#i fear if one looks at it too hard it will self destroy

[sulkybender]

learn it all again

He treats Jayce like any other person.

During the day Viktor speaks softly to him, never losing his temper, no matter what Jayce does, no matter how brutally he lashes out.

At night Viktor sleeps next to him, his hand on Jayce’s waist. This is when he feels closest to Jayce, to what’s left of Jayce; to his soul. Jayce huddles against him, needy, something like his old self. He rests his massive head on Viktor’s chest. Sometimes he says Viktor’s name, which is always enough to make him cry.

It isn’t easy to love a beast.

—

Viktor recognizes him as soon as he sees him, led on Singed’s rope. It isn’t hard to tell. He knows Jayce too well, all his tells, his little sounds and gestures. He’s wide-eyed now with fear, with anger, but Viktor knows that too; you can’t share a lab for years without recognizing panic.

He holds Jayce before anyone can stop him. They all expect him to be torn to shreds; a part of Viktor expects it too, and accepts it. Jayce, he says, his arms around that massive neck, and Jayce nudges into him, wailing.

The moment they touch Viktor can feel it, exactly how much pain Jayce is in. The shape of it enormous, like a bloated planet.

“I’m here,” he says, stroking Jayce’s tangled hair. “I won’t leave you.”

—

The story comes out slowly. The murdered child. The violence of his grieving mother. And Singed, with a perfectly functional specimen, promising.

Viktor considers thanking him for saving Jayce’s life.

The words stick in his throat, like thorns.

You’ve destroyed him, he thinks. You’ve ruined him.

He holds Jayce’s paw a little tighter and says nothing.

—

He works so hard to relieve the pain in Jayce’s mind. Every moment of his life he’s in agony. His body was never meant for this, certainly not his mind; these were never shapes his Jayce was meant to take.

He kneels at Viktor’s feet, heavy head in his lap, and Viktor, cradling him, tries to heal him. Winding tunnel after tunnel, crenellations, twists of blood. He nearly collapses with the energy he loses. There’s so little left of himself at the end of each day.

He can imagine a nightmarish future where there’s hardly anything left of him, and barely more of Jayce than when he started.

He can imagine it, but cannot tolerate it.

He closes his eyes and starts again.

—

He draws a hot bath for Jayce and cleans him, until the water is black with filth and clotted with fur. Jayce rests his head on Viktor’s lap again, stinking of wet dog, and it occurs to him that this is probably the closest Jayce can get to telling him he loves him.

“I’m here,” Viktor says. “Jayce, I’m here and I will take care of you. I will always take care of you.”

Jayce looks up at him with his wounded eyes. The wound in them so large Viktor doesn’t know how to touch it.

“Always,” he repeats, his voice trembling, and rests his hand on the ugly mess of Jayce’s head.

—

He remembers when Jayce was beautiful.

—

One night he wakes up to the sound of Jayce crying.

It’s hard to bear, nearly impossible. He’s bent-backed and weeping, with his paws plastered to his head like it hurts.

At the same time, Viktor knows this means they’ve come closer to his humanity, shaved the beast away by small degrees until what’s left is Jayce, horrified, aching. It makes him feel something like hope.

“Jayce,” he says, touching that huge shoulder. “My Jayce.”

He weeps beastly tears into Viktor’s chest, hot salt and the stink of sulfur.

—

He’s softened now, docile. He creeps behind Viktor, hunched, as if he’s ashamed of himself. He holds Viktor’s hand with a twisted paw, like a child anxious around strangers, clinging to its mother. In bed his clumsy hands are gentle. He cards his claws through Viktor’s hair, cups his face, noses his cheek carefully, like a kiss.

“Jayce,” Viktor breathes, and holds him.

It’s so hard to be so close to Jayce and separated from him all at once.

He has dreams where they kiss, in their old bodies, their old uniforms, and when he wakes up Jayce is still looking at him with the same yearning eyes. He feels so sad, a little repulsed.

Then again who knows what Jayce would think of the body Viktor lives in now.

—

As close as they’ve ever gotten. Jayce speaks with difficulty, with a mouth never made for speaking. “Love you,” he says. “Love you, love you.”

“I know, sweetheart,” Viktor says. The ache in his throat is painful.

“Don’ cry,” he says, squeezing Viktor’s hands. “No. No.”

Viktor buries his face in the beast’s chest as tries to learn it all again, how to breathe.

—

They talk about it, the Herald’s dog. The monster who kneels at his feet, head on Viktor’s thighs, whimpering. It’s obvious to everyone that the monster is in pain. The Herald refuses to admit it.

“He’s fine,” he says. “A few more healing sessions. There’s so much left to try.”

And at night the Herald admits there is nothing left to try, and the beast—infinitely patient, very much in love—nuzzles his master’s face, holds his skinny body tight. He can’t fault Viktor for being unable to let him go, or unwilling.

Left to his own devices, the monster would always choose a world where he gets to stay by Viktor’s side.

He chooses it now, and now, kissing Viktor’s ear.

I do want an au where Jayce is the beast and Viktor has to save him/find him in there

[randomchaotichuman]

twitter has become unusable and an even worse pit of despair than usual. I guess it's back to the classics for now

[cultven]

hii i love reading yor fics sososo much T_T<333

I'd like to request a fic where Logan dreams that he hurts the reader, almost killing them. The reader notices that he's having a nightmare and wakes him up, he's disoriented and in panic, but when he realized what just happened he is incredibly relieved to see that reader is ok and alive. Maybe he even breaks down and cries, which really shocks the reader cuz they arent used to seeing Logan like this 🥺 Then the reader comforts him and takes care of him until he's back asleep.

As It Should Be

Wolverine X Reader

Content: Comfort, crying, poor Logan cannot catch a break, but you're there to dig him out of his sadness hole, he loves you a lot, lots of fluff while comforting him

Word Count: 1.39k

Warnings: Some graphic violence during the nightmare segment

a/n: Thank you for the kind words! This one honestly got a little graphic in terms of gore, but nothing too bad, so hopefully that’s ok! This was fun to write, enjoy!

No. What had he done? 

Logan stood in a pile of debris and rubble, his white tank top and jeans now caked in blood that wasn’t his. Claws refusing to retract, Logan felt utterly hopeless against his own body. His actions weren’t his own as he trudged towards the only person left alive; you. You were scared, that much was clear by your facial expression and hasty movements to crawl backward away from the mutant. 

“Logan… this isn’t you, please.” You plead, eyes darting around the scene to find help, anyone that is still alive or conscious. All you could take in was the decimated mansion and the mauled corpses of your loved ones. What had taken over Logan? Why did he destroy the very things he risked his life for countless times? 

As Logan looked into your frightened eyes his heart clenched, knowing what was coming next. He just wishes he could stop it. Watching himself tear through his other family hurt like hell, but having to watch you die he didn’t think he could bear it. You were his entire world, the only thing that could ground him when he fell down the pits of self-destruction. He would forever kill himself before harming you. But this version of himself had other plans. 

He trudged over, claws glistening in the light of fire around them. “No, no no no…” You chant, still trying to escape the man but your legs are rendered useless due to your paralyzing fear. With one swift movement, Logan begins to tear through flesh and muscle, watching in horror as his hands mutilate his love against his will. You could do nothing but lay there, screaming in pain, your mutant ability keeping you alive for longer than you wanted to be. Logan wished he was the one being gutted. In a way, he was. Anyone else, anyone but you deserved his wrath. 

Tears clung tightly to his eyes as his hand retracted from your body, lining up for the final shot to the head. As the blade commences its soar towards your skull, Logan jolts up from a lying position and hastily takes in his surroundings. It was dark, he was under a blanket of sorts, and oh, he was in your bedroom. Had it only been a nightmare? No, it was far too cruel and realistic to have been. Even Logan’s mind wasn’t so callous to make him live through such a horror. So then, it must have been real? Logan begins to hyperventilate, raising his hands to eye level. His claws were away, and his rough skin was clean of blood. But, as he blinked, grotesque images flashed through his mind. Sick crimson blood, your blood, begins to stain his hands, drying in a disgusting reddish-brown. He immediately jumped out of bed, went into the ensuite bathroom, and scrubbed his hands raw. 

“No, no no no.” He chanted under his breath as he tried to scrape off the non-existent material. The cold water was not enough to ground him back to reality, Logan eventually gave up and put him back to the skin, sliding down towards the floor to cradle his head in his hands. Thanks to the sound of the water running in the bathroom and Logan’s hard footsteps, you eventually stir awake. At first, nothing seemed wrong, maybe he just had to use the bathroom. But after the sound of continuous water for five minutes you grew increasingly concerned. Deciding to confront the man you carefully walk up to the bathroom door and gently knock three times, not to startle him during whatever he’s doing. 

“Lo?” It was only one syllable, but your sweet voice saying his nickname out loud was enough to send Logan scrambling. The door eagerly burst open, and when it did the sight you were met with shocked your heart. There was Logan on the ground, clearly disheveled, eyes bloodshot and teary. “Oh baby, what happened?” You coo, going to take a step forward but immediately retreating seeing Logan flinch. 

“You’re- you’re real, right?” Logan tentatively asks, sounding scared. Of course, you were real, why wouldn’t you be?” 

“Yes, love.” You stay put in your place. You didn’t want to upset him further.

“No… I ripped you apart. You died by my hands.” You resist the urge to outwardly exclaim how ridiculous he sounded before realizing he more than likely had a nightmare. Logan was prone to bad dreams, but none ever shook him quite as much as this. The only good thing that came out of the consistent night terrors was that you now knew how to soothe him in times like these. 

“I’m right here my love. I’m not hurt. See? I’m perfectly okay.” Your voice stays calm and soothing, not wanting to startle him further. “Touch my hand. Feel my skin. I am right here.” Usually, the sensation of touch grounded him from this distressed state, but this time he seemed hesitant to even look in your direction. 

“I can’t. I might hurt you again.” Logan looked so small and it broke you. He was huddled into himself, still looking at you untrusting. The thought of himself harming you any further plagued his mind, twisting his stomach and making him want to vomit. You were his world, his everything. He curses his body for the immortality that was bestowed upon him because if anything happens to you he wants to follow right behind. 

Realizing you may seem intimidating due to the fact you’re standing tall over his curled-up body you lower yourself and sit criss-cross applesauce across from him. Putting your hand out in between your two bodies you silently sit there, waiting for Logan to take this at his own pace. After a few minutes, Logan seems calm enough to touch your hand. Fingertips only brush at first, then a loose handhold, then a firm grasp on each other. Before either of you knew it you were fully embracing, Logan nuzzling his head into your neck. He needed to take you in every sense, to prove this was real. His nose took in your intoxicating perfume, his hands gripped your curves, his ears heard your soft breaths release from your mouth, and when he pulled back his eyes took in the sight of you. You were as stunning as always even with your messy hair and tired eyes. You were real, you were here, and you were his. 

Seeing as your boyfriend has calmed down you decided to relocate to a more comfortable area. “Let’s get off this gross floor, okay love? Let’s go to bed.” You whisper, carefully tugging him along to your shared bed. Once you two got settled down you were instantly back in his strong arms, protecting you from the rest of the world. You thought all was said and done for the night until Logan spoke up. 

“You were so scared. I made you scared.” He hated seeing you that way. It hurt him. What hurt worse was that he was the cause of it. He now understands it wasn’t real, but your expression was so gut-wrenching he couldn’t shake it off. 

“Logan I know you would never hurt me on purpose.” You reassured him. “Except maybe when you squeeze me to death with your bear hugs.” Logan chuckled a little bit, your humor always lightens the mood. You lay in silence for a bit, almost dozing off until you hear a voice next to you. 

