#trying to better myself as a person
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wtf hey gang
you're never gonna guess who it is LMFAOAOAOAO
HELLO WORLD IM BACKKKKKKKKK sorry for not writing for a while............. i've been going thru some whack shit lately but i graduated a couple weeks ago so that's pretty awesome!! hopefully i'll actually be able to get back into the flow of writing cuz i have 60 somethin' asks that i've been neglecting since scott pilgrim takes off came out??
also please expect more ghost content because i saw rite here rite now last night (REALLY FUCKING GOOD BTW I CRODE) and i am very much back to my natural state of fixating on the ghouls
#twiix rambles#feels good to be back honestly#i forgot about this blog for the longest time#which i do feel kinda bad about#i just haven't had like#much of a drive to write at all for about a year#went through a lot of stuff this year#sorta been working on my mental health#trying to better myself as a person#things have been hard#and i do feel really guilty about not posting#so many neglected asks#i love rambling in the tags as if people are gonna read all of this mumbo jumbo#tldr im back and im gonna try writing again#expect slowish updates#thank you for everything though guys#there is nothing that makes me happier than seeing that people are still reading my writing years later#i've improved so much as time has passed and im very proud of myself#im very proud of how far i've come#i owe it all to you guys :3
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With the end of season two comes a second redraw!
[Nov 2022] [June 2023] [June 2024]
#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#I was really looking forwards to this redraw - though the jump in skill isn't as dramatic as the last one I still am proud of my progress!#It's really incredible to look back on this last year and how much has happened since then.#Both in my personal life and this blog.#I started the second season while I was going through some pretty rough times and it truly kept my sanity afloat.#I challenged myself a lot more this year! And while it didn't always turn out the way I hoped-#-being messy and earnestly trying to do something different has been my favourite part of art.#There will always be a lot of room to grow - I don't think art and creativity has a ceiling.#I went from doubting that I was even an artist to joining a gamedev team as the lead artist! That's character growth!#Thank you all once again for joining me on this journey B*)#Thank you for all the messages and support you have sent my way these last 18 months.#I'm so happy to have been given the chance to create something for this community. You've given me so much and I am so grateful.#I'll take a little break to post some personal project stuff this week and resume season three after that!#Onwards to another season of silly (and sometimes serious) comics!
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small little doodle page for you @niceguyanonymous !!!!!
((I tried my best, I'm not a very good writer, but I hope you like it <33 sorry I didn't put too much detail into this one, I wasn't sure how exactly to interpret it!))
#edgar electric dreams#edgar#electric dreams 1984#electric dreams#my art#ms paint art#I need to draw more of him#he's SO cute#pls send asks to my askbox if you guys want to ask for little doodles of him!!#I'll do more colored stuff later but I struggled a bit with this one xD I need to get better at drafting comics#mini comic#I may not be a fan of magic or suspension of belief.#but I personally think he should be allowed to wag his tail#he deserves it. as a treat#some notes:#yes I did write this myself#I hate poetry I'm so bad at it HEKDBDKDB#also I figured he'd try to write in rhymes!!! since he's been told to use those#he's trying to be as smooth and impressive as possible
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i like a superbat dynamic where clark is a big friendly golden retriever trying doggedly to make friends with pissy, angry black cat bruce, but a dynamic i love that i rarely see explored is the cat trying very hard to cozy up to the concerned, confused, slightly petrified dog
#i love when he goes all brucie in a desperate attempt to charm clark and clark is genuinely worried that he's gotten one too many knocks#to the head#unfortunately i might have to write it myself bc it's a v rare dynamic#or even better he's still brusque and scary batman but he's trying so hard to be friendly with clark and clark thinks he got replaced with a#pod person#both#both is good#superbat
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mmmmmMMMMMMM
#sigh#I wanted this break to be nice and relaxing#just allow myself to recharge maybe do some silly personal doodles#but we finally got the quote from the mechanic and it’s#it’s bad but it’s either get this repair or get an all new car we can’t afford#this whole month has been a terrible downward spiral and I’m#trying so hard#I’m not well#things aren’t letting up#I have no motivation to do anything enjoyable#nothing feels enjoyable#I just#I want to sleep forever#I don’t want to deal with this anymore#I still can’t seem to get a job#Q’s job is mentally destroying him because of the things he’s now being exposed to#but he’s been trying to get a new job since mid April#I#no longer feel any hope that things will get better#Christmas?#I feel no Christmas joy#I feel no joy#I picked a shit time to get off my meds but#I don’t know I’m tired of taking pills#there’s nothing wrong with needing them I get that but I just#I didn’t want that anymore#sorry I just needed to yell into the void before I lose my fucking mind#I’m fine things will be fine they’re always fine in the end they have to be
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What if I straight up didn't explain myself? What if I just said trust me on this? Would you?
