#i wish i was permanent i wish people didn’t care that im boring and horrible and

[sororygilmore]

i got so comfortable with him why did i let him in i should’ve figured

[sutherkins]

for the peter sutherland girlies 💌

people had always judged him. it came with having a father who was branded a traitor. he didn’t even care when people talked about him, but now the conspiracy nuts were targeting you. a completely innocent person, all because you had chosen to associate with him. he didn’t understand it, didn’t think he ever would. and to make it worse, you wouldn’t even let him defend you.

if you were being honest you didn’t really mind the rumors. at least, not the ones about you. the things people said about you bore no comparison to the horrible lies they spread about peter simply because of who his father was.

“why won’t you let me defend you?” peter asks one night when they’re in bed, some random show on the history channel playing in the background.

you sigh. “puppy, the things those people say about me are even close to as bad as the things people say about you.” shifting in bed slightly closer to him and taking his hand in yours. “besides, as stupid as it is, you have to keep your head down a little. if not for yourself then at least for me. you’ve worked so hard to get where you are and i don’t want some idiots on a the internet to ruin that.”

peter squeezes your hand and remains calm even though a fire was brewing inside when he thought of the things those people said about you. “you see the things they say about you, right?”

a moment passes. “yes.”

“the things they say about you aren’t just nothing. i can barely make it reading through a couple without wanting to punch someone. not that i go looking for them or anything, it’s just frustrating. at least the people talking about me have a story to run with about the son of a traitor. you haven’t done anything wrong. how do you deal with it? that kind of hate, specifically?”

you mute the tv now, being able to tell this was going to be a longer conversation than you anticipated. “you mean the misogyny?”

peter nods.

“i don’t know if what i do is dealing with it, really. none of the things they say are true. about you or me. i know who i am and i know who you are, too. of course it hurts that lies are being spread about me just because of who i love, and it hurts that there are people out there with so much hate in their heart that they feel the need to take it out on me. and on you. but they’re wrong. that’s enough for me.”

a couple seconds pass before you speak again, “i’ll still defend you from stupid trolls online though.”

“so you can do it but i can’t?” he smiles.

you love his smile and wished it was a permanent fixture on his face. “pretty much, bub. i know you don’t like talking about it too much but, you deserve it.”

“and you don’t?”

narrowing your eyes at him, you tell him, “that’s not what i’m saying, you dork. im saying you deserve to have someone looking out for you. i already have someone to look out for me no matter what. you’ve been doing it since we met.”

peters eyes haven’t moved from yours, and they’re full of love for you. “it’s weird.”

you tilt your head. “what is?”

“having someone look out for me. i haven’t had someone do that for me in a while. even when i was with zoe.” he meant it. you were always supportive of him and it never wavered, even when he told you who his father was. when he needed someone to lean on, he always knew you’d be there with open arms.

you smiled softly, your hand reaching up to touch his face. “i kinda figured. it’s not that i don’t want or appreciate your support, i promise. you give so much to me without even thinking about it and i wanted and still want to do the same for you. you’re a good man, peter. the best man i’ve ever known. it kills me knowing what you’ve been through and that no one even bothered to support you afterwards.”

a couple minutes pass, his eyes closed and your palm resting on his cheek. peter savors this moment of peace and unconditional love that he hasn’t known in a long time. soon his left hand was moving towards yours, gently grabbing it and giving it a short kiss. “i love you. you know that, right?”

“i do.” you lean forward to kiss his forehead, feeling the tension leave his body from just your touch. “you know i love you too, right? i know you sometimes have a hard time accepting it because it’s not what you’re used to, but i love you with everything i’ve got. nothing’ll ever change that and i mean it. you’re kinda stuck with me.”

peter lets out a small chuckle, bringing you close to press a chaste kiss onto your lips. “i know. i may not always understand it, but i know.”

[lunarrumor]

I JUST FINISHED WATCHING CARMEN SANDIEGO AND I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS SO I HAVE TO SHARE

@sandiegocarmen this is all your fault /nm /lh

(written probably not in order bc i have a really bad memory,, and also: i curse a lot so be warned)

- first of all jules/devineaux friendship !!!!!! they're so cute he was so excited to be working with her again :*)

- GRAHAM GOING TO THE CHIEF ?? AND HELPING CARMEN !!!!

