#i dunno why but i am still very nervous about posting this

[fwicksart]

this is the first cult of the lamb thing i ever made. it's an artfight thing i made for @bamsara back in july that I was too nervous to post at the time lol

[gojoest]

curiosity — gojo satoru

MDNI, f! reader, childhood friends to lovers, satoru is painfully aware of his own feelings while reader is not, mention of past girlfriends (and how they all looked like you), handjob (m! receiving), cumming in pants (and in your hand), not proofread, wc: 2k, dividers by @/cafekitsune

synopsis: gojo satoru is your childhood best friend. you’ve been inseparable ever since you were little. spending day and night together, you’d often have sleepovers together — a tradition you both carried on throughout your college years. at least once a week you’d drop by his dorm room and stay the night, or vice versa. but compared to your childhood days, you no longer share one bed. that is, until . . .

part 2

a/n: this is a further (and very lousy) elaboration on this post of mine but hey, HAPPY BDAY TO MY ONE AND ONLY

“i think we should try sleeping together”, you suggest one night.

“wah—“, satoru gasps, a teasing glint in his eyes. “didn’t know you felt that way about me”, he smirks.

“just sleeping”, you quickly clarify. “whatever obscene thing you just thought of — it’s not that”, you add, giving him a roll of your eyes.

“you should pick your words more wisely”, he scoffs. “if you go around telling people you want to sleep with them, they will misunderstand”

“ugh”, you huff, “i obviously didn’t mean it like that, and you know it”

“yeah, i do”, he lets out a soft chuckle. he knew exactly what you meant, but still he disguised his wishful thinking behind a teasing remark. “why though? all of a sudden?”

“dunno”, you shrug. “just feeling bad that you always take the floor”

“if that’s the case we can just swap”

“no — i cherish my comfort. come on, we used to do this all the time”, you pout.

indeed you did. but you were kids back then, things were different.

his heartbeat would race and his face would get all hot and red, the heat would fester through his entire body. but when the lights were off it was easy to hide it, the signs that he liked you. after making sure you were fast asleep, he would hold your hand and childishly smile to himself, he would peck it softly, secretly. one time you woke up in the middle of the night and almost caught him but he, startled, kicked you off the bed. yelling at you, lying, how you pushed your finger in his nostril in your sleep… he was so embarrassed, but also relieved you believed what he said was true. his secret was safe.

but now?

when you stand too close to him his body starts acting up in more mature ways. while he is better at controlling his facial expressions now and hiding his nervous heartbeat behind a nonchalant attitude, he struggles with keeping his urges at bay. he’s no longer the boy that blushes while secretly holding your hand; he is a man who craves you.

even when he’s laid on the futon beside the bed you occupy, the sound of your breathing alone gets him hard. you lie there, sleeping innocently, unaware of how much of a pain in the crotch you are being to him. when you leave in the mornings, he climbs onto the bed that is soaked with your scent and shamelessly jerks off. he stands on his knees and sprays his load on the bedsheets. eyes shut close, he pictures you beneath him.

he sighs in defeat. “fine”

“the right side is mine — it’s only natural, because i am always right”, you snicker and quickly pad over to the bed, plopping your body down on the mattress. “sure”, he chuckles and follows after you, sinking himself right next to you.

it is a bit awkward, you must admit. you are laid on your sides facing each other, in silence.

it’s cramped indeed, your knees are brushing against his and the space in the middle separating your bodies from one another is very scarce. but that was to be expected, the beds in the dorm rooms were designed for one person after all.

“so”, you break the silence. “how’s your girlfriend doing?”

“she’s not my girlfriend, anymore”, he states dryly.

“but it’s been barely two weeks since you started dating”

“well, things didn’t work out i guess”

the girls he dated, all of them looked a bit like you. same height, same hair color and length. similar facial features… he never lasted long with any of them though. all of them, visibly bothered by your presence in his life, would too soon ask him to make a choice — either them or you. neither of them aware that he chose to be with them in the first place only because they reminded him of you, and that it was never the question itself that drove him away from them. it was bound to happen, sooner or later. they could never be you.

you hum. “i see”

as you shift to make yourself more comfortable, you feel the shirt he gave you to wear to bed roll up ever so slightly, revealing the bare of your belly. a bit self-conscious now that he’s next to you, you are immediately urged to cover yourself. you slide a hand under the blanket, rummaging around to get a hold of the hem, but oh...

…the back of your hand brushes against something stiff. the friction incurring a low pant from the man, your best friend, next to you.

“fuck”, satoru hisses. his hand clasps around your wrist, pushing it away, but along with the movement his knuckles graze the flesh of your stomach. “fuck”, he curses again.

“satoru”, you say his name, voice hushed and timid but there is a note of underlying curiosity he is way too familiar with.

this is exactly why he was avoiding the one bed scenario — his boners were too hard to hide at this age and this size of him.

“satoru”, you repeat. “are you hard?”

“i wish you didn’t ask the obvious”, he mumbles, embarrassed. warmth washing over his face uncontrollably, just like in the past. but there was a bigger problem now — down in his pants, and the fact he got caught.

“is it because of me?”

“no”, he clicks his tongue, his grip still tight around your wrist, keeping your hand at bay. “it’s because i didn’t jerk off tonight, you know — it’s a natural thing for us men to randomly pop a boner throughout the day”

…which was true. but it was not the case right now.

“can i play with it a little?”, you ask, sneakily twisting your wrist in an attempt to free your hand.

“oi!”, he yelps. “did you hit you head or what?”

“i am curious”, you blurt out. “just a little?”

“stop”, he warns. “it’s weird”

his resolve is hanging by a thread right now, you’re too cunning to tempt him like this. he knows things will get awfully messy between you if he lets you cross this line. but still, he can’t flat out deny you. deep down he wants you to persist, a little bit more… if you ask him one more time, maybe he’ll crumble. surely, he will.

“it’s not”, you reassure. “i won’t jerk you off, i’ll just touch it”, you explain. “please? just a little?”

well. fuck it.

“this is a bad idea”, he says, but loosens his grip around your wrist. “fine”, he mumbles. “but just a little”

you nod, pulling your hand away only to slide it down his body.

you’re not really sure why you were so happy to hear the news about his break-up, but you always felt more at ease when he belonged just to you. your best friend, and not someone else’s boyfriend. you don’t know why you were doing this right now, or why your heart was racing. maybe because it really was weird? or maybe you were just horny?

finding his cock wasn’t difficult, it sure stood out from the rest of his body.

“you really are hard”, you gasp, running your fingers across the bulge in his shorts, dragging out a throaty groan out of him.

“yeah”, he mumbles. “like i said, stop stating the obvious”

“it’s a bit wet here”, ignoring his words, you thumb the spot where his tip is, making him squirm. his body slightly jerks as you press your palm against it. cupping it inside your hand you squeezing it gently. “it’s warm too”, you keep exploring further. “it has a pulse”

satoru lets out a helpless whine. “you sound so dirty right now, it’s weird”

he’s longed for this type of intimacy with you for years. but in his head, he pictured it differently. it was him who was supposed to do things to you, not the other way around. he was supposed to be the confident one, delving into your layers, making you squirm and fall apart under his touch. not the other way around… but this was good too. too good for him to oppose it. you were his weakness, after all. you always have been. no matter how much he teased and picked on you, in the end he always let you do as you pleased. this was not an exception.

you giggle to yourself. “yeah? you like that new side of me, don’t you?”

“…maybe”

sneaking your hand through the front of his shorts and boxers, you feel the flesh of his cock directly. it was twitching, his tip slick with precum. you put the tip of your index finger on his slit and rub circles around it to smear the pre oozing out of it, getting another soft whimper out of him. the head of his cock all slippery now, urging you to rub it all over the rest of his length.

your fingers wrap around his cock as you start to move your hand up and down, slowly, smearing his own slick onto his own flesh.

he tries to swallow the moan stuck in his throat. “you said you were not going to jerk me off, but what now? you’re playing a bit too much, don’t you think?”

satoru can last long. under normal circumstances, that is. but having you — not just his hand, but you, his first ever love, his only love — touch him like that, he could barely hold back. the urge to bust has been there since the moment you put your hand on his cock.

“why? you gonna cum?”, you slip your hand lower, down to the base of his shaft — where his balls are. you caress them tenderly, incurring yet another soft groan from him, before you go back to stroking him again. with each drag you pick up the pace. the room is filled with the squelching sounds caused by your hand, at this point, confidently fisting his slick covered cock, and his heavy breathing. 

“hey”, he puts his hand on your cheek, softly pinching on it with his fingertips. an attempt to make you snap out of it, but alas — you don’t back away. “don’t regret this”, he whispers, almost beggingly. but his voice comes out too shallow for your ears to pick up on.

“are you close?”, you peek at him, watching his face with rapt fascination, grateful that you left the night lamp on.

never have you ever seen him like this. his cheeks so hot and flushed that his pale skin was lit completely red, up to his ears and his neck. beads of sweat across his forehead with strands of his hair stuck on it. mouth agape — huffing and puffing. his brows knitted, desperately. pleadingly. his mouth telling you to stop, yet his face told a different story. so did the part of him inside your palm. it made you throb, down there, and squeeze your thighs together. your own wetness spurting out from your slit, drenching the inside of your underwear”

“fuck—", he growls. “i am— c-close”, he stutters, struggling to control his breathing and the moans that roll out of his mouth.

you feel his cock twitch in your hand, differently. the pulse on it beating faster and more brashly, like it almost made his skin stretch and push against the flesh of your palm. and then, there was a delay. a few, very short seconds in which his cock stood still before violently exploding, pumping out a thick shot of cum. then some more, and more, and more — until the pouring turned into a light dribble toward the end.

“ugh”, he throatily groans, his body relaxing after oozing all the tension out. although slower now, you keep stroking him, running your fingers across his softening cock.

“oh wow”, you gasp, his cum sticky on your skin, drenching the space between your fingers. “what a mess”, you giggle.

“you’re trouble”, he sighs. “is your curiosity satisfied now?”

you nod.

“if you get curious about other things”, he pauses, scratching the back of his head, “come to me. don’t go to other men”

“i’ll think about it”, you smirk.

after that night, you stayed over for an entire week.

this little play time turned into routine, and you were no longer the only one playing.

[peachhcs]

locker room antics

hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will blurb)

macklin pokes at will like a younger brother and the guys in the locker room are just the same as the guys back in boston

1.4k words

woot woot another post! i really believe macklin likes to poke at will and ask him embarrassing questions because he can —also i don’t know the sjs guys that well but i thought it was funny to recreate will getting caught with hickeys like he did at bc

au masterlist

"wait, why do you drive with one hand like that?" macklin observed the way will's left hand sat atop the steering wheel while the other just rested on the center armrest.