#fe warriors three hopes#mercedes von martritz#miklan anschutz gautier#we really only need to clarify this is STRICTLY warriors miklan and i think ive already condemned myself but i accept it#i am very sorry but the person i usually would talk to about rare pairs has been a bit busy so i couldnt go to them to get it out that way#so art is the only way i have you have to understand its not my fault (its my fault)#did you guys know i reset the azure gleam map three times before googling the chapter where he dies to try and save him#no i dont think he deserves to be pardoned for what hes done but i liked that w3h gave him a small chance to be better FOR HIMSELF#no i dont think he should simply be forgiven for everything he did but i do like that he was given humanity and how#he was still not a good guy but damn you guys i think about that npc sometimes#who says that they admired him becoming something despite being a criminal bc if miklan can do it whats stopping them from being better ?#like that npc stuck with me a while ok#just ......... there are a lot of thoughts here that i dont think many of you care to read even in tags so ill stop now#i will say the canvas is saved as speed run to cancellation lesgo
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taking it hour by hour at this point
#feeling. slightly better. holding on#it’s not entirely the election. but it adds to a growing feeling of things being out of my control#i am an impatient person and i live in the future and the past but never the present. its my biggest fault#but i am trying to breathe and not distasterize over and over again#i skipped class again today. i didn’t have the energy. but im learning its okay sometimes to not overwork myself
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stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!
wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end
#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh#some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2#recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person#and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety#like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that#my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms#UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child#so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had#a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time#which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem!#its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it#and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome'#instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems!#anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now!#house md#hilson#greg house#james wilson#stacy warner
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Hi (if you are okay with writing this)
What about a hero (who’s a trans man) captured by the villain and the villain finds his top surgery scars and is surprised of the fact but not judgy or disgusted like the hero thought they’d be
Love ❤️ your writing,thanks
i hope you enjoy - thank you for the request!
“We don’t want to ruin this lovely suit the agency put together for you,” the villain purrs as they run a hand over the seams of the hero’s shirt. “Let’s get you into something more comfortable, hm?”
“Oh, uh, no,” the hero refutes weakly, “you can ruin it.”
The villain looks entirely unimpressed. “We have to wear unflattering uniforms when you catch villains. It’s only fair you do the same.”
“No, no, [Villain],” the hero tries, which the villain is pointedly ignoring in favour of moving too close, with too much purpose, “you don’t get it, I can’t—”
The hero’s protests are in vain. The villain’s hands are already on the hem of his shirt, and with a hefty pull they yank it directly over the hero’s head.
The hero can feel their stare burning into his chest. He directs his eyes to the ground to avoid seeing whatever disgust is inevitably on the villain’s face. Then, after a moment that’s painfully long, the villain says, “what kind of fight did you get in?”
The hero accidentally glances up at them in surprise. It’s not disgust on their face—it’s confusion. Not a look that the hero is unfamiliar with; the disgust will come once he explains.
“Fought a doctor and lost,” he says with a short laugh. “They’re, uh… it’s from top surgery.”
The villain’s face is blank. “Huh.”
Here comes the disgust. The hero sucks in a deep breath, crossing his arms over his chest without thinking. “Do you have something I’m meant to be putting on?”
“Oh, yeah, ‘course.” The villain grabs a shirt and throws it at the hero, waiting patiently while he hurriedly puts it on. “So you’re, y’know…”
“Trans,” the hero finishes awkwardly. “Yeah.”
“Cool.” The villain turns to gesture to a door across the room. “Alright, through there, please. Let’s get this torturing on the road.”
The hero’s the one that’s staring blankly this time. “What?”
“What did you think you’re here for?” The villain’s scoffs. “I’ve caught you, and now I’m going to torture you about it.”
“No, I get that, I just, uh…” The hero glances around the room idly, like something will give him the confidence he direly needs for this interaction. He waves his hands vaguely at his chest. “Don’t you, like, have anything to say?”
The villain’s face contorts into a confused frown. “… I accept you?”
“I thought you’d be more…” The hero grapples for an appropriate word. “Judgy.”
“I’m a villain, [Hero], not an asshole,” the villain says with a tired sigh. “Being a guy or not doesn’t change the fact that you’re a hero and I hate you. If anyone does have a problem with it, though, send them my way. Always fancied myself a bit of an anti-hero.”
The hero can’t help the relieved smile pulling at his lips. “I’ll make sure to do that.”
“Thanks.” The villain waves impatiently at the door again. “Now, are we doing this or not?”
