#i wish i was permanent i wish people didn’t care that im boring and horrible and

[sororygilmore]

i got so comfortable with him why did i let him in i should’ve figured

[sutherkins]

for the peter sutherland girlies 💌

people had always judged him. it came with having a father who was branded a traitor. he didn’t even care when people talked about him, but now the conspiracy nuts were targeting you. a completely innocent person, all because you had chosen to associate with him. he didn’t understand it, didn’t think he ever would. and to make it worse, you wouldn’t even let him defend you.

if you were being honest you didn’t really mind the rumors. at least, not the ones about you. the things people said about you bore no comparison to the horrible lies they spread about peter simply because of who his father was.

“why won’t you let me defend you?” peter asks one night when they’re in bed, some random show on the history channel playing in the background.

you sigh. “puppy, the things those people say about me are even close to as bad as the things people say about you.” shifting in bed slightly closer to him and taking his hand in yours. “besides, as stupid as it is, you have to keep your head down a little. if not for yourself then at least for me. you’ve worked so hard to get where you are and i don’t want some idiots on a the internet to ruin that.”

peter squeezes your hand and remains calm even though a fire was brewing inside when he thought of the things those people said about you. “you see the things they say about you, right?”

a moment passes. “yes.”

“the things they say about you aren’t just nothing. i can barely make it reading through a couple without wanting to punch someone. not that i go looking for them or anything, it’s just frustrating. at least the people talking about me have a story to run with about the son of a traitor. you haven’t done anything wrong. how do you deal with it? that kind of hate, specifically?”

you mute the tv now, being able to tell this was going to be a longer conversation than you anticipated. “you mean the misogyny?”

peter nods.

“i don’t know if what i do is dealing with it, really. none of the things they say are true. about you or me. i know who i am and i know who you are, too. of course it hurts that lies are being spread about me just because of who i love, and it hurts that there are people out there with so much hate in their heart that they feel the need to take it out on me. and on you. but they’re wrong. that’s enough for me.”

a couple seconds pass before you speak again, “i’ll still defend you from stupid trolls online though.”

“so you can do it but i can’t?” he smiles.

you love his smile and wished it was a permanent fixture on his face. “pretty much, bub. i know you don’t like talking about it too much but, you deserve it.”

“and you don’t?”

narrowing your eyes at him, you tell him, “that’s not what i’m saying, you dork. im saying you deserve to have someone looking out for you. i already have someone to look out for me no matter what. you’ve been doing it since we met.”

peters eyes haven’t moved from yours, and they’re full of love for you. “it’s weird.”

you tilt your head. “what is?”

“having someone look out for me. i haven’t had someone do that for me in a while. even when i was with zoe.” he meant it. you were always supportive of him and it never wavered, even when he told you who his father was. when he needed someone to lean on, he always knew you’d be there with open arms.

you smiled softly, your hand reaching up to touch his face. “i kinda figured. it’s not that i don’t want or appreciate your support, i promise. you give so much to me without even thinking about it and i wanted and still want to do the same for you. you’re a good man, peter. the best man i’ve ever known. it kills me knowing what you’ve been through and that no one even bothered to support you afterwards.”

a couple minutes pass, his eyes closed and your palm resting on his cheek. peter savors this moment of peace and unconditional love that he hasn’t known in a long time. soon his left hand was moving towards yours, gently grabbing it and giving it a short kiss. “i love you. you know that, right?”

“i do.” you lean forward to kiss his forehead, feeling the tension leave his body from just your touch. “you know i love you too, right? i know you sometimes have a hard time accepting it because it’s not what you’re used to, but i love you with everything i’ve got. nothing’ll ever change that and i mean it. you’re kinda stuck with me.”

peter lets out a small chuckle, bringing you close to press a chaste kiss onto your lips. “i know. i may not always understand it, but i know.”

[lunarrumor]

I JUST FINISHED WATCHING CARMEN SANDIEGO AND I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS SO I HAVE TO SHARE

@sandiegocarmen this is all your fault /nm /lh

(written probably not in order bc i have a really bad memory,, and also: i curse a lot so be warned)

- first of all jules/devineaux friendship !!!!!! they're so cute he was so excited to be working with her again :*)

- GRAHAM GOING TO THE CHIEF ?? AND HELPING CARMEN !!!!

