#i feel bad because even in real life someone will be like

[notebooks-and-laptops]

I hate the viper as the black divine btw I hate it I hate it I hate it

And no, it's not because it's a bad idea.

It's because it's an EXCELLENT idea, and the idea that they intended it to be canon (or planned for it to be) is quite frankly an insult to such a complex idea. Especially in the game series that used to explore religion quite seriously and which has decided, in the game about Gods and potentially disproving faith, it no longer actually cares about faith (the MAIN THEME OF THE PREVIOUS GAME).

Like. Firstly narratively the Black Divine being Viper could have had such an impact because you could have built to it. You meet Viper, get to know him... simultaneously you're meeting various imperial chantry officials. Maybe these chantry officials are even aligned with Venatori. They keep alluding to the Black Divine but you never meet him until ACT 3 when it turns out...the black divine was the viper all along.

And one assumes the black divine would turn to a life like the Vipers because they don't think their office is doing any real good. That's!!! Really interesting!!! Someone decked in glory and power realises their own office is a sham that is doing no good not stopping slavery or Venatori and so works to do it from the shadows...that's interesting!!! And has something to say about systematic power structures and how changing a system from the inside can be damn near impossible.

Or maybe he does this because he DOESNT want to risk his seat as the black divine but feels immense guilt about how he's not actually helping the faithful poor in his city. He wants to cling to his power because he believes he can nudge history in the right direction if he does, but simultaneously knows that by not speaking out publiclly on slavery or poverty he's potentially dooming people to death and so needs to sooth his guilt by going vigilanty. Maybe there's an interesting question in there somewhere about living in two worlds and trying to maintain the status quo in one and destroy it in the other.

Also it DIRECTLY parrellels previous characters like Cassandra and Leliana and is a continuation of inquisitions themes surrounding what good can faith ACTUALLY accomplish for people (this even goes back to da2 and Anders)? When does faith break/why? What

Also because it's not explained, it's just kinda stupid. Does Bioware think that high ranking religious officials do nothing all day? They're not billionaires sat in a mansion popping into occasional meetings, they're public figures and political leaders of giant organisations who regularly have to be on show to the masses and to their own advisors. I won't believe that they not only a) have time to be batman AND b) they also have time to just...sit around in some room in the middle of nowhere to be a performative faction leader to the protagonist of a video game they don't know they're in.

Also. Are you telling me. The venatori were going to execute the FANTASY POPE??? And nobody cared??? They were going to publiclly execute the FANTASY POPE and the viper wasn't going to reveal himself and he wasn't going to be recognised and that wasn't going to cause problems? Are you kidding me?

Tblr; the idea that the viper is the black divine is such a good idea it makes me so angry they seemingly couldn't be bothered to actually put the time into it to make it interesting

[fantaatix]

"i have no home now"

i remember a while back when this episode was still being highly anticipated people were debating whether or not stolas would be stripped of his title and powers, maybe even hired by blitz, and why that might be a bad thing

i'll just rip this straight from the post i found in my likes:

"Saying that Stolas needs to abdicate so their relationship can be healthy implies that a commoner really CAN'T be with royalty"

the thing is that i don't think that's necessarily what the show is trying to imply. i'll give them some credit, they posted this in august, i forget when exactly apology tour came out but i think there was a general acceptance that they'd be back together by the end of the season

i don't think that's the case either and here's why;

i think one of the overarching themes of this season is how blitz simultaneously ruins and saves people--whether or not these are his intentions varies from person to person

for example, those he believes he's ruined are his sister, fizz, his mom, and verosika

verosika is an outlier because of the fact that a) the three prior were close enough to be considered family, b) the three prior can all be pinned down to the same event, and c) i feel like he definitely meant to at least piss her off, as a means to push her away

you don't "steal their car, run three rings to wrath and max my credit on shitty horse-riding lessons" because you think it'll brighten someone's day

those he's ruined mostly want nothing to do with him, or keep themselves at a distance; barbie wants nothing to do with him, verosika hates his guts (used to, rather), and while they definitely care about each still, his friendship with fizz is not what it used to be

but now, with IMP, he seems to be on a trend of making a life for himself and giving others a new chance

these images are always paired together as like, "before and after" and i'm sure it's been mentioned dozens of times, but again--there is an outlier, and i think in this case it's moxxie

with millie and loona blitz identifies their struggles himself

with loona, he sees how rough she acts on the outside but sees the soft interior and recognises himself--he wants to give her a real chance at a life, free of judgement

with millie, it's essentially the same deal, except millie straight up tells him about her struggle to make a living and he offers her a job

but with moxxie, there is no "identification", at least not to the specifics. he's in jail, moxxie's in jail, things suck regardless. if anything, maybe blitz figured that being incarcerated was "the struggle", which is probably fair; i don't think you're gonna get "my dad is a sociopath, my mom left/died and my boyfriend left me for dead" first try

moxxie was not special to him in this moment; blitz didn't recognise some divine struggle or empathic connection, they've known each other for 30 seconds and know literally nothing about each other. blitz is looking to break out and see his daughter, that is his goal here. the question was not, "what is this guy's struggle?" the question was "can this guy work a gun?" and the answer may or may not have been yes

and you can tell, like...just by the way blitz looks at him after. it is so possible that he just planned to ditch him after they both got out but ended up not doing so for whatever reason. like, "oh wow, that definitely meant more to him than it meant to me"

that seems to be the case with all of the people he's helped in one way or another; he can't even see that he helps. it's confirmation bias, all he sees is the bad. he needs people to reel him back into reality, people like millie or fizz or maybe possibly stolas later on cough cough

but now back to the point i'm trying to make (and what brought this post to life);

first off, the face blitz makes once he is confronted with the idea that people would actually miss him if he was gone:

and secondly, these two lines:

blitz: you need a ride home

stolas: i...have no home now. everything i have is gone.

this is stolas at his most vulnerable. he has no powers, no home, his daughter is in custody of his Bitch Wife, and he has no lover.

you could argue a few of those things in western energy but in this moment he has absolutely nothing to fall back on, he is alone.

and then blitz invites him to stay with him because that's what he does, he helps people at their most vulnerable moments. he gives them a home.

that is the point here--this isn't about their relationship right now, this about blitz having an irresistible urge to protect people he cares about and acting on it, because like it or not that's his job for the time being. he's not a bodyguard but he'll be playing that role until he dies or stolas gets his powers back.

he can finally actually protect stolas now, maybe even feel fulfillment in doing so, not having to fall back on things like "i didn't think you could get hurt" and seemingly forgetting to mention the fact that "oh yeah someone's plotting to kill you you should maybe look into that"

this is where they learn trust in each other. trust and devotion.

[iz-star]

About Zayne's nightmares...

The most unrealistic thing about Zayne is that he's a functional working adult that seemingly has put his life together at 27 not because he's young or a prodigy but because he's said to have nightmares since he was 12?? Like... I feel like this theme might be a bit overlooked but just think about it deeply, having constant nightmares fucks your mind like really REALLY bad, I can genuinely say this by experience and also as someone who has had trouble to have a healthy sleeping schedule since I was at highschool (like, for example, right now, I should be sleeping instead of writing this...).

There was a time I would have nightmares almost everytime I went to sleep during a really hard time in my life. Of course, the topic about those nightmares was almost always the same, not like the nightmares repeated themselves but they always revolved about the same things that I was actually working in therapy at the moment. Back then I was jobless and medicated most part of the time, I was pretty dysfunctional.

I suppose that's why when I listened to "Fragmented Dreams" for the first time it was the time I said "Yeah, this is my man". I love how he's always nagging MC about sleeping early because I know by experience that not sleeping properly can mess up with your mind pretty bad, and probably he knows it too. It truly is a showcase of love how he worries about her sleep like that and it also showcases how strong minded he is for enduring too much stress and remind kind constantly.

I love how healthy he is. I like to think that he's overcome all the stressful stuff he's gone thru bc of his discipline and healthy life style, but realistically it would take him some more to deal with all of that.

Yes, all of the guys have been through some very rough stuff and they all need therapy, but my point with Zayne comes with the fact that not having a good sleeping schedule and on top of that having constant nightmares can mess up with your perception of reality and induce you a bad depression or other mental health issues. Everytime I remember Zayne's main story branch when they're trapped in Zayne's dream and MC leaves him alone and he starts listening to Willian, Georgie and his Mom so he has to remind himself "It's not real, it's not real" I deeply feel that and I just want to hug him so bad :(

I think I'd like to see a card where they explore the consecuences of their past in their psyche more deeply. I can't help remembering this post which was one of the first posts you unlock with Zayne:

It was there when I just knew that even if he looked quiet, he had a lot to say but didn't know how to express.