“Thank you for dealing with me.” You smile, leaning over and kissing the man gingerly on the cheek. 

“It’s what I signed up for my love. Besides, you could never be a bother to me.” He smiles back, a rare sight to anyone but yourself. “I love you, Logan.”

“I love you too.” With that resignation you two cuddle, arms and legs entangled with one another’s. Eventually, Logan is lulled back to sleep while listening to the steady beat of your heart. Instead of another nightmare, he is met with a blissful dream of the two of you living together on a mountain, away from all the violence and harm the world holds. Just as it should be. 

[sushiyuzu]

Hiii, I was wondering if you could make smth with a fem-reader who gets super angry, like destructive when mad bcus she lacks self-control rlly bad (for me I'm mentally ill lol) so when she gets mad her s/o usually walks in to her room destroyed with a crying reader in the corner, especially when she hasn't been taking her meds it ends up like that, and can you do this with Megumi, Yuta, and Sukuna

a safe comfort 🤍

a/n: thank you so much for trusting me with this request! it was my second time receiving and writing a fanfic request, and i truly appreciate the support! please remember to take care of yourself, especially if you're struggling with mental health—your well-being is so important! <3

warning: this story includes themes of mental illness, destructive behavior, and emotional distress. please proceed with caution.

megumi fushiguro

it starts as a small thing, the kind of annoyance you’d usually brush off. but today, something feels different. it’s as if the tension has been building for days, winding tighter and tighter until finally—something snaps. and when it does, you can’t stop yourself.

your hands are trembling as you shove the lamp off your nightstand, the crash of broken glass loud in your ears. the sound echoes in your head, but it doesn’t register—not really. you’re already grabbing at the books on your desk, hurling them across the room as frustration wells up inside you, fierce and unrelenting.

the anger takes over everything. it’s all-consuming, suffocating, like a weight on your chest you can’t escape. and when it’s over, when the room lies in ruins around you, you’re left standing in the middle of it all, gasping for air, your hands still shaking as the reality of what you’ve done hits you.

you drop to the floor, curling into yourself, the tears coming fast and hard. shame burns deep in your chest, the guilt crushing you as you try to breathe through it. you don’t want to be like this—you don’t want to be the person who destroys everything.

you don’t even notice when megumi walks in. he’s always quiet like that, slipping into your space without making a sound. but you know he’s there when you hear his voice—soft, steady, calm.

“hey,” he murmurs, and the sound is so gentle it makes your chest ache. “it’s okay.”

you can’t bring yourself to look up at him, too ashamed of what he must be seeing. you’re a mess. the room’s a mess. but megumi doesn’t seem to care. he steps carefully around the broken glass, the scattered papers, and kneels down beside you without a word.

for a long moment, he doesn’t say anything, just sits there with you, his presence grounding you in a way that nothing else can. his hand hovers near your shoulder, not quite touching, as if he’s waiting for permission to get closer.

“i’m not going anywhere,” he says softly, his voice filled with quiet reassurance.

you finally lift your head, and the moment your eyes meet his, the tears come faster, harder. you choke on a sob, unable to hold it back any longer, but megumi’s arms are around you before you can even process it. he pulls you into his chest, holding you close, and for a second, you forget about the wreckage around you.

his grip is firm but gentle, his hand running through your hair in soothing strokes. he’s not one to overwhelm you with words—megumi knows that sometimes silence speaks louder. instead, he just holds you, letting you cry against him, offering a quiet strength you can lean on without fear.

“we’ll figure it out,” he says after a while, his voice steady, like a promise. “whatever it is, we’ll deal with it together.”

you know he means it. with megumi, there are no empty promises. just the quiet certainty that no matter how bad things get, he’s going to stay by your side. and somehow, that makes it a little easier to breathe.

the minutes stretch into what feels like hours as you sink into his embrace. with every ragged breath, you can feel the tension start to dissolve. megumi’s warmth envelops you, a safe haven amidst the storm of emotions raging inside.

as the tears slow, you begin to notice the little things—how his heartbeat thrums steadily against your ear, the scent of his cologne lingering in the air, the gentle way he holds you as if you’re something precious. it’s a comfort that seeps into your bones, reminding you that you’re not alone in this chaos.

“i know it feels overwhelming right now,” he says, his voice low and soothing, “but it doesn’t define you. you’re stronger than this moment.”

you nod against him, trying to internalize his words, but the guilt still lingers like a shadow. “i don’t want to be like this,” you whisper, your voice muffled against his shirt.

“i know,” he replies, pulling back slightly to look you in the eye. there’s a determination in his gaze, a fierce protectiveness that makes your heart swell. “and you’re not. we’ll find a way to help you. just take it one step at a time.”

he wipes away the tears on your cheeks with the pads of his thumbs, his touch featherlight yet grounding. in his gaze, you see understanding—an unspoken agreement that you don’t have to carry this burden alone. with megumi beside you, it’s easier to believe that healing is possible, that you can face whatever darkness lies ahead.

as you sit there, the room still in disarray, you realize it’s okay to be broken. it’s okay to ask for help. because with megumi by your side, you know you have a safe space to fall apart and rebuild. you’re not just a collection of shattered pieces; you’re a person, and that person deserves love and understanding—even in the midst of chaos.

“thank you,” you murmur, feeling a glimmer of hope rise within you.

“always,” he replies, a soft smile breaking through the worry etched on his face. “now, let’s clean this up together, okay?”

you nod, and for the first time in a long while, you feel like maybe, just maybe, you can find your way back to yourself.

yuta okkotsu

the anger hits you like a tidal wave, sudden and overwhelming, and before you know it, everything around you is falling apart. you’ve tried to hold it back—tried so hard—but the frustration is too much. your hands move on their own, knocking over anything within reach, the sounds of things crashing to the floor blending together in a chaotic blur.

you don’t realize how far you’ve gone until the room is a disaster—books torn from the shelves, clothes scattered across the floor, furniture tipped over in your frenzy. it’s only when the last bit of anger burns out that you see the mess you’ve made, and with it comes the crushing guilt. the shame.

you collapse to the floor, pressing your palms to your face, hiding from the destruction you’ve caused. your heart races in your chest, your breathing uneven as the tears come, slow at first, then uncontrollable.

you don’t hear the door open, don’t realize yuta’s standing there until you feel a presence near you. when he speaks, his voice is so soft, so filled with concern, it breaks your heart.

“hey,” he calls your name gently, kneeling in front of you. “what happened?”

you can’t answer him, can’t even look at him. the shame is too much. you’ve done this again—let yourself lose control, let everything spiral. yuta doesn’t push you for answers, though. he just watches you for a moment, waiting for the right time to step in.

“it’s okay,” he whispers after a while, reaching out carefully, his hand brushing against your arm in a tentative gesture. “i’m not mad. i’m just... worried.”

his words hit you in a way you didn’t expect, and before you know it, you’re falling into him. yuta catches you easily, pulling you close to his chest, his arms wrapping around you protectively. he’s warm, gentle, his hands soothing as he rubs slow circles against your back.

“we’ll get through this,” he murmurs against your hair, his voice steady. “whatever’s going on... we’ll handle it together.”

his embrace is firm, but never overwhelming. he holds you just tightly enough to make you feel safe, his chin resting on the top of your head as he lets you cry into his shoulder. yuta’s always been like this—soft, gentle, never pushing too hard but always there when you need him most.

“you don’t have to be afraid of this,” he adds, his voice low. “we’ll take it one step at a time, okay?”

you nod against him, even though you still feel the weight of your emotions pressing down on you. but with yuta’s arms around you, the world feels just a little bit less overwhelming.

as you pull away slightly, just enough to see his face, you can’t help but notice the concern etched in his features. his eyes search yours, looking for any sign of reassurance. “you didn’t have to hide this from me,” he says softly, brushing a thumb across your cheek, wiping away a tear that has slipped free. “i’m here for you, no matter what.”

the sincerity in his voice ignites something inside you—a flicker of hope amidst the storm of despair. “i just... don’t want to be like this,” you admit, your voice trembling. “i don’t want to keep losing control.”

“it’s okay to feel angry sometimes,” he reassures, his expression unwavering. “but you’re not alone in this. you don’t have to handle everything on your own.”

you take a deep breath, allowing his words to wash over you. it’s a reminder that while this moment feels insurmountable, it doesn’t define you. yuta doesn’t judge you for the chaos you’ve created; instead, he’s offering a lifeline, a way to navigate through the darkness together.

“let’s clean this up,” he suggests, pulling back just enough to look you in the eyes. “but first, can we take a minute? just to breathe?”

you nod again, grateful for his understanding. yuta guides you back to the corner of the room where it feels a bit safer, sitting beside you on the floor amidst the wreckage. he takes a moment to simply breathe with you, matching his inhale and exhale to yours. in those shared breaths, you can feel the tension begin to ease, even if just a little.

“you’re strong, you know,” he says softly, looking at you with such intensity that it warms your heart. “even when it feels like everything’s falling apart, you’re still standing here. that means something.”

his words wrap around you like a warm blanket, grounding you further. you manage a small smile, a flicker of gratitude in your chest. “thank you for being here.”

“always,” he replies, the sincerity in his voice bringing a sense of comfort. “let’s start with one thing at a time. how about we pick up the books first?”

you both begin to clear the room together, moving through the remnants of your outburst. with each item you return to its place, you feel a little more in control, a little less lost. yuta’s presence is steady by your side, and as he laughs softly at the absurdity of some of the mess, you can’t help but join him.

“what a tornado you’ve created,” he teases gently, picking up a shirt and throwing it playfully at you. “it looks like a fashion disaster.”

“hey! don’t make fun of my style,” you retort, a laugh bubbling up despite the heaviness of earlier. the sound feels good, like a small victory over the lingering despair.

“i’d never!” he exclaims, mock-indignant. “your style is unique, and it needs to be respected.”

as you work together, the atmosphere shifts. the heaviness that had settled in your chest begins to lift, and with yuta’s playful banter, you start to find a lightness you thought was lost. you realize that even in moments of chaos, you can create something beautiful—like the bond you share with him.

once the room is tidied up, yuta turns to you, his expression serious again. “remember, it’s okay to ask for help. i’m just a call away, and you don’t have to face anything alone.”

you look at him, your heart swelling with gratitude. “i really appreciate you, yuta. for everything.”

“anytime,” he replies, reaching for your hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “let’s take care of each other, okay?”

as you sit together in the aftermath of the storm, you know that with yuta by your side, you’ll find a way through whatever challenges lie ahead. the world feels just a little bit less daunting, and that’s more than enough for now.

ryomen sukuna

it happens fast—too fast for you to stop it. one moment, you’re pacing around the room, frustration boiling inside you like a pressure cooker, and the next, your hands are smashing into everything within reach. you’ve never been able to control it, this anger that builds and builds until it spills over, consuming everything in its path.

furniture crashes to the floor, papers scatter across the room, and the sound of breaking glass rings in your ears. you’ve wrecked the place, torn it apart with your bare hands, and now, standing in the aftermath, all you can feel is the hollow emptiness left behind.

your chest heaves as you try to catch your breath, tears blurring your vision as the weight of what you’ve done settles in. you sink down to the floor, curling in on yourself, the world around you too much to handle. the anger is gone now, but the shame remains, thick and suffocating.

then you hear him—sukuna. his voice cuts through the silence like a knife, sharp and unmistakable.