"because i do?" the blonde was confused.

it was not even eight in the morning yet and the two boys were on their way to morning practice—hardly awake to even be functioning correctly. will's never thought about the way he drove until macklin decided to pick him apart just now.

"it's so..odd. you're just..driving with one hand. isn't that uncomfortable?" the younger brunette kept poking with his questions and boy was not in the mood for it this morning.

"do you have a problem with my driving? don't forget i'm the only one that can drive right now," he didn't really snap, but macklin drew back for a second. he studied his friend's expression, eyes glancing towards the two polaroids stuck onto the sun visor above will's head.

it suddenly made sense.

"ohh, i get it. you drive with one hand so you can hold samy's when she's with you," macklin laughed, but the blonde was still confused. he didn't get what was so funny.

"yeah? sure? and?"

"nothing, nothing. i just think it's cute that you probably made yourself learn to drive with one hand so you could like hold hers," the brunette continued laughing to himself. all will did was roll his eyes, not very amused by the conversation.

"wait, have you guys like..done it in here?"

when will didn't answer immediately macklin literally gasped and started freaking out (or pretend freaking out), "oh my god you have! you have! was it where i'm sitting?! please say no, please—"

"mack, chill. chill. we've never "done it" in my car before, i promise," will was quick to shut down any ideas, face flushing.

"but have you in a car before?"

"why are we talking about my sex life at 7:45 in the morning?" the forward cringed knowing it was way too early to be discussing this.

"i don't know, you tell me," macklin shrugged.

"dude, you started it," will countered.

"you didn't answer my question," the brunette crossed his arms, turning away like he was mad.

again, the blonde rolled his eyes knowing it was too early for any of this, "we have, yes, but not in this car i swear."

"that's fucking crazy, man. how does that even work? like..there's not enough room," unfortunately, the younger hockey player really didn't know when to stop talking.

"you just make it work, i dunno," this conversation needed to end.

but wow, was macklin persistent, "but like what position makes sense? is she on top? are you?"

"dude. i'm not talking about this anymore," this time will really did snap and finally, his friend shut up, leaning back into the seat.

"but like can you tell me what's the biggest you've ever been?" his voice rang through will's ears not even a second later.

"how the fuck am i supposed to know that?" the blonde exclaimed.

"i don't know? you've never measured yourself before?"

"no, i've never measured myself before. why are you asking me this?" they rolled onto the street much to will's relief which meant this conversation was gonna be over really soon.

"i'm just curious. i'm nervous that when i get a girlfriend i'm gonna do it all wrong, so i figured you would have some expertise," macklin shrugged and his answer sort of made will feel bad for snapping a second ago.

he rolled them into their usual parking spot, rolling into park before he turned to his million question friend. "i promise, you won't do it wrong no matter what. it just happens naturally and you both kind of fall into the movement and moment i guess. you got nothing to worry about, man," will tried giving his best advice he knew.

"okay, okay, thanks smith. sorry for the questions," macklin grinned while the blonde playfully rolled his eyes.

"yeah, whatever. come on, let's go in before we're late and we have to do laps," the two climbed out of the car, grabbing their bags from the back and walking up to the rink together.

"okay, but one more question, i promise. how long do you last?"

"macklin—"

"okay, okay, sorry. i'm done. don't answer that."

—

will slid into his stall, exhausted from the long practice and ready to head home for a much needed nap and food. he reached around for his phone to check for any important messages, smiling when he saw a good 10 texts from samy.

he liked when she texted him nonstop about something even though she knew he wouldn't answer until later. it gave him something to look forward to.

"someone's smiley," bordeleu noticed his teammate's grin, nudging will's shoulder to grab his attention away from his phone.

the blonde looked up to an expectant look on tom's face. "what's got you smiling so much?" the older boy teased a bit and catching the attention of the others around them.

"just texting my girlfriend," will answered, watching his teammates raise their eyebrows in surprise.

"girlfriend? you got a girlfriend?" jack poked his head into the conversation, smirking.

"you should hear them on the phone together. so sappy," macklin added his input and quickly everyone became surprised to learn of this apparently new information.

"no way our rookie's got a girlfriend. who is she? meet her at boston or something?" eklund and the others' anticipation grew while will's face began turning into a deep blush at the sudden attention.

"i think you guys know her pretty well..we're playing her brother in two weeks," macklin continued before will could. it took the guys a second, but the realization slowly set in.

"no fucking way. you're dating samy hughes?" the disbelief was clear on their faces.

"uh, yeah..you guys didn't know?" the blonde chuckled, standing up to get himself ready for a quick shower.

"uh, no. we didn't. you're telling me you pulled the little sister of some of the best hockey players in the nhl right now?" jack questioned and will slowly nodded.

"we grew up together so she was just kind of always there," will didn't really get what was so exciting and shocking about his relationship, but maybe he was just desensitized because he grew up with the hughes siblings.

the boy pulled his shirt off, searching for a towel and a change of clothes when a small gasp escaped someone's lips. he pulled his gaze to his right where macklin's hand covered his mouth trying to stop laughter from coming out.

"oh my god..holy shit," bordeleu got out and the other two boys whistled which drew in the attention from the even older guys.

"what?" will was confused and oblivious to everyone staring at the pretty purple and red splotches on his chest.

"you're telling me little hughesy left those?" ecklund poked will's arm and the boy's eyes shot down to his chest. a deep blush spread from his neck to the tips of his ears as he finally realized what everyone was staring at. shit.

"guess you went a little too hard when you were in michigan," macklin teased and the others quickly laughed. will knocked his friend's head, glaring at him.

"i guess hughesy can bite. impressive," jack nodded in approval and the poor forward was getting serious deja vu—living the same exact scenario that he did in boston after he visited samy.

"you definitely got the girl, w-2. she's a real keeper if she can do that to ya," bordeleu patted the blonde's shoulder before walking away. the others winked, leaving the rookie's alone for now.

"looks like our new rookie's been getting some!" goodrow exclaimed, making a show by clapping his hands for the now very embarrassed blonde. macklin joined in and then so did everyone else—all eyes on will.

"you better make sure her brother doesn't see those when we head to van in two weeks," the younger brunette said.

will went off to the showers knowing he'll never live that down for the rest of time and those guys would bring it up at any chance they got.

however, the hockey player still prided himself in the fact that everyone always seemed jealous that he got the girl and not them. yeah. he did get the girl and it felt great that no one else did.

[misc-obeyme]

for the event thingy.. barbie x (your mc or just generic mc depending on what youre comfortable with) !!! authors choice but i do have a very strong preference towards hurt/comfort

🐈‍⬛

Hello there, 🐈‍⬛ anon!

I apologize for the wait on this. I went back and forth for a bit. I couldn't decide if I wanted to actually use my MC or not... but then I had ideas for a general MC, so I ended up doing that lol. However, I admit that I've never written anything involving Ciaran headcanon style. Maybe I should? I've also never posted any writing featuring Ciaran on this blog. I dunno, if people want to see it, maybe I will. They do have their whole own story. ANYWAY, I quite liked writing this one but as usual I am Barb biased lol and I went with hurt/comfort!

Thanks for participating!

COZY COMFORTS EVENT

GN!MC x Barbatos

Warnings: none

There was a time long ago when Barbatos let himself be unrestrained. It was a path that led only to heartache, so he closed himself off. By the time you arrive in his life, he is used to being in the background. He's used to helping, to supporting, to observing, never stepping into the spotlight himself or only at the request of others. You fascinate him, just like you fascinate every demon you seem to come across, but he's content to watch you from afar. He will indulge himself with tea party invitations and learning your favorite foods, but always he keeps that distance between you.

Sometimes Barbatos wonders what would happen if he was more proactive in his feelings for you. At night, when the world is sleeping, he thinks about having you there in his arms. He thinks about how full his heart would feel with you there, snugly pressed against him, slow sleeping breaths and a soft heartbeat. It's painful when he snaps back to his reality - his empty room, alone without you. It's at these times that he considers things like a confession or simply a way to indicate to you that his feelings extend beyond friendship.

Barbatos always shuts that down come morning. When he's bustling about the castle, working to look after the Young Master, preparing for another day at RAD, fulfilling all of his butler duties, it's easier to push all those thoughts and feelings aside. He can focus on who he knows he is, who he chose to be, holding it all in so he can be the very best at his job. There's too much for him to do and he finds he doesn't have time to worry about such silly things as feelings. And anyway, he's always been happy with helping you from a distance. He still gets to see you, to watch you flourish, to spend some time with you. It's more than enough.

But it isn't. And he knows it. And he doesn't admit that to himself until he starts to notice some little things. They don't pass him by, not for a second, because he notices everything about you. That's why he sees it the instant there's something new in your eyes when you look at him. He hears the change in your voice when you speak his name - it's become softer, more profound. These are subtle things and he watches them for a time before you make some bolder choices.

One day you show up at the castle unexpectedly with some tea for him. The little Ds usher you into the kitchen where you blush and stammer your way through presenting him with your gift. He smiles at you and accepts it graciously. He's about to offer to make some for you, but you run away like a startled deer - to nervous to stay with him anymore. His reaction to this episode is complicated. He had noticed your change, but this…

Barbatos agonizes over what to do next. He never once suspected, in all those lonely nights of longing for you, that you might end up returning his feelings. But he can't deny it now. The sweet blush on your face, the way you couldn't meet his eyes, and when you practically sprinted out of the kitchen, it was all too much for him to ignore. He couldn't just pretend he didn't know anymore. And his own heart wouldn't stop thudding whenever he thought of your smile.

In the end, Barbatos chooses to confess to you. Your own nervousness indicates to him that you might not be very likely to confess to him. And now that he knows how you feel, he finds himself unexpectedly impatient. He's spent enough time pining after you, even if you weren't aware of it. He doesn't want you to have to pine for him, not when there is no reason for it. He wants to see you safe and happy in his arms.