The hero nods plainly, some of his usual heroic confidence back. “Only If you don’t mind me breaking out in a few days.”
“Ugh, if you have to.”
But the villain smiles, the friendly kind, and the hero decides that maybe his nemesis could be his ally too.
#creative writing#writblr#writing#writers on tumblr#writing community#heroes and villains#hero x villain#request#is that last line cheesy?? yea lmao. do i care?? i didnt have a better way to end it so i cannot#i remember when i was but a wee queer lad myself#and reading things like this and thinking 'woaw........ accpetance is so sweet..............'#stories like this really do help people!!! i hope i did it justice#cause even as a trans person ive never dipped into this side of things. idk why#never too late tho!! never to late to try something new whether its writing or reading it or doin somethin different with yourself#i hope youre living your best life my guy. i remember needing these stories too
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some future bits of creme uni where sm grabs two of pv's patients and makes them start fighting for reasons that he does not explain to his husband beforehand and he will get his head ripped off about (literally)
as always more details in the tags
(non-text version 'cause its fuckin' funny)
#cookie run#shadow milk cookie#espresso cookie#pure vanilla cookie#shadowvanilla#creme university au#madeleine you are only mentioned so you aren't getting tagged buddy sorry#basically sm is training them in two of their weaknesses#madeleine has a huge magical surplus and defense against dark magic but a lot of the building of that magical defense was done via fear#and espresso has fucking 0 stamina in a fight not to mention is trying to work through a problem with his emotions controlling his magic#leading to literal explosive behavior if he can't keep it in check#so what better way to train these two than making them fight!#both of them are under pure vanilla's care and he is NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS#foolish professor boutta get divorced and he doesn't even know he is married#shadow milk thinks hes doing good though cause he sees that both have unresolved trauma holding them back#and what better person to help them through it than each other ya know?#although he probably kicked the shit out of the two of them beforehand as his way of pointing out their flaws#also fist fighting myself to post unfinished shit cause it'll likely never get finished
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So, I wasn't going to say anything about this because responding to anon hate doesn't accomplish anything, but this one I got this morning stuck out to me, and it's just because of one line.
"...someone you hurt is gonna expose you for every single evil thing you've done."
It's just such an interesting thing to say to someone you don't know and never will know.
I mean, I'm a normal person. Raised by parents who loved me and tried their best. Participated in middle school plays. Had high school drama. Tried an instrument for a year. Juggled college and a job. Lost some people. Y'know, ordinary life experiences for someone my age.
I haven't done anything "evil," believe it or not. I'm a good boy who obeys laws and I don't enjoy hurting people.
If you talked to old friends who ended it on bad terms with me, I'm sure they'd have a whole list of my bad qualities. Off-color jokes that I made, selfish decisions, accidents that snowballed.
But that's just... Normal? I'm sure this anon has done bad things, too. That's just life.
When I was five, I punched my little brother so hard that he got a bloody nose. Is that "evil"?
When I was nine, I stole some loose change from a friend of mine. Is that "evil"?
When I was fifteen, my friend told me that she was planning to commit suicide in December, and I was scared so I told her parents even though she expressly did not want them to know. Is that "evil"?
Fandom antis are so fascinating. The use of the word "evil" says all that I need to know about how this person thinks; enough that anything else they think is automatically worthless to me.
People can't be split into good and evil and, even if they could be, you can't tell that about someone just because of what art they create.
Would it make you feel better if I was "evil," anon? Would you feel vindicated if I hurt people, if I caused suffering in the world, if people had their lives ruined by me, all because I write about the "wrong" fictional characters kissing? That's pathetic, and sad.
I hope you find happiness in your life, anon. Seems like you need it.
#anon hate#proship#this ''evil'' nonsense. ugh. antis and christofascists come from the same school of thought#i have actually gotten quite a few anon hate messages recently all from the same person (or group of people)#and it's gone from amusing to just. sad.#like i wake up in the morning and have things to do and friends to talk to and hobbies I want to indulge in#and these strangers have nothing better to do than try and make me feel a little bit worse about myself#it's so pathetic i almost feel bad for them
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Think I’m making communication a non-negotiable for 2024. If you don’t know how to properly communicate like an adult we quite literally can’t be friends
#I’m not trying to be a bitch like I get that this is hard for lots of people for various reasons#i think I’m just at a point where I want people to come correct instead of waiting for them to potentially get better#only for me to learn in the harshest way that they’re only getting worse#I’m not gonna be ur practice run this year. come when ur ready#the moment I sense someone isn’t saying what they mean it’s so over. like I’m flexible on so many flaws but NOT this one. communicate !!!#the people pleasing is literally kicking in rn but I’m just trying to be honest w myself about what my capacity can handle at the moment#and I’m genuinely at my wits’ end when it comes to communication. so I don’t think I’d be the best person for people like that#is this mean?? this feels like a fair boundary to make#p
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Also hey I wanna say too that pretty much every single headcanon ever is valid. Even if they aren’t popular, even if they go against canon, even if they change on the regular and make for a throughly transformative work.