- i love him he just wants the best for carmen. i wish we could've seen more of their friendship and how they care for each other throughout the show

- SPEAKING OF

- THIS WAS THE SERIES FINALE. THIS WAS THE SERIES FINALE

- okokok back to that later because what the fuck

- jules looked so hurt that her girlfriend didn't recognize her im so sorry babe </3

- also carmen kicking devineaux's ass (again),, damn her fighting is ruthless when she's like this

- also there were so many julethief moments here. ALL THE LITTLE COMMENTS FROM JULES ABOUT "THE CRIMSON GHOST" SHE'S SO PROUD AND IN LOVE <333

- (and yet with all the julethief they didn't do ANYthing with it at the end,,,, but ill talk about that later)

- i was so scared for gray, carmen just fucking SUPER TASED HIM

- but he's so smart for that ?? he changed the settings ? genius. brilliant. talented. he thinks ahead

- and more dad shadowsan moments ?? adorable . i love his relationship with carmen,, a found family of criminals if you will

- now i feel like i should talk about the ending

- OKAY I WAS TRICKED

- FUCKING MISDIRECTED

- vile was taken down, gray was good, el topo and le chevre we're living a domestic life as husbands, carmen got her memory back, shadowsan was also alright, they found carmen's mother

- wait just a lil break to talk about HOW CUTE EL TOPO AND LE CHEVRE WERE . THE FOOD TRUCK . THE WINK EL TOPO GAVE . THEYRE IN LOVEEEEE IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM

- okay back to our regularly scheduled programming

- i was confused bc wth this is a great ending i expected pain

- AND THEN

- WHAT ??!?!!?!!

- HORRIBLE ENDING

- carmen left zack and ivy, her and shadowsan also split up, she never got to see jules, and gray also didn't wanna see her?

- WHAT THE FUCK

- WHY ARE WE JUST ABANDONING FRIENDSHIPS LEFT AND RIGHT

- I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO SEE YOUR MOM BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO DITCH YOUR FOUND FAMILY

- WHAT WAS THE REASONNNNN

- okay. calm :) . whoever wrote this i just wanna have a few words. maybe an explanation of the thought process that went into this

- i have to admit i did like seeing acme! zack and ivy and now i want to see their friendship with jules + devineaux BUT

- while i loved seeing zack's slicked back hair i would have preferred team red

- it's just such a nonsensical ending to have?

- like parts of it i get (carmen going to see her mom, vile being locked up, etc) but it didn't make sense for carmen to completely abandon all contact with her closest friends ????

- maybe i misinterpreted the scene and she didn't leave them forever (though the note made it sound pretty permanent) and they could've been friends this whole time still but,,,, why

- why do that why would carmen ever have to leave behind all the people she loves just to find her mom (they could literally come with her)

- and we know that carmen is very loyal. that's like a big part of who she is. so WHY

- none of this makes any sense my brain hurts

now to pick the weeds out of the field of canon,,, aka what i would keep the same in the canon in my head and what i would toss out (because this ending. did not happen. :) )

beautiful flowers that i will let stay in the field:

- el topo and le chevre domestic husbands <33

- gray being smart and surviving

- carmen going to find her mother

- shadowsan going to his brother

- i could accept zack and ivy being acme agents but only under certain circumstances which i will talk about in the next part

- im pretty sure that's it. everything else either sucked or i cant remember

now the weeds im picking out (what im changing):

- gray not wanting to see carmen. it does kinda seem like something gray would do (not wanting to complicate her life) BUT I WANTED TO SEE CARMEN BUSTING IN THERE like "no ?? you just saved me and i want to make sure you're okay you're not just gonna disappear from my life idiot"

- carmen saying goodbye to ivy and zack. (still not clear if that was a forever goodbye or ???) either way why split up team red :(

- and it also wasn't clear if shadowsan just completely abandoned team red as well,,, but if he did then no he didn't. i say he lives by his brother but still stays in contact with team red

- now about zack and ivy being a part of acme,,, i can accept this if the situation is carmen wanted to retire and they were bored + wanted a job fighting crime so they joined acme (and became best friends with devineaux and jules bc they have to approve of carmen's girlfriend)

- speaking of,,,,, whatever happened with jules and carmen (did they not see each other either, ??) they're actually girlfriends now and carmen commonly hangs around acme to help them with big cases and to spend time with her girlfriend (+ zack, ivy, and devineaux)

