot my mspaint tag oops
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I can go on that ramble about the future and housing and aromanticism though now. It’s like man, the future is already something that is so inconceivable to me. To then have the sexuality that does not allow me to slot in the cookie cutter you find a romantic partner that you end up moving in with is terrible. And like In this economy I sure can’t live alone, and I know at least when I’m sick I desperately want someone to be there. And then there’s I’m likely to move around a bunch how do you deal with that housing, other than the work having paid housing. like constantly having to find somewhere that’s looking for roommates and it isn’t terrible? And then long term, when I find a job I stay at for a while (that’s remote so I’d love to live in a remote place) is it like I find a place to stay and then I’m stuck there forever and I just have to hope that I make good friends at this new place. (Friends that don’t want to live exclusively with a romantic partner no less.) I want to live with close friends so bad and I’m not sure if that’s a feasible thing for my future. I’m a person that has so much hope so I have to assume that yes it will work out, I do believe that. But man just hearing someone mention it, sparks that hope.
#… vaguely related other way too personal ramble#I need to try so hard to keep my friends for a long time. I want it so much#but I’ve never had close friends till now and once I went to a different period in my life the friends I had were gone#and Ive made really close friends now in college and one day I was talking with one of them on a walk home and mentioned still being friend#in 5 years. and they were like that’s not happening this friendgroup isn’t sticking together that long and they were right#at least for them specifically they were the one that came back worse and it’s a big group#there are most definitely different groups inside it and that makes me worry if once I finish college I’ll still chat with them at all#and oh hey tying this into another thought I had earlier… I’m planning on studying abroad next semester (that’s the application I’m procras#inating rn lol) and I’ll be like 8 hours in the future and I guess that’ll be the ultimate test on if I can really keep friends#a trial run before I graduate#and I won’t let this thinking of the future ruin my time now I know that doesn’t help but still.#well… actually summer sorta also is a trial run. and I still talked with them just less often and in a different way… it’s gonna be okay#this is a post i made#uh I am bad at tagging if things are vent posts or not#vent#oh I completely forgot to put the online part of the tag ramble! Ive made quite a few friends online and we talk for a while and I love the#and then it’s a every once in a while going hey I still care about you but I can’t hold a conversation for the life of me#and now there’s. you know who. who I care about so much and we say things I never imagined people saying about me#and I am so scared? (… sure) that that’s gonna go the same way. and I’m not sure reassurance on any of this will really help I think it’ll#just be I will only be less scared of the future as time passes and it’s proven to be wrong#mh hit the I want to keep this all inside and not let this out to not make other people think about it thing#… okay now I need to make a joke that is so tonal whiplash cause uhhh okay siffrin#… I need to go to sleep it’s late I’m sure that’s why all these feelings are being brought up… ’I’m fine’ as great role model siffrin says#… but it doesn’t feel real that people care about me. that I do actually have an impact. that I’m actually a note in someone’s story#I know it logically everyone I’ve ever known is part of me but it’s so hard to imagine that applies to me in others#okay I’m gonna go shower and go to sleep. I wanna say ignore this post but that’s not a good idea I don’t think#though just talking into the void does help a lot. I’m great at talking myself into believing that things are a okay if I just talk about i#… this wasn’t supposed to be a vent or be so long geez
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Hiatus
I am going on hiatus for a bit more. I really really hoped the stuff that have been going on lately were already "sorted out" but, uhm... they aren't. I need to take a bit more time offline once again, and try to work things out.
Thank you for your patience ❤
Wren
#EDIT: I've deactivated my IG for a bit because it wasn't helping at all. I'll be back there but I need time#wren text tag#somehow issues from mid July/early August have managed to get worse. Like I'm not even surprised bc I'm used to it but GIRL . What the fuck#“it's finally summer”+“can't wait to draw!” * gets 3 hiatus in a row * maybe drawing or summer isn't really meant to be 🤨🤔#I hate having to log-in to post a hiatus message and then dissapear again when I'm supposed to post my doodles n have fun#Feels like one of those jesters that appears at luncheon to entertain the royal court and then they go missing for the rest of the month#bc I'm trying very hard not to hide in my shell + having a bit more presence here to post my artwork#and somehow I fail at both like fucking heck. How can you be so bad at this.#but in short I won't be here to answer stuff and being silly or whatever people expect me to do#because if you're here for the silly stuff. MAN. I'm am sorry but I don't feel silly at all.#Somebody once said “the horrors are never ending yet I remain silly” but I forgot the “remain silly” part#And if you're here for drawings. I don't even have time and I don't feel like drawing at all. Idk which one is worse#The bakery hangs up the “closed today” so people know they have to go to buy bread somewhere else. Same here. But it won't last a day#idk why the bread analogy. Guess I'm a birb after all#this is also the closest thing to a vent post I will ever write and I managed to say nothing at all. Vagueposting about vent. Good job Wren#tw: vent#tagging in case somebody like me needs to have some tags filtered#the hiatus will go on also a bit longer because the last few weeks my mental health suffered a lot and I know my limit#also this post was queued. If I see I can still be active before publishing I will delete it otherwise see for yourself#also queue doesn't work ig like I programmed this for 9 pm hopefully it will be up by then and not any other random time
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me: y'know I don't think our withdrawal symptoms are actually that bad this time...