It's a simple statement. He loves you with all that he is, MC. He loves you more than he ever thought possible. Please tell him that you feel the same. Please tell him that he interpreted your feelings correctly. Tell him that you'll let him hold you, that you'll let him listen to the beating of your heart. If you say yes, Barbatos will never hold back from you again.

cozy comforts | masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[princessfaerygia]

the lady at the post office told my mom i'm adorable!!!!

and a man there opened the door for me i said thank you and he said "you're welcome!" these thangs maketh me happy.

okay so for today i consumed:

protein drink

3 bananas

vegan meat balls w vegan ranch

and a vegan protein cookie!

going to try and just eat 1 vegan salad for the rest of the day. i can do it!

a little nervous about joining gym. mom said put it off another month while im still paying the other gym off. omg. club fitness would not let me cancel membership without charging me extra money! and now they say i owe so much money (over 440). my bank has them banned from taking money out. but suddenly im worried like are they gonna sue me?!?!?!? FLUFF. (edit: i stopped going there cus i walk to my gyms and a guard dog ran across the street and bit me badly in two spots!)

but this other gym, my fave gym cus it has a pool that my mom goes to, and that i used to swim in daily, i am also accruing debt. i think its atleast 200 dollars now. i dunno if its more worth it to pay that off and rejoin, instead of joining this other gym. bcause the gym with pool..... bleh blah blah.. it only has one stairstepper. the other gym i want to join is cheaper every month and has atleast 4 stairsteppers. But why I like gym w pool is cus it's next to library and stairstepper faces the forest. The cheaper gym has so much tvs and noise and janitor there I have crush on!

god idk if i have to get over my addiction to stairstepper and just do yoga for peace. because i have these psychological fears that are very irrational and i dont want them to be real! about stair climbing.

cus my favorite musician "secret stairways" killed himself. and i dont want to kill myself!!!!!!!! oi ! i dont want to die or shine so bright i burst! i want to live!

[im-not-a-l0ser]

The Michie Playlist

Happy Valenties Yall. You may have seen my post about making a Michie Playlist. This is my review of songs already on it, originating from @wildrottingworms michie playlist. Barring Granger Danger (because they told me to) and adding another song, because it fits with another.

Here's the playlist on youtube if you want to follow along, and here it is on Spotify.

Nerdy Prudes Must Die: This is, for me, just on there for the sake that it is literally the song they share. That is the only reason it's on here. Also why it's the first song on here.

Take Me Back: This, however, I have no idea why it's on here! Nevermind, secret relationship michie; I'm an idiot. Okay, yeah, I think I can see it. Especially with them having regrets about keeping it a secret. Like, I'm listening to Tom's verse right now and it's like "oh, Max,, maybe you should've just openly loved Richie back thennn." Becky's verse now, okay. I see it a little less. I like the idea of 'i remember something someone asked me back in school,' being Max saying something like "if we could, would you go to prom with me," because of the following line; I think that's cute. Weirdly enough, I think this'll stay.

First Date/Last Night: Yes, I love this for them. Very cute, very nice. Derek Klena's character for max; perfect.

Blast From the Past: So, uh. I skipped this at first. Because I did not like it. This is the last song of these I've listened to because I am/was putting it off. But here we go i guess. Okay, it's not that bad. It kind of reminds me of Will Wood. But it also makes me realise that the musical Zombie Prom isn't the same as the Wizards of Waverly Place Episode, it seems to be about a single zombie who goes to prom. Which I guess makes sense. I'm keeping it, but it's like. That's all I got from it mostly.

Stupid With Love: So I technically added it, because the reprise was on it, I think it's a little silly to have on here, because I don't think Cady is much like Richie, but I think I'm keeping it for purely after (s)he meets Aron. Like, I've literally put that quote where Cady is essentially fantasising about him in tags about Richie and Max; feels wrong to not include it.

Stupid With Love Reprise: So, listening to it makes me nervous because I haven't actually watched all o Mean Girls the Musical, but it's fine. We're gonna do it anyway. Oh, wait, there's a BMC animatic of this, I've seen this, I'm stupid. Okay. I see why the og put it on here. It is very cute, I love it. I don't know enough about factorials to know if that's actually what you're supposed to do with them, and if it's not then it's hilarious. If it is, then it's like... well, I guess PJ did a good job tutoring Max.

Be Nice To Me: I like this song generally speaking, I never thought of it for Max and Richie, but I'm kind of into it. Like, I might do song fics with some of the songs from this playlist, and this is definitely a high high contender.

Two Birds: Thanks og, you mother fucker. I'm sad now. Luckily, I've already thought of them during this song so I can just skip it.... unluckily, it's already started playing and I can't turn it off now. Thems the rules.

Sex with a Ghost: I don't know why this is on there. It's obviously more of a Jagertity song, but I'm still going to listen to it with their context to see if I can figure it out. Okay, listening. I don't get it. I'll probably keep it because it fucking slaps, but i do not understand why it's on a michie playlist. The only thing I could see is like. 'The only time I ever see her is when she's behind me in the mirror," Because Richie dies in the locker room. But I dunno.

Daft Pretty Boys: I've never heard this song before, so. Right off the bat though, I'm dissapointed that it's not gay. The title makes it sound so gay, but immediately with the she/her pronouns. Maybe I should pull up the Genius Analysis so I can understand better, because I'm just confused. Okay, after checking Genius, I think I understand. I will be keeping it.

Beachboy: Another song I've listened to before, I'm excited to listen to it under Michie context. Like, I could type the lyrics along if I wanted to, I love this song. Yes, this is amazing. Aside from the fact that it's, again, straight, it's absolutely great.

Bloom: We begin the ones where I'm going to have to look up the english translations to these songs. Which I'm fine with, I've listened to all the BSD character songs. It's actually pretty fun to follow along, which is why I'm linking english translations through te name titles, which is why some of the have underlines and others don't. Anyway. HEY SORRY TO BUT IN! APPARENTLY THIS WAS IN SCOTT PILGRIM TAKES OFF! I LOVE SCOTT PILGRIM! ANYWAY BACK TO IT! Okay, upon reading the lyrics, I will say, it makes perfect sense that it was written for Scott Pilgrim, also that I rememer hearing it and taking note of what it was called because I liked it. Basically, on a surface level, it's like 'id like you no matter how many times you change your hair' but I think beneath that, as an overthinker, it's about loving someone even as they're going through changes in their life.

Necromantic: As much as it hurts to face the reality, I am glad that there are some songs on here that represent a realistic relationship for them, and this is definitely one of them. I think I would do a poor job on describing it, just look up the lyrics, you'll see.

Sihouette: Okay, reading the lyrics was a little harder bc I'm listening at home, and my family just got back home from Astronomy Club, so just bare with me. I think it's good, I think we'll be keeping it; I like it I think.

Kuchizuke Diamond: Oh I immediately love the vibes of this. I like this song so much for them that I didn't follow along with the lyrics, I read ahead; I love this. It's so cute for them.

Kawaikute gomen: I'm back and forth whether this applies to them, but it's funny enough that I don't even care. Like Stupid With Love and such. I definitely feel it for them, I just can't explain why.

Zenzenzense: This reminds me of Sonic. Not a bad thing, just a thing. I definitely love this song. It's "Now that we've finally met at galaxies' end, i don't know how to hold your hand so that I don't break it" that got me.

Nandemonaiya: Okay yeah. This got me at Verse 1

Kick Back: Oh my, I'm like flustered reading this. Definitely keeping it for them. Works for whichever pov imo.

Death By Glamour: I do not know why this is here, but as an undertale fan, I'm lowkey here for tho.

Uwa!! So Temperate: Again, I don't know why this is here. But it's like 45 seconds, it's whatever.

Murder On The Dancefloor

You & I: Any song from Bare is gonna make me sad, so I might take them off purely for that reason. But I need someone to cosplay Max with me so we can do a long form tiktok to this song. I'm willing to be Max, actually, yeah.

Best Kept Secret: Any song from Bare is gonna make me sad, so I might take them off purely for that reason. But I need someone to cosplay Max with me so we can do a long form tiktok to this song. I'm willing to be Max, actually, yeah.

This is where the song diverges into songs I've added! To continue, go to the post explaining why I've added those songs! To skip those songs, go to the post about songs that were suggested!

[illogicalnordictales]

As promised, here’s the part 2 of the last post: y’know, the one about being a language major and how the “Drunk & Angry Swastika Language” was only halfway a joke. Yeah, that one.

I dunno man, I just work here.

So I’m a history nerd. Specifically military history. European military history.

And so things like the Great War, World War II, the Talvisota, things like that, interest me.

But not only that, I’ve got a dark sense of humor, and used to run an Instagram page based off military history memes.

And then it got banned.

And then I made a new one.

Anyway, so all of this made my high school life a concoction for rumors.

Started by this one girl. I don’t like her so we’re gonna use her real name: Brooklynne.

Anyway, she didn’t really like me. I didn’t like her. She was a jerk.

And also Jewish. (I promise, this has something to do with the story.)

So one day in my sophomore year in high school, I get into my Italian class, and I’m just keeping to myself, getting settled and ready for class to start. When I hear someone call my name.

So I glanced up, and I see Brooklynne and one of her friends standing a few feet away. And Brooklynne is looking nervous. And so once they got my attention, her friend asks me,

“Do you like Nazis?”

“…why?”

“Your laces.”

Now, mind you, she asked me this after I spend all year walking into class with a German military jacket (with the current flag, not the flag of the 3rd Reich, don’t worry), and made jokes about Communism. And she’s asking about my LACES? Bruh. Anyway, I wore these black combat boots to school (still do), but they had red laces on the (I don’t have them anymore, now it’s black on black). And for those who don’t know the shoelace code:

Red laces on black Doc Martens were code for “I am a Nazi” and/or “I support Nazis.”

I don’t have Docs. I don’t want docs. I’ll take my nice cheaper comfy combat booths over Docs any day, thank you.

But I’m also not a Nazi. So I replied to them with, “No, I just like the contrast in colors.”

And I thought that was the end of that.

It wasn’t. The next year, a rumor started floating around that I was a Nazi. I don’t know exactly who started it, but I’ve got a pretty good idea on who did.

It got to the point where even people who had never met me would go, “Oh Illogical? She’s a Nazi, right?”

One guy literally wouldn’t even associate with me because of it. It was crazy.

Thankfully, over the summer the rumor died out.

And then about 2 weeks ago, I get a text from my friend. Sending me a picture of the hood of his car, where someone had drawn a swastika on the hood. And he’s like, “What is this?”

And I’m like, “I didn’t do it. Plus, it’s not even the Nazi one. It’s the Hindu one. The Nazi one is on an angle, that one would need to be rotated 45° for it to be the Nazi one.”

Yeahhh, I betchu didn’t know there were TWO different types of swastikas.

Now you do.

Anyway, with that single piece of knowledge I cleared my name instantly, because very few people know that fact.

But then he was like, “So who did it?”