- also carmen and player's friendship,,, i just wanted to see them meet in person and hug each other but im glad they stayed in touch

and i could talk about how there should be another season or (because i get that they might not have enough plot for that) an animated movie to wrap it up a little better, and the fact that they're doing a live action movie which im,, not very excited for but ive worn myself out a little soooo final thought:

- WHAT IS HER GIVEN NAMEEE

[mythemeparklife-blog]

Weight Loss Surgery: A Cautionary Lapband History

I made the option to have weight reduction surgery. At that time, I expected the scales at about 305lbs. My reasons, as any person up against this determination may agree, were my own. I also made many errors now and people I do believe need addressing. The largest were: my option to really have the surgery in my own hometown as well as the surgery I chose. I reside in a community of 100,000+. The Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex area is about three hours away. There was an office of physicians within my city just announced as performing weightloss surgery, but only two: the Lap-Band and Gastric Bypass. I researched both procedures and had some ideas about each, but wanted to consult a physician in this office before making my final choice. Used to do feel the Lap-Band would probably be it for me though as it’s reversible and a less extreme decision than the bypass (as far as having my anatomy cutup and re-planted together and experiencing complications like the possibility of needing gallbladder surgery, “dumping syndrome,” and malabsorption problems.) My step-sister chose to have a bypass in the metroplex area right before I had my process and was pleased as being a clam about the whole thing - I hope I’d followed her lead. I met with the doctor. I was asked what insurance I'd (Federal Blue Cross Blue Shield) and what method I'd like. I told them I’d want to discuss my choices along with the doctor did a quick run-down of every, however the perspective of the visit was quite definitely “Why did you come here if you didn’t know?” I chosen Lap-Band… when I really should have chosen another doctor, but the Lap-Band requires regular follow-up visits for floods (adding water to the band using a dock underneath the skin to be able to take care of the band’s rigidity around the stomach and cause weight loss.) I wanted to be able to find this preservation in my neighborhood rather than generate for three hours each time I needed to be seen. I had been okay using the prospect of slower weight loss because - after spending the majority of my living in Weightwatchers - I understood gradual weight loss was more likely to similar permanent weight reduction. Next time I noticed my doctor was your day of the process.