“well, well,” he drawls, his tone laced with amusement. “look at the mess you’ve made.”

you flinch, expecting the worst, but when sukuna steps into the room, there’s no mockery in his eyes. he surveys the damage with a raised brow, but instead of berating you, he simply smirks, as if he finds the whole thing more fascinating than anything else.

“you always did have a flair for destruction,” he says, his voice low and smooth. “but this... this is something else.”

you don’t respond. you can’t. the shame is too heavy, too overwhelming, and the last thing you want is for him to see you like this. but sukuna doesn’t leave. instead, he walks over to you, his boots crunching against the broken glass, and crouches down in front of you.

he tilts his head, his red eyes gleaming with something almost like curiosity. “are you done?”

you nod, though it’s barely a movement. your throat is tight, your eyes stinging with unshed tears, and sukuna just watches you for a moment longer before sighing. without another word, he reaches out and pulls you into his arms, not caring about the mess around him.

you’re too tired to resist, too worn out to push him away, and sukuna just holds you there, his grip firm but not painful. there’s a warmth to him, a strange sort of comfort in the way he wraps his arms around you, despite his usual roughness.

“you’re a disaster,” he mutters, his tone teasing but not unkind. “but i suppose you’re my disaster.”

you don’t know why, but his words make the tears come harder, and before you know it, you’re sobbing against his chest, your body trembling with the force of it. sukuna doesn’t shush you or tell you to stop. he just lets you cry, his hand resting on the back of your head, his fingers gently tangling in your hair.

“let it out,” he says, his voice soft now, quieter than you’ve ever heard it before. “you’ll feel better after.”

and somehow, with him holding you, the world feels just a little bit less chaotic. sukuna may not be gentle, but in this moment, he’s exactly what you need. the weight of his arms around you, solid and unyielding, keeps you anchored, keeps you from spiraling any further.

he’s not one for soft reassurances or whispered comforts, but his presence alone is enough to ground you. he lets you break down in his arms, lets you be vulnerable without judgment or impatience. there’s something oddly calming about it—being in the presence of someone so powerful, so utterly in control, when you feel like your world is falling apart.

after a long while, when your sobs finally subside, sukuna pulls back slightly. he tilts your chin up with two fingers, forcing you to meet his gaze. his red eyes bore into yours, sharp and unwavering.

“feel better?” he asks, his voice low, his expression unreadable.

you nod, not trusting your voice to speak. he studies you for a moment longer before he lets go of your chin, standing up and brushing some debris off his clothes as if none of this bothered him in the slightest.

“next time,” he says, his tone casual, as if offering advice on something trivial, “try not to destroy everything. or at least wait until i’m around to enjoy the show.”

there’s a teasing lilt to his words, and despite yourself, despite everything, a small, tired smile tugs at the corners of your lips.

“come on,” sukuna says, offering you his hand to help you up. “let’s get out of here. you need to clear your head.”

you hesitate for only a moment before taking his hand, and he pulls you up effortlessly. as he leads you out of the wreckage of your room, there’s a strange comfort in knowing that, for all his arrogance and rough edges, sukuna’s still here—still willing to stay by your side, no matter how many times you break.

and somehow, with him, that’s enough.

[ficmenrhot]

Finnick’s trauma and comforting him:( /angst/

TW: mentions of forced prostitution and description of some gore and violence, a little bit of self hatred, talking about traumatic events

A/N: to all those survivors and victims of traumatic events, I’m proud of you…and this is a reminder that your loved ones are always willing to listen. Also, this is quite long so buckle up!

————————————

I think it is pretty much common knowledge that Finnick Odair has some deep trauma from his time in the games and past. Although most victors of the Hunger Games suffered the same fate, Finnick was caught in Snow’s grasp too young..too vulnerable. He was forced to participate in the 65th Hunger Games at only 14-to kill others for survival- and when he won, thinking that all the suffering would be over then, he was threatened to become a prostitute at 16, otherwise his loved ones would be slaughtered- in which they did.

Finnick tries so hard to put on a facade in front of the Capitol- when he attends shows and interviews- and he does an amazing job at that. He tries so, so hard to remain strong for you too…to try and convince you that he really is alright by lying that his past no longer haunts him. He wants to assure you that he is stable because he is afraid of becoming a burden to you, afraid to be pushed away or feared by you because of his ‘problems’. The last thing he needs is to have the last person he loves vanish from his life.

However, at times, the stresses and memories just come flooding back to him and he finds himself breaking down.

Sometimes at night, you’ll be awoken by the soft sobs of Finnick crying, and seeing him in that state just absolutely destroys you…as if a thousand knives to your heart.

His back is facing you to avoid having you see his teary face, quietly sniffing into a pillow in his arm. He looks so vulnerable…almost like he’s fourteen all over again, and your heart throbs at the sight of your love- usually so big and strong- breaking down into pieces.

“…F-Finnick, my love?” You whisper ever so softly, sitting up against the headboard as you place a your much smaller hand on his shoulder.

Finnick turns at you, his eyes red and tears welling up at his waterline, long lashes wet and cheeks a little flushed from crying. He blinks, wiping away his tears, voice raspy as he says apologetically,

“Honey….I’m so sorry I woke you up.”

This man. He’s breaking down and he is so selfless that he apologises to you for experiencing valid emotions?!

“Oh Finnick, why are you apologising? It’s not your fault..you know it never is. Was it the nightmares again?” you ask gently with sympathetic eyes.

You have no idea what Finnick had to go through in the Hunger Games or any idea of what it is like to have your body sold but whatever it feels like, you know it must be terrible…so painful and terrible for somebody as strong as Finnick to be shattered. And you wouldn’t even have to think for a second to do anything at all -to kill or to sacrifice your own safety- just to share half of Finnick’s pain….to lift the weighs off his shoulders.

“My love, would you like me to hold you?” It is the least you can offer.

Finnick sniffs quietly and nod, moving closer to you to lay on your chest. Your fingers delve into his golden curls, playing with his hair as it is one of your favourite ways to calm him down. The two of you find peace in the silence before you ask softly:

“Would you like to share what happened, Finnick? Or we can talk about it when you feel better and just cuddle back to sleep…whatever you’re comfortable with, my love.”

Finnick is quiet for a few moments before he blinks and rubs at his wet lashes, “..it was…it was another nightmare. I had to kill the last tribute…a young girl from district 11. She was only a few years older than me…forced into the Games too…and I had to k-kill her to win…” His voice cracks as a tear rolls down his cheeks, and you wipe it away with your thumb, nodding as you listen attentively.

“It was terrible…the look on her face when I stabbed her with my trident…I can still remember her shrill screams, the look of betrayal on her face…the way her body thudded to the ground with blood soaking up her wetsuit.” Finnick begins to sob once more.

“Shhh..shhh” you coo, stroking Finnick’s cheeks as you attempt to comfort him.

Finnick shakes his head, breath hitched and uneven as he sobs in your hands, and the heartache of seeing him like this nearly eats you alive.

“I…I’m disgusting…I feel impure….and with what Snow did to me…”

“…the things he made me do…I feel disgusting....”

Prostitution is something you know of Finnick’s past, but it is a topic he has never really opened up on until this moment. You never forced him or questioned him about it because you know it is an event of great trauma to him.

You can only stroke Finnick’s hair to sooth him and hold him tightly in support as he continues, feeling both sympathy and proudness that he is able to open up about this topic.

“No matter how much I try to wash myself, to scrub my skin and submerge myself in soap, I can still smell the sickening scent of Capitol perfumes. Sometimes…I feel sorry that I can’t be a better partner for you sweetheart……and I’m so afraid that you’ll leave me or regret me or feel shameful of me.”

You cup Finnick’s face for him to look at you and there are a thousand emotions visible in your eyes as you speak.

“Are you kidding, Finnick? Look me in the eye when I tell you that I will never regret loving you or feel ashamed of you. I’m so proud to have you as my partner, as my lover, so proud of how strong you are…how strong you remain after the terrible things you had to go through.”

“In fact, my love, I look up to you. You’re my role model Finnick, and if I were in your shoes, I would not be able to handle things half as well as you do. You are kind, amazing, beautiful and definitely not disgusting. Trust me when I say that that is the last thing you’ll ever be. Besides, it wasn’t your choice to kill that tribute, anyone would’ve done the same.”

And with that, his sea green eyes softens, and that smile you’re familiar with finally appears on his face. Dimples when he smiles. You press a soft kiss on his forehead and stroke his hair as the two of you hold each other sleepily, slowly dozing off to a deep slumber. The last words you mutter being:

“I love you, my love.”

“I love you more, honey. And thank you….really.”

——————————————————————

A/N: AHHHH! tell me why I almost cried writing this?! This is my first angst and I think the lost piece I’ve written by far (on this new account). Please like or reblog if you enjoyed this, and follows are most definitely appreciated ;)

[geoviki]

Mo Guan Shan’s Big Feelings

Mo Guan Shan, resident tsundere of 19 Days, pretends to be tough and hard-hearted.  But he’s easily and frequently reduced to tears, as we soon realize.  In fact, he cries so often in the story that this post is pretty massive.

MGS cries as a child, of course.  He’s in a clinic in his mom’s arms when She Li first becomes obsessed with him (ch 294).

MGS has a bad dream about the day his dad told little Guan Shan he couldn’t come to the school’s robot fair (ch 392).

MGS cries in other dreams too.  Soon after meeting He Tian, he has a sensual dream of being comforted in He Tian’s arms after being bullied.  Look closely – there are little tears falling as He Tian assures him he’s the “most invincible badass.” (ch 250)

True to form, he cries in the Santa fantasy extra when his house is destroyed (ch 345).

MGS cries when he’s frustrated, like in this episode after the play when he can’t untie himself to pee (ch 359).

MGS is a weepy drunk as well.  After accidentally destroying Brother Qiu’s bike (ch 427), he drunkenly sobs in bed as he vows to somehow repay him. 

Later, while MGS is still drunk, He Tian slips and falls while carrying him, ripping Mo’s pants in front of He Cheng (ch 429).  MGS cries from embarrassment.

Unsurprisingly, MGS cries over his dad.  After He Tian unknowingly brings him to dinner at what is probably his father’s former restaurant, we see a young MGS in flashback crying in fear at the chaos around him.  Present-day MGS flees and He Tian finds him crying in the parking lot (ch 217)

One of the more moving chapters shows MGS breaking down as he visits his father in prison for the first time (ch 240).

MGS cries from sheer anger in several chapters.  The earliest is when He Tian forces an unwanted kiss on him as a misplayed joke (ch 174-175).  He Tian is taken aback by Mo’s strong, tearful reaction.  It’s probably the first time someone doesn’t try to placate He Tian when he’s being a jerk, and he begins to take MGS more seriously after this.

MGS tries to end his friendship with He Tian after the school play that indirectly causes him to lose his meager job.  He Tian doesn’t help matters by waving money at him as they quarrel.  MGS weeps with anger and says, “Standing with you makes me feel like a failure.”  (ch 364)

He cries in anger once more as he watches incredulously as She Li incinerates his backpack (ch 368).  (She Li seems to walk around carrying gasoline like it’s no big deal – what’s up with that?)

MGS cries when he’s worried.  When he digs frantically through the mudslide during their ill-fated mountain hike, he thinks He Tian has been buried alive.  When He Tian calls out, MGS throws his teary self into He Tian’s arms (ch 329).

MGS’s worry is clear when the last violent fight with She Li is finally over and He Tian has won (ch 408).  The battle was so fierce that by the end He Tian is crying too, and soon they’re embracing (I sense a pattern here!)

MGS often cries when his emotions overwhelm him.  Early on, after MGS is rescued from the fiasco of agreeing to take the blame for a serious crime, He Tian tells him, “Don’t try to shoulder everything yourself.” (ch 188).  MGS tears up at the thought that someone like He Tian has his back.