Another thing I'd like to highlight about this is that actually I love the emotional maturity that Zayne displays about dealing with such issues like nightmares, traumatic experiences and literally being exposed to see people dying 24/7 while being someone that feels a lot yet says little. He's dealt with this the best way he can, no wonder why he came to be quite serious and inexpressive or sarcastic. Not allowing himself to express other emotions than seriousness or sarcasm was like keeping himself in check so he wouldn't spill everything he feels and considering how stressing is his job already, it just makes sense, but that didn't mean Zayne didn't feel because he feels too much and too deeply and worries sick about ppl and especially about MC.

Of course, bottling up his emotions wasn't the best way to deal with them but he never used any unhealthy coping mechanism neither, like alcohol, for example (My teetotaler King ❤️) etc. Yeah, his workaholism isn't exactly healthy but not something toxic to his mind and relationships, and I've always had a feeling that he's a big foodie and addicted to sweets to give himself that boost of serotonine he needs so bad.

That's why he compares MC with sweets, being her his favorite dessert, bc she's brought all that serotonine to his life naturally and has helped him let go little by little. When he opened to her about losing Dulcie, I had a feeling that Zayne always wanted someone to listen to him but he didn't know how to ask for it and ppl around him was too afraid to even dare to suggest it. I think even in one of his anecdotes, it is said that sometimes Dr Noah wanted to tell him something but at the end ended up saying nothing.

The fact that Zayne bottled up his emotions didn't mean that he wouldn't willingly share them, he wanted to but wasn't used to it. With MC, he's slowy started to let it go and enjoy life more, allowing himself to be sad in front of her, to express his fears (about losing her) or to express his childish tantrums and indulge in his softest side. That's why also she's not only his favorite dessert but also his best painkiller ❤️

And just to finish, I've always thought this quote by Kafka fits him so well:

"Remember, you should sleep more than other people, for I sleep less than most. And I can’t think of a better place to store my unused share of universal sleep than in your beloved eyes."

[gildeddlily]

season 2 started off beautifully. I was ecstatic at the end of episode three, for the simple reason that it had the same spirit as season 1. Vi feeling like she made a mistake so big trying to reach Powder instead of seeing Jinx and the danger she represented that the only way to fix that for her was to join her oppressors. Caitlyn destroying all the progress she'd made, unlearning what she'd been taught about Zaun by being with zaunites like Vi, the moment one of them killed her mother, and embracing her roots we can say, talking of bad blood and "I thought you were different"- showing that the internalised racism was always there ready to resurface the moment it had an excuse to. Caitlyn saying that her mother being killed by a teenager who's never dealt with her trauma and mental illness is the same thing as Vi's parents being killed by members of a military institution, disregarding everything she knew about the pain and abuse Vi went through because of the Enforcers. a "men get abused too" situation, in which one ignores the social and historical background of that type of violence to feel less sorry about it. they were perfectly well written, because they are things we see everyday. my father taught me as a child that black people crossing the Mediterranean to look for work in Italy were a good thing, and now that he's had problems at work with one he's started saying the opposite. a gay man I knew laughed at trans folks and said they made things worse for us, ridiculing them in the company of straight people to feel less threatened. (not the exact same thing as what happened to Vi, but you get what I mean).

those are real things, and Arcane has always been good at showing real things.

later on, episode seven, Jayce fell down. he landed in the deepest hole of Zaun, broke his leg, was forced to wear a brace to walk, suffered and had to claw his way back to the surface, to Piltover, in a strange metaphor of Viktor's journey and life (saw a post talking even more beautifully about this, will put the link here if I find it again), and once he met Viktor again, he told him his illness, his legs, he, were beautiful. not despite everything. because of it. and now he can understand him a little more. now he says "your imperfections are beautiful" and we can believe him, because he's not speaking from the perspective of a man trying to convince his friend to stop harming others. he's a man trying to make his partner see that he still loves him, now that he's finally understood him after years of trying to reach the truth and always being stopped by something, and that he understands him enough to know why he's harming others, and that he cares for him enough to think that he will be able to understand why it's wrong. it's Viktor accepting the inevitability of being seen by someone who went to hell and back to reach him.

those were fucking beautiful arcs. they were.

and then?

Vi saw Caitlyn become what she'd always said she wouldn't become, and there were no repercussions. Catelyn got to walk away and live all the same. she lost an eye to Ambessa, but it was no punishment for what she'd done. how many people did she harm? how many people did her actions have repercussions on? Vi shouted at her once, and then it was like it had never happened- which is still real, I guess. it happens everyday. but I didn't see any wish to make us see how that was wrong. I don't want to be told "this is wrong", I'm old enough and smart enough to understand this, but I also think I can see the difference between trying to show deeper meanings and not wanting to deal with difficult plot lines.

and Zaun? it was sad. pathetic. years of abuse were what, forgotten and then vanished in thin air because there was a common enemy? that, sadly, isn't real. it isn't. years or oppression can't be forgotten so easily, not by the oppressed, for one "glorious" fight. it's lazy. what started as a good depiction of reality turned into an american wet dream of big fights and sad sacrifice scenes and epic love stories that cross any difficulty, and economic and social difference. don't you dare say something against Caitlyn and Vi's ending, they went through all that, they deserve nice things. they do. many other people did. no one cared about them tho.

so.

epic failure. good soundtracks tho.

[blackenedsnow]

ART X A SELF DOUBTING VAMPIRE READER PSLPLSPSLLS!! like they think they taste all rotten and nasty but art doesnt think sooo!

red as snow

WARNING: Self doubt

PAIRING: Art the Clown x Vampire! Reader

NOTE: Omg this is so fun to think about!! thanks for the ask <3 I ALWAYS love writing about vampires OHHHH MAN

SUMMARY: Art doesn’t mind what’s wrong with you. That’s the worst part, really. You can’t understand how someone so perfect in his brutality could ever want something so rotten.

The blood pools around your feet in lazy rivulets, stark and shining against the pale stretch of snow. It’s almost beautiful, in a grotesque sort of way – the kind of beauty you find in shattered glass or a body just before the life leaves it. Art would know what you mean.

He’s doing something behind you, a slow, lilting tune, soft as snowfall. He’s in his own little world, swaying slightly, his bloodied hands clasped behind his back. His clothes look filthy now, stained with deep red streaks.

You think he looks ridiculous. And perfect.

“Do you ever think,” you say quietly, your voice barely carrying over the winter hush, “that I might taste bad?”

Art stops. His head snaps toward you, and even though you know he doesn’t speak, you feel the weight of his question in the tilt of his head, the way his wide eyes narrow just slightly.

“You know,” you murmur, staring down at the corpse between you, “if someone tried to bite me. My blood’s probably awful. There’s something wrong with me.” you glance back at him, watching the way his grin widens like it’s some private joke only he gets. “You’d agree, wouldn’t you?”

You’re half-joking, but it still stings when he laughs – or whatever you’d call that silent, breathy wheeze of his. He’s doubled over, clutching his stomach like you’ve just told the funniest joke in the world.

“I’m serious,” you say, your voice sharper now, a little defensive. You fold your arms over your chest. “Why wouldn’t it be bad? I’m rotting from the inside out, Art. I can feel it. There’s no way it’d taste good.”

He straightens up, wiping at his face even though there’s no tears, no sign of any real laughter – just that grin of his, smeared with someone else’s blood. He takes a step closer, his boots crunching over the snow.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you mutter, turning away. “I mean it. It’s not romantic to drink from something dead.”

He’s behind you before you can finish the thought, his hands curling over your shoulders in a way that makes your skin crawl – and not because you don’t like it. You hate that you do. That you want him to hold you tighter, to crush you in that terrible grip of his.

“I mean, maybe it’s fitting,” you continue. “You’re a demon. I’m a vampire. We’re both monsters. But even monsters deserve something better than this, don’t you think?”

Art spins you around in one fluid movement, his hands dropping to your arms to hold you in place. You can feel the press of his fingers through your clothing, too strong, too insistent, but you don’t pull away. He’s tilting his head again, his grin growing impossibly wider, like he’s daring you to keep talking.