I was later told this is what’s named being a “heartbeat with insurance.” I'd the process 01/14/09. There was no psych consult, no diet beforehand, no meeting with a dietician or exercise specialist - I was informed “eh, should you don’t enjoy it, consider it out!“. My last stable food and carbonated beverage was 01/12/09. The surgery was a day surgery. I had been put under, the band was inserted, I used to be taken to recover, lightly hit conscious, taken up to radiology, designed to do an upper GI and swallow contrast material so they could check me and be sure everything was okay. This made me start to retch which caused among my medical sites to reopen. I bled all over the floor - I still possess the blood stained clothes. I had been fixed back up and sent home. For that first twenty-four hours, I had been sailing. I was still high on whatever they gave me in the hospital in addition to the Twilight sleep area behind my hearing that has been put there to prevent the inevitable sickness I get after being sedated. After that? I was in hell. I usually joked about needing a Clockwork Orange Diet - one where I encounter physical pain or distress at the concept of eating since I realized that’s in what it would try get me to alter my tactics because I enjoy eating THAT much. Well, be cautious what you would like for… I vomited constantly. I was more nauseous than I have previously experienced my life. I got my pain medication which managed to get worse. The worst part? I was still ravenously hungry. The Lap-Band had no effect whatsoever on that. I wanted simply to eat and even the broths and soups I ate made me purge. The complete time I was throwing up, I had been terrified I was about to slip my group (trigger the group to go which will cause the wrong sort of constraint - myths I learn about this on the Internet stated that individuals who did this couldn’t possibly swallow their own spit afterward.) Band slippage often requires additional surgery to fix and that I was already in enough discomfort to not actually need surgery again. I can remember my Mom visiting visit me now and me crying and just saying something like, “What have I accomplished? If you had been even considering this, don’t do it.” My husband called the physician to record how nauseous I was to the point we thought something was wrong. They shrugged it off. We called again. A doctor finally admitted perhaps it was my pain medicine. Affirmed, I'd codeine sensitivity and factors were a little better after I quit getting the medicine, but rather of presenting to restore it with something else, I was told to consider liquid Tylenol… that I quit on because it didn’t support a bit. So pretty much I did many my healing with no pain management whatsoever $6. Besides being physically uncomfortable, I was instantly also confronted with a really real sensation like mental torture. Not able to rest or get comfortable, I resigned myself to the sofa and watched TV throughout the day. You don’t know how much food there is on Television until you can’t have any. My husband could come home from work and that I would just cry. I’d list everything I saw and what everybody ate: a detective show with sandwiches, a show with delectable cereal being nonchalantly eaten straight from the field. It was concern. I don’t actually remember the post-surgery diet I had been on. I think it was a week of clear fluids, two weeks of whole (milky), two weeks of delicate after which regular food as tolerated. I’m not 100% sure though. I was scheduled for my first follow up. I think this is the first time I left the home, used garments, etc. I still felt like death. I offered myself inside the surgeon’s office, looking and feeling like death and he explained ‘well done.’ I wondered if he was even looking at me. A pal got me out from the house after week two, but I still felt horrible. Basically it was only a sofa holiday, from languishing on my couch to languishing on hers for an evening. I took fourteen days removed from work total. “They” will say you can probably go back to work after one, but in the event there were issues, I needed more time to feel better - child, am I glad I got that much. Even if I used to be actually strong enough after Week One, emotionally was another story - I would have gone ballistic on everyone the very first time someone earned a remove burger for lunch. I continued going in to view the surgeon for band fills. We didn’t discuss my treatment plan or how many floods I would need - in the beginning I didn’t even experience any variation since the band tightened. He just kept telling me to come back in. I will attempt to sum up since I have don’t actually remember in what order things happened after this point. The almost three years I had the group were essentially the most miserable of my life. My band never slipped or eroded, but I still experienced pain, discomfort and almost constant vomiting. Anytime I am expected now by what I had, I reply that the band is “medically managed bulimia” - and I have the damaged esophagus to prove it. Here are some things I hope I'd identified: 1. The band doesn’t make sense Your stomach isn't a sealed container. It’s similar to a sieve. The whole cause the Lap-Band is supposed to work is basically because the area of your belly that triggers feelings of fullness which it talks for your head is close to the top. The band cinches up your stomach to produce a small pre-belly pouch that you will be likely to fill with food that can trick this area into early feelings of volume. My doctor said the entire goal of eating would be to get pencil eraser-sized hits and delay UNITS inbetween each. You must get so “bored with eating, you will get up and go do another thing instead.” (Yea, tell someone who feels as though she's hungry to death to sit before food and take pencil eraser-sized bites. That can certainly work.) So tell me this: you sometimes follow this approach and pulverize your food to the level that it slides straight through the band and defeats the point or you take big enough attacks that you do fillup your pouch, but are then in anguish while you feel each bit of poorly chewed food try to pass through your stoma (your new starting from stomach pouch to normal stomach. I call it having “food babies.” The very first time I experienced the impression of eating something too large to easily move across this opening, it felt like the worst ice cream headache ever. in my stomach!) 