MGS ends up full-on sobbing in He Tian’s arms (again) when he finally admits why She Li has a hold over him: because of the homeless man who tried to kill him (ch 319).

In one of the most traumatic scenes (and a personal favorite), both guys shed a lot of tears when He Tian finds him after She Li has tortured and burned him (ch 369-370).  These chapters mark a turning point in their relationship from friends to more.

MGS is shown when he’s happy only once, and that memorable event will happen in their future: that Christmas night when He Tian returns and proposes with matching rings (ch 412).  Cue the waterworks!

Thanks to all of the translators who provide the English versions of the story!

[pinastrihaven]

Overpossessive Cooper Adams

NSFW... +18...

This is the first time I publish some writting/headcanon ever. I had to serve this Fandom since we're so little. Hope you'll like it.

Here is Part 2

- His initial plan was to make you one of his victim, destroy something beautiful, but when you first talked to him something switched in his mind. He liked the way you look and smile at him, how you insist on calling him Sir, the delicate attentions you show him throughout your different encounters. He felt important and special. So he decided to seduce you.... and keep you as a pet.

- It began with stalking. Following you as you left work, tracking your activity on your phone as soon as he got your number and socials. Which is quite disappointing to say the least. You're basically an ermite so following you IRL is more thrilling. He loves to follow you on the most random occasions: when you run errands (he laughs at your indecisiveness), when you sit at the park (God he could go mad at the sight of your long legs crossing, uncrossing under your skirt as you're reading or simply relaxing).

- What he really loves is to follow you when you go on a hike by yourself. It is challenging to him. He has to be stealth and silent, follow you from afar, which is quite difficult in the forest. It is also difficult to concentrate because of the bulge of his crouch crying out for release. Many scenarios run though his head in this setting. Visions of horror and pure bliss fight under his brain. He can almost hear your vivid screams of terror mixed with pleasure.

- After a certain time a strange feeling grew in his chest. The more time he spent with you going to a diner, going to the cinema, having some lazy time at your place, waiting for you from afar to exit this psychologist appointment you've never told him about... The more he felt at ease knowing you are safe under his guard. I mean, his first intentions were not good, and he knows damn well how far people can be monstrous.

- Of course Cooper never felt any sense of guilt to invade your private space. You belong to him and it his right to know any minute details of your life.

And you always marvel at how he's aware of your most niche interests. He might not be into it but '' yeah this vague novel from thirty years ago '' he has heard about it...

- Because you're Cooper's, he needs to let the world know, and your very self too of course. So how Mister Adams would proceed?

- When the two of you are together, no one gets to look at you for too long, not even women. He would not make a fuss, he can be quite discreet you wouldn't even realize it, but those people get frozen with a death stare. You wouldn't even catch him doing so. He is still the Butcher.

- No man gets to talk to you. And you quite appreciate it, how he answers for you, oders your diner at restaurants, puts himself between you and those guys... You feel shielded by him.

- Cooper loves to get his own scent on you and vice versa. He often humps you to do so and it leaves you enthralled to feel him this hard and wanting for more. He really enjoys having your scent on him, it gives him some sort of primal satisfaction.

You're not allowed to perfume yourself so he can smell you best. Your scent let him aware of your arousal, excitement and sometimes your primal fears.

- Cooper always hold you: rarely by the hand, but mostly your hips, shoulders, neck. He even ventures his hand in your hair in public. He likes to pull it subtly and it makes you really warm. You love to feel his strong grip on your body, it makes you feel safe.

- Cooper needs to mark you.

So get ready to get bitten... A lot, and hard. He would leave traces down your neck (and not allow you to wear anything to cover it up). Cooper would leave even more brutal bite marks on your hips and inner thigh. He just love to hear you scream in pain and giggle right after he has removed his teeth from your flesh. And you love the painful sensation it leaves on your body. Sure your best friend freaked out when she saw you on that beach day but you're having a blast with Mister Adams.

- "There's really nothing to worry about" as Cooper likes to chock you on many occasions. He likes to get you by surprise (and how you immedialty reach his bulge when he does). He just love to cut the air from your lungs and see you go limp. The way consciousness quit your eyes as he has his hands around your tiny throat mesmerize him. It's literally like killing you slowly.

- Cooper loves you more at his mercy, so he would have you blinded, duck tape on your mouth, hands and limbs binded and have you like that, at his feet for hours. You cannot describe the sense of peace it gives you to be in bondage for him. Sometimes he caresses you with his hands... or the edge of a blade....

- Breeding.

Though getting you pregnant is not really the point, Cooper wants to mark your insides with his cum. He makes you understand you're his with every thrust he pushes into you, really rough and hard. You'll remember it for days. And you just love how he growls when he sprays his cum into you. He will always wait for your orgasm to do so.

He loves to watch his cum roll down from your pussy, all puffy and swollen.

- Cooper also enjoy to give you soft marks, soft kiss all over your face, some gentle licks across your bite marks, he loves to caress you gently and feel how easily you would break between his hands.

- Overall it is quite intense to be Mister Adams pet but it also feels good. Would I dare to say safe ?

[akascow]

okay so

i think the viktor and mel hallucinations during jayce's whole Moment in 2x07, their eyes are just completely black. and its VERY faint but u can KIND OF see the outline of their irises if u look REALLY close (irl)

to show u what i mean:

first ones are just normal settings (tho my computer brightness is all the way up), i only messed with the exposure n highlights of the pictures and stuff in the middle ones, and outlined the eyes in the third ones

​which could make sense in terms of his mental state i think ? he maybe feels like he let them down, or betrayed them or couldnt help them in a way ??

they dont feel human to him anymore. or maybe hes created these images so theyre judging him as he can only reminisce on what happened and how he left things

mel’s vision looks maybe like either angry, stubborn, strong willed or annoyed lol... her chin is kinda turned down, with downturned eyebrows, and her lower lids are halfway closed implying that shes like glaring or narrowing her eyes at him, her lips almost look pursed together and i think ? her nostrils are flared but its so hard to tell lmao we only get like three frames of over exposure HAAH take these with a grain of salt lmfao

viktor (even tho i cannot for the life of me read his expression HAHA) to the best of my ability i think kinda looks hurt or confused, maybe innocent for lack of a better term or scared. ((which given how he left jayce it would kinda fit lmao)) BUT his brows are ever so slightly scrunched together, one is higher than the other which usually implies confusion or thinking or admiring. eyes are wide open, mouth is agape a teenie bit, these are usually seen with softer, positive or more admirable expressions, and his chin is tilted upward. im not trying to turn this into a jayvik thing i swear im just comparing to my facial recognition knowledge HAHA

and as he loses himself deeper in the hexcore, the more he starts losing and/or fearing the two ppl he loved most ? ... and worries how he’d get back to them (if at all) and how he would imagine they would react.

the two ppl who not only made and brought him to who he is today, but uplifted and supported and stood by him for ~10 years despite everything

anyway this theory would all pair nicely with the voices that start playing in the background during his lil Montage lmao it kind of culminates into a massive guilty conscious, that then outwardly presents itself in their hallucinations:

“i never asked for this” - jayce to viktor, after their conversation about him breaking their promise about destroying the hexcore, resulting in vik leaving him lmao. also jayce literally turned viktor into this metal husk so hes gotta have that sitting on his shoulders too lmfao

“[heimer] was my mentor, and i betrayed him” - jayce (to mel) abt voting heimer off the council despite heimer ending up being completely right about magic in the first place

“it corrupts” “you must destroy it” “ive seen nations destroyed” - heimer about the hexcore, jayce screams over this as those lines play, anguishing over the fact that he literally did this to himself and hes the reason Piltover is (or will be) no more bc he ignored the warnings

“its your time now jayce” “perhaps its time for the era of magic” - mel to jayce, context is in the quotes HAHA. jayce is screaming no! no! and please! during these lines, i think its just to hammer (pun intended) home on the fact that it all ties back to him for ‘creating’ magic. its on HIM (at least in his own mind) for the destruction of Piltover and all of its people

not to mention the reason hes stuck down there for so long is because his own invention (hextech hammer) disabled him enough to make him unable to climb out for (as far as we know) weeks or even months... more outward projection of self guilt, but like far more literal than symbolic i guess

and as other people mentioned already, it put him in the same position of viktor (down in the depths of zaun having to pull himself up to piltover with the challenges of a disabled leg and illness and no one to support or help him) which allowed him to relate to viktor in a way he never could have before

maybe im just thinking too hard about it idk (im not). or unless this was extremely obvious to the average viewer HAHA. in my defense i spent this whole montage pausing every .6 seconds to take a picture of seggsy and broken and whimpering jayce so i wasnt really paying that much attention to it all AHAHA

anyway do u think this was a hallucination or was it actually the mage standing here with him for a flash lmao

okay sorry for that long ass post i would add a page break sooner but it would interrupt my flow of thoughts that i need u all to experience like i do HA

...

also shameless self promos but u should check out my jayvik butterfly effect and viktors humanity symbolism analysis posts if u liked this one >:)

[inbarfink]

I mean, the thing is that fiction about aliens is almost always going to be about some sort of Other on some level. Whatever it’s about demonizing or fear-mongering about some sort of Outsider Group or trying to get the audience to sympathize with the Other via the metaphor of a lovable alien. 

And Invader Zim is kind of an interesting spot there because, like, it’s not just ‘Bad Outsider Out to Destroy Our Beloved In-Group’ or ‘Poor Sympathetic Outsider Being Put-Down by the In-Group’. First thing first because Zim is kinda both. He is both the Outsider secretly hiding inside the in-group plotting their destruction - but the narrative and framing also sympathizes with him and supports his view of the in-group (that humans are stupid and gross).

So he can’t really be A Scary Demonized Outsider when he gets so much narrative sympathy and support, but also… he is a murderous little world-conquering bastard and most of his suffering is generally just him gets exactly what he deserves so he can’t be your classic sort of Sympathetic Outsider either. 

And the other thing is that the in-group is not even really involved in Zim’s conflict. Zim’s biggest challenge in conquering the earth is Dib, another Outsider. Often, despite being a human and thus part of the literal in-group, Dib is an even bigger Outsider to humanity than Zim is.

Zim and Dib are both Outsiders, and Zim isn’t just an Outsider as an Alien on Earth - among his own people he is in the same situation as Dib is, an Outsider in his own in-group. (Not that he can ever admit to himself that is the case). So these two Weirdos are fighting to protect/further the goals of two in-groups that will never actually accept them. 

And so often their main weapon against each other and the primary danger and the source of their suffering for themselves is the same thing; the in-group conformity and enforcement of social norms. 

Dib’s main evidence that Zim is an Alien is, most of the time, just the fact that he looks and acts weird. But also he himself is constantly bullied for looking and acting weird.

And Zim’s most constant source of anxiety while undercover on Earth is the fact that he’s going to get caught being Too Weird and then not just fail his mission, but get brutally dissected and experimented on. But his best defense against being exposed is… basically just to point out just how much Dib also Diverges From the Norm.

It’s the story of two Weirdos trying to get the other punished for being weird in some way, while the Normies just kinda look on and laugh at them both. And the actual thing they want, recognition and acceptance from their in-group is the one thing they are doomed to never actually get. 

And honestly, I think that's actually what makes a lot of real-life Outsiders cling to IZ, especially while we’re teens. I think, in a way, the fact that it’s kind of a messy Outsider narrative makes it more relatable to the messy middle-school/high-school experience than something more neatly crafted to be uplifting to the Weird Kids.