Like bruh I’unno, it wasn’t my turn to watch your car like a hawk and make sure no one drew a swastika on it.

And bro literally pulled the “You’re a language major” card.

And he was then like, “I thought you did it. Also, being a German major made it more likely you’d be a facist.”

HAH idiot. Nonono. Being a German major would mean I’m more careful about what I do to not give that vibe.

Like suuure, I like making jokes about the Holocaust. Suuure, I take in interest in European and German military history.

FACIST, SHE MUST BE A FACIST. SHE’S A FILTHY RIGHT WING SKINHEAD.

(Guys my ego is fragile and I’m not a Skinhead. Don’t send the liberals after me, I’m not one of them, they’ll draw and quarter me)

Like hah guys let’s be real here. If I was a facist, I wouldn’t be out loud and proud about it. That’s like going to Hot Topic at 10 P.M.

That’s how you die.

Anyway, little hint for later, if anyone ever accuses you of being a Nazi, there are many ways you can go about it:

1) Do literally nothing.

2) Say, “No I’m not.” (Extra points if you pull the “That’s the wrong swastika” card)

3) Stare them dead in the eye. Straighten your back, put your heels together, and raise your right arm about 45°. Then, yell, “HEIL HITLER!” (Extra points if you’re in college at a very liberal or left wing college.) Then, you go about life like nothing happened.

✨You’re welcome for this useless anecdote✨

Note: The last option is entirely satirical. Don’t attack me in the comments. If you do, you’re uninvited to my birthday party. If you do it, and you get shot, that’s not my fault, nor is it my problem.

[phantom-of-the-ruckus]

So....

ok, after seeing some old posts. Legit embarrassment came over me for my cringe teenage years in DA. I personally feel conflicted mostly about the reactions, but let me make some things clear once that i was finally more in a more stable set of mind.

I am not upset or anything, I am just well nervous mostly and utterly embarrassed hahaha

TW: mentions of abuse, TW: trauma, and TW: mention of past S/A

ummm pls don't be mad. Legit bringing this makes me anxious and i deeply apologize for my harsh behavior (if there was), i was a traumatized teen and def not prepared to fandoms like i am now. I am an adult now, and far more matured than now. I understand the conflicted feelings. Furthermore, I am not the same person

Ok, first things first. If there was some cringe infamous EOA Saga in DA, that was my cringe teenager self. Yes, it was made by a teenager, which explains a lot. I don't think i ever fully disclosed (when my DA was active. I deactivated due to the new policies and i kinda just abandoned it) that during the EOA era I was a full on minor.

Furthermore, I was pretty immature and stuff, but also the fics and Shuriki were my way of coping from a former toxic-parent, bullying, and past SA (not exactly the R word, but it was a bit of abuse) which left me emotionally disturbed. Besides, I mostly wrote for myself and my friends. I wasn't fully emotionally matured as I am now today, and legit the fanfics were just a way to cope and just escape.

I know that throughout the characters, i chose freaking Shuriki to be the one to be attached to and cope, but I guess it was the fact that we knew so little about her, that it helped me self-project, but also become an odd comfort (which she still is my comfort character who i adore to explore her most vile and human side. Furthermore, I don't self project any more haha) and well she did help me cope and heal in my own way (which explains why i see her differently)

My reactions were immature as I was a young in a slowly developing internet, and i was more emotional than i am now.

Let alone, I was heavily depressed and constantly dealing with solitude and so much stress, specially in the early years after a direct S/A (mostly harassment) and hypersexuality due to the S/A (which it can really be reflected on those fics if you were able to read them)

I didn't know how to fully express myself, due to sadly being mostly conditioned to hie my emotions and during that time I was in denial of the S/A that happened. I of course didn't act the best, but i am glad i can have second chances and better opportunities.

This is not an excuse, but just rather explaining my behavior. I wasn't emotional ready back then, and ngl being in the fandom heavily intimidated me as I am very socially awkward and shy.

Regarding how I feel about her ship and Esteriki in general. I'll be honest. I don't know how to feel truly. Its both a mix of awkward, funny, not so good memories, but nonetheless it was part of my teenage development which I didn't expect that it would be known and accidentally make a ship that haunted this fandom for years (sorry for the jumpscare, the internet was young, and so I was) but I am thankful that I got to meet long time friends, and grow as a writer and a person.

Do I still ship it? I dunno, my opinions changed, and so my views of their dynamic in cannon and fannon. Would I still do it? I dunno tbh as my fixations had changed.

I am thankful people simply ignored me, and hopefully assumed correctly, back then I was a teenager. I am well aware I'll prop won't be unblocked b, butt's fine. Legit, I think i am far better and finally mature enough to give a full on explanation.

[minquiec]

A brief intermission as we cut to a bus that has crashed into my life: the bus also known as choso from the Hit Anime And Manga Jujutsu Kaisen

Yyyyyyookkkayyyyy

Yknow the fixation is fixating when you start making ocxccs about it

Off topic but I've actually only ever made two proper ocxcc ships with lore and planning in them (the first being my genshin one and the second being jipunk which was THIS year (had my genshin one for TWO YEARS which is crazy) so the fact I'm making another shows how much this man is affecting my mental state rn

But it also means I still love my other ships very much so 🎉🎉🎉 even if I don't draw it as much cause I can't focus on two things LOLOL

ANYWAYS ONTO THE ACTUAL POST

I said this on my story but the concept was like, a seperate setting bc I'm toooo dumb to understand jjk lore

AND, this is rlly dumb, THE WHOLE REASON BEHIND THIS SHIP IS BC I JUST WANNA CREATE A CHARACTER FOR HIM TO LOVE,,, (CHOSOYUKI IS CUTE BUT I NEED A DIFFERENT VIBE TO SATISFY MY DESIRE TO SEE THIS MAN HAPPY)

but yeah bc of that their dynamic is like

aloof and reserved individual who doesn't quite understand the concept of love outside of the familial one and is actually quite hesitant and shy abt it x a strange but kind person who slowly teaches him the aforementioned concept

Ok so the idea of how it goes is like choso randomly wakes up in a place

And this is highkey spoilers for like the 'endgame' of this but I'm never gonna make an actual plot sooo (plus I need to explain this before I sound insane)

The inspiration is like Elysian Fields (bit obsessed w this recently, I drew a jipunk piece abt this too) and ITS ALL CAUSE OF CHOSOS NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE IN THE MANGA AND WE'RE ALL FREAKING OUT ABT IT

But yes he wakes up in an unfamiliar field in an unfamiliar place but he's strangely calm about it (dunno why he is but I'll get back to thinking abt it later) but he spots this house in the distance and naturally he goes to it

And so he would meet haruko who's a little strange because she has no last name and isn't bothered by the fact that one. She lives in the middle of absolutely nowhere, and two. That he just shows up

She's even like "oh I haven't had visitors in a long while ☺️"

Aaannnd then cue a slow burn slice of life romance im gonna force them to have bc ASHBBENBKKKRMENJ SLOWBURN AGAGG cause there's no way someone like him is falling at first sight (imo anyways)

(Just a fun fact I fell asleep after writing this part and then woke up again HAHDHS it was 2 am.)

But yeah the situation is literally just the forced proximity trope where it's "oh I have to live with this stranger while I try to understand wtf is going but oh no I appear to have slowly fallen in love"

I just want someone to be nice :(( and kind :(( to him :((((( hold his hand pls and be so nice and gentle w his heart cause he's new at this :((((((((

Thinking abt how it's a slow burn is making me crazy rn cause it means we have a lot of stolen glances AHEGGEFGGG and like getting nervous HHHRGGGGRHH and shyness YYYRYYHGGRHHH and it's mostly all from choso cause I love it when a man falls harder 🔥🔥

Anyways I think that's mostly it for now cause I can't remember what else I wanted to say 🧚

[valeffelees]

For the fanfic writer ask game! ^_^

🎁 🌻 💌

ugh, thank you so much, you're such a top-shelf mutual. 😭💞 my girl went to work a little bit ago and i am so bored without her around, life is a void.

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

oh for sure, i'd love to!

i haven't worked on a D:BH fanfic in a couple months 'cause i've been in simon snow purgatory, it is all vampires and wizards and dragon boys in my brain these days, but i do (!!!) plan on finishing my convin Titanic AU, so i'll share a snippet of that (that i hope i haven't already shared with you before lmao), plus, since i mention unrequited love diseases in one of my other answers here, i'm also gonna add a snippet from one of my back-burner simon snow drafts.

both are below the cut (i lied about the cut, Tumblr won't let me add one) (i tried like four times, this app is so rude) at the end! 😄

🌻 How often do you read your own fics?

oh, very often. the thing about me and my fanfics is that, while i don't post things much at all, i am always writing. i have sooo many first drafts lying around that'll probably never be seen by anyone but myself, some of them are even written longhand in physical journals.

for a long time, i've written with myself as my only intended audience. and i mean, most of the time i'm still my only audience, i have a very nervous personality and sharing things makes my brain itch a bit. (but y'kno, i am working on that.) (i've been doing six sentence sundays and wip wednesdays with the simon snow fandom the last two weeks and that's been a delight.) (a terrifying delight, but still a delight.) so yeah, i actually sit around and like… read my own fanfics for fun all the time, over and over again. i'm extremely fond of my own stories.

💌 Is there a favorite trope you like to write?

unrequited love diseases.

and i don't just mean hanahaki disease, although i do love writing hanahaki fanfics, i'm also really fond of star tears disease and forgotten love syndrome (and anything else in that general sphere).

i'm not working on it actively at the moment because i'm focused on a different story right now, but i actually have a draft in my gdocu for a simon snow fanfic about a fatal unrequited love disease i created myself called marigold's heart syndrome. i dunno what it is about love diseases that makes my silly brain light up like a string of fairy lights, but i find them so overwhelmingly tragic.

(if anyone else feels like hanging out, questions are here!)