2. To most surgeons, you're what I was: a heartbeat with insurance Specialists get paid for doing surgery NOT for aftercare. Odds are really good your doctor will probably KEEP YOU. Hello, should you go have surgery in Mexico, you almost certainly won’t get any aftercare in any way! That leads me to the next fun fact I wish I'd have known: 3. If your doctor leaves, NOBODY WILL TOUCH YOU. My doctor left town and got his entire office with him inside a year of my surgery. This left my city high and dry. There was nobody in town who'd possibly get near me. This managed to get added fun when I ended up “obstructed” (the band squeezed my belly completely shut for no reason whatsoever - I had been not able to eat or drink anything) and in the IM of a week after he pulled up levels. The original result of the ER was “go away, we don’t learn something about what you've,” however it was a three-day weekend and I actually had nowhere else to turn and so I actually had to walk them through just how to take liquid out of my band and so I could have some relief. I searched doctors inside a 300 MILE radius and was sometimes declined as being a new patient although I might create my operative statement which showed there have been no problems with my surgery, or was cited a silly “New Individual Fee” of anywhere from several hundred a number of THOUSAND dollars. 4. Your insurance means nothing If you find yourself in the place I did, abandoned by your doctor and with nobody else in your area or out who will help you, congratulations: you have now joined the planet of cash-for-support! It doesn’t issue that I have incredible insurance that taken care of just about anything I needed, without any physician to get my insurance, I had been SOL. I resorted to go between. A ridiculous intermediary company that necessary cash up front then reached a network of suppliers near me (I applied Austin mainly - the quack in Irving hurt me worse wanting to give me a fill than I’ve probably ever been injured because situation before) to secure an appointment to get me a load. I had to use this support many times to secure fills to have me back up to the degree I was at ahead of the ER had taken some out once I was hindered. 5. You're at the band’s mercy Your Lab-Group follows no preset rules. It's also suffering from factors entirely outside of your control like atmospheric pressure. I am quite definitely a monster of pattern and might consider the exact same similar Lean Cuisine food to work for lunch every day. I may have no trouble whatsoever eating it or -2 to 3 days out of five- I may throw it up. I was also told swelling and water retention within my time might and would create the band cinch itself up. The band is an implanted medical device. Believe meticulously about most of the ads you see on Television: “Call 1-800-fat-sttlmet4u if you have had some of the following… Attorney Steve will fight for you!” If anything goes wrong with it, you face more side effects or surgery. My band really had a recall putout on it not too much time after I got it: a little part used to video the port’s tubing and maintain it from getting kinked up might come undone and cause said kinkage to occur. The top part: the recall was for bands not already introduced. For me who already had it? “Don’t worry. Take no action. You’re probably fine.” The worst thing I worried about was getting obstructed again without any one to assist me. Since the best action to take is fear and worry, I immediately looked at one of my personal favorite books/movies: “The Stand.” There was a complete part within the book devoted to people that could have survived the trouble whenever they hadn’t accomplished x/b/z (ruptured appendix, fell off motorcycle and cracked skull, etc) and gotten killed. I quickly put myself within this category: the entire world ends, I survive, except my stomach squeezes automatically closed and that I starve to death. 6. You can still make all of the wrong choices What no one said and I didn't discover in my study about the group is: the group is just a resource for weight reduction, yes, but it’s an unhealthy one. As your stomach is intact, you may still grow it. The quack I discussed earlier in Irving mentioned a patient he was seeing who were able to loosen up his bag to date that an upper GI revealed that his bag just returned his intact stomach BELOW the band (one stomach, then lapband, then the other stomach.) There is also something called “soft fat syndrome,” where your group could possibly be too limited (a situation my physician had me perpetually current in before he left.) You are physically unable to produce the “right” options in regards to food as the right choices hurt. It never ceased to surprise me how I had been suddenly confined in this respect after the group. I got to where I had endless desires for salad since I hadn’t enjoyed a salad pretty much the whole time I was banded. The greens were a nono for me and would get caught and irritate me until I put up. This kind of discomfort is also what could cause potential congestion because I’d get swollen. You begin making choices which are easy rather than right - high calorie, creamy, fatty sauces, milkshakes, ice cream - things that are easy-to eat because they fall through the group and don’t cause any pain or discomfort. 7. You can still gain everything back I guess I knew about that potential, but I didn’t desire to contemplate it. Overall, I dropped about 70lbs with the group all together. The truth is: because it didn’t impact my hunger whatsoever, all it did was delay the inevitable. Every single food and eating relevant desire was still there, I had been only physically struggling to show it. The month the ER did a partial un-load as a result of obstruction? Yea, I gained 20lbs. I lost it again after I got re-tightened, however it showed me the report. I was probably only about 10 or 15 lbs up after I finally decided to create a change. I joined Weightwatchers for your thousandth time and started checking and tracking - anything I will have done since Day One with the band. I don’t understand what I had been thinking. I had been told a great deal of things about what the group was allowed to be and there were also a lot of things that I ought to have done that I didn’t. * * * So I was un-banded (disbanded?) on Dec 6th (RIP Lappy 01/14/09 - 12/06/11) and plumped for the gastric sleeve. I realized that if I didn’t get another kind of surgery - for all my training and good intentions - without that safetynet, I would be back-up past 300 in per year.