I mean, I certainly see the obvious value in fiction that’s actually trying to create a positive narrative for queer teens or autistic kids or maybe just scene kids or any combination of the following. This sort of media is very good, and can be just as important to some folks.

But... also the truth is that when you’re an edgy teen wrecked with self-loathing for Weirdness you don’t even fully understand “There’s nothing wrong with me and all the people making me feel like they are Bad!” can be a hard message to really believe in. Sometimes it’s easier to start from “Maybe I am all the terrible things people say that I am but.. still deserve love and sympathy, I can still be the hero of the story”. 

And because, sadly, the problem of Weirdos attacking each other for being Weirdos using the same rhetoric that’s used to hurt them, just for the sake of approval and recognition from in-groups that are never going to treat either of them as nothing but a joke - is not a phenomenon exclusive to the Silly Alien Invader Nicktoon.

And Dib and Zim’s rivalry is a great basic framework to explore it both in analysis of the canon and in fanworks.

[mari-lair]

I want to talk about Killua and Gon's separation.

There is a lot to untangle so let's start with Killua's mentality after the Chimera Ant Arc.

Killua is aware of how much Gon hurt him, and he understands that even if Gon's bond and dept with Kite is not something he can relate to, this pain isn't something he can brush off either, yet, he comclude his self-reflection by calling his dilemma a burden.

This need to be valued by Gon is what made him take things personally and feel useless during their invasion.

Regardless of his own feelings and issues, Killua blames himself for not sucking up and staying there with Gon. He has for a while... Take note of how horrified he looks after Palm tells him he is the one Gon needs the most.

Any possible joy he could have gotten from being important was far too small compared to the crushing realization 'Gon needs me and I left him alone while he was suffering.'

But Killua is hurting for himself too, at how he was put in a situation where everything felt out of his control.

That makes him angry.

When yelling at Gon about how reckless and selfish he is, Killua thinks to himself "apologies...?" as a question, a question that comes right after thinking "this time I won't forgive you'', like he is trying to find an answer to how he is feeling.

He doesn't really know what he wants from Gon, how or even where to direct his anger.

But he does know what he wants from himself.

'I will definitively make you better.'

It makes his declaration feel more like a "you will be alive to apologize. You will be here when I figure it out" the apology itself isn't nearly as important.

Because his recovery is so important, Killua doesn't allow himself to think too hard about it. He can't get emotional and make mistakes again, he needs to be level headed and get things done.

Even if the ever-present fear that he will be too late to save Gon is there.

He was too late once after all.

Killua immediately loses his calm when there are no hospital curtains or glass windows between them.

Even with Nanika by his side to give him strength, he is tense from the moment he reaches for Gon's hand. It breaks him to witness exactly how bad Gon state has become.

Translations vary but the sense of urgency is prevalent, even with his mission accomplished, his wish a touch away, he shows zero relief, he acts like he is too late again, desperate to help him.

There is no 'Gon is invincible. He heals super fast from everything.' mentality anymore, and even the hope he has been clinging to that 'Nanika is amazing, she can heal Gon' gets destroyed.

Is just him and the brutal reminder Gon can fall.

So when Gon gets up, against all odds, Killua is happy. The joy is stronger than his grief.

He downplays his worry, and keeps it casual, when he tells Gon to watch out for himself, but he is genuinely happy when Gon thanks him.

That's what I believe Killua really wanted from the start, not an apology but a thank you. It always hit him hard when Gon thanks him, be it when Killua is happy, or at his lowest:

Killua just didn't believe he deserved a "thank you", not after being put far too many responsibilities on himself and drowning in failures. But now, things are okay.

For as difficult as Killua's life is, he does like to focus on the good, so when he talks to Gon, who is alive and no longer blinded by grief, while being able to hold on to his little sister's hand, who is happy and free, he has no regrets, it was no problem. He would do it again and again and again for them, and Gon showing appreciation of what he has done is the cherry on top.

Killua doesn't really care about the apology anymore, because he already understands Gon didn't want to hurt him, he has been by Gon's side for years, and he knows better than anyone that Gon is a kind boy who loves his friends very much, and is far too harsh on himself.

So Killua acknowledges his pain but he keeps it light-hearted and brief. He doesn't want his best friend to focus on this, as Gon is prone to, so after Gon gets on his knees to apologize, Killua thanks him.

Which is something Killua rarely does, most of his thank yous are either casual or in monologues Gon isn't privy to. But he want to focus on the good he gained, on how his adventures and feelings for Gon are what let him take the needle out and go to Alluka's rescue instead of how he learned to fear loss.

He believes Gon is just as important to Alluka's rescue as Alluka was to his recovery. And he acknowledged Gon's issues but still value him.

So he does what he has always appreciated, and lets Gon know how valuable he is. Hurt or not, he always wants what's best for Gon. To cheer him up, to put his mind at ease.

And now that things have gotten more peaceful, they both decided that's what they focus on, on how valuable the other is. How much they enjoy each other's company and how hard it is to go their separate ways.

Even what Ging says about "What I was I looking for isn't what I ended up valuing" parallels their arrangement.

This is the end of their journey to travel the world in search of Ging, and the Chimera Ant disaster will definitively mark them, but they are still friends, and proud of it!

Which brings me to Killua's "you're number two" claim.

Personally, I do not believe he is being literal or trying to measure their value when he claims his sister is No.1. He just doesn't want to put too much pressure on Gon when he can tell Gon is still beating himself over how he treated Killua.

Palms's "You're the most important person to Gon" speech broke Killua, it crushed him with pressure, and it wasn't even Gon himself saying. Imagine how bad Gon would feel if Killua said "You're my most important person" or showed in any way how highly he holds Gon after the way Gon had snapped at him.

Add in how Gon already feels indebted to Killua, who had witnessed Gon destroy himself over his debt to Kite, and how hard it is for Gon to let Killua go... I can understand why Killua would want to downplay the situation as much as possible. Make it easier on Gon.

I don't want to downplay Alluka's importance to Killua though, she is the main reason they separate, the one that gives Killua confidence to turn his back on Gon despite how sad they look about diverging their paths, and makes Killua keep going.

Killua had nothing he wanted for a while. Now he wants to take Alluka and Nanika to travel the world, and while Gon is amazing and fun, he is also deeply intertwined with danger.

And Killua already has a lot of danger on his hands.

He needs a break from danger. From stress.

He can't protect Alluka and Nanika, while keeping an eye on Gon in their usual adventures. And he can't let himself go wild with Illumi on the hunt.

His priority is to keep Alluka safe and happy. Show her a taste of freedom and all the fun he knows exists out there.

And Killua is emotionally smart too, for as much as he is attached to Gon, I think he does realize they need time away. They will see each other again, they promised.

but right now they are too dependent.

[theladybrownstarot]

How will be 2024 for you ? 🍷📽

Pick a card reading ~

❥ Here's my masterlist for more !

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Pile 1. Pile 2. Pile 3.

Pile 1.

❥🍷 Hi namaste pile 1 ♡ lets being with your reading~

This year will lead you to achieve more with passion and hard-work that you will be showing and doing for same for your goals and dreams . I can see you all rising in your field whether be education , career or home in any context . You going to be highly confident in your strategies and planning . I can see job promotion or achieving any significant authoritative position only after you will show your real self and will take control of your life in your hands .

If you people used to get confused and stucked with your things then you are not going to be anymore now in 2024 . You are really going to dead serious about your goals seeing this year as one last chance and for this you are gonna do everything like you are going to see the very intrinsic things that you struggle within and outside . You are becoming more observative rather than a chatter box . You are going to maintain very strict boundaries for yourself likely we say buildling discipline and silence and leaving your all old habits you had and destroying all the negative and toxic ties with the people .

Some of you could be tarot readers or fortune teller or psychic and if you aren't then you gonna be in the next year . You are literally going to listen your heart and will silence the chattering of your mind . It's a strong saying when you listen to your heart you will never fear anymore . Start listening to your internal self and you will find yourself connecting your original self strongly .

Pile 1 it's your time now ! Just rock with your heart and claim what was meant for you ~

Pile 1 just because you are passionate about it it doesn't mean that it will be effortless you gotta put everything .

Some of you might meet your soulmates or you gonna start to appreciate yourself more if you didn't used to also you gonna enjoy your life more with balancing your work Family life is gonna be good too .

Pile 2 .

❥🍷 Hi namaste pile 2 ♡ lets being with your reading~

This year is gonna end an cycle and will begin the new one . You are going to have some strong transformations overall like from your appearance to mindset to personality to lifestyle like everything . You are overcoming your fears and insecurity . This change is not going to visible to others till you do something that makes them aware like oh is she\he we thought was ?!

You are going to be feel loved and cared about . You are going to meet certain people who are going to give you some valuable lessons. There is someone who secretly loves you and will approach you soon . You are going to show yourself with the kindness and compassion that was never shown to you before . You are going to do alot of good karmas by helping people but don't become so giving too .

Some people might be pregnant and don't worry healthy delivery is to be assured and good sex life too . Overall the year is gonna be very calming and down to earth . For some abundance in terms of money and looks is coming too . You may get more flowers or things to enrich your environment with positivity .

Some of you might get married this year soon like maybe in April or somewhere months around otherwise marriage is on the card so a healthy baby or pregnancy is to be assured . The left projects will give you success too .

The luck is on your side and if you had some certain issues with the people then go again and have a conversation because you may know more and will be able to stop this disturbance now .

Pile 3 .

❥🍷 Hi namaste pile 3 ♡ lets being with your reading~

You may meet your soulmate or you may connect with some old friends of yours in 2024 . I can see you having some good options in terms of career or love . I don't know but you are going to forgive some certain people who hurted you in anyway .

Man literally you are going to show tough love for your goals and you are becoming more analytical and practical with all things . I see literally a wash out of certain things maybe people you are having or maybe you wanna change your environment or companions so you may become particular with it but at same time you are going to maybe study some thing different than usual or may research on things more as a hobby and find something different .

If you used to be judgemental than you aren't going to in fact you will be accepting your flaws and of others too .

You are going to attract more opportunities in term of money or maybe you will change your job for something good . I see slow and steady progress in term of materials and physical needs .

If you wanna take some risk in you career than go for it and don't be afraid because you are going to blessed with best success possible just have faith your dreams and baby steps not fast please for this you need to meditate and contemplate about things too .

Something drastic change for your life is coming from universe so you are begin advised to surrender your life to divine an just do what you have too .

❥

❥ Here the reading ends! Do tell me by comments that how was the reading and did it resonated with you ?