— CONVIN

Connor doesn’t let himself wonder if his own mother ever looked at him that way. If she ever smiled at him warmly, touched his cheeks like he was precious and irreplaceable, combed the curls back from his forehead while he slept. Things he should remember, but doesn’t. He focuses instead on the slender line of the woman’s brow, the owlish shape of her eyes, the slope of her mouth as she smiles, and drags his charcoal across the page. Trying to capture it. A wet thumb rubs at his chin. Connor cringes away without looking up from his work. “Silas.” “You got that black shit on your face,” Silas says. He leans forward to peer curiously at Connor’s sketchpad. The shadow of his dark curls, identical to Connor’s own in every way but the direction he parts them, falls across the top half of the page. “Dunno why you waste your time with that, Connie. S’not like you make any money from it.” “It’s called a hobby. Some people actually have those. You should...” Connor looks up, “... should... try it.”  His fingers hold weakly to his charcoal. His pulse beats strongly up his throat. All at once, the world becomes soft and muted around him. Distant. Like he’s been plunged underwater. Near the edge of the veranda, drenched by the strawberry sunlight, a man leans over the rails. Weight on his elbows, his forearms extended out and relaxed above the drop down to the lower deck. A cigarette hangs from between his teeth with a thin ribbon of white smoke twirling from the tip. He looks sad, Connor thinks. Lonely, and terribly beautiful. Light-eyed, olive-skinned. Long and lean and frayed at the edges like a sheet of weathered parchment paper. His waistcoat is unbuttoned and hanging open around his hips, while the rest of the first class maunders behind him like an expensive quatrefoil fog. “Connor!” Connor blinks, and the world comes tumbling back into focus. He looks down at his sketchpad, at the single dark, distracted line marring the outline of what should’ve been the little brown-haired girl, then back up at his brother. “What?” Silas cocks an eyebrow at him, knowing and unimpressed. “Don’t even think about it.” “I won’t. I mean, I wasn’t.” Connor sets his charcoal aside, turning to unfurl his pencil case. A soft, battered green cloth one with seven leather loops stitched along the inside, each of them sized to hold a different one of his tools. He pries his old, sticky eraser out of it. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” he mutters, then sets to work trying to salvage his sketch.

— SIMON SNOW

September ends. October passes. November begins. A few things happen in between: One, Simon meets Natasha Grimm-Pitch. Or, well—he meets her ghost. And she’s terrifying. Even in death, she is a woman who commands attention and, for all her immovable melancholy, she holds with her an air of intense regency. He could feel her magic in the room with them, and it was white-hot and ancient. Like something from the very core of the Earth. Two, Baz comes back, and Simon promptly forgets why he’d ever given half a shit about the toff prat being gone in the first place. They’ve worked out something of a truce with each other, (it would’ve been nice if Natasha Grimm-Pitch’s visit had only been a courtesy call, but of course things can never be that simple, so now Simon has gone and roped himself into solving her apparent murder,) but suppose that truce must not extend to Baz cutting back on being a right shit about everything because his mood is fouler than ever and, for once, Simon really doesn’t have the energy to deal with their whole bloody song and dance thing they do. Because he’s still sick. Because three, somewhere in the middle of scouring the Catacombs and razing the Wavering Wood and his sworn enemy’s dead mother appearing in his bedroom, Simon started coughing up flower petals. Baz likes to tell Simon he’s an idiot. And sometimes Simon believes him, but most of the time he doesn’t—because he’s not an idiot. (Also because Baz is a fucking twit.) He knows what the petals mean. He’s seen flower spitting disease before.

[vampstel]

Vent under cut. Be warned. Promise there’s some sunshine at the end of this though lol

I’ve been trying my best to stop being hard on myself but it’s difficult. My perfectionism is gone but my ADHD sure isn’t.

The thought that other people can work perfectly fine [even when they don’t want to] while I struggle to work [even when I want to] makes me upset. I’ve accepted that that’s just a part of who I am and to simply let it pass but nowadays I can’t help but beat myself up for it.

Like I want to have a consistent upload schedule. I want to draw this, I want to draw that, I want to make a video on this, then a video on that, and the list keeps going on and on. Being able to work consistently seems impossible to me...

I think the one thing that frustrates me the most is how I work a lot but also accomplish nothing at the same time. I am drained by basic tasks and can only do little by little every day and to me, that’s not enough.

But slowly, I’m starting to be proud of myself for it. It’s still an absolute pain to struggle with executive dysfunction and such but reminding myself that “hey, at least I’m trying and that’s what matters” makes me feel better.

Also, I’m still 17. That is young. I don’t know why but a lot of people (myself included, obviously) think they should have their life together as soon as they hit 18 and it’s ridiculous. That’s not how that works.

I’m still a minor for crying out loud. I really shouldn’t be stressing over work and all that lol. Actually, I’ve taken a break from Twitter because of this and due to other reasons.

I’ve also been doing what I want to without forcing myself to work. I mean, I still work… I still actively try to finish my character sprites but I don’t go out of my way to make it the main goal of my day. I’m slowly getting to the finish line and that’s cool!

I can’t deny I’m very nervous about coming back to YouTube though. Dunno why but I’ve been more self conscious about my work. I don’t have high standards for myself anymore but I just *FEEL* like my content is lacking something... I also have no clue what video to do first. Nothing’s really made me feel passionate. Minus my OCs. So that might be the cause for that lacking feeling.

Dunno if I'm making sense here but yeah. I swear every time I go on hiatus I feel like I’m going through a path of self-discovery LOL I like it though, it’s nice.

Anyway moral of the story: don’t beat yourself up if you have ADHD. Now that that’s off my chest, back to posting silly shit :3c

[applepies-and-starlight]

Mot sure if this is gonna go to my main ir priv blog but whatever i'm tired and my glasses are off so ic an't care

Vent ahead agian ig

Something i noticed with all of my actions so far is that i want a reason to be soecial/useful/someine worth your attention

I get very jealous very easily because of that

A girl in my elementary school had this one pretty akirt with butterfly patterns and eberyone thought she looked pretty, so i begged my mom to get it

I stopped wearing it after 1 and a half years

This doesn't just extend to smaller things, jt also extends to bigger things

Current biggest offender is trying to figure out if i'm plural or not when i'm 90% sure thst the answer is thst i'm singlet, i just wanna have tje chance to have it because a friend who had it got attention in a discord server for a bit so i want it too, even when it genuinely hurts the person

Eben tje act of writing this post is just a bid to get your attention since if i'm postinf this on main (i am. I'm stupid, but i'm self aware) since i just want y'all's likes and sympathy or some shit

I'm bery worried that i drain on others a lot for tjeir sttention, is that weird?

Fuck i'm crying. Welp.

This post might get progressively more disjointed from here on out, be warned ig

Anyway i guess i just want to be special or something. I dunno why, probably has something to do with how i was raised or something, everyone usually ignored me or didn't give me encouragement unless i did something extrodinary or caused a fuss

Probanly thought i was fine on my own

Who the fuck decided it was a good idea to tell a 7(? 8?) year old that you can't quit a school because they need to be the role model, that's kinda fucked up

"Your mom brags about you behind your back" well she called me stupid and lazy and useless on multiple occasions so excuse me if i habe trouble seeing it

I kinda wish my girlfriend sees this but also i hope they don't because they don't deserve to witness the emotional wreck that's my mental state

Admittedly i do hate them... not nessecarily in a bad way, it's just that i'm very well aware that i'm cjrrently Like This because i vented at one point (don't rember when) and they validated those issues so now my brain's just trying to chase that 'high' again

Relapse, basically

They're not your therapist you stjpid piece of grey matter (not like we'd get one anyway)

Still posting tjis om main because. Again. Attention wjore.

Honestly tjat's what i feel like i am these day, y'know, an attention seeking whore. I'm jjst supposed to sit there and smole.or sometjing, or tend to eberyone's needs

I always get anxious or nervous whenever someone sjakes their head around me and i immediately start to fuss over them to make sure all of their needs are met

What do you want from me i'm not a mind reader, though psychci powers would be cool because i get to clean, cookc, wash dishes, and do my work all at the same time so nobody will get mad at me for bei f lazy

I imternalize things too easily maybe that's becUse i want to be special

One of my many excuses is "eberyone likes a good underdog story" bit i'm not good or an underdog

Born into basixslly previlage and being served my.sjit on a silver olstter i'm just a worthless nibody tbj

Well fuck soiraling again

I can't read this post for shit my glasses aren't on sorry guys

Why are you still reading this

All of my faults and embarrasments still haunt me to this day theh occasionally come up in my head and i need to slap myself to shut up about it

Why am i still hung up over a spelling.mistake for rogue and rouge why do i still remmeber that

Eberything j make is so ficking bad man it's all just shitty stories that coukd easily be made up by some random 13yro on wattpad

When i was little i would cry a lot and my mom would comfort me for the first 15 seconds, then she'd get mad and scream at me to shut up

I don't like the word rant being used because i associate that with my mom yelling at me in the car over something i don't even remember anymore and when i try ro defend myself she says "i'm rantinf you're not supposed to interrjpt when i rant"

I'm sorry i take out my anger on everyone else i'm sorry i keep throwinf tantrums everywhere i'm sorry for being a little kid

I don't think developing the mindset of "everyone here is royalty while i'm just the lowly scum of a sercant" in middle school is a good thing

I am tempted to put in the tag i use in my priv blog for scattered thoughts just so people will get curious, click on my priv, then start giving me pity, but i don't want that blog to be percieved

Not all self harm is cutting on razors, sometimes it's hitting youself on the head so hard that your once perfect memory is now fuzzy arojnd the edges

I might've given myself brain damage because i literally can't comprehendnsome things anymoee

I still feel like a teenager what tje fuck do you mean i'm an adult i was literally in my first middle scjool yesterday

Traima is so ficking funny what do you mean the upperclassmen teasing you that you had a crush on a guy you asked for directjons for gives you some form of disgust towards attraction to men and Also makes you afraid of relationships?

Wjat do you mean having your (previously not) ex vent to you nearly-daily will give you unbridled anxiety that you're piling all your shit on your current partner

If it wasn't noticable, i'm deliberately making tjis post insanely long so my firldriend doesn't read it

Why the FUCK are YOU reading this????

All my thoughts ae already scattered i forgot my original thought process whu the fuck are you stoll reading

Even something as small and petty as taking away thr wifi from me already has me considering killing myself...(/srs)

Why is brain /srs what the fuck is wrong with you

I need to cut my tongue out maybe if i stop talking it might help

My mom and dad get angrier when i don't respond, i'm sorry thwt i get nonverbal when yelled at, that's on me

Trauma is so silly what do you mean the fact that your mom threw a tantrum and ripped up one of your favorite books that you read while you were taking a break from studying because she assumed you weren't studying the entire time haunts you to this very day

What do you mean this means you have a horrible sense of object permanence that's compounded on with the constant house moves that makes you literally unable to progress when you need to use things up

Mom never bought me a new copy and never apologized to me <3

I want to be special i hate being normal

I try to be normal so hard so everyone can give me compliments on how good and perfect i am

How the fuck is a bratty spoiled nepobaby 10 year old who threw a chair at her lowerclassmen a good person? I dunno, next question

I want to kill someone. I don't care who. I just want to feel the blood on my fingers as they drive an axe into someone's heart

Was i groomed as a kid? A family friend kept blowing raspberries into my armpits as a joke but honestly looking back on it it felt deeply incomfortable even as a kid, but i never said to stop because he said it was just playing

I considered him a dad too...