My experience was the precise opposite of the Lap-Band in pretty much every way. I'm wonderful and hope I got the sleeve to start with and didn’t waste almost three years in misery, but what’s the cliché? Hindsight is always 20/20. The sleeve was still being processed as being a technique in those days therefore I might not happen to be as happy with it then when I am now so - here’s another for you - everything happens at its time and for a unique explanation, I suppose. I began writing this like a comparison of every experience (thus the lengthy URL), but I noticed I had much too much to write and so the gastric sleeve must have its own hub later. I do quite definitely recognize this IS BARELY one person’s experience. There are plenty of others out there who appreciate their Lap Bands and also have had amazing experience together. I simply wished to inform you what happened to me in the event you're building a fat loss surgery decision right now an Get to know more about Centralia Orthognathic

[raven-the-native-blog]

Weight Loss Surgery: A Cautionary Lap Band History

I made the choice to have weight reduction surgery. At that time, I tipped the scales at about 305lbs. My reasons, as anybody up against this decision will recognize, were my own. I also made many problems at this point and those I believe need addressing. The biggest were: my option to have the surgery within my hometown as well as the surgery I decided. I reside in a city of 100,000+. The Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex area is approximately three hours away. There was an office of physicians in my city newly announced as performing weightloss surgery, but just two: the Lap-Band and Gastric Bypass. I reviewed both surgeries and had a few ideas about each, but wished to consult with a doctor in this office prior to making my final decision. Used to do think the Lap Band may possibly be it for me though as it’s reversible plus a less extreme decision as opposed to bypass (in terms of having my composition cut-up and re-sown together and experiencing complications just like the chance of needing gallbladder surgery, “dumping syndrome,” and malabsorption problems.) Our step-sister thought we would possess a bypass in the metroplex area before I'd my procedure and was pleased as being a clam concerning the whole point - I hope I’d followed her lead. I met with the doctor. I had been asked what insurance I'd (National Blue Cross Blue Shield) and what method I would like. I told them I’d like to discuss my options along with the doctor did a quick run down of each, however the perspective of the visit was very much “Why did you come here should you didn’t already know?” I opted for Lap-Band… once I should have opted for another doctor, however the Lapband requires consistent follow-up visits for fills (adding water to the group via a dock beneath the skin so that you can take care of the band’s tightness round the belly and stimulate weight loss.) I needed in order to seek this preservation in my own neighborhood and never drive for three hours each time I needed to be seen. I had been ok using the possibility of slower weight loss since - after spending the majority of my living in Weightwatchers - I understood gradual weight loss was more likely to identical permanent weight loss. The next time I saw my surgeon was the day of the task.