- i love him he just wants the best for carmen. i wish we could've seen more of their friendship and how they care for each other throughout the show

- SPEAKING OF

- THIS WAS THE SERIES FINALE. THIS WAS THE SERIES FINALE

- okokok back to that later because what the fuck

- jules looked so hurt that her girlfriend didn't recognize her im so sorry babe </3

- also carmen kicking devineaux's ass (again),, damn her fighting is ruthless when she's like this

- also there were so many julethief moments here. ALL THE LITTLE COMMENTS FROM JULES ABOUT "THE CRIMSON GHOST" SHE'S SO PROUD AND IN LOVE <333

- (and yet with all the julethief they didn't do ANYthing with it at the end,,,, but ill talk about that later)

- i was so scared for gray, carmen just fucking SUPER TASED HIM

- but he's so smart for that ?? he changed the settings ? genius. brilliant. talented. he thinks ahead

- and more dad shadowsan moments ?? adorable . i love his relationship with carmen,, a found family of criminals if you will

- now i feel like i should talk about the ending

- OKAY I WAS TRICKED

- FUCKING MISDIRECTED

- vile was taken down, gray was good, el topo and le chevre we're living a domestic life as husbands, carmen got her memory back, shadowsan was also alright, they found carmen's mother

- wait just a lil break to talk about HOW CUTE EL TOPO AND LE CHEVRE WERE . THE FOOD TRUCK . THE WINK EL TOPO GAVE . THEYRE IN LOVEEEEE IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM

- okay back to our regularly scheduled programming

- i was confused bc wth this is a great ending i expected pain

- AND THEN

- WHAT ??!?!!?!!

- HORRIBLE ENDING

- carmen left zack and ivy, her and shadowsan also split up, she never got to see jules, and gray also didn't wanna see her?

- WHAT THE FUCK

- WHY ARE WE JUST ABANDONING FRIENDSHIPS LEFT AND RIGHT

- I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO SEE YOUR MOM BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO DITCH YOUR FOUND FAMILY

- WHAT WAS THE REASONNNNN

- okay. calm :) . whoever wrote this i just wanna have a few words. maybe an explanation of the thought process that went into this

- i have to admit i did like seeing acme! zack and ivy and now i want to see their friendship with jules + devineaux BUT

- while i loved seeing zack's slicked back hair i would have preferred team red

- it's just such a nonsensical ending to have?

- like parts of it i get (carmen going to see her mom, vile being locked up, etc) but it didn't make sense for carmen to completely abandon all contact with her closest friends ????

- maybe i misinterpreted the scene and she didn't leave them forever (though the note made it sound pretty permanent) and they could've been friends this whole time still but,,,, why

- why do that why would carmen ever have to leave behind all the people she loves just to find her mom (they could literally come with her)

- and we know that carmen is very loyal. that's like a big part of who she is. so WHY

- none of this makes any sense my brain hurts

now to pick the weeds out of the field of canon,,, aka what i would keep the same in the canon in my head and what i would toss out (because this ending. did not happen. :) )

beautiful flowers that i will let stay in the field:

- el topo and le chevre domestic husbands <33

- gray being smart and surviving

- carmen going to find her mother

- shadowsan going to his brother

- i could accept zack and ivy being acme agents but only under certain circumstances which i will talk about in the next part

- im pretty sure that's it. everything else either sucked or i cant remember

now the weeds im picking out (what im changing):

- gray not wanting to see carmen. it does kinda seem like something gray would do (not wanting to complicate her life) BUT I WANTED TO SEE CARMEN BUSTING IN THERE like "no ?? you just saved me and i want to make sure you're okay you're not just gonna disappear from my life idiot"

- carmen saying goodbye to ivy and zack. (still not clear if that was a forever goodbye or ???) either way why split up team red :(

- and it also wasn't clear if shadowsan just completely abandoned team red as well,,, but if he did then no he didn't. i say he lives by his brother but still stays in contact with team red

- now about zack and ivy being a part of acme,,, i can accept this if the situation is carmen wanted to retire and they were bored + wanted a job fighting crime so they joined acme (and became best friends with devineaux and jules bc they have to approve of carmen's girlfriend)

- speaking of,,,,, whatever happened with jules and carmen (did they not see each other either, ??) they're actually girlfriends now and carmen commonly hangs around acme to help them with big cases and to spend time with her girlfriend (+ zack, ivy, and devineaux)

- also carmen and player's friendship,,, i just wanted to see them meet in person and hug each other but im glad they stayed in touch

and i could talk about how there should be another season or (because i get that they might not have enough plot for that) an animated movie to wrap it up a little better, and the fact that they're doing a live action movie which im,, not very excited for but ive worn myself out a little soooo final thought:

- WHAT IS HER GIVEN NAMEEE