also me: why do I keep feeling so shaky and like I've got the flu or something? I feel so ill but it doesn't feel like my usual symptom flares. what the fuck is with all these random muscle pains. I feel like I can't think properly and I hate it. what the fuck is going on? should I be concerned? what if I've got some kind of infection or something that's really serious?
me later on after having to take a single co-codamol tablet for our post-op pain and then promptly forgetting that I took the meds: huh, that's weird. I suddenly feel way less ill and I can think more clearly and... ohhh fuck okay
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#addiction tw#posts made on pain meds#<- I forgot to tag our last few posts with this#I get the feeling I should have been tapering off these instead of basically trying to quit cold turkey#and I kind of knew that but wasn't sure how to do that without feeling like I'm just making it take longer#but like oh my fucking god I'm suddenly realising how bad the withdrawal symptoms have actually been#because taking one dose of the meds calmed them down so much and now the difference is way more obvious and oh boy#I hate that I now have to deal with this shit all because we were in so much pain from the dental issues#that we ended up taking co-codamol nearly every day for 3 fucking months#and if we ever mention it to a doctor I'm scared it'll be used to deny us treatment later on#also every time I post about this I feel like I'm in trouble for something#it might just be because I know how a lot of people view addicts#the hell of being open about having stigmatised medical issues
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your top 15 shows can say a lot about your personality - tagged by @taeminie ily 💞🥰
(im gonna say this isnt in any order bc that stressed me out lmao)
my school president
bad buddy
theory of love
bbc merlin
great british bake-off
beating again/순정에 반하다
it's okay to not be okay/사이코지만 괜찮아
his: koisuru tsumori nante nakatta
i feel you linger in the air
be my favorite
the gifted 2018
gaya sa pelikula
chicago typewriter/시카고 타자기
what we do in the shadows
history3: trapped
i will tag @earthfluuke @punpunsutatta @deshimango @taikanyohou @evan-eddie @panlyv @smileytharn @maggiecheungs and anyone who feels like it 💖💖💖💖💖💖
#im so bad at saying what i like i forget everything ive ever seen before in my entire life LMAOOO#important to note also that the stock music from theory of love was used in cooking crush yesterday#when ten is sewing the glove#and i fucking LOST MY MIND#every time they play it on one of their shows im like THIS IS FOR TOL THIS IS FOR ME#my emotions EXPLOOODEE#btw keep in mind that if we were going favorite couples alone this would be a completely different list HGKJLHGDKJ#also i have millions of opinions on all of these so feel free to send an ask for why i like them or etc byeee#answered#tagged#ali#mutuals#tag game#top shows#OH I FORGOT TO SAY i didnt include show that r currently airing!!!!!! bc of Fairness but in my heart last twilight is on here😙😙#I FORGOT TO TAG PEOPLE GOODBYE
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i dont think i ever felt more annoyed at commercials than when those mean girls walmart ads were playing a few months ago or whenever that was
#i think it's mostly bc i thought mean girls was like. an okay movie. a fine movie? i think i liked it#but like. i saw it once. i have no nostalgia for it bc i saw it way later/not when it originally came out#and god the way people are so into it. i mean that is great like i dont wanna be a hater for people enjoying things#but me personally. i do not understand why it's a cult classic or whatever klsjfkdlsfj i hear people quote it all the time and im like. 🧍#so having those quotes i already dont care about re contextualized to try to sell me walmart. god. the worst experience jkfsdjfklJFDKLSJF#tbh maybe it woudlve been worse if i liked the movie but i saw comments saying those commercials were funny so WHATEVER#i feel like it's also the same w/like. vocaloid kfsjdflksjgh like i dont dislike it!! i enjoy some songs#but i never had a vocaloid phase when i was younger. i feel so very neutral about miku#ppl on the internet feel so strongly positive and again thats great and i objectively get it#ive been shown vocaloid songs and some are really catchy#but it is one of those instances where im like man. a level of hype i dont fully understand LOL#miku vocaloid stuff is at least endearing tho. i get.... tired... w/mean girls quotes......... ksljfsljfl#It's Always The Same Ones and i just dont think theyre very funny FKJLDSJFDKLSJF maybe i am a hater damn#jk i do think i liked the movie? god i dont remember i watched it like. i dont even know when. college at the earliest i think#but whatever thats just a case of people having different interests just cuz i didnt care about a thing doesnt man its bad other ppl like i#also tho i think bc the mean girls overquoted bits remind me of like. rae dunn ceramics LOL jkfskfjsekht#or like idk live laugh love stuff. yknow like. dont talk to me until ive had my coffee has same energy as on wednesdays we wear pink. to me#it's facebook wine mom humor.... bc it is people roughly my age that were/are really into it and they are now mom age i guess lwpfhewhfp#god i need to go to bed im tired and it's making me a cranky complainer about stuff that doesnt matter!!!!#went 2 my dash in a dif tab and immediately saw a miku post is she gonna get me for not having strong feelings about her#im sorry miku i just . i dont get it JKFLJDSKLFJKSLD#ur music is fun i just dont proportionately understand. i feel like im missing context w/this one girl maybe thats my bad idk#or maybe it's just i found u too late idk. i will jam to the bops tho#that endless/everlasting/whatever nights thing w/like the 4 alt storyline songs is soooo fun i love those#dont ask me the names of the ppl in them tho i dont fuckin know besides like. 3 of them. one is miku LOL#and those yellow twin kids. len and ren. or rin? len and rin? i dont remember and i dont care enough to look it up sorry small children#theres that blue haired guy that was in the one prsk route i played but i forgot his name again#i dont know if hes in those songs i was talkin about tho i only remember what he looks like in his youthful wonderland alt loll#i talk in the tags bc i get scared it feels safe in my burrow here underground#also im calling mean girls mid and saying i dont have miku hype so i feel like that does warrant going into hiding