I think fandom is supposed to be fun and honestly it just acts like a toybox of sorts? With all these malleable characters as action figures that you play with as you like. If you wanna make them bigger or smaller or change their species or what they present as or how they sound or even act - you can! You can and you should!
Have fun, because you’ll inevitably find others who like what you do too. And even if you don’t, as long as you like it, then that’s what matters.
#this is something I’m saying partially to myself too#personally I have a huge problem of wanting to ‘justify’ my headcanons#where I do my damndest to ‘prove’ that what I headcanon is possible in canon#because it personally makes me feel much better and less anxious#but it’s something I gotta move past because sometimes rule of fun is better than canon justification#I still personally prefer to keep close to canon or within the realm of canon for my works#but I think I’ll stop trying to justify every little thing and just have a little more fun with it#but yeah saying right now that even if it’s not my personal cup of tea or something I headcanon myself#I will still fight for people’s right to have fun with these toy box action figures#is there an argument to be made of ‘at some point these characters just become OCs’? yeah but…who cares?#idk this was mostly something for myself to keep in mind but in light of recent events#I think I’ll post it too#also wanna say - don’t attack others for their headcanons#if you don’t like it then block them#remember that there are real people here that you could hurt okay?#the way they connect with a character will inevitably be different than you
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tumblr too will sell all user data to A/I fuckers. the toggle is apparently just to tell the techbros i dont want it, they "believe" they will "honor" that, like techbros ever honored anything but money.
sharing my art and connecting with people has been, literally, whats kept me alive through my darkest days.
i do not want it stolen, mangled and used to generate more money for people that already have more money than god.
creative labors of love that we share with people for free, to connect with people, to find joy in art and to bring joy to others, only for it to be ripped from you against your will, stolen, mangled, twisted into an algorythm just so some disgustingly rich guys gain more money.
and you lagerly cant do anything against it, the things you have ever posted anywhere, be it written or drawn, already taken without your consent.
it makes me feel ill.
right now, im questioning my will to be an artist.
to live.
#ganondoodles talks#personal#mostly copied over from my twitter#i know i know you cant give up fighting blah blah#i am so tired#i am so tired of trying to force myself to keep up hope for a better world while everything progessively gets worse and worse#i have wasted my life honing a skill that i am unable to share the results of#bc of greedy ghouls wanting to destroy the world just to have more currency that ultimately is nothing but a made up lie#it is late- i am tired- not feeling well- it all may heighten the feelings of hopelessnes#but given the state of the world#i dont know how much all that really has influence on my mood#how much deeper is there to sink? there has to be a bottom and i think we have reached it
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Portrait commission for Avmire on Flight Rising. This one took much longer than I expected, but I think it really turned out well in the end :] Getting to draw an Undertide for the first time was so fun, too!
#artists on tumblr#clip studio paint#personal fav#flight rising#undertide#dragon#commission#I took a bit of inspiration from spinosaurids for the teeth#feel free to ask me about commissions btw!#I'm taking a short break from formal comms to figure out my pricing better now that I have more experience#and I want to eventually charge real money for them to try and help support myself#but I'm open to jot down names for when I feel ready to do comms again!#fully-painted ones like these will probably be in the $40 range bc Life Cost Money#and they can easily take me 5 hours or more
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♡♡♡
#*pokes my head in* hi#I'm taking a hiatus from my main on Twitter#I guess I'm only kinda taking one here? not sure yet#Tumblr has always been a safe and welcoming place for me for the most part so I'm trying to be a little more open here ♡ ;w;#so to anyone reading these tags#I've been going through a very rough patch in terms of fandom/personal life/XIV Twitter/the wolgraha sphere in general#Mainly my perception on social media#but since I started my hiatus from public twitter I've been doing SO much better mentally#been writing and gposing every day and it feels nice to create again#creating for myself and my own very specific tastes feels good so I will keep doing that! :)#so here you go! some bathtime AedRaha#I'm very in love with AedRaha and always will be#thank you for reading these tags if you did <3 sorry if I was a bit vague lol I've had a lot going on lately#wolgraha#wol x g'raha tia#aedric vaillencourt#elezen#gpose#my poses#g'raha tia#AedRaha
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