I was later told that is what’s called being a “heartbeat with insurance.” I'd the task 01/14/09. There was no psych consult, no diet beforehand, no ending up in a nutritionist or exercise expert - I was informed “eh, if you don’t like it, take it out!“. My last stable food and carbonated beverage was 01/12/09. The surgery was a day surgery. I had been put under, the group was located, I had been taken up to recover, gently smacked conscious, taken up to radiology, designed to do an upper GI and swallow contrast material so that they may check me and be sure everything was okay. This made me start to retch which caused one of my medical sites to reopen. I bled throughout the floor - I still possess the blood stained clothes. I was fixed back up and sent home. For that first twentyfour hours, I had been hanging. I was still high on whatever they gave me at the clinic plus the Twilight sleep plot behind my hearing which was placed there to prevent the inevitable nausea I get after being sedated. After that? I had been in hell. I always joked about requiring a Clockwork Orange Diet - one where I encounter real pain or distress at the idea of eating since I figured that’s by what it'd take to get me to change my tactics since I enjoy eating THAT much. Well, be cautious what you would like for… I vomited constantly. I was more sick than I've ever experienced my life. I took my pain medication which managed to get worse. The worst part? I was still ravenously hungry. The Lap-Band had no effect whatsoever on that. I wanted nothing more than to eat and also the broths and soups I ate made me purge. The complete time I was nausea, I had been terrified I had been going to slide my group (trigger the band to go which will cause the wrong type of constraint - myths I read about this on the net said that people that did this couldn’t even swallow their own spit afterward.) Band slippage often requires additional surgery to fix and that I was already in enough discomfort never to actually need surgery again. I will remember my Mother visiting visit me at this time and me crying and simply saying something like, “What have I accomplished? If you were actually considering this, don’t do it.” My husband called a doctor to report how upset I had been to the level we thought something was wrong. They shrugged it off. We called again. The doctor finally accepted perhaps it was my pain medicine. Sure enough, I had codeine sensitivity and issues were just a little better after I quit using the medicine, but rather of presenting to restore it with another thing, I had been advised to take liquid Tylenol… which I gave up on since it didn’t help a bit. So just about used to do nearly all my healing without the pain management whatsoever $6. Besides being physically sore, I had been suddenly also up against an incredibly real experience like mental pain. Not able to rest or get comfy, I resigned myself to the couch and watched TV throughout the day. You don’t know how much food there's on Television before you can’t have any. My husband could come home from work and I would just cry. I’d list everything I observed and what everybody ate: a detective show with sandwiches, a show with yummy cereal being nonchalantly consumed right from your field. It was anguish. I don’t honestly remember the post-surgery diet I had been on. I think it had been a week of clear fluids, two weeks of complete (milky), two weeks of smooth and then typical food as tolerated. I’m not 100% sure though. I had been appointed for my first follow up. I think it was the very first time I left the home, wore garments, etc. I still felt like death. I introduced myself inside the surgeon’s office, hunting and feeling like death and he said ‘well done.’ I wondered if he was also considering me. A friend got me out from the house after week two, but I still felt horrible. Basically it was only a sofa trip, from languishing on my chair to languishing on hers for an evening. I took two weeks off from work overall. “They” will say you can probably go back to work after one, but just in case there have been complications, I needed additional time to feel better - son, am I glad I took that much. Even though I was physically powerful enough after Week One, psychologically was another story - I would have gone ballistic on everyone the very first time someone earned a remove hamburger for lunch. I continued going in to view the doctor for band fills. We didn’t examine my treatment plan or just how many floods I may require - in the beginning I didn’t even feel any distinction because the band tightened. He just kept telling me to come back in. I will attempt to summarize since I don’t actually remember in what order things happened after this point. The nearly 36 months I'd the band were essentially the most unhappy of my life. Our band never fallen or eroded, but I still experienced pain, distress and almost constant nausea. Anytime I'm expected now by what I went through, I reply the group is “medically managed bulimia” - and that I have the deteriorated esophagus to prove it. Here are some things I wish I had identified: 1. The band doesn’t make sense Your stomach isn't a sealed container. It’s similar to a sieve. The whole purpose the Lap Band is meant to work is basically because the location of the stomach that causes emotions of depth which it communicates to your mind is near the top. The band cinches up your belly to make a little pre-stomach pouch that you're purported to complete with food that may trick this place into early feelings of depth. My surgeon said the entire objective of eating would be to get pencil eraser-sized bites and delay MOMENTS among each. You ought to get so “bored with eating, you get up and go do something different instead.” (Yea, tell a person who is like she is hungry to death to sit in front of food and get pencil eraser-sized bites. That can definitely work.) So tell me this: you often follow this technique and pulverize the food to the level that it slips directly through the group and beats the reason or you take large enough attacks that you do fill your pouch, but are then in agony as you experience each piece of badly chewed food try and move across your stoma (your beginning from stomach pouch to frequent belly. I call it having “food babies.” the initial time I experienced the impression of eating something too big to easily move across this opening, it felt like the worst ice cream headache ever. in my stomach!) 