I hate my body i hate myself can someone please jjst destroy my voice box

I want to vomit

Maybe if i get sexually assailted i can say i'm special but thar isn't fair for those who struggle through the traima

I'M TRYING TO BE NORMAL I'M TRYING TO BE RESPECTFUL CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M DOING MY BEST I'M TRYING I'M TRYING I'M TRYING PLEASE LOOK I'M NOT LIKE THOSE IDIOTS OVER THERE WHO ARE SAYING ALL THOSE BAD THINGS THAT YOU HATE LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME

no amount of likes will substitute for genuine love. Dumbass.

I need to tear my eyebakls out

I've been writing for over an hour

Please just use me as your fuck doll please plesse please i'm not even horny about it i just want to be useful

I am normal i am nice and perfectly normal

Wow tjis post is long

Why don't i have a system (you're putting those with the struggle down for your gloriifed idea of it)

I want ti be special have i said that i want to be special yet?

HOW MANY TIMES TO I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF BECAUSE YOU GET IT LOOK AT ME PLEAEE LOOK AT ME

I'm very ugly don't look at me actually

Fucking contratian

Go to sleep asshole it's 1:34am and the pokemon need you

I like to boast because it makes me feel like i'm good in at least One thing

I think i pissed off my girlfriend

How do you salvage a friendship?

My last ex soured my childhood memories and i'm not sure how to feel about that

I kept promising to myself that if loving them was a sin then i'd happily fall into hell with them... look where that got me

Bitter choco decoration~

This doesn't even have anythibg to do with the original subject anymore

See this is what i mean by wanting attention

I wonder if anyone would read this. Probably not because who wants to read a vent that's as long as a fanfic

Put a gun in my mouth and shoot me i'm better off dead all this money that's used to keep this useless sack of shit called my body alive and functioning is just a waste because i won't akojnt to anything good eventhally

If i write a fake conclusiob to this would anyone read it?

I don't know hinestly and i'm just tired

I'll keep going with these less insane thoughts until you can"/ see them if tou scrolled all the wau down and skipped everything

If you're reding this because you skipped everyhing don't read what's above

I think i just wen through a meltdown typing this out

Reblogs are off as i type this but i'm tempted to turn it on

What was i talking aboht again? Oh right ti be special

Idrk what to say, honestly. That's the reasoning my braincomes up for it, usually i want to stand oht from the crowd, to be different and cool and beloved

Why am i like this? I don't know. I miss being normal honestly

I want to cry, i need to cry more accurately, but i've learned that crying is bad and gets you yelled at so my body doesn't cry

Instead, it throws temper tantrums and makes eberythung Worse!

I'm tired. I dunno what to say anymore. Just gonna end this post here.

Bye, or something

[mrshiggsbury]

Why I'm a good option for marriage/ Why I'm not a good option for marriage

I was just thinking... this is from myself to myself lol... being objective, what kind of person I am?

I started this post with marriage, so yes... I wanna marry and have children (we can adopt or not have children at all, but I will not give up on marriage xD, so I won't be attracted to someone who doesn't search the same)

I believe in soulmates and twin flames and that kind of stuff and I am very obsessed with it

I am a very committed person

My biggest dream is to find my other half, and I am very obsessed with this xD

At the same time this makes me the most virgin person of all, I'll become a wizard in future, I'm sure lol

So I'm inexperienced lol, but I will act as male character of a book to seduce you, trying to woo you... wiii?, so... you will have someone so romantic that will follow "healthy" internet tips to make you feel good in all those sweet nothings. Still people say you don't learn how to kiss in a book lolol

I mean, love is one of the most important things in my life and it's so hard and deep my desire... that this makes me no date to anyone cause I don't like just "dating". Is boring for me dating cause I'm not even interested in a boyfriend... I'm interested in... well, I already explained it lol

I am a religious person xD

I wanna wait till marriage...

I am a "moral" person, it can be bad for many xD, not for me... but well ha, ha (in the way i act, still I don't judge others xD. I don't think that I'm always right, I think that all I do is so bad in modern society iwi, and I feel guilty)

So yeah... I have problems trusting myself but I'm very stubborn at the same time so it saves me

I am a very, very, very obsessive person

I am possessive (very possessive, it's kinda scary sometimes, sorry, I know is not good for me or you, but no one is perfect and I'm just trying to be sincere xD)

And as I said I don't care about dating cause it doesn't fill me, so all I think is about working all day and entrepreneurship and that

I'm just saying all my red flags lol

I'm jealous

I'm very possessive

I already said that I have a "problem" with obsession

Still at the same time if I find the one I will give everything, so I also ask too much from the other person lol

But hey, I'm loyal, I offer a stable relationship and I will take care of you; my feelings are sincere and I can offer eternal love (I don't believe in "I love you today, tomorrow who knows). Also I wanna grow and improve myself everyday so...

I dunno if I am a red flag or green flag xD. I think I am green flag in everything except in what I have already mentioned, oh, and my English isn't good also, but is not a red flag lol

And I use to much lol cause I'm nervous and just tryna be casual (???)

Don't call me toxic please, I work everyday to improve myself. At least I'm sincere in my demons and don't sell fake angels

I will never hurt you by the way

Just trying to analyze myself cuz yezzzzz

[korasonata]

I had someone last time ask me about time stamps, so all of these from this point out will have the time stamp at the top of each set of quotes. I am currently in the process of retrieving the time stamps for the previous 5 posts, and will link an updated version when I have retrieved them all.

Link to the video is here: https://m.twitch.tv/videos/1149389841

Favourite moments of Joe and Cleo model streams part 6!

(I am very sorry I tried very hard to make this not as long as it is. There will probably be another extended cut post because there was just SO much happening in this stream)

—

00:00:57

Cleo: Welcome to the stream. Mine and/or Joes. Or, both.

Joe: Yay!

Cleo: I suppose that’s what the “and” means. In that statement. That would make sense. Glue pot’s ready—

Joe: It makes sense to me.

Cleo: …that makes me even more nervous that it makes sense to you, Joe. Not gonna lie.

—

00:16:34

Joe: So, anyway, last night at dinner, uh, like I— I had put this interview on while I was cooking and I kinda left it on as my daughter sat down for dinner and I was like “hey, this is an interview with this very famous journalist from about 50 years ago. Uh, he’s got a really interesting voice and a really interesting cadence, and I wanna kind of listen to it so I can— maybe copy it as like a joke in one of my videos.” And my daughter listens to it for about a— a minute—

Cleo: And then says “now that’s— is that you?”

Joe: *laughing* She just turns to me and she’s like “my friend…her parents got her…did you know they make crayon applesauce now? It says crayola. It tastes. Like they’ve blended a brown crayon. And sprinkled it on top.”

Cleo: That sounds grim.

Joe (prideful laughing): And it just kind of matches the cadence while also talking about something terrible to ingest?*laughing* And I just start cracking up because like— *laughing continues* she gets it! And she’s just like “why are you laughing?” Because you just— you nailed it! You nailed the pauses, you— you nailed the subject matter, like this is— this is just great!! And she’s like “no! This is a real thing! This crayon applesauce is terrible!” And I’m just laughing and laughing and she’s like trying to explain why it’s not good, and I’m like “I understand why it’s not good, but—“

Cleo (reading chat): “Joe’s daughter is awesome.” I think you’re probably correct. Joe’s daughter is indeed awesome.

Joe: Yeah, I’m very very happy with my daughter. (Reading chat) What was for dinner? Well not crayola applesauce!

—

Cleo (in response to someone complimenting her 3rd Life videos): Awe! Thank you joytobake, that’s really nice! I am…always pleased when people like my personality. Because I’m never sure that people should, you know?

Joe: Yeah, that’s— that’s what we were talking about— I think before we started streaming, was like, Cleo really gets me, and that’s a huge red flag.

Cleo: That’s a— yeah. As a human being. Understanding Joe - massive red flag. Huge. This is a danger. To everybody. And particularly Joe.

Joe: It’s the terror of being truly known.

—

00:47:08

Joe: Up until this point I didn’t show the instructions, but now I feel like I have to.

Cleo: Because otherwise people are going to judge your competency?

Joe: Yeah! They’re gonna go “ok. Any idiot can figure out how these pieces go together” but if you look at these instructions, that’s not true. I’m a spectacular idiot, and I have no idea what I’m doing with these.

Cleo: I mean. I want— I want to confirm. Yes. Spectacular.

Joe: Yes. Thank you Cleo.

Cleo: *snicker* You’re welcome Joe. I always like to insult the people I care about the most.

Joe (quietly): I know…I appreciate it.

Cleo (Watching chat): I’m waiting for Cam to confirm that.

(Cam in chat: She insults me SO MUCH, she called me a gibbon last night…)

—

00:59:42

Joe: *reading tips*

Cleo (reading chat): “you can’t stop Joe when he’s on a role.” This is true.

Joe (not paying attention): *still reading tips*

Cleo: I mean you can, you just have to go: Joe. Joe. JOE. And then he stops sometimes.

Joe (quietly, but with emphasis): WHAAAAAAAAAAT??!?

Cleo: I’M DOING A THING!

—

01:00:46

Joe (reading tips): “This is an encouragement donation for more of you singing in the future.” Ooo, I think Cleo would like that because the future is not now.

—

01:02:23

Cleo (genuine singing): Ground control to major Tom…

Joe: *listening in awe*

Cleo: …That’s…pretty much all I know…

Joe: Oh, I was gonna let you keep going, I— I wanted to hear more.

Cleo: Oh no. That’s pretty much all I know.

Joe: But yeah. Hypothermic haddoc writes (singing) “tell my wife I love her very much!” …I was waiting for you to jump in with the (singing) “she knoooooows!”

Cleo: Again. Again, I don’t know the song very well.

Joe: Oh. And here I am sitting in my tin can—

—

01:47:54

Cleo: *leaves to get a drink*

Joe: While you’re getting your drink I guess I’ll provide some musical entertainment.

SILENCE

Joe: …I don’t have anything prepared. So, let’s see…do we have any birthdays? *laughing* if it’s anybody’s birthday I’ll sing to you while Cleo’s gone.

Cleo: I’m back.

Joe: Oh ok. Well, sorry birthday boys. And girls.