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i got so comfortable with him why did i let him in i should’ve figured
#i’m being dramatic he hasn’t said anything but all the things he hasn’t said say more than that#i miss him so bad it hurts i miss us i wish id left it as a crush#because it hurts so bad i’m so so so tired and i can’t believe he could just get bored of me so easily#i thought he cared like really cared and no guy has ever been that for me before#no guy has ever said the things he’s said no guy has ever looked at me with that pure adoration and i need him to keep doing that#i’m going to drive myself crazy looking at all our texts im going to cry so hard#and i can’t stop it#but i miss it#i miss it so bad#i miss him#i wish i was with him rn i wish he could hold me#i wish i was permanent i wish people didn’t care that im boring and horrible and#i hate feeling like this i hate not knowing what he feels#it feels just like october all over again#it feels like that party in june when he didn’t care if i was alive or dead#and how he forgot like i was that insignificant to him once#i don’t want that again#watercolour tag
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I've been slowly trying to draw more.
#espy art#wondering if any of y'all read the tags#i thought of making a poll to find out#also i noticed some new people following recenly because of 5 year old cupface art i drew and uh#hi you can stay but uhh i don't draw much fanart anymore#i mean i occasionaly doodle stuff but i usually post those sketches to a sideblog#i just see people all the time just mass like some old art. like they're looking through a tag#and then they follow? and i assume that they assume what they were lookign at was recent?#cause they're obviously a fanblog#and i feel so bad like nooo honey sweety i havent drawn mug man in 2 years#you'll follow me and forget and two months later i'll draw one of my ocs and you'll be like 'who the heck is this?'#legit ive followed people and forgot and i havent unfollowed cause. i mean. i dunno what they're up to but they're having fun i guess#'but /I/ don't deserve to be one of those peopleee!!!'#i say as someone with anxiety and self worth issues i'm still working out#uhhh anyways. uh. hope y'all are doin ok
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i do not want to get out of bed omfg. this week has been so fucking insane im exhausted but we have aprogram tonight until 7 and i have to facilitate and there are a million things to do today
#but i got my p*riod and cotaught on tuesday and broke up w my counselor on monday and a few days before that redacted redacted so im ph#physically and emotionally exhausted but we have this program tonight until 7 and then 2 trainings tomorrow andi have like 2 meetings inbetw#between those. and i just want to sleep and/or lie down w a heating pad bc my cramps have been brutal this time around. literally could#barely get work done on tuesday bc i was in AGONY and forgot my heating pad and no one could bring it to me from home but it s like i have n#nowhere on campus to lie down or get checked out or anything bc im not a student anymore so i need to just writhe at my desk (<- i have one#of those now finally btw 🥹💗) and jusf hope i don’t pass out. and i didn’t but it was so bad and im not recovered from it yet. idk.#everything is so much. there are some intense and in some cases horrible things happening. iwwish we had time to pause and process them and#that we weren’t so tired and stretched all the time. i wish we didn’t have all these pressures to worry about. i wish we could just have#time to love each other and check in truly and to support each other bc we are friends before we are colleagues methinks and i jsut want us#to be ok and happy and rested and healthy. idk. augh#delete later#purrs#also i think i am not normal when it comes to cramps btw. i think maybe it might not be normal to be in this much pain. or maybe im just#weak or have a low pain tolerance but i feel like it’s a lot worse than it used to be + i get cramps at Other times too and it’s ummmm bad.#ask to tag#like how absolutely insane that this is a huge part of my life and i feel like i can’t even talk abt it and it’s so embarrassing but it#literaly is like.. every other week im scared that im gonna be unable to function bc of pain but i literally say nothing at all and just smi#smile and pretend im fine and barely talk abt it. i don’t think that’s good or normal. and i think ppl should talk abt p*ripds more so it’s#not as weird or bad or gross or cringe whatever to talk abt being in pain and to accommodate urself or whatever despite other ppl knowing#abt it. cringeeeee augh i don’t want to be one of Those people but like. it’s bad and i fucking hate it
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hello again!