[sillygoofyqueer]

I'M BACK WITH MORE ANGST

(but first of all!!! i loove that characterization of wei qingwei, the pirate-dad-peak lord; i can see him being the only peak lord/person who is allowed to casually fix stray feathers on shen qingqiu's wings, because he never makes a big deal out of it or acts like he's made of glass. he fixes it like he fixes someone's hair or clothes, which is a bit of normalcy shen qingqiu is probably desperate for)

so i was thinking: water prison. the whole jin lan city debacle goes roughly the same, only of course with the added accusations of sqq having been an untrustworthy, scheming demon all along and the accusations being a bit more dire. public opinion turns against him badly and he gets hauled off. the old palace master would probably go all in on his demonic heritage and accuse him of a slew of other things too, and then demand his wings be clipped because he'll "escape otherwise". it's not great but shen qingqiu doesn't use his wings to fly that often, and he'll molt soon anyway so he agrees with the conditions (if only to soothe things over). but then ofc in private they do whatever they want and the old palace master changes clipping to pinioning, which is significantly worse, very painful, and cripples him (bonus points if the little palace mistress comes to the prison with her whip and gets a few hits in too cus his wings are drenched and hurt and difficult to maneuver<3).

i do think in this case luo binghe doesn't visit bc if he already got furious at the little palace mistress for using her whip, he wouldn't accept his shizun's wings being mutilated (however, if binghe does come it would be a similar kind of frustrating miscommunication as in canon, and when binghe gets furious when he sees shen qingqiu it's not at sqq but at the state of him, but sqq doesn't know that, and reacts in fear and self-preservation (moving away, tucking his wings tight and close to his body, eyes flashing pale blue (like a crow's!!)), which of course makes it worse; maybe binghe assumes that shen qingqiu thinks this was his idea, which he would NEVER).

when gongyi xiao (love this good boy<3) comes by ofc he's horrified to see the state of shen qingqiu's wings (clumps of blood-slick feathers on the floor, one wing clearly shorter than the other, ripped clothes and bruises), and just like in canon he immediately goes to free him bc it's unacceptable and vile, and maaaybe he jumps to the conclusion that binghe must have done this to him to punish him. with the last of his strength sqq transforms into his full crow form, which is easier to smuggle out of the prison bc gongyi xiao can bundle him up in his robes (for extra drama binghe can be like "shizun will let gongyi xiao swaddle him in his robes and hold him but not binghe??🥺🥺😡😡" "binghe please don't say it like that")

*Gripping the sides of my coffin as I force myself into a sitting position and yes, I do look as - if not MORE - fit than Tianlang-jun in that one illustration (you know the one I mean)* Hey.

This angst just hit me incredibly hard in the stomach and that's why I've been ill so...it's ALL YOUR FAULT (kidding, kidding). Anywhosles, Gongyi Xiao is precious and of course he would smuggle crow Shen Qingqiu out of the prison the moment he sees the mutilation of the poor guy's wings. If he believes Binghe did it? Another reason to dislike the guy that practically stole everything from him (I love this precious guy and he deserves better in canon 😔). He has heard so much about the peak lord grieving the loss of his disciple, and Luo Binghe repays him by practically destroying his wings?? Shameful :(

From the Zhuzhi-lang angle, imagine he's in snake form, going to find the fit guy dilf half demon cultivator that saved his life and helped him out when he should have killed him, and finding a Huan Hua Palace disciple holding a brutalised crow with overly intelligent eyes. It's not hard to jump to the conclusion that the Huan Hua disciple has either caused or helped cause these injuries upon Shen Qingqiu, and is possibly even about to kill him. Keep in mind that all Zhuzhi-lang knows is that Shen Qingqiu has been taken into custody by Huan Hua, held within the Water Prison with his wings to be clipped, multiple accusations thrown his way linked to him being a demon, and that it's the snake boi's job to save him because Shen Qingqiu saved him that one time. What would you do in that situation? Because Zhuzhi-lang attacks with no remorse. Does Gongyi Xiao die?? The real question is if I could bear the poor guy dying twice just for doing the right thing...

The miscommunication between Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu always makes me want to die because just ONE CONVERSATION WOULD FIX EVERYTHING. But that's also why it's so silly and good and I love it. The idea that Shen Qingqiu believes that Luo Binghe is the reason why his wings are so fucked up could go deeper with the idea of, back when Luo Binghe was a disciple, he was practically the only disciple that was ever allowed to touch the man's wings, and he always seemed very upset when the other peak lords got to help Shen Qingqiu with his feathers - jealous of them, in reality, but the man thought that maybe he was jealous of how Shen Qingqiu was treated despite being a demon (it was a tidgy bit of the reason). So, when Shen Qingqiu is in the Water Prison, Binghe's first order of business could be perceived as: "you want to be treated as a pathetic human? I can help with that" and ruins one of Shen Qingqiu's defining features of a demon, making him vulnerable and weak - which is how Bingge felt humans were, and how Shen Qingqiu thinks Binghe views humans. So. Angst. Yay.

[oceanspray5]

THIS SCENE IS SO MULTI-FACETED AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH AND I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT!

Anthony being touch starved and Lucy touching him so tenderly like that affects him so much from the get-go obviously cuz it fulfills that need. It also highlights their quickly burgeoning feelings/connection with each other but in the CRUELEST way cuz the reason she's touching him is not because she wants to but because she's possessed.

But, its not only just that she is acting in love with him (making the connection between them so hard to ignore) when its not really her that hurts but she's acting as if she loves him while he (his role) is HURTING her. With Anthony's past being so traumatic, you just KNOW he internalizes that shit even though its not really even Lucy talking and its not even him she's talking about. It hurts him to have Lucy act in love with him but also she's acting as if she has to FIGHT to believe he's not hurting her. She's acting as if loving him is causing her physical pain and that's horrifying for him cuz the one thing Anthony absolutely believes is that he hurts the people he loves. So to be slapped in the face with his growing feelings for Lucy but in a way that pulls at all of his trauma strings in the harshest soul twisting way?

Right after that you have Lucy reliving how Annabel choked to death to seal the traumatic incident with a cherry on top, finalizing Lockwood's internal fear that he kills the people he loves and is left alone.

Not to mention as the series goes on we see that Anything absolutely cannot STAND the idea of having hurt Lucy or her being unhappy with him even though he makes stupid decisions. Almost as if this incident triggered in him a crippling desire to never hurt her... So she'd never look at him like that again. Like he's everything... But also as if he destroyed everything in her to the point she fears him.

So in quick summation we have:

Lucy acting in love with Anthony under possession of a ghost while he very much does have growing feelings for her; and the love the ghost in her playing out being an abusive kind, the kind you have to convince yourself isn't harmful, forcing Anthony to relive his trauma and self-depreciate even more about the fact that it's hard to love him because all he can leave behind for his loved ones is hurt. Combine that with the traumatic way she relives Annabel's death and Anthony's genuine worry of Lucy's possession being... well... dangerous as is.

This scene is so beautifully acted. Ruby and Cameron's chemistry is insane. The way they portrayed that much range of emotion in such a short but impactful scene early on.

EDITED TO ADD: I also forgot to talk about the costuming cuz its the softest we've seen Lockwood in the whole series. All three characters are in their pajamas but Lockwood specifically is in a simple gray hoodie. Something that invokes comfort and relaxation. He's tense during the scene because of the situation but he's completely vulnerable as well. There's absolutely nothing for him to hide behind. No witty quips will work when Lucy can't hear him and he's fearing for her life, no physical force can be used to fight her either... And his emotional barriers are all down too. Not only because of the unexpectedness from the multi-targeted assault on his emotions but because he didn't exactly have time to prepare for such a thing occurring either. @locklyleiscanon pointed this out i think but Lockwood uses his suit as an armor. And he's not wearing it. There's no weapons near him. He's completely defenseless when it comes to Lucy in this moment as well as all the warring emotions that are overtaking him.

The first time I watched the scene my first thought was literally how soft and vulnerable Anthony looks. I didn't even have reference for the rest of the show (that he wears suits almost always) but it was a striking detail. Not just the vulnerability on Lockwood's face but in his body language and clothing as well.

Here's an edit I saw that made it all easiest to visualize and word for me:

Props to the person who made the edit cuz the close up scene and the slow motion at Just the right moment makes this so plainly visible to see.

This incident is simultaneously the best and worst thing to happen to Lockwood regarding his feelings for Lucy. It shows him early on just how much he needs her, but reminds him of all the reasons why he can't have her.

[glittergelpensblog]

When You Know, You Know

Azriel x Reader! Note: I may have gotten drunk and listened to Margaret by Lana del Rey. Here is a little blurb I wrote while doing that:) Summary: Y/N is scared of love, but a certain Shadowsinger throws those fears out the window. Word Count: 1015

When you met Azriel you just… knew. 

It was over. All of it. Every single piece of yourself was handed over to him whether you liked it or not. Because every single piece of bone and flesh, every drop of blood, every nerve in your body yearned for him. 

You had met Feyre at one of her painting classes in Velaris, one which you had taken your niece to. You had decided to stay with your niece during the painting, and when your sister came to pick her up, you had offered to help Feyre clean up.

The painting with your niece became a weekly occurrence. And over the course of time, the classes got busier, and Feyre had asked you to work for her. Organize the classes, help clean up, just simple tasks that were too much added to her plate along with her High Lady duties.

They were also simple tasks you were paid way too generously for. 

It was on one of those days, simple and peaceful, when Azriel walked through the doors of the studio and wrecked your entire being. 

Everything you knew, everything you had been taught, everything you loved had a new meaning. And that meaning was turned into the being of the elusive Shadowsinger. 

Because, gods damned, he was beautiful, and charming, and he was everything you should avoid. But all you wanted to do was know him. 

You contemplated the last time a person had ever made you feel that way, or ever at all. Had you allowed yourself to get that close to someone? Ever allowed yourself that vulnerability of loving someone like that?

No. The answer was no. You knew what love could do. How it could destroy one’s entire being. How it could make the most intelligent of people look so… stupid. But you couldn’t help yourself. Maybe just this once. Maybe it would work. 

Maybe you knew. 

And all your self restraint was gone when you peered up at him from the sink, washing paint off of the last class's brushes. You couldn’t just sit there like an idiot. You had to say something. 

“If you’re here for Feyre, she just left. But if Rhysand sent you here to get information on her new assistant, that would be me.”

And from there it was history. 

What you did to earn the Shadowsinger’s love, you didn’t know. And you never dared to ask. You gripped onto what you were given so hard, you were sure it had claw marks, but you did not care, did not think, and yet every day you were scared that all that was left of your love would be those claw marks forever embedded into the fiber of your being. 

Scared, you were so scared. You had yet to love like this, yet to have allowed yourself to feel as deeply as this in a long, long time. 

You had sort of loved, once long ago. Almost fifty years ago. And it had ended so tumultuously that you had barred yourself from ever loving again, from ever allowing yourself to feel the kind of pain you had felt when that love had left you in the dirt. 

“Are you just going to stare at me all night, or are you going to watch what this party’s actually about?”

You blushed, tearing your eyes from the Shadowsinger and finally aligning your gaze with the night sky. 

Starfall. It was Starfall. And there was nothing you’d rather look at than the male before you. 

“I’ve never actually watched Starfall from a rooftop before. Or at a whole party dedicated to it.” You answered, eyes still fixed on the stars. 

“Really?” Azriel mused, coming behind you and wrapping his arms around your body. “And why is that?”

And you let yourself sink back into his chest, allowing yourself to enjoy the warmth of him behind you. “I don’t know… Starfall parties are common. I guess no one’s ever invited me. I guess I had never gotten close enough with someone to invite me to one.”

Azriel bristled, but kept his arms around you. “And why is that?” He rested his chin atop your head. 

You sighed, gaze still fixed on the sky, waiting for the first star to careen through the air. “I think… I think I was too scared to give someone room to hurt me. To give someone that ability. It's a lot, to hand someone a piece of your heart and to trust them with it.”

Azriel sighed, and there was a long pause before he spoke his next words. “And with me? Do I have a piece of that heart?”

“Yes, for a very long time. Longer than I’d like to admit.”

“You’ve had a piece of my heart as well, my love. Ever since you accused me of spying on you.”

You laughed, as bubbly as the wine in your hand. “I barely remember saying those words. I was so stunned by you. You were the most beautiful male I had ever seen. You’ve had my heart since you walked into Feyre’s studio. And it’s scared the shit out of me ever since.”

“Scared you?”

“Scared me. I had never felt so drawn to someone, never wanted to know someone so badly the way I wanted to know you. Like I said, it’s a lot to give someone a piece of your heart and to trust them with it.”