Cleo: feel free to sing to people. I’m sure people want that.

Joe: no…well, I was gonna do it while you were away cause I need to get up and get my drink as soon as you’re back.

Cleo: Oh, go and get a drink and I will sing happy birthday—

Joe: So I’m gonna go get my drink, I’ll be right back.

Cleo: —to people who have chosen to spend their birthday…here…I’m not judging, uh, but— (upbeat singing) Happy Birthday to you! You smell like a zoo! (Talking) …uh, etcetera etcetera… (Singing) I forgot how this song goes! Nevermind it sucks to be you! *blows a raspberry*

—

01:49:09

Cleo: I mean it’s Cams birthday on Saturday, and I will sing to Cam on his birthday. His birthday is not today. I mean he probably wants me to not sing to him on his birthday, to be fair—

[Cam: Please don’t sing to me]

Cleo: —but you know, I might do it anyway. Cause it’s obnoxious. And I will laugh. (Reading chat) “Happy Birthday! Here’s some genocide! Please don’t sing to me…” *laughing* I won’t sing to you if you don’t want me to, Honey.

[Cam: Not happy birthday at least lol]

Cleo: I might torture you in other ways though.

—

01:50:55

Cleo: Hiiiiii Jooooooe.

Joe: Hello! Joe Hiws hewe! I am back fwom my dwink bweak!

Cleo: …what is that voice?

Joe (in a Kermit the Frog/Swedish Chef/Yoda hybrid of an accent): I feewl wike it’s fwom home star wunner or something, I don’t know! It’s almost Kermit THe Fwog Hewe, but not quITe!

*Cleo laughing*

It’s a little— (Normal voice) I dunno. I still had some of my drink in my throat, so I was like— I didn’t wanna like accidentally cough it out on the microphone as soon as I started talking. So I was just like (weird voice continues) I’ll do thIS vOIce

*Squealing giggling from Cleo*

(Same iteration of previous accent now blended somehow with the voice of Goofy from Micky Mouse) It’ll keep my mOUth in a shape that if I start— me coughing up a dwink it’ll just go into the chEEks on EIther sIde. It’s a natuwal, uh bARRier against, uh, hydration escapism! Uh yuh!!

Cleo: *giggles* Ok Joe. Ok.

Joe: *high pitched laughing* I don’t know Cleo! I’m just gonna keep making noises until people give me money! It’s jus— it’s how I pay rent.

Cleo: *laughing* Making noises until people give you— ahhhh…..

Joe: Yeah

Cleo: — actually…..yeah. Yeah. Yeah…Um (reading chat) “it’s drunk Kermit” *wheezing*

Joe (drunk Kermit The Frog voice): It’s 5:00 somewhere!

Cleo: *laughing* thanks for this. I needed— I needed this moment of— of— whatever this was.

—

01:53:54

Joe: So my daughter said the most Wednesday Adams thing to me the other day—

Cleo: Oh no

Joe: Except she didn’t do the deadpan delivery. She was very upbeat about this. So apparently “UP” has, on Dinsey+ a series of shorts about the old man and the dog. Right? And they’re called something like “a Dougs Life” cause Doug is the name of the dog

Cleo: yeah.

Joe: and she goes “oh! And it’s short! Like a dogs lifespan!”

SILENCE

Cleo: …Your…kid is very much your kid, you know that right?

Joe (proud dad): I know right?!

—

01:58:20

Cleo: I mean…you’d kill it at the Met Galla. Not gonna lie.

Joe (excited): Oh my god— I wanna get one of those Manuel suits that has like all the rhinestones and the flowers on it? Um, but, you know, like, those are very expensive.

Cleo: We live with what we can afford. Maybe someone can make you a Diamond encrusted suit that you can wear on camera. And have all the sparkles as green.

Joe (very excited): Oh my gosh— actually— so—

02:20:45

Joe: Meanwhile in my Discord everyone’s posting what they describe as “eye searingly beautiful” lime green wedding dresses. For my next wedding. Um—

Cleo: *snicker* is that what you’re wearing for your next wedding?

Joe: you know, honestly at this point I don’t wanna make any assumptions about anything.

Cleo: *cackling*

—

02:31:07

(This is context for the next one)

Cleo (reading chat): “some people have too much time on their hands” I mean, I personally would not drive 8 hours to see— um…

Joe: …me?

Cleo: I dunno, I might drive 8 hours to see you.

Joe: I offered to drive 8 hours to see you when you were coming to Disney and you said no, so I’m gonna assume that you would not drive 8 hours to see me.

Cleo: I mean, I— li— the key word there was “might”. I wou— I would have to have my mini frea— well I was freaked out at that point. When you offered, and and I was just like “oh god no.” Because, you know, social anxiety is a thing.

Joe: Mhm. I’ve heard of that.

Cleo: Yeah. And I do not do well particularly meeting people for the first time, even people I’ve known for a while. I go very very quiet and umm…I think it’s worse actually with people that I’ve known for a while? Um, online, um…because— cause my brain goes “well you’re gonna make a s—your, your— your going to do something and say something stupid. You going— they’re gonna hate you in real life” um…so, yeah. My brain absolutely freaked out at that moment.

—

02:34:12

Cleo: But, you know, like I say, I get hate mail on the regular, it’s fine. I mean part of that is daring to be a woman on the Internet, but only part. The other part is the fact that I’m also an awful human being. So, you know.

SILENCE

Cleo: …the silence isn’t doing— the silence doesn’t do you— do me any favours Joe.

Joe: Well, you know, I didn’t wanna talk over you when you’re sharing your insecurities.

Cleo: yeah….

Joe: That seems rude.

Cleo: I mean—

Joe: So I wanted to make sure you were done.

Cleo: no no no no, that’s fine. I’m always done Joe.

Joe: And nOW I can actually tell you how I really feel.

Cleo: No, please don’t. Not onl— no. That will— that will make me even more uncomfortable.

Joe (upbeat singing): The praise train is on its way!! Choo choo!!

Cleo: Noooooooooooooooooo!! Nooo!!

Joe: For Cleo it’s her day!! Choo choo!!

Cleo: *noises of distress*

Joe: Cleo is really great!! Choo choo!! Choo choo!!

Cleo: *distressful crying*

Joe: She’s not merely ok!! She doesn’t have to be the best at talking to people for the first time!! Cause they’ll love her anyway!! And sometimes they’ll even rhyyyme!! Yay for Cleo!!

Cleo: *physically going through a full body cringe* noooo

Joe: See, it would have been rude if I did that in the middle of your thing.

Cleo: *sob laughing*

Joe: That would not have been socially acceptable.

Cleo (through tears): I’m not even sure it was socially acceptable now.

Joe: WHY NOT?!

Cleo: (sobbing and laughing simultaneously) I hate you so much.

—

02:38:05

Cleo (reading chat): “We all need a Joe in our life, who sings a theme song for us when we’re talking ourselves down” I’m not sure you do.

Joe: Yeah, that wasn’t really a theme song? Like, if I was gonna do a theme song for Cleo—

Cleo (with immense dread): Oh no…no…no…

—

02:43:07

Joe: I’d just like to point out (very obnoxiously high pitched voice) That this is Cleo’s average person voice, which means that 50% of people have an even higher pitched voice!

Cleo: …You know, I can’t actually stab Joe through the Internet. And I’ve always been upset about that.

—

02:53:36

Joe (with all the enthusiasm of a 16 year old girl gossiping at a slumber party): Ooo I wanna ask Cleo about giiiiiirls!!!

Cleo: Ask me about girls! I’m— I’m happy for you to ask me about girls.

Joe: Ok, so, do you— do you feel comfortable saying what your specific, uh, type of woman is? I’m— I’m curious about that.

Cleo: Um, it’s— it’s nerdy girls? Specifically. Umm…not too, um…you know, the kind of running, climbing, you know— sort of— person. You know, it’s— it’s the sort of— it’s the sort of— action girl kinda thing. I kinda like that type. That’s sort of my type.

Joe: Mhm. Yeah, like—

Cleo: Why, what’s your type of girl?

Joe: Well, uh, usually it’s somebody that is— very anti authority— un— un— dissatisfied with the status quo. So usually more punk, or that sort of thing.

Cleo: Yeah. That’s— that’s— that sort of plays into the action girl sort of thing as well. Yeah I get that. So yeah.

Joe: yeah, umm, you— yeah so I don’t know. Um— so not necessarily, uh, as focused on the athleticism element there, but I know like—

Cleo: Well it’s not really athleticism, it’s— it’s more— it’s more—

Joe: —in terms of like, um, hiking, cause like, uh, you know in college there’s like a climbing and camping club or whatever—

Cleo: Oh yeah, it’s not that sort of person. It’s— it’s more, um…getting out and having a go at things. Like, you know, not— not being afraid to—

Joe: Adventurous

Cleo: Yeah! Adventurous! That’s the word!

—

Cleo (whispering): I don’t know where this bit goes! *gasp* it goes over there!

Joe (whispering): You can do it!

Cleo: I can do it! I believe in me!

Joe: You’ll find a place to glue it! It doesn’t necessarily have to be the right place!

Cleo: I know!

Joe: You’re equally valid regardless!

Cleo: Thanks Joe!

Joe: You’re welcome!

Cleo: It’s appreciated!

[justamessedupdisneyprincess]

Dunno why I’m back so soon, guess my anxiety has been acting up or something. I’m surprised to see I didn’t get as much harassment posts thank god. Saw one person say bullshit that seems aimed towards me but aside from that one psycho all is good I guess.

I had a panic attack last week and ending up confessing to my older sister about everything that happened. I even told her about my fetish, which had me so scared to do I almost vomited. I was scared she was going to think I’m a freak and disown me as a sister as some people in my past did. She took it better than I thought and said it was a normal and a healthy thing. It is a part of being human. I was so grateful to learn my sister still loves me for being born this way. I am still too scared to tell my parents though as they are old fashioned and would definitely not get it. To help make me feel better she invited me over to her place to try and help me recover as my anxiety has been worse as of late. I had lots of fun! Sadly my parents fucking car got fucked up because some girl at McDonald’s messed up the hot chocolate cup and it spilled all over the controls so I had to take some meds after that scary almost car crash experience. The car seems to have somehow fixed itself the next day though? Still kinda nervous about it though.