“You don’t believe me,” you say softly.

He shakes his head, slow and deliberate. Then, quick as a flash, his hand moves to his chest, dragging his fingers down like he’s unzipping it, miming something pulling at his heart.

You swallow hard. “You’re just saying that.”

He glares at you, his grin faltering for the first time. It’s subtle, just the faintest twitch at the corners of his mouth, but it’s enough to make your breath catch.

“Okay, okay,” you say quickly, raising your hands in surrender. “You love me. I get it. You don’t have to be so dramatic about it.”

He doesn’t let go. Instead, he leans in closer, his face inches from yours. You can smell the copper tang of blood on him, can see the splatters drying on his skin.

Maybe he doesn’t care what’s wrong with you, doesn’t care if your blood tastes like poison, if your body is too far gone to be anything worth having. He just loves you.

[maxdibert]

okay, yes, snape suffered a lot but he also made his students suffer a lot. do you know what it must have been like for all those kids to be constantly humiliated??? if you like comparing with real life so much, what would you think of a real adult who abuses their power to feel better at the expense of children??? snape fans always come up with all kinds of excuses, but when it comes to the topic of his abuse towards his students, you always stay silent, and that's because it has no forgiveness.

Severus’s role as a dysfunctional adult is honestly pretty amusing to me, especially because while I never experienced bullying from peers or equals, I grew up in an environment full of wildly dysfunctional adults. On top of that, I now work on legal cases involving even more dysfunctional adults. And, to make it even better, while my classmates never gave me grief, attending a private Catholic school in the 2000s meant teacher-on-student violence was pretty much a daily occurrence. Not just at school—I've also had some truly awful professors at university. So, I get firsthand what it’s like to have authority figures who are supposed to guide and protect you but act like an absolute pack of jerks.

Here’s an unpopular opinion: if I compare my personal experiences with dysfunctional adults and terrible teachers, Severus is practically a lamb. I’ve witnessed some insane things. There was a case at my school where a teacher bullied three siblings (in different grades) so badly that their dad came to the school and physically beat the teacher up. And honestly? The guy deserved it. I’ve seen old-school priests handing out slaps. I’ve had a teacher in his late 30s openly flirting with 17-year-old students. I’ve had teachers who didn’t just throw out a sarcastic remark—they flat-out called us “idiots,” “morons,” "dickheads", "assholes", “worthless,” or said things like, “You’re all going to end up mopping floors because you’re useless pieces of crap.” Fun times with Mr. Antonio.

There was one teacher who made students stand up one by one so he could critique their outfits in front of the entire class, piece by piece, like he thought he was Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada. Another handed out nicknames that were humiliating and outright cruel. Or that elementary teacher who also taught catechism and would call up children who were not going to take their First Communion (this happens at 8 or 9 years old) to the front of the class and publicly ask them why they didn’t want to embrace Jesus Christ. She would even ask if they thought their parents didn’t love them because they weren’t letting them do the same as their friends. Or the second-grade teacher who called a boy up to the board because he didn’t know a multiplication table very well and started singing a mocking song in Spanish that goes, “Fulanito tururú, que no sabe ni la u” (basically calling someone slow-witted).

Then there was the fourth-grade teacher (9-10yo) who had a particular grudge against one of my classmates and kept threatening to lock him in places or scaring him by saying he was going to throw him out the window. The English teacher, who, when we were 14 years old, locked us in a classroom, made us skip lunch, and kept us there without eating until 5 PM. The technology teacher, a 50-year-old man with a very hands-on approach towards the girls in first and second year of secondary school (12-13 yo). And I could go on and on.

So yeah, I’ve seen some wild stuff in classrooms, and trust me, you don’t need to explain the trauma bad teachers can cause—I’ve had my share of them. And none of it is going to make me like Severus any less. If anything, the stuff he does in the books feels like 1% of the madness I’ve seen play out in real life.

[kittenwriter]

Cure narratives: when fiction depicts a disability being cured. Because no one on the internet has nuance, it wound up getting overwhelmingly presented as "you should never depict curing disabilities because that's ableist." This rested on the fact that for neurodivergence-type disabilities, "curing" the disability means fundamentally changing the person; you're born neurodivergent and it's an integral part of who you are. (And also this slides really, really easily into eugenics.)

But disability is a broad umbrella! Even with the social model of disability (and if you want a beautiful fictional examination of the social model, look up The Fledging of Az Gabrielson; the author thought through every detail of what it would mean to not have wings in a world where everyone has wings), chronic pain is disabling no matter how well society accommodates it. The vast majority of people with chronic pain would like to not have chronic pain.

There are also some things that exist on a spectrum. I'm not qualified to give an expansive discourse on Deaf culture, but there is a schism between the people who are culturally Deaf and see that as worth preserving and the oralists who lean into cochlear implants and seeking to eliminate it. (For that matter, while it's highly taboo to talk about it and I don't think it's common, neurodivergent people who want a cure do exist. I'm not going to get into all the complications and controversies of John Elder Robison because that's an essay in itself, but look at his book Switched On for something adjacent to that perspective.)

So you wind up with a lengthy set of discussions about what is and isn't acceptable to depict-- and it's a lot like every other diversity discussion in that market-level generalizations wind up getting held against individual authors. It's a problem if every depiction of disability shows cures (and then you get the related things like the "not really blind" trope where you have characters who are supposedly blind but magic or technology allows them to function as though they weren't with no problems)-- but that got turned into (because no one on the internet has nuance) "you should never depict cures and if you do you're ableist," which in turn sparked backlash from the people for whom the cure narrative is wish fulfillment. (I have myself joked about being a Bad Disabled because my own desires as regards cure do not align with the "You must be proud of your ENTIRE DISABILITY" narrative.)

There's also the fact that even among the wish-fulfillment people, sometimes you want to read about someone who is suffering what you're suffering the way you're suffering it without it being magically cured at the end! Or what's desired is fantasy assistance devices that function like actual assistance devices in that they have drawbacks and trade-offs and assist without making the character functionally not disabled.

So I feel like the people in anon's fandoms probably got into the "it is ableist to depict cures" thing with the same level of nuance typical of People On The Internet (which is to say, none) and then mangled it even farther. There's probably also some influence here from a related conversation, that of using fantasy substitutes instead of giving your character real-life actual disabilities, but again, that's a spectrum and depends a lot on how well you do it, and I see it happening more frequently with people wanting to write Stereotype Neurodivergence without considering whether it has any resemblance to actual neurodivergence than I see it with physical disabilities. (See also Sheldon Cooper.)

So now that we've gotten to the end of my essay (this is probably a bit more than you thought you were getting when you asked the question), further reading if you're still so inclined:

"The Trope of Curing Disability" at Disability in Kid Lit

"Disability Tropes 101: The Magical Cure" at Dis(abled) Embodiment

Brilliant Imperfection by Eli Clare

The Disability Visibility Project

"The Complexities of Curing Disabilities" by Emily Ladeau

And finally, a bunch of people having a conversation on Reddit.

(And now we have proved once again that you can take the girl out of the library but you can't take the librarian out of the girl.)

Tagging question! In canon, a character has a magic-induced health problem. Basically, every so often, he has days moving his back in any way causes staggering amounts of pain and he has severe fatigue. He can't get upright under his own power during severe episodes. Painkillers do not work. The frequency of episodes starts off once every few months but by this point in canon has become a once or twice a week problem. It can hit right out of nowhere even if he was fine all day today or he can wake up with it.

Fandom wank being what it is, people keep insisting to me that this is not a disability. I tagged the fic with Disabled Character because since he's the main character of the fic and this... look, I'm not disabled? I could be wrong. But to me this feels like a disability. If I met someone with this IRL with a non-magical cause I would go, "I 100% believe this qualifies as a disability" without question. But oh, wow. The fandom does NOT agree with me on this. I've gotten several annoyed remarks by people informing me that this is belittling the pain actual disabled people have because disabilities, unlike curses, can't be lifted. And I can see that there's a difference. Thing is, he can't canonically afford to pay to have the curse lifted. He's stuck with it.

Because every single person in this conversation is abled, though, I feel like they're not who I should be listening to. OTNF, I know your readership includes disabled people. Do you/they have any suggestions? Does he qualify as disabled, or am I too attached to my headcanon-y idea of him as being a metaphor for disability?

--

I don't think that's a metaphor. I think that's a canonically (magically) disabled character.

What say you, readers?