“You really wanted to give me a piece of your heart? Right then and there?” Azriel smiled.

“Yes, I did. I guess, when you know, you know. And I’m glad I did. And I’m glad my sarcasm swindled you.”

Azriel laughed, placing a kiss on your head. “I will protect that piece of your heart with every fiber of my being.”

Tears filled your eyes as the first star shot through the sky. “I love you.”  It was the first time you had said it aloud, a small secret you kept  to yourself for the past months.

Azriel placed another kiss upon your forehead. “I love you too.”

[darkbluekies]

P.O.V

Mafia!yandere OC x reader x mobboss

Summary: kidnapped by Silas’s rival, you're forced to see Silas's dark world from a point of view he never wanted you to witness

Warnings: yandere, kidnapping, gore, mentions of violation, mentions of nsfw?, violence, crime, manipulation, reader breaking, self guilt, angst, blackmail (let me know if i should add more)

Word count: 4.1k

“Let me go!” you shout as you struggle against the two men holding each of your arms in a painful grip. 

“Be silent”, one of them demands, “or I’ll cut your tongue off.”

You’re pushed down on your knees on polished, wooden floor. Quickly, you look around in the room you’ve been forced into. Is it an office? A living room? Just an hour ago, you were in the backseat of Silas’s car, waiting for him to finish a mission. You had been alone with two drivers who got shot before you could process it. It all went downhill from there.

A man walking from behind a desk catches your attention. He looks to be around Silas’s age with dark hair, dimples and piercing, blue eyes that makes you shrink.

“So this is Silas little playmate”, he smiles and grabs your chin to get a better look at you. 

Your neck strains. The man snickers and touches your lip with his thumb, almost waiting for you to open your mouth. If he forces his thumb past your lips, you’re going to bite him. Hard. Thankfully, he doesn’t. He crouches down in front of you and tilts his head. 

“You’re a pretty thing, aren’t you?” he asks tauntingly and caresses your cheek. 

You remember how terrified you were when you first came to Silas, how you barely dared to move. But now, after getting kidnapped a second time, you feel a bit bolder. You’ve already been put through hell and back, what more do you have to lose? You slap his hand away with a glare. 

“Feisty too”, he chuckles. “You’ll regret that, bunny.”

“What do you want?” you spit out. 

“I brought you here because your boyfriend hasn’t done his part of our agreement and I am sick of waiting.”

“What agreement?” 

“Just a simple business thing. Not much to fuss about … however, your boyfriend didn’t give me what I asked for after I gave him what he wanted. So … I took something he liked to trade for my part of the agreement. This time he has to fulfill his part.”

You take a deep breath. Silas will just have to come get you and then it’ll all be over. Everything will be okay. 

“But … I’m in the mood to kid around a little”, the man says in amusement. “I’m tired of Silas seeing me as a joke … send him one of his little playmate’s fingers.”

You flinch as your eyes widen. Quickly, you shoot up from the floor and you sprint towards the door in hopes of somehow saving yourself. The two men who dragged you in manage to grab you. You scream, kick and fight. On the leader’s signal, they let you go.The force makes you fly into the brick wall, hitting your elbow and head in the process. There’s a burning pain you have no time to care for. You sink down on the floor, pressing your body close to the wall, body trembling. Fear has crept into your heart by now. 

“I thought you’d be more brave”, the leader says. “Aren’t you the partner of a mob boss? Haven’t you already seen all the horrible stuff he does? Hasn’t he done them to you? Or is he the type to hide it all from his sweet, little, innocent darling? Answer.”

“He … he doesn’t show”, you stutter and swallow air. 

“Well, I am going to. I am going to ruin you for him. If he wants you all innocent and pure, I’m going to make sure he gets a destroyed partner back. That will make him second guess trying to mess with me in the future.”

You’re sure that your heart has sunken down to your stomach. If there’s something you’ve had to thank Silas for, it’s that he’s shielded you from all the horrible stuff he deals with. 

“Don’t look so scared, I’m not going to kill you”, the leader says as he moves closer. “You will go back to Silas, you have my word. I’m just going to roughen you up a little — show you a different side of the world you’re living in.”

You glare at him. The man drops his smile and walks back to his desk. 

“If you know what’s best for you, you’ll stay there like a passed out drunk”, he mutters. 

The men who dragged you in leave the room. You look around, but stay where you are. You have to get out somehow, have to escape. 

You’re not sure how much time pass, but when you no longer can feel your legs, the man stands up from his computer.

“What’s your name?” he asks. “Silas is a clever bastard, hiding your identity. And don’t you even try lying, I will know.”

You don’t answer.

“Give me your name or I will rip of your finger nails until I get letter for letter”, he says lowly and crouches down in front of you. “Do you understand that, bunny?”

“Y/N …”

“Are you lying?”

You shake your head quickly. The man grabs your collar and lifts you up on your numb legs. You falter before finding your steps. He holds a knife to your throat. 

“Scared?” he asks.

“N-No”, you lie. 

He scoffs with a smile and pulls you over to his desk. He stands behind you, trapping you between his muscular arms. There’s a video on his computer. The thumbnail is enough to make you sick. You can't tell that it is exactly, but there's blood and someone being tied to a chair.

"I don't want to", you gulp.

"You're going to watch every single video I show you, do you understand that?" the man whispers in your ear. "Or else I'm really going to cut one of your fingers off and send it to your boyfriend. I'm not kidding."

He reaches for the mouse.

"Please don't", you whisper weakly.

"Why? Are you afraid to see the truth of what your boyfriend is doing?"

"I-Is it Silas in the video?"

"No. He's not dumb enough to film his sessions, but I know for a fact that he does this kind of stuff too. Now, watch or I'll bring out the knife."

He presses play. The first thing you hear are echoes of sobs and moans. The entire screen is filled with a man missing limbs. Two masked men are torturing him far beyond what he can handle.

You clench your eyes shut and feel the man behind you grab a fistful of your hair before yanking your head back.

"I told you to watch, bitch", he says. "So watch."

He throws your head back. Whiplash is hitting you and you hold your hand over your throat. You continue to watch the video with tears running down your cheeks. The images burn into your brain. You won't be forgetting them any time soon.

"I must say, watching a video isn't the same as … actually experiencing it, don't you agree?" the man smirks.

You feel sick.

"Just get Silas", you say harshly, raising your voice. "Get him so I can leave!"

"Not yet, my little bunny", the man says and holds his heavy hand on your shoulder. "I'm not done yet. I'm going to taint you like you've never been tainted before. Better yet, I'll break you."

All his words make you shiver. The man grabs your arm and pulls you up from the chair. He drags you out of the room, through a pair of corridors and down a flight of stairs. The place you've ended up in reminds you of Silas’s basement … just much, much worse. People are playing games, drinking and doing drugs … all in the same room others are torturing people. Is this a red room or a casino?

"Spend ten minutes down here and you'll never be the same", the man chuckles and pushes you towards the group of people.

You stand still, not knowing what to do. Your body is not reacting to any of the signals your brain is telling you. You can't remember the last time you've been so scared.

Silas, help me. Please come help me. Save me. I'm so scared.

You've never wanted him to come for you this badly before. Normally, you want him as far away as possible.

"What are you waiting for?" the man behind you asks. "Walk around. Take it all in."

You don't move. It doesn't take long before you feel a push harsh enough to make you fall forward. You hit your knees on the stone floor.

"Oh my, look at this little thing", a seductive female voice murmurs. "Already on their hands and knees? Too easy."

You're quick to sit back on your butt and glare at the woman who talked to you. She's sitting by the bar with a few other women and men, all looking dolled up in old, torn clothing.

"Look at that innocent sparkle in their teary eyes", another woman snickers. 

"This is Silas sweetheart", the leader smiles from above you. 

The group of people by the bar raises their eyebrows.

"Silas, hm?" a man asks and jumps off his tall stool. "This is a bit too perfect."

"He must be paissed that you took them", the first woman laughs. "I'd pay to watch his face right now."

You look around, seeing all kinds of horrors. People experiences the worst side effects from substances, people fighting, blood, torture … it all belongs in a nightmare.

Silas, please …

You start to sob even worse. If this is a nightmare, you want to wake up.

"Yes, that's it", the leader smirks.

He's quick to pull up his camera and film you sitting in a fetal position. The women who taunted you crawl over and put their grubby hands on you.

"Let me go!" you scream and fight them off. "Don't touch me!"

"See something you recognize, Silas?" you hear the man ask. "Y/N turn around and tell your dear boyfriend how badly you want him to save you."

You don't want to give into the man's disgraceful request. It's humiliating, but you're terrified. You want nothing more than for Silas to save you.

The women grab your face, turning it to the camera.

"Come on, Y/N …", the leader says playfully. "Do it."

The women twist your arms and you scream.

"Stop it!" you scream in agony. "Silas, help me, please!"

The man chuckles and cuts off the video before sending it. It doesn't take long before his phone rings.

"Silas!" he says with a twisted smile. 

"What the fuck have you done?!" Silas screams back. 

"I wouldn't have to do this if you had fulfilled your end of the promise, Silas. I want my documents. And you're going to give them to me if you want Y/N back."

"You'll get your fucking papers. Tell me where and I'll be there now."

"Oh, not now. I'm too busy. How about tomorrow at five pm?" 

"No, now."

"I'm not done with your darling yet. I have so much to show them."

"Show what? What are you doing?"

"If you're going to bring Y/N into this world, why not show them what you've dragged them into?"

Silence. 

"You can't", Silas says. "You wouldn't fucking dare."

"Oh, but I've already started. Tomorrow at five pm, the old warehouse. Bring only two men and I'll do the same. No weapons, no tricks."

"Fine. But you'll pay for this, trust me."

The man chuckles and hangs up. He turns to you and bends down to lift you up in his arms. 

"Tomorrow at five pm you'll be free", he says as he carries you out of the basement.

It's the third man he's beaten to death. Silas’shand is throbbing with pain and he doesn't know if the blood on it is his own or the poor men's — most likely both. He's not done yet. Everyone should feel his wrath. Even the devil must be afraid of Silas right now. He hasn’t looked  himself in the mirror and perhaps he shouldn’t. 

“Boss …”, his right hand man says quietly, not raising his head to look at his boss. “It’s just a few hours … please try to remain calm-”

“Just a few hours?” Silas scoffs and swipes everything on his desk down on the floor. “Do you know what can happen in ‘just a few hours’?! Y/N could very well be dead when I get there!”

“I don’t think they’ll kill them … in that case they won’t get the documents. He’s very persistent on getting the documents.”

He goes pale. “Yeah, you’re right … but … Y/N … they could violate them in any way … and I won’t be able to stop it …”

Silas sinks down on his knees. Every cell in his body lost their adrenaline, leaving him aching and hurting. He can feel his heart breaking in pieces, feel it bleeding into his lungs. He’s terrified of the condition he’s going to find you in. 

“Boss”, second in command tries again. His voice is gentle and sympathizing. “Don’t think like that. Y/N is strong … and smart. You know that.”

“But I never pushed past Y/N’s limits. They don’t care about their well being, they won’t stop. Even if they scream, cry and beg … they won’t care.” He leans his head against the wall. “I should never have left Y/N alone in the car …”

“You could never have known that they’d break into it.”

“I knew I fucked up the second I saw the dead drivers. But it was too late … how could I let those assholes take Y/N?”

“You tried to shield them by letting them stay in the car. Otherwise they’d have to see you kill someone.”