the songs on the bracket have been finalized and i'm working on the bracket right now!
originally my plan was to put songs against each other by both the time they came out and their popularity to give lesser known songs a chance against some of the super notable classics, but i've been seeing a post go around about matchups that are final round worthy happening round one. while i don't think it's anything worthy of any major (or minor) backlash, i do have to agree that having more challenging matchups so early on can lead to a bit of an anticlimactic ending
the way the bracket is set up now, there's no way to avoid several major matchups so early on (ex :: rolling girl vs. matryoshka or world is mine vs. triple baka)
as much as i want to give songs that might not be as well known a chance (especially considering some only got in w one nomination via a random number generator), i also don't want some of what i at least consider to be the most well known songs to be disqualified round one. those songs are popular and well loved for a reason and i genuinely think they should also have a chance to make it to the end. round two at the very very least
i'll make a bracket for each possibility so it can go up when the pool closes, so please vote for whichever one you think would be the most fun !
also unrelated to this poll, i realize kinda forgot to make a post responding to the bracket song list one ?? since it ended showed up as a tie but wasn't really one after factoring in a missclick vote, the last songs were chosen via a random number generator ^^
there were some nominated but ultimately unpicked songs that i felt were too notable and influential to go unmentioned though??? so there's also a little hand picked honorable mentions bracket (it's very small !! it only has 8 songs total on it) :D
i will admit that some songs on it are more biased than others, but w the exception of one they all have at least 5 million views (counting unofficial reprints). i did try and make sure they're all at least somewhat notable (or were when they came out) in one way or another. so it's a little compromise in a way ^^
#poll round 0.5#but also if anyone would like me to put together a file fully entirely 100% biased bracket w only my favorites i will do it#i have so many favorites that tragically but understandably went wo a single nomination and i want to show them to people#also i'm Devestated by the final mothy songs for this one#(<- overexaggerating but also it pained me to not put servant of evil on there. it hurt so bad)#(so did taking of evil food eater conchita 💔💔)#(btw if anyone actually reads the tags let me know if you'd want daughter of evil and servant of evil to go together as a pair)#if i made a poll for my favorites it'd still follow the two songs per producer rule so it's not entirely mitchie m or smth ???#so it won't be a Perfect representation but it'll be very very biased#alternatively for the people waiting on the playlists i will be making one that's just some of my top favorites ??#so a full poll isn't smth needed at all. it's just smth for the people who would let me be super self indulgent#also i feel like i should mention i kept the two producer rule for the honorary mention bracket !#it stacked w the main poll#i had a little bit of a crisis w that one for ryo songs 😔#i feel like i had smth else to say when i started typing out the tags ??? but i think i forgot it :(#anyway if people want the list of songs that'll be in the bracket lmk !#if enough people want it i can just fully post it but if it's just one or two idm dming it or smth ^^#same w the honorable mentions poll#also had a bit of a bonkers moment w one of the bracket songs earlier today ????#it shares a name w a different song i know and really like and i recognized the producer so i thought it was the same song ????#and i was a bit curious about how it made it onto the bracket bc i didn't know it was well known enough to get multiple nominations ?????#like i've been into vocaloid since i was in middle school ???? like i remember fukases release fhdkdh#and it's a song i only found when i got project diva for the switch ?????#so i looked it up and it wasn't the same song actually orz#it makes complete and total sense that it's a different song since the one i had in mind has less than 100k views on youtube#but it was still a bit bonkers finding out fhdkdh#also i think i've rambled on more than long enough in the tags so gonna leave them here fhdkdh
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