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I DIDN'T KNOW LEONA KNEW ABOUR RAVEN'S CRUSH ON J WORD QUNFKANSKD does he tease her about her? does he takes advantage of this knowledge in some way?

also the “angsts about not being "the one"” made me kind of sad tho ngl jqnfkwnakdns DON'T DO THIS TO ME. (cries in a corner)

[Referencing this post!]

I MEAN... I feel like Raven's crush is obvious and easy to tell 😭 Girl is so bad at hiding it. Various other students in the cast (even ones she's not particularly friends with) such as Vil, Ace, Floyd, and Rook are aware of it. There's no way that someone as perceptive and as smart as Leona would let that one go over his head!

I think of this knowledge as being a constant source of angst for Leona (y'know, because it plays into his whole inferiority complex about being "second best, never first place"). He can't have his skills acknowledged, the crown, the interdorm magift tournament win, love... Life's not fair. If he's in a really bad mood, he might make a bitter jab about it. Maybe something like, "Why don't you go crying to that slimy eel bastard, since you clearly enjoy being lied to so long as it comes with a generous side of cooing?" If he's feeling more confident, he definitely finds ways to use the relationship for personal gain. For example, in the hostage situation my friend wrote, Leona is pressuring Octavinelle to hand over the money owed to Savanaclaw by using Raven as a bargaining chip. I guess she's just another pawn in his 5D chess games sometimes.

Speaking of Savanaclaw, I like to imagine that (because they admire their dorm leader so much) they're all super supportive of Leona and act as his wingmen + hype him up when he's clearly brooding. You can see the beginnings of this dynamic in the EBG posts, particularly when the mobs make Raven follow Leona around and how Ruggie often asks her to be more patient with him. In a lot of my Leona and Raven interactions, Ruggie tends to be the main wingman. He thinks it's funny seeing his dorm leader act all grumpy over prey and teases him about it, especially when Leona fucks up and acts overly aggressive/scares her. Really, Ruggie ends up being the guy helping Leona out the most by mediating arguments, running related errands, and gathering info on Raven's likes/dislikes (for a price, of course).

Jack is the underclassman that’s a little slow on the uptake. He sees how Leona stares at Raven and assumes they got beef. Ruggie shakes his head at Jack and tells him he doesn’t understand at all, he’s still an immature puppy! Jack wants to know what’s up, but he also doesn’t want to intrude on his dorm leader’s personal life.

As for the general Savanaclaw mobs 😂 I guess I just like the idea of a group of really buff guys being super invested in their aniki finding happiness. Real bro’s bros! ^^

[rainbowfish3iswriting]

So I had another wonderful idea while at work.

We love Peter Parker in Gotham fics where Dick Grayson is Peter’s biological father. Peter has no idea what Gotham is and hates he’s in New Jersey. Meeting the Batfam, finding out his bio dad is alive in this universe, and the angst that goes along with Peter getting to know his dead dad.

Now let me introduce a concept that can crush hearts. ❤️

So what if, before Peter Parker arrives in Gotham, before the events of No Way Home, Dick has a kid, his own Peter. It doesn’t matter how he came to be or who the mom is. Dick has a kid and he loves him. The kid doesn’t have to be named Peter but he’s an alternative version of Peter.

Sadly, Dick’s son dies at a young age. How he dies can be something as simple as a car accident or drowning to something extremely like The Joker blowing up a school and his son was inside.

Dick’s son is dead, taken too soon from this world.

So here comes Peter Parker. Who’s a homeless teenager who is trying to survive Gotham on his own after being thrown out of his own universe.

The Batfam meet Peter in and out of costume and it’s Tim who makes the connection. He’s staring at Peter and thinks: Would my nephew look like Peter if he grew up to be a teen? This triggers a reaction inside Tim, because why dose this kid look like an older version of his nephew?? And the more he studies Peter, the more he sees the resemblance of his late nephew. Same hair, same eyes, same nose shape!

Tim decides to look up Peter Parker, mostly to end the nagging thoughts that the homeless teen is his dead nephew. Peter seems like a private person, doesn’t talk much about his personal life. All they know he’s a teen from Queens, New York whose family is all dead. But when Tim looks him up, he can’t find anything on this kid! No social media! No obituaries about his dead relatives! He finds Peter’s birth certificate (didn’t help he has the same birthday as his dead nephew’s), social security number, and other legal documents that are all fake! They’re forgeries and they’re really good forgeries! Tim almost passed them off as real.

This is bad! This kid has fake documents! Why would a homeless teenager have fake documents??! Why dose a teen who looks like his dead nephew have fake documents??!

Holy SHIT! Someone must of cloned his nephew!!!

No this can’t be right? Who on earth is sick enough to do that!? (A lot of people) Tim meets Peter again and gets his DNA without the teen noticing. This will prove once and for all this kid isn’t a clone of his dead nephew, his fears can be put to rest, he can focus on more important matters. Like why dose Peter have fake documents?

It’s 100% match, Tim cries.

Tim gets the familiar together and explains his findings. Everyone is freaking out. Dick is angry and devastated, that someone took his child’s DNA and cloned him. He also feels hope. Even through the kid may be a clone, it’s still his son at the end of the day. this could be Dicks only chance to have his son back, even if it’s not his real kid.

Fast forward to the Batfam managing to take (kidnapped) Peter to the manor where the reveal everything to him. ( Doesn’t help that his dead dad is alive and in front of them) The news confuses and overwhelms the kid.

Clone?? They really thought he was a clone??!

After Peter recovers from the shock, he finally tells them the truth. That he’s not a clone, but is from a different dimension. He explains his whole life story to the bats.

It ends with Dick and Peter getting to know one another. Their share lose of family not only helps them bond but also heal wounds that they never realized were there until now.

[yeta-drewit]

I just KNOW the moment Wednesday season 2 is out, and they continue this gay vibes from the novelization of season 1, people are going to be screaming about how platonic relationships are dead in media.

I am surprised to learn that as of late people have been criticizing gay shipping for “erasing” platonic relationships, that by making every platonic relationship into a gay ship we are giving the idea that every interaction is inherently romantic and influencing the children into not understanding the difference between romantic and platonic relationships.

I want to start this by saying that I do believe that a lot of people don’t understand the difference between romantic and platonic relationships, but I don’t think it comes from gay shipping, I believe this development comes from many things. One example could be how society pressures people to find a relationship which leads to desperation and purposefully blurring the lines between romance and friendship because it’s better to have someone, even if you don’t really love them romantically and just enjoy their company, than to have no one. Another example could be how society used to have a heteronormative idea of relationships, if we all believed ourselves to be straight, than it was easy to just say “if I’m a woman all the women I get along with I only see as platonic, but if I get along with a man I must see it as romantic”, but now that we are expanding on the possibility that people of all genders can be both platonically or romantically involved with anyone of any gender, we are having to face the fact that romantic and platonic feelings are not solid concepts and we have to get philosophical with what is love and what constitutes love, and most people don’t like to think about that so they keep to their heteronormativity.

This are but only 2 reasons why I believe people don’t understand platonic and romantic relationships but I haven’t heard anyone say that because they be blaming gay shipping. I’m going to say that like with anything in life this has nuance and you can argue all you want but I’m going to say that I genuinely believe a good part of the people saying this argument are homophobes.

By stating gay shipping you are ultimately also adding gay relationships, gay shipping is just a step below from queer representation. So ultimately you are making the same homophobic argument that queer relationships shouldn’t be portrayed in media because it would confuse the masses and the children. We have fallen into the idea that complicated concepts as romantic and platonic relationships should be dumbify to appeal to a larger audience of straight people.

But I can hear someone argue “but shipping is a fandom thing not a show thing”. Well someone has been living under a rock because nowadays fandoms are an extension of the show, we are social media people, we thrive in social engagement in these online communities and fandom culture has been on the fucking rise. We can’t ignore that what happens within a fandom is how people ultimately portrayed the show, it’s the reason why a lot of people don’t watch things like mha because the fandom is weird and not because the show is bad. So by criticizing gay shipping within a fandom you are ultimately criticizing it as if it was part of the show.

Which leads me to Wenclair. I believed season 2 is truly going to be coming in a horrible time to be a minority, as people have been growing more homophobic and racist as time goes on. So people are going to extremely criticize the Wenclair ship, not because it’s a toxic or immorally wrong ship, but because it’s gay. People would criticize the show because they are going to go from friends to lovers. They would argue so much about the fact Wenclair is erasing a platonic relationship that they would forget that a foundation for many straight ships and real life relationships is friendship.