“Seems like they’ll have to watch that now anyway.” Silas clenches his bloody fists. “I’m going to kill that little insect for ever trying to mess with me. I’m going to end him for touching my Y/N.”

The night have been filled with more than you've ever anticipated. That man made sure that you were going to see as much terror as you possibly could. From watching people get limbs cut off to burned and filled with acid. You could never have imagined someone melting … or imagined the smell.

I just need to hold out. Hold out until it's over. Just a few hours.

The hours drag on by like snails. You're curled up in a corner of the office with the leader by the computer. Your body is trembling. The person you were yesterday feels so distant, so different. 

"Very well, it's time to wrap up our little visit", the muscular man says. "And for you to return to Silas."

"What if he doesn't … come to pick me up?" you whisper, mortified by your own words.

What if he doesn't want you anymore now that he knows that you won't be pure anymore? You'll know it all, you'll be tainted.

"Then I'll keep you", the mob boss answers with a grin. "I'll force you to watch everything until your fragile brain breaks. Can't wait to see you numb and unresponsive. Get up."

Slowly, you pull yourself up on your feet. You feel sick to your stomach, the images of the night's horror still visible in front of your eyes. They never had to touch you, they could break you nonetheless.

The man grabs your arm and pulls you with him, out of the room, out of the building. You’re forced into the backseat of a gray car. You keep your head down the entirety of the bumpy ride. You’re exhausted, hungry and broken. Even if Silas gets you, you won’t be the same. It won’t matter if he comes. It’s too late. 

You’re pulled out of the car and forced into an old, abandoned warehouse. 

“Now … let’s wait”, the man says and holds you still. “Silas will be here soon enough.”

Not even ten minutes later, you can hear the screeching of a sports car’s breaks. You look up, seeing Silas and two of his men walk into the warehouse. The sight of him makes you tear up. You’re so relieved that he came to get you, but you’re so ashamed of what you’ve become — what you let that horrible man do to you. Silas is wearing his suit and dark coat, hands buried in his pockets. You have never seen such a dark expression on his face before. His face twitches as he sees you and he clenches his jaw. 

“Let’s make this quick before I kill you with my bare hands”, Silas says coldly and gesticulates for his men to give him the documents. “Give me what’s mine now.”

“The papers first”, the man says calmly and takes a tighter, warning grip on your arm. “Afterwards I’ll return your sweetheart.”

Silas clenches his jaw and throws the folder carelessly on the ground. One of the men beside you takes the folder and the leader lets you go. Without hesitation, you run towards the man you earlier didn’t want anything to do with. Silas opens his arms for you and you run right into them, crashing into his firm body. He wraps his arms around you, holding your head into his chest. You're not going to have to see anymore horror — he'll make sure of it. He lets you cry while stroking your back. Heavy sobs exit your shaking body, causing his heart to bleed thickly. You breathe in Silas familiar scent and cry even harder. He holds you firmly, mortified of having you slip away from him again. He wants to say something, wants to do so much worse than that man ever did to you, but he can’t. He doesn't want to put you through even more pain, doesn't even want to let you go. 

“I don’t understand that angry look, Silas”, the mob boss taunts him. “You brought them into this world, you should have known this was inevitable. Actually, you should thank me. I did all the job for you, you didnt have to watch their breakdown.”

Keep calm. 

Silas bites the insides of his cheeks to avoid saying something that can escalate the situation. He doesn’t want to scare you any further. If he's going to beat him to death, it's going to be out of your sight.

“Let's leave”, he mutters lowly and puts his arm around your shoulders. “We’re done here.”

Silas gives him one last glare before he pulls you with him out of the warehouse. He fights back every impulse to turn back and beat that pick senseless.

“Tell me about what they did to you”, he whispers to you. “Did they hurt you badly?”

You shake your head again without lifting your face out of his warm chest. He breathes out in relief. He had imagined the worst. What would he have done if they had given you forever physical damage?

“They forced me to watch … w-watch people get killed”, you whisper, scared to even raise your voice an octave. “In all different kind of ways … it was horrible. I could never have imagined that people could do such things to each other …” you hug yourself when your stomach growls. “I also didn’t get to eat anything and every time I was about to wall asleep they hurt me to keep me stay awake … I have bruises …”

“The bruises will heal, I promise”, he says comfortingly. “I will cover all the mirrors in the house, you won’t have to watch yourself if you don’t want to.”

You sniffle. “Thank you …”

“Of course, baby.”

Silas is in pure disbelief over how someone can treat an angel like you this way. You had nothing to do with his work, you are completely innocent … how could they do this to you? The mere thought makes him see red. The mob boss’s taunting words dance around in his brain like annoying mosquitos. It wasn’t his fault, Silas tells himself, he didn’t bring you into the world, he kept you out of it. He shielded you!

Your legs cave in once you reach the car. He helps you into the backseat and buckles you in, wiping a few tears on the way. He’s about to crawl in after you, but he stops himself. 

“Keep an eye on them”, he demands the two men he brought with him. “I have to tell that son of a bitch one thing.”

“Should we come with you, boss?” one of the men asks. 

“No, keep an eye on Y/N. And I mean a really close eye. I’ll be fine. They don’t have weapons.”

You break out in broken sobs and reach for him. “N-No, don’t leave me!” you scream. 

“I’ll be back in a minute, baby”, he says softly and kisses your cheek. “If I don’t tell that man my mind, I’ll regret it big time.”

Silas closes the car door and runs back to the warehouse. He storms over to the man and lunges his fist as hard as he possibly can towards his face. The other man stumbles and loses his balance. His men come towards Silas, but he manages to send them flying as well. He hopes that they hit their heads hard enough to never wake up again, but frankly he doesn’t care. It’s not them he wants to get at — it’s their horrible, disgusting leader. He continues to force his fist into the mob boss’s face until he no longer moves. Silas wants to kill him. He’s going to kill him.

“You should never have been so stupid to touch what’s mine”, Silas pants and stands up to reload his stamina.

He is filled with adrenaline and won’t stop until the mob boss is dead. He punches on and on and on again until he’s sure the man is dead. He spits at the man’s corpse and storms back to the car. Quickly, he removes his bloody coat and wipes his hands on it to not scare you any further. Silas hurries to get into the backseat and hold your trembling body in his hands. 

“You’re safe now”, he whispers in your ear. “Don’t cry, I’m here now and everything is going to be okay. He’s not a threat anymore. You don’t have to worry.”

You look at him with big, glossy, red eyes. How is anything going to be okay when you're no longer the person he fell in love with?

"I'm sorry", you sob.

"Sorry?" Silas asks in confusion and he feels his heart break all over again. How could you ever think such a thing? "Why are you sorry? You haven't done anything wrong, little thing, don’t even say that. I should be apologizing for ever leaving you alone in the car. I should have trusted my gut and not have brought you on that stupid mission. The car has been upgraded, they’ll never manage to break in again. Not that I will ever leave you alone in it again …"

He takes your hand and lifts it to his lips, kissing desperately. The guilt he’s feeling is greater than anything he’s ever felt before. It’s a feel piercing through his heart.

“I hate to see you so upset … tell me what I can do to make you better”, he pleads and cramps onto your hands. “I will give you anything you want, nothing is too much … I could even allow you to meet your parents …”

At the moment, all you want is to take a break until your brain works again.

“I just want to sleep”, you sniffle and shake your head. “I’m so tired, I haven’t slept at all …”

In other words, you want to escape this living nightmare in hopes of finding it easier in dreamland. They kept you awake all night to force you to watch those horrible events and videos. If you weren’t too mortified to be sleepy, they’d push, kick or pull your hair hard enough to make you wide awake. 

“Of course”, Silas answers quickly and positions himself right. “Sleep on my shoulder, darling.”

You hesitate. You don’t want to be unaware, what if something happens again? But … you’re so tired … 

“Nothing is going to happen to you”, Silas reassures you as if he could read your mind. “I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere, do you understand that?”

You nod carefully.

“I’ll never let that happen to you again”, Silas says firmly and kisses your forehead. “You have nothing to be afraid of. I’m right here by your side.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. Just rest, baby.”

You lean your head onto his shoulder and shut your eyes slowly. He holds his arm around your shoulders to keep you in place, even bringing his coat around you. Continuously, he kisses your forehead while fighting back tears. It grows like a ball in his throat, but he refuses to cry. You are safe and that bastard is dead, he tells himself.

It’s all over … but his rage is still burning inside his lungs. He’s not done yet.

[princescribbler]

5 Common Misconceptions of ABDLs!

To be clear, these are common misconceptions ABDLs have, not common misconceptions ABOUT us ABDLs!

1. "My kink is so rare!"

Really? Because candidly, abdl, ageplay, and diaper fetishism intersect in a fascinating way. There are diaper fetishists who despise any form of ageplay or regression, there are ageplayers who get off on the Ageplay, or the diapers, or the humiliation, teasing, or any other aspect of the kink. And candidly, you can tell ABDL really isn't that uncommon when the communities that show up are this large and varied. Heck, there's entire communities on reddit with tens of thousands of abdls, and that's just one site (and not the most kink friendly space to begin with.) Add in the fact that many people are very embarrassed or worried about this kink and you've got an even better explanation for why it can FEEL very rare or isolating... but it often comes down to just being hard to find, at first!

2. "Nobody vanilla will accept me! They must all think I'm a freak" (or similar negative expectation setting)

Except.. they do, all the time, every day. I've personally avoided most vanilla relationships, but I know MARRIED abdl couples who started with one partner totally vanilla, and some of the biggest and most successful content creators in this space are well known for having partners not into ABDL.

Simply put, if you assume it'll go wrong and you'll be judged, your body language, words, and tone can be much more nervous and defensive and make your partner feel ill at ease. Try to not go in with negative assumptions!

3. "I have to find a caregiver to feel little!"

Uh... no you don't. Your kink might involve a partner, your desires might include one or more people around to care for you or dominate you or join you in diapered submission... but none of that means you can't enjoy still, and have a GREAT time. You can try to foster your own regressive or littlespace mindset, happily. And you don't need ANYONE else to enable that. If you're expecting that just having sometime else around will fix things, you're sadly incorrect! You need, at some level, to be comfortable enough to not just rely on EXTERNAL enforcement of your abdl side!

4. "I should get rid of [x] because I feel embarrassed/bad/upset!" (Or any similar variant of the binge/ purge mentality)

Binge and purge cycles happen, and can be very emotionally destructive. Try to instead put the object in storage instead of throwing it out, because often your emotional negative response will only get worse when you later regret it or judge your own reaction.

Try to give yourself the space to struggle, but don't just throw things away or destroy them if they're kink items... instead, realize you might feel differently later and give yourself the grace to be allowed to change your mind without any further fear or judgment!

5. "Everybody can tell if I'm padded/ little/ going out discretely!"

No they can't. I could stop there but truly let's consider this: you realize that incontinence is common... shockingly common. You've passed people in adult diapers, pull ups, discrete pads, you've likely even been in a room with another heavily diapered adult and NEVER realized. Because unless you're being obvious, have leaks, or make a point to wear very form fitting clothing, nobody will notice or likely even look! You're much less exposed than your brain makes you think!!

My point is this: be nice to yourself, and work hard to challenge those negative self talk moments that come up for so many abdls. Your interests and desires aren't as rare as you think, more people are ok with it than you realize, nobody can usually tell even if you are padded (and would be more likely to assume it medical than kinky even if they noticed), and struggling with this is normal too!

BE NICER TO YOURSELF: THAT'S THIS PAPI'S ORDERS! You don't deserve to feel bad about something that helps you feel good!

And as always; stay happy, stay healthy, and stay kinky!

- Scribbler