I got quests of yore the board game! We found a game shop and she decided to play a game with me, I sort of went in blind as I know nothing about DND. We got it and played and it was fun, I got a companion which was a bear. I was struggling to come up with a name and she said Gary. We proceed to laugh a long time. We are on a quest to make lots of money to pay rent that will allow us to keep a bear. LOL

I’ve been up and down lately really, my social anxiety is way worse and I’m currently questing my sexuality and identity. I am thinking I may be agender and only into boys I’m not sure. I get bullied by lots of girls so even though I am attracted to all kinds of body types and I’m not fused by gender and have crushes on fictional girls I’m absolutely terrified of real life girls now. I was thinking I may be pansexual as well but yeah...women are SCARY dude. It’s very confusing... I wish girls like Abigail from Stardew valley were real...*sigh* in my country we get lots of what we call sheep. So if you’re not into make up and Twilight the girls in my country are immediately like “fuck you!”. Guys and non binaries aren’t like that tho. Not sure why.

And yeah, Barley and Abigail, I have a type LOL

We are trying to look for a new therapist but they’re all booked out. I have been getting lots of trauma related panic attacks but my family is helping me through it. I came here again because of anxiety of course like I said but uh....thanks to everyone who supports me. And please don’t listen to any bullshit rumours you might hear about me. People just don’t know how to fucking chill. You guys have anything better to do than to bitch and moan? Just write and draw things you love, don’t complain about people or make up nasty stories to try and gain more haters to join you. I know you’re watching me. You say I should grow up but who really is the immature one? Yes I had a bad panic attack that time. Yes I should have kept it anonymous. But I’m not evil. I just wish to be myself without seeing nasty posts. I said sorry but did you guys say sorry to me? No you didn’t. You kept going and did a lot of damage. So who is really the immature one? The one who felt bad and tried to explain why I was hurt and how we can make things better or the one who wanted to keep assuming the worst in me? Just enjoy the things you love instead of thriving in things you hate and trying to guilt trip others who like the things you hate. Stop making rumours and harassing others. Just stop. And not just me, anyone in general, I know there’s others who suffered from your wrath. Much like a dear friend of mine in December 2021 who practically saved me life. You know who I’m talking about, you hated on him for being like me. So just calm down, do you and I will do me. If you choose to hate someone over ONE mistake or one tiny trait like personal preferences than that’s just sad. Do what makes you happy, don’t go out of your way to make yourself angry by LOOKING UP the things you dislike. You do you, I will do me. Just learn to chill.

Again thanks to the people here who didn’t harass me. I really do appreciate it. I will just post and disappear again as tumblr does tend to be a DANGEROUS website. Place is practically crawling with cyber bullies. You guys should be careful too, please stay safe and if people try to attack you block them and maybe get off of tumblr. I hear shit about Twitter but I will not lie, there’s actually less cyber bullies there apparently. Deviantart is a totally safe place too. I did have some BS happen there before but the people behind the website don’t allow bullying and band people. So yeah. Thanks and stay safe everyone.

[biisexualemma]

drunken night. klaus mikaelson

word count: 1698

warnings: none just a bit of swearing

requested: no something i wrote ageees ago

plot: your night is spoiled and klaus comes to the rescue

a/n: something different? let me know if you like or not oop— i have many more. also some kol imagines and bucky / peter p / marvel imagines i could post??? dunno lemme know whatcha think i’m nervous

masterlist

“oh, hey klaus," your eyes shifted around the compound when you stumbled across the wrong mikaelson brother. you'd been looking for your best friend, kol, you were supposed to go out drinking tonight. you'd had a particularly lousy week at work, and you were certainly ready to start the weekend off right by getting absolutely drunk out of your mind. and kol was the perfect person to do this with. "is kol around?"

klaus' eyes shifted from the book in his hands to you when you entered the compound. you wore your hair down which you didn't do often, and dressed up just a little more than usual. klaus couldn't keep his eyes off you, you didn't notice as you were preoccupied with kol's whereabouts.

"can't say i've seen him, love," you nodded. pulling your phone out your back pocket you began to dial kol's number when a message popped up. it was from kol.

i'm caught up with something. rain-check?

you huffed when you saw the message. you understood but it was still annoying. you really needed this night out. you just responded with a quick no prob. see you later. before shutting off your phone.

"kol?" klaus raised an eyebrow when he heard your phone ding, followed by your sigh. you nodded.

"he's cancelling on me," you frowned slightly, looking up to see the hybrid was watching you with a smile. you ignored it, he always wore a smirk on his face. he was always amused, or ready to tease you about something, it was in his nature.

"he's always been a bit flaky, that brother of mine," he shrugged, putting his bookmark in between the page he was on and put it down. his full attention was on you now. "what did you have planned?"

you trudged over to where klaus was sitting, and plonked yourself next to him like a child throwing a strop. klaus smirked in amusement. he always had a bit of a soft spot for you, not that he'd ever tell a living soul. but ever since you became friends with kol a couple years ago, klaus had his eye on you. he always made an effort to talk to you when you weren't preoccupied with his brother. he liked the way you smiled when he spoke to you. you were kind and inviting, and funny. but you held your ground, and defended yourself and the people you loved fiercely. he just felt better when you were around.

"we were supposed to go out drinking," you wore a slight pout. you were always oblivious to the way klaus behaved around you. you thought he was handsome, no doubt, and his accent always made you feel a little weak, but he was kol's brother. and he had a reputation, so you never went there. you just figured he was nice to you because he had to be. kol was very protective over you, he wouldn't stand for klaus, or any of his siblings, being rude to you. "and boy do i need a drink."

you rested, ready to up and leave after you spent a moment being angry with kol so you could move on from it. you just needed to get it out your system quickly and then you could go home and mope about it. "you know, i work hard at my job," suddenly you found yourself unloading everything on klaus. "and do i get any recognition? does my hard work pay off?" you couldn't stop now you'd started. klaus was the next best thing to kol, and he wasn't complaining yet so you kept going. "no! you know what i get? a big fat load of nothing.”

"and then i think— you know what— screw them. what do i care? i can spend the night getting drunk, forgetting about my shitty job and my shitty coworkers, and my shitty boss. but what happens?—"

"kol dumps you," klaus intervened.

"kol dumps me!" you repeated. you huffed, sinking back into the seat.

"you really should find better company than my brother, he's always been a bit of a letdown," klaus shrugged, teasing in hopes to ease the tension you were feeling. instead, you slapped his chest, giving him a look that made him think that was the wrong thing to say.

"he's your brother, and my best friend, don't be mean," klaus stifled a laugh and nodded his head. he didn't dare argue with you, you were on a roll. you could easily rip into him and he didn't want to hear it right now. "anyway," your attention moved away from klaus again and you sighed, your shoulders slumping. "point is, i'm sick of people."

he smiled, nodding again. "welcome to my world, love."

you glanced at him for a second. you always liked when he would use that nickname with you, it made you feel a little bit nervous. he was this big, scary hybrid, that so many people feared. but he would sit with you and let you rant about work, tease you and call you love. it was almost comforting. you liked klaus, despite what anyone said. which worried you.

"i should go," your eyebrows furrowed the longer you lingered. "sorry for unloading all that on you," you let out an uncomfortable laugh, realising you'd been sitting hear talking his ear off whilst he was being so polite and taking it all in. you stood up, making your way towards the door. "see you around, klaus."

as you turned to leave through the front gates, you found klaus now standing in front of you. you jolted backwards, caught off guard by his fast movements.

"stay and have a drink with me," klaus proposed. you furrowed your brows again, taken aback.

"i think i should probably go home.”

"come on love, you made it pretty clear what you needed is a stiff drink and some company. and here i am, offering you both," the smirk on his lips was enough to entice anybody. you couldn't resit accepting him.

you were quiet for a moment. klaus shook his head. "i'm not all bad, promise."

"ok, fine."

hours later and you were absolutely rotten drunk. your words slurred, your eyes stung, and you laughed at anything that klaus said at this point. but you were enjoying yourself. klaus turned out to be pretty good company after all. his tolerance was obviously much than yours, so he watched in amusement as you got more and more intoxicated as the night went on. he was just glad you were feeling better.

"i hope you told him where to shove it," klaus responded to your story about this man that had cat called you on your walk to the compound earlier.

you rolled your eyes, wearing a soft smile. "of course i did. i'm not completely helpless," you were lying down on the couch, klaus sat on the chair next to you, watching you stare at the ceiling and occasionally stealing glances at him. he only found himself growing more and more fond of you, the more time he spent with you. you let out a content sigh, your eyes drooping slightly the longer you lay flat on your back staring up at the ceiling. you were growing tired, it was pretty late now. "you're not as mean as people say you are, klaus," you mumbled quietly, your eyes glancing upwards to where he sat watching you with a drink in his hand. "in—in fact, you're perfectly nice," you hiccuped.

"well, if i was this nice to everyone, i wouldn't have much of a reputation, now, would i?" his quirked his eyebrow and sipped his drink. you sat up, turning around so you could face him.

"huh, i guess," you hummed as you thought about it. he was right. but why you? "you know, when we first met, before i knew who you were, i thought you were pretty hot," you chuckled, holding your stomach as it began to feel unsettled. you weren't thinking about anything that was coming out of your mouth at this point.

"before you knew who i was?" he frowned for a split second, you always didn't catch the expression.

"yeah, before i knew you were kol's brother," you shrugged. "kol's like a brother to me and i couldn't go around crushing on my brothers brothers— brothers best friend?— best—best friends brother? yep. that's the one," you smiled, your eyes fluttering. it didn't occur to you that you were admitting this all to klaus.

"crushing?" klaus teased. he knew you were drunk, but he also knew you'd never have the confidence to say any of this to his face sober. so he was revelling in it a bit. "you crushed on me?"

you pointed a finger at him, wearing a smile. "don't make fun of me."

"i'm not," he shook his head, still wearing a soft smirk. "but you do need to get to bed i think, come on," he held out his hand, helping you onto your feet. as you stood up you felt the blood rush your head. klaus clutched onto your arms as you wobbled. "yep. bed time for you, love."

you didn't argue. you allowed klaus to guide you up the stairs, carefully, one step as a time. his arm wrapped around your waist, and you clutched onto both his arms tightly. he guided you to the guest room where you'd spent many drunken nights, after nights like this with kol.

"i got it from here," you turned to face klaus, his hand lingering on your waist as you now stood face to face. you swayed forwards, grabbing his forearm. you wore a soft smile, your face inches apart and you couldn't stop yourself. you leaned closer, pressing your lips to his. his lips moved against you, pushing you backwards until your back hit the doorframe and he pulled away. his hands on your hips and yours just touching his chest. you let out a smile. your faces still pretty close together. "don't tell kol i did that."

klaus mimicked your smile. "i won't tell if you don't."

did klaus like you back?