I don’t think friendship in media is dying. Within my example of Wenclair there are multiple moments of true friendships in the show. A big part of the Wednesday show was Wednesday learning to have allies and people she can trust to help her, but people would ignore does messages to jump about the fact the two main girls of the show are seen as more than platonic EVEN THOUGH BOTH OF THEM HAVE SOLID FRIENDSHIPS OUTSIDE OF THE SHIP. It’s almost like the only problem is that they are both girls, because let’s be honest NO ONE is saying the same thing about straight ships, they straight ships are always super romantic and completely fine, even though we could argue that does ships also can confused people as to what is romantic and what is platonic.

And before anyone comes for me arguing that I’m taking this too far and that I’m just a sad gay who doesn’t understand we NEED same gender platonic representation (like we haven’t had enough of that in hundreds of centuries of media 😀) and that I’m just mad people criticize my gay ship. I am going to hold your hand and say. I don’t care if you hate a ship. You can tell me all you want that Xavier or Tyler are better potential partners for Wednesday and I would let you because that’s your constitutional given right, BUT if you are criticizing the ship not by personal preference but from the eyes of homophobia I am going to be mad and I’m going to be annoyed by it, because queer representation has JUST been on the rise, you can’t already be mad at it WHEN IT JUST STARTED. WATCH ANY SHOW IN ANY GENRE AND YOU WOULD FIND SAME GENDER COMPLETELY PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS, SO WHY MUST YOU BE MAD AT THE SLIGHT POSSIBILITY OF A SHOW DOING ONE, ONE!, CONTRADICTION TO THE NORM.

Shipping and canon gay relationships are not going to take away friendship, they are just helping people understand that there is not one way of being in love or one way of being involved with someone of the opposite gender, we are not stopping friendships. I would make the argument we are increasing it by making people analyze their interactions with people of even the opposite gender through the eyes of it being platonically. Because now gender is not a factor in friendships, you can be friends with anyone of any gender. Shipping shouldn’t be confusing you about it, you should think critically and analyze what you consider love.

[tiagems]

So I'm not gonna mince words: the book is not good. That's not necessarily a bad thing though imo, Twilight is awful and it still got people to read, and once they started reading they found better books to enjoy.

There is a significant amount of people who hate the book just because it's easy to hate. It's easy to sling around words like "immature" and "vapid" and "convoluted", because Lightlark is all of these things, but there's a group of people who like to go out and shame the people who do like it. They are just bullies who likely haven't even read the books but just read a review or two and decided to make it a moral thing. It's not.

I'm glad you enjoyed the book. I did not.

I think that Lightlark is what you get when someone who only consumes media and never engages with it intellectually tries to write a series.

I have a lot of issues with it, enough to make my own video essay on the matter. My largest issue is that it's marketed as a Young Adult book when the plot is clearly better suited for New Adult or just plain adult fiction, but it's easier to market YA to tiktok users because the demographic there is around 13-19. There's other issues including:

- The lack of characterization in any of the characters. Alex Aster treats characters like plot devices, and has them do things just because that's what they need to do to move the plot exactly in the way she wants it to move. To avoid them doing things out of character, then, they simply don't have any character and are all cardboard cutouts. Can you describe anybody beyond their physical appearance and use in the story? Who was Aurora's sister? What's Azul's late husband's name? Why did Grim fall in love with Isla? How old is Isla?

- The twists. Having twists in your book isn't a bad thing, the problem is that there's no narrative difference between Aster's twists and Aster's exposition dumps. It feels less like putting a puzzle together and more like taking notes from a poorly edited textbook. Also the sheer amount of them are exhausting.

- The dialogue. This is just a personal preference of mine but I can't stand dialogue that doesn't sound natural and realistic. If you can't imagine hearing this conversation in real life, I am immediately yanked out of the story.

- The themes, or lack thereof. This could've been a story about so many things, about societal expectations, about what it means to sacrifice your own desires for the greater good, about violence against women and the harm it perpetuates. We get none of those things.

There's more but I don't want to lose you. I think I already have, I'm in too deep now though.

I want to reiterate, there's nothing wrong with liking Lightlark. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I hope you keep reading more books and continue to expand your tastes. Maybe one day you'll look back on Lightlark and cringe the way I do when I think about the books I used to like(Maximum Ride, the Immortal Instruments, Harry Potter).

I was very excited to look for fanart and see what other people thought of a book I was reading to see if other people enjoyed it as much as I did.....only to find....that everyone...hates it.

I'm a little bit sad because I really enjoyed it. Did I read the same book as ya'll?

[hikarielizabethbloom]

This is what J.D. Payne said about Sauron in the first season:

"There’s something in him that is sort of vaguely reminiscent of Gollum, when you watch it again, where you see these two forces driving within him. In some ways, Gollum is to Sauron as Sauron is to Morgoth, a little bit. The One Ring is operative on his consciousness at all times. And even maybe if he tried to turn away from it and be Mairon, the Maia, who, in the beginning, was good, there's this shadow that has operated upon his soul that he is enslaved to, that you always see, every decision he makes, takes him, in one way, towards the good, but it also takes him towards power. And power is his addiction. Watching back, with that in mind, it's fun to pick apart everything he says, or if he does retreat from the decision he makes."

It's possible Sauron thought to do "good" for a time, but power is his addiction, his way to further corruption. I don't care about Charlotte Brandström's words about his 'love' for Galadriel because the way it was framed on screen? Was not 'love', especially not romantic love. It will always end up looking twisted and extremely dark, and I'm not sure we should casually call this 'love'. I agree with Charlie Vickers when he insists on not using that word, because he doesn't wish to 'romanticize' the merciless, obsessive, abusive and cruel feelings that Sauron, a fallen angel with a god complex, can have for someone.

I don't mind that people find haladriel interesting, but after season 2? I cannot see Galadriel willingly go to him, not even for the affection she had for Halbrand. Sauron may want to possess her, but she will not yield to him, she will not be a willing participant in this.

This is interesting.

In real life I wouldn't call this love. Absolutely.

In fiction I do because it make things more interesting. It raises the stakes. If you take away Sauron's capacity for love then somehow he is less accountable for his actions. Because if he can't love then he does not really understand the damage he is inflicting upon others.

But I NEED HIM TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR HIS ACTIONS.

If he does love and still acts the way he did/does, then it is worse. Because he knows what it means to love, to care, and he doesn't care at all. Hell, he punishes the people he loves and loves/ed him in return. He did to with Adar, Celebrimbor and Galadriel. He will do it to Numenor. He destroys the things he loves because his love his selfish. He takes something pure and twists it untill it's not even love anymore. It's obsession. It's revenge. But once upon a time the love was there.

But no, I don't see Galadriel as in love with what Sauron is now. Same goes for Sauron. He loves Galadriel's light as long as he can use it for his bidding. They're both hunted by ghost of the other but they will never yield.

I don't see their relationship as a 'love conquers all' type, more like a 'love was not enough' one.

I don't know if I'm can explain myself clearly when it comes to them. Because it's complicated. Because I want it to be complicated. Because I love their twisted love story but, in canon, I want Galadriel as far from him as she can get.

In fanfiction, that is a different story...

Edit: I want to add that by acknowledging his ability to love I want in no way excuse Sauron's actions. Quite the opposite. Because he cares, he understands the difference between good and evil and he still chooses evil. That is canon.

He's not doing bad things for good reasons. The 'I want to heal ME' is just the company tagline. He is doing horrible things for horrible reasons.

[begrudging-fudanshi]

So i stared reading windbreaker after i saw your post about it , it's wholesome manga with amazing fights

in your opinion Why didn't nii satoru reveal Sakura's past until now ? Why was Sakura alone ?

Hell yeah. Welcome to the fandom. I'm glad my propaganda has been working.

To be honest, I've been thinking about this series way too much over the last couple weeks, so this is probably going to be A Lot. I am dumping a lot of accumulated thoughts in here and simultaneously trying to keep a bunch of other thoughts from cluttering it up. If any of this feels disjointed, it's because I've been trying (I swear) to not make this like 10,000 words long lmao.

(CW: Wind Breaker manga spoilers + discussion of child neglect, trauma, feelings of worthlessness, parental loss, grief, and a suicide attempt in the context of the series. Hope you're ready for some pain.)