2. To many surgeons, you are what I was: a heartbeat with insurance Specialists receive money for performing surgery NOT for aftercare. Odds are excellent your doctor will LEAVE YOU. Hello, if you go have surgery in Mexico, you probably won’t get any aftercare at all! Which leads me to another location fun fact I hope I'd have identified: 3. If your doctor leaves, NOBODY WILL TOUCH YOU. My surgeon left town and got his entire office with him in just a year of my surgery. This left my village high and dry. There is no body around who'd also go near me. This managed to get extra fun when I ended up “obstructed” (the band squeezed my belly completely shut for no reason in any way - I had been not able to eat or drink something) as well as in the IM a couple of week after he pulled up levels. The first result of the ER was “go away, we don’t learn anything in what you've,” nevertheless it was a three-day weekend and I actually had nowhere else to turn and so I actually needed to go them through just how to take water from my band therefore I would have some relief. I looked physicians in just a THREE HUNDRED MILE distance and was sometimes declined being a new patient even though I might produce my operative report which revealed there have been no complications with my surgery, or was quoted a ridiculous “New Patient Fee” of anywhere from several hundred a number of THOUSAND dollars. 4. Your insurance means nothing If you find yourself in the position used to do, forgotten by your physician with no one else within your area or out who'll allow you to, congratulations: you've now joined the world of money-for-service! It doesn’t subject that I've extraordinary insurance that paid for just about something I needed, without any physician to take my insurance, I was SOL. I turned to go between. A silly middleman company that required income at the start and approached a community of vendors near me (I used Austin mainly - the quack in Irving hurt me worse attempting to give me a fill than I’ve possibly actually been hurt because position before) to secure a meeting to have me a load. I had to utilize this support repeatedly to secure fills to get me backup to the degree I had been at ahead of the ER had taken some out when I was obstructed. 5. You're at the band’s mercy Your Research-Band employs no preset rules. It's also suffering from points entirely outside your control like atmospheric pressure. I'm very much a person of habit and may take the exact same identical Lean Cuisine meal to work for lunch everyday. I may have no trouble whatsoever eating it or -2 to 3 days-out of five- I might put it up. I was also told swelling and water retention inside my time could and would create the band cinch itself up. The band is an implanted medical device. Consider very carefully about all the ads you notice on TV: “Call 1800-fat-sttlmet4u if you've had the following… Lawyer Steve can fight for you!” If something goes wrong withit, you encounter more sideeffects or surgery. My group actually had a recall put out on it not too much time after I got it: just a little piece used to cut the port’s tubing and maintain it from getting kinked up could come undone and cause stated kinkage to happen. The very best part: the recall was for artists not already placed. For me who already had it? “Don’t worry. Take no action. You’re probably fine.” The worst thing I focused on was getting blocked again without any one to assist me. Since the best move to make is worry and anxiety, I immediately looked at one of my favorite books/movies: “The Stand.” there is a whole page in the book devoted to individuals who could have survived the plague should they hadn’t accomplished x/y/z (ruptured appendix, fell off motorcycle and broken head, etc) and gotten killed. I immediately put myself in this category: the entire world ends, I endure, except my stomach squeezes automatically shut and that I starve to death. 6. You can still make all of the wrong choices What no one said and I did not learn in my study regarding the band is: the group can be a software for fat loss, yes, but it’s a poor one. As your stomach is intact, you may still stretch it. The quack I mentioned before in Irving described someone he was seeing who were able to loosen up his sack so far an upper GI revealed that his sack simply reflected his intact stomach BELOW the group (one stomach, then lapband, then your other stomach.) There's also something called “soft fat problem,” where your group might actually be too small (a situation my surgeon had me constantly current in before he left.) You are physically unable to make the “right” choices when it comes to food since the right choices hurt. It never stopped to amaze me how I had been suddenly limited in this respect following the group. I got to where I had endless desires for salad because I hadn’t enjoyed a salad just about the whole time I had been banded. The greens were a no-no for me and would get trapped and irritate me until I put up. This kind of discomfort can be what would cause potential obstruction because I’d get swollen. You start making choices which can be easy rather than right - high calorie, creamy, fat sauces, milkshakes, icecream - items that are simple to eat simply because they slip through the band and don’t cause any pain or discomfort. 7. You can still obtain all of it back I guess I knew about that potential, but I didn’t wish to contemplate it. All in all, I dropped about 70lbs using the band all together. The thing is: as it didn’t affect my hunger whatsoever, all it did was delay the inevitable. Every single food and eating associated wish was still there, I was only physically unable to show it. The month the ER did a partial un-load due to obstruction? Yea, I gained 20lbs. I dropped it again after I got re-tightened, however it showed me the report. I was probably no more than 10 or 15 lbs up when I finally chose to produce a change. I joined Weightwatchers for your thousandth time and started checking and following - something I should have done since Day One with the band. I don’t know what I had been thinking. I was told plenty of things about exactly what the band was supposed to be and there were also a lot of items that I ought to have done that I didn’t. * * * So I was un-banded (disbanded?) on Dec 6th (RIP Lappy 01/14/09 - 12/06/11) and plumped for the gastric sleeve. I knew that if I didn’t get another kind of surgery - for all my exercising and good intentions - without that back-up, I'd be back up past 300 in a year.

Our experience was the precise opposite of the Lap-Band in almost any way. I'm wonderful and wish I got the sleeve to start with and didn’t waste nearly three years in misery, but what’s the cliché? Hindsight is always 20/20. The sleeve was still being polished being a technique back then and so I might not have already been as satisfied with after that it when I am now so - here’s another for you - everything happens at its time as well as for its explanation, I suppose. I began writing this being a comparison of every experience (thus the lengthy URL), but I realized I'd way too much to write hence the gastric sleeve must have its own heart later. I really do quite definitely know that this IS JUST one person’s experience. You will find plenty of others on the market who enjoy their Lap-Bands and have had wonderful experience using them. I simply wished to inform you what happened to me in case you are building a weight reduction surgery decision today an Become familiar with more about Centralia Orthognathic