I'm going to answer your questions in reverse order, because I think they're actually very closely connected.

Sadly, my read on Sakura's past is really dark. Based on what we know so far, there's a lot to suggest that Sakura has been badly neglected for a long time, both physically and emotionally. Based on his lifestyle and the way he talks about himself, I really struggle to believe that he's received any genuine affection or care in many years, if ever. (I'm so glad he was able to go to Furin.)

The flashbacks at the start of episode 1 of the anime suggest he was taken in by relatives who didn't want him, and I think they basically set him up for failure in every way. They seem to have done the bare minimum required of them by the law, like sending him to school, but I can see no evidence that they did much of anything else. Like, what kind of asshole sends a 15-year-old kid to live alone in a barren apartment with literally nothing to wear except his school uniform? Caring people wouldn't let a kid live like that. (That said, I have a bad feeling that his lifestyle seen in chapter 56 is an upgrade compared to what he had before.)

Given this, it's clear Sakura really means it when he says he's always done things by himself. I think this is why he looks so torn up when his friends show him real kindness and why he's so sensitive to anyone showing affection. I also think this means that he really wants to forget his past. This is a big part of why we haven't seen it revealed yet: Sakura isn't ready to revisit it, himself.

---

Something interesting about Wind Breaker's backstories is that they all (as far as I and my notes can remember) follow a consistent pattern. They're not just lore dumps that tell us about the character's past. They actually follow each character through a process of changing their beliefs about themselves, often based on their view of the past. This is why they're all in the first person. Some of these changes happen in the present while others are part of flashbacks, but either way the process is basically the same.

In each backstory, the character starts out believing something about themselves that gives rise to a contradiction that keeps them trapped. This belief somehow keeps them from living their best life and, often, stops them from changing their ways to make their best life possible. However, someone else helps them challenge that belief, giving rise to a revelation that lets them change how they see themselves. This change enables them to see new possibilities and lets them move forward towards the life they want.

For example:

Umemiya believed his parents would blame him for their deaths, so he couldn't let himself grieve them nor believe that he deserved to live. His guilt blocked out his memory of the event, keeping him from remembering what really happened. However, a nameless(?) Furin student and Shitara helped him realize that his parents saved him and were happy to see him survive. Thus, he was able to grieve and imagine a future for himself other than his self-destruction.

Kaji believed that his rage was uncontrollable and couldn't even see himself as human. Hiragi helped him realize that he could manage his triggers and change his behavior to be able to find acceptance and live his life.

Tsubaki believed that she couldn't like pretty things or express herself how she wanted. Ito and Yui helped her learn to dress up and present herself the way she liked, allowing her to accept herself and transition. (I know she's not canonically transgender but that's still the best way I can see to describe it.)

After Yui's death, Ito believed that she might never have truly loved him. Tsubaki, Sakura, Suo, and Nirei help him realize the secret meaning of the tree that she planted in his garden, letting him live his life without worrying if she was truly happy.

What's important here is that the character must be ready to have their beliefs about themselves challenged so they can understand their full truth. Otherwise, their story of their past would be incomplete. (Consider what Umemiya's backstory would have sounded like if he still believed he was a murderer.) In fact, we already have an example of this that I'll get to, next.

Because Sakura isn't yet in a position to challenge the beliefs holding him back, he can't reveal his past, either. He has friends helping him, but it's going to be a while before they've truly shaken his most unhelpful beliefs.

---

That said, this process has actually played out with Sakura once before and I think it tells us a lot. It shows us exactly why he's not ready to reveal his past.

In chapter 1, Sakura starts out believing that he's meant to always be alone, leading him to initially reject the people of Makochi. Then, Kotoha helps him acknowledge that he does want to be accepted and convinces him to give it a shot. However, while this is great progress and very necessary for Sakura's growth, this isn't a complete resolution. He still has an even more deep-seated belief that has to be addressed.

In addition to asserting that he's meant to be alone, Sakura also lays out another belief in chapter 1 that I argue really gets to the root of his deepest trauma. He doesn't quite say it explicitly, but it underpins both his belief that he's meant to be alone and that he's worth nothing but his fists.

The closest he comes to naming it is when he describes Furin. He says it's "The lowest of the low, hated by all others, worth nothing but their fists … It's a battle to determine the trashiest of the trash. That suits me perfectly."

I have to admit, the first few times I heard and read this, I completely missed how fucked up it is for a 15-year-old kid to say this about himself. I think I've gotten so used to taking shonen protagonists' confident declarations at face value that I just didn't question it, in the same way I've learned not to question, say, 12-year-old Gon deciding to become a pro hunter and travel the world fighting adults. The way it's presented very deliberately (and, I think, cleverly) blunts the impact as well, making use of shonen stylistic conventions to disguise it as stereotypical shonen protagonist bluster. This mirrors how Sakura masks his deeper feelings about himself.

However, as I read through the rest of the manga, it became clear that this is what Sakura actually, deeply believes. He's 15 years old and he truly sees himself as trash—in other words, worthless. The only way he can imagine finding worth in himself is through his strength. Even then, this is only for Sakura himself. He can't let himself imagine anyone else ever valuing him for any reason, so he must find self-worth all on his own. To put it more sharply, he can't imagine deserving unconditional love. Based on what little we do know about his past, this belief stems from a lifetime of emotional neglect.

The thing is, Sakura's belief that he's worthless is actually, paradoxically, a coping mechanism. As horrible as it is, it helps him rationalize his life in a way that lets him keep living despite his neglect and isolation. If he's truly worthless, then he's never had a reason to expect being loved or accepted by anyone—he's always been meant to be alone. This is how he can tell himself that he doesn't care and has given up. This lets him bury the pain of his isolation and pretend it doesn't truly hurt. By believing that he has always been worthless and unable to be (to deserve being) loved, he has had no reason to get his hopes up for the future, nor any reason to question why he's been treated so badly in the past. He can accept it (has to accept it), even if he hates it, because it was always inevitable.

Notice how Sakura reminds himself that he's given up right before punching the Spaltips' leader in chapter 1. This is the story he tells himself to contain the hurt. He does something similar in chapter 56, reminding himself that he's supposed to be alone as he grapples with his friends' kindness. He bludgeons himself with this reminder as a way to push away thoughts about his past. He then shifts his focus to thinking about his growing care for his friends rather than his feelings about himself. Once again, Sakura makes himself turn away.

The trouble is, this belief is his only means of holding back an unfathomable amount of pain inside of him. It's the only way he knows how to live with all the myriad ways he's been treated like shit. To doubt his own worthlessness, therefore, is to expose himself to overwhelming grief. Because, if he isn't worthless, he then has to ask himself why he had to suffer for so long. That kind of question is too awful for him—for pretty much anyone—to face on their own. This coping mechanism protects him, but it also traps him and prevents him from finding relief.

This comes to a head in chapter 1, as the townspeople surround him and the old woman tries to tend to his wound. As she reaches towards him, he screams at her to stay away. This act of genuine kindness fills him with terror. It's not just that he fears eventual rejection—Sakura fears the idea he could be accepted at all. Remember, he's just "failed" to win the fight and, worse, ended up having to be protected because he got hurt. Sakura could accept Kotoha's kindness earlier because he "earned" it by stopping her attackers, but now there's someone trying to help him for what feels like no reason. For Sakura, who must believe that he was never meant to be loved or accepted, being shown kindness for no apparent reason feels like an existential threat. It threatens to undermine the walls that he's built inside of him to keep going. This is why he allows Kotoha to help him instead—he can still rationalize her help as transactional.

This rationalization provides his means of escape. To accept his place in Makochi, he only has to accept that he doesn't have to be alone. He doesn't have to believe that he can be valued or loved unconditionally, nor that he deserved anything better. Instead, Sakura finds a way to "earn" his acceptance: The chapter culminates with Sakura accepting Bofurin, which he shows by leaping over all the others to kick the Spaltips' leader in the face.

By showing his strength, by upstaging the heroes and claiming his place among them, Sakura proves (to himself) that he is strong enough to be accepted. Rather than accept that he could always have been valued and accepted unconditionally—that he always could have been loved—Sakura would rather believe he's earned his acceptance based on his strength.

In this way, Sakura can continue to believe in his own worthlessness, saving himself from having to face his past. Because of this, even as he's learned that he can be accepted, he still maintained his belief that he was meant to be alone from the start (again, see chapter 56). This lets him continue to justify his past suffering and minimize his own pain.

This comes back around in chapter 162, when Sakura's classmates talk about his low self-esteem. Despite their efforts to show him that he's loved and valued, Sakura ultimately still believes he's only worth his strength. We see how he rejects Umemiya's praise, unable to understand how he could be praised when he "failed". Sakura can't believe he could be valued when he couldn't even single-handedly save the town.

But, as long as he believes this, his past will remain a mystery, not just to his friends and to us as readers, but even to Sakura himself. Just as Umemiya's repression kept him from realizing that his parents loved him, Sakura's repression keeps him from realizing that he has always deserved to be loved. He cannot acknowledge, can't even recognize, the pain he's endured in his life, because he still has to believe it didn't matter. Because of this, he can't let himself grieve or admit that he has always deserved better. He's still trapped believing he must always prove his worth through his strength alone.

Of course, changing this isn't going to be easy. He will get there. His friends will help him through it. Still, it's going to be rough. I think it'll be a while yet before he's ready to tell us about his past.

---

Addendum

All of that being said, something I really love about Wind Breaker is how hopeful it is and the way it shows Sakura living despite his past. To that end, I want to note one last thing: Sakura can still smile, despite everything else. No matter what he tells himself, he still feels hope.

I mentioned above that I didn't recognize Sakura's low self-esteem at first because it's masked with stereotypical shonen protagonist confidence. I think this is very deliberate by the author. We're supposed to see Sakura as cool, confident, and badass in the beginning, only to realize that he's also hurting inside. (Emphasis: that's also, not instead. These aren't mutually exclusive.) Sakura's cocky grin is part of a mask he wears, but it's not a lie.

While I believe Sakura has suffered a lot, it's important to emphasize that he's not broken or doomed to drown in grief. What I've laid out here is what I believe is going on beneath the surface, and I do believe he's going to have to face his trauma eventually, but let's not forget that our boy can still smile after all of that. The fact that he can smile doesn't mean that he's not hurting, but the fact that he's hurting doesn't mean he only feels pain. Let's not do him dirty by miring our view of him in grief. Instead, as we acknowledge how much he's suffered, let's also be happy at just how far he's come and hopeful for how far he'll go in the future.

[sirenreputation]

Maraya.

Prologue

Prologue summary

“Wukong lost someone so dear to him in the battle of the raging war in the Pearl of the Orient Sea. Many years have passed, but he has found her again… or perhaps she has found him.”

Author’s Note

“Hello, I want to make a fanfiction where our MC is a Filipina”

“The wind in the air feels nice”

Those were her last words, spoken as I held her in my arms, her life bleeding away. Her beautiful hair, once vibrant, was stained crimson. Blood marred her exquisite skin, dimming the light in her once-bright eyes, which now stared dully at me.

“Peaches...?”

My voice cracked. She lay still in my arms, numb, cold—so terribly, unbearably cold. Tears escaped, tracing a path down my cheeks and onto her face. Even in death, she was beautiful.

“WUKONG...!”

“WUKONG!!!”

My eyes flickered open to see MK staring at me, worry etched on his face. He really did care, this kid. It reminded me of her. A smile spread across my face as I approached him, ruffling his hair. "Hey, kid! You're early." MK sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, a grin tugging at his lips. "Well… I came because I wanted you to meet my best friend! She's from the Philippines, and… well, she's your biggest fan! …Besides me, of course!"

“You know well enough ki-”

He cut me off abruptly, his hands flailing as he struggled to stammer out his words, his stutter tripping him up.

“I know! I know! It’s just that I wanted you to meet her! But she is special!! Really is!!”

"Special?" I echoed, confusion twisting in my gut. I was about to ask what he meant when my gaze landed on a familiar sight in the background. The same eyes, the same skin, the same smile… My heart plummeted as I saw her, looking around the area. Her eyes darted to me, and just like thousands of years ago, that familiar warmth bloomed on my cheek, my stomach fluttering in response. Oh, how I missed her smile, her eyes, the way she looked at me… Fuck. Was my mind playing tricks on me?

“Monkey king?”

MK’s voice cut me off the trans that I was in moments ago

“Monkey king? Are you okay? Are you not feeling well? If not- “

I cut the boy off with my sound of my chuckle, I look at him smiling and again ruffles his hair

“Pshhh kid! Do you know who your mentor is? I’m the Monkey king I never get sick!”

And that I gently push him to the side and extend my arms to her.

“Hey! I’m Monkey King!”

I want to touch her.. I want to touch her hand, I want to feel her warmth so bad I wanted to know that she is real, I want to know that she is here... Alive.

Oh please buddah...don't let this be a dream.. oh please no...

She look at me adoration filled her eyes as she takes my hand, her warm hands… oh how I miss her… I miss her dearly

“It’s nice to see you Monkey King!! Oh my gosh I’ve been you're biggest fan!!”

She happily shakes my arms as her smile shines so brightly. She gently let’s go of my hand and my heart drop for a second when I don’t feel her warmth, I wanted to grab her arms and hold it longer, but I restrain myself

“I’m (Name), it’s so good to finally see you! I- I mean meet you! Monkey King”

I saw her cheek blush, Oh her voice… I can finally hear it for so many years since I’ve last heard it, she continues to tell me about my stories that she has heard from MK, I can’t help but again but to laugh. I wanted her to stay. To Listen to her tell me stories that she heard about me, but I can't, I have to trained MK

“As much as I want to hear you telling me stories that MK told you but alas, I have to train him, your free to roam around the mountain if you like”

She looked at me blushing realizing that she had taken some time, and she held her hair from her sides and used it to cover her face.

“Oh my! Sorry!! For taking your precious time to hear me telling you stories that you already know of!”

She covered her face, a gesture that felt strangely familiar, a déjà vu moment. It was exactly how she'd reacted in her past life when shy or embarrassed. Even after centuries, she hadn't changed. Following her gaze to the left, I flinched at a soft gasp. She hurried toward a nearby rock, where dozens of baby monkeys stared at her with wide, curious eyes. Her face lit up; a radiant smile bloomed as she interacted with them. The slightly older monkeys recognized her instantly. I heard MK chuckle softly as he watched her playful interaction with the little creatures.

“Wow, never knew she was good with animals”

He giggled, and I couldn't help but giggle along. I tugged MK's shoulder, giving him my most smug smirk. "C'mon, kid," I said, and a determined look, a matching smile, spread across his face as he ran toward the training area. Before catching up, I turned to the older monkeys and whispered…

“ Watch her while I trained MK kay?”

I whispered to them, where they gave me a bright smile and I patted their heads.

“MONKEY KING”

I heard MK yelled which I chuckles, and using my cloud I quickly go to MK sides and I saw him readying himself which I gave him a smirk

“Let’s get this started”

---------

A loud clash and yelling could be heard a few blocks away, causing me to look toward the sound. There, I saw MK and the Monkey King training. Never in my life had I met the legendary Monkey King! I’ve never felt so honored. I remembered being amazed by Journey to the West as a child. I'm so thankful I met MK; otherwise, I wouldn't have met the Monkey King! I'll be forever grateful to MK.

"Chirp!" I was startled from my thoughts by a small chirp. Looking down, I saw the most adorable, cutest little monkey! I couldn't help but gently pick it up and kiss its forehead. It seemed so friendly, which was odd, as I'd read that monkeys can be aggressive, especially with their young.

"Hey there, little one!" I squeaked, gently putting the baby monkey down as others joined us. This made me giggle.

“OOF”

I let out an "Oof!" as a monkey jumped onto my back and began grooming me. I appreciated this affectionate gesture. I laughed and gently put the monkey down. Then, I heard someone calling my name.

“(Name)!”

I paused, my gaze sweeping across the chattering monkeys. Their ears, surprisingly large and sensitive-looking, twitched, swiveling towards the sound as if on invisible hinges. They'd heard it too. A chill prickled my skin, not just from the slight breeze rustling through the leaves overhead, but a deeper, primal unease. The air itself seemed to thicken, heavy with an unseen presence. I could almost taste the metallic tang of fear on my tongue as I bit my lip, the rough texture of my teeth a stark contrast to the sudden clamminess of my skin. My arm hairs prickled, tiny needles against my flesh, and I rubbed my arms frantically, the rough fabric of my shirt scratching against my already tense skin in a desperate attempt to ground myself. The scent of damp earth and decaying leaves, usually comforting in this jungle setting, now felt suffocating, heavy like a shroud.

“(NAME)”

A jolt, sharp as a thrown dagger, shot through me at the renewed whisper of my name. I scrambled to my feet, a desperate carrying me towards MK and the Monkey King, the tiny monkey a frantic compass leading the way.

“(Name)…”

I heard my name, softer this time, brushed against my ears like a phantom's touch. It snagged my feet, halting my forward momentum. A knot of unease tightened in my chest, a persistent whisper urging me to look behind, to see who called. My brain screamed, a stark, panicked "NO!! DANGER," but the nagging feeling in my chest was relentless. Against my better judgment, I yielded to its insistent pull, twisting around to face…nothing. A hollow emptiness met my gaze. Frustration, raw and sharp, clawed at me. I bit back a curse, spun back around, and resumed my hurried trek toward MK and the Monkey King's training area. It was…odd. Unsettlingly strange.

------

© Sirenreputation 2024. All work belongs to @sirenreputation . You can repost if you want to support my blog/writing! Please don't modify, translate, or plagiarize in any way on ANY platform.

[freak-phone]

treated myself to filling out an oc questionnaire today! answers under the cut if you'd like to read a very very long infodump about him.

1- Introduce them!

you know him...

friendly and well-meaning, but often tactless. tendency to provoke others.

tries to act laid back and upbeat most of the time. his default expression is a smile! (truthfully, he's pretty sensitive and moody.)

seemingly compulsive need to get himself into trouble. He's smart, but he acts and speaks before he thinks too often for it to do him much good most of the time. His self confidence and tendency to run his mouth frequently blows up in his face.

2 - What are their mannerisms like?

He's a weird guy. he tries to give the first impression of being laid back, but he's a very naturally restless person. Has an anxious energy about him. I play dnd over discord so this doesn't come across haha but I always picture him fidgeting a lot, he can never quite sit still.

3 - Do they have a signature move or spell?

Bestow Curse my beloved. he has such bad luck it's contagious.

4 - How do they fight? If they use magic, how does it look or feel like?

He's not very much of a fighter, so his spell kit is more focused on utility and crafty, unconventional use of magic. Aside from that, I picked spells based on what would be funniest for a seemingly normal nerdy office worker to have, since that's his backstory. picturing a guy like this holed up in his office practicing Crown Of Madness for fun.

5 - How did they join their party?

Someone from the fae realm 'bought' his life and bodysnatched him, and is currently living his life while he's stuck in their place.

6 - Why are they travelling together?

He & 4 others stuck in the fae realm seemingly as punishment for being bad people have to help each other because they're literally chained to each other <:)

7 - favorite party member?

his new best friend, mikhail the hitman who he's only a little bit scared of. :) (& who belongs to @captainharlock) Valdes initially just strategically allied himself with the scariest person he's currently stuck with out of fear, but now they're besties. have some silly drawings of them

8- role in the party?

The nice/most selfless/most worried about others' wellbeing one, I guess? Which is saying incredibly little because they're all pretty bad people.

9- personal goal on their journey?

To get control of his life back, after spending years throwing it away in a self-destructive spiral. reality check via being trapped in fae purgatory torture world

10/11 - What do they believe in? Do they follow their heart, mind or instincts?

I nerf him being smart by making him incredibly swayed by his feelings, plus being very poorly emotionally regulated lol. His heart will always win in the end, and it's usually a bad thing.

12 - How much of their true self do they show to others?

Tough question! He's very evasive about his true feelings and keeps the 'real him' under many layers of pretend, but he just isn't very subtle and always telegraphs what he's really thinking if you know how to look for it. the homie whose carefree smile betrays a profound sadness and deep internal unrest etc

13 - What is one thing your character has lied about?

He didn't exactly lie about working for a crime syndicate, but he sure didn't bring it up willingly.

14 - Does your character feel powerful?

He knows he's a powerful wizard, even moreso with becoming a genasi, but power isn't something he thinks about a lot. Especially with his genasi abilities; he feels more at odds with them than really in control of them.

15 - Does your character feel important or like a nobody?

The funny thing about him is he does have such… main character shit going on (genius betrayed by shady branch of the government, got magic powers in a freak near-death incident, etc) but he feels like such a loser deep down and has such stupid, near-sighted priorities that most of that usually doesn't matter. He's not putting his intellect or freaky powers to good use. He's gotta go gamble and make his life worse. He pisses me off so bad

16 - What is love like for your character?

Seriously though, he is a huge romantic at heart, and even with non-romantic love is a very affectionate person. He's very nearly a great partner... but he's got a bad habit of sabotaging relationships when he gets too comfortable in them.

17 - What is hate like for your character?

he has a surprising mean streak, but it's usually defensive, with people he feels he's been hurt by first. (even if the opposite is true in reality.) He'll ruminate and hold a grudge forever. GET WELL SOON.

18 - Could your character become evil?

Maybe not entirely evil. He's pretty easily manipulated and has already been roped into a lot of bad lifestyle decisions because they're fun or personally fulfilling to him, but he's got a very strong moral compass (and sense of guilt) under it all. He believes in doing the right thing. Or at least the least bad thing.

19 - Does your character believe in fate?

He largely lives his life ruled by a belief in it. If he convinces himself everything bad that happens to him is part of some bigger picture, he worries about it less.

20 - Do they thrive in chaos or order?

He's a chaotic person by nature. Some structure evens him out, but too much of it becomes stifling.

21 - How do they calm themselves down when angry or nervous?

Valdes does not know how to stress manage. Like, at all. There's been an occasion where he's used the spell Sleep on himself to get himself to stop freaking out.

22 - What would they be like if nothing bad ever happened to them?

Not himself. Not much happier.

23 - Who hurt your character the most?

24 - Who loves/loved your character the most?

Somebody loved him so much that he nearly ruined both of their lives about it.

25 - Who do they love the most?

He's closest to his sister.

26 - What is a lie your character tells themselves?

27 - is there something your character would give their life for?

He's mister 'disguising chronic suicidal tendencies as selflessness and a martyr complex'. his friends have had to make him promise not to get himself killed/kill himself like twice already. He sees himself as disposible, and it's almost more of a self important thing than a self deprecating one. He's convinced there will be the perfect circumstances for him to throw himself on the blade in a way that will save everybody and be a net positive, instead of the unfortunate truth that he'd be hurting the people he cares about.

28 - how does your character feel about death?

Again, chronically suicidal. Being the way he is now as the result of a botched attempt has definitely complicated his feelings on it, though.

29 - What do you wish for them right now?

SIGH. I JUST DON'T KNOW.

30 - What would a happily ever after be for your character?

That's a secret :). I will say though I've gotten pretty attached to the idea of him getting into teaching when/if he gets his head on straight.

[polyhexian]

Your Belos likes to toy with and manipulate his Golden Guards a little differently each time, in ways that're tailored to each Grimwalker's situation. (Ironic that this is the one way in which he seems to truly consider them individuals.)

So like. IF he'd been able to kill Hunter as planned - not the sudden "welp, time to sink you into my brain matter now so I can get back to Luz" decision, but whatever he'd originally planned. If everything went the way he'd expected, no Luz messing things up, Hunter loyally outliving his usefulness, and now it's finally time to enact whatever sick fantasy he's been entertaining for 16 years, to make sure his "nephew" knows how little he means to him, that he isn't even a real person, and say something cruel before sending him to the pit…

Do you think he would've told Hunter about Jasper? Alluded to the fact that oh, there was someone who cared about you, but he's been dead since you were five minutes old? Told him how he predecessor had begged and died to purchase Hunter's life, and what a pity that sacrifice only bought 16 years, you really should've lasted longer?

Or do you think he wouldn't even bother, because why should Grimwalkers even know anything about each other? Or because Belos is so self-centered and stuck on himself as the abandoned little brother that he wouldn't bother emotionally torturing a Grimwalker in a way that didn't focus on him.

Imagine an alternate scenario where Luz isn't on the boiling isles, but Darius and eber and Raine still do the mindscape potion and hunter still ends up in Belos' brain, only alone lol. Yeah I think Belos is going to show him how jasper died. And let hunter slowly realize he's the baby when he sees how he actually got his scar for the first time. This horrible cold stomach sinking feeling as the horror sets in. Lol. God. Imagine that. Cuz yeah. He definitely dies in the end. And the idea of it hurts so bad because genuinely. No one will miss hunter. No one is going to mourn him. Just a dead kid no one ever cared about.